Happy Early Halloween! :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* Please Consider Giving To ShangralaFamilyFun.com The cost of the website has gone up dramatically due to the ever increasingly wonderful pages and photos being added each week to entertain you and our fellow Christian families. If every one would chip in $25 or more, we'd be good for the whole year! So Please - I need your help today! "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ *~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a Shangrala Angel, the easiest way to do that is through online giving. It is easy to use, and most of all, it is secure. Please visit the site, scroll down and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL form page comes up. NOTE: Paypal will generate a 'Quantity 1' and 'Price per item' form. Just ignore the price per item and put whatever it is you desire to give in there. With Paypal, you will have your normal receipt for your 'payment' donation in USD (United States Dollars). You can put a memo in there if you'd like. EVERY LITTLE BIT WILL HELP! Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS YOU ABUNDANTLY FOR YOUR GIFT! ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! -<>- * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This too hot to handle new page is from our friend Judy. She sent us the latest update for her dog Ricochet. Like all of our Ricochet pages, this one is sure to warm your heart. Be sure to visit and check out the inspirational video here too: \\ ///// | | (| _ _ |) |` | '| | __ | >>>___/\_^__/\___<<< / ||| \ Mike Hertz Ricochet And Jose http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ricochetjose.html --- ...Aww, What an awesome story! Thank You So Much Judy! -<>- >>>>> Reader Comment <<<<< >We got this From our friend Michelle: NOTE: Yahoo Groups Is Winding Down and All Content Will Be Permanently Removed. Users won't be able to upload new content to the site after October 28 and have until December 14 to archive their content. The only thing Yahoo groups will serve as are email groups. You will still be able to write in the groups but nothing else will work. Yahoo said in an announcement. Click on link below: https://tinyurl.com/y2laucm4 She Added In Response to our Last Inspirations email... "I just wanted to forward this email to you since you mentioned using the Inspired Buffalo content for your newsletter. You can save their archives by using this: http://www.personalgroupware.com/ I have used this myself and it does work. Just thought as a group owner myself it may be helpful to you. Hugs, Michelle" --- ...Aww, so sweet and thoughtful of you Michelle! Thank you! I've tried it. It does work. I will see how much it costs as to whether I can justify the time saved by using it verses formatting and editing the messages myself each time I use the saved database files. I'm already short over $500 for this year. Fortunately, they are readable using Wordpad - but will take a lot of work to be usable without this extracting program. ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: _\@)_ ___ /`\ .' -,'-.__,@ / | `).-' _/ _\V^V^V^V/_ | /\ .=// ^.^ \\=. /\ / .'/| ._. |\'. / /-`. _\___/_ |/\/\ _@->` _ `<-@._ \ \.' @-'`\( `'-,@ '-. \ , @ , _.- `\ \ .'| : |` /'. _.' `"` \ : / /`\_| @ @_ _.'`""""""`'-\_\.--;` `-.` /, `, .-' _.@--; .-'| '. ;-._;@ jgs .' @' _.'. `@ \ | _.-'` '-. \ '-._ `-._n_ ) | `'-._ ) `-,.' / u-'--;`@ .' | / ,\ /, )\.'/ / ( \_.. '._.@ `-.-' >One Liners * Before the 60s, most teenagers used self-control. * Money talks, but credit has an echo. * Practice courtesy. You never know when it might become popular again. * One man's wage rise is another man's price increase. * The most enjoyable form of s%x education is the Braille method. * What a wonderful life I've had! I only wish I'd realized it sooner. * The reward of a thing well done, is to have done it. * When you're at school, you wish you were old enough to work. * Night falls ... but ... Day breaks. * If you think you have it tough, read history books. * It's a new year, do you know where your credit cards are? * I try to lose weight, but it keeps finding me. * You have a lifetime to work, but children are only young once. * A hundred men may make an encampment, but it takes a woman to make a home. * A healthy male adult bore, consumes each year, one and a half times his weight, in other people's patience. * Whenever buying a gift for a couple celebrating their 60th anniversary, buy them something they will use right away. * I told my teenage son to enjoy this part of his life, that he would never again feel so secure in his ignorance. * I know that you're nobody's fool, but maybe someone will adopt you. -<>- >Murphy's Laws Of Work 1. A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the pants. 2. Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted. 3. The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get. 4. You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard. 5. Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day. 6. Never ask two questions in a business letter. The reply will discuss the one you are least interested in, and say nothing about the other. 7. When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves. 8. If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a fool about it. 9. There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride home from the office. 10. Mother said there would be days like this, but she never said there would be so many. 11. Keep your boss's boss off your boss's back. This is what I'm doing wrong. 12. Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous." 13. Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour. 14. To err is human, to forgive is not company policy. 15. Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing. 16. Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail. 17. The last person that quit or was fired will be the one held responsible for everything that goes wrong... 18. ...until the next person quits or is fired. 19. There is never enough time to do it right the first time, but there is always enough time to do it over. 20. The more pretentious a corporate name, the smaller the organization. (For instance, The Murphy Centre for Codification of Human and Organizational Law, contrasted to IBM, GM, AT&T...). 21. If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it. 22. You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk. 23. People are always available for work in the past tense. 24. If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done. 25. At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying. 26. When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried. 27. You will always get the greatest recognition for the job you least like. 28. No one gets sick on Wednesdays. 29. When confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger or Macgyver handle this?" 30. The longer the title, the less important the job. 31. Machines that have broken down will work perfectly when the repairman arrives. 32. An "acceptable" level of employment means that the government economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job. 33. Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it makes it worse. 34. All vacations and holidays create problems, except for one's own. 35. Success is just a matter of luck, just ask any failure. ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ October 28 is Plush Animal Lover's Day October 29 is Hermit Day and National Frankenstein Day October 30 is National Candy Corn Day and Mischief Night October 31 is Carve a Pumpkin Day, Halloween and Increase Your Psychic Powers Day November 1 is All Saint's Day, Dios Los Muertos, a two day celebrations on the 1st and 2nd November 2 is All Soul's Day, Book Lovers Day, Deviled Egg Day, Look for Circles Day and Plan Your Epitaph Day November 3 is Housewife's Day and Sandwich Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: _ , (_\______/________ \-|-|/|-|-|-|-|/ \==/-|-|-|-|-/ \/|-|-|-|,-' \--|-''' \_j________ (_) (_) hjw >Checking Out I was checking out at a busy supermarket and the cashier was having problems. The register ran out of paper, the scanner malfunctioned, and then the cashier spilled a handful of coins. When she totaled my order, it came to exactly $22. Trying to soothe her nerves, I said, "That's a nice round figure." Still frazzled, she glared at me and said, "You're no bean pole yourself!" -<>- >Mr. Mom Notes, pinned to the pillow of a mother who has the flu, by a well meaning husband who has inherited the house and kids. Monday A.M. Dearest: Sleep late. Everything under control. Lunches packed. Kids off to school. Menu for dinner planned. Your lunch is on a tray in refrigerator: fruit cup, finger-sandwiches. Thermos of hot tea by bedside. See you around six. Tuesday A.M. Honey: Sorry about the egg rack in the refrigerator. Hope you got back to sleep. Did the kids tell you about the soda I put in the thermoses? The school might call you on this. Dinner may be a little late. I'm doing your door-to-door canvas for liver research. Your lunch is in refrigerator. Hope you like leftover chili. Wednesday A.M. Dear Doris: Why in the name of all that is sane would you put soap powder in the flour canister! If you have time, could you please come up with a likely spot for Timmy's missing shoes? We've checked the clothes hamper, garage, back seat of the car and wood box. Did you know the school has a ruling on bedroom slippers? There's some cold pizza for you on a napkin in the oven drawer. Will be late tonight. Driving eight Girl Scouts to tour meatpacking house. Thursday A.M. Doris: Don't panic over water in hallway. It crested last night at 9 P.M. Will finish laundry tonight. Please pencil in answers to following: 1. How do you turn on the garbage disposal? 2. Why would that rotten kid leave his shoes in his boots? 3. How do you remove a Confederate flag inked on the palm of a small boy's hand? 4. What do you do with leftovers when they begin to snap at you when you open the refrigerator door? Friday A.M. Hey: Don't drink from pitcher by the sink. Am trying to restore pink dress shirt to original white. Take heart. Tonight, the ironing will be folded, the house cleaned and the dinner on time. I called your mother. -<>- 88888888888a a88888888888 8 YI IP 8 8 `8, ,8' 8 8 8I I8 8 8 8I I8 8 888 O 8I I8 O 888 8 8I I8 8 ,8 ,8' `8, 8, ,8' ,8I I8, `8, ,8' O ,8I' `I8, O `8, IP dP' `Yb YI 8' d8' `8b `8 8 I8 8I 8 8, I8, ,8I ,8 Yb O `8b, ,d8' O dP `8, `8b, ,d8' ,8' Yb `Yba adP' dP `8b `Yba,_ _,adP' d8' `Yb, `"YYbbddPP"' ,dP' `Yba O O adP' "Yba, ,adP" `"YbaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaadP"' `"YYba, ,adPP"' `""YYbbddPP""' (Norman Veilleux ?) >Horseshoe One day a cowboy walked into a blacksmith shop and picked up a horseshoe, not realizing that it had recently come out of the forge. He immediately dropped it and jammed his hand into his pocket, trying to act as if nothing had happened. The blacksmith noticed and asked with a grin, "Kind of hot, wasn't it?" "Nope," answered the cowboy through clenched teeth, "it just doesn't take me long to look at a horseshoe." -<>- >New Baby Brother A husband and his pregnant wife took their six-year-old daughter with them for his wife's prenatal visit. Later, while leaving the doctor's office, the father told the daughter, "Everything is fine and you'll be having a baby brother in a few months." Not wanting to wait for her new sibling, she asked, "Daddy, if you pay for the baby now, can we take him home today?" -<>- >Correspondence Questionnaire A Marine private was filling out a questionnaire for a correspondence course. He got to this question: "How long has your present employer been in business?" He thought for a moment, then wrote: "Since 1775." ========================================================= __, ,____) __, ,____) (--| | (--| | |__| _, _ _ |__| _ || _ _ _ ,_ _| |(_||_)|_)(_| _| |(_|||(_)(_|_)(/_(/_| | ( | | ,_| ( |_, >-->Halloween Quick Funnies: Q: Why did the vampire go to the orthodontist? A: To improve his bite... Q: Why was the skeleton afraid to cross the road? A: It had no guts... Q: Why do witches use brooms to fly on? A: Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy... Q: How do witches keep their hair in place while flying? A: With scare spray... Q: Who was the most famous French skeleton? A: Napoleon bone-apart Q: Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers? A: No, they eat the fingers separately... .-. _)/ (0,0) .\ (u) () .-. _\) .-="=-.// (o,o) \,//==\=== (e) () ===== .-. .-="=-. \(_ .-. _____ =,= (a.a) //==I==\\,/ (d.b) ()--___(0V0) (/_ (=) () ="= () (u) ||()----' \, ___.="==-._ \`(0V0) .-="-. |' \\ ()---` ==\==\\ /|) ||\\ //==/=\\ ==" \' ="= () || \\ ==. () ==== ()_/_ ==" ____(0V0) \` jgs () () \, `\"= ` ()---` // (|\ // // \\ ___(0);` \)/ .-. || // '/ '/ ()---' \\ /,(o,o) |' () "== "== \\ () (w) ==" \\ () /_ ___ \\,=", \` // '-()-() =/=\\ ==" '/ //\\|| ==== () "== /` \\| ="= `| ==" `(0V0) '-- Q: Why don't skeletons ever go out on the town? A: Because they don't have any body to go out with... Q: What do ghosts add to their morning cereal? A: Booberries... Q: What is a vampire's favorite sport? A: Casketball... Q: What is a vampire's favorite holiday? A: Fangsgiving... Q: What would a monster's psychiatrist be called? A: Shrinkenstein... Q: What did one ghost say to the other ghost? A: "Do you believe in people?" ,____ |---.\ ___ | ` / .-\ ./=) | |"|_/\/| ; |-;| /_| / \_| |/ \ | / \/\( | | / |` ) | / \ _/ | /--._/ \ | `/|) | / / | | .' | | jgs / \ | (_.-.__.__./ / Q: What do you call someone who puts poison in a person's corn flakes? A: A cereal killer... Q: Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends? A: They're so wrapped up in themselves... Q: What kind of streets do zombies like the best? A: Dead ends... Q: What does the papa ghost say to his family when driving? A: Fasten your sheet belts... Q: What is a vampire's favorite mode of transportation? A: A blood vessel... Q: What is a ghost's favorite mode of transportation? A: A scareplane... _..._ .' '. ; __ __ ; |/ \ / \| |\| -- ' -- |/| |(| \o| |o/ |)| _\| > |/_ .-' | ,.___., | '-. \ ; V'-'V ; / `\ \ / /` `\ '-...-' /` `\ / \ /` jgs `\\_//` Q: What type of dog do vampire's like the best? A: Bloodhounds... Q: What is a ghoul's favorite flavor? A: Lemon-slime... Q: What does a vampire never order at a restaurant? A: A stake sandwich... Q: What is a skeleton's favorite musical instrument? A: A trombone... Q: What do birds give out on Halloween night? A: Tweets... .-"""". / \ __ / .-. .\ / `\ / \/ \ | _ \/ .==.==. | ( \ /____\__\ \ \ (_()(_() \ \ '---._ \ \_ /\ |` (__)________/ / \| /\___/ | \ \||VV | \ \|"""", | \ ______) \ \ /` jgs \( Q: Why do vampires need mouthwash? A: They have bat breath... Q: What's a vampire's favorite fast food? A: A guy with very high blood pressure... Q: Why did the Vampire subscribe to the Wall Street Journal? A: He heard it had great circulation... _,..__ ` '-. `'-. \ '. | \ _ _ | _\__ _ |_||\ |_)|_)\_/ __ / .' ___`;.` ) | ||-\| | / / `'-.__/-'` ;---,'` \ .-' ; // /=\= _ _ _ `-/ / ; > | \0|0_ |_||\ | | / \| ||_ |_ |\ | ); ; / __) | ||-\|_ |_\_/|/\||_ |_ | \| < > | __| | ; < `\_/ \ < | .--' ) > / / | ; (-'. \ / /-./ _ > ; ;\ '. / ) /_ _.;-._| '. / / ___ ___ ` ' | / / / .'` `""--.._..--""` `'. | / _.' / / / .-""-"-""-. \ | | / / / | / \ | /| | | / / \, | .--.-.--. | ,/ / \ \ | / / (_'- |` > `| -'_) .' \__/-./ / / | < | \ / \ \ / | (__..---..__) | | '--/ | (`|\o_/ \_o/|`) | | / / | \( > )/ | \ / /| | [>=| --- |=<] | | / / | | ,\__\ /__/, | | / / | |.____.|\==='-'===/|.____.| | / / \ \_____;_\=======/_;_____/ | / / | | _)'.===.'(_ | ,/ / / \ ; \-._\_/_.-/ ; /' / / \ /\_\_\_\ () /_/_/_/\ jgs .' _(`-; | '-.._____.-'-._____..-' .-' /_ `-.) \ | /`\ | .' .'. `-._ | | |_ | | _| / ,-~ /`-,_ / | _.;____ | | ____;._ | .-' ~ ~.'/` / /` `| |` `\ '--,=~,-',-' `----'-----'` '------'--' '--'------' ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :) ______________ .-' `-. (____________________) ( b o o ! ) jgs ( `----------------' ) `------------------' >SMILES: Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen. MAN: "Hello" WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?" MAN: "Yes" WOMAN: "I am at the shop now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $2,000. Is it OK if I buy it?" MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much." WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new models. I saw one I really liked." MAN: "How much?" WOMAN: "$90,000" MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options." WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing...the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $980,000" MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of $900,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 80 thousand if it's really a pretty good deal." WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!" MAN: "Bye! I love you, too." The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape. He turns and asks: "Hey, does anyone know who this phone belongs to?" ---------- A blonde came home from her first day commuting into the city. Her mother noticed she was looking a little peaked and asked, "Honey, are you feeling all right?" "Not really," the blonde replied. "I'm nauseous from sitting backward on the train." "Poor dear," Mom said. "Why didn't you ask the person sitting across from you to switch seats for a while?" "I couldn't," she replied, "there was no one there. ---------- An elderly couple were celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired. Holding hands they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they'd shared, where Andy had carved "I love you, Sally." On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armored car, practically landing at their feet. Sally quickly picked it up, but not sure what to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the money - fifty-thousand dollars! Andy said, "We've got to give it back." Sally said, "Finders keepers." She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic. The next day, two FBI agents were canvassing the neighborhood looking for the money, and knocked on the door. "Pardon me, but did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armored car yesterday?" Sally said, "No." Andy said, "She's lying. She hid it up in the attic." Sally said, "Don't believe him, he's getting senile." The agents turn to Andy and began to question him. One says: "Tell us the story from the beginning." Andy said, "Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday..." The other FBI agent turns to her partner and says, "We're outta here." ------- A brunette and a blonde are walking through the park when the brunette sees a dead bird on the sidewalk and she says "Look at the dead bird!" The blonde looks upwards and says "where?" ---------- One day a mouse was walking on the banks of a river that ran through the jungle. He saw a Hippopotamus in the water and shouted to the Hippopotamus, "Hey you, come out of the water onto this bank, NOW". The Hippopotamus lumbered onto the bank as requested. The mouse then said, "OK, you can get back in the water now". The mouse continued walking along the bank until he came upon a lion having a little dip in the river. The mouse shouted across to the lion, "Hey you, up here, on this bank now!". The lion was a little concerned about this 'jumped up' mouse giving him orders but he complied and climbed up onto the bank. The mouse then said, "OK, you can get back into the water now". The lion shrugged and returned to the river. The mouse continued his trip along the banks of the river until he came across an elephant having a good old soak. The mouse shouted to the elephant. "Hey you, Mr. Elephant, up here on this bank now!". The elephant lumbered out the water and was then told by the mouse to return to the water. The elephant however was a little bit annoyed about having his soak disturbed so he said to the mouse, "What is going on? I've just seen you call the Hippopotamus, the lion and now me out of the water, why are you doing this?". The mouse replied, "If I find the son of a gun who stole my swimming trunks, I will kill him!". ---------- A textbook nerd is at the beach one day, baring his chest and showing off his pale, shrunken chest, and of course all the girls are laughing at him and drooling over the weight-lifting hunks. So in desperation the kid goes to the lifeguard and asks, "How can I do something to get these girls interested in me? What can I do to show off?" The lifeguard takes pity on this poor guy, with his puny muscles and baggy trunks and lanky hair, and finally he says, "Tell you what - why don't you take a potato and stick it down your swim trunks. That way the girls will think you've got something really big and hard down there, and they'll want you." So the nerd decides to give it a try. He struts around the beach with a potato in his shorts, and all the girls give him weird, disgusting looks and tell him to get the heck out of there. The nerd can't understand what's going on, so he goes back to the lifeguard and asks, "What am I doing wrong? You said they'd like me if I put a potato in my shorts!" Without even batting an eye, the lifeguard says, "You gotta put the potato in the FRONT, kid!" ---------- Last week my wife and I purchased a new computer. We ran into some difficulties while setting it up so we decided to call the customer support phone number we found in the manual. I picked up the phone and called the number. A man answered the phone and I explained the problem to him. He began rattling off computer jargon. This confused us even more. "Sir," I said politely, "Can you explain what I should do as if I were a small child?" "Okay," the computer support guy said, "Son, could you please put your mommy on the phone?" ---------- An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a stay over in another city, so upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight. The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened to her. She answered the phone, sobbing, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?" The stewardess replied, "There are only three doors in here," she cried, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says, 'Do Not Disturb'!" --- ...Oh Gee! HaHaHa! Thanks LouiseAu! ========================================================= >-->From HandyHints: _____ . . . . . _.-"" ""-._ !-!-!-!-! .' '. !_!_!_!_! .' '. |_=- =| / .-.. \ !_ ,;,-_]/ |__H _ .-\_)`-. \ ,/`,/'_`\,`\, [____|_] /.-. .-,_\ ; ,/',/'/_|_\`\,`\,|= |=| \( ; ,/' |/ ||"""|| \| `\, = | | ` | | #| ||___|| | # |= | | | ,/' # | [_____] | #`\, |=| ; ,/',-----' = '-----,`\--'---,/\,--, / `""| .;;;,= ,;;;, |# # ,// \\,'\, / | =//___\\ = //___\\ =| # ,//',;;,'\\,#\, | ||-. || || || |#,//' //||\\ '\\,`\, | ||..\|| || || |-|/| ||_||_|| |\|_ _| | || || = || || |= | |.----.|=|___] |= ||___|| = ||___|| =| =| || || | || | [_______] [_______] |--.| ||____|| | || ;_______=______=_____ __; |[________]| || ,/'# # # # # '----------''\| ,/' # # # # # # '\, ,/'___#____#__#_____#___#_______#_______#____#___#'\, `""[____________________________________________]|""` _[_| .-----. =- ___________ ||_]_|| | _| .",-"|"-,', () = |.--..-..--.| = |_ ||| |_/ |/ /_\_|_/_\ \ /__\ ||__||_||__|| | \_|\\ (_) || .-------. | | | |.--..-..--.| =| (_) || / \ || | | | |()| ||__||_||__|| | / \ || \_/ || '-------' | )( |___________| | \_/ || (_) ||.---------.| \/ |.---------.|= | (_) || / \ ||| ___ || = || || | / \ || \_/ ||| {___} || || || | \_/ || (_) ||| ((_)) || -= =||_________|| = |_(_)_// / \ ||| '-' || _ .-'-----------'-. | / \__\ \_/_||| ()|| [_]"""""""""""""""""[_]\_/\\\\ [ __ ]|| || =| |==.==.==.==.==.==| |__]||||| j| |||| || | | | | | | | | | |====| g|__|||;). ||--|_|=='=='=='=='=='==|_| |||||| _s____/`---`\ ____||_.____._____._____.____.|__|//// | | 9.9 |=====' | | / \ \ | |-' '------\ www /---'----'----'---'----'---'---'----' `---' Just because the weather is getting a little colder doesn't mean you should ignore your yard work. From revitalizing your lawn to making leaves vanish, following are a few tips that will simplify all of your out-of-doors chores. * Eradicate weeds with a DIY potion. Whacking weeds now prevents them from popping up in the spring, but there's no need to resort to harmful chemicals. Just fill a spray bottle with 3 parts white vinegar to 1 part castile soap (castile soap is an olive oil-based soap made only from vegetable oils--no animal fats). The vinegar kills weeds on contact while the soap helps the solution sink down to the roots, ensuring the weeds won't grow back. * Clear Clogged gutters with a blast of air. Use a gutter-cleaning blower attachment which is a J-shaped pipe that attaches to your leaf blower. Aim the curved end over your gutter, then turn on the leaf blower. The air will clear most debris is in seconds and it's a lot safer than climbing on a ladder! * Protect flower bulbs with chicken wire. Fall is the time to plant bulbs for spring. To keep them safe from squirrels cut 4" squares of chicken wire, cover each bulb with soil and top it with a square. The wire's holes will allow the plants to grow but will help stop the critters. * Save the rake and mow your leaves. While it might be fun to rake up a big pile of leaves and jump in them, raking is a back-breaking job. Skip the rake and just mow your leaves. If there aren't too many leaves you can skip the bag and just mulch them into the grass. But if you do have a thick carpet of leaves the mower use your mower bag to collect them. The chopping action of the mower will make them much more compact and you can pack a lot more into your lawn waste bags. -<>- Now that we're getting into fall our activities are changing. Going from mowing the lawn to raking leaves and cleaning the gutters may leave you a little stiff and sore. Thankfully a few simple strategies can minimize those aches and pains. * Stiff joints? Try Tumeric Extract. Curcumin, the active ingredient in the spice tumeric, is a centuries-old joint-pain reliever. In concentrated extract form, it can cut stiffness by 73 percent, better than some pain medications. * Head hurt? Squeeze your toes. Strange but true, a 10-minute foot massage gives you better pain relief than rubbing your temples. That's because foot massages slash production of pain-triggering cortisol--cutting headache pain in half within minutes. * Back sore? Treat it with clary sage. Ingredients in clary sage relax tight muscles, calm irritated pain nerves and boost blood flow to damaged tissues. Massaging the essential oil into an achy back or adding it to a warm bath can soothe a backache in minutes. * Raw nose? Treat with coconut oil. Dab a little coconut oil onto inflamed nostrils 2 or 3 times a day. Its hydrating lauric acid locks in moisture to help repair the skin's barrier, while antibacterial and anti-inflammatory compounds speed the healing of skin irritated from too much tissue use. -<>- >'Go Green' Hints: * Green up your grass with a beer. There is a surprising fertilizer in your fridge. Beer! It's packed with lawn-fortifying nutrients. Pour 1 can of dark beer, 1/2 cup of dish soap, 1 cup of cola (non- diet), and 1/2 cup of mouthwash into a lawn sprayer. Attach to your garden hose and spray on your lawn. This delivers good bacteria that green up your grass. * Harvest time. A lot of environmentally-minded homeowners keep a vegetable garden. Before the first frost hits, preserve as much of your harvest as possible. In case you haven't heard, canning is cool again, and for good reason. Canning provides you with fruits and vegetables during the months when they can't be grown in your region, reducing your reliance on produce shipped in from distant warm-weather climates (which adds to your carbon footprint). You can also freeze a lot of vegetables like peppers. BONUS TIP: You can use raked leaves as mulch to protect any perennials you have in your garden throughout the winter. They also make a good compost! ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: Armed Man Equipped for Attack Arrested Outside Trump Rally A man arrested outside President Trump's Dallas rally appears to have armed and equipped himself for an attack. https://tinyurl.com/y3a34sbq Westwing News: President Trump Announces Death of ISIS Leader in US Raid "Last night, the United States brought the world’s Number One terrorist leader to justice,” President Donald J. Trump said yesterday from the East Room of the White House. “Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi is dead.” https://www.whitehouse.gov/westwingreads/ WhiteHouseNews: Watch: THANK YOU for rebuilding our country! President Donald J. Trump traveled to Pittsburgh yesterday, where he spoke to workers in America’s booming energy sector at the Shale Insight Conference. The last time President Trump spoke at the conference was on the campaign trail in 2016. Back then, American energy was under relentless assault—not from some foreign enemy, but from our own Federal Government. The previous Administration made it its mission to stifle growth with crippling regulations aimed at energy producers. These policies did nothing to advance “green energy,” but they did cost many workers their jobs. “I’m here with the incredible people who fuel our factories, light up our homes, power our industries, and fill our hearts with true American pride,” he added. “With unmatched skill, grit, and devotion, you are making America the greatest energy superpower in the history of the world.” https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/ Latest From AFA: http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw Students For Life https://tinyurl.com/yd5nxmu6 Latest From OperationRescue: http://www.operationrescue.org/ Latest Product Alert: http://www.emergencyemail.org/products/?fmt=text Latest Health Alert: http://www.emergencyemail.org/health/?fmt=text Click to Give Free https://tinyurl.com/y2abb8d2 -<>- >From BizarreNews: A Swansboro, N.C. man has been arrested and accused of stealing a safe from a drug store. But this guy is no Danny Ocean. Police said 22-year-old Ryan James Mullins was dragging the safe when he was caught after an early-morning break-in at the store. At 7:30 a.m. a Swansboro police officer pulled out in front of Mullins and saw in his rear view mirror that there was something swinging behind Mullins' vehicle. The police officer pulled over to let Mullins pass, because why wouldn't you pass a police car when you are dragging a safe behind your vehicle, then saw the safe being dragged. The officer immediately pulled Mullins over. Mullins is charged with safecracking, breaking and entering, larceny after breaking and entering, possession of stolen goods, trafficking of opium or heroin and several traffic violations. Public Safety Chief Bob Ritchie said the safe was about 8 feet tall and about 2 feet deep and was used to hold medications. Ritchie said investigators think Mullins was trying to get controlled substances in the safe. -<>- A woman is facing charges after deputies say she broke into an occupied home in Iredell County, N.C. The break-in happened at a home in Union Grove. The home- owner told deputies a woman, identified as 34-year-old Sara Noel Davis, broke into his home and began cursing at him. The homeowner said Davis then walked past him and took a roll of toilet paper from his home. When deputies got to the scene, they found Davis standing in the victim's driveway. She was arrested and charged with felony breaking and entering and felony larceny after breaking and entering. Davis was then taken before a magistrate and issued a $7,500 bond. *--- Teen Lives in Walmart Undetected for 4 Days ---* A Texas teen was able to hide out in a Walmart in Corsicana for more than half-a-week without anyone forcing him to roll-back or roll-out. The 14-year-old was able to spend four days in the Walmart without being detected after building himself two hiding spaces. He put one in the baby aisle and the other hide-out was behind stacks of paper towels and toilet paper. "You never expect that you're at Walmart and someone has been living there for four days. That's crazy," Walmart customer Myrna Aguilar told CBS 11 News. The boy was able survive off of food he stole from the store and guzzle juice via a hole he cracked in the back wall of the drink aisle. He even had a makeshift bed and a fish from the pet department. In order to avoid being noticed when he was in plain sight, the boy would change his clothes periodically. He also wore diapers to avoid using the restroom at the store. Trash eventually led to the boy being discovered, but he was released into the custody of relatives and Walmart does not plan on filing charges. *--- Woman Kicked in Face by Giraffe ---* A 24-year-old woman who "loves giraffes" was kicked in the face after she entered the giraffe enclosure at the Henry Vilas Zoo in Madison, Wis. Amanda Hall climbed into the exhibit so she could get up close and personal with a 2-year-old giraffe named Wally. The 12-foot-tall animal first licked Hall and then he booted her in the face. Hall sustained non-life threatening injuries and Wally was not harmed. "Imagine if that animal came into your house, how would you feel about that? You would probably be nervous and excited, so an animal is going to have a similar experience, have a similar response. Be a little nervous and excited and that is probably what happened in this case," zoo curator Jeff Stafford told 27 News. Hall was cited for harassment of zoo animals, an offense that carries a fine of $686. Things could have been much worse for Hall because giraffes are capable of delivering blows that can kill lions. *--- Man Fakes Suicide To Get Out of Engagement ---* An English woman who was expecting to be on her honeymoon is instead enjoying an impromptu American vacation after her former fiance attempted to fake his own suicide to get out of marrying her. "I'm a terrible, awful person," Tucker Blandford, the 23-year-old former groom to be, admitted to the Daily Mail. Blandford met his former fiancee, Alex Lanchester, also 23, when Lanchester was studying abroad as a film student visiting the University of Connecticut. The two quickly became close and started dating. When Lenchester's time in the U.S. ended, Blandford proposed to her. As Lenchester planned for their wedding, Blandford grew increasingly uncomfortable with the long-distance relationship. Unable to face the pressure of committing to Lenchester or breaking up with her, Blandford concocted a plan to fake his own suicide. Pretending to be his father, Blandford called Lenchester and delivered the news that he suffered from depression and had jumped into the path of a moving car. The grim ruse quickly unraveled when Lenchester phoned Blandford's mother to offer her condolences. "He has shattered my trust and I'm not sure I'll ever be in a relationship again," Lanchester said. "All I ever did was love him ... I've cried until I felt numb but now I'm just really angry. I'll be spending our would-be wedding day making new memories without him. He's a liar and a coward." *---Chinese 'Panda' Cafe Not Quite What It Seems ---* A pet cafe in China where the owner has dyed dogs to look like pandas is drawing controversy. The Chinese "panda" cafe features dogs of the Chow Chow breed, the BBC reported. The dogs' fur has been dyed black and white to resemble giant panda cubs. Local television footage showed six animals that resemble the endangered species. The cafe's owner, identified by his surname Huang, has downplayed the issue of dyeing the fur of the animals. "While they look adorable, dyeing the pets this way can easily hurt them," said one commenter online. "Why did he have to treat the dogs like that?" The panda is a protected species in China. The animals are occasionally gifted to foreign countries as part of China's diplomatic initiatives. --- ...See this page to see what they look like: China's Craze For Dogs https://tinyurl.com/y4eawjzk ========================================================= >-->From TheGroaner: __.......__ .-:::::::::::::-. .:::''':::::::''':::. .:::' `:::' `:::. .'\ ::' ^^^ `:' ^^^ ':: /`. : \ :: _.__ __._ :: / ; : \`: .' ___\ /___ `. :'/ ; : /\ (_|_)\ /(_|_) /\ ; : / .\ __.' ) ( `.__ /. \ ; : \ ( { } ) / ; : `-( . ^"^ . )-' ; `. \ .'<`-._.-'>'. / .' `. \ \;`.';/ / .' jgs `._ `-._ _.-' _.' .'`-.__ .'`-._.-'`. __.-'`. .' `. .' `. .' `-. .-' `. >A Vampire Bit Me! Patient: Doctor, I think that I've been bitten by a vampire. Doctor: Drink this glass of water. Patient: Will it make me better? Doctor: No, but I'll be able to see if your neck leaks. -<>- >Q and A Quickies: Q: Why are there fences around graveyards? A: Because everyone's dying to get in! Q: What do you call a witch's garage? A: A broom closet. Q: What is an optimistic vampire's favorite drink? A: B Positive. .--. .--. | = o\ | = o\ \= =_/ \= =_/ )= \____ )= \____ ; = _|__-\ ; = _|__-\ |= ----.\ |= ----.\ ('.==| ('.==| / \=\=\ / \=\=\ _.' /=/\=\_ _.' /=/\=\_ _jgs_..-' /__) \__)__..-' /__) \__) Q: Why don't mummies take time off? A: They're afraid to unwind. Q: Where do werewolves hate to shop? A: Flea markets! Q: What do you call a single vampire? A: A bat-chelor. .--. / ..\ ____.' _o/ .--. '--. |.__ /.. \ _.-' /--' \ o / _.--' / / \ ~'--....___.-' / \ (/ \) ,_ | \ |`\ \ '._ \ `'-._ '._ '-. \ '-._/) `'- ,~- _.` '. '.--. jgs `-., / ..`\ .--. //'-. o / /.. \ (/ '--' \o _ (____ __.| .--' '---\ '. , '. '-.___.-'/ '-.__ _.' ````` Q: What position does a ghost play in hockey? A: Ghoulie. Q: What kinds of pants do ghosts wear? A: Boo-jeans. Q: What kind of car does a ghost drive? A: A Boo-ick. ###, ,##, ,##, # # # # # # ### # # # # # # # # # # ###' '##' '##' .--, / ( / \ / \ / 0 0 \ ((() | () | ())) \ () ( .____. ) () / |` \_/ \ `""` / \_/ `| | `.'--'.` | \ `""` / \ / `. .' , jgs |` | _.'| | `-' / \ .' `.____________.-' Q: What is a ghost's nose full of? A: Boooooogers! Q: What do birds say on Halloween? A: Trick or Tweet! Q: How do vampires start their letters? A: "Tomb it may concern..." .-""-"-""-. / \ | .--.-.--. | |` > `| | < | (__..---..__) (`|\o_/ \_o/|`) \( > )/ [>=| --- |=<] \__\ /__/ jgs '-' Q: What monster plays tricks on Halloween? A: Prank-enstein! Q: Why didn't the skeleton go to school? A: His heart wasn't in it. Q: How do ghosts wash their hair? A: With shamboo. ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: . '.'.*. .*.'.' . *. '. \ \ * * / / .' .* *._ '. \*88888 88888*/ .' _.* *._ '-. *8*___~*8*~___*8* .-' _.* * '--.8.-~` ~-Y-~ `~-.8.--' * '--.___*/ .----. .----. \*___.--' * 8| \____/ _ \____/ |8 * jgs '---.|\ / \ /.---' ||'-----' '-----' || || || || || || || |/ The artist tried to concentrate on his work, but the attraction he felt for his model finally became irresistible. He threw down his palette, took her in his arms, and kissed her. She pushed him away. "Maybe your other models let you kiss them," she said, "but I'm not that kind!" "Actually, I've never tried to kiss a model before," he protested. "Really?" she said, softening. "Well, how many models have there been?" "Four so far," he replied, thinking back. "A jug, two apples and a vase." -<>- "The thrill is gone from my marriage," Bill told his friend Doug. "Why not add some intrigue to your life and have an affair?" Doug suggested. "I just don't think I can do that to my wife." "Heck, this is a new age we live in, Bill. Go ahead and tell her about it!" So Bill went home and said, "Dear, I think an affair will bring us closer together." "Forget it," said his wife. "I've tried it so many times and it's never worked." -<>- A woman was talking to a co-worker, "I don't know what to do. My husband is such a mess maker that you can't imagine. He doesn't put anything away, I am always going around the house cleaning up after him." The friend says, "Take a tip from me. The first week after we were married I told my husband firmly, 'Every glass and plate that you take, wash when you are done and put back in its place.'" The first woman asked, "Did it help?" Her co-worker replied, "I don't know. I haven't seen him since." -<>- A man and his wife are sitting in the living room and he says to her, "Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dead to the world, dependent on some machine. If that ever happens, just pull the plug." "OK," says his wife as she gets up and unplugs the TV. -<>- I was in small-claims court when I listened in on the case of a woman who held a good job but still had trouble paying her bills on time. "Can't you live within your income?" asked the judge. "No, Your Honor," she said. "It's all I can do to live within my credit." -<>- While doing a crossword puzzle, I asked for my husband's help. "The word is eight letters long and starts with 'm', and the clue is 'tiresome sameness.'" "Monogamy," he answered. ========================================================= >-->From LaughAndLift: "...You're on the verge of a miracle, just waiting to be believed in..." - Rich Mullins, in his song "Verge of a Miracle" _ (=> HaaHaHa _c==] ~ \ |_ TTTT ___________O+-/x\_ __| || |_____________________ / ____ ___ _____ _____ _ __ __ ___ ___ | _ \ / _ \_ _| ___| | | \/ |/ _ \ / _ \ | |_) | | | || | | |_ | | | |\/| | |_| | | | | | _ <| |_| || | | _| | |___| | | | _ | |_| | |_| \_\\___/ |_| |_| |_____|_| |_|_| |_|\___/ cww >Laugh (by Stephen Kollock) [Edited] "And Sarah said, God hath made me to laugh, so that all that hear will laugh with me." Genesis 21:6 Laughter is said to be the best medicine and in truth it is impossible to simultaneously be sad and laugh at the same time. Go ahead and try it. The next time you're feeling down, try laughing. You will find that laughter is a strong medicine. May I ask you, has God ever made you laugh? Careful how you answer. Your first response may be "no, God has never made me laugh." Then let me ask this, has God ever answered your prayers? Now this one should be a little easier. Sure, He's answered our prayers. If so, the question is, why didn't you laugh? I like to picture wrinkled, hunched over Sarah sitting on her porch living out her day's with still a hint of regret that she was never blessed to be mother - the one thing she wanted above all else in her life. I see her going to town and seeing all the moms and their kids holding hands, walking the streets and her heart breaking at the sight. Or maybe seeing relatives with children, watching them grow up. Her feeling of loss grows stronger. I think I would grow a little resentful, maybe bitter. She has tried to live her life for God, tried to do right - well at least most of the time, but that's a whole different story. All she wanted was something that seemed so natural, so right and the answer was still "no." That would be hard to swallow. But then it happened - like in our own life - God moves when we least expect it. When it looks like there is no reason to hope or hang on, no reason to even try - He moves. Here is Sarah, long since removed from the idea of being a mother and God says "Sarah, remember that prayer you prayed years and years ago? Now it's time." Can't you see Sarah's face? At first, I'm sure there was shock. Did she shake her head turn up her hearing aid and say "Now tell me that one more time?" Her wrinkled old face, toughened by nature and life breaks into a smile. And then, slowly at first, it happened: laughter. Not a little giggle, no this was full fledged, bend over laughter. It's the kind of laughter that takes your breath and hurts your stomach. The laughter we experience less and less as we grow up. But why laughter? Didn't Sarah want to say "what took so long? Why now when I'm to old to enjoy it? Where have you been?" Maybe she did, but as far as we know she didn't say any of those things. She laughed. Why? I think it's because God had not forgotten her prayer. And that deep down she believed Him and could not escape the irony of how God makes miracles become miracles. God could have given Sarah a child early in her life. But, would it have meant as much? Does not Sarah need and want a child even more now than she did back then? Is God's timing perfect? Yes. And that made Sarah laugh. But I think she also laughed at the love God showed. He remembered her all the times she cried for a child, all those times she saw others' children and hurt inside. She laughed because God did not forget. More than that, because He cared. Her great and mighty God had taken note and made a special plan to grant her what she wanted, just when she needed it most. And of course, when she least expected it. Notice too how she laughed: "so that all who hear will laugh with me." Have you noticed how when you see someone laughing you want to be let in on the joke? That was Sarah's plan. She had gotten a surprise gift - we all like surprise gifts - and wanted to share her joy. We should all follow her lead. The next time you have that prayer answered that could only be from God, take a cue from Sarah: laugh. Laugh because you have a God who does listen and who does care and will grant your heart's desires - even if we sometimes don't really know what that is ourselves. Laugh because it shows people that you have what they want and what they need: a hope in things unseen, a peace that passes understanding, and a God of miracles who also has a great sense of humor. -<>- A blind fish with it's seeing eye dog fish! :) () , O -. )', \'._.,-" c '-,_ o ) _,.c cc =[]L] /." ', c __.` -' \('---' '=.____ '-. O \ 0 , \|\_/) \-, |',T( 66,_ o ) '-" \\.___Y) ) ,-.Y _.G snd /-" /.' >Big in Texas There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said, "Wow, these seats are big!" The person next to him answered, "Everything is big in Texas." When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a restaurant. Upon arriving, he ordered a drink and got a mug placed between his hands. He exclaimed, "Wow these mugs are big!" The bartender replied, "Everything is big in Texas." After a couple of drinks, the blind man asked the bartender where the bathroom was located. The bartender replied, "Second door to the right." The blind man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally tripped over and skipped the second door. Instead, he entered the third door, which lead to the swimming pool, and he fell into the pool by accident. Scared to death, the blind man started shouting, "Don't flush, don't flush!" ========================================================= >-->From ScreamOfTheCrop: __ __ | |_| |______ _,___ _,___ _ _ \--/ | _ |__ | __ | __ | |_| | /`-' '-`\ |__| |__|__-_,_| ,___| ,___|___, | / \ |_| |_| |_| /.'|/\ /\|'.\ __ __ _ _ \/ | |_| |______| | |______ __ _ __ ______ ______ _,____ | _ |__ | | | __ | | | | --__| --__| __ \ |__| |__|__-_,_|_|_|______|_______|______|______|_| |_| ,-"-._ _.-"-, )'. `-. _,,,_ .-` .'( | `'. `-"` `"-` .'` | \ .-' '-. / _ .' .--. .--. '. '-(-' _ / (.=.| |.=.) \ _ . '._(_) : \_o/ .-. \_o/ : ( )_.' \ : ( ) :.-' ,-''-.; .___ .-`Y`-. ___. ;_.'-, \ '-.\ \ .--( .'. )--. / _./_| '._.-'`'-., _;-'\_/'-;_ ,.-'`'._`/ jgs_.',_.-' / `'''` `.___.' `'''` \ '-.__`-, '. -'/_.-| ; ; | \ _/ ';'` \ / \ /'---', / . '._,__,_,' ',_,__,_,' \ / . .'\ .'\ : \ ; \\\ \\\ ; | : /'._.' \\ /'._.' \\ ' | | ( ______/ ) ( ______/ ) | | : `~~~~~~~` .-. `~~~~~~~` : | | : / `\\ : | | _, ( __/ ) _, : | | : \ : `~~~` : .' | | `-._ _,' | | . \`--._ __.--'// : | | \ `'\\ /` .'/ | ; : `. `~~~~` _.'.' ' ; \ . `-._ _____.'.-' / \ . . `'~~~~~'` . ' / `._ _._ '_._ _._' _.___.' `""` `"""` `""""` `"""` >TOP TEN SIGNS YOU ARE TOO OLD TO BE TRICK OR TREATING! 10. You get winded from knocking on the door. 9. You have to have another kid chew the candy for you. 8. You ask for high fiber candy only. 7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over. 6. People say, "Great mask!" and you're not wearing a mask. 5. When the door opens you yell, "Trick or..." and can't remember the rest. 4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders. 3.You have to carefully choose a costume that won't dislodge your hairpiece. 2. You're the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker. 1. You avoid going to houses where your ex-wives live. -<>- __ __ /_ _^^_ _\ _____|________|______ `=====.'""""""'.=====` / /a /a \ .-. | /\ | <" ) \ / / \ .`\, _'. \/\/\/ .'_ \ \_\ ./,' '-.\\'-------' \`------'/ '--""---'//.-' ###'.-'/________ \/""""\/ ________\'-.'### '/` \ : / `\` | | \ : | | \ \_____:_____ / [I=I=[_]I=I] / | \ / |_ \ / /\ \ / /##\ \ | ,/ ## \, | \ \ ## / / \ \ ## / / \ \##/ / jgs \ /\/\ / __,\_/X##X\_/.__ '.'/|\\XX//|\'.` '/'|.\##/,|`\' ## ## ## \ ## / / \ , \ \\##// , / /, /. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ +---------------- Bizarre Speeding Excuses ----------------+ There aren't a whole lot of speeding excuses that are new to State Patrol troopers. Following are several favorites that were submitted to the Lincoln Journal Star. * Patrol Sgt. Chuck Buckingham heard one of his favorites after pulling over someone going more than 70 mph. The driver claimed a grasshopper had landed on the windshield as the couple in the car left town, so they decided to see how fast they could go before the grasshopper blew off. During the stop, the grasshopper was still on the car. * Trooper Sam Winters pulled over a young man in Banner County who explained, "Officer I have a hot date tonight in Scottsbluff, and if you'd seen this girl, you'd be speeding too." * Some one tried an understanding approach with Trooper Fred Bastron. Bastron stopped a woman for speeding in a Lincoln Continental. She explained with the car's 4.6-liter engine, it "just wants to go and go." Bastron said the engine was the same one his patrol car had. "Well, you know what I'm up against then," she said. * Lt. Howard Cofer of the State Patrol said he pulled over a speeder doing 85 mph. The man explained he was trying to return the car early to save $100. The fine for speeding was $100 plus court costs. Also, he didn't get the car back early enough. -<>- GREAT PUMPKIN IS COMIN' TO TOWN (Sung to the tune Santa Claus is Coming to Town) .--. Oh, you better not shriek, you better not groan, /`-'/ You better not howl, you better not moan, .----,_| (__ Great Pumpkin is coming to town! { ="""`/`""`__ `'-. /`---'`_\ /_ ' \ He's going to find out | ' / \ / \ ' | from folks that he meets, | . / _| | _\ . | Who deserves tricks and who deserves treats; | \(o/ \(o/ | Great Pumpkin is coming to town! | ,__) /\ (__, | / |\ \/ /| \ He'll search in every pumpkin patch, | | '._ _.' | | haunted houses far and near; | \ `|_| / | To see if you've been spreading gloom, | ' `\ /` ' | or bringing lots of cheer! | . \-.--/ . | \ . '--' . / So you better not shriek, you better not groan, '-...-'._ _.'-...-' You better not howl, you better not moan; jgs `` Great pumpkin is coming to town!! >At the Racetrack George went to the racetrack, bet on the ponies, and nearly lost his shirt. He noticed this priest who stepped onto the track and blessed the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the fourth race. Lo and behold, this horse, a very long shot, won the race. George was interested to see what the priest did for the next race. As George watched, the priest stepped out onto the track as horses lined up for the fifth race. The priest blessed the forehead of one of the horses and George made a beeline for the window to place a small bet on the horse. Again, the priest had blessed a long shot and the horse won the race! George collected his winnings and anxiously waited to see which horse the priest bestowed his blessing on for the sixth race. The priest showed, blessed a horse, George bet on it, and won! As the day went on, the priest continued blessing one of the horses, and it always came in first. George began to pull in some serious money, and by the last race he knew his wildest dreams were going to come true. He made a quick stop at the ATM and withdrew every penny that he owned. George waited for the priest's blessing that would tell him which horse to bet on. True to his pattern, the priest stepped out onto the track before the last race and blessed the forehead, eyes, ears and hooves of one of the horses. George placed his bet - every cent he owned - and watched the horse come in dead last! George was dumbfounded. He made his way to the track, and when he found the priest, he demanded, "What happened, Father? All day you blessed horses and they won. The last race you bless a horse and he loses. Now I've lost my life savings, thanks to you!" The priest nodded wisely and said, "That's the problem with you Protestants - you can't tell the difference between a simple blessing and the Last Rites. ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit US Presidents And The Queen! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/queenofengland.html Dogs And Little ones! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dogslittleones.html High Tech Toys! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/techtoys.html Day and Night! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dayandnight.html Here's Your Frog! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/frog.htm Animal Moms! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animalmoms.html Amazing Dog Houses! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/doghouses2.html Amazing Street-Legal Airplane! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/transition.html World's Best Husbands! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/husbands.html Sgt.Stubby War Dog Hero! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/stubbywardog.html FALL/HALLOWEEN INDEX! https://tinyurl.com/y4xyz2w8 -<>- Still True... DEFINITION OF HATE: PROGRESSIVE SOCIALISM http://www.corson.org/archives/sociological/S49_040710.htm -<>- >We Used To Have The Best Comedians... Jonathan Winters and Dean Martin https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1hcgXXJk_nw Tim Conway and Harvey Korman at MPTF https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IQMGgMw-gq0 Red Skelton 1982 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qD_4HuhsWeo I Am A Pilot The Smothers Brothers https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hEiU-8gx0hc Bob Newhart Carson Tonight Show 18/5-1983 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qUB3zLtPcgI Watch Johnny Carson get humiliated by a "talking" parakeet on The Tonight Show! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n4drj5J9mVk Carson Can’t Keep Up with Rodney Dangerfield’s Non-Stop One-Liners (1974) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c2gw-asbBIM -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) The most decorated squadron in the Navy is probably one you have never heard of unless you were in it or received support from them in combat. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W4f_hQP1sdk --- ...Wow! Awesome! Thanks LouiseAu! A breathtaking look at the massive continent of Africa filmed by drone for Rhino Africa, a leading safari company. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fzBVPKU_qX8 --- ...Beautiful! Thanks LouiseAu! -<>- Revisiting... >From Our Friend LouiseA :) A good magician is the master of sleight of hand and distraction while having a charismatic personality. However, a master magician can do all of that, plus show you something you haven't seen before. This magician may seem like the worst you've seen, but that is all an act... https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=DRmD5l37Q7k Considered one of the cornerstone sketches of comedy, this mirror sketch by the Marx Brothers, uses their similar looks to set up a hilarious and cleverly-made scene, you'll never forget. https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=rdQ9jh5GvQ8 HALLOWEEN CHOCOLATE BANANA GHOSTS - 3 INGREDIENTS https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7gnNCYunbGE&feature=em-subs_digest-g --- ...Neat! Thanks LouiseA! -<>- >From Our Friend Geniann: Army Fires 120,000 Soldiers Amid Budget Cuts Warns of ‘significant’ harm to troops and nations http://tinyurl.com/q2xhgft --- ...A Shame! Thanks Geniann! THANK GOD FOR TRUMP - Making America SAFE And Strong Again! Shell commercial - Even if you're not a gear head, this video will stir the soul. There's just something about 3 liters and 14,000 RPM!!! https://www.youtube.com/embed/1_kwxzU4wL4 Egyptian TV Reaction to Obama - not sure if this is true: What you are about to see will probably get pulled from the airways, but not before you have a chance to watch and listen to what Egypt has to say about Obama. This may well be the most damning comments ever. Muslim world reacts to Obama's latest speech https://www.youtube.com/embed/UXodRLLkth4 --- ...My Oh My! Thanks Geniann! Well, if it isn't true or a proper translation, it sure seemed like it! Their reaction pretty much was my reaction to his comments on climate change. Absolutely left me dumbfounded too! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "I read about a woman in Pennsylvania who celebrated her 94th birthday by jumping out of a plane. She thought she was just walking into the bathroom - but still, good for her to experience that!" -Jimmy Fallon "There is a major scandal in the world of the Iditarod. It turns out some of the dogs in the race are on drugs. Dogs belonging to the four-time musher tested positive for a banned substance. These are powerful drugs. Opioids. These are the same drugs Santa uses to make his reindeer fly." -Jimmy Kimmel "Pope Francis said that married people should have more kids. When asked for comment, married people said the Pope should have a kid and then get back to us." -Conan O'Brien "I heard that people in Hawaii are stealing cans of Spam and reselling them. So if you think you're having a rough day, imagine being the guy waiting on the corner for his Spam dealer. "Come on, where is this guy?"' -Jimmy Fallon "Red Lobster announced today that it will start delivering its food in New York City through a partnership with Grubhub. Because if there's one thing that will make discount seafood even better, it's 20 minutes on the back of a bike. Just think, that shrimp is going down 8th Avenue as we speak." -Seth Meyers "According to a new study, children who are spanked are twice as likely as those that aren't spanked to get into fights and destroy things - which is probably why they get spanked in the first place." -Jimmy Kimmel "This week was Earth Science week. It's the week you have to celebrate if you aren't smart enough for bio or chemistry week." -Seth Meyers "New research shows that China has a bigger middle class than America, and more people in China are living what we would call the 'American Dream.' That's when you know things are bad - when even the American DREAM is made in China." -Jimmy Fallon "I have a strict policy. I will not and do not publicize unsubstantiated rumors about anyone unless they're very funny." -Jimmy Kimmel Stress is when you wake up screaming, and then realize that you haven't fallen asleep yet. -- Unknown A good film is when the price of the dinner, the theatre admission and the babysitter were worth it. -- Alfred Hitchcock Trust your hopes, not your fears. -- David Mahoney A child's life is like a piece of paper on which every person leaves a mark. -- Chinese Proverb * don't drink and drive * 11/96 '. `~~`~`~~^`~~`~^~^`~~`~~`~^~`. .` / `> ' . ' ". _ '-"` . ` ' . | . ' / .' ,'~^~^~^`^~~^`^~`~~~^~~~^; ' ' | .-' \ ` : ` . "| /| : | . | | / | ' " | __.--~\ | | : . | `~--.__/ | . ' | \ | .' | ' "| _.-") \_| . _ .|.-"_.-" / \______// |.-" / \___/_ \ | .| / | /\/ /" | / | ./ / | _.( |_ \__/ ' '| __ _.-"_.-\ / \: | . | _.=~\ _\.-"_.-' `) \`.=\ .' | _.=~_.=~\\.-\-" / | \=\__ | | .=~_.=~_\\_/ / `) \ __) '| =~_.=~_.=` ( / |` . | ~_.=~ )__/'| ' " '| | . " | ' .| '-"_'"-'_"'-_'"-_''_"-"-_"-\ \/' ' . '`\/"/- '"-_-"'_ -_ --"-"_jgs_""-_'"--"'_-"-'\\/.\\' / /".\,//\//'-"-_'"-"'_ -"-'_-"_-"-_"-"'_'-"-"_``"-`"_`'""-`''""'-_'"-"-_"'"- >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah Shangy! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->ShangyFunList AD RATES: $20 will get your a message (of up to 40 words) out to all self-subscribed readers and $5 more will give you the same message also put up for all web site readers. Email me to secure dates. Ad Request ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ********************************************************************** >TO SUBSCRIBE:Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com **********************************************************************