Happy Blessed Memorial Day... :) Shangy!
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or email me here:
bcrsystems@earthlink.net
================
*~* Please Consider Giving To ShangralaFamilyFun.com
The cost of the website has gone up dramatically due to the
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"We are each of us angels with but one wing,
and can only fly by embracing each other"
-Luciano Decrescenzo
~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~
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| | '~~~~~~~~| |
| | |##########JGS#|
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*~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels *~*
>Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel?
If you'd like to help and be counted as a Shangrala Angel,
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*~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS YOU MOST ABUNDANTLY FOR YOUR GIFT!
================
*~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny,
inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here...
bcrsystems@earthlink.net
I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!!
AND For Facebook Users:
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-<>-
* NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or
any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving
the scroll button on the mouse.
You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in
your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while
pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for
smaller text!
================
>-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :)
This flaming hot new page is from our friends Linda and Geniann.
It is an eye opener for any one like me who is not all that
familiar with the Invasion of Normandy in WWII. With a huge force
of over 150,000 soldiers, the Allies attacked and gained a victory
that became the turning point for World War II in Europe. These
brave men gave their all for our freedom. May we never forget
their courage and heroism. This shows the hell they went through
then and how amazingly Normandy has recovered since then. Check
it out here:
======;===========;()
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Normandy Then And Now
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/normandy2.html
---
...Pretty stunning. Thanks Ladies!
=======================================================
>-->From SmileZilla:
_.~._
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/ : _..._ : \
{ :,"''))`".: }
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_,\ ,' `-.__.--' `. \_____
'///,-`-' `-------' hjw
There were three fathers to be in a hospital waiting room, waiting
for their babies to be born.
The first nurse comes out and tells the first father,
"Congratulations you're the father of two beautiful twins!"
Amazed, the man says, "Great! I am the manager for the Minnesota
Twins."
The second nurse comes out and tells the second father,
"Congratulations you're the father of three beautiful triplets!"
Amazed, he says, "That's cool I work for 3M."
All of a sudden, the third father opens the window and jumps out.
The third nurse comes out, and asks, "Where's the third father?"
One of the other fathers said, "Oh he jumped out the window..."
The nurse asks, "Why?"
He replied, "He works for Seven Up!"
=======================================================
+------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+
May 29 is Memorial Day
May 30 is Water a Flower Day
May 31 is National Macaroon Day, Save Your Hearing Day and
World No Tobacco Day
June 1 is Dare Day and Flip a Coin Day
June 2 is National Bubba Day, National Doughnut Day and
National Rocky Road Day
June 3 is National Trails Day and Repeat Day (I said "Repeat Day")
June 4 is Applesauce Cake Day, Hug Your Cat Day and Old Maid's Day
=======================================================
>-->From GoodCleanFun:
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jgs / \ # # # #::::::
# # # # # # #
H A P P Y # # # # # # #
# # # # # # #
M E M O R I A L D A Y ! # # # # # # #
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>Memorial Day 2017 (Serious, Not Humor)
In the United States, Memorial Day is celebrated on the last
Monday in May and honors those men and women who lost their lives
serving their country. What we celebrate as Memorial Day today,
began at the end of the Civil War. Family members of the many
soldiers slain in battle would visit the grave sites of their
fallen relatives or friends and decorate the graves with flowers.
On May 5, 1868, General John Logan proclaimed this day a holiday
through his General Order No. 11. The day was entitled Decoration
Day and was first observed on May 30, 1868. The northern states
celebrated this day every year, but the southern states celebrated
a day similar to this on a different day until sometime after World
War I.
In 1882, the name Decoration day was changed to Memorial Day, and
in 1971, Memorial Day was declared a national holiday to be held on
the last Monday of May every year. Over the years it has come to
serve as a day to remember all U.S. men and women killed or missing
in action in all wars.
I am truly grateful for the freedoms which we enjoy today. Too often,
we take these gifts for granted, little realizing the sacrifice which
was involved in ensuring that these freedoms continue to be a part of
all our lives. Be honest, how many of us think of Memorial Day as
just another chance for a three-day weekend? A chance to go the lakes
or beaches or mountains? A trip to Disneyland or Six Flags or some
other amusement/theme park?
I know there are probably some people on the GCF mailing list who
might not agree with my views in these special emails, but as a
former Hospital Corpsman (US Navy), I want to give my humble thanks
to those who gave their lives so that we have the right to disagree
with each other. Any day is a good day to remember the ultimate
sacrifice that was made on our behalf.
If you are here in the United States, please remember to display the
flag, not just for the day but for the whole weekend. Let's not
forget the real reason for having this holiday. The quotes below say
it all. Please take the time to read them.
Take care everyone.
Tom
(HM2, USN 65-69)
"It is, in a way, an odd thing to honor those who died in defense of
our country in wars far away. The imagination plays a trick. We see
these soldiers in our mind as old and wise. We see them as something
like the Founding Fathers, grave and gray-haired. But most of them
were boys when they died, they gave up two lives -- the one they were
living and the one they would have lived. When they died, they gave
up their chance to be husbands and fathers and grandfathers. They
gave up their chance to be revered old men. They gave up everything
for their county, for us. All we can do is remember."
-- Ronald Wilson Reagan
Remarks at Veteran's Day ceremony, Arlington National Cemetery
Arlington, Virginia, November 11, 1985
"Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. We
didn't pass it to our children in the bloodstream. It must be fought
for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same, or one day we
will spend our sunset years telling our children and our children's
children what it was once like in the United States where men were free."
-- Ronald Wilson Reagan
Address to the annual meeting of the Phoenix Chamber of Commerce
March 30, 1961
----------------------------------------------------------
Let's all pause and take a minute to REMEMBER.
Pearl Harbor 1941 ... Normandy 1944 ... Pork Chop Hill Korea 1953 ...
Tet Offensive Vietnam 1968 ... Desert Storm Kuwait 1991 ...
The World Trade Center 9/11 2001 ... Shock and Awe Iraq 2003 ...
Iraq War Surge 2007 ... Afghanistan TODAY.
After having taken a minute to REMEMBER Let's take one more minute to
say THANK YOU for all that was given, all that was lost and all that
was gained for us to enjoy our Hot-Dogs, Soft Ball, Picnics, Swimming
Pools, Beaches, Iced Tea and Kids in Peace in the Greatest Country on
God's Green Earth.
----------------------------------------------------------
A final thought and addition to the words above.....
Over the years the meaning of Memorial Day has faded too much from
the public consciousness. From a solemn day of mourning, remembrance,
and honor to the men and women who died in providing the freedoms we
enjoy, it has been reduced to a weekend of BBQ's, shopping bargains
and beaches where only token nods toward our honored dead are given,
if at all. Too many don't even know what the day stands for.
So, let's not forget those who made the ultimate sacrifice. They are
remembered in all our prayers. Also, let's not forget a prayer for
the safety of all service men and women, whether they serve at home
or overseas. Finally, a heartfelt Semper Fi from this former Hospital
Corpsman is sent to all the Marines I knew. -Tom
-<>-
>Pay Stub
Take a good look at your pay stub sometime. There's one area there
for what you get and eight different areas for what somebody else
gets.
They shouldn't even call it "pay" ... they should call it "leftovers."
-<>-
>At the Pool
On vacation a nine-year-old boy and his father were at the pool,
where two attractive women wearing skimpy bikinis were sunning themselves.
The father noticed that his son kept staring at the girls and would
occasionally glance back at him. He was bracing himself for questions
his son might have when they got up to leave.
His son watched the girls very closely as they left, then he turned
to his father and said, "Dad, can I take that candy bar those girls
left behind?"
-<>-
>Finding the Tea
My poor wife was sick in bed with the flu. Being a dutiful husband,
I offered to fix her some of her favorite herbal tea. I couldn't
find the tea though and went back upstairs to ask where it was.
She said, "I don't know how it could be any easier to see. It's in
the pantry, third shelf down, in a cocoa tin marked 'matches'."
-<>-
>The Movies
For the first time in many years, an old man traveled from his
rural town to the city to attend a movie.
After buying his ticket, he stopped at the concession stand to
purchase some popcorn. Handing the attendant $3.50, he couldn't
help but comment, "The last time I came to the movies, popcorn was
only 25 cents."
"Well, sir," the attendant replied with a grin, "You're really
going to enjoy yourself. We have sound now."
-<>-
>The Airport Garage
Wayne was returning home from a business trip, bags in hand, and
slowly making his way to his vehicle in the crowded airport garage.
Suddenly a large dark car screeched to a stop in front of Wayne,
and the driver pointed menacingly at him. "Get in," the driver
ordered. "I'll take you to your car."
Startled, Wayne took a step backward. "Ah ... no thanks," he
answered. "I can get there myself."
"No!" the man barked back as he threw open his passenger side door.
"Get In!"
Wayne's eyes now darted around the garage, hoping to find a
security guard.
Just then, the driver's face softened. "Please," he said, "I've
been driving up and down for two hours. I can't find a space to
park and I want yours."
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend LouiseA :)
,a_a
{/ ''\_
{\ ,_oo)
{/ (_^_____________________
.=. {/ \___)))*)----------;=====;`
(.=.`\ {/ /=; ~~ |||::::
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jgs \ // /_/_ |||||||
'==''---)))) |||||||
>SMILES
The blonde was playing Trivia for Dummies when she amazed the
other players by answering correctly that there are seven rays
on the crown of the Statue of Liberty.
"How in the world did you know that?" she was asked.
Rolling her eyes, she answered, "Duuuhh...the seven original
colonies!"
--------
When a man met his friend on the street one day, he noticed
that he had a terrible cold. He asked him if he had seen a
doctor about it and his friend said, "No, but I probably
should. Do you know a good doctor?" The man gave his
friend the name of his own doctor and assured him that
he would be in good hands.
About a week later, they met again and the man wasn't sure
if his friend's cold was really better. So, he asked him,
"Did you see my doctor?"
"Oh, yeah," his friend said. "He was a really nice guy."
The man asked, "Did he give you something to help your cold?"
"Sure did," his friend answered, somewhat enthusiastically.
"He told me to drink a big glass of fresh orange juice after
a hot bath."
The man asked, "Well, did it help?"
And his friend said, "I don't really know,
I haven't finished drinking the bath yet."
--------
A circus owner walked into a bar to find everyone crowded
about a table watching a little show. On the table was an
upside-down pot and a duck tap dancing on it.
The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy
the duck from its owner. After some wheeling and dealing
they settled for $10,000 for the duck and the pot.
Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in
anger, "Your duck is a rip-off! I put him on the pot
before a whole audience and he didn't dance a single step!"
"That's strange" said the duck's former owner, "did you
remember to light the candle under the pot?"
-------
An Austrian maid asks the wife who employs her for a pay raise.
The wife became very angry about this and decided to talk to her
about this raise.
She asked, “Now Anna, why do you think you should get a pay
increase?"
Anna: “Well, Madam, there are tree reasons why I wunt the increaze.
The 1st is that I do iron better than you."
Wife: “Who said you iron better than me?”
Anna:“Your husband he say so.”
Wife: “Oh yeah?”
Anna: “The second reason eez that I am a better cook than you.”
Wife: “that's a lie, who said you were a better cook than me?”
Anna: “Your hozban he did.”
Wife increasingly agitated: “Oh he did, did he?”
Anna: “The third reason is that I am better in bed than you.”
Wife, really boiling now and through gritted teeth asks,
“And did my husband say that as well?”
Anna: “No Madam… The gardener did.”
(A moment of silence passes...)
"So, how much do you want?”
-------
You're in incredible shape," the doctor said. "How old are you
again"?
"I am 78," the man said.
"78!" remarked the doctor. "How do you stay so healthy? You look
like a 60-year-old."
"Well, my wife and I made a pact when we got married that whenever
she got mad, she would go into the kitchen and cool off and I would
go outside for a walk to settle down," the man explained.
"What does that have to do with it?" asked the doctor.
"I've pretty much lived an outdoor life."
--------
Early one morning, my husband, who works in a funeral home, woke me,
complaining about severe abdominal pains. We rushed to the emergency
room, where tests were performed to determine the source of the
pain.
My husband decided not to have me call in sick for him until we knew
what was wrong. When the results came back, the nurse informed us
that, true to our suspicions, he was suffering from a kidney stone.
I turned to my husband and asked, "Would you like me to call the
funeral home now?"
With a scornful look, the nurse turned to me and snapped, "Honey,
he's not that sick!"
--------
A liberal paradise would be a place where everybody has guaranteed
employment, free comprehensive healthcare, free education, free food,
free housing, free clothing, free utilities, and only law enforcement
has guns.
And believe it or not, such a place does, indeed, exist. It's
called prison."
-- Sheriff Joe Arpaio, Maricopa County Arizona Sheriff's Office
--------
This guy was watching TV as his wife was out cutting the grass
during the hot summer. He finally worked up the energy to go out
and ask his wife what was for supper.
Well, his missus was quite irritated about him sitting in the air
conditioned house all day while she did all the work, so she
scolded him. "I can’t believe you’re asking me about supper right
now! Imagine I’m out of town, go inside and figure dinner out
yourself."
So he went back in the house and fixed himself a big steak, with
potatoes, garlic bread and tall glass of iced tea.
The wife finally walked in about the time he was finishing up and
asked him, "You fixed something to eat? So where is mine?"
"Huh? I thought you said you were out of town!"
-------
Oh Lord,
Please make my words
Sweet and tender,
For tomorrow...
I may have to eat them.
Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time,
because then you don't have a leg to stand on.
Speak when you are angry and you will
make the best speech you will ever regret.
It is better to keep your mouth shut, and look like
a fool, than to open your mouth, and remove all doubt.
If you tell the truth
you don't have to remember anything.
---
...TeeHee! Wonderful! Thanks LouiseAu!
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Geniann :)
(
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(#c __\|/__
#\ wWWWw
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[I_I_I_I_I_I_]
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/ \
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>Knowledge is Everything
The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a
substitute for Blood plasma.
No piece of paper can be folded in half more than seven (7) times.
Oh go ahead...I'll wait...
Donkeys kill more people annually
than plane crashes or shark attacks. (So, watch your Ass )
You burn more calories sleeping
than you do watching television.
Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are
fifty (50) years of age or older.
The first product to have a bar code
was Wrigley's gum.
The King of Hearts is the only king
WITHOUT A MUSTACHE
American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating
one (1) olive from each salad served in first-class.
Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.
Since Venus is normally associated with women, what does this
tell you?) That women are going the 'right' direction...?
Apples, not caffeine,
are more efficient at waking you up in the morning .
Most dust particles in your house are made from
DEAD SKIN !
The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer.
So did the first ' Marlboro Man'.
Walt Disney was afraid
OF MICE!
PEARLS DISSOLVE
IN VINEGAR!
The three most valuable brand names on earth:
Marlboro, Coca Cola , and Budweiser, in that order.
It is possible to lead a cow upstairs...
but, not downstairs.
Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least six
(6) feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting
from the flush.
(I keep my toothbrush in the living room now !)
And the best for last.....
Turtles can breathe through their butts.
(I know some people like that, don't YOU ?)
So.......................
Remember, knowledge is everything, so pass it on......
and go move your toothbrush !!!
---
...LOL! Great Ones! Thanks Geniann!
=======================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
Trump Support Remains Strong – No buyer’s remorse but Faults
Congress Shortcomings
http://tinyurl.com/y9v5sbml
THE TRUTH: President Trump’s New Budget Doesn’t Leave People
Starving
http://tinyurl.com/kju8bv8
BREAKING: Trump Does Something To U.S. Troops That INFURIATES The
Anti-Trump Media
http://tinyurl.com/yb9fsqzk
BREAKING: Trump Comes Away From G7 Summit With An Ally That Will
SHOCK You
http://tinyurl.com/ybw28x55
Hillary’s Security Detail Hated Her So Much They Laughed Out
Loud When She Broke Her Arm
http://tinyurl.com/ycpa3e4r
---
...Reminds me of the page we have here...
Secrets Of The Secret Service!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/secrets.html
In Stark Contrast to Hillary - Trump DISAPPEARS For A Few Hours On
His Trip And Media Refuses To Cover It….Here’s What He Did
http://tinyurl.com/yby5tu8b
Logic thinking and a sound mind seems to be amiss here...
You Can’t Make This Stuff Up: Nancy Pelosi Criticizes Trump Foreign
Trip. And The Reason?!? [VIDEO]
http://tinyurl.com/y7lj2elb
BREAKING: Fox News Hemorrhages Prime Time Viewers Since Firing
Bill O’Reilly
http://tinyurl.com/ybqdxhcg
You can visit O'Reily Here:
https://www.billoreilly.com/
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
There are a lot of things a person might want to smuggle
into a court house; video recording equipment, a bottle of
booze, a gun? But one Michigan woman felt she could not make
it through a day in court without her monkey.
Former Bay City resident Linda Stevenson visited the Bay
County Court Facility and put her purse on the X-ray machine
at the building's security station.
"I pushed the button for it to go through when it started
making noises," said Bay County Sheriff's Court Security
Deputy Pat McIver. "I was like, 'What was that?' She goes,
'Oh, that's my monkey.'"
The X-ray captured an image of the diminutive simian's
skeleton within Stevenson's purse.
"I said, 'I need to see your monkey,'" McIver said. "She
unzipped her purse, the monkey stuck its head out and looked
around, and then she zipped it back up."
McIver told Stevenson she could not bring the monkey into
the building. She returned him to her car, then quickly
conducted her small claims-related business inside the court-
house.
After her business concluded, Stevenson was stopped by McIver
on the way out and was asked to bring the monkey back inside
for some of the other courthouse staff could see him.
Stevenson obliged, bringing the monkey back to the security
station.
"She opened her bag and the monkey climbed out on her arm,
then climbed up onto my arm and across my shoulder," McIver
said. When she instructed the primate to return to her purse,
he did as instructed, the deputy said.
"He's amazing," Stevenson said about the monkey, adding she
takes him everywhere with her.
*-- $455,000 Diamonds Are a Girl's Best Friend --*
A London woman was stunned to discover that a costume jewelry
ring she bought at a flea market 30 years ago is not what she
thought it was. Not at all. The woman wore it almost daily
for decades. Why not? She only paid 15 bucks for it. But
recently a jeweler friend suggested that the ring might not
be so fake after all, so the woman had the ring appraised.
It turns out that the costume gem was in fact a very not-fake
26.27-carat diamond. The woman had been wearing a diamond
to work, shopping and on errands that is estimated to be
worth $455,000. The ring is now in the possession of Sotheby's
where it will be auctioned.
*-- Music Fest Constructs 4-mile Beer Pipeline --*
A heavy metal music festival in Germany constructed a 4-mile
long beer pipeline to more efficiently serve beverages to its
guests. The Wacken Open Air music festival began constructing
the massive beer pipeline in the fall and announced it was
completed on Tuesday. "Until this year, we always had to move
dozens of barrels through the infield," the festival's
website states. "We had to bring in full barrels before and
during the shows and afterwards we had to remove the empty
ones. This caused a lot of avoidable traffic. The new pipe-
line helps us to protect the floor!" Wacken Open Air's beer
pipeline will be able to carry about 105,000 gallons of beer
throughout the festival grounds and provide enough pressure
to pour six beers in six seconds. "In this way, we will no
longer have to distribute truck loads of beer kegs across the
premises each day," festival spokeswoman Frederike Arns said.
*--- Why Won't Anybody Think of the Bunnies? ---*
Dennis Hof of the Bunny Ranch Brothel in Las Vegas, Nevada,
said that he was awoken during the night when a semi-truck
crashed into his building. 40-year-old Brian Brandt was
driving the 18-wheeler when he crashed through the front
gate and then into the building. Brandt of Reno, was wearing
body armor and a mask when he crashed at 3:45 a.m., using a
stolen tractor trailer. According to police, Brandt was angry
that he was fired from his job at the Central Transport
trucking company. He retaliated by stealing a truck and
crashing it into brothel. Hof said that he to his employees
never met Brandt. He believes that Brandt targeted the
brothel because it is famous and "it would make for world
wide news".
=========================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
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Marvin found the following ransom note slipped under his
front door. "Bring $50,000 to the 17th hole of your country
club tomorrow at 10:00 AM if you ever want to see your wife
alive again."
But it was well after 1:00 PM by the time he arrived at the
designated meeting spot. A masked man stepped from behind
a bush and demanded, "You're three hours late. What took you
so long?"
"Give me a break!" said Marvin, pointing to his scorecard.
"I'm a 27 handicap."
-<>-
When a customer left his cell phone in my store, I scrolled
through his saved numbers, stopped at "Mom" and pushed send.
His mother answered, and I told her what happened.
"Don't worry," she said, "I'll take care of it."
A few minutes later, the cell phone rang. It was "Mom."
"Martin," she said, "you left your cell phone at the con-
venience store."
-<>-
As we left the gym after our first real workout in years, my
husband and I both felt energized. "Let's make a commitment
to do it three times a week," I said.
"Absolutely," my husband agreed, "three times at a minimum."
"And no whining," I said. "No excuses."
"No, we'll do it," he said enthusiastically, "you can count
on it."
"And on my late night, we can just meet here at the gym."
"The gym?" my husband said, confused. "I thought we were
talking about love making?"
-<>-
Two resident doctors were involved in a fight in the
hospital. A senior consultant had to pull them apart.
"What's all this about?" asked the consultant angrily.
"It's the tax auditor in C ward," said one. "He's only got
2 days to live."
"He had to be told." said the second doctor.
"I know," said the first, "but I wanted to be the one to
tell him!"
-<>-
Lesson in punctuation
Dear John:
I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are
generous, kind, thoughtful. People who are not like you
admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me
for other men. I yearn for you. I have no feelings what-
soever when we're apart. I can be forever happy--will you
let me be yours?
Jane
Dear John:
I want a man who knows what love is. All about you are
generous, kind, thoughtful people, who are not like you.
Admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me.
For other men, I yearn. For you, I have no feelings what-
soever. When we're apart, I can be forever happy.
Will you let me be?
Yours,
Jane
-<>-
Bill had been a wild bachelor all his life, but now that
he was getting up there in age, his doctor was getting
concerned about him.
"Bill," advised the doctor, "I can add 15 more years to
your life if you will just quit your routine of wine,
women, and song."
Bill thought for a few minutes, then said, "Tell you what
doc, I'll settle for five more years and just give up
singing."
-<>-
A Swiss guy in New York is looking for directions, so he pulls
up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting.
"Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he asks.
The two Americans just stare at him.
"Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?" he tries. The two continue
to stare.
"Parlare Italiano?" No response.
"Hablan ustedes Espanol?" Still nothing.
The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted. The first
American turns to the second and says, "Y'know, maybe we
should learn a foreign language."
"Why?" says the other. "That guy knew four languages, and it
didn't do him any good."
-<>-
Little Johnny's mother overheard him reciting his homework:
"Two plus two, the son of a bitch is four; four plus four,
the son of a bitch is eight; eight plus eight, the son of a
bitch..."
"Johnny!" shouted his mother. "Watch your language! You're
not allowed to use those kinds of words."
"But, Mom," replied the boy, "that's what the teacher taught
us, and she said to recite it out loud till we learned it."
Next day Johnny's mother called the teacher to complain.
"Oh, heavens," said the teacher. "That's not what I taught
them. They're supposed to say, 'Two plus two, the sum of
which is four.'"
=========================================================
>-->From AndyChaps:
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|* * * * * |##########################|
|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ |
|#########################################|
| |
|#########################################|
| |
|###################################JGS###|
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**There would be fewer problems with children if they
had to chop wood to keep the television set going.**
**Make the most of today. Translate your good intentions
into actual deeds. ~~Grenville Kleiser**
**The only time a windshield wiper will work properly
is when it's holding a parking ticket.**
**Most people never run far enough on their first wind, to find
out if they've got a second. Give your dreams all you've got
and you'll be amazed at the energy that comes out of you.
~~~~William James**
**The harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph.
When we obtain too cheaply, we esteem too lightly."
~~~~Thomas Paine**
-<>-
>How To Get A Specimen From A child:
While I was working in pediatrics one day I had to do kindergarten
physical for a little boy. When it can time to get the urine
sample, the mother said he could go in by himself.
So I took the boy into the bathroom and told him to urinate (Pee)
in the cup. Then I set the cup on the back of the toilet.
A little later the boy came out distraught saying that he couldn't
pee that far. He thought he had to shoot for the cup instead of
holding the cup.
-<>-
>Truth In Labeling:
As part of the admission procedure in the hospital where
I work, I ask the patients if they are allergic to anything.
If they are, I print it on an allergy band placed on the
patient's wrists.
Once when I asked an elderly woman if she had any allergies,
she said she couldn't eat bananas. Imagine my surprise when
several hours later a very irate son came out to the nurses'
station demanding, "Who's responsible for labeling my mother
'bananas'?" ;-)
-<>-
>Uneffective Advertising
A psychotherapist, starting from scratch, was having such
success in his business that he could now afford to have
a proper shop banner advertising his wares. So he told a
kid to paint the sign board for him & put it above his
shop entrance.
But, instead of his business building up, it began to
slacken. He had especially noticed the ladies shying away
from his shop after reading the sign board. So he decided
to check it out himself. Then he understood why!
The boy found a small wooden board so he had to split the
word in 3 places. The sign read:
Psycho-
the-
rapist.
-<>-
>Great Pastoral Care:
The local Pastor was visiting the home of Sister Jones to comfort
her after the recent loss of her husband. "Come in Pastor." Stated
Sister Jones. "Have a seat on the sofa." Sitting on the sofa, the
Pastor eyed a dish of peanuts setting on the coffee table. He took
a few of the peanuts and began to eat them. After ten minutes he
noticed that he had eaten nearly all the peanuts. "Why Sister Jones,"
said the Pastor, "It appears that I have eaten almost all your
peanuts."
"That's okay Pastor." replied Sister Jones. "Now that I have lost
all my teeth I only get to suck the chocolate off!"
-<>-
>The New Babysitter:
Patsy offered to care for the eight-year-old daughter of her next-
door neighbor. She arrived in time to prepare breakfast, laying a
generous helping of bacon and eggs in front of the child. "Mother
always serves hot biscuits for breakfast," said the eight-year-old.
So, Patsy, very eager to oblige, hurried into the kitchen and
quickly prepared a plate of hot biscuits, which she laid in front
of the girl. "No, thank you," she said. "But I thought you said
your mother always has hot biscuits for breakfast!" said Patsy in
surprise.
"She does," said the child. "But I don't eat them."
-<>-
>He Needs A Little Hand:
An Octogenarian who was an avid golfer moved to a new town and
joined the local Country Club. He went to the Club for the first
time to play but was told there wasn't anybody he could play with
because they were already out on the course. He repeated several
times that he really wanted to play. Finally the Assistant Pro
said he would play with him and would give him a 12 stroke handicap.
The 80 year old said, "I really don't need a handicap as I have been
playing quite well. The only real problem I have is getting out of
sand traps."
And he did play well. Coming onto the 18th the old man had a long
drive, but it landed in one of the sand traps around the hole.
Shooting from the sand trap he hit a very high ball which landed
on the green and rolled into the hole! The Pro walked over to the
sand trap where his opponent was still standing. He said "Nice shot,
but I thought you said you have a problem getting out of sand
traps?"
Replied the Octogenarian, "I do! Would you please give me a hand."
-<>-
>REVISED GOSPEL HYMNS: A Funny Just For You:
Now available! REVISED GOSPEL HYMNS for today's generation of
modern churchgoers. The old favorites can now be sung without
guilt, conviction, or discomfort. Hundreds of your old favorites
made comfortable. Some of the titles include:
~ "Amazing Grace, How Interesting the Sound"
~ "Lord, Keep Us Loosely Connected to Your Word"
~ "Praise God from whom All Affirmations Flow"
~ "Pillow of Ages, Fluffed for Me"
~ "When Peace, Like a Trickle"
~ "We Give Thee but Still Think We Own"
~ "What an Acquaintance We Have in Jesus"
~ "We Are Milling Around in the Light of God"
~ "Blest Be the Tie that Doesn't Cramp My Style"
~ "I Surrender Some"
~ "Standing on the Premises"
~ "Sweet Minute of Prayer"
~ "Blessed Insurance"
~ "Come We That Like the Lord"
~ "Onward, Social Workers"
~ "Avoid the Good Fight"
~ "The Gold-Plated Cross"
~ "Some for Jesus"
~ "I Have My Own Way"
~ and the all-time children's favorite: "I Love Me"
-<>-
>SING-A-LONG WITH A HITCH.....
Every person in the Bible probably had their
own theme song.....sort of.....
**Noah: "Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head"
**Adam and Eve: "Strangers in Paradise"
**Lazarus: "The Second Time Around"
**Moses: "The Wanderer"
**Jezebel: "The Lady is a Tramp"
**Samson: "Hair"
**Salome: "I Could Have Danced All Night"
**Daniel: "The Lion Sleeps Tonight"
**Joshua: "Good Vibrations"
**Esau: "Born To Be Wild"
**Jeremiah: "Take This Job and Shove It"
**Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego: "Great Balls of Fire!"
**The Three Kings: "When You Wish Upon a Star"
**Jonah: "Got a Whale of a Tale"
**Methuselah: "Stayin' Alive"
-<>-
"For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart.
It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul."
~ Judy Garland
=========================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
The Blue Angels!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/blueangels.html
Semper Fidelis!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/semperfi.html
The Final Toast!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/finaltoast.html
Heroes Abroad!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/americanheroes.html
Military Dogs!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/militarydogs.html
Love Stories!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lovestories.html
WWII Posters!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/militarywwii.html
FULL US TROOP INDEX!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/911andtroopsindex.html
Dogs And Little Ones!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dogslittleones.html
Awesome Tree Houses!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/treehouses.html
Thoughts Into Action 5!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/action5.html
Beautiful Artistic Stairs!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/artisticstairs.html
Buildings In Camouflage!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/buildingshiding.html
Ingenious Business Names!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/businessnames.html
Metropolitan Museum Of Art!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/metmuseumart.html
World's Tallest Wooden Building!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tallestbuilding.html
World's Most Spectacular Places 3!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/spectacularplaces3.html
World's Largest Monastic Library!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/library.html
-<>-
>Please Add/Follow Me On StumbleUpon Here:
http://tinyurl.com/ydag72ey
-<>-
>From AFA:
Sacrifice is the theme of Memorial Day. The sacrifice of individuals.
The sacrifice of families. The sacrifice of communities. The
sacrifice of a nation. Memorial Day is a time when America's war
dead remind us of the price for freedom. John Quincy Adams once said,
"You will never know how much it has cost my generation to preserve
your freedom. I hope you make good use of it."
A few years ago, AFA commissioned Christian songwriter/singer Eric
Horner to write a moving patriotic song to honor our national motto,
"In God We Trust." On this Memorial Day, I hope you will take a
moment to watch this very inspiring song, which reflects on those
who have paid the ultimate price for our freedom.
May God continue to bless America on behalf of those who gave their
lives for her.
Please take time with family and friends over this Memorial Day
weekend to reflect on the cost of freedom and our responsibility
to defend and promote it.
Watch This Song here:
http://tinyurl.com/ydyxljer
-<>-
>From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
A flock of starlings is called a murmuration. These flocks may
include other species of starlings and sometimes species from other
families. This sociality is particularly evident in the their
roosting behavior; in the non-breeding season some roosts can number
in the thousands of birds. They will travel many miles to get to
their food, and all stay together for the warmth and safety of a
large groups. Their movements are so precise, so coordinated, that
the group of thousands seems like a single entity, moving this way
and that. It's a sight to see for all nature lovers, and one of the
many miracles of life.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=88UVJpQGi88
Meet the potoo. Or maybe you won't, because as this video will show
you, the potoo might be right in front of you and you'll never know
it. This is because these patient and steel nerved birds have
developed an ingenius camouflage technique that allows them to hide
in plain sight, and they won't move from it until you get right up
to them. Watch why the devoted bird will not leave her perch.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=ZtjFG16ADZQ
---
...Love these! Thanks LouiseAu!
-<>-
>From Our Friend Geniann :)
Quiz - Guess The Spot:
http://www.guessthespot.com/index.php?cat_id=3
---
...Pretty Cool! Thanks Geniann!
=======================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"A group is suing Quaker Oats saying their oatmeal is not
100 percent natural. And it gets worse: The guy on the
box? He's Jewish." -Conan O'Brien
"Scientists have discovered a species of fish that surrounds
itself with uglier fish in order to look more attractive.
However, scientists could not identify which sorority it
belongs to." -Jimmy Fallon
"A man in Ireland has created a working Batman outfit with
23 different features. So now he just has to sit back and
wait for somebody to murder his parents." -Seth Meyers
"A man who ordered a television off of Amazon was shocked
because Amazon instead sent him a rifle. Which means some-
where a hunter is trying to kill a deer by making it watch
'Real Housewives.'" -Conan O'Brien
"According to a recent survey, 71 percent of men find it
attractive when a woman offers to split the bill on a date.
And zero percent of women find it attractive when that
offer is accepted." -Seth Meyers
"Kylie Minogue won a legal battle against Kylie Jenner over
the trademark of the name 'Kylie.' Yeah, the judge called
the case 'not why I went to law school.'" -Jimmy Fallon
"In Florida, a 10-year-old girl pried herself from the jaws
of an 8-foot alligator. Then the little girl remembered she
lives in Florida, and climbed back in." -Conan O'Brien
"Hey, I saw that today is National Teacher Day! Unless you're
home-schooled. Then it's Mother's Day: Part 1." -Jimmy Fallon
"On this day in 1960, the FDA approved the world's first
commercially produced birth control pill. And on this day in
1961, the first couple learned what 99.9 percent effective
means." -Seth Meyers
"This week, a Toyota Land Cruiser set the record as the
world's fastest SUV after reaching 230 mph. Apparently
somebody was really late to their kid's soccer game."
-Conan O'Brien
"A princess in Japan is giving up her royal status so she
can marry a commoner. Which is something she'll definitely
bring up in every single fight she has with her husband.
'Your friends are coming over for dinner? I gave up being
a princess for you!'" -Jimmy Fallon
"A company is selling a jacket with a heating mode and a
cooling mode. The way it works is, there's a zipper."
-Seth Meyers
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61
NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep.
You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy,
good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
Share
A Recipe
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