Happy New Year Smiles... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Friend Me / Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND For Google Plus Users: You can find me here... Shangy Bigham https://plus.google.com/106648555948034085752/posts AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :) -<>- * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! .:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:. __, ,__) __, ,__) __, ,__) (--|__| _ ,_ ,_ (--|\ | _ (--\ | _ _ ,_ _| |(_||_)|_)(_| _| \|(/_(_|_) \|(/_(_|| ( | | ,_| ( (__| *~* MAY YOU HAVE A MOST BLESSED, HAPPY, HEALTHY AND PROSPEROUS NEW YEAR! ##, ,## '##,C H I N E S E N E W Y E A R ,##' '## ##' ## __, ## ## __.-' \ ## ## ___.-'__.--'\ | ##, ## .-' .-, ( | | _ '## ##/ / /""=\ \ | | / \ ##, '#| |_\ / / | | / \ '## / `-` a a '-'`\ | | | | \ ,## \_, (__) ,_/ / / | \ \ ##' / / \ \\ / / | |\ \ ## __ | /`.__.-'-._)|/ / | | \ \##`__) \ ^ / / | | | v## '--. '._ '-'_.' / _.----. | | l ,## (_,' '##'-, ` `"""/ `'/| | / ,##--, ) '#/` ` ' |' ##' `" | 2 0 1 6 /\_/#' jgs | __. .-,_.;###` _|___/_..---'''` _/ (###' .-'` ____,...---""``` `._ ( --'' __,.,---. ',_) `.,___,..---'`` / / \ '._ | | ( ( `. '-._) | / \ \ \'-._) | | \ \ `"` | | \ \ | | .-, ) | | | ( ( / / | | \ '---' / / \ `-----` | , / |(_/\-, \ ,_`) 2016 Year Of The Red Monkey :) `-._) .:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:. >-->From SmileZilla: ^ _...._ ^ .' '. _...._ ^ / \' '. |X / \ -. \ |X | ^ .-. |'.-. .' \ / \;/ `/\` '. .' / \ ( `/\` / \ \ ^ `) ^ / \ ) ( ^ /'-...-'\ ( \ /-.__ __.-\ ) jgs '._ ` _.' ^ / `"""""` Christmas Break was over and the teacher was asking the class about their vacations. She turned to little Johnny and asked what he did over the break. "We visited my grandmother in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania," he replied. "That sounds like an excellent vocabulary word," the teacher said. "Can you tell the class how you spell that?" Little Johnny thought about it and said, "You know, come to think of it, we went to Ohio." -<>- A school kid asks his teacher, "Is it true that the law of gravity keeps us on Earth?" The teacher replied, "Yes." The kid then asked, "What kept us before the law was passed?" -<>- A world-famous and very dignified psychiatrist called a plumber to fix the flooded bathroom in his office. When the plumber arrived, he was carrying an extra set of used overalls. The dapper, impeccably groomed and expensively dressed doctor smirked in a condescending way and said: "Do you usually need a change of OVERALLS?!" The plumber just smiled. When he was done, the plumber gave him the bill and told him he had to get some more equipment from his truck. He explained that he needed a new assistant because of all the work and was short-handed. He asked the psychiatrist if he knew of any friends who might want the job. The psychiatrist raised his eyebrows and pointed at his suit, his shoes, his degree and his office: "I'm well known in my field around the world! I am a psychiatrist. Now, do I LOOK like someone who would have a PLUMBER for a friend?" "You're right. A high class guy like you in a fancy suit and those shined up shoes would never know plumbers," said the plumber apologetically. He put the overalls down on a chair. "I'm very sorry..." "I am on my way to give a presentation to the College of Psychiatrists! I'm sure I WON'T be meeting any plumbers there! I do not count PLUMBERS among my friends!" smirked the upper-crust doctor, as he checked his shoes to make sure the shine was still perfect and carefully tightened the knot of his tie. "Now I suggest you get to work!" "YES SIR!" said the plumber. It seemed the right thing to do to call the eminent psychiatrist 'sir'. "I won't forget! I'm sorry sir!" When the plumber returned, he entered the psychiatrist's office, stopped and stared. There on the floor were the doctor's brand new mirror-polished $1,000 handmade Italian leather shoes - but their owner's feet were no longer in them. A few feet away, he saw the doctor's black silk socks. But the psychiatrist’s feet were not inside those either. The plumber grinned and followed the trail: Next he found the hand-tailored $2,000 Armani pinstriped business suit that the doctor had been wearing, also neatly folded, with attached paisley braces. Then he found the natty Hermes silk tie and the matching pocket square tossed on the floor. After that he saw the monogrammed gold cufflinks, starched white shirt, silver tiepin and Rolex - in a trail across the floor into the bathroom. The psychiatrist’s medical degree and briefcase were piled up next to them. The plumber laughed and picked up the doctor's very expensive shoes and socks and his silk tie and his beautiful Italian suit and went in to the bathroom. There was the respected and formerly dignified psychiatrist - wearing the overalls, lying under the sink with his bare feet sticking out in an extremely undignified way. The plumber tapped on the soles of the formerly dapper doctor's feet with his own high-class shoes. The psychiatrist looked out, with sweat streaming down his hundred dollar haircut. The plumber grinned. He said, "What is the famous and respected psychiatrist doing under the SINK! Here are your suit, your shoes, your socks and your tie...SIR!" The psychiatrist grabbed his silk socks and wiped the sweat off his face with them. He blew his nose in his silk tie. He took his very expensive shoes and tossed them one at a time into the trash. He grabbed his Armani suit jacket and tied it around the leaky pipe. He took the suit trousers and ripped them down the middle. He pointed at the plumber's bill and said, "Sir, You found your assistant." -<>- . . : . '.@.' /^\ / \ /2016 \ @@@@@@@@@ / 6 6 \ ( ^ ,) \ __, /-._ `._____.'\ `--.__ \\/ `/``"""'-. / ) / : | /\ | .--. : / /\2`\ \/ `.__.:.____.-. / / /`\0`\`/ .-"..____.-. \ jgs _.-' /_/ `\1`\ \-. \ `=----' `\6`\--------'""`-. \ `" `-./ `" >25 Things You Know If You Have A Son 1. A king size water bed holds enough water to fill a 2000 square foot house 4 inches deep. 2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite. 3. A 3-year old boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant. 4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 x 20 foot room. 5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up in the air a few times, before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way. 6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan. 7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words 'uh oh', it's already too late. 8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it. 9. A six-year old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies. 10. Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four-year-old boy. 11. Playdoh and microwave should not be used in the same sentence. 12. Super glue is forever. 13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water. 14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O. 15. VCR's do not eject 'PB & J' sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do. 16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes. 17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving. 18. You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is. 19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens. 20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a five-minute response time . 21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy. 22. It will, however, make cats dizzy. 23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy. 24. 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids. 25. 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ December 28 is Boxing Day and Card Playing Day December 29 is Pepper Pot Day December 30 is National Bicarbonate of Soda Day December 31 is Make Up Your Mind Day, New Year's Eve and Unlucky Day January 1 is New Year's Day January 2 is Run up the Flagpole and See if Anyone Salutes Day January 3 is Festival of Sleep Day, Fruitcake Toss Day and Humiliation Day ======================================================= >-->HAPPY NEW YEAR SMILES: _..@._ .' `\ / - - | / a a /, , | ^ D) ) ||\ , \ .__, /'. '. |\`,'/ .-';`-.___..;.-'\ \ \ _| / | .` _.; | -.`| \ _.-'| | \ ' \ 2 | . .' | | '._/`; 0 \ / /___\. / \ 1 \ | .`;,' _\_ | \ 6 '.| _/___|_/_|_}_ /\__ ' `'. '; \___________/ | ',`'-.,_'. \ | | \/`'. ._,;`'. \ | HAPPY | \ `\.' `| \ || NEW | | .' /-`\/| YEAR! | ;.' . _.'` / || | .' ,-' / / ;`-------`; / .'`; \ ( '._ _.' \ ( \ ` )`'`( \_,()))) jgs .' '. `"""""""""` >Top 10 New Year's Resolutions 1. Spend more time with the family. 2. Take more exercise - Get fit. 3. Lose (loose!) weight. 4. Give up smoking (again). 5. Get out of dept. 6. Learn a new skill, take up a new hobby. 7. Put something into the community -help others. 8. Get organized. Else buy shares in diary, or companies selling electronic planners! 9. Become more security conscious. 10.Give up drinking, at least for the first week of January! -<>- >New Year Quotes: How you elect to spend New Year’s Eve will depend on your: 1. age 2. remaining levels of optimism 3. threshold of pain - Joseph Connolly Every New Year’s I have the same question, “How did I get home?” - Melanie White An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves. - Bill Vaughan On New Years, just remember: if your cup runneth over, you’ve probably reached your limit. - Melanie White "Out with the old, in with the new" is a fitting expression for a holiday that is based on vomiting. - Andy Borowitz New Years parades have a lot in common with Santa Claus. Nobody is awake to see either one of them. - Melanie White Every New Years I celebrate making it through another holiday season without killing my relatives. - Melanie White My new years resolution is not to shovel snow. Since I'm gonna be in Florida, I feel pretty good about it. - Greg Tamblyn New Year’s Eve, when auld acquaintances be forgot. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive. - Jay Leno Heartwarming Miami tradition: Asking people not to shoot guns into the air on New Year's Eve. - Dave Barry I like New Years. The confetti covers up my dandruff. - Melanie White I love when they drop the ball in Times Square. It's a nice reminder of what I did all year. - Bridger Winegar @bridger_w New Years is a time for new beginnings. Now if I could just figure out where to start. - Melanie White My New Year’s resolution is to take all the Christmas lights down by Easter. - Melanie White The first week of January, gyms and yoga classes everywhere are packed with people who made new years resolutions to tone up. It’s like sardines in there. Big sardines. But they’re all gone by February. - Anonymous Every New Years I resolve to lose 20 pounds, and I do. The problem is that I gain 30. - Melanie White I think it’s great to make your first date a New Year’s party. That way, you’re at least sure you’ll get to first base. - Melanie White Women get a little more excited about New Years Eve than men do. It’s like an excuse: you drink too much, you make a lot of promises you’re not going to keep; the next morning as soon as you wake up you start breaking them. For men, we just call that a date. - Jay Leno -<>- .~~~~. |2016| _|____|_ }-{ A P P Y (_,/\ \ \,~,/(`^ ^( ) /\/ E W \_/ ) \-' ) ( |\| (.-' '--.) \./ \( /(_)-(_) \ | E A R \\/ /\ /`\ \ \_/ / . \ // /'---'\`/_ _/ ^ ^ ;--; .--`| ^ ^ /` `), /` . \ ^ /` ) . '). ~^~`/ ( \^ / ( ' \^-~`-~ - ^ ~^- . )/ . ) '-.;~^-~^~- ~^~- / `\ - . ~^~ ,-.`~~^~^~^ ~- `^_~-~^-| \^ \~_~^ -~^~- ~^`~^ ^~ ~_jgs .-./__/\__`\-. ~^_-~^- ~^- ^~ `-^~=~-`=~-~=-' ~ >New Year Greetings 2016 Let’s share these happy new year greetings with friends & family: Just a new bloom spreads fragrance and freshness around... May the new year add a new beauty and freshness into your life. Happy New Year. Cheer to a New Year and another chance for us to get it right Wish you and your family a joyful, bright, healthy, prosperous and happiest new year ahead! Happy New Year Welcome New Year… We look forward to you A year of wonderful happiness A year of good health A year of great success A year of incredibly good luck A year of continuous fun A year of world peace Happy New Year 2016 2016- Happy New Year Before the calendar turns a new leaf over, before the social networking sites get flooded with messages, before the mobile networks get congested, let me take a quiet moment out to wish you a wonderful, happy, healthy and prosperous New Year Happy New Year. May the New Year bring to you warmth of love, and a light to guide your path towards a positive destination. May this new year brings all the crazy colors and fun in your life. As this year is ending, I wish all the negativity and difficulties also end with this year and 2016 bring success and desired results for you. As the new year renews all the happiness and good tidings, hope the joyful spirit keeps glowing in the your heart forever! Happy New Year! This New Year I wish that God showers you with His choicest Blessings, Fate never takes you for a bumpy ride, Cupid strikes you with his sweetest arrow, Lady Luck bestows upon you health and wealth, your Guardian Angel keeps your mind alert and bright. Wishing you beautiful moments, treasured memories, and all the blessing a heart can know. Happy New Year! ================================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: _,._ .--. __.' _) / ,~p`-, <_,)'.-"a\ __/) \ \_.-"` /' ( \ __/` /) ) ( _.-----..,-' (`"--^ | d '-,.------. '`) ,/ ."\ // | `"-.__,' \-' / ( | (| `; , | | , ,` | / ) ; \ ;.----/ ,/ \, \----.; / / / / ) // / | |\ \ / ) ) `\ \\ ( ,/_."` /` \ \\`\ | |/ / / / / / // / /_)\ |___ \ \\ \ | |\/ "`=` "``=` ` '~~~~~` `" `" `"` ___ ,_) ____) ,_) ____) (-|_\ |_/ (-| _,,_,_,|_ (-(__ ',_ _ _| \(_|| \ _|__(_|| | ||_) ____)(_|_)|| |(/_ ( \_, ( |_, ( |_, >Gift Suggestions I you have an "Automotive Minded" Person in your life, these gift suggestions should be considered. 1. Tire Air Change Kit. This kit comes with everything you need to change the air in your tires. This highly recommended but often overlooked maintenance item is much easier now. Remember to change your air every 3000 miles or twice a year. $25 2. Blinker Fluid. You knew it existed but, WOW, is this stuff hard to find. 4oz bottle. $12 3. Synthetic Blinker Fluid. Better yet! 4oz bottle. $24 4. Light Bulb Filaments. Why throw away a perfectly good turn signal or stop light bulb when you can just install a new filament? Premium Filaments, made in the USA! $1 ea. 5. Manifold Heat. Yes, your exhaust manifold should be HOT. If it's not, you may need this item. Sold by the pound. $3.50 6. Steering Wheel Gaskets. All SIZES available! Email for specific application. From $9.99 7. Tie Rod Tensioner. Is your tie rod limp? Tension it with T-50! $14.99 8. Alternator Batteries. (4 required, replace them all!) From $2.99 9. Fan Belt Buckles. Specify brass or chrome. Gold available special order. $14.99 10. Muffler Bearing Manual. Print version $59.95 11. Muffler Bearing Manual. CD version $49.99 12. Universal Muffler Bearing Tool Kit $105.59 13. Muffler Bearing Hi Temp Synthetic Lube (the only kind we sell!) $40.24 14. Muffler Bearings From $19.95 15. Muffler Bearing Gasket Kits From $9.99 16. Momentum (required for tackling some off road obstacles). Sold by the lb-ft/sec $0.50 17. Microsoft Windows Eliminator. If your car or truck begins to run poorly, (long time to start, frequent crashes, etc.), it's computer, (ecm, ecu, black box, etc.), may have become infected with this nasty computer virus. This product will safely remove the virus. $199 18. Mirror Image Flipper Film. Did you know that the image you see in your rear view mirrors are reversed! This is a manufacturing flaw that the auto companies have kept secret for years as the recall would cost BILLIONS! This film can be cut and placed over any mirror to correct the image. Now you'll be able to read signs in the rear view mirror! $5 per square ft. -<>- >Airport Mistletoe It was the beginning of December. The trip had gone reasonably well, and he was ready to go home. The airport on the other hand had turned a tacky red and green with loudspeakers blared annoying elevator renditions of cherished Christmas carols. Being someone who took Christmas very seriously, and being slightly tired, he was not in a particularly good mood. Going to check in his luggage, he saw hanging mistletoe. Not real mistletoe, but very cheap plastic with red paint on some of the rounder parts and green paint on some of the flatter and "pointier" parts, that could be taken for mistletoe only in a very Picasso sort of way. With a considerable degree of irritation and nowhere else to vent it, he said to the lady attendant, "Even if I were not married, I would not want to kiss you under such a ghastly mockery of mistletoe." "Sir, look more closely at where the mistletoe is." (pause) "Ok, I see that it's above the luggage scale, which is the place you'd have to step forward for a kiss." "That's not why it's there." (pause) "Ok, I give up. Why is it there?" "It's there so you can kiss your luggage goodbye." -<>- ( .===. /-=(o=`. | ,__.-"`` _/ : | , _..--""` : | __)\____ .-" : ' : | _.-' .`-. ." : : ; _,____ c--. .'/~~````"`z/~'"` ." : : / /` \ ` _^_\ ^^ _,.-" : . : / `~~~\ _/---'\\ ^ `---'=-.,_;` ' ,=' `~~~ ~~ `:=-=.=-=' | /`| /` |(__|(__ ____),_) ____ ,_) ,_) ____`^```^```,_) (-(__ |_ ,_ _ (-| \ _ | _ |_ ',_ (-/ \ _,'| ____)| || (/_(_|_) _|__/(_)||_)| ||| | \__/\(_|(_||| ( |_, ( | |_, |_, \_, >Politically Correct Holiday Greetings To all my Liberal Friends: Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all; PLUS A fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great, (not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only "AMERICA" in the western hemisphere), and without regard to race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, or choice of computer platform. (Disclaimer: By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher who assumes no responsibility for any unintended emotional stress these greetings may bring to those not caught up in the holiday spirit.) To all my Conservative Friends: Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseA :) / / ___ (\/_//`) /{ _ .=" "=._.---. / '/ <')_/ ) ." c ' Y'`p 0 0 \ /{ _ (_=)/ / , `. w_/ / \ <')_/ ) ="- | '-. / / / __/ \ (_=)/ _,..._\ )_-\ \_=.\ /, _/ \ \_ ="- `-....-'`------)))`=-'"`'" `-./ ) | ~^~ ( / _, ,__) ____ ____ ,_) (-|__| _ ,_ , (-|__) _ _, _ ,_ (-/ _` _ _,-|- _| |(/_| |/_) _|__)(/_(_|\/(/_| _\__)(_)(_| | ( |_, ( ( >Get Ready For Another Year Of Doom......... IDIOT SIGHTING I handed the teller @ my bank a withdrawal slip for $400.00 I said "May I have large bills, please" She looked at me and said "I'm sorry sir, all the bills are the same size. "When I got up off the floor I explained it to her.... IDIOT SIGHTING When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'it's open!' His reply: 'I know. I already got that side.' This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, MS IDIOT SIGHTING We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.' I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, 'NO, it's not..' Four is larger than two.' We haven't used Sears repair since. IDIOT SIGHTING My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter. She said, 'you gave me too much money.' I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back. She sighed and went to get the manager, who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said 'We're sorry but we could not do that kind of thing.' The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change. Do not confuse the clerks at McD's. IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.' He said he was sorry, but they only had ice burg lettuce. From Kansas City IDIOT SIGHTING I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, 'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?' To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?' He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.' Happened in Birmingham , Ala. IDIOT SIGHTING The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!' She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS IDIOT SIGHTING At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who was leaving the company due to 'downsizing", our manager commented cheerfully, 'This is fun. We should do this more often.' Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare. This was a lunch at Texas Instruments. IDIOT SIGHTING I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on. A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriff’s office, no less. -<>- .:::. _,,,_ .:::. ::(\:::.-'"` `"'-.:::/):; `:::\:` `:/:::' `:: ::' ____ ,_) / .:::. .:::. \ (-|__)_,,_ _| _, | ::::0} {0:::: | _| (_|| |(_|(_| | ::::/ \:::: | ( |_, | ''/ \'' | | / \ | \ ; . .---. . ; / .---. _.---._ `. \'.( ).'/ .' .` .-'---` .---. '---...__ `-\. `-.-' '/-' : _.` .` .'( | )'._ '--.__''-. \'--'--'/ .`-` .` .-._'---`_. ''--. _'-__'. `-...-' .` _.-` .- .---``_.-_.- ~ _..--``_.-` .` _-.. _ _ _ _..- ~ .''--._..--``_.-` .- .-` _.- ~- ____ ,_) .' .' __.-` _.- __.-~ ~ (-/ _` _,-|- _ ,_ .` `. _. _ __...---~ ~~ _\__)(_| | (_)| ~--.....--~ ~ ( >Don't Be Fooled This Year! The Big Money Scams * Multi-million card theft: In what is said to be the biggest hacking and data breach scheme in US history, more than 160 million credit card numbers have been stolen and 800,000 bank accounts hacked by a single gang -- resulting in the loss of hundreds of millions of dollars. Police describe it as a "cutting edge" crime and have subsequently arrested five people. * Big-time pump and dump: US investors are thought to have lost $140 million in an international scheme to sell billions of worthless stocks. After victims had been stung, the alleged scammers then offered to help them get their money back, charging a hefty upfront fee but, of course, doing nothing. * In a massive international conspiracy uncovered in 2013, counterfeit goods which, if they were genuine, would have been worth $300 million, allegedly have been smuggled by a single gang into the US from China. * Taxing times: A group of five people in Britain were convicted of inventing an entire movie so they could avoid paying a tax bill and claim refunds, together worth more than $7 million. It's claimed that when they realized the tax authorities were onto them, the group hastily produced a real low-budget movie, recruiting a scriptwriter and a couple of B-movie actors. * In Ohio, a man was accused of fraud after collecting an estimated $100 million for veterans. After going on the lam, he was tracked down and allegedly found with a suitcase containing almost $1 million. Cheeky Impostors * Come fly with me: Remember the true story of Frank Abagnale Jr., the impostor and con artist who was the subject of the movie Catch Me If You Can? Echoing one scene in which Abagnale posed as an airline pilot, a young Italian recently donned a pilot's uniform and hitched a flight from Munich to Turin -- with a seat inside the cockpit of a commercial flight. Fortunately, the two real pilots on board didn't offer him the chance to take the controls. * Real heartbreaker: A rich business executive thought he was booking rock band Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers for his wedding when he handed over $165,000 as a 50% deposit to a man claiming to be the star's booking agent. But the band actually knew nothing about the man or the booking. The alleged scammer was eventually tracked down and offered to make repayments in installments. Exploiting Children * Free ride: In England, a drunken couple in need of a free ride home told a helpful driver their three-year-old had disappeared on a beach where they were vacationing and that the police had advised them to get back home as quickly as possible. Police launched a massive hunt but didn't find anyone. Not only was there no missing child, there was no child at all. The couple didn't have one. * Cancer claim: A New Jersey mother was alleged to have told her young son he had advanced-stage cancer and would soon die. She also told family and friends, raising thousands of dollars in donations. The boy did not have cancer at all and his mother was subsequently charged with endangering the welfare of a child. Plain Crazy * Sharp taste: You may have heard stories of scammers planting objects in food so they could claim compensation. But a couple in Utah took the scam to a whole new level when they allegedly placed razor blade fragments inside a donut and ate them! They filed a police report but their story aroused the officers' suspicions and they were charged with filing a false report -- despite the evidence of X-rays, which showed blade particles in their stomachs. * Jail cell enterprise: From behind the bars of an Idaho jail, a convict with time on his hands pulled off a remarkable financial fraud by getting his name onto lists for class action lawsuits and bankruptcy creditors. He allegedly forged legal documents, earning himself a slice of many multi-million-dollar settlements. Prison authorities claim he made at least $64,000 and police charged him with mail fraud. * Phony fingers: In Brazil, a group of hospital workers made silicone replicas of their fingers so their colleagues could check them in for work, using a fingerprint recorder, when they didn't show up. * The $2 million money wash: An Australian poured $2 million into a sham investment scheme which claimed to be able to convert blank paper into currency using a chemical process. It's an old trick but this was a record haul for the crooks. We're not suggesting that these are the worst examples of scams. Indeed if you've been unfortunate enough to fall victim to a con trick you probably feel every bit as outraged as the victims of some of the scams we've listed. But these reports do show just how far crooks can stretch their ingenuity, how much risk they're prepared to take in perpetrating their outrageous scams, and how little regard they have for the feelings of others. --- ...Wowsers! Thanks LouiseA! -<>- -- _____ ( / ___ \ spunk1111@juno.com + ) |:...:| ASCII Art Gallery: ( \:::::/ http://www.ascii-art.com ) * `-T-' ____ ( + | /\ .' /\ * __|__ |K-----; | | jgs `-----` \/ '.___\/.::::....happy new year! >Good Health Blessing God fills our cup of life each day With gifts that make us strong, He hears the prayers within our hearts And always rights each wrong. God fills our cup of life each day And brings us to His door To shine His gift of perfect health And fill our cups once more. May the cup of God's blessing And His presence too Bring the gift of good health To shine on you. HAPPY NEW YEAR! --- ...Aww, Thanks LouiseA! ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Geniann :) ___ ,_) ____) ,_) ____) (-|_\ |_/ (-| _,,_,_,|_ (-(__ ',_ _ **** _| \(_|| \ _|__(_|| | ||_) ____)(_|_)|| |(/_ **** ( \_, ( |_, ( |_, ... to the tune of "Auld Lang Syne" ... jgs This morning, the Muslim Brotherhood warned the United States that if the US continued meddling in Syria, Iran, Pakistan and other potential hot spots in the Middle East, they intend to cut off America's supply of 7-11 and Motel 6 managers. If this action does not yield sufficient results, cab drivers will be next, followed by Dell, AT&T, and AOL customer service reps. Finally, if all else fails, they have threatened to not send us any more presidents. It's gonna get ugly folks. --- ...LOL! Thanks Geniann! -<>- >More Politics - The Best Idea Yet! Poland’s new foreign minister has proposed forming an army out of the Syrian men arriving in Europe, which could then return to their homeland to fight for their freedom. (Pay attention, Obama and Trudeau!!!) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ In an interview on Polish state television late Sunday, Waszczykowski also proposed helping Syrian arrivals in Europe form an army that could invade Syria. “The tens of thousands of young Syrian men who jump out of the rubber rafts and don’t ask for water, food, or clothes but ask where they can charge their mobile phones could, with our help, fight to get their country back,” Waszczykowski said. “They expect us to send our troops to fight and die for Syria, while hundreds of thousands of Syrians sip coffee on Unter den Linden” — a boulevard in Berlin — “or at the old town square, watching us fight for their security.” Waszczykowski said in Warsaw. --- ...So true! Thanks Geniann! ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: [Politics] >From Our Friend Melinda :) Taxpayers to pay for sex Change of Imprisoned Murderer Obama Picked Judge Says That Taxpayers MUST Pay For The Sex Change Of An Imprisoned Murderer California residents can feel reassured that their taxes are now going to the worth wild effort of a sex-reassignment surgery for a convicted murderer. http://tinyurl.com/zyd7xdh --- ...Gross. Thanks Melinda! -<>- >From Our Friend Geniann :) Time to Batten Down the Hatches..... Listen to Judge Jeanine's recommendations on protecting yourself and family. http://tinyurl.com/qas73m5 --- ...Loved it! Thanks Geniann! -<>- >From BizarreNews: Aren't there already enough hazards on any given golf course without adding carnivorous predators to the mix? It was just a normal afternoon on a golf course in San Juan Capistrano, California when club employees had to rescue golfers from a shark which had apparently dropped out of the sky and flopped around on the 12th tee. San Juan Hills Golf Club operations director Melissa McCormack says a course marshal found the leopard shark and brought it to the clubhouse. It had puncture wounds where it appeared a bird had snagged it from the Pacific Ocean, about five miles away. They stuck shark into fresh water before somebody remembered it came from the sea, so they got some sea salt from the kitchen and mixed it in (ideally with some hot oil, lemon and cilantro in a cast iron pan). Another employee rushed the shark to the ocean where McCormack says it was very still for a few seconds before twisting around and speeding off. Now maybe I am being too critical of this whole shark business. Golf is a rather boring game. What do you think would make golf more exciting than sharks on the course? Bears? Wolverines maybe? *-- City wants 200-300 birds out of home --* AURORA, Ill. - Officials in an Illinois city said crews will remove 200 to 300 pet birds from a man's home if he does not remove the birds himself. Aurora officials said they received an order from Kane County Circuit Court authorizing them to begin clearing the birds out of Dave Skeberdis's home at 10 a.m. Friday if he does not abide by orders to get rid of his pets, The (Aurora) Beacon-News reported Thursday. City Attorney Alayne Weingartz said Skeberdis said he plans to "take care of it himself" to avoid being hit with a $13,478 cleanup bill. Rosario DeLeon, city chief operations officer, said the exact number of birds is unknown, as firefighters have only entered the home once. Skerberdis acknowledged his love of birds has gotten out of hand. "I think everybody is a bit of a hoarder, but this got out of control," he said. "I've got civil rights, too, and I don't need someone strong- arming me to get someone to clean it." *-- Meteor fragment hits pastor's home --* NOVATO, Calif. - A 2-inch chunk of a meteor that exploded dramatically over California struck the roof of the home of a minister, his wife said. "It's wonderful. It's like the heavens coming down and history, and this thing probably came from an asteroid belt between Mars and Jupiter. I mean, how cool is that?" said Lisa Webber of the rock that bounced off the roof of her husband's study Thursday night and onto the lawn of their Novato, Calif., home. Peter Webber is pastor of Presbyterian Church of Novato, the San Francisco Chronicle said Monday. The object was confirmed as debris from the meteor that streaked over the Bay Area, offering viewers a spectacular light show, said Peter Jenniskens of the SETI Institute in Mountain View, Calif. "We can now hope to use our fireball trajectory to trace this type of meteorite back to its origins in the asteroid belt," he said. *-- World records set at Pakistan festival --* LAHORE, Pakistan - Attendees at a Pakistani youth fair broke seven world records during the weekend. New global marks were set in most martial arts kicks in 3 minutes, plug wiring, fastest chess set up, cooking the most number of chapattis (bread), pulling a truck by a mustache and most football headers at the the Punjab Youth Festival in Lahore on Sunday, Geo News reported. On Saturday, attendees to the festival broke the record for most people singing a national anthem. Ahmad Amin Bodla broke the record for most kicks, while the record of chess setup was broken by Mehar Gul and Mohammad Mansha broke the chapatti making record. Noman Anjum set the world record in plug wiring and Mohammad Sadi set the world record of pulling a truck by a mustache. The record for football headers was set by Daniyal Gill and Qamar Zaman. A team from Guinness World Records was at the festival to verify the records. *-- Bigfoot blamed for motor home vandalism --* LYKENS, Pa. - A Pennsylvania man whose motor home was damaged by a rock-throwing vandal told police he believes Bigfoot is behind the crime. Pennsylvania State Police released a complaint Friday saying John Reed, 39, of Lykens, a member of the Lykens Valley Sasquatch Hunters, told troopers earlier this month he caught a glimpse of the late-night vandal and believes the perpetrator to be the legendary ape rumored to wander the wooded areas of North America, The (Harrisburg) Patriot-News reported Monday. "It wasn't a person. I didn't see any clothes or coat or anything like that," Reed said of the vandal responsible for smashing the windows and taillights of his 1973 Dodge Winnebago. "I don't think it was a bear. It didn't move like a bear." Dauphin County District Attorney Edward Marsico Jr. said his office would prosecute the Sasquatch if it is captured by authorities. "We have been searching for him for years," Marsico said with a laugh. "We would be glad to prosecute, assuming the elusive thing is captured." ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: (tweaked by llizard) o . . o . , . o__ L\ o .-""-. (==) |\_ / (--> \ |~~| o .\ \'--.)_>_=/_( | | . \ )`-._/|_,( | | o _| \ (_ ( \ /|()| o . , `.\ ) \_/\ \//` `\ ____/ ;`__/\ (__'./ \ |===/, ==\======/==|; ____ ; \ _,' o . '-..-' o /||` `|| `'-.__ o' __.-'` || _/\_ || `'..'` ||` `|| || ||PARTY!|| || || || jgs || | \____/ | _.' '._ | | < > \_.-""-._/ `""""""` `""""""` >Holiday Eating Tips 1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls. 2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas! 3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat. 4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission. 5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello? 6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog. 7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again. 8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day? 9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards. 10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. -<>- One friend complained to another, "All my husband and I do anymore is fight. I've been so upset, I've lost 20 pounds." "If it's that bad, why don't you just leave him?" asked the second friend. "I'm seriously considering it, but I'd like to lose another 15 pounds first." -<>- I wondered if I could get my husband to address Christmas cards, as I had so much to do. I arranged everything we needed, then hopefully pulled up a chair and said, "Come on, Dear, let's get these out of the way." He glanced at the array on the table, turned away and went into the den, only to return moments later with a high stack of cards, stamped, sealed, and addressed. "They're last year's," he said. "I forgot to mail them. Now let's go out to dinner and relax." -<>- Helping me sort old clothes into "save" and "give away" piles, my six-year-old daughter came across a garter belt. "What's this?" she asked. "It's a garter belt," I said. Seeing that meant nothing to her, I added, "It's for holding up stockings." "Ah," she said, carefully placing it in the "save" pile, "we'll use it next Christmas Eve." -<>- Did you know that hanging lights on a Christmas tree is one of the three most stressful situations in an on-going relationship? (The other two danger zones are teaching your mate to drive and wallpapering. Don't EVEN think of going there!) So I now present for you.... Things NOT To Say When Hanging Christmas Lights --"You've got two red lights right next to each other. You're supposed to go yellow, green, red, blue, not yellow, red, red, green, blue..." --"Up a little higher. You can reach it. Go on, try." --"What on earth do you do to these lights when you put them away every year? Tie them in knots?" --"Come away from that aluminum ladder, kids. I'm going to fry that sucker." --"If you're not going to do it right, don't do it at all. Don't just throw them on, like you do the icicles. You're worse than your father." --"Give me that!!" --"You've got the whole thing on the tree upside-down. The electric pluggee thing should be down here at the bottom, not up at the top." --"I don't care if you have found another two strings, I'm done!" --"You've just wound 'em around and around - I thought we agreed it shouldn't look like a spiral this year?" --"Have you been drinking?!!?" --"Okaaay! Looks like we're *finally* done here now. Not too shabby huh? Hey....wait a minute, where's the cat?" -<>- It was the day after Christmas at a church in San Francisco. The pastor of the church was looking over the cradle when he noticed that the baby Jesus was missing from among the figures. Immediately he turned and went outside and saw a little boy with a red wagon, and in the wagon was the figure of the little infant, Jesus. So he walked up to the boy and said, "Well, where did you get Him, my little friend?" The little boy replied, "I got him from the church." "And why did you take him?" The boy said, "Well, about a week before Christmas I prayed to the little Lord Jesus and I told him if he would bring me a red wagon for Christmas I would give him a ride around the block in it." ========================================================= >-->From LaughAndLift: __, ,__) __, ,__) __, ,__) (--|__| _ ,_ ,_ (--|\ | _ (--\ | _ _ ,_ _| |(_||_)|_)(_| _| \|(/_(_|_) \|(/_(_|| ( | | ,_| ( (__| >Practice Jesus (By Joanna Fuchs) IF we practiced Jesus every day, It'd be like Christmas every day; If we, like Him, were meek and mild And loved each woman, man and child; If we'd read our Bible, it'd remind us, So that every single day would find us More and more in sweet accord With our sweet Jesus-- Master, Lord! Then every day that we're alive Would be like December 25! -<>- ^ _...._ ^ .' '. _...._ ^ / \' '. |X / \ -. \ |X | ^ .-. |'.-. .' \ / \;/ `/\` '. .' / \ ( `/\` / \ \ ^ `) ^ / \ ) ( ^ /'-...-'\ ( \ /-.__ __.-\ ) jgs '._ ` _.' ^ / `"""""` >Quick Jokes A Census taker came by and five year old Becky answered the door. "My daddy isn't home, he is a doctor and is performing an appendectomy today!" "Oh my! That's a big word for such a little girl, do you know what it means?" said the Census Taker. The little girl said "Sure! Fifteen hundred dollars, and that doesn't even include the anesthesiologist!" -------- For my grandmother Bessie's 80th birthday, we had a huge family celebration and even managed to get a photo announcement about her in the local paper. "That was such a nice shot," I commented. "It's only my passport picture," she revealed. "Really?" I stared at my homebody grandma in complete amazement. "So...Where did you go?" She replied, "The drugstore!" -------- I was discussing plans for the Christmas Carol service with our pastor when his daughter rush in, crying her eyes out. "What's wrong, dear?" he asked, bending down to consol her. "Billy broke my doll!" she sobbed. "How did Billy break it, darlin'?" His sweet little child responded, "I hit him over the head with it." ------- >Top Things Overheard on the Wise Men's Journey to Bethlehem - "OK, we got gold. We got the frankincense. We got the Myrrh. Think we should get something more practical, like diapers maybe?" - "I thought this was SUPPOSED to be a WEEKEND road trip. Boy, is my wife ever gonna be ticked when I get home." - "All this gazing at a star while riding a camel is making me woozy." - "I still say it wouldn't hurt to drop by Balthazar's place for another visit on the way back. That was SOME buffet!" - "16 hours a day on a camel. Are you sure this beats walking?" - "Why should I always have to be in the rear? It's somebody else's turn to get sand in his face." - "You guys have any idea how to treat saddle sores?" - "Man, I'm starting to get a rush from this frankincense!" - "You guys ever eat camel meat? I hear it tastes like chicken." - "You know, I used to go to school with a girl name Beth Lehem." - "What kind of name is Balthazar anyhow? Phoenician?" - "Hey, do you either of you know why "MYRRH" is spelled with a "Y" instead of a "U"?" - "Okay, who forgot to give their camel a bath before we left?" - "Whaddya mean we'll be part of history? A year from now, nobody will have a clue why we did this." And the top thing overheard on the Wise Men's Journey to Bethlehem: - "I can't wait to see and bow down before the Messiah that has long been foretold!" ------- My son, a kindergartner learning to read, was enjoying the Christmas lights as we drove around checking out the beautiful decorations. Noticing one display in a yard, he promptly spelled out the letters, "N-O-E-L" and asked what word it was. "Noel," I matter-of-factly replied. Back came an exasperated reply, "But, Mom, if there's no 'L,' then what does it spell?" -------- Christmas Memo To: All Employees From: Management Subject: Office conduct during the Christmas season 1. Running aluminum foil through the paper shredder to make tinsel is discouraged. 2. Playing Jingle Bells on the push-button phone is forbidden (it runs up an incredible long distance bill) 3. Work requests are not to be filed under "Bah humbug." 4. Company cars are not to be used to go over the river and through the woods to Grandma's house. 5. All fruitcake is to be eaten BEFORE July 25. 6. Eggnog will NOT be dispensed in vending machines. -------- A Politically Correct Greeting you can send to all the ACLU-types to show them the utter silliness of their position: "Best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral, winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most joyous traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, but with respect for the religious persuasion of others who choose to practice their own religion as well as those who choose not to practice a religion at all; plus... A fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the generally accepted calendar year 2016, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions have helped make our society great, without regard to the race, creed color, religious, or gender preferences of the wishes. Disclaimer: This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others and no responsibility for any unintended emotional stress these greetings may bring to those not caught up in the holiday spirit." _SUBSCRIBE INFO_ Want to receive a Christian inspirational item AND great clean humor in an email to you each day of the week? It's easy and FREE! Read all about Laugh & Lift at http://www.laughandlift.com ========================================================= >-->From AndyChaps: o . . o . , . o__ L\ o .-""-. (==) |\_ / (--> \ |~~| joan stark (jgs) o .\ \'--.)_>_=/_( | | spunk1111@juno.com . \ )`-._/|_,( | | o _| \ (_ ( \ /|()| ASCII ART GALLERY: o . , `.\ ) \_/\ \//` `\ http://www.ascii-art.com ____/ ;`__/\ (__'./ \ |===/, ==\======/==|; ____ ; \ _,' o . '-..-' o /||` `|| `'-.__ o' __.-'` || _/\_ || `'..'` ||` `|| || ||PARTY!|| || || 2016 || jgs || | \____/ | _.' '._ | | < > \_.-""-._/ `""""""` `""""""` >New Year Ponderings ** How come wrong numbers are never busy? ** Do people in Australia call the rest of the world "up over"? ** Does that screwdriver belong to Philip? ** Does killing time damage eternity? ** Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? ** Why is it that night falls but day breaks? ** Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand? ** Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio? ** Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons? ** Are part-time band leaders semi-conductors? ** Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop? ** Daylight savings time - why are they saving it and where do they keep it? ** Did Noah keep his bees in archives? ** Do jellyfish get gas from eating jellybeans? ** Do pilots take crash-courses? ** Do stars clean themselves with meteor showers? ** Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter? ** Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations? ** Have you ever seen a toad on a toadstool? ** How can there be self-help "groups?" ** How do you get off a non-stop flight? ** How do you write zero in Roman numerals? ** How many weeks are there in a light year? ** If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his Walkman? ** If Barbie's so popular, why do you have to buy all her friends? ** If blind people wear dark glasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs? ** If cats and dogs didn't have fur would we still pet them? ** If peanut butter cookies are made from peanut butter, then what are Girl Scout cookies made out of? ** If space is a vacuum, who changes the bags? ** If swimming is good for your shape, then why do the whales look the way they do? ** If tin whistles are made out of tin, what do they make fog horns out of? ** If you can't drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots? ** If you jog backwards, will you gain weight? ** If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented? ** Why do the signs that say "Slow Children" have a picture of a running child? =========================================================== >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) How To Quit Smoking... http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/BibleStudy/quitsmoking.html Advice For The New Year!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/newyear.html Jesus Clinic!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/clinic.html Friends!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/friends.html Friendship!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/friendship.html Top Ways To Stay Healthy!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/stayhealthy.html Old Barns, Old People, Old Friends!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/barns.html Animal Friends!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animalfriends.html Thank You Lord!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/thanks.html Cat In A Box!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/catinbox.html Cat Spot Tips!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/catspots.html Advice For Living!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/advice.html Life Is...Continued!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lifeis2.html Friends And Health!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/friendhealth.html TSA's Calendar Gals!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tsa.html Dogs As Best Friends!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bestfriend.html Look Who's Talking 5!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/talking5.html New Office Policy!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/office.html Truth About Work!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/work.html Playboy Bunny Calendar!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/calendar.html Yearly Friendship Renewal!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/renewal.html -<>- >From Our Friend Linda :) 20 Creative Decorating Ideas for Hiding Ugly Household http://www.ba-bamail.com/Content.aspx?emailid=16787 People Can Make A difference! http://tinyurl.com/qdak6py --- ...Awesome! Thanks Linda! -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseA :) She sent us a cool one we have here... http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/skyscraper.html And A funny one we have here... http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mugshots.html It doesn't get any better than this! Mr. Bean's most famous sketch is also a Christmas classic. https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=aFgLrWiNHFc Elderly woman (Gladys) calls into the show - VIDEO. Watched many times, but still find it hilarious!!! http://www.wimp.com/goodcall/ Oakley is the wet talking dog featured in this video and he doesn't seem to happy about the bath his owner just gave him. Oakley isn't getting much sympathy from his owner about how miserable his dog bath was so he's requesting another dog so he'd have someone to talk to that understands his grief. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bPfZ78m3xZo&feature=player_embedded --- ...LOL! Thanks LouiseA! -<>- >From Our Friend Melinda :) Boogie Woogie Piano Tommy Johnson http://tinyurl.com/pnbngbo Why So Blue Tarantulas? http://tinyurl.com/h8fy9f4 How Poaching Detroys Elephant Wisdom ttp://tinyurl.com/j2bjdbq A Recipe You Must Have: This Soup Is 100x Stronger Than Antibiotics http://tinyurl.com/jjktapb Detroit parish priest calls gay unions ‘sacred and sacramental’ The Catholic Church 'needs more examples of gay holiness,' he says. By Lisa Bourne http://tinyurl.com/zu4k88d --- ...Crazy! He needs to study God's Word! Thanks Melinda! -<>- >From Our Friend Geniann :) This is beautifully done! If you were alive then, this will touch your soul… MEMORIES OF THE 1950'S http://safeshare.tv/w/FEDEwZHZXu Texas Tenors https://www.youtube.com/embed/daqwGRdRIsk?feature=player_detailpage --- ...Sweet! Thanks Geniann! -<>- >From Our Friend Melody :) She’s Been Dead For 90 Years, But When You Look In Her Eyes? http://tinyurl.com/q2ttlag Has The Fountain Of Youth Been Found http://tinyurl.com/q67hod8 Ashikaga Flower Park, Japan http://www.amusingplanet.com/2012/03/ashikaga-flower-park-japan.html The Canadian Rockies Feature DVD Sample https://www.youtube-nocookie.com/embed/4CMb7yj8Cyk?rel=0&%3bhd=1 Rainbow Mountains In China's Danxia Landform Geological Park http://tinyurl.com/mmwwnx5 --- ...Beautiful! Thanks Melody! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "A new poll revealed that 44 percent of Americans think Santa is a Democrat and 28 percent believe he is a Republican. And the other 28 percent said to please stop bothering me with stupid questions." -Jimmy Kimmel "We are just one week away from Christmas. Which means today is that special day when husbands tell their wives, 'I give up. Just tell me what you want.'" -Jimmy Fallon "According to a new survey, 75 percent of employees would rather get a cash bonus than spend time with coworkers at a holiday party. All I can say to my staff is, 'See you at the holiday party.'" -Conan O'Brien "Scientists are saying that an asteroid over a mile wide is going to pass by Earth on Christmas Eve, but they say it PROBABLY won't hit the Earth. Then the scientists were like, 'Anyway, happy holidays, everyone!'" -Jimmy Fallon "We are only a week away from Christmas. This is the time when we really begin to cherish our family and friends by rushing out to C.V.S. To buy gift cards, and finding the only ones left are for subway and dick's sporting goods." -Stephen Colbert "Christmas is that magical time of the year when we're forced to spend money we don't want to spend to travel to places we don't want to go to see the people we really don't want to see." -Jimmy Kimmel "A London architect has come up with a concept for a floating hotel that is self-sustaining and could potentially move around the world. Great job, architect. You just invented the cruise ship." -Seth Meyers "A new study shows that elected leaders don't live as long as their defeated opponents. So if there's a candidate you really don't like, vote for them." -Stephen Colbert "Researchers at the Center for Tobacco Control at Scotland University are working on an invention: Talking packs of cigarettes that warn smokers about the side effects of tobacco. I don't know; that actually might make me START smoking." -Jimmy Kimmel __ .'` `'. / \ _ ; __.'` `'. | .'` `'. \ ; / HAPPY \ ; \; NEW ; | | Y E A R | ; _ ; 2 0 1 6 ;-./-_-` '-. /\ /_(;'/ `\() '. ; '.__ .'\|| ' | '. | ),\| \\ \() (\ ; \ \|/ __/ () \ __ \ \||\.~'_ `'.;-.___.~'` _'~. '.__ _/|/|/{ (_`.' '.`_) } `)/`\\\\ \ .' _ 0_._0 _ '. / .,_ \|| } -.' (_) '.- { _{ `\ \|{_ / '.___|___.' \ } //`._ | /` \ | | } }:'-. ()``'"--..==, { ,} \-"-/ .' } {,`-'. (//>`\> {` _./|\._. '-' ._ .~` /` ;'.() //> |> { {///( `-.-.-` ) _.' / '. ||> /> \ \|\);--`( )`--`(` } `\\>_.'> ; _/`/(__.'/`-'.,__/`, .` `"""` .-'` ;-.( \_(; \ .' .--, (`-._ ./ ` '. `-._..~` /o\\ jgs `'-;/``. `;-"`: |oo|| .--._ _.' . \ o ; . | /| /.-. ` . '._ _.' 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