Happy King Tut Day! ... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* Please Consider Giving To ShangralaFamilyFun.com The cost of the website has gone up dramatically due to the ever increasingly wonderful pages and photos being added each week to entertain you and our fellow Christian families. If every one would chip in $25 or more, we'd be good for the whole year! So Please - I need your help today! "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ *~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a Shangrala Angel, the easiest way to do that is through online giving. It is easy to use, and most of all, it is secure. Please visit the site, scroll down and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL form page comes up. NOTE: Paypal will generate a 'Quantity 1' and 'Price per item' form. Just ignore the price per item and put whatever it is you desire to give in there. With Paypal, you will have your normal receipt for your 'payment' donation in USD (United States Dollars). You can put a memo in there if you'd like. EVERY LITTLE BIT WILL HELP! Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS YOU ABUNDANTLY FOR YOUR GIFT! ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! -<>- * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ *~* We Had A Spectacular Month Of Caring And Sharing *~* | [ | v': : | |_,;c | ] |/; |, | | [ ( __,/ | ,-'/ ;\ ,< _',\.-._,; | ] | n | -' / _;'; '=_'-' ,) ,\ | ,; | ] / \,'__/--,_,-- 'mm'J -"_ ] '-,+_ | / / "''-.,;"---''--'"" \ ] __ "-' ;' [ / : : _c / / ",_,' | [ | v| , '/ c c \ | \ ] | \ /| : __,-,v;|] . \| [ /"--'/ | (7_ c@ ) )/| \ ] ,-"'<': '--, ( /^ | | ] / : '| \ | ) | | | / | | ;,-;, \ ,)( ]| | \^ | | : |\ ,' \ / \ [ | | ? / \_ | /|: | , \ | | | ('. "--' |:, ; :\ ,\ [| | ;\~) _ \_) ',_| , | ), \_ : | |/ [ /""-,_ '-'( /.' | \ | '-_ | [ | | "---,__"'=';=,_ | \ /|\ '"-,__ | ] | : | ""'^.\ | | | \ | [ ]| | : | ] \ \ / _AsH Be Sure To Visit And Share These With Your Friends... Military Dogs 3! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/militarydogs3.html Police Dogs 3! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/policedogs3.html Arabian Sand Cat! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/sandcat.html Hey, If It Fits 2... http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/fits2.html Cute Little Antelope! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/antelope.html Look Who's Talking 14! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/talking14.html Playing With Food 6! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/food6.html Through Daredevil Eyes 2! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/daredevil2.html Ricochet And Jose! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ricochetjose.html Tricks For Treats 5! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tricksfortreats5.html .-c. _ .., _ ( ")\ ['" 6'-' __\ / \ /_ snd `----' '-._\ * May God Abundantly Bless All Our Wonderful Contributors! ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: __.------. (__ ___ ) .)e )\ / /_.------ _/_ _/ __.' / ' `-.__ / <.--' `\ / \ \c | / / ) GoT x \ | /\ |c / \.- \ \__/ ) /( ( \ <>'\ / _/ _\- `-. \/_|_ /<> / /--/,-\ _ \ <>.`. \/`--\_._) - / `-/\ `.\ / `. / ) `\ \ \ \___/----' | / `( ___________ \ ./\_ _ \ ______________ / | ) '| __________________ | / \ \ ___________a:f / | |____.) / \ a88a\___/88888a. \_ :)8888888888888888888a. /` `-----' `Y88888888888888888 \____| `88888888888P' A policeman was checking up about a robbery in a home. The policeman asked the lady of the house, "This is the messiest room I ever saw. You should have reported the robbery right away." The woman said, "I didn't know it was a robbery. I thought my husband had been looking for a clean shirt!" -<>- >Excuses For Missing Work 1. If it is all the same to you I won't be coming in to work. The voices told me to clean all the guns today. 2. When I got up this morning I took two Ex-Lax in addition to my Prozac. I can't get off the john, but I feel good about it. 3. I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the other half back an hour Saturday and spent 18 hours in some kind of space- time continuum loop, reliving Sunday (right up until the explosion). I was able to exit the loop only by reversing the polarity of the power source exactly e*log(pi) clocks in the house while simultaneously rapping my dog on the snout with a rolled up Times. Accordingly, I will be in late, or early. 4. My stigmata's acting up. 5. I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. OK? 6. I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I know we have that deadline to meet... 7. I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at the Food Giant. 8. Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder and, hey, how about them Dodgers, huh? So, I won't be able to, yes, could I help you? No, no, I'll be sticking with Sprint, but thank you for calling. 9. Constipation has made me a walking time bomb. 10. I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't come to work knowing my employee records may now contain false information. 11. The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He even gave me this jaw restraint so I won't bite things when I am startled. 12. The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet. 13. I prefer to remain an enigma. 14. My step-mother has come back as one of the Undead and we must track her to her coffin to drive a stake through her heart and give her eternal peace. One day should do it. 15. I can't come to work today because the EPA has determined that my house is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange for helicopter transportation. 16. I am converting my calendar from Julian to Gregorian. 17. I am extremely sensitive to a rise in the interest rates. 18. I refuse to travel to my job until there is a commuter tax. I insist on paying my fair share. ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ November 4 is King Tut Day and Check Your Blood Pressure Day November 5 is Gunpowder Day, Guy Fawkes Day and U.S. General Election Day November 6 is Marooned without a Compass Day and Saxophone Day November 7 is Bittersweet Chocolate with Almonds Day and Men Make Dinner Day November 8 is Cook Something Bold Day and Dunce Day November 9 is Chaos Never Dies Day November 10 is Forget-Me-Not Day and USMC Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: .----. ===(_)== THIS WONT HURT A BIT... // 6 6 \\ / ( 7 ) \ '--' / \_ ._/ __) (__ /"`/`\`V/`\`\ / \ `Y _/_ \ / [DR]\_ |/ / /\ | ( \/ / / / \ \ \ / \ `-/` _.` jgs `=. `=./ `"` >Back Pain The middle-aged man was shuffling along, bent over at the waist, as his wife helped him into the doctor's waiting room. A woman in the office viewed the scene in sympathy. "Arthritis with complications?" she asked. The wife shook her head, "No," she explained, "Do-it-yourself with concrete blocks." -<>- >Workin' Out I finally realized that I needed to get in shape, so I made plans to join a gym and work out for one full year. The year I picked is 2045. -<>- >Old Friends Amy and Judy are old friends. They have both been married to their husbands for a long time. Amy is upset because she thinks her husband doesn't find her attractive anymore. "As I get older he doesn't bother to look at me!" Amy cries. "I'm so sorry for you. As I get older my husband says I get more beautiful every day," replies Judy. "Yes, but your husband's an antique dealer!" -<>- >Gardening Rule When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :) ,'";-------------------;"`. ;[]; ................. ;[]; ; ; ................. ; ; ; ; ................. ; ; ; ; ................. ; ; ; ; ................. ; ; ; ; ................. ; ; ; ; ................. ; ; ; `. ,' ; ; """"""""""""""""" ; ; ,-------------.---. ; ; ; ;""; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;//||; ; ; ; ;||; ;\\||; ;__; ; ;\/; `. _; _ ; _; ; " """"""""""" """"" """ -=> Philip Kaulfuss <=- >SMILES The new computer that my sister, Jewell, and her husband bought had a program with a spell-check function, which they decided to try. My sister typed in her name, and the computer suggested the correction "Jewel." "You don't know how to spell your own name," my brother-in-law said, laughing, as he typed in his name, "Myron." No such word, according to the computer. It suggested "Moron." ---------- I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider. ---------- Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like, "You know, sometimes I just forget to eat." Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name, and my keys. But I've never forgotten to eat. You have to be one special kind of person to forget to eat. ---------- Our three-year-old daughter, Lindsay, was used to attending Sunday school in a separate classroom where the children listen to Bible stories, sing songs, and color pictures. After a special family service during which she joined the rest of the family in the church sanctuary, we asked what she thought of the grown-ups' church. She looked around the room, then thoughtfully replied, "It's very nice--but where do you keep your crayons?" ---------- A man was seen fleeing down the hall of the hospital just before his operation. "What's the matter?" he was asked. He said, "I heard the nurse say, 'It's a very simple operation, don't worry, I'm sure it will be all right.'" "She was just trying to comfort you, what's so frightening about that?" "She wasn't talking to me. She was talking to the doctor!" ------- Our minister announced that the cost to attend a special social event would be six dollars per person. "However, if you're over 65," he said, " the price will be only $5.50." From the back of the congregation, a woman's voice rang out, "Do you really think I'd give you that information for only 50 cents?" ---------- Peter is very busy in Heaven, so he leaves a sign by the pearly gates: "For Service Ring Bell." Away he goes but barely gets started when BING! The bell rings. He rushes back to the gates, but no one's there. Peter goes back to work when suddenly BING! The bell rings again. He rushes back to the gates, but no one's there. A little annoyed, Peter goes back to work. Suddenly, BING! The bell rings again. Peter goes back; again, no one's there. "Okay, that's it," Peter says. "I'm going to hide and watch to see what's going on." So Peter hides, and a moment later, a little old man walks up and rings the bell. Peter jumps out and yells, "Aha! Are you the guy who keeps ringing the bell?" "Yes, that's me," the little old man says. "Well, why do you keep ringing the bell and going away?" Peter asks. "I can't help it, they keep resuscitating me!" ---------- A mess officer was bugged because too much bread was being left over. Some of the soldiers complained that it was too hard. The mess officer said, "If Napoleon's troops had that bread, they'd have eaten it down to the last crumb." A young soldier said, "I believe that, sir. But it was fresh then!" ---------- Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids? A: So that when they're on the subway train they can tell if they're going to work or coming home. --- ...OH My! HAHaHA! Thanks LouiseAu! -<>- ___________________________ |[] []| |[] []| | | | . . | | ` _` | | ` ()|_|` | | ` ` | | ` . . ` | | ________________ | | | ____ | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | |() | |_ _| | ()| |) | -- | (| das |_____|[]______________|\___/ >USELESS INFO The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone. Coca-Cola was originally green. It is impossible to lick your elbow. The state with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% ( now get this...) The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38% The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $6,400 The average number of people airborne over the US any given hour: 61,000 Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair. The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910. The youngest pope was 11 years old. The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer. Those San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments. Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history: Spades - King David, Hearts - Charlemagne, Clubs -Alexander, the Great Diamonds - Julius Caesar If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes. (this is a myth) "I am." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language. --- ...Wowsers! Thanks LouiseAu! ========================================================= >-->From HandyHints: _.-. F"--' .j'. | | | | | | '--' fsc >Use WD-40 For EVERYTHING You already use WD-40 to loosen bolts and stop squeaking hinges, but did you know it could do these other amazing things around your house? 1. Waterproof your shoes and boots. WD-40 works by displacing water (WD stands for Water Displacement) so it can be a great waterproofer in a pinch if it's wet or snowy out! 2. Keep squirrels away from bird feeders. Spray around your bird feeder and enjoy watching those pesky squirrels slip and slide right off (warning: the result is hilarious). 3. Get rid of sticky fingers. WD-40 dissolves tough sticky and gluey materials with ease. 4. Remove floor scuff marks and oil spots. If mopping is not doing the trick, try WD-40 to remove tough scuffs and stains. 5. Clean the toilet. Remove lime stains from the toilet bowl by spraying in some WD-40, then just scrub with a toilet brush and flush. -<>- ______________________________________________________________________ |: : : : : : : : : : : : : :|____|____|____|: : : : : : : : : : : : : :| | : : : : : : : : : : : : : |__|____|____|_| : : : : : : : : : : : : : | |: : : : : : : : : : : : : :|____|____|____|: : : : : : : : : : : : : :| | : : : : : :_: : : : : : : |__|____|____|_| : : : : : : :_: : : : : : | |: : : : : :/_\: : : : : : :|____|____|____|: : : : : : :/_\: : : : : :| | : : : : : :|: : : : : : :/___|____|____|__\: : : : : : :|: : : : : : | |: : : : : :[=]: : : : : :/_|____|____|____|_\: : : : : :[=]: : : : : :| | : : : : : :!: : : : : :/_____|____|____|____\: : : : : :!: : : : : : | |=========.-----.=======/___|____|____|____|___\=======.-----.=========| | | | /_|___| ) ( |___|_\ | | | | .;. | * | |___|_| o )( ) ) o |_|___| | * | .;. | | _;(;);_ | | |_|___| | ( ) )( | |___|_| | | _;(;);_ | |__|;;;|__()_____()____|___|_|/!\@@@@@@/!\|_|___|____()_____()__|;;;|__| | ; | ||_____|| /____________________________\ ||_____|| | ; | || || |____________________________| || || `====================================================` `======================================================` `========================================================` >Tips For Building a Proper Fire Open the damper. A closed damper keeps cold air from pouring down your chimney when there is no fire in the fireplace, but it also keeps smoke from escaping when you do have a fire. Make sure to open the damper all the way if you want to avoid smoke pouring into your house. Prime the flue. If your chimney is built on the outside of your house, the chimney flue is probably cold. When you open the damper, the cold air in the flue will sink and come into your warm house. If you try to light a fire during this air sink, you're going to end up with smoke coming into the house instead of up the chimney. To counteract the air sink, you need to prime the flue by warming it up. This is done by lighting a roll of newspaper and holding it up the damper opening for a few minutes. If you have a fireplace that has a gas pipe to supplement your wood burning, turn on the gas and light the pilot light without any wood in the fireplace. Your flue will warm up in a matter of minutes. Choose the Right Wood Choose dense wood such as oak. Make sure it is seasoned for at least six months. Green woods, such as pine, are not recommended for a wood burning fireplace since they can produce more creosote. Building Your Fire After you've opened the damper, crumble balls of newspaper and place them underneath the grate. Add some kindling at the bottom of the grate to get it going after you ignite the newspaper. You can lay the kindling length-wise or in a criss-cross pattern. Kindling should be dry, thin strips of wood. Arrange the Logs by placing two logs at either end of the grate and then stacking two logs perpendicular to those base logs on top. Crack a Window Fire requires a lot of air. All of the combustion will be drawing air from somewhere. If you are in a sealed room the fire will naturally draw air from the direction of least resistance, that being down the chimney which will tend to carry smoke INTO the room. Having a window cracked will allow greater air pressure inside the room than up the chimney. Make Sure To Use a Fireplace Guard To prevent hot embers from getting out, use a metal-mesh screen or glass fireplace doors. It's dangerous to burn wood in your fireplace without a guard. While most fireplaces have a stone, tile or cement apron in front of them, embers can s hoot several feet, landing on carpeting or other inflammable material. -<>- >'Go Green' Hints: ___________________________ _|__ _________________ __|__ _|___|| ||_|__ ___|_|| ) ' ||___|_ _|__|| ( ()\( ||_|___ ___|_|| ( ,|,(X)' ||___#_ _|___|| /,)/|`\``\\\ |||__/\ ejm ''---------------'' / `--# . - ------------ . #/ | (( ((( (( ))) )))) )\ | ` - ---- __ -/\ `.__.-# C(__)`\ \____ /_`\/___/ Do you have a fireplace? If you have a fire place, chances are you have rows of dead wood stacked up somewhere. Maybe that wood is a by-product of necessary clearing or maybe it was harvested specifically to be sold as firewood, but the next time you are about to buy natural firewood for your fireplace consider an alternative. Compressed fire logs are made from wood residue from the primary and secondary wood processing industries. Sawdust and wood chips that would otherwise end up in landfills is transformed into densified logs, therefore reducing environmental problems due to disposal. Some compressed fire logs are made with wax, accelerants to facilitate combustion and other chemical additives. There are brands available that are 100 percent completely natural, these are the ones you want to purchase. Every ton (about one pallet) of compressed, densified logs is equivalent to 12 mature trees that don't need to be cut down! Fire logs burn hotter, longer and cleaner than dried firewood and produce less smoke and eventually less ash. Plus, since they are kiln dried they can be stored inside your home. No mold or bugs! ---- Batteries are one of those little things that really add up. With about 3 billion dumped each year, the lead, cadmium, mercury, and other heavy metals in household batteries can seriously contaminate our soil and water quality. To take just one example, more cadmium in landfills comes from batteries than any other source. The solution? Recycling! Rechargeable batteries (e.g. nickel-cadmium and lithium-ion) can get their charge rejuvenated hundreds of times, but eventually they too wear out. Call the Rechargeable Battery Recycling Corporation at their hotline at 1-800-8-BATTERY to find out where you can drop rechargeables off for recycling. Standard household (e.g. alkaline and zinc-carbon) batteries are recyclable too, although they can be harder to find a home for. Your local hardware store might take them. Or check earth911.org or call 1-800-CLEANUP for a location near you. If you go through a lot of batteries, it might be worth enlisting a company like Battery Solutions or the Big Green Box that will recycle them for a fee. The bottom line is think carefully before buying new battery-powered gadgets. Do you really need them? ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: Veterans Day Discounts, Find Battle Buddies, Free Veteran Programs from Emory Healthcare https://tinyurl.com/y6op8sz8 October Job Creation Comes in at 128,000, Easily Topping Estimates https://tinyurl.com/y5majxef S&P500 and Nasdaq hit new records after October jobs numbers beat expectations https://tinyurl.com/y2dnt5ol Another day, another ­giant step on the road to ruin. Either Nancy Pelosi has lost her mind or she really wants to dig America’s grave. https://tinyurl.com/y222uz7o Overdose Deaths Drop Sharply in States Hard Hit by Opioid Crisis (1) https://tinyurl.com/yyh2a7ks White House Launches Addiction Treatment Website https://tinyurl.com/y2x27dwt Melania Trump, Karen Pence visit elementary school students, military agencies to discuss emergency prep https://tinyurl.com/y4han4de Trump Announces Hero Dog Will Visit White House https://tinyurl.com/y2kk8wap Westwing News: "Politicians deal in exaggeration and deception, but sometimes you have to wonder if they even read the words that someone puts out in their name." https://www.whitehouse.gov/westwingreads/ WhiteHouseNews: https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/ Latest From AFA: http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw Students For Life https://tinyurl.com/yd5nxmu6 Latest From OperationRescue: http://www.operationrescue.org/ Latest Product Alert: Seafood, Vegetables, Fruit http://www.emergencyemail.org/products/?fmt=text Latest Health Alert: Listeria Found in Apples http://www.emergencyemail.org/health/?fmt=text Click to Give Free https://tinyurl.com/y2abb8d2 -<>- >From BizarreNews: An Ohio student said first responders were "taken aback" when they arrived at the scene of her crash with a deer because she covered in fake blood as part of her costume: Carrie, the titular character from Stephen King's horror novel. Sidney Wolfe, 20, said she had been visiting a haunted house in Kentucky while dressed in the fake blood-soaked prom dress to promote Marshall University's production of Carrie: The Musical, which is based on King's novel. Wolfe said she hit a deer while on her way back to Huntington. She cautioned the 911 dispatcher about her costume when calling for assistance, but ambulance crews who responded to the scene were "taken aback" by the sight of her covered in fake blood. "They kept asking over and over again if I wanted medical assistance, and I kept saying, 'No, I'm okay,' "Wolfe reported. "Once I got my wits to me and kind of calmed down, I realized that I was in fact not injured, and I was just in a really ironic situation." She said the first responders at the scene calmed down when she explained her situation. "After I got the chance to explain that it was Carrie makeup, they thought it was hilarious," she said. "They were absolutely wonderful. They couldn't have handled it better." -<>- *--- Gender Reveal Party Turns Fatal ---* Gender reveal parties have become a thing in recent years. This is where couples expecting a baby will invite friends and family to a party and enact some novel way of announcing the gender of their baby. Sometimes it is pink or blue colored balloons, or maybe confetti, sometimes it is a layer cake with a filling that nobody knows the color of until the cake is cut. One couple in Iowa decided to announce the gender of their baby by using explosives. Unfortunately, the stunt had tragic consequences. An investigation showed that family members put gunpowder and some colored powder inside a homemade metal stand that had a hole drilled in the side for a fuse. The idea was for the exploding gun- powder to shoot a giant cloud of colored smoke out of the top of the stand, but what they inadvertently did was build a pipe bomb. When the device was detonated shrapnel flew up to 100 yards in all directions. One unlucky woman who was standing approximately 45 feet away was hit in the head and died at the scene. The sheriff's office released a statement reminding people that anytime gunpowder is involved there is a high potential for serious injury or death. *--- Have You Ever Heard Of A Holster? ---* Police in Tennessee say 19-year-old Dallas Archer smuggled a gun into jail after she was arrested on a charge of driving on a suspended license. The report says a 22-caliber mini revolver was discovered after a body cavity search. I'll give you one guess which cavity the pistol was discovered in. What's more, the revolver was loaded! A computer check later revealed that the weapon--which is four inches in length (I'm starting to like this girl) --had been stolen from an auto burglary. The pistol's owner was identified and told what had happened. He commented that he would eventually like "the little fellow" returned, but added that the weapon would require "a bath in bleach." Which is not the proper way to clean a gun. Archer was charged with possession of stolen property, illegal possession of a firearm and introducing contraband into the jail. *--- Marijuana In Man's Nostril for 18 Years ---* A team of Australian doctors said they removed a marijuana- filled balloon from inside the nose of a man who inserted the object into his nostril 18 years earlier. The doctors at Westmead Hospital in Sydney wrote in the British Medical Journal's Case Reports that the patient, a former prison inmate, recalled his girlfriend had smuggled a small balloon filled with cannabis to him during a visit to the prison 18 years ago. The man said he inserted the balloon into his right nostril to evade detection. "Despite effectively smuggling the package past the prison guards, [he] then accidentally pushed the package deeper into his nostril and mistakenly believed he had swallowed it," the doctors wrote in the report, which was titled A nose out of joint. The doctors said the man, now 48, had the balloon in his nose for 18 years before years of sinus infections, nasal obstructions and related headaches led him to seek medical attention. *--- Man Runs Mile While Juggling Blindfolded ---* Here's another record I can stop trying to break. An Idaho man set two Guinness World Records when he ran a mile in 7 minutes, 54.22 seconds while blindfolded and juggling. David Rush, who has more than 130 Guinness titles to his name, said Guinness told him no one had completed a blindfolded juggling mile before, and the time to beat was set by the record-keeping organization at 8 minutes, 35 seconds. Rush said his support team included two runners whose footsteps helped him stay on course and a cyclist behind him shouting out his position on the road so he didn't veer off one side or the other. Rush also beat his own record for furthest distance traveled on foot while juggling blindfolded. Rush said the mile was the "most impossible" record he has attempted to date. ========================================================= >-->From TheGroaner: &&&&& && a_a& &&&.__/& &&&&__(&&& /|_)_) //) (\ _\\///__'_\\__ `-' \ \ /\ -- \ ( / \ \ / () `. .´___/_____`, gnv//__/ \_\__\ >She's On The Line Texas makes me think of the old slogan "Remember the Alamo." It seems that during that battle, the guy in charge of the whole thing put his wife, of all people, on the battle line. She was shot by the enemy, shattered her patella, and had to be removed from the front line. After the fighting was over, she divorced her husband, and sued for Alamo knee. -<>- _.-, _ .-' / .._ .-:'/ - - \:::::-. .::: ' e e ' '-::::. ::::'( ^ )_.:::::: ::::.' '. o '.::::'.'/_ . :::.' - .::::'_ _.: .-''---' .'| .::::' ''':::: '. ..-:::' | .::::' :::: '.' :::: \ .::::' :::: :::: .::::' :::: ::::.::::'._ :::: ::::::' / '- .:::: '::::-/__ __.-::::' '-::::::::::::::-' jrei '''::::''' >Q and A Quickies: Q: Why are ghosts bad at lying? A: Because you see right through them! Q: Where do ghosts water ski? A: On Lake Erie! Q: What do you call a vampire with asthma? A: Vlad the inhaler! ___ / \ / O O \ | O | , | | , \/( )\/ | ) ( | |( )| || | |' `| | | | | | | /-' |_.' VK Q: What happens when a ghost haunts a theatre? A: The actors get stage fright. Q: What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost? A: Bamboo. Q: When does a ghost have breakfast? A: In the moaning. Q: What happened to the man who didn't pay his exorcist? A: His house got repossessed! , .--') / / | / /`.\ (_.'\ \ / '--. .---' jgs ( " ) '-' Q: What are a ghost's favorite rides at the fair? A: The scary-go-round and rollerghoster! Q: Why don't ghosts like rain on Halloween? A: It dampens their spirits! Q: Why couldn't the sesame seed leave the gambling casino? A: Because he was on a roll. Q: How do you start a book about ducks? A: With an introducktion. .:::. .:::. /:::::\ /:':':\ | _ | | _ | | (_` | | |_) | | ,_) | | | | | | jgs | | /`'---'`\ /`'---'`\ `'-----'` `'-----'` Q: What did the salt say to the pepper? A: "Hey, what's shaking?" ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: /"""""/""""""". / / \ __ / / \ || /____ / \ || | | In Loving | || | | Memory | || | | | || | | 3/4/25-2/9/98 | || | | * * * * | _||_ | | *\/* *\/* | | TT | | | *_\_ / ...""""""| || |.""....""""""""."" | | \/.."""""..."""\ || /.""".......""""... | |...."""""""........""""""^^^^"......."""""""".." |......"""""""""""""""........"""""...."""""..""-Ray W. A college student could not take his seminar final exam because of a funeral. "No problem," the teacher told him. "Make it up the following week." That week came, and again he couldn't take the test due to another funeral. "You'll have to take the test early next week," the professor insisted. "I can't keep postponing it." "I'll take the test next week if no one dies," the undergrad replied. By now I the instructor was suspicious. "How can you have so many people you know pass away in three weeks?" "I don't know any of these people," the student exclaimed. "But I'm the only gravedigger in town." -<>- A woman visited a psychic of some local repute. In a dark and gloomy room, gazing at the Tarot cards laid out before her, the Tarot reader delivered the bad news: "There is no easy way to say this so I'll just be blunt: Prepare your- self to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent death this year." Visibly shaken, the woman stared at the psychic's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know. She met the Tarot reader's gaze, steadied her voice and asked, "Will I get away with it?" -<>- Doctor Jones likes to stop into his local bar after work for an almond daiquiri. One day, Dick the bartender runs out of almonds and uses hickory nuts instead. The doctor takes a sip and says, "Is this an almond daiquiri, Dick?" And Dick says, "It's a hickory daiquiri, Doc." -<>- The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get in the end of it? Death. What's that... a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. (1) You should die first, you know, start out dead, get it out of the way. You wake up in a an old age home, feeling better every day. (2) You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, then, when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day. (3) You work 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You drink alcohol, you party, play golf, you're generally promiscuous (hey, you've only got a few years left, what's the big deal?!?) and you get ready for High School. (4) Then you go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, and, finally, you become a baby; (5) The last step, you spend your last 9 months floating peacefully with luxuries like central heating, spa, room service on tap, larger quarters everyday! -<>- My wife and I were going through a rough patch financially, but we kept ourselves sane by repeating, "As long as we have each other, we don't need anything else." But when the television in our bedroom broke and we couldn't afford to repair or replace it, my wife lost it. "That's just great!" she shouted. "Now there's no entertain- ment in our bedroom at all!" -<>- o o o o o / \ | / o _____ o | / __ /~~~\/`____ `\ /,-~ `~-_|/_ \` ------------------------------< ~ ` ; / \ `~-___,-/``\ / / | \ n / / o` | o /`~~` / o /` / o /` \ \ /` /`\`\ / / `\`\ | / `\`\ / / ~~` >Conflicting Proverbs Actions speak louder than words. The pen is mightier than the sword. Look before you leap. He who hesitates is lost. Many hands make light work. Too many cooks spoil the broth. A silent man is a wise one. A man without words is a man without thoughts. Beware of Greeks bearing gifts. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth. Clothes make the man. Don't judge a book by its cover. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Better safe than sorry. The bigger, the better. The best things come in small packages. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Out of sight, out of mind. What will be, will be. Life is what you make it. Cross your bridges when you come to them. Forewarned is forearmed. What's good for the goose is good for the gander. One man's meat is another man's poison. With age comes wisdom. Out of the mouths of babes and sucklings come all wise sayings. The more, the merrier. Two's company; three's a crowd It's no wonder we're all confused. ========================================================= >-->From Mikey's Funnies: ___---__---___ -- -- ~ ~ ~~ ~~ (__ ,--, __) ====- |# | -==== ~~---_____---~~~~--(~~ `--' )~~-----____-----~ \~~--___ ___--~~/ dcau ~~--___---__---___--~~ -------- Gal 1: "Hey, you look sad, what's the trouble?" Gal 2: "Domestic trouble." Gal 1: "But you always bragged that your husband is a pearl!" Gal 2: "He still is. It's the mother-of-pearl that makes all the trouble." -<>- On a recent flight, an airhead passenger kept peering out the window. Since it was totally dark, all the airhead could see was the blinking wing-tip light and rang for the flight attendant. "I'm sorry to bother you, but I think you should inform the pilot that his left-turn indicator is on and has been for some time." -<>- ,-----. / \--. | / \ `. \-+-',___/ \ \ \ \ ,--\/"""\"". `._ / \ \ \ _ `| ( \ o\o|.,--. `-' \ \`-;---'-'( #) `._ \ |\ `--/ \. \ ||,`. / \`..--.._ ||/ `===='. \/ _`.__|| .-. \ \ | / \ |'| `. ! | \ \_/ \_.') \ ! | ,"". . _/ \ / / ;`--'\ \ \ `-' | |`-< \ \ \ | |\ \,---. \ \ \,---. | |,---. `.\ \,---. `. > `. | | \ `.| ( | |-'-' ( | |' `-------'-' `-----'-' hjw >LEGITIMATE QUESTIONS FOR SENIORS Question: How many days in a week? Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday Question: When is a retiree's bedtime? Answer: Two hours after he falls asleep on the couch. Question: What's the biggest gripe of retirees? Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done. Question: Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors? Answer: The term comes with a 10% discount. Question: What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire? Answer: NUTS! Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage? Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there. ========================================================= >-->From ScreamOfTheCrop: __ __ ,;::\::\ ,'/' `/'`/ _\,: '.,-'.-':. -./"' : : :\/, ::. ,:____;__; :- :" ( .`-*'o*',); \.. ` `---'`' / `:._..- _.' ,; . `. /"'| | \ ::. ) : : |" ( \ | :.(_, : ; \'`-'_/ / `... , _,' |,| : | |`| | | |,| | | ,--.;`| | '..--. /;' "' ; '..--. )) \:.___(___ ) ))' SSt`-'-'' >A Playpen for the Kids Donna was almost crazy from taking care of her seventeen young daycare kids. She complained to her best friend, "They're driving me nuts! They give me no rest and I'm half way to the funny farm." "What you need is a playpen to separate the kids from yourself," her friend said. So Donna bought an extra large, industrial strength playpen a few days later. The next week, her friend called to ask how things were going. "Super! I can't believe it," Donna said. "You mean my playpen idea was a success?" asked her friend. Donna replied, "Absolutely! I get in that pen with a good book and a chocolate bar, and the kids don't bother me for hours!" -<>- ,-~~-.___. / | ' \ It was a dark and stormy night.... ( ) 0 \_/-, ,----' ==== // / \-'~; /~~~(O) / __/~| / | =( _____| (_________| W< >SAMPLES OF 'WINNERS' IN BAD WRITING CONTEST Some of the winning entries announced Tuesday in the 17th annual Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest honoring dishonorable writing: ROMANCE: "My heart skipped a beat as the bearded walrus gently nudged me in the small of my back with one smooth, curved tusk, expelling a warm breath of air into my upturned face, its smell of peanuts reminding me of that precious night on Coney Island; the night when I became a woman . . . a woman and a convict." - Alison Kelly, Vero Beach, Fla. (hey, this one is right down the road from me!) WESTERN: "It was a majestic weapon, a masterpiece of form and function, hand-crafted by master gunsmiths, accurate to a 100 yards, its bright silver body and long barrel glistening in the sunlight, the hand-carved ivory inlay warm against the palm, and mom got a good dollar for it after my brother was shot in the back." - Terry Mayer, Oshawa, Ont. SCIENCE FICTION: "While the technician finished his work, Elmodine Jaatrix reflected upon how badly the evening was going: the ionizer on her Acme 2100 E-Z Klean dishwasher had burnt out, the window-bot had developed an attitude and the Instafashion clothing dispenser would only produce athletic supporters and Calvin Klein IX synthawool peasant blouses, and as she stared at the gibbous moon slowly rising in front of her, she pondered morosely, 'If they can build cities in the rings of Saturn, why can't they make pants for repairmen that don't droop?' " - Hwei Oh, Australia. HISTORICAL FICTION: "Hemlock wasn't all that bad, Socrates decided philosophically: no after taste, a smooth finish, and (of course) no hangover in the morning." - T. O. Carroll, San Jose, Calif. -<>- _|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___| ___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|__ _|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___| ___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|__ _|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___| ___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|__ _|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___| ___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|__ _|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___| A thug and his girlfriend were walking down Main Street when she spotted a beautiful diamond ring in a jewelry store window. "Wow, I'd sure love to have that!" she said. "No problem, baby," the thug said, throwing a brick through the glass and grabbing the ring. A few blocks later, his girlfriend was admiring a black leather jacket in another shop window. "What I'd give to own that!" she said. "Sure thing, darling," the thug said, throwing another brick through the window and snatching the coat. Finally, they pass a Mercedes car dealership. "Boy, I'd do anything for one of those!" she said to her boyfriend. "Jeez! C'mon, darlin'," the thug moaned. "Do you think I'm made of bricks?!" -<>- ,(()). ,;;;;. __ ________ _____ ___ ((_ _));'_`'_( _| __ __ __ _| _| _| __ __ () \ /)\ ) / (_|__ _|-_| _(_|(_|(_|__ _|-- ((\ O(() \ O / _____(_|(_|_____________(_|_ SSt >SCREAM OF THE CROP FRACTURED SONG LYRICS Column For a pocketful of jumbo eggs and promises. Simon & Garfunkel's The Boxer-- For a pocketful of mumbles, such are promises. Soundgarden Rusty Cage: "I'm gonna break my rusty cage and run." Not "I'm gonna braid a rustic Cajun rug." Norman Greenbaum's Spirit in the Sky: "I've got a friend in Jesus. Not "I've got a friend in cheese sauce." *** From Mary Ellen Williams: I always thought the words to "Ain't no woman like the one I got" went "Ain't no woman like the one eyed Lot." ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit Egyptian Museum In Cairo!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/egyptianmuseum.html BiBi's Rescue!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dogrescue.html Stuck Animals!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/stuck.html Maxine On Fall!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/maxineonfall.html Identity Theft 3!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/identitytheft3.html Nanny Animals!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/nannyanimals.html Maria The Goose!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/goose.html Awww Animals 6!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animals6.html Animal Friends 2!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animalfriends2.html Under His Wings!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wings.html Adam In Paradise!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/adam.html Dominic And Jobe!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/jobe.html Lily And Maddison!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/greatdanes.html Why Me? Moments!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whyme.html Dog Eat Dog World!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dogeatdog.html Metropolitan Museum Of Art!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/metmuseumart.html God's Night Lights! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/night.html Maxine On Jesus! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/maxineonjesus.html FALL/HALLOWEEN INDEX! https://tinyurl.com/y4xyz2w8 -<>- >For King Tut Day: See the world's greatest archeological find, discovered by Howard Carter in 1922. The tomb of King Tut along with the priceless artifacts buried with Egypt's boy king. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LwXfvfPy6fc What Killed King Tut? https://www.history.com/news/king-tut-death-mystery -<>- >King Of Rock N Roll: For Elvis Fans https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0oHw7CGW6ig Elvis on Tour Recording Session and Rehearsal 1972 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jvWrZqB7p1A -<>- >King Of Pop: The Best of Michael Jackson - The King of Pop https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3WH8zszOu1w Michael Jackson - They Don’t Care About Us (Brazil Version) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QNJL6nfu__Q -<>- >The REAl Everlasting KING of KINGS: King of Kings (Live) - Hillsong Worship https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQl4izxPeNU Only Jesus! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VXIBP2BdYR8 Jesus Is King! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OtNjIrmuiWI Elvis Presley - Oh How I Love Jesus (1966) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fXjcqL1n3Is Michael Jackson Keep The Faith https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ss-PF0whyxA -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) A detailed account of every second of the Apollo 11 descent and landing. https://youtu.be/xc1SzgGhMKc Watch this rare, heart-pounding footage to retrace the Apollo 17 mission - the last time man landed on the moon. https://youtu.be/xMDdaNLc8DU --- ...Super! Thanks LouiseAu! The look on this cat's face as it's watching a scary movie is exactly why I don't watch horror movies. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mHHZYSz3ua4 --- ...LOL! Too Cute! Thanks LouiseAu! I always am amazed at shows where the person hears a noise in their house so they immediately go and investigate - but not stealthily - oh no - they announce to the bad guy where they are by loudly saying, "HELLO?" - Like saying 'Here I AM - Come and GET ME!' and of course they get got every time! I mean really. What do they expect - The intruder to respond with, 'Oh, I am sorry. Did I scare you? I must have broke into your house by mistake."? Crazy! This cat knows just how I feel every single time they stupidly go looking for the source of the noise! And worse yet, they even go walking outside in the pitch dark dead of night leaving their door open so the bad guy can just walk in and hide in their house! Drives me nuts! HaHa! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "A college student in Pennsylvania is suing her school for the C+ she got in a class. She said, 'I'm suing whoever's responsible for this!' And her professor said, 'Don't you mean WHOMEVER?'" -Jimmy Fallon "A recent report shows that pot smokers get into fewer car crashers than drunk people. Then again, it's easier to see what is coming when you're driving at 11 miles-an-hour." -Conan O'Brien "A restaurant here in New York has started selling a so- called 'New Yorker milkshake' which comes topped with whipped cream and a slice of cheesecake. Which means the next topping you'll get is a coffin lid." -Seth Meyers "A Japanese company created a $150 noise-canceling ramen fork to cover up slurping noises. So, if you've got 150 bucks to spend on a fork - why are you eating ramen?" -Jimmy Fallon "A fast food restaurant in Australia is celebrating Halloween by offering a hamburger in a blue bun, sprinkled with real ants and worms. Or as Arby's calls that, 'The No. 6.'" -Conan O'Brien "Amazon is introducing a new service called Amazon Key, which will allow delivery men to open your front door and put packages directly inside your house. I don't have a joke here. I just wanted to tell you how you're going to be murdered. Sleep tight, folks." -James Corden "A dog in Seattle is making news after commuters noticed it had been riding the bus to a local park all by itself. Everyone says the dog is amazing, while the dog said, panicking, 'I gotta find that blind guy. I'm in a lot of trouble if I don't find him." -Jimmy Fallon "A study showed that every hour of TV you watch after the age of 25 shortens your life by 22 minutes. That doesn't sound too bad to me. You'd probably watch TV with that 22 minutes anyway." -Jimmy Kimmel "Police are looking for a woman who stole $3,000 worth of cat-grooming supplies at an airport baggage carousel. Police describe the suspect as 'single.'" -Seth Meyers "Solitude is not something you must hope for in the future. Rather, it is a deepening of the present, and unless you look for it in the present you will never find it." -- Thomas Merton. "Solitude is the beginning of all freedom." -- William Orville Douglas, American jurist and associate justice US Supreme Court. "Only when one is connected to one's inner core is one connected to others. And, for me, the core, the inner spring, can best be re-found through solitude." -- Anne Spencer Morrow Lindbergh American aviator and writer of "North to the Orient." >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah Shangy! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->ShangyFunList AD RATES: $20 will get your a message (of up to 40 words) out to all self-subscribed readers and $5 more will give you the same message also put up for all web site readers. Email me to secure dates. Ad Request ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ********************************************************************** >TO SUBSCRIBE:Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com **********************************************************************