Happy Columbus Day! .... :) shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* Please Consider Giving To ShangralaFamilyFun.com The cost of the website has gone up dramatically due to the ever increasingly wonderful pages and photos being added each week to entertain you and our fellow Christian families. If every one would chip in $25 or more, we'd be good for the whole year! So Please - I need your help today! "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ *~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a Shangrala Angel, the easiest way to do that is through online giving. It is easy to use, and most of all, it is secure. Please visit the site, scroll down and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL form page comes up. NOTE: Paypal will generate a 'Quantity 1' and 'Price per item' form. Just ignore the price per item and put whatever it is you desire to give in there. With Paypal, you will have your normal receipt for your 'payment' donation in USD (United States Dollars). You can put a memo in there if you'd like. EVERY LITTLE BIT WILL HELP! Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS YOU ABUNDANTLY FOR YOUR GIFT! ================ >-->3 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press This too hot to handle new page is from our friend LouiseAu. It's sure to tickle your funny bone and give you plenty of SMILES for your day. Turn sound up and check it out here... _____ _ _____ ____ /_ /, | ,-, ) /'_`\ |_ _| | __| \ \> | `-'< | (_) | | | | _| ) )__ ,_ |_|`\_\ \___/ |_| |_| (_.-'_)__$ ;-'' pb Funny T-Shirt Wisdom http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/teeshirts.html Our next hot new page is from my daughter Tammy. If you are thinking your beloved pet loves you as much as you love it, you may get a rude awakening like this one woman did when her veterinarian told her this about her pet. Be sure to check this and its stunning videos out here: _ _ /^\/^\ _|__| O| \/ /~ \_/ \ \____|__________/ \ \_______ \ `\ \ \ | | \ / / \ -Bob Allison- / / \\ / / \ \ / / \ \ / / _----_ \ \ / / _-~ ~-_ | | ( ( _-~ _--_ ~-_ _/ | \ ~-____-~ _-~ ~-_ ~-_-~ / ~-_ _-~ ~-_ _-~ ~--______-~ ~-___-~ The Pet Python http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/python.html Our last piping hot new page is from our friend Linda. If you are like me and appreciate precision and artful engineering skills craftsmanship then you will want to check out this extremely amazing project. Not only did this man make an exact model to scale, but he crafted it so precise that the engine works like the original classic car it is designed from! Be sure to check this and its awesome videos out here: . .. __..---/______//-----. (( ) .".--.```| - /.--. =: ( VROOM! )) (.: {} :__L______: {} :__; __--( __- -_= ) *--* *--* jnh Duesenberg Model http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/duesenberg.html --- ...Wow! Most remarkable! Thanks Linda! ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo 8 .d88 8 oooooooooooooooooooooooooooood8888 8 8888888888888888888888888P" 8888 oooooooooooooooo 8 8888888888888888888888P" 8888 8 8 8 8888888888888888888P" 8888 8 d8 8 8888888888888888P" 8888 8 d88 8 8888888888888P" 8888 8 d888 8 8888888888P" 8888 8 d8888 8 8888888P" 8888 8 d88888 8 8888P" 8888 8 d888888 8 8888oooooooooooooooooooooocgmm8888 8 d8888888 8 .od88888888888888888888888888888888 8 d88888888 8888888888888888888888888888888888888 8 d888888888 8 d8888888888 ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo 8 d88888888888 d ...oood8b 8 d888888888888 d ...oood888888888888b 8 d8888888888888 d ...oood88888888888888888888888b 8d88888888888888 dood8888888888888888888888888888888888b A programmer went to the doctor complaining about wrist pain. The doctor poked and prodded for a while and then issued of a prognosis: "You have carpal tunnel syndrome, but it's in the early stages. You should be able to continue work, but you should give up half of your programming." "Which half? Writing memos about it or attending meetings about it?" -<>- A little boy was doing his homework one evening and turned to his father and said, "Dad, where would I find the Andes?" "Don't ask me," said the father. "Ask your mother. She puts everything away in the house." -<>- I ran into Steinberg once in New York. He was carrying a load of bags and packages. We had a little chat and then I asked him how I could find Broadway. "I'll help you," he said, "here hold my bags." He handed me his stuff. "Now take these as well," giving me the boxes. Now I stood there, loaded with Steinberg's belongings, staring at him, while he spread out his arms in bewilderment, saying, "How to find Broadway? You asking ME? How should I know?" -<>- During WW2, three generals were arguing who had the bravest soldiers. The British general called one of his men over. 'Private! See that Nazi tank in the minefield there? Go destroy it.' 'Yes, Sir!' The soldier replied and started running. He ran across the unmarked minefield until within range of the tank with his anti-tank weapon, took aim and fired, destroying the tank all the while under heavy fire from the enemy trenches. 'See, British soldiers are the bravest.' 'That's nothing' said the Russian General 'Comrade! See that enemy soldier manning that machine gun there? Run across the mines into the trenches and kill him with a knife.' 'Da, Comrade General!' The Russian soldier bravely charges across the minefield under heavy fire, jumped into the trenches fought his way through many enemy soldier then being shot many times from the machine gun nest before reaching that soldier and slicing his throat after a bloody brawl. 'Nobody more brave than Russian soldier.' The American general, unimpressed said 'Let me show you all what real courage is.' He calls one of his men over. 'Private! See that enemy command post over there' I want you to run naked across the minefields, fight your way through the trenches, go to the command post and kill the commanding officer bare handed!' Without hesitation, the American soldier flips him the bird and says 'Go f**k yourself, General.' 'See! Now that takes some real balls!' ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ October 12 is Columbus Day, Cookbook Launch Day, Indigenous People Day, Old Farmer's Day, Moment of Frustration Day and National Gumbo Day October 13 is International Skeptics Day and Sukkot, at sundown October 14 is Be Bald and Free Day, Emergency Nurses Day, National Dessert Day, National Fossil Day, National Take Your Parents to Lunch Day and Take Your Teddy Bear to Work Day October 15 is White Cane Safety Day October 16 is Bosses Day and Dictionary Day October 17 is National Pasta Day, Sweetest Day and Wear Something Gaudy Day October 18 is National Meatloaf Appreciation Day and No Beard Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: | --====|====-- | .-"""""-. .'_________'. /_/_|__|__|_\_\ ;'-._ _.-'; ,--------------------| `-. .-' |--------------------, ``""--..__ ___ ; ' ; ___ __..--""`` jgs `"-// \\.._\ /_..// \\-"` \\_// '._ _.' \\_// `"` ``---`` `"` >Busy Airport Check-In While waiting in line at a busy airport check-in counter, I noticed a set of rambunctious little boys in front of me. As the line inched along, their mother tried in vain to get them to calm down. Finally she reached the counter, where the ticket agent asked her, "Have any of the items you plan to take with you on this flight been out of your immediate control since your arrival at the airport?" The young mother replied honestly, "The luggage, no; the children, yes." -<>- >Green Thumb I don't have much of a green thumb, but I like to have a few plants in my house. One day when my mother was over to babysit the children, I remarked that one of the plants in my window was looking poorly and asked if she could try to fix it while I was gone. When I returned, to my surprise, the plant looked beautiful and full. "What did you do?" I asked. Her reply: "I turned it around." -<>- >Xray Trauma? A four-year-old girl had to have an x-ray taken at the medical office where she was taken. She had been in an accident with her bicycle and the doctor was afraid she may have broken her wrist. The girl, however, was very concerned about the procedure, and no matter how her mother tried to calm her, she kept putting up quite a fuss as we led her into the x-ray facility. When she came out a few minutes later, however, she was calm and all smiles. "They just took a picture of my bones," she explained to her mother. "Yes, dear," her mom replied. "I told you it was easy. Did everything go well?" "Yup. It was great!" the child exclaimed. "I didn't even have to take my skin off or anything!" -<>- >Pizza Special? "Hello? Pizzamania? Do you have anything on special?" "Yes, we have our Veggie-Haters Delight. It has twelve different types of meat and five different cheeses." "Does anything come with that?" "A high cholesterol count." -<>- >Votive Candles Visiting St Patrick's Cathedral on a tour of New York City, my daughter and her children were awed by the sight. The kids were especially curious about the votive candles, so my daughter asked if they'd each like to light one - which they did. She explained that is it customary to say a prayer of petition or thanks, and she was careful to tell them that these are not like birthday candles. "Do you have any questions?" she asked. "No," said the five-year-old, "but if there's a pony outside, it's mine." ========================================================= >-->Happy Columbus Day! ,__ _, \~\| ~~---___ , | \ | / | ~~~~~~~|~~~~~| ~~---, _/, > /~-_--__| | | \ / ~\~~/ /~| ||,' | / \ |------| { / /~) __- ',|_\, / | |~~~~~~~~| \ \ | | '~\ |_____,|~,-' |~~--__ | | |____ |~~~~~|--| |__ /_-' {,~ | | ~~~|~~| | ~~\ / `-' |`~ |~_____{/ | | | '---------, \----| | | ,' ~/~\,|` ', \ | | |~~~~~~~| \ | ,'~~\ / | | \ | | | | \_-~ /`~___--\ ', \ ,-----|-------+-------'_____/__----~~/ / '_ '\| | |~~~| | | _/-,~~-,/ \ | | | |_ | /~~|~~\ \,/ ~~~-' | | `~~~\___| | | / '-,_ | _____| | / | ,-'---~\ `~'~ \ | `--,~~~~-~~, \ \/~\ /~~~`---` | \ \ / \ | \ | '\' `~' Jorn Barger >Columbus Day riddles: Q: What bus was able to get to America by sea? A: Colum-bus. Q: How do we know that Columbus was the best deal-maker in history? A: He left not knowing where he was going. When he got there, he didn’t know where he was. When he returned, he didn’t know where he’d been. And he did it all on borrowed money. . / \ _\ /_ . . (,'v`.) . . \) ( ) ,' `. ( ) (/ \`. / `-' `-' \ ,'/ : ' _______ ' : | _,-' ,-. `-._ | |,' ( )__`-'__( ) `.| (|,-,'-._ _.-`.-.|) / /<( o)> <( o)>\ \ : : | | : : | | ; : | | | | (.-.) | | | | ,' ___ `. | | ; |)/ ,'---'. \(| : _,-/ |/\( )/\| \-._ _..--'.-( | `-'''-' | )-.`--.._ `. ;`._________,': ,' ,' `/ \'`. `------.------' SSt ' Q: How did King Ferdinand and Queen Isabella pay for Columbus’s voyages? A: With their Discover card. Q: What do the Nina, the Pinta and the Santa Maria have in common with a department store? A: They’re all driven by sails (sales). Q: How do we know that Columbus’s ships got the best gas mileage in history? A: They got three thousand miles per galleon. Q: What would you get if you crossed Oct. 12 with Halloween? A: Ghoulumbus Day. _____|\ _.--| SSt |: <____|.----|| .---''---, ;..__..' _... ,'/ ;|/..--'' \ ,'_/.-/': : _..-'''/ / | \ \ _|/| \ /-./_ \; \ \,;' \ ,\ / \: `:\ \ // `:`. ,' \ /-._; | : : :: ,. . ,' :: /`-._| | | || ' : `.`.) _,' |;._:: | | | | `| : `' ,' `. / |`-:_ ; | | | : \ `--. ) /|-._: : | \ \ / / :_| ;`-._; __..--'; : : / ( ;|;-./_ _/.-:'o | / ' | / , \._/_/_./--''/_|:|___|_,' | : / `'-'--'----'---------' | | : O ._O O_. O ._O O_. ; ; : `. // // // // ,' / ~~~`.______//____//____//____//_______,'~ // //~ // // ~~ _// _// _// ~ _// ~ ~ / / / / / / / / ~ ~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ Q: Why are Columbus Day parades never longer than two miles? A: Because the marchers are afraid that if they go farther, they’ll fall off the edge of the Earth. Man: You know an ancestor of mine came over on the Santa Maria. Woman: 'Really? Which rat was he?' /\ /\ /\ //\\ //\\ //\\ \\// \\// \\// >< >< >< .._||_.. ._||.. ._||.. :/ !! : | \: :/ :; |: :| | | :: | | :: ;| |: :; | | :; | | :: :| |; : | | : : | | :: :| | | | | | ,| |_._.__| |__.__.| |._._._| | | | | | | | | | | | | \_.. ._/ \_. .._/ \_.. ._/ | | | | | | | | | | | | | \._____./ \._____./ | \ / `-.______. . .. ._______.-' \ .. / | | | | | | | | | | |... .| ____/.. . ..\____ _. -' '-._ /___________________________\ pjb Q: Why did the hungry Columbus eat the last candle? A: He wanted a light snack. -<>- It isn't easy being Columbus in today's world! To dismiss Columbus’s heroism and daring accomplishments, is today's norm however it is a norm groveling and reveling in its own ignorance. Let’s Not Say Goodbye to Columbus https://tinyurl.com/y5k7fzgn ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :) _------_ -~ ~- - _ - - |> - - |< - - |> - - || - - || - -__||__- |______| <______> <______> \/ unknown >SMILES Two men working in a factory were talking. "I know how to get some time off," said one. "How are you going to do that?" "Watch," he said, and climbed up on a rafter. The foreman asked what he was doing up there, and the man replied, "I'm a light bulb." "I think you need some time off," the foreman said, and the first man walked out of the factory. After a moment, the second man followed him. "Where do you think you're going?" the foreman shouted. " Well, I can't work in the dark," he said. ---------- A family of moles had been hibernating all winter. One beautiful spring morning, they woke up. The father mole stuck his head out of the hole and looked around "Mother Mole!" He called back down the hole. "Come up here! I smell honey, fresh made honey!" The mother mole ran up and squeezed in next to him. "That's not honey, that's maple syrup! I smell maple syrup!" The baby mole, still down in the hole, was sulking. "I can't smell anything down here but molasses...." ---------- One evening as a husband and wife were preparing for dinner company, the wife remembered she had forgotten to buy snails for her meal. She gave her husband a bucket and asked him to walk out onto the beach and collect some quickly and bring them back. As he was collecting snails on the beach he saw a beautiful woman a few yards away. He thought..' I wish she would come over and talk to me for just 5 minutes.' Not more then 5 minutes later he looked up and there she was. They started talking and then walking down the beach together chatting. When they got to her beach house she asked him in for a drink. They chatted, drank and eventually got down to making love all night long. At 7 the next morning he woke up in a panic, remembered the dinner party and grabbed the bucket of snails and ran all the way home. In his rush he spilled the bucket of snails on the stairs on his way up, making a lot of noise. His wife appeared in the open doorway. Hands on her hips and madder then heck she demanded to know where he was all night! He looked back at the spilled snails all over the stairs and said. "See! I told you guys to hurry up!" ---------- __ __ __ |==| |==| |==| __|__|__|__|__|__|_ __|___________________|___ __|__[]__[]__[]__[]__[]__[]__|___ |............................o.../ \.............................../ hjw_,~')_,~')_,~')_,~')_,~')_,~')_,~')/,~')_ A ship engine failed and no one could fix it, so they brought in a guy with 40 years experience. He inspected the engine very carefully, top to bottom. After looking things over, the guy reached into his bag and pulled out a small hammer. He gently tapped something. Instantly, the engine burst back into life. The engine was fixed! Seven days later the owners got his bill for $10,000. "What?!" the owners said. "You hardly did anything. Send us an itemized bill." The reply simply said: Tapping with a hammer: $2 Knowing where to tap: $9,998 ---------- Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire? A. A vampire only sucks blood at night. --- ...LOL! Thanks LouiseAu! -<>- : ;; / | / | .' : .-' ' _.-' / .-*" / _ .-' .' _.-*?' .' .' .-" .' __ .' , .-' .-+. .' _.-*".' / \ .-' _.--**""**-. .-' _.y-:-" .' : `+. .*""*. `. :-. -. \ .' ; .--*""*--. / __ ` _.--. \ |$| -.` -.;/ _.-+. : .' :*" "*..*" y`-' $| ;*" _( \ / +----/ / .'.-'---+ .-._.+' `. -'_.--. :- "_( `*-: | \/\/\/ | /) ` .'___ ' "_( ; `._| | \ )` .'.' `./_" ( : \| | (`._..--**" : .- ; `"' \ | | `----**"T"" " `+. | `. | Catchy signs! | ' .' : _.-*"*- | | / / ' .-*" _ | | __..-'\ / bug "+,'___..--| |--**"" `-.__.' "" +----------------+ >Catchy signs! Plumber: "We repair what your husband fixed." Pizza shop slogan: "7 days without pizza makes one Weak." At a tire shop in Milwaukee: "Invite us to your next blowout." Door of a plastic surgeons office: "Hello, can we pick your nose?" At a Towing Company: "We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows." Billboard on the side of the road: "Keep your eyes on the road and stop reading these signs." On an Electricians truck: "Let us remove your shorts." In a Nonsmoking Area: "If we see smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action." On Maternity Room Door: "Push, Push, Push." At an Optometrists Office "If you don't see what your looking for, you've come to the right place." On a Taxidermist's window: "We really know our stuff." In a Podiatrist's office: "Time wounds all heels." On a fence: "Salesmen Welcome, Dog food is expensive." Outside a Muffler Shop: "No appointment necessary, we'll hear you coming." In a Veterinarians waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes, Sit! Stay!" Inside a Bowling Alley: "Please be quiet, we need to hear a pin drop." In the front yard of a funeral home: "Drive carefully, we'll wait." In a counselors office: "Growing old is mandatory, growing wise is optional." --- ...TeeHee! Thanks LouiseAu! -<>- ()._ _.--. (##)_`-. / . ``u (##), ` `. \__) _/ (##),--. \ | --' ()' \ \ / | | | ,' \ _,' / ,' | ,;--// / ___\ |/ ___V__{(_ | ' \| || ,'-===- `,'| __| ,' /| || |""""""""|-L| ,`__. < _)))_))) |________|,' gnv (,' ool >God's Plan For Aging Most seniors never get enough exercise. In His wisdom, God decreed that seniors become forgetful so they would have to search for their glasses, keys and other things thus doing more walking. And God looked down and saw that it was good. Then God saw there was another need. In His wisdom, He made seniors lose coordination so they would drop things requiring them to bend, reach & stretch. And God looked down and saw that it was good. Then God considered the function of bladders and decided seniors would have additional calls of nature requiring more trips to the bathroom, thus providing more exercise. God looked down and saw that it was good. So - if you find as you age that you are getting up and down more, remember it's God's will. It is all in your best interest even though you mutter under your breath. --- ...HaHaHA! Thanks LouiseAu! -<>- ____ ____ '###\ \ / /###' ,\\\\\ | /////, __ \ .--. .--. / __ ___\/ ' | ' \/___ -- _, ! | ! ,_ -- / '! | !' \ /'/ ! | ! \'\ 1# ! \ 0|0 / ! #1 !# \ '--; ;--' / #! ` `\ `-' /` ` \## `--~' '~--` ##/ `-___________-` [Mash] >Important Facts To Remember: #9 Death is the number 1 killer in the world. #8 Life is s%xually transmitted. #7 Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. #6 Men have 2 motivations: hunger and hanky-panky, and they can't tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich. #5 Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day, teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks, months, may be years - unless you give them your email address. #4 Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing. #3 All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism. #2 In the 60's, people took LSD to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal. #1 Life is like a jar of jalapeno peppers. What you do today may be a burning issue tomorrow. --- ...Oh Gee! HaHa! Thanks LouiseAu! -<>- ,'-', :-----: (''' , - , ''') \ ' . , ` / \ ' ^ ? / \ ` - ,' `j_ _,' ,- -`\ \ /f ,- \_\/_/'- , `, , , /\ \ | / \ ', , f : :`, , <...\ , : ,- ' \,,,,\ ; : j ' \ \ :/^^^^' \ \ ; ''': \ -, -`.../ ' - -,`,--` \_._'-- '---: Storm >[Politics] KHE . . . who? by Bill Shuey Bill has a unique writing style which allows him to act as an observer of the action that is taking place. He describes what he sees without the use of profanity or explicit s%xual descriptions. To date Bill Shuey has written a total of 18 books, the last two will be published in late 2020.. Bill is a member of the Western Writers’ Association. https://billshueybooks.com/ Ms. Harris https://billshueybooks.com/f/ms-harris BLM and Kamala https://billshueybooks.com/f/blm-and-kamala Harris-Emhoff "For anyone with the intelligence of a green tree frog to vote for Biden-Harris, they would have to harbor a hatred of Trump so deep that it overshadows their common sense. https://billshueybooks.com/f/harris-emhoff --- ...A Wonderful writer! Thanks LouiseAu! This is in the news about Harris... Michigan focus group voters say Biden won't 'make it four years' and Harris makes them want to vote for Trump https://tinyurl.com/y5c5o5xl ========================================================= >-->From HandyHints: ___________,_____ | | # |=====| | | (_) |=====| |> _ |_____|=====| | [_] | | | | |_____|=====| | | |_____| | ] |_____| | | |_____|=====| | | ___ |_____| |> |[___]| | | |[___]|=====| |_____|=====|_____| jgs [###########] Whether you want to maximize spase, ward off icky shelf messes or reduce odors and mold, these simple tricks will transform your fridge into a money, time and health saver. * Banish odors with mold with activated charcoal You know putting a box of baking soda in the fridge helps eliminate smells, but there's an even better option. A recent study found activated charcoal lasts up to three times longer than baking soda. Even better? It reduces moisture and humidity, which means it cuts down on mold and mildew making your food last longer. * Find more space for bottles with a wine rack When they're standing upright, bottles of juice and other beverages can hog a ton of shelf space while leaving unusable empty space above them. To reclaim that real estate, repurpose an old bottle or wine rack so you can store bottles horizontally. * Spill-proof shelves with place mats No more scrubbing or stretching to mop up spills in the back of the fridge with DIY fridge liners. While most quality fridge liners can cost as much as $25 per pack, you can get the same effect by picking up a pack of vinyl or plastic place mats for less than $10. Simply cut the mats to fit. And stick with lighter colored mats which won't block the fridge light from reaching lower shelves. -<>- _,..._ /__ \ >< `. \ /_ \ | \-_ /:| ,--'..'. : ,' `. _,' \ _.._,--'' , | , ,',, _| _,.'| | | \\||/,'(,' '--'' | | | _ ||| | /-' | | | (- -)<`._ | / / | | \_\O/_/`-.(<< |____/ / | | / \ / -'| `--.'| | | \___/ / / | | H H / | | |_|_..-H-H--.._ / ,| | |-.._"_"__..-| | _-/ | | | | | | \_ | | | | | | | | | |____| | | | | _..' | |____| jrei | |_(____..._' _.' | `-..______..-'"" (___..--' >10 Healthy Uses for Baking Soda Everybody who reads Handy Hints knows you can use baking soda to brush your teeth and deodorize your fridge, in addition to baking cookies and cakes. But Baking soda, also known as sodium bicarbonate, has several health benefits that go beyond baking, from reducing heartburn to soothing itchy skin. * Reduce heartburn Baking soda can help treat heartburn by neutralizing stomach acid because baking soda is a base. Dissolve a teaspoon of baking soda in a glass of cold water and drink the mixture slowly. * Soothe canker sores When you have painful mouth ulcers, rinsing with baking soda and water neutralizes the acidic ulcer and can calm the pain. Mix a half-teaspoon of the soda with a half cup of warm water and rinse your mouth. * Clean your food If you want to effectively clean your produce, baking soda is a potent cleanser - without contaminating your broccoli with detergents. Studies have shown that soaking fruits and vegetables in a mix of baking soda and water for 15 minutes can kill almost all pesticides. * Deodorize everything Baking soda will deodorize more than just your fridge. Baking soda can eliminate the smell of sweat by making the odors less acidic. Try sprinkling baking soda onto your armpits. The same technique can be used to reduce the smell of stinky feet. * Soothe eczema (and other itchy rashes) If you have eczema or another itchy rash, baking soda might be just the salve you're seeking. The National Eczema Foundation recommends mixing a 1/4 cup of baking soda into lukewarm water and soaking for up to 15 minutes, then, while the skin is still damp, applying any prescription creams and a creamy moisturizer to seal the skin. >>> Be careful <<< Ingesting too much baking soda can be too much of a good thing. A tablespoon of baking soda dissolved in a glass of water and taken occasionally is fine, but taking too much could impact your health, causing vomiting and diarrhea as the body tries to correct the high sodium concentration by pulling more water into the digestive tract. ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: Full Watter's Words 10/10/20 https://www.bitchute.com/video/hX3ampTWmAaQ/ MyHealthVet: COVID-19 Test Results | Rescheduling Your Appointments https://tinyurl.com/y5yx8jv8 Thousands of Health Experts Sign Declaration Calling for End to Lockdown, Warn of ‘Irreparable Damage’ -The Daily Wire https://tinyurl.com/y2llldsu National Association of Scholars Calls for Revoking the 1619 Project Pulitzer Prize - “An impressive array of academics associated with the National Association of Scholars signed a letter to the Pulitzer Prize Board calling for it to revoke the prize it ceremoniously awarded to Nikole Hannah-Jones this year for her lead essay in The New York Times’ deeply troubled and historically challenged 1619 Project,” Glenn Stanton writes. “Hannah-Jones and the Times secretly deleted the most fundamental claim of her lead essay for the project: that slavery was the central reason for our nation’s founding.” The Federalist https://tinyurl.com/y3bmaxwq Critical Race Theory Claims Math is Racist / Biden Wants NY Gov Cuomo to Be US’s Top Law Enforcement / Are COVID Restrictions Pushing People to Trump? / Biden Campaign Uses Extreme Social Distancing as No One Attends Rally And MORE: https://reliablenewsnow.com/ Brooklyn Jewish Community Wave TRUMP 2020 Flags In Anti-Cuomo Protests https://tinyurl.com/y573oj59 White House Dr Confirms Trump Has “Detectable” Antibodies In Blood, Beating COVID-19 https://tinyurl.com/yyuj7oz5 MommyUnderground: Will Isolation Harm Your Child’s Immune System? Some Experts Say “Yes” https://tinyurl.com/yxzsomyb Portland’s Antifa-Loving Mayoral Candidate Has Thoughts On Gun Control / Texas man seeks $1M after viral photo shows mounted officers leading him by rope / Trump indicates he no longer has the coronavirus, says he is ‘immune’ And MORE: https://tinyurl.com/y4zk9ozb Rush Limbaugh REVEALED His Plan To Make Sure Trump Wins! / Government Agents CAUGHT Sending Money To Lib THUGS That Burn YOUR CITIES! / Trump Has Ordered Russia Hoax, Hillary’s Emails TOTALLY DECLASSIFIED! / Ilhan Omar CAUGHT Up In Cash For Ballots VOTER FRAUD SCAM! And MORE: https://tinyurl.com/y5e8732y Restaurants are 'dropping like flies': TGI Fridays CEO https://tinyurl.com/yyegx4cp Westwing News: Bigoted Attacks on Amy Coney Barrett Will Backfire https://www.whitehouse.gov/westwingreads/ WhiteHouseNews: Judge Amy Coney Barrett’s Senate confirmation hearings begin https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/ Latest From AFA: http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw Students For Life https://tinyurl.com/yd5nxmu6 Latest From OperationRescue: http://www.operationrescue.org/ Latest Product Alert: Recalled Meat and Poultry, Possible Foreign Matter Contamination http://www.emergencyemail.org/products/?fmt=text Latest Health Alert: COVID Smell Test, Two Odors Identified As Possible Symptoms http://www.emergencyemail.org/health/?fmt=text Click to Give Free https://tinyurl.com/y2abb8d2 -<>- >From BizarreNews: Andrej Sensnovis, a man from Southwest Michigan, took part in the Great Grass Race this summer. The goal? Drive from Los Angeles to Tampa, on a lawnmower. Without bringing along necessities like money or food. "We had no gas, no food, no money, no place to stay, nothing," he said. "We had to rely on the good hearts of Americans to get us across the country from point A to point B. And the people that I met were just absolutely amazing," said Sensnovis. Sensnovis said the Great Grass Race was a reality show. He said the goal of the show was to prove good people live throughout the United States. "I was just brought to tears a bunch of times, because of the good nature of people," he said. Still, the journey wasn't without issues; Sensnovis said the reality of COVID-19 made some people cautious about helping him and his teammate. "We were shut down a few times because of strangers that were worried about COVID and stuff, and the police also were worried about it a couple times," he said. Sensnovis said because of the race, he had stories for a lifetime. -<>- Police in Florida said a teenager caught posing as a doctor at a hospital had been carrying out his ruse at the facility for about a month. Police were called to St. Mary's Medical Center in West Palm Beach on a report of a juvenile falsely identifying himself as a doctor while wearing a white lab coat and carrying a stethoscope. "The individual never had contact with any hospital patients and did not gain access to any patient care areas of the hospital at any time. The hospital immediately notified local authorities, who took the individual into custody, and we are cooperating with their ongoing investigation," the hospital said in a statement. However, Dr. Sebastian Kent, an OB/GYN with St. Mary's, said the teen was with him in an examination room while he was with a patient. "The first thing I thought was, 'I am really getting old because these young doctors look younger every year," Kent said. Kent alerted police, who said security guards reported seeing the teenager walking around the hospital while dressed as a doctor on multiple occasions in previous weeks. "I saw him outside our office building with policemen surrounding him. I believe they had him in handcuffs. There was quite a commotion," Kent said. The teen told police he had been a doctor for "years," but his mother said he suffers from an illness and has been refusing to take his medication. The hospital and police said they have decided not to pursue charges against the boy. *--- 103-year-old becomes world's oldest skydiver ---* A 103-year-old man became the Guinness World Record holder for the oldest tandem skydiver when he jumped out of a plane in Texas. Alfred Blaschke, who went skydiving for the first time in 2017 to celebrate his 100th birthday, made good on a promise to return to the skies three years later to celebrate his twin grandsons graduating from college. Blaschke jumped out of the plane at 14,000 feet while strapped to Don Cameron, a certified tandem jump instructor at Skydive Spaceland San Marcos. The centenarian landed safely on the ground about 5 minutes later. "Everything went perfect," Blaschke said. "Skydiving is a very safe sport these days. Statistically, it's more dangerous to get snacks out of a vending machine." *--- That's a lot of woman ---* A 17-year-old Texas girl earned two Guinness World Records, thanks to her legs, which each measure more than 4 feet long. Maci Currin, 17, of Cedar Park, was certified by Guinness as having the world's longest legs (female), as well as the longest legs on a teenager. Currin's left leg measures 4 feet, 5.25 inches long, while her right leg measures 4 feet, 4.87 inches long. The girl said she comes from a tall family, but none of her relatives match her 6-foot, 10-inch stature. Currin said she hopes to someday set the Guinness record for the world's tallest professional model. *--- Teenager builds fusion reactor at home ---* A Tennessee boy is being honored by Guinness World Records for an unusual accomplishment: achieving nuclear fusion just hours before his 13th birthday. Jackson Oswalt, now 15, of Memphis was dubbed by Guinness as the world's youngest person to achieve nuclear fusion after officials verified that he built his own nuclear fusion reactor at his family's home and successfully used it in his final hours of being 12 years old. "I've been able to use electricity to accelerate two atoms of deuterium together so they fuse into an atom of helium-3 and also release a neutron, which can be used to heat up water and turn a steam engine, which in turn produces electricity," Oswalt said. Guinness said Oswalt's reactor and process had to be verified by Fusor.net, The Open Source Fusor Research Consortium, and fusion researcher Richard Hull, who maintains a list of amateur scientists who successfully created their own homemade fusion reactors. *--- Just what's going on in Maine? ---* Brunswick police say they summonsed 45-year-old James Kempf of Brunswick for assault after he allegedly struck another Brunswick man on Union Street. At around 1 p.m., Kempf was walking by the alleged victim, a 52-year-old man who Kempf told police barked at him, according to Patrol Cmdr. Paul Hansen.Kempf allegedly walked up to the man and slapped him, Hansen said. Kempf was issued a summons charging him with assault, a Class D misdemeanor; and violation of conditions of release which is a Class E misdemeanor. Police did not divulge why the man was barking, or why Hansen allegedly responded in the way he did. ========================================================= >-->From TheGroaner: ____ .---[[__]]----. ;-------------.| ____ | || .--[[__]]---. | || ;-----------.| | || | || jgs |_____________|/ | || |___________|/ >Lottery Winner A wife comes in and yells, "Honey! Pack your clothes! I just won the lottery!" Her husband yells back, "But what should I pack?" The wife replies, "I DON'T CARE! JUST PACK AND GET OUT!" -<>- >Punny... Punny Stuff The gladiator was having a rough day in the arena. His opponent had sliced off both of his arms. Nevertheless, he kept on fighting, kicking and biting as furiously as he could. But when his opponent lopped off both feet, our gladiator had no choice but to give up, for now he was both unarmed and defeated. -<>- >No Bull! Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy. -<>- >I'm Taking Something I have kleptomania, but I'm taking something for it. -<>- ____ ____ . " `-. .' Hmm, where are . : those tiny | ` monsters ...? . \ . `--..__ _ _ - O o |||||/ . ( d b | j.". ___/ ` | | / \ /| \\ / _+ Y `u')) ( |.--// \ \---/_____\-- a:f --- \.'-- //\\ >Q and A Quickies Q: Why did the bacterium cross the microscope? A: To get to the other slide. Q: Whats the definition of Macho? A: A guy jogging home from a vasectomy. Q: What has four legs and flies? A: Two pairs of pants. Q: What does the richest person in the world make for dinner every night? A: Reservations. Q: Why did the bird go to the doctor? A: Because he needed tweetment! Q: Why couldn't the sesame seed leave the gambling casino? A: Because he was on a roll. ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: \_/ --(_)-- . / \ /_\ |Q| .-----' '-----. __ /____[SCHOOL]___\ ())) | [] .-.-. [] | (((()) ..|____|_|_|____|..................................)(... ldb As a new school Principal, Mr. Mitchell was checking over his school on the first day. Passing the stockroom, he was startled to see the door wide open and teachers bustling in and out, carrying off books and supplies in preparation for the arrival of students the next day. The school where he had been a Principal the previous year had used a check-out system only slightly less elaborate than that at Fort Knox. Cautiously, he asked the school's long time Custodian, "Do you think it's wise to keep the stock room unlocked and to let the teachers take things without requisitions?" The Custodian looked at him gravely. "We trust them with the children, don't we?" -<>- One caller to our answering service gave me his name, number and message and then said, "You know my name. What's yours?" "We're not allowed to give our names," I replied, "but my operator number is 4136" Sounding disappointed, he said, "May I call you by your first digit, or would that be too personal?" -<>- A homeowner was delighted with the way the painter had done all the work on his house. "You did a great job." he said and handed the man a check. "Also, as a bonus, here's an extra $100 to take the missus out to dinner and a movie." Later that night, the doorbell rang and it was the painter. "What's the matter," asked the homeowner, "did you forget something?" "Nope." replied the painter. "I'm just here to take your missus out to dinner and a movie like you asked." -<>- ,,, _,_ _@_ _(_ _?_ >*< _/. .\_ _/- -\_ _/, ,\_ _/' '\_ _/a a\_ _/. .\_ (.\_o_/.) (.\_-_/.) (,\_e_/') (.\_^_/.) (.\_~_/') (.\_c_/.) (.`,.`'.') (.`,.'.'.) (.`'.,'.') ('.,'.`'.) (.'.,'.`.) (.,'.,'',) ('.`,'`,) ('.`,'',) ('.','.`) ('.,'.',) ('.,'.`.) (',.'`.,) ('.`,'`) ('.','`) (.'.,'.) ('.`.,') ('.','') (.'.'.') jgs `--'"` `--'"` `--'"` `--'"' `--'"' `--'"' A logician's wife is having a baby. The doctor immediately hands the newborn to the dad. His wife asks impatiently: "So, is it a boy or a girl?" The logician replies: "Yes!" ========================================================= >-->From Laugh&Lift: "Character is what God and the angels know of us; reputation is what men and women think of us." - Horace Mann ## #++# #+#++# #++++# ##+++++# #++++#+# #++++++# #+#+++## #++++++# ##++++## ##++## #### # ## # ## ## ## ###### #### ################ #+++++++++OOO### #+++++++++OOO### #+++++++++OOO### #+++++++++OOO### ################ #+++++++++OO## #+++++++++OO## #+++++++++OO## #+++++++++OO## #+++++++++OO## #+++++++++OO## m1a >The Emperor's Seed (Author Unknown) Once there was an emperor in the Far East who was growing old and knew it was coming time to choose his successor. Instead of choosing one of his assistants or one of his own children, he decided to do something different. He called all the young people in the kingdom together one day. He said, "It has come time for me to step down and to choose the next emperor. I have decided to choose one of you." The kids were shocked! But the emperor continued. "I am going to give each one of you a seed today. One seed. It is a very special seed. I want you to go home, plant the seed, water it and come back here one year from today with what you have grown from this one seed. I will then judge the plants that you bring to me, and the one I choose will be the next emperor of the kingdom!" There was one boy named Ling who was there that day and he, like the others, received a seed. He went home and excitedly told his mother the whole story. She helped him get a pot and some planting soil, and he planted the seed and watered it carefully. Every day he would water it and watch to see if it had grown. After about three weeks, some of the other youths began to talk about their seeds and the plants that were beginning to grow. Ling kept going home and checking his seed, but nothing ever grew. Three weeks, four weeks, five weeks went by. Still nothing. By now others were talking about their plants but Ling didn't have a plant, and he felt like a failure. Six months went by, still nothing in Ling's pot. He just knew he had killed his seed! Everyone else had trees and tall plants, but he had nothing. Ling didn't say anything to his friends, however. He just kept waiting for his seed to grow. A year finally went by and all the youths of the kingdom brought their plants to the emperor for inspection. Ling told his mother that he wasn't going to take an empty pot. But she encouraged him to go, and to take his pot, and to be honest about what happened. Ling felt sick to his stomach, but he knew his mother was right. He took his empty pot to the palace. When Ling arrived, he was amazed at the variety of plants grown by all the other youths. They were beautiful, in all shapes and sizes. Ling put his empty pot on the floor and many of the other kids laughed at him. A few felt sorry for him and just said, "Hey nice try." When the emperor arrived, he surveyed the room and greeted the young people. Ling just tried to hide in the back. "My, what great plants, trees and flowers you have grown," said the emperor. "Today, one of you will be appointed the next emperor!" All of a sudden, the emperor spotted Ling at the back of the room with his empty pot. He ordered his guards to bring him to the front. Ling was terrified. "The emperor knows I'm a failure! Maybe he will have me killed!" When Ling got to the front, the Emperor asked his name. "My name is Ling," he replied. All the kids were laughing and making fun of him. The emperor asked everyone to quiet down. He looked at Ling, and then announced to the crowd, "Behold your new emperor! His name is Ling!" Ling couldn't believe it. Ling couldn't even grow his seed. How could he be the new emperor? Then the emperor said, "One year ago today, I gave everyone here a seed. I told you to take the seed, plant it, water it, and bring it back to me today. But I gave you all boiled seeds which would not grow. All of you, except Ling, have brought me trees and plants and flowers. When you found that the seed would not grow, you substituted another seed for the one I gave you. Ling was the only one with the courage and honesty to bring me a pot with my seed in it. Therefore, he is the one who will be the new emperor!" "A good name is to be more desired than great riches" Proverbs 22:1 (NASB) -<>- "Don't bother to give God instructions; just report for duty." - Corrie ten Boom ____.....-------. ___....-----```` __....-----. `. ___...---` __......-----.| ___...---.| / \ .`` _ | ___....----.||| `|| / `\ /_ ___....----.|| `||||.-. `||| `\ / | | `|||.-. `|||| \ `||| / `\ | | |.-. `||| \ `|||| \ `||| / `.)`\ | | | \ `||| \ `||||___...---'|`--------`. / | | \ `|||___....----'|| ____ | .=\ | | |___....----'| ____ ||(o)--' [=] ---.| .`----' _ |(o)--' _ || _ | _ | | _ _ | |'-._ | | | __________________ | ___________ | ___'-.._ [=] ______ _/ /'.........._.---._ ...\ .......... | .._.--._`._|....... // \ \.' _ .' _.-```-. `. | / .'_.-```-. `. ||.`.| .--. /.' # `. \| | /.' . `. \ _ \\_/ | \ _/.' .--. ` \|| / /.' ` .--. \ \ .---. \ | |.' . / _ | ||'-------' |.' . / _ | # || | | \__|_|' | (_) / . |\__________/' # | (_) / |'.____\___| \ .'':'=' \ / | | ' \ / | | `.-'(.' \ ` `--' / / \ `--' . / / / \ # # /_.` \ ` # . /_.` `.______.` `.______.' LGB >The Road Trip (by Madge Blanton) [Edited] Some of the best conversations my husband and I have are on long road trips. Although we've flown a time or two, we truly enjoy driving. It's a great time for sharing thoughts that we hadn't made time for in our busy schedule. As we drive away from the familiar and head towards a new or seldom traveled direction there's something cleansing that takes place. Temporarily, we shed all the things that usually distract us from having quality time and delve into each others thoughts for a time of bonding. Of course, however, there are always children in the backseat! Fortunately, our children have become accustomed to long road trips. My husband's parents moved to Michigan a few years ago and since then we have made the three hour trip dozens of times. Habitually though, there are still those same words that come from the backseat haunting us like the plague, "Are we there yet??" One of my girlfriends spent a lot of her childhood family vacation time in the car. She remembers sitting in the backseat always so concerned about where they were going, while her sister sat contently playing. When they played together, her sister would get perturbed because like a mile marker my friend would ritually interrupt their playing to consciously take in a visual note of where they were. I'm sure for her parents it made the miles seem much longer than they actually were. I can only imagine how many times she asked "the question." As much as I love a long road trip and the anticipation of the unexpected, I often find myself being like a child in the backseat of God's minivan. Although I love to journey with Him and He's never forgotten me at a rest stop, I still inevitably find myself whining like a two-year old, "Are we almost there? Where are we going?" Fortunately, the Bible tells us in Isaiah 55:8 that God's thoughts are not our thoughts. I am most certain if they were that God would be thinking, "For Pete's sake, just keep quiet and enjoy the ride!" As a child of God, I foolishly spend much of my time on the journey worrying about the distance between points A and B. I forget that He's the navigator, and my responsibility is to trust His leading and obey Him. Besides, He's already told me time and time again where we are ultimately going. Like a child waiting in anticipation of seeing Disney World, I should have the same anticipation of what God's "magical kingdom" will be like. "Lord, please forgive me for wasting my time worrying. Forgive me for impulsively wanting to do Your job and lead the way. Please help me to have the faith to follow as You lead the way. In Jesus Christ's name, Amen." -<>- THE LAUGHS: .-. _ .--""" / { `.__ ( ( _ .e"8a-. J ' \ `.._, \ /_`\/8P '.--\/8P-' ) .-. \ e8a `.`. `" / o o`._..--' (;88`-.. \ ""`. `--.>#--.._/ `.-. `8_ 8P`. :_e8P .a. _.' |`\_, \ /-. `.` ,8 ^P" e8P 8a 2 '7.__7" \ \ `": `. ,8P _ /_\ ' / ;e8| 98P .-' `7 `--' |`8: .e8a._..e8" .' : : 88P" .8P`88,8P' / Y8/88 eP"| `YP" / `. `M " :-. .' : .'_ ; _.' \ \ '.' `/_.-e8`,.--. `-: : .'"" " 8P : `""`.e8a ; `"""--. / fsc `---' >Coping With Life Below are several things you can do to help keep a healthy level of insanity in your life... :) :) 1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down. 2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice. 3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that. 4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "in" 5. Put decaff in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso. 6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for blackmail." 7. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy." 8. Don't use any punctuation marks 9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk. 10. Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day. 11. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard Kim. 12. When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won!", "I won!" "3rd time this week!!!!!" 13. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "run for your lives, they're loose!!" -<>- / _, ,_ M\M"_,, `"MMMMMm._ `/MMMMMMP^^", MPTMMM`M `-. .'" MMMm "=, `.`"-. .' / S _"^M :Ww. \ `-. .-' .: ".wW\.; :WP^; `-. `-. .-' .-'/ \ :^WP: ; `--' ;\ `-. `. .-' .-' / /; `..' ; \`. `-. \ / .-' .' / ; .-";`"""--5..`-. `-.\ / .' .-' / | .' ; r`) `-. \\ ; / .-' .-' ;_/ ; _ ; `. \; |' .' .' ( _ _ : `-' :\ `./ `-' / .-r-.`Y `-' : / ; ; .-7" `.`7. | .' | : ' ; ; `--..__.'-""/ ;\ \ ,| | | ..--",-' : ; _ _.7`,_J- ; : ;, _,': /; ; _ .' `--.`-.`-'_.-| `. |/ : .'/ : ; | |`". _.-".+. :`"-. `--`"" ,_: `'7 /.-. ; | / | : 7",' ." | : \ : `-. / ;' / | | `--\ /4 ' / .' ; `. ; \ :`"\ .< ; : _.7 ' `. / /.' \ `.___.-"> ;_/ :---"\ `. ' `.-.. `"--' / fsc `.___..--"/ _mMMMm,.' `-.`-.._ ) `"--. .' `---'"mMMMMMMMMm,_ `-----' `"" `" "^`^MMMP^^mm, >Healthy Living The couple was 85 years old, and had been married for sixty years. Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because they watched their pennies. Though not young, they were both in very good health, largely due to the wife's insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last decade. One day, their good health didn't help when they went on a rare vacation and their plane crashed, sending them off to Heaven. They reached the pearly gates, and St. Peter escorted them inside. He took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath. A maid could be seen hanging their favorite clothes in the closet. They gasped in astonishment when he said, "Welcome to Heaven. This will be your home now." The old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. "Why, nothing," Peter replied, "remember, this is your reward in Heaven." The old man looked out the window and right there he saw a championship golf course, finer and more beautiful than any ever built on Earth. "What are the greens fees?" grumbled the old man. "This is heaven," St. Peter replied. "You can play for free, every day." Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch, with every imaginable cuisine laid out before them, from seafood to steaks to exotic deserts, free flowing beverages. "Don't even ask," said St. Peter to the man. "This is Heaven, it is all free for you to enjoy." The old man looked around and glanced nervously at his wife. "Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods, and the decaffeinated tea?" he asked. "That's the best part," St. Peter replied. "You can eat and drink as much as you like of whatever you like, and you will never get fat or sick. This IS Heaven!" The old man pushed, "No gym to work out at?" "Not unless you want to," was the answer. "No testing my sugar or blood pressure or..." "Never again. All you do here is enjoy yourself." The old man glared at his wife and said, "You and your stupid bran muffins. We could have been here ten years ago!" -<>- __..--. } ,/'.'--. .''_x<"| `\, / /\`,\_.`=.__} / / `"" `"' / / _....: ; .-"".---._.-""" { `r-. {`---...__.-""`. `.(),`. `--.___.' / '=` \ .-"""--.._.-"" ; /.' | | _.`-._ | ; .' `:-..___.. | `" | `-._ _ ; : `""" ; \ ; \ ; __ \ `. ; .'` `"|=. : ; :o L ;`; .' `.|/ : __..._.| |/: ; ,__ \` - :\ : | }\ `. `""--.._J{@/, '}'| ; ;/' `j-..------.7__ ' ; \ /_ `._ _...-' __.-'\ : ;-. `""""-._ `""__..--" `. ` \ fsc `""" `---" >The Mental Patient A man who had been in a mental institution for some years finally improved to the point where it was thought he might be released. The psychiatrist that ran the institution decided it was better to proceed with caution, and chose to interview him first. "Tell me," said the doctor, "if we release you, as we are considering, what do you plan to do with your life?" The patient said, "It would be wonderful to get back to real life, and if I do, I will certainly refrain from making my former mistake. I was a nuclear physicist, you see, and it was the stress of my work in weapons research that helped to put me here. If I am released, I shall limit myself to work in pure theory, where I believe the situation will be less difficult and stressful." "Wonderful," said the psychiatrist. "Or else," continued the patient, "I might teach. There is something to be said for dedicating your life to expanding the knowledge of young people." "Definitely," said the psychiatrist. "Then again, I might write. There is always a need for books on science, or I may even write a novel based on my experiences in the psychiatric institution." "Another interesting possibility," agreed the doctor. "And finally, if none of these things appeals to me, I can always continue to be a teakettle." -<>- /\ /| _ |||| | _( )_ |||| | ( (o___ \ | \ _ | _ 7 _ _ / @ @ _<_/_ \ (") / \ =>X<= __/ _> / \ \ /| | / '\ ' | ( ) ) " \| /__| | \___/ | \ __/ \_____\ \__\ /+++\ " | | " o=|..|..| " ( / _ " " | o/..| " " | __) / ) " 0==|+++++| \_ _ __ _/ " " 0======/ " " " " " The wind was behind them now, so they didn't have to shout. "Rabbit's clever," said Pooh thoughtfully "Yes," said Piglet, "Rabbit's clever." "And he has Brain." "Yes," said Piglet, "Rabbit has a Brain." There was a long silence. "I suppose," said Pooh, "that that's why he never understands anything." -- Winnie the Pooh >Letter to a Pastor Dear Preacher, You are so busy trying to tell other people how to live that you do not remember that we live under the law of liberty; you preach against the dangers of alcohol, in which I see no wrong, and I think I have the liberty to imbibe. You can't find a law that says, "thou shalt not drink a little." In fact, as I write this letter I have before me a FIFTH OF SCOTCH, and I intend to drink a little in the course of this letter. I'm here in the piracy of my home and I see nothing wrong with taking a little bip now and then. In fact, I am having a little nip now and then. In fact, I am having a little nip now and then. Nothing kicks me up and settles mynerves like a drink of Scott. You preachers are always complaining about somthink and see to take delight in pickig on the "drinker" - just tookanother nip, preacher, and I feel like telling you the troof. My grandfather always kept a little whiskey around the house. In all that time it neverrr harmed himmmm. Arre you trying to tell me that a grandddsonn ought to be trurrer than his fufather? Joist tiook another dipp, and i feel s0000 much bettttererr than my franfaher ever felt. I hopp the Jaye commes when all preachures wake upp to the fack that one litllee nip niver harps anybody. And if willl quilt harp9en on the danker you will have hugger church tan you d5o. You pray - do "thingsa Lott worsererer; if thetruf4t wurr knowd. Father, i8m goingk to take my forth drink, aor is it my fiolth#? I just Kopp i straibhtanned you out onna few thils. And boy you raeelly need3d it;;;3 1 Pappeeekflly courns? Johnn UhXazskk SUBSCRIBE INFO Want to receive a Christian inspirational item AND great clean humor in an email to you each day of the week? It's easy and FREE! Read all about Laugh & Lift at http://www.laughandlift.com ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Rainbows Of Fall! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/fall.html Farmers Gone Wild! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/farm.html Crop Circle Mystery! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mystery.html Bizarre Nature! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bizarrenature.html Cat Owner Tips! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/catowners.html Playing With Food 3! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/food3.html Macro Spider Photos! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/spiders.html Pet Confessions! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/petconfessions.html Egyptian Museum In Cairo! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/egyptianmuseum.html World's Largest Statues!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/largeststatues.html Beautiful Grand Canyon!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/grandcanyon.html Beautiful Galapagos Islands!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/galapagos.html World's Most Extreme Stairs!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/extremestairs.html Redneck Innovations!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/redneckinnovations.html Mysteries Around The World!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/worldmysteries.html Worms! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/worms.html Wierd Rainy Days! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/rainyday.html World's Largest Web http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/web.html Why Dogs Bite! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dogsbite.html Real Angry Birds! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/angrybirds.html Fall And Halloween INDEX! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/halloweenindex.html -<>- >Relistings... Drunker in Philadelphia From alcohol.org: If you've ever noticed how unrealistic or even downright scary some of the gang's consumption of alcohol or substances seems to be, you're not alone. We reviewed every episode in the first 12 seasons of "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia," and chronicled every use or mention of drugs and alcohol. Think you know how many times beer comes up? Or which substances each character seems to have a penchant for? Keep reading to find out. https://www.alcohol.org/guides/drunker-in-philadelphia/ 16 Famous Characters That Got Ruined By Sequels & Prequels From Cracked.com: Movie franchises dedicate an incredible amount of time and energy to developing universes, with histories, characters, and convoluted explanations for plot holes. Which makes it all the more confusing when a sequel or prequel somehow manages to contradict or undermine its characters anyway. Here are 16 examples... https://tinyurl.com/y8f7gou7 Here Are the 100 Best Shows Right Now https://www.tvguide.com/news/ Match the MacGuffin With the Movie Alfred Hitchcock called it the MacGuffin—the thing in a movie that everyone's chasing, the proverbial Holy Grail (or the actual one). In The Maltese Falcon, it's the Maltese Falcon. In Raiders of the Lost Ark, it's the lost ark. You get the idea. https://www.wired.com/2009/04/st-macguffins/ Sheep gets revenge on cat https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SSZ1YDzvk6I Puppy Rides Slide https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8bLx03EVaz8 Baby deer rescue and release https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eStXV_TYFFw Eagle Rescue 101....The Basics....thumbs and all... Águila de rescate 101 / Sauvetage Aigle 101 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qiOaqs9qnt8 10 Strangest Things To Wash Up On Shore https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qmuyea4kEnM 8 Extreme Vehicles You Never Knew Existed https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CMJpy2U0xfI -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) A compilation of some amazing kids demonstrating their incredible skills. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=52_TvqYtZ-E Not only can illusionist Darcy make doves appear out of nowhere, he also has an even bigger trick up his sleeve. https://youtu.be/gO_KyTtJg10 This magic performance won the 'Most Original Close-Up Act' at the International Federation of Magic Societies 2018. https://youtu.be/v_SbVMyVzk0 --- ...Cool! Thanks LouiseAu! See a rare baby Zebra that was born in Kenya with brown skin and white spots instead of white skin and black stripes. This baby zebra with brown skin and white spots is adorable and the video footage of the supercell storm is awesome. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ssVO7gBg0jE See a couple of guys that decided to climb an iceberg and almost got crushed by it instead. I would imagine having an iceberg flip over on you would not be a good experience and they were fortunate not to get hurt. Seeing the guy in a fighter jet pass out from the G Force should give you an appreciation for how military pilots need to be physically fit. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Osl67s112Y See a giant robot in Japan and more cool and interesting videos as you get your Daily Dose Of Internet. I have no idea why the Japanese built the giant robot but perhaps they are still worried about Godzilla rising from the sea and terrorizing their cities. Be sure to stick around to the end to see a cool rainbow. I hope you enjoyed today’s edition of your Daily Dose Of Internet. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ataO3TrkJVU See a guy showing off his Lamborghini Aventador in Dubai have it catch and fire and burn to a total loss. I love the mail lady crashing the Tik Tok dance video when she pulled up to deliver the mail. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jMLq2hSWpq8 Imagine how painful it would be to eat a burger at a restaurant and ending up with a bee sting on your tongue. There are some really cool and interesting clips including the athlete who has an amazing vertical leap and the drone video of the Italian countryside. I hope you enjoyed today’s edition of your Daily Dose Of Internet. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hvQUCF3XPJc --- ...Wowsers! Thanks LouiseAu! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: My girlfriend told me to take a spider out instead of killing it. So we went and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a lawyer. When my wife gets upset, sometimes a simple 'Calm down, Honey' in a soothing voice is all it takes to get her a lot more upset. "I think the bottom-line difference between being single and married is this: When you're single you're as happy as you are. When you're married, you can only be as happy as the least happy person in the house." --Tom Hertz "Alaska Airlines might start giving out virtual reality headsets to first-class passengers. Meanwhile, if you're in coach, they just duct tape an in-flight magazine to your forehead." -Jimmy Fallon "A new study reveals that the average fast-food chicken nugget is almost 60 percent fat. The study also says that the average fast-food customer is almost 60 percent chicken nuggets." -Conan O'Brien "According to a new report, there is a shrine in Japan solely dedicated to hemorrhoids. 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