Happy Opposite Day... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our ShangyFunList: Group Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* Please Consider Giving To ShangralaFamilyFun.com :) The cost of the website has gone up dramatically due to the ever increasingly wonderful pages and photos being added each week to entertain you and our fellow Christian families. If every one would chip in $25 or more, we'd be good for the whole year! So Please - I need your help today! "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ *~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a Shangrala Angel, the easiest way to do that is through online giving. It is easy to use, and most of all, it is secure. Please visit the site, scroll down and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL form page comes up. NOTE: Paypal will generate a 'Quantity 1' and 'Price per item' form. Just ignore the price per item and put whatever it is you desire to give in there. With Paypal, you will have your normal receipt for your 'payment' donation in USD (United States Dollars). You can put a memo in there if you'd like. EVERY LITTLE BIT WILL HELP! Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS YOU ABUNDANTLY FOR YOUR GIFT! ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! -<>- * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ _________________ / /| / / | /________________/ /| ###| ____ |//| # | / /| |/.| # __|___ / /.| | |_______________ # / / //|| | / /| ___ # / /___// || | / / | / \ \ # /______/! || ||_____|/ / | / \ \ #| . . . ! || || / _________________/ \ \ #| . . ! || // ________ / /\________________ { / } /| . ! ||//~~~~~~/ 0000/ / / / ______________ { / / / | ! |'/ /9 0000/ / / / / / { / / / #\________!___|/ /9 0000/ / / / /_____________/___ / / / # /_____\/ /9 0000/ / / / /_ /\_____________\/ / / # ``^^^^^^ / \ \ . ./ / ____________ / +=#==================================/ \ \ ./ / /. . . \ / / |# | \ \/ / /___________/ / # |_______\__/________________/ | | | | / / | | | | / / | | ________| |/ /________ | | /_______/ \_________/\ | | / / / \ ) | | /OO^^^^^^/ / /^^^^^^^^^OO\) | | / / / | | / / / | | /___\/ |hectoras | oo |____________________________________| >-->In The 'Shangy' News :) I saved the WH Trump Accomplishments - They have been removed now by the Biden Administration. eMail me here if you want a free copy: bcrsystems@earthlink.net Just ask for the 'Trump Accomplishments' in the subject area. -<>- >2 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) Our first steaming hot new page is from our friend LouiseAu. It's one to take us back in time to iconic Paris. With a brand new type of technology at the time: Color Photography, we see Paris of old in these beautiful enhanced and improved photos. Be sure to check this and its video out here... | | A _/X\_ \/X\/ |V| |A| |V| /XXX\ |\/\| |/\/| |\/\| |/\/| |\/\| |/\/| IIIIIII |\/_\/| /\// \\/\ |/| |\| /\X/___\X/\ IIIIIIIIIIIII /`-\/XXXXX\/-`\ /`.-'/\|/I\|/\'-.`\ /`\-/_.-"` `"-._ \-/\ /.-'.' '.'-.\ jgs /`\-/ \-/`\ _/`-'/`_ _`\'-`\_ `"""""""` `""""""` Paris In Early 1900's! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/parisin1900s.html --- ...Aww, a delightful one of my Favorite cities! Thanks LouiseAu! Our next too hot to handle new page is from our friend Geniann. If you are like me, you may have seen photos of this but just thought it was another colorful rock formation. However, I was stunned to learn of this beautiful natural geyser right smack in the Nevada desert! This will give you plenty of ooo's and awws! Be sure to check it and its video out here... . _ + . ______ . . ' . '+ ( /|\ _ _| \___ . + ' . * /\ ||||| . | | | | | | . ' . ' __||||_|||||____| |_|_____________\___________________________________ . |||| ||||| /\ _____ _____ . . . . . . \|`-'|||| |||| __________ . \__ |||| |||| . . . . - . . __ ||||`-'||| . . __________ . . |||| ___/ ___________ . _ ___|||||__ _ . _ _ `---' . . . _ . . . _ ^ . - . - . - . . . - . . - Bob Allison Nevada's Fly Geyser http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/flygeyser.html --- ...Wow. So amazing and beautiful! Thanks Geniann! ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: ____ ___|=--=/ \=--=| :(___.--. .--.___): { __ ' ) ( ` __ )= ""----'Ahas '----"" ====' Arnold and his wife were cleaning out the attic one day when he came across a ticket from the local shoe repair shop. The date stamped on the ticket showed that it was over eleven years old. They both laughed and tried to remember which of them might have forgotten to pick up a pair of shoes over a decade ago. "Do you think the shoes will still be in the shop?" Arnold asked. "Not very likely," his wife said. "It's worth a try," Arnold said, pocketing the ticket. He went downstairs, hopped into the car, and drove to the store. With a straight face, he handed the ticket to the man behind the counter. With a face just as straight, the man said, "Just a minute. I'll have to look for these." He disappeared into a dark corner at the back of the shop. Two minutes later, the man called out, "Here they are!" "No kidding?" Arnold called back. "That's terrific! Who would have thought they'd still be here after all this time." The man came back to the counter, empty-handed. "They'll be ready Thursday," he said calmly. -<>- The Smiths were shown into the dentist's office, where Mr. Smith made it clear he was in a big hurry. "No fancy stuff, Doctor," he ordered, "No gas or needles or any of that stuff. Just pull the tooth and get it over with." "I wish more of my patients were as stoic as you," said the dentist admiringly. "Now, which tooth is it?" Mr. Smith turned to his wife, "Show him, honey." -<>- ,-. _,-' - `--._ ,'.: __' _..-) ,' /,o)' ,' ;. ,'`-' _,) ,' :. _.-',' ,' . . ( / ; .:' .. `-/ ,' ; ,' _,/ . , .,' , ,',' . . . .\,'..__ ,',' .:. ' ,\ `\)`` `-\_..---``````-'-.`.:`._/ ,' '` .` ,`- -. ) `--..`-.. `-...__________..-'-.._ \ ``--------..`-._ ``` `` SSt There was this yellow toad hopping down a path in the woods. He was feeling really sick and had such a terrible cough he thought he might croak. Anyway, he came upon a man who, it turns out, was a doctor. He diagnosed the frogs illness right away, but, alas, he found he was not carrying the medicine with him that the frog required. The doctor pointed down the path toward a distant hill. "Toad", he said, "if you can hop down past that hill you will find a village where my office is located. Take this prescription with you and tell the Pharmacist to give you what you need." The toad thanked the doctor and started on his journey. A few hours later, the doctor came upon a bunny , hopping through the woods. "And how are you today, Mr. Rabbit?" said the doctor. "Not so good," came the reply. "I hopped on a thorn a few miles back and my foot is starting to swell." The doctor looked at the rabbit's limb and applied a temporary bandage. "You need to see my nurse who will give you a better dressing and make you well again." "Oh thank you!" said the rabbit. "Which way do I go to find your office?" With that, the doctor pointed toward the distant hill and said, "Follow the yellow sick toad." ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ January 25 is Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day and Opposite Day January 26 is Australia Day and Spouse's Day January 27 is Chocolate Cake Day and Punch the Clock Day January 28 is Data Privacy Day, Fun at Work Day and National Kazoo Day January 29 National Puzzle Day and National Cornchip Day January 30 is National Inane Answering Message Day and National Seed Swap Day January 31 is Backward Day and Inspire Your Heart with Art Day ======================================================= >-->From Mikey'sFunnies: .:::. .:::. /:::::\ /:':':\ | _ | | _ | | (_` | | |_) | | ,_) | | | | | | jgs | | /`'---'`\ /`'---'`\ `'-----'` `'-----'` A couple returning from their honeymoon was in a deep discussion about people and their actions. John, the husband indicated: "I have always maintained that no two people on earth think alike." Mary, his loving new bride commented: "You'll change your mind when you look over our wedding presents." -<>- _ / ) |||| / / ||||/ / \__(_/ ||// ||/ || (|| hjw "" There was a young man who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness and had been given three months to live. So as he was getting his things in order, he contacted his pastor and had him come to his house to discuss certain aspects of his final wishes. He told him which songs he wanted sung at the service, what scriptures he would like to read, and what outfit he wanted to be buried in. Everything was in order and the pastor was preparing to leave when the young man suddenly remembered something very important to him. "There's one more thing," he said excitedly. "What's that?" came the pastor's reply. "This is very important," the young man continued. "I want to be buried with a fork in my right hand." The pastor stood looking at the young man, not knowing quite what to say. "That surprises you, doesn't it?" the young man asked. "Well, to be honest, I'm puzzled by the request," said the pastor. The young man explained, "My grandmother once told me this story, and from that time on I have always tried to pass along its message to those I love and those who are in need of encouragement. In all my years of attending socials and dinners, I always remember that when the dishes of the main course were being cleared, someone would inevitably lean over and say, 'Keep your fork.' "It was my favorite part because I knew that something better was coming - like velvety chocolate cake or deep-dish apple pie. Something wonderful, and with substance! So, I just want people to see me there in that casket with a fork in my hand and I want them to wonder 'What"s with the fork?' Then I want you to tell them: 'Keep your fork ... the best is yet to come.'" The pastor's eyes welled up with tears of joy as he hugged the young man goodbye. He knew this would be one of the last times he would see him before his death. But he also knew that the young man had a better grasp of heaven than he did. He had a better grasp of what heaven would be like than many people twice his age, with twice as much experience and knowledge. He KNEW that something better was coming. At the funeral, people were walking by the young man's casket and they saw the suit he was wearing and the fork placed in his right hand. Over and over, the pastor heard the question, "What's with the fork?" And over and over he smiled. During his message, the pastor told the people of the conversation he had with the young man shortly before he died. He also told them about the fork and about what it symbolized to him. He told the people how he could not stop thinking about the fork and told them that they probably would not be able to stop thinking about it either. He was right. So the next time you reach down for your fork let it remind you, ever so gently, that the best is yet to come. -<>- A large passenger plane is on its way across the Atlantic. It flies consistently at 800 km/h at 35,000 feet, when suddenly an F-22 Raptor appears. The pilot of the fighter jet slows down, flies alongside the Airbus and greets the pilot of the passenger plane by radio: "Airbus flight, a boring flight isn't it? Take care and have a look here!" He rolls his jet on its back, accelerates, breaks through the sound barrier, rises rapidly to a dizzying height, only to swoop down almost to sea level in a breathtaking dive. He loops back next to the plane and asks, "Well, how was that?" The airplane pilot answers: "Very impressive, but now have a look here!" The jet pilot watches the plane, but nothing happens. It continues to fly stubbornly straight, with the same speed. After five minutes, the plane pilot radioed, "Well, what are you saying now?" The jet pilot asks confused: "What did you do?" The other laughs and says, "I got up, stretched my legs, went to the back of the flight to the bathroom, got a cup of coffee and a cinnamon cake." -<>- A Jewish rabbi and a Catholic priest met at the town's annual 4th of July picnic. Old friends, they began their usual banter. "This baked ham is really delicious," the priest teased the rabbi. "You really ought to try it. I know it's against your religion, but I can't understand why such a wonderful food should be forbidden! You don't know what you're missing. You just haven't lived until you've tried Mrs. Frobisher's prized Virginia Baked Ham. Tell me, Rabbi, when are you going to break down and try it?" The rabbi looked at the priest with a big grin, and said, "At your wedding." -<>- A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window, stating the following: "HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer, and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer." A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign, and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it, and whined. Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he led him into the office. Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager. The manager said, "I can't hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type." The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter, and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair. The manager was stunned, but then told the dog, "The sign says you have to be good with a computer." The dog jumped down again and went to the computer. The dog proceeded to enter and execute a perfect program that worked flawlessly the first time. By this time the manager was totally dumbfounded! He looked at the dog and said, "I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I *still* can't give you the job." The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the sentence that told about being an Equal Opportunity Employer. The manager said, "Yes, but the sign *also* says that you have to be bilingual." The dog looked at the manager calmly and said, "Meow." ========================================================= ..::''''::.. .:::. .;'' ``;. .... ::::: :: :: :: :: ,;' .;: () ..: `:::' :: :: :: :: ::. ..:,:;.,:;. . :: .::::. `:' :: .:' :: :: `:. :: '''::, :: :: :: `:: :: ;: .:: : :: : : :: ,:'; ::; :: :: :: :: :: ::,::''. . :: `:. .:' :: `:,,,,;;' ,;; ,;;, ;;, ,;;, ,;;, `:,,,,:' :;: `;..``::::''..;' ``::,,,,::'' >-->Smiles For A Happy Opposite Day! Blue Necks are Northerners -- the opposite of Rednecks. Because of Redneck jokes, here are some takes on how Southern folks look at Northerners (or how Northerners sometimes think of themselves). In reality, Rednecks are everywhere, not just the South. >YOU JUST MIGHT BE A BLUE NECK IF... ...Instead of referring to two or more people as "Y'all," you call them "you guys," even if both of them are women. ...You think barbecue is a verb meaning "to cook outside." ...You think Heinz Ketchup is really SPICY. ...You would never stop to buy something somebody was cooking on the side of the road. (e.g., boiled peanuts) . ...You don't have any problems pronouncing "Worcestershire sauce" correctly. ...For breakfast, you would prefer potatoes-au-gratin to grits. ...You don't know what a moon pie is. ...You've never had an RC Cola. ...You've never, ever eaten okra -- fried, boiled, or pickled. ...You eat fried chicken with a knife and fork. ...You've never seen a live chicken, and the only cows you've seen are on road trips. ...You have no idea what a polecat is. ...You don't see anything wrong with putting a sweater on your dog. ...You don't have bangs. ...You would rather have your son become a lawyer than grow up to get his own TV fishing show. ...You drink either "Pop" or "Soda"- instead of "Cokes.". ...You've never eaten and don't know how to make a tomato sandwich. ...You have never planned your summer vacation around a gun-'n-knife show. ...You think more money should go to important scientific research at your university than to pay the salary of the head football coach. ...You don't even have one can of WD-40 somewhere around the house. ...The last time you smiled was when you blocked someone from getting on an on-ramp to the highway. ....You don't have any hats in your closet that advertise feed stores. ...You have more than one professional sports team in your home state. ...You call binoculars opera glasses. ...You can't spit out the car window without pulling over to the side of the road and stopping. ...You don't know anyone with at least two first names (i.e., Joe Bob, Faye Ellen, Billy Ray, Mary Jo, Bubba Dean, Joe Dan, Mary Alice) ...You don't know any women with male names (i.e., Tommie, Bobbie, Johnnie, Jimmie) ...You don't have Maw-maw's & Pawpaw's. ...You get freaked out when people on the subway talk to you. ...None of your fur coats are homemade ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :) |) /\ |\ | /` | |) \/ | \| \] . __________ |) /\ |\ | /` | /________ /| |) \/ | \| \] . | X|I | | | | | | |) /\ |\ | /` | |IX * III| | |) \/ | \| \] . | | | | |____VI___| | |) /\ |\ | /` | | / | | |) \/ | \| \] . | / | | | / | | |) /\ |\ | /` | |( ) | | |) \/ | \| \] . ejm |_________|/ |) /\ |\ | /` | |) \/ | \| \] . >SMILES A man died and went to Heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks?" St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move." "Oh?" said the man, "Whose clock is that?" "That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she has never told a lie!" "Incredible!" said the man. "That's Abraham Lincoln's," explained St. Peter, as he pointed to another clock. "The hands have moved twice, telling that Abe told only two lies in his entire life." Looking around, puzzled, the man asked, "Where's Biden's clock?" "That's in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan." ---------- Father O'Malley had been preaching at his church in Ireland for so long, that he decided to take a nice vacation. He had never been abroad, so he decided to go to the States. He hopped on the first plane bound for Nevada and arrives at the Airport in Las Vegas. As he is exiting the plane, someone in the airport runs up to him and exclaims, "Elvis! Oh my! It's Elvis! I knew you weren't dead, Elvis! How have you been?" Father O'Malley looks at her and says, "I'm not Elvis! I don't look a thing like him!" and walks quickly away. The father finds a cab and hops in, he says to the cabby, "Take me to my hotel, please." The cabby turns and says, "Sure thing, sir -- Oh my gosh! It's Elvis! I knew you weren't dead! I'm your number one fan! It's so great to see you!" Father O'Malley is really annoyed now and says, "Shut up, you imbecile! I'm not Elvis! Now turn around and drive!" So, the cabby speeds up to the hotel. Father O'Malley gets his things and walks up to the reception desk. "Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! It's you!" screams the hotel receptionist. "You're back, Elvis! I knew this day would come. We've kept everything just the way you like it! Free cheeseburgers, peanut butter and banana fried sandwiches, masseurs, and a full liquor bar! I'm so glad you're back!" Father O'Malley looks at the hotel clerk and says, "Thank you... Thank you very much!" -------- "Has the jury reached a verdict in this case?" "Yes we have, your honor." "Please read your verdict to the court." "We find the defendant NOT GUILTY on all four counts of bank robbery." The defendant's attorney turns to his client and asks, "So, what do you think about that?" "I'm real confused here. Does this mean that I have to give all the money back?" ---------- On a visit to the library I happened to notice a man and a woman, both deaf, signing with intense gestures, apparently in a heated debate. The man said something, and the woman seemed upset. She started signing her reply very fast, to the point where the man couldn't understand a word; she also signed in big, wide gestures, which is the equivalent of volume. Finally, looking strained, her companion took her hands, "silencing" her. The he signed, very small and slowly, "You don't have to shout, I'm not blind." --------- Fred was in the hospital, near death. The family called the preacher to stand with them. As the preacher stood next to the bed, Fred's condition appeared to deteriorate and he motioned frantically for something to write on. The pastor lovingly handed him a pen and a piece of paper. Fred used his last bit of energy to scribble a note, then suddenly died. The preacher thought it best not to look at the note at that time, so he placed it in his jacket pocket. At Fred's funeral, as he was finishing the eulogy, the preacher realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he had worn to the hospital. He said to the mourners, "You know, Fred handed me a note just before he passed away. I haven't looked at it, but knowing Fred, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all." He opened the note, and read, "Step back -- you're standing on my oxygen tube!" ---------- A boy was taking care of his baby sister while his parents went to town shopping. He decided to go fishing and he had to take her along. "I'll never do that again!" he told his mother that evening. "I didn't catch a thing!" "Oh, next time I'm sure she'll be quiet and not scare the fish away." "It wasn't that. She ate all the bait." --- ...Oh My! LOL! Thanks LouiseAu! -<>- __________________ || ||||||||||||||||||| / \ ____|| ||||||||||||||||||| / \ \\\\ [] ||||||||||||||||||| / \ \____/ | | / | |_____| _|__ __ __ __|_ / DOCTORS SAY | | | ( | (_o)-/~\-(o_) | ) / | | | (| ( ) |) /\ THE | | | | | / \ | | |_______| / \ |_________ \ DARNDEST THINGS | | | \ _____ / \ \ | | | \ (_____) / \ \ | | | \___________/ | \ __________________/ | | | ||||||||||| | | / / ||||||||| | | | / ||||||| | | | / {o | | \_____/ {o | | | {o | | | {o | | T. Hawkins >DOCTORS SAY THE DARNDEST THINGS The following quotes were allegedly taken from actual medical records as dictated by physicians: ~ By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped and he was feeling better. ~ On the second day, the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared. ~ The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983. ~ Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing. ~ Discharge status: Alive but without permission. ~ The patient refused an autopsy. ~ The patient has no past history of suicides. ~ The patient expired on the floor uneventfully. ~ The patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days. ~ She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December. ~ The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch. ~ She is numb from the toes down. ~ The skin was moist and dry. ~ When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room. --- ...Say What? HahAhA! Thanks LousieAu! ========================================================= >-->From HandyHints: / / / .--. / / / / / \ / / / | /a / / / / / \ |/ / / / .-. / ) | / / / / __) / / / `. .--. / / / \| @( / | \ \ / // / / / / / .' \-/ / |\ \_|_\__ / -' / / / / | \' / | \___/)--) / / / / / \ \ / | | \ \ .-' / / / / \/) | | \.-' \ / (____\ /U\ _.---------'| `------._____________________/ \ \\__)------__ -- '`--` VK There are still 57 days until spring. That means plenty of cold weather ahead. If you struggle to keep your car de-iced and running smooth in wintery conditions, try these simple tips to keep your vehicle safe on the road, and maybe save you a little money! * Reduce window fog with silica packets Since windows fog up when there is more humidity inside the car than out, keep a moisture absorber in your car. Try filling up a sock with kitty litter, or collect a handful of silica packets from shoeboxes and other shipped packages, and place them in inconspicuous spots in your car to soak up extra moisture. * Use Less gas with more air Tires automatically lose air in winter. For every 10-degree drop in temperature, tires lose 1 to 2 pounds per square inch of air. That forces the engine to work harder. Just keeping your tires inflated to the proper pressure can save you up to $60 on fill-ups throughout winter. * Prevent icy windows with a vinegar spray You can avoid waking up to an icy windshield by spritzing it with white vinegar tonight. Vinegar contains acetic acid, which lowers the melting point of water, stopping it from freezing. Just keep a spray bottle filled with three parts vinegar to one part water in your car. * De-ice wipers instantly with rubbing alcohol To unfreeze wipers, forget about hot water as it can shatter glass in extreme conditions. Instead, grab rubbing alcohol and make sure it's at least 70 percent. Simply combine two parts alcohol with one part water in a spray bottle and spritz on the window and wipers until the ice begins to melt. * Keep headlights bright with car wax Slush and salt accumulate on headlights, cutting night visibility by up to 30 percent. A good buff with car wax stops road gunk from building up for an entire month. After giving headlights a quick cleaning, dry them with a cloth and apply a coat of clear wax to each lens. It also prevents oxidation, giving you crystal-clear lights. -<>- I'm going to feature items you can use twice before tossing it in the garbage. Here's your first one regarding tissue boxes. Once they're empty you can use these as a plastic bag dispenser, just fill with grocery bags and you'll be able to neatly pull out one at a time. Dry Cleaning Bags: Use to pack suits, dresses and fine clothing when traveling, this will help protect it from wrinkles when packing. When storing the bags make sure to keep them safely out of reach of children, they really are that dangerous. Butter Wrappers: Once you've removed a block of butter from its wrapping, place the wrapping in a plastic container or bag and refrigerate. Use it to grease baking pans. Used Envelopes: Cut a corner off envelopes and use as bookmark corner sleeves just slide one over the page you are at and you'll find your place easily the next time you pick up the book. No more folded corners and nice way to utilize used envelopes! You can also use envelopes for To Do lists, store garden seeds, and as bookmarks and labels. ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: Life, Liberty & Levin – 1/24/21 | Fox News https://one-news.net/life-liberty-levin-%e2%80%93-12421-fox-news/ Justice Judge Jeanine Pirro - 1/23/21 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b6cOWQKsMS0&feature=youtu.be Watters’ World – 1/23/21 | Fox News https://one-news.net/watters%E2%80%99-world-%E2%80%93-12321-fox-news/ Biden Signs Executive Orders After Admitting He Doesn’t Know What he is Signing https://tinyurl.com/yysvhqwt Ted Cruz HAMMERS ‘Moron’ Seth Rogan, Says ‘Your Side Shuts Down Business, Oppresses Faith, Censors Speech, Cancels Those Who Disagree’ https://tinyurl.com/yxkvfxao Steve Hilton Drops BOMBSHELL: “Dr. Fauci’s Institute Commissioned Research That Produced This [COVID-19] Virus” After Obama Administration Banned Funding Of The Controversial Research https://tinyurl.com/y5oelvbq BOMBSHELL REPORT: ICE Agents Allegedly Ordered To Release All Detainees In Custody https://tinyurl.com/y62yj7xy ‘Biden Erased Women’ trends after executive order sets the stage for rolling out trans protections https://tinyurl.com/yyjlcyom Big Tech’s “Social Credit Score” Scheme Will Silence Millions of Americans / COVID Kills Another Tradition, No Budweiser Ads During the Super Bowl / Only 20% of Americans Think Biden Can Unite America US is No Longer the Place to Invest, China Now #1 / Union Rank and File Losing Jobs Regret Listening to the Union Brass / Chiefs will Play the Buccaneers in Super Bowl / Public Attitudes Shift: Government is a Bigger Threat than COVID / Who Needs Warrants, Government Buys Data on Citizens from Big Tech And More: https://reliablenewsnow.com/ Deep State Celebrates as Joe Biden Issues These... / Nancy Pelosi Proves the Deep State is Back... And MORE: https://deepstatejournal.com/ SLEEPY JOE Has Shrugged His Shoulders On COVID! / BUYER’S REMORSE? Biden Voters Confessing It IS The WORST Decision They Ever Made! http://2020conservative.com/ Biden’s People Caught Gloating And It Is VOMIT INDUCING! / RINO Liz Cheney Is In BIG TROUBLE! She Is Done! / Senile Sleepy Joe Caught Showing Why He’s Not Fit For Office! [VIDEO] / SLEEPY JOE Caught On Camera... IMPEACH HIM NOW! [VIDEO] And More: https://independentminute.com/ She Fought Against Pedophilia, So They Sicked The DOGS On Her! / Facebook Just Handed Them ALL YOUR PRIVATE MESSAGES! / SLEEPY JOE Has Unveiled His AMERICA LAST Agenda! And More: https://threepercenternation.com/ Latest From AFA: http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw Students For Life https://tinyurl.com/yd5nxmu6 Latest From OperationRescue: http://www.operationrescue.org/ Latest Product Alert: Potato Chips Recalled http://www.emergencyemail.org/products/?fmt=text Latest Health Alert: New Travel Ban To Combat New COVID Variant http://www.emergencyemail.org/health/?fmt=text Click to Give Free https://tinyurl.com/y2abb8d2 -<>- >From BizarreNews: Okay, so you are driving around with a large quantity of loose gunpowder in your front seat (for some reason). If you get the urge to spark up a smoke, don't! That is unless you are planning on making a homemade bomb, in which case go ahead and light up. It is unclear whether Joseph Brennan of Massachusetts was planning to make a bomb. What is clear is that he blew himself clean out of the driver's door of his Toyota Camry when he lit a smoke. A bystander heard the explosion from a block away and came running. He found Brennan with singed hair and burns on his face, lying in the street next to his burning vehicle. "I'm an idiot," was the first thing Brennan allegedly told the bystander. "I lit a cigarette with gunpowder in the front seat." Once again, what Brennan was doing with loose gunpowder is unclear, but according to the bystander he risked his life to go back to his wrecked vehicle where he allegedly removed multiple items and put them in the trunk. This, of course, did not deter the police who searched Brennan's car, where they removed 14 liquids and powders, some of which when combined could create what they called a destructive device. Sounds like 'bomb' to me. Brennan allegedly told police he had gotten various materials from a friend to tinker with. "I wasn't going to do anything malicious," he said, according to the report. Police Chief Theodore Ross said in a statement that law enforcement searched Brennan's house and found "precursor components, detonators, and one completed incendiary device." Although Brennan's Facebook page shows an interest in rocket propellants, so it is probably harmless tinkering. Bomb or amateur rocketry, he certainly found a quick way to remove a lot of body hair. -<>- Traffic came to a stop as police in Tulsa, Oklahoma chased and tased a naked man running along the highway. Police arrested and charged James Jackson with indecent exposure, obstructing justice and burglary. Drivers slowed and pulled over when they saw Jackson, 24, walking naked down the LL Tisdale Parkway. At least a couple of passengers recorded the incident with their cell phones. One video shows Jackson slamming his fist on a car as it passes by. He appears to try and open the driver side door of a truck that stopped to avoid hitting him. Jackson continued to walk down the highway and starts to sing before a police officer arrives and attempts to take him into custody. Jackson ignored numerous commands to stop and get on the ground by Tulsa police officers. That's when an officer unsuccessfully used his Taser to subdue Jackson. In a video Jackson is seen removing the wires from his body and running away again. A second officer shows up and also uses his Taser. The two officers eventually get him on the ground and carry him away. Jackson might have been having a mental episode or was under the influence of drugs, according to police. --- ...Yes, I found the Video for you. - explains 'Burglary' Charge https://abc13.com/naked-man-freeway-police-taser/684984/ *- Ambulance Thief Caught At Jack in the Box Drive-Thru -* While paramedics were on a call, a Texas man jumped into their ambulance and drove the vehicle, with its lights flashing, to a Jack in the Box, where he ordered food at the drive-through lane, police say. According to Houston police, Renaldo Leonard, 36, was charged with felony theft in connection with the ambulance heist. The stolen vehicle was tracked to a Jack in the Box, where Leonard "was at the drive up ordering food with emergency lights," cops noted. The restaurant is more than four miles from where the Houston Fire Department ambulance was stolen. In light of Leonard's prior criminal record, prosecutors have asked a judge to deny him bail. According to court records, Leonard's rap sheet includes separate felony convictions for PCP possession, robbery, and cocaine possession. --- ...Oh, 'PCP' would explain his stupid crazy behavior! *--- The wrong place to shoot a porn video ---* A South Carolina couple has been accused of having s%x on the Myrtle Beach Skywheel ride and in a community pool to make videos for a popular porn site. Eric Harmon and Lori Harmon face multiple charges after police say they saw videos of the two having s%x in public on a pornography site. In one video, the couple is having s%x inside a gondola encased with glass and in view of the public on the Skywheel ride. In another video, the couple is seen having s%x in a community pool. Lori Harmon faces three counts of indecent exposure, two counts of participation in preparation of obscene material, and malicious injury to personal property. Eric Harmon has been charged with two counts of indecent exposure and one charge of participation in preparation of obscene material. *--- Swan crashes into woman's bathroom ---* Animal rescuers in Britain said a swan crashed through a window into a woman's bathroom just moments after she had left for another room. Animal rescue inspector Keith Ellis, who responded to the scene to collect the swan, said it was a highly unusual incident. "I have seen them crash-land on to busy roads thinking they are rivers but nothing like this. It is so bizarre," Ellis said. He said the swan under- went surgery at a local veterinary practice and is now recovering. Ellis said the swan will be released back into the wild once it is back to full health. Ellis said it was lucky that the bathroom was unoccupied. "The lady was so lucky when this happened as she had just been in the bathroom," he said. "Had she still been there when this swan crashed through the window, I am sure the glass shattering and the impact of the bird hitting her would have caused serious injury." P.I. Staker was unavailable for comment. *-- Woman finds knife-wielding squirrel in back yard --* A Toronto woman captured video when she looked into her backyard and was confronted with a bizarre sight: a squirrel holding a knife. Andrea Diamond, who lives in the Rosedale area of Toronto, said squirrels are a common sight in her back yard, but Wednesday morning she spotted a squirrel that had picked up a paring knife she had left near a tent outside her home. "So apparently knife wielding squirrels are a thing now," Diamond tweeted along with footage of the squirrel. She said the rodent gnawed on the knife handle for a while before abandoning the tool. She said the animal returned a short time later to chew on the knife a little longer. Diamond said the squirrel did not appear to have injured itself with the sharp object. --- ...It was difficult - but I found this video here - Just For You :) https://tinyurl.com/yyeqxzx9 ========================================================= >-->From TheGroaner: .--. .--. : (\ ". _......_ ." /) : '. ` ` .' /' _ _ `\ / 0} {0 \ | / \ | | /' `\ | \ | . .==. . | / '._ \.' \__/ './ _.' jgs / ``'._-''-_.'`` \ `--` >Two Guys and A Bear Two guys are being chased by a bear, when one stops to put on his sneakers. The other guy yells, "You idiot, you can't outrun a bear." The first guy gasps, "I don't have to outrun a bear - I just have to outrun you." -<>- >You'll Forget An elderly couple was watching television one evening. "I am going to get a dish of ice cream now," the wife said. Kindly, the husband offered to get the ice cream for his wife. "I'll write it down so you don't forget," she said. "I won't forget," the old gent said. "But, I want chocolate syrup and nuts on it. So, I'll write it down," she replied. "I will get you the ice cream. Don't you worry," replied the husband. A few minutes later, the old man returned with bacon and eggs. His wife said, "See, I should have written it down because you forgot the toast." -<>- >Q and A Quickies .--, .--, ( ( \.---./ ) ) '.__/o o\__.' {= ^ =} > - < / \ // \\ //| . |\\ "'\ /'"_.-~^`'-. \ _ /--' ` jgs ___)( )(___ Q: Why did the mouse take a bath? A: To get squeaky clean. Q: What gets bigger the more you take from it? A: A hole. Q: Why do firemen wear RED suspenders? A: To hold up their pants. Q: Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg? A: They won't stop to ask directions. Q: Why are fish so smart? A: Because they live in schools. Q: What's a boomerang that doesn't come back? A: A stick! Q: How can you tell when your getting old? A: You have to marinate your Jello. ,__ ., __, ,,,, '--/,,\--'\*\%\*\ // \\\'\'%.\'%\ '..'//'%\.\%/\\'.^ \\'/'/%''/\' || || " " morfina Q: Why can't you crossbreed a talking bird with a bovine? A: Because that would create a parrot-ox. ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: _________ /\ ()()()/\ (^) / \_\_\_\__\ {(o)} \ /\ \ \O/ \/::\ acme \ v \:::\ matches\ ,---@ \:::\ \ | . |_ \:::\ \ |____7 \:::\________\ | | \::/ / | | \/________/ | | | | | | |____| unknown On my first day working at the gas station, I watched a senior co-worker measure the level of gasoline in the under ground tanks by lowering a giant measuring stick down into them. "What would happen if I threw a lit match into the hole?" I joked. "It would go out," he replied very matter-of-factly. "Really?" I asked, surprised to hear that. "Is there a lack of oxygen down there or some safety device that would extinguish it before the fumes ignited?" "No," my co-worker continued. "The force from the explosion would most likely blow it out." -<>- "The thrill is gone from my marriage," Bill told his friend Doug. "Why not add some intrigue to your life and have an affair?" Doug suggested. "I just don't think I can do that to my wife." "Heck, this is a new age we live in, Bill. Go ahead and tell her about it!" So Bill went home and said, "Dear, I think an affair will bring us closer together." "Forget it," said his wife. "I've tried it so many times and it's never worked." -<>- Even though there was a blizzard raging outside, I made it the half-mile to the bakery, where I asked the owner for six rolls. "Your wife must love these rolls," he said. "How do you know these are for my wife?" I asked. "Because I don't think your mother would send you out in weather like this." -<>- Finishing up our work at a trade show in San Diego, my co-worker Maureen and I decided to go sightseeing across the border in Tijuana, Mexico. While there, we went shopping and bought a few pieces of clay kitchenware. As we crossed back into the United States, a customs official asked if we had anything of value to report. "Not really," Maureen replied, digging in her bag for the bean crock she had purchased. Everyone around us froze as she continued, "I only bought a little pot." -<>- ..:::::::.. //////\\\\\\\ ||||||||||||| ||||||||||||| ||||||||||||| HH ||||||||||||| HH HH==================HH HH==================HH HH ############# HH HH ############# HH HH ########### HH HH ######### HH HH ####### HH HH ##### HH HH () HH \\ () // \\ () // \\ () // \\ (// \\ //)( ____\/___() ,#################.... ##################### ``` ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ unknown >Metric Conversion Chart 10**12 Microphones = 1 Megaphone 10 cards = 1 decacards 10 rations = 1 decoration 10 millipedes = 1 centipede 8 nickles = 2 paradigms 2000 mockingbirds = two kilomockingbirds 453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake 3 1/3 tridents = 1 decadent 10 monologs = 5 dialogues 2 monograms = 1 diagram 2 snake eyes = 1 paradise -<>- ,_ . ._. _. . _ , . , _-\','|~\~~ ~~ ~~/ ;-'-' ~-', ,;_;_, ~~- /~~-\_/-'~'--' \~~| \,/' _-| Joyce / / |_/~-/-/~~ ~~--~~~~'---_ / Ruthless ,/'-/~ '\./ conquers|,'|~ Communism vs ._/-, /~~ ~/-'~\_, greed '-,| 'literature ,\ /'~ Capitalism proves an /_ The .-~ '|prevails',\~|\ with _\~ ,_ . . unequal /| brain- '\ /'~ Ulysses, |_/~\\,-,~' \ " battle. ,_,/ computer | /then throws it_-~'\_ _~| \ ) metaphor Hollywood \ __-\into disarray/ The ~ |\ \_ / is proposed takes over '\ |, ~-_ with . | genetic \\_' ~| /~\ \~ , while popular ~-_' Finnegans\ code is '-, \,' /\/ | behavioral mythmaking. '\_,~'\_ Wake. \_ _,broken./' ' |, /|' science / \_ ~ | / \ ~'; founders. |Industry\ | | , '-_, ,; ~ ~\ \poisons/ \ / /| ,-, , -, The broadcast nature/ Academia | |' |/ ,- ~ \ '. spectra are ,| ,/ substitutes\ ,/ \ | dominated by the / | status-wars ~ -~~-, / _ corporate agenda. | ,-' for scholarship. ~ / / ,' ~ ',| ~ ~' >History Answers By 5th And 6th Graders The following excerpts are actual answers given on history tests and in Sunday School quizzes by children between 5th and 6th grade ages in Ohio. They were collected by two teachers over a period of three years. Read carefully for grammar, misplaced modifiers, and, of course, spelling. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Since then no one ever found it. Ancient Egypt was old. It was inhabited by gypsies and mummies who all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is such that all the inhabitants have to live elsewhere. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandos. He died before he ever reached Canada but the commandos made it. Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines. He was a actual hysterical figure as well as being in the bible. It sounds Like he was sort of busy too. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a young female moth. Socrates was a famous old Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. He later died from an overdose of wedlock which is apparently poisonous. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline. In the first Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled biscuits, and threw the java. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out "Same to you, Brutus." Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted "hurrah!" and that was the end of the fighting for a long while. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper which was very dangerous to all his men. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by Rubbing two cats back- ward and also declared, "A horse divided against itself cannot stand." He was a naturalist for sure. Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's Mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands... Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. They believe the assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English. He was very large. The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine. The invention of the steam- boat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Charles Darwin was a naturalist. He wrote the Organ of the Species. It was very long. People got upset about it and had trials to see if it was really true. Madman Curie discovered radio. She was the first woman to do what she did. Other women have become scientists since her but they didn't get to find radios because they were already taken. ========================================================= >-->From JokeCentral: . `. ... `. .. `. `. `. ___`.\.// `---.--- / \.-- / \- | /\ \ |\==/\==/ | | `@'`@' .--. .--------. ) .' . `._/ / | \ . / | | / | | .' | .--. .'`. .'_ | / \ .' `.__.--'.--`. / .' | .' .| \\ |_/ | .' .' | \\ | .-`. / | . __ | .' `. \ | ` .' ) \ / \ / \ | .-' / | ( / \ / \ | | | \/ ( \/ | | ( / ) / / _.----| \/ // / .' |.-' ` ( /( / / / `. | `.( `-') .---. | `. `._/ `._.' / `. .---. | . `._.' | \ / `. \ `.___.' | Y `. `.___.' | . | \ \ | `| \ | | | . \ | | | \ \ | .--. | \ | / `. .----. \ / / \/ \ \ / | | \ | / \ | @ \ `-. \ / \ \ \ \|.__.' \ \ \ | \ \ \ | \ \ \ | \ .'`. \ | `.-' `. _.'\ | | `.-' || . \ . `. || .' `. `-.-' `.__.' .' `. .' . .' `. .-' .-' >Lawyer Aloft 1996 Darwin Award Nominee Confirmed True by Darwin (1996, Toronto) Police said a lawyer demonstrating the safety of windows in a downtown Toronto skyscraper crashed through a pane of glass with his shoulder and plunged twenty-four floors to his death. A police spokesman said Garry, thirty-nine, fell into the courtyard of the Toronto Dominion Bank Tower as he was explaining the strength of the building's windows to visiting law students. Garry had previously conducted the demonstration of window strength without mishap, according to police reports. The managing partner of the law firm that employed the deceased told the Toronto Sun newspaper that Garry was "one of the best and brightest" members of the two-hundred-man association. © 1994 - 2002 Reference: UPI -<>- %%% %% %%%.%%. <)_/\ /| ___(_,_),_)|___ || // \ / ||rs >Marriage You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead. ------------------------------------------------ At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other women replied, "Yes I am, I married the wrong man." ------------------------------------------------ A lady inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Husband wanted". Next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine. ------------------------------------------------ When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him! ------------------------------------------------ A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished... ---------------------------------------------- A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying." ----------------------------------------------- Young son: Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in every country, son. ---------------------------------------------- Then there was a woman who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and by then it was too late." ---------------------------------------------- Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. ---------------------------------------------- If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep. -------------- --------------------------------- Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all. ----------------------------------------------- First guy: "My wife's an angel!" Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive." ----------------------------------------------- Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are attractive to the opposite gender. ===== David and Jami -<>- >Two Carrots Two carrots were walking down the road one day when all of a sudden a car drove by and hit one of them. The other carrot took the injured carrot to the hospital. After examining him the doctor came into the waiting room and said, "I have good news and bad news. The good news is your friend will live. The bad news is he'll be a vegetable the rest of his life." -<>- \\\\\\\\ \\\\\\\\\\ \-- \\\\\\ (O(O) ))\ / - \ (_/\/\ \ \_ ./ )-'.:'. __ (((( (_/\/=::::\ _\/_ ________________ \_,) /:::/\_\\ .' '. | __________ | \:\ /:::/::\ \\ | | | .' '.HELP!'.| _ \:\/:::/:::::::\| | | / .-. \_I'm_ \ (((_)),__/:::/\:::::::|| | | | : : |\ being\ \\__)::::::' \::::::|| | | \ '-' / \_held_\ ''''' /::::::|| | | '.___.'_ /capti-/ ______________|::::::.|| | |_________ /ve at_/ ( ''---''( | | \the \ \ \'-.____________/_/_\ | /toilet/ _\ _\\(________________)____.' \paper \ ( -- -') ) '. ) /fac-__/ //\ -_- )\ \ .' \tory! > (__ /.-) \ \ \ ^^^^^^____.._( )_)\ \ \ \ ( \\\''' | | ) \ \ pils __________________\______.___|_|__(________|__)_____ >The Poopie List GHOST POOPIE: The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but there is no poopie in the toilet. CLEAN POOPIE: The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper. WET POOPIE: The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you won't ruin them with stains. SECOND WAVE POOPIE: This happens when you're done poopie-ing and you've pulled your pants up to your knees, and you realize that you have to poopie some more. POP-A VEIN-IN-YOUR-FOREHEAD POOPIE: The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you practically have a stroke. LINCOLN LOG POOPIE: The kind of poopie that is so huge you're afraid to flush without first breaking it into little pieces with the toilet brush. GASSY POOPIE: It's so noisy, that everyone within earshot is giggling. DRINKER'S POOPIE: The kind of poopie you have the morning after a long night of drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the skid marks on the bottom of the toilet. CORN POOPIE: Self explanatory. GEE-I-WISH-I-COULD-POOPIE POOPIE: The kind where you want to poopie but all you do is sit on the toilet and fart a few times. SPINAL TAP POOPIE: That's where it hurts so badly coming out, you'd swear it was leaving you sideways. WET CHEEKS POOPIE (The Power Dump): The kind that comes out so fast, your butt cheeks get splashed with water. THE DANGLING POOPIE: This poopie refuses to drop in the toilet even though you are done poopie-ing it. You just hope that a shake or two will cut it loose. THE SURPRISE POOPIE: You're not even at the toilet because you are sure you are about to fart, but *oops* --- a poopie! -<>- >Office Dog A salesman dropped in to see a business customer. Not a soul was in the office except a big dog emptying wastebaskets. The salesman stared at the animal, wondering if his imagination could be playing tricks on him. The dog looked up and said, "Don't be surprised. This is just part of my job." "Incredible!" exclaimed the man. "I can't believe it! Does your boss know what a prize he has in you? An animal that can talk!" "No, no," pleaded the dog. "Please don't! If that man finds out I can talk, he'll have me answering the phone too!" -<>- A rabbi, a minister, and a priest were playing poker when the police raided the game. Turning to the priest, the lead police officer said, "Father Murphy, were you gambling?" Turning his eyes to heaven, the priest whispered, "Lord, forgive me for what I am about to do." To the police officer, he then said, "No, officer; I was not gambling." The officer then asked the minister, "Pastor Johnson, were you gambling?" Again, after an appeal to heaven, the minister replied, "No, officer; I was not gambling." Turning to the rabbi, the officer again asked, "Rabbi Goldstein, were you gambling?" Shrugging his shoulders, the rabbi replied, ..."With whom?" -<>- A man was driving home one evening and realized that it was his daughter's birthday and he hadn't bought her a present. He drove to the mall and ran to a toy store and he asked the store manager, "How much is that new Barbie in the window?" The manager replied, "Which one? We have 'Barbie goes to the gym' for $19.95, 'Barbie goes to the Ball' for $19.95, 'Barbie goes shopping' for $19.95, 'Barbie goes to the beach' for $19.95, 'Barbie goes to the Nightclub' for $19.95, and 'Divorced Barbie' for $375.00." "Whoa .....Why is the 'Divorced Barbie' $375.00 when all the others are $19.95?!" the Dad asked surprised. "Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's car, Ken's House, Ken's boat, Ken's dog, Ken's cat and Ken's furniture." -<>- >Sharing the Bread! A Jewish man took his Passover lunch to eat outside in the park. He sat down on a bench and began eating. Since Jews do not eat leavened bread during the eight day holiday, he was eating Matzoh, a flat crunchy unleavened bread that has dozens of perforations. A little while later a blind man came by and sat down next to him. Feeling neighborly, the Jewish man passed a sheet of matzo to the blind man. The blind man handled the matzo for a few minutes, looked puzzled, and finally exclaimed, "Who wrote this Junk?" -<>- ,.., .-//||\\-. / , , \ / ; ; \ /, /| |\ .\ \` \| |/ `/ \ \ / / jgs \_/||||||\_/ `"===="` >Moishe is being indoctrinated by the Russian Government: Govt. official: "If you had a yacht, what would you do with it?" Moishe: "Give it to Mother Russia." Govt. Official: "And if you had a palace, what would you do with it?" Moishe: "Give it to Mother Russia." Govt. Official: "And if you had a sweater, what would you do with it?" No reply. Government official asks the question again. And still not reply. Finally he shouts: "Moishe, why don't you reply?" Moishe: "Because I actually own a sweater." -<>- >Things You Don't Want To Hear in a Department Store 10. "You want to use the fitting room or try this on at my place?" 9. "Check it out -- this one's good for hiding body parts" 8. "You know how we can offer such low prices? We're connected to the mafia" 7. "Try our new scent -- it makes you smell just like Regis" 6. Last night I was so tired after work I just conked out right here on the couch and didn't even go home for a show. 5. "Can I take a picture of your feet for my web site?" 4. "I live in a dark, greasy space under the escalator" 3. "For today only, you can pay for your purchases with hugs" 2. "Have you seen a chimp in boys' overalls?" 1. "If you're interested, I sell the same junk out of my van, half-price" -<>- How many tribbles does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two. That is all that will fit. -<>- >A rebus is a representation of words in the form of pictures or symbols, often presented as a puzzle. For example..... GI FT represents the phrase "parting gift". So if you are in the mood, try these. [ a fixed-width font might help ] 1: MUM 2: JOB IN JOB 3: K K WORD C C WORD U U WORD T T WORD S S ALL 4: GRATIS ALL ALL ALL 5: R E V I R D T A E S T A K E 6: -------------- B I D 7: H O M E A T 8: LE GAL 9. HEAD SHOULDERS LEGS ARMS TORSO TOES FEET ANKLES 10. SCISAB SCISAB _________________________________________________________ , `.-- .,-"" . ._,' . _,. `. , / .'.oo`.. `. `- .__.-' :: .; "-()-"`. \.-. / doida ; /'". ,"`'. "-- "-" .': : `----' "-" ' BUMPER STICKER SNICKERS Improve mail delivery - mail the postal workers their pay Are you illiterate? Write to us for a free booklet. Why bother phoning a psychic...let them phone you! Today's subliminal message is _________________________________________________________ >Rebus Answers 1: "Mum's the word!" (too simple, huh?) 2: In between jobs. 3: Too stuck up for words. (two stuck up four words) yeah, should be "stucks" but ... 4: Free for (four) all! 5: Back Seat Driver 6: Takeover bid 7: Home is where you hang your hat 8: Legal separation 9: Head and shoulders above the rest. 10: Back to basics ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) 'Invisible' Animals 2! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/invisible2.html Witty Comebacks!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/comebacks.html Wisdom For Life!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wisdomforlife.html Buildings In Camouflage!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/buildingshiding.html LEGO Church!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/legochurch.html Strange Hotels!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hotel.html Home Security!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/security.html Auto MotorPlex!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/automotorplex.html Strange Buildings!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/buildings.html Upside Down House!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/downhouse.html Houses For Hermits!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/house.html World's Tallest Treehouse!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/treehouse.html Great Engineering Achievements!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/engineering.html World's Most Spectacular Places 3!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/spectacularplaces3.html World's Worst Predictions! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/worstpredictions.html -<>- 2020 Darwin Award Winner - Pinnacle Of Stupidity https://darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2020-01.html 2020 Darwin Award Winner - A Slack-Robatic Effort https://darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2020-02.html 2020 Darwin Award Winner - As Buried As The Treasure https://darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2020-03.html More Darwin Award Winner https://darwinawards.com/darwin/ -<>- Revisiting... >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) Magician Dani Lary with another astounding performance at the French television show The World's Greatest Cabaret. hosted by Patrick Sebastien. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rEpn_as7vdU --- ...Super! Thanks LouiseAu! If you'd like to restore your faith in humanity take 4 minutes and watch this compilation of amazing animal rescues filmed around the world. Cats, dogs, ducks, and other animals sometimes find themselves in a precarious position where they need a little help from a human hand to rescue them. The ability to show love and compassion towards animals is something that should be cherished in life on this planet. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=btiDHCuWyBA --- ...Aww, so heartwarming! Thanks LouiseAu! I do love animal rescues - as you can tell, I have a bunch of pages about them! Here's Just a few of my favorites: Eagle Rescue http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/eaglerescue.html BiBi's Rescue http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dogrescue.html True Fish Tale http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/fishrescue.html Elephant Rescue http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/elephant3.html Bear Rescue 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bearrescue2.html Fawn Rescue 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/fawnrescue2.html Deer Rescue http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/deerrescue.html Goose Calls For Cops http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mothergoose.html Penguin Rescue Story http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/penguinrescue.html True Duck Tale http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/duck.html Dog Rescues 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dogrescues2.html Whale Rescue 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whalerescue2.html ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "A dog in Seattle is making news after commuters noticed it had been riding the bus to a local park all by itself. Everyone says the dog is amazing, while the dog said, panicking, 'I gotta find that blind guy. I'm in a lot of trouble if I don't find him." -Jimmy Fallon "A study showed that every hour of TV you watch after the age of 25 shortens your life by 22 minutes. That doesn't sound too bad to me. You'd probably watch TV with that 22 minutes anyway." -Jimmy Kimmel "Police are looking for a woman who stole $3,000 worth of cat-grooming supplies at an airport baggage carousel. Police describe the suspect as 'single.'" -Seth Meyers "Later this month, Google will be testing its new self- driving minivans. The vehicles can do all the functions of a human driver, except wonder, 'Christ, how did I end up driving a minivan?'" -Conan O'Brien "More than 60 cities around the world celebrated the 16th annual No Pants Subway Ride yesterday. Or as that one guy on your train calls it, 'Sunday.'" -Seth Meyers "In Las Vegas, the Consumer Electronics Show is going on. It displays new technology that makes you already hate the TV you bought two weeks ago for Christmas." -Jimmy Kimmel >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah Shangy! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->ShangyFunList AD RATES: $26 will get your a message (of up to 40 words) out to all web site list readers. Email me to secure dates. Ad Request ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe **********************************************************************