Happy New Year Smiles... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ **~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Friend Me / Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :) ================ .:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:. __, ,__) __, ,__) __, ,__) (--|__| _ ,_ ,_ (--|\ | _ (--\ | _ _ ,_ _| |(_||_)|_)(_| _| \|(/_(_|_) \|(/_(_|| ( | | ,_| ( (__| .:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:. .'` `'. / \ _ ; __.'` `'. | .'` `'. \ ; / HAPPY \ ; \; NEW ; | | Y E A R | ; _ ; 2 0 1 4 ;-./-_-` '-. /\ /_(;'/ `\() '. ; '.__ .'\|| ' | '. | ),\| \\ \() (\ ; \ \|/ __/ () \ __ \ \||\.~'_ `'.;-.___.~'` _'~. '.__ _/|/|/{ (_`.' '.`_) } `)/`\\\\ \ .' _ 0_._0 _ '. / .,_ \|| } -.' (_) '.- { _{ `\ \|{_ / '.___|___.' \ } //`._ | /` \ | | } }:'-. ()``'"--..==, { ,} \-"-/ .' } {,`-'. (//>`\> {` _./|\._. '-' ._ .~` /` ;'.() //> |> { {///( `-.-.-` ) _.' / '. ||> /> \ \|\);--`( )`--`(` } `\\>_.'> ; _/`/(__.'/`-'.,__/`, .` `"""` .-'` ;-.( \_(; \ .' .--, (`-._ ./ ` '. `-._..~` /o\\ jgs `'-;/``. `;-"`: |oo|| .--._ _.' . \ o ; . | /| /.-. ` . '._ _.' ' \_// ||oo\ `. `'-----` _.~`--..__,..' |\o | .~`'--......--' \'._/ _.~` `.__.-' *~* May You Have A Blessed, Safe, Prosperous And Happy New Year! *~* >Our New Year And Motivational Pages: New Year's Animations: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/agifs_k-o.html New Year's Words: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/agifs_u-z.html Dreamy Ladies! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dreamy.html Pay It Forward! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/payitforward.html The Blue Ribbon! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/blueribbon.html Life Train!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lifetrain.html I Believe http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/believe.html 90/10 Principle http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/giving.html Let's Dance http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dance.html New Year Train! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/newyeartrain.html Top Reasons To Smile http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/smile.html Advice For Living http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/advice.html Among The Orchids http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/orchids.html Three Old Men http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/oldmen.html Drink Responsibly! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/drink.html Dick Clark's House! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dclark.html Friends And Health! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/friendhealth.html Ten Tips For Living http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tips.html Think Positive http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/positive.html TSA's Calendar Gals! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tsa.html Journey Through Life! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/journey.html Playboy Bunny Calendar! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/calendar.html Advice For The New Year! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/newyear.html Yearly Friendship Renewal! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/renewal.html Wisdom For Life! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wisdomforlife.html Oh Gee - Too Many To List - View Many More Here: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html -<>- >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This sizzler is from our friends Linda and Brenda. It is amazing some of the workmanship here! Check it out here: All Occasion Cakes 3 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/aocakes3.html --- ...Love This series! Thanks Ladies! ======================================================= >-->From TheFunnyBone: __ , / |`". /( ,-~~~-. / / o\ Dog Haiku { \,` `~~--\ _/ `b \ ; ` \ ,_/ _ _ `\ , / / \`"""` (_\____/_) I love my master; jgs \ `~)---\ `~~~~)(_/~~~~\_) Thus I perfume myself with `~~~~~~` `~~~~~~~~` This long-rotten squirrel. I lie belly-up In the sunshine, happier than You ever will be. Today I sniffed Many dog butts--I celebrate .-"-. By kissing your face. /|6 6|\ {/(_0_)\} I sound the alarm! _/=o=\_ Paperboy--come to kill us all-- jgs (/ /^\ \)-' Look! Look! Look! Look! Look! ""' '"" I sound the alarm! Garbage man--come to kill us all-- Look! Look! Look! Look! Look! I lift my leg and Whiz on each bush. Hello, Spot- Sniff this and weep. How do I love thee? The ways are numberless as My hairs on the rug. My human is home! I am so ecstatic I have Made a puddle. I Hate my choke chain. Look, world, they strangle me! Ack Ack Ack Ack Ack Ack! Sleeping here, my chin On your foot--no greater bliss--well, Maybe catching rats. Look in my eyes and Deny it. No human could Love you as much I do. The cat is not all Bad--she fills the litter box .-"-. With Tootsie Rolls. /) (\ / |6 6| \ Dig under fence--why? \/\ Y`/\/ Because it's there. Because it's / ^ \ There. Because it's there. _; ; /_| | | | I am your best friend, jgs (_|-|_) Now, always, and especially When you are eating. You may call them fleas, But they are far more--I call Them a vocation. My owners' mood is Romantic--I lie near their Feet. I fart a big one. _ _ _ _ _ _ /` \/ `\ _ _ /` \/ `\ _ _ /` \/ `\ \ / /` \/ `\ \ / /` \/ `\ \ / '. .' \ / '. .' \ / '. .' \/ '. .' \/ '. .' \/ jgs \/ \/ ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ December 30 is Festival Of Enormous Changes At The Last Minute and National Bicarbonate Of Soda Day December 31 is Unlucky Day January 1 is First Foot Day and Z Day More Info on Z Day January 2 is Run Up the Flagpole and See if Anybody Salutes It Day January 3 is Festival of Sleep Day January 4 is Trivia Day and Humiliation Day January 5 is Bird Day January 6 is Bean Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: o . . o . , . o__ L\ o .-""-. (==) |\_ / (--> \ |~~| joan stark (jgs) o .\ \'--.)_>_=/_( | | spunk1111@juno.com . \ )`-._/|_,( | | o _| \ (_ ( \ /|()| ASCII ART GALLERY: o . , `.\ ) \_/\ \//` `\ http://www.ascii-art.com ____/ ;`__/\ (__'./ \ |===/, ==\======/==|; ____ ; \ _,' o . '-..-' o /||` `|| `'-.__ o' __.-'` || _/\_ || `'..'` ||` `|| || ||PARTY!|| || || 2013 || jgs || | \____/ | _.' '._ | | < > \_.-""-._/ `""""""` `""""""` >Forgotten Birthday A wife was very disappointed and quite upset over her husband forgetting her birthday. He diplomatically responded, "How do you expect me to remember your birthday when you never look any older?" -<>- >House Cleaning The adolescent daughter excitedly informed her parents that she had just gotten a job cleaning a neighbor's house. The wife, knowing how seldom her daughter helped with any sort of housekeeping at home, asked, "How will you know what to do?" "I'll be easy, Mom," she replied innocently. "I've been watching you for years." -<>- >Living with a Teacher My wife is a teacher; it's really weird to live with a teacher. I'd be on the phone, doodling on a piece of paper, leave the house, come back in two hours and that same piece of paper is now on the refrigerator with the words "Good work!" and a big smiley face on it. -<>- >Military Training Our patient in the hospital was a big, burly former officer. Just after surgery, and still half out of it, he became agitated and confused, tearing at his IVs and trying to escape his bed. The nurses gamely attempted to keep him calm but were losing this battle. That's when my military training came in handy. "Colonel!" I commanded. "At ease!" And with that, the colonel fell back to sleep. -<>- >Politically Correct Holiday Greetings To all my Liberal Friends: Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all; PLUS A fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great, (not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only "AMERICA" in the western hemisphere), and without regard to race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, or choice of computer platform. (Disclaimer: By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher who assumes no responsibility for any unintended emotional stress these greetings may bring to those not caught up in the holiday spirit.) To all my Conservative Friends: . . : . '.@.' /^\ / \ /2014 \ @@@@@@@@@ / 6 6 \ ( ^ ,) \ __, /-._ `._____.'\ `--.__ \\/ `/``"""'-. / ) / : | /\ | .--. : / /\2`\ \/ `.__.:.____.-. / / /`\0`\`/ .-"..____.-. \ jgs _.-' /_/ `\1`\ \-. \ `=----' `\4`\--------'""`-. \ `" `-./ `" Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Fran :) ^ _...._ ^ .' '. _...._ ^ / \' '. |X / \ -. \ |X | ^ .-. |'.-. .' \ / \;/ `/\` '. .' / \ ( `/\` / \ \ ^ `) ^ / \ ) ( ^ /'-...-'\ ( \ /-.__ __.-\ ) jgs '._ ` _.' ^ / `"""""` >A NEW YEAR by Anne R. C. Neale A new day, a new beginning, and a New year begins anew, I have a slow feeling of leaving the Old Year which is now in my Past, In this New Year I will strive for a newness of new ideas, new viewpoints and new things too, As I am aware each New Year seems to pass so very fast, This New Year I will try to see people in a new and loving light, I will also renew the spirit of newness too in my mind and soul, I will let new ideas come into my spirit too As I strive for a newness in my Spirituality with my All, As a new day, and new beginnings and a New Year begins, I will leave my mistakes of the Past and not carry them over with grudges too, I will dedicate this year as a newness in my life physically and Spiritually, And I look forward to being prosperous and being productive with new ideas and an inner peace within me so new. A new day, a new beginning, and a New year begins anew, I have a slow feeling of leaving the Old Year which is now in my Past, and gone With a new clean slate 2014 now begins, I wish you a very Happy and Prosperous and Productive 2014 --- ...Amen! Thanks Fran! ================================================================ .~~~~. |1999| _|____|_ }-{ A P P Y (_,/\ \ \,~,/(`^ ^( ) /\/ E W \_/ ) \-' ) ( |\| (.-' '--.) \./ \( /(_)-(_) \ | E A R \\/ /\ /`\ \ \_/ / . \ // /'---'\`/_ _/ ^ ^ ;--; .--`| ^ ^ /` `), /` . \ ^ /` ) . '). ~^~`/ ( \^ / ( ' \^-~`-~ - ^ ~^- . )/ . ) '-.;~^-~^~- ~^~- / `\ - . ~^~ ,-.`~~^~^~^ ~- `^_~-~^-| \^ \~_~^ -~^~- ~^`~^ ^~ ~_jgs .-./__/\__`\-. ~^_-~^- ~^- ^~ `-^~=~-`=~-~=-' ~ >-->From Our Friend Geniann :) >SMILES A hillbilly is looking around a big hardware store when he sees a display of chain saws with a sign, guaranteeing that this model of chain saw can cut twenty cord of firewood in a day. He motions to a salesman. "Can I help you, sir?" "This-here chainsaw, kin it rully cut twenny cords o' wood in a day?" "Yes, sir, that's the guarantee. Twenty cords of wood or you get your money back." "Twenny cords o' farwood? Ah don' b'lieve it!" "Yes, sir, it's true! Guaranteed." Wull, ah'll try one but ah still don' b'lieve it!' He buys the saw He returns, not the next day, but the day after that. He seeks out the same salesman and confronts him with the slightly-used saw. "You lyre!" he says, "you lie lakka dawg! You sayed this-here chainsawr'd cut twenny cords o'wood in a day! I got up yestiddy at the crack o'dawn 'n I cut 'n cut 'n cut all day! I didn't stop 'till it wuz dork! 'N I couldn't cut more'n six cords o'farwood t'save mah lahf! Now whatya say bout that?" The salesman looked perplexed. "Gee," he said, "maybe you did get a bad one that slipped through. Let's try it." He takes the saw, pumps the primer a few times, and pulls the cord to start it up. The hillbilly's eyes get wide with surprise. "Good Gawd-a-mighty! What's that dern racket?" -<>- A man was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him. He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, the eternal pessimist who refused to be impressed with anything. This, surely, would impress him. He invited him to hunt with him and his new dog. As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. they fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. This continued all day long; each time a duck fell, the dog walked across the surface of the water to retrieve it. The pessimist watched carefully, saw everything, but did not say a single word. On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, "Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?" "I sure did," responded the pessimist. "He can't swim." -<>- A woman ran a red traffic light and crashed into a man's car. Both of their cars are demolished but amazingly neither of them was hurt. After they crawled out of their cars, the woman said; "Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days." The man replied," I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God!" The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished, but my bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it, drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man. The man asks, "Aren't you having any?" She replies, "Nah. I think I'll just wait for the police." --- ...LOL! Thanks Geniann! -<>- >Groaners! A young lawyer decided that his life needed a hobby. Since his buddies talked about sailing, he thought he'd give it a go. He went to the local boat show and asked a lot of questions. Everything seemed to be going well when he said, "How do you dock the boat?" The salesman replied, "Well, you really don't dock the sailboat, you tie it up to a float just beyond the dock. This way you don't bang up the finish on the craft." "Well then," the lawyer asked, "How do you get out to the sailboat?" "Good question." The salesman told him. “You can get a small raft and paddle out to the boat, or you can just walk out to the boat, if you don't mind getting wet. “ “Oh, I get it," the lawyer replied, "It's Row vs Wade." -<>- These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars. --- ...Oooo what a groaner! HaHa! Thanks Geniann! ============================================================ >-->In The Worldly News: >From BizarreNews: Apparently the holiday season brings the penis out in some people. In Wisconsin a postal carrier said he simply wanted to cheer up a woman on his rounds who seemed "stressed out" so he decided to deliver her mail naked. He even told her he was going to do it. As a prank, I suppose. But whether she took him seriously or not, there was no doubting his sincerity when he showed up at her office wearing only a smile and his mail bag. Those wacky letter carriers. The 52-year-old was arrested for lewd and lascivious behavior several days later. -<>- Here is a great example of a complete failure at parenting. Police in Stamford, Connecticut say two teenagers who refused to help their father shovel snow from the driveway allegedly attacked him with shovels. Police say the father was shoveling the driveway with his 10-year-old son and asked his two teenage sons to help. The teenagers got into an argument and the 19-year-old hit his father in the head with a shovel. The blow knocked the father to the ground and the 17-year-old than allegedly smacked him in the back with his shovel displaying unusual teamwork for teenagers. The two brothers fled but were arrested a short time later. The older brother is charged with second-degree assault and conspiracy. The younger, not identified because of his age, faces the same charges. The 42-year-old father, whom police did not identify, was treated at Stamford Hospital for cuts to his head. --- ...Reminds me of these... Parenting No-No's http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/parenting.html Parenting No-No's 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/parenting2.html Parenting No-No's 3 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/parenting3.html *-- Student expelled from Georgia high school for hugging teacher --* DULUTH, Ga. - An Atlanta-area woman says she is appealing her son's expulsion from high school for hugging a teacher. April McNair told WSB-TV, Atlanta, that her teenage son's future will be ruined if he is expelled from Duluth High School in Gwinnett County. Sam McNair, a football player at Duluth, had been hoping for an athletic scholarship to college. "We're not in a financial position to put him in a private school. If he's expelled from Gwinnett County, no other county is going to want to accept (him) in school. So you are derailing his future for him," April McNair said in a report broadcast Tuesday. The teacher filed a sexual harassment complaint against Sam, 17. He says he hugged her several times in the past and believes that if she had a problem with it she should have talked to him or his parents before filing the complaint. Both mother and son said their family hugs a lot. *-- Police: Man tried to trade live alligator for beer --* MIAMI - A Florida man who tried to trade a live alligator for beer at a convenience store said he didn't know trapping the gator was illegal. Police said Fernando Caignet Aguilera, 64, brought the 4-foot alligator in a cardboard box to the Santa Ana Market in Miami's Allapattah neighborhood Dec. 10 and asked clerk Javier Herrera to accept the reptile in exchange for a 12-pack of beer, CNN reported Wednesday. Herrera told WFOR-TV, Miami, he told Aguilera to leave, and the man attempted to make the same trade with a customer. Aguilera said he found the alligator shortly before the incident and didn't know it was illegal to trap the animal. "I just picked it up here," Aguilera said. "I seen it here in the grass and I tied it up." He said he wasn't going to accept just any beer in exchange for the gator. "I wanted a Corona, because if he brings me a Natural Light or something like that I don't want it. I want a Corona, because the alligator is so beautiful," he said. The Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission cited Aguilera for three charges related to the illegal capture of the alligator. He faces as much as six months in jail or a $500 fine if convicted. The FWC said the alligator was released into the wild. *-- Police: Man stole truck for ride to court --* REDDING, Calif. - Police in Redding, Calif., say a man accused of stealing a truck told officers he took the vehicle because he needed a ride to court for another car theft case. Police said John Westberg, 69, called police when he heard his 1989 Ford Ranger start up and saw it being driven away from his home by an apparent thief, the Courthouse News Service reported Wednesday. Officers pulled the truck over about 20 minutes later and arrested Michael Heller, 21, Redding Police Department Cpl. Chris Smyrnos said. "Heller admitted to officers that he stole Westberg's truck because he needed a ride to court for an unrelated stolen vehicle case. Heller was arrested for vehicle theft and possession of a stolen vehicle and was booked at the Shasta County Jail," the police department said in a statement. *-- Handcuffed man proposed while being arrested --* ELK CITY, Okla. - An Oklahoma woman whose boyfriend proposed to her while he was being arrested on outstanding warrants said the man, who is now her fiance, is misunderstood. Justin Harrel, 32, told Elk City police he was preparing to propose to girlfriend Elaina Rios at Elk City's "Christmas In The Park" Friday when he was arrested on unspecified warrants from Washita and Greer Counties, KXTV, Oklahoma City, reported Wednesday. Police helped Harrel complete the proposal and retrieved the ring from the handcuffed man's pocket before carting him away to jail. "We're best friends. He completes me. He's my rock and I'm his rock. Everybody thinks he's a bad guy and he's not," Rios said. Elk City Police Chief Eddie Holland said the incident was "policing at its best with a heart." "And it's Christmas time. People have lives, and we help them our best to live those lives," Holland said. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend PatDeE :) o _' {_} |=| . ' | | o . o o |@| . o _o_._'_ /___\ o_.__'\~~~~~/ |=2 | \~~~~~/ '-.-' |=0 | '-.-' | |-1 | | _|_ |_4_| _|_ `"""` |_._| jgs `"""` `"""` >Warm Winter Wishes Did I like nut another to it send do to better anything have doesn't that person a like this reading time sweet your took you since. (Now read it backwards ) --- ...LOL! Wow! I read that much faster backwards! Thanks PatDeE! =========================================================== >-->From Our Friend Linda :) ^ _...._ ^ .' '. _...._ ^ / \' '. |X / \ -. \ |X | ^ .-. |'.-. .' \ / \;/ `/\` '. .' / \ ( `/\` / \ \ ^ `) ^ / \ ) ( ^ /'-...-'\ ( \ /-.__ __.-\ ) jgs '._ ` _.' ^ / `"""""` >Thoughts... I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped onto their belt or purse. I can't afford one. So, I'm wearing my garage door opener. I also made a cover for my hearing aid and now I have what they Call blue teeth, I think. You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn't like me anyway. I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans! I thought about making a fitness movie for folks my age, and call it 'Pumping Rust'. I've gotten that dreaded furniture disease. That's when your chest is falling into your drawers! When people see a cat's litter box, they always say, 'Oh, have you got 8a cat?' Just once I want to say, 'No, it's for company!' Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in case of an emergency. I think you should write, 'A Good Doctor'! I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Then, it dawned on me. They were cramming for their finals. As for me, I'm just hoping God grades on the curve. Birds of a feather flock together . . . .and then poop on your car. A penny saved is a government oversight. The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by thenyo your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement. He who hesitates is probably right. Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are XL. If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame. The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.. Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells 'Theirs...' Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it. Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved. When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your youth, think of Algebra. One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young. Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable. Lord, Keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth . . ... AMEN --- ...TeeHee! Thanks Linda! ============================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: ^ _...._ ^ .' '. _...._ ^ / \' '. |X / \ -. \ |X | ^ .-. |'.-. .' \ / \;/ `/\` '. .' / \ ( `/\` / \ \ ^ `) ^ / \ ) ( ^ /'-...-'\ ( \ /-.__ __.-\ ) jgs '._ ` _.' ^ / `"""""` My mother was away all weekend at a business conference. During a break, she decided to call home collect. My six-year-old brother picked up the phone and heard a stranger's voice say, "We have a Marcia on the line. Will you accept the charges?" Frantic, he dropped the receiver and came charging outside screaming, "Dad! They've got Mom! And they want money!" -<>- The woman said to her beautician as she sat down for her appointment, "When you're finished with me, will my husband think I'm beautiful?" "Maybe," replied beautician, "does he still drink a lot?" -<>- Did you know that hanging lights on a Christmas tree is one of the three most stressful situations in an on-going relationship? (The other two danger zones are teaching your mate to drive and wallpapering. Don't EVEN think of going there!) So I now present for you.... *Things NOT To Say When Hanging The Christmas Lights* --"You've got two red lights right next to each other. You're supposed to go yellow, green, red, blue, not yellow, red, red, green, blue..." --"Up a little higher. You can reach it. Go on, try." --"What on earth do you do to these lights when you put them away every year? Tie them in knots?" --"Come away from that aluminum ladder, kids. I'm going to fry that sucker." --"If you're not going to do it right, don't do it at all. Don't just throw them on, like you do the icicles. You're worse than your father." --"Give me that!!" --"You've got the whole thing on the tree upside-down. The electric pluggee thing should be down here at the bottom, not up at the top." --"I don't care if you have found another two strings, I'm done!" --"You've just wound 'em around and around - I thought we agreed it shouldn't look like a spiral this year?" --"Have you been drinking?!!?" --"Okaaay! Looks like we're *finally* done here now. Not too shabby huh? Hey....wait a minute, where's the cat?" -<>- I bet it was really tough being an Apostle of Jesus. What if you wanted a day off? You ring up Jesus and say, "Jesus, I'm sick today, running a little fever and feeling congested so I won't be able to make it to today's sermon. What...? Say that again...? I'm healed?" -<>- A tour guide was showing a tour group around Washington, D. C. The guide pointed out the place where George Washington supposedly threw a dollar coin across the Potomac River. "That's impossible," said the tourist. "No one could throw a coin that far!" "You have to remember," answered the guide, "a dollar went a lot farther in those days." -<>- A real woman is a man's best friend. She will never stand him up and never let him down. She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him after a bad day. She will inspire him to do things he never thought he could do; to live without fear and forget regret. She will enable him to express his deepest emotions and give in to his most intimate desires. She will make sure he always feels as though he's the most handsome man in the room and will enable him to be the most confident, sexy, seductive and invincible man alive. No wait...sorry. I am thinking of scotch. It's scotch that does all that. ========================================================= >-->From JokeCentral: ^ _...._ ^ .' '. _...._ ^ / \' '. |X / \ -. \ |X | ^ .-. |'.-. .' \ / \;/ `/\` '. .' / \ ( `/\` / \ \ ^ `) ^ / \ ) ( ^ /'-...-'\ ( \ /-.__ __.-\ ) jgs '._ ` _.' ^ / `"""""` >Thoughts Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life. After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before. Bureaucracy is a challenge to be overcome by a righteous attitude, tolerance for stupidity and a bulldozer when necessary. We've got the best government money can buy. Think about that for awhile. Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he's a mile away and barefoot. Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice. If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished! The biggest liar you'll ever have to deal with probably watches you shave his face in the mirror every morning. In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take prozac to make it normal. Courage is almost a contradiction in terms. It means a strong desire to live, taking the form of readiness to die. - G.K. Chesterton -<>- >Stupid, but I bet you laugh... 1. HOW DO YOU GET HOLY WATER? You boil the heck out of it. 2. WHAT DO FISH SAY WHEN THEY HIT A CONCRETE WALL? Dam. 3. WHAT DO ESKIMOS GET FROM SITTING ON THE ICE? Polaroids. 4. WHAT DO YOU CALL A BOOMERANG THAT DOESN'T WORK? A stick 5. WHAT DO YOU CALL CHEESE THAT ISN'T YOURS? Nacho cheese 6. WHAT DO YOU CALL SANTA'S HELPERS? Subordinate Clauses. 7. WHAT DO YOU CALL 4 BULLFIGHTERS IN QUICKSAND? Quatro sinko. 8. WHAT DO YOU GET FROM A PAMPERED COW? Spoiled milk 9. WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU CROSS A SNOWMAN WITH A VAMPIRE? Frostbite. 10. WHAT LIES AT THE BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN AND TWITCHES? A nervous wreck 11. WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ROAST BEEF AND PEA SOUP? Anyone can roast beef 12. WHY DON'T BLIND PEOPLE LIKE TO SKY DIVE? Because it scares the dog 13. WHAT KIND OF COFFEE WAS SERVED ON THE TITANIC? Sanka. 14. WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A HARLEY AND A HOOVER? The location of the Dirt Bag. 15. WHY DOES A PILGRIMS PANTS ALWAYS FALL DOWN? Because they wear their belt buckles on their hat. 16. HOW DO YOU CATCH A UNIQUE RABBIT? Unique up on it. 17. HOW DO YOU CATCH A TAME RABBIT? Tame way, unique up on it. 18. WHAT DO YOU CALL SKYDIVING LAWYERS? Skeet. 19. WHAT GOES CLOP, CLOP CLOP, BANG, BANG, CLOP, CLOP, CLOP. An Amish drive-by-shooting. 20. HOW ARE A TEXAS TORNADO AND TENNESSEE DIVORCE THE SAME? Somebody's gonna lose a trailer -<>- A blonde heard that milk baths make you beautiful. So she left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the door to clarify the point. The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 15 gallons or 1.5 gallons?" The blonde said, "I want 15 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub with milk and take a milk bath." The milkman asked, "OK. You want it Pasteurized?" The blonde said, "No, just up to my belly button." -<>- >Things on Santa's To-Do List Edited for Taste 11> Have the elves increase production on those cheesy Xbox knock-offs. 10> Cancel wrapping paper order -- use those Enron stock certificates instead. 9> Decide how to respond to Ashcroft's subpoena demanding information on what foreigners are naughty or nice. 8> File a flight plan with the FAA -- wouldn't want an F-16 wasting the sleigh. 7> Irradiate all those letters from children -- you can't be too careful! 6> Finally shave the beard now that the Taliban has fallen. 5> Attend weekly meeting at Nogaholics Anonymous. 3> Visit reindeer stalls to load up on stocking stuffers for a certain Mr. bin Laden. 2> Prepare a lump of coal with Winona Ryder's name on it. and Topfive.com's Number 1 Thing on Santa's To-Do List... -<>- >STUMPY & MARTHA Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the State Fair every year. Every year Stumpy would say, "Martha, I'd like to ride in that there airplane." And every year Martha would say, "I know, Stumpy, but that airplane ride costs 10 dollars, and 10 dollars is 10 dollars." This one year Stumpy and Martha went to the fair and Stumpy said "Martha, I'm 71 years old. If I don't ride that airplane this year I may never get another chance." Martha replied, "Stumpy, that there airplane ride costs 10 dollars, and 10 dollars is 10 dollars." The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you, but if you say one word it's 10 dollars." Stumpy and Martha agreed and up they go. The pilot does all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word is heard. He does all his tricks over again, but still not a word. They land and the pilot turns to Stumpy, "By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't." Stumpy replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, but 10 dollars is 10 dollars." -<>- >Year 2035 Headlines - Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be finally be imported legally but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking. - Spotted Owl plague threatens western American crops and livestock. - Afghanistan still closed off, physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels. - George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036. - 35 year study: diet & exercise is the key to weight loss. - Nursing Home event: Bill Clinton denies allegations of affair with a candy machine. - Baby conceived naturally - scientists stumped. - Ozone created by electric cars now killing thousands in Los Angeles. - Average height of NBA players is 9 feet 7 inches. - Microsoft announces it has perfected its newest version of Windows so it crashes BEFORE installation is completed. - New California Law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, and baseball bats be registered by Jan 2036. -<>- > Murphy's Laws Of Computers -------------------------- 1. When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen. 2. When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it's probably obsolete. 3. The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual where you least expect to find it. 4. When the going gets tough, upgrade. 5. For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction. 6. To err is human . . . to blame your computer for your mistakes is even more human, it is downright natural. 7. He who laughs last probably made a back-up. 8. If at first you do not succeed, blame your computer. 9. A complex system that does not work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked just fine. 10. The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions. 11. A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want to do. ============================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Did You See That? http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/seethat.html Animal Friends http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animalfriends.html Life Is http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lifeis.html Chevy Selling It http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chevysi.html Modern Toilet http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/moderntoilet.html Romantic Castles http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/castles.html Kisses Sweeter Then Honey http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/kisses.html -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseA :) What was the most-watched video across the entire World Wide Web in 2013? You wouldn't believe me if I told you! http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=jofNR_WkoCE Who was your favorite astronaut this year? I'm willing to bet it was ISS Commander Chris Hadfield! He made us fall in love with space all over again with his incredible viral videos. "Space Oddity" in the first-ever music video shot in space! http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=KaOC9danxNo --- ...Wow! Thanks LouiseA! -<>- >From Our Friend Melody :) 2005 Christmas Snow Globe | I Am Bored http://www.i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=14224 Xmas Gullibility Test http://www.museumofhoaxes.com/tests/xmasquiz/christmas.html VJ Day, Honolulu Hawaii, August 14, 1945 on Vimeo http://vimeo.com/5645171 Behind The Scenes - 2012/04/30 - Ray Comfort pranks Tony with a Fak http://tinyurl.com/lay9hz8 --- ...LMAO! I love his response! Thanks Melody! ========================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "A new report says that members of Congress work harder than the average American. You know why? That's because thanks to Congress the average American is out of work." -Jay Leno "New research came out that reveals that being attractive in high school leads to success later in life. So finally some good news for hot, popular teenagers." -Conan O'Brien "Over the weekend, China became the third nation to land on the moon. This morning NASA issued a statement: 'Sending stuff to the moon is so 1960s. Call us when you get to Mars.'" -Craig Ferguson "Every year I do this during the holidays. This is the day I go into Central Park and chop down my Christmas tree." --Dave Letterman "Are you all getting your Christmas shopping done? I crossed three people off my gift list today. I didn't get them any- thing, I just crossed them off." --Jay Leno "There are only a few days left until Christmas. I tell you, it's really amazing how popular baby Jesus was able to become without his mother posting a single picture of him on Facebook." -Jimmy Kimmel My grandpa told me to remember two things in life. Look out for Number One, and remember your number. --Orville Cogswell "Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian." --Dennis Wholey Would you be more content with six million dollars or six children? Six children, certainly. Because a man with six million dollars will always want more. .:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:. __, ,__) __, ,__) __, ,__) (--|__| _ ,_ ,_ (--|\ | _ (--\ | _ _ ,_ _| |(_||_)|_)(_| _| \|(/_(_|_) \|(/_(_|| ( | | ,_| ( (__| .:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:. >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************