Happy Kazoo Day... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* Please Consider Giving To ShangralaFamilyFun.com The cost of the website has gone up dramatically due to the ever increasingly wonderful pages and photos being added each week to entertain you and our fellow Christian families. While the ads on the website do help, I don't want to drag the site down with tons of them to pay for it. I need your help! "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ *~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a Shangrala Angel, the easiest way to do that is through online giving. It is easy to use, and most of all, it is secure. Please visit the site, scroll down and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL form page comes up. NOTE: Paypal will generate a 'Quantity 1' and 'Price per item' form. Just ignore the price per item and put whatever it is you desire to give in there. With Paypal, you will have your normal receipt for your 'payment' donation in USD (United States Dollars). You can put a memo in there if you'd like. EVERY LITTLE BIT WILL HELP! Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS YOU MOST ABUNDANTLY FOR YOUR GIFT! ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Friend Me / Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND For Google Plus Users: You can find me here... Shangy Bigham https://plus.google.com/106648555948034085752/posts AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :) -<>- * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This too hot to handle new page is from our friend PatDeE. It is sure to give you some head nods and smiles as you see the irony of our real life displayed so honestly. Be sure to check this one out here... ____________ /=====/=_===/ /_====/=/_/=/ //_/ =/== ==/ /=====/== ==/ jgs `-----'-----' Humorous Graphs! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/graphs.html --- ...Teehee! So true! Thanks PatDeE! ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: ___________ [___________] {=========} .-' '-. / \ /_________________\ | _ _ _ __ _ | ||_)|_)/ \ /|\ / | ,.----. ,.----. || | \\_//_|~\\_ | // \ \ // \ \ |_________________| jgs \\ \ / \\ \ / | | `'----' `'----' '-----------------' Jill was really peeved! She was arguing with the pharmacist because her favorite cure-all could not be bought without a prescription. "Look, lady. You can't have this without a prescription because it's a habit-forming drug." "IT IS NOT!" yelled Jill. "I ought to know...I've been taking it regularly for seventeen years!" -<>- "Garry, it's the 5th time you're late to work this week!" blasted the Boss, "Do you know what that means?" "Probably that it's Friday?" -<>- .:' __ :'__ .'` `-' ``. : .-' : : : `-; jgs `.__.-.__.' A dozen thoughts 1. Part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer's history when you die. 2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong. 3. I totally take back all those times when I was younger that I didn't want to nap. 4. Why isn't there a sarcasm font? I really need one! 5. Why doesn't Map Quest start their directions on #5? I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my own neighborhood ... 6. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died. 7. Bad decisions make good stories. 8. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day. 9. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blu- Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection ... again. 10. I hate it when I miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Darnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and then goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away? 11. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then don't seeing anyone I'd like to impress the entire day. What a waste! 12. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night, more kisses begin with a Budweiser than Kay. ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ January 28 is Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day, Data Privacy Day, Fun at Work Day and National Kazoo Day January 29 is National Puzzle Day and National Cornchip Day January 30 is National Inane Answering Message Day January 31 is Backward Day and Inspire Your Heart with Art Day February 1 is Bubble Gum Day, National Freedom Day and No Politics Day February 2 is Candlemas, Eat Ice Cream for Breakfast Day and Ground Hog Day February 3 is Feed the Birds Day, Superbowl Sunday - Superbowl 53, and The Day the Music Died - Buddy Holly, Richie Valens and the Big Bopper died in a plane crash in 1959. ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: /` |>18>> / | <Lousy Golfer My buddy is a lousy golfer, but that doesn't stop him from playing. One day, on the first hole, he teed up, took a couple of practice swings,then swung in earnest and missed the ball entirely. He tried again and missed again. The third time was the charm. He swung and really missed. "You were right," he said, taking a breather. "This is a tough course." -<>- >Where Grandma Lives When I stopped my school bus to pick up Chris for preschool, I noticed an older woman hugging him as he left the house. "Is that your grandmother?" I asked. "Yes," Chris said. "She's come to visit us for Christmas." "How nice," I said. "Where does she live?" "At the airport," Chris replied. "Whenever we want her we just go out there and get her." -<>- >High Definition TV The salesman at the electronics store was pitching a high-definition television to a customer. A fellow shopper, overhearing the spiel, mentioned that he'd upgraded his regular TV to high-def. "How did you do that?" my husband asked. "I dusted the screen." -<>- >Cruise Ship The largest cruise ship ever built set sail for the first time - from Finland to Miami. The ship has a park, golf courses, a shopping mall ... all the things you can do on land with the added excitement of possibly sinking. -<>- > Classical Concert As the lights began dimming at a recent classical-music concert, an offstage announcer addressed the audience: "And at this time, would you be good enough to set your cell phones and small children on vibrate." ========================================================= .'| () .-' | / .-} /.-} | .-} / |_| ( |_|-.| |_|/\ (_), \(_) (_) / | \X\ | \\ | \/ |\_/\\_ |\_/ |\_\ |:| \/ |:| \:\ |:| |:| |\:| j|:| |:| ||:| ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ >-->Happy National Kazoo Day SMILES: Matt Damon asked his friends what they were planning for his birthday. They told him "We bought a kazoo". You can hum during my birthday. Kazoo'd be great. , { \ { `\ { .-'`"'--. {.' 00 \ /` /\_______") / (( \ \/\/\/\/ / `^^^^/ | '/{`\ | | `/{__| | \ \.-'//, \ \ | // | \ \___\/.' | | // \ / /\ ` _/ jgs / ( ``` .' '. /__/V\___\ Q: What do you call ten kazoos at the bottom of the ocean? A: A good start. Q: What does a kazoo and a baseball have in common? A: People cheer when you hit them with a bat. Q: What is the perfect weight for a kazoo player? A: 3 and a half pounds including the urn. .-} .-} .-} |_| |_| __|_|__ _ (_) o (_)=m=) (__(_)=m)=)<) | \_/___ | \// | \// |\_/\/\/] |\_/ |\_/ \:\`~~~~` |:| |:| |\:| |:| /|:| jgs ||:| |:| /_|:|_ ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Q: Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories? A: To give us some sort of appreciation for kazoos. Q: What do you say when a kazoo sneezes? A: Kazoontite -<>- , |\ __ | | |--| __ |/ | | |~' /|_ () () | //| \ |\ () | \|_ | | \ jgs \_|_/ () | | | @' () >History - All About The Kazoo The kazoo is an under-appreciated instrument. To remedy that fact, fans from across America have united to celebrate National Kazoo Day (today!), a day when the lowly humming instrument can finally receive the credit it deserves. Here are a few fascinating points in the history of the great musical equalizer. http://mentalfloss.com/article/29859/great-moments-kazoo-history ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :) .-. \\\V/// (o.o) ####### |=| //6 , 6\\ Y \ = / | .-:---:---'B / `@` ,--'| ( <|' '| | \ \__.__/ | `/<<<<<\ | (>>>>>>>) | `"|"|"|"` | |_| | | _(_| |_ | jgs (___|___) | >SMILES A daughter comes home from the Peace Corps in Uganda and surprises her Mother who is in the process of lighting the Friday night candles and serving the matzoth ball soup. The mother is so thrilled she can't stop hugging and kissing her daughter. Finally she says, "Sit down, darling. Tell me all about what you were doing." Her daughter says, "Mom, I got married." "Oy, mazeltov," says the mother. "How could you do that without telling me? What's he like? What does he do? Where is he?" "He's waiting outside on the porch while I tell you." "What are you talking about? Bring him in. I want to meet my new son-in- law." The daughter brings him in and to her consternation the mother sees a black man standing before her wearing a big grin, a feathered cod piece, an enormous head dress, animal tooth beads and he is holding a very tall spear in an upright position. The mother grabs her daughter, slaps her back and forth on both cheeks and screams, "Dummy, Stupid, Idiot........ I said RICH doctor!" ---------- Judi was sitting at the defendant table while the state trooper was being cross-examined on the witness stand. The lawyer asked, "When you stopped Judi, were your red and blue lights flashing?" "Yes, sir, they were." "Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?" "Yes, sir, she did." "And," looking at Judi, "what was it she said?" "She said, "What club am I at?" ---------- One day on his way to work, he stopped at the cafeteria as it began to rain. Forgetting that he hadn't brought an umbrella, he reached for the nearest one when he got up to leave-absent-mindlessly, thinking it was his. "Hey! That's my umbrella," a woman immediately scolded. Abashed at his mistake, he set it down and walked on to his office. He was drenched by the time he arrived. Once there, he discovered three umbrellas that he had left in the office over the months, and he decided he should probably bring them home at the end of the day. That afternoon he ran into the same woman who had confronted him earlier. She looked at all the umbrellas, then at him, and tartly remarked: "You did real well for yourself today, didn't you?" ---------- A Scout Master was teaching his boy scouts about survival in the desert. "What are the three most important things you should bring with you in case you get lost in the desert?" he asked. Several hands went up, and many important things were suggested such as food, matches, etc. Then one little boy in the back eagerly raised his hand. "Yes Timmy, what are the three most important things you would bring with you?" asked the Scout Master. Timmy replied: "A compass, a canteen of water, and a deck of cards." "Why's that Timmy?" "Well," answered Timmy, "the compass is to find the right direction, the water is to prevent dehydration..." "And what about the deck of cards?" asked the Scout Master impatiently. "Well, Sir, as soon as you start playing Solitaire, someone is bound to come up behind you and say, "Put that red nine on top of that black ten!" ---------- Bill's barn burned down and his wife, Lynn, called the insurance company. Lynn spoke to the insurance agent and said, 'We had that barn insured for fifty thousand, and I want my money.' The agent replied, 'Whoa there, just a minute. Insurance doesn't work quite like that. An independent adjuster will assess the value of what was insured, and then we'll provide you with a new barn of similar worth.' There was a long pause, and then Lynn replied, 'If that's how it works, then I want to cancel the life insurance policy on my husband.' ------- A lady is having a bad day at the roulette tables in Vegas. She's down to her last $50. Exasperated, she exclaims, "What rotten luck I've had today! What in the world should I do now?" A man standing next to her suggests, "I don't know... why don't you play your age?" He walks away. Moments later, his attention is grabbed by a great commotion at the roulette table. Maybe she won! He rushes back to the table and pushes his way through the crowd. The lady is lying limp on the floor, with the table operator kneeling over her. The man is stunned. He asks, "What happened? Is she all right?" The operator replies, "I don't know. She put all her money on 29, and 36 came up. Then she just fainted!" ---------- It was an extremely rough English Channel crossing from Weymouth to Jersey, and one wretched green-faced passenger was hugging the rail when a steward approached him. Lunch, sir? asked the tactless steward. No, thanks, groaned the passenger. Just throw it overboard and save me the trouble! ---------- .---. /_____\__ `\/6.6\/--` ( _ ) ,'---', / _ \ /\/ (_) \/\ \ | (_) | / \| |/ |_____| | | | | | | \__|__/ |_|_| jgs _|_|_|_ (___|___) The America Airlines flight to Europe was having a rough time above the ocean. To make matters worse little Johnny was being especially bad. The flight crew and passengers alike were on edge with the turbulent flight. Little Johnny just made matters worse. Suddenly a voice comes over the intercom: "Ladies and gentlemen, please fasten your seat belts and assume crash positions. We have lost our engines and we are trying to put this baby as gentle as possible down on the water". Oh stewardess! Are there any sharks in the ocean below?" asks Little Johnny, terrified. "Yes, I'm afraid there are some. But don't worry, we have a special gel in the bottle next to your chair designed especially for emergencies like this. Just rub the gel onto your arms and legs". "And if I do this, the sharks won't eat me?" Little Johnny asked. o /' ) /' ( , __/' ) .' `; o _.-~~~~' ``---..__ .' ; _.--' b) ``--...____.' .' ( _. )). `-._ < `vvvvvvv-)-.....___.- `-. __...--'-.'. `^^^^^'-------.....`-.___.'----... .' `.; jgs `-` ` Oh, they will eat you all right, only they won't like the taste so they'll leave the rest of us alone." ---------- While watching the football play-offs at their local pub, Michael complained to Roy that the love making with his girlfriend was becoming routine and boring. "Well I think you need to get creative," Roy said.. "Break up the monotony. Why don't you try 'playing doctor' for an hour?" Roy suggested. "Hmmm, That's what I'll do. It sounds great but tell me, how in the heck do I make it last for an hour?" his Michael asked. Simple Roy answered, "Just keep her in the waiting room for 55 minutes!" ---------- A fella was saying to his friend, "My wife seems to have developed some sort of fixation that her collection of fur coats will be stolen. When I came home early one day last week, I found she'd hired someone to *guard* them! In fact, she stationed the poor guy right inside our closet! --- ...HaHa! Oh My! LOL! Thanks LouiseAu! ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Linda :) .-""""-. / \ \ | .'--. | | /_ _`| \( a \ a ) | > | |\ = / | \___/| ___/: :\__ /` < `\ /` > `\ / `\ |__| /` \ ; [MD] \| |/ |I! ; jgs | | | |"""| | | | \ / \___/ | >COMMANDO? During my physical examination, my doctor asked me about my physical activity level. I described a typical day, "Well, yesterday afternoon, I took a five hour walk about 7 miles through some pretty rough terrain. I waded along the edge of a lake. I pushed my way through brambles. I got sand in my shoes and my eyes. I avoided standing on a snake. I climbed several rocky hills. I took a few 'leaks' behind some big trees. The mental stress of it all left me shattered. At the end of it all I drank eight beers." Inspired by the story, the doctor said, "You must be one heck of an outdoors man!" "No," I replied, "I'm just an avid golfer." -<>- >Ramblings of a Retired Mind I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped onto their belt or purse. I can't afford one. So, I'm wearing my garage door opener. I also made a cover for my hearing aid and now I have what they call blue teeth, I think. You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn't like me anyway. I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans! I was thinking about old age and decided that old age is 'when you still have something on the ball, but you are just too tired to bounce it.' I thought about making a fitness movie for folks my age and call it 'Pumping Rust'. I've gotten that dreaded furniture disease. That's when your chest has fallen into your drawers! When people see a cat's litter box, they always say, 'Oh, have you got a cat?' Just once I want to say, 'No, it's for company!' Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in case of an emergency. I think you should write, 'A Good Doctor'! I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Then, it dawned on me. They were cramming for their finals. As for me, I'm just hoping God grades on the curve. Enjoy Your Days & Love Your Life, Because Life is a journey to be savored. -<>- >Handicap parking spaces /""""" | (')') C _) \ _| \__/ <___Y> / \ :\\ / | :|\ |___| :|/\ | | :|\ \ \ \ :| \ \_ \ \==L| \\\ ///` || | || | || | || | || | || | || [___]] jgs (____)) ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Today I had to go to Sears. As I approached the entrance, I noticed a driver looking for a parking space. I flagged the driver and pointed out a handicap parking space that was open and available. The driver looked puzzled, rolled down her window and said, "I'm not handicapped!" "Oh, I'm sorry," I said. "I saw your 'I'm With Her' Hillary bumper sticker and just assumed that you suffer from a mental disorder." She gave me the finger and screamed some nasty names at me. Boy! Some people don't appreciate it when you're just trying to help them out! --- ...LMAO! Good ones! Thanks Linda! ========================================================= >-->From HandyHints: : '. _ .' -= (~) =- .' # '. >Reuse tissue boxes: Once they're empty you can use these as a plastic bag dispenser, just fill with grocery bags and you'll be able to neatly pull out one at a time. --- ...Those Wind Socks work out real good for this too! -<>- >Dry Cleaning Bags: Use to pack suits, dresses and fine clothing when traveling, this will help protect it from wrinkles when packing. When storing the bags make sure to keep them safely out of reach of children, they really are that dangerous. -<>- >Butter Wrappers: Once you've removed a block of butter from its wrapping, place the wrapping in a plastic container or bag and refrigerate. Use it to grease baking pans. -<>- >Used Envelopes: Cut a corner off envelopes and use as bookmark corner sleeves - just slide one over the page you are at and you'll find your place easily the next time you pick up the book. No more folded corners and nice way to utilize used envelopes! You can also use envelopes for To Do lists, memos, store garden seeds, and as labels. -<>- >'Go Green' Hint: Do your clothes a favor and switch off the dryer - Hang clothes outside to dry naturally when possible. Not only will the material will last longer, it will smell and feel fresher and of course, you are saving on power usage! -<>- >Stop The Itch... Dry winter air can make even perfectly healthy skin feel tight, rough, and incredibly itchy! To cut down the symptoms by up to 95% in 24 hours, gently massage coconut oil into the trouble spots twice a day. The natural lubricant brims with healing anti-inflammatory fats. -<>- Lift Sweater Balls With A Close Shave Fuzzballs, or some call it 'pilling', happens when the ends of fibers tangle, forming knots due to friction. Which they only get worse the more you wash and dry your knits. The fix: Use a razor. Lay your sweater down on a flat surface, and gently glide a razor down it to shave pills off without harming the fabric. -<>- There's nothing more frustrating than over-salting a soup or stew you've spent countless hours - and countless dollars in ingredients-making. Try adding wedges of raw potato or apple to absorb the salt. Simmer for 10 minutes or so, then remove the wedges. If your soup is still too salty, sprinkle in a spoonful of sugar. If that doesn't work, a dash of apple-cider vinegar may do the trick. Finally, try diluting with water or low-sodium broth. -<>- >Protect Brown Sugar From Hardening Keeping brown sugar in the freezer will stop it from hardening. But if you already have hardened sugar on your shelf, soften it by sealing in a bag with a slice of fresh bread or an apple - or by microwaving on high for 30 seconds. -<>- >Keep Herbs Fresh To keep herbs tasting fresh for up to a month, store whole bunches, washed and sealed in plastic bags, in the freezer. When you need them, they'll be easier to chop, and they'll defrost the minute they hit a hot pan. -<>- >'Go Green' Hint: Install a programmable thermostat This little handy device allows you to program your AC or heat to come on right before you walk in the door, and you can set it to turn down while you are gone or asleep. This can really save your pocket book a ton of money. You will lower your utility bills, save energy, and reduce pollution. ========================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: Lost amid the mainstream media’s coverage of the border security debate is this factoid from a recent ABC/Washington Post poll: “Most American voters believe the United States is doing ‘too little’ to keep illegal aliens from coming to the United States,” Timothy Meads reports for Townhall. That figure includes four in five Republicans, more than a third of Democrats, and a majority of independents, Meads adds. https://tinyurl.com/ydc4sogw “The Trump administration’s announcement Wednesday to recognize Venezuelan National Assembly leader Juan Guaidó as interim president of Venezuela amid the current popular uprising against the anti-democratic socialist Maduro regime was an act of brilliant statecraft,” Jon Hartley writes in Fox News. “Thanks to the U.S.-led coalition endorsing Juan Guaidó as interim president, Venezuelans now have hope for a new leader who has promised to host free and fair elections.” https://tinyurl.com/ya25t3oo Yesterday marked the observance of International Holocaust Remembrance Day. In Forbes, Ewelina U. Ochab discusses the Elie Wiesel Act that President Trump signed earlier this month—“an act aimed at improving the US response to mass atrocities.” Among other measures, the act prioritizes the prevention of genocide as a matter of America’s national security interest. https://tinyurl.com/ybhtbyyr Read President Trump’s Proclamation for Holocaust Remembrance Day https://tinyurl.com/y9n3wut3 Islamo-Leftist Congresswoman Faces Backlash - Disgusting Rep. Ilhan Omar is one of few congressmen and women to back the bloodthirsty dictator of Venezuela Maduro. Fox News reports: https://tinyurl.com/yd5e8vqx Sarah Sanders Question for Hillary Clinton Sarah Sanders asked why Roger Stone and Hillary Clinton were treated differently by the government. https://1600daily.com/2019/01/25/sarah-sanders-question-hillary-clinton/ Thanks to President Trump, China's Economy Is Rapidly Decelerating https://tinyurl.com/ydyjv4bz WhiteHouseNews: https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/ Latest From Big League Politics https://bigleaguepolitics.com/campaign/ Secure the Border - Border Facts https://borderfacts.com/ Latest From AFA: http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw Students For Life https://tinyurl.com/yd5nxmu6 Latest From OperationRescue: http://www.operationrescue.org/ Today's Best Conservative Humor! https://theusawire.com/2018/03/8092-todays-best-conservative-humor/ -<>- >From BizarreNews: A group of males with swords robbed two different pizza delivery men over the weekend at the same address in Spring Grove Village neighborhood of Cincinnati, according to police reports. The first man was delivering for Domino's on Saturday night when four males with swords approached him, police said. One suspect held a sword to the man's throat and took money from his pockets. The attackers fled on bicycles. In a separate incident, another man encountered a group of three sword-wielding males Sunday night while delivering pizza for LaRosa's. While investigating that robbery, police were told by a neighbor that several of his swords were recently stolen from his home. Earlier this week police arrested a suspect in connection with the two incidents. The arrest was at the suspect's grandmother's home, said Lt. Dan Ogilvie. The house is also where the robberies occurred. Considering the brilliance of the cunning plan it is not surprising that the suspect is 13-years-old. Police are still searching for two more suspects. -<>- They damage one of your dolls, you put an ax through the TV screen. THAT'S the Wisconsin way. Hey, men as a whole have been losing a lot of ground lately. You've seen the Gillette commercial. We can no longer harass and objectify women in public, use violence to solve our problems, emotionally abandon our children, or cook out, apparently. We have to preserve what we have left. And one of those things is to obsess over our particular manias; like collectibles. And when it comes to collectible toys, everybody knows that when you take them out of their original packaging they lose a lot of their value. So when a Madison, Wisconsin man's wife damaged one of his action figures, he let a little of his toxic masculinity slip, along with an axe. A Wisconsin man was arrested Sunday night after police in Madison said he took an ax to smash his car, television set and laptop computer after he believed his wife damaged his action figures. According to Madison police Chief Mike Koval, the man, 34, was charged with disorderly conduct and felony damage to property and booked into the Dane County Jail. According to police, the man called 911 around 10 p.m. Sunday and said he used an ax to destroy a TV, a TV stand, a laptop computer and several items in the house. The man then went outside and chopped off both mirrors of the family car. The man, who said he had been drinking, smashed the ax into the windshield so hard that it became embedded in the glass. The man told police he overreacted after he thought his 46-year-old wife had damaged "some of his prized property," which included action figures. The damages were estimated to be approximately $5,000. The damage to the doll was not reported. *--- Driving Under The Influence of Whipped Cream? ---* A woman was charged with driving under the influence after consuming whipped cream. Police said that 28-year-old Anna Thomas of Franklin, Tennessee, used cans of aerosol whipped cream to get high. She was charged with driving under the influence after crashing her car. When police arrived, Thomas was disoriented. Officers found 13 cans of whipped cream scattered inside the vehicle. Almost all of the bottles were empty. No pie was discovered. *--- With Friends Like This Who Needs Enemies ---* There are friends, and there are friends. Then there are friends like Elijah Ray Lambert who will willingly shoot you in the chest. Lambert was friends with the late Miguel Martinez of Citrus Heights, California. Somewhere Miguel got hold of a bullet proof vest and decided he wanted to test it to see if it would really stop a bullet. But why put it on a mannequin or tie it to a tree when you can put it on yourself? As long as you have a friend like Lambert who is willing to pull the trigger for you. Deputies arrested Lambert for the shooting, but the Sacramento County Sheriff's Department has characterized the incident as an "unintentional killing". Martinez's brother reported that, "The bullet had actually penetrated the top of his vest," indicating that not only does Lambert have bad judgment, he is also a lousy shot. The pair were with two other friends, the police said. The group initially reported the shooting as a robbery but later confessed it was an accident. *--- Nice Work If You Can Get It ---* A Pennsylvania police department is seeking volunteers willing to "drink hard liquor to the point of inebriation" for a training exercise. The Kutztown Police Department said in a Facebook post it is seeking three volunteers to help with a training event designed to teach officers how to administer Standardized Field Sobriety Tests during suspected DUI incidents. "Alcohol will be provided however you will not receive any compensation for your time," the department said. The post said volunteers should be between the ages of 25 and 40, have a clean criminal history and "be willing to drink hard liquor to the point of inebriation." The department said the volunteers should also arrange for someone sober to take responsibility for them after the event. *--- Police Have 3-hour Standoff With Empty House ---* A nearly three-hour standoff with police at a Bethlehem, Pa. home turned out to be at an empty house. The incident began when the father of a man who lives at the house called 911 and said he thought his son had been shot by his wife. Police surrounded the house and ordered nearby residents to shelter in place. After about two-and-a-half hours, the man returned to the house and said he had been out for a walk. The shelter- in-place order was lifted shortly before 11 p.m. Police reported the man's wife had left the house before they arrived. The man was taken to a hospital for evaluation. ========================================================= >-->From TheGroaner: .'"""""-._ /` __;. | /` \ | _ .'` e \e; \ (_ _\| _, './ .___,/ /`{)} \ _ _/ ).-''--' _; ....-"._ _/-. / .--' \_ | , /\_ /". ; \.'\ '._/ \ \ ' \.-' '.__/ \ /` \__ \____/__..--""`` '. | \ | , | \ _;' / '-...-'` / / __ | / / ,' ;-----\ / / / | /"-._/--. / /|________.| \ |__.' jgs \__,_____/ >Guess What I Heard? "Guess what I heard today?" a man says to his wife. "What, hon?" she asks. "The mailman has seduced every woman on our block but one." "Huh," his wife says, "I bet it's that stuck-up Phyllis next-door." -<>- >I Can't Serve You The number twelve walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a pint of beer. "Sorry, I can't serve you," states the bartender. "Why not?!" asks the number twelve with anger showing in its voice. "You're under 18," replies the bartender. -<>- >Gotta Light? There are three guys in a boat with four cigarettes. They have no matches or anything and were trying to come up with a way to smoke their cigarettes. "I got it!" said the one guy as he threw one of his cigarettes overboard. "Why did you do that?" yelled his buddy. To which he replied, "To make the boat a little lighter." -<>- |`-._ .-' `-.-;"\. .--------------------------------..-.. _ .-'\ | /o\ | \\\ |\ ________________________________\\ \\\/ \\ | | ///\ | | __ __ _ __ __ _ __ __ __ ||-||| '. \/ //////| | | |__|__/_\ |__|__|_| |__|__|__| || ||| ///////| | | |__|__)__) |__|_| __.--|__| ||_||| . ////////| | | |__|__|_/ |__|__ _ |__|--'__ | . || \'..'///////// | | |__| |__|__|_| |__|__|__| |( )|| `--`///////; \| | ' ||---. ,,,//////////// jgs'---------------------------------'---' `.//////////////' ```=///////=' >Q and A Quickies Q: Why are the floors of basketball courts always so damp? A: The players dribble a lot. Q: Why is tennis such a loud game? A: Because each player raises a racquet. Q: What do snowmen eat for breakfast? A: Frosted flakes! Q: Why did cavemen draw pictures of hippopotamuses and rhinoceroses on their walls? A: Because they couldn't spell their names! Q: Did you hear about the man who had BO on one side only? A: He bought Right Guard, but couldn't find any Left Guard! Q: What is a boxer's favorite drink? A: Punch. ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: __.............__ .--""``` ```""--. ':--..___ ___..--:' \ ```"""""""``` / .-` ___.....-----.....___ '-. .:-""`` ~ ~ ``""-:. /`-..___ ~ ~ ~___..-'\ / ~ '`""---.........---""` \ ; ; ; '::. ' ~ .:' _. ; | '::: ' .:' ~ | |~ .:' . _ ':. | | .:' ':.~ | | ':. . ~ . _ .: | ; '::. _ /|| .;' ; ; ': ( } \||D ; \.:'.:':. | /\__,=_[_] / \ ':. ~ |_\__ |----| ` / '. '::.. _ | |/ |--. |_ ~ .' '-._':' | /_ | | `'-_.-' jgs (``''--..._____...--''``) `"--...__ __...--"` ````` They say 'You Snooze, You Lose', which means I start every morning failing multiple times in 9-minute intervals. *** English is a difficult language. It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though. *** Why is sleeping in considered being lazy, but going to bed early isn't? *** Once you realize that you don't need a special occasion to buy a cake, the second part of your life begins. *** As the stranger enters a country store, he spots a sign: "Danger! Beware of Dog!" Inside, he sees a harmless old hound asleep in the middle of the floor. "Is that the dog we're supposed to beware of?" he asks the owner. "That's him," comes the reply. "He doesn't look dangerous to me. Why would you post that sign?" "'Cause before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him." -<>- _ _ _ _ _ _ _ -(_)- _-(_)- _-(_)- _-(_)- _-(_)- _-(_)- `(___) `(___) `(___) `(___) `(___) `(___) // \\ // \\ // \\ // \\ // \\ // \\ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _-(_)- _-(_)- _-(_)- _-(_)- _-(_)- _-(_)- _-(_)- _-(_)- `(___) `(___) `(___) `(___) `(___) `(___) `(___) `(___) jgs // \\ // \\ // \\ // \\ // \\ // \\ // \\ // \\ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _-(_)- _-(_)- _-(_)- _-(")- _-(_)- _-(_)- _-(_)- _-(_)- `(___) `(___) `(___) `%%%%% `(___) `(___) `(___) `(___) // \\ // \\ // \\ // \\ // \\ // \\ // \\ // \\ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _-(_)- _-(_)- _-(_)- _-(_)- _-(_)- _-(_)- _-(_)- _-(_)- `(___) `(___) `(___) `(___) `(___) `(___) `(___) `(___) // \\ // \\ // \\ // \\ // \\ // \\ // \\ // \\ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _-(_)- _-(_)- _-(_)- _-(_)- _-(_)- _-(_)- _-(_)- _-(_)- `(___) `(___) `(___) `(___) `(___) `(___) `(___) `(___) // \\ // \\ // \\ // \\ // \\ // \\ // \\ // \\ After a sheepdog gets all the sheep in the pen, he reports back to the farmer: "All 40 accounted for." "But I only have 38 sheep," says the farmer. "I know," says the sheepdog. "But I rounded them up." -<>- A man is sitting in the coach section of a flight from New York to Chicago biting his finger nails and sweating profusely. Noticing his disturbed expression, a flight attendant walks over and says, "Sir, can I get you some- thing from the bar to calm you down?" The man gives a nod of approval while shaking terribly. She comes back with a drink and he downs it quickly. Ten minutes later, the flight attendant sees the same man shaking and biting his nails. She brings him another drink which he swallows immediately. A half hour later she returns to see that the man is shaking uncontrollably, and apparently crying. "My goodness," the flight attendant says, "I've never seen someone so afraid to fly." "I'm not afraid of flying," says the man sobbing loudly, "I'm trying to give up drinking." -<>- Judi and Gayle were at an auto show. There they saw a hot-rod with a jacked up rear end. "Judi, why is the back end higher than the front?" Gayle asked. "Don't you know ANYTHING?" Judi sighed exasperated. "If you've got the back up like that, then you're always going downhill!" -<>- Caller: 'Hi, can you connect me with Jack?' Operator: 'I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about.' Caller: 'On page 1, section 5, of your user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?' Operator: 'I think it means the telephone plug on the wall.' -<>- /:""| .****, (\/) |:`66|_ @@@@@\ `, \/ C` _)aa`@@@\ \ \ ._| (_ ?@@| \ )_/ =' @@@@| | /`\8\ \(```/ | || |8| /^^\ | / || |8| /\::/|| | || |8| \ | ||| \ || |~| \| ||| \ :| |=: |:|\\.:.:.::. ||_|,| |:| \ ':':':` \)))|| ((( | | :|| | | (\/) | :|| | | \/ ) :|| | \ | :|| | `\ | :|| |:.:. `~-._ |_:||_ /~))\ `~~-._ jgs (_,__)) /_/YY `':':':':':':` >Marriage Definitions BACHELOR: A nice guy who has cheated some nice girl out of her alimony. BRIDE: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. COMPROMISE: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way. DIPLOMAT: A man who can convince his wife she would look fat in a fur coat. GENTLEMAN: A husband who steadies the stepladder so that his wife will not fall while she paints the ceiling. HOUSEWORK: What the wife does that nobody notices until she doesn't do it. HUSBAND: A man who gives up privileges he never realized he had. JOINT CHECKING ACCOUNT: A handy little device which permits the wife to beat the husband to the draw. LOVE: An obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage. MOTHER-IN-LAW: A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers. MRS.: A job title involving heavy duties, light earnings, and no recognition. SPOUSE: Someone who will stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single in the first place. WIFE: A mate who is forever complaining about not having anything to wear at the very same time that she complains about not having enough room in the closet. ========================================================= >-->From TheMouth: ,/ // ~.%(\%// ~~*%%%% ^\ ~~*%%%%% (6 \ ~~~*%%%%% , \ ...._ ~~~*%%%%% /"._ ,`, ~*%%%%\\ ,...~~~*%%%%%%% / `-.-' ~.*%%% ;' `"'"*%%%%@ ( ~~*%%%' / `@ \ ~~~*%%% | ``@| ~~*%%' | . ' | ~~*%% \ _ ' `t ,.') ~*%' | y;- -,-""'"-.\ \/ ~*% / ./ ) / `\ \ |./ ( ( / /' || \\ //'| jgs || \\ _//'|| || )) |_/ || \_\ |_/ || `'" \_\ `"' >Helpful Tips To Make Life Simpler 1. Old telephone books make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don't know. 2. Fool other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car phone by holding an old TV or video remote control up to your ear and occasionally swerving across the road and mounting the curb. 3. Lose weight quickly by eating raw pork and rancid tuna. I found that the subsequent food poisoning enabled me to lose 12 pounds in only 2 days. 4. Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers turned to fast wipe whenever you leave your car parked illegally. 5. No time for a bath? Wrap yourself in masking tape and remove the dirt by simply peeling it off. 6. Apply red nail polish to your toe nails before clipping them. The red nails will be much easier to spot on your bathroom carpet. (Unless you have a red carpet, in which case a contrasting polish should be selected). 7. If a person is choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a jug of boiling water down their throat and presto! The blockage is almost instantly removed. 8. Save on booze by drinking cold tea instead of whiskey. The following morning you can create the effects of hangover by drinking a thimble full of dish washing liquid and banging your head repeatedly on the wall. -<>- , _.._ , (`._."` `"._.') '._ _.' /\ | /`-. .-'\ | __ .'.' |(_()_\/_()_)|' `\ ( ( ; ,____, ; \ ) ) \ /VvvV\ / \ \.__ / / /`'._`""`_.' \ \ `\/ / / . `--' \ \ / / / `-, _.----' \ ; / / ) / .--------` \ / /.----' / / ___. \ / /| _ _,| (---' \ | / / | \`""` \\\\ \ | / /` | | \\\` \ \ / / ; | / / / / _ \ / /` /` / _\/( | | / .'_ | ( \ '--' \ .' (__)`\ \\\\ `-------' jgs /________.' `\\\ >You Know You're Having a Bad Day When... 1. Your horn sticks on the freeway behind 32 Hell's Angels motorcyclists. 2. You've been at work 3 hours before you notice that your fly is open or your blouse unbuttoned. 3. Your twin sister forgets your birthday. 4. Your birthday cake collapses from weight of the candles. 5 When the doctor tells you are in fine health for someone twice your age. 6. It costs more to fill up your car than it did to buy it. 7. Everyone avoids you the morning after the company office party. 8. Your income tax refund check bounces. 9. The bird singing outside your window is a vulture. 10. People think that you're 40 and you're only 25. 11. Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife/husband. 12. You put both contacts into the same eye. 13. Your mother approves of the person you're dating. 14. Your doctor tells you that you're allergic to chocolate. 15. You have to borrow from your Visa card to pay your Mastercard. 16. Nothing you own is actually paid for. 17. You start to put on the clothes that you wore home from the party last night...... and there aren't any. 18. The health inspector condemns your office coffee maker. 19. You invite the peeping Tom in... and he says no. 20. The Gypsy fortune teller offers to refund your money when she sees your future. ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Humorous Boat Names!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/boatnames.html Singapore's Sky Park!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/skypark.html Animal Friends 4!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animalfriends4.html Identity Theft 3!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/identitytheft3.html Colorful Birds 3!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/birds3.html Maria The Goose!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/goose.html Elephant Rescue 2!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/elephant2.html Great Horned Owls!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/owl.html Breeze And Buttons!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/breezeandbuttons.html Bucky And The Beagle!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/visitor.html When Sandman Attacks!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/sandman.html Jasmine The Greyhound!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/jasmine.html Highway To Hell!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dirt.html Vokner Mobil RV!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/rv.html Amazing Cop Cars!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/copcars.html Nation's Tallest Flagpole http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/flagpole.html Matteo And The Marmots!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/marmots.html Australian Cockatoo Story!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/cockatoos.html Valentine Links http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/valentineindex.html -<>- Some of Shangrala's Best Pages http://www.amazafamily.com/index.html -<>- Old London Photos https://www.youtube.com/embed/O_me3NrPMh8 This is so so so funny you have to watch this http://1funny.com/ventriloquist-walks-off-stage/ Time Magazine for Kids Games, movies, news presented by kids, volunteer opportunities and much more. https://www.timeforkids.com/ U. S. Mint For Kids Facts and fund about our coins and currency. https://www.usmint.gov/learn/kids Discovery Site For Kids https://www.discoverymindblown.com/ Peanuts On-Line http://syndication.andrewsmcmeel.com/comics/peanuts/ -<>- >From Our Friend Linda :) Old man plays The Good The Bad and the Ugly Theme https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c6Am_AzjDUg --- ...LMAO! A great one for Kazoo day - making music any way ya can! -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) This is just so funny, I had to send it along. What happens when we are forced to work after age 80. http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=19THRdXxmaI Magician Eric Chien shares with us his Grand Prix Act from the 2018 International Federation of Magic Societies (FISM) World Championships of Magic. His sleight of hand skills are amazing and I can only imagine how many thousands of hours of practice it takes until you become this good. Perhaps we’ll see Eric performing on America’s Got Talent next season since Shin Lim won AGT in 2018. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CvzMqIQLiXE Magician Eric Chien shares with us his Grand Prix Act from the 2018 International Federation of Magic Societies (FISM) World Championships of Magic. His sleight of hand skills are amazing and I can only imagine how many thousands of hours of practice it takes until you become this good. Perhaps we’ll see Eric performing on America’s Got Talent next season since Shin Lim won AGT in 2018. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CvzMqIQLiXE --- ...Amazing! Thanks LouiseAu! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "Best Buy will start selling solar panels in an effort to promote energy conservation. Best Buy says you can find the panels right next to the 300 flat-screen TVs they leave on all day." -Jimmy Fallon "Lululemon is the company that makes yoga pants that are so tight they cut off circulation to the part of your brain that decides how much money is OK to spend on yoga pants." -Jimmy Kimmel "There are some accusations that Silicon Valley discriminates against people because of their age. Elderly groups are so furious about this that they plan to send Silicon Valley an angry fax." -Conan O'Brien Russian billionaire reportedly paid over $4 million to have Mariah Carey and Sir Elton John perform at his teenage granddaughter's wedding. Said his teenage granddaughter, 'Who are these people?'" -Seth Meyers "Boston Medical Center found that 15 percent of 2-year-olds in the Boston area drink as much as 4 ounces of coffee a day. The parents claim they give the kids coffee only when they need it, like when the kid wakes up with a hangover." -Jimmy Kimmel "Apple has changed back their design of the peach emoji to look more like a butt after people were upset the new design no longer looked like a butt. So you see, people - sometimes democracy DOES work!" -Conan O'Brien Don't try to solve serious matters in the middle of the night. --Philip K. Dick "A great day for America, not such a great day for NASCAR. A bunch of drivers have been fined for putting jet fuel in their cars. That’s the equivalent of steroids in NASCAR. It’s very easy to tell which cars are on these steroids. They’re the ones with the shrunken ball bearings." --Craig Ferguson "The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him." --Robert Benchley "The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget." --Thomas Szasz Everyone has a purpose in life. Perhaps yours is watching television. --David Letterman Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it. --Woody Allen >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE:Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************