Happy Martin Luther King, Jr Day ... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net =========================== >-->In The 'Shangy' News :) I hope you are having a wonderful and safe Martin Luther King Jr. Day! -<>- >If You haven't already, be sure to check out these: , , /////| ///// | ///// | |~~~| | | |===| |/| | B |/| | | I | | | | B | | | | L | / | E | / |===|/ jgs '---' The Christian's Position In Christ http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/BibleStudy/christianposition.html DOES GOD CHOOSE HIS CHILDREN? http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/BibleStudy/choosehischildren.html Freedom Isn't Free http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/freedom.html PLEASE DO - PASS THESE ON - THANKS! -<>- >We have New files for our group... From our Friend Pat :) She sent us a funny video and a beautiful picture of a not so beautiful thing. I love how pretty ice makes everything look, but it can be nasty! She had a limb come down from her old oak tree and has been spending time cleaning up from their ice storm over there. Thank you Pat and may God Bless You as you get your life back in order again! _.._.-..-._ .-' .' /\ \`._ / / .' `-.\ `. :_.' .. : _.../\ | ;___ .-' //\\. \ _..._ / `/\ // \\\ `-.___.-' /\ //\\ \\: | //\V/ :\\ \\ \ \\/ \\ /\\ `.____.\\ \\ .' \\ // /\\---\\-' \\ fsc // // \\ \\ \\ I put her video 'Bugs' and picture up in our club files and photos. --- Also, Our Friend Victor sent us a funny photo of a Strange Car! Check them all out here: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList ============================================================== >-->From The FunnyBone: Modern Art .------------------....___ ,;;;, / / /'''---/;;;;;;,., jgs \ \__\...---\;;;;;;;" '------------------'''' ```` A tiny but dignified old lady was among a group looking at an art exhibition in a newly opened gallery. Suddenly one contemporary painting caught her eye. _____ /| "What on earth," she inquired of the artist .-'@ & #`'-. // standing nearby, "is that?" / % 8 \ // | m () _ | // He smiled condescendingly. "That, my dear \ 0 ( '-._/ // lady, is supposed to be a mother and '-.____'. y her child." "Well then," snapped the little old lady, "why isn't it?" ================================================================= +------------ Bizarre Answers from Family Feud ------------+ [Here are some actual answers from contestants who have appeared on the game show "Family Feud."] Q: Name something a blind person might use: A: A sword. Q: Name a song with moon in the title: A: Blue Suede Moon. Q: Name a bird with a long neck: A: A penguin. Q: Name an occupation where you need a torch: A: A burglar. Q: Name something you wear on the beach: A: A deck chair. Q: Name something red: A: My cardigan. Q: Name an item of clothing worn by the Three Musketeers: A: A horse. Q: Name a number you have to memorize: A: Seven. Q: Name something you put on walls: A: Roofs. Q: Name something that doesn't have an engine: A: Dishes. Q: Name something you might be allergic to: A: Skiing. Q: Name a non-living object with legs: A: A plant. Q: Name a part of the body beginning with "n": A: Knee. =========================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: .-..-. (-o/\o-) /`""``""`\ \ /.__.\ / \ `--` / `) (' , /::::\ , |'.\::::/.'| _| ';::;' |_ (::) || (::) _. "| || |" _(:) '. || .' /::\ '._||_.' \::/ /::::\ /:::\ \::::/ _\:::/ /::::\_.._ _.._ _.._ _.._/::::\ \::::/::::\/::::\/::::\/::::\::::/ jgs `""`\::::/\::::/\::::/\::::/`""` I went with my daughter to visit a prestigious university. Our student guide pointed out the nationally ranked library and state-of-the-art science facilities. She told us that the professors were the best in the country, and she re- commended my daughter apply early to improve her chances for admission. "We get so many applicants," she boasted, "because of the stature of the school." After the tour I asked our guide, "So, why did you choose this school?" "Oh," she replied matter-of-factly, "my boyfriend goes here." -<>- It's a sunny morning in the Old Forest and the Bear family are just waking up. Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty! "Who's been eating my porridge?!" he squeaks. Poppa Bear arrives at the table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl. It is also empty! "Who's been eating my porridge?!" he roars. Mummy Bear puts her head through the door from the kitchen and yells, "For God's sake, how many times do we have to go through this? I haven't made the porridge yet!" -<>- During our church service one Sunday, a parishioner was speaking about an emotionally charged topic and had trouble controlling her tears. Finishing her remarks, she told the congregation, "I apologize for crying so much. I'm usually not such a big boob." The bishop rose to close the session and remarked, "That's okay. We like big boobs." [Stolen from Reader's Digest.] -<>- WELCOME TO MINNESOTA, following are a few tips for anyone moving to this great state... .-. o \ .-. .----.' \ .'o) / `. o / | \_) /-. '_.` \ \ `. | \ | \ | .--/`-. / / .'.-/`-. `. .\| /.' /`._ `- '-. ____(|__/`-..`- '-._ \ |`------.'-._ ` ||\ \ || # /-. ` / || \| || #/ `--' / /_::_|)__ `|____|-._.-` / ||`--------` \-.___.` | / || # | \ | | || # # | /`.___.'\ |.`|________| | /`.__.'|'.` __/ \ __/ \ /__.-.) /__.-.) LGB First, the West Nile fever season here is really short. Ditto, malaria and any other disease carried by mosquitoes. At first, you may think snow is pretty. Snow is not pretty! By December you will feel as if you are living in a black- and-white movie. And there is a lot of snow! Deep snow! Deep snow that doesn't go away. The reason Northwest Airlines paints its tails red is so they can find the damned things. You will find new loves here. One of them will be underwear that goes all the way down to your ankles. Any underwear above the ankle is considered lingerie. When you pack to come to Minnesota, you need only to bring one short sleeved shirt (and that's only in case you want to fly back home for vacation). Short sleeved shirts are handed down here from generation. The short sleeved shirt season here begins July 26 and is pretty much wrapped up by 3:30 on the 28th. We play a game here called hockey as well. Hockey coaches will kidnap your children before they even start school, so beware. They'll return them in April. As for baseball we never know if we have a team or not. Minnesota has more than 10,000 lakes, hundreds of thousands of miles of rivers and streams, millions of acres of forest, and one Krispy Kreme. Guess where everybody wants to go? And do not call the homicide division to a beer joint because of what you see behind the bar. That's only a jar of pickled pig's feet. Welcome to Minnesota! -<>- I went to the store the other day, and was in there for only about 5 minutes. When I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket. So I went up to him and said, "Come on, buddy, how about giving a guy a break?" ________________ \ __ / __ \_____()_____/ / ) '============` / / #---\ /---# / / (# @\| |/@ #) / / \ (_) / / / |\ '---` /| / / _______/ \\_____// \____/ o_| / \ / \ / / o_| / | o| / o_| \ / | _____ | / / \ \ / | |===| o| / /\ \ \ | | \@/ | / / \ \ \ | |___________o|__/----) \ \/ | ' || --) \ | |___________________|| --) \ / | o| '''' | \__/ | | | "DON'T CROSS ME... !" Rosebud He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a pencil-necked Nazi. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for my having worn tires! So I called him a horse's behind. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a 3rd ticket! This went on for about 10 minutes. I didn't care. My car was parked around the corner. -<>- Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under. A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking. Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall. [I'd like to thank Rick Cobb for these groaners...but I still haven't forgiven him in my heart for sending them to me in the first place.] ============================================================ >-->From Our Friend John-Paul :) >A classic: This is A True Story,, (as per the Urban Legends) Please remember this: "Worry, is the activity of a mind that has lost it's connection with the Almighty" Here are the remarkes made when John McCain was asked about the Pledge Allegiance: Senator John McCain... ---.----.__..----.----| _|_||___||___||___||___||___||___||_|_ | | | | | -.-..---..---..---..---..---..---..-.- |--.- ---'--.-----'----'--.-| | || || || || || || || | | `| |: (| | | || || || || || || || | |--'- |:. | | _|_||___||___||___||___||___||___||_|_ | ------'----.-.,----.'-| -.-..---..---..---..---..---..---..-.- |-.-- ,/) | | | | || || || || || || || | | |` ----.---8--'--.----'--| | || || || || || || || | | | | 8 |: | _|_||___||___||___||___||___||___||_|_ |-'-- | ,)// |:. | -.-..---..---..---..---..---..---..-.- |:. ----'-`=;'--.-'-.----.| | || || || || || || || | |--.- // /_ _( \ | | || || || || || || || | | /| ---.-//----)/\,'_/----| _|_||___||___||___||___||___||___||_|_ | `| |/| `;=.( | -.-..---..---..---..---..---..---..-.- |--'- ( |`.`. |`,-/ |,-'-||---||---||---||---||---||---||-'-.| -`-'-.`.`-.';'=`.-..--'-.--------.-------------.--.-------.----'--.- | `-./.}{-'\.) | ) | `) | \ | :`-}{-''|| |:. | ,_ | |:. | ---'`'-.--|`-}{-'||)----'-.------'--'.,`--.----'--------.-'-------'- | :`-`'-'/)| | |:. | -.-----'--;`.}{,`.||----,-'--------.------'---.--------,'--.,------- |: ,'/.`..'_(/( |: | | \ |:. ,',' |`--`.(')) |:. | | |: -'--,' <.._|__,. >`,----'----------'--------.,'-------------'----SSt ``----....(',' _,'>' )/ `' As you may know, I spent five and one half years as a prisoner of war during the Vietnam War. In the early years of our imprisonment, the NVA kept us in solitary confinement of two or three to a cell. In 1971 the NVA moved us from these conditions of isolation into large rooms with as many as 30 to 40 men to a room. This was, as you can imagine, a wonderful change and was a direct result of t he efforts of millions of Americans on behalf of a few hundred POWs 10,000 miles from home. One of the men who moved into my room was a young man named Mike Christian. Mike came from a small town near Selma, Alabama. He didn't wear a pair of shoes until he was 13 years old. At 17, he enlisted in the US Navy. He later earned a commission by going to Officer Training School Then he became a Naval Flight Officer and was shot down and captured in 1967. Mike had a keen and deep appreciation of the opportunities this country and our military provide for people who want to work and want to succeed. As part of the change in treatment, the Vietnamese allowed some prisoners to receive packages from home. Some packages had handkerchiefs, scarves and other items of clothing. Mike got himself a bamboo needle and over a period of a couple of months, created an American flag that he sewed to the inside of his shirt. Every afternoon, before we had a bowl of soup, we would hang Mike's shirt on the wall of the cell and say the Pledge of Allegiance. I know the Pledge of Allegiance may not seem the most important part of our day now, but I can assure you that in that stark cell it was the most important & meaningful event. One day the Vietnamese searched our cell, as they did periodically, and discovered Mike's shirt with the flag sewn inside. They removed it and that evening they returned, opened the door of the cell, and for the benefit of all of us, beat Mike Christian severely for the next couple of hours. Then, they opened the door of the cell and threw him in. We cleaned him up as well as we could. The cell where we lived had a concrete slab in the middle on which we slept. Four naked light bulbs hung in each corner of the room. As I said, we tried to clean up Mike as well as we could. After the excitement died down, I looked in the corner of the room, and sitting there beneath that dim light bulb with a piece of red cloth, another shirt and his bamboo needle, was my friend, Mike Christian. He was sitting there with his eyes almost shut from the beating he had received, making another American flag. He was not making the flag because it made Mike Christian feel better. He was making that flag because he knew how important it was to us to be able to Pledge Allegiance to our flag and country. So the next time you say the Pledge of Allegiance, you must never forget the `Sacrifice` and `Courage` that thousands of Americans have made to build our nation and promote freedom around the world. You must remember our duty, our honor, and our country... |_________________________________________ |* * * * * |##########################| | * * * * *| | |* * * * * |##########################| | * * * * *| | |* * * * * |##########################| | * * * * *| | |* * * * * |##########################| |~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ | |#########################################| | | |#########################################| | | |###################################JGS###| |~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 'I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the republic for which it stands, one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.' I~Love~My~Country~~~John-Paul --- ...AMEN! I love this story! Thank you John-Paul. Here's More about John-McCain here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_McCain -<>- >REMEMBER S.T.R. A neurologist: says get to a stroke victim within 3 hours and it may totally reverse the effects of a stroke...totally. He said the trick was getting a stroke recognized, diagnosed, and then getting the patient medically cared for within 3 hours, which is tough. RECOGNIZING A STROKE We must remember the '3' steps, STR . Please Read and Learn Sometimes symptoms of a stroke are difficult to identify. Unfortunately, the lack of `Awareness` spells disaster. The stroke victim may suffer severe brain damage when people nearby fail to recognize the symptoms of a stroke. Now doctors say a bystander can recognize a stroke by asking three simple questions: (STR)---- S mile * Ask the individual to SMILE. T alk * Ask the person to Talk and Speak A Simple ---sentence, Coherently (It is sunny out today) R aise arms * Ask him or her to RAISE BOTH ARMS. If he or she has trouble with Any one of these tasks, please keep this number, and call 999/911 immediately. Describe the --symptoms to the dispatcher. Easy?, but very important-- may save a life of a friend or love one. Here is a New Sign of a Stroke --- Stick out Your Tongue NOTE: Ask the person to 'stick' out his tongue.. ,-~***~-._.-~***~-. / \ / .--~~~--..--~~~--. \ ,' /._,/\._,/\._,/\._,\ `. ~-. \.-~ .-~ // ,-~ \/ ,* / ,* // / the R O L L I N G S T O N E S / ,**' / ,*'// / /,***' / ,**'// / /,***' / ,**'// / / ***' / ,***'// / : ~** ` ,***'/.-~ | **' / \ .' ~-.. ..-~ -Artist Unknown ~~~~~ If the tongue is 'crooked', or if it goes to one side or the other, [or looks like the Rolling Stones Tongue] That is also an indication of a stroke. A cardiologist said, "if everyone who receive this e-mail would please let as many as possiable know; At least one life, just might be saved". --- ...Excellent advice! -<..>- >Wonderful, fun Stories... ============;===========;() # # # #:::::: # # # #:::::: # # # #:::::: # # # #:::::: # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # jgs # # # # # # # When in England at a fairly large conference, Colin Powell was asked by the Archbishop of Canterbury if our plans for Iraq were just an example of empire building by George Bush. He answered by saying, 'Over the years, the United States has sent many of its fine young men and women into  great peril to fight for freedom beyond our borders. The only amount of land we have ever asked for in return is enough to bury those that did not return. (It became very quiet in the room.) ---------------------------------------------- ,a_a {/ ''\_ {\ ,_oo) {/ (_^_____________________ .=. {/ \___)))*)----------;=====;` (.=.`\ {/ /=; ~~ |||:::: \ `\{/( \/\ |||:::: \ `. `\ ) ) ||||||| jgs \ // /_/_ ||||||| '==''---)))) ||||||| Then there was a conference in France where a number of international engineers were taking part, including French and American. During a break one of the French engineers came back into the room saying, 'Have you heard the latest dumb stunt Bush has done? He has sent an aircraft carrier to Indonesia to help the tsunami victims. What does he intended to do, bomb them?' A Boeing engineer stood up and replied quietly: 'Our carriers have three hospitals on board that can treat several hundred people; they are nuclear powered and can supply emergency electrical power to shore facilities; they have three cafeterias with the capacity to feed 3,000 people three meals a day, they can produce several thousand gallons of fresh water from sea water each day, and they carry half a dozen helicopters for use in transporting victims and injured to and from their flight deck. We have eleven such ships. how many does France have?' (Once again, dead silence). --------------------------------- ()__ ||**Z__ ||**|**=Z____ ||**|**=|====| ||==|**=|====| ||""|===|====| || `"""|====| jgs || `""""` A U.S. Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that included Admirals from the U.S., English, Canadian, Australian and French navies. At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a large group of officers that included personnel from most of those countries. Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks but a French admiral suddenly complained that, 'whereas Europeans learn many languages, Americans learn only English.' He then asked, 'Why is it that we always have to speak English in these conferences rather than speaking French? 'Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied, 'Maybe it's because the Brits, Canadians, Aussies and Americans arranged it so you wouldn't have to speak German.' (You could have heard a pin drop) ------------------------------------- AND THIS STORY FITS RIGHT IN WITH THE ABOVE o /\ /::\ /::::\ ,a_a /\::::/\ {/ ''\_ /\ \::/\ \ {\ ,_oo) /\ \ \/\ \ \ {/ (_^____/ \ \ \ \ \ \ .=. {/ \___)))*) \ \ \ \ \/ (.=.`\ {/ /=; ~/ \ \ \ \/ \ `\{/( \/\ / \ \ \/ \ `. `\ ) ) \ \/ jgs \ // /_/_ \/ '==''---)))) A group of Americans, retired teachers, recently went to France on a tour. Robert Whiting, an elderly gentleman of 83, arrived in Paris by plane. At French Customs, he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry on. 'You have been to France before, monsieur?' the customs officer asked sarcastically. Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France previously. 'Then you should know enough to have your passport ready.' The American said, 'The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it.' 'Impossible. Americans always have to show your passports on arrival in France!' The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained. 'Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in '44 to help liberate this country, I couldn't find any Frenchmen to show it to." ======;===========;() #######:::::: #######:::::: #######:::::: jgs #######:::::: ############# ############# ############# ############# ############# ############# I, for one, am Proud to be an AMERICAN Always~~~~~~~John-Paul --- ...I totally agree! Thanks John-Paul! =============================================================== >-->In The WorldlyBews: >From BizarreNews: _ ( \nnnn / / (` \ / `-. \/ -- Woman alleges toe licks during eye exam -- `, ) `` BP SKOKIE, Ill. - A civil lawsuit has been filed in Skokie, Ill., against an eye doctor and her ex-assistant by a woman who alleged her toes were licked during an examin- ation. Roman Tesfaye is asking for $50,000 to compensate for emotional distress and battery caused when the assistant, Joseph Vernell Jr., of eye doctor, Dr. Tamara Wyse, allegedly put his tongue on her foot while having her eyes examined July 13, 2007, the Chicago Tribune reported Thursday. Tesfaye claimed licking took place after Vernell softened the lights in the examination room and said he would do a "strip test" on her. He then alleged- ly covered her eyes with a strip and asked her to close her eyes while he elevated her feet onto a chair. Tesfaye claim- ed that she then felt her shoe fall off of her foot. "After feeling the toe-touching several times, she opened her eyes and witnessed Mr. Vernell stand up and pull his shirt down," the suit said. Tesfaye claimed that when she accused Vernell of toe licking, he said, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but I was checking your sugar level." Vernell was reportedly fired from the doctor's office following the event and pleaded guilty to misdemeanor battery in August. He was sentenced to one year of probation. ____________ .F............T. | .----------. | | |',' ',' , | | | `----------' | _|.-. _...._ .-.|_ Inoperable car tagged 250 miles away (_)`-' __[]__ `-'(_) (....__|LESTER|__....) | | ~~~~~~ | | `-' `-' FARGO, N.D. - A North Dakota man was cited for a snow emergency parking violation in St. Paul, Minn., for a car he says hasn't used in a decade. Actually, Brian Nelson of Fargo received a notice that he was tardy in paying the $50 parking fine from December and would be assessed penalties until the matter was resolved, KARE-TV, Minneapolis, reported. One small problem: The ticket was issued against his 1941 Ford, which hasn't seen the road in years, having been stored in Nelson's garage. "It's just nuts," Nelson said. He called St. Paul officials, who told him he either needed to appear in person or pay the fine. St. Paul is about 250 miles from Fargo. Then Nelson contacted KARE-TV, which spoke with a city official who said the matter could be corrected with a phone call. "Somebody made a mistake," the official said. _____ i_____i ["___"] |J---L| Woman racks up $20,000 in traffic fines -- HARLINGEN, Texas - A woman tallied 86 traffic violation warrants and fees topping $20,000, spreading her civic debt over two Texas communities, Harlingen and San Benito. Valerie Ortiz Sanchez's scofflaw ways didn't end at Harlingen's borders, where she racked up 76 traffic warrants totaling $18,896 in fines and fees since 1976, the city's Valley Morning Star reported. In nearby San Benito, officials said she has at least 10 outstanding warrants and owes $2,718 in fines and fees dating back to 2007. Harlingen police arrested Sanchez Monday after she was pulled over during a routine traffic stop, police spokesman David Osborne said. She was arrested on charges of having an expired registration sticker, not having insurance and not having a driver's license -- and then police discovered the old fines and fees. Moments after Harlingen officials released Sanchez from jail -- after she made the minimum required payment on the $18,896 in fines and court fees -- San Benito police arrested her. In Harlingen, a judge dismissed some of the oldest warrants, leaving Sanchez a $15,696 balance due. -<>- >From CoffeBreak: .-'~~~~'-. . .-~ \__/ \__/`~-. . .-~ (oo) (oo) ~-. (_____//~~\\//~~\\______) _.-~` `~-._ /O=O=O=O=O=O=O=O=O=O=O=O=O=O=O=O=O=O\ * \___________________________________/. JRO \x x x x x x x/ `. . * \x_x_x_x_x_x/. ' . ___ . `. `. .'| \'. `. . `. | \ / | ' . * '.___.' Jonthon R. Oglesbee -- Texas UFOs gain international attention ---------- STEPHENVILLE, Texas - Dozens of reported UFO sightings in Stephenville, Texas, have sparked massive media attention worldwide and the town is having fun with it. Top searches on Yahoo! Wednesday included UFO images and have been the subject of many blogs, chat room conversations, scientific debates and jokes about Texas sightings, the Fort Worth (Texas) Star-Telegram reported. "It's amazing how this has taken on an international profile," Kenneth Cherry, president of the Mutual UFO Network in Texas, said. High school students in the town reportedly have been making T-shirts bearing the likeness of extraterrestrials, while a car dealership posted a sign that said it would take UFOs for trade-ins. Reporters from Stephenville have said the town's residents are having a good time with the UFO sight- ings. "Once again the media is not taking this seriously and that makes it difficult to investigate," UFO expert Dennis Balthaser told the Star-Telegram. --- ...A Google search gives you plenty of sites for this story! Visit here to check them all out: http://tinyurl.com/36dy5n =========================================================== >-->From ScreamOfTheCrop: >Let it Snow Jay and his blonde wife live in Buffalo. One winter morning while listening to the radio, they hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 3 to 4 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through." Jay's wife goes out and moves her car. A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 4 to 5 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through." Jay's wife goes out and moves her car again. The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park...", then the electric power goes out. Jay's wife says, "Oh no! Honey, I don't know what to do." Jay says, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time? -<>- A woman goes to the doctor for her yearly physical. The nurse starts with certain basic items. ______ .-' . . .'-. / ' \ ' \ | ' \ ' | | : () : | | . . | \ . . . . / `-.______.-' )( / \ / ?? \ (weight) ___)____(___ jgs [____________] "How much do you weigh?" she asks. "115," she says. The nurse puts her on the scale. It turns out her weight is 140. The nurse asks, "Your height?" "5 foot 8," she says. The nurse checks and sees that she only measures 5' 5". She then takes her blood pressure And tells the woman it is very high. "Of course it's high!" she screams. "When I came in here I was tall and slender! Now I'm short and fat!" -<>- >Four Religious Truths During these serious times, people of all faiths should remember these four religious truths: 1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's chosen people. 2. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah. 3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian world. 4. Baptists do not recognize each other at Hooters. -<>- >"DUST IF YOU MUST" .--._ . \ ).' )|/ Dust if you must . . . but wouldn't it be better, To paint a picture, or write a letter? Bake a cake, or plant a seed? Ponder the difference between want and need. Dust if you must . . . but there is not much time, With rivers to swim and mountains to climb! Music to hear, and books to read; Friends to cherish and life to lead. Dust if you must . . . but the world's out there, With the sun in your eyes, wind in your hair; A flutter of snow, a shower of rain; This day will not come around again. Dust if you must . . . but bear in mind, Old age will come and it's not kind. And when you go, and go you must, You, yourself, will make more dust. REMEMBER: A HOUSE BECOMES A HOME WHEN YOU CAN WRITE "I LOVE YOU" ON THE FURNITURE. ============================================================== >-->From Our Friend Victor :) For He's a Jolly Good Fellow, For He's a Jolly Good Fellooooow... / _/_ \_ __ \\_ / \_/ ,< ==-o _| * \ __, /_) \_\__// * / ^\-' //\ \ \\ \ ') /_) ),-. // \\ (( )) * _\\ //_ . ..((__)(__))..b'ger >Alaska Christmas Party Tom had been in the liquor business for 25 years. Finally sick of the stress he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Alaska as far from humanity as possible. He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it's total peace and quiet. After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his door. He opens it and a huge, bearded man is standing there. 'Name's Lars, your neighbor from forty miles up the road. Having a Christmas party Friday night. Thought you might like to come. About 5:00.' 'Great', says Tom, 'After six months out here I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thank you.' As Lars is leaving, he stops. 'Gotta warn you, be some drinkin'.' 'Not a problem,' says Tom. 'After 25 years in the business, I can drink with the best of 'em.' Again, the big man starts to leave and stops. 'More'n' likely gonna be some fightin' too.' 'Well, I get along with people, I'll be all right. I'll be there. Thanks again.' 'More'n likely be some wild lovin', too,' 'Now that's really not a problem,' says Tom, warming to the idea. I've been all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there.' 'By the way, what should I wear?' 'Don't much matter. Just gonna be the two of us.' --- ..TeeHee - a good one! =================================================================== >-->From AndyChaps: >Andy Says... Just Think About This! The best way to a man's heart is to saw his breast plate open. -Women's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, IL "When I preach a serman, I accept that people look at their watches, but what I do not tolerate is when they look at it and raise it to their ear to find out if it stopped." "Enjoy life today, yesterday is gone and tomorrow may never come" "A person dies daily, only to be reborn in the morning, bigger, better, wiser." -- Emmet Fox "Wisdom is the lesson learned, applied." -- Rick Beneteau Why is it that all of the instruments seeking intelligent life in the universe are pointed away from Earth? "You have the ability, right now, to exceed all your previous levels of accomplishment." -- Brian Tracy The greatest achievements were at first and for a time dreams. The oak sleeps in the acorn. -- James Allen /\___/\ / \ / <|> <|> \ Was that a can? \ " / \`.___9'/ `-----' VK Cats have amazingly keen hearing but go conveniently deaf when you call. "Effective communication is 20% what you know and 80% how you feel about what you know." -- Jim Rohn "No man would listen to you talk if he didn't know his turn was next." -- Ed Howe "Your audience will not remember what you say, but what they see in their minds. Tell stories." -- Patricia Fripp "Yes, alcohol kills brain cells, but it's very selective. It only kills the brain cells that contain good sense, shame, embarrassment, and restraint." ~~ P.J. O'Rourke "Persistence is the single most important ingredient of success in life. It's more important than intellect, athletic ability, good looks, or personal magnetism. If you're willing to stumble and fall and still keep on going, you'll succeed. If I could pass on one character trait to young people in the world -- one single quality that would help them achieve success in life -- it would be persistence. It's a God-given compensation for what we lack in other areas of our life. Never underestimate its power. It is the same with sharing the Gospel of Jesus Christ -- we must witness, witness, witness. Not all will respond or some even listen -- but we persist, because we believe." ~~--Rich DeVos "..but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." --Isaiah 40:31, NIV -<>- >"Surely I cannot look that old." ,,,,, \ e e\ C _\/ |\\, )\_) \_ / _/|/_ _// ,'\ ~ /'-,_/ \ / \_/ / / , | \_._,-" ( < _' | \ \ ', -',-~.-' _/ ) | |// | ' ' ) | | | | ._., - |.,_ // _\-' )___|__|_ '-._ b'ger /____\__\ Everyone has been guilty of looking at others our own age and thinking, "Surely I cannot look that old." While waiting for my first appointment in the reception room of a new dentist, I noticed his certificate, which bore his full name. Suddenly, I remembered that a tall, handsome boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 40 years ago. Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray- haired man with the deeply lined face was too old to have been my classmate. After he had examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended the local high school. "Yes," he replied. "When did you graduate?" I asked. He answered, "In 1957." "Why, you were in my class!" I exclaimed. He looked at me closely and then asked, "What did you teach?" -<>- Bubba was standing in front of a soda machine saying, "You are a dumb looking button. You don't have much of a future, either. People are going to be punching you all your life. Then you are going to be replaced by a much better looking button." I foolishly asked what he was doing. Bubba pointed to the notice on the front of the machine, which said, "'Depress button for ice'." -<>- Mr. Jones patted his daughter's hand fondly, and told her, "Your boyfriend came to me today, and told me that he wants to marry you, and I gave my consent." Oh, Daddy, I'm so happy...." gushed his daughter, "but it's going to be so hard to leave mother after we're married." "I understand perfectly, my dear," beamed her dad. "You can just take her with you. -<>- An old penny pincher had no friends. Just before he died he asked his doctor, lawyer, and pastor to gather around him at bedside. "I have always heard that you can't take it with you. But I want to disprove that theory," he said. "I have $90,000 under my mattress, and when I die, just before they throw the dirt on me at my burial, I want you each to toss in an envelope with $30,000 within." The three attended the funeral and each threw his envelope in the grave. On the way back from the cemetery, the pastor said, "I must confess. I needed $10,000 for my new church, so I only threw in $20,000." The doctor then said, "I must confess too. I needed $20,000 for a new hospital I was opening up, so I only threw in $10,000." The lawyer looked at them both and shook his head. He then said, "Gentlemen, I'm surprised, shocked, and ashamed of you. I don't see how you could dare to go against that man's final wish. I mean, I threw in my personal check for the full amount…" -<>- Signs, Signs, and MORE Signs Spotted in a toilet of a London office: Toilet Out Of Order. Please Use Floor Below In a Laundromat: Automatic Washing Machines: Please Remove All Your Clothes When The Light Goes Out In a London department store: Bargain Basement Upstairs In an office: Would The Person Who Took The Step Ladder Yesterday Please Bring It Back Or Further Steps Will Be Taken In an office: After Tea Break Staff Should Empty The Teapot And Stand Upside Down On The Draining Board Outside a second-hand shop: We Exchange Anything - Bicycles, Washing Machines, Etc. Why Not Bring Your Wife Along And Get A Wonderful Bargain? Notice in health food shop window: Closed Due To Illness Spotted in a safari park: Elephants Please Stay In Your Car Seen during a conference: For Anyone Who Has Children And Doesn't Know It, There Is A Day Care On The First Floor Notice in a field: The Farmer Allows Walkers To Cross The Field For Free, But The Bull Charges Message on a leaflet: If You Cannot Read, This Leaflet Will Tell You How To Get Lessons On a repair shop door: We Can Repair Anything. (Please Knock Hard On The Door The Bell Doesn't Work) ================================================================ >-->From Our Friends at Daily Bread :) , , /////| ///// | ///// | |~~~| | | |===| |/| | B |/| | | I | | | | B | | | | L | / | E | / |===|/ jgs '---' STOP BY TO READ OUR FEBRUARY 2008 DAILY BREAD EXPRESS BULLETIN View all pages: http://www.dailybreadexpress.com ABIDE FAITH, HOPE, LOVE, THESE THREE; BUT THE GREATEST OF THESE IS LOVE. --- ...Amen! ================================================================ >-->From SermondFodder: "Top 25 Reasons for Joining the Choir" 25. My wife made me. 24. Hey, it was this or Kindergarten Sunday School. 23. I can ignore the sermon and still feel good about going to church. 22. The burgundy robes accent my aquamarine eyes. 21. I want to get closer to the organist. That Mrs. Johnson, 83 years old and still a hottie! 20. The free pizza during those long Christmas Cantata rehearsals. 19. The Choir robe will cover that "extra weight" I've been carrying around and can't seem to exercise off. 18. You're close enough to hear the pastor's sermon if the sound system goes out in the middle of the service. 17. Since the seating is assigned, I don't have to worry about anyone stealing my pew. 16. The choir fall retreat is at a resort I could never afford to go to on vacation. 15. Choir practice is way ahead of those Wednesday night Bible studies by the head deacon. 14. Our church choir really rocks. 13. Since the pastor faces the congregation it's not like he's really preaching at me. 12. When people see me up here they think I can really sing, even though I really can't. 11. You secretly dream of being in choir like the one in the Blues Brothers Movie with people getting so excited they do double-back flips down the middle isle on Sunday morning. 10. You're running out of clean clothes and the choir robes save on laundry. 9. You've just been selected for jury duty and want to get used to sitting with a group of people in a confined area. 8. Your church is so full you want to ensure that you always have a seat. 7. The collection plate is never passed to the choir. 6. There's a clock at the back of the sanctuary and you want to be the first to know when it's 12:00 NOON. 5. The preacher is new and you want to be close by in case he says something heretical. 4. For years you've wanted to know who sits in the back pews but were always afraid to turn around. 3. You've been known to nod off during the service and don't want the preacher to catch you. 2. The chairs in the choir are the most comfortable in the sanctuary. 1. Your favorite movie is Sister Act! (©1997 by Grant MacDonald , used by permission.) -<>- >Reading -Steve Klusmeyer - 10/3/2002 The marquee in front of our local elementary school read, "Readers are Plenteous - Thinkers are Few". At first this sounded ok. However, the more I thought about it - the more I disagreed. One of the reasons that there are so few thinkers today is because readers are not plenteous. While it is possible to read without thinking, reading is an essential element to thinking. When was the last time you read something other than the morning paper or that lengthy list of e-mails that you pull up each day? I confess that it has been a while since I have just picked up a book and read for the pure joy that it can bring. How about your Bible? Has it been gathering dust lately? The Bible has much to say about the importance of reading God's Word. For instance, His Word directs our steps and keeps us from sin (Psalm 119:11, 104, 133). In 1 Samuel 3:1, the writer says, "In those days the word of the LORD was rare; there were not many visions." This probably refers to the spoken word of God, but applying it to the written word does not take it out of context. Notice that without the presence of God's Word, there is no vision (thinking). In seeking God's purpose and direction, His voice must be heard. And how can His voice be heard today? While it may be possible that some will hear God in an audible voice, it is more likely that most of us will hear Him by consistently reading His written word. Why not take a few minutes today to experience hearing God's voice again. And maybe we could even squeeze in a little time from TV and computers to just get into a good book. Let's become thinkers again. >><>(o:} Steve, 10-3-2002 {:o)<>< ===================================================================== >-->Top Ten Signs A Police Officer , /\ , / '-' '-' \ | POLICE | \ .--. / Is Too Fat | ( 19 ) | \ '--' / '--. .--' jgs \/ 10. Traded his police cruiser for a Good Humor truck 9. On drug busts he's the battering ram 8. Uses powdered sugar to dust for prints 7. Once tasered a guy at McDonald's for skimping on the special sauce 6. He gets winded during roll call 5. Known as "New York's Tubbiest" 4. Decided to join writers' strike just for the free donuts 3. His "nightstick" is a pepperoni 2. Calls for backup to help him get out of his squad car 1. Looks in the mirror and says "OK, break it up" ============================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) >From Linky&Dinky: TOM CRUISE is MANKIND's SAVIOUR? According to him he is. Secretly leaked indoctrination video of Tom Cruise explaining to new Scientology suckers how he/they will rule the world. http://snipurl.com/1xq4l SOME CELEBRITIES are MADE of MONEY. Literally. As we can see when it's pointed out so clearly. (keep scrolling) http://snipurl.com/1xq3m Body Clock http://www.billychasen.com/clock/ -<>- >From TheMouth EVERYDAY MYSTERIES Did you ever wonder why a camel has a hump? Or why onions make us cry? Get answers to all of those nagging, obscure questions at Everyday Mysteries, a website filled with fun science facts from the Library of Congress. http://www.loc.gov/rr/scitech/mysteries/ 13 THINGS THAT DO NOT MAKE SENSE Learn about some of the greatest mysteries of science in this article written by Michael Brooks. Some of the events on the list include fascinating phenomena like the WOW signal of 1972 and the "Pioneer Anomaly." http://www.newscientist.com/channel/space/mg18524911.600 -<>- >From LynnLynn Links: Connie Sue w/ I Believe: http://www.thensingsmysoul.net/IBelieve.html My Military Joe http://www.diamondavid.com/bluejay/joe_mil.php Carol w/Dedicated to Buster http://www.carolspoetry.com/buster.html The Palms Of God http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/BibleStudy/palmsofgod.html Cowboy & Western Heritage Museum http://www.nationalcowboymuseum.org/ Sears Archives http://www.searsarchives.com/ Go On Factory Tours http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/factory.html Dangling http://buffalosjokes.com/12530.htm Woops... http://buffalosjokes.com/12528.htm How? http://buffalosjokes.com/12529.htm This Sucks... http://buffalosjokes.com/012452.htm Wrecked http://buffalosjokes.com/12129.htm Boat Accident http://buffalosjokes.com/12130.htm To Subscribe send a blank email to lynnlynns-links-subscribe@egroups.com ========================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "It was so windy on Hollywood Boulevard, I saw a guy take the chains out of his nose and wrap them around a lamp post just to keep from blowing away." - Jay Leno "Eddie Murphy's marriage is over. It lasted only two weeks. Two weeks! Here's what I heard: They started to drift apart during the ceremony." - David Letterman People say, "A penny for your thoughts." But, on the other hand, they say they want to give you their "two cents worth"... Seems to me, somebody is making a profit on the deal. -- Jills Jokeline You can teach an old dog new tricks. You just don't want to watch the dog doing them. -- Bill Cobsy "You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus." -- Mark Twain "Time sneaks up on you like a windshield on a bug." -Jon Lithgow "Oh, I can't drink these days. I'm allergic to alcohol and narcotics. If I use them I break out in handcuffs." --Actor and reformed addict ROBERT DOWNEY JR. ---> Visit my CyberHome - ALWAYS OPEN HOOUSE :)Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/index.html Shangrala ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->Bigham's Computer Rescue - PC Sales && Service You can trust us to provide you with quality computer sales and repair. We've been servicing the Van Wert area since 1981 and can help you with all your computer needs. Please phone us at 419-238-5806 ************************************************************************ -->This is for all you who love food andd DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? 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