Happy Blessed Memorial Day... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our ShangyFunList: Group Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* Please Consider Giving To ShangralaFamilyFun.com :) The cost of the website has gone up dramatically due to the ever increasingly wonderful pages and photos being added each week to entertain you and our fellow Christian families. If every one would chip in $25 or more, we'd be good for the whole year! So Please - I need your help today! "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ *~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a Shangrala Angel, the easiest way to do that is through online giving. It is easy to use, and most of all, it is secure. Please visit the site, scroll down and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL form page comes up. NOTE: Paypal will generate a 'Quantity 1' and 'Price per item' form. Just ignore the price per item and put whatever it is you desire to give in there. With Paypal, you will have your normal receipt for your 'payment' donation in USD (United States Dollars). You can put a memo in there if you'd like. EVERY LITTLE BIT WILL HELP! Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS YOU ABUNDANTLY FOR YOUR GIFT! ================ .-"""""""-. .' __ \_ / / \/ \ | \_0/\_0/______ |:. .' oo`\ |:. / \ |' ; | | |:.. . \_______ | |::.|' , \,_____\ / |:::.; ' | . '| ====)_/===;===========;() |::; | | ; ; | | #######:::::: /::::.|-| |_|-|, \ #######:::::: /'-=-'` '-' '--'\ #######:::::: jgs / \ #######:::::: ############# H A P P Y ############# ############# M E M O R I A L D A Y ! ############# ############# ############# *~* MAY YOU ALL HAVE A VERY HAPPY BLESSED SAFE MEMORIAL DAY! :) * We Especially THANK ALL OUR SWEET VETERANS For Your Service! * >-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :) >MEMORIAL DAY It's not about the parties Or picnics on the beach It's in memory of those who have fallen Just now beyond our reach The men and women of past Who gave of life and limb To protect the freedoms that we enjoy Our right to believe in Him From our forefathers of yesteryear To Grandpa in "forty-one" Dad in Korea and Vietnam A brother in Desert Storm As you lounge beside the pool Or stroll along the shore Take a moment to reflect upon Those that are no more Take a look around you At the life you hold so dear Just a moment to remember And you'll find that they're still here -<>- ======;===========;() #######:::::: #######:::::: #######:::::: jgs #######:::::: ############# ############# ############# ############# ############# ############# >13 Hands I have seen a similar story some time ago but read this and again. It continues to make me sad and appreciative. Especially when our “woke” generation is out burning down our country. Each year I am hired to go to Washington, DC, with the eighth grade class from Clinton, WI., where I grew up, to videotape their trip. I greatly enjoy visiting our nation’s capital, and each year I take some special memories back with me. This fall's trip was especially memorable. On the last night of our trip, we stopped at the Iwo Jima memorial. This memorial is the largest bronze statue in the world and depicts one of the most famous photographs in history -- that of the six brave soldiers raising the American Flag at the top of a rocky hill on the island of Iwo Jima, Japan, during WW II Over one hundred students and chaperones piled off the buses and headed towards the memorial. I noticed a solitary figure at the base of the statue, and as I got closer he asked, 'Where are you guys from?' I told him that we were from Wisconsin. 'Hey, I'm a cheese head, too! Come gather around, Cheese heads, and I will tell you a story.' (It was James Bradley who just happened to be in Washington, DC, to speak at the memorial the following day. He was there that night to say good night to his dad, who had passed away. He was just about to leave when he saw the buses pull up. I videotaped him as he spoke to us, and received his permission to share what he said from my videotape. It is one thing to tour the incredible monuments filled with history in Washington, DC, but it is quite another to get the kind of insight we received that night.) When all had gathered around, he reverently began to speak. Here are his words that night: 'My name is James Bradley and I'm from Antigo, Wisconsin. My dad is on that statue, and I wrote a book called 'Flags of Our Fathers'. It is the story of the six boys you see behind me. 'Six boys raised the flag. The first guy putting the pole in the ground is Harlon Block. Harlon was an all-state football player. He enlisted in the Marine Corps with all the senior members of his football team. They were off to play another type of game. A game called 'War.' But it didn't turn out to be a game. Harlon, at the age of 21, died with his intestines in his hands. I don't say that to gross you out, I say that because there are people who stand in front of this statue and talk about the glory of war. You guys need to know that most of the boys in Iwo Jima were 17, 18, and 19 years old - and it was so hard that the ones who did make it home never even would talk to their families about it. (He pointed to the statue) 'You see this next guy? That's Rene Gagnon from New Hampshire. If you took Rene's helmet off at the moment this photo was taken and looked in the webbing of that helmet you would find a photograph... a photo of his girlfriend Rene put that in there for protection because he was scared. He was 18 years old. It was just boys who won the battle of Iwo Jima. Boys. Not old men. 'The next guy here, the third guy in this tableau, was Sergeant Mike Strank (from Johnstown, PA). Mike is my hero. He was the hero of all these guys. They called him the 'old man' because he was so old. He was already 24. When Mike would motivate his boys in training camp, he didn't say, 'Let's go kill some Japanese' or 'Let's die for our country' He knew he was talking to little boys. Instead he would say, 'You do what I say, and I'll get you home to your mothers.' 'The last guy on this side of the statue is Ira Hayes, a Pima Indian from Arizona. Ira Hayes was one of them who lived to walk off Iwo Jima. He went into the White House with my dad. President Truman told him, 'You're a hero' He told reporters, 'How can I feel like a hero when 250 of my buddies hit the island with me and only 27 of us walked off alive?' So you take your class at school, 250 of you spending a year together having fun, doing everything together. Then all 250 of you hit the beach, but only 27 of your classmates walk off alive. That was Ira Hayes. He had images of horror in his mind. Ira Hayes carried the pain home with him and eventually died dead drunk, face down, drowned in a very shallow puddle, at the age of 32 (ten years after this picture was taken). 'The next guy, going around the statue, is Franklin Sousley from Hilltop, Kentucky. A fun-lovin' hillbilly boy. His best friend, who is now 70, told me, 'Yeah, you know, we took two cows up on the porch of the Hilltop General Store. Then we strung wire across the stairs so the cows couldn't get down. Then we fed them Epsom salts. Those cows crapped all night.' Yes, he was a fun-lovin' hillbilly boy. Franklin died on Iwo Jima at the age of 19. When the telegram came to tell his mother that he was dead, it went to the Hilltop General Store. A barefoot boy ran that telegram up to his mother's farm The neighbors could hear her scream all night and into the morning. Those neighbors lived a quarter of a mile away. 'The next guy, as we continue to go around the statue, is my dad, John Bradley, from Antigo, Wisconsin, where I was raised. My dad lived until 1994, but he would never give interviews. When Walter Cronkite's producers or the New York Times would call, we were trained as little kids to say 'No, I'm sorry, sir, my dad's not here. He is in Canada fishing. No, there is no phone there, sir. No, we don't know when he is coming back.' My dad never fished or even went to Canada. Usually, he was sitting there right at the table eating his Campbell's soup. But we had to tell the press that he was out fishing. He didn't want to talk to the press. 'You see, like Ira Hayes, my dad didn't see himself as a hero. Everyone thinks these guys are heroes, 'cause they are in a photo and on a monument. My dad knew better. He was a medic. John Bradley from Wisconsin was a combat caregiver. On Iwo Jima he probably held over 200 boys as they died. And when boys died on Iwo Jima, they writhed and screamed, without any medication or help with the pain. 'When I was a little boy, my third grade teacher told me that my dad was a hero When I went home and told my dad that, he looked at me and said, 'I want you always to remember that the heroes of Iwo Jima are the guys who did not come back. Did NOT come back.' 'So that's the story about six nice young boys. Three died on Iwo Jima, and three came back as national heroes Overall, 7,000 boys died on Iwo Jima in the worst battle in the history of the Marine Corps. My voice is giving out, so I will end here. Thank you for your time.' Suddenly, the monument wasn't just a big old piece of metal with a flag sticking out of the top. It came to life before our eyes with the heartfelt words of a son who did indeed have a father who was a hero. Maybe not a hero for the reasons most people would believe, but a hero nonetheless. One thing I learned while on tour with my 8th grade students in DC that is not mentioned here is, that if you look at the statue very closely and count the number of 'hands' raising the flag, there are 13. When the man who made the statue was asked why there were 13, he simply said the 13th hand was the hand of God. Great story - worth your time - worth every American's time. Please pass it on. --- ...Love this classic! Thank You LouiseAu! -<>- _ (_) <___> | |______ | |* * * ) | | * * (_________ | |* * * |* *|####) | | * * *| * | (________________ | |* * * |* *|####|##############| | | * * *| * | | | | |* * * |* *|####|##############| | |~~~~~~| * | | | | |######|* *|####|##############| | | |~~~' | | | |######|########|##############| | | | | | | |######|########|##############| | |~~~~~~| | | | | |########|##############| | | '~~~~~~~~| | | | |##########JGS#| | | '~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ | | | | | | >President Reagan's Memorial Day Proclamation for May 25, 1981: We all need to be reminded of the true meaning of Memorial Day. I thought you might appreciate reading President Reagan's Memorial Day Proclamation for May 25, 1981. Over one hundred years ago, Memorial Day was established to commemorate those who died in the defense of our national ideals. Our ideals of freedom, justice, and equal rights for all have been challenged many times since then, and thousands of Americans have given their lives in many parts of the world to secure those same ideals and insure for their children a lasting peace. Their sacrifice demands that we, the living, continue to promote the cause of peace and the ideals for which they so valiantly gave of themselves. Today, the United States stands as a beacon of liberty and democratic strength before the community of nations. We are resolved to stand firm against those who would destroy the freedoms we cherish. We are determined to achieve an enduring peace -- a peace with liberty and with honor. This determination, this resolve, is the highest tribute we can pay to the many who have fallen in the service of our Nation. In recognition of those Americans whom we honor today, the Congress, by joint resolution of May 11, 1950 (64 Stat. 158), has requested the President to issue a proclamation calling upon the people of the United States to observe each Memorial Day as a day of prayer for permanent peace and a period during such day when the people of the United States might unite in prayer. Now, Therefore, I, Ronald Reagan, President of the United States of America, do hereby designate Memorial Day, Monday, May 25, 1981, as a day of prayer for permanent peace, and I designate the hour beginning in each locality at 11 o'clock in the morning of that day as a time to unite in prayer. I urge the press, radio, television, and all other information media to cooperate in this observance. I also request the Governors of the United States and the Commonwealth of Puerto Rico and the appropriate officials of all local units of Government to direct that the flag be flown at half-staff during this Memorial Day on all buildings, grounds, and naval vessels throughout the United States and in all areas under its jurisdiction and control, and I request the people of the United States to display the flag at half-staff from their homes for the customary forenoon period. --- ...Quite humbling. Thank you LouiseAu! 9-11 And US Troops Index! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/911andtroopsindex.html -<>- ,-"-. ,' .----. _________ `. ,' ) (@)__))___) |`-.-'| # \\ `---' ^ hjw >>>> CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL OUR GRADS!! <<<< May God Bless You As You Continue On Your SUCCESS! -<>- >-->2 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) Our too hot to handle new page is from our friend CharlieY and Linda. It'll give you plenty of chuckles for your day! Be sure to give it a few moments of your time and check it out here... .-. __/ ( , '-.____\ u=='/ \ /_/ \ .-'' | ( ____/_____ _>_/.-------- \/// // snd // Kids Being Kids 6 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/kids6.html --- ...HaHa! I do love this series! Thanks my friends! Our sizzling hot new page is from our friend Fran. It, too, will give you smiles and chuckles for your day! Don't miss out on these cute humorous photos. Check them out here... ___ .=" "=._.---. ." c ' Y'`p / , `. w_/ jgs | '-. / / _,..._| )_-\ \_=.\ `-....-'`------)))`=-'"`'" Comedy In Nature 3 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/comedyinnature3.html --- ...LOL! Adorable and sweet! Thanks Fran! ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: ___ /` _\ | / 0|--. - / \_|0`/ /.`'._/) - ~ -^_| /-_~ ^- ~_` - -~ _ - ~ -| | - ~ - ~ - jgs \ \, ~ - ~ \_| >25 Fun Pool Activities 1) Stand on top of the high board and say you won't come down until your demands are met. 2) Tell the lifeguards that they aren't doing their jobs because you have seen at least 15 people kind of almost drown today. 3) Ask people if they have seen your pet shark. 4) Sit in the baby pool and play with the toys. 5) Take a flutter board and pretend you can't swim. 6) Hit strangers with your flutter board. 7) Ask an attractive lifeguard to practice CPR on you. 8) Sit in front of a water jet, make moaning sounds and say, "Oh yeah.. oooh that feels soooo good.." 9) Sit on the top of the water slide and don't move. 10) Swim near someone and go "Shoot! I knew I shouldn't have had so much lemonade before I came here." 11) Insist that you saw a monster at the bottom of the pool. 12) Pretend to drown and then when someone tries to help you, say "HA HA, fooled you!" 13) Scream as someone is jumping off of a diving board. 14) Laugh at fat people in swimsuits. 15) Tell people you saw the lifeguard peeing in the pool. 16) Ask a lifeguard if skinny-dipping is allowed. 17) Try to negotiate the price of getting in. 18) Take a really long time when you are on top of the high dive and then act as though you were pushed off. 19) When in line, ask strangers if they think invisible people get a discount. 20) Take your towel, tie it around your shoulders and say "Wheee! I'm Batman!" while running around. 21) Hit strangers with your wet towel. 22) Throw people's things into the pool. 23) Sing and dance on top of the diving board, then do a belly-flop as your grand-finale. 24) Play Marco-Polo by yourself. 25) Ask small children if they have seen any suspicious-looking sea monsters lately. -- An Extra: 26) A Biden inspired original - ask the children if they'd like to stroke and play with the hair on your legs. -<>- ( )___( ) /__oo \ ( \/ ) | `=/ | / \ / / \ \ / ( \ \ ( ,_/_ \ \ \_ '= \ ) ""' / / ; / /'? : (((( / ctr `._ \ _ ( __| | /_ ("__,.."'_._.) >(An ET-AHEM) - Groaner: A hunter saves an Indian chief being chased by a grizzly bear in the woods. The chief invites the hunter back to his camp to celebrate and reward the hunter for saving his life. At the celebration, the Indian chief says to the hunter, "I have a special surprise for you: 500 of my prettiest Indian maidens. You look at all of them and choose one. She will be your wife." The chief clapped his hands and 500 young, beautiful Indian maidens appeared, topless, before them. With closer inspection, the hunter notices that none of them have nipples on their breasts. "Why don't these maidens have nipples?" he asks the chief. The chief turns to the hunter with surprise, "What, you've never heard of the Indian Nipple-less 500?" ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ May 31 is Memorial Day, National Macaroon Day, Save Your Hearing Day and World No Tobacco Day June 1 is Dare Day and Flip a Coin Day June 2 is National Bubba Day and National Rocky Road Day June 3 is World Bicycle Day and Repeat Day (I said "Repeat Day") June 4 is Applesauce Cake Day, Hug Your Cat Day, National Cheese Day, National Doughnut Day and Old Maid's Day June 5 is Hot Air Balloon Day, National Trails Day and World Environment Day June 6 is D-Day, WWII, National Gardening Exercise Day, National Frozen Yogurt Day and National Yo-Yo Day ======================================================= >-->From Mikey'sFunnies: \_/ --(_)-- . / \ /_\ |Q| .-----' '-----. __ /____[SCHOOL]___\ ())) | [] .-.-. [] | (((()) ..|____|_|_|____|..................................)(... ldb Little Johnny asks the teacher, “Mrs Roberts, can I be punished for something I haven't done?” Mrs Roberts is shocked, “Of course not, Johnny, that would be very unfair.” Little Johnny is relieved, “Okay, Mrs Roberts, good to know. By the way, I didn't do my homework last night." -<>- A snail was involved in an accident that resulted in his shell being torn completely off. Hearing about the accident, one of his friends rushed over (as much as a snail can rush) to his friend's house. "I heard about your accident!" he exclaimed, and then asked, "How are you feeling?" The recovering snail answered, "Sluggish." -<>- While flying from Denver to Kansas City, Kansas, my mother was sitting across the aisle from a woman and her eight-year-old son. Mom couldn't help laughing as they neared their destination and she heard the mother say to the boy, "Now remember -- run to Dad first, then the dog." ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :) ,a_a {/ ''\_ {\ ,_oo) {/ (_^_____________________ .=. {/ \___)))*)----------;=====;` (.=.`\ {/ /=; ~~ |||:::: \ `\{/( \/\ |||:::: \ `. `\ ) ) ||||||| jgs \ // /_/_ ||||||| '==''---)))) ||||||| >SMILES: Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?" ---------- A 4-year-old son was eating an apple in the back seat of the car, when he asked, "Daddy, why is my apple turning brown?" "Because," his dad explained, "after you ate the skin off, the flesh of the apple came into contact with the air, which caused it to oxidize. That changes the molecular structure and turns it into a different color." There was a long silence. Then the son asked softly, "Daddy, are you talking to me? ---------- "Well," snarled the tough old sergeant to the bewildered private. "I suppose after you get discharged from the Army, you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and spit on my grave." "Not me, Sarge!" the private replied. "Once I get out of the Army, I'm never going to stand in line again!" ---------- After a long and serious operation, Lena ended up in a coma. Try as they might, the doctors just couldn't bring her out of it. When her husband Ralph came into the intensive care unit to see her, the doctors gave him the bad news. "We just can't wake her. It doesn't look good, I'm afraid," the doctor told Ralph in a quiet, somber voice. Ralph looked at Lena, and with a soft trembling voice, he said, "But doctor, she's so young. She's only 45." "37," came the weak reply from Lena. ---------- A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all. On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he took the desk stapler and stapled the tie to his chest. He had no discipline problems with any of his students that term. ---------- Todd said to his wife over dinner, "You know, drinking makes you beautiful." Puzzled, the woman said, "I don't drink." "But I do!" --- ...LOL! Thanks LouiseAu! -<>- >The new Will Rodgers? b. 88b 888b. 88888b 888888b. 8888P" P" `8. `8. cgmm `8 Louisiana Republican Sen. John Kennedy graduated Magna cum Laude from Vanderbilt, has a Law degree from University of Virginia and a degree from Oxford in England. He is no country bumpkin; he is very insightful and has a unique sense of humor. Quotes From Louisiana Sen. John Kennedy... --Comment about Cuomo lecturing us. "It is like a frog calling you ugly." --"This election in Ga will be the most important in history, you have nothing to worry about unless you are a taxpayer, parent, gun owner, cop, person of faith, or an unborn baby!" --He describes Democrats as the "well intended arugula and tofu crowd." --"You can only be young once, but you can always be immature." --"Americans are thinking, there are some good members of Congress, but we can't figure out what they are good for. Others are thinking, how did these morons make it through the birth canal." --"Always follow your heart.....but take your brains with you." --"The short answer is 'No.' The long answer is 'Hell No.'" --"It must suck to be that dumb." --"When the Portland mayor's IQ gets to 75, he oughta sell." --"I keep trying to see Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer's point of view, but I can't seem to get my head that far up my a%s." --"Go sell your crazy somewhere else...we are all stocked up here." --"She has a Billy goat brain and a mockingbird mouth!" --he "trusts Middle Eastern countries as much as gas station sushi, with the exception being Israel." --"You can get a goat to climb tree, but you'd be better off hiring a squirrel." --"This has been going on since Moby Dick was a minnow." --"Don't stand between a dog and a fire hydrant." --"Our country was founded by geniuses, but it's being run by idiots" --"It appears that he might do the right thing, but only when supervised and cornered like a rat." --"This is why aliens won't talk to us." --"Democrats are running around like they found a hair in their biscuit." --"Chuck Schumer just moo's and follows Nancy Pelosi into the cow chute." --"What planet did you parachute in from?" --"Just because you CAN sing doesn't mean you should." --Senator John Kennedy on Nancy Pelosi, "She can strut sitting down!" --- ...LMAO! These are rich! Thanks LouiseAu! -<>- . `. | `. | | _ __________ | ( ) ._ `-n |/ (_,/ / /\, `-n. `--`' / /\, `-n-.\\_ (, \< `-=======. //\_,)) .'|------. \`( )') .'| |------. \ V / .' | |------. ) ( | | r------ ( [ _\ | r-' | | )/ \) | r-' | | L \>r-' | .=======-' | .------|`. .------| `. .------| |`. _ ___a:f_______ ------n | `. ( )_._ `-n | | /, .-,) `-n | | ( | `-n | /, )-' _ `-|=(< \|. _ .-'\\ _ .'|- `) | ( ) .-' \\ ( ) .'| |----- . |`-,-' `>-'/ .' | |------. \\_ _, ;____/ : | r------ ) )\ .-' /. ( | r-' | / /| \.-' /,\ \ | r-' | //'\| \\ > r-' ' ------------------- ------------------ >We Are Moving To Mexico With The Grand Kids! Dear President Biden, I'm planning to move to Mexico and I would like to ask you to assist me. I'm planning to simply walk across the border from the U.S. into Mexico and I'll need your help to make a few arrangements. I plan to skip all the legal stuff like visas, passports, immigration quotas and laws. I'm sure they handle those things the same way you do here. So, would you mind telling your buddy, the Mexican President, that I'm on my way down? Please let him know that I will be expecting the following: 1. Free medical care. 2. English-speaking government bureaucrats for all services I might need, whether I use them or not. 3. All Mexican government forms printed in English for me. 4. I expect my grand kids to be taught Spanish by English-speaking (bi-lingual) teachers in Mexico. 5. Tell their Mexican schools they need to include classes on American culture and history. 6. I expect my grand kids to see the American flag on one of the flag poles at their school in Mexico. 7. I expect them to feed my grand kids at school for both breakfast and lunch without billing me for it. 8. I will need a local Mexican driver's license so I can get easy access to government services and be able to vote. 9. I do plan to get a car and drive in Mexico, but, I don't plan to purchase car insurance, and I probably won't make any special effort to learn local traffic laws or be able to read their traffic signs. 10. In case one of the Mexican police officers does not get the memo from their president to leave me alone, please be sure that every patrol car has at least one English speaking officer or they would be considered racist. 11. I plan to fly the U.S. flag from my house top, put US. flag decals on my car and have a gigantic celebration on July 4th. since I prefer my home country over Mexico. I do not want any complaints or negative comments from the locals. That would be racist. 12. I would also like to have a nice job without paying any taxes, or have any labor or tax laws enforced on any business I may start and no fees added to me sending home money to my family still living in America. 13. Please have the president tell all the Mexican people to be extremely nice and never say critical things about me or my family, or about the strain we might place on their economy. Remind him to remind them that to treat me or my family bad would be racist! 14. I want to receive free food stamps. 15. Naturally, I'll expect free rent subsidies. 16. I'll need Income tax credits so although I don't pay Mexican Taxes, I'll receive money from the government. 17. Please arrange it so that the Mexican Government pays $4,500 to help me buy a new car. 18. Oh yes, I almost forgot, please enroll me free into the Mexican Social Security program so that I'll get a monthly income in retirement. Come On Man! I know this is an easy request because you already do all these things for all his people who come to the U.S. from Mexico. I am sure that the Mexican President won't mind returning the favor if you ask him nicely. Thank you so much for your kind help. You're the man!!! --- ...Oh My! Crazy isn't it? Thanks LouiseAu! ========================================================= >-->From HandyHints: __/) .-(__(=: | \) ejm97 (\__ | :=)__)-| __/) (/ |-(__(=: ______ | _ \) / \ | / \ ___\|/___\ [ ]\ \ / \ \ / \___/ Houseplants like a peace lily, bamboo palm, or a chrysanthemum are such efficient air purifiers, NASA recommends them to help clean the air in your home. Yet the plants themselves can get dusty, which blocks their filtering powers. Apply a little bit of mineral oil to their leaves using a paper towel. The oil creates a shield on the leaves, so they can still filter the air, but the dust won't settle on them! -<>- * Clean your oven with a citrus steam Fill an oven-safe tray with water and the juice of one lemon, along with both halves of the lemon. Then place on the middle rack, with the oven set at 450 degrees, and let the water boil for 30 minutes. The steam will loosen grease, making it simple to wipe down, while the lemons make it smell fresh! * Knock out dirt at the door Did you know that 60% of the dust in our homes are from the dirt we track in with our shoes? Luckily, just tapping your shoes together a few times on your doormat before you enter will eliminate 40% of the dirt you track in. Or you could always go European and eliminate shoes inside the house all together! -<>- COUPONS! COUPONS! COUPONS! Think prices can't get any cheaper than they already are at your local dollar store? Wrong... Dollar stores accept print coupons, and some even offer digital coupons which can be accessed from your phone right in the store to save more. Even better: if you are lucky enough to come across a manufacturer coupon AND a store coupon for the same item (Dollar General and Family Dollar both let you combine them for double savings). Be smart: Always be on the lookout for coupons that are equal to or greater than the value of a product since you can usually get it for free. -<>- * Reverse your ceiling fan Most ceiling fans have a switch to reverse the direction. It might not be obvious, but run your hand along the fan's main body and you should be able to find it. From your point of view looking up at it, you want the fan to run counter clockwise at a higher speed during the summer. This forces room air down towards you and creates the cool wind feeling. When you run it clockwise at a low speed, it pulls the air in reverse, drawing the room air up to the ceiling, cycling air near the ceiling back down, and pushing air towards the walls. Since heat rises, this means warm air near your ceiling is moved back into the main part of the room. * Wash on cold rather than hot or warm water This makes a big difference, and most modern washers do an equally fine job of getting clothes spic and span in cold. Likewise, try to hang dry items when you can skipping the tumble dryer can nix around 60% of energy used on laundry. -<>- ( U U _ U \ U \| ) _ | / )/ \| /7 __|/__ ( \|(__ __(__ __|/__ \ / \ / \ / \ / \__/ ejm96 \_/ \_/ \__/ Whether you pick them from the yard or grab a bunch at the supermarket, sunny tulips are certain to brighten any corner of your home! The pro secret to beautiful blooms? Wrap the stems in a sheet of newspaper, then place them in a vase filled with cold water for one hour. This allows the tulips to hydrate in an upright position so they stay relatively straight, which makes them look livelier. After an hour, remove the paper and display. -<>- * Banish back aches by taking a load off Sounds too good to be true, but shirking your responsibilities for extra downtime eases backaches now and helps prevent discomfort later. AND reach for a pillow...placing a pillow under your knees (for back sleepers) or between your knees (for side sleepers) removes 55 pounds of pressure from your back, allowing inflamed tissues to heal while you snooze. * Banish Blemishes with a Honey Spot Treatment There is a lot more to honey than being sweet! The natural sweetener has natural anti-septic, anti-bacterial, and anti-inflammatory properties! Its anti-bacterial properties can help fight acne-causing bacteria, and because honey keeps the skin very well- hydrated and balanced it helps control the production of oil! Try It! Mix 2 crushed aspirin tablets with 1 tsp of honey to form a paste. Apply onto blemishes and let it sit for 10 minutes before rinsing with water. ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: Hannity 05/28/2021 https://www.bitchute.com/video/zVZyDGJS26KI/ Fox News Channels https://www.bitchute.com/channel/DvxaueOo4ww7/ Rand Paul brings colorful props to Senate floor to call out wasteful research: 'Lizards on a Treadmill' - Kentucky senator opposes borrowing money from China to fund 'ridiculous' research. Paul, a fiscal conservative, delivered a 32-minute speech to oppose the bipartisan Endless Frontier Act that would expand science and technology research that proponents say will help the U.S. counter China. Paul warned of the $28 trillion national debt and said the U.S. should be reining in wasteful spending and not borrowing more money from China to fund such legislation. "I don’t think this bill makes us stronger. In fact, I think the Chinese sit back and laugh at America thinking we’re going to be stronger by borrowing more money from China," Paul said. "So I just don't think it makes us any stronger at all. I think it makes us weaker. It would be one thing if it weren't being so horribly wasted." https://tinyurl.com/4bdxrt4b Trump to Newsmax on Biden's US Reset: 'All He Had to Do Is Nothing' / 2 Dead, 20 Wounded in Miami Concert Shooting / New York Mayoral Race Tests Dem Stance on Defunding Police / In Mexico, Cartels Are Hunting Down Police at Their Homes / Forced Vaccinations Start / Violent Crime Fears / Biden Corruption / Press Leaks Biden’s Intentions to Tax Lower and Middle Class to Fund His $6T Budget AND More: https://www.newsmax.com/ Joe Biden Makes Creepy Remarks about a Veteran's Young Daughter During VA Speech / Kamala Harris Joke at Naval Academy Bombs, As Only Communist China Laughs / Pompeo Says Wuhan Coronavirus Lab Engaged in Military Activity / Liberal Media Refers to Illegal Alien Convicted of Murder as a “Farm Worker” / Biden Budget Will Force Taxpayers to Pay for Abortions / Creation of Jan. 6 Commission Halted by Senate Republicans / Inflation has Soared to a 29-Year High, Not Since H.W. Bush has it Been This High AND More: https://reliablenewsnow.com Latest From Deep State Journal: https://deepstatejournal.com/ Latest From 2020 Conservative: http://2020conservative.com/ Latest From Independent Minute: https://independentminute.com/ Latest From TPN News: https://threepercenternation.com/ Latest From AFA: http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw Students For Life https://tinyurl.com/yd5nxmu6 Latest From OperationRescue: http://www.operationrescue.org/ Latest Product Alert: Coffee, Cheese, Mushrooms, Tacos http://www.emergencyemail.org/products/?fmt=text Latest Health Alert: http://www.emergencyemail.org/health/?fmt=text Click to Give Free https://tinyurl.com/y2abb8d2 -<>- >From BizarreNews: The British inventor of a flying jet suit broke three Guinness World Records at a speed event hosted by the record-keeping organization. Guinness said it put Richard Browning's jet suit, which he previously used to set the world record for fastest speed in a body-controlled, jet-engine-powered suit, to the test with a "jet suit triathlon" at the Anker Speed Challenge event at the Southampton Athletics Center in England. Browning's first event involved setting a record for fastest 100 meter dash in a body-controlled, jet-engine- powered suit, finishing in 7.69 seconds. He unofficially beat Usain Bolt's analog 100 meter time of 9.58 seconds. Browning next took on the record for fastest 400 meter hurdles in a body-controlled, jet-engine-powered suit, which required him to clear each hurdle in a definite up-and-down motion. He finished with a time of 42.06 seconds -- beating the unassisted human version of the record, which stands at 46.87 seconds. The final challenge was inspired by the pole vaulting event: fastest time to clear an elevated crossbar in a body-controlled, jet-engine-powered suit. The bar was s et at 20.3 feet -- .39 inches higher than the world record for highest pole vault. Browning set the record with a time of 13.09 seconds. "A couple of years ago we set the speed record in this equipment, and in fact that was beating a record we'd set with Guinness World Records a few years before then. Speed is a core ingredient of what we do here, and it's a pleasure to come along and set more records," Browning told Guinness. *--- Man killed by dinosaur ---* A 40-year-old man died after becoming trapped inside a large statue of a dinosaur in a Barcelona suburb, Spanish police said. It is not clear why the man went inside the decorative stegosaurus located outside a disused cinema in Santa Coloma de Gramenet, but there is no suspicion of foul play, said a spokeswoman for the regional police force. Spanish media reported that a father and his son out playing in the area noticed a strange smell coming from the papier-mache figure and alerted the authorities. Firefighters removed the man's body, which was inside one of the legs of the dinosaur. According to local media, police suspect the man -- who had been reported missing by his family -- had entered the statue to sleep there or to try to retrieve something, such as his mobile phone, and became stuck. *--- Parachutist suspended from power lines ---* Firefighters responded to a California road to rescue a parachutist who apparently missed his landing zone and became entangled in power lines. The Riverside County Fire Department said crews were summoned to an intersection in Lake Elsinore where a man's parachute was stuck on power lines, leaving him suspended about 30 feet off the ground. A utility crew from Southern California Edison was summoned to the scene to shut off the power to the lines and help the man return to solid ground with a bucket truck. The man was taken to a hospital to be treated for minor injuries, firefighters said. The scene of the rescue was located nearby a local skydiving center, but it was not clear whether that was where the man's parachuting journey had begun. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Geniann :) /| _______________)|.. <'______________<(,_|) .((()))| )) << YEAAYAAAAEAAAARGH!! >> (======)| \ ((( "_"()|_ \ '()))(_)/_/ ' ) .--/_\ /( /./ /'._.--\ .-(_/ / / )\___:___) ( -.'.._ | / \ \_\ ( | ) '. /\)_(_)| '-| XX | %%%%%%%% / %%%%%%%\ ( /.-'%%%. \ /(.' %%\ :| / ,| % ) ) _|___) % (__|_ )___/ )___( |x/ mrf\ > |x) / '. |x\ _(____''.__ --\ -\-- --\__|-- >TIPS: A simple pineapple By Rosie Moore The pineapple is a member of the bromeliad family. It is extremely rare that bromeliads produce edible fruit. The pineapple is the only available edible bromeliad today. It is a multiple fruit, one pineapple is actually made up of dozens of individual flowerets that grow together to form the entire fruit. Each scale on a pineapple is evidence of a separate flower. Pineapples stop ripening the minute they are picked. No special way of storing them will help ripen them further. Color is relatively unimportant in determining ripeness. Choose your pineapple by smell, if it smells fresh, tropical and sweet, it will be a good fruit. The more scales on the pineapple, the sweeter and juicier the taste. After you cut off the top, you can plant it, it should grow much like a sweet potato will. This delicious fruit is not only sweet and tropical it also offers many benefits to our health. Pineapple is a remarkable fruit. We find it enjoyable because of its lush, sweet and exotic flavor, but it may also be one of the most healthful foods available today. The juice has an anthelmintic effect, it helps get rid of intestinal worms. It also is high in manganese, a mineral that is critical to development of strong bones and connective tissue. A cup of fresh pineapple will give you nearly 75% of the recommended daily amount. It is particularly helpful to older adults whose bones tend to become brittle with age. Bromelain, a proteolytic enzyme is the key to the pineapple’s value. Proteolytic means “breaks down protein” which is why pineapple is known to be a digestive aid. It helps the body digests proteins more efficiently. Regular ingestion of at least one half cup of fresh pineapple daily is purported to relieve painful joints common to osteoarthritis. It is also known to discourage blood clot development, this makes it a valuable dietary addition for frequent fliers and others who may be at risk for blood clots. Orange juice is a popular liquid for those suffering from a cold because it is high in vitamin C. Fresh pineapple not only has this vitamin, but because of the bromelain, it has the ability to reduce mucous in the throat. If you have a cold with a productive cough, add pineapple to your diet. An old folk remedy for morning sickness is fresh pineapple juice. It really works! Fresh juice and some nuts first thing in the morning often make a difference. It's also good for a healthier mouth. The fresh juice discourages plaque growth. DO SHARE THIS INFORMATIVE ARTICLE!! Let’s finish this with a Pineapple Cake recipe: 2 cups flour 2 cups sugar 2 sticks of butter (melt, put one in batter and one in pan) 1- 20 oz. can crushed pineapple 2 eggs. Mix all ingredients and bake at 350 Deg for 45-50 min. Frost with 1 can of cream cheese frosting. I stole this recipe from Lillian Bean. Thank you, Lillian. Went very well with my article. Thought for the day: In the end, it’s not the years in your life that count, it’s the life in your years. – Abraham Lincoln. Send comments to rosemerrie@att.net Thank you. --- ...Never knew this. Great Info! Thanks Geniann! ========================================================= >-->From TheGroaner: __. /-7 k .-' o.-'/ / .; \ ( [ ) \ [.---. ;/ \ ) \ (/ ) | AsH / \ ( [_' \_~ >My Stomach Is Getting Bigger Patient: My stomach is getting awfully big, doctor. Doctor: You should diet. Patient: Really? What color? -<>- >Do These Turkeys Get Any Bigger? A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead." -<>- >You Were Right There once was an old couple who had been married for thirty years. Every morning the old guy would wake up and give off an enormous fart, much to his long suffering wife's annoyance. "You'll fart your guts out one of these days," she always complained. After a particularly bad week the wife decided to have her revenge and got up early, placing some turkey giblets in the bed next to the old guy's butt. While making breakfast downstairs she heard his usual morning fart reverberate through the floorboards followed by a scream. Twenty minutes later a rather shaken man came downstairs. "You were right all along," the old man says, "I finally did fart my guts out, but by the grace of God, and these two fingers, I managed to push 'em back in!" -<>- >What's A Henway? A number of years ago I went to a bar with some friends. After a few brews I noticed a sign above the bar: "For Sale. 1985 Henway. Excellent Condition. Make Offer." So I asked the bartender, "What's a henway?" He says, "Oh, about 3 to 4 pounds." -<>- >Q and A Quickies Q: Why was the blonde staring so hard at the orange juice carton? A: Because it said "concentrate"! ::: =, ; ;;=;;=== M ,=YVRMBBMMR=, :i= :iVRRMMMMMMBMMM :=; ==;====== =tYMMMMMMBBMMM;=Y ,::;==iMMMMMMMMMM ;tYVBBMMVMMMM =; .,,,::;;=YVBBMMMMMMMMM ;tYVVYRMMM;=ti ...,,,;::==iMVMMMMMMMMMMMM ,=tYRBM;;tVB, ...., ,::;====YVBMMMMMMMMMM .. ,=t =tYVRB, .....,,,,=:;:;;i=VYMMRMMMMMMMM ;;.. ,===iYVVRY .....,,,;,,,,,:;;==t=RBMMMMMMMMM :;;:;=;,... .......,,,,,,,,,:;;==Y=tYMMMMMMMM ;.,:,..... ....,,,,,,,,,,,,,:;;;==YYMRMMMMMM; ....... .,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,::;;;=YtVBMMMMM ;t ... .,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,::;;i=RiRMMMMM ,=.. .,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,:::;;=iYBBMM .,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,::;;;;tVB :VMM .,,,,,,,,,,,,:,,,::;;= ,;VBM .,,,,,,,,,,,,,:,:: ,,== `,,,,,,, William "Wills" Towle Q: Where do stars and planets go to school? A: The University! Q: What did one dog say to the other? A: "Sit down quick, here comes old cold nose." Q: How do you know that your tiger is telling the truth? A: He's not a lion. Q: What's invisible and smells like carrots? A: Rabbit farts! ___________ .;---------./| // S O A P // | |'---------'| / jgs | | / '-----------'` Q: What do you call two bars of soap? A: A pair of slippers! ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: _n_________________ |_|_______________|_| | ,-------------. | | | .---------. | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | `---------' | | | `---------------' | | _ GAME BOY | | _| |_ ,-. | ||_ O _| ,-. "._,"| | |_| "._," A | hjw | _ _ B | `97 | // // | | // // \\\\\\ | | ` ` \\\\\\ , |________...______," My sister, went to the store to check out the bridal registry of our niece whose wedding was coming up soon. When my sister returned from the store, she tossed the gift list on a table and declared, "I think she's too young to get married." "Why do you say that?" I asked. "Because," she said, "they've registered for video games." -<>- After years of wondering why he didn't look like his younger sister or brother, a young man finally got up the nerve to ask his mother if he was adopted. "Yes, you were son," his mother said as she started to cry softly. "but it didn't work out and they brought you back." -<>- A classics professor tears his favorite pair of trousers, so he takes them to the Greek tailor in his neighborhood to get them mended. The tailor asks: "Euripides?" The professor replies: "Yes. Eumenides?" -<>- My wife and I were going through a rough patch financially, but we kept ourselves sane by repeating, "As long as we have each other, we don't need anything else." But when the television in our bedroom broke and we couldn't afford to repair or replace it, my wife lost it. "That's just great!" she shouted. "Now there's no entertain- ment in our bedroom at all!" -<>- Teeing off on the 12th hole at a golf resort, we stopped to buy cold drinks from the young woman driving the beverage cart. As my buddy reached for his wallet, he said to her, "You're in great shape. You must work out a lot." Flattered, she gave him a big smile and gushed, "Oh, thank you so much! You're so sweet." The next day a different young woman was driving the cart. "Watch this," I whispered. I walked up to her and said, "Wow, you must work out a lot." "Yeah," she replied flatly. "You should try it." ========================================================= >-->From AndyChaps: ____ .dSSSSSb.gp. .dSSS$$$SS$$$$Sb _.dSSS$$$$SSS$$$SS$Sb .dSSS$$$$$$SSS$$$SSSSSS; dSS$$$$$S$$SSSSSS$SSS$SSS :SS$$$SSS$$SSSS$$SS$SSS$S$; :S$$$SSS$$SSSS$$SSSS$$S$S$S T$$SSSS$$SSS$$SSSS$$$S$SS$ $$SSSS$$SSS$$SSS$$$$$SSS$ $$$SSSS$$SS$$SS$P'"S$$SS$; .SS$$SP^J`^$$$$S$_ :$$SS$S dSS$$SS /dB T$$db\ ;`$$SSS :SS$$S$S; TP `;TP : dS$$SS SS$$SS$$S""" + """$$SSS$$S; SS$$S$S$$b. '--' .d$$SSSS$$; :S$$S$S$$SSS+.__.+S$SS$$SSS$$S TS$$$SS$$SSS SS$SS$$SSS$$S TS$$$SS$$S; :SS$SS$$SSS$$b `TS$$P^" "^T$SSS$$SS$$b._ .dSP::_ :;""^^T$$SS$$$Sp. _:SP'/:: ""--. .---:;" T$$SSS$$$$. .-" " -'--, :; SS$$SSSS$$b / .-"\: ;: :SS$$SSSS$$; : _.+" ;; ;: :SS$$SSSSS$$ : ; : `;; ;: : SSS$$SSSSS$; : ; ; ;; ;: ; :SS$$SSSSS$P : ;: : "-. / .' \; :SS$$SSS$$' : :; ; "-.:.-" : SS$$SS$$' ; : ; ; : SS$$S$SS , ; ; :$ : ; S$$S$$TSbgd; ; : S$;. .' `. .:S SS$S$; "^^" : ; :S$$ """" """" $S :S$S$$ -, \ : |TS$; :$S :S'TS$b d; \ ; `T: SSS : `TSSggpSS' `. / `; : : \ "^^^^" "" bug : ; : \ >A NEW BARBIE WE CAN RELATE TO Finally a Barbie I can relate to. At long last, here are some NEW Barbie dolls to coincide with her and OUR aging gracefully. These are a bit more realistic... 1. Bifocals Barbie. Comes with her own set of blended-lens fashion frames in six wild colors (half-frames too!), neck chain, and large-print editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living. 2. Hot Flash Barbie. Press Barbie's bellybutton and watch her face turn beet red while tiny drops of perspiration appear on her forehead. Comes with handheld fan and tiny tissues. 3. Facial Hair Barbie. As Barbie's hormone levels shift, see her whiskers grow. Available with teensy tweezers and magnifying mirror. 4. Flabby Arms Barbie. Hide Barbie's droopy triceps with these new, roomier-sleeved gowns. Good news on the tummy front, two-MuMus with tummy-support panels are included. 5. Bunion Barbie. Years of disco dancing in stiletto heels have definitely taken their toll on Barbie's dainty arched feet. Soothe her sores with the pumice stone and plasters, then slip on soft terry mules. 6. No-More-Wrinkles Barbie. Erase those pesky crow's-feet and lip lines with a tube of Skin Sparkle-Spackle, from Barbie's own line of exclusive age-blasting cosmetics. 7. Soccer Mom Barbie. All that experience as a cheerleader is really paying off as Barbie dusts off her old high school megaphone to root for Babs and Ken, Jr. Comes with minivan in robin-egg blue or white and cooler filled with doughnut holes and fruit punch. 8. Mid-life Crisis Barbie. It's time to ditch Ken. Barbie needs a change, and Alonzo (her personal trainer) is just what the doctor ordered, along with Prozac. They're hopping in her new red Miata and heading for the Napa Valley to open a B&B. Includes a app of "Breaking Up Is Hard to Do." 9. Divorced Barbie. Sells for $199.99. Comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, and Ken's boat. 10. Recovery Barbie. Too many parties have finally caught up with the ultimate party girl. Now she does Twelve Steps instead of dance steps. Clean and sober, she's going to meetings religiously. Comes with a little copy of The Big Book and a six-pack of Diet Coke. 11. Post-Menopausal Barbie. This Barbie wets her pants when she sneezes, forgets where she puts things, and cries a lot. She is sick and tired of Ken sitting on the couch watching the tube, clicking through the channels. Comes with Depends and Kleenex. As a bonus this year, the book "Getting In Touch with Your Inner Self" is included. -<>- | | / | / .~^(,&|/o. |`-------^| \ / `=======' ejm98 >Where'd Mommy Go? One evening after dinner, a five-year-old boy noticed that his mother had gone out and he asked his father, "Where did mommy go?" In answer to his question, he was told, "Mommy is at a Tupperware party." This explanation satisfied him for only a moment. Puzzled, he asked, "What's a Tupperware party, daddy?" The man had always given his son honest answers, so he figured a simple explanation would be the best approach. "Well, son," he said, "at a Tupperware party, a bunch of ladies sit around and sell plastic bowls to each other." He nodded, indicating that he understood this curious pastime... Then he burst out into laughter, and said, "Come on, Dad! What is it really? -<>- >God "V" the Devil My grandmother, who lived in Tucson, was well-known for her faith and lack of reticence in talking about it. She would go out on the front porch and say, "Praise the Lord!" Her next door neighbor would shout back, "There ain’t no Lord!" During those days, my grandmother was very poor, so the neighbor decided to prove his point by buying a large bag of groceries and placing it at her door. The next morning, Grandmother went to the porch and, seeing the groceries, said, "Praise the Lord!" The neighbor stepped out from behind a tree and said, "I brought those groceries, and there ain’t no Lord." Grandmother replied, "Lord, you not only sent me food but you made the devil pay for it." -<>- _____ / \/_ //\__(\_\ |\ ^ ^ | .//_O \O_ \ \_ (_) / \ \_/ / __/\ /\__ / \ \ / / \ / \/\/\/ \ / | . | \ / | . | \ JRO >Reality ~~~ Every teenager should get a high school education. Even if they already know everything. ~~~ I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and think, "Well, that's not going to happen." ~~~ If you're playing a poker game and you look around the table and can't tell who the sucker is, it's you. ~~~ Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. ~~~ You know when you're sitting on a chair and you lean back so you're just on two legs then you lean too far and you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time. ~~~ According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a women are their eyes. And women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars. ~~~ Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again. -<>- ,-`"-=') =/////// ,== _,_(((((-`6\ ==.| /,,...\\\C _| .--. ((((\\\\\` _, /;_| )9 )))))./ `. / } _\,_ ,-'))) \ / /=-. ,-./ \/ '))) . /\_/ / \ (,-.%\ / /-' ') \/\ / ( \ (/ \ ' /( ' `-/ \( \ ,- / ( `-' \ . / / \ \ &_) /\ \ | ( /--.- \ \----,------=;% | _/ _); `. ` `-. .`\ ) +++/ \ ,," %&-. ; \\| `-` `-=.;_,.__.__\_,/ )_/___+_/_________\,"(_//_(__)______:-._) gpyy >SAT answers (Andy Says... This is Unedited) These are things are supposed to have been really said! The following questions and answers were collated from a year's SAT tests given in Springdale, Arkansas to 16 year old students! Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar. Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists. Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire. Q: What is a planet? A: A body of earth surrounded by sky. Q: What causes the tides in the oceans? A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight. Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections? A: Very important. S%x can only happen when a male gets an election. Q: What are steroids? A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs. Q: What happens to your body as you age? A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental. Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty? A: He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery. Q; Name a major disease associated with cigarettes. A: Premature death. Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? A: Keep it in the cow. Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (E.g. abdomen.) A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O and U. Q: What is the Fibula A: A small lie. Q: What does "varicose" mean? A: Nearby. Q: What is the most common form of birth control A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing condominium. Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section." A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome. Q: What is a seizure? A: A Roman emperor. Q: What is a terminal illness? A: When you are sick at the airport Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is its characteristic feature? A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas. Q: What does the word "benign" mean? A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight. Q: What is a turbine? A: Something an Arab wears on his head. Q: What is a Hindu? A: It lays eggs -<>- ___________________ | | | | | | | | | | | | |.________|________.| | | | | | /@ | | @|@` | | __\|/__ | __|_______\_____/_____|_ | \_____________________/ |\ \ ||\ \ .__. || \ \ \ = \ . ~ ~ . || |\ \ \ \` ~ ' ~ ~` || ||\ \ \ = \~ ~ ~' -( ____ || || \ \ \ \~ ! . /= / || || \ \ _____ \ = \`:~; /= =/ || || ||\ .\===/ \ \--.=-. /_,_/ || || || \ | | \ = \ ) /"/ || || || \| | \ \ \__/ / @\`@ ~\@/ %| |____________\== \__._/__. ,_______________ @~ \%\|/@*/~@~| \___________\ \ % \|/ %|*/~@~\@| // \\ \ , @~ \%\/|@*/~/@*| .//________\\ \ \ @ \/ @<|/@<*`\@| // \\ \ \ `@*,\^@|/^@/| | .`'// \\. \ \ www @ *| www| |Pru `-._`------------''''.) \. ____________________________```-------'''----'|\__+________ ___________________________________________________________ >Lazy Boy Decliner A man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the exam was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me." "Well, in plain English," the doctor said, "you're just lazy." "Okay," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife." -<>- ___ __..--'' \ ___..--'' \ ___..--'' \ __..--'' \ \ __..--\ \ __..--'' __..--\-._ \ __..--'' __..--'' '-._ \ __..--'' __..--'' \ _..--\__..--'' __..--'' | / \__..--'' __..__ .' | __..--'' ''--..__.' \ __..--'' .:` `:. \ \ _..--'' .:` `:. | `. _.-' `:. \ `-.___.-' .-=-. | / .-=. / .--.\ .-=-. / / / /.-. \ | /####\| / .--.\ | | | | | \ \ \####// | /####\| / \/ / \ | `-.__.` \ \####// |/ / \ \ `--._...--. \| / `. \ \| / | \| | \ `-._ / `. `-.._ / `. _.:` `. __..--'' \ / | | LGB >Phone Phun There was this phone company that was going to hire one of two teams of telephone pole installers and it was up to the boss to choose. So the boss said to both teams, "Here's what we'll do. Each team will be installing poles out on the new road. The team that installs the most poles gets the job." Both teams headed right out. At end of shift, one team came back and the boss asked them how many they had installed and they said they'd put 12 in. Forty-five minutes later, the other team came back in and they were dragging. The boss said, "Well, how many poles did you guys install?" The team leader wiped his brow and sighed, "We got three in." The boss gasped, "Three? Those other guys put 12 in!" "Yeah," said the leader, "But you should see how much they left sticking out!" ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Cat In a Box http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/catinbox.html Rarely Seen Things 5 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/rarelyseen5.html God's Sky Paintings http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/gsky.html Iceland's Volcano http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/volcano.html Bizarre Nature http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bizarrenature.html World's Most Expressive Cat http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/expressivecat.html Rarely Seen Babies http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/babyanimals.html Humorous Ads http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/humorad.html Beautiful Rare Flowers http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/rareflowers.html Kid Lessons http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/kidlessons.html Look Who's Talking 3 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/talking3.html When Sandman Attacks http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/sandman.html Rare Exotic Cats http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/rarecats.html Weird Old Vehicles http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/oldvehicles.html Mysteries Around The World http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/worldmysteries.html Secrets of the Secret Service http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/secrets.html Strange Hotels http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hotel.html Underwater River In Mexico http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/underriver.html Kilroy Was Here http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/kilroywashere.html Anthem Memorial http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/anthemmemorial.html Lest We Forget 2! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lestweforget2.html Rays Freedom Rock 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/freedomrock2.html -<>- Patriot-Owned Platform Offering Solution For Those Hit Hard Financially During The Pandemic! The recent pandemic hurt a lot of people, and a brand new online survey platform called Survault has come to the rescue with the goal of helping American patriots who have lost their jobs or businesses, or who are simply looking for a second income source to earn a substantial amount of money while completing easy anonymous surveys from home. The Survault platform is incredibly simple: You earn points by filling out quick and easy anonymous surveys online. >JOIN Survault Free! Earning money with Survault is simple! Either earn points taking surveys or invite friends. Visit Here to learn more: https://join.survault.com/emb -<>- The Power Of Nature https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zNvsIrj0JJA The Power of Nature 2015 - TimeLapse https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XEgEVBQFh1k 12 WICKED Displays of Mother Nature https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HGuaeR7pr1w Places More MYSTERIOUS Than The Bermuda Triangle https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SU8kRSUQ9Ns -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseAU :) Our world is a beautiful and amazing place filled with wonderful scenes if you take the time to look for them. You won’t have to look very hard thanks to this video creator who shares with us a series of amazing and beautiful photographs. The soundtrack for the video Conquest of Paradise by Vangelis. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6lt2JfJdGSY --- ...Lovely! Thanks LouiseAu! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "Parents at a Florida school are reportedly outraged after a video surfaced of students in a classroom twerking and giving lap dances. Or as it's called in California, Career Day." -Seth Meyers "Yesterday, a brawl broke out at a Florida airport after Spirit Airlines canceled several flights. To restore control, airport police were forced to fire Cinnabons into the crowd." -Conan O'Brien "I read about a coffee shop in Toronto that doesn't have any Wi-Fi to encourage customers to talk to each other. Although all the customers talk about now is how they should really get Wi-Fi in this coffee shop." -Jimmy Fallon "A company will make a life-size 3D printed model of yourself that you can send to your mom for $30,000. It's a great way of telling your mom I'd rather spend $30,000 than visit you in person." -Jimmy Fallon "A new study suggests that a chemical released when a person is hungry can lead to poor decision-making. It's what Taco Bell calls 'our entire business model.'" -Seth Meyers "Netflix is testing a new feature that will allow you to hide what you've been watching. You just click the button and it says, I want to stay married." -Conan O'Brien "A researcher found that blonde women are slightly smarter than brunettes. The researcher said it's not true, but that line tends to work on blonde women at a bar." -Conan O'Brien "There's a new study that says giving your child too much praise can harm them later. If you're too hard on your kids, they grow up with no self-confidence, but if you praise them too much, they grow up to be narcissists. What do these little monsters want from us?" -Jimmy Kimmel "A woman held hostage by her boyfriend in Florida managed to escape this week after she convinced him to let her order a pizza using Pizza Hut's app and wrote '911 hostage help' in the comment section. But really aren't all Pizza Hut orders a cry for help? " -Seth Meyers >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah Shangy! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->ShangyFunList AD RATES: $26 will get your a message (of up to 40 words) out to all web site list readers. Email me to secure dates. Ad Request ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe **********************************************************************