Happy Memorial Day! ... :) Shangy!
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================
A special THANK YOU to ALL Our Veterans and Their Families :)
_
(_)
<___>
| |______
| |* * * )
| | * * (_________
| |* * * |* *|####)
| | * * *| * | (________________
| |* * * |* *|####|##############|
| | * * *| * | | |
| |* * * |* *|####|##############|
| |~~~~~~| * | | |
| |######|* *|####|##############|
| | |~~~' | |
| |######|########|##############|
| | | | |
| |######|########|##############|
| |~~~~~~| | |
| | |########|##############|
| | '~~~~~~~~| |
| | |##########JGS#|
| | '~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
| |
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Wishing Everyone A Happy Memorial Day :)
>-->In The 'Shangy' News :)
>Hot Off The 'Shangy' Press...
This comes from a forward from our friend Becky. So sweet
I couldn't resist doing up an art page for it! Check it
out here...
.-.
,-( o )-.
( o )-( o )
.-\-'.|,`-/-. .-.
( o )--*--( o ) ,-( o )-.
`-/-.'|`,-\-' ( o )-( o )
( o )-( o ) .-\-'.|,`-/-.
`-( o )-' _( o )--*--( o )
`-' \/_/ `-/-.'|`,-\-'
__ | ( o )-( o )
\_\| .'`-( o )-'
| .'\ `-'
|/ |\
__ | \|
Flower Dog Art
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/flowerart2.html
---
...Beautiful! Thanks Becky!
==========================================================
>-->From The FunnyBone:
,_ _,
|\\`-"""-`//|
Kitty Hygiene \ :'.': /
/=-(o) (o)-=\.=";```":,
|= Y =|':. ': ':`.
Please forward to cat lovers \'._.-'-._.'/ ': : : '\
everywhere who, like myself, { '. `'-'` .' } '/.:. ': \
are very concerned about {=. ` '-' ` .=} |:' .: \ =}
kitty hygiene. { =. "=_ _=" .= }.=\:' .: | =}
\= \ ` / =/'.=`'--; //= }
jgs '._ `\=/` _.' (_.-=-=-=-'=.'
1. Thoroughly clean the \,,),,/ ( ,-==-==`
toilet. `._)
2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and have
both lids lifted.
3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him to the bathroom.
4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close the
lid. (You may need to stand on the lid so he can not escape.)
CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge,
as his paws will be reaching for anything they can find.
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power wash
and rinse" which I have found to be quite effective.
6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there
are no people between the toilet and the outside door.
.--. .--.
7. Stand behind the toilet as / /\ ". _......_ ." /\ \
much as you can and quickly / / ` ` \ \
lift both lids. ( ( /' _ __ `\ ) )
\ /| /0} {0\\ |\ /
8. The now-clean cat will rocket ` | / \/// | `
out of the toilet and run out- \ \ / \ / /
side, where he will dry himself. `\ \| .==. |/ /'
`\\.' \ / './/'
Sincerely, jgs /`'._-^^-_.'`\
The Dog `""`
==================================================================
+----------------- Bizarre June Holidays ------------------+
June 1 is Dare Day
June 2 is National Rocky Road Day
June 3 is Repeat Day
June 4 is Old Maid's Day
June 5 is Festival Of Popular Delusions Day
June 6 is Teacher's Day and National Applesauce Cake Day
June 7 is National Chocolate Ice Cream Day
June 8 is Name Your Poison Day
June 9 is Donald Duck Day
June 10 is National Yo-Yo Day
========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Jo Ann :)
A beautiful video...
http://www.openmyeyeslord.net/UltimateFreedom.htm
-<>-
Some of you folks with a little age on you will appreciate this.
The author is unknown:
##
###----##
### \
/ ##__
/ ## # --#
: __/ -# :
,' _\ > :
#### :' #########:
########## | ###:
###################### :
####################### :
######################...,'
:
;
;
;
,;
;##########
;###########
,,,,,,,,,;###########
GOD BLESS THE PARENTS WHO DRUGGED US...
The other day, someone at a store in our town read that a
Methamphetamine lab had been found in an old farmhouse in
the adjoining county and he asked me a rhetorical question.
"Why didn't we have a drug problem when you and I were
growing up?"
I replied I had a drug problem when I was young:
I was drug to church on Sunday morning.
I was drug to church for weddings and funerals.
I was drug to family reunions and community socials
no matter the weather.
I was drug by my ears when I was disrespectful to adults.
I was also drug to the woodshed when I disobeyed my parents,
told a lie, brought home a bad report card, did not speak
with respect, spoke ill of the teacher or the preacher, or
if I didn't put forth my best effort in everything that was
asked of me.
I was drug to the kitchen sink to have my mouth washed out
with soap if I uttered a profanity.
I was drug out to pull weeds in mom's garden and flower beds
and cocklebur's out of dad's fields.
I was drug to the homes of family, friends and neighbors to
help out some poor soul who had no one to mow the yard,
repair the clothesline, or chop some firewood; and, if my
mother had ever known that I took a single dime as a tip
for this kindness, she would have drug me back to the woodshed.
Those drugs are still in my veins and they affect my behavior in
everything I do, say, or think. They are stronger than cocaine,
crack, or heroin; and, if today's children had this kind of drug
problem, America would be a better place.
God bless the parents who drugged us.
---
...Amen to that! Thanks Jo Ann!
-<>-
>WARNING: NEVER USE HONEY FOR CHILDREN UNDER ONE YEAR OF AGE.
Read the label on the honey container.
___________
_.--^^^ ^^^--._
\`--...___________...--'/
/ \_ _
/ (_`,_' )
/ ) `\
/_____ _ / '. |
| ^^^^-----------^^^^ | `,
| \,_ `-/
| ,&&&&&V
| ,&&&&&&&&:
| ,&&&&&&&&&&;
| | |&&&&&&&|\
|_____ _| | |_)_
\ ^^^^-----------^^^^ | | ;_/ | -Felix Lee-
\ '--' `,.--. |
`---...___________...---' \_ | |--'
`-._\__/
Cinnamon and Honey ~ Bet the drug companies won't like this one getting
around.~
Facts on Honey and Cinnamon: It is found that a mixture of honey and
cinnamon cures most diseases. Honey is produced in most of the countries
of the world. Scientists of today also accept honey as a 'Ram Ban' (very
effective) medicine or all kinds of diseases.
Honey can be used without any side effects for any kind of diseases.
Today's science says that even though honey is sweet, if taken in the
right dosage as a medicine, it does not harm diabetic patients. Weekly
World News, a magazine inCanada , in its issue dated 17 January,1995 has
given the following list of diseases that can be cured by honey and
cinnamon as researched by western scientists:
HEART DISEASES:
Make a paste of honey and cinnamon powder, apply on bread, instead of
jelly and jam, and eat it regularly for breakfast. It reduces the
cholesterol in the arteries and saves the patient from heart attack.
Also those who have already had an attack, if they do this process
daily, they are kept miles away from the next attack. Regular use of the
above process relieves loss of breath and strengthens the heart beat. In
America and Canada , various nursing homes have treated patients
successfully and have found that as you age, the arteries and veins lose
their flexibility and get clogged;honey and cinnamon revitalize the
arteries and veins.
ARTHRITIS:
Arthritis patients may take daily, morning, and night, one cup of hot
water with two spoons of honey and one small teaspoon of cinnamon
powder. If taken regularly even chronic arthritis can be cured. In a
recent research conducted at Copenhagen University, it was found that
when the doctors treated their patients with a mixture of one tablespoon
of honey and half teaspoon of cinnamon powder before breakfast, they
found that within a week, out of the 200 people so treated, practically
73 patients were totally relieved of pain, and within a month, mostly
all the patients who could not walk or move around because of arthritis
started walking without pain.
BLADDER INFECTIONS:
Take two tablespoons of cinnamon powder and one teaspoon of honey in a
glass of lukewarm water and drink it. It destroys the germs in the
bladder.
CHOLESTEROL:
Two tablespoons of honey and three teaspoons of cinnamon powder mixed in
16 ounces of tea water, given to a cholesterol patient, was found to
reduce the level of cholesterol in the blood by 10 percent within two
hours. As mentioned for arthritic patients, if taken three times a day,
any chronic cholesterol is cured. According to information received in
the said Journal, pure honey taken with food daily relieves complaints
of cholesterol.
COLDS:
Those suffering from common or severe colds should take one tablespoon
lukewarm honey with 1/4 spoon cinnamon powder daily for three days. This
process will cure most chronic cough, cold, and clear the sinuses.
UPSET STOMACH:
Honey taken with cinnamon powder cures stomach ache and also clears
stomach ulcers from the root.
GAS:
According to the studies done in India and Japan , it is revealed
that if Honey is taken with cinnamon powder the stomach is relieved of
gas.
IMMUNE SYSTEM:
Daily use of honey and cinnamon powder strengthens the immune system and
protects the body from bacteria and viral attacks. Scientists have found
that honey has various vitamins and iron in large amounts. Constant use
of Honey strengthens the white blood corpuscles to fight bacteria and
viral diseases.
INDIGESTION:
Cinnamon powder sprinkled on two tablespoons of honey taken before food
relieves acidity and digests the heaviest of meals.
INFLUENZA:
A scientist in Spain has proved that honey contains a natural '
ingredient' which kills the influenza germs and saves the patient from
flu.
LONGEVITY:
Tea made with honey and cinnamon powder, when taken regularly, arrests
the ravages of old age. Take four spoons of honey, one spoon of cinnamon
powder and three cups of water and boil to make like tea. Drink 1/4 cup,
three to Four times a day. It keeps the skin fresh and soft and arrests
old age. Life spans also increases and even a 100 year old, starts
performing the chores of a 20-year-old.
PIMPLES:
Three tablespoons of honey and one teaspoon of cinnamon powder paste
apply this paste on the pimples before sleeping and wash it next morning
with warm water. If done daily for two weeks, it removes pimples from
the root.
SKIN INFECTIONS:
Applying honey and cinnamon powder in equal parts on the affected parts
cures eczema, ringworm and all types of skin infections.
WEIGHT LOSS:
Daily in the morning one half hour before breakfast on an empty stomach
and at night before sleeping, drink honey and cinnamon powder boiled in
one cup of water. If taken regularly, it reduces the weight of even the
most obese person. Also, drinking this mixture regularly does not allow
the fat to accumulate in the body even though the person may eat a high
calorie diet.
CANCER:
Recent research in Japan and Australia has revealed that advanced
cancer of the stomach and bones have been cured successfully. Patients
suffering from these kinds of cancer should daily take one tablespoon of
honey with one teaspoon of cinnamon powder for one month three times a
day.
FATIGUE:
Recent studies have shown that the sugar content of honey is more
helpful rather than being detrimental to the strength of the body.
Senior citizens, who take honey and cinnamon powder in equal parts, are
more alert and flexible . Dr. Milton, who has done research, says that a
half tablespoon of honey taken in a glass of water and sprinkled with
cinnamon powder, taken daily after brushing and in the afternoon at
about 3:00 P.M. When the vitality of the body starts to decrease,
increases the vitality of the body within a week.
BAD BREATH:
People of South America , first thing in the morning, gargle with one
teaspoon of honey and cinnamon powder mixed in hot water, so their
breath stays fresh throughout the day.
HEARING LOSS:
Daily morning and night honey and cinnamon powder, taken in equal parts
restore hearing. Remember when we were kids? We had toast with real
butter and cinnamon sprinkled on it!
You might want to share this information with a friend, kinfolks and
love ones
~ everyone needs healthy help information
~ what they do with it is up to them
---
...Great Tips! Thanks Jo Ann!
==================================================================
>-->From Our Friend PatH :)
Everyday of the year, we are within "loving memories".
Memorial time is also for our loved ones along with our troops.
May God keep blessing our troops.
Always all are in our prayers.
In loving memory of all who have served in the armed forces.
_____
(((\\\\\
)_ \\\|
/ \\|\/
\\( ), &
\) ( ((
|` \\ ))) _
| \` __| `
| , \ ` , \
| \ ,\ , \
' \/ \_ \/ \
`_,`-._ ` \
ejm / `-. _ \ `
/ ,`. \
=== / '== =`. | ====
/ | === ` / /=========
/ | / ,
/______| / , ========
__-' | = === / ,=======
' - -- (
\ \
\ `
\ `
\ `
\_____ \
/ `
_/ /
'-- '
Some gave all so that we could be free.
God Bless our troops!
---
...Ditto! Thanks PatH!
============================================================
>-->From TheMouth:
_,,,_
.' `'.
/ ____ \
| .'_ _\/
/ ) a a| .----.
/ ( > | /| '--.
( ) ._ / || ]| `-.
) _/-.__.'`\ || ]| ::|
( .-'`-. \__ ) || ]| ::|
`/ `-./ `. || ]| ::|
_ | \ \ \ \| ]| .-'
/ \| \ \ \ \ L.__ .--'(
| |\ `. / / \ ,---|_ \---------,
| `\'. '. /`\ \/ .--._|=- |_ /|
| \ '. '._ './`\/ .-' '. / |
| | `'. `;-:-;`)| |-./ |
| /_ `'--./_ ` )/'-------------')/) |
\ | `""""----"`\//`""`/,===..'`````````/ ( |
| | / `---` `===' / ) |
/ \ / / ( |
| '------. |'--------------------'| ) |
\ `-| | / |
`--...,______| | ( |
| | | | ) ,|
| | | | ( /||
| | | | )/ `"
/ \ | | (/
jgs .' /I\ '.| | /)
.-'_.'/ \'. | | /
``` `"""` `| .-------------------.||
`"` `"`
"Differences between bosses and employees"
When you take a long time, you're slow.
When your boss takes a long time, he's thorough.
When you don't do it, you're lazy.
When your boss doesn't do it, he's too busy.
When you make a mistake, you're an idiot.
When your boss makes a mistake, he's only human.
When doing something without being told, you're
overstepping your authority.
When your boss does the same thing, that's initiative.
When you take a stand, you're being bull-headed.
When your boss does it, he's being firm.
When you overlooked a rule of etiquette, you're being
rude.
When your boss skips a few rules, he's being original.
When you please your boss, you're brown-nosing.
When your boss please his boss, he's being co-operative.
When you're out of the office, you're wandering around.
When your boss is out of the office, he's on business.
When you have one too many drinks at a social, you're a
drunken bum.
When your boss does the same, he appreciated women.
When you're on a day off sick, you're always sick.
When your boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill.
When you apply for leave, you must be going for an
interview.
When your boss applies for leave, it's because he's
overworked.
===========================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
>From BizarreNews:
-- Woman fought robbers with chili, broom ---------
TAZEWELL, Tenn. - Authorities in Tennessee said a woman
whose home was invaded by two men "fought them off" with
a bowl of chili and a broom. Capt. David Honeycutt of the
Claiborne County Sheriff's Department said Wanda Bray, 58,
discovered the two men in her home at 6 p.m. Tuesday and
the pair demanded she hand over medication, the Knoxville
(Tenn.) News Sentinel reported Tuesday. "They probably got
away with some blood pressure pills," Honeycutt said.
However, he said Bray did not react peacefully to being
robbed. "The woman fought them off," he said. "She threw a
bowl of homemade chili and got after them with a broom."
Claiborne County Sheriff David Ray said authorities found
a vehicle near the scene that had been used last week
during a robbery at a Tiger Mart convenience store. Fabian
Moore, 32, and Tommy Wayne Garrett, 24, were charged in
the home invasion as well as aggravated robbery for the
Tiger Mart incident. Samuel Partin, 30, was arrested for
allegedly serving as the getaway driver for the home
invasion incident.
-- Police use Taser on fake cougar --------------
WARREN, Mich. - Police in Michigan responding to a report
of a cougar on the loose said they ended up shooting a
large toy cat with a Taser stun gun. Warren police said
the 911 caller said a "huge" animal resembling "a 150-pound
cat" was spotted in an old cement drainpipe in Bates Park
and 10 officers were sent to the scene, WDIV-TV, Detroit,
reported Monday. The officers saw the outline of the animal
in the pipe and shot it with the Taser -- only to discover
it was a large toy cougar. Police Commissioner William
Dwyer said investigators believe the incident, which cost
the department $1,000 in wasted police hours from respond-
ing to the scene and filling out paperwork, was a prank.
Dwyer said the prankster could face 90 days probation and
fines equivalent to the wasted police money if caught.
-- Principal to apologize over kilt flap -----------
WEST HAVEN, Utah - A Utah school district said a principal
will apologize after he ordered a 14-year-old to change
out of his kilt because it could be seen as cross-dressing.
Gavin McFarland, 14, a student of Scottish heritage at
Rocky Mountain Junior High in West Haven, said he wore his
traditional Scottish kilt to school Wednesday as part of
a school project and his apparel gathered numerous compli-
ments from teachers and classmates, The (Ogden, Utah)
Standard-Examiner reported Monday. However, the student
said he was ordered to change out of his kilt before the
school day was over by Rocky Mountain Junior High principal
Craig Jessop, who said the clothing could be misconstrued
as cross-dressing. "I was kind of surprised," Gavin said.
"No teachers had gotten mad at me for it. A lot of them
thought it was really cool." Weber School District spokes-
man Nate Taggart said Jessop has agreed to issue a personal
apology to the student. "We certainly do not consider
wearing a kilt, especially for a school project, as cross-
dressing," Taggart said. "We recognize the kilt as a
display of Scottish heritage."
-- Dad calls cops on adult son over chores ----------
BEDFORD, Ohio - An Ohio father called police on his 28-year-
old son, who serves on the local school board, because the
younger man refused to clean his room, the family said.
Andrew Mizsak Sr., 63, told police who arrived at his
Bedford home Thursday he dialed 911 because his son, also
named Andrew, threw a plate of food across the room and
balled up his fist when he was told to clean his room, The
(Cleveland) Plain Dealer reported Monday. The police report
said Mizsak told officers that "Andrew is 270 pounds and he
can't fight him, that they do everything for Andrew and he
doesn't even pay rent." However, Mizsak told the officers
he did not want to press charges because he didn't want to
"ruin his political career." Calling the police did have
an affect on the younger Mizsak, who serves on the Bedford
school board and works as an independent political
consultant, the police report said. "Andrew was sent to his
room to clean it. He was crying uncontrollably and stated
he would comply," the report said. Both father and son
later said they regretted the incident. "I overreacted.
No big deal," the father said Saturday. "My dad and I
love each other very much," said the younger Mizsak, who
promised to keep his room tidy from now on. "I'm lucky to
be living in their house."
-- Fake landlord rented out home --------------
SILVER SPRINGS SHORES, Fla. - A Florida man says he
discovered he was making payments for several months to
a man who rented him a home the purported landlord did
not own. Carl Kopsho of Silver Springs Shores said he
began paying $800 per month to the man who rented him
the home in February, only to be told by Marion County
Sheriff's deputies Wednesday the man did not own the
house, the Ocala (Fla.) Star-Banner reported. Kopsho said
he met the man, who used the name Tyrone Grain, at a gas
station in January while talking to a friend about his
search for a new home. He said Grain told him he was in
the process of a divorce and was seeking to rent out the
house. However, the house actually belongs to Sebastian
Wagner, a man who lives in New York. Authorities have yet
to track down Grain, who Kopsho said had only accepted his
rent payments in cash. Kopsho said he is hoping Wagner
will allow him to continue to rent the home, as he has
already painted the walls and made plans to install new
cabinets.
======================================================
>-->From ScreamOfTheCrop:
/(_
/_ (_
/ O \
|_. |
\ |
| |\
/ | \
| \ (-.\ fish walking
_)\ \ (
)_/\ \_(
\ /
) ( _ _ _
/ _ \ /'\/'\'\
/ _// / \(/\(/(/
\\_/_/ \_\/ ./<./A Redneck Fish Story
'Never assume he's stupid just because he talks slow and
chews tobacco.'
A redneck was stopped by a game warden in Central Mississippi
recently with two ice chests full of fish. He was leavin' a cove
well-known for its fishing.
The game warden asked the man, 'Do you have a license to catch those
fish?
''Naw, sir', replied the redneck. 'I ain't got no fishin' license.
But you gotta understand something: these fish here are my pet fish.'
'Pet fish?'
'Yeah. Every night, I takes these fish down to the lake and let 'em
swim 'round for awhile. Then, when I whistle, they jumps right back
into the ice chests here and I takes 'em home.'
'That's a bunch of baloney! Fish can't do that.'
The redneck looked at the game warden intently for a moment and then
said, 'I swear it's the truth, Mr. Government Man. I'll show ya. It
really works.'
'O.K.,' said the warden. 'I've got to see this!'
The redneck poured the fish into the lake and stood and waited.
After several minutes, the warden said, 'Well?'
'Well, what?' asked the redneck.
The warden asked, 'When are you going to call them back?'
'Call who back?'
'The FISH !' yelled the warden.
'What fish?' asked the redneck.
Moral of the story:
We may not all be as smart as some city slickers,
but we ain't all as dumb as some government employees.
You can say what you want to about the South, but you ain't never
heard of anyone retiring and moving up North.
-<>-
Every morning during our coffee break, my co-workers and I listened
to the culinary disasters of a newlywed colleague. We then tried
to share some helpful hints and recipes.
One day she asked us for step-by-step instructions on cooking sweet
potatoes, one of her husband's favorites. "I've finally been able
to make them sweet," she said, "but how do you make them orange?"
-<>-
Tell me something," asked Stumpy, "How many cookies can
you eat on an empty stomach, little Johnny?"
Little Johnny scratched his head and said, "Well, five, I think."
"Wrong," said Stumpy. "You can only eat just one. After that,
your stomach isn't empty any more! Gotcha!"
Little Johnny was impressed so he decided to pull the joke on
his sister, Judi, when he got home.
"Hey, Sis, how many cookies can you eat on an empty stomach?"
Judi thought for a minute or two and said, "Two."
Little Johnny was dejected. "Aw, if you'd said *FIVE* I had a
GREAT joke for you!"
-<>-
>GROUCHO MARX:
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let
that fool you. He really is an idiot.
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is
probably more than she ever did.
==========================================================
>-->From The Jokester:
____________
|`. `.
| `._____________`.
| | .-----------.|
| | | .-------.||
| | | | |||
| | |`.| ==== |||
|`. | |`.|_______|||
| `|_|===========||
| | | .-------.||
| | | | |||
| | |`.| ==== |||
|`. | |`.|_______|||
| `|_|===========||
| | | .-------.||
| | | | |||
| | |`.| ==== |||
`. | |`.|_______|||
`|_|========LGB||
Out of Office Messages:
I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to
you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.
You are receiving this automatic notification because I am
out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn’t
have received anything at all.
I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails
you send me until I return from holiday on June 1. Please
be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order
it was received.
Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged
$5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional
word in your message.
The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection
and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your
computer and try sending again.'
Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing
system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to
receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
I've run away to join a different circus.
I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical
reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Margaret'
instead of 'Jay'.
-<>-
\\\\ .===.
| c '' | |
| , U | | ______________________
E, _=__ | | .----------------------.'
\\ / __\_______ | | ,----, |/
\\// | | | |/ /|--------------------'
|\ \/ \| | | .-----' | / / ' .
| \___________ |______m___| `==| | | / / .: '
\ | |(_ //\\ | | | \_\--------/
\|___________| // \\ _ | | | | )=--=( | .:
, , // \\// | |/ | )=--=( | :.,/
PN , ;', . /___, \/ '-----' /--------\ , >
. :
A Secretary's Rules for Work
Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and
then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.
If it's really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10
minutes to inquire how it's going. That helps. Or even
better, hover behind me, advising me at every keystroke.
Always leave without telling anyone where you're going. It gives
me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.
If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies,
don't open the door for me. I need to learn how to function
as a paraplegic and opening doors with no arms is good training
in case I should ever be injured and lose all use of my limbs.
If you give me more than one job to do, don't tell me
which priority is. I am psychic.
Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and
really have nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no
life beyond work.
If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out,
it could mean a promotion.
If you don't like my work, tell everyone. I like my name
to be popular in conversations. I was born to be whipped.
If you have special instructions for a job, don't write them down.
In fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing
me with useful information.
Never introduce me to the people you're with. I have no right
to know anything. In the corporate food chain, I am plankton.
When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will
identify them.
-<>-
>Bosses Basic Rules
Rule 1: The Boss is always right!
Rule 2: In the impossible hypothesis that a subordinate
may be right, Rule 1 becomes immediately operative.
Rule 3: The boss does not sleep; he/she rests.
Rule 4: The Boss is never late; he/she is delayed else-where.
Rule 5: The Boss never leaves his/her work; his/her
attention is required elsewhere.
Rule 6: The Boss never reads the paper in his/her office;
he/she studies.
Rule 7: The Boss never takes advantage of his/her secretary
with extra work. He/she educates her.
Rule 8: The Boss is always chief, even in his/her bathing togs.
Rule 9: Whomsoever may enter the boss's office with
an idea of his own must leave the office with the boss's ideas.
Rule 10: If, in your lamentable ignorance,
you fail to grasp the truth, fear not; return to Rule 1
================================================================
>-->From SermondFodder:
Lost Purse
============
As the bus pulled away, I realized I had left my purse under the
seat. Later I called the company and was relieved that the driver
had found my bag.
When I went to pick it up, several off-duty bus drivers surrounded
me. One man handed me my pocketbook, two typewritten pages and a box
containing the contents of my purse.
"We're required to inventory lost wallets and purses," he explained.
"I think you'll find everything there."
As I started to put my belongings back into the pocketbook, the man
continued,"I hope you don't mind if we watch.
Even though we all tried, none of us could fit everything into your
purse. And we'd like to see just HOW you do it."
By way of Daily Humor.
-<>-
_,---.
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BUSINESS LIKE LOVE LETTER
Dearest Woman:
I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in love with you since
Tuesday, the 3rd of April 2009. With reference to the meeting held
between us on the 31st of March 2009 at 1500 hours, I would like to
present myself as a prospective suitor.
Our courtship would be on probation for a period of three months
depending on compatibility, would be made permanent. Of course, upon
completion of probation, there will be continuous on-the-relationship
training & relationship appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from
suitor to spouse. The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment
would initially be shared equally between us, later, based on your
performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses.
However I am broad-minded enough, to be taken care of, on your expense
account. I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving
this letter. If not this offer would be canceled without further
notice. I will then be considering someone else.
If you do not wish to take up this offer I would be happy if you could
forward this letter to your sister,
Thanking you in anticipation.
Yours sincerely,
[Man]
~~~~~~~
REPLY TO BUSINESS LIKE LOVE LETTER
Dear Man:
Please refer to your letter dated today.
I am pleased to inform you that I hope to accept your proposal for
courtship. However, you should be informed that there are certain
conditions of acceptance. Promotional prospects are to my satisfaction.
However, please enlighten me as to your retirement benefits. Gratuity
should be generous. I also need to be assured that there is sufficient
security with regards to this commitment. If there is any chance at all
of retrenchment or consequent disinterest on your part, then I should
receive monetary compensation according to union standards.
Due to the nature of my position, I am sure you will agree that an
expense account should be arranged for my access in light of the 'VIP' I
will be entertaining. In addition, housing and transportation allowances
would be in order and nothing less than a luxury condo and
a Jaguar are in order.
Please note that there should be no moonlighting restrictions placed on
myself.
If you are still interested in the relationship, please reply on an
urgent basis as other prospective suitors have exhibited indications of
interest.
Please also note that my sister is happily employed.
Yours perhaps,
[Woman]
Submitted by Cathy AU
-<>-
By God's Grace: Easter at Angola
_________________________
|| || || ||
|| ||, , ,|| ||
|| (||/|/(\||/ ||
|| ||| _'_`||| ||
|| || o o || ||
|| (|| - `||) ||
|| || = || ||
ScS || ||\___/|| ||
||___||) , (||___||
/||---||-\_/-||---||\
/ ||--_||_____||_--|| \
(_(||)-| S123-45 |-(||)_)
|"""""""""""""""""""""""""""|
| "Honest, ossifer, I don't |
|'member whips, chains, and |
| leather womens....*burp*" |
"""""""""""""""""""""""""""
Sher^ 2/14/98
This Easter I was in the Angola Prison. The very name
brings a shudder to most Americans. It's the real-
life setting of the book and movie, Dead Man Walking.
Angola houses about 5,000 men -- seventy percent of
whom have life sentences with no parole. Looking out
over the razor wire that divides the prison
compounds, I was reminded of Dante's phrase, "Abandon
hope, all ye who enter through these gates."
It is hope in the living Christ, however, that has
brought me back to prison every Easter for twenty-
five years. Walking through the cellblocks this day,
I quickly discovered, however, that Angola was a much
different place than it was during my last visit
twenty-two years ago. The place was so bad then that
Johnny Cash, who joined me in an evangelistic rally,
couldn't walk through the cell blocks -- too
dangerous. Defying the terrible statistics, however,
many of the men this day seemed hopeful and happy.
Murders have become infrequent. Unrest has been
reduced, and the place seemed cleaner.
I found signs of the Church everywhere -- mature
Christian inmates, lots of Bible studies. What could
account for this amazing transformation? As I talked
with Warden Burl Cain, I discovered the answer.
Warden Cain, a devoted Christian, came to Angola
eight years ago. His entire approach to running this
gigantic prison is based on a biblical worldview --
one that recognizes the intrinsic worth of every
human being. One person, one program at a time, he
began to restore dignity to these formerly hopeless
men.
The staff echoes his commitment. I asked one
corrections officer why he came to Angola. "My pastor
sent me," he replied. Another guard gave the same
answer. Churches in Baton Rouge, I discovered, see
Angola as their mission field.
That afternoon I spoke to 2,200 inmates who packed
Angola's rodeo stadium. "Jesus knows everything
you've been through," I told them. "He was busted,
turned in by a snitch, given the opportunity to cop a
plea, beaten by the guards, and sent to death row."
And then I asked: "Are you like the soldiers who cast
lots for Jesus' robe, wanting something from God, or
perhaps like those in the crowd who mocked him? One
thief said, 'Get me outta here,' while the other
said, 'You're holy; I'm guilty. Remember me.' What is
your response to Jesus the Prisoner?"
At the end of the Sinner's Prayer, I started to say,
"Raise your hand if you accepted Christ." For
security reasons we couldn't ask them to come
forward, but as I prayed, I suddenly felt emboldened
by the Spirit. "No," I said, "No hands. If Jesus
could go to the cross for us, the least we can do is
stand up for Him."
I was overwhelmed to see hundreds of men boldly, even
proudly, getting to their feet! This was the day, not
of Dead Man Walking -- but of the Risen Man Walking!
This is a time in American life when events seem
overwhelming. People feel helpless, unable to change
the course of life. But Christians ought never to
feel helpless. We serve a risen Savior: There's
nothing we cannot do with His help. Warden Cain and
the Christians inside Angola prove that.
What mission field does your neighborhood offer? Find
out, and then go do it. As I learned during Easter at
Angola, there's no limit to what God will do through
those committed to serving Him.
================
"BreakPoint with Chuck Colson" is a daily commentary
on news and trends from a Christian perspective.
Heard on more than 1000 radio outlets nationwide,
BreakPoint transcripts are also available on the Internet.
Copyright notice: BreakPoint may be copied and re-
transmitted by electronic mail, and individual copies
of a particular BreakPoint e-mail transcript may be
printed, provided that such copying, re-transmission,
printing, or other use is not for profit or other
commercial purpose.
Any copying, re-transmission, distribution, printing,
or other use of BreakPoint must set forth the
following credit line, in full, at the conclusion of
the portion of BreakPoint that is used:
Copyright (c) 2002 Prison Fellowship Ministries. Reprinted
with permission. "BreakPoint with Chuck Colson" is a radio
ministry of Prison Fellowship Ministries.
Prison Fellowship Ministries(R) may withdraw or modify this
grant of permission at any time.
===============================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
Once my divorce was final, I went to the local Department of
Motor Vehicles and asked to have my maiden name reinstated
on my driver's license.
"Will there be any change of address?" the clerk inquired.
"No," I replied.
"Oh, good," she said, clearly delighted. "You got the house."
-<>-
Quasimodo goes to a doctor for his annual checkup.
"I think something is wrong with your back," the doctor
says.
"What makes you say that?" Quasimodo asks.
"I don't know," the doctor replies. "It's just a hunch."
-<>-
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\ \ \ \ ,/~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
_____ ,' ~~~ .-""-.~~~~~~ .-""-.
.-""-. ///==--- /`-._ ..-' -.__..-'
`-.__..-' =====\\\\\\ V/ .---\.
PGMG ~~~~~~~~~~~~, _',--/_.\ .-""-.
.-""-.___` -- \| -.__..-
My daughter Michelle is the commander of a Coast Guard
Cutter. When she gave my husband Bob a tour of her ship,
he was impressed by the neatness of all decks.
However, when Bob went to Michelle's house with her, he
couldn't believe the disorganization. "Why is everything
in its place on your ship," he asked, "but your house is
such a mess?"
"My house," Michelle said, "does not take 30-degree rolls."
-<>-
A husband was in big trouble when he forgot his wife's birth-
day.
His wife told him, "Tomorrow there better be something in
the driveway for me that goes from zero to 200 in under 10
seconds."
The next morning the wife found a small package in the
driveway. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom
scale.
Funeral arrangements for the husband have been set for
Saturday.
-<>-
A friend and his wife were considering traveling to Alaska
for a trip that the husband had long dreamed of taking. He
kept talking about how great it would be to stay in a log
cabin without electricity, to hunt moose, and drive a dog
team instead of a car.
"If we decided to live there permanently, away from civil-
ization, what would you miss the most?" he asked his wife.
She replied, "You."
-<>-
My son is the manager of a glass and window company and ad-
vertised in the paper for experienced glaziers. Since a good
glass man is hard to find, he was pleased when a man who
called about the job said he had over 10 years of experience.
"Where have you worked as a glazier?" my son asked.
The man replied, "Dunkin' Donuts."
-<>-
The local high school has a policy that the parents must call
the school if a student is to be absent for the day. Alice
deciding to skip school and go to the mall with her friends.
So she waited until her parents had left for work and called
the school herself.
"Hi, I'm calling to report that Alice is unable to make it
to school today because she is ill."
Secretary at high school answered, "I'm sorry to hear that.
I'll note her absence. Who is this calling please?"
"This is my mother."
-<>-
A sad Bassett Hound was relating his troubles to his friend.
"I'm really depressed all the time and I think negative
thoughts. I'm always bored, I feel listless and I am always
tired."
"Why not go see a psychiatrist?" suggested the friend.
"Well, I would," said the Bassett Hound, "except that I'm
not allowed on the couch.
============================================================
>-->From BizarreNews: Bizarre Sporting Failures
Wallace Williams ran in the 1979 Pan-American Games
marathon, but was so slow that by the time he reached
the stadium it was locked and everyone had left.
To fight the heat in the 1950 Tour de France, Abd-El Kader
Zaag drank a bottle of wine and promptly fell off his bike.
After sleeping it off by the side of the road, he got back
on and rode off - in the wrong direction.
Russian athlete Ivanon Vyacheslav was so excited to win
a medal at the 1956 Melbourne Olympics that he threw the
medal high into the air in jubilation. Unfortunately it
landed in Lake Wendouree where, despite a frantic search,
it remains to this day.
Preparing for a bout at the 1992 New York Golden Gloves
Championships, boxer Daniel Caruso psyched himself up by
pounding his gloves into his face. In doing so, he broke
his nose and was declared unfit to box.
After beating 1,000 rivals in a 500-mile race, Percy the
racing pigeon flopped down exhausted in his Sheffield loft
and was promptly eaten by a cat.
=========================================================
>-->From JokeCentral:
_______/_____
D'-. | / )
'(o)'-.....'(O)' ind
The other day I was in the local auto part store. A lady comes in and
asks for a seven ten cap. We all look at each other and ask, "What's a
seven ten cap?"
She says, "You know, it's right on the engine. Mine got lost somehow and
I need a new one."
"What kind of a car is it?" they ask. Now I'm thinking maybe an old
Datsun Seven Ten, but no, she says that it's a Buick.
"Okay, Lady, how big is it?"
She makes a circle with her hands about 3 1/2 inches in diameter. "What
does it do?" we ask.
She says, "I don't know, but it's always been there." One of us gives
her a note pad and asks her if she can draw a picture of it. So she
makes a circle about 3 1/2 inches in diameter and in the center she
writes 710. The guys behind the counter are looking at it upside down
as she writes it...and they just fall down behind the counter laughing
so hard in hysterics. One guy says, "I think you want an oil cap."
She says, "Seven Ten cap, oil cap, I don't care what you call it. I just
need one, and I don't see what is so darn funny about it."
Yes, she was a blonde.
If you read "710" upside down, it spells OIL!
-<>-
Dealing with Traffic
A farmer lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time
went by, the traffic slowly built up at an alarming rate.
The traffic was so heavy and so fast that his chickens
were being run over at a rate of three to six a day. So
one day he called the sheriff's office and said, You've
got to do something about all of these people driving so
fast and killing all of my chickens." "What do you want
me to do?" asked the sheriff.
"I don't care, just do something about those drivers."
So the next day he had the county go out and put up a sign t
hat said: SLOW: SCHOOL CROSSING.
. ..
__..---/______//-----. (( )
.".--.```| - /.--. =: ( VROOM! ))
(.: {} :__L______: {} :__; __--( __- -_= )
*--* *--* jnh
Three days later the farmer called the sheriff and said,
"You've got to do something about these drivers. The 'school
crossing' sign seems to make them go faster." So, again, the
sheriff sends out the county and they put up a new sign:
SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY.
And that really sped them up. So the farmer called and
called and called everyday for three weeks. Finally, he
asked the sheriff, "Your signs are doing no good. Is it
all right for me to put up my own sign?"
The sheriff told him, "Sure thing, put up your own sign."
He was going to let the farmer do just about anything in
order to have him stop calling. Well, the sheriff got no
more calls from the farmer.
Three weeks after the farmers last call, the sheriff
decided to call him. "How's the problem with those drivers.
Did you put up your sign?"
"Oh, I sure did. And not one chicken has been killed since
then. I've got to go. I'm very busy." And he hung up the
phone. The sheriff thought to himself, "I'd better go to
that farmer's house and look at that sign... There might
be something there that WE could use to slow down drivers..."
So the sheriff drove out to the farmer's house, and he saw
the sign. It was a whole sheet of plywood. And written in
large yellow letters were the words:
SLOW: NUDIST COLONY.
-<>-
Scientific Thoughts by Kids
There is a tremendous weight pushing down on the center of
the Earth because of so much population stomping around up
there these days.
We say the cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation.
Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget
to put the top on.
To most people solutions mean finding the answers. But to
chemists solutions are things that are still all mixed up.
Rain is often known as soft water, oppositely known as hail.
Thunder is a rich source of loudness.
Isotherms and isobars are even more important than their names
sound.
-<>-
BTW, I know that Mother's Day is a difficult day for many and if this is
true of you this year, may the peace of Jesus Christ rest in your heart
and comfort you where you are hurting be it because of loss, conflict,
neglect, or unfulfilled hopes and dreams - regardless of if it's your
fault or not.
Being a mother is not an easy job, as today's CleanLaugh illustrates
My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd
dropped his toothbrush in the toilet.
So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage.
Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and
came out with my toothbrush.
He held it up and said with a charming little smile,
"We better throw this one out too then,
'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago."
-<>-
Enriching thoughts
The most destructive habit ................... Worry
The greatest joy .................................. Giving
The greatest loss ................................ Loss of
self-respect
The most satisfying work ..................... Helping others
The ugliest personality trait................... Selfishness
The most endangered species .............. Dedicated leaders
Our greatest natural resource................ Our youth
The greatest "shot in the arm"............... Encouragement
The greatest problem to overcome......... Fear
The most effective sleeping pill.............. Peace of mind
The most crippling failure disease.......... Excuses
The most powerful force in life .............. Love
The most dangerous pariah .................. A gossiper
The worlds most incredible computer..... The brain
The worst thing to be without ................ Hope
The deadliest weapon .......................... The tongue
The two most power-filled words ........... "I Can"
The greatest asset .............................. Faith
The most worthless emotion ................ Self-pity
The most beautiful attire ...................... A SMILE
The most prized possession ................ Self esteem
The most powerful channel of communication .... Prayer
The most contagious spirit .................. Enthusiasm
"To the world, you may be one person; but to one
person, you may be the world."
-<>-
>Test...
If you are honest this tells the truth-it's pretty good.
Write your answers on a piece of paper. No cheating!!
The answers are at the bottom of this page.
1. Write the name of a person of the opposite sex.
2. Which is your favorite color out of red, black, blue, green, yellow?
3. Your first initial.
4. Your month of birth.
5. Which color do you like more, black or white?
6. Name of a person of the same sex as yours.
7. Your favorite number.
8. Do you like California or Florida more?
9. Do you like a lake or the ocean more?
10. Write down a wish (a realistic one).
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
When you're done, scroll down. (Don't cheat)
Answers
1. You are completely in love with this person.
2. If you choose:
Red - You are alert and you life is full of love.
Black - you are conservative and aggressive.
Green - your soul is relaxed and you are laid back.
Blue - you are spontaneous and love kisses and affection
from the ones you love.
Yellow- you are a very happy person and give good advice
to those who are down.
3. If your initial is:
A-K You have a lot of love and friendships in your life
L-R You try to enjoy your life to the maximum and your love
life is soon to blossom.
S-Z You like to help others and your future love life looks
very good.
4. If you were born in:
Jan-Mar: The year will go very well for you and you will
discover that you fall in love with someone totally unexpected.
April-June: You will have a strong love relationship that will
not last long but the memories will last forever.
July-Sep: You will have a great year and will experience a major
life-changing experience for the good.
Oct-Dec: Your love life will not be to great, but eventually you will
find your soul mate.
5. If you chose.....
Black: Your life will take on a different direction, it will seem
hard at the time but will be the best thing for you, and you will
be glad for the change.
White: You will have a friend that completely confides in you and
would do anything for you, but you may not realize this.
6. This person is your best friend.
7. This is how many close friends you have in your lifetime.
8. If you chose:
California: You like adventure.
Florida: You are a laid back person.
9. If you chose:
Lake: You are loyal to your friends and your lover and are very reserved.
Ocean: You are spontaneous and like to please people.
10. This wish will come true only if you send this to 10 people
in one hour.
-<>-
>Are you kidding?
Reaching the end of a job interview, a Human Resources
Person asked a young engineer who was fresh out of MIT,
"What starting salary were you thinking about?"
The Engineer said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a
year, depending on the benefits package."
The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a
package of 5 weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full
medical and dental, company matching retirement fund
to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2
years - say, a red Corvette?"
The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you
kidding?"
The interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it.”
-<>-
__ __ __ __
bw 8 /__////__////__////__////
7 ////__////__////__////__/
6 /__////__////__////__////
5 ////__////__////__////__/
4 /__////__////__////__////
3 ////__////__////__////__/
2 /__////__////__////__////
1 ////__////__////__////__/
a b c d e f g h
A good chess player
A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find
him playing chess with his dog. He watched the game
in astonishment for a while. "I can hardly believe
my eyes!" he exclaimed. "That's the smartest dog I've
ever seen."
"Nah, he's not so smart," the friend replied. "I've
beaten him three games out of five."
-<>-
The Menopause
I've seen two shows lately that went on and on about how mid-life is a
great time for women. Just last week Oprah had a whole show on how great
menopause will be....
Puhleeeeeeeze!
I've had a few thoughts of my own and would like to share them with you.
Whether you are pushing 40, 50, 60 (or maybe even just pushing your
luck) you'll probably relate. Mid-life is when the growth of hair on
our legs slows down.
This gives us plenty of time to care for our newly acquired mustache.
In mid-life women no longer have upper arms, we have wingspans. We are
no longer women in sleeveless shirts, we are flying squirrels in drag.
Mid-life is when you can stand naked in front of a mirror and you can
see your rear without turning around.
Mid-life is when you go for a mammogram and you realize that this is the
only time someone will ask you to appear topless.
Mid-life is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube top
and scream, "Listen honey, even the Roman empire fell and those will
too."
Mid-life brings wisdom to know that life throws us curves and we're
sitting on our biggest ones.
Mid-life is when you look at your-know-it-all, beeper-wearing teenager
and think: "For this I have stretch marks?"
In mid-life your memory starts to go. In fact the only thing we can
retain is water.
Mid-life means that your Body By Jake now includes Legs By Rand McNally
-- more red and blue lines than an accurateely scaled map of Wisconsin.
Mid-life means that you become more reflective... You start pondering
the "big" questions. What is life? Why am I here? How much Healthy
Choice ice cream can I eat before it's no longer a healthy choice?
But mid-life also brings with it an appreciation for what is important.
We realize that breasts sag, hips expand and chins double, but our
loved ones make the journey worthwhile. Would any of you trade the
knowledge that you have now for the body you had way back when? Maybe
our bodies simply have to expand to hold all the wisdom and love we've
acquired.
That's my philosophy and I'm sticking to it!
REMEMBER: "Stressed" spelled backward is "desserts."
-<>-
The Paper Shredder. A timeless fixture of the workplace.
The potential to render sensitive documents forever unreadable
in the blink of an eye.
And yet, within that shredder, a greater potential exists.
A potential which can now be unleashed with the help of
Despair Inc., and our radical new paper-shredder conversion
decals!
Now, the obstinate executive can transform his paper shredder
into an "Employee Suggestion Box". The apathetic customer
service drone can enjoy feeding faxes and printed emails into
the "Customer Suggestion Box".
And, for a limited time, employees in corporations across the
globe can have an inhouse "Enron Document Storage" system-
the perfect place for the long-term storage of critical
documentation of your nefarious schemes and dealings!
(Volume discounts available for employees of Arthur Andersen.)
ALL SHREDDER CONVERTERS™ DECALS ARE PRINTED ON CLEAR FILM.
AVAILABLE IN BLACK INK ON CLEAR AND WHITE INK ON CLEAR.
EACH SET BELOW INCLUDES TWO LABELS- ONE 2"x6" AND ONE 3"x9".
$3.95 per set.
1) "Customer Suggestion Box".
2) "Employee Suggestion Box".
3) "Enron Document Storage" (limited availability).
-<>-
____
.-'& '-.
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( (_ )
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/`"""`\
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/|/\/\/\ _\
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>Things That Feel Good
Take a few minutes and read these. Think about them one at a time BEFORE going
on to the next one. IT DOES MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD especially the thought at the
end.
a.. Falling in love.
b.. Laughing so hard your face hurts.
c.. A hot shower.
d.. No lines at the Super Wal-Mart.
e.. A special glance.
f.. Getting mail.
g.. Taking a drive on a pretty road.
h.. Hearing your favorite song on the radio.
i.. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.
j.. Hot towels out of the dryer.
k.. Finding the sweater you want is on sale for half price.
l.. Chocolate milkshake.
m.. A long distance phone call.
n.. A bubble bath.
o.. Giggling.
p.. A good conversation.
q.. The beach.
r.. Finding a $20 bill in your coat from last winter.
s.. Laughing at yourself.
t.. Midnight phone calls that last for hours.
u.. Running through sprinklers.
v.. Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.
w.. Having someone tell you that you're beautiful.
x.. Laughing at an inside joke.
y.. Friends.
z.. Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you.
aa.. Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep.
ab.. Makin new friends or spending time with old ones.
ac.. Playing with a new puppy.
ad.. Having someone play with your hair.
ae.. Sweet dreams.
af.. Hot chocolate.
ag.. Road trips with friends.
ah.. Swinging on swings.
ai.. Song lyrics printed inside your new CD so you can sing along
without feeling stupid.
aj.. Going to a really good concert.
ak.. Winning a really competitive game.
al.. Making chocolate chip cookies.
am.. Having your friends send you homemade cookies.
an.. Spending time with close friends.
ao.. Seeing smiles and hearing laughter from your friends.
ap.. Holding hands with someone you care about.
aq.. Running into an old friend and realizing that some things never
change.
ar.. Riding the best roller coasters over and over.
as.. Watching the expression on someone's face as they open a much
desired present from you.
at.. Watching the sunrise.
au.. Getting out of bed every morning and thanking God for another
beautiful day.
-<>-
This is the BEST news I have heard today! How to effectively stop
those annoying telemarkers calling at dinner OR in the Office! Patti
Some degree of commerce would grind to a halt if telephone solicitors
weren't able to call people at home during the dinner hour OR Offices
during bussiness hours too! But that doesn't make it any more pleasant.
Now Steve Rubenstein, a writer for the San Francisco Chronicle, has
proposed "Three Little Words" based on his brief experience in a
telemarketing operation-that would stop the nuisance for all time. The
three little words are "Hold on, please."
Saying this while putting down your phone and walking off instead of
hanging up immediately-would make each telemarketing call so
time-consuming that boiler rooms would grind to a halt.
When you eventually hear the phone company's beep-beep-beep tone, you
know it's time to go back and hang up your handset, which has
efficiently completed its task. This might be one of those articles
you'll want to e-mail to your friends. Three little words that
eliminate telephone soliciting:
__i
|---|
|[_]|
|:::|
|:::|
`\ \
\_=_\ jsm
HOLD ON, PLEASE
================================================================
>-->Fun Places To Net Visit :)
Heroes Truck
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/herotruck.html
Lean On Me
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/poems/leanonme.html
Junkyard Art
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/junkart.html
Trash Shadow Art
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/shadowart.html
Tigerfish
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tigerfish.html
Giant Catfish
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/giantcfish.html
-<>-
>From Our WebSurfing Friend Wesley :)
Google Checkout
https://checkout.google.com/buyer/tour.html
Vintage Postcards
http://www.cardcow.com/
Create your own website for FREE!
http://www.webs.com/
Download SketchBook Pro for Free
http://www.crowdspring.com/LG
Free Piano Lessons On - line
http://www.zebrakeys.com/
50GB of Free Online Storage
http://www.adrive.com/plans
CD & DVD Cover Maker
http://www.readwritethink.org/materials/cd-dvd/
Free Sound Effects
http://www.soundjay.com/
Sharing Text On - Line
http://www.heypasteit.com/
Latest Coupon Codes
http://www.webbyplanet.com/
2 Free Fax A Day - No Cover!
http://www.gotfreefax.com/
Movie Reviews
http://www.flixsation.com/
Break - Time at the Movies
http://www.runpee.com/
Free Classifieds
http://www.olx.com/
Share Your Trips
http://www.everytrail.com/
---
...Wowsers! You Maka Me Dizzy! All That Surfing!
Thank You Wesley!!
-<>-
>From LynnLynn's Links:
Melva/Peaceful Memories
http://silverandgoldandthee.net/Ann/A_P.html
Melva/Forgotten Heros
http://www.silverandgoldandthee.com/Holiday2/Heros.html
Melva/Freedom Is Not Free
http://silverandgoldandthee.net/HDy/Fr.html
Rick w/ In Memory (Memorial Day)
http://www.wtv-zone.com/Cruise_2000/ram/MemorialDay.html
Memorial Day Message 2009
http://www.usba.com/memorialday/
In Loving Memory Via Juanita
http://exclusives.250free.com/html/memorialday.html
Memorial Day Link--Sound ON Via Bob Jones
http://www.saintsandheroes.com/oneday1/
Remember Them
http://www.mamarocks.com/remember_them.htm
Get out of my bed cat
http://www.buffaloschips.com/0106.htm
GGG music video
http://www.buffaloschips.com/0107.htm
Girls scout cookie money
http://www.buffaloschips.com/0108.htm
Girl Vs desert Eagle
http://www.buffaloschips.com/gjuki.htm
Global Warming and the Classroom
http://www.buffaloschips.com/gjiuk.htm
Artificial Respiration
http://www.buffaloschips.com/gjnfklgdfjlgfd.htm
as you can see
http://www.buffaloschips.com/jdfgjkdfgjfdg.htm
bad cook
http://www.buffaloschips.com/mgbkcghbfh.htm
Bail out plan
http://www.buffaloschips.com/gmhjfgkhgf.htm
bedrock doc
http://www.buffaloschips.com/jgdfkgjdflg.htm
behind on mortgage
http://www.buffaloschips.com/ckgjkflghjfgh.htm
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
========================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"Scientists have determined that the monkey fossil is
47 million years old. It was verified today by Larry
King who was married to the monkey."
- Craig Ferguson
"President Obama has appointed Utah's Republican Gov. Jon
Huntsman as ambassador to China. Part of Obama's plan to
get every Republican out of the country by 2010."
- Jimmy Fallon
"The government is now bailing out insurance companies.
Billions are going to insurance companies to keep them
from collapsing. Too bad they didn't have insurance."
- Jay Leno
"In Texas, pranksters threw a snake into the drive through
window at a Taco Bell. Fortunately, the snake was immediately
killed by all the rats in the kitchen." -Conan O'Brien
"My parents told me, 'Finish your dinner. People in China
and India are starving.' I tell my daughters, 'Finish your
homework. People in India and China are starving for your
job.'" -Thomas Friedman
"Historians just found a document that showed a list of
liquor George Washington wanted for his New York head-
quarters, including a keg of brandy, a box of claret, a
box of fortified wine, a basket of cordials and two kinds
of cheese. So not only was George Washington the father of
our country, he also invented the mini-bar." -Jimmy Kimmel
You can't walk with God while you are running with the devil.
---> Visit my CyberHome - ALWAYS OPEN HOUSEE :) Shangy!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/index.html
Shangrala
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->This is for all you who love food and DAARE to make it at home Yep.
You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy,
good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
Share
A Recipe
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