Happy New Year Smiles... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: For Facebook Users: Please Friend Me / Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :) -<>- * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ *~* Wishing You And Yours A Blessed, Healthy, Joyous New Year! :) ( * ) * ) * ( ) ( ( ( ) ( ) ) * ) ) ( ( ( ( * ) H ) ) [ ] ( ( * |-| * ) ( * ) |_| . ) ( | | . ) / \ . ' . * ( |_____| ' . . ) | ___ | \~~~/ ' . ( * | \ / | \_/ \~~~/ ) | _Y_ | | \_/ ( * jgs |-----| __|__ | * `-----` __|__ __, ,__) __, ,__) __, ,__) (--|__| _ ,_ ,_ (--|\ | _ (--\ | _ _ ,_ _| |(_||_)|_)(_| _| \|(/_(_|_) \|(/_(_|| ( | | ,_| ( (__| >Inspiration, Health, Wisdom And Friendship Pages for the New Year: Friends Together! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/poems/together.html It Takes Two! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/poems/two.html Never Give Up! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/nevergiveup.html Quit Smoking! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/quitsmoking.html Return To Me! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/return.html You Are The Only You God Has! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/onlyyougodhas.html 90/10 Principle http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/giving.html Advice Fir The New Year http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/newyear.html Advice For Living http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/advice.html Baby Thoughts http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/babythoughts.html Believe In Your Dreams http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/poems/dream.html Best Friends http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/poems/bestfriends.html Blink Of An Eye http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/eye.html Dick Clark's House http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dclark.html Dreamy Ladies http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dreamy.html Drink Responsibly http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/drink.html Friends http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/friends.html Friends And Health http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/friendhealth.html Friendship http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/friendship.html I Believe http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/believe.htm I Believe In You http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ibelieveinyou.html Jesus Clinic http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/clinic.html Keep On Smiling http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/smiling.html Kid Lessons http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/kidlessons.html Lean On Me http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/poems/leanonme.html Let's Dance http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dance.html Life Is... http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lifeis.html Life Is...Continued http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lifeis2.html Life Train http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lifetrain.html Medical Health Test http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/medical.html New Office Policy http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/office.html New Year's Advice http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/newyearadvice.html New Year Train http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/newyeartrain.html Old Barns, Old People, Old Friends http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/barns.html Playboy Bunny Calendar http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/calendar.html Small Thoughts http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/smallthoughts.html Ten Life Tips http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lifetips.html Ten Tips For Living http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tips.html Think Happy Thoughts http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/happythoughts.html Think Positive http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/positive.html Thoughts For Today http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/thoughts.html Top Reasons To Smile http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/smile.html Top Ways To Stay Healthy http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/stayhealthy.html TSA's Calendar Girls http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tsa.html Until We Write Again http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/write.html What Friends Are http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whatfriendsare.html Winter Wonderland And Life Lessons http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lessons.html Wisdom For Life http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wisdomforlife.html Witty Comebacks http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/comebacks.html Would You Care? http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/care.html Yearly Friendship Renewal http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/renewal.html -<>- >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This new scorcher is from our friend LouiseA. It is sure to get you ready for the New Year! Turn on your sound, give it plenty of time to load and check it out here... ^ _...._ ^ .' '. _...._ ^ / \' '. |X / \ -. \ |X | ^ .-. |'.-. .' \ / \;/ `/\` '. .' / \ ( `/\` / \ \ ^ `) ^ / \ ) ( ^ /'-...-'\ ( \ /-.__ __.-\ ) jgs '._ ` _.' ^ / `"""""` New Year's Advice http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/newyearadvice.html --- ...TeeHee! Such a fun one! Thanks LouiseA! ======================================================= >-->From TheFunnyBone: The Revival _|_ | | After the revival had concluded, / \ the three pastors were discussing //_\\ the results with one another. //(_)\\ |/^\| The Methodist minister said, "The ||_|| revival worked out great for us! // \\ We gained four new families." // \\ // === \\ The Baptist preacher said, "We did // =-=-= \\ better than that! We gained six new // === \\ families." //| |\\ | | The Presbyterian pastor said, | __ __ | "Well, we did even better than that! | | | | | We got rid of our 10 biggest trouble | | -|- | | makers!" |_|__|__|_| jgs /` ======= `\ /` ======= `\ _ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) Military Humor Thank you for calling the United States Army. I'm sorry but all of our units are out at the moment or are otherwise engaged. Please leave a message with your country, name of organization, the region, the specific crisis and a number at which we can call you. As soon as we have sorted out the Balkans, Iraq, Korea, China, the Y2K Bug, marching up and down the streets of Washington, D.C. and compulsory Consideration Of Others training, we will return your call. Please speak after the tone, or if you require more options, please listen to the following numbers: If your crisis is small, and close to the sea, press 1 for the United States Marine Corps. If your concern is distant, with a temperate climate and good hotels and can be solved by one or two low risk, high altitude bombing runs, please press 2 for the United States Air Force. Please note this service is not available after 1630 hours or on weekends. Special consideration will be given to customers requiring satellite or stealth technology who can provide additional research and development funding. If your enquiry concerns a situation which can be resolved by a bit of Grey funnel, bunting, flags and a really good marching band, please write, well in advance, to the United States Navy. Please note that Tomahawk Missile service is extremely limited and will be provided on a first-come, first-served basis. If your enquiry is not urgent, please press 3 for the Rapid Deployment Force. If you are in real hot trouble, please press 4 and your call will be routed to the United States Army Special Operations Command. Please note that a compulsory credit check will be required to ensure you can afford the inherent TDY costs. Also be aware that USASOC may bill your account at any time and is not required to tell you why, as it will be classified. If you are interested in joining the Army and wish to be shouted at, paid little, have premature arthritis, put your wife and family in a Condemned hut miles from civilization and are prepared to work your *** off daily, risking your life, in all weathers and terrains, both day and night, whilst watching Congress erode your original benefits package, then please stay on the line. Your call will shortly be connected to a bitter passed-over Army Recruiter in an old strip mall down by the Post Office. Have a pleasant day and thank you again for trying to contact the United States Army. ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: . , . L\ o .-""-. |\_ / (--> \ o .\ \'--.)_>_=/_( __ . \ )`-._/|_,( (==) o |_\ (_ ( \ /|~~| o . _.' `\ ) \_/\ \/ | | _ _.','\ _/\ (__'._/|()| |=/=/====\======/==| /` `\ \ ' . o . '-..-' o / / \ `'-.__ o' __.-'` ; _/\_ ; `'..'` ||` `|| || ||PARTY!|| || || || jgs || | \____/ | _.' '._ | | < > \_.-""-._/ `""""""` `""""""` >Accident Report My van had been parked in front of a high-rise building where I had been making some repairs. To my dismay, when I approached I saw broken glass and bits of plastic lying on the road from around the headlight. I thought I had been the victim of a hit- and-run and asked a grounds keeper working at the building if he had seen what had happened. Rather sheepishly the man told me his truck had been parked about 50 feet uphill from my van. At some point the parking brakes had failed, and his truck rolled down and struck the front of my van. The police were called and while sitting with the investigating officer in his car, I heard him quietly chuckling. "In all my years of police work," he said, "this is the first time I've ever investigated an accident between two parked vehicles." -<>- >After Dessert It was Christmas day, and we had all gathered for the holiday meal at the home of my husband's parents. After dessert, my mother-in-law left the table and returned carrying a bowl filled with slips of paper. Each adult was instructed to take one. Excited, we did so, wondering what surprise she had thought up for us. My slip of paper instructed me to dry the dishes; another person was told to wash them. Others had to do pots and pans. Then, with all the parents out of the way, grandma and grandpa went into the living room and enjoyed their grandchildren. -<>- >Christmas Tree At first sight we knew it was the perfect Christmas tree. Tall and full, with no bare spots. Even our grown children were impressed. "Wow," said my son. "If you didn't know it was real, it could easily pass as artificial." -<>- >50th Wedding Anniversary On my parents' 50th wedding anniversary, I remarked to my father that he and Mom never seemed to fight. "We battled," he said, "but it never amounted to much. After a while, one of us always realized that I was wrong." -<>- >Translation A research team proceeded towards the apex of a natural geologic protuberance, the purpose of their expedition being the procurement of a sample of fluid hydride of oxygen in a large vessel, the exact size of which was unspecified. One member of the team precipitously descended, sustaining severe damage to the upper cranial portion of his anatomical structure; subsequently the second member of the team performed a self-rotational translation oriented in the same direction taken by the first team member. In simple English what does this translate to?? Jack and Jill went up the hill.... ========================================================= _..@._ .' `\ / - - | / a a /, , | ^ D) ) ||\ , \ .__, /'. '. |\`,'/ .-';`-.___..;.-'\ \ \ _| / | .` _.; | -.`| \ _.-'| | \ ' \ 2 | . .' | | '._/`; 0 \ / /___\. / \ 1 \ | .`;,' _\_ | \ 5 '.| _/___|_/_|_}_ /\__ ' `'. '; \___________/ | ',`'-.,_'. \ | | \/`'. ._,;`'. \ | HAPPY | \ `\.' `| \ || NEW | | .' /-`\/| YEAR! | ;.' . _.'` / || | .' ,-' / / ;`-------`; / .'`; \ ( '._ _.' \ ( \ ` )`'`( \_,()))) jgs .' '. `"""""""""` >-->New Year Resolutions for Pets 15. I will not eat other animals' poop. 14. I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop. 13. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table. 12. My head does not belong in the refrigerator. 11. I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can opener. 10. Cats: Circulate a petition that sleeping become a juried competition in major animal shows. 9. Come to understand that cats are from Venus; dogs are from Mars. 8. Take time from busy schedule to stop and smell the behinds. 7. Hamster: Don't let them figure out I'm just a rat on steroids, or they'll flush me! 6. Get a bite in on that freak who gives me that shot every year. 5. Grow opposable thumb; break into pantry; decide for MYSELF how much food is *too* much. 4. Cats: Use new living room sofa as scratching post. 3. January 1st: Kill the sock! Must kill the sock! January 2nd - December 31: Re-live victory over the sock. 2. The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff. AND the Number 1 New Year's Resolutions Made by Pets... 1. I will NOT chase the stick until I see it LEAVE THE IDIOT'S HAND -<>- >Cookie the Cat's Resolutions 5. I will not demand to get out the minute after I come in and visa versa. 4. I will not scratch wallpaper, curtains, furniture, clothing or my scratch pad. 3. I will not annoy the dog next door (unless I’m in a bad mood) 2. I will come when my human calls me (occasionally) and the Number One New Year Resolution for Cookie is... 1. I will not sleep more than 23 hours per day. -<>- >Resolutions You Can Actually Keep... Are you sick of making the same resolutions year after year and yet you never keep them? Here are some resolutions that you can actually accomplish! Enjoy! :) 10. Read less. 9. I want to gain weight. Put on at least 30 pounds. 8. Stop exercising. Waste of time. 7. Watch more TV. I've been missing some good stuff. 6. Procrastinate more. 5. Drink. Drink some more. 4. Start being superstitious. 3. Spend more time at work. 2. Stop bringing lunch from home: I should eat out more. and last but not least... 1. Take up a new habit: maybe smoking! -<>- .~~~~. |2015| _|____|_ }-{ A P P Y (_,/\ \ \,~,/(`^ ^( ) /\/ E W \_/ ) \-' ) ( |\| (.-' '--.) \./ \( /(_)-(_) \ | E A R \\/ /\ /`\ \ \_/ / . \ // /'---'\`/_ _/ ^ ^ ;--; .--`| ^ ^ /` `), /` . \ ^ /` ) . '). ~^~`/ ( \^ / ( ' \^-~`-~ - ^ ~^- . )/ . ) '-.;~^-~^~- ~^~- / `\ - . ~^~ ,-.`~~^~^~^ ~- `^_~-~^-| \^ \~_~^ -~^~- ~^`~^ ^~ ~_jgs .-./__/\__`\-. ~^_-~^- ~^- ^~ `-^~=~-`=~-~=-' ~ >New Year Quotes: How you elect to spend New Year’s Eve will depend on your: 1. age 2. remaining levels of optimism 3. threshold of pain - Joseph Connolly Every New Year’s I have the same question, “How did I get home?” - Melanie White An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves. - Bill Vaughan Women get a little more excited about New Years Eve than men do. It’s like an excuse: you drink too much, you make a lot of promises you’re not going to keep; the next morning as soon as you wake up you start breaking them. For men, we just call that a date. - Jay Leno My New Year’s resolution is to eat better, so from now on, I’m going to only date guys who can afford to take me somewhere other than McDonalds. - Melanie White New Years parades have a lot in common with Santa Claus. Nobody is awake to see either one of them. - Melanie White Every New Years I celebrate making it through another holiday season without killing my relatives. - Melanie White New Year’s Eve, when auld acquaintances be forgot. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive. - Jay Leno Deer readers, my gnu years resolution is to tell you a gazelleon times how much I caribou you! Sorry. Bad puns. Alpaca bag and leave. - Greg Tamblyn As the year draws to a close, happy revelers jam New York’s Times Square to watch the traditional dropping of the illuminated ball, while in Denver a mellower throng gathers to ring in the new year with the lighting of the 200-Foot Doobie. - Dave Barry May all your troubles last as long as your New Year's resolutions. - Joey Adams ======================================================= -- _____ ( / ___ \ spunk1111@juno.com + ) |:...:| ASCII Art Gallery: ( \:::::/ http://www.ascii-art.com ) * `-T-' ____ ( + | /\ .' /\ * __|__ |K-----; | | jgs `-----` \/ '.___\/.::::....happy new year! >-->From Our Friend LouiseA :) A man on his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, God said, 'because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.' The biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.' God replied, 'Your request is materialistic; think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! I can do it but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind.' The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, 'God, I wish that I, and all men, could understand women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, why she snaps and complains when I try to help, and how I can make a woman truly happy. God replied: 'You want two lanes or four on that bridge?" -------- Driving along a remote country road, a motorist saw a sign that said, "Watch for Fallen Rocks". A few miles later he spotted some small rocks by the side of the road and picked a few up and put them in his car. When he reached the next town, he took them to the highway maintenance office. Placing them on the counter, he said to the official: "Here are your fallen rocks. Now where's my watch?" -------- After years of nagging, the wife was finally going deer hunting with her husband. "I'll drop you off here and go park the car. Don't get into trouble". says her husband. He drove the car down the road and parked it. Walking back he could hear a heated argument between his wife and some man. "It's my deer. I shot it!" he could hear his wife shouting. The man's voice kept insisting...."That's not your deer, lady" The husband started walking faster. His wife said "It is TOO my deer. I shot it and it's mine." "No it's not" said the man. The argument got louder and louder with his wife shouting about her killing her first deer. Finally, the weary voice of the man was heard admitting defeat. "Okay, lady, it's YOUR deer. Just let me get the saddle off it..." ------- My family physician told me of an incident that actually happened to him back in the early days of his practice. He said a woman brought her baby to see him, and he determined right away that the baby had an earache. He wrote a prescription for ear drops. In the directions he wrote, "Put two drops in right ear every four hours" and he abbreviated "right" as an R with a circle around it. Several days passed, and the woman returned with her baby, complaining that the baby still had an earache, and his little behind was getting really greasy with all those drops of oil. The doctor looked at the bottle of ear drops and sure enough, the pharmacist had typed the following instructions on the label: "Put two drops in R ear every four hours." -------- Because I often have to catch a pre-dawn bus to get to my job, I was concerned that I wasn't always visible to bus drivers in the darkness. So, I attached a reflector to my lunch box and put on a jogger's vest that was bright orange and had small flashing lights. The first morning I wore my new gear, the bus zoomed past but then stopped. I ran to catch up with it and, as I boarded, asked the driver, "Didn't you see me?" "I saw you," he replied, "but I thought you were a road sign." -------- This grasshopper walks into a bar, and the bartender says "Hey! We have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper replies "Really? You have a drink named Steve?!" ...This baby seal walks into a bar and the bartender says, "What'll ya have..." The seal says, "Anything but a Canadian Club... ...This skeleton walks into a bar and says, "I'd like a beer and a mop..." -------- A couple was sitting in the park. Two dogs that were romping on the grass started to lick each other's faces. The girl said, "They look like they're kissing." The boy replied. "If you wouldn't mind, I think I'd like to give that a try." The girl said, "I don't mind, but I'd be careful. The big white dog looks like it could be dangerous." ------- Hope this touches you the way it touched me! GOODBYE MOM A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around. If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore she kept staring at him. She finally overtook him at the checkout, and she turned to him and said, "*I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease; it's just that you look so much like my late son."* He answered, *"That's okay."* She then said, "I know it's silly, but if you'd call out 'Good bye, Mom!' as I leave the store, it would make me feel so happy." She then went through the checkout, and as she was on her way out of the store, the man called out, "Goodbye, Mom!" The little old lady waved and smiled back at him. Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone's day, he went to pay for his groceries. "That comes to $221.85," said the clerk. "How come so much? I only bought 5 items." The clerk replied, "Yeah, but your Mother said you'd be paying for her things, too." Bet you thought this was going to be a tear jerker. Don't trust Little Old Ladies!!! --- ...LOL! Thanks LouiseA! ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: >From BizarreNews: Being on the "naughty list" just got a little tougher, at least in Detroit where a man dressed as jolly old Saint Nick unloaded on two hapless souls at a gas station. Because apparently reindeer run on unleaded and even Santa can't go to Detroit without packing heavy. Detroit police officials confirmed that the two victims were recovering from gunshot wounds following the incident. The festively dressed gunman, who is now in custody, told officers that he felt threatened after arguing with the pair and shot both men. "An individual who was dressed as Santa and two other individuals got into some kind of confrontation," said Officer Adam Madera. "Two of the individuals went to their vehicle; they believe that Santa felt maybe that they were going to get a weapon. He then shot these individuals." Madera said that two off-duty officers in the area engaged in a short foot chase with the suspect and directed him to an on-duty officer who made the arrest. The suspect's name was not immediately released, but if you didn't get any presents on Christmas morning it probably means the name was Kringle. -<>- Here is a fun consequence of the recent trend toward conservatism in this country; new and more stringent anti- abortion laws are being passed, many of which advance the "personhood" rights of fertilized eggs, embryos and fetuses. You might be thinking, 'Good! Way too many women are getting abortions to the point where it has become a form of birth control,' and I would agree with you, but an interesting side-effect of this legal interpretation is that it is being used to deprive some women of their human, constitutionally protected rights. Such laws are increasingly being used as the basis for actually arresting women who have no intention of ending a pregnancy and for preventing women from making their own decisions about how they will give birth. Here are a few illustrative anecdotes: 1. In Iowa, a pregnant woman who fell down a flight of stairs was reported to the police after seeking help at a hospital. She was arrested for "attempted fetal homicide." 2. In Utah, a woman gave birth to twins; one was stillborn. Health care providers believed that the stillbirth was the result of the woman's decision to delay having a cesarean. She was arrested on charges of fetal homicide. 3. In another case, a woman who had been in labor at home was picked up by a sheriff, strapped down in the back of an ambulance, taken to a hospital, and forced to have a cesarean she did not want. When this mother later protested what had happened, a court concluded that the woman's personal constitutional rights 'clearly did not outweigh the interests of the State of Florida in preserving the life of the unborn child.' And it's getting more and more common. Last year, The New York Times published a peer-reviewed study documenting 413 arrests or equivalent actions depriving pregnant women of their physical liberty. Even in these few examples you might notice a trend; it is the health care providers who frequently involve the law in what, under normal circumstances, should be a personal event. So here is my solution; cut out the middle-man. Let's combine reproductive health care with law enforcement. It would be a simple matter of deputizing obstetricians. Or we could just automatically put all pregnant women in detention - for their own good and the good of the babies, of course. It would definitely be easier on the rest of us. --- ...Crazy! One extreme to the other! People need to learn moderation! *-- Man accidentally sells box spring containing cat --* ROCKCREEK, Ore. (UPI) - An Oregon man said he is searching for his girlfriend's cat after he mistakenly sold a box spring that the feline was using as a hiding place. Roy Dufek of Rockcreek said in a Reddit post he was selling two bed sets for his girlfriend while she was at work last week and he did not realize until later that his girlfriend's cat, Camo, had apparently been hiding inside a box spring he strapped to the top of a buyer's car. Dufek, who was in the process of moving when he sold the items, said the man who purchased the bed set allowed him to search his house, but there was no sign of Camo. The man said he had heard unusual noises while affixing the box spring to the top of his car. Dufek said his posts on Reddit and Craigslist have resulted in an outpouring of support and offers of assistance, but so far there have been no confirmed Camo sightings. "People have told us stories of their cat that was gone a few months, or a month, and found the way home. So that gives us hope," Dufek told The Oregonian. "The only issue is we don't live at that apartment anymore." *-- Eggnog-chugging contest leads to hospital stay --* PROVO, Utah (UPI) - A Utah man who chugged a quart of eggnog in 12 seconds to win a restaurant gift card said he was also awarded with a three-day stay in the hospital. Ryan Roche, whose victory was captured in a video posted to YouTube, said he was challenged to the eggnog-chugging contest at his work Christmas party last week and he had to beat a 22-second record to win a gift card to Ruth's Chris Steak House. "I just opened up my throat, didn't even swallow," he told KSL-TV. "I pretty much poured it down." Roche finished off the quart in 12 seconds. "I got done, and I was gasping, I couldn't breathe," he said. Roche said his breathing troubles intensified in the ensuing hours and he started feeling shaky and nauseous. He said a friend who is in medical school recommended he go to the hospital, where doctors said he was "dry drowning" from the eggnog in his lungs. "I can't tell you how many doctors or nurses would walk into my room and say, 'Eggnog, huh?' Then they'd say, 'Well, at least you won,'" he told the New York Daily News. Roche said he spent his first 24 hours in the hospital in intensive care. "It was rough," he said. He said he took home the steakhouse gift card, but it also came with a valuable lesson. "Eggnog: not ideal for the lungs," Roche said. "Not only do I get a Ruth's Chris gift card, but I got a three night's stay in the hospital." *-- France changes rules to allow kitchen toilets --* PARIS (UPI) - French officials announced a law change that will allow homeowners to install toilets in their kitchens and living rooms. Minister of Housing Sylvia Pinel and Minister of Ecology Segolene Royal announced in the French government's Official Journal Nov. 8 they are doing away with a law requiring toilets to be kept separate from kitchens and living rooms. The ministers wrote they were doing away with "the prohibition of direct communication between the [bathrooms] and kitchens and living rooms" as part of "a process of simplification of regulations." The decree goes into effect Dec. 1. *-- 91-year-old alive in morgue 11 hours after 'death' --* LUBARTOW, Poland (UPI) - A 91-year-old Polish woman who was declared dead was found to be alive inside her body bag in a morgue's cold storage area 11 hours later. Janina Kolkiewicz's niece, Bogumila Kolkiewicz, said she called her family's physician, Dr. Wieslawa Czyz, when she found her aunt was not breathing and did not seem to have a pulse at their Lubartow home. Czyz confirmed the elder Kolkiewicz was deceased and wrote out a death certificate for the woman. However, the death certificate had to be invalidated when morgue staff found Kolkiewicz moving inside of her body bag. Kolkiewicz returned home, where her family helped her warm up with soup and pancakes, her niece said. "I was sure she was dead," Czyz told television station TVP. "I'm stunned, I don't understand what happened. Her heart had stopped beating, she was no longer breathing." Bogumila Kolkiewicz said her aunt reported feeling "normal, fine" following her ordeal. She said the older woman has no comprehension of what took place. "My aunt has no inkling of what happened since she has late-stage dementia," she told the Dziennik Wschodni newspaper. Police are investigating the incident and the Lublin District Prosecutor's Office said it has instituted criminal proceedings against the doctor. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Geniann... . . : . '.@.' /^\ / \ /2015 \ @@@@@@@@@ / 6 6 \ ( ^ ,) \ __, /-._ `._____.'\ `--.__ \\/ `/``"""'-. / ) / : | /\ | .--. : / /\2`\ \/ `.__.:.____.-. / / /`\0`\`/ .-"..____.-. \ jgs _.-' /_/ `\1`\ \-. \ `=----' `\5`\--------'""`-. \ `" `-./ `" >Defining S T R E S S Levels Level #1: You pick up a hitchhiker... A beautiful girl. Suddenly she faints inside your truck and you take her to the hospital. Now that's stressful. Level #2 While at the hospital, they say she is pregnant and congratulate you that you're going to be a father. You say that you are not the father, but the girl says you are. This is getting pretty stressful! Level #3 You request a DNA test to prove that you are not the father. After all the tests are completed, the doctor says they show you're infertile, And probably have been since birth. You're extremely stressed but somewhat relieved. Level #4 On your way out you think about your 3 kids at home. --- ...Oh My Goodness! LOL! Thanks Geniann! ========================================================= * ) * ) * ( ) ( ( ( ) ( ) ) * ) ) ( ( ( ( * ) H ) ) [ ] ( ( * |-| * ) ( * ) |_| . ) ( | | . ) / \ . ' . * ( |_____| ' . . ) | ___ | \~~~/ ' . ( * | \ / | \_/ \~~~/ ) | _Y_ | | \_/ ( * jgs |-----| __|__ | * `-----` __|__ >-->From CleanLaffs: Felix, my husband, was playing golf with our town's fire chief when he hit a ball into the rough. As Felix headed for the brush to find his ball, the chief warned him, "Be careful, the rattlesnakes are out." The chief explained that calls had been coming in all week requesting assistance with removing the snakes. "You've got to be kidding," Felix replied in astonishment. "People actually call the fire department to help them with rattlesnakes? What do you say to them?" "Well," said the chief, "the first thing I ask is, 'Is it on fire?'" *-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes ---------------* Do you know why the blonde in California quit being Catholic? She went to Mass every Sunday, but eventually the air fares to Boston caused her to go bankrupt. -<>- My mom has a lead foot, so I was not surprised when a state trooper pulled us over as we were driving through Georgia. Hoping to get off with a warning, Mom tried to appear shocked when he walked up to the car. "I have never been stopped like this before," she said to the officer. "What do they usually do, ma'am," he asked, "shoot the tires out?" -<>- An 80 year old man went to the doctor for a checkup and the doctor was amazed at what good shape the guy was in. The doctor asked, "To what do you attribute your good health?" The old timer said, "I'm a golfer and that's why I'm in such good shape. I'm up well before daylight and out golfing up and down the fairways." The doctor said, "Well, I'm sure that helps, but there's got to be more to it. How old was your father when he died?" The old timer said, "Who said my father's dead?" The doctor said, "You mean you're 80 years old and your father is still alive? How old is he?" The old timer said, "He's 100 yrs old and, in fact, he golfed with me this morning. That's why he's still alive, he's a golfer." The doctor said, "Well, that's great, but I'm sure there's more to it. How about your grandfather? How old was he when he died?" The old timer said, "Who said my grandpa's dead?" The doctor said, "You mean you're 80 years old and your grandfather's still living! How old is he?" The old timer said, "He's 118 yrs old." The doctor was getting frustrated at this point and said, "I guess he went golfing with you this morning too?" The old timer said, "No...Grandpa couldn't go this morning because he got married." The doctor said in amazement, "Got married!! Why would a 118-year-old guy want to get married?" The old timer shot back, "Who said he wanted to?" -<>- Before going on vacation, I went to a tanning salon. I was under the lights a bit long and the protective shades I wore left a big white circle around each eye. Gazing at myself in the mirror the next day, I thought, "Man, I look like a clown." I had almost convinced myself that I was overreacting until I got in line at the grocery store. I felt a tug at my shirt and looked down to see a toddler staring up at me. He asked, "Are you giving out balloons?" -<>- I was at a stop light, behind a car with a bumper sticker that said "Honk if you love Jesus." So I honked. The driver leaned out his window, gave me an very impolite gesture, and yelled, "Can't you see the light is still red, you MORON!?" -<>- A group of junior-level executives were participating in a management training program. The seminar leader pounded home his point about the need to make decisions and take action on these decisions. "For instance," he said, "if you had five frogs on a log and three of them decided to jump, how many frogs would you have left on the log?" The answers from the group were unanimous: "Two." "Wrong," replied the speaker, "there would still be five because there is a difference between deciding to jump and jumping." -<>- My wife and I were making our own funeral arrangements, and the director showed us into a room in which containers for ashes were on display. After we looked at the choices, I asked my wife if she had decided. She sighed. "Yes, the wood-finish one, as it will likely go into the ground." After a moment's pause, however, she continued. "But I really prefer the blue one. You know I always look good in blue." ========================================================= >-->From AndyChaps: ** Learning is finding out what you already know. Doing is demonstrating that you know it. Teaching is reminding others that they know it just as well as you. You are all learners, doers, teachers. Richard David Bach ** ** We learn as much from sorrow as from joy, as much from illness as from health, from handicap as from advantage and indeed perhaps more. Pearl S. Buck ** ** He who remembers from day to day what he has yet to learn, and from month to month what he has learned already, may be said to have a love of learning. ~~~Confucius ** -<>- o _' {_} |=| . ' | | o . o o |@| . o _o_._'_ /___\ o_.__'\~~~~~/ |=2 | \~~~~~/ '-.-' |=0 | '-.-' | |-1 | | _|_ |_5_| _|_ `"""` |_._| jgs `"""` `"""` Happy New Year!! ** WHEN WAS THE FIRST NEW YEAR CELEBRATED? ** The celebration of the new year is the oldest of all holidays. It was first observed in ancient Babylon about 4000 years ago. In the years around 2000 BC, the Babylonian New Year began with the first New Moon (actually the first visible cresent) after the Vernal Equinox (first day of spring). The Babylonian new year celebration lasted for eleven days. The Romans continued to ob- serve the new year in late March, but their calendar was continu- ally tampered with by various emperors so that the calendar soon became out of synchronization with the sun. -<>- ** ACT NOW ** I would rather be ashes than dust! I would rather that my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze than it should be stifled by dry rot. I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet. The proper function of man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them. I shall use my time." ~~~~-Jack London -<>- ** Your Decision ** "A native American grandfather was talking to his grandson about how he felt. He said 'I feel as if I have two wolves fighting in my heart. One wolf is the vengeful, angry, violent one. The other wolf is the loving, compassionate one.' The grandson asked him, 'Which wolf will win the fight in your heart?' The grandfather answered: 'The one I feed.'" -<>- ** "The Texas Cowboy" ** The old cowboy was dying and his young grandson was visiting at his bedside. "Grandpapa, can you tell me one thing?" "Yes son, what do want to know," said the old cowboy. "Grandpapa, how did you live so long?" "Well, son," the cowboy said in a dry raspy voice, from too many hard winters in the Texas panhandle, "You just sprinkle a little gunpowder on your oatmeal every morning and you'll live for a long, long time." The young man faithfully did what his Grandpapa told him and he lived to be 93, had 14 kids, 28 grand kids, 53 great grand kids and blew the doors off the oven when they tried to cremate him. -<>- ** SWEET TALK ** I saw my co-worker Jim Monday morning. I was about to ask him how His weekend went when I noticed his black eye. It was a real shiner. "What happened to you? Were you mugged?", I asked. "Worse" Jim said painfully. "Suzie and I went to up to that bed and breakfast in Mendicino this weekend. We met Liz and Kevin there." He said. "Well? How did you get that black eye? How did you get Those bruises on your arms? What about that cut over your other eye? " "Well, Sunday morning we were seated at the table with Liz and Kevin And a couple on their honeymoon. We were all having breakfast together. "That honeymoon couple looked at each other with love in their eyes, when he turned to his new bride and asks 'Would you please pass the sugar, sugar'. "We all smiled and Suzie had that look, you know the 'isn't that romantic' look women get. Then Kevin said to Liz 'please pass the honey, honey.' Suzie gave a heavy sigh and looked at me. "The last thing I remember before waking up in the emergency room was turning to Suzie and saying 'Please pass the tea--bag'". -<>- ** Attorney Hunting ** (Just Good Humor, Says Andy) A Bill To Regulate The Hunting And Harvesting Of Attorneys 372.01 -Any person with a valid state rodent or armadillo hunting license may also hunt and harvest attorneys for recreational and sport ing (non-commercial) purposes. 372.02 -Taking of attorneys with traps or dead falls is permitted. The use of United States currency as bait is, however, prohibited. 372.03 -The willful killing of attorneys with a motor vehicle is prohibited, unless such vehicle is an ambulance being driven in reverse. If an attorney is accidentally struck by a motor vehicle, the dead attorney should be removed to the roadside, and the vehicle should proceed to the nearest car wash. 372.04 -It is unlawful to chase, herd or harvest attorneys from a power boat, helicopter or aircraft. 372.05 -It is unlawful to shout "WHIPLASH", "AMBULANCE", or "FREE SCOTCH" for the purpose of trapping attorneys. 372.06 -It is unlawful to hunt attorneys within 100 yards of BMW, Mercedes, or Porsche dealerships, except on Wednesday afternoons. 372.07 -It is unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of courtrooms, law libraries, health clubs, country clubs or hospitals. 372.08 -If an attorney gains elective office, it is not necessary to have a licence to hunt, trap or possess the same. 372.09 -It is unlawful for a hunter to wear a disguise as a reporter, accident victim, physician, chiropractor, or tax accountant for the purpose of hunting attorneys. 372.10 -Bag Limits Per Day: Yellow-bellied Sidewinders: 2 Two-faced Tort-feasors: 1 Back-stabbing Divorce Litigators: 3 Horn-rimmed Cut-throats: 2 Minutiae-advocating Chickens: 4 Honest Attorneys: 0 (Protected, Endangered species.) ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Just Thinking! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/thinking.html Walk With Jesus! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/poems/walk.html Who Is This Jesus! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/jesus.html Angels Are Watching!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/angelswatching.html One Word Essay http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/essay.html That's God http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/thatsgod.html Baby's Firsts http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/babyfirsts.html -<>- >From Our Friend Geniann :) She sent us a fun one we have here... A Love Story http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lovestory.html --- ...TeeHee! Too Cute! Thanks Geniann! Air force one https://www.youtube.com/embed/c1Q1qzfL9rE --- ...Geesh! Thanks Geniann! It's mind boggling to me all the government wasteful spending that could have been used to help our folks - like our own wounded warriors or our own homeless men, woman and children! How about we stop looking for ways to send our money overseas to help countries that don't even like the US and start spending our money wisely like good overseers are supposed to. Such a shame on our government officials! Oscar opening moments not shown http://telly.com/embed.php?guid=L558O&autoplay=0 --- ...Sweet! Thanks Geniann! -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseA :) In the town of Agra, in Northern India, lived in the 17 century a queen and a very old gardener who took loving care of the fairy tale gardens of the Taj Mahal, a magnificent mausoleum of white marble, whose main entrance was guarded by two immense elephants." https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JBNgQvUVryc&feature=player_embedded YouTube has become a big part of the life of many people. What was once a platform for people to share their videos for free is now a hub that shows much of the human experience. This amazing video is a compilation of the 2014 YouTube 233 biggest moments - everything from extreme sports, adorable animals, people making faces & more. https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=axgDgH6f7Pw --- ...Awesome! Thanks LouiseA! -<>- >From Our Friend Melody :) New Year's Traditions | Infoplease.com http://www.infoplease.com/spot/newyearcelebrations.html The News IQ Quiz | Pew Research Center http://www.pewresearch.org/quiz/the-news-iq-quiz/ World Clock http://www.peterrussell.com/Odds/WorldClock.php Coast Guard Helicopter Online Airplane Games http://www.airplanegamesonline.net/13-Coast-Guard-Helicopter.html --- ...Cool! Thanks Melody! 82 Yr. Old Black Grandma Takes Shots At Obama As She Explains Why She Just Voted Straight GOP http://telly.com/embed.php?guid=L558O&autoplay=0 --- ...She is right on! Thanks Melody! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "A new study shows that despite previous estimates there are only 2 million rats living in New York City. I guess the other 10 million are commuting from New Jersey." -Seth Meyers "Starbucks had a disappointing quarter revenue-wise. They might want to reconsider their business model of selling one mini-muffin to an unemployed writer who then sits there for 10 hours working on his screenplay without buying anything else." -Jimmy Kimmel "Members of the Danish National Chamber Orchestra released a video of themselves performing while eating the world's hottest chili peppers. In response, the Red Hot Chili Peppers released a video of themselves eating a Danish." -Seth Meyers "Amazon has a new digital assistant. It's their version of Apple's Siri. It's called Echo. They say it's going to revolutionize the way we loudly repeat ourselves at electronic devices." -Jimmy Kimmel "Yesterday a couple of guys busted into a store here in the neighborhood and stole $2 million worth of money and watches. The police described them as armed and punctual." -Dave Letterman "Developers are working on a new app that gives you a 10-second warning before an earthquake. The app is called 'Too Late.'" -Conan O'Brien "Prince took his first selfie yesterday with an actual camera, because his publicist says he doesn't own a cellphone. Or in other words, I guess he's still partying like it's 1999." -Jimmy Fallon "A tiger has been seen running around Paris. Citizens were told to stay indoors and do whatever's necessary to protect the wine and cheese. They should leave home only to smoke and to judge others." -Craig Ferguson __, ,__) __, ,__) __, ,__) (--|__| _ ,_ ,_ (--|\ | _ (--\ | _ _ ,_ _| |(_||_)|_)(_| _| \|(/_(_|_) \|(/_(_|| ( | | ,_| ( (__| >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************