Happy Lincoln's Birthday! ... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Friend Me / Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND For Google Plus Users: You can find me here... Shangy Bigham https://plus.google.com/106648555948034085752/posts AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :) -<>- * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This smoking hot new page is from our friend LouiseAu. It is sure to give you some chuckles for your day. Check it out here... _|_ | _|_ //_/\ __| ||____ ////////////\ /////////////\\ |^^^^^^^^^^||+| | # # # |||| .... ....". ||||||||||||||||| unknown Humor in Religion 5! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hreligion5.html --- ...Such a hilarious one! Thanks LouiseAu! ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: __-----__ ..;;;--'~~~`--;;;.. /;-~IN GOD WE TRUST~-.\ // ,;;;;;;;; \\ .// ;;;;; \ \\ || ;;;;( /.| || || ;;;;;;; _\ || || ';; ;;;;= || ||LIBERTY | ''\;;;;;; || \\ ,| '\ '|><| 1995 // \\ | | \ A // `;.,|. | '\.-'/ ~~;;;,._|___.,-;;;~' ''=--' - Daniel C Au - A psychiatrist congratulated his patient on making such good progress. "You call this progress?" snapped the patient. "Six months ago, I was Abraham Lincoln. Now I'm nobody!" -<>- >Facts 1. Regular naps prevent old age... especially if you take them while driving. 2. Having one child makes you a parent; having two makes you a referee. 3. Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband! 4. They said we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash. 5. A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms. 6. Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent. 7. Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without... but whatever you do, you'll regret it later. 8. You can't buy love... but you pay heavily for it. 9. True friends stab you in the front. 10. Forgiveness is giving up my right to hate you for hurting me. 11. Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote. 12. Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired. 13. My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me. 14. Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others. 15. Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner. 16. It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss. 17. They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak. 18. Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you. 19. Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something. 20. Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books. -<>- >Inventions Which Did Not Succeed 1. The water-proof towel 2. Glow in the dark sunglasses 3. Solar powered flashlights 4. Submarine screen doors 5. A book on how to read 6. Inflatable dart boards 7. A dictionary index 8. Mechanical pencil sharpeners 9. Powdered water 10. Waterproof tea bags 11. The helicopter ejector seat 12. The cordless extension cord ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ February 12 is Abraham Lincoln's Birthday, Clean out Your Computer Day, National Lost Penny Day and Plum Pudding Day February 13 Get a Different Name Day and Mardi Gras / Fat Tuesday February 14 is Ash Wednesday, Ferris Wheel Day, National Organ Donor Day and Valentine's Day February 15 is Candlemas - on the Julian Calendar, National Gum Drop Day, Singles Awareness Day and Susan B Anthony Day February 16 is Chinese New Years and Do a Grouch a Favor Day February 17 is Random Acts of Kindness Day February 18 is National Battery Day and National Drink Wine Day ======================================================= __-----__ ..;;;--'~~~`--;;;.. /;-~IN GOD WE TRUST~-.\ // ,;;;;;;;; \\ .// ;;;;; \ \\ || ;;;;( /.| || || ;;;;;;; _\ || || ';; ;;;;= || ||LIBERTY | ''\;;;;;; || \\ ,| '\ '|><| 1995 // \\ | | \ A // `;.,|. | '\.-'/ ~~;;;,._|___.,-;;;~' ''=--' - Daniel C Au - >-->Abraham Lincoln Quotes Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power. No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar. You cannot escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today. Be sure you put your feet in the right place, then stand firm. I am a slow walker, but I never walk back. My dream is of a place and a time where America will once again be seen as the last best hope of earth. America will never be destroyed from the outside. If we falter and lose our freedoms, it will be because we destroyed ourselves. We the people are the rightful masters of both Congress and the courts, not to overthrow the Constitution but to overthrow the men who pervert the Constitution. You can fool all the people some of the time, and some of the people all the time, but you cannot fool all the people all the time. Character is like a tree and reputation like a shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing. I do the very best I know how - the very best I can; and I mean to keep on doing so until the end. ~ Abraham Lincoln ========================================================= _ _ /` \/ `\_ _ \ /` \/ `\ '. .\ / \/ '. .' jgs \/ >-->Valentine's Day Jokes: What did the caveman give his wife on Valentine's Day? Ughs and kisses! What did the boy sheep say to the girl sheep on Valentine's Day? I Love Ewe! ,@@@@@@, ,@@@@@""@@, ( _ _ , @@@@@ 6.6\@ :\ ( \/ ) {{^\@@@C _-_)@ : \ \ / {{:\\@@@) (@@' : \ \/ (\/) {{::\\ / \---.:.__\_ \/ \`::\( , \---:---._) `"`"; \ \|_.-;====I======{> | \ _.-': / (\/) | `"/ : / \/ // \/ : / \\_ \ :/ \ \ | ( ) ) ) / / / jgs / / /_ (_(____) What did the stamp say to the envelope on Valentine's Day? I'm stuck on you! Knock knock! Who'e there? Frank Frank who? Frank you for being my friend! Knock knock! Who's there? Howard Howard who? Howard you like a big kiss? What did the boy owl say to the girl owl on Valentine's Day? Owl be yours! ..8888888.. ..8888888.. .8:::::::::::8. .8:::::::::::8. .8:::::::::::::::8:::::::::::::::8. .8:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::8. 8:::::: ::::' ':::' ':::: : :::::8 8:::::: ::: ' ::: : :::::8 8:::::: ::: ::: : :::::8 '8::::: ::::. .:::: : ::::8' '8:::: ::::::. .:::::: : :::8' '8::: ::::::::.::::::::. .::8' '8:::::::::::::::::::::::::8' '8:::::::::::::::::::::8' '8:::::::::::::::::8' '8:::::::::::8' jgs '8:::::8' '8' What kind of flowers do you never give on Valentine's Day? Cauliflowers! What do you call a very small Valentine? A Valentiny! What did the boy squirrel say to the girl squirrel on Valentine's Day? I'm nuts about you! What did the girl squirrel say to the boy squirrel on Valentine's Day? You're nuts so bad yourself! Knock knock! Who's there? Sherwood Sherwood who? Sherwood like to be your valentine! .o##o. .o##o. ######o.o###### ############### .o88o. .o88o##########' 888888o.o888888########' 888888888888888######' '8888888888888'#####&o. .o&&o. '88888888888' '#&&&&&o.o&&&&&& '8888888' &&&&&&&&&&&&&&& '88888' '&&&&&&&&&&&&&' '8' '&&&&&&&&&&&' H A P P Y '&&&&&&&' v a l e n t i n e'&&&&&' D A Y '&' Knock, knock Who's there? Pooch Pooch who? Pooch your arms around me, baby! ========================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: >Flight Safety "I've never flown before," said the nervous old lady to the pilot. "You will bring me down safely, won't you?" "All I can say ma'am," said the pilot, "is that I've never left anyone up there yet!" -<>- _.-"""""'. .;__ `\ / `\ | ;a/ a `'. _ | ,_ |/_ _) / .-.-. {(}`\ \.___, \.' | | '--''-.( \_ _ / \ / .-\_ _."-.... ;_ ` .-.-. _/ '--. \ | | ."\ _/\ , | \ / / \_.' /'./ ; ` \__.' '-./ ' / __/ `\ / .' ``""--..__\___/ / | | , | \ ';_ / \ \`'-...-' \ \ | __ \ \ /-----; '. .--\_.-"\ | \ jgs / |._______|\ \ \_____,__/ '.__| >What Men Really Mean (Part 1 of 2) "I'm going fishing." Really means... "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety." "Let's take your car." Really means.... "Mine is full of beer cans, burger wrappers and completely out of gas." "Woman driver." Really means.... "Someone who doesn't speed, tailgate, swear, make obscene gestures and has a better driving record than me." "I don't care what color you paint the kitchen." Really means.... "As long as it's not blue, green, pink, red, yellow, lavender, gray, mauve, black, turquoise or any other color besides white." "It's a guy thing." Really means.... "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical." "Can I help with dinner?" Really means.... "Why isn't it already on the table?" "Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear." Really mean.... Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response like Pavlov's dog drooling. "Good idea." Really means.... "It'll never work. And I'll spend the rest of the day gloating." "Have you lost weight?" Really means.... "I've just spent our last $30 on a cordless drill." "It would take too long to explain." Really means.... "I have no idea how it works." "I'm getting more exercise lately." Really means.... "The batteries in the remote are dead." "I got a lot done." Really means.... "I found 'Waldo' in almost every picture." "We're going to be late." Really means.... "Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac." "You cook just like my mother used to." Really means.... "She used the smoke detector as a meal timer, too." "Take a break, honey, you're working too hard." Really means.... "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner." "That's interesting, dear." Really means.... "Are you still talking?" "Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love." Really means.... "I forgot our anniversary again." "You expect too much of me." Really means.... "You want me to stay awake." -<>- _.-"""""'. .;__ `\ / `\ | ;a/ a `'. _ | ,_ |/_ _) / {(}`\ \,___. \.' '--''-.( \_ _ / .-\_ _."-.... ;_ _/ '--. \ ."\ _/\ , | / \_.' /'./ ; \__.' '-./ ' / __/ `\ / .' ``""--..__\___/ / | | , | \ ';_ / \ \`'-...-' \ \ | __ \ \ /-----; '. .--\_.-"\ | \ jgs / |._______|\ \ \_____,__/ '.__| >What Men Really Mean (Part 2 of 2) "Will you marry me?" Really means.... "Both my roommates have moved out, I can't find the washer, and there is no more peanut butter." "Go ask your mother." Really means.... "I am incapable of making a decision." "You know how bad my memory is." Really means.... "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday." "Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal." Really means.... "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt." "I do help around the house." Really means.... "I once put a dirty towel in the laundry basket." "Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing." Really means.... "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon." "I can't find it." Really means.... "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless." "What did I do this time?" Really means.... "What did you catch me at?" "What do you mean, you need new clothes?" Really means.... "You just bought new clothes 3 years ago." "I'm going to stop off for a quick one with the guys." Really means.... "I am planning on drinking myself into a vegetative stupor with my chest pounding, mouth breathing, pre-evolutionary companions." "I heard you." Really means.... "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me." "You look terrific." Really means.... "Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving." "I brought you a present." Really means.... "It was free ice scraper night at the ball game." "I missed you." Really means.... "I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry and we are out of toilet paper." "I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are." Really means.... "No one will ever see us alive again." "We share the housework." Really means.... "I make the messes, she cleans them up." "This relationship is getting too serious." Really means.... "I like you more than my truck." "I recycle." Really means.... "We could pay the rent with the money from my empties." "Of course I like it, honey, you look beautiful." Really means.... "Oh, man, what have you done to yourself?" "It sure snowed last night." Really means.... "I suppose you're going to nag me about shoveling the walk now." "It's good beer." Really means.... "It was on sale." "I don't need to read the instructions." Really means.... "I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help." "I'll fix the garbage disposal later." Really means.... "If I wait long enough you'll get frustrated and buy a new one." "I'll take you to a fancy restaurant." Really means.... "Someplace that doesn't have a drive-thru window." "I broke up with her." Really means.... "She dumped me." -<>- >Good Advice A man approached a local person in a village he was visiting. "What's the quickest way to York?" The local scratched his head. "Are you walking or driving?" he asked the stranger. "I'm driving." "That's the quickest way!" -<>- >Bad Year for Snow It was a disastrous year for the farmers. The snow fell and fell until the government relief agency had to step in and lend a hand. "It must have been terrible," said the government man to a farmer. "All that snow." "Could have been worse," calmly answered the farmer. "My neighbor had more snow than me." "How's that?" asked the government man. "More land," replied the farmer. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :) ,;;;;;;, ,;;;;;;, ,;;;@@@@@;;;@@@@@;;;, ,;;;@@,;;;,@,;;;,@@;;;, ;;;@@;;;' ';' ';;;@@;;; ;;;@@;;; ;;;@@;;; ;;;@@';;, ,;;'@@;;; ';;;@@';;,;;'@@;;;' ';;;@@';'@@;;;' jgs ';;;@@@;;;' ';;@;;' ( ';' (#) ) (#) ( (#) ) (#) >SMILES Looking in the mall for a cotton nightgown, I tried my luck in a store known for its hot lingerie. To my delight, however, I found just what I was looking for. Waiting in the line to pay, I noticed a young woman behind me holding the same nightgown. This confirmed what I suspected all along: despite being over 50, I still have a very "with it" attitude. "I see we have the same taste," I said proudly to the 20 something behind me. "Yes," she replied. "I'm getting this for my grandmother for Christmas." ---------- Working at the post office, I'm used to dealing with a moody public. So when one irate customer stormed my desk, I responded in my calmest voice, "What's the trouble?" "I went out this morning," she began, "and when I came home I found a card saying the mailman tried to deliver a package but no one was home. I'll have you know, my husband was in all morning! He never heard a thing!" After apologizing, I got her parcel. "Oh good!" she gushed. "We've been waiting for this for ages!" "What is it?" I asked. "My husband's new hearing aid." ---------- "My life is awful," the man says. "Every night, I play Trivial Pursuit with my wife, and every night she beats me." "Well, why don't you just stop playing Trivial Pursuit?" the bartender asks. "I love the game," the man says. "I'm a genius. I never lose." The bartender is confused. "I thought you just said your wife beats you." "Yeah," the man says, "she's a sore loser." ---------- After being retired for a couple of years and completing all the jobs my wife had lined up for me, I began to feel somewhat useless and decided to enroll in a couple of courses at the local adult-education school. I noted, upon registration, that there was no tuition fee for a person over 60. As I handed my tediously-filled-out papers to the clerk, I announced, "I'm 63." Then, pulling out my wallet, I asked if she wanted to see my driver's license. She replied, "No, that's okay." A little surprised, I asked, "Oh, do I look honest?" "No," she answered. "You look 63." ---------- A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say, "That's not it" and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said, "That's it." ---------- A fat girl served me food in McDonald's at lunch time. She said, 'sorry about the wait.' I said, 'don't worry, you're bound to lose it eventually.' --- ...Oh My! HaHa! Thanks LouiseAu! ========================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: A Nation of believers’ Each year for more than half a century, the National Prayer Breakfast in Washington has drawn religious leaders and members from both sides of the aisle in Congress to reflect on the importance of faith in public life. This morning, President Donald J. Trump delivered remarks to the thousands assembled for this year’s event. He also dined last night with faith leaders and a bipartisan group of senators and congressmen ahead of today’s session. The President’s guests included Reverend Franklin Graham, Pastor Paula White, and Pastor Robert Jeffress. “America is a Nation of believers,” President Trump said this morning. “Across our land we see the splendor of God’s creation. . . . Together as Americans, we are a tireless force for justice and for peace.” President Trump Delivers Remarks at the National Prayer Breakfast https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GAn1Z19DyJg More on this https://tinyurl.com/y8sore99 --- ...In retrospect Obama in his speech at the National Prayer Meeting when commenting on ISIS chopping heads off and burning people alive - Obama Tells Christians to get off their HIGH horse! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o7UHT8rWPps Thank God Trump is getting rid of these terrorists as he promised and leans on God for wisdom to make America Great Again through Christ Jesus our Lord! WhiteHouseNews: https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/ Latest From AFA: http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw Latest From RightAlerts: http://rightalerts.com Latest At FoxNews: http://www.foxnews.com/ Latest From MRC News: https://tinyurl.com/ya6uruck Latest From TrueDailyNews: http://truedaily.news/category/news/ -<>- >From BizarreNews: Several adults and children have died after a bomb exploded while they were trying to break it, according to police in the Philippines. Zamboanga del Norte police said that they have launched an investigation into the incident that killed 8 people and injured 5. On Wednesday afternoon, Marcelo Antogon found the 81mm mortar in a river. He grabbed the bomb and brought it to the factory where he worked and showed it to his coworkers. A large crowd of adults and children gathered as Antogon began hammering a nail into the bomb in order to see what was inside. After several strikes, the bomb exploded. Antogon, Roel Balamban, Ladi Balamban, Robert Timbulaan, and his two brothers, 6 and 9, died at the scene. The two others who died at the scene were not identified. 5 other people were rushed to a hospital, where they are being treated for serious injuries. *----------- Should Have Called AAA -----------* A car thief was nabbed after he called the victim for help because the vehicle wouldn't start. Temperatures in Sartell, Minnesota, dropped to -9 degrees while a woman was shopping at Walmart. The woman decided to use her automatic starter to warm up her Jeep Grand Cherokee before she went out to the parking lot. However, when the woman arrived at the parking spot, her SUV was not there. She called the police, who reviewed the surveillance video, which showed a man climbing into the vehicle at around 8:30 p.m. and driving away. It did not take long for police to arrest the suspect who was identified as 37-year-old Edward Leroy Wilson. According to the police, two hours later, at around 10:30 p.m., the owner of the car received a phone call from a man who began asking questions about her Jeep. Wilson claimed to be a worker of an auto glass repair company. He said that he had repaired the vehicle and that he needed to get the SUV started in order to return it to her. He wanted the owner to use OnStar to auto-start it. Police were able to track Wilson down and he was arrested. *----------- Flying Can Be Stressful -----------* The trips of nearly 200 passengers were disrupted after a man decided to strip naked and lock himself inside an airplane bathroom, according to police in Alaska. Anchorage police and the FBI said that they have removed the disruptive passenger from Alaska Airlines Flight 146 after refusing the orders of the flight crew. The naked passenger was taken to a hospital for a mental health evaluation, and so far, no charges have been filed. There were 178 passengers on board the Boeing 737. About an hour into the flight, the man, who was not identified, stripped naked and locked himself in the bathroom. Flight attendants attempted to coax the man out of the bathroom but he refused. The pilot then decided to turn around and fly back to the Ted Stevens Anchorage International Airport and have the police deal with the disruptive passenger. FBI and Anchorage police greeted the plane at the gate and removed the passenger. *----- This Guy Has a Future As a Prep Cook -----* A martial artist from India claimed a unique world record by allowing dozens of watermelons to be chopped on his stomach. Vispy Jimmy Kharadi enlisted the help of fellow martial artist Vispi Baji Kasad to use a 30-inch katana to slice the fruit in order to claim the Guinness World Record for most watermelons chopped on the stomach in one minute. The pair managed to avoid injury and chop a total of 49 watermelons, narrowly edging out the previous record of 48. "The danger is always there in all such stunts, especially when there's a Japanese katana in the picture which can cut skin very easily, but because of the practice and confidence of Vispi Kasad, the pain can be offset," Kharadi said. Once the record attempt was completed Kasad and Kharadi were presented with a world record plaque and the watermelon slices were shared with guests and workers at the event. The pair of martial artists also attempted the world record for most layered bed of nails sandwich (1 inch) as part of their quest to claim multiple records for India. "We want to break 10 Guinness World Records titles for our country," Kasad said. "We are already prepared with the next two records with a sword." *------------ That's One Lucky Puppy ------------* A family in Pennsylvania searched the streets around their home to locate their beloved dog after an eagle snatched it and flew away. Monica Newhard said that the incident unfolded as her dog Zoey was playing in front of her home. Suddenly, a large eagle swooped in and snatched the white puppy. The eagle then flew away along with the screaming dog. Newhard and her family were brokenhearted. They began searching the surrounding streets, expecting to find the dead remains of Zoey. When she was unable to locate her dog, Newhard wrote about Zoey on Facebook. She asked everyone in her area to be on the lookout for a dead dog and contact her if Zoey was found. Later that day, Christina Hartman drove on a side road and spotted a white fluffy ball. Hartman instantly knew that it was a dog in need of help. She stopped her car, wrapped Zoey in a blanket and took it home. When Hartman logged onto Facebook, she noticed Newhard's post. Hartman contacted Newhard and Zoey was returned. Newhard was overjoyed as she never imagined finding her beloved Zoey alive. ========================================================= >-->From TheGroaner: ,;;;;;;\ ,;;;;;;, ,;;;@@@@@/ /;;@@@@@;;;, ,;;;@@,;;;\ \,@,;;;,@@;;;, ;;;@@;;;' '\ \;' ';;;@@;;; ;;;@@;;; / / ;;;@@;;; ;;;@@';;, \ \ ,;;'@@;;; ';;;@@';;,\ \;;'@@;;;' ';;;@@';/ /'@@;;;' jgs ';;;@/ /@@;;;' ';/ /;@;;' \;' >Here are several of your "Dumbest Declarations"...Enjoy! Do you think I'm taking this medicine for my health? It always seems to rain in weather like this. Overheard in a dollar store, "How much is this?" Overheard in a Chinese restaurant, "Do you use organic MSG?" Electric pencil sharpeners are useless, I've never been able to find any electric pencils. They should have the death penalty for committing suicide. He was murdered to death? If he steps over a dollar to pick up 10 dimes, Isn't that the same? -<>- >Lettuce A man goes to the Doctor with a piece of lettuce hanging out of his ear. "That looks nasty," says the doctor. "Nasty?" replies the man, "this is just the tip of the iceberg!" -<>- >What's Wrong With Me? A guy walks into the doctor's office. A banana stuck in one of his ears, a corn cob in the other ear, and a carrot stuck in one nostril. The man says, "Doc, this is terrible. What's wrong with me?" The doctor says, "Well, first of all, you need to eat more sensibly." -<>- >Q and A Quickies Q: What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room? A: Odor in the court. Q: How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? A: Tentacles. Q: Why did the student wear glasses in math class? A: Because it helps to improve division. Q: Why didn't horses like Theodore Roosevelt? A: Because he was a Rough Rider. Q: How do you spot a modern spider? A: He doesn't have a web, he has a website! Q: What do you do when two snails have a fight? A: Leave them to slug it out! Q: What color is a burp? A: Burple! Q: What's a scarecrow's favorite fruit? A: Strawberries! ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: ...... ...... .:oOOOOo:. .:oOOOOo:. .:oOO:'':Oo:. .:oO:'':OOo:. .:oO: 'Oo:oO' :Oo:. :oO: 'o' :Oo: :oO: :Oo: ':oO: V A L E N T I N E :Oo:' ':oO: :Oo:' ':oO. .Oo:' ':oO. .Oo:' ':oO. .Oo:' ':oO. .Oo:' jgs 'oO:Oo' 'oOo' 'o' "Because we live in the modern age, women now have choices that are just killing them. "They can have a job, not have a job. They can be married or unmarried, married with children, unmarried with children, married with children and a job, unmarried with children and a job, unmarried with children and no job, unmarried with children who themselves have jobs, have a job and an au pair who has children, marry the au pair, have the au pair have their children, etc... "Men, unfortunately, have the same choice we've always had: we can work or we can go to jail." --Tim Allen -<>- Jim's doctor tells him he has only one day to live. When Jim goes home to share the bad news with his wife, she asks what he wants to do with the little bit of time he has left. "All I want," Jim tells his beloved wife, "is to spend my last few hours reliving our honeymoon." Which is exactly what they did. But after hours of blissful romance, she announces that she's tired and wants to go to sleep. "Oh, come on," Jim whispers in her ear, "one more time." "Look," his wife snaps, "I've got to get up in the morning. You don't!" -<>- A government warning was recently issued that anyone traveling in icy or blizzard conditions should take: - Shovel, blankets or sleeping bag - Extra clothing including scarf, hat and gloves - 24 hours supply of food and drink - De-icer - 5 lbs of rock salt - flashlight with spare batteries - Road flares and reflective triangles - Tow rope - 5 gallon gas can - First aid kit - Jump cables I felt like a complete idiot on the bus this morning. -<>- A Baptist pastor was presenting a children's sermon. During the sermon, he asked the children if they knew what the resurrection was. Asking questions during children's sermons is crucial. Asking children questions in front of a congregation can also be very dangerous. After the pastor asked the children if they knew the meaning of the resurrection, a little boy raised his hand. The pastor called on him And the little boy said, "I'm not sure, but I know that if you have a resurrection that lasts more than four hours you are supposed to call the doctor." -<>- A park ranger in the Everglades was making his rounds a couple of summers ago when a woman came bolting out of the weeds right in front of his truck. She seemed frantic and he finally got her calm enough to say that her five- year- old son was sitting on the back of an alligator. Now the ranger was frantic. Running in the direction she was pointing he found the lad astride a twelve foot male alligator which was trying to relieve itself of its load by twisting and snapping. As the brave ranger moved in he tried to console the mother by saying, "I think I can grab the boy and move away before the gator moves. Be ready to grab your son. I may have to shoot the gator." To which the lady replies "Good Heavens, no! Don't shoot him. I just wanted you to make him hold still for a minute so I could take my son's picture on his back." -<>- When I was a 20-something college student, I became quite friendly with my study partner, a 64-year-old man, who had returned to school to finish his degree. He confessed, with a wink, that he had once thought more than friendship might be a possibility between us. "So what changed your mind?" I asked him. "I went to my doctor and asked if he thought a 40-year age difference between a man and woman was insurmountable. He looked at my chart and said, 'You're interested in someone who's 104?!' ========================================================= >-->From TheMouth: .-"""-. .-"""-. / `..' \ _ | ___ _ _ _ _ | .-' / | | ( \/ )| | | ///// < <======\ | \ / | | /====<<<<< '-._\ \ _|_ \/ \_/ / \\\\\ `\ /' jgs `\ /' `\ /' `\/' >REDNECK PICK UP LINES 1. Did you fart? Cuz you blew me away. 2. Are yer parents retarded? Cuz ya sure are special. 3. My Love fer you is like diarrhea. I can't hold it in. 4. Do you have a library card? Cuz I'd like to check you out. 5. Is there a mirror in yer pants? Cuz I can see myself in em. 6. If you was a tree I were a Squirrel, I'd store my nuts in yer hole. 7. You might not be the best lookin girl here, but beauty's only a light switch away. 8. Man: "Fat Penguin!" Woman: "WHAT?" Man: "I just wanted to say something that would break the ice." 9. I know I'm not no Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make yer bed- rock. 10. I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went inta this cheap motel room. 11. Yer eyes are as blue as window cleaner. 12. If yer gunna regret this in the mornin, we kin sleep til afternoon. 13. Yer face reminds me of a wrench, every time I think of it my nuts tighten up. -<>- >Late Show Top Ten Top Ten Signs Your Film Is Not Going To Win An Academy Award 10. It stars Brad Pitt... but not the famous one 9. To save money on sound effects, gunfights have actors running around yelling, "Kapow!" 8. World premiere was on a Greyhound bus from Reno to Topeka 7. It's titled "The Curious Case of Benjamin Bernanke" 6. It's got any of the following words in the title: "Paul," "Blart," "mall," or "cop" 5. Half of $70 million budget was spent on craft service meatballs 4. No one wants to see your all-raccoon remake of "The Wizard of Oz" 3. It's rated "P" for "Piece of crap" 2. Only person who made a profit from your film is Bernie Madoff 1. It's two hours of Christian Bale swearing at the crew ========================================================= >-->From ScreamOfTheCrop: .-"""-. .-"""-. / `..' \ ; ___ _ _ ; | | | / \| ||_ | ; _|_ |__\_/|/ |_ ; \ _ / \__ \_// \| | / _ / | | \_/\_/ /' | \ \/_/\ /' \_\| / __ `\ /' \/_/__\ `\/' .--='/~\ ____,__/__,_____,______)/ /{~}}} -,-----,--\--,-----,---,\'-' {{~}} jgs __/\_ '--=.\}/ /_/ |\\ \/ >Quotes: Just because two people argue, It doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, It doesn't mean they do love each other. Either you control your attitude or it controls you. In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. -- Albert Camus Love is not measured by how many times you touch each other but by how many times you reach each other. -- Cathy Morancy -<>- >A BLONDE As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load." The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the truck stops for another red light, the woman catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!" Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street. At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker rolls down the window. Again she says "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!" When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde woman. He knocks on her window, and after she lowers it, he says... "Hi, my name is Mark. It's winter in Minnesota and I'm driving the SALT TRUCK!" -<>- >Do You Know? 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321 Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested? A. Obsession Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common? A. All were invented by women. Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil? A. Honey -<>- >Interesting out of office replies 1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Please be prepared for my mood. 2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all. 3. Sorry to have missed you, but I am at the doctor's having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team. 4. I will be unable to delete all the emails you send me until I return from vacation. Please be patient, and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received. 5. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first 10 words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message. 6. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again. (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over . . ) 7. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks. 8. Hi, I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response. 9. I've run away to join a different circus. 10. I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Lucille' instead of Jim. -<>- Two mechanical engineers from the upper peninsula of Michigan were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up. A woman walks by and asks what they were doing. 'We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole,' said Sven, 'but we don't have a ladder.' The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down. Then she took a tape measure from her pocketbook, took a measurement, announced, 'Eighteen feet, six inches,' and walked away. Ollie shook his head and laughed. 'Ain't that just like a woman! We ask for the height and she gives us the length!' Sven and Ollie were working for the United States Government but had to leave after January 20th of last year! -<>- >A Blizzard It was snowing heavily and blowing to the point that visibility was almost zero when John (not the brightest bulb in the chandelier) got off work. He made his way to his car and wondered how he was going to make it home. He sat in his car while it warmed up and thought about his situation. He finally remembered his Dad's advice that if he got caught in a blizzard he should wait for a snowplow to come by and follow it. That way he would not get stuck in a snowdrift. This made him feel much better and sure enough in a little while a snow plow went by and he started following it. As he followed the snowplow, he was feeling very smug and, as they continued, he was not having any problem with the blizzard conditions. After an hour had passed, he was somewhat surprised when the snowplow stopped and the driver got out, came back to his car, and signaled him to roll down his window. The snowplow driver wanted to know if he was all right, as he had been following him for a long time. John said he was fine and told him of his Dad's advice to follow a snowplow when caught in a blizzard. The driver replied that it was okay with him and he could continue if he wanted, but he was done with the Wal*Mart parking lot and he was going over to Sears next. -<>- >IF MY BODY WERE A CAR... If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish, and my paint job is getting a little dull... But that's not the worst of it. My headlights are out of focus, and it's especially hard to see things up close. My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things, even in the best of weather. My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins. It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. My fuel rate burns inefficiently. But here's the worst of it -- Almost every time I sneeze, cough or laugh.... Either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires. -<>- .-""""--. _ _ / ) ( \/ ) / --"` \ / _ _ / _`:____ \/ ( \/ ) | .-' `\ \ / \ / .----'./ \/ \ : ,-' ~(.).)\ _ _ \_| \ ._) | ( \/ ) _ _ / | \.__, / \ / ( \/ ) _.--' )`///-,-' _ _ \/ \ / / / _| (_\\ ( \/ ) \/ | (____/____) \ / \ ___/ | _ \/ `---( ` ) `-, .' (__.'._/'._/ |`| | __/ / / // | `--. || /_____) jgs `=---` >Red Skelton's Marriage Tips 1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship She goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays. 2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California , and mine is in Texas . 3. I take my wife everywhere.... but she keeps finding her way back. 4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. 'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said. So I suggested the kitchen. 5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops. 6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said 'There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!' So I bought her an electric chair. 7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, 'In the lake.' 8. She got a mud pack, and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off. 9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, 'Am I too late for the garbage?' The driver said, 'No, jump in!' 10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce. 11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always. 12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months I don't like to interrupt her. 13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, 'What's on the TV?' I said, 'Dust!' ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) .-"""-. .-"""-. / `..' \ | | | H A P P Y | \ VALENTINE'S / __\ D A Y ! / _ / |`\ /' | \ \/_/ `\ /' \_\| / __ `\ /' \/_/__\ `\/' .--='/~\ ____,__/__,_____,______)/ /{~}}} -,-----,--\--,-----,---,\'-' {{~}} jgs __/\_ '--=.\}/ /_/ |\\ \/ >Some LINKS For Valentine's Day.... Friends Together http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/poems/together.html I Need A Hug! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/poems/hug.html Our Valuable Anchor http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/ouranchor.html You Are The Only You God Has http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/onlyyougodhas.html I Believe... http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/believe.html Love Story http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lovestory.html Love Stories http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lovestories.html My Precious Child http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mychild.html What Is Love 1 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wlove1.html Australian Cockatoo Story http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/cockatoos.html Kisses Sweeter Than Honey http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/kisses.html Beautiful Rare Flowers http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/rareflowers.html Big Hearts In Nature http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/heartsinnature.html Big Boy Toys http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bigboytoys.html eleMMent Palazzo Mobile RV http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/rv2.html Expensive Hotel Rooms http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ehotels.html Extreme US SPAS http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/topspas.html Liberty 2017 Elegant Lady RV http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/rv3.html Niagara Falls In Neon http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/niagaraneon.html New York At Night http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/newyork.html Romantic Castles http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/castles.html Romantic Getaways http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/romantic.html Woman's Dream http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/woman.html World's Most Expensive Things http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/expensive.html World's Most Spectacular Places http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/spectacularplaces1.html ANIMATIONS Hearts http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/agifs_f-j.html Valentines http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/agifs_u-z.html -<>- >Please Visit/Follow Me On StumbleUpon: https://tinyurl.com/yb6gr3k4 -<>- Awesome Pie Crust Recipes! https://tinyurl.com/y9p4ck4d Ben Shapiro DESTROYS Transgenderism And Pro-Abortion Arguments https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gkONHNXGfaM Two Koalas are having an argument. They make the weirdest sounds, it´s super cute https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=djK_ucSYpaw -<>- >From TheMouth: Who's the best Dark Knight? Ranking the Batman actors How was the best Batman? Nuff said. https://tinyurl.com/ybfpy5l9 American Mustache Institute This amazing treasure of a site is all about "Protecting the rights of, and fighting discrimination against mustached Americans, by promoting the growth, care, and culture of the mustache." http://www.americanmustacheinstitute.org/ ALUMINUM FOIL DEFLECTOR BEANIE An Effective, Low-Cost Solution To Combating Mind-Control. https://zapatopi.net/afdb/#1 ROCKSTAR NAME Here come faceless robots to the rescue in the form of Music Name Generators to tell us our Rap Star, Pop Star, Country Star, and Rock Star Names. https://rockstarname.com/ -<>- >From Our Friend Cloie :) George Roof - Presidents I've Known https://america-wake-up.com/2017/04/09/george-roof-presidents-ive-known/ --- ...Wow! Hard hitting! Thanks Cloie! -<>- Revisiting... >From Our Friend Kay :) Happy Valentines Day! http://tinyurl.com/h6wmxsc --- ...Awww, how sweet! Thanks Kay! -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseA :) Some dogs hate the bath. But most of them love sprinklers, fountains and puddles! These adorable aquatic animals frolic in the frothy foam. So cute! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yCz8YLgHuI8 --- ...Awww, Teehee! Thanks LouiseAu! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "Doritos is reportedly looking into launching a so-called lady-friendly chip that doesn't crunch as loudly. Because there's no more appropriate snack for the #MeToo era than a chip that tells women to be quiet." -Seth Meyers "A new study found that the amount of man-made heat that's absorbed by the ocean has doubled since 1997. The main source of that heat? That kid who's waist deep at the beach with that weird smile on his face." -Jimmy Fallon "I read today Best Buy and Target are planning to stop selling CDs in their stores. To which I say: Best Buy and Target are still selling CDs? For those too young to remember, CDs were these shiny discs that would get scratched almost immediately and would sit in a binder of the back seat of the car until you sold the car." -Jimmy Kimmel "Dozens of Eagles fans were seen stage-diving off the awning of the Philadelphia Ritz-Carlton after last night's Super Bowl win. But don't worry, they died." -Seth Meyers "The New England Patriots were beaten by the Philadelphia Eagles 41-33. Eagles fans started fires and punched police horses, then they sat down to watch the Super Bowl." -Conan O'Brien "As is always the case, there's a lot of focus on the commercials at the Super Bowl. I learned a lot from the commercials yesterday. For instance, I had no idea Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. had a dream to sell light duty trucks." -Jimmy Kimmel "A man in Massachusetts went to claim a $10,000 lottery prize and found out that he misread the ticket and won $1 million. Later, his wife said, 'Did you get the $10,000?' He was like, 'Yes.'" -Jimmy Fallon "The preserved forearm of a 16th century saint is on a tour across Canada. And get this... tickets are still available!" -Conan O'Brien "United Airlines prevented a woman from boarding her flight out of Newark, New Jersey, because she tried to board with an emotional-support pet, which was her peacock. They were all set to let both of them on, but then they caught the peacock with over three and a half ounces of shampoo." -James Corden "Drama is life with the dull bits cut out." --Alfred Hitchcock "Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people." --W. C. Fields "We must use time as a tool, not as a crutch." --John F. Kennedy >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE:Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************