Happy Memorial Day... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* Please Consider Giving To ShangralaFamilyFun.com The cost of the website has gone up dramatically due to the ever increasingly wonderful pages and photos being added each week to entertain you and our fellow Christian families. If every one would chip in $25 or more, we'd be good for the whole year! So Please - I need your help today! "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ *~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a Shangrala Angel, the easiest way to do that is through online giving. It is easy to use, and most of all, it is secure. Please visit the site, scroll down and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL form page comes up. NOTE: Paypal will generate a 'Quantity 1' and 'Price per item' form. Just ignore the price per item and put whatever it is you desire to give in there. With Paypal, you will have your normal receipt for your 'payment' donation in USD (United States Dollars). You can put a memo in there if you'd like. EVERY LITTLE BIT WILL HELP! Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS YOU ABUNDANTLY FOR YOUR GIFT! ================ *~* Happy Safe And Blessed Memorial Day! :) Memorial Day 2020 Live Streams & Ceremonies from VA National Cemeteries https://tinyurl.com/ybn39e8s -<>- >From USO: Before we move on to the news of the USO, we want to extend our deepest sympathies to anyone who has lost a friend or loved one serving in our military. Our hearts and thoughts are with you this Memorial Day weekend. On this somber day of remembrance, we also want to acknowledge the loss of so many precious lives to COVID-19. Our military and USO families grieve with you. _|_ | .-'''''-. .-' '-. .-' :::::_::::: '-. ___/ ==:...:::-:::...:== \___ /_____________________________\ ':'-._________________________.-'_ ':::\ @-,`-[-][-^-][-]-`,-@ / _| |_ '::| .-------------------. ||_ @ _| ::|=|* ___ _ ___ *|=|'.| | ':| |' ))_) )) ))_) '| |::.^| _:|=|' ((`\ (( (( '|=|::::::. _| || |' _ '| |:::::::. |_ |=|'1634 _( )_ 1789'|=|':::::. | || |' ( (_ ~ _) ) '| | ':::' |^||=|* ) (_) ( *|=| '::' | '-------------------' .::::' |_____________________.::::::' .'___________________.::::::'' |_______________.::::'':::''' .'_____________.::::::''::::'' .:::'''' LGB .'::::' .:::::''':. .:::::' Many of the stories in this month’s newsletter have something in common: when the mission matters, and we lead with our hearts, we can find a way. Whether it’s your own next-door neighbor deploying to protect your town, or volunteers or professionals finding purpose in helping others, we hope these stories will make you feel good about the dedication and determination of our troops and the patriots who love and support them. USO FRONT LINES https://www.uso.org/ Why the National Guard is One of Our Country’s Best Weapons Against COVID-19 Nimble and ready, our National Guard has been deployed across all 50 states, D.C., and three U.S. territories. Here’s a look at the critical jobs they’ve been handling — and at how the USO is supporting them. https://tinyurl.com/y72a2lly -<>- _ (_) <___> | |______ | |* * * ) | | * * (_________ | |* * * |* *|####) | | * * *| * | (________________ | |* * * |* *|####|##############| | | * * *| * | | | | |* * * |* *|####|##############| | |~~~~~~| * | | | | |######|* *|####|##############| | | |~~~' | | | |######|########|##############| | | | | | | |######|########|##############| | |~~~~~~| | | | | |########|##############| | | '~~~~~~~~| | | | |##########JGS#| | | '~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ | | | | | | >From VA News: Memorial Day Ceremonies Online, Leave a Tribute to Your Loved One, 20 VA Facilities to Expand Select Services https://content.govdelivery.com/accounts/USVA/bulletins/28ca921 -<>- ======;===========;() #######:::::: #######:::::: #######:::::: jgs #######:::::: ############# ############# ############# ############# ############# ############# >From GCF: Memorial Day 2020 (Serious, Not Humor) In the United States, Memorial Day is celebrated on the last Monday in May and honors those men and women who lost their lives serving their country. What we celebrate as Memorial Day today, began at the end of the Civil War. Family members of the many soldiers slain in battle would visit the grave sites of their fallen relatives or friends and decorate the graves with flowers. On May 5, 1868, General John Logan proclaimed this day a holiday through his General Order No. 11. The day was entitled Decoration Day and was first observed on May 30, 1868. The northern states celebrated this day every year, but the southern states celebrated a day similar to this on a different day until sometime after World War I. In 1882, the name Decoration day was changed to Memorial Day, and in 1971, Memorial Day was declared a national holiday to be held on the last Monday of May every year. Over the years it has come to serve as a day to remember all U.S. men and women killed or missing in action in all wars. I am truly grateful for the freedoms which we enjoy today. Too often, we take these gifts for granted, little realizing the sacrifice which was involved in ensuring that these freedoms continue to be a part of all our lives. Be honest, how many of us think of Memorial Day as just another chance for a three-day weekend? A chance to go the lakes or beaches or mountains? A trip to Disneyland or Six Flags or some other amusement/theme park? I know there are probably some people on the GCF mailing list who might not agree with my views in these special emails, but as a former Hospital Corpsman (US Navy), I want to give my humble thanks to those who gave their lives so that we have the right to disagree with each other. Any day is a good day to remember the ultimate sacrifice that was made on our behalf. If you are here in the United States, please remember to display the flag, not just for the day but for the whole weekend. Let's not forget the real reason for having this holiday. The quotes below say it all. Please take the time to read them. Take care everyone. Tom (HM2, USN 65-69) "It is, in a way, an odd thing to honor those who died in defense of our country in wars far away. The imagination plays a trick. We see these soldiers in our mind as old and wise. We see them as something like the Founding Fathers, grave and gray-haired. But most of them were boys when they died, they gave up two lives -- the one they were living and the one they would have lived. When they died, they gave up their chance to be husbands and fathers and grandfathers. They gave up their chance to be revered old men. They gave up everything for their country, for us. All we can do is remember." -- Ronald Wilson Reagan Remarks at Veteran's Day ceremony, Arlington National Cemetery Arlington, Virginia, November 11, 1985 "Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. We didn't pass it to our children in the bloodstream. It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same, or one day we will spend our sunset years telling our children and our children's children what it was once like in the United States where men were free." -- Ronald Wilson Reagan Address to the annual meeting of the Phoenix Chamber of Commerce March 30, 1961 --------- Let's all pause and take a minute to REMEMBER ... and REMEMBER is probably all we can do during this time of COVID-19 pandemic. Visiting cemeteries, etc is not likely to happen right now, with social distancing and all the other things that have become part of our daily lives. After having taken a minute to REMEMBER Let's take one more minute to say THANK YOU for all that was given, all that was lost and all that was gained for us to live in Peace in the Greatest Country on God's Green Earth. -------- ======;===========;() #######:::::: #######:::::: #######:::::: jgs #######:::::: ############# ############# ############# ############# ############# ############# A final thought and addition to the words above..... Over the years the meaning of Memorial Day has faded too much from the public consciousness. From a solemn day of mourning, remembrance, and honor to the men and women who died in providing the freedoms we enjoy, it has been reduced to a weekend of BBQ's, shopping bargains and beaches where only token nods toward our honored dead are given, if at all. Too many don't even know what the day stands for. So, let's not forget those who made the ultimate sacrifice. They are remembered in all our prayers. Also, let's not forget a prayer for the safety of all service men and women, whether they serve at home or overseas. Finally, a heartfelt Semper Fi from this former Hospital Corpsman is sent to all the Marines I knew. -Tom -<>- _ (_) |_________________________________________ |* * * * * |##########################| | * * * * *| | |* * * * * |##########################| | * * * * *| | |* * * * * |##########################| | * * * * *| | |* * * * * |##########################| |~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ | |#########################################| | | |#########################################| | | |###################################JGS###| |~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ | | | | | | | >From AAN: America’s Greatest War Heroes You’ve Never Heard Of Here are four heroes that gave what President Abraham Lincoln called the “last full measure of devotion.” https://tinyurl.com/ybesbsem -<>- .:::. ':::' .: .:*~*:._.:*~*:.*.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:. .:*~*:.*.:*~*:._.:*~*:.*.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:. .:*~*:._.:*~*:.*.:*~*:._.: :. .:*~*:.*.:*~*:._.:*~*:.*.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:. .:*~*:._.:*~*:.*.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:. .:*~*:.*.:*~*:._.:*~*:.*.: :. .:*~*:._.:*~*:.*.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:. .:*~*:.*.:*~*:._.:*~*:.*.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:. .:*~*:._.:*~*:.*.:*~*:._.: :. .:*~*:.*.:*~*:._.:*~*:.*.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:. .:*~*:._.:*~*:.*.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:. .: :. .:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:. .:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:. .: :. .:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:. .:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:. .: :. .:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:. .:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:. .: jgs .: .: .: >From 123Greetings: Memorial Day is the time to remember and honor those who risked their lives to protect us and the country. It gives us an opportunity to pay tribute to the bravehearts who laid down their lives for our nation and salute their valor and courage for bringing home the gift of liberty. Remember those brave hearts with our Memorial Day ecards filled with pride, warmth and togetherness. Reach out to your friends, family and loved ones with our Memorial Day wishes filled with pride, warmth and togetherness. https://tinyurl.com/y8lmudq8 -<>- >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This super scorcher new page is from our friends Geniann and Linda. It's one to tickle your funny bone and give you plenty of smiles - especially for you Calamity Jane lovers. Be sure to check it out here... ___/~~=-,_ |~~ | ~~=--,,_ _,,-=~) | | /_ ~~=--/_ / \ | |__~~=--,_ / \ | / ~~=-,_ ~~=-,__,,-=~ \ | / ~=-,__,-=~ \ | / \|_/ ( / ) _)/_\(_ Angela / _ \ Roberston / _ /'_ \ / (*\ /*) \ / =""=,=""= \ < ::|:: > "=--\_^_,--=" | | Got A Nanosecond 9? http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/nano9.html --- ...TeeHee! Love this series! Thanks Ladies! ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: ,==. \\// .-~~-. ,",-""-.". | | | | | | .-"| |. ". `,",-" ,'.". `| |_,-' | | | | | | hjw ". `-._,-' ." `-.___,-' A woman went to a lawyer to discuss divorcing her husband. "Don't you love him anymore?" asked the lawyer. "Oh, I still love him," she replied, "but all he ever wants is to make love, I can't take it anymore." "Instead of divorcing him, why don't you try charging him every time he wants to make love?" the lawyer suggested. The exhausted wife decided to give the plan a try. As soon as she walked into the house that night her husband put the move on her. "Not so fast," she replied. "From now on it'll be $10 in the kitchen, $20 in the living room and $50 in the bedroom." "Well, then," he said. "Here's $50." The wife began walking to the bedroom. "Hold on," he said, grabbing her hand. "That'll be five times in the kitchen!" -<>- A man was walking down the street with a baby ape in his arms when a friend stopped him and asked what he was doing with the chimp. "I just bought this ape as a pet. We have no children; so he's going to live with us - just like one of the family. He'll eat at the same table with us. He'll even sleep in the same bed with me and my wife." "But what about the smell?" the friend asked. "Oh, he'll just have to get used to it, the same way I did." ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ May 25 is Memorial Day, National Missing Children's Day, National Brown Bag It Day, National Towel Day - in the UK, National Wine Day and Tap Dance Day May 26 is Sally Ride Day May 27 is Sun Screen Day May 28 is Amnesty International Day and National Hamburger Day May 29 is Learn About Composting Day May 30 is Mint Julep Day and Water a Flower Day May 31 is National Macaroon Day, Save Your Hearing Day and World No Tobacco Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: ###### ########## ###### _\_ ##===----[.].] #( , _\ # )\__| \ / `-._``-' >@ | | | | | | | dp/VK | | | >Up A two-letter word has a hundred completely different meanings. So what is this stuff about English being easy? There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meaning than any other two-letter word, and that is "UP." It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we waken in the morning, why do we wake UP? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report? We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car. At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special. And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night. We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP! To be knowledgeable of the proper uses of UP, look UP the word in the dictionary. In a desk size dictionary, the word up, takes UP almost one-fourth the page and definitions add UP to about thirty. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more. When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP. When it rains, it wets UP the earth. When it doesn't rain for a while, things dry UP. One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now my time is UP, so I'll shut UP! -<>- >Haircut Becky, our seven-year-old daughter, had grown her thick blond hair all the way to her waist. I had been coaxing her to have it trimmed so it would be easier to care for. While trimming her older sister's hair one day, I renewed my cajoling, "Come on, Becky, doesn't your sister's hair look nice? How would you like your hair cut?" She glanced at the job I was doing on her sister, looked me straight in the eye and replied, "By a professional." -<>- >Rhyming Our three-year-old daughter was making up a poem when she asked us what rhymed with "stop." My husband said, "Think of something that's cool and refreshing but that Mom and I don't let you drink." Our daughter knew the answer: "Alcohol!" -<>- >Hotel A businessman had a tiring day on the road. He checked into a hotel and, because he was concerned that the dining room might close soon, left his luggage at the front desk and went immediately to eat. After a leisurely dinner, he reclaimed his luggage and realized that he had forgotten his room number. He went back to the desk and told the clerk on duty, "My name is Henry Davis, can you please tell me what room I am in?" "Certainly," said the clerk. "You're in the lobby." -<>- >Garden Walkway My plan was to build a garden walkway, made up of dozens of wooden squares. I decided I'd slice railroad ties into two-inch-thick pieces for the sections. That's what I told the clerk at the lumberyard. "You got a power saw?" he asked. "No," I said. "Can't I just use my hand saw?" He nodded slowly. "You could. But I just have one question. How old do you want to be when you finish?" ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :) __.------. (__ ___ ) .)e )\ / /_.------ _/_ _/ __.' / ' `-.__ / <.--' `\ / \ \c | / / ) GoT x \ | /\ |c / \.- \ \__/ ) /( ( \ <>'\ / _/ _\- `-. \/_|_ /<> / /--/,-\ _ \ <>.`. \/`--\_._) - / `-/\ `.\ / `. / ) `\ \ \ \___/----' | / `( ___________ \ ./\_ _ \ ______________ / | ) '| __________________ | / \ \ ___________a:f / | |____.) / \ a88a\___/88888a. \_ :)8888888888888888888a. /` `-----' `Y88888888888888888 \____| `88888888888P' >SMILES An Hispanic in Phoenix has his car stolen. He doesn't report it for 7 days. When he finally goes to the police station to report, the officer in charge says that since the loss occurred over 7 days ago the vehicle is probably over the border and stripped for parts. The Hispanic was heard to mutter as he left the station . . . "Darn Canadians". ---------- A businessman boarded a plane to find, sitting next to him, an elegant woman wearing the largest, most stunning diamond ring he had ever seen. He asked her about it. "This is the Masterson diamond," she said. "It is beautiful, but there is a terrible curse that goes with it." "What's the curse?" the man asked. "Mr. Masterson." ---------- As a passenger ship passed a small island, a bearded man could be seen shouting and furiously waving his arms. "Who is that?" a passenger asked the captain. "I have no idea," the captain replied, "But every year when we pass he goes nuts." ---------- You know when people see a cat's litter box, they always say, "Oh, have you got a cat?" Just once I wanted to say, "No, it's for company!" ---------- A DEA officer stopped at our farm yesterday and said, "I need to inspect your farm for illegal growing drugs." I said, "Okay, but don't go in that field over there." The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the federal government with me!" Reaching into his rear pants pocket, the arrogant officer removed his badge and shoved it in my face. "See this badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish - on ANY land! No questions asked or answers given! Have I made myself clear?" I nodded politely, apologized, and went about my chores. A short time later, I heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by my big old mean bull in the field. With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer. The officer was clearly terrified." I threw down my tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of my lungs, "Your badge, show him your BADGE!!" ---------- Joe: Why don't you play golf with Bob any more? Mike: Would you play with someone who curses after each shot, cheats in the bunkers and enters false scores on his card? Joe: No! Mike: Neither will Bob. ------- A very thirsty man goes into a bar. As he's sitting down, he hears the man next to him tell the bartender, "I'll have another waterloo." The bartender gives the fellow a tall, well-iced drink, then asks the newcomer what he would like to drink. Thinking the other man's drink may be a specialty of the house, he says, "I'll have a waterloo, too." The bartender gives him the tall, well-iced drink, and the customer takes a big drink. "Hey," he says, "this isn't any good. It tastes just like water!" The man next to him looks at the bartender and says, "Well, it is water! Right, Lou?" ---------- Cop: You know how fast you were going? Guy: Sorry officer, I was just trying to catch up with traffic. Cop: What traffic? The road is empty. Guy: Yea, that's how far behind I am. ---------- A man was on his way home with a new car, which was absorbing all his attention, when it struck him that he had forgotten something. Twice he stopped, counted his parcels, searched his pockets, but finally decided he had everything with him. Yet the feeling persisted. When he reached home his daughter ran out, stopped short, and cried, "Daddy, where's Mommy?" ---------- This redhead, brunette, and blonde were talking about space travel. They started talking about which planet they'd go to if they could travel in space. The redhead said, "I'd go to Mars, because it is red, like my hair." Then the brunette, not to be outdone, said, "Well I'd go to Saturn, because it's got all those groovy rings." Finally, the blonde spoke up. She said, "I'd go to the Sun." The redhead and the brunette laughed. The redhead said, "Number one, the sun is not a planet." "And number two," the brunette finished, "you'd burn up." The blonde said, "Well duh! I'd go at night!!!" ---------- Jill's car was unreliable and she kept telling her husband John about it, but when he would drive it, it would always seem fine. So he dismissed it thinking that she was exaggerating. Then he got a call: John: "Hi honey." Jill: "My brakes went out. Can you come get me?" John: "What!? Where are you?" Jill: "I'm in the drugstore." John: "And where's the car?" Jill: "It's in here with me..." --- ...LOL! OH My! Good ones! Thanks LouiseAu! -<>- .-. [.-''-., | //`~\) (<| 0\0|>_ ";\ _"/ \\_ _, __\|'._/_ \ '='-, /\ \ || )_///_\>> ( '._ T |\ | _/),-' '. '._.-' /'/ | | '._ _.'`-.._/ snd ,\ / '-' |/ [_/\-----j _.--.__[_.--'_\__ / `--' '---._ / '---. -'. .' _.-- '. \_ '--.___ _;.-o / '.__ ___/______.__8----' >An Arab boy asks his father... A young Arab boy asks his father "What is that strange hat you are wearing?" The father said: "Why, my son, it is a 'chechia' In the desert it protects our heads from the intense heat of the sun." "And what is the long flowing robe you are wearing?" asked the boy. "Oh, my son," exclaimed the father "It is very simple. This is a 'djbellah.' As I have told you, in the desert it is not only very hot, but the sand is always blowing. My djbellah protects my entire body. The son then asked: "But Father, what about those ugly shoes you have on your feet?" "These are 'babouches' my son," the father replied. You must understand that although the desert sands are very beautiful, they are also extremely hot. These babouches' keep us from burning our feet." "So, tell me..." added the boy. "Yes, my son..." "Why are you living in Minnesota and still wearing all this crap? --- ...HaHaHa! My thoughts exactly! Thanks LouiseAu! Like a scuba diver wearing his gear on a city street, or a person dressed for the cold of Alaska with a parka coat, gloves and snow shoes on in the dead of summer in Texas or Nevada! ========================================================= >-->From HandyHints: _.(-)._ .' '. / \ |'-...___...-'| \ '=' / `'._____.'` / | \ /.--'|'--.\ []/'-.__|__.-'\[] | jgs [] Memorial Day means it's time to grill! Monday is Memorial Day, and while it is a time to be grateful to those who gave their lives to the service, what many Americans will be doing today is barbecuing, or grilling out, if you prefer. Technically, to barbecue means to slow-cook meat at a low temperature for a long time over wood or charcoal. What most people do in their back yards is more commonly referred to as grilling. So let's look at a few simple grilling tips to help us get the most out of this very American and very delicious activity. If you are using a tomato and/or sugar based BBQ sauce you should not be adding it until the end of the grilling process. These products tend to burn easily and are not considered an internal meat flavoring. When roasting or grilling with a BBQ pit closed, open a can of beer and place the beer over the hottest part of the fire. The beer will boil and super saturate the air inside the pit with water vapor, beer flavors and alcohol. This will help in keeping the roasting meats moist, while adding flavor to the meat. YUM! Whenever barbecuing, use tongs to turn the meat. A fork should never be used as it will punch holes in the meat and allow the natural juices to escape, causing the meat to lose flavor and become chewy. Flip never poke Invest in a meat thermometer. While you can pay as much as 20 to 100 dollars for fancy, wireless, digital thermometer, really all you need is the $5 model that you can buy at any grocery store. With a meat thermometer you won't have to guess about whether your chicken, steaks or pork chops are done and you'll never serve yourself or your guests under- done food! -<>- ___ /` _\ | / 0|--. - / \_|0`/ /.`'._/) - ~ -^_| /-_~ ^- ~_` - -~ _ - ~ -| | - ~ - ~ - jgs \ \, ~ - ~ \_| Memorial Day is this coming Monday and that's the unofficial beginning of summer! Summer means hot weather and plenty of outdoor activities. It also means our hair suffers a lot during the summer. Constant heat, sun damage and chlorine takes a toll on our hair and can leave it feeling limp and dull after the holidays. If you're planning on swimming a lot during the summer, it is advisable to use anti-chlorine shampoo and conditioner to help neutralize the chlorine from your hair. If possible, minimize the use of hairdryers, straighteners and other heating products. Towel dry your hair, apply a handful of mouse and revel in beachy summer waves. Olive oil is a healthy fat which contains essential fatty acids that help skin resist UV damage. These fatty acids are also part of the cell membranes that keep in all that moisture your body loses through heat and sweat during the summer. In order to protect your skin and keep it supple, consume about 1 tablespoon of olive oil daily or add it to a healthy salad or fish dish in order to get all those essential fatty acids. -<>- E _ \ o .|.:.|.:.|.:.|.:.|.:.|. \/() \cjr//\/'.'.'.'.'.'.\//\\//\/ \7] \__, \/\\//\\/'.'.'.'.'.'.'.'\//\\//\/<,] /==() .:.|.:.|.:.|.:.|.:.|.:.|.:.|.:.|.:.|. Vegetable gardening is easier than you think. Really, all you need is soil, water, sunlight and a little loving patience. And the vegetables themselves, of course. But before you make a run to your local nursery, take a look at these delicious veggies you can grow from scraps. That's right, you're throwing away a bonanza of fresh produce! Potatoes Take a potato with visible sprouts (i.e., eyes), slice it in half and submerge the potato, cut side down, in water. If placed in sunlight, it should sprout from its top in about four days. Once the new sprouts are about four inches long, twist them off and place them in shallow water. You can plant those sprouts once their roots measure one inch. Scallions Scallions, a.k.a. green onions, are super simple to grow. Start by snipping off the green part as well as an inch off the root. You should be left with the white base, which you can then place (not submerge) in water. Green onions will start to grow within days when placed in a sunny window. You can let them grow as is or plant in soil. Garlic The easiest way to regrow garlic is to plant a clove, root side down, in a container with potting soil. Do so in the fall about eight weeks before the first frost hits and you'll have bulbs the next summer. Once you see tall stalks, you can harvest your bulbs. Carrot Greens You can regrow the green tops (not the carrot) by placing a one-inch carrot top in a dish with one inch of water. Place the dish in a sunny spot and change out the water daily. In about four weeks there should be roots on the cut end and you can then transplant into a container or the ground. Peppers Dry a few seeds from your favorite variety of pepper in the sun for an hour. Plant them in late spring or early summer. Depending on the pepper, once planted it can take from 60 to 150 days to mature. Tomatoes Cut three or four 1/4-inch slices off your favorite tomato. Lay the slices, cut side down, in a circle shape in a pot. Cover with soil and water. You'll see sprouts from several dozen seedlings within a week or two. Transplant them in groups of four to another pot. -<>- \ / \ / \.-./ (o\^/o) _ _ _ __ ./ \.\ ( )-( )-( ) .-' '-. {-} \(// || \\/ ( )) '-. //-__||__.-\\. .-' (/ () \)'-._.-' || || \\ MJP (' (' ') >'Go Green' Hints: Warmer weather means 6-legged invaders! If you have ant or crawling bug problems try this: Try white vinegar and water. Ants really hate vinegar, and you can make a cheap, easy pesticide just using vinegar and water. Mix a 50/50 solution of vinegar and water in a spray bottle. Spray it directly onto the ants to kill them, then wipe up the ants using a damp paper towel and discard them. You can also use vinegar and water as a deterrent; spray it around your windowsills, doorways and other places where you see ants coming inside. Some people have found that using this vinegar solution to clean the floors, windows and countertops makes ants less likely to crawl over these surfaces. White vinegar makes an excellent household cleaner, and you can't smell it once it dries. -<>- Choose Local and Seasonal Produce It's no coincidence that BBQ season coincides with the time many locally grown fruits and vegetables are at their best. Local produce typically means fewer chemicals were used to grow and preserve foods, and since it doesn't have to travel long distances, less energy is consumed in transporting them. ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: CDC: Coronavirus https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/index.html UPDATE: President declares churches “essential” Several lawsuits have been filed in states imposing restrictions on churches and the Trump Justice Department has long said the orders violate the Constitution. https://tinyurl.com/ybh5vdtm 100K Come to Christ After This Ministry’s “Quarantine Revival” Digital Event Went Viral https://tinyurl.com/y83of77x New York sent more than 4,500 coronavirus patients into nursing homes after Cuomo order: AP https://tinyurl.com/yahtkc7y Challenging the groupthink on lockdowns The number-crunching website Statista.com offers a little insight into what the data tell us. Measuring COVID-19-related deaths per 100,000 residents, Statista shows as of Thursday that the states with the worst death rates are decidedly blue. That includes even those who have nominal GOP governors, like Maryland and Massachusetts, who issued stay-at-home orders. https://tinyurl.com/y7xw6x5e It’s Okay to Acknowledge Good COVID-19 News -National Review https://tinyurl.com/y9qhtdzg This week, JustTheNews.com reported that the president's campaign is starting a weekly talk show geared toward women called “The Right View.” “For too long, women on ABC’s ‘The View’ have believed they represent all women’s views. They project the fake news’ narrative to viewers across the country and are obsessed with their blatant hatred of President Trump,” said Mercedes Schlapp, the Trump campaign's senior communications adviser. https://tinyurl.com/yarkfd65 Fox News' Harris Faulkner responds to Biden's 'you ain't black' remarks https://tinyurl.com/y8w5j8j5 In Michigan Visit, Trump Calls for Americans to Get Back to Work, Expects 'Epic' Comeback - Detroit Free Press https://tinyurl.com/ya3bgkhj Public-Private Partnerships Will Lead Recovery -The Detroit News https://tinyurl.com/ya8ymcud Trump fires back at Michigan AG after she calls him 'petulant child' https://tinyurl.com/y9r6t76c Trump donating salary to HHS coronavirus efforts - President refuses paychecks https://tinyurl.com/yaw4psgd NASA is soaring to new heights with SpaceX | TheDC Shorts https://tinyurl.com/y72mwn64 FBI offered to pay Christopher Steele ‘significantly’ to dig up dirt on Michael Flynn https://tinyurl.com/yazhdoew Two new GOP congressmen sworn in after special election victories https://tinyurl.com/ybaz8539 Westwing News: https://www.whitehouse.gov/westwingreads/ WhiteHouseNews: https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/ Latest From AFA: http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw Students For Life https://tinyurl.com/yd5nxmu6 Latest From OperationRescue: http://www.operationrescue.org/ Latest Product Alert: http://www.emergencyemail.org/products/?fmt=text Latest Health Alert: http://www.emergencyemail.org/health/?fmt=text Click to Give Free https://tinyurl.com/y2abb8d2 -<>- >From BizarreNews: It gets hot in Florida. But what this woman did while working out in the open on her garage really got the attention of her neighbors. A woman who said she was cleaning her garage with her breasts exposed got little support from sheriff's deputies, according to an arrest affidavit. Deputies encountered the 56-year-old woman when they responded to a report of someone exposing s%@ual organs. A neighbor told investigators she and her young children were outside playing when the woman stood in her driveway with her breasts displayed. The alleged bosom baring woman walked "back and forth around her car with her breasts exposed," the report states. The woman is accused of "pounding" on a recycling bin to ensure the neighbor and her children were looking. The neighbor also said the woman started blaring her car stereo. When deputies arrived, the woman had a tan tank top tucked under her chest, exposing her top. She declined to cover herself. "I asked why she was cleaning her garage with her breasts showing and she stated that she was allowed to," the report states. The deputy arrested her, taking her to jail on a charge of exposure of s%@ual organs. -<>- *- Nurse wears bra and panties under see-through gown -* A nurse in Russia was suspended after she arrived at her shift in the all-male coronavirus patient wing with no clothing save for her skivvies under her transparent personal protective equipment. The unidentified staffer told her managers at Tula Regional Clinical Hospital that she was "too hot" to wear clothing underneath the head- to-toe vinyl gown, which protected her from contracting COVID-19. While there were reportedly no complaints from her patients, hospital chiefs punished the nearly nude nurse for "non-compliance with the requirements for medical clothing." The nurse claimed she did not realize that her underwear was showing through the PPE. *--- S dolls make terrible soccer fans ---* A professional soccer team in South Korea apologized after the "mannequins" used to fill the seats during a game were identified as s dolls. FC Seoul apologized after fans watching the K-League game against Gwangju FC pointed out the faux-fans in the stands appeared to be s dolls. Some observers said the banners held by the dummies appeared to reference adult websites. The team said there was apparently a "misunderstanding" with the supplier, who the post said had assured officials the dolls were not intended for "s%@ual use." FC Seoul said the dolls were intended to compensate for the lack of fans in the stands amid the coronavirus pandemic. *--- 6-year-old finds stolen safe ---* A 6-year-old South Carolina boy helped solve a neighbor's mystery when he went magnet fishing in a lake and reeled in a safe that was stolen eight years earlier. Knox Brewer, 6, took up magnet fishing after watching a video about the practice. Knox said he was magnet fishing on Whitney Lake on Mother's Day when his magnet attached to something heavy. A nearby stranger helped him pull his line back up to land and they discovered it was a metal safe. The safe contained items including jewelry, a notebook and a check- book. The Brewers contacted police and soon discovered the safe had been stolen from a neighbor's home eight years earlier. "She got some missing charm bracelet pieces that were still left in there," Catherine Brewer said. "She said all the expensive stuff was gone, but at least she got closure and some of her pieces back." *--- Melon heads rob grocery store ---* Police in Virginia said they have made an arrest in the case of two men who used watermelons as masks when they allegedly stole from a grocery store. The Louisa Police Department said two men wearing hollowed-out watermelons as masks stole undisclosed items from a Sheetz grocery store. Police said the suspects fled in a "lifted" 2006 black Toyota Tacoma. The department said Sunday that an arrest was made in the case. A police Facebook post with photos of the two men and an appeal to the public for information about the "melon head" suspects was deleted after the arrest was announced. ========================================================= >-->From TheGroaner: __________________________________________________ ____.-"":":":":":":":":":":":":":":":":":":":":":":":":":"-. (___:===='==='==='==='==='==='==='=A ' ' ' ' ' ' ) jgs `'-._92____94____96____8__|_100____2_____4_____6_____8.-` My father-in-law called me the other day because he thought he was sick. With all that's going on he was a little panicked to say the least. So I remained calm and asked him if he had a fever. He said he didn't know. So I told him to go take his temperature and call me back. After a few minutes, he called back with an inquiry, "Can I use a meat thermometer? I'm made of meat so that'll work, right?" "What?! Are you messing with me? And please don't tell me that you already tried to use it and now it's stuck in your thigh, buttcheek, or worse? He jumped right in with, "No, I was asking for a friend... and because I don't have a thermometer." I just couldn't believe it. "You don't have a thermometer?! You got 27 Elvis Presley commemorative plates, but no thermometer?" I had to do something. So I ran him over my thermometer. So after I dropped it off, in about a minute I got a call from my patient with good news... 98.5! He was cool as a cucumber. And all it took was a quick temperature taking. Peace of mind in priceless. And if the situation was reversed he could of been in real trouble without even knowing if he did indeed have a fever. The next day he called me again to thank me for the thermometer and looking out for him. It's always important to take care of yourself, and these days it's no laughing matter. And even a simple thing like a dependable thermometer can make all the difference If you need one sure to get one. Trust me, you'll be glad you did...instead of stabbing yourself with a meat thermometer. Groaningly yours, Steve -<>- `>.___ o-.--.-o ___,<' / `. / ,, \ .' \ { `.; ,__, ;.' } `._ }`.__.'{ _.' `,=."' `".=,' .' /`-.____.-'_ `, \_.';`-.______.-':`._/ `+-.______.-'' `-.____.-' / || \ ; ;; ; `-./ \.-' fsc >Out Of Gas A man was driving down the road and ran out of gas. Just at that moment, a bee flew in his window. The bee said, 'What seems to be the problem?' 'I'm out of gas,' the man replied. The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his gas tank. After a few minutes, the bees flew out. 'Try it now,' said one bee. The man turned the ignition key and the car started right up. 'Wow!' the man exclaimed, 'what did you put in my gas tank'? The bee answered, "BP!" -<>- >What Are You Doing? A blonde is over at this Coke Machine putting fifty cents in, taking the coke, putting it in her pockets, throwing the quarters in, taking the coke, putting it in her pockets, throwing the quarters in, taking the Coke, putting it in her pockets. After a while she has a Coke in every pocket. She keeps going, stacking the Cokes around her on the floor. Finally, the guy behind her, getting mad, asks her, "What Are You Doing?" She responds, "Duh, I'm winning." -<>- >Q and A Quickies Q: What do you call the moisture generated when a couple from Arkansas make love? A: Relative Humidity! Q: How can you tell when your getting old? A: You have to marinate your Jello. * * _ /\ * ___. / `) * //\\ /\ ///\\ / / ///\\\ //\\/\ ////\\\ / / /\ ////\\\\///\\/\\.-~~-.///\\\\ / / //\\ /////\\\\///\\/ `\\\\\\/ / ///\\ //////\\\\// / `\\\\/ / ////\\ ///////\\\\\// `~` /\ /////\\ ////////\\\\\/ ,_____, ,-~ \\\__//////\\\ ////////\\\\/ /~| |/////| |\\\\\\\\@//jro/\\ //< / /|__|/////|__|///////~|~/////\\ ~~~ ~~ ` ~ .. ~ ~ . ~` ` '. ~ _ - -~. .' .` ~ ., '. ~~ . '. Q: What dinosaur would you find in a rodeo? A: Bronco-saurus! ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: .##. __________________________ |::| | |oooooo (<>) L_Y_Y_Y_Y_Y_Y_Y_Y_YL______ .JL,_. | |oooooo ((oYo \\ L_h_h_hih_h_h_h_h__L______ ||} { ))| H |oooooo _______Y_//_)__(_((L_h_Y__Hh_h_h_h_h__L______ Y--------///()))---------------------------- | "(("^//"` | \\(( | )) | //\\_ ~' ~ kg Sitting in the bar George asked his 40-year-old friend John, "How come you aren't married?" John: "I haven't found the right woman yet." George: "So what are you looking for?" John: "Oh she's got to be real pretty, a good cook and house keeper, she's got to know how to handle finances, have a nice and pleasant personality -- and money, she's got to have money, and if she has her own house it wouldn't hurt either." George: "A woman like that would be crazy to marry YOU!" John: "Oh, it's okay if she is crazy." -<>- A dottering, old professor of logic asked his College class a question. "If Philadelphia is 100 miles from New York and Chicago is 1000 miles from Philadelphia and Los Angeles is 2000 miles from Chicago, and the Moon is 239,000 miles from Earth, how old am I?" A student in the back of the class raised his hand and when called upon said, "Professor, you're 70." The old professor said, "You're absolutely correct, but tell me, how did you arrive at the answer so quickly?" The student said, "It's easy, I have a brother who's 35, and he's half nuts." -<>- Curious when I found two black-and-white negatives in a drawer, I had them made into prints. I was pleasantly surprised to see that they were of a younger, slimmer me, taken on one of my first dates with my husband. When I showed him the photos, his face lit up. "Wow, look at that!" he said. "It's my old Plymouth!" -<>- A seven-year-old boy is sitting at the dinner table with his parents. Suddenly he announces, "Me and Janie next door are gonna get married!" "Oh?" says the mother, amused. "And how old is Janie?" "Six," replies the boy. "Well," says the father, "what are you going to do for money?" "I get 5 dollars a week allowance," says the son, "and Janie gets 2. We figured that if we put them together, we'll be okay." "I see," says the father. "But what are you going to do if you have any children?" "Well," says the boy, "so far we've been lucky." -<>- My wife asked me to buy ORGANIC vegetables from the market. I went and looked around and couldn't find any. So I grabbed an old, tired looking employee and said, "These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?" The produce guy looked at me and said, "No, sir, you'll have to do that yourself." -<>- ~ ~ ( o )o) ( o )o )o) (o( ~~~~~~~~o ( )' ~~~~~~~' ( )|) |-. o| _ |-. \ o| |_||_) | \ \ | | ||_) | | | o| | / / | |." " | |- ' .========. mb Sometimes when I reflect on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. The people who produce the bottles. The truck drivers who deliver the beer and the retailers who sell it. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver." ========================================================= >-->From AndyChaps: ! T ....Well-l-l-l-! O _._ O . (_{}) ...Blow me down..Sweet Pea! T. . .\__\ \|/c- o that's not me spinach... U--=U- (_,_) ...it's SPAM! ...Uk Uk Uk Uk... ^_(/\)_^ /\ o /\ /\ / /| o |\ \ |/\| < \| o |/ > |\/| \ W\ o | W/ ******/ YUK! \ \_o_| \ ========= / )))) )))) | /| ~ | | | |______/| c")@/\ __ ____\ @ @__________| SPAM /|__________~/ \____. / _/ /_ |_______| \ \/ ) \___.. / /( ) ) | /| =(/ /( / ____)/D; ==-=== == ========= =( /--\______)/D; -Christopher Fenn- >Just Think About This! "Strange things happen when you're in debt. Two weeks ago my car broke down and my phone got disconnected. I was one electric bill away from being Amish." God put me on earth to accomplish certain things. Right now, I'm so far behind I'll live forever. My youngest son asked me how old I was. I answered, "39 and holding." He thought for a moment, and then said, "And how old would you be if you let go?" The airlines are working much harder to deal with the problem of lost luggage. This morning I saw a picture of my suitcase on a milk carton. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film. When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe. Honk if you love peace and quiet. Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool. A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. -<>- @ ) (_m_\ \\" _.`~. `(#'/.\) .>' (_--, _=/d . ^\ ~~ \)-' ' / | ptr ##'##'#after a:f############## ################################# >Texas Phrases and their definitions straight from a real cowboy: * The engine's runnin' but ain't nobody driving... Not overly intelligent. * Big hat, no cattle... All talk and no action. * We've howdied but we ain't shook yet... We've made a brief acquaintance, but not been formally introduced. * He's got tongue enough for 10 rows of teeth... Talks a lot. * He looks like the dog's been keepin' him under the porch... Not the most handsome of men. * They ate supper before they said grace... Living in sin. * As full of wind as a corn-eating horse... prone to boasting. * You can put your boots in the oven, but that don't make 'em biscuits... You can say whatever you want about something, but that doesn't change what it is. -<>- >What A Compliment Bob was in his usual place in the morning sitting at the table, reading the paper after breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress that was about to marry a football player who was known primarily for his lack of IQ and common knowledge. He turned to his wife Marlene with a look of question on his face. "I'll never understand why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives." Marlene replies, "Why thank you, dear!" -<>- __)), //_ _) ( "\" \_-/ ,---/ '---. / - - \ / \_. _|__,/ \ / )\ )\_ \ / _/ ( ' ) / / / | (_____) | / /,' / \/ /, _/(_ ( ._, )-' `--,/ |____|__| | ) | | / | | / \ | / `| | _) | | | | | / \ | | | \ | | \ | \_ gnv /__( '-._`, >The Mind Readers The weather was very hot and this man wanted desperately to take a dive in a nearby lake. He didn't bring his swimming outfit, but who cared? He was all alone. So he undressed and got into the water. After some delightful minutes of cool swimming, a pair of old ladies walked onto the shore in his direction. He panicked, got out of the water and grabbed a bucket lying in the sand nearby. He held the bucket in front of his private parts and sighed with relief. The ladies got nearby and looked at him. He felt awkward and wanted to move. Then one of the ladies said: 'You know, I have a special gift, I can read minds.' 'Impossible', said the embarrassed man, 'You really know what I think?' 'Yes', the lady replied, 'Right now, I bet you think that the bucket you're holding has a bottom.' -<>- >Woman's Work A woman stood inside the front door, her arms full of coats. Four small children scurried around her. Her husband, coming down the stairs, asked why she was standing there. "Here," she said, handing him the coats. "This time you put the children into their coats, and I'll go honk the horn." -<>- >USPS At It's Best Our family's birthday card to Uncle Joey came back stamped: "Addressee Unknown." Once again he had moved and neglected to inform anyone. Undaunted, my grandmother dashed off a note to her son, and to our surprise received a reply within the week. Asked how she had done it, Grandmother replied, "I just wrote on the envelope: 'Please Forward -- Worried Mother.'" -<>- >Make NO Mistakes The mother of a large family was explaining why she dresses her children alike, right down to the youngest baby. "When we had just four children, I dressed them alike so we wouldn't lose any of them. Now," she added, looking around at her brood of nine, "I dress them alike so we won't pick up any that don't belong to us." -<>- >Breaking My Heart A blonde went to the eye doctor to have her eyes checked for glasses. The doctor directed her to read lines of letters with the left eye while covering the right eye. She was so mixed up on which eye was which that the eye doctor in disgust took a paper sack, cut out a hole to see through with one eye, put it on her head to cover up the appropriate eye, and asked her to read the letters again. As he did so, he noticed tears dripping from the bottom of the paper bag. "Look," said the doctor, "there's no need to get so upset about needing glasses." "I know," she cried, but I had my heart set on wire frames." -<>- ____ ____ .-" "-. .-" "-. / `. .' \ | (`-"-`) | | /'Y'\ | ; __\_^_/__ ; \ ()_ >o< _() / `\ ) : ( /' `\ / /-\ \ /' `\ ()/ \() /' jgs `\ /' `\ /' `\ /' Y >What Is Love * Love is scaring away monsters in the middle of the night, then again at 1:00 a.m., 2:00 a.m., 3:00 a.m! * Love is reading the same bedtime story for the 999th time. * Love is a hug around the knees. TUBBY TUSTARD! TUBBY TUSTARD! CTHULHU FHTAGN! ___ |\ .---. _ ( o ) |'_\ \ V / | | _| |_ _| |_ _| |_ _| |_ .`_____`. .`_____`. .`_____`. .`_____`. |\ / \ /| |\ / \ /| |\ / \ /| |\ / \ /| ||| @ @ ||| ||| 9 9 ||| ||| 6 6 ||| ||| o o ||| \_\ = /_/ \_\ - /_/ \_\ o /_/ \_\ ._. /_/ .-'-----'-. .-'-----'-. .-'-----'-. .-'-----'-. (_ ___ _) (_ ___ _) (_ ___ _) (_ ___ _) | |___| | | |___| | | |___| | | |___| | | | | | | | | | (___|___) (___|___) (___|___) (___|___) jgs/m¢ * Love is watching Teletubbies instead of All My Children. * Love is a refrigerator covered with creative works of art. * Love is standing in line for 2 hours for Pokemon tickets. * Love is not grimacing through the dirtiest of diapers. * Love is trading in the Firebird for a minivan. * Love is the magic kiss that heals all "owies." * Love is a cuddly kid in a blanket sleeper. * Love is the first kick, first smile, first laugh, first step, first anything. * Love is your child pointing to a picture of Cameron Diaz and saying "mama." .-"''-. _ .' `( \ @/ ') ,--,__,-" / / \ / / _/ __| , |/ / .~ `\ / \ , | / .~ `\ ` / _/ _/ .~ `\ ~~`__/ / ~ `--'/ / / / / /' /jgs * Love is your child sound asleep, any child sound asleep. * Love is a macaroni necklace. * Love is wearing the macaroni necklace to church with pride. * Love is a peanut butter kiss, a syrup kiss, a chocolate kiss, any kind of kiss. * Love is a bouquet of dandelions. * Love is the smell of a baby's neck. * Love is saying "no" at the right times when it's easier to say "yes." * Love is saying "yes" at the right times when it's easier to say "no." .---. .---. ,';' `.';' `.. f :Bo. ` d88: `\ /d88P' `\ ; /d888P' `. ',d8&8P' : ;d8&7' | :8: | qx * LOVE IS WHAT MAKES IT ALL WORTHWHILE! -<>- ___________ /.---------.\`-._ // || `-._ || `-._ || `-._ || `-._ || `-._ || _____ ||`-._ \ _..._ || | __ ! || `-._ | _/ \|| .' |~~|| `-._ | .-`` _.`|| / _|~~|| .----. `-._| | _.` _|| | |23| || / :::: \ \ \ _.--` _.` || | |56| || / ::::: | | | _.-` _.|| | |79| || | _..-' / _\-` _.`O || | |_ || |::| | .` _.`O `._|| \ | || |::| | .-` _.` `._.' || '.__|--|| |::| \ `-._.-` \`-._ || | ": !|| | '-.._ | \ `--._|| |_:"___|| | ::::: | | \ /\ || ":":"|| \ :::: | | \( `-.|| .- || `.___/ / | | || _.- || | | / \\.-________\\____.....-----' \ -. \ | | \ `. \ \ | __________ `. .'\ \| |\ _________ LGB `..' \ | | \ \\ .' | / .`. | \.' | |.' `-._ \ _ . / \_\-._____) \_.-` .`'._____.'`. \_\-| | `._________.' >Three Little Words I suppose some degree of commerce would grind to a halt if telephone solicitors weren't able to call people at home during the dinner hour. But that doesn't make it any more pleasant. Now Steve Rubenstein, a writer for the San Francisco Chronicle, has proposed "Three Little Words" based on his brief experience in a telemarketing operation -- that would stop the nuisance for all time. __i |---| |[_]| |:::| |:::| `\ \ \_=_\ jsm The three little words are "Hold on, please." Saying this while putting down your phone and walking off instead of hanging up immediately -- would make each telemarketing call so time-consuming that boiler rooms would grind to a halt. When you eventually hear the phone company's beep-beep-beep tone, you know it's time to go back and hang up your handset, which has efficiently completed its task. .. blaa blaa blaaa... .((())). cornet -> ( \(( ))==> <- pencil t |//_^ ^)" p e y \)_\V/.-. t y p /||| ( _\ _e/ |'\/__.-.\ _ ___.'_(.'_)_/ ,___))___ _ ___/||___t p .'-'-_-_-'-,:y e .'-_-_-_-_-_-/ (__________,(/mrf keyboard(_.-._.-._. This might be one of those articles you'll want to e-mail to your friends. Three little words that eliminate telephone soliciting. -<>- ** ~~~ Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again. -<>- ,-`"-=') =/////// ,== _,_(((((-`6\ ==.| /,,...\\\C _| .--. ((((\\\\\` _, /;_| )9 )))))./ `. / } _\,_ ,-'))) \ / /=-. ,-./ \/ '))) . /\_/ / \ (,-.%\ / /-' ') \/\ / ( \ (/ \ ' /( ' `-/ \( \ ,- / ( `-' \ . / / \ \ &_) /\ \ | ( /--.- \ \----,------=;% | _/ _); `. ` `-. .`\ ) +++/ \ ,," %&-. ; \\| `-` `-=.;_,.__.__\_,/ )_/___+_/_________\,"(_//_(__)______:-._) gpyy >SAT answers (Andy Says... This is Unedited) These are things are suppossed to have been really said! The following questions and answers were collated from last year's SAT tests given in Springdale, Arkansas to 16 year old students! Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar. Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists. Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire. Q: What is a planet? A: A body of earth surrounded by sky. Q: What causes the tides in the oceans? A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight. , | , \ / ,,_--_, \./ ,// _ _\ \./ ;;\ // x x /;;; \ \ | _\ / / \ \ \ o / / / \ `-'\__/-' / \ \/ / | /\ | | |//|| | \/ | .--'-----'-----. /| | / | | | | ,d888b, | | | J8888888L | :F_P: | | 888888888 | Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections? A: Very important. S%x can only happen when a male gets an election. Q: What are steroids? A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs. Q: What happens to your body as you age? A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental. Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty? A: He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery. Q; Name a major disease associated with cigarettes. A: Premature death. Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? A: Keep it in the cow. Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (E.g. abdomen.) A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O and U. Q: What is the Fibula A: A small lie. Q: What does "varicose" mean? A: Nearby. Q: What is the most common form of birth control A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing condominium. Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section." A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome. Q: What is a seizure? A: A Roman emperor. Q: What is a terminal illness? A: When you are sick at the airport Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is its characteristic feature? A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas. Q: What does the word "benign" mean? A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight. Q: What is a turbine? A: Something an Arab wears on his head. // _ ___./// o__ `._.-''''' // |/ \ , / // \ ``,,,' _// `-. \--' .'`. \_/_/ `.,' \\\\ ,,','` AsH Q: What is a Hindu? A: It lays eggs ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Kids With Animals 3! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/kidswithanimals3.html Hey, If It Fits! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/fits.html Amazing Underwater Creatures! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/underwater3.html Mabel The Chicken! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chicken.html Extreme Noodling! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/noodling.html Identity Theft 6! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/identitytheft6.html Irish Ducklings! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/irishducklings.html Beautiful Rare Flowers! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/rareflowers.html Humorous Boat Names! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/boatnames.html Longleat's Monkey Shines! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/monkeyshines.html Vintage Car Wrecks! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/oldcarwrecks.html Texas Rules Of Etiquette! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/texas.html Car Show! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/carshow.html Natural Show-offs! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/showoffs.html Nation's Tallest Flagpole! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/flagpole.html Kilroy Was Here! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/kilroywashere.html Ricochet's Soul Vision! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ricochetvision.html Rescued Squirrel! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/rsquirrel.html WWI River Of Blood! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/riverofblood.html Proud Of Our Troops 8! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/troops8.html No Words Needed! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/nowords.html 9/11 And Troop Index! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/911andtroopsindex.html -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) A powerful video to honor those who have made the ultimate sacrifice for “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.” I hope that everyone takes a few minutes on Memorial Day to reflect on the words of President Reagan in this video and to think about the quote from the Gettysburg Address by President Lincoln at the end of the video. The soundtrack is Mansions of the Lord performed by the Hillsdale College Choir. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cL-xDkxg8pc --- ...Beautiful! Thanks LouiseAu! Another episode of awesome people doing things that are nothing but amazing. https://youtu.be/as4DmtATBIU --- ...Sweet! Thanks LouiseAu! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "One of the world's top Donkey Kong players has been stripped of his records for cheating. He was going to be sentenced to life, but turns out he doesn't have one." -Conan O'Brien "A 70-year-old woman in India recently gave birth to a baby boy. The baby and his mother are doing fine. The doctor, however, is still recovering." -Seth Meyers "Google has created several new emojis aimed at empowering women. So congratulations women, you asked for equal pay and you got five new emojis." -Conan O'Brien "Starbucks has announced that its bathrooms will now be open to anyone who walks in, regardless of whether they buy anything. Hold on, so they're saying, this whole time Starbucks hasn't been a public bathroom? I didn't even know." -James Corden "Employees at a Domino's Pizza saved a customer's life by checking on him after they didn't hear from him, because he's ordered a pizza every day for 10 years. No word on what was wrong with him, but I'm guessing it had something to do with ordering a pizza every day for 10 years." -Jimmy Fallon "A federal judge ruled yesterday that California's version of the death penalty is unconstitutional. Apparently the difference is California's version has avocado on it." -Seth Meyers "A growing number of people are going to e-sport arenas to watch other people play video games. It combines the thrill of going to a live sporting event with the thrill of having an unemployed roommate." -Jimmy Fallon "Papa John's has started selling extra-large jugs of its signature garlic sauce. Each jug of garlic sauce is 8 pounds and costs $20. But Papa John's says it's a lifetime supply. Because you're not expected to survive long enough to need a second jug." -James Corden "Scientists claim to have succeeded transplanting a memory from the brain of one sea snail and implanting it into another. Or, more likely, all snails live pretty similar lives." -Seth Meyers >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah Shangy! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->ShangyFunList AD RATES: $20 will get your a message (of up to 40 words) out to all self-subscribed readers and $5 more will give you the same message also put up for all web site readers. Email me to secure dates. Ad Request ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ********************************************************************** >TO SUBSCRIBE:Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com **********************************************************************