Happy Memorial Day! ... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ You may View the on-line SMILES text Here: (You may Have to REFRESH your browser) http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html This Weeks regular Shangy emails ================ *~* A REMINDER: For Facebook Users: Please Friend Me / Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :) ================ *~* MAY YOU HAVE A HAPPY, SAFE, AND BLESSED MEMORIAL DAY! :) .---. ___ /_____\ /\.-`( '.' ) / / \_-_/_ \ `-.-"`'V'//-. `.__, |// , \ |Ll //Ll|\ \ |__// | \_\ /---|[]==| / / \__/ | \/\/ /_ | Ll_\| |`^"""^`| | | | | | | | | | | | | L___l___J jgs |_ | _| (___|___) ^^^ ^^^ A heart felt Thank You To ALL Our Veterans and their families! >Some Of Our Veteran/Troops Pages Why My Son?- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/why.html Proud Of Our Troops #1 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/troops.html Proud Of Our Troops #2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/troops2.html Proud Of Our Troops #3 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/troops3.html Proud Of Our Troops 44 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/troops4.html Proud Of Our Troops 5! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/troops5.html Proud Of Our Troops 6! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/troops6.html Ray's Freedom Rock! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/freedomrock.html WWI Human Art! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/humanart.html Military WWII Posters http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/militarywwii.html Military Motivational Posters http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/military.html Liberty Air Show http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/liberty.html Lambeau Field Tribute! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/footballvet.html Kodachrome Photos From 1942/43 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/kodachrome1942.html Kilroy Was Here http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/kilroywashere.html Tinian Island! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tinian.html Willie, Joe And Bill In WWII! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mauldin.html Semper Fidelis http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/semperfi.html Dog Warriors! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dogwarriors.html Sgt.Reckless - War Horse Hero! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/sgtreckless.html Sgt.Stubby War Dog Hero! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/stubbywardog.html Angel Wing Decoys! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/angel.html USS New York LPD-21 Tribute! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ussny.html Angel Wing Decoys! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/angel.html USS New York LPD-21 Tribute! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ussny.html ======================================================= >-->From TheFunnyBone: |""-..._____ '-.____ _````"""""'`| School Daze \ ``` ``"---... _ | | / /#\ }--..______..-{ ### A professor stood before his class of }}}}} _ _ {{{{{ 20 senior organic biology students, }}}} 6 6 {{{{ about to hand out the final exam. {{{{{ ^ }}}}} "I want to say that it's been a {{{{{{\ -=- /}}}}}} pleasure teaching you this semester. {{{{{{{;.___.;}}}}}}} I know you've all worked extremely {{{{{{{) (}}}}}}}' hard and many of you are off to `""'"': :'"'"'` medical school after summer. So that jgs `@` no one gets their GP messed up because they might have been celebrating a bit too much this week, anyone who would like to opt out of the final exam today will receive a "B" for the course." There was much rejoicing amongst the class as students got up, passed by the professor to thank him and sign out on his offer. As the last taker left the room, the professor looked out over the handful of remaining students and asked, "Any one else? This is your last chance." One final student rose up and took the offer. The professor closed the door and took attendance of those students remaining. "I'm glad to see you believe in yourself." he said. "You all have "A"s." ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ May 26 is Sally Ride Day May 27 is Sun Screen Day May 28 is Amnesty International Day May 29 is Learn About Composting Day May 30 is Water a Flower Day May 31 is National Macaroon Day ======================================================= \\ ///// | | (| _ _ |) |` | '| | __ | >>>___/\_^__/\___<<< / ||| \ Mike Hertz >-->From GoodCleanFun: >Birthday Present 1 On his birthday, the husband was stuck driving their six rambunctious children around. As usual, they were yelling, punching, and annoying one another. Finally the father had enough. "Kids," he said over the din, "if you would behave and be kind to each other, that would be a very nice birthday present for me." The six-year-old shot back: "Too late, I already got you another present." -<>- >Birthday Present 2 On his last birthday, after all the presents were opened, it was clear that my five-year-old son wasn't thrilled with the ratio of toys to clothes he'd received. As he trudged slowly up the stairs, I called out, "Hey, where are you going?" "To my room," he said, "to play with my new socks." -<>- >Exercise Bike During my uncle's physical exam, his doctor mentioned that he was slightly overweight. "Do you get any exercise?" the physician asked. "Well, I used to have an exercise bike in the TV room," my uncle began. "Used to!" the doctor said. "Where is it now?" "I had to store it in the basement," my uncle confessed, "because it got in the way of my snack trays." -High Maintenance I'm high maintenance ... I take aspirin for the headache caused by the Zyrtec I take for the hayfever I got from Relenza for the uneasy stomach from the Ritalin I take for the short attention span caused by the Scopederm Ts I take for the motion sickness I got from the Lomotil I take for the diarrhea caused by the Zenikal for the uncontrolled weight gain from the Paxil I take for the anxiety from the Zocor I take for my high cholesterol because exercise, a good diet, and regular health care are just too much trouble. -<>- >Rules of Civil Procedure Under the Rules of Civil Procedure, a deposition can be used for any purpose. During a trial, the defendant fell asleep at the counsel table. The opposing lawyer, obviously not impressed, requested permission from the court to use the deposition transcript to wake her opponent's client. The court, after carefully reviewing the rule, granted the request, after which the lawyer rolled the transcript up and smacked the man over the head rousing him from his slumber. -<>- .---. ___ /_____\ /\.-`( '.' ) / / \_-_/_ \ `-.-"`'V'//-. `.__, |// , \ |Ll //Ll|\ \ |__// | \_\ /---|[]==| / / \__/ | \/\/ /_ | Ll_\| |`^"""^`| | | | | | | | | | | | | L___l___J jgs |_ | _| (___|___) ^^^ ^^^ >Memorial Day 2014 Serious, Not Humor The joke for today has been sent. I want to be serious for a moment and talk about the holiday which will be celebrated here in the United States on Monday. Memorial Day is on the last Monday in May and honors those men and women who lost their lives serving their country. What we celebrate as Memorial Day today, began at the end of the Civil War. Family members of the many soldiers slain in battle would visit the grave sites of their fallen relatives or friends and decorate the graves with flowers. On May 5, 1868, General John Logan proclaimed this day a holiday through his General Order No. 11. The day was entitled Decoration Day and was first observed on May 30, 1868. The northern states celebrated this day every year, but the southern states celebrated a day similar to this on a different day until sometime after World War I. In 1882, the name Decoration day was changed to Memorial Day, and in 1971, Memorial Day was declared a national holiday to be held on the last Monday of May every year. Over the years it has come to serve as a day to remember all U.S. men and women killed or missing in action in all wars. I am truly grateful for the freedoms which we enjoy today. Too often, we take these gifts for granted, little realizing the sacrifice which was involved in ensuring that these freedoms continue to be a part of all of our lives. Be honest, how many of us think of Memorial Day as just another chance for a three-day weekend? A chance to go the lakes or beaches or mountains? A trip to Disneyland or Six Flags or some other amusement park? If you are here in the United States, please remember to display the flag, not just for the day but for the whole weekend. Let's not forget the real reason for having this holiday. The quote below says it all. Please take the time to read it. Take care everyone. Tom (HM2, USN 65-69) "It is, in a way, an odd thing to honor those who died in defense of our country in wars far away. The imagination plays a trick. We see these soldiers in our mind as old and wise. We see them as something like the Founding Fathers, grave and gray-haired. But most of them were boys when they died, they gave up two lives -- the one they were living and the one they would have lived. When they died, they gave up their chance to be husbands and fathers and grandfathers. They gave up their chance to be revered old men. They gave up everything for their county, for us. All we can do is remember." -- Ronald Wilson Reagan Remarks at Veteran's Day ceremony, Arlington National Cemetery Arlington, Virginia, November 11, 1985 Let's all pause and take a minute to REMEMBER. Pearl Harbor 1941 ... Normandy 1944 ... Pork Chop Hill Korea 1953 ... Tet Offensive Vietnam 1968 ... Desert Storm Kuwait 1991 ... The World Trade Center 9/11 2001 ... Shock and Awe Iraq 2003 ... Iraq War Surge 2007 ... Afghanistan TODAY. After having taken a minute to REMEMBER Let's take one more minute to say THANK YOU for all that was given, all that was lost and all that was gained for us to enjoy our Hot-Dogs, Soft Ball, Picnics, Swimming Pools, Beaches, Iced Tea and Kids in Peace in the Greatest Country on God's Green Earth. ---- A final thought..... Over the years the meaning of Memorial Day has faded too much from the public consciousness. From a solemn day of mourning, remembrance, and honor to the men and women who died in providing the freedoms we enjoy, it has been reduced to a weekend of BBQ's, shopping bargains and beaches where only token nods toward our honored dead is given, if at all. Too many don't know what the day stands for. So, let's not forget those who made the ultimate sacrifice. They are remembered in all our prayers. Also, let's not forget a prayer for the safety of all service men and women, whether they serve at home or overseas. Finally, a heartfelt Semper Fi from this Hospital Corpsman is sent to all the Marines I knew. -Tom ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend PatDeE :) _.._ .-" "-. / ,- -. \ : ' o o ` ; ; . , : : :-.__.-: ; \ :_: :_: / `-._ _.-' bug "" >Chuckles On the border between Northern and Southern Ireland, and across the road from one another, two churches were built. On the north, Sean was the pastor of a Church of England parish and on the south, Patrick was the priest of the Roman Catholic Church. One day they were seen together, erecting a sign into the ground, which said: TA END IS NEAR! TURN YERSELF AROUNT NOW AFOR IT IS TOO LATE As a car speeds by past them, the driver leans out his window and yells, "Leave the people alone, you Irish religious nutters! We don't need your lectures." From the next curve they heard the screeching of tires and a big splash. Shaking his head, Father Patrick says, "Dat's da terd one dis mornin'." "Yaa," Pastor Sean agrees, then asks, "Do ya tink maybe da sign should just say, 'Bridge Out?'" ------- Morning Humor At breakfast, the husband says to his wife “What would you do if I won the Lotto?” “I’d take half and leave you”, she says. “Great!” he says. “Here's $6. I won $12 yesterday! Stay in touch.” ------- ............. .... .... .. .. .. .. . ___ ___ . . / , \ / , \ . . \___/ \___/ . .. . .. . .. O . . | | . . \ / . . \ / . .. \______________/ .. .. \_____\ \ \/ .. .... | \ |.... ...... | | | Derek S. Tan \___/ >TOOLS AND HOW TO USE THEM 1.CIRCULAR SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make boards too short. 2.BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs. 3.WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh shit'. 4.DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it. 5.MULTI-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood- blisters. 6.HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes. 7.VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand. 8.OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for igniting various flammable objects in your shop and creating a fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race. 9.TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity. Very effective for digit removal !! 10.HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper. 11.BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut large pieces into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge. Also good for Digit Removal 12.TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of all the crap you forgot to disconnect. 13.PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads. 14.STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER:(Mixing Paint) A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms. 15.PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part. 16.PVC PIPE CUTTER: A tool used to make plastic pipe too short. 17.HAMMER: (AMERICAN SCREWDRIVER) Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent to the object we are trying to hit. 18.UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door. Works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use. Last but not least... 20.SON OF A B TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'Son of a b' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need. ------ >London Cab You just got to love the Brits for saying this... as there is no shortage of Arab's in England, they're everywhere. A devout Arab Muslim in London hailed a black cab down and then entered it. He curtly asked the cabbie to turn off the radio because as decreed by his religious teaching, he must not listen to music because in the time of the prophet there was no music, especially Western music which is the music of the infidel. The cab driver politely switched off the radio, stopped the cab, got out and opened the passenger door. The Arab Muslim asked him, "What are you doing? " The cabbie answered, 'In the time of the prophet there were no taxis, so get out and wait for a fricken camel'. --- ...Hilarious! Thanks PatDeE! ------ As you open your pocketbooks for the next natural disaster, please keep these facts in mind: The American Red Cross President and CEO Marsha J. Evans' salary for the year was $951,957 plus expenses. The United Way President Brian Gallagher receives a $675,000 base salary along with numerous expense benefits. UNICEF CEO Caryl M. Stern receives $1,900,000 per year (158K) per month, plus all expenses including a ROLLS ROYCE.Less than 5 cents (4.4 cents) per donated dollar goes to the cause. The Salvation Army's Commissioner Todd Bassett receives a salary of only $13,000 per year (plus housing) for managing this $2 billion dollar organization. 96 percent of donated dollars go to the cause. The American Legion National Commander receives a $0.00 zero salary. Your donations go to help Veterans and their families and youth! The Veterans of Foreign Wars National Commander receives a $0.00 zero salary. Your donations go to help Veterans and their families and youth! The Disabled American Veterans National Commander receives a $0.00 zero salary. Your donations go to help Veterans and their families and youth! The Military Order of Purple Hearts National Commander receives a $0.00 zero salary. Your donations go to help Veterans and their families and youth! The Vietnam Veterans Association National Commander receives a $0.00 zero salary. Your donations go to help Veterans and their families and youth! No further comment is necessary. Please share this with everyone you can. All that is necessary for evil to triumph, is for good men to do nothing! --- ...Thanks OatDeE! Not sure about the above stats but it is always best to KNOW who you are giving money to and how much of what you are giving actually goes to what you think you are giving it for. Do some checking first. ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: >From BizarreNews: I know it is tough finding a job right now, but this is ridiculous. A man stole a New York City bread truck and began delivering baked goods to random businesses. David Bastar hopped into the Grimaldi's Home of Bread truck on Manhattan's Upper East Side while the real driver was making a delivery at a pizzeria, according to police. Reportedly wearing only his underwear, Bastar then allegedly began dropping off baguettes, whole-wheat rolls and sourdough bread - but not to the bakery's customers, said Joe Grimaldi, the owner of the baker. "The bread was left somewhere. Where I don't know," he said. "He dropped a lot of bread." Grimaldi said about $5,000 in bread was taken. The bakery later was able to accommodate all its customers. "It's a bizarre incident but nothing happened to the truck. No one was hurt. There was no damage. I got my truck back," said Grimaldi. Bastar, of Nanuet, was arrested later at LaGuardia Airport, where police say he wound up after tailgating a driver for several miles. The driver became concerned about being followed and called police, said Erica Dumas, a spokeswoman for the Port Authority of New York and New Jersey, which operates the airport. Police determined that the truck had been stolen that morning. Bastar, who was taken to a hospital for evaluation, was charged with criminal possession of stolen goods and driving without a license. Grimaldi said a shuttle bus driver who witnessed the arrest called the bakery and said, "If you need a driver, I'll work for you." *-- French father uses Mozart and Beethoven to combat suspected drug dealers --* MONTROUGE, France (UPI) - A French father decided to put a new twist on some old classics in order to get rid of a group of people he suspected were selling drugs outside of his apartment building in Montrouge. French dad Joel turned to nightly doses of classical music from artists like Mozart and Beethoven to get rid of the men who were routinely smoking, drinking and allegedly dealing drugs near his home. It started out with Joel singing himself. "I don't know what came over me. I opened the window and I started shouting the Little 'Green Mouse' (Souris verte) or 'My Little Rabbit' (Mon petit lapin)," he told Le Parisien. "It was a peaceful solution to take back our property." Realizing that his repertoire was somewhat limited, Joel began using recordings to keep the dealers away. "They asked me why I was doing it," Joel said. "I told them their noise bothered me." In addition to Mozart and Beethoven, Joel also turned to pieces like "The Nutcracker" by Tchaikovsky. Some of the dealers have fought back by playing rap music, but Joel was vowed that the classical program will go on. "I filed a complaint with the police. But I'm not going to stop," he said. "Their behavior is unacceptable." *-- Woman in coma gives birth to healthy baby boy --* SAN FRANCISCO (UPI) - A California woman gave birth to a healthy five-pound, nine-ounce baby boy on Thursday, even though she wasn't able to welcome him into the world herself. Melissa Carleton has been in a coma for than 10 weeks, but she was still able to bring West Nathaniel Lande into the world via cesarean section at a San Francisco hospital. The 39-year-old has been in a semi-comatose state since she underwent emergency surgery to remove a large brain tumor. "I was just so happy to have a healthy baby, healthy son," Brian Lande, Carleton's husband, told NBC News. "It's a feeling of immense relief joy and immense sorrow for Melissa not able to be awake for it." Now that the baby has been delivered, Carleton will be transferred to a brain rehab clinic and begin undergoing intense therapy in an effort to wake her. Carleton's future is uncertain, but Lande is hopeful that she will recover and be able to meet West. "I want her to know she did an amazing job, and she loved the baby hard for two months," he said. "I'm so grateful to her and I miss her. We can now work on getting her to wake up and get back to us and be a mom." *-- Woman goes after 'lying, cheating' husband with a poster campaign --* PRESTWICH, England (UPI) - A "cheating" husband in England is the target of a negative poster campaign that is being carried out by his wife. The alleged adulterer's wife is putting posters all over town in Prestwich that show her cheating husband's face and list his name, date of birth and phone number. "Local lying cheating scumbag. Married, father of 2," the poster reads. "Ran out on family + left a note to inform them." "I work in Prestwich and I'd spotted a couple pinned up on walls just up the road earlier in the day but hadn't really stopped to read it until I was getting my bus home," Maria Jansen told the Manchester Evening News. "Good on her I say, if he's done that he wants naming and shaming and I hope he's suitably embarrassed." The posters have been put up at bus stops and place on lampposts and many people have seen them. "I think it's hilarious. It serves him right if he's left his wife like that, he shouldn't just be allowed to get away with it," said local resident Carla Moore. "I doubt he'll be happy about it, but so what? It's the perfect revenge." *-- I'm a 'high-elf engaged in battle with the evil Morgoth' --* PORTLAND, Ore. (UPI) - An Oregon woman's car was attacked last week by a 30-year-old man who told police that he was battling "the evil Morgoth." Morgoth is an evil character created by J.R.R. Tolkien who is featured in the "Lord of the Rings" books. Konrad Bass was allegedly high on LSD when he used a sword to attack a woman's car and puncture it. Bass was wearing chain-mail with a helmet and carrying a shield during the attack, but the woman was apparently unable to recognize his costume and told a 911 dispatcher that "a pirate" was attacking her car. Bass told police he was a "high-elf engaged in the battle with the evil Morgoth," not a pirate, according to KATU. He also had a staff on him at the time of the attack. Paramedics brought Bass to the hospital after the incident and he now faces charges of disorderly conduct, criminal mischief and menacing, KPTV reported. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseA :) ___ ,-'" "`-. ,'_ `. / / \ ,- \ __ | \_0 --- | / | | | \ \ `--.______,-/ | ___) \ ,--"" ,/ | / _ \ \-_____,- / \__-/ \ | `. ,' \___/ < ´--------' \__/\ | Wny \__// >SMILES >In the news... Lisa Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws, and while there went to a supermarket to pick up some groceries. Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head. One customer who had been in the store for a while became concerned and walked over to the car. he noticed that Lisa's eyes were now open and she looked very strange. He asked if she was okay and Lisa said she had been shot in the back of her head and had been holding her brains in for over an hour. The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Lisa refused to remove her hands from her head. When they finally got in, they found that Lisa had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head... A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gun-shot, and the wad of dough hit her on the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her brains in for over an hour until someone noticed and came to her aid. Lisa is blonde. -------- Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday and the priest almost fell down when he saw him. He'd never been to church in his life. After Mass, the priest caught up with him and said, "Murphy, I am so glad ya decided to come to Mass. What made ya come?" Murphy said, "I got to be honest with you Father. A while back, I misplaced me hat and I really, really love that hat. I know that McGlynn had a hat just like mine and I knew he came to church every Sunday. I also knew that he had to take off his hat during Mass and figured he would leave it in the back of church. So, I was going to leave after Communion and steal McGlynn's hat." The priest said, "Well, Murphy, I notice that ya didn't steal McGlynn's hat. What changed your mind?" Murphy replied, "Well, after I heard your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I decided that I didn't need to steal McGlynn's hat after all." With a tear in his eye the priest gave Murphy a big smile and said; "After I talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Steal' ya decided you would rather do without your hat than burn in Hell?" Murphy slowly shook his head. "No, Father, after ya talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery' I remembered where I left me hat. -------- The old man had died. A wonderful funeral was in progress and the country preacher talked at length of the good traits of the deceased. What an honest man he was, what a loving husband and kind father he had been. The widow, meanwhile was ever so slightly shaking her head, as she intently listened to the preacher's words. Finally, the widow leaned over and whispered to one of her children, "Erica, honey, go on up there and take a look in the coffin and see if that's your pa in there." -------- When April and I went up to New England a couple of years ago we decided to stay in one of those quaint little inns. The clerk at the inn asked me if we wanted a room with a shower or a tub. "What's the difference?" I asked. "Well, sir, in a tub, you can sit down." -------- One morning, while shaving, a fellow started cursing and swearing so loudly it attracted the attention of his wife, who was preparing breakfast in the kitchen. "What's the matter?" she called out. "My razor -- it won't cut!" he answered. "Don't be silly, dear!" she declared. "You mean to tell me your beard is tougher than linoleum?" --- ...LOL! Thanks LouiseA! ======================================================= , `.-- .,-"" . ._,' . _,. `. , / .'.oo`.. `. `- .__.-' :: .; "-()-"`. \.-. / doida ; /'". ,"`'. "-- "-" .': : `----' "-" ' >-->From CleanLaffs: When I dropped my son off at college, we found that he was assigned to the fourth floor of a dormitory. As I trudged through the parking lot to retrieve yet another load to carry up the four flights of stairs, two young women caught my attention from a dorm window. "Hey, Mom!" one called down. "Yo, Mom!" I was too tired to respond, so I just ignored them until I heard the second girl ask the first, "How do you know that woman is somebody's mom?" The first girl replied, "Who else would do that?" -<>- It is Christmas eve. A burglar breaks into the home of a prominent local lawyer. He takes the lawyer's Christmas gifts from under the tree leaving the packages for the wife and children alone. As he is leaving the house, he is apprehended by a policeman. He confesses to what he has done but tells the policeman that he can't be arrested. The policeman asks why, and he responds, "Because the law states that I'm entitled to the presents of an attorney." -<>- While carpenters were working outside the old house I had just bought, I busied myself with indoor cleaning. I had just finished washing the floor when one of the workmen asked to use the bathroom. With dismay I looked from his muddy boots to my newly scrubbed floors. "Just a minute," I said, thinking of a quick solution. "I'll put down newspapers." "It's all right, lady," he responded. "I'm already trained." -<>- It was World War II, and the captain was attempting to rally the GIs on the eve of a big offensive. "Out there," said the captain, "is your enemy. The man who has made your life miserable, who is working to destroy you; the man who has been trying to kill you day after day throughout this war." Private Johnson jumped to his feet. "My God; the cook's working for the Germans!" -<>- A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do? His mother had an idea: "Why don't you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your apartment for a home- cooked meal?" He thought this was a great strategy, and a week later, the woman came to dinner. His mother called the next day to see how things had gone. "I was totally humiliated," he moaned. "She insisted on washing the dishes." "What's wrong with that?" asked his mother. "I think it's a wonderful gesture." "We hadn't started eating yet." -<>- A telephone repairman was working late in a big office building and became lost. After a long search of the rambling first floor to find an exit, he spotted a woman at the end of a corridor. "Excuse me, can you tell me how do I get outside?" he asked. "Dial 9," she replied. ========================================================= >-->From The MouthPiece: __,=,__ .~`` .` `.``~. | . . |____ `-;=============;""""` ( (. _).) \ | | \ `-.___.' / '._ _.' /`''''\ / \ | |/\/\/\/|.-. |-|/\/\/\/|;' ) (__/_______| _) #########'._) jgs |==|=|__ ,,,(______)_),,,, ,,,;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,,,, ,,,;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,,, ,;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;, >Kids' Instructions on Life "Never trust a dog to watch your food." --Patrick, age 10 "When you want something expensive, ask your grandparents." --Matthew, age 12 "Sleep in your clothes so you'll be dressed in the morning." --Stephanie, age 8 "Never try to hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk." --Rosemary, age 7 "Don't flush the toilet when your dad's in the shower." --Lamar, age 10 "Don't ever be too full for dessert." --Kelly, age 10 "When your dad is mad and asks you 'Do I look stupid?' don't answer him." --Heather, age 16 "Never tell your mom her diet's not working." --Michael, age 14 "Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat." --Joel, age 12 "Never try to baptize a cat." --Laura, age 13 "Beware of cafeteria food when it looks like it's moving." --Rob, age 10 "Listen to your brain. It has lots of information." --Chelsey, age 7 "Forget the cake. Go for the icing!" --Cynthia, age 8 -<>- Letterman's Top Ten .------------------------. | PSYCHIATRIC | | HELP 5¢ | |________________________| || .-"""--. || || / \.-. || || | ._, \ || || \_/`-' '-.,_/ || || (_ (' _)') \ || || /| |\ || || | \ __ / | || || \_).,_____,/}/ || __||____;_--'___'/ ( || |\ || (__,\\ \_/------|| ||\||______________________|| |||| | |||| THE DOCTOR | \||| IS [IN] _____| \|| (______) jgs `|___________________//||\\ //=||=\\ ` `` ` >Top Ten Suprises In Al Gore's New Book (Presented by Charles Barkley) 10. Dedicated to his "soulmate" Lindsay Lohan 9. 52 chapters... to match his waist size 8. Chastises Bill Clinton for not sharing the hot intern action 7. After the 2000 election, shaved his head and checked into rehab 6. All proceeds go to Paris Hilton's legal defense fund 5. The threat that keeps him up at night? A massive Fritos shortage 4. In his opinion there's no species more endangered than the Yankees pitching staff 3. Besides the internet, also claims to have invented Keno 2. If Blake loses "American Idol," plans to appeal to the Supreme Court 1. Brags that he has now written more books than President Bush has read ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Feather Painting Art 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/feather2.html World's Fastest Cars http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/fastcars.html Amazing Photos http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/amazingphotos.html World's Largest Holes http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/holes.html Aww Animals 3 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animals3.html Identity Theft 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/identitytheft2.html Taking A Catnap 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/catnap2.html Why God Gave Us Pets http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/gpets.html -<>- >From Our Friend Karen :) The new World Trade Center shines in the background as stunt pilot John Klatt soars high over New York Harbor during the 2014 Bethpage Air Show at Jones Beach State Park. Saturday’s show featured the Navy Blue Angels and the US Army Golden Knights, flying their F/A-18 Hornets in death-defying formations, wingtips only 18 inches apart. A crowd of over 200,000 people watched from below according to Jones Beach park director Sue Guliani, tripling attendance from last year, when inclement weather — and sequestration — grounded performers. The show went off without a hitch despite overcast skies. Along with the famous formation squadrons, the Marine Corps’ MV-22 Osprey, half plane and half helicopter, drew cheers as it hovered over the water. Daredevil Bethpage Air Show stuns spectators http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zMjOcIhcU3c --- ...Sweet! Thanks Karen! -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseA :) A military tribute video to the Veterans that have paid the ultimate sacrifice for their service set to the song “Arlington” from Trace Adkins. If you have never visited Arlington National Cemetery and have the chance to do so i encourage you to make the visit as it is a very powerful and moving experience. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TGzuvmut3Hs&feature=player_embedded Freedom Isn’t Free and if you take the time to listen to this powerful message given by President Ronald Reagan during his first Inaugural Address on January 20, 1981 I hope it’ll remind you of that. If I had ever heard “A Soldier’s Pledge” from World World One soldier Martin Treptow I had forgotten it so I enjoyed hearing it again. I hope America continues to fight for Freedom and to embrace those that stand with us in the fight. http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=rKsW6c_CgFY A patriotic tribute to all the Veterans and Active Duty Military that have fought to protect the Freedoms we enjoy in the United States. Please try to support the troops no matter what your politics are. To those have served in the military thank you for your service. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AgYLr_LfhLo&feature=player_embedded You've seen some amazing rock-climbing videos http://tinyurl.com/kv5sqc8 Rock Climbing Bear http://tinyurl.com/nq2v9of Another of my favorite Mr. Bean classics, when Mr. Bean takes first aid, and gets his hands on a defibrillator... well, you can probably see where the problem lies, don't you? http://tinyurl.com/lnp8vg6 Who says that wedding ceremonies have to be somber affairs where you save all the fun for the reception? See what these people - the bride, the groom, the vicar - did to shock everyone after their vows. https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=YfULxwy1RJE --- ...Awesome! Thanks LouiseA! ========================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "With regard to Dracula's castle being for sale: I wouldn't buy this castle, even if I had $73 million. Castle every 20 feet in Scotland. Castles inside other castles. They were the Starbucks of the Dark Ages." --Criag Ferguson "She's fine, but the other day in England, an 80-year-old woman was out for a walk in the country when she was attacked by three wild pigs. Experts say this is odd because usually British food attacks you after you eat it." --Conan O'Brien "Welcome to New York City, the city you can smell. There was this horrible smell in New York City today. I was afraid that they would think the Ed Sullivan Theater was the source of the horrible smell. The smell was so bad, the Statue of Liberty, instead of holding the torch – holding her nose. But they found the source of the weird stench – it was coming from Hello Deli's stuffed cabbage." --Dave Letterman "Toyota is developing a car with a new device that will automatically stop the car if the driver has had too much to drink. The device is called oncoming traffic." --Conan O'Brien >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************