Happy MLK Jr. Day! ... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* Please Consider Giving To ShangralaFamilyFun.com The cost of the website has gone up dramatically due to the ever increasingly wonderful pages and photos being added each week to entertain you and our fellow Christian families. If every one would chip in $25 or more, we'd be good for the whole year! So Please - I need your help today! "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ *~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a Shangrala Angel, the easiest way to do that is through online giving. It is easy to use, and most of all, it is secure. Please visit the site, scroll down and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL form page comes up. NOTE: Paypal will generate a 'Quantity 1' and 'Price per item' form. Just ignore the price per item and put whatever it is you desire to give in there. With Paypal, you will have your normal receipt for your 'payment' donation in USD (United States Dollars). You can put a memo in there if you'd like. EVERY LITTLE BIT WILL HELP! Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS YOU ABUNDANTLY FOR YOUR GIFT! ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! -<>- * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ *~* Wishing You A Happy, Blessed, And Safe Martin Luther King Jr. Day! >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press This smoking hot new page is from our friend LouieAu. One to give you plenty of eye candy along with your aww quota for the day. Be sure to check it and its video out here... . | . \ | / `. \ ' / .' `. .-*""*-. .' "*-._ /.*" "*.\ _.-*" : ; ____ """"': .. ; _.-*" \ `.__.' / "*-._ .' `-.__.-' `. bug .' / . \ `. / | \ ' | ` God's Most Beautiful 4 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mostbeautiful4.html --- ...So lovely! Thank You LouiseAu! ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: ___________ \ / )_______( |"""""""|_.-._,.---------.,_.-._ | | | | | | ''-. | |_| |_ _| |_..-' |_______| '-' `'---------'` '-' )"""""""( /_________\ `'-------'` .-------------. jgs/_______________\ >Lawyers! Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? A: His lips are moving. Q: What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pit bull? A: Lipstick. Q: What do you call 20 lawyers skydiving from an airplane? A: Skeet. Q: What do lawyers use for birth control? A: Their personalities. Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road? A: There are skid marks in front of the dog. Q: What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A: A good start! Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers? A: Professional courtesy. Q: What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand? A: Not enough sand. Q: How do you get a lawyer out of a tree? A: Cut the rope. Q: What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")? A: When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff. Q: What is the definition of a "crying shame"? A: There was an empty seat. Q: What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should? A: Stick his bill up his bottom. Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer? A: An offer you can't understand Q: Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses? A: From chasing parked ambulances. Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire? A: A vampire only sucks blood at night. Q: What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster? A: When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance. Q: How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb? A: Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant. ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ January 20 is Martin Luther King Jr. Birthday, National Buttercrunch Day, National Cheese Lover Day and Penguin Awareness Day January 21 is National Hugging Day and Squirrel Appreciation Day January 22 is National Blonde Brownie Day January 23 is National Pie Day, National Handwriting Day and Measure Your Feet Day January 24 is Beer Can Appreciation Day, Compliment Day and Global Belly Laugh Day January 25 is Chinese New Years, National Seed Swap Day and Opposite Day January 26 is Australia Day (may God Bless Them) and Spouse's Day ======================================================= >-->From Mikey'sFunnies: .-. __/ ( , '-.____\ u=='/ \ /_/ \ .-'' | ( ____/_____ _>_/.-------- \/// // snd // >A SUNDAY SCHOOL TEACHER REPORTS: ~ With your eyes closed for prayer, anything can happen in a room full of preschoolers. ~ Prayer requests reveal a lot about parents. ~ Cheap glue adheres to skin. ~ Kool Aid and song motions do not mix. ~ Girls are superior to boys. ~ There IS a doggie Heaven. ~ Parachute games should not be used in a room with a chandelier. ~ Church maintenance men do not have a sense of humor. ~ Animal crackers can be sneezed out the nose. ~ There are good reasons why pastor's kids have a bad reputation. -<>- The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies, probably because they are generally the same people. -<>- Q: What steps should you take if you ever come across a dangerous animal in the wilderness? A: Very large ones. -<>- Today more and more cities have red light cameras, to take photos of cars running red lights. In one particular city, a man received a ticket in the mail along with a picture of himself in a car, running the red light. The fine was $700. So the man, thinking that this just wasn't right, got two $100 bills, took a picture of them, and sent in the picture to the police. One week later he received a picture of a pair of handcuffs. He promptly sent the money that day. -<>- The brain is amazing. It begins from the time we are born, and works 24 hours a day 365 days a year right up to the time you get up to speak in public. -<>- An old man, because of his grumpy miserly ways, had no friends. Just before he died he asked his doctor, lawyer, and minister to gather around his bedside. "I have always heard you can't take it with you, but I am going to prove you can," he said. "I have $90,000 in cash under my mattress. It's in three envelopes of $30,000 each. I want each of you to take one envelope now and just before they throw the dirt on me, you throw the envelopes in." The three attended the funeral and each threw his envelope into the grave. On the way back from the cemetery, the minister said, "I don't feel exactly right. I'm going to confess. I needed $10,000 badly for a new church we're building, so I took out $10,000 and threw only $20,000 in the grave." The doctor said, "I, too, must confess. I am building a hospital and took $20,000 and threw in only $10,000." The lawyer said, "Gentlemen, I'm surprised, shocked, and ashamed of you. I don't see how you could hold out that money. I threw in my personal check for the full amount." ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :) .'"'. ___,,,___ .'``. : (\ `."'"``` ```"'"-' /) ; : \ `./ .' `. :.' / _ _ \ | 0} {0 | | / \ | | / \ | | / \ | \ | .-. | / `. | . . / \ . . | .' jgs `-._\.'.( ).'./_.-' `\' `._.' '/' `. --'-- .' `-...-' >SMILES A traveler afoot in the mountains came upon a terrifying scene. In front of a lonely mountain cabin, a man was in deadly combat with a huge bear, while his wife sat on a stump nearby with a rifle across her lap. "Why don't you shoot that beast? cried the traveler. "I will if I have to", she replied tersely, "but he's a drunken bum and I'm hoping the bear will save me the trouble." ---------- A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car. The officer looked down at the monkey and said "I wish you could talk." The monkey looked up at the officer and shook his head up and down. "You can understand what I'm saying?" asked the officer. Again, the monkey shook his head up and down. "Well, did you see this?" "Yes," motioned the monkey. "What happened?" The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up by his mouth. "They were drinking?" asked the officer. "Yes." "What else?" The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth. "They were smoking marijuana?" "Yes." "Now wait, you're saying your owners were drinking, and smoking marijuana before they wrecked." "Yes." "What were you doing during all this?" "Driving" motioned the monkey. ---------- "How come you're late?" asked the bartender, as the blonde waitress walked into the bar. "It was awful," she explained. "I was walking down Elm street and there was a terrible accident. A man was thrown from his car and he was lying in the middle of the street. His leg was broken, his skull was fractured, and there was blood everywhere. Thank God I took that first-aid course. "What did you do?" asked the bartender. "I sat down and put my head between my knees to keep from fainting!" ---------- A little girl called Esme Pipple was taken by her father to a seance. When they arrived, the medium asked Esme is there was anybody she would like to contact and speak to. "I'd like to speak to my Granny," said Esme. "Certainly, my dear," said the medium, going into a deep trance. He began to moan and talk in a strange voice, saying "This is your Granny speaking from Heaven... a wonderful place in the skies. Is there anything you'd like to ask me, my child?" "Yes, Granny," said Esme. "What are you doing in Heaven when you're not even dead yet?" ---------- The District Attorney stared at the jury, unable to believe its verdict.Bitterly he asked, "What possible excuse could you have for acquitting this man?" The foreman answered, "Insanity." The D.A. said, "All twelve of you?" ------- A lawyer had successfully handled a difficult law case for a wealthy friend. Following the happy outcome of the case, the friend and client called on the lawyer, expressed his appreciation of his work and handed him a handsome Moroccan leather wallet. The lawyer looked at the wallet in astonishment and handed it back with a sharp reminder that a wallet could not possible compensate him for his services. "My fee for that work, " acidly snapped the attorney, "is five hundred dollars." The client opened the wallet, removed a one-thousand dollar bill, replaced it with a five-hundred dollar bill and handed it back to the lawyer with a smile. ---------- _____ /.---.\ |`````| \ / `-.-' ____ | /\ .' /\ __|__ |K----; | | jgs`-----` \/ '.___\/ An Afghanistan diplomat visiting the US for the first time was being wined and dined by the State Department. The diplomat was not used to the salt in American foods (French fries, cheeses, salami, anchovies, etc.) and was constantly sending his manservant Abdul to fetch him a glass of water. Time and again, Abdul would scamper off and return with a glass of water, but then came the time when he returned empty handed. "Abdul, you son of an ugly camel, where is my water?" demanded the diplomat. "A thousand pardons, O Illustrious One," stammered the wretched Abdul, "A man is sitting on the well!" ---------- A couple is taking a stroll in a lovely meadow when they come upon a wishing well. The woman leans over, makes a wish, and throws in a quarter. Her husband decides he wants to make a wish, also. Unfortunately, he leans over too far, falls down into the well, and drowns. The woman stands there shaken for a moment, and then exclaims, "GOOD GRIEF!, IT WORKS!!!" ---------- Visiting the modern art museum, a lady turned to an attendant standing nearby. "This," she said, "I suppose, is one of those hideous representations you call modern art?" "No, Madam," replied the attendant. "That one's called a mirror." ---------- ,,,,, ////""\ . (((/ m m -|- __ )))c = ) | (__) ////-./~` . [] (((( `.`\ :: [] )))`\ \)).-;.' .------, [] (() `._.-'` _( )[] )/ `. | .'`^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^))\`.----'`[] jgs ( \' { ~ - ~~ _ ~ - ~~ - ~ - (( | | [] .-.--\ \ { )) | | [] |_;_._`\ |{ ((__|_|-----[] | ; ``` ;{ )) [] | /``-.____/ `~~~[]~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~'-' [] `' (__) (__) The minister's little six-year-old girl had been so naughty during the week that her mother decided to give her the worst kind of punishment. She told her she couldn't go to the Sunday School Picnic on Saturday. When the day came, her mother felt she had been too harsh and changed her mind. When she told the little girl she could go to the picnic, the child's reaction was one of gloom and unhappiness. "What's the matter? I thought you'd be glad to go to the picnic," her mother said. "It's too late! the little girl said. "I've already prayed for rain." --- ...Oh My! LOL! Thanks LouiseAu! ========================================================= >-->From HandyHints: ___ .' _ '. / /` `\ \ | | [__] | | {{ | | }} _ | | _ {{ ___________<_>_| |_<_>}}________ .=======^=(___)=^={{====. / .----------------}}---. \ / / {{ \ \ / / }} \ \ ( '=========================' ) jgs '-----------------------------' Every month or two, keep the pipes clear of grease, oil, and hair clogs. Pour 1/2 cup baking soda down the drain, followed by 1/2 cup white vinegar. The mixture will foam up. Let stand for a few minutes then pour boiling water down the drain to wash out any clogs. -<>- Love burning votive candles, but hate struggling to get the remaining wax out of the holder? Me too! The trick I use is after burning the candle I stick the candle (with holder) inside the freezer for an hour, and when I take it out the candle easily slides out. But now I'm going to try this new trick below! And who knows I still may do the tip below and still pop them in the freezer. Or another trick...Spray the inside of a votive holder with a thin coating before dropping in a tea light. After the handle has burned down, the remaining wax will slip out. -<>- Here's an idea for all those eggs you hard-boiled: Use their broken eggshells to clean the hard-to-reach places in bottles and vases. Drop some crushed shells in the bottle, add warm water and a drop of dishwashing liquid, and give it a good swirl. The shells will scrape off the gunk you can't get to, so you can save your elbow grease for the dinner dishes. -<>- If you have ever had to deal with a squeaky hinge, then chances are you've used WD-40. But if that's all you are using this amazing product for, then you are missing out. WD-40 actually has dozens of uses that might be a surprise to you. If you have a can of WD-40 lying around the house, here are some neat tricks to save you time, money and frustration. WD-40 1. Polishing silver: If you have a collection of silver that always seems to tarnish over time, WD-40 can help you with that. Spray down your silver and wipe it clean. It's just that easy to keep it looking sparkly and new. Just don't use it on eating utensils without washing them carefully first. 2. Cleaning shoes: When it comes to sneakers, WD-40 is a person's best friend. In the winter, you can remove stubborn rock salt spots that build up by spraying them and wiping them down. If you want to make your whole shoe waterproof, spray the entire surface with the stuff. 3. Cleaning toilets: Depending on the type of water in your house, cleaning your toilet can feel like a pointless task. If you use WD-40 the same way you would use your regular toilet bowl cleaner, you'll notice that it gets clean quickly and stays clean longer. 4. Unsticking gum: Chewing gum can get stuck on shoes and other surfaces and never come off. Spray it down with WD-40. That will help it come right off. 5. Defrosting ice: Whether you live in a cold climate year-round or you're gearing up for the winter season, spray your windows down with WD-40 and then wipe the excess away. Believe it or not, this will keep the ice from sticking to your windows and save you time getting out of the driveway in the morning. -<>- ?'Go Green' Hints: While WD-40 is really a miracle product, it is not completely environmentally friendly, made largely with petroleum byproducts. But you can made a homemade version that will serve many of the same purposes. Combine 90 percent vegetable oil with 10 percent acetone. Acetone, commonly found in nail polish remover, is an organic compound with the formula (CH3)2CO that is a colorless and flammable liquid. Try experimenting with this formula on rusty nuts and screws, tools, lawn mower blades, barbecue grills, and problems like old chewing gum, scuffed floors, and crayon and lipstick stains on lothing before laundering. -<>- Lower settings on water heater Experiment within the 120-140 range to find the lowest setting which supplies you with enough hot water. If you're ready for a new water heater, consider a tankless water heater. These models can save as much as fifty percent of the cost of heating water. ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: Here Are Three Things That Happened While Impeachment Proceeded https://tinyurl.com/yx2tprh9 Federalist Co-Founder Destroys Democrats new Impeachment Evidence https://tinyurl.com/wk8svxn 9th Circuit Court Of Appeals Deals Brutal Blow To Teens Who Sued Trump Over Climate Change https://tinyurl.com/t9z6g2u Senate Approves USMCA Trade Deal in Landslide Vote https://tinyurl.com/txs95kj Trump's Phase One China Trade Deal Result of Negotiator-in-Chief's Courage https://tinyurl.com/ude98x4 Pelosi’s Impeachment Offenses -The Wall Street Journal https://tinyurl.com/sne3zny Westwing News: https://www.whitehouse.gov/westwingreads/ WhiteHouseNews: Out with NAFTA, in with USMCA! https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/ Latest From AFA: http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw Students For Life https://tinyurl.com/yd5nxmu6 Latest From OperationRescue: http://www.operationrescue.org/ Latest Product Alert: Cars, Strollers, Face Masks http://www.emergencyemail.org/products/?fmt=text Latest Health Alert: http://www.emergencyemail.org/health/?fmt=text Click to Give Free https://tinyurl.com/y2abb8d2 -<>- >From BizarreNews: A Michigan man who noticed something amiss about the couch he bought from a thrift store found more than $40,000 stashed inside a cushion. Howard Kirby said he bought the couch from the Habitat for Humanity ReStore and used it in his man cave for a few weeks before deciding to investigate why the foot cushion was unusually firm. Kirby's daughter-in-law opened up the cushion and discovered bundles of cash totaling $43,170. Kirby said a lawyer told him he would be within his rights to keep the cash, but he decided to contact the store to see if they could identify the couch's original owner. The money was presented to Kim Fauth-Newberry, whose recently deceased grandfather was the original owner of the furniture. She said her family had no idea he had such a large amount of cash stashed away. Fauth-Newberry said the story almost had a very different ending -- her family had considered burning the couch if they couldn't find a thrift store to accept it. -<>- Divorce makes people do bizarre things; lie, steal, destroy each other's property, kidnap pets, among other hijinks. But on man became so exasperated with his ex-wife and her attorney that he bypassed all such tom foolery and decided to settle things old school. Very old school. He challenged them to trial by combat. David Ostrom, 40, of Paola, Kansas, claims in court documents that his ex-wife, Bridgette Ostrom, 38, has "destroyed (him) legally." He asked the Iowa District Court in Shelby County to give him 12 weeks "lead time" in order to source or forge katana and wakizashi swords so he can meet his ex-wife and her attorney "on the field of battle where (he) will rend their souls from their corporal bodies." "To this day, trial by combat has never been explicitly banned or restricted as a right in these United States," Ostrom argues in court records, adding that it was used "as recently as 1818 in British Court." Ostrom said the motion stemmed from his frustrations with his ex-wife's attorney, Matthew Hudson. "I think I've met Mr. Hudson's absurdity with my own absurdity," he said. Hudson argued that because a duel could end in death, such ramifications likely outweigh those of property tax and custody issues. The court has not yet ruled on either party's motions. Ostrom, who said he doesn't have any experience with sword fighting, doesn't anticipate the judge will let his request go forward, but he wants an answer anyway. When asked if he were serious about the dueling offer, Ostrom said, "If Mr. Hudson is willing to do it, I will meet him. I don't think he has the guts to do it." *--- The old 'I'm really an 8-year-old girl' Defense --=* A 45-year-old man caught with child pornography had a novel defense in court; he claimed he identified as an 8-year-old girl. Facing up to 20 years in prison, Joseph Gobrick told a judge in Michigan that he had a First Amendment right to view child porn on his computer and that he was in fact an 8-year-old girl, so it didn't matter anyway. "I've always been an 8-year-old girl, and even in my drawings and fantasies I'm always an 8-year-old girl," said Gobrick. After his claim that he was in fact a child and therefore immune from prosecution didn't impress the judge, Gobrick resorted to implying that his oppressors were behaving like Nazis. "Under the law, Auschwitz was legal," he said, arguing, "What you're doing here is wrong, just as Auschwitz was." *--- BASE jumper rescued by woman on hotel balcony ---* A BASE jumper who crashed into a beach hotel during a jump gone wrong was rescued by a woman who helped him climb onto her balcony. Kody Kosloski of Michigan said he was participating in a sanctioned BASE jumping event at an Acapulco beach when a gust of wind sent him crashing into the building seconds after jumping off the roof. Kosloski's video camera was recording as he clung to the strap of his parachute, which was caught higher up on the building, and an older woman came out onto a nearby balcony. The woman took Kosloski's hand and helped him onto the balcony, where he shouted to the roof that he was uninjured. Kosloski said his rescuer then offered him a glass of water. *--- I hope she likes chicken ---* Popeyes Lousiana Kitchen provided a Canadian woman with $10,000 worth of food after she mistook a gameshow question about the cartoon sailor for the fast-food restaurant. Eve Dubois gained viral attention after excitedly answering "chicken" when asked to "name Popeye's favorite food" in an episode of Family Feud Canada. Her family watched in stunned silence as she danced before eventually realizing her error and gasping as her opponent answered "spinach," the favorite cuisine of the main character from the classic cartoon. On Friday, however, Popeyes announced they had decided to offer Dubois a consolation prize. "Our survey says that you got that right," the company wrote. "DM us to claim your $10,000 worth of Popeyes." *--- It's probably nicer than my apartment ---* A South African man seeking a Guinness World Record said he is nearly two months into his attempt to spend 67 days living in a barrel at the top of a pole. Vernon Kruger marked his 60th day Monday in the wine barrel mounted to the top of the pole in Dullstroom and said he expects to break the Guinness World Record Jan 20 -- although that won't mark the end of his attempt. Kruger said he is currently aiming to beat the record by a full week, possibly longer. He said his biggest safety concern at the top of the pole is lightning. Kruger said a bolt of lightning narrowly missed his pole only a few days into his attempt. ========================================================= >-->From TheGroaner: _ /) mo / ) |/)\) /\_ \__|= ( ) __)(__ _____/ \\_____ | || | _ ___ _ || | | \ | | \ || | | | | | | || | |_/ | |_/ || | | \ | | || | | \ | | || | | \. _|_. | . || | || * | * ** * ** |** ** \))ejm96/.,(//,,..,,\||(,,.,\\,.((// >Good Grief: A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, "Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?" The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?" The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, "My wife's first husband." -<>- >Money, Honey A couple was having a discussion about family finances when the husband exploded, "If it weren't for my money, the house wouldn't be here!" The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money I wouldn't be here." -<>- >How's the Chicken Prepared? --* A man in a restaurant asks the waiter, "How is your chicken prepared?" The waiter responds, "Nothing elaborate. We just tell them, 'You're going to die.'" -<>- ____________________________________________________ |____________________________________________________| | __ __ ____ ___ || ____ ____ _ __ | || |__ |--|_| || |_| |||_|**|*|__|+|+||___| || | | ||==|^^||--| |=||=| |=*=||| |~~|~| |=|=|| | |~||==| | || |##|| | | || | |JRO|||-| | |==|+|+||-|-|~||__| | ||__|__||__|_|_||_|_|___|||_|__|_|__|_|_||_|_|_||__|_| ||_______________________||__________________________| | _____________________ || __ __ _ __ _ | ||=|=|=|=|=|=|=|=|=|=|=| __..\/ | |_| ||#||==| / /| || | | | | | | | | | | |/\ \ \\|++|=| || ||==| / / | ||_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_/_/\_.___\__|_|__||_||__|/_/__| |____________________ /\~()/()~//\ __________________| | __ __ _ _ \_ (_ . _/ _ ___ _____| ||~~|_|..|__| || |_ _ \ //\\ / |=|__|~|~|___| | | | ||--|+|^^|==|1||2| | |__/\ __ /\__| |==|x|x|+|+|=|=|=| ||__|_|__|__|_||_|_| / \ \ / / \_|__|_|_|_|_|_|_|_| |_________________ _/ \/\/\/ \_ _______________| | _____ _ __ |/ \../ \| __ __ ___| ||_____|_| |_|##|_|| | \/ __| ||_|==|_|++|_|-||| ||______||=|#|--| |\ \ o / /| | |~| | | ||| ||______||_|_|__|_|_\ \ o / /_|_|__|_|__|_|_||| |_________ __________\___\____/___/___________ ______| |__ _ / ________ ______ /| _ _ _| |\ \ |=|/ // /| // / / / | / ||%|%|%| | \/\ |*/ .//____//.// /__/__/ (_) / ||=|=|=| __| \/\|/ /(____|/ // / /||~|~|~|__ |___\_/ /________// ________ / / ||_|_|_| |___ / (|________/ |\_______\ / /| |______| / \|________) / / | | >This Is The Library A blonde walks into the library, looks around, then gets in line for the counter. Once she gets to the head of the line, she loudly says, "I'd like a Big Mac, large fries, and a large diet Coke." The librarian looks at her for a moment. Then whispers to the blonde, "Ma'am, this is the library." The blonde nods. Then she *whispers*, "I'd like a Big Mac, large fries, and a large diet Coke." -<>- >Q and A Quickies: W: What do you get when you cross a skunk with a boomerang? A: A smell you can't get rid of. Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children? A: Ask your Mom. Q: How do you know when you're really ugly? A: Dogs hump your leg with their eyes closed. .-. ## ) * _.-+*'`*+-._ ,## _ _ #. ;### ((.;;.)) ##: .=._.; ,-*:;;:*-. *##:._.=, >##; *-')_@@_(`-* ;###< ---------------`****------(o `` o)-----*****'-------------e:l `-""-' Q: What do you call a cow spying on another cow? A: A steak out. Q: What dinosaur would you find in a rodeo? A: Bronco-saurus! Q: How do you scare a man? A: Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice. ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: (.,------...__ _.'" `. .' .' `, `. `. ` . .' .'/''--...__`. \ . .--.`. ' "-. '. | '' .' _.' .()) .--":/ ''( \_\ ' (()( ''._' ( \ ' ' `. `--' ' `.: . `-.___.' ' `. . _ _ .' ) .____.-' .'`. (--.. .' \ /\ / / `. .' \( \ /|/ `. .' \__/ `. / | o | \ | | | jro A young schoolboy was having a hard time pronouncing the letter "R" and all the other kids were, of course, teasing him about it. To help him out, the teacher gave him a sentence to practice at home: "Robert gave Richard a rap in the ribs for roasting the rabbit so rare." In class a few days later, the teacher asked the boy to recite the sentence out loud. The boy nervously eyed his classmates - many of them already laughing at him - then replied, "Bob gave Dick a poke in the side because the bunny wasn't cooked enough." -<>- A 17-year-old girl came home with five job applications. She carefully filled them out, and later asked her mother to look them over. All the answers were clear and concise and she noticed that on all five applications, under "Previous Employment", she had listed "Baby-sitting". But then she read, under "Reason for Leaving" her daughter had answered, "Parents came home." -<>- Neighbors of ours had a terrible disagreement over a patio they wanted for their backyard. The wife had rather grand ideas, while the husband wanted costs kept to a minimum. The wife won out, and the construction bill climbed higher and higher. I dropped by one day, when the patio was near completion, and was surprised to find the husband smiling from ear to ear as the workmen smoothed over the surface. I remarked how nice it was to see a grin replace the frown he had been wearing lately. "You see where they're smoothing that cement?" he replied. "I just threw my wife's credit cards in there." -<>- Did you hear about the two guys who decided to try duck hunting? They bought new outfits & equipment, and went out to a place in the woods where they heard the hunting was really good. But after several hours of thrashing through the woods, one fellow said, "I don't know about this. We've been out here all day and haven't caught a single duck. Do you think we're doing something wrong?" "I don't know," replied the other. "Maybe we're not throwing the dog high enough." -<>- ___ /L|0\ / | \ / \ / | \ / \ / __ | __ \ / __/ \__ \ / /__ | __\ \ /___________________\ / | \ / _|_ \ / ____/___\____ \ ___________[o0o]___________ O O O Paul Tomblin Bad weather meant I was stuck overnight at O'Hare airport in Chicago. Along with hotel accommodations, the airline issued each passenger a $10 meal ticket, or "chit." That evening after dinner I presented my meal ticket to the cashier. "Is this chit worth $10?" I asked. Looking up nervously, the cashier responded, "I'm sorry, sir. Was the meal that bad?" -<>- >Physics 101 Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter: Eskimo Pi 2000 pounds of Chinese soup: Won ton 1 millionth of a mouthwash: 1 microscope Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour: 1 Knot-furlong 365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer because it's less filling: 1 lite year 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone: 1 Rod Serling Half of a large intestine: 1 semicolon 1000 aches: 1 megahurtz Basic unit of laryngitis: 1 hoarsepower 2000 mockingbirds: two kilomockingbirds 10 cards: 1 decacards 1 kilogram of falling figs: 1 Fig Newton 1000 grams of wet socks: 1 literhosen 1 trillion pins: 1 terrapin 10 rations: 1 decoration 8 nickels: 2 paradigms 2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital: 1 I.V. League ========================================================= >-->From LaughAndLift: Dan Rather once asked Mother Teresa, "What do you say to God when you pray?" Mother Teresa answered quietly, "I listen." Taken aback, Rather tried again, "Well, then, what does God say?" Mother Teresa smiled, "He listens." The Lift: , , /////| ///// | ///// | |~~~| | | |===| |/| | B |/| | | I | | | | B | | | | L | / | E | / |===|/ jgs '---' >Serving but Starving (A Word With You by Ron Hutchcraft) One day I was talking with the owner of a local pizza restaurant; a place where I am known all too well. I was there at the tail end of their rush hour, and let me tell you, this place is a zoo for about 90 minutes around noon. It was slowing down and the owner finally was able to stop to talk with me. When he asked me how I was doing, I said, "Well, I'm doing a lot better now. I had lunch!" The owner said, "I know what you mean. If I wait very late to eat lunch, I start to get shaky." I told him, "Well, I guess you're in a good place then." Actually, he corrected me. He said, "Sometimes we are so busy serving it that we don't have time to eat it ourselves!" I'm Ron Hutchcraft and I want to have A Word With You today about "Serving But Starving." A lot of us have experienced what my restaurant owner friend was talking about - being so busy serving that we don't have any time to get fed ourselves - spiritually, that is. Hey, it happened to Martha, didn't it? It's happened to me way too often, and probably to you, too. Martha's experience is described in Luke 10:38, our word for today from the Word of God. "Jesus came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to Him. She had a sister called Mary who sat at the Lord's feet, listening to what He said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. 'Martha, Martha,' the Lord answered, 'you are worried and upset about many things, but one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.'" Now, Martha's busy serving Jesus. Mary is sitting at Jesus' feet, listening to Him. Which is better? Most of us make-it-happen, get-it- done types would instinctively gravitate to the doing stuff rather than the being stuff. But Jesus says, "Mary has chosen what is better." I think we've all been Martha-ed...maybe you are right now. You get so busy serving Jesus that you have no time to be with Jesus. It's like my pizza friend. We're so busy serving spiritual food to others that we're actually eating less of it ourselves. Now that's backwards! The more people are looking to you, the more you have to be with the Lord yourself. But, frankly, it's easy to let your spiritual health become a victim of ministry. In fact, serving God's Word without experiencing God yourself is a prescription for burnout! There's a danger in studying God's truth only to prepare lessons, Bible studies, sermons and missing the purpose of studying it, which is to have your life changed through applying it to your everyday life. There's a danger of becoming someone who leads others to experience the Lord while you're slowly becoming a spectator yourself. And you can so fill your life with Christian meetings, Christian positions, and Christian activity that it feels like knowing the Lord. BUT, in fact, those activities have slowly crowded out that precious private time with Jesus. And that time is the fuel for any valid ministry! So you may be serving others while starving yourself. Soon that's going to lead to a Martha Meltdown. Ministry is supposed to be the overflow of your own time with the Lord, not a righteous substitute for it. So if you feel yourself growing weak and tired, frustrated, and negative while you're serving your Lord, don't blame the work and don't blame the customers. You probably have not taken time to feed yourself spiritually - to really be with Jesus. You don't want to lose your closeness to Jesus in the middle of serving Jesus. [Permission to distribute this material via email, or individual copies, is automatically granted on the condition it will be used for non-commercial purposes, and will not be sold. To reproduce "A Word With You" transcripts in any other format, including Internet websites, written permission is needed.] -<>- _|_ | _|_ //_/\ __| ||____ ////////////\ /////////////\\ |^^^^^^^^^^||+| | # # # |||| .... ....". ||||||||||||||||| unknown >Top 12 Bloopers found in Church Bulletins: 12. The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning. 11. Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday from 7 to 8pm. Please use back door. 10. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. 9. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community. 8. The seventh-graders will be presenting shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7 pm. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy. 7. The concert held in the Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which, as usual, fell upon her. 6. Potluck supper: prayer and medication to follow. 5. Don't let worry kill you off - let the church help. 4. The Rector is on holiday. Massages can be given to the church secretary. 3. Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones. 2. The choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir!!. 1. Weight watchers will meet at 7 p.m. Please use large double door at the side entrance. SUBSCRIBE INFO Want to receive a Christian inspirational item AND great clean humor in an email to you each day of the week? It's easy and FREE! Read all about Laugh & Lift at http://www.laughandlift.com ========================================================= >-->From ScreamOfTheCrop: , /, , /;/ |.-; /|/ /.'/.-',_ _,/ ._- =-==. =\ =: -|-. `\_-; 0 _0 | ( _) | `\ _______ / \ \ //' jgs \ \'--// /`-`"`'\ |_|======| |_|======| ((/======| #######_ .''-----" `'. `-----------` >You Know You're From Chicago IF... You know what the phone number for Empire Carpet is! You don't pronounce the "s" at the end of Illinois, and you become irate at people who do. You measure distance in minutes (especially "from the city"), and everything is pretty much 15 minutes away. You have no problem spelling or pronouncing "Des Plaines." Your school classes were canceled because of the cold weather. Your school classes were canceled because of the hot weather. You've switched from heat to air conditioning in the same day. Your grocery stores don't have sacks; they have bags. You end your sentences with prepositions: "Where's my coat at?" or "If you go to the mall, I wanna go with," or "Come by and pick me up." Your idea of a great sandwich is when the meat is twice as big as the bun, it has everything on it, and a slice of dill pickle is on the side. You always carry jumper cables in your car. You drink "pop," not soda or even worse "coke." You understand that I-290, I-90, I-94, and I-294 are all different highways. You know the names of the interstates: Stevenson, Kennedy, Eisenhower, Dan Ryan, and the Edens, but you call them all "expressways." You refer to anything south of I-80 as "Southern Illinois." You refer to Lake Michigan as "The Lake." You refer to Chicago as "The City." The "Super Bowl" refers to one specific game in a series of 35 played in January of 1985. No matter where you are, when you hear the term "Downtown," you immediately assume they're talking about downtown Chicago. You have two favorite football teams: The Bears, and anyone who beats the Packers! You read "The Trib." You drive to the North suburbs by taking "The Outer Drive" even though no such road exists. You think 35 degrees is great weather to wash your car! You know what goes on a Chicago Style Hot Dog. You know what Chicago Style Pizza REALLY is. You know why they call Chicago "The Windy City." You understand what "lake-effect" means. You know the difference between Amtrak and Metra, and know which station they end up at. (Do note the preposition.) You ride the "L." You can distinguish among the following area codes: 847, 630, 773, 708, 312, & 815. You respond to the question "Where are you from with a "side." Example:"WEST SIDE," "SOUTH SIDE," or "NORTH SIDE." __ _ww _a+"D y#, _r^ # _*^ y` q0 0 a" W*` F ____ ; #^ Mw` __`. . 4-~~^^` _ _P ` /'^ `www=. , $ +F ` q K ] ^K` , #_ . ___ r ], _*.^ '.__dP^^~#, ,_ *, ^b / _ `` _F ] ]_ '___ ' ~~^ ] [ :` ]b_ ~k_ ,` yl #P `*a__ __a~ z~` #L _ ^------~^` ,/ ~-vww*"v_ _/` ^"q_ _x" __#my..___p/`mma____ _awP",`,^"-_"^`._ L L # _#0w_^_^,^r___...._ t [],"w e^ ]b_x^_~^` __, .]Wy7` x` '=w__^9*$P-*MF` ^[_.= ^"y qw/"^_____^~9 t ]_l ,'^_`..=== x' ">.ak__awwwwWW###r ##WWWWWWWWWWWWWW__ _WWWWWWMM#WWWW_JP^"~-=w_ .____awwmp_wNw#[w/` ^#, ~b___. ` ^^^~^"W___ ]Raaaamw~`^``^^~ ^~"~---~~~~~~` unknown You wear gym shoes, not sneakers. And, the CHICAGO CLASSIC: You have at some time in your life, used your furniture to guard your parking spot in winter. ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Kennel Club Dog Contest http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/kennelclubdog.html \Mountain Goats! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mountaingoats.html Woman's Dream http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/woman.html From Russia With Love http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/teardrop.html Liberty Air Show http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/liberty.html Ray's Freedom Rock http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/freedomrock.html Miniature Wonderland http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/modeltrain.html Real Fantasy Trees http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/trees.html Amazing Cop Cars http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/copcars.html Polar Bear http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/polar.html Ricochet The Surf Dog http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ricochet.html Humorous Ads 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/humorad2.html We've All Been There http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/catbox.html God's Advertisements http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/godsads.html Drink Responsibly! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/drink.html Full New Years Index! https://tinyurl.com/y4xyz2w8 -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) If you enjoyed the original 'Evian Babies', you may have fun watching them perform to "The Rollerskate Song" by folk singer Melanie. https://youtu.be/341rybZ42vA If you've ever read all the possible side effects of a prescription drug then you'll appreciate this funny skit called "I'm Not A Doctor". https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S10_e0SwM_s --- ...HahAha! Always good for laughs! Thanks LouiseAu! -<>- Revisiting... >From Our Friend Johanna :) This amazing high-rise in China was built in just 2 weeks (360 hours) by constructing nearly all elements on the ground and lifting them into place. They did a time lapse video and it is mind blowing what they achieved in such a short time. It will withstand up to a magnitude 9 earthquake and has many new tech features not found in current buildings. History in the making - Building a 30 story hotel in 15 days! https://www.youtube.com/embed/GVUsIlwWWM8?rel=0 --- ...Wow! Awesome! And It has all the modern up to code standards and than some! Thanks Johanna! -<>- >From Our Friend Geniann :) Best Bartender: How to Serve Vodka! http://www.youtube.com/embed/60GJ0dJ1xmE?rel=0 --- ...Wow! Lots Of Practice! He's Outrageous! Thanks Geniann! -<>- >From Our Friend Linda :) Airbus 380 http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=J1OqqQ8hBXk&vq=medium --- ...Super! Talk about flying in style! I want one! Thanks Linda! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "The CEO of Domino's Pizza announced that he is stepping down this summer. He'll carefully pack up his office, then get home and find that all his stuff is stuck to the top of the box." -Jimmy Fallon "According to a new report, America's teenagers are 30th in the world in math. Luckily, America's teenagers will never understand the report because they're 85th in reading." -Conan O'Brien "Big news from the Oxford English Dictionary. For all of you kids who don't know what a dictionary is, it's a small portion of the Internet, printed out, kept on a shelf, and opened once every three years during a Scrabble game." -Jimmy Kimmel "A new study reveals that the average fast-food chicken nugget is almost 60 percent fat. The study also says that the average fast-food customer is almost 60 percent chicken nuggets." -Conan O'Brien "An Arizona bank robber was recently arrested after he applied for a job with his local police department. They busted him after they asked, 'Where do you see yourself in five years?' and he said, 'In jail for robbing a bank.'" -Seth Meyers "There are a lot of things to dislike about L.A.: traffic, pollution, people. But it's important sometimes to stop and appreciate the fact that, A) We don't have to scrape ice off our windshield every morning, and B) I can wear the same pair of teal-colored dolphin shorts to work every day since 1985." -Jimmy Kimmel "Amazon is testing a new service that allows couriers to unlock homes and leave packages inside. Learn more about the new service on a future episode of 'Dateline.'" -Seth Meyers "A new study shows that monkeys can look at photos and recognize other monkeys they know. However, the study also shows that monkeys are terrible with names." -Conan O'Brien "A man in London just took Uber's one-billionth ride, and to celebrate, Uber gave him a year's worth of free rides. The man says he's excited to spend the entire year drunk." -Jimmy Fallon here are two means of refuge from the misery of life - music and cats. -- Albert Schweitzer After scolding one's cat one looks into its face and is seized by the ugly suspicion that it understood every word. And has filed it for reference. -- Charlotte Gray >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah Shangy! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->ShangyFunList AD RATES: $20 will get your a message (of up to 40 words) out to all self-subscribed readers and $5 more will give you the same message also put up for all web site readers. Email me to secure dates. Ad Request ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ********************************************************************** >TO SUBSCRIBE:Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com **********************************************************************