Happy Columbus Day! ... :) Shangy!
>Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList:
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bcrsystems@earthlink.net
================
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"We are each of us angels with but one wing,
and can only fly by embracing each other"
-Luciano Decrescenzo
~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~
___
/ \
_\___/_
'->---<-'
( ^ ^ )
\ # /
__/'-'\__
/ \/'\/ \
/ _/ >o \
/ > (_o_ <\ \
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\_/ / \ \_\(_
mb / \ ) \__/
a:f \ / / \\
mic > \ \ \\
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( \\_____\_____// ) \\
\__`___( )___/__/ \7
*~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels *~*
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================
*~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny,
inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here...
bcrsystems@earthlink.net
I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!!
AND For Facebook Users:
Please Friend Me / Like Me here...
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AND For Google Plus Users:
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AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family!
^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :)
-<>-
* NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or
any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving
the scroll button on the mouse.
You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in
your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while
pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for
smaller text!
================
>-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :)
This sizzling hot new page is from our friend Geniann. It
amazes me the amount of patience and skill required to make
such things of beauty that will only last a few months. Check
this one out here...
_,,,_ _
/////\\ _ |\ | \|\ _
// e e \\ / `|~\|_/|~\|_) _
(" > ") _ \_, |_)|_)
\\.=-=.// \/ ) _ |\ / | \|\
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jgs ((=====))
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Rock Balancing Art 2
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/rockbalancingart2.html
---
...Absolutely beautiful and profound! Thanks Geniann!
=======================================================
>-->From SmileZilla:
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\/ /\_
\ \
__///__
A man goes to Morris the tailor to try on a new custom-made suit.
The first thing he notices is that the sleeves are too long.
"No problem," says Morris the tailor. "Just bend them at the elbow
and hold them out in front of you. See, now it's fine."
"But the collar is up around my ears!"
"It's nothing. Just hunch your back up a little... no, a little
more... that's it."
"But I'm stepping on my cuffs!" the man cries in desperation.
"Nu, bend you knees a little to take up the slack. There you go.
Look in the mirror -- the suit fits perfectly."
So, twisted like a pretzel, the man lurches out onto the street.
Sherry and Florence see him go by.
"Oh, look," says Sherry, "that poor man!"
"Yes," says Florence, "but the suit -- what a beautiful fit."
-<>-
A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from an
exclusive jewelry store.
"Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don't want any trouble
either. What do you say I just buy the watch, and we forget about
this?"
The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip.
The crook looked at the slip and said, "This is a little more than
I intended to spend. Can you show me something a little less
expensive?"
=======================================================
+------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+
October 9 is Columbus Day, Curious Events Day, Fire Prevention Day,
Leif Erikson Day and Moldy Cheese Day
October 10 is International Newspaper Carrier Day and National
Angel Food Cake Day
October 11 is Emergency Nurses Day and It's My Party Day, National
Fossil Day and Take Your Teddy Bear to Work Day
October 12 is Cookbook Launch Day, Old Farmer's Day, Moment of
Frustration Day and National Gumbo Day
October 13 is Friday the 13th, International Skeptics Day and
World Egg Day
October 14 is Be Bald and Free Day and National Dessert Day
October 15 is White Cane Safety Day
=======================================================
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>-->Happy Columbus Day!
Q: Where did Columbus first land in America?
A: On his feet!
Q: Who was the first cat to discover America?
A: Christopher Columpuss!
Q: How was Columbus's ship like an avid shopper?
A: They're both driven by sales!
Q: What's the difference between one of Columbus's sailors and
a monster?
A: One left his Spain behind and the other left his brain behind!
Q: What would you get if you crossed October 12 with Halloween?
A: Ghoulumbus Day!
COLUMBUS' Father:
I don't care what you've discovered, Christopher. You could have
written.
Q: What happened when Columbus was shot at by an Indian?
A: He had an arrow miss.
'Nathaniel you know an ancestor of mine came over on the Santa
Maria.'
Nathaniel replied: 'Really? Which rat was he?'
Q: Why did the hungry Columbus eat the last candle
A: He wanted a light snack.
Q: What was the Pilgrim Fathers and Mothers favorite dance?
A: The Plymouth Rock
In The News From NRC: Goodbye Columbus? Left Tears Down Discoverer
with Anti-American History
http://em.mrc.org/P000L0KRYB0qs80v06USjd0
Check out this HILARIOUS new video on Columbus Day from MRCTV.
http://em.mrc.org/ZBL8q0jWK0000d06u00YSRv
=========================================================
>-->From GoodCleanFun:
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>Community Museum
During a recent visit to a community museum, our four-year-old
daughter was fascinated by an interactive display of an old-
fashioned telephone and switchboard.
We explained to her that many years ago you would speak to an
operator, who would then help make the call by plugging a cord
into the appropriate jack.
With my wife pretending to operate the switchboard, the child
picked up the antique phone and asked, "Mommy, could you please
connect me to the Internet?"
-<>-
>Resignation as an Adult
I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult:
I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of an
8-year old again.
I want to go to McDonald's and think that it's a four-star
restaurant.
I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make ripples
with rocks.
I want to think M&Ms are better than money because you can eat
them.
I want to lie under a big oak tree and run a lemonade stand with
my friends on a hot summer's day.
I want to return to a time when life was simple. When all you knew
were colors, multiplication tables, and nursery rhymes, but that
didn't bother you, because you didn't know what you didn't know
and you didn't care.
All you knew was to be happy because you were blissfully unaware
of all the things that should make you worried or upset.
I want to think the world is fair. That everyone is honest and
good.
I want to believe that anything is possible.
I want to be oblivious to the complexities of life and be overly
excited by the little things again.
I want to live simple again.
I don't want my day to consist of computer crashes, mountains of
paperwork, depressing news, how to survive more days in the month
than there is money in the bank, doctor bills, gossip, illness,
and loss of loved ones.
I want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth,
justice, peace, dreams, the imagination, mankind, and making angels
in the snow.
So, here's my checkbook and my car-keys, my credit card bills and
my 401K statements. I am officially resigning from adulthood.
And if you want to discuss this further, you'll have to catch me
first, cause "Tag! You're it!"
-<>-
>First Day of School
My youngest child was thrilled when her turn came to enter
kindergarten. To make sure we had plenty of time to eat breakfast
and get ready on the first day, I woke everybody up early, so early
that it was still dark.
I was getting dressed when my little daughter came into my room
looking troubled. "What's wrong? I asked, mustering as much
cheerfulness as I could at that hour. "This is your big day!"
She blurted, "You didn't tell me I was going to night school."
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
>SMILES
.---------.
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jgs I || |===| || ||_/
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A hospital posted a notice in the nurse's lounge saying:
"Remember, the first five minutes of a human being's life are the
most dangerous."
Underneath, a nurse had written:
"The last five are pretty risky, too."
----------
Homer was working at the lumberyard, pushing a tree through the
buzz saw, and accidentally sliced off all ten of his fingers.
He rushes to the emergency room. The doctor who examines him is
really disturbed at such a tragedy. "Oh, yuck! Well, that's all
right, Homer, give me the fingers and I'll see what I can do for
you."
"I haven't got the fingers," Homer said, gasping through his pain.
The doctor said, "What do you mean, you haven't got the fingers?
It's 2017. We've got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible
techniques. I could have reattached the fingers. You'd be as good
as new! Why didn't you bring the fingers?"
"Well, geez, Doc," Homer groaned, "I couldn't pick 'em up."
----------
A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office.
"Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the medication you
prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?"
"Yes, I'm afraid so," the doctor told her.
There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied,
"I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition, because
this prescription is marked "NO REFILLS."
----------
Little Johnny and his classmates had just finished a tour of the
local fire station.
Before each student could leave, the fire chief quizzed him.
The fire chief asked little Little Johnny, "What do you do if
your clothes catch on fire?"
Little Johnny replied promptly, "I don't put them on."
----------
A Sunday School teacher asked her pupils, "Now, children, do you
all say your prayers at night?"
Little Johnny's hand shot up, "Miss, My Mommy says my prayers."
"Oh, I see," said the teacher, "and what does your Mother say?"
"THANK GOD HE'S IN BED!" says little Johnny.
----------
Seem to be or not seem to be....
\
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>Just Thinking...
Just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year, not to cause
any trouble but shouldn't that be an even number?
- - - - - - - - - -
Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation
towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.
- - - - - - - - - -
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not
screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
- - - - - - - - - -
If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they
would eventually find me attractive.
- - - - - - - - - -
I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for
freedom until they are flashing behind you.
- - - - - - - - - -
When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body... men are
so polite they only look at the covered parts.
- - - - - - - - - -
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra
weight, live longer than the men who mention it.
- - - - - - - - - -
Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your
X and wondered Y?
- - - - - - - - - -
America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the
ocean to fight for democracy but won't cross the street to vote.
- - - - - - - - - -
You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone?
That's your common sense leaving your body.
- - - - - - - - - -
Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of
captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the
pool and throw them fish?
- - - - - - - - - -
My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll
see about that.
- - - - - - - - - -
I think my neighbor is stalking me, as she's been googling my name
on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
- - - - - - - - - -
Strong people don't put others down. They lift them up and slam
them on the ground for maximum damage.
- - - - - - - - - -
Money talks... but all mine ever says is good-bye.
- - - - - - - - - -
You're not fat, you're just... easier to see.
- - - - - - - - - -
If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or not, try missing
a couple of payments.
---
...LOL! Great ones! Thank LouiseAu!
Just a quick note here...
_ / _ /
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`--^`--^
I turned on my computer and got my emails today and what did I
see? Ones from our friend LouiseAu. Most every day she shares
something with our group. I thought to myself, 'What A Trooper!'
While most of our group members have stopped sharing with us due
to phone restrictions or being too busy, she keeps plugging away
and blessing us with her shares.
.
.\!i/, ,. .,: ,!i//., . , ,
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Just wanted to mention this LouiseAu! I really appreciate your
thoughtfulness and caring sharings! Great Big Hugs! :)
=========================================================
>-->Story Time From Kimberly :)
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`'--"` jgs `"""`
The neighbors had been complaining that my dogs had been barking
non-stop. I hate the electric zapping bark collars so I purchased
a humane citronella collar, that way when the dogs barked, it shot
out a blast of citronella under their nose and they don't like it.
This particular morning I was getting the collars ready and filled
them with their stuff. And that's where my morning should have
ended. But no, it's me, and I begin to become curious as to how
said collars work.
Now I'm standing on my back porch "barking" at my dog's collar.
Nothing happens. I make sure it's turned on, check the fill level,
and go through the "getting started" check list one more time.
Again, I bark. Nothing happens. Now I'm not quite sure, why I had
this next thought, but I did; I put on the collar. I seriously
extended the band and fit the growl box against my throat and
barked.
Apparently, the collar only works if it feels vibrations, because
I immediately received a blast of citronella to the face.
I began coughing, which only caused the collar to continue to
squirt bug spray over and over into my nasal cavity.
I'm now on my hands and knees in my back yard, trying to breathe,
and to make matters worse, the dogs are now barking. So between
coughing and yelling at the dogs to shut up, I've emptied over a
dozen blasts of citronella to my face. During all of this ruckus,
I'm trying to undo the clasp of the collar, which has somehow
managed to weld shut during this whole fiasco.
I finally get the collar off and threw, yes I threw that crazy
(inhumane) thing across the yard, and lay in the grass sucking in
the cool morning air. In the middle of thinking this probably was
the dumbest thing I've done in a while, I hear laughter.
MY NEIGHBOR SAW THE WHOLE THING! He was laughing so hard he
couldn't breathe. Between gasps, he tells me, "I was gonna come
help, but every time I started to climb over the fence, you'd set
it off again and then I would started laughing and couldn't make
it"
So now, not only are my eyes red, but my face and ears are too.
After checking to make sure I was OK, we parted ways and I went
in to shower so I wouldn't be smelling like ode de' Tiki Torch.
So lesson learned:
Next time (yes, there will always be a next time with me) make
sure that...
1. Don't fill the collar before trying to set it off and
2. Remember your neighbor is not a good source of help in a
comedy crisis situation.
On the plus side, I didn't have a mosquito problem for a few days!
...Now that even though this does sound like something I'd do I
hate to break the news that it's a copied story that gave me a
good chuckle so feel free to do the same!
---
...Oh My! Hilarious! Thanks my FB friend Kimberly!
=======================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
Murder Rate Charts - Hannity
https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=44&v=1_VxGxAc1zg
Vegas Survivor - Heartwarming! Thomas Gunderson:
'I will never lie down when the President of this great country
comes to shake my hand! There may be plenty of issues in this
country but I will always respect my country, my president and
my flag. Shot in the leg or not, I will stand to show my President
the respect he deserves!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1O7L4shXt-8
“VEGAS SURVIVOR: SHOT IN LEG OR NOT, I’M STANDING FOR MY
PRESIDENT” - Todd Starnes, Fox News
Todd Starnes of Fox News reports on Las Vegas shooting victim,
Thomas Gunderson, who, despite having been shot in the leg, told
his family he was “going to stand up and shake my president’s hand
– out of respect for him and our leaders and our nation,” when
President Trump visited a Las Vegas hospital. Starnes writes
Gunderson is currently suffering from a gunshot wound that tore
through muscles in his calf and the resulting nerve pain, quoting
him saying “it’s hard to stand – very painful.” Nevertheless,
Gunderson stood and shook President Trump’s hand all while
“grimacing in pain,” before stating “that was one of the most
humbling experiences of my life.” Starnes concludes by saying the
interaction “was a gentle reminder that we are a united people –
one nation under God.”
http://tinyurl.com/y9no77fq
The White House Daily
http://tinyurl.com/y7rgej7l
After ‘Made-in-America Mass Murder,’ Brokaw Urges Viewers to
‘Organize’ Against the NRA
http://em.mrc.org/E0K0R0qBBj60L0dS0l08Y0j
President Trump and Hispanics:
Ronald Reagan once said, “Hispanics are Republicans, they just
don’t know it yet.” I agree! On Friday the President and First
Lady will host me, along with many other Latino leaders, for a
celebration at the White House commemorating Hispanic Heritage
Month.
http://tinyurl.com/y9hzbo7p
September TV Coverage: Bashing Trump on NFL, DACA and Cabinet
Flights
With September’s news coverage now in the record books, the latest
Media Research Center analysis finds TV’s hostility to the Trump
presidency continues unabated. According to our analysts, the
President received 92% bad press, vs. just 8% good press on the
ABC, CBS and NBC evening news shows last month.
http://em.mrc.org/b0000KBYrRq0SqjO000d68L
Jerry Jones gives Cowboys players ultimatum: Stand for anthem or
sit for game
"I know this, we cannot ... in the NFL in any way give the
implication that we tolerate disrespecting the flag," he said
following the Cowboys’ 35-31 loss to the Green Bay Packers. "We
know that there is a serious debate in this country about those
issues, but there is no question in my mind that the National
Football League and the Dallas Cowboys are going to stand up for
the flag. So we're clear."
http://tinyurl.com/y7oqpa2h
Conway: 'Egregious' to Accuse Pence of Political Stunt for Leaving
Colts Game
http://tinyurl.com/y7e84xgu
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
A woman who could not afford meals at restaurants, put
glass in her food and cut her lips to avoid paying for
meals, according to police in Florida.
Stuart Police Department said that they have arrested
31-year-old Kaitlyn Murphy, after being accused of
defrauding at least 11 restaurants in recent weeks.
According to the police investigation, Murphy carried
glass in her purse and used it to put in her food while
eating at restaurants. She also cut her lips before
telling the managers that she found glass in the food.
The establishments canceled her charge and allowed her to
eat for free. Some establishments even provided her with
free vouchers.
Her crime came to light when one restaurant posted Murphy's
story on their Facebook page. Other restaurant managers
then posted comments that they had similar stories recently.
During questioning, Murphy told police that she did this
because she could not afford the meals.
She was booked at the Martin County Jail, and her bail has
been set at $5,000.
-<>-
A South Carolina woman expecting a new yoga mat opened a
package that arrived at her home and instead discovered
$400,000 worth of illicit prescription drugs.
The Rock Hill Police Department said the woman thought the
package was a new yoga mat when it was handed to her by the
mail carrier. The woman opened the box and found it actually
contained nearly 20,000 pills of opiate drug oxycodone.
The woman turned the package and its contents over to police,
who passed them along to the York County Multijurisdictional
Drug Enforcement Unit.
Marvin Brown, commander of the unit, said each pill has a
street value of about $20, bringing the package's total worth
to approximately $400,000.
Brown said the package was intended for the woman's former
address, a currently vacant apartment, but was forwarded by
the U.S. Postal Service. He said such drug packages are often
mailed to vacant residences, where the intended recipient
will wait for them to arrive.
"The dealers weren't as intelligent as they thought they
were," Brown said.
The box was shipped from Newport Beach, Calif. Police said
the oxycodones are likely counterfeits pressed into pills
from powder in Mexico.
The investigation is ongoing.
*------------ How's That For Luck? ------------*
Charles Svatos of Iowa City is just the third Iowan to win
the 'Lucky for Life' for life drawing which entitled him
to $25,000 per year for life. Charles is 92-years-old.
Players can win Lucky for Life's top prize of $1,000 a day
for life by matching all six numbers selected in one of
its drawings. The game's second prize - for matching the
first five numbers but missing the Lucky Ball - is $25,000
a year for life. Oddly enough, Svatos said he bought a
fortune cookie last month at a casino that said, "You will
discover an unexpected treasure." Probably wisely Svatos
chose to receive his prize as a lump sum of $390,000, which
he plans to use to travel. His winnings ended up being
$273,000 after taxes.
*------------------ Iron Man ------------------*
Surgeons have removed more than 100 pieces of metal from a
French man's stomach, including knives, nails and screws.
The 52-year-old man with chronic psychosis first presented
with a gastric obstruction due to swallowing metal items in
2012. Although he was receiving treatment for his mental
health he still had a tendency to swallow metal objects.
The obstruction was removed endoscopically - using a
flexible tube that is fed along his digestive tract - and
the man was sent home. Eight months later the man was
readmitted with the same symptoms. This time he was operated
on to remove all of the metal pieces. Medics found nails,
knifes, screws, nuts, spoon handles, a screwdriver head,
washer, pebbles, coins and iron wire inside the man.
*----------- How Do You Like Me Now? -----------*
A man who wanted to look cool in the eyes of his girlfriend,
stole his uncle's police uniform and cruiser. Deputy Yoandy
Miranda of Florida, told investigators that someone broke
into his locked bedroom and his patrol car while he was out
of town over the weekend. He found the burglary to be bizarre
as no valuables were stolen. However, he did not have to wait
long to solve the mystery. On Sunday, Belleview Police
Department officer Sergeant Bobby Levay contacted Deputy
Miranda about a disturbance call that took place on Saturday.
When they met, Sergeant Levay realized that Deputy Miranda
he had met on Saturday, was not the same deputy that was
standing in front of him. After reviewing surveillance
videos, Deputy Miranda saw his nephew, 18-year-old Isael
Ibrain Lima, wearing his uniform and driving his vehicle.
Police released a dashcam video, showing Lima initiating a
traffic stop with his uncle's patrol car. A person, who is
allegedly his girlfriend, was in the car with Lima. The
person was heard saying that she recorded the traffic stop.
Lima was arrested and charged with several offenses,
including impersonating a law enforcement officer.
*----- You Can't Pay For This Kind of Service -----*
A lonely man who was unable to find a woman willing to go
out on a date with him, broke into a home in order to have
the company of a woman. Police in Pennsylvania, said that
39-year-old Sean Patrick Haller of Stewartstown, did not
want to drink alcohol alone so he forced his way into a
woman's home. Haller, who was already drunk, brought along
two 12-packs of beer and sat down at a table at the home
of Carrie Harding, to drink the beverage. Harding, who did
not know the suspect, was concerned for the safety of her
children and asked the stranger to leave, but he refused.
At some point, Haller fell into the table and broke a glass
plant holder and a glass lamp. The woman called police to
remove Hallar from her home. When Hallar was arrested,
police found three Xanax pills in his possession. He now
faces charges of criminal trespass, possession of a
controlled substance, defiant trespass, loitering and
prowling at nighttime, disorderly conduct and public
drunkenness. There is no plan for a second date.
=========================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
(*) (*)
(__) ^ ^ (__)
(oo) | | | @(oo)@
[..] | = | [..]@@
\ | U (-) | | | | (-) U @@@@
|| ==<_\=====/_|______=_____|=|____________=__|____\====/_>== ||
|| ) |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| ( ||
||___)==||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||==(___||
|\====| |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| |====/|
| \ | | | | / |
= * = = = = * =
candlelight dinner
cfbd
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and
after eating, the wives left the table and went into the
kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last week we
went out to a new restaurant and it was really great.. I
would recommend it.'
The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'
The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is
the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You
know.... The one that's red and has thorns.'
'Do you mean a rose?'
'That's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the
kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant
we went to last night?'
-<>-
I was traveling through Georgia last summer and stopped at a
little backwoods country store. In the men's room there was
a handwritten sign above the malfunctioning potty which said,
"Please Wiggel Handel".
Below that some wit had written, "If I do, will it wiggel
Bach?"
-<>-
Early in their marriage, my Dad did something really stupid.
My Mom chewed him out for it. He apologized, they made up.
However, from time to time, my mom mentions what he had done.
"Honey," my Dad finally said one day, "why do you keep
bringing that up? I thought your policy was 'forgive and
forget.'"
"It is," she said. "I just don't want you to forget that I've
forgiven and forgotten."
-<>-
Working for a pediatrician calls for stifling a chuckle from
time to time. When a frantic mother phoned to tell us her
baby had a high temperature of 102, we had to know whether
she was taking the reading under the arm, in the mouth or
elsewhere.
So we asked, "How are you taking it?"
Her reply, "Oh, I'm holding up pretty well!"
-<>-
I had given our daughter, who was 15 at the time, a driver's
manual. On the way to town one day, I was coaching her as I
drove. I told her to be studying her book so as to be ready
when it came time to get her drivers permit.
"Oh, she said, "I already know everything in the book."
"You do?" I returned.
"Yep," she said, very smugly.
I thought, "OK, I'll give her a hard one." So I asked her,
"How many feet does it take to stop the car if you are
driving 60 miles an hour and have to slam on the brakes
real hard?"
"One," she replied.
"What?" I asked.
"One?!" She repeated her answer and then because of the
confused look on my face, she added, "You always told me
never to use my left foot on the brakes, only use my right
one."
-<>-
While trying to explain to our six-year-old daughter how much
technology had changed, my husband pointed to our brand-new
personal computer and told her that when he was in college,
a computer with the same amount of power would have been the
size of a house.
Wide-eyed, our daughter asked, "How big was the mouse?"
=========================================================
>-->From AndyChaps:
____| | |
| | | | |
__| | | |_|
_| _|\__, |_)
____/
_. .---.
.''// /===v)
___ / _ (\._.
.aaaaa. .7 ( / _)\ / \
c8888888b / ) __.---.( ) / /.-. .-.
j8fffff8Y. __.--' \ / ___.--./ ) |
) e e p .' __) - \ `--.
| (_) . ( .-' ` __.'\ )
`. \ / . \__ _..-' | __.' `---'
`-=-' | """" .__.---'
`-. . ___/
`--.______.---'
..aaaaaaaaaaaa.
.a888888888888888888888a
8888888888888888888888' a:f
"PP888888888PPPPP"
>Quotes:
"Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place,
but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing
at the tempting moment."
~ Benjamin Franklin
THINGS THAT COME TO THOSE WHO WAIT MAY BE THE THINGS LEFT
BY THOSE WHO GOT THERE FIRST.
~ A Lincoln
"Contentment is not the fulfillment of what you want, but the
realization of how much you already have."
(Author Unknown)
The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
'Laughter can relieve tension, soothe the pain of disappointment,
and strengthen the spirit for the formidable tasks that always
lie ahead.'
- Dwight D. Eisenhhower-
-<>-
__ __| |
| _` | | / _ \ | | _ \ | | __| _ \\ \ \ / __ \
| ( | < __/ | | ( | | | | ( |\ \ \ / | |
_|\__,_|_|\_\___| \__, |\___/ \__,_|_| \___/ \_/\_/ _| _|
____/
.-""-. .-.
| _) fff"-"-._ ( \ | |
__| | __ `__ \ _ \ fff , _ \ | .-`-. \ | |
| | | | | __/ .- Y88 ,(_) ) || ( ) `| |
\__|_|_| _| _|\___| _.-'___YP______.' \ ) | :| |
------------------- | | :| |
.-'/ | || |
.-' `-._ / / | |
.' | / -- __/ |
_.- ( .--| ) _____./
.' `. `. \ _
_.-\ .' `-._ \` -./ |
="" __ `-' a88888a-._.-. `--.
`--' '-' `888888888888`-.__.= a:f
""FFFFF""
>MORE THOUGHTS TO GET YOU THROUGH ALMOST ANY CRISIS **
***(Edited by Andy)***
* I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.
* Suicide is the most sincere form of self criticism.
(Doesn't make it right, though says Andy)
* All things being equal, big people use more soap.
* If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind
to blame.
* One-seventh of your life is spent on Monday.
* By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
* Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
* The more you run over a dead possum, the flatter it gets.
* There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
* This is as bad as it can get, but don't bet on it.
* Never wrestle with a pig: You both get all dirty, and the pig
loves it.
* The trouble with life is, you're half way through it before you
realize it's a 'do it yourself' thing.
* Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level
then beat you with experience.
-<>-
oooo oooo
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$" "" $$$$$o
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$ $$$$$$
$" "$$$$$
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$ $$$$$
$ o$$$$$
$ $$$$$$
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ooo o$$$$$$$
ooo$$$$"" $ oo$$$$$""""""oooo
oo"$$$$$$$ oo"" oooooooooooooooo$$""" o$$"oo
o" $$$$$$$ "$o oo$$$$$" $$$$o"$o
$ $$$$$$$ " ""oooooooooo$$$$" o$ $$$$$$o"$
o $$"" oo$$$" o$$ o$$$$$$$o$
"o $$ oo$$$$"" o$$$ o$$$$$$$$$$$
"$o $$$oo $$$$$$$ ooo$$$$$""
"$$oooo "" ooo$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$$$$$""
""""$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$""""""
""""""""""""""""""
Cowboy Hat
>The Offering
A hat was passed around a church congregation to take up an
offering for the visiting minister.
Presently it was returned to him...embarrassingly empty.
Slowly the parson inverted the hat and shook it meaningfully.
Then raising his eyes heavenward, he exclaimed, "I thank you,
Lord, that I got my hat back from this congregation."
-<>-
>Banking Industry News From Japan ** (Groaners)
According to industry insiders, the Japanese banking crisis
shows no signs of stopping.
Following last week's news that Origami Bank had folded, we are
hearing that Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank plans to
cut back some of its branches.
Karaoke Bank is up for sale and is (you guessed it!) going for
a song.
Meanwhile, shares in Kamikaze Bank have nose-dived and 500
back-office staff at Karate Bank got the chop.
Analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi
Bank and staff there fear they may get a raw deal.
-<>-
\\\\\\\\
\\\\\\\\\\
\-- \\\\\\
(O(O) ))\
/ - \
(_/\/\ \ \_
./ )-'.:'. __
(((( (_/\/=::::\ _\/_
________________ \_,) /:::/\_\\ .' '.
| __________ | \:\ /:::/::\ \\ | |
| .' '.HELP!'.| _ \:\/:::/:::::::\| |
| / .-. \_I'm_ \ (((_)),__/:::/\:::::::|| |
| | : : |\ being\ \\__)::::::' \::::::|| |
| \ '-' / \_held_\ ''''' /::::::|| |
| '.___.'_ /capti-/ ______________|::::::.|| |
|_________ /ve at_/ ( ''---''( | |
\the \ \ \'-.____________/_/_\ |
/toilet/ _\ _\\(________________)____.'
\paper \ ( -- -') ) '. )
/fac-__/ //\ -_- )\ \ .'
\tory! > (__ /.-) \ \ \
^^^^^^____.._( )_)\ \ \ \
( \\\''' | | ) \ \ pils
__________________\______.___|_|__(________|__)_____
>The Midnight Scare
One night at about 3 am my wife was getting up from the toilet
to return to bed when she heard a little noise. It was a
suspiciously rodent like sound that seemed to be right in the
bathroom with her.
She, of course, froze and listened attentively for any further
sign of invaders. After a moment, satisfied that she was alone,
she took a step for the door. Rodent scratchy sounds again!
She froze, not breathing. Silence. Her heart beat fast as she
once again tried to retreat from the bathroom.
This time the noise was accompanied by something touching the
back of her leg! That was, of course, too much to bear. She
literally flew the 8 feet to the bed, clearing the foot board
by a couple feet, to land screaming by my side.
This is not a pleasant way to wake up. Scrambling into
consciousness, now scared half to death myself, I managed to get
the light on.
The culprit was right there in plain sight, a trail of toilet
paper neatly marked the path from bed to the bathroom.
-<>-
>I Won't Look
AT THE SCALE-MANUFACTURERS' convention, people often wanted
to weigh themselves on different scales to see if they
agreed. Some visitors abstained, however, not wishing to
advertise their weight.
A smooth-talking representative coaxed a woman onto his
scale by promising her that he would not look and that she
could even cover the digital display so only she could see
her weight.
She finally stood on the scale, whereupon a loud,
mechanical voice from within the machine announced: "One
hundred and sixty-three."
-- Contributed to Reader's Digest "All In a Day's Work"
-<>-
>SIGNS OF A FRUSTRATED MOTHER
** Your children know how to read HTML code but can't operate
a vacuum cleaner.
** Your children tell you that you said "yes" and you don't even
remember the question.
** You go to the grocery store and find yourself having a good
time.
** Your husband asks how your day went and you rate it on a scale
of 1-10 repeats of "stop that!" or "no!"
** You can't remember the last time you didn't have to share your
drink.
** You mistakenly tell the kids it's "sanity" time when you meant
to say "bed" time.
** The laundry seems to have taken on an evil nature and you begin
to feel that it's out to get you.
** You dread hearing the phone ring because it's a sure sign
there's about to be trouble amongst the children.
** It's finally your turn on the computer and your favorite show
is just coming on.
** You go to sleep with "I'm bored" or "I'm hungry" still ringing
in your ears.
-<>-
.
\ | /
_\|/_
.' ' ' '. ___
_.|.--.--.|.___.--'___`-.
.'.'|| | ||`----'"` ``'`
.'.' ||()|()||
.___..-'.' / \
`----'"` / .-. \
(.'.(___).'.)
`.__.-.__.'
jgs |_| |_|
`.`-'.'
`"`
>If It Were Not For Bad Luck I'd Have No Luck At All
Now my wife just left and the well went dry,
and my horse is sick and about to die.
Then my still blew up and the barn burned down,
and the road washed out on the way to town.
Then my dog got rabies and bit the cat,
and they both died soon after that.
Now I lost my specs and my pipe-stem broke,
so I can't even sit and read and smoke.
Then a tree fell on the chicken shed,
and most of the hens got smashed plumb dead.
Then a chimney fire took half of a wall,
and this old shack is about to fall.
Then I caught my heel on an old dead vine,
and sat smack dab on a porcupine.
Then a beaver dam broke and my bridge washed out,
and my watch stopped working and I've got the gout.
And the bank foreclosed so I've lost my place,
and my cow disappeared without a trace.
They cut off my credit at the grocery store,
and I lost my job and a whole lot more.
I must have been hexed by a triple curse,
as things keep going from bad to worse.
And now fate has hit me a last dirty crack,
to top off the worst - my wife's coming back!
-<>-
>Throwing Away "The Word" of God
A collector of rare books ran into an acquaintance who told him he
had just thrown away an old Bible that he found in a dusty, old
box. He happened to mention that Guten-somebody-or-other had
printed it.
"Not Gutenberg?" gasped the collector.
"Yes, that was it!"
"You idiot! You've thrown away one of the first books ever
printed. A copy recently sold at auction for half a million
dollars!"
"Oh, I don't think this book would have been worth anything close
to that much," replied the man. "It was scribbled all over in the
margins by some clown named Martin Luther."
The collector fainted.
-<>-
,-----.
/ \--.
| / \
`. \-+-',___/
\ \ \ \
,--\/"""\"".
`._ / \ \ \
_ `| ( \ o\o|.,--.
`-' \ \`-;---'-'( #)
`._ \ |\ `--/
\. \ ||,`. /
\`..--.._ ||/ `===='.
\/ _`.__|| .-. \ \
| / \ |'| `. ! |
\ \_/ \_.') \ ! |
,"". . _/ \ /
/ ;`--'\ \ \ `-'
| |`-< \ \ \
| |\ \,---. \ \ \,---.
| |,---. `.\ \,---. `.
> `. | | \ `.|
( | |-'-' ( | |'
`-------'-' `-----'-' hjw
>Short Takes
"A California congressman was reporting back on his trip from
Baghdad. He said that almost no one spoke English, poison gas
filled the sky, and he saw people firing guns in the street
and that was on the way to the L.A. airport."
-Jay Leno
"Don't knock the weather. If it didn't change once in a while,
nine out of ten people couldn't start a conversation."
-Kin Hubbard
================
Have you ever noticed that about every 28 days or so, your husband
begins acting strangely? Does he wear white gloves and carry a
banjo? Does he insist on referring to you as "Mr. Bones" and your
neighborhood as "Dixie"?
Then, my friend, your husband may be suffering from an incurable but
treatable disease. Do not hesitate. Call your doctor immediately!
Pre-Minstrel Syndrome can be treated effectively - ask your
doctor.
================
"In America there are two classes of travel - first-class,
and with children."
- Robert Benchley
================
Once there was a race between a water hose, a tomato, and
lettuce. Who do you think won?
Well, last time I checked, the hose was still running,
the tomato was trying to ketchup, and the lettuce was ahead.
=========================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
Wedding Fails!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/weddingfails.html
Mug Shots!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mugshots.html
Identity Theft 3!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/identitytheft3.html
Over The Limit!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/overthelimit.html
IRONIC Isn't It?-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/irony.html
Only ONE Job 2!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/onejob2.html
Kodak Moments!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/kmoments.html
Humorous Ads 2!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/humorad2.html
Fun With Statues!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/funstatues.html
Only In Australia!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/australia.html
Humor With Cars!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/carhumor.html
Humorous Signs 2!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hsigns2.html
Morons At Work 3!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mwork3.html
Did You See That 2?-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/seethat2.html
Cell Phone Madness!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/cellphone.html
Life's Little Oops 13!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whoops13.html
Got A Nanosecond 5!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/nano5.html
Right Angle Photography!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/anglephoto.html
MacGyver - How To Do It 6!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/macgyver6.html
Uninvited Wedding Guests!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/weddingguests.html
Fall/Halloween Index!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/halloweenindex.html
-<>-
>Please Visit/Follow Me On StumbleUpon:
http://preview.tinyurl.com/y9pr2cem
-<>-
Alert: Important Product Safety Update
http://tinyurl.com/y8vnnu2q
Law Abiding Criminals
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BYVqmBaqgPU
Reminds me of what Hitler did. He didn't start out banning guns.
He was sneaky and diabolical. First he forced strict gun laws,
then he made all people register their guns, third he disarmed
those he felt would oppose his agenda so they could not stop him.
http://firearmtrainingstore.com/about-us/blog/did-hitler-ban-guns/
-<>-
>From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
It's not just cats and dogs that can be funny and adorable.
Creatures from all around the world are just as cute and hilarious!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UF8qKZQ59HU
Nothing warms the heart like animals that are supposed to fight
each other abandoning their instincts and becoming best friends
forever.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uqpUcIfYsDk
---
...So heartwarming! Thanks LouiseAu!
=======================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"A new study says that a lack of sleep can actually make
you happier. When they heard that, new moms were like,
'You wanna say that to my face?'" -Jimmy Fallon
"Some historians now believe that Jesus Christ had a wife.
They also believe that Jesus' nephew called Jesus' wife
the "Auntie Christ.'" -Conan O'Brien
"Fast-food chain Arby's is serving a limited-edition Cookie
Butter Milkshake. And any customers who order it will also
be limited-edition." -Seth Meyers
"Germany has just rolled out a new law banning hate speech.
The law is tricky to implement because everything sounds
like hate speech when it's spoken in German." -Conan O'Brien
"Scientists have invented a way for you to change channels
on your TV with gestures. Yeah, it's great for people who
like watching sports completely still. 'Wow! What a catch -
nobody move! Oh, now we're watching Lifetime.'" -Jimmy Fallon
"A new study has determined that people in relationships can
detect infidelity in their partner's voice. Especially when
their voice says, 'You're home early!'" -Seth Meyers
"Today, NASA announced that it has finally discovered water
on Mars. When they heard, Americans were like, 'Eh, tell us
when they discover beer.'" -Jimmy Fallon
"A woman in Italy recently married herself in a ceremony that
included a three-layer wedding cake, bridesmaids, and 70
guests. Did I say guests? I meant cats. 70 cats." -Seth Meyers
"The other day in Australia, a wedding took place inside a
Costco. Because it was Costco, the groom came home with 12
brides." -Conan O'Brien
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61
NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home
Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the
Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
Share
A Recipe
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