Happy NUT Day! ... :) Shangy!
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~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~
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================
*~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny,
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-<>-
* NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or
any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving
the scroll button on the mouse.
You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in
your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while
pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for
smaller text!
================
>-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :)
This smoking hot new page is from our friends LouiseAu and
Geniann. It is sure to give you plenty of smiles for your day!
Be sure to check out this very cute and funny collection of
animal photos here:
. ,
|\_/| ,--.
(o.o) / __ |
`W'\ | / `'
(( ||/
``( // Erik Andersson
~~~'
Animals Caught By Surprise!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animalssurprise.html
---
...HaHa! So adorable! Thanks Ladies!
=======================================================
>-->From SmileZilla:
.-.
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;### ((.;;.)) ##:
.=._.; ,-*:;;:*-. *##:._.=,
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`-""-'
A tourist, driving by a Texas ranch, hit and killed a calf that was
crossing the road. The driver went to the owner of the calf and
explained what had happened. He then asked what the animal was worth.
"Oh, about $200 today," said the rancher. "But in six years, it would
have been worth $900. So $900 is what I'm out."
The tourist sat down and wrote out a check and handed it to the farmer.
"Here, is the check for $900," he said. "It's postdated six years from
now."
-<>-
A small boy came running downstairs, shouting, "Mom! Mom! I cleaned my
room without being told!"
"Well," said the mother, "that's wonderful! Thank you very much. It will
save me a lot of trouble, and it shows you are growing up."
"Yeah, but, Mom," said the boy, "don't jump to conclusions."
"I don't understand, dear," said his mother. "Conclusions?"
"Yeah, Mom," said the boy. "This isn't going to become a habit."
=======================================================
+------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+
October 22 is National Nut Day
October 23 is National Mole Day and TV Talk Show Host Day
October 24 is National Bologna Day and United Nations Day
October 25 is Punk for a Day Day and World Pasta Day
October 26 is Frankenstein Friday and National Mincemeat Day
October 27 is Make a Difference Day - neighbors helping neighbors,
National Tell a Story Day - in Scotland and the U.K., and Navy Day
October 28 is Plush Animal Lover's Day and Mother-In-Law Day
=======================================================
>-->From GoodCleanFun:
^..^
<( )>
\ /
/(oo)\ //
/ -- \ oo)
//| __ |\\ //U\
H (/oo\) H (/ H
|\oo/| -=/ \=-
\ /\ / ( _ )
U U | |
H H _l l_
~ ~
apx
Cow & Chicken
(cartoon series)
>Farming Career
The school of agriculture's dean of admissions was interviewing a
prospective student,
"Why have you chosen this career?" he asked. "I dream of making a
million dollars in farming, like my father," the student replied.
"Your father made a million dollars in farming?" echoed the dean,
much impressed.
"No," replied the applicant. "But he always dreamed of it."
-<>-
>In the Elevator
A woman walked into the elevator tossing her keys up in the
air and catching them. After one too many tosses, she dropped
the keys, and we watched as they disappeared into the crack
between the open doors and the floor.
I felt terrible for her. At least I did until she cried, "Oh no!
Not again!"
-<>-
>Grocery Bag
It was very crowded at the supermarket, and the customer in front of
me had a large order.
As the harried looking clerk lifted the final bag for her, its bottom
gave way, sending the contents crashing to the floor.
"They just don't make these bags like they used to," the clerk
quipped to the customer. "That was supposed to happen in your driveway!"
-<>-
>College Cafeteria
One outraged college student stomped up to the lunch line at the
cafeteria, holding a plate with a piece of pie on it.
"This is disgusting!" he exclaimed. "What kind of pie do you call this?!"
The lunch lady calmly put down her ladle, looked him in the eye and
snarled, "And just what does it taste like?"
"It tastes like cardboard and rubber cement!" the student cried.
The lunch lady thinks a moment, then replies, "That must be the
apple. The cherry pie tastes like stale crackers and soap."
-<>-
>At the Gas Station
I was pulling into a gas station one day when I saw a woman drive off
with the nozzle still in her gas tank. She jerked the nozzle right
off the hose. Realizing what she had done, she pulled back in, took
the nozzle out of the tank, and put it back on the pump. Then she
went inside to straighten things out with the management.
While she was inside, a young man pulled up to the pump. He took the
nozzle, with no hose attached, putting it into his tank. He couldn't
seem to figure out why he wasn't getting any gas. He even took the
nozzle out and repositioned it in the tank a couple times.
I thought about pointing out the obvious problem to him but then
decided that he'd be embarrassed enough when he figured it out on his
own.
=========================================================
&&&
&& &&
&&&&. &&& .&&&&&
&& &&& &&&&&&&&&
&&&&&&&&& & &` && &&
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&& .&_ oO_&.-.-.
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&&&~`'\`& It's NUT Day!!
&&&~` _&
&&&&` &&
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&&&&&&&
& &&&&&&&
&&;&&&&&&&
&&&&&&&&&& ~~~
.~~~~~ `&&&&&&&&& ~~~~
~~~~~~~~~;!&&&&&&&&&&~/~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~\~~~~&/` \`~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~ `~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~
~~~~ ~~~~
BP
>-->Happy NUT Day! :)
Josh: Which nut can be used as money?
Jim: I haven’t the foggiest.
Josh: A cash-ew.
Mother: What should we name our son?
Father: Pistachio.
Mother: Who would name their child Pistachio?
Father: A couple of nuts.
Chris: Knock, knock.
TJ: Who’s there?
Chris: Cash.
TJ: Cash, who?
Chris: No, thanks. I prefer peanuts!
Alex: What did the nut say when it sneezed?
John: I have no clue.
Alex: “Cashew!”
Q: What do you call nuts on a wall?
A: Walnuts.
Q: What do you call nuts on your chest?
A: Chestnuts.
Q: What does a robot do at the end of a one night stand?
A: He nuts and bolts.
-<>-
___
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>Squirrel Short Jokes
Q: How do squirrels remember where they stored their nuts during winter?
A: They use acorn-yms
Q: Why do squirrels swim on there back?
A: To keep their nuts dry!
Q: Why can't you be friends with a squirrel?
A: They drive everyone nuts.
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Q: Why don't squirrels wear skinny jeans?
A: Because their nuts won't fit.
Q: What is a squirrels favorite ballet?
A; The nutcracker.
Q: Why did the squirrel take apart the classic car?
A: To get down to the nuts and bolts.
Q: Why couldn't the squirrel eat the macadamia nut?
A: It was one tough nut to crack.
_ _
Beware the |\__/| .~ ~.
killer squirrels /o=o'`./ .'
will get yo {o__, \ {
o / . . ) \
o `-` '-' \ }
u .( _( )_.' -Rob Pomeroy-
:. '---.~_ _ _|
:.
Q: What do you get when you cross a spider and a squirrel?
A: A bug that will run up your leg and eat your nuts.
===========================================================
>-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
That Was DDDDEEEESSSSPICABLE!!!!!
___
__ _/:::>__
/:/_/::/ _/::>
_/:(/:::\_/::/
_):::::::::::::\
_/::::::::::::::::\____
/ \:::::::::/ \
| ::/\ :::::::: / \:: |
/ ::/ \ :::::: / |:::/
/:::| \::::::::/ |:::\
/::::| \::::::/ |::::\
,------: \::::/ :------,
/ ___ \0 / \ 0 / ___ \
: ,-' ) ` `---' `---' ( `-, :
\_ \ ' ` \_ _/
\____\ \/
\ _______\________
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\ ,- ,----------- _/
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(___________/__________\\ /
:;;;\___________________)
______,:;;;;;;;;:______
,;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;\_
/;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;\_
/;;;;;;__;;;; ;;;;;; ;;;;;;;;;;\
Targon
>SMILES
Tech: "Hello, this is tech support. What can I help you with today?"
User: (describes problem)
Tech: (rattles off computer jargon)
User: "Sorry, I don't understand. Can you explain what I should do as if
I were a small child?"
Tech: "Okay: 'Hi, could you please put your mommy on the phone?' "
----------
While taking a routine vandalism report at a primary school, I was
interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at
my uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?"
"Yes," I answered and continued writing the report.
"My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that
right?"
"Yes, that's right," I told her.
"Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would you
please tie my shoe?"
----------
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's
locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with
ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in
amazement and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a
little boy before?"
----------
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to the elderly,
I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was
unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly
the canes, walkers and wheelchairs.
One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass.
As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely
turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"
----------
Mother: "How's your history paper coming?"
Son: "Well, my history professor suggested that I use the Internet for
research and it's been very helpful.
Mother: "Really?"
Son: "Yes, so far I've located 17 people who sell them!
----------
The doorbell rang this morning. When I opened the door, there was my
mother-in-law on the front step.
She said, "Can I stay here for a few days?"
I said, "Sure you can." And shut the door.
-------
,--.,-"";-"-.
.-;-/ / / .- `\ .-.
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| _ / (` / |
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/ \=====| | |\|
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|=======/ |
|=======| | .--,
########\ |/ /
jgs |_|__|| ` `--.
,---;-'--'\ `--.
`---`-------'-.___,___.---'
>Words of wisdom from children...
1. Never trust a dog to watch your food. - Patrick, age 10
2. When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't
answer him. - Michael, 14
3. Never tell your mom her diet's not working. - Michael, 14
4. Stay away from prunes. - Randy, 9
5. When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.
- Taylia, 11
6. Never allow your three-year old brother in the same room as your
school assignment. - Traci, 14
7. Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac.
- Andrew, 9
8. Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time. - Kyoyo, 9
9. You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. - Armir, 9
10. Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts. - Kellie, 11
11. If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse. -Naomi, 15
12. Felt markers are not good to use as lipstick. - Lauren, 9
13. Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat.
- Joel, 10
14. When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when
she's on the phone. - Alyesha, 13
15. Never try to baptize a cat. - Eileen, 8
---
...LOL! Good ones! Thanks LouiseAu!
-<>-
)>==0
\/
|
|
/ \
ejm96 \ \
~ ~
>What are 'Taps' words?
Words to Taps? There are no "official" words to Taps
below are the words the Boy Scouts use:
Day is done, gone the sun,
From the lake, from the hills, from the sky;
All is well, safely rest, God is nigh.
Fading light, dims the sight,
And a star gems the sky, gleaming bright.
From afar, drawing nigh, falls the night.
Thanks and praise, for our days,
'Neath the sun, 'neath the stars, neath the sky;
As we go, this we know, God is nigh.
Sun has set, shadows come,
Time has fled, Scouts must go to their beds
Always true to the promise that they made.
While the light fades from sight,
And the stars gleaming rays softly send,
To thy hands we our souls, Lord, commend.
---
...Beautiful! Thanks LouiseAu!
See more about this here:
Taps Information
http://www.usmemorialday.org/taps.html
How Did Taps Originate?
https://www.history.com/news/how-did-taps-originate
=========================================================
>-->From HandyHints:
|..| ? ?
c >| ?
\'/
/><\
unknown
>Apply salt properly
Visit the spice aisle at the market, and you may see dozens
of different kinds of salt. Here's a quick salt usage cheat
sheet.
Kosher salt is perfect for all your cooking as it dissolves
fast and disperses flavor quickly.
Crystalline sea salt adds a burst of flavor to dishes that
are freshly cooked.
Flaked sea salt offers a touch of briny flavor to
vegetables, fish and almost any dish
-<>-
>Season as you cook
Instead, of waiting until after your dish is cooked, add
seasoning as you cook. This way, you can adjust the seasoning
as your dish progresses. Your food will taste more flavorful
because it's seasoned properly. As a side note, an extra
pat of butter or a bit of oil can lighten strong flavors,
and vinegar or lemon juice will reduce the excessive saltiness.
-<>-
>Remove Hard-Water Buildup with a Lemon
To get rid of hard-water buildup on a faucet, try this
natural solution: Cut a fresh lemon in half.
With one of the halves, use your thumbs to gently open up
the center. Then press the lemon onto the end of the faucet.
Put a small plastic bag around the lemon and secure it around
the faucet with a rubber band. Be sure that the rubber band
it cinched tightly and that the lemon is around the end of
the faucet.
Leave the lemon in place for a few hours to allow the citric
acid to work its magic. After you remove the lemon,
you may need to use a gentle scrubbing pad to wash off any
loosened hard-water buildup.
-<>-
>Clean the kitchen as you cook
When you're concentrating on making each dish just right,
you may not think about the mess you're creating on the
counters or in the sink. Consider taking a few minutes to
clean as you cook. Wipe spills and crumbs off counters,
rinse pans, and put away ingredients when you're finished
using them. You can then enjoy your meal and won't have to
spend all night cleaning the kitchen.
The next time you cook a meal, consider implementing these
10 unique and universal tricks and tips. They simplify your
meal prep, help you create amazing dishes and make you look
like a pro in the kitchen!
-<>-
>Make a No-Slip Cutting Board
Most cutting boards don't come with any kind of rubber
surface on the bottom to prevent them from sliding on a
countertop, but with a couple of rubber bands, you can
stabilize your cutting board and keep it from moving around
during use. Slip on two rubber bands - one at each end of the
cutting board - and you're good to go.
Make sure that the rubber bands lay flat and aren't twisted
when you put them on so the board will sit steady on your
countertop.
-<>-
>Clean a Cast Iron Skillet with Coarse Salt
To prevent rust and extend the life of a cast iron skillet,
it's best not to use soap to clean it. Instead, use a about
a tablespoon of coarse salt to scrub the pan after a meal.
The salt breaks up bits of stuck food and residue on the
skillet. Then you can toss the dirty salt in the trash,
rinse the pan with hot water and dry it with a clean towel.
To further protect a cast iron skillet, rub a few drops of
vegetable oil over the entire cooking surface.
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Bonnie :)
__________________
|| ||||||||||||||||||| / \
____|| ||||||||||||||||||| / \
\\\\ [] ||||||||||||||||||| / \
\____/ | | / |
|_____| _|__ __ __ __|_ / |
| | ( | (_o)-/~\-(o_) | ) / |
| | (| ( ) |) /\ |
| | | | / \ |
| |_______| / \ |_________ \ |
| | \ _____ / \ \ |
| | \ (_____) / \ \ |
| | \___________/ | \ __________________/
| | | ||||||||||| |
| / / ||||||||| | |
| / ||||||| | |
| / {o | |
\_____/ {o | |
| {o | |
| {o | |
T. Hawkins
A woman went to the doctor's office where she was seen by one of the
younger doctors.
After about four minutes in the examination room, she burst out
screaming as she ran down the hall.
An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told
him her story.
After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room.
The older doctor marched down the hallway back to where the young doctor
was writing on his clipboard.
"What is the matter with you?" the older doctor demanded. "Mrs. Terry
is 71 years old, has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and
you told her she was pregnant?"
The younger doctor continued writing and without looking up said,
"Does she still have the hiccups?"
---
...LOL! Thanks Bonnie!
Reminds me of the thyroid specialist I went to. He blatantly told
me I had been poisoning my heart for over 7 years using the amount
of thyroid medicine I was taking! I about had a heart attack in his
office and then he went to checking my nose to see if I was snorting
cocaine since my heart rate suddenly went sky high! The nerve of these
young doctors! I wasn't too surprised to learn that he just had a
patient transported to the hospital with heart related problems. He was
so cold and heartless! Fortunately he knew his job though and
prescribed me a step-down dosage of medicine that my regular doctor
didn't know about and I was able to be on a lesser dosage without ill
effects. I never went back to him again and hope to never have to!
=========================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
Eye Opening Hannity with Rush Limbaugh
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mmioB-JmdLY
Justice With Judge Jeanine with tour of Liberty University
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l6Rv_oJ6FjA
Ben Shapiro: 7 Myths of Democratic Socialism Debunke
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-oV45bde9mI
New Threat Coming to the Border
https://1600daily.com/2018/10/16/new-threat-coming-border/
Rosie’s Most Unhinged Comment Yet
https://1600daily.com/2018/10/19/rosies-unhinged-comment-yet/
SHOCKING: Big Tech Meddling in Midterms - they are all left leaning
https://1600daily.com/2018/10/19/shocking-big-tech-meddling-midterms/
Deep State Leaking Ring Uncovered
https://1600daily.com/2018/10/18/deep-state-leaking-ring-uncovered/
WhiteHouseNews:
https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/
Latest From AFA:
http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw
Students For Life
https://tinyurl.com/yd5nxmu6
Latest From OperationRescue:
http://www.operationrescue.org/
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
Can a pimp become a lawmaker in the United States? We are
talking about the country that elected Bill Clinton twice.
The real question is; can a DEAD pimp become a lawmaker in
the United States. In a bizarre political twist the answer
just might be 'Yes'.
The bizarreness started a few months ago when infamous
Nevada brothel owner Dennis Hof announced his candidacy
for a seat in the state assembly. And much like Donald
Trump's political ambition, it became much less absurd
when Hof actually won the primary over a three-term
Republican in a rural district in Southern Nevada.
Unfortunately for Hof, he died earlier this month,
apparently passing away quietly in his sleep. But that
hasn't stopped his political career.
Despite the slightly unorthodox fact that he is dead, Hof
will remain on the ballot. Officials in the Silver State
say it's too late to change the printed ballots since
they've already been mailed out for early voting. And now
he is expected to win by a landslide in the forthcoming
Nevada state legislature elections.
The so-called "Trump from Pahrump," who appeared in the
HBO documentary series Cathouse, owned a strip club and
five legal brothels in Nevada including the Bunny Ranch.
As The Guardian reports, Hof was running for a seat in a
heavily Republican district and had been favored to win...
"I feel very comfortable predicting that he is still going
to win the election on 6 November," his campaign manager,
Chuck Muth, said in an interview, adding that Republicans
had a 2-to-1 advantage over Democrats in the state assembly
district in terms of voter registration.
So what happens if he is elected? The vacancy, that spans
constituencies in multiple counties, will be filled via a
joint meeting process headed by county commissioners.
Muth explained, "[A lot of Republicans] will feel much more
comfortable casting the ballot for [Hof] knowing there will
be another Republican to replace him."
That's American politics for you.
-<>-
It's hard to come up with a crime that there isn't already
a law against, but the kids at one California junior high
school managed it. And they had to come up with a pretty
sick trick, too.
Davis, CA Police Lt. Paul Doroshov says he's never come
across a case like this.
"This is a weird one," he said. "I have not heard of anyone
getting sick or anybody being harmed as far as physically,
physiologically by this."
What the police are investigating is a disturbing report
that students at DaVinci Charter Academy made cookies mixed
with human remains and gave them to unknowing classmates to
eat.
Several students ate the cookies that police suspect may
have included the ashes of one of the student's grandparents.
So far, the evidence comes from student testimony. They
have not tested the cookies just yet. But once police
confirm that the two students were part of the morbid
plan, they will have the difficult task of figuring out
what crime could be charged.
"This is so unconventional, it would take more research,"
Lt. Doroshov said.
There have been plenty of cases of students bringing pot-
laced cookies to school, but cremated remain cookies is a
new one.
*-- Jets Explode After Mechanic Accidentally Fires Cannon
In what could be a scene from a Leslie Nielsen movie, the
crew servicing an F-16 fighter jet at a Belgian military
air base accidentally triggering the heavy aircraft cannon,
firing across the flight line and hitting two other parked
jets. Multiple reports indicate that a mechanic servicing
the parked aircraft accidentally fired the 20mm Vulcan
cannon at close range to two other parked F-16s. The air-
craft being serviced had just been refuelled and had its
six barrel cannon loaded as it was being prepped for an
afternoon training mission. The impact of the 20mm bullets
on the other aircraft, which the crew said was just out of
eyesight, caused the jet that was struck to explode
instantly. Photos of the aftermath show a completely
destroyed F-16 and another severely damaged. "You can't
help thinking of what a disaster this could have been,"
base commander Col. Didier Polome told a Belgian television
news station. But let's be fair, a good mechanic always
tests his work.
*-- Waste of a Good Pig Head --*
Customs officials at Atlanta's Hartsfield-Jackson Inter-
national Airport said a K-9 beagle sniffed out a roasted
pig head in a traveler's luggage. U.S. Customs and Border
Protection said Hardy, a CBP Agriculture Detector and
member of the agency's "Beagle Brigade," alerted officials
to the presence of the pig head in the checked baggage of
a traveler arriving from Ecuador. The nearly 2-pound pig
head was destroyed by authorities. "Our best defense
against destructive pests and animal diseases is to prevent
the entry of prohibited agriculture products from entering
the United States," said Carey Davis, CBP area port
director. "This seizure at ATL illustrate the tremendous
expertise of our four-legged K-9 partners in protecting
the United States." Customs said pork products are banned
from being transported to the United States from other
continents as they could carry animal diseases including
Foot and Mouth Disease, Classical Swine Fever and Swine
Vesicular Disease.
*-- It Takes A Lot of Balls --*
Multiple cars were damaged when a truck lost its load of
about 22,000 metal grinding balls, which then rolled down
a steep Seattle hill. Witnesses said the truck was going
up the steep incline of SW Genessee Street about 4:30 p.m.
when the back of the vehicle came open and the 2-pound
metal grinding balls, which are used to grind down stones,
fell out of the trailer and started rolling down the hill.
Police said at least six cars were damaged by the balls,
but no injuries were reported. The driver of the truck,
which had been destined for Salt Lake City, said he made a
wrong turn and ended up on the steep road. "All over the
road. I know I saw them bouncing down. Nothing I can do
right now 'til the police is finished with them," truck
driver Robert Herman said. Herman was cited for failing to
secure his load.
^-- The Sky is Falling --*
A piece of space junk that crashed down on a California
walnut orchard has been identified as a fuel tank from a
satellite. The Kings County Sheriff's Office said the
owner of the orchard found the large metal object Saturday
morning and investigators reached out to Vandenberg Air
Force Base in Santa Barbara County. The Air Force base did
some research into the object and determined it was likely
a fuel tank from a communications satellite owned by mobile
satellite communications company Iridium. Deputies reached
out to Iridium and a company representative determined the
fuel tank was from Iridium Satellite #70, which was launched
into space in late 1997 or early 1998. Iridium, which took
custody of the fuel tank, said it was the first piece
recovered from one of the company's satellites after
reentering the atmosphere.
=========================================================
>-->From TheGroaner:
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>She Rolled Her Eyes
Two monsters went to a Halloween party.
Suddenly one said to the other, "A lady just rolled her eyes at me.
What should I do?"
The other monster replied, "Be a gentleman and roll them back to her."
-<>-
.-"""".
/ \
__ / .-. .\
/ `\ / \/ \
| _ \/ .==.==.
| ( \ /____\__\
\ \ (_()(_()
\ \ '---._
\ \_
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/ \| /\___/
| \ \||VV
| \ \|"""",
| \ ______)
\ \ /`
jgs \(
>The Vampire Bar
It was Halloween and three vampires went into a saloon and walked up
to the bar.
"What will you have?" the bartender asked.
"I'll have a glass of blood," the first replied.
"I'll have a glass of blood, too, please," said the second.
"I'll have a glass of plasma," said the third.
"OK, let me get this straight," the bartender said. "That'll be two
bloods and a blood light?"
-<>-
>Q and A Quickies
.-.
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Q: What is a ghost's favorite fruit?
A: Booberries!
Q: Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?
A: Because they have a lot of spirit.
Q: What do vampires have at eleven o'clock every day?
A: A coffin break!
Q: What do you call a ghost's mother and father?
A: Transparents!
_..._
.' '.
; __ __ ;
|/ \ / \|
|\| -- ' -- |/|
|(| \o| |o/ |)|
_\| > |/_
.-' | ,.___., | '-.
\ ; V'-'V ; /
`\ \ / /`
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jgs `\\_//`
Q: How do vampires start their letters?
A: "Tomb it may concern..."
Q: What dog breed would Dracula love to have as a pet?
A: Blood hound!
Q: What Is A Rednecks Favorite Halloween Activity?
A: Pump-Kin.
Q: What do you call a cat that throws great parties?
A: The Great Catsby!
.--. .--.
| = o\ | = o\
\= =_/ \= =_/
)= \____ )= \____
; = _|__-\ ; = _|__-\
|= ----.\ |= ----.\
('.==| ('.==|
/ \=\=\ / \=\=\
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_jgs_..-' /__) \__)__..-' /__) \__)
Q: What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
A: "Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back."
=========================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
______
.-' . . .'-.
/ ' \ ' \
| ' \ ' |
| : () : |
| . . |
\ . . . . /
`-.______.-'
)(
/ \
/ ?? \
(weight)
___)____(___
jgs [____________]
A man and his friend were exiting a drugstore and at the front
door there was a scale.
"Look, a scale," the man said to his friend. "Let's see how my
new diet is working out."
He stepped on the scale.
"I can't believe it!" he said as he read the result. "I've been
on this diet for two weeks but the scale says I'm heaver than
I was before! How can that be?"
He pondered this as he stepped off the scale, then had a
thought. He took off his jacket and handed it to his friend.
"Here, hold my jacket," he said.
The friend took the jacket as the man stepped back on the scale.
Not much change.
"Here," he said as he handed his purchase from the drugstore to
his friend. "Hold my Twinkies too."
-<>-
The elevator in our building malfunctioned one day, leaving
several of us stranded. Seeing a sign that listed two
emergency phone numbers, I dialed the first and explained our
situation.
After what seemed to be a very long silence, the voice on
the other end said, "I don't know what you expect me to do
for you; I'm a psychologist."
"A psychologist?" I replied. "Your phone is listed here as
an emergency number. Can't you help us?"
"Well," he finally responded in a measured tone. "How do you
feel about being stuck in an elevator?"
-<>-
A woman said to her friend, "I don't know what to do. My
husband is such a mess maker that you can't imagine. He
doesn't put anything in its place, I am always going around
the house organizing things."
The friend says, "Take a tip from me. The first week after
we were married I told my husband firmly, 'Every glass and
plate that you take, wash when you are done and put back
in its place.'"
The first woman asked, "Did it help?"
Her friend said, "I don't know. I haven't seen him since."
-<>-
"My invention can detect human stupidity. It has a very
simple interface. All I do is point it at people."
"Then what does it do?"
"Why would it need to do anything else?"
--Dogbert, Dilbert
-<>-
_...._
.'.o' o.'.
/o o .o' o'\
|'.o 'o. o'.o|
|o. o' o 'o .|
\ o .o.'o'./
'._o__o_.'
\ /
||
||
||
||
||
jgs ||
\/
Teeing off on the 12th hole at a golf resort, we stopped to
buy cold drinks from the young woman driving the beverage
cart. As my buddy reached for his wallet, he said to her,
"You're in great shape. You must work out a lot."
Flattered, she gave him a big smile and gushed, "Oh, thank
you so much!"
The next day a different young woman was driving the cart.
"Watch this," I whispered. I walked up to her and said,
"Wow, you look great. You must work out a lot."
"Yeah," she replied flatly. "You should try it."
-<>-
I was walking past an alley last night, when I heard, "Help!
Help!" coming from behind a dumpster. Two thugs were trying
to steal an old lady's handbag, but she was putting up a
heck of a fight and wouldn't let go.
I wondered if I should get involved, or keep walking and
pretend I didn't see anything.
I finally decided that I should help.
She was one tough old lady, but the three of us finally got
that handbag.
=========================================================
>-->From TheMouth:
.-.
.-. /___\
/___\ /.....\
/.....\ /:::::::\ .-.
/:::::::\ /#########\ /___\
/#########\ ########### /.....\
########### `"""""""""`/:::::::\
`"""""""""` /#########\
jgs ###########
`"""""""""`
>Steven Seagal Movies We Have Yet to See
Steven Seagal in...You Can't Eat Just One
Steven Seagal in...Fries Down Below
Steven Seagal is...On Deadly Ground Beef
Steven Seagal is...Out For Lunch
Steven Seagal in...Deep Fried Justice
Steven Seagal is...Above the Weight Limit
Steven Seagal in...Can't Stop Sweating
Steven Seagal in...Tight Pants
Steven Seagal is...Having Seconds
Steven Seagal in...Half Past Donuts
-<>-
.-----.
.' - - '.
/ .-. .-. \
| | | | | |
\ \o/ \o/ /
_/ ^ \_
| \ '---' / |
/ /`--. .--`\ \
/ /'---` `---'\ \
'.__. .__.'
`| |`
| \
\ '--.
'. `\
`'---. |
jgs ,__) /
`..'
>Top Things You Should Not Say To A Judge
1. "I got your community service right here pal!"
2. "Boy your chamber sure does look different with the lights on."
3. "You couldn't carry Wapner's gavel you moron!"
4. "You're not as easy to buy as others said you were."
5. "No, you robe wearing geek."
6. "I don't suppose there's a "You get me off, I get you off" type
of deal out there?"
7. "Just out of curiosity, are you wearing pants?"
=========================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
Maxine On Fall!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/maxineonfall.html
Bucket List!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bucketlist3.html
Extreme Dog Grooming!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/doggrooming.html
Dangerous Critters 2!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dangerouscritters2.html
Loveable Pooches!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/loveablepooches.html
Manly Man Things!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/manlyman.html
Amazing Dog Houses 2!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/doghouses2.html
Maxine On Halloween!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/maxineonhalloween.html
Chinese Walmart!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chinawalmart.html
Macro Spider Photos!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/spiders.html
Chinese Olympic Cuisine!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/olympic.html
Halloween Cakes!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hcakes.html
Why Did She Lose?
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whyhillarylost.html
Menu Bloopers!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/menubloopers.html
Recycling Ideas 2!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/recycling2.html
Maxine On Jesus!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/maxineonjesus.html
Signs For Women!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wsigns.html
Sweet Little Pad!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/homepad.html
World's Unique Bone Fields!
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/boneyards.html
Fall And Halloween INDEX!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/halloweenindex.html
-<>-
Some of Shangrala's Best Pages
http://www.amazafamily.com/index.html
-<>-
The Weirdest Details About 20 Famous Movie Props
From Cracked.com: By now we've pretty much established that Hollywood
types are making everything up as they go along. Well, apparently that
goes double when it comes to property masters. There are bizarre,
hilarious, creepy stories behind most of the props you see on screen in
iconic movies and TV shows. Consider the stories behind these famous
doodads:
https://tinyurl.com/y8qhkv2j
Every Saturday Night Live Movie, Ranked
From Vulture.com: To date, 11 movies based on hit SNL sketches have hit
theaters, in which the most popular recurring characters get 90 minutes
of big-screen time to tell a story far too big for a five-minute sketch.
Which is best? Which is worst? Let's find out!
http://www.vulture.com/2018/10/best-snl-movies-ranked.html
Cats That Look Like Ron Swanson
Take a look at some felines that resemble the manliest man walking
the Earth today! That's right, it's Ron Swanson - The Director of the
Parks and Recreation Department of Pawnee, Indiana.
http://bit.ly/okbQf3
18 Things That Everyone Loves, That You Can't Freaking Stand
Cracked.com: There are certain things that absolutely everyone loves.
More often than not, those same things set our teeth on edge. So we
asked our readers which insanely popular things they absolutely hate,
and why.
https://tinyurl.com/y9wcfwup
Best Songs Of The 50's (1953-1957)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_RCRZxIqMZ8
Top Songs of 1963
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FHTUKcniD2U
Top Songs of 1964
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5tVZJeZ55W0
First appearance of Tim Conway's Oldest Man character
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S_9RWUV8MvA
Top 10 Saturday Night Live Cast Members of All Time
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ff5WfuepdcE
Tearful Reunion with pets after Hurricane Harvey
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SEu8bJORcX4
Kittens Swim Up To Fisherman's Boat Looking for Help
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3c4KhoCFxzA
When A Man Went To Help An Owl Trapped In Fishing Line, The
Raptor’s Reaction Came Out Of The Blue
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iRVxfTCYriA
-<>-
>From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
See how a man rescued a drowning puppy from flood waters in this
heartwarming video. The man is Don Smith and he was working as a news
cameraman when St. Louis experienced major flooding in 1993. While
filming the flooding his crew saw this puppy struggling to survive in
the water and Don made the decision to risk his own life to rescue the
puppy. The puppy was adopted by the helicopter pilot and was
appropriately named “Rescue”.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_PR5m0Wpa5Q
---
...Awww, love this! Thanks LouiseAu!
In the town of Agra, in Northern India, lived in the 17 century a
queen... Translation: "In the town of Agra, capital of the Mughal empire
in Northern India, lived in the 17 century a queen, and a very old
gardener who took loving care of the fairy tale gardens of the Taj
Mahal, a magnificent mausoleum of white marble, whose main entrance was
guarded by two immense elephants."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JBNgQvUVryc
---
...Wow! Pretty Cool! Thanks LouiseAu!
=======================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"A new study finds that having acne could be a good thing
because it protects your skin from aging. And then teenagers
were like, 'Right now it just feels like it's protecting me
from girls.'" -Jimmy Fallon
"Over the weekend, a 102-year-old woman got herself arrested
so she could check that off of her bucket list. Now, it all
seems like a cute story until you learn that the arrest was
for triple homicide." -Conan O'Brien
"Paris Hilton just bought an $8,000 Chihuahua. The dog
weighs 12 ounces. I've eaten hot dogs that weigh more than
12 ounces. That's not even officially a dog, that's a
hamster; she spent eight grand on a hamster." -Jimmy Kimmel
"Medical marijuana users are now lobbying for the right to
carry firearms. Because no one is a better shot than a
stoned old man with glaucoma." -Conan O'Brien
"A new study found that dogs can actually feel genuine love
for their owners. While cats just keep a journal of all the
things they hate about you." -Jimmy Fallon
"China has overtaken the United States as the world's
biggest food and grocery market. That means they buy and
consume more food than we do. Which when you think about
it of course they do. A half hour after they eat, they're
hungry again. It's Chinese food." -Jimmy Kimmel
"Wal-Mart is working on a self-driving shopping cart that
would return itself to the store after you're done using it.
Though the minute that Wal-Mart shopping cart becomes self-
aware, it's going to drive itself to Target and never look
back." -Jimmy Fallon
"In France, a shipment that was supposed to contain orange
juice was discovered to actually contain a massive shipment
of cocaine. Either way, a great way to start your morning."
-Conan O'Brien
"IHOP is now making their own beer. It's perfect for people
who think Waffle House beer is just a little too trashy."
-Jimmy Fallon
"They certainly give very strange names to diseases."
--Plato
"My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she
enjoyed it."
--Mark Twain
"It's choice - not chance - that determines your destiny."
--Jean Nidetch
"He who hesitates is a darned fool."
--Mae West
"I have been through some terrible things in my life, some
of which actually happened."
--Mark Twain
"It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it."
--Steven Wright
"Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time."
- Steven Wright
"You cannot escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading
it today."
- Abraham Lincoln
"I can think of nothing less pleasurable than a life devoted to
pleasure."
- John D. Rockefeller
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61
NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home
Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the
Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
Share
A Recipe
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