Happy Johnny Appleseed Day... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ _ *"_"* __ /`_`\ __ .' '. | / \ | .' '. , / ')\^_^/(' \ , \`--' . (_.> <._) . '--`/ '.__.' '._/ \_/ \_.' '.__.' / , _ , \ \ \_/|\_/ / \ //^\\ / \/` `\/ | | | | | | | | .. ..:::.| | ..::::. .. ..::::..::::... .::::::::| |:::::::::::::::. ::::::::::::::::::.:::::::::::| |:::::::::::::::::. ':::::::::::::::::::::::::::::| |::::::::::::::::::: ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::| |::::::::::::::::::' '':::' '::::::::::::::::\_.__./:::::::::::::::'' '':::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::' jgs '::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::'' '':::::'' '''::::::'' *~* Please Consider Giving To ShangralaFamilyFun.com The cost of the website has gone up dramatically due to the ever increasingly wonderful pages and photos being added each week to entertain you and our fellow Christian families. If every one would chip in $25 or more, we'd be good for the whole year! So Please - I need your help today! "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ *~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a Shangrala Angel, the easiest way to do that is through online giving. It is easy to use, and most of all, it is secure. Please visit the site, scroll down and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL form page comes up. NOTE: Paypal will generate a 'Quantity 1' and 'Price per item' form. Just ignore the price per item and put whatever it is you desire to give in there. With Paypal, you will have your normal receipt for your 'payment' donation in USD (United States Dollars). You can put a memo in there if you'd like. EVERY LITTLE BIT WILL HELP! Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS YOU MOST ABUNDANTLY FOR YOUR GIFT! ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Friend Me / Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND For Google Plus Users: You can find me here... Shangy Bigham https://plus.google.com/106648555948034085752/posts AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :) -<>- * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This flaming hot new page is from our friend LouiseAu. I love the ingenuity of this one. When faced with increasing security issues from today's high technology, they decided to use God's best to combat it. Be sure to check this out along with the video for it here... /T /I / |/ | .-~/ T\ Y I |/ / _ /T | \I | I Y.-~/ I l /I T\ | | l | T / T\ | \ Y l /T | \I l \ ` l Y __ | \l \l \I l __l l \ ` _. | \ ~-l `\ `\ \ \\ ~\ \ `. .-~ | \ ~-. "-. ` \ ^._ ^. "-. / \ | .--~-._ ~- ` _ ~-_.-"-." ._ /._ ." ./ >--. ~-. ._ ~>-" "\\ 7 7 ] ^.___~"--._ ~-{ .-~ . `\ Y . / | <__ ~"-. ~ /_/ \ \I Y : | ^-.__ ~(_/ \ >._: | l______ ^--.,___.-~" /_/ ! `-.~"--l_ / ~"-. (_/ . ~( /' "~"--,Y -=b-. _) (_/ . \ : / l c"~o \ \ / `. . .^ \_.-~"~--. ) (_/ . ` / / ! )/ / / _. '. .': / ' ~(_/ . / _ ` .-<_ /_/ . ' .-~" `. / \ \ ,z=. ~( / ' : | K "-.~-.______// "-,. l I/ \_ __{--->._(==. //( \ < ~"~" // /' /\ \ \ ,v=. (( .^. / /\ " }__ //===- ` / / ' ' "-.,__ {---(==- .^ ' : T ~" ll -Row / . . . : | :! \\ (_/ / | | j-" ~^ ~-<_(_.^-~" ->Eagle01<- Eagle Hunters! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/eaglehunters.html --- ...Wow! I love when humans work with animals to solve problems! Thank LouiseAu! -<>- Speaking of animals working with humans, | |, |', | ; | , | ', ######| ;##$$**&&<<;;,---....,,,____ | ,,, ""=;, ''''----....,,,, | `''', ";%., |_ _i l ; **;;., | V | , _.-= ##$$**&&;;., |\_/7 || / /'_,.-= *###$$$%%%;;..,,, | |__|/,.-'_,..-= *##$$$%%%;;;;;.....,,,,, /| /#%'',.-' **##$$$;;;;;;.......,,,,,,,,, / | | A /, ****#######$$$$$;;;;;;;.....,,,, / ' `| | / ***********::::::::::........ / =. .' / _,' L,,.-' >From Our Friend Judy :) SURF DOG RICOCHET STARS IN IMAX FILM ‘SUPERPOWER DOGS’ AND INVITES MEDIA TO HER PRIVATE SCREENING AND RECEPTION THE DAY BEFORE IT HITS THEATERS! SUPERPOWER DOGS IS AN INSPIRING TRUE STORY OF EXTRAORDINARY DOGS AND THEIR LIFE SAVING SUPER POWERS Ricochet's sequence highlights her canine-assisted surf therapy, healing power and emotional support for a boy with special needs & a veteran with PTSD. Ricochet is hosting a reception and private screening of the new IMAX film, Superpower Dogs on Thursday, March 14th at the Fleet Science Center, 1875 El Prado, San Diego, Superpower Dogs, an inspiring true story of extraordinary dogs and their life-saving superpowers, opens on March 15th at IMAX, giant screen and digital cinemas in museums, science centers and other cultural institutions worldwide. Ricochet, a registered and certified goal-directed therapy dog is one of five dogs in the film. The other four include Henry, an avalanche rescue dog, Reef, a water rescue dog, Halo, a search and rescue dog and Tipper/Tony who sniff out poachers in South Africa. All these dogs rescue individuals in physical trauma. Ricochet, on the other paw, rescues people from emotional trauma, such as PTSD. The film, narrated by Chris Evans, takes you on a journey around the globe, introducing you to these remarkable dogs. 3D cameras and computer graphics were utilized so audiences can experience the world through the eyes, ears, and nose of a dog. Ricochet’s sequence focuses on her ability to enrich the well-being of veterans with PTSD and children with special needs through the healing power of the ocean, and the healing power of a dog. Watch the trailer here https://tinyurl.com/y6nputu2 ________________ '------._.------'\ \_______________\ .'| .'| .'_____________.' .| | | | | Scooby _.-. | . | | * (_.-' | | | Snacks | .| | * * | .' |______________|.' LGB Note: For more information, please contact Judy Fridono at pawinspired@aol.com. https://www.surfdogricochet.com https://www.instagram.com/surfdogricochet https://www.superpowerdogs.com --- ...Awww, I love what you do with Ricochet Judy! Thank You! You can see the Story of Ricochet on our Website starting here: Ricochet The Surf Dog http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ricochet.html See also these other pages featuring Ricochet's and Judy's work: Water Rescue Dogs http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/waterrescuedogs.html Ricochet And Kids With SMA http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ricochetsmakids.html Ricochet's Soul Vision http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ricochetvision.html Movie Star Ricochet http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ricochetdogstar.html ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: ,"=-. / _),`'". ( /a( ), ) ) C = = ?/ ( )) (_ o-< ) ( `-' \; ( \_ ( | \ ) )| \_/} \ \ \(_;/-|_) )/) `._,--/ / / `!__!! ( (_o)) ---`-._, )--- ------( / |---- | ( | :__/|\_; \ |/ )(\_ /_)--` gpyy \_! >New drugs on the market St. Mom's Wort – Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours. Empty Nestrogen – Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait til they moved out. Peptobimbo – Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and improves flirting. Dumerol – When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low I.Q. causing employment of loud music and singing. Flipitor – Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers. Antiboyotics – When administered to teenage girls, is highly effective in improving grades, freeing up phone lines, and reducing money spent on make-up. -<>- ///"\ |6 6| \ - / .@@@. __) (__ @6 6@/ \./ \ @ = @ : : : \ _) (_'| : |) ) /' \./ '\ : |_/ / /\ _ /\ \=o==|) \ \ ) (/ /%|%%' '7/ \7%%|%%' | |`%%|%%' | |`%%|%%' | | %%|%% |_.._| /_|_\ pjb >Things Your Parents Would Never Say – Yeah, I used to cut class a lot too. – Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. We'll be glad to feed and walk him every day. – That outfit isn't sexy enough, here, unbutton your blouse. – Why don't you hitchhike? It would totally be cheaper. – The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. It's not like we're running a prison around here. – Don't clean your room so often. It makes the rest of the house look bad. – Can we borrow your new speed metal CDs? – Naw, you don't have to call us, we'll eventually figure it out if you're in trouble. ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ March 11 is Johnny Appleseed Day and Worship of Tools Day March 12 is Girl Scouts Day and Plant a Flower Day March 13 is Ear Muff Day and Jewel Day March 14 is Learn about Butterflies Day, National Potato Chip Day, Popcorn Lover's Day and National Pi Day - Why today? Because today is 3.14, the value of Pi. March 15 is Dumbstruck Day, Everything You Think is Wrong Day and Ides of March March 16 is Everything You Do is Right Day, Freedom of Information Day, Giant Panda Bear Day, International Sports Car Racing Day, and National Quilting Day March 17 is Corned Beef and Cabbage Day, Submarine Day and Saint Patrick's Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: .---. (_---_) (_/6 6\_) ( v ) `\ /' .-'': ;``-. / \,Y./ \ / (:)___ \ : .-'XXX`-.`\_; `.__.-XXX-.__.'\_ / / XXX \ \ `\_ / XXX \ `\ / XXX \ _`\___ jgs / \ (`--"""-') / \ (=-=-=-=-) `--...___ ___...--' (________) >Nursing Home I work in a nursing home, and one morning I was helping a gentleman who was particularly hard to wake get ready for breakfast. As I coaxed him to sit up, he fixed his twinkling blue eyes on my face and said, "My, you're pretty! Have I asked you to marry me yet?" "No you haven't," I replied. "Good," he said, "because I could not put up with this every morning!" -<>- >Bird Formation On a crisp fall afternoon, my four-year-old son was helping rake leaves in the front yard of our farmhouse. I glanced up just in time to see a flock of geese flying over and pointed out how they flew in a formation shaped like a V. He patiently watched them as they disappeared over the horizon and then turning to me and asked, "Do they know any other letters?" -<>- >Bathroom Exasperation As the lone female in our house, I find that certain male habits have really begun to get on my nerves. One day, I emerged from the bathroom completely exasperated when I bumped into my husband. "What is it with guys that they won't replace the toilet paper?!" I raged. "I know," he said, nodding in agreement. "I noticed that when I was in there earlier." -<>- >Because I'm a Man... Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a wire clothes hangar long after hypothermia has set in. Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink beer. Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a problem. Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like 'cumin' or 'tofu'. For all I know, these are the same thing. And never, under any circumstances expect me to pick up anything for which 'feminine hygiene product' is a euphemism. Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together. Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it (although one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator). Because I'm a man, I don't think we're all that lost, and no, I don't think we should stop and ask someone. Why would you listen to a complete stranger? I mean, how could he know where we're going? Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The answer is always either cars, beer, or football. I always have to make up something else when you ask, so just don't ask. Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too. Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't. Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now? Because I'm a man, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the gardening, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest. ========================================================= __ \/.--, //_.' .-""-/""-. / __ \ / \\\ \ | || | \ / \ \ / \ '- / '-.__.__.' sjw >-->Johnny Appleseed Day SMILES :) Johnny Appleseed Day celebrates the famous apple tree planter, whose real name was John Chapman. It is celebrated on two days — March 11 and September 26th. The September date is Appleseed's acknowledged birth date. John Chapman (September 26, 1774 – March 18, 1845), better known as Johnny Appleseed, was an American pioneer nurseryman who introduced apple trees to large parts of Pennsylvania, Ontario, Ohio, Indiana, and Illinois, as well as the northern counties of present-day West Virginia. -<>- <} _ ,--\,-("\ / # ) ) ( (_/) \ / `._,._,' hjw >Here's Some Apple Jokes to celebrate this day :) Q: Why did the apple cry? A: It’s peelings were hurt! Q: What do you call an apple with tummy problems? A: A tooty fruity! Q: What did the apple tree say to the hungry caterpillar? A: Leaf me alone! Q: What kind of apple isn’t an apple? A: A pineapple. . .OO .OOOO .OOOO' OOOO' .-~~~~-. OOO' / (o)(o) .OOOOOO `O .OOOOOOO. / .. | .OOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOO/\ \____/ .OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO/ \\ ,\_/ .OOOOOOO%%OOOOOOOOOOOOO(#/\ /. .OOOOOO%%%OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO\ \\ \/OO. .OOOOO%%%%OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO\ \/OOOO. OOOOO%%%%OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO\_\/\OOOOO OOOOO%%%OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO\###)OOOO OOOOOO%%OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOO%OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO `OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO' .-~~\OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO' / _/ `\(#\OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO' / / \ / `~~\OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO' |/' `\// \\ \OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO' `-.__\_,\OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO' jgs `OO\#)OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO' `OOOOOOOOO''OOOOOOOOO' `""""""' `""""""' Q: What reads and lives in an apple? A: A bookworm. Q: What kind of apple has a short temper? A: A crab apple. Q: If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, what does an onion do? A: Keeps everyone away. Q: What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple? A: Finding half a worm in your apple! Q: Who led all the apples to the bakery? A: The Pie Piper Q: Why did the football player miss the game? A: He had Appled hamstring. . . . . . . . +. _____ . . + . . . . ,-~" "~-. + ,^ ___ ^. + . . . / .^ ^. \ . _ . Y l o ! Y . __CL\H--. . l_ `.___.' _,[ L__/_\H' \\--_- + |^~"-----------""~ ^| + __L_(=): ]-_ _-- - + . ! ! . T__\ /H. //---- - . . \ / ~^-H--' ^. .^ . " +. "-.._____.,-" . . + . . + . + . + . . . . -Row . ->DeathStar<- Q: What is Darth Vader’s favorite fruit? A: Empire apples. Q: When is an apple grouchy? A: When it’s a crab apple. Q: What kind of apples do they grow in the Magic Garden? A: Paula red. Q: Why couldn’t Bob the Builder eat the apple? A: Because it was Adam’s apple. Q: What type of a computer do horses like to eat? A: McIntosh computers _ /X \ _------_ / \ | | | | | __ __) | / \/ \ /\/\ (o )o ) /c \__/ --. \_ _-------' | / \ | | '\_______) | \_____) |_____ | |_____/\/\ / \ unknown Q: Why did the man eat apples at the bank? A: He wanted to eat rich food. Q: Why did the apple pie cry? A: It’s peelings were hurt! Q: Who was the pie’s favorite pop star? A: Apple Pie Spice Q: What kind of apples do they serve on the death star? A: Empire apples. ? ____"_ | | /" _))) |\_/|______, /===( _\ /::| Q ____) ("___| > ,_ /:::| / ,_ o _= / _/// /::::|_ / / _/// _______| |____/ | _|:::::| |:___/ | | __) \_/ /____| | '----'\_/ /___| _| / \ ) ) _| / \ : / _\\\__/ \ / _\\\__/ \ / / ( /===( / \ \ / \ / \ \ / \ | \ \ | \ | \ \ | \ | \ \ |,_________\ | \ \ / ) / ) |,_______\___\ / / ( | | / \ | | / \ | |/ \| |/ \| S__ S__ S__ S__ /___\ /___\ b'ger /___\ /___\ Q: What’s is an Egyptian apple pie? A: The kind mummy used to make. Q: What did the red delicious say when it won the talent contest? A: How about them apples? A: How do apples communicate with each other? Q: With their pie-phones. Q: How did the investor know Apple’s stock was going to go up? A: He had incider information. "Dip the Apples in the Honey" | | | | _ /_ | ( `' ) | `~~' | | _ /_ | | -Lee Lawrence- ( `' ) _\ _ __---`~~'--( `' )--__ ||||||||||||||||||||||| | _ _ _ __ ___ | | \_|_/ __|_ | | \_________________/ Q: When is an apple pie grouchy? A: When it’s made with crab apples! Read More Here: https://funkidsjokes.com/apple-jokes/ ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :) .--. {\ / q {\ { `\ \ (-(~` { '.{`\ \ \ ) {'-{ ' \ .-""'-. \ \ {._{'.' \/ '.) \ {_.{. {` | {._{ ' { ;'-=-. | {-.{.' { ';-=-.` / {._.{.; '-=- .' {_.-' `'.__ _,-' jgs |||` .='==, >SMILES An industrious turkey farmer was always experimenting with breeding to perfect a better turkey. His family was fond of the leg portion for dinner and there were never enough legs for everyone. After many frustrating attempts, the farmer was relating the results of his efforts to his friends at the general store. ..."Well I finally did it! I bred a turkey that has 6 legs!" They all asked the farmer how it tasted. "Don't know" said the turkey farmer. ....."I never could catch one!!!" ---------- Little Rodney, 4 years old, walked down the beach, and as he did, he spied a matronly woman sitting under a beach umbrella on the sand. He walked up to her and asked, "Are you a Christian?" "Yes," she replied. "Do you read your Bible every day?" She nodded her head, "Yes." "Do you pray often?" the boy asked next, and again she answered, "Yes." With that he asked his final question, "Will you hold my quarter while I go swimming?" ---------- A blonde, a brunette and a redhead apply for a position at a large company. First the brunette goes in. The guy looks over her application and asks her one question: "How many D's are there in 'Bonanza'?" The brunette replies, "None." The guy says, "OK, you may go into the next room for the next stage of the interviewing process." The redhead goes in next. The guy asks her the same question: "How many D's are in 'Bonanza'?" She replies, "None." The guy says, "OK, you may go into the next room." The blonde goes in and he asks the same question: "How many D's are in 'Bonanza'?" After counting on her fingers for a few minutes the blonde replies: "77." The guy, in shock, asks her how she came up with 77. She says: "Dun da da dun dun da dun dun da da" (the Bonanza theme)... ---------- A cowboy is driving down a back road near Cotulla, Texas... A sign in front of a restaurant reads: Happy Hour Special... Lobster Tail and Beer "Lord almighty" he says to himself, "my three favorite things!!" ----------- For years my husband denied he was an aggressive driver. That changed one day when we were out for a drive with our three-year old son, Matthew. Seeing a teaching opportunity, I asked Matthew about traffic lights. "What does a red light mean?" I asked. "Stop." "Good. How about green?" "Go." "And yellow?" I continued. In his best deep-voice impression of Daddy, Matthew bellowed.... "Hang on!" ----------- One day in the army I was assigned KP (kitchen) duty. I reported to the Mess Hall and was told by the sergeant in charge that he wanted me to make 100 gallons of soup for tonight's dinner. I told him I didn't know how to make soup. He quickly handed me a book and told me to follow the directions carefully. Soon after I had a large kettle of soup simmering. The sergeant came up and tasted the soup. He took a second spoonful and stood there staring at me. I thought I had really messed up the soup and was waiting for a reprimand. Instead the sergeant said, "This tastes really good...are you sure you followed the recipe?" ---------- In a high school science quiz, there was the question, "When water becomes ice, which of its physical properties increases?" Everyone answered, "Its volume increases." Well, almost everyone. One wise guy wrote, "When water becomes ice, its price increases." ---------- ________ .##@@&&&@@##. ,##@&::%&&%%::&@##. #@&:%%000000000%%:&@# #@&:%00' '00%:&@# #@&:%0' '0%:&@# #@&:%0 0%:&@# #@&:%0 0%:&@# #@&:%0 0%:&@# "" ' " " ' "" _oOoOoOo_ .-.-. (oOoOoOoOo) ( : ) )`"""""`( .-.`. .'.-. / \ (_ '.Y.' _) | # | ( .'|'. ) \ / '-' | '-' jgs `=========` A Scotsman, planning a trip to the Holy Land, was aghast when he found it would cost fifty dollars an hour to rent a boat on the Sea of Galilee. "Hoot mon," he said, "in Scotland it wouldna ha been more than $20." "That might be true," said the travel agent, "but you have to take into account that the Sea of Galilee is water on which our Lord himself walked." "Well, at $50/hour for a boat," said the Scotsman, "it's no wonder he walked." ---------- A Scotsman is working at a sewerage works. It's a warm day, so he takes off his jacket and drapes it over a handrail - where it slips off into a vast tank of sh! He's just about to dive in when his mate shouts, "It's nae guid tae do that, the jacket's ruined!" He replies, "Aye, ah ken, but ma sandwiches are in the pocket!" ---------- At the next table in a fast food restaurant, one youngster was sobbing because he didn't get the toy he wanted with his food. Another dumped his drink over his sister's burger because she was stealing his fries. Then the smallest fell off his chair. Clearly at the end of her rope, the mother dragged the boy up from the floor, placed him back into his chair, and said, "Shut up, all of you, and eat your Happy Meals!" --- ...LOL! Thanks LouiseAu! -<>- _,---. (/_/)))) \c e_e) . \ = ) _| ,-` -(_ |o| / `-'\\ |#{) /__| ._ _)y / < \ (\_/ `.\ ____\ ,>>> | .==T=T==.__| | | / | |\ |_______| \ / /\ \ / ,' `. \ / / \ \ <\_\_ \ \ `---` (_`-\_ `---' hjw >Item Instructions The following are actual instructions found on the named items: ON HAIRDRYER INSTRUCTIONS; - Do not use while sleeping. ON A BAG OF FRITOS: - You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. ON A BAR OF DIAL SOAP, - Directions: Use like regular soap. ON A FROZEN DINNER: - Serving suggestion: Defrost. ON A HOTEL-PROVIDED SHOWER CAP IN A BOX: - Fits one head. ON TIRIMISU DESERT - Do not turn upside down. (Printed on the bottom of the box.) ON MARKS & SPENCER BREAD PUDDING - Product will be hot after heating ON PACKAGING FOR A ROWENTA IRON - Do not iron clothes on body ON CHILDREN'S COUGH MEDICINE - Do not drive car or operate machinery ON NYTOL (A SLEEP AID) - Warning: may cause drowsiness ON A KOREAN KITCHEN KNIFE - Warning: keep out of children ON A STRING OF CHINESE MADE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS - For indoor or outdoor use only. ON A JAPANESE FOOD PROCESSOR - Not to be used for the other use ON SAINSBURY'S PEANUTS - Warning: contains nuts ON AN AMERICAN AIRLINES PACKET OF NUTS - Instructions: open packet, eat nuts. ON A SWEDISH CHAINSAW - Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands --- ...HaHa! For all the blondes out there! Thanks LouiseAu! ========================================================= >-->From HandyHints: _____ _.'_____`._ .'.-' 12 `-.`. /,' 11 1 `.\ // 10 / 2 \\ ;; / :: || 9 ----O 3 || :: ;; \\ 8 4 // \`. 7 5 ,'/ '.`-.__6__.-'.' ((-._____.-)) _)) ((_ '--'SSt '--' Daylight saving time officially starts this weekend on Sunday, March 10, at 2:00 a.m. While your phones and computers will automatically "spring forward" one hour earlier, you'll still have to check your ovens, microwaves, and most importantly, your smoke detectors - at least according to safety experts. The two times a year we change our clocks also serve as a valuable reminder to change the batteries in our fire alarms. Only 57% of Americans have followed best practice and done so in the past six months, according to a survey of more 1,000 people conducted by ServiceMaster Restore. When you go around your house on Sunday, you'll want to replace the batteries in each detector, advises disaster restoration expert Peter Duncanson. Bonus: Doing it now will also prevent the purposefully annoying "chirping" reminder later on. -<>- Freshen up your shower curtain To banish moldy spots, throw plastic or vinyl curtains in the washing machine with a little detergent. Add two to three bath towels for extra cleaning agitation, then hang it to dry or put in the dryer on low heat or fluff only. To keep it fresher longer, stretch the curtain out after each shower to help moisture dissipate. -<>- Fluff feather pillows Yes, feather pillows can get washed and dried in the machine. Load two pillows at a time for balance and use only a very small amount of detergent. Wash them on a delicate cycle with an extra rinse, then tumble dry on low with several clean tennis balls to poof them back up. BAM...pillows are back to basically new with a fresh smell -<>- Clean the Exhaust Fan If the grille on your bathroom exhaust fan is clogged with dust, try a trick that's faster and more effective than vacuuming. Here's how to clean a bathroom fan: Turn on the fan and blast out the dust with canned air. The fan will blow the dust outside. This works on the return air grilles of your central heating/cooling system too. Run the system so that the return airflow will carry the dust to the filter. You'll find canned air at home centers and hardware stores, usually in the electrical supplies aisle. Caution: The cans contain chemical propellants, not just air. Don't let children play with them. -<>- Beat and Shake Area Rugs Vacuum large area rugs at least once a week. But also take them outside three or four times a year for a more thorough cleaning and forhow to clean dust. Drape them over a fence or clothesline and beat them with a broom or tennis racket. A good beating removes much more dust than vacuuming. Take smaller rugs outside to for a vigorous shaking every week. -<>- 'Go Green' Hint: Borrow, don't buy Before any big purchase, think: How often will I really use this ladder/leaf blower/wheelbarrow? If the answer is "not a lot," it's so easy to borrow stuff (especially if you like making 'thank you' cookies). If your social network is lacking in the products you require, there are plenty of websites, like Freecycle, that help people borrow, rent, or just take whatever they might need. This is some next-level human generosity, and it's a beautiful thing to behold. ========================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: Justice With Judge Jeanine 3/9/19 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LNI-1vw5k1c Trump Exposes Democrat Party for What They Really Are https://1600daily.com/2019/03/08/trump-exposes-democrat-party-really/ Trump Visits 23 Crosses for Tornado Victims https://tinyurl.com/y6kqoh4g This is so heartwarming! May God Bless Them! :) https://video.foxnews.com/v/6012168447001/ President Trump's 2020 Budget Calls for $2.7T in Spending Cuts, Promises to Erase Deficit in 15 Years https://www.whitehouse.gov/westwingreads/ MEDIA IGNORES, MISHANDLES ALLEGATIONS OF CAMPAIGN FINANCE VIOLATIONS BY OCASIO-CORTEZ https://tinyurl.com/y57w6xs3 WhiteHouseNews: https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/ Latest From AFA: http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw Students For Life https://tinyurl.com/yd5nxmu6 Latest From OperationRescue: http://www.operationrescue.org/ Product Alert: Chicken, Rice, Heating Pads http://www.emergencyemail.org/products/?fmt=text Health Alert: FDA Finds Asbestos in Cosmetics http://www.emergencyemail.org/health/?fmt=text -<>- >From BizarreNews: Some people are never satisfied. Take the poor (relative term) sap in today's story. He had almost everything a man could want. He was a billionaire businessman. He owned properties all over the world. He was an expert in a very unique field. When he wasn't running his business in Antwerp, Belgium, he was drinking bottles of Chateau Margaux with models and celebrities in his luxurious home in Bel Air. He friends used to call him 'The Argentinian' because he looked like a tango dancer.' But it wasn't enough. He fell 'short' in one very important area, and he paid everything to try and fix it. Billionaire diamond trader Ehud Arye Laniado, 65, died after 'suffering a heart attack' during a manhood enlarge- ment operation in Paris. He was at an unidentified private clinic on the Avenue des Champs-Elysees in the French capital when complications during surgery proved fatal. A friend said: 'Internationally, he was one of the biggest experts in valuing raw diamonds.' In 2015, Mr. Laniado sold the world's most expensive diamond called the Blue Moon of Josephine to Hong Kong businessman and convicted felon Joseph Lau Luen Hung for $48.4 million. But he did have his insecurities. A friend who wished to remain anonymous, said he was 'always focused on his appearance and how others perceived him'. According to Mr. Laniado's friends, the only time he forgot about his lack of height was when he asked his accountant to read out his bank statement. Apparently his lack of height wasn't the only thing he was insecure about. The diamond expert's heart attack happened when a substance was injected into his manhood, Belgian media reported. Mr Laniado's company Omega Diamonds confirmed his passing in a statement: 'Farewell to a visionary businessman. It is with great sadness that we confirm that our founder Ehud Arye Laniado has passed away.' -<>- If I told you the events of today's story you would think it is the opening scene (or maybe the end scene, directorial discretion) of a B-rate action movie. But when police responded to a domestic disturbance call in North Carolina they encountered a situation they weren't prepared for. Unfortunately, the suspect was shot and died at the scene, so we'll never know what prompted these fantastic events. Or did he... A man was shot after police responded to a call about a domestic disturbance in Mount Holly, NC at about 6:45 a.m. The man who was shot did not live at the home but might have been a relative of the couple who reside there, accoring to neighbors. It appears they man had set an upstairs bedroom ablaze. He then jumped from the second story while wielding a sword and tried to run away. Mount Holly Police Chief Don Roper reported, "A short time later, there was contact between a male subject and officers, during which the subject was shot and died at the scene." Local fire crews extinguished the fire, but police have not released the man's name and there is no report of why he was carrying a sword or where he got it. A sequel may be in development. *--- Not the Best Way to Keep a Low Profile ---* A motorist randomly fired a stolen gun into another moving vehicle on an interstate just north of the Twin Cities in Minnesota, crashed into a ditch and was arrested moments later, according to charges filed Monday. Trinidad J. Garcia, 26, was arrested at gunpoint, and a loaded gun was seized from his front pocket, according to the criminal complaint. The weapon was reported stolen last year, the complaint noted. The driver of the targeted pickup truck, Michael Swonger, 43, said that as he passed s BMW on the left he heard a pop before the BMW sped away. The bullet pierced the pickup's passenger door. A law enforcement search of the Garcia's vehicle turned up a shoe box with $11,481 in cash, the charges continued. Asked for his destination, Garcia said he was headed to Canada. Garcia's criminal history in Minnesota includes a conviction for third-degree assault and numerous convictions for driving after having his license revoked. Way to keep a low profile. *--- Rape, Murder and Oranges ---* Thousands of people took to the streets of an Italian village to pelt each other with fruit as part of the annual Battle of the Oranges. Officials said more than 500 tons of oranges were imported from Sicily to Ivrea for the annual event, which is part of the Carnival of Ivrea. Local legend holds that a young girl decapitated a tyrannical baron in the 12th century when he attempted to coerce her into S on the night before her wedding. The girl paraded the baron's head through the town, sparking a peasant uprising, the story states. Each year a girl is chosen to portray "Violetta," the girl from the story, and lead the event. The food fight is scheduled to last for a total three days, ending Tuesday. *--- Pre-Teen Kids Are a Pain In The Butt ---* An 11-year-old boy charged with shooting his father, an Indiana state trooper, was upset because his parents had confiscated his video games, records show. The boy shot his father, Officer Matt Makowski, in the buttocks with the officer's .45-caliber duty weapon, according to court documents. The boy got the gun from Makowski's locked police vehicle, parked outside the family's home. Makowski later told police he kept his weapon locked in his vehicle because he did not want his kids to have access to it. Smart thinking. Police arrived at the family's home on reports of a shooting. The boy surrendered without incident. The boy later told police he wanted a Play Station, an Xbox and a computer, and that he was "going to get these simple things, or there would be a Part 2," court documents say. Court documents say the boy has a history of behavior problems at school. His parents had recently taken his video games and removed them from the home. *--- Apparently There's a Record For Everything ---* A weightlifting champion is now a Guinness World Record holder after tearing 23 license plates in half in 1 minute. Bill Clark, whose muscular accomplishments include U.S. National and World Powerlifting Championship wins, ripped 23 U.S. government-issue license plates in half in only 1 minute during an event in Binghamton, N.Y. Guinness reviewed evidence from the attempt and declared Clark a record holder for most license plates torn in 1 minute. "I can remember looking through the Guinness World Records book over and over, dreaming of one day being a part of it. This may very well be the crowning record of my career," Clark said. Clark, who was inducted into the National Strength and Power Hall of Fame in 2014, said his accomplishment was aimed at raising awareness of children's cancer and scleroderma. ========================================================= >-->From TheGroaner: _________ / \ / _ _ _ \ |/ \ / \ / \| \ | _ | / o `(_}' o \/.X.\/ |_| // \\ \\ // U U nmf >If the Chute Doesn't Open... The skydiving instructor was going through the question and answer period with his new students when one of them asked the usual question, "If our chute doesn't open and the reserve doesn't open, how long do we have before we hit the ground?" The jump master looked at him very seriously and said, "You have the rest of your life." -<>- . z$$$$$e. .$$$$$$$$$c -r d $$$$$$$$$$$. *c. 'L 4$$$$$$$$$$$F 4c "*e. "%c ^$$$$$$$$$$$F "b ^b "* *$$$$$$$$$$ .. P $ J" ^*$$$$$$$$\e$$$e. d" .F z" "*$$$P".$$$$$$$c d% J" .d" .P $$$$$$$$$$e. $ P z*" .d" $$$$$$$$$$$$b. ^*ee... " zP" "*$$$$$$$$$$$$$ee.. ^""* .d" .$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$eee......eeedec. e* .ze z$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$b. .P" .z@*" z$$$$$""*$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$c ^ eP"" d$$$$$" "*$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ " .d$$$$P" ^"*$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ ****$eee .$$$$$* ^"$$$$$$$$$$*$$$$$$$$$$$" ec. .z$$$$$" "*$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$*" ""**ec. .zed$$$$$$$" "*$$$$$$$$$$*" "" .d$$$$$$$P" .d$$$$$$$*" z$$$$$$$$" .$$$$$$$*" d$$$$$*" z$$$$" .$$$$$ Gilo94' >You're Gonna Fart Your Guts Out! There once was an old couple who had been married for thirty years. Every morning the old guy would wake up and give off an enormous fart, much to his long suffering wife's annoyance. "You'll fart your guts out one of these days," she always complained. After a particularly bad week the wife decided to have her revenge and got up early, placing some turkey giblets in the bed next to the old guy's keister. While making breakfast downstairs she heard his usual morning fart reverberate through the floorboards followed by a scream. Twenty minutes later a rather shaken man came downstairs. "You were right," the old guy said, "I finally did fart my guts out, but by the grace of God, and these two fingers, I managed to push 'em back in!" -<>- >Need Glasses? Patient: Doctor, I think I need glasses. Teller: You certainly do! This is a bank. -<>- >Having Fun With Puns - I tried to catch some fog. I mist. - Jokes about German sausage are the wurst. - A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran. - I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time. - I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me. - I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down. - They told me I had type A blood, but it was a type-O. - Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory -- I hope there's no pop quiz. - The Energizer bunny arrested and charged with battery. - I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me. - Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils? - When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble. - What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds. - England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool. - I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx. - All the toilets in New York 's police stations have been stolen. Cops have nothing to go on. - Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes. - Velcro - what a rip off! - Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy. -<>- . o O O () o ().o o O. _ ___ . ,~`'~`~._ `-,_\ o(((\\ ~ _~`~._,,,_ \\O . >>`-, ~ _~ ,~'~ \`.o \__ /,-~,,~'` \ `.__\ )--. `.___ \/ `. )&, ._ `. \_\_ ( `. \ `. `._`.\--, \_.-;;;.\,-' \;;;;;;;. \;;;;;;;\ `;;;;;;;\ `;;;;;;;. _______ `~;;;;;;. _,' `~.;; ,-' \ ; \ ; hjw \j >Q and A Quickies Q: Where do mermaids see movies? A: At the dive-in? Q: What falls but never hurts itself? A: Snow. Q: What's a King's favorite clothing? A: A reign coat. Q: Why should you always guard your rear while you're in the hospital? A: You're in enema territory. Q: What did the rope say after it got tangled? A: Oh, no. Knot again! % % % %% ~~ ~ ~ % %%% % %%%% %%%%%%%%%%%% _/__ %%%%%%%%% _ - /o /,\ ~ ~ %%%%% > ,__, >_////\_ %'%_ ` /-__/ ' \/ __/ /____/ | ~ ~~ / _____| ~ / / .) ) / /\ ( ~ ~~ | / ) ,%%. __|/ %%*%%%%* ~ ~ -//,-\ %*%%%*%%% %%*%%%%% *%%*%%* *%%%' ) ~ ~~ ) )/ ,._ / // ,__, ~ _; '-,._ | // _,._ (/__/\oo/\__(/ |// _,-' , \_. _/\/__\/\_ _,.- //\ .-' _/ \_ -.__; b'ger /\\/ \/ ~~ ~ Q: Why should you not trust the ocean? A: Because there is something fishy about it. ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: _____ /\ . `\ _____ _ _/: \_____\ _ / , ./`\ _ _ / \ , / . / /____/. ' \ /| / / '\/_____/'__\ ; .\ ./`/ | / _ _ _/_'_ _/_ _ _/_ _\_`_ _\_// | | __ | | | ( ) _ _ _ | | | \ | | / | / | /` | | | | \__) \_/| \/| \/| / |/ | | ______ | (| | | /\ . `\ ____ | \_|) _ | / /: \_____\` ./`\ | _| | | /|/|/| |/\ (_` | / \ , / . /___/. \ (/\_/ \_/|_ | | | |_/ ,_) | / `\/_____/ ; .\ ./` | | / -cfbd- \_____\/`|_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _|/ Longtime friends were celebrating their 50th anniversary. One of their sons gave a loving toast, finishing with, "and thank you for having such a beautiful marriage." "Thank you for making it necessary," the father joked. In the silence that followed, his wife whispered, "Not him. He's the second son." -<>- Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie, whose dog Skipper had recently died. "You know," Mom said, "it's not so bad. Skipper's probably up in Heaven right now, having a grand old time with God." Susie stopped crying and asked, "What would God want with a dead dog?" -<>- Two friends meet in the street. The one man looked rather forlorn and down in the mouth. The other man asked, "Hey, how come you look like the whole world caved in?" The sad fellow said, "Let me tell you. Three weeks ago, an uncle died and left me ten thousand dollars." "I'm sorry to hear about the death, but a bit of good luck for you, eh?" "Hold on, I'm just getting started. Two weeks ago, a cousin I never knew kicked the bucket and left me twenty thousand, free and clear." "Well, you can't be disappointed with that!" "Yep. But, last week my grandfather passed away. I inherited almost one hundred thousand dollars." "Incredible... so how come you look so glum?" "Well, this week... nothing!" -<>- My children have never been thrilled about taking naps, but one day they were putting up more of a fuss than usual. In the middle of the tantrums, a friend called. "What's all the commotion over there?" she asked. "Oh, nothing," I said. "Just the siesta resistance." -<>- There was a farmer who had many pigs. One day someone came to the farm and asked the farmer, "What do you use to feed your pigs?" "Well, I give them acorn, corn, vegetable scraps and things like that. Why?" "Because I am from the Animals Protection Association and I think you don't feed them like you should, they shouldn't eat wastes." Then he fined the farmer. Some days later, another person arrived and asked the same question. The farmer answered, "Well, I feed them very well. I give them fish, whole grains, hot corn mash and as much fresh fruit and vegetables as I can get my hands on. Why?" "Because I am from the United Nations Organization and I think it's unfair that you feed your pigs like that when there are people dying with nothing to eat." And he fined the farmer. Finally, another man came in and asked the same question. The hesitant farmer answered after a minute of careful thought: "Well, I give five dollars to each pig so they can buy whatever it is they want." -<>- Sometimes when I reflect on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. The people who produce the bottles. The truck drivers who deliver the beer and the retailers who sell it. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver." ========================================================= ~~~~~ (`) (`) A snail and Dougal's || // best friend, although ___||______ // they often argue. /`___||______`\// He is always very cheerful. _ _ /_%_%_%_%_%_%_%_|__ (_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _) .` (c c) ; _ -- ~~~ -- _ : (\. ; -~ ~- '. , `\O ' / _ _ _ ~_ `,. `~~` .` / / \ ("`"`~`" ~;`~`~) | / __ \ ( ) ; ) | | ( \ | / `"`'`"`"`|` | | | \ | | ( | ' |` -cfbd- \ \_ _ / / / `, ) ( \ / ( '| |` __--- -`'-._ _ _.- '~~~ ~ \ , |` | <` / ,,;"`` `~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~ ~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~ ~ ~~~ ~~ `""` >-->From AndyChaps: >What College Grads Ask The graduate with a Science degree asks ... "Why does it work?" The graduate with an Engineering degree asks ... "How does it work?" The graduate with a Business Administration degree asks ... "When will it work?" The graduate with a Finance degree asks ... "When will it turn a profit?" The graduate with an Accounting degree asks ... "How much will it cost?" The graduate with a Economics degree asks ... "Will there be demand for it?" The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks ... "Would you like fries with that? -<>- .----------. / .-. .-. \ / | | | | \ \ `-' `-' _/ /\ .--. / | \ | / / / / / | `--' /\ \ /`-------' \ \ Jym Dyer >An American In London Some years ago, an American walking through the streets of London, was passing by London's tallest building. As he stood there looking up, a British lad came up beside him. After a while the American turned to the boy and said, "Do you realize son, that we have buildings like that in the States, only they're three times the size!". "I'm not surprised," said the boy. "That's a lunatic asylum!". -<>- >Short Takes! When a person assists a criminal in breaking the law before the criminal gets arrested, we call him an accomplice. When a person assists a criminal in breaking the law after the criminal gets arrested; we call him a defense lawyer. ============================= I have learned that if you upset your wife she nags you. If you upset her even more you get the silent treatment. Don't you think it's worth the extra effort? ============================= "The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers." - Dave Barry ============================= Someone asked us why our front door entranceway leads right into our dining room? I answered, 'So our in-laws don't have to waste any time.' ================================= When I told my friend I wanted a Thesaurus for my birthday, he said, 'Don't be silly, they've been dead for millions of years!' ================================ By the way, besides Washington and Lincoln, what other American presidents happened to have been born on American holidays? =============================== More and more vegetarians are quitting because of the side effects. They found themselves starting to lean toward the sunlight when seated comfortably indoors. =============================== Coming through the door after school one day, Little Johnny hollers out, "Okay, everyone in the house, please be advised that I, Little Johnny, have on this date made a complete fool of myself in s%x education class by repeating stories concerning storks as told to me by certain parties residing in this house!" ============================== "Oh my," sighed the wife one morning, "I'm convinced my mind is almost completely gone!" Her husband looked up from the newspaper and commented, "I'm not surprised: You've been giving me a piece of it every day for the last twenty years!" =============================== hugs&kisses&hugs&kisses&hugs&kisses&hugs&kisses&hugs&kisses& & hugs&kisses&hugs&kisses&hu &hugs&kisses s&h es&hugs&kisses&hugs&kiss gs&kisse es&h sses&hugs&kisses&hugs&k s&kiss ses& isses&hugs&kisses&hugs &kiss s&kis sses kisses&hugs&kisses&hu ugs&kiss s&ki isse &kisses&hugs&kisses&h &hugs&kiss gs&k kiss s&kisses&hugs&kisses& es&hugs&kis ugs& &kis gs&kisses&hugs&kisses sses&hugs&k hugs s&ki ugs&kisses&hugs&kisse kisses&hugs &hug gs&k hugs&kisses&hugs&kiss s&kisses&hu s&hu ugs& &hugs&kisses&hugs&kis ugs&kisses& es&h hugs s&hugs&kisses&hugs& i hugs&kisse ses& &hug es&hugs&kisses&hug k hugs&kis sses s&hu ses&hugs&kisses&h & hugs& isse es&h sses&hugs&kisse s& &kiss s gs&ki hugs&kis s ugs&kisse sses&hugs&ki i ses&h k k sses& & &kis gs&kisses&hug isses&hugs s&hugs&kisse s s&kis gs&kisses&h &kisses&hug es&hugs&kisses g gs&ki ugs&kisses& s&kisses&hu ses&hugs&kisses u ugs&ki ugs&kisse ugs&kisses&h sses&hugs&kisses h hugs&k hugs&kiss hugs&kisses& isses&h gs&kisses& &hugs&k hugs&ki s&hugs&kisses kisses ugs&kisses s&hugs& &hugs&k es&hugs&kisse hugs&kisse es&hugs& &hugs sses&hugs&kiss s&kiss &hugs&kiss ses&hugs s&hug isses&hugs&kis gs&kiss s&hugs&kis sses&hugs s&h &kisses&hugs&ki ugs&kisses&hugs& i isses&hug es& s&kisses&hugs&k hugs&kisses&hug k kisses&hug e ugs&kisses&hugs& &hugs&kisses&h & &kisses&hu hugs&kisses&hugs s&hugs&kisse s s&kisses&hu s&hugs&kisses g gs&kisses&h es&hugs&kisse u ugs&kisses&hugs&kisses&hugs&kisses&hugs&kisses&hugs&kisses&h -- Matt Ryan >The Meanings of LOVE (n)..... **Love: man's grand delusion that one woman differs from another **Love: a sea of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses **Love: what Plato described as "a grave mental disease" **Love: something they say is blind; it's marriage which is the real eye opener **Love: that emotion which is not true until returned **Love: that delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock [John Barrymore] **Love: what rich countries have in common with the residents of all third-world countries **Love: is like measles; much worse when it comes late in life **Love: the most slippery word in the human language; used by knaves to seduce, by fools for comfort, and by most men to placate the female of the species **Love: the only fire for which there is no insurance **Love: an emotion, even if unreturned, that has its rainbow **Love: the crocodile in the river of desire [Bhartrihari c. 625] **Love: the only game that two can play and both can win **Love: the last and most serious of the childhood diseases **Love: what makes marriage possible **Love: a temporary insanity curable by marriage or the removing of the patient from the influences under which he or she incurred the disorder **Love: the tie that blinds **Love: consists of happiness, given back and forth **Love: the only thing that has changed over the millions of years of playing this game is that trumps have changed from clubs to diamonds **Love: that which makes the world revolve **Love: a situation which happens when you think almost as much of another as you do of yourself; **Love: is a fan club with only two members **Love: the only virtue that can be divided endlessly and still not be diminished **Love: the triumph of imagination over intelligence **Love: the child of illusion and the parent of disillusion **Love: a strange feeling that comes over a man; when he keeps wanting to call a girl by his last name **Love: is like war; simple to begin but the devil to stop **Love: is like the action similar to an hourglass: the heart fills as the brain empties; **Love: something which creates a religion that worships two fallible gods **Love: something which combines the two greatest powers on earth; war and peace **Love: the balm that heals the wounds that words make. -<>- ,'-', :-----: (''' , - , ''') \ ' . , ` / \ ' ^ ? / \ ` - ,' `j_ _,' ,- -`\ \ /f ,- \_\/_/'- , `, , , /\ \ | / \ ', , f : :`, , <...\ , : ,- ' \,,,,\ ; : j ' \ \ :/^^^^' \ \ ; ''': \ -, -`.../ ' - -,`,--` \_._'-- '---: Storm >Advice From A Texas Cowboy: 1.Never slap a man who's chewin' tobacco. 2. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment. 3. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in. 4. If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there. 5. If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around. 6. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day. 7. There's two theories to arguin' with a woman. Neither one works. 8. If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'. 9. Don't squat with your spurs on. 10. It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep. 11. Always drink upstream from the herd. 12. Never miss a good chance to shut up. 13. There are three kinds of people: The ones that learn by reading, The few who learn by observation, and the rest of them who have to touch the fire to see for themselves if it's really hot. ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) God Is Like... http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/godislike.html Texas Rules Of Etiquette http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/texas.html Heroes Truck!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/herotruck.html Wyoming Cowgirl!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/poems/cowgirl.html For Dog Lovers!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/doglovers.html Just Have Faith!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/faith.html Beaker The Duck!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/beakertheduck.html My How You've Grown!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/grown.html When Sandman Attacks!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/sandman.html Maria The Goose!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/goose.html Big Baby Big Dogs!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bigdogs.html World Of Squirrels!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/worldofsquirrels.html Feeding The Eagles!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/eaglefeeding.html Pink The Pig-Puppy!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/pigpuppy.html Feather Painting 2!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/feather2.html Texas Outhouse Art!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/outhouse.html Having Fun With Pun!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/punnyanimals.html Peek-A-Boo Panda!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/panda.html Giant Panda Bear!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/pandabear.html Beautiful Monarch Butterflies!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/monarchbutterflies.html Eagle Sculpture Art!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/eagleart.html Chainsaw Wood Carving!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/woodcarving.html Top Ways To Stay Healthy!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/stayhealthy.html @@ .##@@::;%%&&00' @><@ .###@@::;%%&&00' ________) .###@@::;%%&&00' | | .###@@::;%%&&00' _ _|===LI===|_ .###@@::;%%&&00' / \_(____________) .###@@::;%%&&00' \ / (88 o o 88) .###@@::;%%&&00' \/\ 88: 7 :88` .###@@::;%%&&00' \/\ '88'=='88' .###@@::;%%&&00' \ \__'8888'__________.###@@::;%%&&00' \___<\""/>_____/_/_-'##@@::;%%&&00' / >< \ .###@@::;%%&&00' /__/--\__\ (oO@OoO@@o@oO@@o) '-.______.-' /`"""""""""""""`\ jgs _|_||_|_ | | ___LI)||(LI___ | | ( ~~ || ~~ ) \ / `-----''-----` '.___________.' Spring and St.Paddy's Menu! https://tinyurl.com/y4xyz2w8 -<>- Some of Shangrala's Best Pages http://www.amazafamily.com/index.html Parrot Dancing Gangnam Style https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qTl1asCDOgs Parrot Dancing Gangnam Style part 2 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vqqwb3Zcy1U Funny Animals https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2rdGVxaA59c UNEXPECTED Animal ATTACKS! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eeCxNN56YVs -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) 29-year-old magician and yoga instructor Josephine Lee impresses the judges and audience of Britain’s Got Talent 2017. WOW! https://youtu.be/dqVPzbsCXrs An interesting look at some historical photos that have been colorized from the original black and white photo. The series of photos begins in the 1850’s and proceeds through the Civil War and late 1800’s into the 20th Century. Adding color to these old photos really brings them to life and gives the viewer a different perspective than the black and white photo. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dov50PAsj5M Reminds me of one we have here... Historical Photos In Color http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/historycolorphotos.html And This one .... Kodachrome Photos From 1942/43!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/kodachrome1942.html This is an absolute riot!!!!! Enjoy! https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B0KtnWtajUVwcEtabVZlaDhTMW8/view --- ...LOL! Super Funny! AOC Approved no doubt! Thanks LouiseAu! Scary though - reminds me of what I just saw on a show. This fire was caused by a single battery explosion! Think of a whole car full of these little demons! https://tinyurl.com/y5gr8s4p I originally saw this on the show 'Strange Evidence'. If you are like me and enjoy a mystery, then you will probably like this series. It shows you a video and then the experts try to figure out how it could have happened. Quite interesting! Check out shows here - Strange Evidence https://www.sciencechannel.com/tv-shows/strange-evidence/ From the above one, they deduced it was not a good idea to carry a battery in your pocket. Here's more e-cigs that blew up! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AYRTgZcLFhU https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CUsEECWLDO4 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EqoSRORIp8M -<>- >From Our Friend Victor :) I just read what the president in Venezuela did now to his people - it is horrible what they are going through. We need to go in there and help these people... Huge power outage in Venezuela raises tensions amid crisis https://tinyurl.com/y2ajhrrb --- ...It is horrible and sad! Thanks Victor! Oh, but AOC and other Democrats want us to stay out of it. https://tinyurl.com/y4z6njay There is not a single reason to believe that if America follows the path laid out by Ocasio-Cortez and others, we won’t ultimately end in a Venezuelan-style wasteland. | Fox News https://fxn.ws/2MOSJBm -<>- >From Our Friend Linda :) Toby Keith's 'Don't Let the Old Man In' music video features new footage from Clint Eastwood film 'The Mule' When Keith asked Eastwood what he had planned for his May 31 birthday just days away, the four-time Oscar winner said he was leaving the next day to spend three months filming a new movie. Eastwood, 88, shared the storyline for "The Mule" with Keith. "I said, 'What keeps you going?' and he said, 'I get up every day and don't let the old man in.' So, I came home, wrote a song for him called 'Don't Let the Old Man In' and sent it to him. And he put it in his movie," Keith said. "He absolutely loves it. It is a very powerful song, and I — probably if it wasn't for the movie — really wouldn't have anywhere to go with it. ... It's a very emotional, dramatic piece of music and as good as I've ever done in my life." Toby Keith - Don't Let the Old Man In https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=162&v=yc5AWImplfE --- ...I love this! Thank You Linda! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "The tax deadline is about five weeks away. And this year, because of all the budget cuts at the IRS, the odds of getting audited are lower than they've been in 13 years. In other words, there has never been a better time to claim your Chihuahua as a dependent." -Jimmy Kimmel "One of the biggest viral sensations right now is a YouTube livestream of a pregnant giraffe waiting to give birth. The cutest part is when she tells the father giraffe, 'You did this to me, now put down that goddamn camera.'" -Conan O-Brien "President Trump last night announced the creation of a department called VOICE, which will deal specifically with crimes committed against Americans by immigrants. Not to be confused with 'The Voice,' which deals with crimes against music committed by teenagers." -Seth Meyers It is said that one should learn something new every day. I suspect that this should also apply to the US House in Congress, however it appears that they begin each day with a big, heaping bowl of "stupid!" "Chocolate maker Hershey is reportedly expecting to cut its global workforce by about 15 percent. That's right, for the first time ever, chocolate is giving up people for Lent." -Seth Meyers "Scientists have found a way to grow human tissue on apples. Now the only thing left for them to discover is a REASON to grow human tissue on apples." -Conan O-Brien "A new study found that babies as young as nine months can tell the difference between friends and enemies. Which raises a lot of questions, like: What kind of babies have enemies?" -Jimmy Fallon "In the U.K., a group of scientists successfully taught bumblebees how to play soccer. And now, they're trying to get American bumblebees to watch it." -Conan O-Brien "A 100-year-old Dutch woman recently persuaded local police to arrest her to fulfill an item on her bucket list. Cool story for her, not so much for the victims of her double homicide." -Seth Meyers "A Florida man was arrested for throwing potato salad at a nail salon. During his arrest, he said, 'I've been drinking and taking Xanax. What do you expect me to do?' Well, not that, although I do sympathize. When I was trying to give up carbs, I once threw a bowl of spaghetti at a karate studio." -James Corden >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE:Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************