Happy MLK, Jr. Day ... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================== >-->In The 'Shangy' News :) HAPPY MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR. DAY!! I hope all of you had a wonderful day today. Hopefully you took a moment to reflect on this great man that we set up a day to give tribute to. I have much respect for Martin Luther King, Jr. He was a true man of God that tried to do what was right in the eyes of God by teaching and challenging all people to come together and thank God for their life. He did God's Will and taught God's Word! ____ ____ | / + \ || || /+ . \ | |o x.| =**= _ =**= | o x| | |____| || _( )_ || |____| | || /_____\ || | ______________//| |/__________________ |_______^________/ | + | /__ _U_ / |___| // | /_______________________________________// /|\ |______________________________________|/ He asked people to look beyond the outer layer of a person and look to their inner self. The heart of a person. Their true character and judge them accordingly. He paid the price for his devotion to God, and to his dreams. 1 John 3:1-3 "Behold, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us, that we should be called the sons of God: therefore the world knoweth us not, because it knew him not. Beloved, now are we the sons of God, and it doth not yet appear what we shall be: but we know that, when he shall appear, we shall be like him; for we shall see him as he is. And every man that hath this hope in him purifieth himself, even as he is pure." Those of us who are Christian understand what Martin Luther King, Jr. was all about. God's children are not defined by how they look on the outside. God's children - our family - is made up of all nationalities and races from all ages. God doesn't care what color a person's skin is or his or her race or nationality. When Christ returns, we will be together as one family and we will see Christ as He really is. Believe you me, when that day comes, people are not going to care about the color of Jesus skin or think about his nationality or heritage. All that will matter is that He is of God Almighty and we share that bond with Him! For we know NOW Are We The Sons the God! Praise God! ! .':'. .':::::'. .':::::::::'. .':::::::::::::'. || % || || .-. || || / \ || || /_____\ || || O || .'||_________||'. .' .'"^"^"^"^"^"'. '. .' .'"^"^"^"^"^"^"^"'. '. .' .'"^"^"^"^"^"^"^"^"^"'. '. .'_.'"^"^"^"^"^"."^"^"^"^"^"'._'. We can look back at the life of Martin Luther King, Jr. and know he knew God's heart and simply was trying to let others see it too. -<>- On The light side, I won't be able to attend as Dr. Phil puts it 'the world's largest party' tomorrow. Yeah, darn. As luck .-------------. . . * * /_/_/_/_/_/_/_/ \ * . ) . //_/_/_/_/_/_// _ \ __ . . /_/_/_/_/_/_/_/|/ \.' .`-o | ||-'(/ ,--' | || _ | | ||'' || |_____________|| |_|L hjm would have it, I've got a dog that I've just got to help take care of tomorrow. So, I'll be way too busy and all. But, I plan on making it to the world's NEXT largest party - for sure! You know - the one where He returns as Lord of Lords and King of Kings! I wouldn't miss that for nothing! See you all there! OK? :) -<>- ,,, _,_ _@_ _(_ _?_ _/. .\_ _/- -\_ _/, ,\_ _/' '\_ _/a a\_ (.\_o_/.) (.\_-_/.) (,\_e_/') (.\_^_/.) (.\_~_/') (.`,.`'.') (.`,.'.'.) (.`'.,'.') ('.,'.`'.) (.'.,'.`.) ('.`,'`,) ('.`,'',) ('.','.`) ('.,'.',) ('.,'.`.) ('.`,'`) ('.','`) (.'.,'.) ('.`.,') ('.','') jgs `--'"` `--'"` `--'"` `--'"' `--'"' ' Believe it or not, Sunday was "National Sanctity of Human Life Day". Check it out here... http://www.onenewsnow.com/Culture/Default.aspx?id=387646 Yea, I could hardly believe it when I saw it too! Why? Because the US people don't seem to give much of a hoot about human life with the soon to be taking office President elect Barack Obama. He has been openly for planned parenthood which of course is all about pro choice which of course is all about taking human life via abortion. Which of course, to me, doesn't spell 'sanctifying' human life. So, of course, I was surprised to see this from OneNewsNow today. It is good to value life. Think about it. All life is precious. Anyone can kill and destroy. There is nothing special about the person who kills. Now if you could create life - then you would be doing something very special. I am talking the biblical create - making something out of nothing at all. Can any one of us do that? No. Why? Because we are not God the creator! Only God can make something out of nothing at all. Life therefore is to be valued as something most precious. Why? BECAUSE WE CANNOT Re-Create that individual life any more - once it is gone, it is gone forever! If DNA science has taught us anything, it should be how very unique and precious life is! Sure, we can clone life, but we all know that while we may have close to the same, we will never have the absolutely same due to environment influence etc. on life as well as the DNA makeup. You are a most unique individual - but it is not just you - all of God's creation is very unique, one of a kind, and special. To be highly regarded and valued. You cannot replace any one with another. They will not be the same. Maybe close but certainly not the same. God intended this and achieved this uniqueness to awe us and win our praise. He could of easily made things replicate and cloned them but He took it to the next level to give us the spice of life. The fun, the challenge, and the greatness of different. A uniqueness in all of life that is most rewarding. We need to see it and highly value it. Of course, evil does not see it. Evil does not appreciate life. Jesus tells us this in John 10:10 "The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly." Certainly Jesus died for all men - 2 Corinthians 5:15. We need to value life. Who are we to know whom God has chosen before the foundation of this world to be His? - Ephesians 1:4 -<>- .-"''-. _ .' `( \ @/ ') ,--,__,-" / / \ / / _/ __| , |/ / .~ `\ / \ , | / .~ `\ ` / _/ _/ .~ `\ ~~`__/ / ~ `--'/ / / / / /' /jgs >With that in mind, check this out from Liberty Council: Freedom of Choice Act Bans Any Restrictions On Abortion And Forces Us To Pay! http://www.libertyaction.org/297/petition.asp?Ref_ID=2071&RID=18134714 Thank you for partnering with Liberty Counsel in defense of life! Mathew Staver, Founder and Chairman Liberty Counsel -<>- >HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This one is a sweet one that comes from our friend Sandi. I loved it the moment I recieved it and saved it till I could get time to do up the page for it. Hopefully you'll enjoy it too! Visit it here: __..--''``\--....___ _..,_ ///// _.-' .-/"; ` ``<._ ``-+'~=. //// ///_.-' _..--.'- \ `(^) ) // // ((..-' // (< - ;_..__ ; `' // ////////////// `-._,_)'//////``--...____..-' ///// ////////////////////////////////////////////////// ////////////////////////////////////////////////// Taking A Catnap 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/catnap2.html --- ...Thank You Sandi for sharing this with us! -<>- >Just a small note to all our wonderful contributors: If you haven't seen your forward used yet - do not worry. Sometimes it takes me a little while to get to it, but I eventually will. I greatly appreciate you thinking of us and sharing with us and spending your time to forward these to me for the group! I love it, we love and we THANK YOU! ___ ____ ___ ____( \ .-' `-. / )____ (____ \_____ / (O O) \ _____/ ____) (____ `-----( ) )-----' ____) (____ _____________\ .____. /_____________ ____) (______/ Joe Reiss `-.____.-' \______) >>> GREAT BIG HUGGUMS TO ALL OF YOU!! <<< _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _( )_ ( ) ( ) _( )_ ( ) ( ) _( )_ ( ` ' )| |_| | _ _ __ ( ` ' )| |_| | _ _ __ ( ` ' ) > < | _ |( ) ( ) /'_ `\ > < | _ |( ) ( ) /'_ `\ > < (_, ,_)| | | || (_) |( (_) |(_, ,_)| | | || (_) |( (_) |(_, ,_) (_) (_) (_)`\___/'`\__ | (_) (_) (_)`\___/'`\__ | (_) ( )_) | ( )_) | \___/' \___/' unknown If Any of you have something cool you want to share with the group, please do not hesitate to forward it to me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net *~* Hey, We love it, We need it, We gotta have it!!! :) =============================================================== >-->From TheFunnyBone: ~; Why A Ship Is Called "SHE" ,/|\, ,/' |\ \, ,/' | | \ A ship is called "she" because there ,/' | | | is always a great deal of bustle ,/' |/ | about her; there is usually a gang ,/__________|-----' , of men about' she has a waist and ___.....-----''-----/ stays; it takes a lot of paint to \ / keep her good-looking; it is not ~~-~^~^~`~^~`~^^~^~-^~^~^~ the initial expense that breaks you, jgs-^~^-`~^~-^~^`^~^-^~^` it is the upkeep; she can be all decked out; it takes an experienced man to handle her correctly, and without a man at the helm, she is absolutely uncontrollable. She shows her topsides, hides her bottom and, when coming into port, always heads for the buoys. ===================================================================== +---------------- Bizarre Police Reports ------------------+ In Detroit, Oregon, a hunter thought he had found a severed human head in an abandoned mining shed and called the police. Deputy Larry Taylor realized it was just the head of a mannequin when he noticed a price sticker on the forehead. A California officer charged the driver of a white Mazda with DUI after driving down Pacific Coast Highway with the upper half of a traffic light pole laying across its hood. When Fonteno asked the drunk driver about the pole, he responded: "It came with the car when I bought it." The driver of an armored truck in Edmonton, Alberta appeared to be signaling for help as he repeatedly swung his door open. After six police cruisers chased and stopped the truck, it turned out, the driver had simply tried to fan fresh air into the cabin after the other guard had passed gas. In Boynton, Florida, Michael Harrison and Kevin Carter were arrested and charged with armed robbery and murder in their attempt to raise money to attend the police academy. Stockholm, Sweden - Customs officers in Stockholm, Sweden arrested a woman who had tried to smuggle 75 live snakes in her bra. The officers became suspicious when they noticed how the woman kept scratching her chest. =============================================================== >-->From TheJokester: ____________ .F............T. | .----------. | | |',' ',' , | | _......_ .''''''''''. | `----------' | _+' `+_ .' '. _|.-. _...._ .-.|_ _/.-. _...._ .-.\_ _|.-. _...._ .-.|_ (_)`-' __[]__ `-'(_) (_)`-' __{}__ `-'(_) (_)`-' __/\__ `-'(_) (....__|LESTER|__....) (....__|LESTER|__....) (....__|LESTER|__....) | | ~~~~~~ | | | | ~~~~~~ | | | | ~~~~~~ | | `-' `-' `-' `-' `-' `-' Really, Really Bad Traffic * Freeway congestion is getting so bad, you can change a tire without losing your place in line. * All across the country rush hour traffic is bumper to bumper. The next thing they'll be selling is antiperspirant to put under your car's fenders. * Traffic is always heavy in both directions. There are just as many people trying to get to whatever you're trying to get away from. * You have mixed feelings when you see an opening in rush hour traffic. You're glad for the opening, but you wonder who died. * It's useless to print roadmaps anymore. You just get on the highway and go wherever the other cars take you. * The only way to get home from work on time is to take the day off... even then, you're cutting it close. * Traffic is so bad nowadays, a pedestrian is someone in a hurry. * You don't even have to brush your teeth anymore. Just get in rush hour traffic, smile, and let someone else's windshield wipers do all the work. * You can sit on the highways forever. In fact, some places have little exit ramps where you can pull over and make a car payment. * During rush hour the only way you can change lanes is to buy the car driving next to you. * Remember the good old days when traffic used to be bumper to bumper? Now it's windshield wiper to windshield wiper. -<>- _..-------++._ _.-'/ | _|| \"--._ __.--'`._/_\j_____/_||___\ `----. _.--'_____ | \ _____ / _j /,---.\ | =o | /,---.\ |_ [__]==// .-. \\==`===========/==// .-. \\=[__] `-._|\ `-' /|___\_________/___|\ `-' /|_.' hjw `---' `---' >Signs Your Car Has To Be Recalled From transmission you hear the unmistakable cries of James Brolin. Dealer brags, "This is the car Stephen King owned when he wrote 'Christine'". Bucket seats? Actual buckets. Horn only audible to dogs. The "fan belt" spits venom and coils around your neck. Feature that sets it apart from other cars? It's always on fire! You peel back the license plate and see "Saddam 1". To make a right turn, you have to get out of car and physically turn wheels. The Salesman offered to knock $500 off your funeral. Windshield wipers are on the inside. -<>- .---------------. / oLo \ O/_____/________/____\O /__________+__________\ / (#############) \ |[**](#############)[**]| \_______________________/ |_""__|_,-----,_|__""_| | | '-----' | | APC'97 '-' '-' >Characteristics of "The Company Car" Accelerates at a phenomenal rate. Has a much shorter braking distance than the private car. Can take speed humps at twice the speed of private cars. The battery, radiator water, oil and tires never have to be checked. It can be driven up to 60 miles with the oil warning light flashing. It needs cleaning less often than private cars. The suspension is reinforced to allow for the weekend loads of bricks, concrete slabs and other building material. Unusual and alarming engine noises are easily eliminated by turning up the radio. It needs no security system and may be left anywhere, unlocked and with the keys in the ignition. It is especially sand and waterproof for barbecues and fishing expeditions on remote beaches. ============================================================== >-->In The Wordly News: ,----------. ( Skandal! ) `----------' O o ,-. .:\ '`-. |:| __ b `;-( ,' | ( \|||_ ,-----(.-''--``-------. /_______`'______________\ / SSt\ >From Emergency Email: FDA Issue definitive statement on Peanut Butter Salmonella - Do not eat guidelines Because identification of products subject to recall is continuing, the FDA urges consumers to postpone eating commercially-prepared or manufactured peanut butter-containing products and institutionally-served peanut butter until further information becomes available about which products may be affected. Efforts to specifically identify those products are ongoing. Visit Here for More: http://www.emergencyemail.org/newsemergency/anmviewer.asp?a=345&z=1 >From OneNewsNow: __-----__ ..;;;--'~~~`--;;;.. /;-~IN GOD WE TRUST~-.\ // ,;;;;;;;; \\ .// ;;;;; \ \\ || ;;;;( /.| || || ;;;;;;; _\ || || ';; ;;;;= || ||LIBERTY | ''\;;;;;; || \\ ,| '\ '|><| 1995 // \\ | | \ A // `;.,|. | '\.-'/ ~~;;;,._|___.,-;;;~' ''=--' Obama has little in common with Lincoln On the hardest moral dilemma of his day, Abraham Lincoln stepped up to the plate and took a stand. He did not say that it was above his pay grade. And this is what makes Abraham Lincoln very different from Barack Obama. Visit here for More: http://www.onenewsnow.com/Perspectives/Default.aspx?id=390290 Obama betrays Christian voters You've probably heard that President-elect Obama has invited openly homosexual Episcopal Bishop V. Gene Robinson to deliver the invocation at an inaugural event on Sunday. http://www.onenewsnow.com/Perspectives/Default.aspx?id=384446 Will Obama seek repeal of 'don't ask, don't tell'? A former evangelical Navy chaplain says there would be serious national security consequences if Barack Obama follows through on his pledge to allow homosexuals to serve in the military. http://www.onenewsnow.com/Security/Default.aspx?id=388006 , , /////| ///// | ///// | |~~~| | | |===| |/| | B |/| | | I | | | | B | | | | L | / | E | / |===|/ jgs '---' Dead Sea Scrolls exhibit testifies the Bible is true http://www.onenewsnow.com/Perspectives/Default.aspx?id=387754 -<>- >From BizarreNews: (`. \ `. ) `._..---._ \`. __...---` o ) \ `._,--' , ___,' ) ,-._ \ ) _,-' /,' ``--.._____\/--'' -shimrod -- Police: Man stole shark with bare hands ---------- LYNBROOK , N.Y. - Police in Nassau County, N.Y., said they have arrested a man who allegedly grabbed a shark out of a fish tank in a pet shop and hid it in his jacket. Investigators said Elbert Starks, 30, entered the Total Aquarium store in Lynbrook Dec. 12 and grabbed the $350 nurse shark out of its tank with his bare hands, Newsday reported Thursday. He left the store with the shark concealed in his jacket, police said. Starks is also alleged to have stolen a cashier's wallet Jan. 2 at Pet Barn in Franklin Square and used a credit card from the wallet to buy a $300 eel at Parrots of the World in Rockville Centre hours later. A police spokeswoman said Starks, who is charged with felony grand larceny and misdemeanor petty larceny, was keeping his pilfered fish in a 200-gallon "personal home aquarium." . .' `. .' .'. `. .' .' `. `. .' .' `. `. .' .' `. `. .' .'| _________ |`. `. `'| | | | | |`' | | | _ _ | | | | | | ( " ) } | | | | | \ / | | | | | | " | | | | | | | | | | |,+' | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | } | | | | | | | | ,,,,,,,,|,|,|,,,,,,,,,|,|,|,,,,,,,,,,,,,, VK -- 18th toilet torched in San Francisco ------------ SAN FRANCISCO - San Francisco authorities said a construct- ion site's portable toilet was torched early Thursday, marking the 18th such arson attack in two months. Fire Department Lt. Mindy Talmadge said the construction site toilet at Washington and Taylor streets on Nob Hill became the 18th portable toilet in the area to be set afire during the past two months when it was ignited at about 4 a.m. Thursday, the San Francisco Chronicle reported. Talmadge said the 18 arson fires have caused an estimated $45,000 in damage. One construction foreman in the city said he has been protecting his site's toilet by disguising it as a storage shed with dark plywood and a brown blanket. -- Woman took pictures of flasher -------------- DES MOINES, Iowa - Police in Des Moines, Iowa, said a quick- thinking woman took pictures with her cell phone when a man allegedly exposed himself to her. Investigators said the victim was offered a ride home while a remote starter was being installed in her car Jan. 5 at Elite Styling and Sound, the Des Moines Register reported. The woman told police Kyle Matthew Thompson, 20, showed up at her home to drive her back to the business later in the day when the work on her car was completed. She said when she entered the vehicle, Thompson's pants were unzipped and he began driving in the wrong direction. Police said the woman pretended not to notice and used her cell phone to take pictures of Thompson with his pants unzipped. They said Thompson "jerked the wheel across all lanes of traffic" on the freeway to head back in the direction of the store after a friend phoned the woman and she casually gave her location. Thompson was charged with indecent exposure and taken to the Polk County Jail in lieu of $5,000 bond. .-. ## ) * _.-+*'`*+-._ ,## _ _ #. ;### ((.;;.)) ##: .=._.; ,-*:;;:*-. *##:._.=, >##; *-')_@@_(`-* ;###< ---------------`****------(o `` o)-----*****'-------------e:l `-""-' -- Cow flatulence tax nothing but hot air ---------- EL PASO, Texas - Rumors that livestock owners throughout the United States could be taxed for their animals' gas emissions are completely untrue, a federal official says. Environmental Protection Agency spokesman Jonathon Shradar confirmed the federal agency has no plans to begin taxing farm owners like Joe Gonzalez for the flatulence of their herds, KFOX-TV, El Paso, Texas, reported Wednesday. But Gonzales, who owns Gonzalez Dairy Farm, Inc., remains concerned that he could face additional payments in the future for his animals' instinctual activities. "When I first heard it, I thought it was ridiculous thing to try and tax cows for doing what they do naturally. Which is eat, feed, produce milk, and have by-pass products," he told KFOX. "It would take away 80 percent of my net profit per cow. So, instead of making $216 per cow, it would bring me down to $40 a cow, and of course that would hurt every- thing else in my income stream," he added. Shradar told KFOX the EPA report spurring on such rumors is actually based on air pollution sources outside of animal flatulence. =============================================================== >-->From TheMouth: ____ .-'& '-. / \ : o o ; ( (_ ) : ; \ __ / `-._____.-' /`"""`\ / , \ /|/\/\/\ _\ (_|/\/\/\\__) |_______| __)_ |_ (__ jgs (_____|_____) >WISE ADVICE FROM KIDS "Medicine only works if it's cherry flavored." -- Elissa, 9 "Good food always comes with a toy." -- Ryan, 6 "Just because your dog drinks from the toilet, doesn't mean you should." -- Juaquim, 7 "Don't dry the dog in the microwave." -- Brittany, 5 "If mommy says no, then you should ask daddy." -- Daniel, 7 "You can't eat soup with a fork." -- Mel, 4 "Don't pick your nose when you're fingerpainting." --Xiang, 8 "Never ask mom when she's going to go on a diet." --Bob, 11 ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs .-. \ / .-. |_| .-. \ / |=| \ / |_| / \ |_| |=| / (@) \|=|/ \ ____ | / \@) \ .' '. / (@) \ | / # \ | | | | o o |'='| | / \ o / \ /'=' jgs '.____.' '=' Joe, Everyone wants to know your bowling score and whether you were shown up by Barack Obama, who during the campaign bowled a 30-something through 7 frames at which time he gave up. -Kaz I did a little better than Barry. In three games I scored an 80-something, then I peaked in the second game with a 105, but by the third game I had dropped again into the 90s. I didn't mind, though, because my date was beating me and she was feeling good about herself. Every now and then you have to let chicks feel like they are on top! Laugh it up, Joe -<>- Marvin found the following ransom note slipped under his front door. "Bring $50,000 to the 17th hole of your country club tomorrow at 10:00 AM if you ever want to see your wife alive again." But it was well after 1:00 PM by the time he arrived at the designated meeting spot. A masked man stepped from behind a bush and demanded, "You're three hours late. What took you so long?" "Give me a break!" said Marvin, pointing to his scorecard. "I'm a 27 handicap." -<>- "That was nice of you to set up a blind date for your ex- boyfriend." "I know, but I don't hold any grudges." "I'm surprised he trusted you enough to agree to go out with her." "Well, I had to swear to him she's Jennifer Lopez's double." "Wow! Is that true?" "I wouldn't lie. She's twice her weight and twice her age." -<>- My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter. She said, "you gave me too much money." I said, "Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back." She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said "We're sorry but they could not do that kind of thing." The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change. Do not confuse the clerks at McD's. -<>- A young camper at summer camp asked the chaplain if "hard on" was hyphenated. The chaplain replies, "What in heaven's name are you writing home about!" The young boy says, "I'm telling Mom and Dad about the pro- ject we worked so 'hard on'." -<>- During a tour at the Arizona-Sonora Desert Museum, a New York City woman mentioned that she was raising a type of cactus in a pot on her apartment balcony. Another tourist asked her how she kept from watering it too much, because the cactus would die if over watered. "I subscribe to the Tucson newspaper," replied the New Yorker. "Every time I read that it rained in the desert, I give my plant some water." -<>- A woman, her husband, and their three rambunctious young sons were in their car waiting at a traffic. The woman glanced over at the car next them, noticing a blissfully happy mother with her baby daughter. Looking at her husband she said, "As soon as I lose my weight from the last baby, I want to try for a daughter." The husband reached up to the dash, grabbed an open box of snacks, and said, "Here, have another cookie." ============================================================= ___,,___ _,-='=- =- -`"--.__,,.._ ,-;// / - - - -= - "=. ,'/// - - - = - ==-=\`. |/// / = `. - = == - =.=_,,._ `=/| /// - - \ - - = ,ndDMHHMM/\b \\ ,' - / / / /\ = - /MM(,,._`YQMML `| <_,=^Kkm / / / / ///H|wnWWdMKKK#""-;. `"0\ | `""QkmmmmmnWMMM\""WHMKKMM\ `--. \> \ hjm `""' `->>> ``WHMb,. `-_<@) `"QMM`. `>>> >Top Ten Signs Your New Year Is Off To A Bad Start 10. It's Jan. 9, and there's still a fat guy passed out on your sofa from New Year's Eve 9. All the money you didn't lose in the Ponzi scheme, you bet on the Colts 8. Regis just moved in next door 7. Began year in emergency room having novelty "2009" glasses removed from your stomach 6. Your wife's resolution was to give up sex, with you 5. You're still sitting in your Y2K bunker 4. Company transferred you to an office in Gaza 3. Somali pirates just stole your Buick 2. Your cholesterol is higher than the stock market 1. It's Friday night and you're watching Letterman =========================================================== >-->From ScreamOfTheCrop: , |) |; ,,;, zzzzzz |a a| | L | : -,': --;; \;;--. \ \ \` \ ((\U/ ) `--\_/ pb >Wisdom by Tonto Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand pulling a male buffalo with the other. He says to the waiter, "Want coffee." The waiter says, "Sure, Chief, coming right up." He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee. The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere, then just walks out. The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand, pulling another male buffalo with the other. He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter, "Want coffee." The waiter says, "Whoa, Tonto! We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?" The Indian smiles and proudly says, "Training for position in United States Congress: Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave mess for others to clean up, disappear for rest of day." -<>- Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the State Fair every year. Every year Stumpy would say, "Martha, I'd like to ride in that there airplane."And every year Martha would say, "I know, Stumpy, but that airplane ride cost ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars." This one year Stumpy and Martha went to the fair and Stumpy said, "Martha, I'm 71 years old. If I don't ride that airplane this year I may never get another chance." Martha replied, "Stumpy, that there airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars." The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you, but if you say one word it’s ten dollars." Stumpy and Martha agree and up they go. The pilot does all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word is heard. He does all his tricks over again, but still not a word. They land and the pilot turns to Stumpy, "By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't." Stumpy replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, but ten dollars is ten dollars." -<>- .----------. / .-. .-. \ / | | | | \ \ `-' `-' _/ /\ .--. / | \ | / / / / / | `--' /\ \ /`-------' \ \ Jym Dyer Q. Why is Friday the thirteenth regarded with such dread? A. The Norse, whose mythology gave us fear of the number thirteen, are also responsible for the anxiety over Friday the thirteenth. Friday gets its name from Frigg, the Norse goddess of the heavens. When Norse tribes dropped their polytheistic religion in favor of Christianity, they began vilifying Frigg, calling her a witch. In their attempts to malign the goddess who used to represent love and fertility, people began to make up stories about her. In one tale, the deserted goddess was said to convene weekly meetings with eleven other witches and the devil --a total of thirteen participants. In these meetings, which naturally took place on "Frigg's day" or Friday, Frigg and her cohorts would hatch evil plots for the following week. As a result of this story, Friday became known as the "Witches' Sabbath" and Friday the thirteenth was especially feared. =============================================================== >-->From SermondFodder: ______/``'``'-. (_ 6 \ .^ __ `'.__, | `'-. /_ \ / / :`^' /`/_` \/ / .' "/ `'- |.-'`^. `. / .`-._ \ `'^^^ /`/' \ \ "" \ `. `\ `. `\/ \-'-.- / /`. `-. ( /' ) .^ \ \\ .'^. `. \ > > `` `. ) // / .` /`/ gnv "" Dead Horses The tribal wisdom of the Dakota Indians, passed down from generation to generation, says that when you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount. In the US Public Service, however, a whole range of far more advanced strategies is often employed. Please note that these can also be readily applied to church activities. 1. Change riders. 2. Buy a stronger whip. 3. Do nothing: "This is the way we have always ridden dead horses". 4. Visit other countries to see how they ride dead horses. 5. Perform a productivity study to see if lighter riders improve the dead horse's performance. 6. Hire a contractor to ride the dead horse. 7. Harness several dead horses together in an attempt to increase the speed. 8. Provide additional funding and/or training to increase the dead horse's performance. 9. Appoint a committee to study the horse and assess how dead it actually is. 10. Re-classify the dead horse as "living-impaired". 11. Develop a Strategic Plan for the management of dead horses. 12. Rewrite the expected performance requirements for all horses. 13. Modify existing standards to include dead horses. 14. Declare that, as the dead horse does not have to be fed, it is less costly, carries lower overheads, and therefore contributes substantially more to the bottom line than many other horses. 15. Promote the dead horse to a supervisory position. From Divine Humor. To subscribe send a message with the words: "subscribe: Divine Humor eMail List" to: mana8@mac.com ==================================================================== >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Ordinary People, Extraordinary Deeds http://www.greatamericans.com/ Help! Emergency Numbers: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/poems/help.html Cost Of A Child http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/costofchild.html Buy A Dog http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/buyadog.html -<>- >From LynnLynn's Links: Melva/Friends Always http://silverandgoldandthee.net/F_S/Fr_A.html Remember Our Vets Via Steve http://www.inspiringthots.net/movie/a-remember.php Kathryn/Hello-Copter http://adreamandasmile.com/Smiles/Hello_Copter.html Quilting With A Passion! Quick/Easy Projects http://quiltingpassion.com/projects.html Lucky 2 http://www.buffaloschips.com/gsdhdjd.htm Lucky 3 http://www.buffaloschips.com/ghsjs.htm Lucky 4 http://www.buffaloschips.com/gshslkssjs.htm Magic 1320 http://www.buffaloschips.com/gdhdjd.htm If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com ========================================================== >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "In China, a panda has bitten a visitor for the third time in three years. 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But don't worry, it's not an invasion — they were just looking for a place to dump a body." -David Letterman "I read in the paper that by the year 2015, obesity will be the leading cause of death. Especially for the person on the bottom." -Jay Leno "Health experts are now concerned that this bad economy may be causing Americans to gain weight. They call it recession pounds. You heard about this? You put on recession pounds during economic hardship. So guys, if your wife or girl- friend says, 'Do these pants make me look like we're in a recession?' be careful what you say." --Jay Leno "President-elect Obama is moving into Washington, D.C. His stuff arrived via U-Haul One." -David Letterman "In China, a 107-year-old woman who's never been married says she's finally ready to start looking for a husband. She said, 'The last guy I dated built that wall.'" -Conan O'Brien "Weather forecast for tonight: dark. 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