Happy 2012, 57 Cents, And More ... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! ================ H A P P Y Y E A R ! ___..-----~~~~~~~~~~~--._ _.--' \/_ .' ; / --.. ; .' _.---'' ; .' .'.--.''' .' | .'-' .'.' ; .' '' .'-' ``--..__ .' | .' .---'''''''''---.... .' ..' .' \ .' .| .' Y .' .' .' __..-----| | ; .' _.-' _.-' ; | .' .' 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'. $t /$$$$$$$$$$$ $: ; $t. /$$$$$ $$$$ : _.__.' $$t /$$$$$$$ $ $ `-.' t. /$$$$$$$$$ $ $$ $t /$$$ $$$$$$ $ t. /$$$ $$|$$$ $| /$$$$$/ $$ $ | /$ $$$/$ $$ $ .'"-. .-"'. /$$$$$$|$ $$ $ ; `..' ; /$ $$$$/$ $$ ; : .' /$ $$$ $|$ $ ; : ; / $$$$$/$ $ ; : :: /$$$$$$/ $$ $$ $ .' : : /$$$$$|$$$$ _.' .'. `. /$$$$$$/$ $ .' `-'...`____ `._ /$$$ $$/$$$$ $ .' ```.`. /$$$$$$$|$$ $ $$.' ; `. / $ $ / $$ $ $.' ___.-' `. / $$ $$|$$$ $.'': _..--'''-- . /$$ $$$$$$| $$.'` : : ; / $$$$$$$$| /$: `. ; / $$$$ $$$|/$$: `-...____ .`. /$ $$$$$$$/$$$: "". ' ; .$$$ $$$$$$ $$$$$: `. _; _.-' | $$$$$$$$$ $$`._ `. _..--'' .' $$; .$$ $$$$$ $$ $$$$$$`-._.'`-._ `..' /.'$$$$ ; `.$ $ $$$$$ $$$$$$$/ `._\ ( _.' / $$$$; dp `-._ $$$$$$$$$ $$/ $ $ \ `--' / $$$$' *~* We Had A TREMENDOUS Month Of Caring And Sharing Last Month *~* Be sure to check these out and share them with all your loved ones! Pink The Pig-Puppy! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/pigpuppy.html Typewriter Art 2! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/typeart2.html Where's The Line! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/seejesus.html Winter/Life Lessons! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lessons.html Maxine On Holidays! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/maxineholidays.html Thoughts Into Action 3! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/action3.html Home Security! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/security.html Animal Friends 3! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animalfriends3.html Santa Ho Ho Oh-No's! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/santa.html Ward's 1934 Wish Book! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wishbook.html *~* A Big THANK YOU Through Christ To ALL Our Great 2011 Contributors! ===================================================================== >-->From The FunnyBone: Unusual Job Applicant Behavior We've all been interviewed for jobs. And, we've all spent most of those interviews thinking about what not to do. Don't bite your nails. Don't fidget. Don't interrupt. Don't belch. If we did any of the don'ts, we knew we'd disqualify ourselves instantly. But some job applicants go light years beyond this. We surveyed top personnel executives of 100 major American corporations and asked for stories of unusual behavior by job applicants. The low lights: 1. "... stretched out on the floor to fill out the job application." 2. "She wore a Walkman and said she could listen to me and the music at the same time." 3. "A balding candidate abruptly excused himself. Returned to office a few minutes later, wearing a hairpiece." 4. "... asked to see interviewer's resume to see if the personnel executive was qualified to judge the candidate." 5. "... announced she hadn't had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger and french fries in the interviewer's office - wiping the ketchup on her sleeve." .-----. 6. "Stated that, if he were hired, / '. ' .\ he would demonstrate his loyalty |_.__'_.|} by having the corporate logo (=(_)^(_)=) tattooed on his forearm." ;, > ,; ;;;~~~;;; 7. "Interrupted to phone his therapist ___.';;;;;'.__ for advice on answering specific /'`\ `\ /` /`'\ interview questions." / | | | | \ jgs( | |\_/| | @~ ) 8. "When I asked him about his | | | | | | hobbies, he stood up and | /| | | |\ | started tap dancing around \ || | | || / my office." ( || | | || ) | || |___| || | 9. "At the end of the interview, \ ||___|[_]|___O| / while I stood there dumb struck, | | / \O| | went through my purse, took out a brush, brushed his hair, and left." 10. "... pulled out a Polaroid camera and snapped a flash picture of me. Said he collected photos of everyone who interviewed him." 11. "Said he wasn't interested because the position paid too much." 12. "While I was on a long-distance phone call, the applicant took out a copy of Penthouse, and looked through the photos only, stopping longest at the centerfold." 13. "During the interview, an alarm clock went off from the candidate's brief case. He took it out, shut it off, apologized and said he had to leave for another interview." 14. "A telephone call came in for the job applicant. It was from his wife. His side of the conversation went like this: "Which company? When do I start? What's the salary?" I said, "I assume you're not interested in conducting the interview any further." He promptly responded, "I am as long as you'll pay me more. "I didn't hire him, but later found out there was no other job offer. It was a scam to get a higher offer." 15. "His attache [case] opened when he picked it up and the contents spilled, revealing ladies' undergarments and assorted makeup and perfume." 16. "Candidate said he really didn't want to get a job, but the unemployment office needed proof that he was looking for one." 17. "... asked who the lovely babe was, pointing to the picture on my desk. When I said it was my wife, he asked if she was home now and wanted my phone number. I called security." ( 18. "Pointing to a black case he __________ )\ carried into my office, he said / /\______{,} that if he was not hired, the jgs \_________\/ bomb would go off. Disbelieving, I began to state why he would never be hired and that I was going to call the police. He then reached down to the case, flipped a switch and ran. No one was injured, but I did need to get a new desk." =============================================================== *------------ Bizarre January Holidays ------------* January 1 is First Foot Day and Z Day January 2 is Run Up the Flagpole and See if Anybody Salutes It Day January 3 is Festival of Sleep Day January 4 is Trivia Day and Humiliation Day January 5 is Bird Day January 6 is Bean Day January 7 is Old Rock Day January 8 is National JoyGerm Day and Man Watcher's Day January 9 is Play God Day January 10 is Peculiar People Day ==================================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: _ , L\ \/OO\ |/ \ /_\ ` _\ |_ Arjen Pilon >Some wife one-liners My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way. -- Henny Youngman My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. -- Rodney Dangerfield A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. -- Milton Berle I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. -- George Burns What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds. -- Cindy Garner I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There was water in the carburetor." I said, "Where's the car?" She said, "In the lake." -- Henny Youngman Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. -- Phyllis Diller The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. -- Henny Youngman People are always asking couples whose marriages have endured at least a quarter of a century for their secret for success. Actually, it is no secret at all. I am a forgiving woman. Long ago, I forgave my husband for not being Paul Newman. -- Erma Bombeck After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice." My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So now I have two girlfriends. When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. -<>- A couple went to pay a visit to another couple, unannounced. The wife answered the door. "Come in," she said. The other couple came in, sat down, then asked, "So, where's Jack?" "Oh," replied his wife, "he's in the bathroom, grouting and spackling." "Oh, dear," said the other lady, "I had that once and didn't get over it for two weeks." -<>- ___ / \ _\___/_ '->---<-' ( ^ ^ ) \ # / He didn't have a clue... __/'-'\__ / \/'\/ \ / _/ >o \ / > (_o_ <\ \ \_/\_/ | \__\\ \ _ \_/ / \ \_\(_ mb / \ ) \__/ a:f \ / / \\ mic > \ \ \\ __ _/ / \ __ \\ ( \\_____\_____// ) \\ \__`___( )___/__/ \7 About the time our original thirteen states adopted their new constitution in 1787, Alexander Tyler, a Scottish history professor at the University of Edinburgh, had this to say about the fall of the Athenian Republic some 2,000 years earlier: "A democracy is always temporary in nature; it simply can- not exist as a permanent form of government. "A democracy will continue to exist up until the time that voters discover they can vote themselves generous gifts from the public treasury. "From that moment on, the majority always vote for the candidates who promise the most benefits from the public treasury, with the result that every democracy will finally collapse due to loose fiscal policy, which is always followed by a dictatorship. "The average age of the world's greatest civilizations from the beginning of history, has been about 200 years. During those 200 years, those nations always progressed through the following sequence: 1. From bondage to spiritual faith; 2. From spiritual faith to great courage; 3. From courage to liberty; 4. From liberty to abundance; 5. From abundance to complacency; 6. From complacency to apathy; 7. From apathy to dependence; 8. From dependence back into bondage -<>- Nothing rattles my father-in-law, especially when the St. Louis Cardinals are on TV. One day we were watching a game, when my mother-in-law shrieked from the kitchen, "Jim, there's a horsefly in here!" Not taking his eyes off the screen, he barked back, "Give it some cough syrup." -<>- The board of education in a nearby town sold off a building that had been a one-room schoolhouse. The buyer converted it to a tavern. One day an elderly man was walking by the place with his grandson and pointed to the building. "That's where I went to school when I was your age." "Really," said the boy. "Who was your bartender back then?" -<>- I spent 20 minutes explaining life insurance options to one of our employees. After reviewing the different plans and monthly deductions, he decided to max out, choosing $100,000 worth of life insurance. But he had one last question. "Now," he said, "what do I have to do to collect the money?" ============================================================ >-->From Our Friend Sharon :) . . :"-. .-"; |:`.`.__..__.'.';| || :-" "-; || :; :; / .==. .==. \ : _.--._ ; ; .--.' `--' `.--. : : __;` ':__ ; ; ' '-._:;_.-' ' : '. `--' .' ."-._ _.-". .' ""------"" `. /`- -'\ /`- -'\ :`- .' `. -'; ; / \ : : : ; ; ; ; : : ':_:.' '.;_;' :_ _; ; "-._ -" :`-. _.._ :_ () _; "--::__. `. \"- -"/`._ : .-"-. -"-. ""--..____.' / .__ __. \ : / , / "" \ . \ ; bug "-:___..--" "--..___;-" The following was developed as a mental age assessment by the School of Psychiatry at Harvard University .. Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake. The average person over 45 years of age cannot do it! 1. This is this cat. 2. This is is cat. 3. This is how cat. 4. This is to cat. 5. This is keep cat. 6. This is an cat. 7. This is old cat. 8. This is fart cat. 9. This is busy cat. 10. This is for cat. 11. This is forty cat. 12. This is seconds cat. Now go back and read the third word in each line from the top down. I bet you cannot resist passing it on.. --- ...Oh yeah - you got that right TeeHee! Thanks Sharon! ============================================================== >-->From Our Friend Bunni :) __ / \ / ..|\ (_\ |_) / \@' / \ _ / ` | \\/ \ | _\ \ /_ || \\_ \____)|_) \_) Ruth Ginsberg >Sleeping Dog An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of. He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on his head; He then followed me into my house, slowly walked down the Hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep. An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out. The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard, walked inside and resumed his spot in the hall and again slept for about an hour. This continued off and on for several weeks. Curious I pinned a note to his collar: 'I would like to find out who the owner of this wonderful sweet dog is And ask if you are aware that almost every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.' The next day he arrived for his nap, with a different note pinned to his collar: 'He lives in a home with 6 children, 2 under the age of 3 - he's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow? --- ...HaHa! Great Classic! Thanks Bunni! =============================================================== >-->In The Worldly News: >From Our Friend PatDeE :) This is why the sheeple put up with the crap at the airports, and see a terrorist under every rock! -Pat Pressure from above and pressure from below is a technique they fall back on frequently, and many of us keep falling for it... http://www.brasschecktv.com/page/5864.html An article by Marybeth Hicks ( whoever she is ? ). Call it an occupational hazard, but I can't look at the Occupy Wall Street protesters without thinking, "Who parented these people?" http://www.marybethhicks.com/ --- ...Interesting! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- >From BizarreNews: It should surprise no one that the following story comes from down south. Now we all know that the holidays can be stressful. We all deal with it in different ways. Martin Luther Jackson, 31, of Decatur, Georgia dealt with his stress by trying to stuff his wife in the oven...in front of their five kids. Jackson has been charged with aggravated assault, aggravated battery, cruelty to children and possession of marijuana (big surprise there). Jackson and his 29-year-old wife, who have been separated since July, apparently started fighting after she and the children returned to their Conyers home. At one point during the fight, Jackson allegedly attempted to stuff his wife inside the kitchen oven, which had been left on to heat the house. The woman escaped and went to the sheriff's office with visible head injuries. Investigators found Jackson hiding under a bed at his mother's house in Decatur, where he had been living since the separation. Big mistake. Under the bed is always the first place they look. *-- Man let 9-year-old girl drive van --* DETROIT - A Detroit man pleaded guilty Monday to felony child abuse after letting his 9-year-old daughter drive his van when he was intoxicated, officials say. Shawn Weimer pleaded guilty to charges of second-degree child abuse and allowing an unlicensed minor to operate a motor vehicle in Wayne County Circuit Court. As a part of a plea agreement, a misdemeanor child abuse charge was dropped, The Detroit News said. Gas station surveillance video showed his daughter pulling up to a gas station early on the morning of Oct. 8. Inside the store, the camera picked up Weimer telling the clerk that his daughter was his designated driver. Police stopped the two shortly after the girl pulled the van out of the gas station. "I plan on never drinking again in my life," Weimer told the Detroit Free Press. "I'm fully committed to sobriety and getting my daughter back in my life." Weimer will receive probation instead of jail time, and must continue to wear an alcohol- monitoring tether. Since the incident, he has been attending Alcoholics Anonymous and parenting classes. *-- Swedish woman kept corpse in living room --* STOCKHOLM, Sweden - A 52-year-old woman was arrested in Sweden for keeping a decomposing body on her couch for several months, authorities said. Neighbors believe the woman to be mentally ill. "She can't really take care of herself," one neighbor told The Local. "Sometimes she puts on the war paint and then you know she is really bad. Then I tend to make a call, so she gets brought in and gets help." The dead body was that of a 67-year-old man, reported missing in September, the newspaper said. The woman was contacted early on in the investigation because she was an acquaintance of the man, however she denied knowing anything about his disappearance. When she was contacted for a second round of questioning, police found the man's body in an advanced state of decay in the woman's living room. She was arrested, but released after the preliminary results of an autopsy came in. The woman is not believed to be responsible for the man's death. "This is probably not a murder," said Lars Lundin of the South Stockholm police. "The woman is sick and it is just very tragic." -- Man says he shot himself in his sleep ---------- NORTHPORT, Ala. - An Alabama man with a bullet wound in his shoulder told police he shot himself by accident while sleeping with a 40-caliber handgun. Capt. Lloyd Baker of the Tuscaloosa Metro Homicide Unit told The Tuscaloosa (Ala.) News the man's life was not in danger. The man, 34, whose name was not reported, lives in an apartment complex in Northport in northwestern Alabama. He said he was sleeping with the gun in his bed and must have accidentally pulled the trigger as he slept. -- Soccer team apologizes for Klan pics ----------- TORQUAY, Australia - Officials with an Australian soccer team apologized for pictures of the Ku Klux Klan that were used to promote an event called "All White Night." John McMahon, manager of the Torquay Tigers Football Club, said the pictures of Klan members were posted on the Internet by a volunteer, a retired member of the club, without the knowledge of officials, The Age reported Thursday. McMahon said the promotional pictures for the "All White Night" event -- which refers to clothing and not racial identity -- were changed to Disney character Snoww White and the volunteer who posted the Klan images will receive counsel- ing. "I don't know what his thought processes were," McMahon said of the volunteer. "One person's mistake is not a reflection of our club." -- Maximum fine for nude walk in Singapore ---------- SINGAPORE - A pair of university students in Singapore, a man and a woman, were each fined $1,350 for taking a walk in the nude through a commercial area. Eng Kai Er, 24, and Jan Philip, 21, were sentenced Thursday to pay the maximum fine for an obscene act after they admitted to taking a nude stroll through Holland Village on a Saturday evening in January, The Straits Times reported Thursday. Court papers said the students took the walk "to seek thrill." William Chan, a lawyer for the duo, said the National University of Singapore students attempted to check whether public nudity was an offense before taking their walk, but they were unaware that the act is considered an obscene act under the Penal Code. Chan said the pair are exchange students and their actions may have been the result of cultural differences. "While certain things are accepted overseas, they may not be in Singapore. They are students. Perhaps they were immersed in a different culture," he said. -- Judge quotes lewd poem in ruling ------------- LUTON, England - A British divorce judge ruling in a custody case quoted a famous poem about parenting that included a four-letter profanity beginning with "f." Lord Justice Nicholas Wall said in granting custody to the mother of a 9-year-old boy -- a decision that overturned a lower court's ruling giving custody to the boy's grand- parents -- that both the mother and father had come "within a whisker" of losing their rights as parents, The Sun reported. Wall said the boy had been harmed by the parents' "ongoing mutual dislike and recriminations" toward one another after their relationship ended. The judge quoted Philip Larkin's 1971 poem, "This Be the Verse," saying: "They (expletive) you up, your mum and dad. They may not mean to, but they do. They fill you with the faults they had, and add some extra, just for you." Wall said the quoted lines "give a clear warning to parents." ============================================================== >-->From Laugh And Lift: __-----__ ..;;;--'~~~`--;;;.. /;-~IN GOD WE TRUST~-.\ // ,;;;;;;;; \\ .// ;;;;; \ \\ || ;;;;( /.| || || ;;;;;;; _\ || || ';; ;;;;= || ||LIBERTY | ''\;;;;;; || \\ ,| '\ '|><| 1995 // \\ | | \ A // `;.,|. | '\.-'/ ~~;;;,._|___.,-;;;~' ''=--' - Daniel C Au - >57 Cents (Author Unknown) (Based on a true story as told by Dr. Russell H. Conwell) [Edited for factual clarity] A sobbing little girl stood near a small church from which she had been turned away because it was too crowded. "I can't go to Sunday School," she sobbed to the pastor as he walked by. Seeing her shabby, unkempt appearance, the pastor guessed the reason and, taking her by the hand, took her inside and found a place for her in the Sunday School class. The pastor told her, "We should some day have a room big enough for all who should come." The child was so touched that she went to bed that night thinking of the children who have no place to worship Jesus. A few weeks later the girl suddenly took ill and died. At the funeral, the girl's mother took the kind-hearted pastor aside who had befriended their daughter. She quietly told him that their little girl had been saving money for the church. Quite surprised, the pastor was even more taken aback when the girl's mother handed him what she had saved - 57 cents. For two weeks she had been running errands and saving her pennies in a little bank for the church. The pastor was amazed at the love demonstrated by this little girl and tearfully shared this story at his church the following week. The pastor then offered the 57 cents that had been given to him "for sale" to the congregation. 250 dollars came in (along with the return of most of the 57 cents that had been "sold") which was used to buy a larger Sunday School room in an adjacent lot. But it didn't stop there. The trustees of the church were so moved by the actions of this girl that one of them proposed buying a new plot of land for the church itself that would allow it to grow considerably. Only a few days earlier a new church building seemed like only a distant possibility. But now, spurred on by this girl's actions, all of a sudden it seemed like something to attain for. The pastor shared the story of the girl with the owner of the plot of land. The owner was so moved that he sold the property for quite a bit less than it was worth, with the first payment to be just 57 cents. The building fund, started by this little girl, quickly began to grow. Due to the growth of the building fund, in just a short while the church was able to buy this property free-and-clear. The girl's unselfish love had paid large dividends. When you are in the city of Philadelphia, look up Temple Baptist Church, with a seating capacity of 3,300, and Temple University, where hundreds of students are trained. Have a look, too, at the Good Samaritan Hospital (Temple University Hospital) and at a Sunday School building which houses hundreds of children and adults, so that no child in the area will ever need to be left outside during Sunday school time. In one of the rooms of this building may be seen the picture of the sweet face of the little girl whose 57 cents, so sacrificially saved, made such remarkable history. Alongside of it is a portrait of her kind pastor, Dr. Russel H. Conwell, author of the book, "Acres of Diamonds." Goes to show WHAT GOD CAN DO WITH 57 cents. (The above is largely based on a true story. If you would like to read the actual full sermon text that inspired it, you can read it here: http://library.temple.edu/collections/special_collections/hattie.jsp) -<>- >Quick Jokes _ _ / )%.===.%( \ | // ,,, \\ | \/ \/6.6\/ \/ .===. /\ ( _ ) /\ / ,,, \ ^^ /()-()\ ^^ ( /6.6\ ) / /o o\ \ )( _ )( (._\ Y /_.) (_/;---;\_) (O_`&`_O) / `"*"` \ / / \ \ ( (_.@._) ) / ()/^\() \ /'._\|/_.'\ /. . . . . . .\ /. . . . . .\ `"`"`|`|`|`"`"` `"`"|"|"|"`"` jgs _|_|_|_ _|_|_|_ (___|___) (___|___) My Sunday school class of kindergartners was studying the creation story. After several weeks, we were ready to review. "What did God make the first day?" I quizzed. "The second day?" They answered both questions correctly. "And what happened on the third day?" I asked. One little child, face shining with enthusiasm, exclaimed, "He rose from the dead!" -------- We telemarketers know we're universally loathed. Still, some people are quite pleasant on the phone. One day I called a number and asked to speak with Mr. Morgan. The woman who answered explained that he no longer lived at that address, but she did have a number where he could be reached. I thanked her, rang that number, and was greeted with, "Good morning, Highland View Cemetery." -------- For the first few months of her co-op job for the state of Georgia, my sister had nothing to do, so she surfed the Web or did crossword puzzles. One day she expressed her boredom to a co-worker. "I know," she complained. "Everyone thinks state workers have it easy. But there's only so much you can pretend you're doing." -------- My nieces Jessica, age five, and Stephanie, age three, were chatting with their mom when Stephanie asked, "Mommy, does God really make rainbows?" "Of course he does," my sister replied. Jessica nudged Stephanie and explained, "Only God has such big crayons." --------- A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she collapses from a heart attack! "Help me dear," she groans to her husband. The husband calls 911 on his cell phone, talks for a few minutes, picks up his putter and lines up his putt. His wife raises her head off the Green and stares at him. "I'm dying here and you're putting?" "Don't worry dear," says the husband calmly, "they found a doctor on the second hole and he's coming to help you. "Well, how long will it take for him to get here?" she asks feebly. "No time at all," says her husband. "Everybody's already agreed to let him play through." -------- A gushy reporter told Phil Mickelson, "You are spectacular, your name Is synonymous with the game of golf. You really know your way Around the course. What's your secret?" Mickelson replied, "The holes are numbered." -------- ... _M_ /( )\ ( ) / / \ \ / : \ ~~\%/~~ \|:|/ / \ ||| /,,,,,\ ||| Riitta Rasimus The bride was escorted down the aisle and when she reached the altar, the groom was standing there with his golf bag and clubs at his side. She said: "What are your golf clubs doing here?" He looked her right in the eye and said, "This isn't going to take all day, is it?" -------- I went to the airport. I had three pieces of luggage. I said that I wanted one piece to go to Cleveland, one piece to Toronto, and one piece to Florida. The airline agent said, "We can't do that." I replied, "Oh really? Well, you did it last week..." (by Henny Youngman) -------- When my youngest son was 3 years old, he sat in my lap at Church. (We had a guest speaker this particular Sunday) The guest speaker was in the middle of a very loud sermon when he bent over the podium and started yelling "God is eternal," "God is eternal," while banging his fist for emphasis. My son looked very serious for a moment and then as young children do, he exclaimed very loudly, "Momma I didn't know God was a turtle." Needless to say, he had 3 rows of pews cracking up in the middle of the poor speaker's sermon. (by list member Tammie Adams) -------- A new man is brought into Prison Cell 102. Already there is a long-time resident who looks 100 years old. The new man looks at the old-timer inquiringly. The old-timer says, "Look at me. I'm old and worn out. You'd never believe that I used to live the life of Riley. I wintered on the Riviera, had a boat, four fine cars, the most beautiful women, and I ate in all the best restaurants of France." The new man asked, "What happened?" "One day Riley reported his credit cards missing!" -------- | |/ | ,,,,, ,+ /| / \ () | || \ C '\ /|_() || ) _| .'___/,,,// || .'=. (____E.' / / \ || | \)`-\ _F_.' \ c `\ || \ \ !'__/ ) _| || \ \,' / /`._( || |`. .' / \ \ || \ `-' | .-. | | \ E || >====[] | \ |__| | O OE || / |_/ | |___)| `.__j____ \|E || \_ | || __`.________ `. |""|\| \ |\ ||| \///_ _|__|_| \ __ | \ ||`""\\""""//"' \`. \ | |[__]| \ ||.---\\__//---. | | \____| ||__|/ / \|____________|\ |/ | | | / || || /| | | -----| |/------------||-||-/`| |----------| /| | || ||/`-|___| | /\| | || \\._ [____] h| /`.|____| || \\ `-/ '`._ j| `=.\____/ || \\__`-.____) w| ) '`--. _.-||-._ `""""""" | `='====' ,-' ' ` `-. | `-.________.-' | I was getting my hair cut at a neighborhood shop, and I asked the barber when would be the best time to bring in my two-year-old son. Without hesitation, the barber answered, "When he's four." -<>- >The Final Exam An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics. The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the board: "Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist." Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion. Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair. One member of the class however, was up and finished in less than a minute. Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten an "A" when he had barely written anything at all. His answer consisted of two words: "What chair?" SUBSCRIBE INFO Want to receive a Christian inspirational item AND great clean humor in an email to you each day of the week? It's easy and FREE! Read all about Laugh & Lift at http://www.laughandlift.com ============================================================== >-->From AndyChaps: ( ( ( )) ) ) ) (( ( ( ( ___o___) '. ___ .' | |====O ' (> <) ' |_____| --ooO-(_)-Ooo-------------------- 'Laughter can relieve tension, soothe the pain of disappointment, and strengthen the spirit for the formidable tasks that always lie ahead.' -Dwight D. Eisenhhower- -<>- \|||/ (o o) ----ooO-(_)-Ooo-------- ** Andy Says... Just Think About This! ** IMPORTANT NOTICE: ~~ALL K-MART AND WAL-MART STORES IN IRAQ WILL BE CLOSED. ~~~~~~THEY ARE BEING REPLACED WITH TARGETS. Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average. See....You've met your New Year's resolution "The most insincere and untruthful words ever spoken: 'Your call is important to us. Someone will be with you shortly." ~~-- Anonymous "A woman's definition of the perfect husband: A man who is convinced he has the perfect wife." -- Anonymous The view we entertain of God will determine our view of the world. -- Christoph Luthardt If You Scatter Thorns, Don't Go Barefoot !!! It takes courage to grow up and turn out to be who you really are. -- e.e. cummings "If you are clear about what you want, the world responds with clarity." -- Loretta Staples 'People never grow up, they just learn how to act in public.' --Bryan White "Clarity is essential. Knowing exactly what you want builds your self-confidence immeasurably." -- Brian Tracy "Know thyself." -- Plato "Pay attention. Don't just stagger through the day." -- Jim Rohn "Focus and concentration are the keys to high performance." -- Brian Tracy -<>- Meanwhile, on Easter Island..... I am the All-Knowing Great One. What is your question? ______ , / \ / \ J__________L |(____)(____)| | /\ | J / \ L J / \ L Dude, where's my car? | /______\ | ' | ____________ | ## J' `L [[# | `------------' | .||> | | dd #################################################dp ** Why? ** I hope you'll take some time and ponder these questions: 1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks? 2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand? 3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know? 4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words? 5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack? 6. Why do "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing? 7. Why do "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing? 8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges? 9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there? 10. Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting? 11. Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"? 12. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected? 13. Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites? 14. Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things? 15. Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds? 16. If work if so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it? 17. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting? 18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? 19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read alright? 20. Why is bra singular and panties plural? 21. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead? 22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase? 23. How come abbreviated is such a long word? 24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them? 25. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? 26. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one? 27. Christmas is so weird. What other time of year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks ? -<>- ** Chain-Mail Facts ** For those of you who love to be gullible, you might want to consider the below and place it beside your computer: 1. I will NOT get bad luck, lose my friends, or lose my mailing lists if I don't forward an e-mail. 2. I will NOT hear any music or see a taco dog if I do forward an e-mail. 3. Bill Gates is NOT going to send me money and Victoria Secret doesn't know anything about a gift certificate they're supposed to send me. 4. Ford will NOT give me a 50% discount even if forward my e-mail to more than 50 people. 5. I will NEVER receive gift certificates, coupons, or freebies from Coca Cola, Cracker Barrel, Old Navy, or anyone else if I send an e-mail to 10 people. 6. I will NEVER see a pop-up window if I forward an e-mail. NEVER...EVER! 7. There is NO SUCH THING as an e-mail tracking program, and I am not STUPID enough to think that someone will send me $100 for forwarding an e-mail to 10 or more people! 8. There is NO kid with cancer through the Make-a-Wish program in England collecting anything! He did when he was 7 years old. But he is now cancer free, at least 35 years old and DOESN'T WANT ANY MORE POST CARDS, BUSINESS CARDS OR GET-WELL CARDS. 9. The government does NOT have a bill in Congress called 901B (or whatever they named it this week) that, if passed, will enable them to charge us five cents for every e-mail we send. 10. There will be NO cool dancing, singing, waving, colorful flowers, characters, or program that I will receive immediately after I forward an e-mail. NONE, ZIP, ZERO, NADA! 11. The American Red Cross will NOT donate 50 cents to a certain individual dying of some never-heard-of disease for every e-mail address I send this to. The American Red Cross RECEIVES donations. 12. MADELINE MURRAY O'HARE (is surely dead) and is not trying to get "Touched by An Angel" off the air. 13. And finally, I WILL NOT let others guilt me into sending things by telling me I am not their friend or that I don't believe in Jesus Christ. If God wants to send me a message, I believe the bushes in my yard will burn before He picks up a PC to pass it on! -<>- .-' .-' .-' .-' .-' /) .-' || .-' || .-' || .-' || .-' .------. || .-' __ | *meow* | || .-' .'-/__ | _.---' |`-------------' \/ /.' |* '| /' | | `--' .-| | /_______ | .-' | | < `.||| _.'| .-'____ \\`.`. |||| _.-'_.-| .-' || `--`- `.).____ |||| _.-'_.-' | .-' || ``-``--._.-'_.-' | .-' || |`-' | || | | | || | | | || | | | || | | | || | | | || |`--;}};. | || .' o\ }}}} | || .'\ }}}} | || | )}}}}} | || \ '}}}}} | || L }}}}}} | || | _.}}}}}} | || .-'|.'.-`-}}}}} | || .' |/|/ `.}} | || .' / \} | || / | \ \ | || / | |\ \ | || .' .'\ | \ \ | || .' .' | ` | \ \ | `. || .' .' | | | )| `. || .-'\ .' | ( / .' | `. || _/__.'`' J J / / | `. || (') | / / | `. || F < / | `|| L ,/ `./ | || `-.__.---/'_/_/ | || | //-'| | || | // | | || | ' | | || | | | || `-.______.-' | || | F | | || ( J| F | || | || J | || | |J( L | || J F|F | | || | J || | | || | |_|| F | || _F J `| J | || _.-'/_.' ) | |`. | || _.-' .-' /\/ | |. `. | || _.-' `---' F ) `. `. | || _.-' /-'/| `. `. | ||.-' .__.' `. `.| `. | `| `. VK `. ** WHAT IS A CAT ** 1. Cats do what they want. 2. They rarely listen to you. 3. They're totally unpredictable. 4. They whine when they are not happy. 5. When you want to play, they want to be alone. 6. When you want to be alone, they want to play. 7. They expect you to cater to their every whim. 8. They're moody. 9. They leave hair everywhere. 10. They drive you nuts and cost an arm and a leg. Conclusion: They're tiny women in little fur coats. -<>- ,_-~~~-, _-~~-_ / ^-_/ \_ _-~-. | /\ , `-_/ \ | /~^\ '/ /~\ /~\ / \_ \ \_/ }/ / \ \ ,_\ } Y / /~ /~ | Y \ | / | {Q) {Q) | | \_/ | \ _===_ / | / >--{ }--< \ /~ \_._/ ~\ / * * Y * \ | * .: | :.* * | \ )--__==#==__-- / \_ \ \ \ ,/ '~_ | | } ,~' \ {___/ / \ ~~~ / /\._._._./\ -Keely- 02/94 { ^^^ } ~-_______-~ / \ ** WHAT IS A DOG ** 1. Dogs lie around all day, sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house. 2. They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don't hear you when you're in the same room. 3. They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time. 4. They growl when they are not happy. 5. When you want to play, they want to play. 6. When you want to be alone, they want to play. 7. They are great at begging. 8. They will love you forever if you rub their tummies. 9. They leave their toys everywhere. 10. They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss. Conclusion: They're tiny men in little fur coats. -<>- ** WARNING... ** , \. /J ..---.. .-```-. L`\ \-.__.-` L .-`` ``-. / \ | \ \ J .` _. `. J J \ `\ L/ /` \ . \ \ | | \ `, | ``-.o\ /_.-``\ L L L `\ | J , `/\` , | J J `\ / L /( `` )\ J | | , `\ | `\`---.....--`/` | L L | ` | \ (__Y__) / L-.-' J |\ | `-.____.-` / __ | | \ |`. .` ( ) `-._.-` \ | `-.. ..-` `-` `-.___.-` ``---`` NDT ~~~~~YOU ARE ENTERING THE PUN ZONE. ~~~PROCEED AT YOUR OWN RISK~~~~ ** Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death. ** A hangover is the wrath of grapes ** Sea captains don't like crew cuts. ** Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? ** Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red. Keep Laughing! ~~~~=Bill Rayborn= -<>- ** A Look At Life In the USA ** At the next table in a fast food restaurant, one youngster was sobbing because he didn't get the toy he wanted with his food. Another dumped his drink over his sister's burger because she was stealing his fries. Then the smallest fell off his chair. Clearly at the end of her rope, the mother dragged the boy up from the floor, placed him back into his chair, and said, "Shut up, all of you, and eat your Happy Meals!" "Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength." -- Arnold Schwarzenegger ============================================================== >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Are Angels Real? http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/angelsreal.html Angel Wing Decoys! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/angel.html Chevy: American Pride! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chevypride.html In Days Past! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dayspast.html What Friends Are For! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/poems/whatfriends.html City That Time Forgot! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/city.html Amazing Albino Animals! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/albino.html Aww Animals 6 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animals6.html Chinese Wal-Mart http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chinawalmart.html Hoppy The Deer http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hoppy.html Sweets For The Sweet! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/sugar.html Why Dogs Bite People http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dogsbite.html -<>- >From Yolo: 5 Ways To Make Sticking To Your Resolution A Breeze Before you give up on your resolution, read these tips about easy ways to make them last. By committing to doing some prep work, there is no reason they will not stick! http://tinyurl.com/6mpkn6z How To Keep Your Fitness Resolutions Is getting fit on your list of New Year's resolutions? If it is, make sure to take the steps to be able to keep these resolutions. Get some important tips on how to make fitness a part of your life in 2012! http://tinyurl.com/89dzd6l -<>- >From Our Friend PatDeE :) An excerpt Jean Carper's newest book: "100 Simple Things You Can Do to Prevent Alzheimer's" http://tinyurl.com/79a5zlz --- ...Good info! Thanks PatDeE! The 50's http://oldfortyfives.com/TakeMeBackToTheFifties.htm How The Curiosity Rover Will Land On Mars http://tinyurl.com/8yswzt4 --- ...Wowsers! Pretty Cool! Thanks PatDeE! Auld Lang Syne http://biggeekdad.com/2011/01/auld-lang-syne/#.Tv9vS9DI_zU.gmail Good story to wrap up the year ........ Bob Welsh - My Christmas Eve - YouTube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WxjZB5S_g7s&feature=youtu.be --- ...Very Nice! Thanks PatDeE! Irish vs. Indian on Birth Certificate (phone tap) http://soundcloud.com/alp-3/irish-vs-indian-on-birth --- ...LMAO! Too Funny! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- >From Our Friend Kay :) Happy New Year 2012! http://tinyurl.com/6tl3ayz --- ...aww, A fun one! Thank You Kay! -<>- >From Our Friend Trish :) HAPPY NEW YEAR 2012! Special thanks to Mums.... http://tinyurl.com/7q2xm7o http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x91rBzNKvlc (Auld Lang Syne by Sissel-Beautiful music and pictures-watch in full screen) 2012 Hugs, Trish --- ...Sweet - most beautiful! Huggums and Thank You Trish! -<>- >From Our Friend Wesley :) ripped : favorite music http://www.splaylist.com/ ripped : dyatlov pass incident http://goo.gl/gRvt ripped : humble indie bundle ( free games ) http://goo.gl/kHsQ3 --- ...Cool! Thanks Wesley! -<>- >From LynnLynn's Links: Olympic http://www.buffaloschips.com/es3.htm Perception http://www.buffaloschips.com/lkj89.htm Person Of The Week http://www.buffaloschips.com/ksdaa.htm Puppy VS Mirror http://www.buffaloschips.com/sjdskjd.htm Recession USA http://www.buffaloschips.com/sdklslkw.htm Click http://www.buffaloschips.com/lk435klj43.htm Click Here http://www.buffaloschips.com/lk4535l.htm Climb On http://www.buffaloschips.com/kl5kl4.htm If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com ============================================================== >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "Some scholars of ancient Hebrew are now suggesting that certain portions of the Bible could have been written centuries earlier than others. The scholars say they know this because the newer portions all begin, 'Previously, on 'The Bible.'" -Conan O'Brien "A new study revealed that losing a few pounds prior to surgery could help reduce the risk of complications. When they heard this, Americans were like, 'Eh, we'll take our chances.'" -Jimmy Fallon A mission statement is defined as "a long, awkward sentence that demonstrates management's inability to think clearly." All good companies have one. If it weren't for the fact that the TV and the refrigerator are so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any exercise at all. A friend had a waitressing position open at his diner and asked job seekers to fill out an application. Under "Salary Expected," a woman wrote "Friday." The highlight of our zoo trip was a peacock showing off its plumage. My four-year-old son was particularly taken with it. That evening, he couldn't wait to tell his father: "Dad, guess what! I saw a Christmas tree come out of a chicken!" Driving in Ohio, we spotted a sign that read, "Wildlife Refuge." Seeing a dead deer lying in front of it, my husband shook his head. "He almost made it." "Inside every older person is a younger person -- wondering what the heck happened." -- Cora Harvey Armstrong >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food andd DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************