Happy Early Thanksgiving... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* Please Consider Giving To ShangralaFamilyFun.com The cost of the website has gone up dramatically due to the ever increasingly wonderful pages and photos being added each week to entertain you and our fellow Christian families. If every one would chip in $25 or more, we'd be good for the whole year! So Please - I need your help today! "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ *~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a Shangrala Angel, the easiest way to do that is through online giving. It is easy to use, and most of all, it is secure. Please visit the site, scroll down and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL form page comes up. NOTE: Paypal will generate a 'Quantity 1' and 'Price per item' form. Just ignore the price per item and put whatever it is you desire to give in there. With Paypal, you will have your normal receipt for your 'payment' donation in USD (United States Dollars). You can put a memo in there if you'd like. EVERY LITTLE BIT WILL HELP! Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS YOU ABUNDANTLY FOR YOUR GIFT! ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! -<>- * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ >For Those Celebrating early... __, ,____) _______) (--| | (--| _, (_, |__| _, _ _ | |_ _ ._ |__) , _ ' ',_ _ _| |(_||_)|_)(_| _| | |(_|| || \ /_)(_||\/|| |(_| ( | | ,_| ( |_, \_, ,_| ,_| *~* Have A Happy, Blessed And Safe Thanksgiving Celebration! :) Bible: Thankfulness: A Way of Living, Not a Feeling https://tinyurl.com/y6leyvql >A Thanksgiving eCard from Our Friend Kay :) http://tinyurl.com/6r73tea --- ...lovely! Thank You Kay! -<>- If You Are Looking For Some YUMMY RECIPES, Be Sure To Check Out Easy-Does-It Home Recipes! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/easy.html -<>- >-->3 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This flaming hot update is from our friend LouiseAu. All you space junkies will appreciate this video added to our great page from NASA's Curiosity. It is sure to bring the red planet Mars even more up close than you've seen before! Be sure to check out this page with its updated video here... . . + : . : _ . ! ' (_) ,|.' - -- ---(-O-`--- -- - ,`|'`. , ! . : : " . --+-- .: . ! O!o Mars Panoramic View http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mars.html --- ...An Excellent addition! Thanks LouiseAu! This too hot to handle new page is from our friend LouiseAu. We could all use more smiles during these trying times and this one aims to please with plenty of wit to tickle your funny bone. Be sure to check it out and the happy video here too... ^ ,' \ L""/ ` | J | J L | | . , | |.`v_L.' // ,>-(-\'_ \`' \ - /-. / /`""| ),' `- ( ,-' \ ) ,' ,' h / / / `)--.. \/ / \ <) < , L<' F/ _/ ,' L ,-' \ | ___L / ( F J ___,' L | ,' | F ,' | (_,--..__ mt-2|_ ,' `"`--.._\ ,' / \ / (_ (diddled by b'ger} Funny Liberty Arms Signs http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/signs2.html --- ...A fun one! Thanks LouiseAu! This sizzling hot new page is from our friends Linda, LouiseAu, KarenF and PatDeE. It's one to tickle your funny bone and give you plenty of smiles and a few chuckles for your day. Be sure to check this humorous one out here... .---. (_---_) (_/6 6\_) ( v ) `\ /' .-'': ;``-. / \,Y./ \ / (:)___ \ : .-'XXX`-.`\_; `.__.-XXX-.__.'\_ / / XXX \ \ `\_ / XXX \ `\ / XXX \ _`\___ jgs / \ (`--"""-') / \ (=-=-=-=-) `--...___ ___...--' (________) Senior Cartoons http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/seniorcartoons.html --- ...Oh My! HaHa! A rich one! Thanks my friends! ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: ,,,, / ' /.. / ( c D \- '\_ `-'\)\ |_ \ |U \\ (__,// |. \/ LL__I ||| ||| ,,-``'\ jv A mother was worried that her three-year-old son was unusually precocious, and took him to a psychiatrist. "Right," said the shrink, "We'll just try a few simple tests." To the boy, he said, "Say a few words - anything that comes into your mind." The boy turned to his mother and asked, "Does he want logically constructed sentences or just a few random and purely isolated words?" -<>- A high-school geometry teacher started a lesson on triangles by reading a theorem. "If an angle is an exterior angle of a triangle, then its measure is greater than the measure of either of its corresponding remote interior angles." He noticed that one student wasn't taking notes and asked him why. "Well," the student replied sincerely, "I was waiting for you to start speaking English." -<>- My name is Annie Key, please don't hit me! / _____ , ___)) / | 6 6 (___( _e ____/ /_ / \ o\_/ \ / /\' _ _)\ /_< )____/\_\ ___oo' ,ooooo,|_/ -//,-( / |=/ | \ \ \ \ )_______\ / ) / ) / / ( | | / \ | _________ |/_______\|________. = = /( )\ b'ger /,/ 7 \\_ >Since we're now living in the time of e-mail and the more common use of the written language, it is time for an English lesson. 1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects. 2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with. 3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction. 4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive. 5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat). 6. Always avoid annoying alliteration. 7. Be more or less specific. 8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary. 9. Also, too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies. 10. No sentence fragments. No comma splices, run-ons are bad too. 11. Contractions aren't helpful and shouldn't be used. 12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos. 13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous. 14. One should never generalize. 15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches. 16. Don't use no double negatives. 17. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc. 18. One-word sentences? Eliminate. 19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake. 20. The passive voice is to be ignored. 21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas. 22. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice. 23. Kill all exclamation points!!!! 24. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them. 25. Understatement is probably not the best way to propose earth shattering ideas. 26. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed. 27. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know." 28. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly. 29. Puns are for children, not groan readers. 30. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms. 31. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed. 32. Who needs rhetorical questions? 33. Exaggeration is a million times worse than understatement. 34. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out. --- ...My pet peeve... Listen to people talk and you will hear - 'I seen' being said more often than the correct 'I saw'. It just bugs me. Saw is the PAST TENSE of the verb see, and usually comes immediately after NOUNS and PRONOUNS. Seen is the PAST PARTICIPLE of the VERB see. Generally, seen is used alongside have, has, had, was or were in a sentence to make COMPOUND VERBS. ... Saw doesn't need another VERB to prop it up like Seen does. 'I have seen it' is proper English - to say the same thing, you could simply say - 'I saw it'. ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ November 23 is Eat a Cranberry Day, National Cashew Day and National Espresso Day November 24 is All Our Uncles are Monkeys Day and Evolution Day November 25 is National Parfait Day and National Tie One On Day November 26 is Shopping Reminder Day and Thanksgiving - Eat, drink, and be thankful, fourth Thursday November 27 is Black Friday, Buy Nothing Day, Pins and Needles Day and You're Welcome Day November 28 is French Toast Day, Make Your Own Head Day and Red Planet Day November 29 is Advent Begins and Square Dance Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: N / \ |_.,| (_)(_) | = | | | `---^ -^--^- - a:f - >Heirloom I noticed a hand-painted gold and burgundy brandy snifter at my in-laws where we were celebrating their wedding anniversary. My father-in-law explained that it had been a wedding gift from Ireland that they had received 50 years earlier. My brother-in-law picked it up and passed it around the dinner table. My heart was in my mouth as it went from one person to another because my in-laws seemed to habitually drop things. Finally it reached me and I put it back on the display case. "How had this fragile keepsake lasted so long in this family?" I wondered aloud. "It's the last of a set of eight," my father-in-law replied. -<>- _______ /______/"=, [ | "=, "=,, [-----+----"=,* ) (_---_____---_)/ (O) (O) Emiliano >Clunker As the owner of an old clunker, I was used to dealing with a variety of car breakdowns. One day at the supermarket, just after I had filled my trunk with groceries, I noticed a stream of fluid leaking out of the bottom of the car. I knew I had to get home before the car was once again out of action. When I arrived I asked my husband to take a look at the problem. Expecting the worst, I braced myself for his diagnosis. When he came back in, he was smiling. "It's apple juice," he said. -<>- >Eating Habits The mother had become very cholesterol-conscious and was trying to change the family's eating habits. They were now consuming lots of oat bran, and she had substituted turkey for most of the meats they used to enjoy. She used ground turkey in spaghetti sauce and she served turkey hot dogs. The 18-year-old daughter was getting tired of all the turkey and cholesterol talk. One day she came home from school and asked the usual, "What's for dinner?" "Chicken," the mom replied. With a tired sigh she inquired, "Real chicken or turkey chicken?" -<>- >Accelerated? Toward the end of the school year, the sixth-grade teachers decide which of their students should be accelerated in certain subjects in the seventh grade. When a child is chosen, his parents are notified. When one boy was accelerated in science and math, his mother wrote to the teacher: "I think this is quite an honor for someone who just tried to make two quarts of lemonade in a one-quart pitcher!" -<>- >Build It and They Will Come The telephone solicitor selling basement waterproofing must have thought she'd died and gone to heaven when she reached my very polite and patient son on the phone. At the end of her long sales pitch, she asked, "Do you mind if we send out someone to give you an estimate?" "Not at all," my son said. "When would be a good time?" she asked. My son answered, "Just as soon as I dig a basement." -<>- >Overdue Books While working in the library at a university, I was often shocked by the excuses students would use to get out of paying their fees for overdue books. One evening an older student returned two books that were way overdue and threw a fit over the "outrageous" $2 fee that I asked her to pay. I tried to explain how much she owed for each day, but she insisted she should be exempt. "You don't understand," she blurted out. "I didn't even read them!" -<>- >Contagious A man returned from vacation feeling very ill. He went to see his doctor, and the doctor has him immediately rushed to the hospital for a range of tests. The man woke up after the tests in a private room at the hospital, and the phone by his bedside was ringing. "This is your doctor," said the voice on the other end. "We've reviewed the results of your tests and we've found you have a very nasty virus, which is extremely contagious." "Oh my gosh! What are you going to do, doctor?" "We're going to put you on a diet of pizza, pancakes and pita bread." "Will that cure me?" "No, but it's the only food we can slide under the door." -<>- >Lying A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17." The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only sixteen chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying." ========================================================= H A P P Y B L E S S E D T H A N K S G I V I N G T O Y O U A N D Y O U R S ! ____ : : ___ :____: ___ ---\ ~~ /---___ : []: \ \ ~ \~ /~~~/~~~/ ----,------- ,' \~~ \~~ \/ ~~/~~~/ `, ,' 0 0 __ -_~~ \ \,------, / ~ _` ; _____\ ; - _ \,'^^^^^^^ ""`,_- \ `, `--'; u ; ~~ ,'^^^^----------- / ,'`,,,' ;~ ---, ^^^,`__----, ..`,/ ,'..,' `, ~ ,^^ <_'__--__ `, .. `,/ .. ` `,---` ^<________-- `, .. .. ,' ___ [] ___ `,---` <__ -__ ___ ,' .. . ,` _/ \)(/ \_ `, --` <__ __ _ ,' ... _,` / / \ \ `--,___<___ ,'`-___,' ,' : | `, <___,'(||) : : : || || : : | ; __||_ _||_ \_ : _/ // ;;\\ ;;\\ \_ \ | / _/ ~~ ~~ ~~ \__________/ %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% >-->Happy Thanksgiving Gobble Gobble Turkey Smiles :) Q: Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? A: Because they never learned good table manners! Q: What sound does a space turkey make? A: Hubble, Hubble, Hubble. Q: Why do turkeys lay eggs? A: If they dropped them, they'd break! Q: What's the most musical part of a turkey? A: The drumstick! ,+*^^*+___+++_ ,*^^^^ ) _+* ^**+_ +^ _ _++*+_+++_, ) _+^^*+_ ( ,+*^ ^ \+_ ) { ) ( ,( ,_+--+--, ^) ^\ { (@) } f ,( ,+-^ __*_*_ ^^\_ ^\ ) {:;-/ (_+*-+^^^^^+*+*<_ _++_)_ ) ) / ( / ( ( ,___ ^*+_+* ) < < \ U _/ ) *--< ) ^\-----++__) ) ) ) ( ) _(^)^^)) ) )\^^^^^))^*+/ / / ( / (_))_^)) ) ) ))^^^^^))^^^)__/ +^^ ( ,/ (^))^)) ) ) ))^^^^^^^))^^) _) *+__+* (_))^) ) ) ))^^^^^^))^^^^^)____*^ \ \_)^)_)) ))^^^^^^^^^^))^^^^) (_ ^\__^^^^^^^^^^^^))^^^^^^^) ^\___ ^\__^^^^^^))^^^^^^^^)\\ From: ^^^^^\uuu/^^\uuu/^^^^\^\^\^\^\^\^\^\ Keely 11/93 ___) >____) >___ ^\_\_\_\_\_\_\) ^^^//\\_^^//\\_^ ^(\_\_\_\) ^^^ ^^ ^^^ ^^ Q: If fruit comes from a fruit tree, where does turkey come from? A: A poul-tree! Q: Who is not hungry at Thanksgiving? A: The turkey because he's already stuffed! After Thanksgiving dinner was finished, Mort saw his little brother Sid in the backyard, poking holes in the dirt and filling them in with birdseed. "Why are you planting birdseed?" Mort asked. "I'm growing next year's turkey," Sid replied. Jimmy: Mmmmm! That turkey smells good and it's not even done yet. How long will it be? Mom: About the same length as it was before I put it into the oven, I suppose. .--. /} p \ /} `~)-) / /` } ( / / /`}.' } / / .-'""-. / ' }-'} / (.' \/ '.'}_.} | `} .}._} | .-=-'; } ' }_.} \ `.-=-;' } '.}.-} '. -=-' ;,}._.} `-,_ __.'` '-._} jgs `||| .=='=, Q: What sound does a turkey's phone make? A: Wing! Wing! It's the day before Thanksgiving, and the butcher is just locking up when a man begins pounding on the front door. "Please let me in," says the man desperately. "I forgot to buy a turkey, and my wife will kill me if I don't come home with one." "Okay," says the butcher. "Let me see what I have left." He goes into the freezer and discovers that there's only one scrawny turkey left. He brings it out to show the man. "That's one is too skinny. What else you got?" says the man. The butcher takes the bird back into the freezer and waits a few minutes and brings the same turkey back out to the man. "Oh, no," says the man, "That one doesn't look any better. You better give me both of them!" Q: What's a turkey's favorite song? A: "I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas" Q:: Why did the chewing gum cross the road? A: It was stuck on the turkey's foot! Q: Why did the turkey cross the road twice? A: To prove he wasn't chicken! .-"""""""-. { _____}---. .-. { / ( o\ { / \ \V { | _\ \. { | / '-' \ HAPPY TURKEY DAY !! {___\ /\______/ __/ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~/ / /____// '--'\___/ \___/ '\_ \_ _Dana'97_ /\ /\ An industrious turkey farmer was always experimenting with breeding to perfect a better turkey. His family was fond of the leg portion for dinner and there were never enough legs for everyone. After many frustrating attempts, the farmer was relating the results of his efforts to his friends at the general store get together. "Well I finally did it! I bred a turkey that has 6 legs!" They all asked the farmer how it tasted. "I don’t know" said the farmer. "I never could catch the darn thing!" Q: What key won't open any door? A: A turkey! Q: What do you get when a turkey lays an egg on top of a barn? A: An eggroll! Q: Where do you find a turkey with no legs? A: Exactly where you left it! .---. |_X_| ___ [_____] / _ \ // \\ | / \ | | " | || " || __\___/__ __\\_//__ /\_______/\ / | U | \/ _ : _ \ ( (|___|) )/ \ : / \ \ \_ / \ _/ \ /=====\ / / /| |\ './___:___\.' ; | | ; | | | | | | | | | | | \_____/ | |--|--| '._______.' |LI|LI| jgs \/ \/ \_/ \_/ Q: What do you call it when it rains turkeys? A: Foul weather! The pro football team had just finished their daily practice session when a large turkey came strutting onto the field. While the players gazed in amazement, the turkey walked up to the head coach and demanded a tryout. Everyone stared in silence as the turkey caught pass after pass and ran right through the defensive line. When the turkey returned to the sidelines, the coach shouted, "You're terrific!!! Sign up for the season, and I'll see to it that you get a huge bonus." "Forget the bonus," the turkey said, "All I want to know is, does the season go past Thanksgiving Day?" Q: Why did the turkey cross the road? A: To get to the other side. Q: Why don't you let a turkey get near corn? A: Because they will gobble, gobble, gobble it. Q: What do you call it when you drop a turkey from a helicopter? A: Dead weight. Q: In what country is Thanksgiving ironically not celebrated? A: Turkey. Q: If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? A: Goblet. Q: Why did the police arrest the turkey? A: They suspected it of fowl play! _,--"^^"-.,_ _.-"~^`~-. .-~`^~"-._ ,="`"-._ .----. _.-"`"=, ;_ "-. (0 )( 0) .-" _; .' `~"=,_ '.\ \/ /.' _,="~` `. ;_ "-. _.-) (-._ .-" _; : ^~"-.,___.' ( ) `.___,.-"~^ ; : _: `--' :_ : '._,-~"` :': :': `"~-,_.' '.,_.-`. .'`-._,.' jgs :__.-`-.______.-'`-.__; // \\ (((~ ~))) Q: What would you get if you crossed a turkey with an octopus? A: Eight feather dusters! Daughter: Mum, can I have a canary for Christmas? Mum: NO! You'll have turkey like everyone else. Q: What happened when the turkey got into a fight? A: He got the stuffing knocked out of him! .-""""-._.'| / '.| | / | / | -= | /| ( | |/`< ) ) ( ; -=| _| ) \ \ / ____ /) '._ _.-""-.< .' `\/) / / \ / _ .'`/| _ / | '-._( __\ (__/_/=, ( \| \ -=/ /--;==========` ._,;'\==='-,..__/__/__.' `'--/,/ || ' \ / | / || ' \ \/ . || ; jgs / / || | | . || | / '=------| / ' ; ; ;| `-.___.___.___.___._/ Q: What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? A: The turkey! ========================================================= >-->A Repeat From Our Friend KarenF :) .========. .-| |-. .''-'`_.|__ __ __|._`'-''. / .--'` | [LI] | `'--. \ .' / _.--'''""""'''--._ \ '. /` .' .-' _.----._ '-. '. `\ | / / .' _ _ '. \ \ | | | | / `_ _` \ | | | / / '. | (o)(o) | .' \ \ | | '._| .-""-. |_.' | | | \ / | \ / | \ / | / / | / \ /\/\ / \ | \ \ | | / | '-.( ).-' | \ | | | | | / \`""`/ \ | | | \ \ / | _.-| |-._ | \ / / \ \ | / .' | | '. \ | / / '. './ | .' / \ '. | \.' .' '._| \/ \/ |_.' `'{` , , `}'` { } { } { } { } { } { } \,/ \,/ '. .' jgs '-.__ __.-' { _}""{_ } / \ / \ /=/=|=| |=|=\=\ \/\/\_/ \_/\/\/ >A Visitor From The Past by Thelen Paulk I had a dream the other night I didn't understand. A figure walking through the mist with a flintlock in his hand. His clothes were torn and dirty, as he stood there by my bed. He took off his three cornered hat and speaking low, he said: "We fought a revolution, to secure our liberty. We wrote the Constitution, as a shield from tyranny. For future generations, this legacy we gave, in this, the land of the free and the home of the brave. You buy permits to travel, and permits to own a gun, Permits to start a business, or to build a place for one. On land that you believe you own, you pay a yearly rent, Although you have no voice in choosing, how the money's spent. Your children must attend a school that doesn't educate. Your Christian values can't be taught, according to the state. You read about the current news in a regulated press. You pay a tax you do not owe, to please the foreign I.R.S. Your money is no longer made of silver, or of gold. You trade your wealth for paper, so your lives can be controlled. You pay for crimes that make our Nation turn from God in shame. You've taken Satan's number, as you've traded in your name. You've given government control, to those who do you harm, So they can padlock churches, and steal the family farm, And keep our country deep in debt, put men of God in jail, Harass your fellow countrymen, while corrupted courts prevail. Your public servants don't uphold the solemn oath they've sworn. They defy and rape the nation, and leave it's fabric tattered and torn. Your leaders ship artillery and guns to foreign shores, And send your sons to slaughter, fighting other people's wars. Can you regain the freedom for which we fought and died? Or don't you have the courage, or the faith to stand with pride? Are there no more values for which you'll fight to save? Or do you wish your children to live in fear as a slave? People of the Republic arise and take a stand! Defend the Constitution, the Supreme Law of the Land! Preserve our Great Republic, and God Given Right! And pray to God, to keep the torch of Freedom burning bright!" As I awoke he vanished, in the mist from whence he came. His words were true, we are not free, we have ourselves to blame. For even now as tyrants trample each God Given Right, we only watch and tremble, too afraid to stand and fight. If he stood by your bedside, in a dream, while you're asleep, and wonders what remains of our Rights he fought so hard to keep, What would be your answer, if he called out from the grave; IS THIS STILL THE LAND OF THE FREE AND HOME OF THE BRAVE? --- ...A Pilgrim's Poem for sure - Thank You KarenF! Seems today those who lie the most get elected and the people don't seem to care - like they have blinders on to the truth. That was my comment from way back in 2012 when Obama and Biden were in charge of the US. Fortunately in 2016, God used our electoral college to secure that we the people got Trump in as our President and put an end to the destruction of American values and God given prosperity. Which is what Pres. Trump, through Christ, was able to accomplish even though the Democrats fought him tooth and nail all the time. We had the best of God's Grace with our lowest ever unemployment record and prosperity for all races and ages. Then China hit the world with its virus and all evil took place. Now our Nation and its freedom Republic is again at risk. The same cheating tricks Communist countries like Russia, Cuba, Venezuela and China use to stay in power - even down to the same voting machines and software company - were used to defeat President Donald Trump and give power to the obvious corrupt loser - opposing candidate Joe Biden. Be Sure to watch this video for the latest on this: What they are doing and achieving now - A strong unpaid Trump supporter on The Democrat's Voter Fraud (bless her heart!) https://tinyurl.com/y6kqjofa ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :) ____ / \ /______\ ___/___[_]__\___ (_/ _. ._\_) (_/ _\ \_) (_( .___. ) \_ _/ __/_\____/_\__ .' \ / `. | \__/ | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | |___| | |___| / | / | \ ______________________ \__|_____/\____| \/ / \ |____[__]___|\ \_/\ | Brother, let's talk! | | | \/ | \__ __________________/ | | | / ()/ |/ | | |/ / | | |\__/ _.--. | | | \o ` .-.-..-. | | | .' .' .--. | / | | | ; (_.' `| / _____ | | | _____ . . . | /___jro___ |_____|_____| `. `. ; \ / / | | \ `-. `--' .' _[] | | []_ `-. .'. .' / | | \ || || `----""--' `--""----' /|\|\ >SMILES After a recent move, I made up a list of companies, agencies, and services that needed to know my new address and phoned each one to ask for the change to be made. Everything went smoothly until I called one of my frequent flier accounts. After I explained to the representative what I wanted to do, the woman told me, "I'm sorry; we can't do that over the phone. You will have to fill out our change-of address form." "How do I get one of those?" I asked. "We'd be happy to provide you with one," she said pleasantly. "May I have your new address so that I can mail it to you?" ---------- The photographer for a national magazine was assigned to get photos of a great forest fire. Smoke at the scene was too thick to get any good shots, so he frantically called his home office to hire a plane. "It will be waiting for you at the airport!" he was assured by his editor. As soon as he got to the small, rural airport, sure enough, a plane was warming up near the runway. He jumped in with his equipment and yelled "Let's go! Let's go!" The pilot swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air. "Fly over the north side of the fire," said the photographer, "and make three or four low level passes." "Why?" asked the pilot. "Because I'm going to take pictures! I'm a photographer, and photographers take pictures!" said the photographer with great exasperation and impatience. After a long pause, the pilot said "You mean you're not the instructor?" ---------- Two nuns decide they're going to sneak out of the convent and have a real night on the town. They hit all the bars and dance clubs, and decide they've finally got to head back to the convent. To enter the convent's grounds they have to crawl under some barbed wire. The nuns start crawling under the wire on their bellies. As they're crawling under the wire, the first nun turns to the second and says, "I feel like a marine." The second replies, "Yeah, me too, but where can you find one this time of night?" ---------- My husband and I purchased an old home in Northern New York State from two elderly sisters. Winter was fast approaching and I was concerned about the house's lack of insulation. "If they could live here all those years, so can we!" my husband confidently declared. One November night the temperature plunged to below zero, and we woke up to find our interior walls covered with frost. My husband called the sisters to ask how they had kept warm in the winter. After a rather brief conversation, he hung up. "For the past 30 years," he muttered, "they've spent the winter in Florida." ---------- Tom had proposed to young Maureen and was being interviewed by his prospective father-in-law. "Do you think you are earning enough to support a family?" the older man asked the suitor. "Yes, sir", replied Tom, "I'm sure I am." "Think carefully now," said Maureen's father warningly. "There are twelve of us." ---------- What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo? A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage, along with a recipe. ---------- Wondering why my niece was returning to college to get a masters in philosophy, I asked "What can you do with a degree like that?" "Well," she explained "It will qualify me to deal with questions like 'What is existence?' 'What is the essence of things.' and 'Do you want fries with that?" ---------- Kassie was a really good mom. When her children were growing up, her one son gave her more "stop and count to 10" periods. Once, after her small son fell into the pond and came home with his good school clothes dripping wet, the exasperated Kassie sent him to his room while she washed and dried his clothes. A little later, Kassie heard a commotion in the back yard. She called out "Are you out there wetting your pants again!?" There was dead silence for a moment. Then a deep, masculine voice answered meekly, "No, ma'am, I'm just reading the meter." ---------- All eyes were on the lovely bride as her father escorted her down the aisle. They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand. The guests in the front pews responded with ripples of laughter. Even the pastor smiled broadly. As her father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave him back a credit card. ---------- Bill and Steve were seated next to each other while taking a test. When they had finished, the teacher called them up to her desk. "Sorry boys," she said, "but both of you will be receiving a zero on the test." "But, why?" they asked. "Looking over your answers and noting how very alike they are, it is obvious that one of you cheated and the other one let him do it," replied the teacher. "That could just be a coincidence, Miss Ames," Bill said. "What would make you think we cheated?" "Well," the teacher replied, "I might have believed it was a coincidence if it wasn't for the fact that when you got to question number 8, Steve wrote 'I don't know' for the answer, and you, Bill, wrote in 'darn, neither do I'." ---------- Your Honor," she told the judge, "I want a divorce. My husband has been cheating on me." "That is a serious accusation," the judge said. "Do you have any evidence to substantiate this claim of your husband's infidelity?" "Yes, Your Honor. Just last night I was walking down Broadway when I saw him go into a movie with another woman." "Who was this other woman?" the judge asked. "I don't know. I never saw her before." "Then why didn't you follow them into the theatre and find out who she was. It may have been just a harmless coincidence. You should have gone in after them." "I would have," she explained, "but the fellow I was with had already seen the picture." ---------- My mother is a cleaning fanatic. One Saturday she told me and my brother to get down to the playroom and straighten it up. We had a party there the previous evening, and she was none too happy about the mess. As she watched us work, it was clear that Mom was completely dissatisfied with our cleaning efforts and let us know it. Finally my brother, exasperated with having to do it all over, reached for a broom and asked Mom, "Can I use this, or were you planning to go somewhere?" --- ...LOL! The last one sounds like my mom! Thanks LouiseAu! ========================================================= >-->From HandyHints: , (`-.-/( .:::::., `-.__) ``:\:: . /7_.-, '. -. - - `:::' .- ( `_.= \ `--._ / _?'` ___.-' -`"' \ - / )----'''' - .-' `--.. `--' ,' .-' `\ --' )---'' ) ) | _| ( \ L / | \ )__ _ \ \ `---' `--' L \ | \ \ \ L ) L_ ( \ | \ . J a:f | `. \ _.-`--=' \ ) ( _-' `--'\ '"' / ' J (,_./ Cooler temperatures are here, and colder temps are fast approaching. There's no better time than now to do some seasonal maintenance to keep your home running smoothly. Feel for drafts around the window and door edges. A good hint is to use a lighted candle and if the flame flickers, there's a draft! If it's necessary, replace seals and repair caulk around the window and door frames, or consider buying a heavier drapery for windows. Programmable thermostats are worth the money Adjust your programmable settings based on your schedule. Set your thermostat to lower temperatures automatically at night when you are already toasty warm under your blankets, and when you aren't home. This can result in substantial savings. -<>- _ "", &&& * . ' /\ / \ / && = > ' . * _ |_|| | | | / && _C.' . a h (_ | || | | | \ )( \/ | | \ \ ,"" \_/ ) ( \/ |\ ( \ |\\ \ \ ~~~ ) / /~~/ ejm97 ) ) Easy ways to keep your home healthy during cold and flu season. Now that we're well into cold and flu season it is important to know all of the sneaky little spots around your home where germs and bacteria can hide - and the super easy ways to banish them to give you a healthy living environment. Wipe out viruses with a DIY humidifier Humidity weighs down viruses, preventing them from staying airborne and making it less likely that you'll breathe them in. That's why it's a good idea to keep indoor humidity levels around 50 percent. No humidifier? Try placing bowls of water near heating registers or boil a large pot of water on the stove for 15-20 minutes, which boosts humidity levels for hours. Clean toothbrushes with baking soda Toothbrushes left on bathroom counters can become magnets for airborne germs and microbes. To clean them pour 2 tsb. of baking soda into a cup of water and soak. And to prevent germs from landing on bristles in the first place, store brushes in a cabinet or even a travel mug with a closed lid. Kill kitchen bugs with a sponge bath The top germ collector in your kitchen is the sponge. Try pouring 2 Tbs. of bleach into 1 cup of water and soaking your sponges for 5 minutes, then rinse. In one study this destroyed nearly 100 percent of germs, more than any other method. --- ...No bleach? No problem... Microwave that sponge! The microwave is one of the next most effective, zapping 99.9% of germs. Do this by putting the sponge in the microwave, saturating it in water (use 1/4 cup for scrub sponges and 1/2 cup for cellulose), then heating it on high for one minute (scrub) or two minutes (cellulose). Note: Cellulose sponges are made from wood fibers and although man-made, they're far more 'green' than the plastic ones. ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: Protecting the Republic - Watters' Word 11/21/20 https://www.bitchute.com/video/VihNaTZ3clk3/ Justice With Judge Jeanine - 11/21/20 https://www.bitchute.com/video/2XQRprgJtPPt/ Life Liberty And Levin - 11/22/20 https://www.bitchute.com/video/w7MBODqHsrib/ Researchers Can’t Show that Mask Mandates Work / Michigan Set to Certify Election Results / Will Poland and Hungary Leave the EU After Veto? / Another Weekend in Lightfoot’s Chicago – 50 More Shootings, 5 Dead / Millions of Americans are Ignoring the CDC and Doing Thanksgiving / After Years of Decline Violent Crime Surges in NYC And More: https://reliablenewsnow.com/ Alan Dershowitz Discusses Odds of Eventual Trump Victory And More: https://americanactionnews.com/ Liberals Rip Child Star APART After He Helped TRUE PATRIOT IN TROUBLE And MORE: https://tinyurl.com/y29t86gz Man Arrested By Federal Agents For Selling 3D Printed Drop In Auto Sears That Look Like “Wall Hooks” / Michigan AG Threatens to Criminally Charge GOP Lawmakers for Meeting with Trump on Stolen Election And More: https://www.tacticalshit.com/ Mike Pence Just MSM And Gave Them A TOTAL PANIC ATTACK! / The NFL’s Getting Absolutely CREAMED / House GOP Coming To The Rescue To SAVE Elections / VOTING Software Creator ADMITS You Can Make As MANY FAKE VOTES As You Want AND More: https://independentminute.com/ Mayor’s Statement on Shooting in ‘Gun-Free’ Mall the Definition of Insanity https://tinyurl.com/y3nyndpx One Official Just Exposed The Frightening Thing China Just Did https://tinyurl.com/y3gcnh89 MAJOR Supreme Court Case Set For SUPREME COURT! / AOC Just Announced HER Covid Plan And It Is BEYOND Insane! / America’s Truckers Planning MASSIVE STRIKE To Combat Liberals AND More: https://threepercenternation.com/ Nikki Haley has it out with Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez over her insane pandemic solution https://tinyurl.com/y2fdba23 ‘They’ve gone around the bend’: Megyn Kelly blasts far-left NYC schools, explains why she’s moving https://tinyurl.com/y238qjzc WATCH: Corn and Cob arrive in Washington, D.C. https://tinyurl.com/y2w9lell Help decide which turkey President Trump pardons tomorrow! https://whitehouse.typeform.com/to/mgz5WYoA Westwing News: https://www.whitehouse.gov/westwingreads/ WhiteHouseNews: https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/ Latest From AFA: http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw Students For Life https://tinyurl.com/yd5nxmu6 Latest From OperationRescue: http://www.operationrescue.org/ Latest Product Alert: http://www.emergencyemail.org/products/?fmt=text Latest Health Alert: http://www.emergencyemail.org/health/?fmt=text Click to Give Free https://tinyurl.com/y2abb8d2 -<>- >From BizarreNews: If you're a guy who is responsible for a $35 million-dollar Ponzi scheme, it's only fitting that when the authorities are on to you, you should attempt an escape like a super villain. That's exactly what this California man did when he dove into Shasta Lake in a submersible while fleeing law enforcement. 44-year-old Matthew Piercey, who owns two investment companies, was indicted for the $35 million-dollar Ponzi scheme. When FBI agents tried to arrest the Palo Cedro man in Redding he drove off, leading authorities on a chase through neighborhoods and northbound Interstate 5. He then abandoned his car and tried to escape by diving into Shasta Lake in an underwater submersible vehicle, according to court documents. He didn't make it that far and was arrested when he came out of the water 25 minutes later, authorities say. Piercey is charged with wire fraud, money laundering and witness tampering. According to court documents, Piercey carried out an investment fraud scheme, raising $35 million in investor funds from July 2015 through August 2020. He is accused of lying about trading algorithms, the success of the company's investment strategies and the liquidity of investments. On top of that, he allegedly discouraged witnesses from responding to grand jury subpoenas related to the investigation. Piercey faces multiple charges that could land him in prison for up to 20 years. -<>- *--- Decapitated body turns out to be a mannequin ---* An environmental nonprofit in Florida said a volunteer walking on a beach discovered what seemed to be a macabre scene -- but turned out to be a washed-up store mannequin. Ocean Hour, a Florida nonprofit that organizes beach clean-up events, said a volunteer named Kathleen was walking the beach on the intercoastal side of Perdido Key when she came across what initially seemed to be human body that was missing its head. The nonprofit said another witness on the scene called 911, but Kathleen took a closer look and discovered the barnacle-encrusted form was a headless store mannequin that had apparently spent a good amount of time in the water before washing up on the beach. "We are glad it wasn't a real body," Ocean Hour said in a Facebook post. *--- Please stop throwing late students over the gate ---* An elementary school in France put up a pair of posters outside their fence with an unusual request for parents: Don't throw late students over the closed gate. The Trillade school in Avignon put up signs outside its gate showing a cartoon of a parent sending a small child airborne to get over the fence. The text on the sign asks parents not to throw their children, and instead wait for the gates to be opened again at 10 a.m. or 3 p.m. Principal Sanaa Meziane told La Provence that parents "literally threw their children" over the gate when they arrived to find it closed. Meziane said there were only a few scattered incidents, and no reported injuries, but there were enough tossed children to inspire school officials to take action and post the warnings as a "reminder." --- ...Yes, I wanted to see it too... So I found it here for you :) https://tinyurl.com/y6c8zbt4 Takes me back to my school days in French class. ========================================================= >-->From TheGroaner: ________ / ______ \ || _ _ || ||| || ||| |||_||_||| || _ _o|| (o) ||| || ||| |||_||_||| ^~^ , ||______|| ('Y') ) /__________\ / \/ ________|__________|__ (\|||/) _________ hjw /____________\ `97 |____________| >Ring That Bell A man is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching the boy's efforts for some time, the man moves closer to the boy's position. He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child's shoulder, leans over and gives the doorbell a solid ring. Crouching down to the childs level, the man smiles benevolently and asks, "And now what, my little man?" The boy replies, "Now we run!" -<>- .__ _..._ /,-./'.--. ``\. /|/.--./`.o/ /`;\\ |||\ _ `-'_` o|/|| ||\\`.`.__`Y8P_,\|| \\|| `"\"""/---'|| \\| ,-' `.||// \(-'_ `. ,-' [_] .-. \ ; `\| ||-'/ ` \ \ /`""-.`\ | ; | `.-|\_/ | ; ' | \-._ / | | / |`--'| : ;_\_ /| |/ /\|, ) __..; `----' :`.`|/ / / | | ; .' `\' ; \/ : _ : : / / : : _.'`.__.' | fsc \ _.' \ / | | / `---.._ | `\ `.____ \ / | `------' \__|_,' >I Can't Do That A policeman pulls over a driver for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow a breath into a breathalyzer. "I can't do that, officer." "Why not?" "Because I'm an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube." "Okay, we'll just get a urine sample down at the station." "Can't do that either, officer." "Why not?" "Because I'm a diabetic. I could get low blood sugar if I pee in a cup." "Alright, we could get a blood sample." "Can't do that either, officer." "Why not?" "Because I'm a hemophiliac. If I give blood I could die." "Fine then, just walk this white line." "Can't do that either, officer." "Why not?" "Because I'm drunk." -<>- >Engine Trouble Fifteen minutes into flight, the pilot announced: "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left." Thirty minutes later the pilot announced: "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry, we can fly just fine on two engines." An hour later the pilot announced: "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours. But don't worry, we still have one engine left." The guy in seat 17A turned to me and said, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!" -<>- >Who'd You Marry? I married miss RIGHT... I just didn't know that her first name was ALWAYS! -<>- >Q and A Quickies Q: Did you hear about the constipated composer? A: He couldn't finish the last movement. Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man? A: It's cute... but can it pick up peanuts? Q: Have you heard the one about the bed? A: Of course not it has not be made yet. .-. \\\V/// (o.o) ####### |=| //6 , 6\\ Y \ = / | .-:---:---'B ( / `@` ,--'| ) ) ( <|' '| | ______(____ \ \__.__/ | (___________) `/<<<<<\ | / \ (>>>>>>>) | / \ `"|"|"|"` | | | |_| | | ____\ /____ _(_| |_ | ()____'.__ __.'____()(___|___) | jgs .'` .'```'. `-. ().'` `'.() Q: Why don't cannibals eat clowns? A: Because they taste funny. Q: How does an attorney sleep? A: First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other. Q: What does a skeleton get when he goes to a bar? A: A beer and a mop. ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: _--_ dMb __(._ ) d0P < (D) .MP .~ \ /~```M-. .~ V Mo_ \ -------============((((}{) ( (___. {:)-./ ~._____.(:} '94 the wolfe / .M\ / "" \ | /\ | / / \ \ / / \ \ \__/ \__/ / / | | .^V^. .^V^. +-+ +-+ As the manager of our hospital's softball team, I was responsible for returning equipment to the proper owners at the end of the season. When I walked into the surgery department carrying a bat that belonged to one of the surgeons, I passed several patients and their families in a waiting area. "Look, honey," one man said to his wife. "Here comes your anesthesiologist." -<>- En route to Hawaii, I noticed one of my passengers in the coach section of the airplane dialing her cell phone. "Excuse me. That can't be on during the flight," I reminded her. "Besides, we're over the ocean, you won't get a signal out here." "That's okay," she said. "I'm just calling my daughter. She's sitting up in first class." -<>- I spent 20 minutes explaining life insurance options to one of our employees. After reviewing the different plans and monthly deductions, he decided to max out, choosing $100,000 worth of life insurance. But he had one last question. "Now," he said, "what do I have to do to collect?" -<>- My husband was waterskiing when he fell into the river. As the boat circled to pick him up, he noticed a hunter sitting in a duck boat in the reeds. My husband put his hands in the air and joked, "Don't shoot!" The hunter responded, "Don't quack." -<>- I'd never had surgery, and I was nervous. "This is a very simple, noninvasive procedure," the anesthesiologist reassured me. I started to feel better until he continued, "Heck, you have a better chance of dying from the anesthesia than the surgery." -<>- >Honest Brand Slogans Hallmark: "When you care enough to give a card mass-produced by a corporation." Ritz crackers: "Tiny, edible plates." CliffsNotes: "They're still going to know you didn't read the book." Gillette: "We're just going to keep adding blades." ChapStick: "You'll misplace it before the tube's empty." Hot Pockets: "Every bite is a different temperature." -<>- A young man had just graduated from Harvard and was so excited just thinking about his future. He gets into a taxi and the driver says, "How are you this fine day?" "I'm the Class of 2012, just graduated from Harvard and I just can't wait to go out there and see what the world has in store for me." "Congratulations," said the driver reaching back to shake the young man's hand. "I'm Mitch. Harvard Class of '79." -<>- _...._ .'.o' o.'. /o o .o' o'\ |'.o 'o. o'.o| |o. o' o 'o .| \ o .o.'o'./ '._o__o_.' \ / || || || || || jgs || \/ A fellow is getting ready to tee-off on the first hole when a second fellow approaches and asks if he can join him. The first says that he usually plays alone but agrees to let the second guy join him. Both are even after the first couple of holes. The second guy says, "Say, we're about evenly matched, how about we play for five bucks a hole?" The first fellow says that he usually plays alone and doesn't like to bet but agrees to the terms. Well, the second guy wins the rest of the holes and as they're walking off of the eighteenth hole, and while counting his $80.00, he confesses that he's the pro at a neighboring course and likes to pick on suckers. The first fellow reveals that he's the Parish Priest at the local Catholic Church to which the second fellow gets all flustered and apologetic and offers to give the Priest back his money. The Priest says, "No, no. You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with you. You keep your winnings." The pro says, "Well, is there anything I can do to make it up to you?" The Priest says, "Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a donation. Then, if you bring your mother and father by after Mass, I'll marry them for you." -<>- Traveling down the interstate and needing to use the bathroom, I stopped at a rest area and headed to the restrooms. I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying: 'Hi, how are you?' I'm not the type to start a conversation in the restroom and I don't know what got into me, but I answered, somewhat embarrassed, 'Doin' just fine.' And the other person says: 'So what are you up to?' What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so I say: 'Uhhh, I'm like you, just traveling.' At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question. 'Can I come over?' Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I tell them 'No, I'm a little busy right now!' Then I hear the person say nervously... 'Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps talking to me.' ========================================================= >-->From JokeCentral: ,-. _,. / / ; \____,-==-._ ) //_ `----' {+> ` `'--/ /-'`( / / dew `=' >Traveling Light Recently, I called to make reservations on a small charter plane that departs from Teterboro airport in New Jersey. I knew that I would be flying in a very small plane, so I was not surprised when the clerk said, "The plane is very full with baggage and passengers." Then she asked, "How much do you weigh, sir?" Not thinking clearly I answered, "With or without clothes?" "Well," said the clerk, "how do you intend to travel?" -<>- >LAST WISHES.... A husband and wife had four boys. The odd part of it was that the older three had red hair, light skin and were tall, while the youngest son had black hair, dark eyes and was short. The father eventually took ill and was lying on his deathbed when he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, before I die, be totally honest with me -- is our youngest son my child?" The wife replied, "I swear on everything that is holy that he is your son." With that the husband passed away. The wife then muttered, "Thank God he didn't ask about the other three." -<>- _ /_'. _ _ \ / '-. < ``-.;),--'` '--.IN A DESERTED ISLAND.... An engineer finally splurged on a luxury cruise to the Caribbean. It was the "craziest" thing he had ever done in his life. Just as he was beginning to enjoy himself, a hurricane roared upon the huge ship, capsizing it like a child's toy. Somehow the engineer, desperately hanging on to a life preserver, managed to wash ashore on a secluded island. Aside from beautiful scenery, a spring-fed pool, bananas and coconuts, there was little else. He lost all hope and for hours on end, sat under the same palm tree. One day, after several months had passed, a gorgeous woman in a small rowboat appeared. "I'm from the other side of the island," she said. "Were you on the cruise ship, too?" "Yes, I was," he answered. "But, where did you get that rowboat?" "Well, I whittled the oars from gum tree branches, wove the reinforced gunnel from palm branches, and made the keel and stern from a Eucalyptus tree." "But, what did you use for tools?" asked the engineer. "There was a very unusual strata of alluvial rock exposed on the south side of the island. I discovered that if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into forgeable ductile iron. Anyhow, that's how I got the tools. But, enough of that," she said. "Where have you been living all this time? I don't see any shelter." "To be honest, I've just been sleeping on the beach," the engineer said. "Would you like to come to my place?" the woman asked. The engineer nodded dumbly. She expertly rowed them around to her side of the island, and tied up the boat with a handsome strand of hand-woven hemp topped with a neat back splice. They walked up a winding stone walk she had laid around a palm tree. There stood an exquisite bungalow, painted in blue and white. "It's not much, but I call it home." Inside, she said, "Sit down, please; would you like to have a drink?" "No, thanks," said the engineer. "One more coconut juice and I'll throw up!" "It won't be coconut juice," the woman replied. "I have a crude still out back, so we can have authentic Pina Coladas." Trying to hide his amazement, the man accepted the drink, and they sat down on her couch to talk. After they had exchanged stories, the woman asked, "Tell me, have you always had a beard?" "No," the engineer replied, "I was clean shaven all of my life until I ended up on this island." "Well if you'd like to shave, there's a razor upstairs in the bathroom cabinet." The man, no longer questioning anything, went upstairs to the bathroom and shaved with an intricate bone-and-shell device honed razor sharp. Next he showered, not even attempting to fathom a guess as to how she managed to get warm water into the bathroom, and went back downstairs. He couldn't help but admire the masterfully carved banister as he walked. "You look great," said the woman. "I think I'll go up and slip into something more comfortable." As she did, the engineer continued to sip his Pina Colada. After a short time, the woman, smelling faintly of gardenias, returned wearing a revealing gown fashioned out of pounded palm fronds. "Tell me," she asked, "we've both been out here for a very long time with no companionship. You know what I mean. Haven't you been lonely, too...isn't here something that you really, really miss? Something that all men and woman need? Something that would be really nice to have right now! "Yes, there is!" the man replied, shucking off his shyness. "There is something I've wanted to do for so long. But on this island all alone, it was just...well, it was impossible." "Well, it's not impossible, any more," the woman said. The engineer, practically panting in excitement, said breathlessly: "You mean...you actually figured out some way we can CHECK OUR E-MAIL.??" -<>- , , /////| ///// | ///// | |~~~| | | |===| |/| | B |/| | | I | | | | B | | | | L | / | E | / |===|/ jgs '---' >Multiplication Tables and Marriage Proposals Let me state a truth: A lot of Christians don't know Jesus. It's the only way I can understand why people who believe and teach the doctrine of the sovereignty of God are so bent on controlling everything but Him... and sometimes even Him. It is the only explanation I know for my condemnation, my arrogance and my self- righteousness. It explains why people talk about freedom yet live in a prison of guilt and fear. It helps me deal with those who talk about grace and give very little of it. It is the only way I know to understand why I, a teacher of grace, live a life that is sometimes marked by obsession with rules, being perfect and doing everything right. It explains why so many people have to be right and work so hard to appear good. Frankly, I don't really believe that those who drive me nuts with criticism and condemnation of other Christians aren't redeemed. I just believe that I (and they) are saved but sometimes don't know Jesus. You may have heard of the "Facts/Faith/Feelings" teaching about how one gets one's feelings into line. There is something to that. The Christian faith really is based on facts and, according to this view, once one determines those facts are true and "acts" accordingly, the feelings follow. But what do you do if the "feelings" don't follow? For many years, I followed Christ in a not dissimilar way to the way I followed the multiplication table. I knew that it was true. It didn't move me deeply, it didn't make me "feel good all over" and it didn't feel "warm and fuzzy." During that period in my life, I simply didn't understand those who had an emotional connection with Christ. I, from my arrogant, self-righteous and superficial position of intellectual commitment, felt that they "needed" all that but all I needed was the truth. "Just the facts man, just the facts" After all, once you see truth, you can't unsee it. Only a fool, once seeing it, refuses to live according to the truth one has seen. As I look back on it, the problem was that I tried to make the Christian faith into an affirmation of propositions. It was intellectual assent and I thought that was enough. It wasn't enough. Not nearly enough. In the last century a New England man in Amherst, Massachusetts, proposed to his wife this way: "I hope I have no foolishness called romance; I am too well balanced for that sort of nonsense. But we might look forward to leading respectable and useful lives and enjoy the respect of the neighbors." If you think that was a good marriage proposal, there's something weird and bent about you and everybody knows it. But, if you believe something like that about your relationship to Christ (the Lover of your soul) and even teach it, making the Christian faith into a "respectable and useful" religious commitment, everybody will think you're godly. You're not. You're neurotic. I know. I'm not preaching at you. I've been there and, God help me, still live there sometimes. It's having it in your head but having trouble getting it into your heart. I don't know if I have all the answers. I do have at least one of them though. Most Christians live reasonably Christian lives in the sense that we aren't serial killers; don't rob banks and do pay taxes. If you sometimes have trouble getting what you know to be true into your heart, what follows might help. With me, I think, the real problem was (and sometimes still is) control. In my need to control my situation, my church and all the circumstances of my life, I was saved but I didn't know Jesus. Jesus said about the Scribes and Pharisees, "The Scribes and the Pharisees sit on Moses' seat, so practice and observe whatever they tell you [i. e. they have the propositions and the doctrines right]- but not what they do. They tie up heavy burdens, hard to bear, and lay them on people's shoulders. You [the Scribes and the Pharisees] shut the kingdom of heaven in people's faces. For you neither enter yourselves nor allow those who would enter to go in. You travel across sea and land to make a single proselyte, and when he becomes a proselyte, you make him twice as much a child of hell as yourselves" (Matthew 23:24,1-15). You see, you can analyze, teach, and line up doctrines and propositions. There is something logical and proper about Biblical theology. Apologetics will not only win arguments; it makes one feel secure in one's "rightness." On the other hand, what goes on in the heart/feelings can be quite wild and we must not have that. Trusting your heart, listening to your heart and acting on your heart's "reasons" can get you into all sorts of trouble. Once you start going down the road to the heart, you can't control what happens. Not only that, there is something... well... uh... you know... kind of crude about all that emotional stuff. Am I saying that Biblical doctrine isn't of any consequence? Am I suggesting that what Francis Schaeffer called "true truth" isn't true or, if it is, it isn't all that important? Do I think that the eternal verities of the Christian faith are to be subjugated by the "things of the heart"? Are you crazy? Of course not! I am, however, saying that all of those things have one purpose: to point you to Christ so that He will love you and empower you to serve and to enjoy Him. -- Copyright 2002 Key Life Network. Today's Daily Wisdom is from Steve Brown. His Bible teaching is heard daily on hundreds of radio stations through the Key Life Network. For the frequency of a station near you go to www.keylife.org --- ...Hmmm like trying to analyze what love is... , , /////| ///// | ///// | |~~~| | | |===| |/| | B |/| | | I | | | | B | | | | L | / | E | / |===|/ jgs '---' He's so much into head thought that he is lacking heart thought. God is love. The bible puts our relationship with God simply... 1 John 4: [19] We love him, because he first loved us. -<>- Rumination of the Day \ ____ _ _)\\ /< c \_)_/(_____ |//_ ,/\_/\ '\ \ )___/ \$/ \ \\) \/ : < \ |/____| | / / | : /__o/ |__'__/(_| b'ger \ )_ /|\ "If you ever see a sign that says "Yard Sale," just keep on driving. They usually only have one yard for sale, and even then, it's covered with a bunch of junk." -- Frank Weisbly -<>- >For richer, for poorer...... During my husband's time as a mature student, we didn't have much money for our family of seven. At a friend's wedding, my four-year-old daughter was sitting next to me when the vicar asked, "Do you take this man for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health?" Our daughter turned to me and whispered loudly, "You chose poorer, didn't you Mummy? -<>- _____ _ _____ ____ /_ /, | ,-, ) /'_`\ |_ _| | __| \ \> | `-'< | (_) | | | | _| ) )__ ,_ |_|`\_\ \___/ |_| |_| (_.-'_)__$ ;-'' pb >PUNS OF THE WEAK: * DEFINITIONS: Psychiatry: the care of the id by the odd. (Beckie Chiles) Parabolas: Two cords with balls at the ends used in herding cattle in Argentina (Stan Kegel) Banquet: What to do with a pile of cash. (Sandy Sibert) Hypotenuse: Cooking with a Double Boiler (Dennis Hammes) Playground: The main ingredient in mudpies (Stan Kegel) Politburo: A well-mannered jackass. (Lederer & Ertner) Placate?- Iniviting Catherine to the theate (Ken Pinkham) Abundance: A baker's party. (Joseph Leff} Paraffin: What's on the sides of a fish. (Lederer & Ertner) Paraffins: Two Five Dollar bills (Stan Kegel) Luggage: How old one's ears are (Phil Hudson) Bacon: Process for making bread and cakes, "My cookin' is good but my bacon leaves much to be desired." (Cynthia MacGregor) Good- for-nothing: One who goes regularly to church but never drops anything in the plate. (Lee Daniel Quinn) Aromatic: Stinking insect. (Sandy Sibert) Boycott: A small lad's bed. (Dave Coble) Piecemeal: Fund-raising dinner in opposition to the war (Stan Kegel) Puff adder: A smoking mathematician. (Lederer & Ertner) Penitent: Canvas camping structure costing a measly cent (Cynthia MacGregor) * POETRY Any yard work, to me, is not play. To my wife words of praise I did say: "When you're out cutting grass, You're my favorite lass, And I lawn for you mower each day." (Kirk Miller) The grass I two months ago sowed I can't believe how fast it's growed I hear my spouse say, "Please cut it today." I would, but I ain't in that mowed (Gary Hallock) Wife's decision to mow wasn't hard. By the landscaper's price we were jarred. "Your square footage is small; Doesn't matter at all. I don't charge by the foot -- by the yard." (Kirk Miller) He won his race at every meet And never knew the word defeat. His tombstone read When he was dead, "He tied the train he tried to beat" (Ray Gessler) * BLOOPERS, SIGNS AND HEADLINES : ANNOUNCER: Stay tuned for our Late Show movie stars Laurence Harvey and Lee Remick in The Running Man, brought to you tonight by Ex-Lax. (Kermit Schafer) On the morning of the Illinois-Ohio State football game, when Illinois would have to play without the services of its star running back, Frosty Peters, a newspaper published this beauty: ILLINI FACE BUCKS WITH FROSTY PETERS OUT. (Richard Lederer) The Saturday Evening Post ran an article written by the wife of a billiards professional. She told how part of her job as her husband's assistant was to make sure that the billiard balls were exactly at room temperature. The subheadline appeared as SHE KEEPS HIS BALLS WARM. (Richard Lederer) A Manila woman, who worked for an American owned tobacco company in the Philippines, was kidnapped by four men. The woman, twenty years of age, ran away from her abductors while they were asleep. Then she reported her travails to the Manila Daily Mirror, which ran this front page headline: GIRL EMPLOYEE BARES SNATCH. (Richard Lederer) Personal Ad: Lawyer will read will tomorrow at residence of P. Smith, who died June 19 to accommodate his relatives. ~~ Teaneck, NJ paper (Beckie Shiles) A St. Louis woman, born on February 29, gave birth to a daughter exactly 20 years later. In the early edition, the St. Louis Post-Dispatch headline announced: WOMAN BORN FEBRUARY 29 HAS BABY SAME DAY. (Richard Lederer) Out of those fifty guests more than thirty had been married to the same man for more than twenty years. (Los Angeles Times/Beckie Shiles) NEWSCASTER: and Lesbian forces today attacked Israel ... Lebanese! (Kermit Schafer) * RIDDLES How are men and parking spots alike? The good ones are taken and what's left is handicapped. (Gag-O-Matic) Did you hear about the dog that graduated from obedience school? He received a barkalaureate degree. (Lederer & Ertner) What movie and song hit was about the use of Marijuana to control the itching of scabies? The High and Mite-y (Stan Kegel) Why are there so few Irish lawyers? The majority of them can't pass the bar! (Jokes Galore) How does a male cow proceed down a steep slope? He tum-bulls (Cynthia MacGregor) What are you, if you are sans attire and feeling really depressed? Nude Indigo (Alan B. Combs) During his lean years before his Broadway success, Rex Harrison was forced to drive a taxi for a living. What did he say to all his women passengers? He said, "My fare, lady?" (Cynthia MacGregor) Among the treasures found in Tutankhamen's tomb were well-preserved jars of barbecue sauce obviously made with pieces of citrus fruit. This discovery was immortalized in what classic poem? The Rind in the Ancient Marinade (Stan Kegel) Martha Stewart just can't seem to stay out of trouble. Federal investigators looking through her kitchen came across an entire storeroom full of MacIntoshes. When questioned about this cache she'd stashed, she was hard pressed to give a logical answer. Now she's being charged with what? In-cider trading (Gary Hallock) -<>- ,+*^^*+___+++_ ,*^^^^ ) _+* ^**+_ +^ _ _++*+_+++_, ) _+^^*+_ ( ,+*^ ^ \+_ ) { ) ( ,( ,_+--+--, ^) ^\ { (@) } f ,( ,+-^ __*_*_ ^^\_ ^\ ) {:;-/ (_+*-+^^^^^+*+*<_ _++_)_ ) ) / ( / ( ( ,___ ^*+_+* ) < < \ U _/ ) *--< ) ^\-----++__) ) ) ) ( ) _(^)^^)) ) )\^^^^^))^*+/ / / ( / (_))_^)) ) ) ))^^^^^))^^^)__/ +^^ ( ,/ (^))^)) ) ) ))^^^^^^^))^^) _) *+__+* (_))^) ) ) ))^^^^^^))^^^^^)____*^ \ \_)^)_)) ))^^^^^^^^^^))^^^^) (_ ^\__^^^^^^^^^^^^))^^^^^^^) ^\___ ^\__^^^^^^))^^^^^^^^)\\ From: ^^^^^\uuu/^^\uuu/^^^^\^\^\^\^\^\^\^\ Keely 11/93 ___) >____) >___ ^\_\_\_\_\_\_\) ^^^//\\_^^//\\_^ ^(\_\_\_\) ^^^ ^^ ^^^ ^^ >GREAT RECIPE When I found this recipe I thought it was perfect for those who just are not sure how to tell when poultry is cooked thoroughly but not dried out. Give this a try. Baked Stuffed Chicken 6-7 lb chicken 1 c melted butter 1 c stuffing 1 c uncooked popcorn salt & pepper to taste Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Brush chicken well with melted butter, salt and pepper. Fill cavity with stuffing and popcorn. Place in baking pan in the oven. Listen for the popping sounds. When the chicken's butt blows out of the oven door and flies across the room, the chicken is done. And you thought I couldn't cook. -<>- >This is creepy! (Start slowly scrolling down and follow instructions.) Think of a letter between A and W. .. .. .. .. .. Repeat it out loud as you scroll down. .. .. .. Keep going . . . Don't stop ... . ... .. .. .. .. Think of an animal that begins with that letter. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. Repeat it out loud as you scroll down. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. Think of a man's/woman's name that begins with the last letter in the animals name .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. Almost there........ .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. Now count out the letters in that name on the fingers of the hand you are not using to scroll down. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. Take the hand you counted with and hold it out in front of you at face level. .. .. .. .. .. .. Look at your palm very closely and notice the lines in your hand .. .. .. .. Do the lines take the form of the first letter in the persons name? .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. Of course not....... .. .. .. ..Now smack yourself in the head, get a life, and quit playing stupid e-mail games! Don't tell the secret to others, just send this email to them.... __ / \ _/=Ll=\_ [________] ___ ||/""\|| .'___`. ( 6. 6 ) / /"""\ \ __, ,__, \_--_/ |( 6 6 )| (--| | .-[\~--~/]-. ~\_-_/~ |--| _ _ _ / \ / \ .-' '-. _| | (_||_)|_)\_| / _, `----' ,_ \ /\_____/\ ( |_, | | ,_| \ \| |/ / / ,_/^\_, \ \ >==[]==< / \_(_|-|_)_/ _______, \/__.''.__\/ //=====\\ (--| _, (_, | TT | // \\ | |_ _ ._ |__, , _ ' ',_ _ | || | // \\ _| | |(_|| || \ /_)(_||\/|| |(_| | || | /'---,___,---'\ ( |_, \_, ,_| ,_| |__||__| / / \ \ [__][__] '--,_________,--' jgs |_ || _| |_ | _| (__)(__) (__)__) Smile & Have a great Thanksgiving Day! ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Thanksgiving Story - Alices Restaurant http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/alices.html Over The Limit!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/overthelimit.html Humorous Bumper Stickers!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bumperstickers.html eleMMent Palazzo Mobile RV!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/rv2.html Play With Harley!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/harley.html Stainless VS Gold!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/stainlesscar.html Jay Leno's Garage!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/jaylenogarage.html World's Largest Model Railway!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/modelrailway.html World's Largest Monastic Library!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/library.html Amazing Bike Car!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bikecar.html Road Train Trucks!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/roadtrain.html Bikes From The Past!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/pastbikes.html Bird Inspirations http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/birdinspirations.html Super Puppies http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/puppy.html Thank You Lord!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/thanks.html 90/10 Principle! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/giving.html Attitude Is Everything! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/attitude.html Give Praise http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/poems/praise.html Fall & Thanksgiving Index! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/thanksgivingindex.html -<>- Be Ye Thankful http://www.absolutebiblestudy.com/Basics/Be_Ye_Thankful.htm The Basics - Bible Study Index http://www.absolutebiblestudy.com/Basics/Basics.htm I Give Thanks By Southbreeze http://www.reflectionsofsouthbreeze.com/Pages/IGiveThanks.htm -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) Comedian Tim Conway shares with us a funny scene from the bar with Dean Martin and Ted Knight on “The Dean Martin Show”. Tim has had a little too much to drink and is in awe of the stars he encounters at the bar. He always manages to say something that gets the other actors to crack a smile or laugh as they try to get through the skit. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rszx4RYe828 --- ...HaHa! Always a crackup! Thanks LouiseAu! Shin Lim Magic Cards: Magician Shin Lim is a master at card tricks involving sleight of hand skills and he is always entertaining to watch. He recently won America’s Got Talent and then returned to win the Champions edition of the show. He is truly a wonderful magician whose skills are amazing. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bTJbWylt4-A --- ...Indeed! Thanks LouiseAu! See a car that was parked too close to the ocean at low tide get consumed by the waves when high tide arrived and more cool and interesting videos as you get your Daily Dose Of Internet. If you lose all sense of taste then there’s a good chance you have the Coronavirus as that is one of the peculiar symptoms many people have experienced. Cat lovers now have the perfect use for their old toothbrush. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cAtm2P4qn2Q --- ...Wowsers! Thanks LouiseAu! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "A new survey found that 46 percent of doctors have used Google or Yahoo to diagnose their patients' symptoms. Yeah, last time I got sick, my doctor was like, 'I'm sorry to tell you this, but you have 'Server Not Responding.'" -Jimmy Fallon "A recent report shows that pot smokers get into fewer car crashers than drunk people. Then again, it's easier to see what is coming when you're driving at 11 miles an hour." -Conan O'Brien "The U.S. Postal Service announced yesterday they are expecting this year's holiday season to be their busiest ever and also their slowest ever. That's probably the only business in America that complains about being busy." -Jimmy Kimmel "I think the bottom-line difference between being single and married is this: When you're single you're as happy as you are. When you're married, you can only be as happy as the least happy person in the house." --Tom Hertz "The shoe store Payless is filing for bankruptcy and closing nearly 400 stores in the United States. Yes, 400 shoe stores closed, but thousands of soles lost. The problem was their work ethic. Most of Payless was just a bunch of loafers." -James Corden After emerging from bankruptcy for the second time in January 2020 and shuttering its remaining U.S. stores in June 2019, the footwear retailer's new website is live at Payless.com. "Payless is for everyone, and now more than ever, the world needs to pay-less." - Aug 18, 2020 >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah Shangy! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->ShangyFunList AD RATES: $20 will get your a message (of up to 40 words) out to all self-subscribed readers and $5 more will give you the same message also put up for all web site readers. Email me to secure dates. Ad Request ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ********************************************************************** >TO SUBSCRIBE:Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com **********************************************************************