Happy Moon Day! ... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* Please Consider Giving To ShangralaFamilyFun.com The cost of the website has gone up dramatically due to the ever increasingly wonderful pages and photos being added each week to entertain you and our fellow Christian families. If every one would chip in $25 or more, we'd be good for the whole year! So Please - I need your help today! "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ _ .-' '-. / \ |,-,-,-,-,| ___ | _)_(_ | (/ \) | _\_/_ /) / \_/ \// |( )\/ ||)_( |/ \ n| | / \ | |_|___| \|/ jgs _/L\_ *~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a Shangrala Angel, the easiest way to do that is through online giving. It is easy to use, and most of all, it is secure. Please visit the site, scroll down and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL form page comes up. NOTE: Paypal will generate a 'Quantity 1' and 'Price per item' form. Just ignore the price per item and put whatever it is you desire to give in there. With Paypal, you will have your normal receipt for your 'payment' donation in USD (United States Dollars). You can put a memo in there if you'd like. EVERY LITTLE BIT WILL HELP! Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS YOU ABUNDANTLY FOR YOUR GIFT! ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! ================ >-->2 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This too hot to handle new page is from our friend and my daughter Tammy. In these times of stress from all the crazy virus rules the left comes up with, this should give you a little break with some smiles and maybe even a few chuckles. Be sure to give it a couple minutes and check it and its video out here... . '.'.*. .*.'.' . *. '. \ \ * * / / .' .* *._ '. \*88888 88888*/ .' _.* *._ '-. *8*___~*8*~___*8* .-' _.* * '--.8.-~` ~-Y-~ `~-.8.--' * '--.___*/ .----. .----. \*___.--' * 8| \____/ _ \____/ |8 * jgs '---.|\ / \ /.---' ||'-----' '-----' || || || || || || || |/ Walmart Shopping http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/walmartshopping.html --- ...OH My! LOL! So Funny! Thanks Tammy! This flaming hot new page is from our friend Geniann. This has plenty of eye candy for those who love and delve into the finer things of life. For the rest of it, it is full of decadent luxury that is hard to fathom. Be sure to check this one and its sweet video out here... . |^ . \O___.____ / \ . / \ ,/ [] Chuckles [] [] ~~~~~~~~ Only In Dubai http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/onlyindubai.html --- ...Wowsers! Thanks Geniann! Way over the top for me. I get pleasure just from getting bread for my family when we are running low on it! ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: . .---------.'---. '. : .' '. .::: .' '.'::'.' '||' || || mrz || ---====--- One evening, a man gave his tipsy secretary a ride home after an office party. His wife was prone to jealousy, so he didn't mention the incident to her. Later in the evening, he was driving his wife to a restaurant when he noticed a stiletto-heeled shoe half-hidden under the passenger seat. Gripped with terror, he took advantage of a moment when she wasn't looking to grab the shoe and throw it out of the window. The rest of the journey went well until they arrived at the restaurant. "That's strange," said his wife, looking a little agitated. "Have you seen my other shoe?" -<>- /|\ [] |"""""""""""--__ /| |\ / | \ || |____________--"" ( |__| ) | ( ) | || | | \ / | .-. | || | | |12| ]( 0 )[ || | | | | / `-' \ || | | | | / /' `\ \ || | | | | | | | | |%%| | | | | | | | | ,'`, | | | | | | | | |||| | | |14| | | | | |||| | | / __ \ \ \ / / |||| | | ( | | ) `-' `-' `--' `-' \| |/ pb >Modern Tools Hammer - In ancient times a hammer was used to inflict pain on one's enemies. Modern hammers are used to inflict pain on oneself. Screwdriver - The drink ordered at the local bar after you call in a professional repairman to undo the $500 in damage you did while trying to change out a light socket with your handy screwdriver. Phillips Screwdriver - The bar drink that you order when the damage estimate is over $1,000. Contains twice the vodka. Pliers - A device used to extend your reach the necessary few inches when you drop a one-of-a-kind screw down behind the new wall it took you two weeks to install. Electronic Stud Finder - An annoying device that never goes off when you point it at yourself. Halogen Light - A worklight that lights up your backyard with the incandescence of a football stadium, causing you to cast a heavy shadow over the area you're working on so that you need to use a flashlight anyway. Cordless Drill - A device that lessens your chance of electrocution 90% over a standard plug-in tool. Cordless Telephone - The handyman's 911. Air Compressor - A mechanical device similar in principle to harnessing the power of your mother-in-law's nagging complaints and using the resulting airflow to blast old paint off the side of the house. Chain Saw - Allows you to cut your way out of the shed that you accidentally built completely around yourself. Vise Grips - A pair of helping hands that doesn't critique the job you're doing or offer advice. -<>- , , `. | `. ` `. \___ \ ,---._ ,' -`./ ,-" "-/ / o `._ `. | o ,-. _ ` `. , , `-' ,' ` `-----"| '`----" | \ / | \ " `. /_ `._ _/| \ ( ". ' \ \ `.`. . |` \" |\ | `. `.,' . | `. \ | | ,` | | | `-`-" , ` , `. _,' `.--" | | || | .-. | |, `,' ) ___,' \ , / /------" \____," KaK >The Top 12 Signs You're Being Stalked By A Farm Animal 1. Every morning at the bus stop, that same pig is reading the newspaper -- upside down! 2. Whenever you cross the road, so does that darned chicken! 3. That foul smell, and you're not with your beer drinking buddies. 4. Heavy bleating on the other end of the phone. 5. Silhouette of knife-wielding Holstein appears on your shower curtain. 6. Everywhere you go, the bell! The bell!! THE BELL!!! 7. You find a knit cap and FOUR bloody gloves. 8. You keep hearing, "Oink oink," and there isn't a See'n'Say toy in sight. 9. After an ugly breakup with Flopsy, you find Glenn Close floating in a pot on your stove. 10. While baking custard pie, you step in cow pie. 11. All 84 Caller ID entries read, "Babe." 12. Note on your doorstep says, "We'll see who's laughing at Thanksgiving this year, Ginsu Boy!" ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ July 20 is National Ice Cream Soda Day, National Lollipop Day, Moon Day and Ugly Truck Day July 21 is National Junk Food Day July 22 is Hammock Day and Ratcatcher's Day July 23 is Vanilla Ice Cream Day July 24 is Amelia Earhart Day, Cousins Day, National Tequila Day and Tell an Old Joke Day July 25 is Culinarians Day, National Chili Dog Day, National Day of the Cowboy and Threading the Needle Day July 26 is All or Nothing Day, Aunt and Uncle Day and Parent's Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: ____________________ / {)][o>][_o][c_][o][| |-==)| | &_____________________L ejm 96 ( ) ( ) >On the Bus As a school bus driver, one Saturday morning I was driving a high school choir to a competition meet. I parked the bus at the school and soon students started boarding. Nobody said hello or asked if I was the charter bus or anything. The choir director boarded, counted the students, and said it was OK to leave, also not asking if it was the correct bus. About two miles down the road I spoke up in a loud voice saying, "When we get to the work site the deputies will issue each of you an orange vest, gloves, and two plastic trash bags. When you fill a bag leave it beside the road. When you need more bags raise your hand and the deputies will give you more." I then looked in the mirror to see the most shocked kids I've ever seen. I explained what happened to the director; and we both, or perhaps I should say all, had a good laugh. Bet those kids never "assumed" they were on the correct bus again. -<>- >Long and Happy Marriage On their 49th wedding anniversary, a couple summed up the reason for their long and happy marriage. The husband said, "I have tried never to be selfish. After all, there is no "I" in 'marriage.'" The wife said, "And for my part, I have never corrected my husband's spelling." -<>- >Toaster Oven One of my daughter's wedding presents was a toaster oven. Soon after the honeymoon, she and her husband tried it out. Almost immediately, smoke billowed out of the toaster. "Get the owner's manual!" my daughter's husband shouted. "I can't find it anywhere!" "Oops!" came a voice from the kitchen a moment later. "Well, the toast is fine, but the manual is burned to a crisp." -<>- >Math Homework Parents are expected to participate in their children's education, and my friends were no exception. They gladly help their fifth-grade son, Andrew, whenever he's stumped. One day after school, Andrew ran into the house waving a paper in the air. "Hey, Mom, great news! There were only three mistakes on my math homework," he announced. "You made one, Dad made one and I made one!" -<>- &&&&&&& &&(+.+)&& ___\=/___ (|_ ~~~ _|) )___( /' `\ ~~~~~~~~~~~ `~//~~~\\~' ejm97 /_) (_\ >The Broken Doll Little Emily, the minister's daughter, ran into the house, crying as though her heart would break. "What's wrong, dear?" asked the pastor. "My doll! Billy broke it!" she sobbed. "How did he break it, Emily?" "I hit him over the head with it." ========================================================= >-->SMILES For Moon Day :) <> .-"""-. ||::::::========== /= \ ||::::::========== |- /~~~\ | ||::::::========== |=( '.' ) | ||================ \__\_=_/__/ ||================ {_______} ||================ /` * `'--._|| /= . [] . { > / /|ooo |`'--'|| ( )\_______/ || \``\/ \ || `-| == \_| || / | || |= >\ __/ || \ \ |- --| || \ __| \___/ || jgs _{__} _{__} || ( )( ) || ^^~ `""" `""" ~^^^~^^~~~^^^~^^^~^^^~^^~^ When Neil Armstrong stepped down onto the moon’s cratered surface with the words, “That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind, ” every nation on earth seemed to breathe a collective sigh of relief. National Moon Day celebrates the historic lunar landing on July 20, 1969. https://nationaltoday.com/national-moon-day/ .-'`/ .-'` _/ .-'` _/ .-' / .-' / .' ( .' ,,////) . __,-^/ . \()( : \ : _ \ : (____\ : ( ` )-.__) ` ) `. ( `. \ `-. \ `-. \_ `'-. \_ cjr `'-. \_ 17apr00 `'-.\ >Jokes For Moon Day: Q: Did you hear about the great new restaurant on the moon? A: The food is excellent, but there's no atmosphere. Q: What do you call a moon out of orbit? A: A Lunatic! Q: Why did the cow jump over the moon? A: Because the farmer had cold hands! Q: Did you hear about the bones they found on the moon? A: It seems like the cow did not make it. Q: What holds the moon up? A: Moonbeams. * --. \ \ * )^ | * * <_, | * ./ / --' * gpyy - p_y@hotmailcom Q: How do you know when the moon is going broke? A: When it's down to its last quarter. Q: Why does the Moon orbit the Earth? A: To get to the other side? Q: What did the moon say to his therapist? A: I'm just going through a phase. Q: What do you call a clock on the moon? A: A lunartick. * * aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa * aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaa aa aa * aaaaaaaa aa a aaaaaaa aa aaaa * aaaaaaaaa aaa aaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaa * aaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaa aaaaaa a aaaaaa aaaaaa aaaaaaa aaaaaaa aaaaaaaa a aaaaaaaaaa aa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaa * * aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa * aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa unknown Q: How does a man on a moon get his haircut? A: Eclipse it. Q: What do you get when you take green cheese and divide its circumference by its diameter? A: Moon pi. Q: How does one astronaut on the moon tell another astronaut that he is sorry? A: He Apollo-gises. Q: What was the name of the first satellite to orbit the Earth? A: The moon. _ _ ____________.--. |\|_|//_.-"" .' \ /| | |.-"""-.| / \_/ | | \ || /| __\_____________ | _\_||_/_| .-"" ""-. __ .' '. \// ".\/ || '. >()_ |()< ||__.-' |/\ \ |/\ | / "| \__________________/."" / // | / \ "-.__________/ /\ ___|__/_|__|/___\___".______//__/__\ /|\ [____________] \__/ |\ //\ \ | |=====| | /\\ |\\ // |\ \ | |=====| | | \\ | \\ ____...___-- .//__| \ \ | |=====| | | |\\ |--\\---"""" . .. _____....-//___| \_\ | |=====| | |_|_\\ |___\\ . ...' . .//-.__|_______|__|_____|_|_____[__\\_____|__.-\\ . ...:: // // / \ `-_\\/ \\ .....::: -... // . / / /____________\ \\ . \ \ . . // .. .-/_/-. . \\ .-\_\-. . / / '-----' . \ \ '._____.' . .-/_/-. . .-\_\-. ... '._____.' . '._____.' ..... . ...... .. . . . . ... . . . . .... . . .... JRO ...... . .. ......' ....... '... .... '''''' . . Q: What does Michael Jackson have in common with the NASA? A: It's been decades since their first moon walk. Q: What do moon people do when they get married? A: They go off on their honeyearth! Q: Why wasn't the moon hungry? A: Because it was full! Q: Why is an astronaut like a football player? A: They both want touchdowns! Q: Why haven't they sent a woman to the moon? A: Because it doesn't need cleaning! Q: Why did the moon burp? A: Because it was full. Two blondes in Las Vegas were sitting on a bench talking ... and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away ... Florida or the moon?" The other blonde turns and says "Hellooooooo, can you see Florida?" After the Americans went to the Moon, the Soviets announced that they would be sending a man to the Sun. The engineers objected. "If you send a man to the Sun, he will burn up!" "What do you think we are, stupid?" they replied. "We'll send him at night!" ____.... a#####~:::::::, | a######P";:::::::::::, . --*-- a########:::::::::::::::::, | . ########P::::::::::::*::::::: . . ########P::::::::::::::::::.:::. ##### ##P:::::::::::::::::::::::;. * .#### O ##:::::*:::::::::::::::.::;. ###### #### ::::::::::::::::::.::::: ########@###,::::::::::::::::::::::; #########~~~:::::::::::::::*:::.:::; \ / . . ##### ##:::::::::::::::::::::::::; / \ . ####a__ay::::::::::::::::::::::; ########;::::::::::::::::::::; . . ########a::::::::::::::::::' . . * . ########.:::::::::*;:::' . . . `d######a.::::::::::' . . `~9#####.::::'' . . . unknown One Sunny afternoon, two blondes walk down the street. One of them suddenly points at the sun and says: "Look! That's the moon over there!" The other one says: "No, that's the sun!" The first one: No, it's the moon!" The other one, again: No, it's the sun!" After arguing for a while, the "smart" one says: "Let's go to that house over there and ask, What's right!" They go to the house and ring the door bell. Another blonde opens the door. The "smart" one asks: "Excuse us, can you tell us, whether it"s the sun or the moon in the sky?" The blonde looks up and says: "I wouldn't know! I've only been living here for two weeks!" ( , _=|_ _[_## ]_ _ +[_[_+_]P/ _ |_ ____ _=--|-~ ~---\_I_I_[=\--~ ~~--[o]--==-|##==]-=-~~ o]H -~ /[_[_|_]_]\\ -_ [[=]] |====] __ !j]H / "|" \ ^U-U^ - | - ~ .~ U/~ ~~--__~~~--__~~-__ H_H_ |_ -- _H_ -. _ ~~~#######~~~ ~~~- ~~-- ._ - ~~-= ~~~=~~ -~~-- _ . - _ _ - ---------------------------------- | June, 20th, 1969 | | Here Men from the Planet Earth | | First set Foot upon the Moon | | We came in Peace for all Mankind | ---------------------------=apx=-- ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :) _ |-| |~| |:| WINE AND CHEESE .'.'. / ::\ |_____| __ _ |:.:;.| <:__:> .-'o\ |_____| \ ::/ .o' O. o\ | ::| '..' |--o.--o--| | ;:| || |._._o_._.| \_____/ .''. '----' pjb >SMILES Little Johnny was in church when the wine and wafers were passed out. His mother leaned over and told him that he was not old enough to partake in the Communion. When the basket was passed around she leaned over once again to tell him to drop his money in, but Little Johnny held his dollar firmly in his hand, stating... "If I can't eat, I won't pay!" ---------- I was driving home from work when I was pulled over for not wearing a seat belt. Three days later, I got the same ticket, at the same stop, from the same cop. So, have you learned anything? asked the cop. Yes, I have, I began. I've learned it's time to find a new way home from work. ---------- Lynn was discussing the various aspects and possible outcome of the insurance policy with the clerk at the Insurance Agency. During the discussion, she asked. "Suppose I take the life insurance for my husband today for a million dollars, and tomorrow he dies? What will I get?" The clerk eyed her suspiciously and replied, "Probably a life sentence." ---------- A woman reported the disappearance of her husband to the police. The officer in charge looked at the photograph she handed him, questioned her, and then asked if she wished to give her husband any message if they found him. "Yes," she quickly replied. "Tell him...Mother didn't come over after all." ------- Two businessmen walk into a diner in the countryside. They have decided to stop there for lunch, so without ordering anything they sit down, take out sandwiches from their bags and begin to eat them. The waiter sees this and says to them, "You can't eat your own sandwiches in here!" So the businessmen look at each other, shrug, and swap sandwiches. ---------- Early one morning, my husband, who works in a funeral home, woke me, complaining of severe abdominal pains. We rushed to the emergency room, where they gave him a series of tests to determine the source of the pain. My husband decided not to have me call in sick for him until we knew what was wrong. When the results came back, the nurse informed us that, true to our suspicions, he was suffering from a kidney stone. I turned to my husband and asked, "Would you like me to call the funeral home now?" With an alarmed look, the nurse quickly said, "Ma'am, he's not THAT sick!" ---------- A man was very sick. Doctors feared the worst. He is at home one day, resting in his bed. He looks up and says, "Is my wife here?" His wife replies, "Yes, dear, I'm here, next to you." The man goes, "Are my children here?" "Yes, Daddy, we are all here," say the children. "Are my other relatives also here?" And they say, "Yes, we are all here..." The man sits up and says, "Then why in the world is the light on in the kitchen?" ---------- ' . ' . . . : . . '. ______ .' ' _.-"` `"-._ ' .' '. `'--. / \ .--'` / \ ; ; - -- | | -- - | _. | ; /__`A ,_ ; .-' \ |= |;._.}{__ / '-. _.-""-|.' # '. ` `.-"{}<._ / 1938 \ \ x `" ----/ \_.-'|--X---- -=_ | | |- X. =_ - __ |_________|_.-'|_X-X## jgs `'-._|_|;:;_.-'` '::. `"- .:;. .:. ::. '::. A clergyman, walking down a country lane, sees a young farmer struggling to load hay back onto a cart after it had fallen off. "You look hot, my son," said the cleric. "Why don't you rest a moment, and I'll give you a hand." "No thanks," said the young man. "My father wouldn't like it." "Don't be silly," the minister said. "Everyone is entitled to a break. Come and have a drink of water." Again the young man protested that his father would be upset. Losing his patience, the clergyman said, "Your father must be a real slave driver. Tell me where I can find him and I'll give him a piece of my mind!" "Well," replied the young farmer, "he's under the load of hay." ---------- A young polar bear came into his den and asked his mother, "Mom am I a real polar bear?" "Of course you are." His mother replied. The young polar bear asked his father. "Dad, am I a real polar bear?" "Yes, you are a real polar bear." A week passed and the young polar bear asked his parents, "Are grandma and grandpa real polar bears?" "Yes" said his parents. Another week passed and the young polar bear asked his parents, "Are all my relatives real polar bears?" "Yes, they are all real polar bears." Said his parents. "Why do you ask?" replied his mother. "Because," said the young polar bear, "I'm darn well freezing. ------- A Scout Master was teaching his boy scouts about survival in the desert. "What are the three most important things you should bring with you in case you get lost in the desert?" he asked. Several hands went up, and many important things were suggested such as food, matches, etc. Then one little boy in the back eagerly raised his hand. "Yes Timmy, what are the three most important things you would bring with you?" asked the Scout Master. Timmy replied: "A compass, a canteen of water, and a deck of cards." "Why's that Timmy?" "Well," answered Timmy, "the compass is to find the right direction, the water is to prevent dehydration..." "And what about the deck of cards?" asked the Scout Master impatiently. "Well, Sir, as soon as you start playing Solitaire, someone is bound to come up behind you and say, "Put that red nine on top of that black ten!" ---------- Two tooth brushes ___ ___ /\ ..\_ _/ /\ \/\ _) (_'' /\/ \/\ o\ / . /\/ \/\_ ) ( _/\/ Faucet \/_)( )(_\/ ____ (__\______________/__) |___|\ |\ \ / /| | \ Tube of | \ \ / / | | \ toothpaste | \ \ / / | | \ ___ | \ \ / / | ____ | \ ____ / _ \ ______ | \ \ / / | /|_||\|________\/|_||\___ / // // \ \ | \ \ / / | _________________________\-\ \_// \/-__ -\__ \__)(__/ __/---- \_________ / |||| [][][][][][][][][] """""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""" A father finds his four year old daughter outside brushing their dog's teeth using his toothbrush. Dad asks, "What are you doing with my toothbrush?" The daughter replies, "I'm brushing his teeth. But don't worry dad, I'll rinse it out when I'm done just like I always do." ---------- A friend of mine told me he decided to call his toilet the Jim instead of the John. That way he can legitimately tell people he goes to the Jim every day! ---------- During a practical exercise at a military police base, the instructor was giving the class instruction in unarmed self-defense. After he presented a number of different situations in which they might find themselves, he asked a student, "What steps would you take if someone were coming at you with a big, sharp knife?" The student replied, "Big ones." ---------- __-----__ ..;;;--'~~~`--;;;.. /;-~IN GOD WE TRUST~-.\ // ,;;;;;;;; \\ .// ;;;;; \ \\ || ;;;;( /.| || || ;;;;;;; _\ || || ';; ;;;;= || ||LIBERTY | ''\;;;;;; || \\ ,| '\ '|><| 1995 // \\ | | \ A // `;.,|. | '\.-'/ ~~;;;,._|___.,-;;;~' ''=--' - Daniel C Au - After tucking their three-year-old child Sammy in for bed one night, his parents heard sobbing coming from his room. Rushing back in, they found him crying hysterically. He managed to tell them that he had swallowed a penny and he was sure he was going to die. No amount of talking helped. His father, in an attempt to calm him down, palmed a penny from his pocket and pretended to pull it from Sammy's ear. Sammy was delighted. In a flash, he snatched it from his father's hand, swallowed it, then cheerfully demanded, "Do it again, Dad!" --- ...Oh My! HAHA! Thanks LouiseAu! ========================================================= >-->From HandyHints: __________________________________________/ ------------------------------------------| | | |~~~~~~~~~~| | | | | *| *|Bless this|* |* | | |_____|_____| ~Home~ |______|______|____| ____________ | _______ | | `| ((()) || || | |] ))o o(( ||_______|| |__________| ((\o/)) |_________| | | /\\_//\ |_==___==_| | |]__.-- //(_ _)\\ ____|_________| | |------ \\\ /// ----|oo o oo| | | | (// \\) *__|| _______ | | \\\\| | * /_____\ _*__||| || | ))) ( oo| |_____| | | | __*__|||_______|| | ( oo \-/|________ | | | __\___|_________| |_ \-/ // \| |_|_| \ // \ \\_| (_) (_) \ \\_| (||| "Boys, it's almost time for //\\ ||| dinner. You got any ideas (_)(_)(_)_) about what you would like to eat?" Make a meal plan then designate a day of the week, like a Sunday afternoon (or even better, a weekday night to skip the grocery store crowds), to do a bunch of bulk cooking. Put a few dishes in the refrigerator to easily reheat for dinner and freeze a few other dishes for later in the week. Casseroles and other simple recipes freeze well and reheat in no time so you can skip the expense of fast-food. Additional meal freezing tips below... Hint 1: In general, frozen foods keep for about 1 to 3 months in the freezer. Before you start adding more food to your freezer, you should take a look at what is already in there. Clean it, organize it, throw out old foods, etc. Hint 2: Rotate older meals to the front of your freezer so you will use them first. Hint 3: Use the right containers. To help prevent freezer burn and oxidation, use packaging that is durable, water-proof, leak-proof, and resistant to low temperatures. I use disposable foil pans, covering the food with a layer of plastic wrap and then foil, and quality 'freezer' resealable bags the most often. (I sometimes double up on the bags to help prevent leaks.) Hint 4: Remove as much air as possible from the packaging before freezing the meal. You can use a straw to suck the air out of bags, when raw meat is not inside. When covering a meal with plastic wrap, try not leave space for any air as well. You can also use a foodsaver to get all the air out and seal. -<>- . ( ) ' . ( ( ) ,___________. | _________ | || ,### || || ####' %|| || ##` #|| || :### # || || '####/ || || ##` || || ###; || ||-_-_-_-_-|| || '###; || || '6#' || || ;#' || || ;#`#; || || #!' # || ||%____#___|| |___________| Taliszanna If you like to pamper yourself at home and are looking for a simple, delicious moisturizing scrub you can make for pennies compared to what you would pay retail, I have just the thing. It smells great and is excellent for sensitive skin. >A cheap, DIY moisturizing scrub you're going to love. Benefits: Lavender is very relaxing and soothes you. Coconut oil is basically superfood, great for your skin and much more. Using sugar in scrubs is very exfoliating, in other words it makes your skin soft and clear. Total Time: 15 mins Yield: About 1 week of uses, depending on how you use it. What you'll need: 1 regular size bowl 1 spoon to mix it 1 container to store it in (like something with a tight lid) 1 cup sugar 1/4 cup coconut oil (semi soft but not completely liquid) 15 drops lavender essential oil Steps: 1. Add the sugar, coconut oil, and lavender oil to your bowl. Then mix it up. 2. Tip: add more sugar for a more solid scrub, and less for a more goopy textured scrub. 3. Store in a container with a lid, preferably the lid should be tight, but the coconut oil should prevent it from drying out. Other than that your done! -<>- ()___ ()//__/)_________________() ||(___)//#/_/#/_/#/_/#()/|| ||----|#| |#|_|#|_|#|_|| || ||____|_|#|_|#|_|#|_|#||/|| jgs || |#|_|#|_|#|_|#|_|| Your cozy bed is a major dust distributor. The bedding collects skin flakes, sheds its own fibers and sends out a puff of dust every time you roll over. To minimize the fallout, wash sheets and pillowcases weekly. Items that arent machine washable don't need weekly trips to the dry cleaners - just take blankets and bedspreads outside and shake them. You can spank some of the dust out of pillows, but for a thorough cleaning, wash or dry-clean them. When you change bedding, dont whip up a dust storm. Gently roll up the old sheets and spread out the new ones; even clean bedding sheds fibers. Hint 1: Olive oil is a healthy fat which contains essential fatty acids that help skin resist UV damage. These fatty acids are also part of the cell membranes that keep in all that moisture your body loses through heat and sweat during the summer. In order to protect your skin and keep it supple, consume about 1 tablespoon of olive oil daily or add it to a healthy salad or fish dish in order to get all those essential fatty acids. Hint 2: There are worse things than spending the time to make a full-blown meatloaf only to discover that it doesn't have enough seasoning in it, but I can't think of any off hand. Here's the trick: when making meatloaf, sausage, or meatballs, take a small chunk of your mixture and fry it in a skillet (or even faster, microwave it for 10 to 15 seconds) and taste. Adjust seasoning levels in the mixture accordingly. --- ...Most of us have good noses... USE your nose. If it smells like what you want it to taste like, then you probably have the proper seasoning. If you are uncertain then Smell it. God gave you a nose for a reason. ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: Watters' Word 7/18/20: Biden wants to get rid of fossil fuel and more https://www.bitchute.com/video/Z046hkW278N0/ From MikeHuckabee: The culture war is here. Will we win? An estimated 25 million Christians who are registered to vote, fail to vote in presidential elections. My Faith Votes is on a mission to change this statistic by helping Christians act on their faith and vote in every election. When we pray unceasingly for our nation, think biblically about the issues, and vote consistently in every election the impact of Christians taking action from the local to the state and federal level will be unprecedented. You can help: https://www.myfaithvotes.org/about Mark Meadows: Indictments & Jail Time Coming in Durham Probe! https://tinyurl.com/yxmfdfvg Falun Gong Persecution Must End, 606 Lawmakers, 30 Nations https://tinyurl.com/yyzl9gvg Senate panel releases FBI memo related to mystery source for the Steele Dossier https://tinyurl.com/y5kun63p Nothing is safe - Disney and ESPN Prove They are a Major Part of President Obama’s Deep State https://tinyurl.com/yysm88sh New Netflix Show for Kids References Adult Website in First 20 Seconds of Promo https://tinyurl.com/y2r5mv7z Just a tad biased: CDC employees made more than 8,000 federal contributions to PACs and politicians since 2015. Only 5 went to Republican causes, FEC records show https://tinyurl.com/y4nymb8b Fatal motorcycle accident victim is listed as COVID death https://tinyurl.com/y6c9tdpz Trump campaign running ads to encourage voters to delete TikTok app "TikTok has been caught red handed by monitoring what is on your phone's clipboard," says the ad with is also running on Instagram. “Sign the petition now to ban TikTok.” https://tinyurl.com/y6j5bmb6 Westwing News: Portland Leaders Plead: End the Violence, Let’s Talk The city’s “leadership has, for months, lost control of the anarchists and agitators,” President Trump tweeted yesterday. “We must protect Federal property, AND OUR PEOPLE. These were not merely protesters, these are the real deal!” https://www.whitehouse.gov/westwingreads/ WhiteHouseNews: https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/ Latest NewsMax: “Dr. Fauci’s made some mistakes,” Trump said in the interview recorded Friday. “But I have a very good -- I spoke to him yesterday at length. I have a very good relationship with Dr. Fauci.” Trump added: “He’s a little bit of an alarmist. That’s OK." https://www.newsmax.com/t/newsmax Latest From RelaiableNewsNow:Fauci Praises States with the Most COVID Deaths for “Doing it Right”: Is CA Proving Masks DON’T Work? One Month After Implementation Cases Up 162%: UK Lock-Down Could Cause 200,000 Deaths According to New Government Report: AND MORE https://reliablenewsnow.com/ Latest From OAN Newsroom: ‘Bleeding Blue’ film debuts in support of police: Gunman attacks family of N.J. federal judge, 20-year-old son killed : Texas elects Allen West as new Republican Party chairman: White House chief of staff says he expects criminal indictments to result from Durham probe: AND MORE https://www.oann.com/category/newsroom/ Latest American ActionNews: Allen West: Exposing Black Lives Matter’s Marxist Connections: The Democrat Party Spent a Fortune to Defeat These Black Candidates: U.S. Conference of Mayors Signals Openness to $6.2 Quadrillion Reparations Plan: AND MORE https://americanactionnews.com/category/politics/ Latest From AFA: http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw Students For Life https://tinyurl.com/yd5nxmu6 Latest From OperationRescue: http://www.operationrescue.org/ Latest Product Alert: Cookies, Fruit, Bicycles http://www.emergencyemail.org/products/?fmt=text Latest Health Alert: http://www.emergencyemail.org/health/?fmt=text Click to Give Free https://tinyurl.com/y2abb8d2 -<>- >From BizarreNews: There are some benefits to drinking alcohol, moderate amounts can be good for your health, immoderate amounts can give you a warm fuzzy feeling of fraternity with the whole human race, but there are disadvantages too, not the least of which is doing really stupid things when pulled over by the police. A 40-year-old man is facing multiple charges after New York state police say he tried to eat his DWI test results. Troopers say Kenneth Desormes, of Greenwich, Connecticut, was stopped for speeding at 5:30 a.m. After speaking with him, the troopers determined he was intoxicated and arrested him. Desormes was transported to the state police barracks to be processed. Troopers say when his breathalyzer tests results were printing, Desormes grabbed the paperwork and tried to eat it. He is charged with driving while intoxicated, obstructing governmental administration, and criminal tampering. *-- Pregnancy foils man's drug test urine swap attempt --* CAIRO (UPI) - An Egyptian bus driver who tried to fool a drug test by using his wife's urine ended up being told that he's pregnant. Public Transportation Authority officials said they became suspicious when the male driver's urine test detected a pregnancy and they confronted the man and asked him to verify the sample was his own urine. The man confirmed ownership of the sample, leading officials to respond, "Congratulations, you're pregnant." The driver admitted the urine came from his wife and said he was not aware she was two months pregnant. The Public Transportation Authority said an investigation into the incident is underway. Officials said they will avoid repeat incidents by requiring blood samples for drug tests. -<>- In Wisconsin a postal carrier said he simply wanted to cheer up a woman on his rounds who seemed "stressed out" so he decided to deliver her mail naked. He even told her he was going to do it. As a prank, I suppose. But whether she took him seriously or not, there was no doubting his sincerity when he showed up at her office wearing only a smile and his mail bag. Those wacky letter carriers. The 52-year-old was arrested for lewd and lascivious behavior several days later. But a much more hilarious situation occurred on a commuter train in Scarsdale, New York. A woman named Briggs was minding her own business on the train when she noticed a man standing unusually close to her. When she looked down she noticed he had his privates out and was trying to rub it up against her. Instead of doing what a lot of women would do and just walk (or run) away, she called him out, loudly, and recruited the other passengers in the car to make sure he didn't leave until the police could be called. In the ensuing minutes every single passenger with a camera phone was taking videos of the dumb A. One of the videos which made it onto youtube more than 800,000 hits before it was taken down. 51-year-old Queens man, was sentenced to four months in jail for forcible touching. *-- Man attacks own car with pickax for not starting --* LISSONE, Italy (UPI) - An Italian man who bought a new Fiat to help him get to work on time took an ax to the vehicle when it failed to start. Accountant Spartaco Capon, 34, purchased the Fiat 500 because public transportation was making him consistently late to work, but he turned against the vehicle when it failed to start at his Lissone home, making him late again. Police said Capon attacked the car with a pickax, filling the body of the vehicle with more than a hundred holes. "Normally in incidents like this it's not people smashing up their own car, but he was able to prove it was his," police spokesman Anastasio Gallo said. "We think he must have been under a lot of stress at work lately and he was taken to hospital where doctors helped to calm down and are keeping him in for tests." The car was declared totaled and Capon is receiving psychiatric care at the local hospital, where doctors said he would benefit from a few days of relaxation. *-- T-bird part removed from man's arm 51 years after car crash --* ST. LOUIS (UPI) - An Illinois man suffering pain in his arm underwent surgery to remove a turn signal rod embedded in his body when he crashed his Ford Thunderbird 51 years ago. Arthur Lampitt, 75, of Granite City, said he was treated for injuries to the surface of his arm after the 1963 crash, but he did not know anything had remained stuck there until he set off a courthouse's metal detector about 10 to 15 years ago. Lampitt said his doctor performed an X-ray and determined there was a metallic object in his arm, but it was recommended it be left where it was as there was no pain or loss of functionality in his arm. The retired real estate agent said the arm finally began to hurt a few weeks ago while he was doing work at a house he is repairing, and a specialist recommended surgery when the affected area started to swell. Lampitt unearthed some pictures from his 1963 crash and began to suspect the metal object in his arm was the turn signal lever when he realized the object was missing after the Thunderbird's demise. Surgeons at City Place Surgery Center in St. Louis, Mo., operated on the arm for about 45 minutes on New Year's Eve and discovered the cause of Lampitt's problems was indeed the 7-inch turn signal lever. Lampitt said he is planning to do something special with the lever, possibly turn it into a key chain. "We'll figure out something, I am sure," he told the St. Louis Post-Dispatch. *-- Police: Toilet paper unravels suspect's story --* UNIONTOWN, Pa. (UPI) - Police in Pennsylvania said a suspect's story about being forced into a robbery unraveled when a toilet paper note was matched to a roll of tissue in his home. Uniontown Police said Eric W. Frey, 29, walked into Michael Maria's Pizza at 7:39 p.m. Dec. 27 and handed an employee a sheet of toilet paper with a handwritten message, "I have a gun. Give me $300." The police report said Frey told another worker there was a man with "a gun on me right now, and if I don't come out of here with the money, I'm going to get shot." One of the workers hit a panic button and Frey, who was still inside the eatery when police arrived, told police he was forced to commit the robbery by a large, bearded man who cornered him in a nearby alley and held a gun to his back. Lt. Tom Kolencik wrote in the arrest report Frey consented to a search of his apartment and officers discovered a package of toilet paper on his table. One of the rolls had "writing engraved in it that matched the exact wording on the piece of toilet paper that Frey handed" to the worker, the police report said. Police said Frey attempted to change his story and said the man confronted him in his apartment. He "then noticed three males walking on Jefferson Street, and stated, 'That's them.'" However, officers said they spoke to the men and determined they were not involved in the crime. Police said they obtained a search warrant and found 91 grams of marijuana in the apartment along with syringes and spoons bearing drug residue. Frey was arrested and jailed in lieu of $25,000 bond. ========================================================= >-->From TheGroaner: _,,,_ .' `'. / ____ \ | .'_ _\/ / ) a a| .----. / ( > | /| '--. ( ) ._ / || ]| `-. ) _/-.__.'`\ || ]| ::| ( .-'`-. \__ ) || ]| ::| `/ `-./ `. || ]| ::| _ | \ \ \ \| ]| .-' / \| \ \ \ \ L.__ .--'( | |\ `. / / \ ,---|_ \---------, | `\'. '. /`\ \/ .--._|=- |_ /| | \ '. '._ './`\/ .-' '. / | | | `'. `;-:-;`)| |-./ | | /_ `'--./_ ` )/'-------------')/) | \ | `""""----"`\//`""`/,===..'`````````/ ( | | | / `---` `===' / ) | / \ / / ( | | '------. |'--------------------'| ) | \ `-| | / | `--...,______| | ( | | | | | ) ,| | | | | ( /|| | | | | )/ `" / \ | | (/ jgs .' /I\ '.| | /) .-'_.'/ \'. | | / ``` `"""` `| .-------------------.|| `"` `"` >More office weirdos are talking! Here's what they said... 1. Have you ever tried running without your arms? 2. I seriously almost died twice from gum. 3. Have you ever seen dinosaur balls? 'Cause I haven't! 4. I don't have to be a parent to be a parent. 5. My buddy married my buddy. 6. I feel like I can taste the can in the soup. 7. Yarn don't squeak. 8. Twitter jail... it exists! 9. What state has an abbreviation of DE? Is it Denver? 10. Type in "lard a%s"! And it's only Monday. Have a good week, gang! ------- "Once again." What the heck does that even mean?! I never understood why people use that during a speech. They usually use it when saying something like, "Once again we are gathered to witness another blabbering blabbity-doo." "Once Again" is an oxymoron, is it not? It's part of the tradition of putting two terms together that have no business being anywhere near each other; some of which are seriously funny! You may remember such classics as... jumbo shrimp, deafening silent, government assistance, civil war, sweet sorrow, organized chaos, Icy Hot, non-dairy creamer, mutual differences, mandatory options and head butt. I'll keep my rant to a minimum today because they do tend to get pretty ugly. Darnit! I used one, didn't I? -Steve -<>- _*_ ....iiooiioo __/_|_\__ [(o)_R_(o)] fe >Get Your Act Together A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!" -<>- >Life Isn't Worth Living When Rod's wife ran away he got so depressed that his doctor sent him to see a psychiatrist. Rod told the psychiatrist his troubles and said, "Life isn't worth living." "Don't be stupid, Rod," said the psychiatrist. "Let work be your salvation. I want you to totally submerge yourself in your work. Now, What do you do for a living?" "I clean out septic tanks." Rod replied. -<>- _ _ (.)_(.) _ ( _ ) _ / \/`-----'\/ \ __\ ( ( ) ) /__ ) /\ \._./ /\ ( jgs )_/ /|\ /|\ \_( >The Psychic and the Frog A frog telephones a psychic and is told, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you." The frog says, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?" "No," says the psychic. "Next semester in her biology class." -<>- >I Got Two Orders The salesman reported back to his boss after several weeks on the road and said, "All I got was two orders." "What were they? Anything good?" "Nope," the salesman replied. "They were 'Get out!' and 'Stay out!'" -<>- >Q and A Quickies .-. ## ) * _.-+*'`*+-._ ,## _ _ #. ;### ((.;;.)) ##: .=._.; ,-*:;;:*-. *##:._.=, >##; *-')_@@_(`-* ;###< ---------------`****------(o `` o)-----*****'-------------e:l `-""-' Q: What do you call a sleeping cow? A: A bulldozer. Q: What do you have if you have 100 rabbits in a row and 99 step back? A: A receding hare line! Q: What do you get when you cross a snake and a kangaroo? A: A jump rope! | m1a | | / | \ \ | / . --\|/-- , '--|___|--' ,--|___|--, ' /\o o/\ ` + + + ` ' Q: What has eight legs and goes up and down? A: A spider in an elevator! Q: Why did the tadpole feel lonely? A: Because he was newt to the area! Q: What do Scottish toads play? A: Hop-scotch! ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: .-~*~--,. .-. .-~-. ./OOOOOOOOO\.'OOO`9~~-. .`OOOOOO.OOM.OLSONOOOOO@@OOOOOO\ /OOOO@@@OO@@@OO@@@OOO@@@@@@@@OOOO`. |OO@@@WWWW@@@@OOWWW@WWWW@@@@@@@OOOO). .-'OO@@@@WW@@@W@WWWWWWWWOOWW@@@@@OOOOOO} /OOO@@O@@@@W@@@@@OOWWWWWOOWOO@@@OOO@@@OO| lOOO@@@OO@@@WWWWWWW\OWWWO\WWWOOOOOO@@@O.' \OOO@@@OOO@@@@@@OOW\ \WWWW@@@@@@@O'. `,OO@@@OOOOOOOOOOWW\ \WWWW@@@@@@OOO) \,O@@@@@OOOOOOWWWWW\ \WW@@@@@OOOO.' `~c~8~@@@@WWW@@W\ \WOO|\UO-~' (OWWWWWW@/\W\ ___\WO) `~-~'' \ \WW=*' __\ \ \ \ \ __\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \\ \\ \ \ We had quite a storm in my area last night. Lightning, thunder, lots of rain, and I almost slept through the whole thing, except around 2 in the morning I felt a gentle scratching on my face. I woke up to find myself eyeball-to- eyeball with the wife's little mutt, Mini. She had climbed onto the bed and worked her way in between the wife and I. Her paw was resting on my cheek and the expression in her little eyes clearly said, "Umm... excuse me but the world is ending outside, is there anything you can do about it?" Apparently the cure for the apocalypse is belly rubs. That and she probably figured that if she was going to be awake and miserable I might as well be awake too. Misery loves company. -<>- The wife and I were out walking the mutt last Sunday when we walked past the new wine bar in our neighborhood. They actually opened in March but were forced to close for the last 3 months. We noticed the patio was open and on an impulse decided to stop with the dog and have a couple glasses of wine and a snack. We sat down, but after about ten minutes no one had bothered to talk to us. So I asked one of the other patrons on the patio if a server ever wanders around. The woman I talked to said that customers have to go inside to order. Well, I guess that cuts down on the leg work for the wait staff. So I opened the door and stuck my head inside and immediately a woman told me, "Sorry, no one allowed inside without a mask!" The problem was, since we were walking the dog we didn't bother to bring any PP with us. But like the saying goes, necessity is the mother of invention, so sitting on the patio 10 yards off of Route 43, I stripped my short sleeve shirt off and the tank top I was wearing underneath it down to my bare chest. Then tying my t-shirt around my face I put my other shirt back on and went inside to order. While my t-shirt doesn't have the protection of our Filter Disposable Face Masks it seemed to satisfy the woman standing behind the counter at the wine bar. Even though I looked like I was getting ready to rob a train. And on the plus side both the wine and the food were very good. - Joe -<>- While standing watch in the Coast Guard station in Juneau, Alaska, I got a call from the Navy in the nearby city of Adak. They had lost contact with one of their planes and needed the Coast Guard to send an aircraft to find it. I asked the man where the Navy aircraft had last been spotted so we would know where to search. "I can't tell you," the Navy man said. "That's classified." -<>- A young college girl came running in tears to her father. "Dad, you gave me some terrible financial advice!" she cried. "I did? What did I tell you?" said the dad. "You told me to put my money in that big bank, and now that big bank is in trouble." "What are you talking about? That's one of the largest banks in the world," he said. "Surely there must be some mistake." "I don't think so," she sniffed. "They just returned one of my checks with a note saying, 'Insufficient Funds'." -<>- The party's host paid me a great compliment. "You are a good-looking woman," he said. "Honest--I've had only one drink." My glow was only slightly dimmed when my husband interjected, "Imagine how great she'll look after two or three." -<>- I was at the customer-service desk, returning a pair of jeans that was too tight. "Was anything wrong with them?" the clerk asked. "Yes," I said. "They hurt my feelings." -<>- An English professor announced to the class; "There are two words I don't allow in my class. One is gross and the other is cool." From the back of the room a voice called out, "Yeah? So, what are the words?" -<>- Our armored car arrived earlier than usual, so my deposit wasn't quite ready. As the young man waited patiently for me to secure the bag, I said, "Sorry to hold you up." "Delay, delay," he corrected me. "We don't use that other phrase." -<>- A British friend of mine once found himself at a dinner party sitting next to an attractive American woman. The conversation turned to cricket, and the woman asked my friend to explain the game. He agreed and embarked on a lengthy explanation of the mysteries of "silly mid-on," "fine-leg," "googly," "chinaman" and the like. At the end he sat back, exhausted. The woman looked at him, shaking her head in wonderment, "That really is remarkable. ___ (___)_ ,\ ( '} '(``, /, \/^\, '/' .\ ( \ 6 \ \ '/ \ \ \ __|\ '/ \ ,/ \, /=\ \/(\'/ //-\,') _----_( /\ \''\___// `` / |( \ |0 / //| ( |`\ \| \ / '/'| |=/ /) \ / ' \ ) \\/'/ \/ Now he's a Polo player... \ / `='( \ | /-___::--\ // \ | /| |||| \ ||>| ||>| O >||| >||| |||| |||| || = || = = = o Roy Sussman And to think they do it all on horseback." ========================================================= >-->From Mikey'sFunnies: | | A _/X\_ \/X\/ |V| |A| |V| /XXX\ |\/\| |/\/| |\/\| |/\/| |\/\| |/\/| IIIIIII |\/_\/| /\// \\/\ |/| |\| /\X/___\X/\ IIIIIIIIIIIII /`-\/XXXXX\/-`\ /`.-'/\|/I\|/\'-.`\ /`\-/_.-"` `"-._ \-/\ /.-'.' '.'-.\ jgs /`\-/ \-/`\ _/`-'/`_ _`\'-`\_ `"""""""` `""""""` Son: Why is my sister's name Paris? Dad: Because we conceived her in Paris. Son: Thanks, Dad. Dad: No problem, Quarantine. -<>- A dog was so clever that his owner sent him to college. Home for vacation, the dog admitted he had learned neither history nor science, but added proudly, "I did make a good start in foreign languages." "Okay," replied the owner, "say something in a foreign language." The dog said, "Meow!" -<>- A woman is worried about an older woman, a widow, who lives in the apartment next door. She hasn't heard anything from her for a few days. So she tells her son, "I want you to go next door and see how ol' Mrs. Williams is." A few minutes later, the boy returns. "Well, is she all right?" the mother asks. "She's fine, but she's annoyed with you," he says. "At me? Whatever for?" "Well," says her son, "Mrs. Williams told me it's none of your business how old she is." -<>- The passenger tapped the Uber driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the sidewalk, and stopped inches from a shop window. For a second everything went quiet in the car, then the driver said, "Look mister, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologized and said he didn't realize that a little tap could scare him so much. The driver replied, "You're right. I'm sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as an Uber driver. I've been driving a hearse for the last 15 years." -<>- i______i I______I I I I______I / /I (______( I I I I I I I Van Moniek An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam. He picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk, and wrote on the board: "Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist." Pencils flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled; some students wrote over 30 pages. One student finished in less than a minute. He earned an A for his two word answer: "What chair?" -<>- At the airport check-in counter I overheard a woman ask for window seats for both she and her husband. The clerk pointed out that this would prevent them for sitting together. "Sweetie," the woman replied, "I've just spent 10 days of quality time in a compact rental car with this man. I KNOW what I'm requesting!" -<>- One year, Little Johnny's family was having the "extended family" 4th of July cookout at their home. One of the special treats that year was the lighting of the fireworks (Roman candles, bottle rockets, missile batteries, etc.) they had bought out of state (they're illegal in their state, of course!) Just before they were to arrive, a cousin calls, saying their neighbor's plans had just fallen through, and could they bring them along to the picnic - they even had extra food to bring. "Sure, the more the merrier!" Upon arrival and meeting of their cousin's neighbor, it is discovered that he's a police officer. The father turns as innocently as he can to Johnny and whispers to him to grab the paper bag of fireworks sitting in the kitchen and hide them somewhere quickly. Johnny disappears, and the father changes the topic to food for the day. This family had brought some chicken to grill, so the father tells them the gas grill is all set to use out back - just turn on the gas and push the ignition button with the lid still closed. They head out to the back as Johnny comes back in through the front door. The father hurries to him and says "Whew, that was close! That man's a police officer, and he almost saw the fireworks. Did you hide them real well?" "Oh, yeah, nobody will ever think to look in the grill!" -<>- Old Mr. Smith, the school's principal, made it a practice to visit the classrooms one day a week. He walked into the 4th grade class, where the children were studying the states, and asked them how many states they could name. They came up with about 40 names. Mr. Smith jokingly told them that in his day students knew the names of all the states. Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Yes sir, but in those days there were only 13 states." -<>- .. ____ ____ . | / + \ || || /+ . \ . | |o x.| =**= _ =**= | o x| . | |____| || _( )_ || |____| . | || /_____\ || . | ______________//| |/__________________ . |_______^________/ | + | /____^_ . . _U_ / |___| // _U_ . | /_______________________________________// | . /|\ |______________________________________|/ /|\ >TOP TEN SIGNS YOU ARE IN FOR A LONG SERMON 10. There's a case of bottled water beside the pulpit in a cooler. 9. The pews have camper hookups. 8. You overhear the pastor telling the sound man to have a few (dozen!) extra tapes on hand to record today's sermon. 7. The preacher has brought a snack to the pulpit. 6. The preacher breaks for an intermission. 5. The bulletins have pizza delivery menus. 4. When the preacher asks the deacon to bring in his notes, he rolls in a filing cabinet. 3. The choir loft is furnished with recliners. 2. Instead of taking off his watch and laying it on the pulpit, the preacher turns up a four-foot hourglass. 1. The minister says, "You'll be out in time to watch the Super Bowl" and it's September. -<>- _|_ | / \ //_\\ //(_)\\ |/^\| ,%%%% // \\ ,@@@@@@@, ,%%%%/%%% // \\ ,@@@\@@@@/@@, @@@%%%\%%//%%%// === \\ @@\@@@/@@@@@ @@@@%%%%\%%%%%// =-=-= \\@@@@\@@@@@@;%#####, @@@@%%%\%%/%%// === \\@@@@@@/@@@%%%######, @@@@@%%%%/%%//| |\\@\\//@@%%%%%%#/#### '@@@@@%%\\/%~ | | ~ @|| %\\//%%%#####; @@\\//@|| | __ __ | || %%||%%'###### '@|| || | | | | | || ||##\//#### || || | | -|- | | || ||'#||###' || || |_|__|__|_| || || || || ||_/` ======= `\__||_._|| || jgs__||_/` ======= `\_||___ >The Argument Four members of the clergy had a theological argument, with the three male ministers siding against the female minister. The woman prayed, "Lord, I know I'm right. Please send us a divine sign to prove it." A big storm cloud materialized and there was a clap of thunder. "See," said the woman. "It's a sign from above." The three clergymen disagreed, saying thunder is a common phenomenon. "Dear Lord," the woman prayed, "I need a bigger sign." This time, a bolt of lightning slammed into a tree. "See! I told you I was right," the woman said. But the men insisted nothing had happened that couldn't be explained by natural causes. "Help me, Lord," the woman implored. And a deep voice came from the heavens: "SSSHHHEEE'S RRRIIIGGGHHHTTT!" The woman turned to the three clergymen and asked, "Well?" "Okay, okay," they said. "Now it's three against two." ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) God's Night Lights! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/night3.html Trucks! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/trucks.html Earth In Perspective 2! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/earth2.html Space Trivia Facts! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/spacetrivia.html Montreal Mosaicultures Show 2! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/montrealshow2.html That's God! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/thatsgod.html Rare Historical Photos! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/historyphotos.html Witty Comebacks! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/comebacks.html Junk Car Parts Art! http://www.shangralaf!amilyfun.com/junkcarart.html Sand Sculpture Art 5! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/sandart5.html Beautiful Exotic Birds 2! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/exoticbirds2.html Extreme Camping!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/camp.html Luxury Golf Carts!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/golfcarts.html Road Train Trucks!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/roadtrain.html World's Fastest Cars!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/fastcars.html Amazing Cop Cars 2!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/copcars2.html Garbage Truck Camper!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/garbage.html Classic Chevy Collection!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chevy.html Patriot Fire/Rescue/Transport!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/patriot.html Summer Index! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/summerindex.html -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) “The Land That Made Me Me” is a funny song about times long ago and far away that some will recall. It is truly amazing how fast things have changed in just a few short decades of existence. Keeping up with technology and social change can be exhausting for many people. https://youtu.be/J55S38xwxnQ --- ...HaHa! No Kidding! Thanks LouiseAu! Rain maker and magician Jeff McBride fools Penn and Teller. https://youtu.be/f9PL-uhjG5U Magician Doc Dixon from Atlanta fools Penn and Teller with his impossible original magic trick. https://youtu.be/2JlbKQm0mE4 The amazing magic of Ivan and Liubov Necheporenko on the French television show "Le Plus Grand Cabaret Du Monde" (The World's Greatest Cabaret). https://youtu.be/fXSzUThiq3o The Indian rope trick is stage magic performed in India since the 1800s. It is sometimes described as 'the world’s greatest illusion'. https://youtu.be/Tx_rqOjZOAg --- ...Wow! For sure! Thanks LouiseAu! Frank Sinatra sings “Send In The Clowns” while a compilation of classic entertainers is featured. I hope you enjoy this song and the memories of entertainers like Frank Sinatra, Milton Berle, Lucille Ball, Jackie Gleason, Jack Benny, Dom DeLuise, Red Skelton, Jerry Lewis, Phyllis Diller, Marty Feldman, Jonathan Winters, Sid Caesar, Imogene Coca, Martha Raye, Carol Burnett, Ruth Buzzi, Arte Johnson, Phil Silvers, Mickey Rooney, Ernie Kovacs, Flip Wilson, Abbott and Costello, Jimmy Durante, George Burns, Gracie Allen, Ed Wynn, Charlie Chaplin, Orson Welles, and Dean Martin. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h9CbgSj8CdY --- ...Super! All the best! Thanks LouiseAu! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "A gossip is one who talks to you about others, a bore is one who talks to you about himself; and a brilliant conversationalist is one who talks to you about yourself." --Lisa Kirk "Whenever I dwell for any length of time on my own short- comings, they gradually begin to seem mild, harmless, rather engaging little things, not at all like the staring defects in other people's characters." --Margaret Halsey "Since childhood is a time when kids prepare to be grown ups, I think it makes a lot of sense to completely traumatize your children. Gets 'em ready for the real world" --George Carlin "The website Vice has published a new article profiling items found in the New York's subway system's Lost and Found. The most common thing lost on the subway? An hour and a half." -Seth Meyers "A South Carolina elementary school's lunch program has added a food truck that serves the kids buffalo wings, tacos, and mac-and-cheese. It's all in keeping with the school's motto: 'It's Never Too Early To Give Up.'" -Conan O'Brien "The 12 boys who were rescued from a cave in Thailand last week are about to be released from the hospital. They said the first thing they want to eat is KFC. Then their doctor was like, 'My goodness, haven't you been through enough?'" -Jimmy Fallon >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah Shangy! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->ShangyFunList AD RATES: $20 will get your a message (of up to 40 words) out to all self-subscribed readers and $5 more will give you the same message also put up for all web site readers. Email me to secure dates. Ad Request ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ********************************************************************** >TO SUBSCRIBE:Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com **********************************************************************