Happy Columbus Day! ... :) Shangy!
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or email me here:
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================
*~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny,
inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here...
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I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!!
AND For Facebook Users:
Please Friend Me / Like Me here...
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AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family!
^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :)
-<>-
* NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or
any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving
the scroll button on the mouse.
You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in
your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while
pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for
smaller text!
================
>-->2 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :)
These two flaming hot new pages come from our friend Linda.
I love wood craftsmanship. Maybe it comes from the fact that
our beloved lord was a carpenter. I am just humbled by good,
rich quality woodwork. That is what you'll find in these
two pages. So, if you are like me, you'll love this. Check
these out here...
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Wood Carving Art!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/woodart2.html
Wood Carving Art 2!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/woodart3.html
---
...These are so rich I was Oooing all the way! Thanks Linda!
=======================================================
>-->From SmileZilla:
/(_
/_ (_
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/ | \
| \ (-.\ fish walking
_)\ \ (
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Lc.
A man calls home to his wife and says, "Honey I have been asked to
go fishing at a big lake up in Canada with my boss and several of
his friends.
We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get
that promotion I've been wanting. Would you please pack me enough
clothes for a week and set out my rod and tackle box. We're leaving
from the office and I will swing by the house to pick my things up.
Oh! Please pack my new blue silk pajamas."
The wife thinks this sounds a little fishy but being a good wife
that she is, she does exactly what her husband asked. The following
weekend he comes home a little tired but otherwise looking good.
The wife welcomes him home and asks if he caught many fish.
He says, "Yes! Lot's of Walleye, some Bluegill, and a few Pike. But
why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to
do?"
The wife replied, "I did, they were in your tackle box."
-<>-
A restaurant was packed with people watching a televised ball game.
Two diners gave the harried waitress their order, then waited a
long time without getting food.
Hearing the sound of cheers from the bar area, one diner joked,
"It sounds like someone got served!"
-<>-
A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean.
The lawyer said, "I'm here because my house burned down, and
everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company
paid for everything."
"That's quite a coincidence," said the engineer. "I'm here because
my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my
insurance company also paid for everything."
The lawyer looked somewhat confused. "How do you start a flood?" he
asked.
=======================================================
+------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+
October 10 is Columbus Day, International Newspaper Carrier Day,
and National Angel Food Cake Day
October 11 is It's My Party Day
October 12 is Cookbook Launch Day, Emergency Nurses Day, National
Fossil Day, Old Farmer's Day, Moment of Frustration Day, National
Gumbo Day and Take Your Teddy Bear to Work Day
October 13 is International Skeptics Day
October 14 is Be Bald and Free Day, National Dessert Day and
World Egg Day
October 15 is White Cane Safety Day and Sweetest Day
October 16 is Bosses Day and Dictionary Day
=======================================================
>-->Happy Columbus Day :)
^ +~+~~
^ )`.).
)``)``) .~~
).-'.-')|)
|-).-).-'_'-/
~~~\ `o-o-o' /~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~'---.____/~~Eric C. Liebl~~~
>Christopher Columbus Biography
Columbus was born in Italy in 1451, but he spent most of his life
in Portugal and in Spain. It was King Ferdinand of Spain who in
1492 financed his explorations to America in the ships: Santa
Maria, Pinta and Nina. Columbus returned to Spain the next year,
and later undertook a second expedition to the Caribbean. He died
at Valladolid, Spain in 1506.
Here's some SMILES:
Q: Where did Columbus first land in America?
A: On his feet!
Columbus’ Father: I don’t care what you’ve discovered, Christopher.
You could have written.
The teacher stood at the front of the room. “Does anybody know what
this Monday is?” About half of the students raised their hands. The
teacher pointed to one of them. “It’s Columbus Day!” he crowed. The
teacher smiled. “It is. Does anybody know why we celebrate it?” This
time, only one student raised her hand. “It’s the day the Indians
discovered Columbus!”
Q: How was Columbus’s ship like an avid shopper?
A: They’re both driven by sales!
The teacher was telling the story of Christopher Columbus and how
many thought that the world was flat. Then she had mentioned that
the world was really round and got interrupted, “Miss Smith, the
world is square, not round,” said Johnny. “No, it’s round Johnny.
Who told you it was square?” replied the teacher. “My older
brother. He claims he’s been to all 4 corners of the earth.”
Q: What happened when Columbus was shot at by an Indian?
A: He had an arrow miss.
Q: Why did the hungry Columbus eat the last candle?
A: He wanted a light snack.
. .
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Q: Who was the first cat to discover America?
A: Christopher Columpuss!
Q: What would you get if you crossed Columbus Day with Halloween?
A: Ghoulumbus Day!
Q: What’s the difference between one of Columbus’s sailors and a
monster?
A: One left his Spain behind and the other left his brain behind!
Columbus went around the world in 1492. That isn’t a lot of strokes
when you consider the course.
America had often been discovered before Columbus, but it had
always been hushed up. -- Oscar Wilde
Whether or not he INTENDED to discover America is irrelevant. The
fact is, he did it. And because of the awesome marketing and spin
control of Mr. Columbus, he's got all sorts of places named after
him! He's honored with: the nation of Colombia, U.S. capital the
District of Columbia, and maybe the most prestigious honor of all
-- the city of Columbus, Ohio.
So on Columbus Day we pay homage to a fearless explorer who
accidentally discovered a New World full of abundant natural
resources.
Here's More - Discoveries By Accident
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/discoveries.html
==============================================================
>-->From GoodCleanFun:
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>Snake Food
My brother adopted a snake named Slinky, whose most disagreeable
trait was eating live mice. Once I was pressed into going to the
pet store to buy Slinky's dinner. The worst part of this wasn't
choosing the juiciest-looking creatures or turning down the clerk
who wanted to sell me vitamins to ensure their longevity. The
hardest part was carrying the poor things out in a box bearing the
words "Thank you for giving me a home."
-<>-
>Contentment
There was a father who was known by his family to be
a chronic growler. He complained about everything.
He was sitting one day with his family in the presence
of a guest in the living room when the subject of food
came up.
One of the children, a little girl, was telling the
guest what food each member of the family liked best.
Finally, it came to the father's turn to be described.
"And what do I like, Nancy?" he asked.
"You," said the little girl slowly, "well, what you
like most is anything we haven't got."
-<>-
>How High Can You Count?
A father and son were riding in their truck together one day and
the son asked the father, "Dad, how high can you count?"
The father replied, "Well, I don't know, son -- how high can you
count?"
The son immediately replied, "One thousand, five hundred, forty
-two."
The father said, "Why did you stop?"
The son shrugged his shoulders and said, "Well, church was over."
-<>-
>Cutting Class?
A teacher was reprimanding a teenager in the hall. "Do you mind
telling me whose class you're cutting this time?"
"Like," the young teen replied, "uh, see, okay, like it's like I
really don't like think like that's really important, y'know,
like because I'm y'know, like I don't like get anything out of
it."
"It's English class, isn't it?" replied the smiling teacher.
-<>-
>Belated Wedding Gift
My wife and I received an ice cream maker as a wedding gift ...
five years after our wedding. In an attempt to cover his
procrastination with humor, the friend who sent it included a
note:
"I wanted to make sure the marriage would last."
My wife wasn't amused, but she realized that the present deserved
a thank-you note anyway. Which she dutifully sent. Five years
later.
Her note read: "I wanted to be sure the ice cream maker would
last."
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend LouiseA :)
___
T T
===
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.'.' `.`.
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%%%% .'.' |_|_| `.`.
%%%%%% .'.' |_|_| `.`.
%%%%%__.--`'| [] |_|_| [] |`'---.
__ %%%%|------|| |||||||
/\ =========%%%| _&|| ___ ||===='
/ \ ///////////H/| j | || |_|_| || |
|||| ////////////H%| |- || |_|_| ||____|
|||| /////////////H/| | || |_|_| || TT| . &
|||| @@@@@@@@@@@@@H@|======|| ||====| "===' (f
|\//|\/|/\//\||//|\|||/\//|//\||\//||//|\||\||\/|/\//\||////|//\/||
>SMILES
My buddy just told me that he robbed a shop last night. "What did
you get?" I asked.
"Twenty-six pictures," he smiled, showing me. "The cheapest one
is worth over $180,000."
I told my buddy, "Dude, these pictures are from a REAL ESTATE
AGENT'S office!
--------
Even though she's been teaching English for twenty-five years, my
mother never felt her age was an issue, until the day she helped a
student with a report on the Vietnam War. Mom recognized the name
of a war correspondent mentioned in the textbook and blurted out,
"I used to go out with him!"
Peering up from his work, another wide-eyed student asked, "You
dated someone from our history book?"
--------
A busy working mom, I try to pack in as many errands on my lunch
break as possible. One noontime I raced to get a chest X-ray at
the hospital, then went to the cleaners and finally, the
supermarket.
When I returned to the office, I noticed strange looks from my
co-workers. Eventually one of them inquired what I did during
lunch and, after explaining the hectic hour, I asked, "Why do
you want to know?"
"Well," he said, "your blouse is inside out."
-------
NASA is launching a rocket to the moon. On board there are two
pigs and Kiki, a stunning blond. When the rocket is outside the
stratosphere, the first stage drops off. Contact is made:
"Houston here, Pig 1, Pig 1, do you read us? Over."
"Oink, oink, here Pig 1, read you loud and clear"
"Pig 1, do you still know your instructions?"
"Yes, when we get to the moon, I press the red button to initiate
the moon landing. Over."
"That's right. Over and out."
They go on until the rocket separates its booster stage. "Hello,
Pig 2? Come in please."
"Oink, oink, here Pig 2, read you loud and clear."
"OK, Pig 2 do you remember your instructions?"
"Yes, when we've landed on the moon and are ready to leave, I
press on the green button to initiate the launch program."
"That's right, Pig 2. Over and out."
An hour later when the rocket has achieved the correct speed the
last stage drops off as planned. Ground control contacts the
astronauts again. "Houston here, Kiki, come in. Kiki do you read
us?"
"Kiki here, reading you loud and clear."
"Kiki, do you remember your instructions?"
"Yes," Kiki says, "I feed the two pigs and keep my hands off
the buttons.
--------
As soon as she had finished convent school, a bright young girl
named Lena shook the dust of Ireland off her shoes and made her
way to New York where before long, she became a successful
performer in show business.
Eventually she returned to her home town for a visit and on a
Saturday night went to confession in the church, which she had
always attended as a child.
In the confessional Father Sullivan recognized her and began
asking her about her work.
She explained that she was an acrobatic dancer, and he wanted to
know what that meant.
She said she would be happy to show him the kind of thing she
did on stage.
She stepped out of the confessional and within sight of Father
Sullivan, she went into a series of cartwheels, leaping splits,
handsprings and back flips.
Kneeling near the confessional, waiting their turn, were two
middle-aged ladies.
They witnessed Lena's acrobatics with wide eyes, and one said to
the other: "Will you just look at the penance Father Sullivan is
givin' out this night, and me without me bloomers on!"
-------
In church last Sunday, I heard a sweet elderly lady in the pew
next to me saying a prayer. It was so innocent and sincere that
I just had to share it with you:
"Dear Lord:
The last four to five years have been very tough.
You have taken my favorite actor - Paul Newman;
my favorite actress - Elizabeth Taylor;
my favorite singer - Whitney Houston,
and now my favorite author -Tom Clancy.
I just wanted you to know that my favorite politicians are -
Barack Obama, Joe Biden, Hillary Clinton, Nancy Pelosi and Harry
Reid. Amen"
-------
A 5-year-old boy was playing with his toy cars on the floor next
to his bed. He suddenly noticed all the dust under his bed and
screamed for his mother.
His mother rushed to his room to find her son sitting on the floor
with a very puzzled look on his face.
Mother: "What's wrong?"
Son: "Remember today in church when the preacher said we all came
from dust and are going back to dust?"
Mother: "Yes"
Son: "Well, there's someone under my bed but I don't know if
they're coming or going."
--------
I always do my exercises regularly in the morning. Immediately
after waking I sternly say to myself, "Ready, now. Up. Down. Up.
Down." And after two strenuous minutes I tell myself, "Okay, now
try the other eyelid."
--------
Customer: "What's the luncheon special today?"
Waiter: "Beef tongue with onions."
Customer: "Oh, yuck!! I could never eat anything that was in a
cow's mouth!!"
Waiter: "Very well. What will you have?"
Customer: "Gimme a couple fried eggs."
--------
Doctor: "Take the green pill with a glass of water when you get
up. Take the blue pill with a glass of water after lunch. Then
just before going to bed, take the red pill with another glass
of water."
Man: "Exactly what's my problem, doc?"
Doctor: "You're not drinking enough water."
--------
A guy is going on an ocean cruise, and he tells his doctor that
he's worried about getting seasick.
The doctor suggests, ''Eat two pounds of stewed tomatoes before
you leave the dock.''
The guy replies, ''Would that keep me from getting sick, Doc?''
The doctor says, ''No, but it'll look real pretty in the water.''
-------
CNN reported today that Walt Disney's new film called "Jet Black,"
the African-American version of "Snow White" has been canceled.
All of the 7 dwarfs: Dealer, Stealer, Mugger, Forger, Drive By,
Homeboy, and Shank have refused to sing "Hi Ho" because they say
it offends their black ladies of the evening. They also say they
have no intention of singing, "It's off to work we go."
-------
A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting
at the other end. After an hour of gathering up his courage he
finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind
if I chatted with you for a while?" To which she responds by
yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you
tonight!" By now, the entire bar is staring at them. Naturally, the
guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to
his table. After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and
apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed
you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying
how people respond to embarrassing situations." To which he
responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200!"
--------
Two blonde dudes Scott and Glenn were working on a house. While
nailing down siding Glenn would reach into his nail pouch, pull
out a nail and either toss it over his shoulder or nail it in.
Scott, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you
throwing those nails away?"
Glenn explained, "If I pull a nail out of my pouch and it's
pointed toward me, I throw it away 'cause it's defective. If it's
pointed toward the house, then I nail it in!"
Scott got completely upset and yelled, "You idiot! The nails
pointed toward you aren't defective! They're for the other side of
the house!"
-------
__
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The Iranian Ambassador to the UN had just finished giving a speech
and walked out into the lobby of the convention center where he
was introduced to a U.S. Marine General. As they talked, the
Iranian said, "I have just one question about what I have seen in
America."
The General said, "Well, anything I can do to help?"
The Iranian whispered, "My son watches this show called Star Trek
and in it there is... Kirk who is Canadian, Chekhov who is
Russian, Scotty who is Scotish, Uhura who is black, and Sulu, who
is Japanese, but there are NO Muslims. My son is very upset and
doesn't understand why there aren't any Iranians, Iraqis, Afghans,
Egyptians, Palestinians, Saudis, Syrians, or Pakistanis on Star
Trek."
The General leaned toward the Iranian Ambassador, and whispered
in his ear, "That's because it takes place in the future..."
---
...Oh My! LOL! Thanks LouiseAu!
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Gh0striders :)
,.,.
((((^))
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Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, were excessively mischievous.
They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew all
about it.
If any mischief occurred in their town, the two boys were probably
involved. The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been
successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would
speak with her boys.
The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually. So
the mother sent the 8 year old first, in the morning, with the
older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon.
The preacher, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy
down and asked him sternly, 'Do you know where God is, son?'
The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting
there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open.
So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone,
'Where is God?'
Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. The preacher raised his
voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and
bellowed, 'Where is God?'
The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and
dived into his closet, slamming the door behind him.
When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, 'What
happened?'
The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, 'We are in BIG
trouble this time,'
(I just LOVE reading this next line again and again:)
'GOD is missing, and they think we did it!'
---
...LOL! A great classic! Thanks Gh0striders!
=======================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
Woman Who Said Clinton Raped Her Tells Voters, ‘Actions Speak
Louder Than Words’ - "How many times must it be said?"
http://tinyurl.com/z79exdu
---
...I used to like Paul Ryan until he started acting like
every other paid off politician and wouldn't back Trump
even though Trump had more votes than any other Republican
nominee - ever! So Paul Ryan more or less was saying he
didn't care what the American people thought. But then I
had my hopes up when he decided to act like a man and do the
right thing for America and his party by backing Trump and
going out campaigning with him. Of course as soon as the
waters got choppy and Hillary dragged out a decade plus
video on Trump he hightails it and proves once again what
a putz he truly is. You can always tell a person's true
colors by how they act when adversity is on them - like the
way Peter acted when betraying Jesus. He was all goody two
shoes with Jesus until the going got tough then he turned
his back on the most important person in his life showing
his true colors not just once but three times! Just the way
weak people are. Jesus knew this and forgave Peter of this
later knowing full well that none of us is without sin.
Sad about Ryan, Kasich, McCain and other strong Republicans.
I would have given them the benefit of the doubt - thinking
them better than that. But that was before we had Trump
showing us what the truth is in congress. Many people out
just for themselves could care less about America. They know
that if Trump doesn't win then Hillary by default will. Did
they turn into Democrats on us? If so they need to resign.
Trump is the one who had it made and could have just gone
along with his own cushy billionaire ways instead of diving
into the sea of controversy, humility, repeated lies and
character bashing by all the left, most of the news media,
and even his own fellow Republican party!
Thank God he doesn't give up on us, his AMERICAN SUPPORTERS!
He complimented Hillary last night that she is a fighter -
well, I think he is the REAL fighter! He hasn't given up and
I am confident and pray God will give him the strength to see
this through to November 8th in the name of our Victorious
Lord and Savior Christ Jesus!
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
College is not what I remember. If you are a 19-year-old
college kid and on the wrong end of a taser and a police
dog, you've made some seriously bad desicions in your young
life.
This rather brutal story took place in Florida where 19-year-
old Austin Harrouff was a sophomore at Florida State
University.
Last August police arrived at the home of Michelle Mischon,
53, and her husband, John Stevens, 59, who where victims of
Harrouff's homicidal rampage. He had fatally stabbed the
couple before attempting to bite off one of the victim's
faces.
Police found Harrouff on top of Stevens, "biting off sections
of his face" while making animal noises. Officers then
attempted to use a stun gun and a police dog to get Harrouff
to stop, but neither had any effect. Police reported they
also tried kicking Harrouff in the face several times - but
that, too, did not elicit a reaction.
Along with two counts of murder, Harrouff has also been
charged with one count of attempted murder for stabbing a
neighbor who attempted to intervene in the attack.
Incredibly enough, Harrouff tested negative for
methamphetamine, cocaine, heroin, and other common drugs.
Maybe it was finals stress.
My question is; how did this psycho maniac get into college
in the first place?
-<>-
Leonardo Da Vinci he's not, but this 27-year-old Brit,
originally from Buenos Aires, is commanding up to 1,500
British pounds for his works of art. Is it his abstract
technique? Maybe, but it's more likely the fact that
Leandro Granato creates his works by snorting up paint
and squirting it out of his eyes.
He has to weep out up to a pint and a half of watercolors
to make each one of his creations.
"Ever since I was a kid I knew I had a special connection
between my eye and my nose," explained Granato.
"As I grew up, I started realizing that air and liquids
could go out of my eye if I put them through my nose. Now,
I am the inventor of a new painting style in the art
world."
He added: "When I decided to do this for a living, my
whole family - as well as many other people - thought I
was going crazy. But as time went by, they began to
understand the art I call eye-painting."
*-- British man solves 'world's smallest Rubik's cube'
with tweezers --*
IPSWITCH, England - A British puzzle enthusiast shared
video of his successful attempt to solve what he bills
as the "world's smallest Rubik's cube." Tony Fisher, who
holds the Guinness World Record for largest Rubik's cube
after building a puzzle measuring more than 5 feet tall,
created a Rubik's cube measuring only .22 inches on each
side. Fisher said he couldn't get a 3D printer to make
the puzzle small enough, so he filed down a cube that
started at .24 inches on each side. The video shows Fisher
solving the puzzle using tweezers and a magnifying glass.
*-- Burger King apologizes for profane messages on
couple's wrappers --*
NAPERVILLE, Ill. - An Illinois couple said they felt doubly
insulted when a Burger King manager refused to hear their
complaints about profane messages written on their wrappers.
Nancy and Martyce Murphy said they took home their recent
order from the Burger King drive-through in Naperville and
were preparing to eat when they noticed both of their
sandwich wrappers had been marked with the same expletive.
Nancy Murphy said she called the restaurant and received
nothing but denials from a manager. "I told him what had
happened and he said, 'I don't believe you, there's no way
that could have happened,'" she told WLS-TV. Murphy said she
spoke to a higher-up supervisor Monday and later learned Monday
afternoon that an employee had admitted to writing the messages
and had been fired. The supervisor said the worker told
officials they were having a bad day and took it out on the
customers with the profanities. The couple said they still feel
insulted by the company. "To just shrug it off and you're in
management and to say 'I think you're lying' or 'I don't
believe you,' I think that's most insulting," Nancy Murphy said.
Profane or insulting messages have been found on receipts, as
one Starbucks customer in St. Augustine, Fla., discovered when
his bill included the message, "Diabetes here I come." Starbucks
apologized to the customer and said employees would receive
additional training to ensure this would not happen again.
*--------------- Try, Try Again ---------------*
A young mother of 14 daughters is determined to keep going
until she gives her husband a son. Augustina Higuera of
Texas, is just 29 years old, but she is already the proud
mother of 14 children. Higuera not only beat many odds by
having a large family of girls only, but she beat odds of
500,000 to one when she gave birth to a third set of twins.
Although Higuera loves her daughters, she vowed to keep
going until she has given her husband Jose, 30, a son. "I
have no limit on how many children I am willing to have.
I would even have another 10 if it meant having a boy," she
said.
*----------------- Pokemon Go -----------------*
The prime minister of Norway was caught on camera playing
Pokemon Go in parliament -- and the current speaker had
previously been caught doing the same thing. Prime Minister
Erna Solberg was captured by a photographer playing the
popular augmented reality game on her smartphone during a
debate in the country's parliament. Solberg, leader of the
Conservative Party, was seen playing during remarks from
Liberal Party leader Trine Skei Grande. The prime minister
told local news she didn't think Grande would mind, seeing
as how she was caught on video playing Pokemon Go during a
parliamentary Storting committee hearing. Grande confirmed
as much with an aisle-crossing tweet in support of the prime
minister's game-playing habits. "She heard what I said, we
ladies can do two things at the same time you know," she
tweeted with a winking emoji.
=========================================================
>-->From Our friend Linda :)
.-""-._
/ ___/ \ _&_
_.--""|/ `\| // \\
.' ( ^/ ^ )'. / / \ \
/ | _ | \ // / \ \\
| _\____/ | /_/_/_\_\_\
| .' \____/-._ | .-"-.
| / `; /# \
| / / _|_.---\ | |
|.-.; :--.-(_/.____/.-""\___/"-.
/ \ / ~~/ /\ \{"=.______.="}
/--. ; /___/_~~/ ; .--\"=...__...="}
/ \-/ `\______|/ \-.______..-;
| /`| | \ | |||| ||
| /_ | |_______/ | |||| ||
| \_/| |-------' |--'||'--._||
| | | | || |>
|______| |____________|._ || _..-;|
| [___] | `||() ||
|______ |\/|____________|jgs|| ()
(__) \__/ (__) ()
>Thoughts - Sit With Me...
There comes a time in your life, when you walk away from all the
drama and people who create it. You surround yourself with people
who make you laugh. Forget the bad, and focus on the good. Love
the people who treat you right, pray for the ones who don't. Life
is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is a part of
life, getting back up is living."
---
...Aww, so sweet! Thanks Linda...
Reminds me of this my daughter showed me today...
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/2016/trump20.jpg
Exactly how I felt watching the debate yesterday!
sit is also short for Speak In Tongues - a great thing to do
while thinking of the Trump Campaign. He needs all our thoughts
and prayers so he can win and Make America Great Again! and
Reverse the curse of Obama!
==========================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
A prospective juror in a Dallas District Court was surprised
by the definition of voluntary manslaughter given the panel:
"An intentional killing that occurs while the defendant is
under the immediate influence of sudden passion arising from
an adequate cause, such as when a spouse's mate is found in
a 'compromising position.'"
"See, I have a problem with that passion business," responded
the jury candidate. "During my first marriage, I came in and
found my husband in bed with my neighbor. All I did was
divorce him. I had no idea that I could have shot him." She
wasn't selected for the jury.
-<>-
First thing this morning, there was a tap on my door.
My plumber has a stupid sense of humour.
-<>-
,-----.
/' `\
; ----,---- ;
| `o- |`o- |
| |_ |
| _____, |
\_ _/
| `-----' |
__.-; ;-.__
_,-' ; : ; ; `-._
_,' `.
,`-,_____ \ : : / ____,-'-,
/' ```----. .----''' `\
/ \_/ \
| | |
| , | , |
| | | | |
| \ | / |
\ /\ o | o /\ /
/ | |`\ / \ /'| | \
| | | `------' `------' | | |
| | \ _.--'|`--._ / | |
\ | | __|--'|`--|__ | | /
| | | __|--'|`--|__pb | | |
The difference between "Men" and "Guys"
Men: know what they want to be doing five years down the
road.
Guys: are not sure what they want to be doing later tonight.
Men: read Crichton, watch Rather, play golf.
Guys: read King, watch Seinfeld, play poker.
Men: wear ties with stripes, shirts with buttons, and shoes
with laces.
Guys: wear high school T-shirts they've actually owned since
high school.
Men: balance their checkbooks.
Guys: balance their loans so that they never hit up the same
buddy twice in a row.
Men: claim to be feminist but still insist on opening doors,
driving, and paying for dinner.
Guys: claim to be feminists so they can let YOU open doors,
drive, and pay for dinner.
Men: are afraid of becoming their fathers.
Guys: are afraid of becoming men.
Men: put you on the phone when their mothers call.
Guys: pretend you're not there when their moms call.
Men: start their own businesses.
Guys: quit their jobs.
Men: are experts on women's erogenous zones.
Guys: are experts on their own erogenous zone.
Men: order wine based on more than the price.
Guys: bring their own beer.
-<>-
College meals are generally unpopular with those who have
to eat them, and sometimes with good reason.
"What kind of pie do you call this?" asked one student
indignantly.
"What's it taste like?" asked the cook.
"Glue."
"Then it's apple pie. The plum pie tastes like soap."
-<>-
A man and his friend were exiting a drugstore and at the
front door there was a scale.
"Look, a scale," the man said to his friend. "Let's see how
my new diet is working out."
He stepped on the scale.
"I can't believe it!" he said as he read the result. "I've
been on this diet for two weeks but the scale says I'm
heaver than I was before! How can that be?"
He pondered this as he stepped off the scale, then had a
thought. He took off his jacket and handed it to his friend.
"Here, hold my jacket," he said.
The friend took the jacket as the man stepped back on the
scale.
Not much change.
"Here," he said as he handed his purchase from the drugstore
to his friend. "Hold my Twinkies too."
-<>-
The elevator in our building malfunctioned one day, leaving
several of us stranded. Seeing a sign that listed two
emergency phone numbers, I dialed the first and explained
our situation.
After what seemed to be a very long silence, the voice on
the other end said, "I don't know what you expect me to do
for you; I'm a psychologist."
"A psychologist?" I replied. "Your phone is listed here as
an emergency number. Can't you help us?"
"Well," he finally responded in a measured tone. "How do
you feel about being stuck in an elevator?"
=========================================================
>-->From TheMouthpiece:
.-----. .'`-.
/ ,-- | .- `-.
,' ,-' `. _.-' ,-.`.)
; / ,=---`--+' .- -. `.
( \ ,' =,- ,' ( o ) | /\
: : / =,-' / \-' ;(o :
\ | ' ; ( `--' \ ;
\ | = | \`--+ --. `(
`+ =/ : : `. `. \
' =/ \ `--. '-. `. `.
\ =; `._ : ( `-. `. `.
\ = ; `._.' `-.-`-._\ `-.
\= ' _.-'_) (::::)
`+ -. `--7' `--`..'
( : .' ;
\ | | /
\ | _.-| +---'
`--+ `. \ \
/`. '-.-\ `--.
/ /#### `----.'
( ,-'############\
\\/###############;
\###############/
kOs |--------------| _.---------
:::::::::::::::|_.-''
::::::::::_.-''
.-''..'---'-------''
>WHAT MOVIES HAVE TAUGHT US ABOUT COMPUTERS
* All monitors and hand-held devices display 2 inch high
letters whenever you need to see what the operator is typing.
* High-tech computers, such as those used by NASA, the CIA, or
some such governmental institution, have easy-to-understand
graphical interfaces.
* Those that don't will have incredibly powerful text-based
command shells that can correctly understand and execute
commands typed in plain English.
* Corollary: You can gain access to any information you want
by simply typing....
'ACCESS ALL OF THE SECRET FILES' on any keyboard.
* Likewise, you can infect a computer with a destructive virus
by simply typing 'UPLOAD VIRUS.' Viruses cause temperatures in
computers, just like they do in humans. After a while, smoke
billows out of disk drives and monitors, explosions may result.
* People typing away on a computer will turn it off without
saving the data. However, the files are found fully intact
upon returning.
* Any PERMISSION DENIED has an OVERRIDE function.
* Complex calculations and loading of huge amounts of data will
be accomplished in under three seconds. Modems transmit data at
two gigabytes per second.
* No matter what kind of computer disk it is, it'll be
readable by any system you put it into. All application
software is usable by all computer platforms.
* The more high-tech the equipment, the more unlabeled buttons
it has.
* Laptops always seem to have amazing real-time video phone
capabilities (through their built-in satellite uplink) and the
performance of a CRAY-T3E.
* Computers NEVER crash during key, high-intensity activities.
Humans NEVER make mistakes while operating computers under
stress.
* Any photograph can have minute details digitally pulled out
of it; you can zoom into any picture as far as you want to.
-<>-
>Cards You Won't Find In The Shops
_________
' |. |_
. |. |:|
. .-----. ` |. |/
/ RIP \ |_________|
| | __|___|__
____________|_______|______[_________]______________
| |
| _______ _______ ______ __ __ _______ ______ |
| | __| | | | |/ | ___| __ \ |
| |__ | | | ---| <| ___| < |
| |_______|_______|______|__|\__|_______|___|__| |
| |
| |
|____________________________________________________|
b'ger
"Looking back over the years that we've been together, I
can't help but wonder:............. What was I thinking?"
"Congratulations on your wedding day!............. Too bad
no one likes your wife."
"How could two people as beautiful you............ have such
an ugly baby?"
"I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to
love......... After having met you, I've changed my mind."
"I must admit, you brought Religion in my life........... I
never believed in Hell until I met you."
"As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am....... that
you're not here to ruin it for me."
"As you grow older, Mum, I think of all the gifts you've
given me. Like the need for therapy..."
"Thanks for being a part of my life!!!.......... I never knew
what evil was before this!"
"Before you go,......... I would like you to take this knife
out of my back. You'll probably need it again."
"Someday I hope to get married............ but not to you."
"You look great for your age.......Almost Lifelike!"
"When we were together, you always said you'd die for
me......... Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you
kept your promise."
"I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best
friend....... So here's his leash, water bowl and chew toys."
"We have been friends for a very long time........... What do
you say we call it quits?"
"I'm so miserable without you.................. It's almost
like you're here."
"Congratulations on your new bundle of joy............... Did
you ever find out who the father was?"
"You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship
and there was only one life jacket.... I'd miss you heaps and
think of you often."
"Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your
birthday--------- So we're having you put to sleep."
-<>-
__ _.--._ _.-"-.
.-" `"._ _.-```-._.-' `'.-' '. .-"".
.-. .-. `-._.'_ .-' _ _ . ` .--. '-.-'
| |_| | .--. | | .-. \ \ / /.-. .-./ /\ \ .--. .---.
| _ |/ /\ \| | | | \ ` / | |/\| || || |/ /\ \| |\ \
| | | || || || |__ | | | | | |\ \/ /| || || || |
'-' '-'\ \/ /|____|| '--.|_| | /\ | '--' \ \/ /| |/ /
jgs '--' '----' '-' '-' '--' '---'
>Hollywood Lessons
*It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight
involving martial arts: your enemies will wait patiently to
attack you one by one, dancing around in a threatening manner
until you have knocked out their predecessors.
*Honest and hard-working policemen are traditionally gunned
down three days before their retirement.
*All beds have special L-shaped sheets that reach the armpit
level of a woman, but only the waist level of the man lying
beside her.
At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
*Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the
communications system of any invading alien society.
All grocery bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
*Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill
their arch enemies using complicated machinery involving
fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers, and man-eating
sharks, which will allow their captives at least a half-hour
to escape.
*You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless
you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your
sweetheart back home.
*A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious
beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
*If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown
through it before long.
*If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any
strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
*Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is
necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to
right every few moments.
*All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with
large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to
go off, but luckily you'll always blindly choose to cut the
right wire.
*A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended
from duty.
*Police departments give their officers personality tests to
make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is
their total opposite.
=========================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
Home Security!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/security.html
3D Liquid Floors!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/3dfloors.html
High Tech Toys 2!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/techtoys2.html
Artistic Coffee Mugs!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/coffeemugs.html
Redneck Innovations!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/redneckinnovations.html
Awesome Tree Houses!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/action7.html
Thoughts Into Action 7!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/action7.html
Beautiful Artistic Stairs!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/artisticstairs.html
Arrows Across America!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/arrows.html
Amazing Athlete Homes!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/athletehomes.html
Buildings In Camouflage!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/buildingshiding.html
Brilliant Women Inventors!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/womeninventors.html
Amazing Human Progress 2!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/humanprogress2.html
Growing Fruits And Veggies!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/fruitsandveggies.html
Amazing Homes Around The World!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ahouse.html
-<>-
>From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
Dreamscapes Timelapse is the second timelapse video from
photographer Jonathan Besler. Dreamscapes continues where his
first video left off featuring more colorful mountain scenes from
the district of Oberallgäu in Bavaria, Germany. He used
approximately 15,000 photos to create this wonderful video.
Soundtrack music is “Beacons” by Rob Fleming.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=Kkq4g5IggqU
Whoever coined the phrase "fighting like cats and dogs" never saw
the beautiful relationship between these two wounded pets. Idgie
the dachshund and Ruth the cat were rescued together and ever
since, they've been inseparable. Love knows no bounds, and neither
does cuteness!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=1AkTdvTOngo
If you own a dog, you know the pain of leaving them alone while you
head off to work each day. This cute video captures the feeling all
too well. Watch to see one of the hardest parts of pet ownership
caught on tape.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ifXO3U8DxYU
The Candid Camera show had a lot of fun with animals over the years
and this series of animal clips should bring a smile to your face.
The unsuspecting people caught in the Candid Camera act have no idea
what is going on as they suddenly find themselves in a strange
encounter with an animal.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sbyYcKuBi8s
---
...awww, TeeHee! Thanks LouiseAu!
=======================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"Archaeologists in Egypt have discovered a pair of socks
meant to be worn with sandals from 2,000 years ago.
Scholars say it's evidence of the first German tourist."
-Conan O'Brien
"The first and only vice-presidential debate of this
election season was held tonight, and it was pretty much
the same as the debate I had with my wife about painting
the foyer. 'Do we want eggshell or ivory?'" -Seth Meyers
"A man in Oregon was arrested for growing marijuana after
police used Google Earth to track him down. So if you're
one of those crazy conspiracy theorists who thinks the
government is watching you with satellites from space, you
were right." -Jimmy Fallon
"I've never been to a hotel with a rotating restaurant on
top, but one time I took my girlfriend to a merry-go-round,
and I gave her a burrito." -Mitch Hedberg
"Some say the glass is half empty, some say the glass is
half full, I say, are you going to drink that?" -Lisa Claymen
"I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world
without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world,
because they'd never expect it." -Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy
"Over the weekend, a 102-year-old woman got herself arrested
so she could check that off of her bucket list. Now, it all
seems like a cute story until you learn that the arrest was
for triple homicide." -Conan O'Brien
"Two guys in New Hampshire were arrested after they tried to
rob a group of people playing Bingo. Cops became suspicious
when they saw a car driving away from the Bingo hall going
more than 10 miles an hour." -Jimmy Fallon
"A study has found that some people can suffer symptoms of
withdrawal when they are forced to stay away from social
media sites. This is why I'm not even on Facebook. I update
my high school yearbook manually with a pen." -Jimmy Kimmel
"According to a new poll, 67% of television viewers say that
they are sick of reality TV shows. The other 33% are currently
on a reality TV show."
-Conan O'Brien
"Obviously crime pays, or there'd be no crime."
-G. Gordon Liddy
"It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is
whether I win or lose."
-Darrin Weinberg
"Paradise is exactly like where you are right now...only much,
much better"
-Laurie Anderson
"Now I know what a statesman is; he's a dead politician. We
need more statesmen."
-Bob Edwards
"I've always found paranoia to be a perfectly defensible
position."
-Pat Conroy
"It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light,
and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off."
-Woody Allen
"Tip the world over on its side and everything loose will
land in Los Angeles."
-Frank Lloyd Wright
"McDonald's announced plans to get their customers back. From
now on, they're only going to serve fresh food and have clean
restrooms. So what were they thinking before?"
-Jay Leno
"A federal judge threw out a lawsuit by a New York family that
claimed McDonald's food made their two children fat. The
children said they would protest the ruling, but not with a
hunger strike."
-Conan O'Brien
"Politics is the skilled use of blunt objects."
-Lester B. Pearson
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61
NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep.
You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy,
good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
Share
A Recipe
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