Happy Columbus Day! ... :) Shangy!
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-<>-
* NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or
any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving
the scroll button on the mouse.
You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in
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================
>-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :)
This red hot new page is from our friend LouiseAu. If you
love old antiquates or are intrigued with the boy King Tut,
be sure to check this one out here...
?
____"_ | |
/" _))) |\_/|______,
/===( _\ /::| Q ____)
("___| > ,_ /:::| / ,_
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_______| |____/ | _|:::::| |:___/ |
| __) \_/ /____| | '----'\_/ /___|
_| / \ ) ) _| / \ : /
_\\\__/ \ / _\\\__/ \ /
/ ( /===(
/ \ \ / \
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|,_______\___\ / / ( |
| / \ | | / \ |
|/ \| |/ \|
S__ S__ S__ S__
/___\ /___\ b'ger /___\ /___\
Egyptian Museum In Cairo!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/egyptianmuseum.html
---
...Wow! So lavish! Amazing artifacts! Thanks LouiseAu!
Please keep Louise and her sister in your prayers. I recently reached
out to her and she wrote:
'I lost my husband Sept. 1st due to a heart attack and wasn't having
heart problems so I haven't been myself since then. Now my one and only
sister is in the hospital and it just seems like it never stops.'
This is very sad news. Our hearts and prayers are with you, Louise, for
God to comfort and heal you and your sister through Jesus Christ our
beloved Lord and savior.
=======================================================
>-->From SmileZilla:
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>Life's Unanswered Questions
Why do "cool" and "hot" mean the same thing?
Is it legal to name your kid "Anonymous"?
Why is it that no matter what color of bubble bath you use the bubbles
are always white?
If you have a pet with 2 heads, do you have to name both heads?
If you dig a hole in the South Pole, are you digging up or down?
Why do people squint when they can't see? Wouldn't that just make it
less space to see out of?
What is a hacky, and why is it in a sack?
Why do we have to pay a toll on "freeways"?
Why do we call them pepperoni if there is no pepper in it?
How old does something have to be to become an antique?
Can a teacher give a homeless child homework?
Why do they say "an alarm going off" if it's really going on?
How come French fries are not considered a vegetable, they are just deep
fried potatoes?
Do cows have calf muscles?
If conjoined twins participate in sports, do they count as one or two
players?
Why is Joey short for Joe, when Joey has more letters?
If a person suffered from amnesia and then was cured would they remember
that they forgot?
Can someone have their head in the clouds and be down-to-earth at the
same time?
If you died with braces on would they take them off?
Why do mattresses have designs on them when they're always covered with
sheets?
If you were a pastor, and you were getting married, would you hire a
pastor, or would you do the wedding yourself?
Why is it that whenever you sing to the radio, your voice is higher?
Even when you have a low voice?
How come toy hippos are always blue, or purple, when real hippos are
brown?
Have ex-bankers become disinterested?
Are there seeing eye humans for blind dogs?
After eating, do amphibians have to wait an hour before getting out of
the water?
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why isn't "palindrome" spelled the same way backwards?
Why is there an expiration date on SOUR cream?
Why is the word "abbreviate" so long?
Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
Why is Mickey Mouse bigger than his dog Pluto?
Why is it when two planes almost hit each other it is called a "near
miss"?
Why is it called 'after dark', when it is really after light?
Why is it called a TV "set" when you only get one?
Why is it called a "building" when it is already built?
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who
drives a race car not called a racist?
Why don't you ever see baby pigeons?
Why doesn't "onomatopoeia" sound like what it is?
Why do we sing 'Take me out to the ball game', when we are already
there?
Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays?
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
Why do they sell a pound cake that only weighs 12 ounces?
Why do they report power outages on TV?
Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
Why do they call them "apartments" when they are all stuck together?
How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked
when someone threw a gun at him?
How can there be "self help GROUPS"?
How can the weather be hot as heck one day and cold as heck another?
Does the Postmaster General need a stamp of approval?
Does the little mermaid wear an algebra?
=======================================================
+------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+
October 8 is American Touch Tag Day and Columbus Day
October 9 is Curious Events Day, Fire Prevention Day, Leif Erikson Day
and Moldy Cheese Day
October 10 is Emergency Nurses Day, International Newspaper Carrier Day,
National Angel Food Cake Day and Take Your Teddy Bear to Work Day
October 11 is It's My Party Day
October 12 is Cookbook Launch Day, Old Farmer's Day, Moment of
Frustration Day, National Gumbo Day and World Egg Day
October 13 is International Skeptics Day
October 14 is Be Bald and Free Day and National Dessert Day
=======================================================
>-->From GoodCleanFun:
|
--====|====--
|
.-"""""-.
.'_________'.
/_/_|__|__|_\_\
;'-._ _.-';
,--------------------| `-. .-' |--------------------,
``""--..__ ___ ; ' ; ___ __..--""``
jgs `"-// \\.._\ /_..// \\-"`
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>Diverted Flight
Fog forced our Puerto Rico-to-New York plane to be diverted to
Washington, D.C. As the pilot left the cockpit, a passenger complained,
"A little bit of fog never stopped a train from getting to its
destination."
Before the pilot could respond, the complainer's wife did the honors.
"That's right, Louie," she said. "Next time you want to go from San Juan
to New York, you take the train."
-<>-
>Missing Child
My two-year cousin scared us one summer by disappearing during our
lakeside vacation. More than a dozen relatives searched the forest
and shoreline, and everyone was relieved when we found him playing
calmly in the woods.
"Listen to me," his mother said sharply. "From now on when you want
to go someplace, you tell Mommy first, okay?"
He thought about that for a moment and said, "Okay. Disney World."
-<>-
>Chemistry Lesson
This was a story told to us by our chemistry master at school. A
student wished to make some potassium hydroxide solution (aqueous)
and decided to throw a large lump of potassium into a bucket of water.
Out of the corner of his eye, the professor observed what the student
was about to do and hurried over. After confirming this was what was
intended, he asked the student to first to stir the water in the
bucket for five minutes before adding the potassium.
Puzzled, the student followed after him to ask the purpose of this
action.
"It will give me time to get away!" said the professor.
-<>-
>First Savings Account
My six and seven-year-old children were opening their first savings
accounts at the bank. After the teller filled out all the forms and
the children printed their names at the bottom, she told them
everything the accounts would do for them. Then she asked them if
they had any questions. "Yes," said my son. "When will I receive my
credit card?"
-<>-
>Exercise DVD
Eager to start a home-workout program, I popped a newly purchased
exercise DVD into my machine, only to discover the disc was defective.
I immediately drove back to the store and told the cashier, "This DVD
doesn't work, and I'd like to get another."
Glancing at the shapely figure on the cover and then at me, she
replied, "Well, honey, these things take weeks before they work."
=========================================================
>-->Happy Columbus Day Smiles :)
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We know Columbus believed the world was round when others believed it
was flat. And, of course, we know that he landed in the Americas in
1492. What we have not known, until recently, were his first words
on returning to Spain. However, scholars have recently discovered
documents that throw light on the subject. According to one, Columbus'
first words on stepping ashore were,
"I'll bet I'm the first man who ever got 8,000 miles on a galleon!"
-<>-
^ +~+~~
^ )`.).
)``)``) .~~
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|-).-).-'_'-/
~~~\ `o-o-o' /~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~'---.____/~~Eric C. Liebl~~~
>Q&A for Columbus Day:
Q: Where did Columbus first land in America?
A: On his feet!
Q: Who was the first cat to discover America?
A: Christopher Columpuss!
Q: How was Columbus's ship like an avid shopper?
A: They're both driven by sales!
Q: What's the difference between one of Columbus's sailors and a
monster?
A: One left his Spain behind and the other left his brain behind!
Q: What would you get if you crossed October 12 with Halloween?
A: Ghoulumbus Day!
Q: What bus was able to get to America by sea?
A: Colum-bus.
Q: How do we know that Columbus was the best deal-maker in history?
A: He left not knowing where he was going. When he got there, he didn’t
know where he was. When he returned, he didn’t know where he’d been.
And he did it all on borrowed money.
Q: How did King Ferdinand and Queen Isabella pay for Columbus’s voyages?
A: With their Discover card.
Q: What do the Niña, the Pinta and the Santa Maria have in common with a
department store?
A: They’re all driven by sails (sales).
Q: How do we know that Columbus’s ships got the best gas mileage in
history?
A: They got three thousand miles per galleon.
Q: Why are Columbus Day parades never longer than two miles?
A: Because the marchers are afraid that if they go farther, they’ll
fall off the edge of the Earth.
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
,-----.
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>SMILES
An 85-year-old widow went on a blind date with a 90-year-old man. When
she returned to her daughter's house later that night, she seemed upset.
"What happened, Mother?" the daughter asked. "I had to slap his face
three times!" "You mean he got fresh?" "No," she answered, "I thought he
was dead.
----------
Now that they are retired, my mother and father are discussing all
aspects of their future.
"What will you do if I die before you do?" Dad asked Mom.
After some thought, she said that she'd probably look for a house
sharing situation with three other single or widowed women who might be
a little younger than herself, since she is so active for her age.
Then Mom asked Dad, "What will you do if I die first?"
He replied, "Probably the same thing."
----------
There's a new type of alarm clock on the market. It makes no noise.
It uses lights and gets brighter and brighter until you wake up. I
already have one of these. It's called a window.
----------
There was a knock on the door this morning. I opened it to find a young
man standing there who said: "I'm a Jehovah's Witness."
I said "Come in and sit down, what do you want to talk about?"
He said, "Beats me, I've never gotten this far before."
----------
The cruise ship docked at a Mexican port during a very high tide.
Everyone on board was forced to use the ship's narrow gangplank as a
passageway to the dock far below. The staff stood motionless when a
passenger in her 70s appeared at the top of the plank. There wasn't room
for anyone to assist her, so she edged along slowly and finally made it
to the dock safely, to everyone's relief. As she stepped down, she
turned, looked back to the top of the gangplank and shouted, "It's okay,
Mother, you can come down now."
--------
A man was seen fleeing down the hall of the hospital just before his
operation. "What's the matter?" he was asked.
He said, "I heard the nurse say, 'It's a very simple operation, don't
worry, I'm sure it will be all right.'"
"She was just trying to comfort you, what's so frightening about that?"
"She wasn't talking to me. She was talking to the doctor!"
--------
An elderly lady buys a pair of parrots, but cannot identify their gender.
She calls the shop, and the man there advises her to watch
them carefully and all would become clear in time.
She spends weeks staring at the cage, eventually catches them doing
what comes naturally.
To make sure she doesn't get them mixed up again, she cuts a ring from
a piece of cardboard and places it round the male parrot's neck.
A while later, the local priest visits the old lady. The male parrot
takes one look at the father's collar, wolf-whistles, and squawks, "I
see she caught YOU at it, too!"
--------
Bill and Jack went into a diner that looked as though it had seen better
days. As they slid in to a booth, Bill wiped some crumbs from the seat.
Then he took a napkin, wiping some moisture from the table. The
waitress came over and asked if they wanted some menus.
"No thanks," replied Jack. "I'll just have a cup of black coffee."
"I'll have black coffee, too," Bill added. "And please... make sure the
cup is clean."
The waitress shot him a nasty look. She turned and marched off into the
kitchen. BUT...
Two minutes later, she was back. "Two cups of black coffee," she
announced. "Which one of you wanted the clean cup?"
--------
A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus
with them to Jerusalem.
A small child replied: "They couldn't get a baby-sitter."
--------
An engineer was on a tour of a factory that produced latex products.
He's shown a machine that manufactures baby-bottle nipples.
The machine makes a loud hiss-pop noise.
"The hiss is the rubber being injected into the mold," explains the
guide. "The popping sound is a needle poking a hole in the end of the
nipple."
Later, the tour reaches the section of the plant where condoms are
manufactured.
The machine makes a noise: 'Hiss. Hiss. Hiss. Hiss-pop!'
"Wait a minute!" says the engineer to the tour guide, " I understand
what the 'hiss, hiss,' is, but what's that 'pop!' every so often?"
"Oh, it's just the same as in the baby-bottle nipple machine," says
the guide. "It rotates a needle punch that pokes a hole in every sixth
condom."
"Well, that can't be very good good for the quality-control figures for
the condoms!"
"True," comments the guide, " but it sure is great for the baby-bottle
nipple business!"
--------
A young woman walking in the park one day accidentally stepped
on a frog. She picked it up and took it home.
That night, she put it under her pillow and the next morning the frog
was gone and there was a handsome young man sleeping beside her.
She could not believe it....
Neither did her mother and father!
--------
_____
/`.---.`\
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>Two Clever Nuns -
There were two nuns.
One of them was known as Sister Mathematical(SM),
and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).
It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.
SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past 38
1?2 minutes? I wonder what he wants.
SL: It's logical. He wants to violate us.
SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most!
What can we do?
SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.
A little while later...
SM: It's not working.
SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He
started to walk faster, too.
SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in 1 minute.
SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll
go this way. He cannot follow us both.
So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.
Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has
happened to Sister Logical.
Then Sister Logical arrives.
SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!
SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so
he followed me
SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?
SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could
and he started to run as fast as he could.
SM: And?
SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me.
SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.
SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.
SM: Oh, no! What happened then?
SL : Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster
than a man with his pants down.
And for those of you who thought it would be dirty....
Say two Hail Mary's!
---
...Oh My! HaHa! Thanks LouiseAu!
=========================================================
>-->From HandyHints:
.___________.
| |
___________. | | /~\ |
/ __ __ /| | _ _ |_| |
/ /:/ /:/ / | !________|__!
/ /:/ /:/ / | |
/ /:/ /:/ / |____________!
/ /:/ /:/ / |
/ /:/ /:/ / |
/ ~~ ~~ / |
|~~~~~~~~~~| |
| :: | /
| == | /
| :: | /
| :: | /
| :: @ | /
!__________!/
Having trouble cleaning under your appliances?
Instead of picking them up and moving them and then putting
them back (which can be a pain if they are heavy or awkward),
you can clean under them using a stick. How? Pull an old sock
over the stick, and then run it underneath. You don't even
have to lift the appliance at all!
A quick cycle in your dishwasher with vinegar is a great
way to deodorize it.
Just fill a dishwasher-safe cup with white vinegar and put
it on the top rack. Don't put anything else in your dishwasher.
Just run it through a cycle on the hottest setting. Say goodbye
to musty odors and to grease and grime! Unsweetened lemonade
mix actually works pretty well too. You can also sprinkle baking
soda on the bottom and then run another hot cycle. This will
kill even more foul odors and get rid of stains.
Energy efficient lightbulbs are a simple way to reduce the
amount of power you use.
Not only will this help the planet, it will also save your
bank balance too. By replacing just one lightbulb, the effect
can be tremendous. If every house in the USA did this, it
would reduce pollution by the same amount as removing one
million cars from the road!
.:::.
.:::. /:::::\
/:':':\ | _ |
| _ | | (_` |
| |_) | | ,_) |
| | | | |
jgs | | /`'---'`\
/`'---'`\ `'-----'`
`'-----'`
Tired of your salt lumping together and getting hard inside
the salt shaker?
Here's a trick you may recognize from restaurants you have been
to. Just add a few grains of rice. Rice is amazing at absorbing
moisture, and will keep the salt dry. This keeps it from lumping.
Love cooking, but struggle finding the time to prep?
If you love cooking and eating a nice homemade dinner, but
you feel like you never have time, look no further than this
hack. Store chicken breasts in a bag of your favorite
marinade and freeze them. Then, the next time you need dinner,
just defrost and go!
Make sure that in your fridge you have space around your foods.
You don't need a lot, just enough for the air to circulate. Why?
If you don't, you can end up with warm spots and cool spots,
both of which can lead your food to spoil. Avoid chopping foods
until you have to. Chopping foods speeds up the spoiling process.
Also avoid storing milk or other fast-perishing foods in the
doors or other areas of your fridge where spoilage can happen
quickly. The middle is the best and most predictable zone.
The Paper Towel Hack
This is a hack everyone who cooks needs to have in their
back pocket. Moisten a paper towel and put it beneath your
cutting board before you sit down to chop. The moist towel
will keep the board from slipping around!
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Bonnie :)
,,, _,_ _@_ _(_ _?_ >*<
_/. .\_ _/- -\_ _/, ,\_ _/' '\_ _/a a\_ _/. .\_
(.\_o_/.) (.\_-_/.) (,\_e_/') (.\_^_/.) (.\_~_/') (.\_c_/.)
(.`,.`'.') (.`,.'.'.) (.`'.,'.') ('.,'.`'.) (.'.,'.`.) (.,'.,'',)
('.`,'`,) ('.`,'',) ('.','.`) ('.,'.',) ('.,'.`.) (',.'`.,)
('.`,'`) ('.','`) (.'.,'.) ('.`.,') ('.','') (.'.'.')
jgs `--'"` `--'"` `--'"` `--'"' `--'"' `--'"'
>OOPS! Groaner alert
After 10 married years a wife started to think their child looks kind of
strange so she did a DNA test and found out the child was not theirs.
She told her husband what she found out.
The husband replied, "You don't remember do you? When we were leaving
the hospital, the baby pooped and you told me to go and change him. So,
I went inside, got a clean one and left the dirty one there.
The wife fainted!
---
...LOL! Oh for goodness sake! Thanks Bonnie!
=========================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
President Trump’s Columbus Day Message
https://1600daily.com/2018/10/08/president-trumps-columbus-day-message/
Trump Saturday Explosive Rally At Topeka Kansas
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vWCt3fcQqgM
9PM Justice With Judge Jeanine 10/6/18
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CR14zyoDVfg
First Lady Melania Trump’s heartfelt visit to Africa
https://tinyurl.com/ydfcbqyd
America Deals a Blow to Iran - This isn't over
https://1600daily.com/2018/10/03/america-deals-blow-iran/
President Trump Reaches New High
https://1600daily.com/2018/10/04/president-trump-reaches-new-high/
American Unemployment Numbers Just Hit a New Low
https://tinyurl.com/y7jm7rzn
New Product Recalls Alert:
https://tinyurl.com/ycken6a6
WhiteHouseNews:
https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/
Latest From AFA:
http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw
Students For Life
https://tinyurl.com/yd5nxmu6
Latest From OperationRescue:
http://www.operationrescue.org/
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
So you've ritualistically decapitated your goat, drained
the blood, used it to draw all the necessary sigils, and
displayed the head in the manner prescribed by the ancient
temple of Baphomet. Now, what do you do with the body?
Apparently in Georgia the preferred method of disposal is
to dump it in the river, and officials are not happy about
it.
Chattahoochee Riverkeeper Jason Ulseth's job is to patrol
the river looking for pollution, sewer spills and fish
kills.
Recently Ulseth found more than 10 decapitated goats as he
patrolled in his boat. He said he saw what looked like
white lumps floating in the water. When he got closer he
made the gruesome find.
"This is pretty disturbing," Ulseth said. "Personally, I've
been patrolling this river for over 11 years and I have
never seen anything like this."
Ulseth told Jones he thinks someone dumped the bodies
recently. Aside from being disturbing, Ulseth said the find
also poses a health hazard. The Chattahoochee River is a
water source for 5 million people in the metro area.
"People that are dumping in this river go home and drink it
out of their taps," Ulseth said. "And they don't make that
connection that they're actually polluting their own water
source."
Ulseth said the Riverkeeper doesn't have the capability to
remove the animals so they just floated down the river.
Local resident Johnny Davis said, "Whoever did it, they are
very cold-blooded. Whoever the person is needs to turn them-
selves in because they are obviously disturbed."
Goats are sometimes decapitated for certain religious
ceremonies, but the practice is considered animal abuse.
-<>-
Britain's Royal Mail is asking residents to stop mailing
empty potato chip packets back to the manufacturer as an
environmental protest. Royal Mail officials said the
campaign, backed by activist group 38 Degrees, is causing
delays for workers at postal facilities because the empty
Walkers chip bags have to be sorted by hand.
People have been mailing their empty chip bags back to
Walkers in recent weeks to protest the company's packaging,
which takes 75-80 years to decompose. The company announced
during the summer that it was aiming to make the packaging
recyclable by 2025, but protesters say the goal isn't fast
enough.
"We strongly encourage customers not to post anything into
the postal system which is not properly packaged," a Royal
Mail representative told said. "Crisp packets can't go
through the machines, they are not normal mail items there-
fore my hardworking colleagues need to manually sort them,
which adds to time."
Social media users have posted photos of themselves mailing
empty Walkers packets back to the company with the hashtag
"#PacketInWalkers." A petition circulated by 38 Degrees
calling on Walkers to move up the timetable of the packaging
plans has garnered over 5,000 signatures.
Jarred Livesey, an environmentalist who has mailed several
empty backs back to Walkers, said he plans to continue the
protest while still abiding by Royal Mail's request.
"I will continue to return packs to Walkers -- I'll just use
a recycled envelope," he said.
*-- Whoso Pulleth Out This Sword --*
An 8-year-old girl in Sweden found a 1,000-year-old sword
while swimming in a lake. The sword, which was found over
the summer, is now on display at the Jonkopings Lans Museum
in Jonkoping, Sweden. Saga Vanecek, the girl who found the
sword at the Vidostern lake, told local news that she
initially thought it was some kind of stick. "I picked it
up and was going to drop it back in the water, but it had
a handle, and I saw that it was a little bit pointy at the
end and all rusty," Saga said. "I held it up in the air and
I said 'Daddy, I found a sword!' When he saw that it bent
and was rusty, he came running up and took it." The sword,
which is 85 centimeters long and made of metal and wood, is
believed to have come from the pre-Viking era, which could
make it as old as 1,500 years. After Saga discovered the
sword, archaeologists decided to search the lake for more
ancient items and found a brooch from the 3rd century.
They're now continuing to search the lake for more relics.
*-- TSA Confiscates Bullet-Shaped Ice Cubes --*
Whiskey stones are objects that can be used instead of ice
to chill drinks. They're useful if you don't like watered
down whiskey. Sometimes they are made of actual stone or
marble. Sometimes they're made out of steel. One unfortunate
traveler tried to bring a set of six bullet-shaped stainless
steel whiskey stones through Idaho's Lewiston-Nez Perce
County Airport, but the TSA was too vigilant for him. In an
Instagram post the TSA displayed the bullet-shaped 'stones'
and admitted that they did not, in fact, make the skies any
safer by confiscating them, but rules are rules.
Unfortunately, according to their own rules, bullet-shaped
objects that cannot be fired are, in fact, allowed in carry-
on bags. So basically the TSA just stole some poor hipster's
artsy-fartsy ice cubes. America!
*-- Book Order Takes 20 Years for Delivery --*
A Florida woman who ordered a set of Dr. Seuss books for her
granddaughter said the package finally arrived -- 20 years
later. I guess she should have order them Prime. Vera Walker
of Orlando said her granddaughter was only 4 years old when
she ordered the set of books in 1998. She was an adult with
a 5-year-old son of her own by the time the package arrived
at Walker's home. The post office explained to Walker that
the box had been found stuck inside an old mailbox. Walker
said the books arrived just in time for her to read them to
her great-grandson, who she said is enjoying the classic tomes.
*-- Maine Woman's Art is Complete Sh!t --*
A Maine woman's artwork is going viral thanks to her creative
uses of a plentiful natural resource: moose poop. Somerville
resident Mary Winchenbach, who came to the Internet's
attention after hawking her "Tirdy Works" wares at the Common
Ground Fair, is now using social media to sell figurines,
clocks and other artworks that incorporate real "Maine Moose
Tirds." Winchenbach said, "Everyone goes to the bathroom so
everyone can relate to that. The terms that I used to name
these products are every day terms that people are used to
hearing so I just kind of try to combine the two to come up
with something halfway decent that's funny. For example the
first off we make now instead of a cuckoo clock this is a
Poopoo o'clock. We took them turds and we cram them in between
the number there so there's one turdy - two turdy- three
turdy," she said. Winchenbach said all of her Tirdy Works are
sourced from local feces.
=========================================================
>From TheGroaner:
|
|/ |
,,,,, ,+ /|
/ \ () | ||
\ C '\ /|_() ||
) _| .'___/,,,// ||
.'=. (____E.' / / \ ||
| \)`-\ _F_.' \ c `\ ||
\ \ !'__/ ) _| ||
\ \,' / /`._( ||
|`. .' / \ \ ||
\ `-' | .-. | | \ E ||
>====[] | \ |__| | O OE ||
/ |_/ | |___)| `.__j____ \|E ||
\_ | || __`.________ `. |""|\|
\ |\ ||| \///_ _|__|_|
\ __ | \ ||`""\\""""//"' \`. \ |
|[__]| \ ||.---\\__//---. | | \____|
||__|/ / \|____________|\ |/ |
| | / || || /| | |
-----| |/------------||-||-/`| |----------|
/| | || ||/`-|___| |
/\| | || \\._ [____] h|
/`.|____| || \\ `-/ '`._ j|
`=.\____/ || \\__`-.____) w|
) '`--. _.-||-._ `""""""" |
`='====' ,-' ' ` `-. |
`-.________.-' |
>Stuck In An Elevator
The guys down at the barber shop asked me what Hollywood bombshell
actress I'd like to be stuck in an elevator with.
I thought for a minute and said, "Any one of 'em that knows how to fix
elevators."
-<>-
>Romantic Text Message
An elderly couple had just learned how to send text messages on their
cell phones. The wife was a romantic type and the husband was more of a
no-nonsense guy.
One afternoon while shopping the wife decided to send her husband a
romantic text message and she wrote: "If you are sleeping, send me your
dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send
me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send
me your tears. I love you."
The husband texted back to her: "I'm on the toilet. Please advise."
-<>-
.
|\
' ` __
\ \ .-:'.-'
) ) / /
\ '-'' '
, '` -.\
./ O o `_
`---o--'.
\ \|/ / BUNNY
.###._.'._ BOXING
'#####'H '
=== /'#####'HH,\ \==========
(__.###'HHH ` )
\ ( ) /'-'
\-----/
| | \
`-- `-- kOs
( ) \ )
| | | |
| | | |
'-' `-`\.
/ \ ( `-.
(____) `--._.'
===== ===
>Q and A Quickies
Q: What is a boxer's favorite drink?
A: Punch.
Q: How do hair stylists speed up their job?
A: They take short cuts!
Q: Why do ghosts like to ride elevators?
A: It raises their spirits.
Q: What is a Skeleton's favorite song.
A: Bad to the Bone!
Q: Who are some of the were-wolves cousins?
A: The what-wolves and when-wolves.
Q: What do witches get at hotels?
A: Broom service!
Q: Which ghost is the best dancer?
A: The Boogie Man!
Q: What does a vampire never order at a restaurant?
A: A stake sandwich.
=========================================================
m " m" " m m
" m " "m " " "m m m
" m " " " "m" " " "m m
m m m " " " " " "m"m"m"m"m"m
" m " " "m"m" "m"m"m"m"m"m"m"m
"m"m m"m" "m m"m"m"m"m"m"m"m"m"m$"m
$ " "m"m"m"m"m"m"m"m"m"m$" $m
" "m"m"m"m"m"m$" m"m"m
$ $"m"m"m"m$" m"m" "m
m"m m "m"m$" m"m" "m
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>-->From CleanLaffs:
A homeowner was delighted with the way the painter had done
all the work on his house. "You did a great job." he said
and handed the man a check. "Also, as a bonus, here's an
extra $100 to take the missus out to dinner and a movie."
Later that night, the doorbell rang and it was the painter.
"What's the matter," asked the homeowner, "did you forget
something?"
"Nope." replied the painter. "I'm just here to take your
missus out to dinner and a movie like you asked."
While visiting Annapolis, a lady tourist noticed several
students on their hands and knees assessing the courtyard
with pencils and clipboards in hand.
"What are they doing?" she asked the tour guide.
"Each year," he replied with a grin, "the upperclassmen ask
the freshmen how many bricks it took to finish paving this
courtyard."
When they were out of earshot of the freshmen, the curious
lady asked the guide: "So, what's the answer?"
The guide replied: "One."
-<>-
As a jet was flying over Arizona on a clear day, the copilot
was providing his passengers with a running commentary about
landmarks over the PA system.
"Coming up on the right, you can see the Meteor Crater, which
is a major tourist attraction in northern Arizona. It was
formed when a lump of nickel and iron, roughly 150 feet in
diameter and weighing 300,000 tons, struck the earth 50,000
years ago at about 40,000 miles an hour, scattering white-hot
debris for miles in every direction. The hole measures nearly
a mile across and is 570 feet deep."
The lady sitting next to me exclaimed: "Wow, look! It just
missed the highway!"
-<>-
A logician's wife is having a baby. The doctor immediately
hands the newborn to the dad.
His wife asks impatiently: "So, is it a boy or a girl?"
The logician replies: "Yes!"
-<>-
An elderly gentleman checked into a New York hotel. The
clerk mentioned the phone service the establishment made
available for calling guests who wished to rise at an
early hour.
"No need for that, young man," snapped the old timer. "I
always wake up at five A.M. sharp - without an alarm clock."
"Very good, sir," the clerk replied, then asked, "Would you
mind calling me at six?"
-<>-
A customer at a coffee shop was clearly peeved by the text
message he'd just received. "You ever have that ex-girlfriend
who just won't go away?" he asked his friend.
"Yeah," came the reply. "My wife."
=========================================================
>-->From TheMouth:
.`.
.`~.-:
.`- . -`
.`- . -`
.`- . -`
.`- . -`
.`- . -`
`- . -`
.`- . -`
;- . -`
.- . -`
;. . -`
;. . -`
::._.-`
(.-`
.Y(.
((()))
_)==(_
| .--. |
| '--' |
'------' LGB
>HOW TO WRITE GOOD
Avoid alliteration. Always.
Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)
Employ the vernacular.
Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
Contractions aren't necessary.
Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
One should never generalize.
Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations.
Tell me what you know."
Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's highly
superfluous.
Be more or less specific.
Understatement is always best.
One-word sentences? Eliminate.
Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
The passive voice is to be avoided.
Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
Who needs rhetorical questions?
Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
-<>-
. ..
__..---/______//-----. (( )
.".--.```| - /.--. =: ( VROOM! ))
(.: {} :__L______: {} :__; __--( __- -_= )
*--* *--* jnh
>Elevator Fun
1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
2. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your
kleenex to other passengers.
3. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and
muttering: Shut up, darnit, all of you just shut UP!
4. Whistle the first seven notes of It's a Small World
incessantly.
5. Sell Girl Scout cookies.
6. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural
frequency of the elevator.
7. Shave.
8. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering
inside ask: Got enough air in there?
9. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator.
Wear yours upside-down.
10. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the
wall, without getting off.
11. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank
the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by
themselves.
12. Lean over to another passenger and whisper:
Noogie patrol coming!
13. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm
handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
14. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand
that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped
down the shaft go plink at the bottom.
15. Do Tai Chi exercises.
16. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and
then announce: I've got new socks on!
17. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back:
Oh, not now, darn motion sickness!
18. Give religious tracts to each passenger.
19. Meow occassionally.
=========================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
Wood Carving Art!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/woodart2.html
Home Security!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/security.html
3D Liquid Floors!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/3dfloors.html
High Tech Toys 2!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/techtoys2.html
Artistic Coffee Mugs!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/coffeemugs.html
Redneck Innovations!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/redneckinnovations.html
Awesome Tree Houses!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/action7.html
Thoughts Into Action 7!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/action7.html
Beautiful Artistic Stairs!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/artisticstairs.html
Arrows Across America!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/arrows.html
Amazing Athlete Homes!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/athletehomes.html
Buildings In Camouflage!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/buildingshiding.html
Brilliant Women Inventors!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/womeninventors.html
Amazing Human Progress 2!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/humanprogress2.html
Growing Fruits And Veggies!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/fruitsandveggies.html
Amazing Homes Around The World!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ahouse.html
Angel Falls!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/angelfalls.html
God's Instructions!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/instructions.html
God's Night Lights!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/night.html
Earth In Perspective!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/earth.html
Cano Cristales River!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/cristales.html
Amazing Trivia Facts!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/triviafacts.html
-<>-
Some of Shangrala's Best Pages
http://www.amazafamily.com/index.html
-<>-
30 Amazing, Unknown Gems From Your Favorite Creators
From Cracked.com: So here are some guides to fantastic entertainment
you've never heard of, by writers, musicians, artists, and other
geniuses that you already like.
https://tinyurl.com/y9o5ally
Celebrity Nooz
Your source for news and gossip! Keep up to date with celebrity news,
top stories, movie reviews, movie quotes, and 'Where Are They Now'
profiles!
https://www.celebritynooz.com/
SONG FACTS
Song meanings and song information, including album and
chart position. Music trivia, title search, lyrics database.
http://www.songfacts.com/
WORLD STADIUMS
Offers you the most comprehensive stadium database which
currently contains more than 9 000 stadiums in over 224
countries and visited by more than 15 000 daily visitors.
http://www.worldstadiums.com/
Raccoons Gather For One Man - You gotta see this!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=1&v=6MJc3d3DVVg
Funny Raccoon compilation - Funny and Cute
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VVRHTF5Ikro
Funniest Confused Pets Compilation 2018
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UDEN_aDkWLA
23 EASY AND COOL DIY HALLOWEEN DECOR IDEAS
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EFJu7JpaoKE
BEST Magician Auditions on Britain's Got Talent 2017
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ady7Ky0C4-g
Kids Say The Darnedest Things!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KzCicJ8pMcU
-<>-
Revisiting...
Whoever coined the phrase "fighting like cats and dogs" never saw
the beautiful relationship between these two wounded pets. Idgie
the dachshund and Ruth the cat were rescued together and ever
since, they've been inseparable. Love knows no bounds, and neither
does cuteness!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=1AkTdvTOngo
If you own a dog, you know the pain of leaving them alone while you
head off to work each day. This cute video captures the feeling all
too well. Watch to see one of the hardest parts of pet ownership
caught on tape.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ifXO3U8DxYU
The Candid Camera show had a lot of fun with animals over the years
and this series of animal clips should bring a smile to your face.
The unsuspecting people caught in the Candid Camera act have no idea
what is going on as they suddenly find themselves in a strange
encounter with an animal.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sbyYcKuBi8s
---
...awww, TeeHee! Thanks LouiseAu!
=======================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"I saw that Gucci debuted a pair of leather underwear for
men. Leather underwear. The designers were like, 'How can
we make a humid day a thousand times worse?'" -Jimmy Fallon
"The investment banking firm Goldman Sachs joined Instagram
in an attempt to endear themselves to a new generation.
Today, Goldman posted a meme that said, 'We're the reason
your parents lost your childhood home.'" -Conan O'Brien
"A man in Ireland has created a working Batman outfit with
23 different features. So now he just has to sit back and
wait for somebody to murder his parents." -Seth Meyers
"A new study finds that if you're drunk around sober people,
you'll think you're less drunk than if you're around other
drunk people. And if you're drunk around sober people,
chances are you've got a problem." -Jimmy Fallon
"Dunkin' Donuts announced next year they will shorten their
name from Dunkin' Donuts to just 'Dunkin'.' And their
customers will shorten the name of their disease from
diabetes to just 'betes from now on." -Conan O'Brien
"A restaurant in Manhattan has created a $15, 25-ounce milk
shake, which comes in a cream cheese frosted glass covered
in marshmallows and cereal, filled with ice cream and topped
with a cinnamon bun. At least that's what it said on the
toxicology report." -Seth Meyers
My girlfriend told me to take a spider out instead of killing
it. So we went and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a
lawyer.
When my wife gets upset, sometimes a simple 'Calm down, Honey'
in a soothing voice is all it takes to get her a lot more
upset.
"I think the bottom-line difference between being single and
married is this: When you're single you're as happy as you
are. When you're married, you can only be as happy as the
least happy person in the house." --Tom Hertz
"I was not a child prodigy, because a child prodigy is a child who
knows as much when it is a child as it does when it grows up."
--Will Rogers
"I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long."
--Mitch Hedberg
"The ornament of a house is the friends who frequent it."
--Ralph Waldo Emerson
"The point of quotations is that one can use another's
words to be insulting."
- Amanda Cross
"When a man is wrapped up in himself, he makes a pretty
small package."
- John Ruskin
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61
NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home
Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the
Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
Share
A Recipe
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