Happy July SMILES ... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net =========================== ** PLEASE SEND ANY COOL FORWARDS MY WAY - I Love them, I need them! I use them as extras to the group or turn them into pages for the web site for all to enjoy for years to come! *~* Thank You So Much! :) =========================== >-->In The 'Shangy' News :) ( (_) ### . (#c __\|/__ #\ wWWWw \ \-. (/. .\) /\ /`\/\ /\ |\/ \_) (_| `\.' ; ; `' ;`\ `\; ; . ;/\ HAPPY 4th `\; ; ;| \ ; .' ' ; / OF |_.' ; | /) ( ''._;/` JULY | ' . ; |.-' .:) | | ( .' : | |,- .:: | | ,-' .;| jgs_/___,_.:_\_ [I_I_I_I_I_I_] | __________ | | || | | || | _| ||_|__|_|| |_ /=--------------=\ / \ | | ---------------------------------------------------------- ()__ ||**Z__ ||**|**=Z____ ||**|**=|====| ||==|**=|====| May Everyone Have A Safe Holiday! ||""|===|====| || `"""|====| This Weekend! jgs || `""""` ---------------------------------------------------------- >If You Haven't Already, PLEASE Take A Moment to... Sign My New Guestbook! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html *~* Lots Of Thanks And Hugs! God Bless You Abundantly! --- ...I ESPECIALLY THANK YOU WHO Graciously Signed it! {{{HUGS}}} -<>- >We Had a wonderful note from our friend Lorraine :) She Writes: "... I wanted to tell you that my husband & I have quit smoking. We both quit "Cold Turkey." We prayed and asked the Lord to help us and he has. We have been smoke free 49 days today. Thank you for sending me your directions on how to quit. That was our starting point." I am SO Very Proud of Lorraine and her hubby! Smoking is an addiction and unless you have it in your heart to quit then it just isn't going to happen! Today people look at it more as a bad thing then they did years ago when I first started smoking. Back then, it was neat and you wee hip if you did smoke - part of the in crowd. Now if you smoke you are the bad guy and they practically throw you out on your bottom! It therefore is NOT a good witness for God. If you are a Christian and are still a smoker or thinking of being one. Please think about what you are doing. 1 Corinthians 6: 12 "All things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any." Because of Christ taking the rap for us, 'All things are lawful unto us' but because we may turn others off from learning about and knowing God, 'all things are not expedient to us' - means we shouldn't do that which is a bad witness for God. We certainly don't want to be accused of being the reason why someone did not come to Christ because of the way we were acting! We won't loose our eternal life by doing that which is not expedient but we should and can do better for God and our Lord Jesus Christ! Here is the what Lorraine was talking about... Quit Smoking http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/BibleStudy/quitsmoking.html -<>- >Hot Off The 'Shangy' Press - We Have two new pages! Viv sent us a forward she says is one of her all time favs! Well, it is with me too so I did my best to find some awesome graphics and midi song to go along with it. Check it out here: Directions to our Father's House http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/home.html --- ...Thank You Viv! I had fun doing up this one! You are sweet for thinking of us and sharing! -<>- I happened across some great graphics for the funny poem we had Friday, so I couldn't resist doing up a page for it too. I just had to change it a little bit to have it fit the pictures. See what you think here... Wyoming Cowgirl http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/poems/cowgirl.html -<>- .''. .''. *''* :_\/_: . :_\/_: . .:.*_\/_* : /\ : .'.:.'. .''.: /\ : _\(/_ ':'* /\ * : '..'. -=:o:=- :_\/_:'.:::. /)\*''* .|.* '.\'/.'_\(/_'.':'.' : /\ : ::::: '*_\/_* | | -= o =- /)\ ' * '..' ':::' * /\ * |'| .'/.\'. '._____ * __*..* | | : |. |' .---"| _* .-' '-. | | .--'| || | _| | .-'| _.| | || '-__ | | | || | |' | |. | || | | | | || | ___| '-' ' "" '-' '-.' '` |____ jgs~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ >Wowsers! Here it is July already! What a busy month June has been! I think the 'Shangy' Press needs a cooling down period! Thanks to all our contributors, we're bringing in July with fireworks like bang! If you havenm't already, be sure to visit and pass on all these new pages from June! Feather Painting http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/feather.html Lean On Me! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/poems/leanonme.html Gas Price Humor http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/gasoline.html Most Valuable http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/valuable.html This Is India http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/india.html In The Forest http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/poems/forest.html In Your Dreams http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/poems/dream.html Invisible Child http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/poems/invisiblechild.html Would You Care http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/care.html There Has To Be http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/poems/therehastobe.html Bailey's Jesus http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bailey.html and of course our latest two pages... Directions to our Father's House http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/home.html Wyoming Cowgirl http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/poems/cowgirl.html *~* Thanks Again To All Who SHared With Us - Big {{HUGS}}! ========================================================== >-->From The FunnyBone: I Tried It Once But Didn't Like It A sales representative stops at a small manufacturing plant in the Midwest. He presents a box of cigars to the manager as a gift. "No, thanks," says the plant manager. "I tried smoking a cigar once and I didn't like it." __________________________________ / || /\ The sales rep shows his | (()) |: display case and then, \__||_____________________________\/ hoping to clinch a sale, \ offers to take the manger out for martinis. .\"""""""""-. "No, thanks," the plant manager replies. "I \`\-------'`/ tried alcohol once, but didn't like it." \ \__ o . / \/ \ o/ Then the salesman glances out the officer window \__/. / and sees a golf course. "I suppose you play golf", \_ _/ says the salesman. "I'd like to invite you to be Y a guest at my club." | | "No, thanks," the manager says. "I played golf jgs _.-' '-._ once, but I didn't like it." `---------` Just then a young man enters the office. "Let me introduce my son, Bill," says the plant manager. "Let me guess," the salesman replies. "An only child?" ================================================================== _..._ ||||||| ||||||| _|*****|_ ( '-...-' ) {`;-----;`} {(| a a|)} Bizarre JULY Holidays --------------------+ \| _\ |/ \ - / jgs '{_}` July 1 is Creative Ice Cream Flavor Day and Build A Scarecrow Day July 2 is Visitation Of The Virgin Mary Day July 3 is Stay Out Of The Sun Day and Compliment Your Mirror Day July 4 is National Country Music Day and Tom Sawyer Fence- Painting Day July 5 is Workaholics Day July 6 is National Fried Chicken Day July 7 is National Strawberry Sundae Day For the rest of the list, go to: Bizarre News.com p.s. The Bizarre Holidays on BizarreNews.com will be updated on Tuesday, the 1st of July. =============================================================== >-->From ScreamOfTheCrop: >Quotes from George Carlin: Tonight's forecast...dark, continued mostly dark throughout the evening with widely scattered light in the morning. By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. Cloud nine gets all the publicity, but cloud eight actually is cheaper, less crowded, and has a better view. What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on? -<>- 1. **Lucky Family Billy sat obediently as his mother explained how lucky their family was. Then she told him just why- Billy you will soon be a big brother. The next day, Billy ran to his teacher with the good news. ‘Mrs. T, my mum got lucky last night and now she is going to have a baby’ 2. **Weight Loss Program A student stopped at the teacher’s table at the end of the day. On the table was a mug emblazoned with the logo of a famous weight loss program. He looked at it and then at me and said “ Mum used to go there, and it didn’t help her either!” 3. **The Teacher My Teacher’s work kept me absorbed when I went to the Bank. I gave the teller a check, and several bills to be paid. She filled the form and gave it to me to sign. After quickly checking her arithmetic, I found myself writing “Good” next to the total! 4. **God’s Assistance In the examination paper the Professor wanted us to sign a form stating that we had not received any outside assistance. Unsure of whether he should sign the form, a student stated that he had prayed for the assistance of God. The Professor carefully studied the answer script and said “You can sign it with a clear conscience. God did not assist you.” -<>- _ (_) |_________________________________________ |*%%*%%*%%*%%*%%########################### |%*%%*%%*%%*%%*%########################### |*%%*%%*%%*%%*%%########################### |%*%%*%%*%%*%%*%########################### |*%%*%%*%%*%%*%%########################### |%*%%*%%*%%*%%*%########################### |*%%*%%*%%*%%*%%########################### |########################################## |########################################## |########################################## |########################################## |########################################## |###################################JGS#### |~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ | | >The Land That Made Me Me.- Author Unknown Long ago and far away, in a land that time forgot, Before the days of Dylan, or the dawn of Camelot. There lived a race of innocents, and they were you and me, For Ike was in the White House in that land where we were born, Where navels were for oranges, and Peyton Place was porn. We learned to gut a muffler, we washed our hair at dawn, We spread our crinolines to dry in circles on the lawn. We longed for love and romance, and waited for our Prince, And Eddie Fisher married Liz, and no one's seen him since. We danced to 'Little Darlin,' and sang to 'Stagger Lee' And cried for Buddy Holly in the Land That Made Me Me. Only girls wore earrings then, and 3 was one too many, And only boys wore flat-top cuts, except for Jean McKinney. And only in our wildest dreams did we expect to see A boy named George with Lipstick, in the Land That Made Me Me. We fell for Frankie Avalon, Annette was oh, so nice, And when they made a movie, they never made it twice. We didn't have a Star Trek Five, or Psycho Two and Three, Or Rocky-Rambo Twenty in the Land That Made Me Me. Miss Kitty had a heart of gold, and Chester had a limp, And Reagan was a Democrat whose co-star was a chimp. We had a Mr. Wizard, but not a Mr. T , And Oprah couldn't talk, yet, in the Land That Made Me Me. We had our share of heroes, we never thought they'd go, At least not Bobby Darin, or Marilyn Monroe. For youth was still eternal, and life was yet to be, And Elvis was forever in the Land That Made Me Me. We'd never seen the rock band that was Grateful to be Dead, And Airplanes weren't named Jefferson, and Zeppelins were not Led. And Beatles lived in gardens then, and Monkees lived in trees, Madonna was a virgin in the Land That Made Me Me. We'd never heard of microwaves, or telephones in cars, And babies might be bottle-fed, but they weren't grown in jars. And pumping iron got wrinkles out, and 'gay' meant fancy-free, And dorms were never coed in the Land That Made Me Me. We hadn't seen enough of jets to talk about the lag, And microchips were what was left at the bottom of the bag. And Hardware was a box of nails, and bytes came from a flea, And rocket ships were fiction in the Land That Made Me Me. Buicks came with portholes, and side shows came with freaks, And bathing suits came big enough to cover both your cheeks. And Coke came just in bottles, and skirts below the knee, And Castro came to power near the Land That Made Me Me. We had no Crest with Fluoride, we had no Hill Street Blues, We had no patterned pantyhose or Lipton herbal tea Or prime-time ads for condoms in the Land That Made Me Me. There were no golden arches, no Perrier to chill, And fish were not called Wanda, and cats were not called Bill. And middle-aged was 35 and old was forty-three, And ancient were our parents in the Land That Made Me Me. But all things have a season, or so we've heard them say, And now instead of Maybelline we swear by Retin-A. They send us invitations to join AARP, We've come a long way, baby, from the Land That Made Me Me. So now we face a brave new world in slightly larger jeans, And wonder why they're using smaller print in magazines. And we tell our children's children of the way it used to be, Long ago and far away in the Land That Made Me Me.` -- AUTHOR UNKNOWN ==================================================================== >-->From TheMouth: _ _ / )%.===.%( \ | // ,,, \\ | \/ \/6.6\/ \/ .===. /\ ( _ ) /\ / ,,, \ ^^ /()-()\ ^^ ( /6.6\ ) / /o o\ \ )( _ )( (._\ Y /_.) (_/;---;\_) Testing Time... (O_`&`_O) / `"*"` \ / / \ \ ( (_.@._) ) / ()/^\() \ /'._\|/_.'\ /. . . . . . .\ /. . . . . .\ `"`"`|`|`|`"`"` `"`"|"|"|"`"` jgs _|_|_|_ _|_|_|_ (___|___) (___|___) Do you recognize these well known adages? (Answers below). 1. All articles that coruscate with resplendence are not truly auriferous. 2. Sorting on the part of mendicants must be interdicted. 3. A revolving lithic conglomerate accumulates no congeries of small, green, biophytic plant. 4. Members of an avian species of identical plumage tend to congregate. 5. It is fruitless to become lachrymose of precipitately departed lacteal fluid. 6. It is fruitless to attempt to indoctrinate a super- annuated canine with innovative maneuvers. 7. Surveillance should precede saltation. 8. Individuals who make their abodes in vitreous edifices would be advised to refrain from catapulting petrious projectiles. 9. Where there are visible vapors having their provenance in ignited carbonaceous materials, there is conflagration. ---------------------------------- ANSWERS: 1. All that Glitters is not Gold. 2. Beggars cannot be choosers. 3. A Rolling Stone gathers no Moss. 4. Birds of a feather flock together. 5. Don't cry over Spilt Milk. 6. You cant teach an Old Dog new Tricks. 7. Look before you leap. 8. Those who live Glass Houses should cast no stones. 9. Where there is smoke, there will be fire. ============================================================= >-->In The WorldlyNews: >From Lifescript: 25 Foods That Fight Disease Diabetes. Cancer. Migraines. Arthritis. They are the debilitating diseases that can take a major toll on your life – or cut it short. Most people know the wrong diet can compound these conditions. But the right one can help manage, treat and even halt them. In her book Joy Bauer’s Food Cures (Rodale, 2007), renowned nutritionist Joy Bauer shares her prescription for a longer, healthier life – along with her list of mouth-watering, miracle-working foods… http://www.lifescript.com/HA/58433_4238409_13558_0.htm Great Expectations Happiness is hard to define and measure, but most people know it when they feel it – a surge of joy, a quiet contentment, a soothing satisfaction. Still, science is baffled: Why do some people always seem to be happy while others appear to constantly mope? Are there normal levels of happiness? We all want our fair share, but how do we dish some up? http://www.lifescript.com/HA/58427_4238409_13557_0.htm -<>- >From CoffeeBreak: English soon to include 1 million words English is close to adding its 1 millionth word, with well over 1 billion speakers worldwide, experts say. Author Paul J.J. Payack, founding president of the Global Language Monitor, estimates English will hit the vocabulary milestone April 29, 2009, MetaNewswire reported Sunday. Currently, the English language counts about 1.35 billion speakers as a first, second or auxiliary language. With 25 percent of the world speaking English, that's a lot of sources for new words, suggests Payack. The latest addition found by his tracking service is "e-Vampire." It is a noun referring to electric equipment that consumes energy while in standby mode. Personalized drill leads to arrests A Florida man was arrested after police found his name etched on the drill he allegedly used to put holes in gas tanks to steal fuel. Authorities say the Summerfield, Fla., man and his girlfriend are accused of draining several tanks, the Ocala (Fla.) Star-Banner reported. John Oldenburg, 44, and Darlene Kimbriel, 39, face grand theft, burglary of a conveyance and criminal mischief charges, Marion County Sheriff's Office records show. Deputies allege they found a methamphetamine lab at the couple's home, so they also face drug charges. Deputies say they found a drill with "J. Oldenburg" etched in the tool at the scene of the latest gas heist. Asked why his drill was at the scene, Oldenburg blamed his girlfriend, the newspaper reported. Kimbriel, meanwhile, accused her boyfriend of drilling for gas while she acted as a lookout. Top dogs compete on surfboards Canines of all types showed their stuff Saturday at a California surfing contest that owners claim their pets love as much as the audience. The third annual Loews Coronado Bay Resort Surf Dog Competition in Imperial Beach drew about 60 four-legged participants looking for prizes, medals and bragging rights. The dogs wore everything from swim trunks and Hawaiian leis to sunglasses, life vests and wet suits, the San Diego Union-Tribune reported. The event drew an estimated 1,500 to 2,000 spectators as well as news photographers fighting for positions in the surf near the animals. "It goes to show that dog surfing is part of the San Diego lifestyle," said Anne Stephany, a spokeswoman for the resort. "The best thing about this event is that no particular breed seems to do better than others. I've seen poodles, a bulldog, (a) Chihuahua. As long as your dog loves the water, they're a great candidate for this sport." -<>- >From BizarreNews: .-~*~--,. .-. .-~-. ./OOOOOOOOO\.'OOO`9~~-. .`OOOOOO.OOM.OLSONOOOOO@@OOOOOO\ /OOOO@@@OO@@@OO@@@OOO@@@@@@@@OOOO`. |OO@@@WWWW@@@@OOWWW@WWWW@@@@@@@OOOO). .-'OO@@@@WW@@@W@WWWWWWWWOOWW@@@@@OOOOOO} /OOO@@O@@@@W@@@@@OOWWWWWOOWOO@@@OOO@@@OO| lOOO@@@OO@@@WWWWWWW\OWWWO\WWWOOOOOO@@@O.' \OOO@@@OOO@@@@@@OOW\ \WWWW@@@@@@@O'. `,OO@@@OOOOOOOOOOWW\ \WWWW@@@@@@OOO) \,O@@@@@OOOOOOWWWWW\ \WW@@@@@OOOO.' `~c~8~@@@@WWW@@W\ \WOO|\UO-~' (OWWWWWW@/\W\ ___\WO) `~-~'' \ \WW=*' __\ \ \ \ \ __\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \\ \\ \ \ -- Smoking man zapped by lightning ------------- ORLANDO, Fla. - A Florida man said it felt like he "stuck a fork in an outlet" when lightning struck him while he was holding a cigarette out the window of an apartment. Adam Rice said he was listening to music and watching TV in an apartment in Orange County, Fla., when lightning zapped him on the hand Wednesday, WKMG-TV, Orlando, Fla., reported. "All of sudden it sounded like fireworks go off, just loud pops, like, constantly. The whole house lit up blue and I got zapped on my hand," he said. Rice said he could feel the electricity leave through his feet after it went through his body. The lightning strike caused nearby brush to burst into flames, WKMG said. "I called the fire department and I (said), 'I just got struck by lightning and the woods are on fire.' Next thing I know my body felt like I stuck a fork in an outlet," he told reporters. Rice said his foot burns a little but he decided not to go to the doctor. -- Baby crocodile surprises drinkers ------------- DARWIN, Australia - Patrons at a bar in Australia said they were surprised when a baby crocodile unexpectedly walked in front of the building's door. It is a mystery how the 2-foot-long crocodile made its way to the Noonamah Tavern, about 25 miles outside of the Northern Territory capital of Darwin, CNN reported. "I think someone went fishing and picked him up. Or someone left him here as a practical joke. It's very unlikely that it walked up by itself," Naray said. Drinkers hurried out of the bar after two nearby gas station workers saw the crocodile near the building Sunday, the report said. Patrons said they carried the animal into the bar for some quick photos before send- ing it to the Darwin Crocodile Farm, where it is in good condition. -- Man steals ATM from convenience store ---------- PLACENTIA, Calif. - Police in Placentia, Calif., said they were searching for a man accused of entering a convenience store and stealing an automated teller machine. Placentia police spokeswoman Corinne Loomis said a man told the Circle K clerk to move out of the way while he took the large ATM out of the store on a dolly, The Orange County (Calif.) Register reported. Police said the man had on a motorcycle helmet or a paint-ball mask and took off in a vehicle after the heist. No one was injured in the Wednesday incident and the man didn't appear to be armed, the newspaper said. Loomis said the ATM had been filled with cash the day it was taken. ============================================================ >-->From CleanLaffs: Wherever we take our twin daughters, strangers always come up to us and say, "Look, twins!" During a Las Vegas trip, though, we were wheeling them in their stroller through a hotel lobby when a woman came around a corner and exclaimed, "Look, a pair!" -<>- Heading off to college at the age of 40, I was a bit self- conscious about my advancing years. One morning I complained to my husband that I was the oldest student in my class. "Even the professor is younger than I am," I said. "Yeah," he said optimistically, "but look at it from my point of view. At my age I never thought I would be fooling around with a college girl again!" -<>- On a family vacation one summer, we crossed Wyoming and noted several historical points of interest. The children were especially interested because they enjoyed the computer game "Oregon Trail," which gives players a taste of the hardships the pioneers endured. We stopped at the famous South Pass to look at the wagon tracks still visible in the dirt. Squinting out over the desolate, wind-swept landscape, my daughter nodded and said grimly, "This is where my oxen always die." -<>- Chatting with my mother-in-law I asked, "Have you heard of this company that takes the cremated ashes of your loved one and then compresses the carbon into a diamond?" "Yes," she said, smirking. "It brings a whole new meaning to the phrase 'family jewels.'" -<>- The orthodontist and his assistants were removing my eight- year-old's dental appliance. Because it was cemented to the upper teeth, they had to use some pressure to release it. When it finally popped out, three baby teeth came out as well. My child was horrified at seeing the gaps. "Well," my child said to the staff gathered around, "who do I see about getting some dentures?" -<>- I don't think I'll ever have a mother's intuition. My sister left me alone in a restaurant with my 10-month old nephew. I said, "What do I do if he cries?" She said, "Give him some vegetables." It turns out that jalapeno is not his favorite. ============================================================= >-->From AndyChaps: >Andy Says... Just Think About This! ** Without education, we are in a horrible and deadly danger of taking educated people seriously. ** Women have a favorite room - men a favorite chair. ** I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. --Primatutu ** I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them. --Primatutu ** The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier. --Primatutu ~~~~ ASI By: Aikens Drum ========================= The imaginary friends I had as a kid dropped me because their friends thought I didn't exist. -- Aaron Machado ================= Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage. -- Anais Nin ================ If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished. -<>- ** How To Lose Or Gain Weight ** Wanting to lose weight, a woman placed a picture of a shapely, pinup model INSIDE her refrigerator to remind her of her goal. It worked like a charm as the woman discovered that she had lost ten pounds in the first month of using this method. The downside to this was that her husband spent so much time going into the fridge to look at the picture that he ended up gaining fifteen pounds! -<>- ** Rules That Men Wish Women Knew ** *. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days. *. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys. . If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. *. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic. *. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done-not both. *. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. *. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we. *. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about them being stared at. If you dress like an easy woman, you should expect to be treated like one. *. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like old windows default settings. Peach is a fruit, not a color. *. Pumpkin is also a fruit. *. If it is OUR house, I do not understand why MY stuff gets thrown in the closet/attic/basement. *. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you. *. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. -<>- | .--. .--. / \|/ O /\ |--.| .-. / \ / --*-- ( ) \/\--|__|+./ | / `-- -- ' /|\ (__.) \___ \ `-' | (__ _.) | X | - In space, |XXxx) /Oooo/\/ no one |XXX/ / \/ can eat |XX/ / .| | ice cream |X/ \ \| | Nigel Wale ** Indian Message To The Moon ** When NASA was preparing for the Apollo project, they did some astronaut training on a Navajo Indian reservation. One day, a Navajo elder and his son were herding sheep and came across the space crew. The old man, who spoke only Navajo, asked a question which his son translated. "What are these guys in the big suits doing?" A member of the crew said they were practicing for their trip to the moon. The old man got all excited and asked if he could send a message to the moon with the astronauts. Recognizing a promotional opportunity for the spin-doctors, the NASA folks found a tape recorder. After the old man recorded his message, they asked the son to translate it. He refused. So the NASA reps brought the tape to the reservation where the rest of the tribe listened and laughed but refused to translate the elder's message to the moon. Finally, the NASA crew called in an official government translator. He reported that the moon message said, "Watch out for these guys; they have come to steal your land." -<>- ** Coupon Heaven ** While handing a "25 Cents Off" coupon to the supermarket clerk at the checkout counter, a woman inadvertently missed the clerk's hand, and the coupon slipped beneath the scale and was gone. The checker looked distressed, so the woman said, "That's okay, it's in coupon heaven now." "Coupon heaven?" the checker asked. "Yes," the woman said, "that's where coupons go when they die." With a look of sadness on her face, the checker responded, "But only the redeemed ones!" -<>- \\ ///// | | (| _ _ |) |` | '| | __ | >>>___/\_^__/\___<<< / ||| \ ** MILITARY MAYHEM ** An elderly general learns that he has a new grandson. He sends his orderly to see if the newborn resembles him. "He's your carbon copy, sir," the orderly reports when he returns. "He is bald and fat, wets his pants, and he never shuts up." =============== An Army brat was boasting about his father to a Navy brat. "My dad is an engineer. He can do everything. Do you know the Alps?" "Yes," said the Navy brat. "My dad helped build them." Then the naval kid spoke: "And do you know the Dead Sea?" "Yes." "Well, my dad killed it!" ================ The unit engineer had just finished a talk on introducing mechanization in fatigue details. A sergeant reported thoughtfully: "Sir, I just discovered something that does the work of fifty men." "What is it?" the officer got interested. "Two hundred soldiers. =============== Private Loyds was brought up before the unit CO for some offense. "You can take your choice, private - one month's restriction or twenty day's pay," said the officer. "All right, sir," said the bright soldier, "I'll take the money." -<>- ** The... BIG TIPPER ** (A Re-Run From Andy's Files) A man had a ticket for the theater but when he was seated by the usher, he found that he was too far from the stage. He whispered to the usher, "This is a mystery play, and I have to watch a mystery close up. Get me a better seat, and I'll give you a handsome tip." The usher moves him into the second row, and the man hands the usher a quarter. The usher looks at the quarter, frowns at him, then leans over and whispers, ............ "The wife was the one that did it". -<>- ,.,. ((((^)) d e_# b \._./ ,---i`-'i---. / | `-' | \ |__| |__| \ | | | \ \______ | | \/ ) \|| \ |- | |'//\ |___|___| | | | ( | ) {_ |__| (__|__} _>= | =<_ hjw (__._|_.__) ** Short Takes ** The Boy Scouts were out collecting bottles for a fund raising activity. One ambitious young man knocked on a door and a sour-faced lady came to the door and asked: "What do you want, Sonny?" "D-d-do you have any beer bottles for the Boy Scouts, M-m-m-ma'am?" he asked. "Look here, young man, do I look like the kind of lady who would drink beer?" replied the lady. "S-s-sorry, Ma'am," he replied. "W-w-what about vinegar bottles?" ================== The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people. ================== I entered a contest fro the most prominent veins. I didn't win but I came vericose. -JDW- ================== There once was an Indian chief named Running Water. He had two daughters, Hot and Cold, and a son named Luke. ================== Doctor's at a hospital in Brooklyn, New York, have gone on strike. Hospital officials say they will find out what the Doctor's demands are as soon as they get a pharmacist over there to read the picket signs. -JDW- =================================================================== >-->Fun Places To Net Visit :) >From theMouth: Cranky Customer http://www.crankycustomer.com/ PETS IN CLOTHES http://www.petsinclothes.com/ ---- ...If you like that you'll love our pages... Tricks for treats #1 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tricksfortreats.html Tricks For Treats #2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tricksfortreats2.html Horse Costumes http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/horsecostumes.html -<>- >From LynnLynn's Links: Cremation - Godly or Not? http://www.truthortradition.com/Cremation You Tube on your hard disk http://www.tubeleecher.com/ Carolyn with/It Is Not Secret http://carolynspreciousmemories.com/Spiritual/ItIsNoSecret.html Time for a change w/ Open Arms http://community.webtv.net/Time-4-a-change/OpenArms John w/ Those Unforgettable Patsy Cline Songs http://heavens-gates.com/_patsy/patsyclinesongs/ A page to share from Billyjoe Bob http://redneckpoetryshelf.com/sitemap.html Undersea Restaurant http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/undersea.html Mini Baby Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/baby.html EyeWitness To HISTORY http://www.eyewitnesstohistory.com/photofrm.htm Chewing Gum http://buffalosjokes.com/112466.htm Concealment http://buffalosjokes.com/112467.htm Important Message http://www.buffalosjokes.com/22620.htm Diet http://www.buffalosjokes.com/22613.htm Problem http://www.buffalosjokes.com/313107.htm Save Me http://www.buffalosjokes.com/313106.htm Bark Like A Dog http://www.buffalosjokes.com/313105.htm If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com ============================================================ >-->Quotes & Thunkers: Next week is the Fourth of July. The networks always run these fireworks safety videos to make sure no one has any fun on the Fourth of July. I know they're supposed to make us scared of fireworks, but after seeing them I feel this intense desire to blow something up." -Jimmy Kimmel "The Democrats have announced there will be no fried foods at their conventions. Hooray! That means Al Gore won't be there." - Craig Ferguson "Next week is the Fourth of July. I will be celebrating as I always do. I get completely naked; I go up on the roof and sing the national anthem at the top of my lungs." - Jimmy Kimmel "John McCain has a bandage on his head. Here's what happened: He tried to answer the iron." - David Letterman It is not the function of our government to keep the citizens from falling into error; it is the function of the citizen to keep the government from falling into error. --Justice Robert H. Jackson Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the catdoor. -- Jeff Foxworthy "Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off the goal." -Henry Ford ---> Visit my CyberHome - ALWAYS OPEN HOUSE :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/index.html Shangrala ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->Bigham's Computer Rescue - PC Sales & Serrvice You can trust us to provide you with quality computer sales and repair. We've been servicing the Van Wert area since 1981 and can help you with all your computer needs. Please phone us at 419-238-5806 ************************************************************************ -->This is for all you who love food and DARRE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR Send a BLANK email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************