Happy Letter Writing Day And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ >-->OoooWEeeee!! oo 8 "} > @ < .8 .-._/| .'_'`')`_.' \| ) / (>'/ |_,_ | (,| .' ,'\| `._/ ) \| '`- -- ''-- --- VK/ejm I'm doing a 'Happy Angel' dance! Why? Because Shangrala has been blessed with another donation from our long time Shangrala Angel, Cloie from NH! May God Bless her abundantly! She is a loyal supporter contributing to help Keep Shangrala Alive! We sure do thank God for her and all our past most sweet, caring and wonderful angels! Shangrala is only here because of you! Thank You! If you'd like to help too and be counted as a Shangrala Angel, please visit the site and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL page comes up. NOTE: Paypal will generate a 'Quantity 1' and 'Price per item' form. Just ignore the price per item and put whatever it is you desire to give in there. With Paypal, you will have your normal receipt for your 'payment' donation in USD (United States Dollars). You can put a memo in there if you'd like. EVERY LITTLE BIT WILL HELP! Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS YOU ABUNDANTLY FOR YOUR GIFT! ================ . .' \ .' . .' ...'.` ___.-. .' ...'.' _.---' `..' ...'.' __.---' .' ...'.' .--' .' ...'.'. /` .' ...'.' `. / .' ...'.' `. / .' ...'.' `-. / .' ...'.' `. / ` _.-.' ...' `-._____.-' / / .' ...' /` /.'. ...' / .' .`.' \ / .' ...' | \ / /\ .' ...' \ | / / .' ...' / \ | /_/ .' ...' / | | |' `._..' .-------.__________.' .' .'---- .' | | | .' .... | | .' ...'| \ __.' | ___ / \...' \_`------------------._____ ___.---' / .-' | | \__/ `--.__ _.-' /.-' \__/ `------' ' VK *~* A REMINDER: Yahoo Announcement: 'We’re shutting down the Yahoo Groups website on December 15, 2020 and members will no longer be able to send or receive emails from Yahoo Groups.' After that, we'll be going to having the ShangyFunList only on my Shangrala website. You will have to check out the website for the group emails mostly on Mondays for the Smiles and on Thursdays for the Inspirations. No emails will be sent out from me to the group after Yahoo shuts it down. I host the Shangy Fun List Here - Text Only: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ShangyFunList.html ================ >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) Our flaming hot new page is from our friend BonnieT. It is one to give you some smiles and stress relief for your day. Be sure to turn your sound up and check this fun one out here... `}-' `}-' ___ `}-' `}-' ____/`-, _____/`-, "-_/}__ `}-'_/`-, /`-,( _,,.{-,_(__,,,.( [(_.-'`--,__ ____/`-,.(,-`}-'_,>___\/`-, >|`---\ [(__\___\ _`-(--...(..-'_`./`-,/(--,,.( // / > |_______/-' >`---\ / ( `{ >`---\ pb __|___|__) / \ / \ /`--/< / \ /| / \/ \ The Night Before Christmas 2020 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/christmas2020.html --- ...I love this! Thanks BonnieT! ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: + (|) _____.___.|_|. | / \ |===| | / \ | o | |__/__v__\|, ,| | | | | | || || |/| . . . |','| ||| A A A | , | ||| M M M | | wtx --------------------- A mother took her little boy to church. While in church the little boy said, "Mommy, I have to pee." The mother said to the little boy, "It's not appropriate to say the word 'pee' in church. So, from now on whenever you have to 'pee' just tell me that you have to 'whisper'.” The following Sunday, the little boy went to church with his father and during the service said to his father, "Daddy, I have to whisper." The father looked at him and said, "Okay, just whisper in my ear." -<>- >Unpublished but Irrefutable Laws These laws are not scientifically proven, not theoretically reasonable and not professionally endorsed, but they are irrefutably true. O'brien's Variation Law: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now. Cannon's Karmic Law: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire. Kovac's Conundrum: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one. Owen's Law: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold. Howden's Law: You remember you have to mail a letter only when you're near the mailbox. Lorenz's Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch. Anthony's Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. Bell's theorem: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings. Ruby's principle of close encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with. Willoughby's Law: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will. Zadra's Law of biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach. Breda's rule: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last. ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ December 7 is International Civil Aviation Day, Letter Writing Day, National Cotton Candy Day and Pearl Harbor Day December 8 is National Brownie Day and Take it in the Ear Day December 9 is Christmas Card Day and National Pastry Day December 10 is Human Rights Day and Nobel Prize Day December 11 is National Noodle Ring Day December 12 is National Ding-a-Ling Day and Poinsettia Day December 13 is Ice Cream Day, International Children's Day and Violin Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: _________________ |'-========OoO===='-. | ||'-.____'-.'-.____'-. | || | | | | '-| | | | | Oof! This thing's heavy! '-|______|__|______| '-.--./**).--.-' .' .' /__\ // \\ `- `- >Christmas Gift Figuring that her four-year-old son Kevin was listening in the next room, Janet decided to tell her husband Don the latest Christmas gift she had bought the boy by spelling out the words "fire truck" Don nodded and said, "I think it would be a great Christmas gift." From the other side of the wall, they heard Kevin yell, "I don't want letters for Christmas!" -<>- >Mom's Fish I took my mother on a fishing excursion yesterday. Nobody was having any luck. After drifting for hours without so much as a nibble, who should hook into one but my Mom. Everyone on the boat was excited, cheering her on and telling her to take her time. Finally she lifted the fish into the boat, picked it up, removed the hook, looked at it up and down, and then tossed it back into the water. I was stunned. I said, "Mom, why did you throw that fish back into the water?" "I don't know. To me it just didn't look fresh." -<>- >Diaper Change My wife and I, both graduate students, recently celebrated the arrival of our first child. At my wife's insistence, we had paid our entire medical bill and were now worried about meeting other payments. We were discussing our sad financial situation one evening when our son demanded a diaper change. As my wife leaned over the baby's crib, I heard her mutter, "The only thing in the house that's paid for, and it leaks." -<>- >Pizza Coupon Dispatching her ten-year-old son to pick up a pizza, my sister handed him money and a two-dollar coupon. Later he came home with the pizza, and the coupon. When asked to explain, he replied, "Mom, I had enough money. I didn't need the coupon." -<>- >First Job "This is a great place to work!" shouted my 16-year-old brother after coming home from the first day at his first job. "I get two weeks paid vacation." "I'm so glad," said my mother. "Yeah," he added. "I can't wait to find out where they send me." ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :) _____ /_..._\ (0[###]0) `' `' -Lester AMC >SMILES As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280. Please be careful!" "Shucks," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!" ---------- A man parked his car at the supermarket and was walking past a row of empty shopping carts when the cart-girl standing there called after him, "Excuse me, did you want a cart?" "No," he answered. "I'm only after one thing." As he walked into the store, he heard her murmur, "Just like a man." ---------- When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what's wrong with me." "Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "You're just a plain old lazy fart." "Thank You." said the man. "Now give me the medical term, so I can tell my wife!" ---------- A big, burly man visited the pastor's home and asked to see the minister's wife, who was well known for her charitable impulses. As he addressed her he said in a broken voice, "I'd like to draw your attention to the terrible plight of a poor family in this district. The father is dead, the mother is too ill to work, and the nine children are starving. They are about to be turned out into the cold streets unless someone pays their $950 rent payment. "How terrible!" exclaimed the preacher's wife. "May I ask who you are?" The sympathetic visitor wiped his eyes with his handkerchief and sobbed. "I'm their landlord." ---------- A woman rushes to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off, "Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were blood-shot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's wrong with me, Doctor?" The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says, "Well, I can tell you one thing . . . there's nothing wrong with your eyesight." ---------- Caller: "There's something wrong with my password. Whenever I type it, it just shows stars." Help Desk: "Those asterisks are to protect you. If someone is standing behind you, they can't read your password." Caller: "Yeah, but they show up even when there is no one standing behind me." --- ...Teeeheee! Thanks LouiseAu! -<>- /())) //( oo (/|| _ \__ /||||/ '._-' / \ |\ / \ \ \_____ | \ \.___ /==, | ='.___/=. | ) '.______ | (______( | || snd |_|| _/ | |_\ '---'--' >Wisdom For Today 1. Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. 2. I'm not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain. 3. I'm in shape. Round is a shape. 4. I'm desperately trying to figure out why Kamikaze pilots wore helmets. 5. Do you think illiterate people get the full affect of alphabet soup? 6. I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific. 7. Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window? 8. Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster than you is a maniac? 9. You have to stay in shape. My mother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now and we have no idea where she is. 10. I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them. 11. One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you. 12. They show you how detergent takes out bloodstains. I think if you've got a tee shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem. 13. Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the walls. 14. A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, "Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?" I said, "I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too." 15. Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore. --- ...LOL & Chuckles! Great ones! Thanks LouiseAu! -<>- (\ _\_(`\_ `/` _ `/,-'=/` _,'|`._ /' `/` ,-' |||._ `-._ i_i _,-' ,-' || `__ `-._ "=(. .)=" _,-' _,-' --||- (..=`/._ `-/#\ ( i_i ,\ _,-' | )|_|-==` \_)`-/ /v "=(. .)=" ,' ,|/ \ |__||\ //|\\ / / #/ ,/ \ ( ,' ,' ((_.--._)) || )(/|\)' /# ; ,/ #,/v ,' ,' |`- -' ||/ (/\\ / #; ,/# ,/ ,' ' / | \ */"-._ |/ _____,-''"/_)/__ / ,',---|((_.--._(__/ _.--""_____)-//_______"-. (,-.)| `- -( _,"_.--"" |||(( __ "-.: ___,/ ;| \ */ _\'_," (\__/) |||\\\ |__`,()() . \ (,_.) (_| (__/,'_,' /_/)=\.\. = |||||| | `( ` ``\|\)\ ( ;.__| _,-'_,' =//. ==> _7)< |||||| |`` , ` * "") ___\ _,--'_,-' //_(7__/) ////\ |||||| |``` \___.--' \_"""_,--' <*)_//'"" )/_/-"""":|||||,""""(("-._/ | """" ) ( _(-' _.---"\___,----. |||||| | ,' "`._ ,(( | ) ( \_/' ,' _"" "_ `.||||| |,"\\'--._) "._ \ \_/<. .>""( ( . .) )|||| |\\ \/,"\\ /`--._) <. .>|_/\| \/ ) \,-( \(||||| | \\)"\\ \) ||_/( ( | |\/ /, \ \ )\\(:|||||,()""""-.:| | \ `-\ | |__\/, :`/-`._____,-""_,' ctr:| |"""\___,""""""""""""""\(_,( (__,-"||---""""""; \---""""---------""""""""````/////))----""""/ ~~~\ ~///////~ ~/~~~~~ \ ~~~~~ ~~~~~~~ /~~~~/ ~~/ ~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ >BUILDING NOAH'S ARK TODAY In the year 2017, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in America and said: "Once again, the earth has become wicked and over -populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me." "Build another ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans." He gave Noah the blueprints, saying: "You have 6 months to build the ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights." Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no ark. "Noah!," He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the ark?" "Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed." "I needed a building permit." "I've been arguing with the boat inspector about the need for a sprinkler system." "My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood by-laws by building the ark in my back yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the local Planning Committee for a decision." "Then the local Council and the electric company demanded a shed load of money for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear none of it." "Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the Greater Spotted Barn Owl." "I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!" "When I started gathering the animals the ASPCA took me to court. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodations were too restrictive and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space." "Then the Environmental Protection Agency ruled that I couldn't build the ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood." "I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew." "The Immigration Dept. is checking the visa status of most of the people who want to work." "The trade unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with ark-building experience." "To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species." "So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this ark." "Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky." Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to destroy the world?" "No," said the Lord. "The Government beat me to it." --- ...LOL! Thanks LouiseAu! -<>- . , - * - ' ) _(_ ,' `. / \ |M A I L| \ / `.___,' >Today's E-mail It's sometimes easy to forget how easily email technology can be misused, sometimes unintentionally, with serious consequences. Consider the case of the man who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife, whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint. At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen: Dearest Wife, Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Your Loving Husband PS. Sure is hot down here. ---------- One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the rascally behavior that was going on. He decided to send an angel down to Earth to check it out. So he called one of His angels and sent the angel to Earth for a time. When she returned, she told God, "Yes, it is bad on Earth; 95% are misbehaving and 5% are not." He thought for a moment and said, "Maybe I had better send down a second angel to get another opinion." So God called another angel and sent him to Earth for a time, too. When the angel returned he went to God and said, "Yes, the Earth is in decline; 95% are misbehaving and 5% are being good." God was not pleased. So He decided to E-mail the 5% that were good because He wanted to encourage them... give them a little something to help them keep going. Do you know what that E-mail said? / / / / / / / / / / ,---------------. / `- [ E - M A I L | \ ,- `---------------' You didn't get one either, huh? --- ...Oh My! HaHaHa! Thanks LouiseAu! ========================================================= >-->From HandyHints: | |/ | ,,,,, ,+ /| / \ () | || \ C '\ /|_() || ) _| .'___/,,,// || .'=. (____E.' / / \ || | \)`-\ _F_.' \ c `\ || \ \ !'__/ ) _| || \ \,' / /`._( || |`. .' / \ \ || \ `-' | .-. | | \ E || >====[] | \ |__| | O OE || / |_/ | |___)| `.__j____ \|E || \_ | || __`.________ `. |""|\| \ |\ ||| \///_ _|__|_| \ __ | \ ||`""\\""""//"' \`. \ | |[__]| \ ||.---\\__//---. | | \____| ||__|/ / \|____________|\ |/ | | | / || || /| | | -----| |/------------||-||-/`| |----------| /| | || ||/`-|___| | /\| | || \\._ [____] h| /`.|____| || \\ `-/ '`._ j| `=.\____/ || \\__`-.____) w| ) '`--. _.-||-._ `""""""" | `='====' ,-' ' ` `-. | `-.________.-' | Split ends have never been considered attractive because they are a sign of over processed, damaged and unhealthy hair. Yeah, you can snip those ends off, but that sure does make it hard to grow out your hair! The good news: there are a few DIY hair masks made from simple ingredients you probably already have these in your kitchen that you can apply regularly without spending the big bucks on salon products. Hair is made up of a protein called keratin, so be sure to include plenty of protein in your diet to prevent the ends from splitting in the first place. Mix together one egg yolk, 3 tbsp of olive oil, and 1 tbsp of honey. Apply this mixture to your ends (or any damaged hair), and then cover it with plastic wrap to really lock it in, as well as help keep it off of your clothes and furniture. Let it sit for at least an hour, and then wash as usual. Do this once a week before washing to keep your ends softer and stronger than ever. * Do you love dry shampoo? Try using it before you hit your pillow for the night. Dry shampoo can work wonders to help stretch out washing your hair, but I have to share this hack with you. I have found dry shampoo is far more effective if I spritz my hair, and tie my hair up in a loose bun before I hit the hay. I feel it gives it time to work its magic - you know absorb the oils, giving my thin hair more volume. Also, avoids the dreaded powdered particles that is a dead giveaway that I haven't washed my hair in a couple days ,-----------------. | One used gym | | sock : | | : | | : : | | ,-----. : | | %%%%%%% : | | ####### : : | | %%%%%%% ) | | | | ( ( ( | | | | ) . ) | | |& | ( ( : : | | (&$ `-. ) | | `. $&& `. : | | __`. * `. : | | / ""`-. ** \ | | \_______`-.___) | `-----------------' Krogg * Socks on the Go! Pack an extra pair of socks in your car's glove compartment. Then if you need to get out and shovel, or if you step into a puddle, you'll have dry socks to change into! And put those mismatched socks to use: use them as wiper blade covers! * Let the sun shine in. Open the curtains in your house when the sun is out. This is another low cost way to bring heat and light into the home, helping to lower the electric bill. Maximize this tip by buying thicker curtains (or lining your existing curtains with fleece) to keep that heat in when you close the curtains. * Create a home for slushy snow boots. During the winter, keep a pile of newspaper near the entryway. When your little snowmen and -women come home, they can toss their winter wear onto the newspaper instead of creating puddles on the floor. * Dry the inside of your shoes in no time! If you stepped in a puddle or you were ankle-deep in snow, you can dry out the insides of your shoes much faster if you just crumple up balls of newspaper and place them inside. The newspaper will soak up the water. * Keep a bag of clay kitty litter in your trunk. If your car gets stuck in deep snow or slick ice, sprinkling kitty litter (non-clumping) at the base of your tires can be just the thing to add some traction and get things moving again. The extra weight in your trunk will also create added pressure on your tires, ensuring greater contact between your tread and the ground. ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: Proclamation on National Pearl Harbor Remembrance Day, 2020 On the morning of December 7, 1941, Imperial Japanese forces ambushed the Naval Station Pearl Harbor on the Hawaiian island of Oahu. Tragically, 2,403 Americans perished during the attack, including 68 civilians. On this National Pearl Harbor Remembrance Day, we solemnly honor and uphold the memory of the patriots who lost their lives that day — “a date which will live in infamy” - and we reflect on the courage of all those who served our Nation with honor in the Second World War. https://tinyurl.com/y4fb7r6z Trump Georgia Rally https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E4w--Vhjteg The Media is Furious at Trump’s Wi-Fi Password at Rally AND MORE: https://reliablenewsnow.com/ Justice With Judge Jeanine 12/5/20 https://www.bitchute.com/video/F6W65cCN9CLY/ Pray for Rudy Giuliani - Hospitalized After Testing Positive for Covid-19 AND More: https://americanactionnews.com/ Rumors about Attorney Sidney Powell’s efforts to uncover serious evidence of widespread interference in the 2020 election have been confirmed true. / Biden Officials BUSTED In MASSIVE BRIBERY SCHEME! AND MORE: https://threepercenternation.com/ EXPLOSIVE VIDEO: Trump Attorney Says He’s Seen Sidney Powell’s Evidence- “TRUMP WON BIG” Then Drops THIS HUGE BOMB And MORE: https://tinyurl.com/y48y2n99 Leaked Election Night Video Pushes Governor To Demand THIS https://tinyurl.com/yxra46pg Petition Growing For President To Trump To TAKE CHARGE Of Fraud Investigation! AND MORE: https://tinyurl.com/yxjb6qfb The Grinch May Steal Christmas This Year for Real if This Man Has His Way https://tinyurl.com/y6gqep7q Westwing News: https://www.whitehouse.gov/westwingreads/ WhiteHouseNews: https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/ Latest From AFA: http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw Students For Life https://tinyurl.com/yd5nxmu6 Latest From OperationRescue: http://www.operationrescue.org/ Latest Product Alert: Meat, Poultry Recalled http://www.emergencyemail.org/products/?fmt=text Latest Health Alert: Vaccination Certificates Recommended http://www.emergencyemail.org/health/?fmt=text Click to Give Free https://tinyurl.com/y2abb8d2 -<>- >From BizarreNews: A silver-colored metal monolith has been discovered in California, shortly after similar monoliths in Utah and Romania were discovered and subsequently removed. The first metal monolith was discovered by a Utah Department of Public Safety Aero Bureau helicopter crew in a rural area in the southwestern part of the state in late November. The mysterious landmark became a tourist attraction before being removed days later by a group of men who said they were seeking to stop the influx of visitors from ruining the natural landscape and leaving behind trash. A very similar structure was spotted on a hill near the Petrodava Dacian Fortress in Romania a few days after the Utah monolith first appeared, and it was removed by an unknown party shortly after the initial sightings. The California monolith was photographed Wednesday at the top of Pine Mountain in Atascadero. Deputy City Manager Terrie Banish confirmed the object was removed by unknown means Thursday morning. She said the city did not remove the monolith and does not intend to investigate the matter. Witnesses to the California monolith's removal said the culprits were vandals from out of town who replaced the structure with a wooden cross. The origins of all three objects remain unknown. -<>- Crews working to restore a historical landmark in New York state discovered a century-old time capsule containing four rare coins and two letters from men who worked on a previous restoration project. The Roslyn Landmark Society said workers restoring the Roslyn Grist Mill, which was built in the 1700s, discovered the time capsule buried in the concrete floor that was installed during a 1917 restoration project. The half-pint milk bottle contained four rare coins: an 1863 Civil War money piece, an 1863 Haitian centime, an 1881 Indian Head penny and a 1905 Indian Head penny. The bottle also contained two letters, one written in English and one in Italian. The English letter was written by Stephen Speedling, who owned a nearby carpentry shop. He wrote the building was being rebuilt for Harold Godwin, grandson of poet William Cullen Bryant. The letter in Italian was written by Romolo Capparrelli, who identified himself as the person who designed the structure's planking-style concrete roof. "To find such a piece of history is just really a treasure," Roslyn Landmark Society member Jennifer Lister said. Lister said the group is considering putting their own time capsule in the building before the restoration project is complete. The mill is slated to become a museum after the project ends. *--- Man tops 66 mph in electric wheelchair ---* A British man who was diagnosed with motor neuron disease in 2013 broke a Guinness World Record when he took his prototype electric wheelchair to a top speed of 66.826 mph. Jason Liversidge said he teamed up three years ago with engineer Graham Sykes, electric-vehicle specialist Ian Goodman and Rod Heald from the British design and engineering firm Heald to create an electric wheelchair designed for speed. "My wife, Liz, thinks I'm slightly barmy for doing it, although she's 100% behind me," Liversidge said. Liversidge took the prototype wheelchair for a spin at the Elvington airfield in Yorkshire, England, with the U.K. Timing Association measuring his speed. Liversidge's first two runs on the track saw him reach top speeds of 51.3 and 52.7 mph, and he increased the battery voltage for the third run and reached a speed of 66.826 mph. The fast run was enough to earn him the record for fastest speed by an electric mobility-vehicle (prototype). *--- The wrong yard to crash into ---* A Virginia woman was arrested after police say she opened fire on a vehicle that had crashed in her backyard. Police say they were dispatched just before 11:30 Saturday night for reports of shot fired. The caller was 74-year-old Nancy Blough of Warrenton who said she woke up to a vehicle crashing into things in her backyard, including her vehicle. Police say Blough fired several shots at the vehicle, striking it as it attempted to leave the area. The suspected occupant of the vehicle, Kaitlyn Yontz, 29, was found nearby unharmed and charged with being intoxicated in public, according to police. Blough is charged with reckless discharge of a firearm, and unlawful discharge of a firearm into an occupied vehicle. She was held reportedly held on a $5,000 secured bond. *--- Jet ski Santas make Guinness record ---* More than 150 people in Santa suits boarded jet skis in Australia to attempt a Guinness World Record and raise money for charity. Organizers of the record attempt on the Nerang River in Queensland said a total 156 people dressed as Santa Claus rode jet skis to break a Guinness record and raise money for Christmas Presents for Kids in Care, a charity that distributes toys to children in foster care. The organizers said they bested the previous record of 129 Santas on jet skis. Australia previously set the Guinness record for the largest surfing lesson ever, when 320 people in Santa Claus costumes received instructions on how to shred the waves. ========================================================= >-->From TheGroaner: .======================================. | ___ ___ ___ _ _ _ | | \_/ \_/ \_/ C|||C|||C||| |-| |-| |-| | | _|_ _|_ _|_ ||| ||| ||| |_| |_| |_| | '===================================== ,sSSSs DUFFY'S WATERING HOLE SSSS "( .:. SSS@ =/ \~/ C|||' SSSS_(_ _Y_ ___|||______________________________SS/ _)_) /.- [____________________________________] \ /\// | ____ ____ ____ ____ | \|==(\_/ | (____) (____) (____) (____) | (/ ; | | | | | | | | | | |____| | | | | | | | | | | \ |\ | | | | | | | | | | ) ) ) | |____| |____| |____| |____| | ( |/ | I====I I====I I====I I====I | /\ | jgs | | | | | | | | | /.(=\ Y\_\ >Give Me A Drink A woman walks up to an obnoxious drunk at a bar and tells him, "If you were my husband, I'd poison your drink." The man replies, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it." -<>- >Marriage Decision A young man was in love with two women and could not decide which of them to marry. Finally, he went to a marriage counselor. The counselor asked, "Please describe your two loves." "Well, one is a great poet." "And the other?" "The other makes delicious pancakes." "I see. So, you can't decide whether to marry for batter or for verse." -<>- >I Feel Just Like A Newborn Sam and Greg lived in a retirement center and were sitting on a bench under a tree when Greg turned to the Sam and said, "Sam, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?" Sam says, "Well, I feel just like a newborn baby." Greg Said, "Really! Like a baby!" To which Sam replied, "Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet myself." -<>- >How Was Your Game? Coming home from his Little League game, Billy swung open the front door very excited. Unable to attend the game, his father immediately wanted to know what happened. "So, how did you do son?" he asked. "You'll never believe it!" Billy said. "I was responsible for the winning run!" "Really? How'd you do that?" "I dropped the ball." -<>- o .==. (\`".\| _>` (_--. _=/d ,^\ ~~ \)-' ' - a:f - / | ' ' >Q and A Quickies Q: Know what Paul Revere said at the end of his famous ride? A: WHOA! Q: Where do geologists like to relax? A: In a rocking chair. Q: What is at the end of everything? A: The letter G. Q: What nails do carpenters hate to hit? A: Fingernails. snow canon; `when snowmen rage' ' ( __ ) L_.) | | ` . | | *' __ _| | _ | ( "> ( | | _)_\_ | / \ \| | ___ ( "> | __ ( '.\ ________________________ )| | _________ / \_| / _________ `\\ ) ( '. ) \_<,--.____() /|`<' / . ( .o_ ( - )-' ( | | \ oOOO) `--' <|_+| `--- oOOOO() /| )- a:f ---.___ '-' Q: What do snowmen wear on their heads? A: Ice caps! Q: What did the earthquake say to the volcano? A: It's not my fault. ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: _____________________________________________ | B O B M A R L E Y & T H E W A I L E R S | | ,-------------------------------------------| | | .------------------. .------------------. | | | | | | __ \ _ \ _ | | | | | =\ ,~~. | | ( ,\ /_\ (_\ | | | | | \\{_:\\ | | _Y_/_ \_/_;_/_ | | | | | \^ \V` | | / \ V//\(\// \ | | | | '------------------' '------------------' | | |,----------.--------,-,)-------.----------.| | | |__| | .=======_=======. | |__| | | | ___ | |===,`. .-,`.===| | ___ | | | _ ||||| | |=='`. `;-' `==| | ||||| _ | | | [_] ||||| | |==| ( (__. |==| | ||||| [_] | | |,----------| |==.' __ \ ,==| |----------.| | |.---------.| |===`:__\__,'===| |.---------.| | ||( ) ( )||_'==============='_||( ) ( )|| | |'---------' \_______________/ '---------'| |_|___________________________________________| | //: B A B Y L O N B Y B U S :\\ | |--+'-------.----------..----------.-------'+-| '--'========'---SSt---'--'---------'========'-' When I was a 20-something college student, I became quite friendly with my study partner, a 64-year-old man, who had returned to school to finish his degree. He confessed, with a wink, that he had once thought more than friendship might be a possibility between us. "So what changed your mind?" I asked him. "I went to my doctor and asked if he thought a 40-year age difference between a man and woman was insurmountable. He looked at my chart and said, 'You're interested in someone who's 104?!'" -<>- A man goes into the home improvement store and says, "I'd like to order 5,000 finishing bricks." "Certainly," says the salesman, "Are they for a garage?" "No," says the man; "They're for a Bar-B-Q." "Why do you need so many bricks for a bar-b-q?" asks the salesman. "Well," says the man, "we live in a 3rd floor flat." -<>- My family traditionally begins the evening meal with a prayer of thanks. When they were old enough, we began letting our children say the meal prayer. Of course at first they would ask for a pony, a new bike, etc. They soon learned the more important things which should be included in the prayer. At Thanksgiving we had the whole family over. My nine year old wanted to say the prayer. It went like this: "Heavenly Father, we thank Thee for the turkey, the rolls, the mashed potatoes, the red jiggly stuff, and the bread stuff even though I don't like it. We ask that You not let us choke on this food." -<>- Sometimes when I reflect on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. The people who produce the bottles. The truck drivers who deliver the beer and the retailers who sell it. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver." -<>- -=[ Just Call Me Joe ]=- \ =+===\===+= | | \ | | | | | | |_|_ | | %%%%%| | % ''%| | \_/ | |\/ \| \/| |\/ ( \ \ \\ / // \_)) jgs >Paraprosdokians (Winston Churchill loved them) are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected, frequently humorous. 1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it. 2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list. 3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak. 4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong. 5. We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public. 6. War does not determine who is right--only who is left. 7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. 8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research. 9. I didn't say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you. 10. In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, Notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.' 11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut and still think they are sexy. 12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice. 13. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure. 14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target. 15. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. 16. You're never too old to learn something stupid. 17. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it's getting harder and harder for me to find one now. -<>- , __ _.-"` `'-. /||\'._ __{}_( |||| |'--.__\ | L.( ^_\^ \ .-' | _ | | | )\___/ | \-'`:._] jgs \__/; '-. >Favorite Police Emergency Calls: Dispatcher: Nine-one-one Caller: Hi, is this the police? Dispatcher: This is 911. Do you need police assistance? Caller: Well, I don't know who to call. Can you tell me how to cook a turkey? I've never cooked one before. Dispatcher: Nine-one-one What is the nature of your emergency? Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it. Dispatcher: This is nine eleven. Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing. Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid. Dispatcher: Nine-one-one What's the nature of your emergency? Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart. Dispatcher: Is this her first child? Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband Dispatcher: Nine-one-one Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath. Darn...I think I'm going to pass out. Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from? Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster. Damn.... Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic? Caller: No Dispatcher: What where you doing before you started having trouble breathing? Caller: Running from the police. ========================================================= >-->From AndyChaps: _____ _ _____ ____ /_ /, | ,-, ) /'_`\ |_ _| | __| \ \> | `-'< | (_) | | | | _| ) )__ ,_ |_|`\_\ \___/ |_| |_| (_.-'_)__$ ;-'' pb Laughter can relieve tension, soothe the pain of disappointment, and strengthen the spirit for the formidable tasks that always lie ahead.' -Dwight D. Eisenhhower- "If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late." -Henry Youngman. -<>- __ , ," e`--o (( ( | __,' \\~----------------' \_;/ hjw ( / /) ._______________. ) (( ( (( ( ``-' ``-' >Quotes About Dogs "If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went." -Will Rogers "We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare and love we can spare. And in return, dogs give us their all. It's the best deal man has ever made" -M. Facklam "Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies, quite unlike people, who are incapable of pure love and always have to mix love and hate." -Sigmund Freud (\ (\_\_^__o ___ `-'/ `_/ '`--\______/ | ' / | mic ` . ' `-`/.------'\^-' "The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue." -Anonymous "Dogs need to sniff the ground; it's how they keep abreast of current events. The ground is a giant dog newspaper, containing all kinds of late-breaking dog news items, which, if they are especially urgent, are often continued in the next yard." -Dave Barry "Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog." -Franklin P. Jones (~'~~'~~'~~) | | What's wrong, Dogbert? | | / | ~|~ _ __ |-------()) || | ( _) .'~\ /. I'm round! | | ()()--\/ ". / | | 0 " ''.. | : // | |'..'---_/\ : () | / ''---|| /\ '. ." / \ \\/\/ ".. ."\\ | \ / \_/ || | ^ | \/\\ | \ -adam gurno ((__) "If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise." -Chrissie Wagner "I wonder what goes through his mind when he sees us peeing in his water bowl." -Penny Ward Moser "A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down." -Robert Benchley "No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation." -Fran Lebowitz _,_ (;;;) ,__/a /;\ (__ |;|_ '--. \;/;) @\(,;)'\ (;;) '._ \ / _ '-. ||| | `\ _ |||`-.\ \ (;;) ((;;) (;;).' \\ jgs (((_) (((__) (;) "I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult." -Rita Rudner "My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That's almost $21.00 in dog money." -Joe Weinstein "Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful." -Ann Landers "There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face." -Ben Williams "A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself." -Josh Billings .0. / \ ; \_/ ; | | | | | | _______; ;_______ `======='\ /`=======` \ / _ | | _ _( \____|=|____/ )_ ( .---. .---. ) `-' / \ '-' / HUG \ ; ; | .---.|__, jgs : / :--' .--\ \ | `" `"".-' < =""` `"== `""""""` =""` `"""===="""` =""` `""==="""` "The average dog is a nicer person than the average person." -Andrew A. Rooney "Outside of a dog, a book is probably man's best friend; inside of a dog, it's too dark to read." -Groucho Marx "Ever consider what they must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul -- chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth!" -Anne Tyler "If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons." -James Thurber ^-"`^, /= -OO |= ->j<- (|= U ; Catbert "The Evil Director of Human Resources" ))\=, ./ )) `||| () |_)) teb "Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea." -Robert A. Heinlein -<>- \\\\\\ ________________ [|--O-O| / \ | ] | __/ ASK ME ANYTHING / _ _\ _o_\_ \________________/ |*/ ## \ |/ | \ \ ________________ / |____\ _|_| /\ @@@@@@ \ \_______+/ == \ \ @@ -- @@ \ |*|*****/__/ \ \ @@@ > @@ \ |*|********_____ \ \ @@@_\ o/_@@@ \ |**\_________ \ \ \ @@/ __@@@ \ \************|\ | \ \ | \_/ =/ | \ \***********|| | \ \ \ ___/__ / \_ ** || | \ \ |\\\\\\\\\\ \_ ** \|__|__ \ \_\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ \_ ************ |#####] \__\_\_ \\\\\\\\\\ \_ / \_\_ \\\\\\\\\\\ \_ / \_\_ {_} {_} \ |_________\ \_______________\ \/_______________/ unknown >Health Issues ** (Tongue In Cheek) I've received mail about health issues. I know this isn't Health Joke of the Day but I need to address some of your concerns and here they go... Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true? A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap. Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables? A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable slop. Q: Is beer or wine bad for me? A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As we all know, scientists divide everything in the world into three categories: animal, mineral, and vegetable. We all know that beer and wine are not animal, and they are not on the periodic table of elements, so that only leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and a beer and enjoy your liquid vegetables. Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio? A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc. Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program? A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain - Good. Q: If I stop smoking, will I live longer? A: Nope. Smoking is a sign of individual statement and peace of mind. If you stop, you'll probably stress yourself to death in record time. Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you? A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you? Q: What's the secret to healthy eating? A: Thicker gravy. Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle? A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach. Q: Is chocolate bad for me? A: Are you crazy? Cocoa beans... Another vegetable. It's the best feel good food around! I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. -<>- '===================================================================' || ___ || || .' '. || || / \ oOoOo || || | | ,==||||| || || \ / _|| ||||| || || '.___.' _.-'^|| ||||| || || __/_______.-' '==HHHHH || || _.-'` / """"" || || .-' / oOoOo || || `-._ / ,==||||| || || '-/._|| ||||| || || / ^|| ||||| || || / '==HHHHH || || /________""""" || || `\ `\ || || \ `\ / || || \ `\/ || || / || || / || || jgs /_____ || || || '===================================================================' >Liability, Litigation and Liquor ~~~Due to increasing products liability litigation, liquor manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all containers:~~~ !WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what happened to your clothes. !WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not. !WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard. !WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them. !WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing. !WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to phone them at four in the morning. !WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite gender without spitting. !WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers, resulting in your getting your rear end kicked. !WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary. !WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead, knees and lower back. !WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people. !WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible. !WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you. !WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in the time-space continuum, whereby gaps of time may seem to literally disappear. -<>- ,------- / --. / ,-"""-. ,-"""-. `. / ,'\dHHb/ `. ,'\dHHb/ `. \ / <>--HHHH--< ) ( >-HHHH--: > | | ()./"HHP \,' `./"HHP\ ,' ,-' `-. () `-...-'. ()`-...-() F() ()J () :: .: : .;__ ,-"-"""---""" ""--.. /-\/ \/#| || || |`-'##`. |" ,' `-'`-'`-'`. "_\ |_ | ,-.,-.,-. | _- / Krogg `.-,-.,-.| ||_|| |,-./\,' `-"""-._/"" "---"""-' >Worst Disease In The USA I have seen statistics which claim there are approximately 30 million alcoholics in the USA. Certainly that would seem to make it the worst disease in the country. I think I have a candidate for one even worse. Even though I have been sober for 27 years, I still consider myself a recovering alcoholic. I am familiar with the mind set that accompanies addiction. After that first drink, the mind releases its tensions, its inhibitions. You have some fun and all seems well with the world. After a while, the mind begins to focus on the need for the next drink. The buzz of the first drink in wearing off and things are not as carefree and happy as they were just a half hour ago. Everything will be OK just as soon as I have the next drink. Always seeking the satisfaction that comes with the next drink. The ugly reality for the alcoholic is that the satisfied feeling never lasts very long. He always needs one more drink and one more and one more. The ultimate result - a wasted life. Now let's stop for a minute and think - where else in our society do we see this same addictive behavior? An addiction suffered by maybe 100 million Americans. I call them consumerholics. They have all the same symptoms as the alcoholic. They have to buy that next thing they feel "they need". It makes little difference, it could be clothing, toys, computer stuff, another addition to the house, exercise equipment, a car or a canoe or maybe a $10.00 cup of coffee. Just like the alcoholic, the buzz lasts for a little while (a few days or even a week) but then the need for some new gizmo takes over and the consumerholic obsesses until finally they and go buy it and the cycle starts again. Few of us realize how deeply we are influenced by the "needs" implanted in our brain by advertising. To the consumerholic there is no such thing as "enough". They are never really satisfied AND never will be. They don't seem to know or want to know, you cannot buy a satisfied mind. Sad, because the simple fact is, its free. It's the state of mind of a happy person. A word of caution here. The last person to recognize that they are sick is the alcoholic. He doesn't have a problem, he's just having a good time - what the heck, everybody has a couple of drinks, right!?! Me, a consumerholic? - get outta here - everybody has to buy stuff, right!?! Editors note. Hundreds of millions of people, in poverty stricken countries, suffer slave like working conditions making the crap that keeps the consumerholic supplied with their next fix. I love you all. mike - happyplace.net -<>- ,N. _/__ \ If you eliminate all other possibilities -/o\_\ the one that remains, however unlikely, __\_-./ is the right answer. / / V \`U-. ()) /, > o < \ Elementary my dear Watson. <\.,.-._.-" [-\ o /__..-' |/_ ) ) _.-"| \o/ | \ o!0 `'-'-" >The Real Reason Is... An engineer, a psychologist, and a theologian were hunting in the wilderness of northern Canada. Suddenly, the temperature dropped and a furious snowstorm was upon them. They came across an isolated cabin, far removed from any town. The hunters had heard that the locals in the area were quite hospitable, so they knocked on the door to ask permission to rest. No one answered their knocks, but they discovered the cabin was unlocked and they entered. It was a simple place ... 2 rooms with a minimum of furniture and household equipment. Nothing was unusual about the cabin except the stove. It was large, pot-bellied, and made of cast-iron. What was strange about it was its location ... it was suspended in midair by wires attached to the ceiling beams. "Fascinating," said the psychologist. "It is obvious that this lonely trapper, isolated from humanity, has elevated this stove so that he can curl up under it and vicariously experience a return to the womb." "Nonsense!" replied the engineer. "The man is practicing the laws of thermodynamics. By elevating his stove, he has discovered a way to distribute heat more evenly throughout the cabin." "With all due respect," interrupted the theologian, "I'm sure that hanging his stove from the ceiling has religious meaning. Fire LIFTED UP has been a religious symbol for centuries." The three debated the point for several hours without resolving the issue. When the trapper finally returned, they immediately asked him why he had hung his heavy pot-bellied stove from the ceiling. His answer was succinct and to the point. "Had plenty of wire, not much stove pipe." -<>- _ /\,_/\| /==_ ( (Y_.) / /// U ) (__,_____) ) )' > `/ |._ _____ | | | ( \| ( | | | || | ,,-. ),)_/ ., ))_/,,.-,_ b'ger . ,-/,_ >Mind Games Dogs Play With Their Humans After your humans give you a bath, DON'T LET THEM TOWEL DRY YOU! Instead, run to their bed, jump up and dry yourself off on the sheets. This is especially good if it's right before your humans' bedtime. Act like a convicted criminal. When the humans come home, put your ears back, tail between your legs, chin down and act as if you have done something really bad. Then, watch as the humans frantically search the house for the damage they think you have caused. (Note: This only works when you have done absolutely nothing wrong.) _.--"""--._ .' '-. `. __/__ (-. `\ \ /o `o \ \ \ \ _\__.__/ )) | | ; .--;" | | \ ( `) | | \ _|`---' .' _, _| | `\ '`_\ \ '_,.-';_.-`\| \ \_ .' '--'---;` / / |\ |_..--' \ \'-'.' .--'.__/ __.-; `"` (___...---''` \ _/_ \ /jgs\ \___/ Let the humans teach you a brand new trick. Learn it perfectly. Then when the humans try to demonstrate it to someone else, stare blankly back at them. Pretend you have no idea what they're talking about. Make your humans be patient. When you go outside to go 'potty', sniff around the entire yard as your humans wait. Act as if the spot you choose to go potty will ultimately decide the fate of the earth. (\ (\_\^^__o . `-'\ ` / `( | \_____| | | _ ./`,----./~| . . . - () Make your own rules. Don't always bring back the stick when playing fetch with the humans. Make them go and chase it once in a while. Hide from your humans. When your humans come home, don't greet them at the door. Instead, hide from them, and make them think something terrible has happened to you. |\|\ .. \ . o-- \\ / @) v__///\\\\__/ @ { } { } \\\{ } <_| <_| bw When your human calls you to come back in, always take your time. Walk as slowly as possible back to the door. Wake up twenty minutes before the alarm clock is set to go off and make the humans take you out for your morning potty. As soon as you get back inside, fall asleep. (Humans can rarely fall back asleep after going outside, this will drive them nuts!) -<>- ) ( /( \yYYy,_I_`; JgLFO^JL_ \ `- \, ` Qr+as >SLEEPING RULES FOR "THAT STRAY CAT" So, you're putting your foot down this time, and will NOT acknowledge that stray cat that has appeared on your porch. No, he will NOT be allowed inside, etc. Let's see... You said... ** That stray cat will sleep OUTSIDE. (`,---.') (\ (w,_,w) )) -=>_Y_<=- _,;' /`"'\.-'.' .' `<' | ; ; | |`, , | \ ;`; / pb ||,|| /|| ||\ (,|( )|,) (,,Y,,) ** That stray cat will sleep outside... UNLESS it's raining. ** That stray cat will sleep... in the GARAGE. ** That stray cat will sleep... in the house but NOT in the bedroom. , ,-. _,---._ __ / \ / ) .-' `./ / \ ( ( ,' `/ /| \ `-" \'\ / | `. , \ \ / | /`. ,'-`----Y | ( ; | ' | ,-. ,-' | / | | ( | hjw | / ) | \ `.___________|/ `--' `--' ** That stray cat will sleep... in a cardboard box lined with an OLD blanket in a CORNER of the bedroom. ** That stray cat will NOT be allowed to sleep... IN our bed. '.-----/`. / '/ __'`__ .''-. \o) o/ \ (`Y .) \ `--|__7 \ / | __ / / \ ) \ // \ \--X Y // (-`.`--_.-' /_) BP cat `-.__.-' ** That stray cat will NOT be allowed to sleep in our bed... EXCEPT at the foot. ** That stray cat will NOT be allowed to sleep in our bed... UNDER the covers... UNLESS we're cold. , _/(( _.---. .' `\ .' ` ^ T= / \ .--' | / )'-. ; , <__..-( '-.) \ \-.__) ``--._) jgs '.'-.__.-. '-...-' ** That stray cat sleeping under the covers at the foot of the bed... will NOT be allowed to chew on our feet. ** That stray cat that has a habit of chewing toes when he sleeps under the covers at the foot of the bed... will find that we've taken to wearing our slippers in bed. Oh, well. . ,. T."-._..---.._,-"/| l|"-. _.v._ (" | [l /.'_ \; _~"-.`-t Y " _(o} _{o)._ ^.| j T ,--. T ] \ l ( /-^-\ ) ! ! \. \. "~" ./ /c-..,__ ^r- .._ .- .-" `- . ~"--. > \. \ ] ^. \ 3 . "> . Y -Row ,.__.--._ _j \ ~ . ; | ( ~"-._~"^._\ ^. ^._ I . l "-._ ___ ~"-,_7 .Z-._ 7" Y ; \ _ /" "~-(r r _/_--._~-/ / /,.--^-._ / Y "-._ '"~~~>-._~]>--^---./____,.^~ ^.^ ! ~--._ ' Y---. \./ ~~--._ l_ ) \ ~-._~~~---._,____..--- \ ~----"~ \ \ (Ha! Resistance is futile, isn't it!) ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Smudge The Cat! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/smudgethecat.html Puppy Christmas! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/puppychristmas.html Christmas With Cats! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/christmascats.html Dogs VS Elf! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dogsvself.html Santa HoHo Oh No! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/santa.html Maxine Christmas 4! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/maxinechristmas4.html Celebrity Private Jets! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/celebrityjets.html Famous Us Veterans! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/famousveterans.html Angel Wing Decoys! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/angel.html Kilroy Was Here! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/kilroywashere.html Sands Of Normandy! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/normandy.html Normandy Then/Now! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/normandy2.html WWII Mauldin! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mauldin.html WWII Mustang Pilot! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wwiipilot.html World's Fastest Plane! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/fastestplane.html FULL TROOP INDEX! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/911andtroopsindex.html Christmas & New Year Index! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/christmasindex.html -<>- Biggest burn of the century https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_88sM_15GyQ -<>- >A Tribute to Veterans From Our Friend LouiseAu :) The story of Green Beret Roy P. Benavidez and his heroic action that resulted in being awarded the Medal of Honor. Roy suffered numerous injuries in saving the lives of eight fellow soldiers. His story is truly amazing and is a tribute to all the Vietnam Veterans whose stories haven’t been told. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uH-iZDQG9X4 John Wayne reads the poem “Why Are You Marching Son” in this tribute video to all the men and women who have served in the armed forces and especially those that have made the ultimate sacrifice. The poem was written by John Mitchum (Robert’s brother) and is one of the poems on John Wayne’s only album originally released in 1973 “America, Why I Love Her”. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m701kfdjtaU Reveille is a short film about a couple of Veterans and the dedication they share in paying tribute to the Flag of the United States each morning. One veteran served in the Navy and the other served in the Army. The rivalry and respect they have for each other is entertaining to watch and no words are needed to convey how they feel. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YyZ9b4My6NU Musical artist Sailor Jerri shares with us her music video of Hallelujah that she rewrote as a tribute song for Veterans. I think she did a wonderful job rewriting such a classic song in honor of all of those that have served in the armed forces. Sailor is a Navy Veteran herself and all of the photos used in the video were sent to her by Veterans. If you are a Veteran I hope that you enjoy this music video. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=msYPbjFC50w Kris Kristofferson provides an introduction and the background of the song “8th of November” from Big and Rich. The song is a tribute to their friend, Niles Harris, United States Army retired, who was one of the wounded soldiers that day and who gave Big Kenny his top hat. On the 8th of November 1965, the 173rd Airborne Brigade was in Vietnam on “Operation Hump” when they were ambushed by over 1200 Viet Cong fighters resulting in 48 American soldiers being killed in action. The fighting resulted in a Medal of Honor being awarded to a combat medic, Lawrence Joel, for saving so many lives during the battle that day. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ozpdBvB0hek Remember Me is a tribute to all the brave women and men serving in the Armed Forces. This tribute video was created in 2006 by a young teenage girl and is one of the most thoughtful ways I have ever seen to pay tribute to those that volunteer for military service. Thank you to all who have served in the past, present, and future. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ervaMPt4Ha0 The United States Military Academy Glee Club performs “Mansions of the Lord”. These West Point Cadets make this beautiful song even more meaningful as the song was originally written by Randall Wallace for the film “We Were Soldiers” and set to the music of Nick Glennie-Smith. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hGoSWn1tHeo The most decorated squadron in the Navy is probably one you have never heard of unless you were in it or received support from them in combat. United States Navy Helicopter Attack Light Squadron 3 HA(L)-3 was known as The Seawolves and they had a remarkable tour of duty in Vietnam. They were the only unit to ever be commissioned and decommission outside the United States during a time of war. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W4f_hQP1sdk America’s oldest veteran is Richard Overton who was 109-years-old when this video was filmed by National Geographic. He celebrated three more birthdays before passing at 112 years old. He was born on May 11, 1906, and has lived in the same house since 1945. This cigar-smoking Veteran lived more years than most of us could imagine. His Overton diet included multiple cups of coffee and butter pecan ice cream. His secrets to life aren’t complicated and he has the attitude of Never Give Up! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BXyfCGDnuWs --- ...Absolutely Awesome Video Collection! Thanks You LouiseAu! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "A couple in Michigan is being sued for $2 million after they burned down their apartment complex while trying to cook a squirrel with a blowtorch. I'm not an accountant, but it SOUNDS like they might not have $2 million." -Seth Meyers "A man in New Orleans could be facing a life sentence for stealing $31 worth of candy from a drug store. I feel for this guy. That has got to be a tough conversation once you're in prison. 'Yeah, I'm in for armed robbery and arson, what about you?' 'Oh, you know, the new peanut butter Twix.'" -James Corden "I saw that one hundred years ago this month, Albert Einstein presented his theory of General Relativity, which explains how gravity works. And it also marks the last time someone actually meant it when they said, 'Way to go, Einstein.'" -Jimmy Fallon "Archeologists investigating an ancient shipwreck in Italy have discovered pills over 2,000 years old. Meanwhile, my mom was like, 'That date is just a recommendation. They're still good.'" -Jimmy Fallon "A woman has been charged with filing a false police report after posting that she had been kidnapped on Facebook. People grew suspicious when the woman 'liked' her own kidnapping." -Conan O'Brien "Thursday is Thanksgiving. Now's the time to call all your family and apologize to them in advance for all the things you're going to say when you get drunk." -Jimmy Kimmel "A new scientific study shows rats are capable of laughter if they are tickled the correct way. The rats were like, 'Why aren't you trying to cure cancer?'" -Seth Meyers "In the U.K., they're launching an official Quidditch League, with eight teams competing across the country. It's the first sports league where everyone has an equal chance of being a loser." -Conan O'Brien "McDonald's is unveiling something called a Nutella burger at its locations in Italy. This goes against the traditional way of eating Nutella, which is with two fingers in the dark while crying at 3 a.m." -James Corden I thought I saw a spider, but it was just piece of yarn. It's dead yarn now. >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah Shangy! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->ShangyFunList AD RATES: $20 will get your a message (of up to 40 words) out to all self-subscribed readers and $5 more will give you the same message also put up for all web site readers. Email me to secure dates. Ad Request ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ********************************************************************** >TO SUBSCRIBE:Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com **********************************************************************