Happy Labor Day... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! ================ "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ ,-. ,-. ||,\ -=- /,|| F'\\\,o8o,///`J J'J`,\(".")/,'F`L |F||\ \>PVDo You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a 2011 Shangrala Angel, please visit the site and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL page comes up. Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS ALL OUR ANGELS MOST ABUNDANTLY! ================ *~* HAVE A SAFE, HAPPY AND MOST BLESSED LABOR DAY HOLIDAY! >From Our Friend HrtOfJoy :) http://tinyurl.com/3rajkme --- ...Aww, so sweet and thoughtful of you! Thanks hrtofjoy! ================ >-->In The 'Shangy' News :) Recently I was told about why a man did not believe in God. He told a story about how when he was a young boy he had been in church and was giving a handful of change he had at collection time. All the money in his pockets, but the person collecting the money for the church felt he was holding out so kept demanding more of him. The person kept asking in a most rude and demanding way, 'Is that ALL you have to give?'. He remembers it to this day and he is a man well over 40. That experience greatly offended him and caused him to believe that it was all about the money. He said he used to believe in God but not any more since then. I wanted to bring this up for two reasons. #1. If you are a person involved in a church or Christian activity, remember that your actions may very well reflect on how others perceive God, Jesus Christ, and/or the church. , , /////| ///// | ///// | |~~~| | | |===| |/| | B |/| | | I | | | | B | | | | L | / | E | / |===|/ jgs '---' The bible puts it this way: 2 Cor.3: [2] Ye are our epistle written in our hearts, known and read of all men: [3] Forasmuch as ye are manifestly declared to be the epistle of Christ ministered by us, written not with ink, but with the Spirit of the living God; not in tables of stone, but in fleshy tables of the heart. Apostle Paul wrote: 1 Cor.10a: [23] All things are lawful for me, but all things are not expedient: Expedient: improper or immoral He is saying he can do what he wants but some things could make him, God, Jesus Christ or the church look bad so he won't do them. /) .-"".L,""-. ; :. : ( 7: ) : ; ctr "..-"-.." #2: If you are a person like this man that had a bad experience with a Christian or a church member, I am sorry this happened to you. Please be aware that like the old saying goes, one bad apple doesn't spoil the bunch. We are in the age of Grace. Which means God is not ruling over any person or any church at this time. People are human and as such, they make mistakes. You should not judge God on one person's or even a whole church's rude or bad behavior. If you find one bad apple, - one bad representative of God - it makes no sense to turn against the tree - against God and Jesus Christ. You only hurt yourself. Denying yourself the pleasure and goodness that others are already experiencing having a close and personal relationship with God and Jesus Christ. Jesus wants you back into the fold... John 10: [11] I [Jesus] am the good shepherd: the good shepherd giveth his life for the sheep. [Christians - Jesus gave his life for you] [12] But he that is an hireling [or a representative of a church etc], and not the shepherd [Jesus], whose own the sheep are not, seeth the wolf [devil] coming, and leaveth the sheep, and fleeth: and the wolf catcheth [deceives] them, and scattereth the sheep. [13] The hireling fleeth, because he is an hireling, and careth not for the sheep. [14] I am the good shepherd, and know my sheep, and am known of mine. [15] As the Father knoweth me, even so know I the Father: and I lay down my life for the sheep. {Jesus will always be there for you] [16] And other sheep I have, which are not of this fold: them also I must bring, and they shall hear my voice; and there shall be one fold, and one shepherd. -<>- >Hot Off The 'Shangy' List :) We got a super too hot to handle one from our friend Linda. This one was a shocker! Check it out here... ,,~~--___---, / .~, / _,~ ) (_-(~) ~, ),,,( /' Z6 .~`' || \ | /_,/ || || ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~W`~~~~~~W`~~~~~~~~~ valkyrie Mountain Goats! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mountaingoats.html =============================================================== >-->From TheFunnyBone: .--..--. / V \ __|__________|__ '--/// \\\--' Get a Whiff of This Fashion Trend... ( 6 6 ) : ) ; \ == / As Lee Soo-bum nears home after an evening `-.__.-` out with the guys, he shimmies, shakes and __ _(\__/)_ __ occasionally rubs his chest. Then at his /` / \(><)/ \ `\ apartment door, the 39-year-old South / \ |::::| / \ Korean film company executive sniffs, | / /::::\ \ | | smiles in satisfaction and greets his wife. | | / |::::| \ | | Although he's been drinking with colleagues | | \ |'::'| / | | in a smoke-filled bar, Lee doesn't reek of | | \_/ :: \_/ | | booze and cigarettes. | | |____|o | | |_| |____|o |_| In fact, he smells downright sweet. "This |_\ | |o /_| new suit helps keep peace at home, "Lee / \___| L_ |___/ \ says, referring to his fashionable beige ((((|| || ||)))) wool suit. It smells like lavender -- and | || | the more he moves, the stronger the scent | || | becomes. | || | | || | The suit is made with fabric soaked in a | || | chemical that contains scented micro- jgs |___ || ___| capsules, which pop and release the odor __[____||____]__ when the wearer moves -- or gets bumped on ( )( ) crowded subway train. `---'== =='---' Three local fashion houses -- LG Fashion, Essess Heartist and Kolon International -- began selling the scented suits in major department and retail stores earlier this month. So far, Essess has sold 2,500 pine-scented suits, LG 1,000 lavender suits and Kolon 660 peppermint suits. Source -- Associated Press ================================================================ *-- Bizarre September Holidays --* September 5 is Be Late For Something Day September 6 is Fight Procrastination Day September 7 is Neither Rain Nor Snow Day September 8 is National Date Nut Bread Day & Pardon Day September 9 is Teddy Bear Day September 10 is Swap Ideas Day September 11 is No News Is Good News Day September 12 is National Pet Memorial Day and National Chocolate Milkshake Day September 13 is Defy Superstition Day September 14 is National Cream-filled Donut Day September 15 is Felt Hat Day September 16 is Stay Away From Seattle Day and Collect Rocks Day September 17 is National Apple Dumpling Day September 18 is National Play-doh Day September 19 is National Butterscotch Pudding Day September 20 is National Punch Day ============================================================= >-->From Our Friend Wesley :) /) (\ )\.:::::::::./( \( o o )/ '-./ / _.-'`-. ( oo ) / _ \ |'--'/\/ ( \ \ \''/ \| \ \ \ ww | ' ) \ |.' .' | .' .'==|==| / .'\ [_] .-(/\) | / /.-"""'/| | || / | | // | | | || |__|___/ \\ [__[___] // .-'.-' ( ||(__(__.-._) LGB >You Know You're Getting Older When... Your potted plants stay alive. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to sleep. You hear your favorite song on an elevator. You carry an umbrella and watch the Weather Channel. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 7. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as 'dressed up'. You're the one calling the police because those kids next door don't know how to turn down the stereo. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt. You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time. Over 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work. --- ...Oh Boy! I've had it! HaHa! Thanks Wesley! -<>- | | | _ | | <_> | | | | | `-._ | |`-._| | | _________________________________|____ `-._ `-._ | `-._ `-._ | kat `-._ `-._ >College Football Three Texans, Slim, Billy-Bob and Bubba died and went to heaven. At the pearly gates, they were met by St. Peter, who explained that although it was late and God had retired for the evening, he had asked Albert Einstein to show them around so they wouldn't get bored before they met God in the morning. After Einstein had introduced himself to Slim, he asked, "By the way, Slim, what was your IQ when you were alive?" "159", said Slim. "Great!", said Einstein. We'll discuss my general theory of relativity and maybe a little unified field theory as I show you around." "What an exciting opportunity!", said Slim. Einstein then introduced himself to Billy-Bob, and when he was done he said, "Tell me, Billy-Bob - what was your IQ when you were alive?" "141", said Billy-Bob. "Good," said Einstein. "If you'd like, we can discuss a little mathematics and philosophy as I point out the heavenly sights." "Nothing I'd like better!" was Billy-Bob's reply. After Einstein had introduced himself to Bubba, he asked, "What was your IQ when you were alive, Bubba?" "58" said Bubba. Punching him on the arm, Einstein said, "Hey, Bubba - How 'bout them Aggies!" --- ...LOL! Thanks Wesley! ================================================================ >-->From Our Friend Linda :) This is beautiful please read _.,_ ,-'.' .`-, ;; '. ' `. ;` - _ _,-; ' ; `. ,% .-, - *click* ,_.,-'` ';; ; : ;%' | | \ ___ _._,-`'\ `'-`' _.,' `. ) __,--`-,,`' ,._,.-`-., _.,-.--.-,`''` | _| |__ `---'////\ / .-, `-`-^--`'^`-...,,| | |.,/ //\)(/ `-\.-. | `-' ( .-; | | ,. `-~ ~~-. `._.' ,/ / `~ ~~~ ~~ /,.`) // / /_ `/ ( `/ `-' mic >Highway 109 A drunk man in an Oldsmobile They said had run the light That caused the six-car pileup On 109 that night. When broken bodies lay about And blood was everywhere, The sirens screamed out eulogies, For death was in the air. A mother, trapped inside her car, Was heard above the noise; Her plaintive plea near split the air: Oh, God, please spare my boys! She fought to loose her pinned hands; She struggled to get free, But mangled metal held her fast In grim captivity. Her frightened eyes then focused On where the back seat once had been, But all she saw was broken glass and Two children's seats crushed in. Her twins were nowhere to be seen; She did not hear them cry, And then she prayed they'd been thrown free, Oh, God, don't let them die! Then firemen came and cut her loose, But when they searched the back, They found therein no little boys, But the seat belts were intact. They thought the woman had gone mad And was traveling alone, But when they turned to question her, They discovered she was gone. Policemen saw her running wild And screaming above the noise In beseeching supplication, Please help me find my boys! They're four years old and wear blue shirts; Their jeans are blue to match. One cop spoke up, They're in my car, And they don't have a scratch. They said their daddy put them there And gave them each a cone, Then told them both to wait for Mom To come and take them home. I've searched the area high and low, But I can't find their dad. He must have fled the scene, I guess, and that is very bad. The mother hugged the twins and said, While wiping at a tear, He could not flee the scene, you see, For he's been dead a year. The cop just looked confused and asked, Now, how can that be true? The boys said, Mommy, Daddy came And left a kiss for you. He told us not to worry And that you would be all right, And then he put us in this car with The pretty, flashing light. We wanted him to stay with us, Because we miss him so, But Mommy, he just hugged us tight And said he had to go. He said someday we'd understand And told us not to fuss, And he said to tell you, Mommy, He's watching over us. The mother knew without a doubt That what they spoke was true, For she recalled their dad's last words, I will watch over you. The firemen's notes could not explain The twisted, mangled car, And how the three of them escaped Without a single scar. But on the cop's report was scribed, In print so very fine, An angel walked the beat tonight on Highway 109. He who has a thousand friends has not a friend to spare. **************** This morning when the Lord opened a window to Heaven, He saw me, and he asked: 'My child, what is your greatest wish for today?' I responded: 'Lord please, take care of the person who is reading this message, their family and their special friends. They deserve it and I love them very much. ' This message works on the day you receive it. Let us see if it is true 20 ANGELS EXIST but some times, since they don't all have wings, we call them FRIENDS. Pass this on to your true friends. Please do not break this prayer; send to your friends.... --- ...A sweet classic! Thanks Linda! -<>- >ENJOY! /:""| .@@@@@, |: 66|_ @@@@@@@@, C _) aa`@@@@@@ \ ._| (_ ?@@@@ ) / =' @@@@" /`\\ \(``` || |Y| //`\ ."~~~~~". || |#| / | || | .:. | || |#| \ | || A | /6 6\ | || |#| / | || |~|_|_\ e /_|_ .@@@@, :| |=: / | |\ |_|)___`"`___(8 aa`@@@, ||_|,| | |_| \ |~~~~~~~~~| = `@@@ \)))|| | ((( | \_________/ )_/`@' |~~~`-`~~~| `~\~~~~~~| |/ /_\ \| / || @ | | `\ / ()/___\() | || @ |_________| ( || ||~~~~~|| /~|| "` |_________| | || || || /__W_\ | || | || || || ||| |_||__ __|_|| ||_____|| _||| jgs (____)) (:;:;)) ||-----|| ((___) The SIMS - I Am My Own Grandpa! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rXU-ZdmzNmo --- ...What fun! LOL! Thanks Linda! =============================================================== >-->From Our Friend Sandy :) _ mMm _[_]_ /(_)\ (_) //)^(\\//:\\ /(/&@&\)\|~|/ / /-~`~-\ ||| `/ \||| `-------'-'-- >HOW TO BE A GRACIOUS B-Otch Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement - not even her parent's nasty divorce. Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear, and would be the best-dressed mother-of-the-bride ever! A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new, young wife had bought the exact same dress as her mother! Jennifer asked her father's new young wife to exchange it, but she refused. "Absolutely not! I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm wearing it", she replied. Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, ''Never mind sweetheart. I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day.'' A few days later, they went shopping, and did find another gorgeous dress for her mother. When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, "Aren't you going to return the other dress? You really don't have another occasion where you could wear it." Her mother just smiled and replied, "Of course I do, dear. I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night BEFORE the wedding." NOW I ASK YOU - IS THERE A WOMAN OUT THERE, ANYWHERE, WHO WOULDN'T ENJOY THIS STORY? Women are like phones: They like to be held, talked to, and touched often. But push the wrong button and you're disconnected! Women are Angels. And when someone breaks our wings.... We simply continue to fly ........ on a broomstick..... We are flexible like that. OKAY, NOW IT'S YOUR TURN TO SEND THIS TO ALL YOUR WOMEN FRIENDS WHO DESERVE A GOOD BELLY LAUGH.............. YOU COULD ALSO SEND IT TO SOME MEN WHO YOU KNOW WOULD APPRECIATE THIS......... ENJOY --- ...Oh My! TeeHee! Thanks Sandy! -<>- .. * * * * * * * * * * $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ .$$$$. * * * * * * * * * * $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$. .$$$$$ * * * * * * * * * * ::::::::::::::::::::::::::. .::::::::' * * * * * * * * * * $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$F * * * * * * * * * * $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$d$$$$$$$" ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::; $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::; ^$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$" ^$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ ":::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::" ""$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$P $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$L ;; ;::::::::::::::::;; ;;:::. $$$$$$" "" $$$$$; ^$$" $$$$ "" Donna Shepherd >Let's all do this on Sept 11th!! We have less than one week to get the word out all across this great land and into every community in the United States of America . If you forward this email to at least 11 people and each of those people do the same ... You get the idea. THE PROGRAM: On Sunday, September 11th, 2011, an American flag should be displayed outside every home, apartment, office, and store in the United States . Every individual should make it their duty to display an American flag on this tenth anniversary of one of our country's worst tragedies. We do this to honor those who lost their lives on 9/11, their families, friends and loved ones who continue to endure the pain, and those who today are fighting at home and abroad to preserve our cherished freedoms. In the days, weeks and months following 9/11, our country was bathed in American flags as citizens mourned the incredible losses and stood shoulder-to-shoulder against terrorism. Sadly, those flags have all but disappeared. Our patriotism pulled us through some tough times and it shouldn't take another attack to galvanize us in solidarity. Our American flag is the fabric of our country and together we can prevail over terrorism of all kinds So, here's what we need you to do . (1) Forward this email. (Please don't be the one to break this chain. Take a moment to think back to how you felt on 9/11 and let those sentiments guide you. (2) Fly an American flag of any size on 9/11. Honestly, Americans should fly the flag year-round, but if you don't, then at least make it a priority on this day. Thank you for your participation. God Bless You and God Bless America! --- ...Yes! How cool! Thank You Sandi! It is what we all did mostly after 9-11 Remember? Bleed American! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bleed.html ============================================================= >-->From Our Friend PatDeE :) _|_ | .-'''''-. .-' '-. .-' :::::_::::: '-. ___/ ==:...:::-:::...:== \___ /_____________________________\ ':'-._________________________.-'_ ':::\ @-,`-[-][-^-][-]-`,-@ / _| |_ '::| .-------------------. ||_ @ _| ::|=|* ___ _ ___ *|=|'.| | ':| |' ))_) )) ))_) '| |::.^| _:|=|' ((`\ (( (( '|=|::::::. _| || |' _ '| |:::::::. |_ |=|'1634 _( )_ 1789'|=|':::::. | || |' ( (_ ~ _) ) '| | ':::' |^||=|* ) (_) ( *|=| '::' | '-------------------' .::::' |_____________________.::::::' .'___________________.::::::'' |_______________.::::'':::''' .'_____________.::::::''::::'' .:::'''' LGB .'::::' .:::::''':. .:::::' >Cancel your credit card before you die. Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die! This is priceless, and so easy to see happening, customer service being what it is today. A lady died this past January, and Citibank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00 when she died, but now somewhere around $60.00. A family member placed a call to Citibank. Here is the exchange: Family Member: 'I am calling to tell you she died back in January.' Citibank: ' The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.' Family Member: 'Maybe you should turn it over to collections.' Citibank: 'Since it is two months past due, it already has been.' Family Member: 'So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?' Citibank: 'Either report her account to frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!' Family Member : 'Do you think God will be mad at her? ' Citibank: 'Excuse me?' Family Member:'Did you just get what I was telling you - the part about her being dead?' Citibank : 'Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor.' Supervisor gets on the phone: Family Member : 'I'm calling to tell you, she died back in January with a $0 balance.' Citibank Supervisor: ' The account was never closed and late fees and charges still apply.' Family Member : 'You mean you want to collect from her estate?' Citibank: (Stammer) 'Are you her lawyer?' Family Member: 'No, I'm her great nephew.' (Lawyer info was given) Citibank: 'Could you fax us a certificate of death?' Family Member: 'Sure.' (Fax number was given) After they get the fax : Citibank: 'Our system just isn't setup for death. I don't know what more I can do to help.' Family Member: 'Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. She won't care.' Citibank: 'Well, the late fees and charges will still apply.' (What is wrong with these people?!?) Family Member: 'Would you like her new billing address?' Citibank: 'That might help....' Family Member: 'Odessa Memorial Cemetery, Highway 129, Plot Number 69.' Citibank: 'Sir, that's a cemetery!' Family Member: 'And what do you do with dead people on your planet?' (Priceless!!) And you wondered why Citibank needed help from the Feds? --- ...LOL!! Thanks PatDeE! I still get credit card advertising for my Mom. Seems like the banks'd save some money if they'd go through and delete those who are deceased. -<>- _ ___ (_) _/XXX\ _ /XXXXXX\_ __ X\__ __ /X XXXX XX\ _ /XX\__ ___ \__/ \_/__ \ \ _/X\__ /XX XXX\____/XXX\ \ ___ \/ \_ \ \ __ _/ \_/ _/ - __ - \ ___/ \__/ \ \__ \\__ / \_// _ _ \ \ __ / \____/ / __ \ / \ \_ _//_\___ __/ // \___/ \/ __/ __/_______\________\__\_/________\__/_/____/_____________/_______\____/____ ___ /L|0\ / | \ / \ / | \ / \ / __ | __ \ / __/ \__ \ / /__ | __\ \ /___________________\ / | \ / _|_ \ / ____/___\____ \ ___________[o0o]___________ O O O Paul Tomblin >Passport Application Dear Sirs, I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe this. How is it that Radio Shack has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a cable T.V. from them back in 1987, and yet, the Federal Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date. For gosh sakes, do you guys do this by hand? My birth date you have on my social security card, and it is on all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 30 years. It is on my health insurance card, my driver's license, on the last eight darn passports I've had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off the plane over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable census forms that are done at election times. Would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother's name is Lina, my father's name is Bruno and I'd be absolutely astounded if that ever changed between now and when I die! I apologize, I'm really upset this morning. Between you and me, I've had enough of this bull crap! You send the application to my house, then you ask me for my address? What is going on? Do you have a gang of Neanderthals working there! Look at my darn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I don't want to dig up Yasser Arafat, I just want to go and park my butt on a sandy beach. And would someone please tell me, why would you care whether I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days? If I ever got the urge to do something weird to a chicken or a goat, believe you me, I'd sure as heck not want to tell anyone! Well, I have to go now, 'cause I have to go to the other end of the city and get another copy of my birth certificate, to the tune of $60. Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day? Nooooo, that'd be too darn easy and maybe make sense. You'd rather have us running all over the place like chickens with our heads cut off, then find some idiot to confirm that it's really me on the darn picture - you know, the one where we're not allowed to smile?! (bureaucratic morons) Hey, you know why we can't smile? We're totally upset! Signed - An Irate Citizen. P.S... Remember what I said above about the picture and getting someone to confirm that it's me? Well, my family has been in this country since 1929. I have served in the military for something over 5 years and have had security clearances up the yingyang, However, I have to get someone 'important' to verify who I am - you know, someone like my doctor WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN INDIA! Sincerely, You Sure In The Heck Should Know Who I Am. ..............And you want to run our health care system?!? --- ...HAHAHA! LMAO! So funny 'cause it's true! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- . .' \ .' . .' ...'.` ___.-. .' ...'.' _.---' `..' ...'.' __.---' .' ...'.' .--' .' ...'.'. /` .' ...'.' `. / .' ...'.' `. / .' ...'.' `-. / .' ...'.' `. / ` _.-.' ...' `-._____.-' / / .' ...' /` /.'. ...' / .' .`.' \ / .' ...' | \ / /\ .' ...' \ | / / .' ...' / \ | /_/ .' ...' / | | |' `._..' .-------.__________.' .' .'---- .' | | | .' .... | | .' ...'| \ __.' | ___ / \...' \_`------------------._____ ___.---' / .-' | | \__/ `--.__ _.-' /.-' \__/ `------' ' VK >Chilling Letter from Proctor & Gamble Former Executive to Obama Snopes confims this letter to be real http://www.snopes.com/politics/soapbox/youscareme.asp Note his final statement in last paragraph. Please open your mind and give this some thought...what could it hurt? A Chilling Letter from Proctor & Gamble Former Executive to Obama By Lou Pritchett, Procter & Gamble A LETTER FROM A PROCTER AND GAMBLE EXECUTIVE TO THE PRESIDENT*** THE LAST SENTENCE IS THE MOST CHILLING! FYI: Lou Pritchett is one of corporate America 's true living legends- an Acclaimed author, dynamic teacher and one of the world's highest Rated speakers. Successful corporate executives everywhere recognize Him as the foremost leader in change management. Lou changed the way America does business by creating an audacious concept that came to Be known as "partnering." Pritchett rose from soap salesman to Vice-President, Sales and Customer Development for Procter and Gamble and over the course of 36 years, made corporate history. AN OPEN LETTER TO PRESIDENT OBAMA: Dear President Obama: You are the thirteenth President under whom I have lived and unlike Any of the others, you truly scare me.. You scare me because after months of exposure, I know nothing about you. You scare me because I do not know how you paid for your expensive Ivy League education and your upscale lifestyle and housing with no Visible signs of support. You scare me because you did not spend the formative years of youth Growing up in America and culturally you are not an American. You scare me because you have never run a company or met a payroll. You scare me because you have never had military experience, thus Don't understand it at its core. You scare me because you lack humility and 'class', always blaming others. You scare me because for over half your life you have aligned Yourself with radical extremists who hate America and you refuse to Publicly denounce these radicals who wish to see America fail.. You scare me because you are a cheerleader for the 'blame America ' Crowd and deliver this message abroad. You scare me because you want to change America to a European style Country where the government sector dominates instead of the private sector. You scare me because you want to replace our health care system With a government controlled one. You scare me because you prefer 'wind mills' to responsibly Capitalizing on our own vast oil, coal and shale reserves. You scare me because you want to kill the American capitalist goose That lays the golden egg which provides the highest standard of Living in the world. You scare me because you have begun to use 'extortion' tactics Against certain banks and corporations. You scare me because your own political party shrinks from Challenging you on your wild and irresponsible spending proposals. You scare me because you will not openly listen to or even consider Opposing points of view from intelligent people. You scare me because you falsely believe that you are both Omnipotent and omniscient. You scare me because the media gives you a free pass on everything You do. You scare me because you demonize and want to silence the Limbaugh's, Hannitys, O'Reillys and Becks who offer opposing, Conservative points of view. You scare me because you prefer controlling over governing. Finally, you scare me because if you serve a second term I will Probably not feel safe in writing a similar letter in 8 years. Lou Pritchett his letter was sent to the NY Times but they never acknowledged it Big surprise. Since it hit the Internet, however, it has had over 500,000 hits. Keep it going. All that is necessary for evil to succeed Is that good men do nothing.. It's happening right now. The "CHANGE" is here!! 90% of Americans will forward this. WE HAVE HAD ENOUGH! A message from the heart to the soul of the USA --- ...If only people pay attention THIS time around! Thanks PatDeE! ================================================================= >-->In The Worldly News :) [POLITICS] >From FreedomTimes: Obama smuggling guns and registering yours by Chuck Norris http://www.wnd.com/index.php?fa=PAGE.view&pageId=336265 -<>- >From Godfather Politics: New York Times: America Should Embrace Sharia Law http://tinyurl.com/3aujouv -<>- >From PatriotNews: Obama spends Labor Day reassuring union members at Detroit rally http://tinyurl.com/3dquhdd -<>- >From VisionToAmerica: Academics Dub TEA Partyers as Racists http://tinyurl.com/3qth422 -<>- >From TeaParty.net: Unemployment At 10% This Labor Day. Shameful! – Sign Tea Party Petition http://tinyurl.com/4yjbwqm Events and News: http://tinyurl.com/3d6nwkz -<>- >From BizarreNews: Okay, I have a little father-of-the-year contest for you to vote on. I found two stories while cruising around and could not decide which was more bizarre. So you can decide for me. The first involves a father in California who was arrested for throwing his crying 7-year-old son into the water from a sightseeing cruise boat. The man, his girlfriend and two sons from a previous marriage went on the Sunday afternoon cruise when he began arguing with his girlfriend and his 7-year-old son. When the boy began crying after a few corrective smacks Dad told him he needed to toughen up then threw him into the water five feet below. Not surprisingly, authorities said the man appeared to have been drinking. This Florida dad, on the other hand, reserved his abuse for somebody else's kid. Like any careful parent this man did not want his son getting into street fights, so he organized a bare-knuckle fight between his son and another boy in his own backyard. When his son lost the 6-foot-5-inch, 220-lb. dad took matters into his own hands, clocking the 16-year-old in the head, knocking him to the ground and continuing to beat him. Best of all, the entire incident was caught on video! I'm sure the man was hoping to immortalize his son's victory on the field, or lawn rather, of battle, but what he succeeded in doing was to provide concrete evidence of child abuse for the police. He faces charges of aggravated battery, child abuse, and contributing to the delinquency of a minor. So, who would you vote for? *-- Prosthetic leg used to trick tracking tag --* ROCHDALE, England - A British security firm said it fired two employees who attached a tracking tag to a suspect's prosthetic leg, allowing him to violate his curfew. The firm, G4S, said the staff members were dismissed after they attached the tag to the false leg of Christopher Lowcock, 29, of Rochdale, England, who disguised the prosthetic leg by covering it in a bandage, The Guardian reported Monday. G4S said the blunder allowed Lowcock to remove the leg and violate the curfew imposed while he faces drugs, driving and weapon charges. The British Justice Ministry said protocols "were clearly not followed in this case and G4S have taken action against the staff involved." "Two thousand offenders are tagged every week and incidents like this are very rare," a department spokesman said. A G4S spokesman said the employees were fired. The spokesman said the company tags 70,000 people a year for the Justice Ministry. "Given the critical nature of this service we have very strict procedures in place which all of our staff must follow," he said. "In this individual's case, two employees failed to adhere to the correct procedures when installing the tag. Had they done so, they would have identified his prosthetic leg." *-- Australian man throws away $50,000 in gold --* CALOUNDRA, Australia - An Australian man says he accidentally threw out $50,000 worth of his wife's gold jewelry recently in an attempt to fool any would-be robbers. The Queensland man -- who gave only his first name, Geoffrey -- hid the family's gold collection in garbage bags after his GPS navigation system and keys were recently stolen, The Courier-Mail in Brisbane reported in its Tuesday edition. "I had this great idea to split the gold into three rubbish bags so if the thieves did come in they're not going to find it," Geoffrey said. The valuable trash bags, however, ended up in the local landfill last week when the man's children cleaned house in anticipation of an upcoming move. The Sunshine Coast Regional Council said that while it sympathizes with the family's loss, searching the landfill, which takes in about 1,400 tons of waste each week, would be next to impossible. "To locate the lost items, this decaying compacted waste would need to be systemically excavated and sorted mechanically by the contractor," a council spokesman said. *-- Sword swallower, 76, performs for seniors --* WASILLA, Alaska - A 76-year-old Kansas man who claims to be the world's oldest practicing sword swallower put on a show for residents of an Alaska senior center. Jimmy Ball, who has been swallowing swords for crowds since he was 12 years old, said he took time out from his Alaska vacation to swallow two swords and a stretched-out coat hanger for residents of the Wasilla Senior Center, KTUU-TV, Anchorage, Alaska, reported Thursday. "I love doing it and I love the people," Ball said after his performance. The senior center visitors said they were grateful for the entertainment. "Something different for the people here and they all enjoyed it," resident Carl Tinley said. *-- 'Mayberry' attempting Twist record --* MOUNT AIRY, N.C. - The North Carolina town that inspired Mayberry on "The Andy Griffith Show" announced it will attempt the world record for most people dancing the Twist. Officials in Mount Airy, which is Griffith's hometown, said they hope at least 2,000 people will turn up to perform the popular dance simultaneously at the "Twisted in Mayberry" event Sept. 9, The (Raleigh, N.C.) News & Observer reported Thursday. Jessica Icenhour, director of tourism and marketing for Mount Airy, said participants must perform the dance for at least 5 minutes to break the record set by 1,692 dancers last year in Glendale, Calif. Icenhour said organizers are confident they can reach their goal. "We're being confident," Icenhour said. "This all came up very quickly, so we're trying to get the word out as quickly as we can." =============================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: .-. ( ( __ __ '-` ___/ _\.-./_ \ ////|//(@ @) \| //////// \./ | (_) |( _ ) ldb____|______|.m_m_______________________________________ Enclosed with the heartworm pills my friend received from a veterinarian was a sheet of red heart stickers to place on a calendar as a reminder to give her pet the medication. She attached these stickers to her kitchen calendar, marking the first Saturday of every month. When her husband noticed the hearts, he put on a lecherous grin, turned to his wife and asked, "Do you have something special in mind for these days?" -<>- To our shock and horror, my sister-in-law and I realized we had each been married nearly 50 years. "That's a long time," I observed. "A long, long time," she agreed. Then she smiled. "Something just occurred to me." "What's that?" "If I had killed your brother the first time I felt like it, I'd be out of jail by now." -<>- My grandmother told me how she ended up marrying Grandpa. She was in her 20s, and the man she was dating left for war. "We were in love," she recalled, "and wrote to each other every week. It was during that time that I discovered how wonderful your grandfather was." "Did you marry Grandpa when he came home from the war?" I asked. "Oh, I didn't marry the man who wrote the letters. Your grandfather was the mailman." -<>- My wife, a real estate agent, wrote an ad for a house she was listing. The house had a second-floor suite that could be accessed using a lift chair that slid along the staircase. Quickly describing this feature, she inadvertently made it sound even more attractive: "Mother-in-law suite comes with an electric chair." -<>- A woman meant to call a record store, but dialed the wrong number and got a private home instead. "Do you have 'Eyes of Blue' and 'A Love Supreme?'" she asked. "Well, no," answered the puzzled homeowner. "But I have a wife and nine children." "Is that a record?" the caller inquired, puzzled in her turn. "I don't think so," replied the man, "but it's as close as I want to get." -<>- ____________________________________________________ |____________________________________________________| | __ __ ____ ___ || ____ ____ _ __ | || |__ |--|_| || |_| |||_|**|*|__|+|+||___| || | | ||==|^^||--| |=||=| |=*=||| |~~|~| |=|=|| | |~||==| | || |##|| | | || | |JRO|||-| | |==|+|+||-|-|~||__| | ||__|__||__|_|_||_|_|___|||_|__|_|__|_|_||_|_|_||__|_| ||_______________________||__________________________| | _____________________ || __ __ _ __ _ | ||=|=|=|=|=|=|=|=|=|=|=| __..\/ | |_| ||#||==| / /| || | | | | | | | | | | |/\ \ \\|++|=| || ||==| / / | ||_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_/_/\_.___\__|_|__||_||__|/_/__| |____________________ /\~()/()~//\ __________________| | __ __ _ _ \_ (_ . _/ _ ___ _____| ||~~|_|..|__| || |_ _ \ //\\ / |=|__|~|~|___| | | | ||--|+|^^|==|1||2| | |__/\ __ /\__| |==|x|x|+|+|=|=|=| ||__|_|__|__|_||_|_| / \ \ / / \_|__|_|_|_|_|_|_|_| |_________________ _/ \/\/\/ \_ _______________| | _____ _ __ |/ \../ \| __ __ ___| ||_____|_| |_|##|_|| | \/ __| ||_|==|_|++|_|-||| ||______||=|#|--| |\ \ o / /| | |~| | | ||| ||______||_|_|__|_|_\ \ o / /_|_|__|_|__|_|_||| |_________ __________\___\____/___/___________ ______| |__ _ / ________ ______ /| _ _ _| |\ \ |=|/ // /| // / / / | / ||%|%|%| | \/\ |*/ .//____//.// /__/__/ (_) / ||=|=|=| __| \/\|/ /(____|/ // / /||~|~|~|__ |___\_/ /________// ________ / / ||_|_|_| |___ / (|________/ |\_______\ / /| |______| / \|________) / / | | While working in the library at a university, I was often shocked by the excuses students would use to get out of paying their fees for overdue books. One evening an older student returned two books that were way overdue and threw a fit over the "outrageous" $2 fee that I asked her to pay. I tried to explain how much she owed for each day, but she insisted she should be exempt. "You don't understand," she blurted out. "I didn't even read them!" -<>- Another man and I share a locker at work. Noticing that it needed a new combination lock, my partner said he would pick one up on his way to work the next day. It occurred to me later that I might not see him in the morning. How would I find out the combination? I needn't have worried. When I arrived at work I found that he had used the locker before me and had left a note reading: "To find the first number subtract 142 from your high score the last time we went bowling. The second number is 16 less than that. To find the third number subtract 1.87 from the amount you owe me." -<>- 88888888888a a88888888888 8 YI IP 8 8 `8, ,8' 8 8 8I I8 8 8 8I I8 8 888 O 8I I8 O 888 8 8I I8 8 ,8 ,8' `8, 8, ,8' ,8I I8, `8, ,8' O ,8I' `I8, O `8, IP dP' `Yb YI 8' d8' `8b `8 8 I8 8I 8 8, I8, ,8I ,8 Yb O `8b, ,d8' O dP `8, `8b, ,d8' ,8' Yb `Yba adP' dP `8b `Yba,_ _,adP' d8' `Yb, `"YYbbddPP"' ,dP' `Yba O O adP' "Yba, ,adP" `"YbaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaadP"' `"YYba, ,adPP"' `""YYbbddPP""' (Norman Veilleux ?) To get his mind off his losing streak at the racetrack, I took my friend horseback riding. Being a novice, he freaked when his mount took off. "How do I stop?" he yelled. "Bet on it!" I hollered back. ============================================================== >-->From JokeCentral: ,-._,,_,-. ((`,-""-.')) |=,'""`.=| |=|O__O|=| ;`-'(__)`-'; ',_ -. _,` > ,`--',-. >; ;=-=\ =| ;,='| =| | ==| =| }`=-| =| |`==| =| ;===| '| | \-. '| \ `--< (=\ \_)-' |=`.___/=| |`=|`=-j=| hjw ,-'`_|`=-|=( (i_,' `==(-=\ (i_i_____)==\ __)`=) (`.`=/ `--' CONUNDRUMS FROM PUNY Although there is very little radio activity these days at Radio City Music Hall, there is still some significant fallout from their musical productions that you might want to protect yourself from. If you attend a show there, what are you still likely to be exposed to? Gam arrays (Gary Hallock) The hobo had been dismembered, and was being recovered one part at a time. The policeman hobbled away from the scene because he had a .... what? A bum leg (Jason Dias) The new Priest at the local Catholic church, Christopher, was meeting the parishioners. He walked up to one of the spinsters who was a prominent member of the church and introduced himself. Later that night, the spinster was talking to her sister and said, "It's so nice that the new Priest is named after my favorite holiday." Her sister said, "What are you talking about? He's not named after a holiday!" The first sister, confused, said "But he introduced himself as..." What did he introduce himself as? "I'm Father Chris, Miss" (Clynch Vernadore) Dubya has had big ideas for rebuilding Iraq following his invasion. What started out sounding like a classic rebuilding-assistance-program ends up looking more and more like held-without-being-charged, curfews, and roadblocks. In short, what was originally a ___ ___ turned into a ____ ____. In short, what was originally a Marshall Plan turned into a Martial Plan. (Bob Dvorak) Travelers flying on a shoestring can find some big bargains these days. One airline is now offering a rate so outrageously cheap that it actually sounds like you'll be flying with no shoestrings at all. What do they call the program? Penny Low Fares (Gary Hallock) A blonde pushed through the revolving door underneath the “Slim-Down” sign, and jauntily walked to the counter, behind which stood an equally-blonde receptionist. “Which way to the ...?” she asked. The blonde behind the counter said nothing but pointed to the revolving door from which the visitor had just emerged. Thirty seconds later the same blonde swung through the revolving door, jauntily walked to the counter, behind which stood an equally- blonde receptionist. “Which way to the...?” she asked. The blonde behind the counter said nothing but pointed to the revolving door from which the visitor had just emerged. Thirty seconds later the same blonde swung through the revolving door, jauntily walked to the counter, ... Aaaahhhh, you get the idea. This went on all day until a security officer told them it was closing time. What did the visitor ask? “Which way to the weigh-in?” (Bob Dvorak) After his capture, Saddam Hussein would often chat with his jailors (one of whom spoke Arabic) to pass the time. One particularly embarrassing moment (for Saddam) came when he was reminiscing about life in his opulent palaces. He was describing a special office where only members of Saddam‘s political party could go. The office had a lovely garden, soft and comfortable chairs and cots on which a party member could catch a few winks, wet bar, etc. It was just a nice place to get away from the pressures of running the government. Since only party members were allowed into this office, it was also a relatively safe place to just relax and get away from it all. The embarrassment came when Saddam spoke of this office by the name the party members called it. Translated into English, it took on an unintended connotation that had the jailors laughing it up at Saddam‘s expense. What was the English name for this office? Baath Room (Clynch Varnadore) What was the name of the cardiologist who first attempted to dilate a coronary artery with a balloon? Angie O'Plasty (Stan Kegel) I have a bad joint in my leg. Often when I try to stand, my leg "develops a case" of apathy, lethargy, what not, and basically refuses to function. I can help this out with a little bit of medicinal herb, leading to a condition known as ? Blaa Knee, stoned (Bob Dvorak) If Martha Stewart serves time and someone tries the old file in the cake trick to get her out, what type of cake should they use? Liar (layer) cake (Gary Reeves) So not many people know that Martha Stewart’s rabid perfectionism is due to the imperfection of her body. Under that clothing, she is covered with hardened knobs of flesh. She doesn't have much to fear from the butch broads. One of them was overheard in the hallway. "Martha's ___ _____." Too warty. (Jason Dias) A woman who frequently took a brief siesta at work suffered from a very rare disease. Not only was she likely to doze off at inappropriate times, but while she was sleeping, she actually swiped office supplies from the receptionist's desk. What was her problem? Narcoleptomania (Gary Hallock) In the past repair of torn knee cartilages required a large incision primarily for adequate visualization. Today microsurgery is done. This is made possible by a tiny needle with a coaxial tip that is inserted into the knee joint so that the entire procedure can be watched magnified on a large monitor. This process is known as ... ? Patella Vision (Stan Kegel The prison ward had crumbling, decaying walls. A little spackle would have fixed them right up but, the budget being what it was, the State refused to pay for it. Trouble was, all those little chinks and holes opened the walls to a service corridor which led down into the sewers. Now, while it was impossible to escape through the sewers a-la-Shawshank Redemption, it was very possible for airborne microbes to waft into the cells. Several inmates contracted tuberculosis and died before the problem was resolved. It was a clear case of ……? con spacke-less consumption. (Jason Dias) Ironically, the fleeing thief jumped onto the ore scale at the foundry and was thus able to elude the copper. Why? He was able to steel a weigh. (Gary Hallock) Theresa was on the board of the local stargazers' society and in need of a fundraiser that would be effective and would also attract new members. Suddenly inspiration hit--she would organize a potluck dinner and call it the "Neptune Nosh." She shared her idea with the rest of the board, and they encouraged her. The president gave her the go-ahead in four words, though they sounded very much like just one relevant word. What did the president say to her? Plan it, Terry. Yum! (Cynthia MacGregor) The famous daughter of a famous singer has been much in the limelight lately. Among other things, it seems she has a bit of a drinking problem. When the cops stopped her for erratic driving recently, what device did they use to determine whether or not she was drunk? Breath-O-Liza (Gary Hallock) H.G.Wells "The Time Machine" wasn't originally about a time machine. The English gentleman in the story wasn't really interested in the subject. His real obsession was with a particular piece of music - `Bolero' - and more particularly the exact tempo of the piece. He constructed his own phonograph with variable rotation and calculated exactly how long the piece should take to play, beginning to end, at the perfect tempo. Thus he was less interested in time travel than in timed Ravel. (Jason Dias) A new company has been formed specifically to transport football fans to big games. They're reportedly planning on featuring Ravel on the in-flight stereo. What's the company's name? Bowl Aero (Bob Dvorak) When I had a wisdom tooth extracted the dentist gave it to me for a memento. At first I didn’t know what to do with it, but being the chemist I am, I solved my problem by keeping it in a bottle of water. What did I end up with? A one molar solution (Stan Kegel) The Italian magician's best trick was changing one kind of food to another. He did this by waving a celery stick and saying what? Pesto Chango (Clynch Vernadore) -<>- .---------------. / oLo \ O/_____/________/____\O /__________+__________\ / (#############) \ |[**](#############)[**]| \_______________________/ |_""__|_,-----,_|__""_| | | '-----' | | APC'97 '-' '-' >Set the Parking Brake, Stupid! 1996 Darwin Award Nominee Confirmed True by Darwin Remember the tragic death of two small boys who drowned when the car they were in rolled down a boat ramp into a lake? Their mother Susan Smith was convicted of their murder. The lake has become a shrine for visitors. A family visiting the lake drove up to the boat ramp but forgot to set the parking brake. The car rolled into the lake, drowning two adults and two children. DarwinAwards.com © 1994-2003 Submitted by Wendy Renee -<>- _.---,_ .' `'. \ __..-'\ }-"` \ /__,,..---.._| \ | |---..__ | / ``"-./ .'---...__ | .' ``"-./ ,--./...,,,__ / '--.'__ __```.-. /._ / ` ` ' `=/.-.|-._) | .-. .-. "\\ / || O| | O| ""=='_\ .-' '-'o '-' ""=\` `''--/- ""=-,\--._ .---|- ( ""=-. \` \ /`)"=."=|'-. '. _.-' ' "=|\| (`----` '="=|/ `-. "=/` '. =/ \ =| .-. |` "=| ( ~._ | "==| _.-~`\ \ ~. |'"="| _.-~ ) ; ~-.|.-._|_.-~ / / _-( /-.__ ( '._..--~~`/`/-'\-._ `~~- ; jgs /"=| |" =\~-...___.-~ /=" / | "==\ / = (_ \ "==\ ;="= `\_) =="\ >JEST FOR KIDS - THE PUNS Hey, did you hear about the downfall of the bungee suppliers? (Doug Helsel) Every time Harvey tries to create a new picture he draws a blank (Myke Ashley-Cooper) If you're looking for oranges on an apple tree you will have a fruitless search. (Micheline) A doctor who fell on his funny bone had a nurse tell him it was a humerus incident. (Micheline) A bank manager without anyone around may find themselves a-loan. Some bankers are generous to a vault. But not with other banks because two banks with different rates have a conflict of interest. Whenever I go near my bank I get withdrawal symptoms. But I keep away because the fine print is usually a clause for suspicion. (Dianne) Victim: I had a watch stolen from right under my nose. Policeman: Well, that’s a funny place to wear it. (Michael, 10) When I woke up this morning my mother asked me, "Did you sleep good?" I said, "No, I made a few mistakes. (Steven Wright) Nurse: How is the girl who swallowed the quarter? Doctor: No change yet! (Arca Max) Tourist: "Help! An alligator bit off my leg!" Doctor: "Which one?" Tourist: "How should I know? All these alligators look alike." (Lederer & Ertner) A guy walks into a doctor’s office. He has a sausage coming out of his ear, a waffle coming out of his nose, and bacon coming out of his other ear. He says worriedly, "Doc, what's wrong with me?" The doctor replies, "You're not eating properly." (Lessa) Do you believe in free speech? Of course! Then may I use your telephone (Betty Debnam) A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw (Funny Pun of the Day) -<>- .---. (_---_) (_/6 6\_) ( v ) `\ /' .-'': ;``-. / \,Y./ \ / (:)___ \ : .-'XXX`-.`\_; `.__.-XXX-.__.'\_ / / XXX \ \ `\_ / XXX \ `\ / XXX \ _`\___ jgs / \ (`--"""-') / \ (=-=-=-=-) `--...___ ___...--' (________) >Sick Light Grandma Jones had never experienced a sick day in her life, so she didn't take it kindly when a bad case of the "mulligrubs" sent her to the hospital for observation. By the time a pair of husky interns got Grandma tucked into bed, she had managed to complain about everything: the temperature, the lights, the skimpy gown, the food and the mattress, especially, the mattress. Suddenly, Grandma spotted a small plastic item with a button, attached to a cord. "What's that?" she demanded. "If you need anything in the middle of the night, Grandma," said one of the interns, "just press that button." "What does it do, ring a bell?" she asked. "No, it turns on a light in the hall for the nurse on duty," the intern replied. "A light in the hall?" responded Grandma. "Look, I'm the sick one around here. If the night nurse needs a light on in the hall, she can get up and switch it on herself." -<>- >You Know You've Had Too Much Coffee When . . . * You can type sixty words a minute with your feet. * Instant coffee takes too long. * You chew on other people's fingernails. * You answer the door, before people knock. * You sleep with your eyes open. * You go to sleep, just so you can wake up and smell the coffee. * You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore. * You're the employee of the month at Starbucks - and you don't even work there. * You help your dog chase its tail. * You lick your coffeepot clean. * You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee. * You're so wired you pick up FM radio. * You have a picture of your coffee mug, on your coffee mug. -<>- .--. /_`-.| < )/ L_.'/ _;-"``\ _,__.-'|| ; ,_ \__| || || | |_`"-._ \|| || | |`"-._| || || | | | || || | | | || || ;' | | || ||_,-'| | | |{o};| | | | `))` | | | | (( | | | | ) | | j | ( | | g | ` | | s | _|___| |____| (___._| >Four Rabbis Four rabbis had a series of theological arguments, and three were always in accord against the fourth. One day, the odd rabbi out, after the usual "3 to 1, majority rules" statement that signified that he had lost again, decided to appeal to a higher authority. "Oh, God!" he cried. "I know in my heart that I am right and they are wrong! Please give me a sign to prove it to them!" It was a beautiful, sunny day. As soon as the rabbi finished his prayer, a storm cloud moved across the sky above the four. It rumbled once and dissolved. "A sign from God! See, I'm right, I knew it!" But the other three disagreed, pointing out that storm clouds form on hot days. So the rabbi prayed again: "Oh, God, I need a bigger sign to show that I am right and they are wrong. So please, God, a bigger sign!" This time four storm clouds appeared, rushed toward each other to form one big cloud, and a bolt of lightning slammed into a tree on a nearby hill. "I told you I was right!" cried the rabbi, but his friends insisted that nothing had happened that could not be explained by natural causes. The rabbi was getting ready to ask for a *very big* sign, but just as he said, "Oh God...," the sky turned pitch black, the earth shook, and a deep, booming voice intoned, "HEEEEEEEE'S RIIIIIIIGHT!" The rabbi put his hands on his hips, turned to the other three, and said, "Well?" "So," shrugged one of the other rabbis, "now it's 3 to 2." ... -<>- >Pardon Me??? An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tightly so that it would not blow off in the wind. A gentleman approached her and said: "Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?" "Yes, I know," said the lady, "I need both hands to hold onto this hat." "But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed!" said the gentleman in earnest. The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, "Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!" -<>- >New Jersey & North Carolina Dumb Laws New Jersey: If you are convicted of driving while intoxicated, you are no longer allowed to apply for personalized license plates. North Carolina: It is against the law to roller blade on a state highway. If a man and a woman who aren't married go to a hotel/motel and register themselves as married then, according to state law, they are legally married. All couples staying overnight in a hotel must have a room with double beds that are at least two feet apart. Making love in the space between the beds is strictly forbidden. If you are in possession of illegal substances you must pay taxes on them. However, paying taxes on these items does not make them legal. __ _,-'`````--.___..----.,'__`---..__ ,'' ,' `.`. `. ,'' / ` ) \ // | / \ // : : - .-""""-. |== ==|-. |~~ ~~~|`\\ |LILILI| || In The Year 2004 | |// | |/ | | jgs __|______|__ [____________] >Summer Could Bring Gas Shortages 9:12 am PST, 5 March 2004 The U.S. Department of Energy says it is "concerned" gas shortages could plague the nation during the upcoming summer months, when driving is heavier due to vacations and other outings. The agency also repeated its earlier concerns about higher gas prices on Thursday, but so far no answers for either dilemma have been forthcoming, USA Today reported. "This administration is extremely concerned" about the near-record gas prices, Energy Secretary Spencer Abraham said. In separate news, the head of the Energy Information Administration, Guy Caruso, told a Senate panel that "many signs are pointing to a tight gasoline market this driving season," repeating the caution about possible shortages from a recent EIA analysis. The average price nationwide for a gallon of regular unleaded gasoline is $1.709. The record was $1.737 Aug. 30 of last year, according to motorist's club AAA. --- ...We didn't know how good we had it - We got change all right [sigh] -<>- _ , L\ \/OO\ |/ \ /_\ ` _\ |_ Arjen Pilon >Interesting Research University of Toronto shows that the type of facial/physical features that a woman finds attractive can differ, depending upon where a woman is in her menstrual cycle. For example, if a woman is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. If she is menstruating or menopausal, she is more prone to be attracted to a man with scissors shoved in his temple and a bat jammed up his behind while he is on fire. -<>- ________ /________\ //( ( ( ( \\ || ((|| ||) ) ` ) )|| || (\___( ( || \|) ) \)_|/ / ((\_v_/ \ / /) x \ \ | | x | | | \ x / | | | x | | | |\ x /| | | |/\ x /\| | | | \x/ | | | | V | | /____\ /____\ | | | | / \ / \ | | | | `~~| |~~' |\ /| | \ / | |___V___| | / \ | | / \ | |/ \| / \ / \ ______/ \_______ ============================ Alyssa >Plinkety Plink A middle-aged woman seemed sheepish as she visited her gynecologist. "Come now," coaxed the doctor, "you've been seeing me for years! There's nothing you can't tell me." "This one's kind of strange..." "Let me be the judge of that," the doctor replied. "Well," she said, "yesterday I went to the bathroom in the morning and heard a plink-plink-plink in the toilet and when I looked down, the water was full of pennies." "I see." "That afternoon I went again and there were nickels in the bowl." "Uh-huh" "That night," she went on, "there were dimes and this morning there were quarters! You've got to tell me what's wrong with me!," she implored, "I'm scared out of my wits!" The gynecologist put a comforting hand on her shoulder. "There, there, it's nothing to be scared about." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~ (Ready for this?) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~ (I'm warning you.....) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~ ~~~~ (Still not too late.....SCROLL DOWN PAST THIS NOW!) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~ "You're simply going through the change." ========================================================== >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Lest We Forget http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lestweforget.htm From Russia With Love http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/teardrop.html Liberty Air Show http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/liberty.html Ray's Freedom Rock http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/freedomrock.html Miniature Wonderland http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/modeltrain.html Real Fantasy Trees http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/trees.html Polar Bear http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/polar.html Ricochet The Surf Dog http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ricochet.html We've All Been There http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/catbox.html -<>- >From Our Friend Johanna :) All of you have known this 'church lady' at some point in your lives... http://videos2view.net/thongs.htm --- ...Too Funny! Thanks Johanna! -<>- >From Our Friend Wesley :) eBid Online Auctions http://www.ebid.net/ Koko.org / Koko's World / KokoSigns http://goo.gl/Ed01S --- ...Pretty Cool! Thanks Wesley! -<>- >From LynnLynn's Links: For The Lazy Sports Fanatic http://www.buffaloschips.com/glkl.htm Fox Thief http://www.buffaloschips.com/gfrdf.htm Freak out. No Whopper http://www.buffaloschips.com/grer.htm Fred Astaire & Eleanor Powell http://www.buffaloschips.com/gjki.htm Friends Come and Go http://www.buffaloschips.com/gtyu.htm So Much For Sensitivity http://www.buffaloschips.com/lkooi9.htm Sophisticated Robbers http://www.buffaloschips.com/mngr4.htm If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com ============================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "Legendary movie producer Roger Corman is making a movie for the Sci-Fi channel. It's about a creature that's half shark and half octopus: 'Sharktopus.' Take that, Avatar." -Craig Ferguson "President Obama was at a bookstore in Iowa yesterday and he bought a $37 pop-up book for Press Secretary son. He said, 'It's a little expensive, sir' and Obama said, 'I can handle it.' Then he called the president of China and said, 'Can I borrow 37 bucks?'" -Jimmy Fallon "According to a new study, polar bears will probably be ex- tinct by the year 2050. So enjoy eating them while you can." -Dave Letterman "I was in Las Vegas this past weekend. I saw a Drew Carey game there. You know you've made it when there's a game named after you. It's called 'The All-You-Can-Eat Buffet.'" -Craig Ferguson "More Americans can name the three stooges than the three branches of government. Well, that's because the three stooges are more likely to get something done." -David Letterman "L.A. has got so many cupcake stores these days. When did we start eating so many cupcakes? Also, there are about 10,000 medical marijuana dispensaries in L.A., so maybe that's got something to do with it." -Jimmy Kimmel "I found myself utterly depressed the other day and spent the entire afternoon listening to Celine Dion records... at least that's what I thought I was doing. Turns out the cat had just fallen into the dryer and was trying to get out." --Julian Clary "He's the kind of friend who will always be there when he needs you." --Adam Christing "There's an old saying - There's No Place Like Home. Well, I went in the house next door, and it was very, very similar." --Geoffrey Parfitt I realized the impact of computers on my young son one evening when there was a dramatic sunset. Pointing to the western sky, David said, "I wish we could click and save that." A sign on Washington's Route 8, featuring an illustration of a police car with lights flashing, reads" "If you drink and drive, we'll provide the chasers." At the beginning of my junior year of High School in Arkansas, our homeroom teacher had us fill out a form stating our future goals. Out of curiosity, I leaned over to see what my friend put down for her aspirations. Where it read "Vocational Plans," she had written, "Florida." >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food andd DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************