Happy Pie Day... :) Shangy!
>Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList:
To Subscribe send a blank email to
ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
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Group home page:
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or Web Site:
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Group email address:
ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com
or email me here:
bcrsystems@earthlink.net
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*~* Please Consider Giving To ShangralaFamilyFun.com
The cost of the website has gone up dramatically due to the
ever increasingly wonderful pages and photos being added each
week to entertain you and our fellow Christian families. While
the ads on the website do help, I don't want to drag the site
down with tons of them to pay for it. I need your help!
"We are each of us angels with but one wing,
and can only fly by embracing each other"
-Luciano Decrescenzo
~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~
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*~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels *~*
>Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel?
If you'd like to help and be counted as a Shangrala Angel,
please visit the site, scroll down and click on the donate
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Please be aware that Paypal puts 'Quantity 1' and 'Price per
item' or other retail type stuff in. Just ignore the price
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your 'payment' donation in USD (United States Dollars). You
can put a memo in there if you'd like. So sorry for any
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secure online option.
EVERY LITTLE BIT WILL HELP!
Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed!
PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help:
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OR If you'd rather send us a donation,
Please MAIL it here:
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502 S. Harrison
Van Wert, OH 45891
*~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS YOU MOST ABUNDANTLY FOR YOUR GIFT!
================
*~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny,
inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here...
bcrsystems@earthlink.net
I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!!
AND For Facebook Users:
Please Friend Me / Like Me here...
http://tinyurl.com/cma6all
AND For Google Plus Users:
You can find me here... Shangy Bigham
https://plus.google.com/106648555948034085752/posts
AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family!
^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :)
-<>-
* NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or
any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving
the scroll button on the mouse.
You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in
your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while
pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for
smaller text!
================
>-->2 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :)
Our first super hot new page is from our friend LouiseAu.
This should give you some smiles and maybe even some
chuckles! Check this funny one out here...
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#%@# =(_/(_)\_____/(_)\__)
Humorous Bumper Stickers!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bumperstickers.html
---
...Lots of good ones here! Thanks LouiseAu!
Our next too hot to handle new page is from our friend Linda.
This shows the wonderful diversity of our great ally Israel.
It is one that will not only amaze you but also give you
some smiles and chuckles. Check this one out here...
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((| ((|
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jgs //_( //_(
Only In Israel!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/israel.html
---
...Wow! All kinds of emotions here! Thanks Linda!
=======================================================
>-->From SmileZilla:
_____
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Judge: You claim you robbed the grocery store because you were
starving. So why didn't you take the food instead of the cash
out of the till?
Burglar: Your Honor! I'm a proud man, sir, and I make it a rule
to pay for everything I eat.
-<>-
There was this yellow toad hopping down a path in the woods. He
was feeling really sick and had such a terrible cough he thought
he might croak. Anyway, he came upon a man who, it turns out,
was a doctor. He diagnosed the frogs illness right away, but,
alas, he found he was not carrying the medicine with him that
the frog required.
The doctor pointed down the path toward a distant hill. "Toad",
he said, "if you can hop down past that hill you will find a
village where my office is located. Take this prescription with
you and tell the Pharmacist to give you what you need." The toad
thanked the doctor and started on his journey.
A few hours later, the doctor came upon a bunny, hopping through
the woods. "And how are you today, Mr. Rabbit?" said the doctor.
"Not so good," came the reply. "I hopped on a thorn a few miles
back and my foot is starting to swell."
The doctor looked at the rabbit's limb and applied a temporary
bandage. "You need to see my nurse who will give you a better
dressing and make you well again."
"Oh thank you!" said the rabbit. "Which way do I go to find your
office?"
With that, the doctor pointed toward the distant hill and said,
"Follow the yellow sick toad."
=======================================================
+------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+
January 23 is National Pie Day, National Handwriting Day and
Measure Your Feet Day
January 24 is Beer Can Appreciation Day and Compliment Day
January 25 is Opposite Day
January 26 is Spouse's Day
January 27 is Chocolate Cake Day and Punch the Clock Day
January 28 is Chinese New Years, Data Privacy Day, Fun at Work
Day and National Kazoo Day
January 29 is National Puzzle Day and National Cornchip Day
=======================================================
>-->From GoodCleanFun:
)\-"```-,_
/. _ `"-._
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(_.--` '-_;-' \ `"-.
(_.-----'`-.._ `\._
`\ `\'._
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jgs `-._/'--'
>Engineering Phrases (what they really mean)
Customer satisfaction is believed to be assured. (We're so
far behind schedule that the customer will settle for anything.)
Please see me / Let's discuss it. (I need your help. I've
screwed up again.)
The project is in process. (It's so tied up in red tape that
it's completely hopeless.)
We're trying a number of different approaches. (We're still
guessing, at this point.)
Close project coordination. (We met together and had coffee.)
Years of development. (It finally worked.)
Energy saving. (Turn off the power to save electricity.)
We'll have to abandon the entire concept. (The only person who
understood the thing just quit.)
We had a major technological breakthrough. (It's boring, but
it looks high tech.)
We're preparing a report with a fresh approach. (We just hired a
couple of kids out of college.)
Preliminary operational tests proved inconclusive. (It blew up
when we flipped the switch.)
Test results proved extremely gratifying. (Yahoo! It actually
worked.)
Tell us what you are thinking. (We'll listen, but if it disagrees
with what we've already done or are planning to do, forget it.)
No maintenance. (If it breaks, we can't fix it.)
Low maintenance. (If it breaks, we're not likely able to fix it.)
All new. (None of the parts are interchangeable with the previous design.)
Rugged. (Needs major equipment to lift it.)
Robust. (More than rugged.)
Light weight. (A little less than rugged.)
Fax it to me. (I'm too lazy to write it down.)
I haven't gotten your email. (It's been days since I've checked
my email.)
Exclusive. (Imported product.)
Unmatched. (Almost as good as the competition.)
Foolproof Operation. (No provision for adjustments.)
Advanced Design. (The advertising agency doesn't understand it.)
It's Here At Last. (Rush job. Nobody knew it was coming.)
Field Tested. (Manufacturer lacks test equipment.)
Futuristic. (No other reason why it looks the way it does.)
Redesigned. (Previous flaws fixed - we hope.)
Years of Development. (We finally got one to work.)
Breakthrough. (We finally figured out a use for it.)
Meets All Standards. (Ours, not yours.)
High Reliability. (We made it work long enough to ship it.)
-<>-
>Dog Groomer
I had an inauspicious start as a dog groomer when one of my
first clients bit me.
Noticing my pain, my boss voiced her concern. "Whatever you do,"
she said, "don't bleed on the white dogs."
-<>-
>Eating Habits
The mother had become very cholesterol-conscious and was trying
to change the family's eating habits. They were now consuming
lots of oat bran, and she had substituted turkey for most of the
meats they used to enjoy. She used ground turkey in spaghetti
sauce and she served turkey hot dogs.
The 18-year-old daughter was getting tired of all the turkey and
cholesterol talk. One day she came home from school and asked the
usual, "What's for dinner?"
"Chicken," the mom replied.
With a tired sigh she inquired, "Real chicken or turkey chicken?"
-<>-
>Seen This?
I had trouble with the idea of turning 30 and was oversensitive
to any signs of advancing age. When I found a prominent gray hair
in my bangs, I pointed to my forehead and asked my husband, "Oh
no, have you seen this?"
"What?" he asked. "The wrinkles?"
=========================================================
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jgs `================`
>-->Happy Pie Day :)
Why did the pie go to the dentist?
-Because he needed a filling
What is the best thing to put into a pie?
-Your teeth
Why did the pie cross the road?
-He was meat an potato
What is a ghost's favourite dessert?
-Boo-berry pie with I-scream
What is a maths teacher's favourite food?
-Pi
What do you get if you cross a jogger with an apple pie?
-Puff pastry
What was Isaac Newton's favourite dessert?
-Apple pi
What do you get if you cross a snake and a pie?
-A pie-thon!
What was the name of the canary that flew into the pastry dish?
-Tweetie Pie
-<>-
>From Dean Supply:
Celebrate National Pie Die with Fun Pie Facts
http://tinyurl.com/zjuvekj
-<>-
_,..---..,_
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(( '.'.' ))
`'-.,_ ' _,.-'`
jgs `\ `"""""` /`
`""-----""`
>Great Pie Recipes Here:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
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/ `\ |__| /` \
; \| |/ |I! ;
jgs | | | |"""| |
| | \ / \___/ |
>SMILES
One day, a man walks into a dentist's office and asks how much
it will cost to extract wisdom teeth.
"Eighty dollars," the dentist says.
"That's a ridiculous amount," the man says.
"Isn't there a cheaper way?"
"Well," the dentist says, "if you don't use an anesthetic, I can
knock the price down to $60."
"That's still too expensive," replies the man.
"Okay," says the dentist. "If I save on anesthesia and simply
rip the teeth out with a pair of pliers, I can knock the price
down to $20."
"Nope," moans the man, "it's still too much."
"Well," says the dentist, scratching his head, "if I let one of
my students do it, I suppose I can knock the price down to $10."
"Marvelous," says the man. "Book my wife in for next Tuesday!"
-------
Last night there was a story about travelling safely in
winter ...It was an interview with the Michigan state police.
They suggest that anyone traveling in the
current icy conditions should ensure they have the following:
Shovel
Blankets or sleeping bag
Extra clothing including hat and gloves
24 hours worth of food
De-icer
Rock salt
Flashlight with spare batteries
Road flares or reflective triangles
Full gas can
First-aid kit
Booster cables
You know what?
I looked like an idiot on the bus this morning.
-------
After his legs had been broken in an accident, Mr. Miller sued
for damages, claiming that he was crippled and would have to
spend the rest of his life in a wheelchair.
Although the insurance company doctor testified that his bones
had healed properly and that he was fully capable of walking,
the judge decided for the plaintiff and awarded him $500,000.
When he was wheeled into the insurance company office to collect
his check, Miller was confronted by several executives. "You're
not getting away with this, Miller," one said. "We're going to
watch you day and night. If you take a single step, you'll not
only repay the damages but stand trial for perjury. Here's the
money. What do you intend to do with it?"
"My wife and I are going to travel," Miller replied. "We'll go
to Stockholm, Berlin, Rome, Athens and, finally, to a place
called Lourdes--where, gentlemen, you'll see yourselves one
heck of a miracle!"
--------
A little boy came home from school one day and said, "Mom,
the teacher asked me today if I have any brothers or sisters
who will be coming to school."
His mom said, "That's nice of her to take such an interest, dear.
What did she say when you told her you are the only child?"
And the boy said, "She just said, 'Thank goodness!'"
--------
A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife, Susie,
something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he
decided to buy her a cell phone.
He showed her the phone and explained to her all of its features.
Susie was excited to receive the gift and simply adored her new
phone.
The next day Susie went shopping. Her phone rang and, to her
astonishment, it was her husband on the other end. "Hi Susie,"
he said, "how do you like your new phone?"
Susie replied, "I just love it! It's so small and your voice is
clear as a bell, but there's one thing I don't understand though."
"What's that, sweetie?" asked her husband.
"How did you know I was at Wal-Mart?"
--------
Murphy, while not a brilliant scholar, was a gifted portrait
artist. His fame grew and soon people from all over the country
we're coming to him for paintings. One day, a beautiful young
woman pulled up to his house in a stretch limo. She asked Murphy
if he would paint her in the nude. This was the first time
anyone had made this request. The beautiful lady said money was
no object, she was willing to pay £50,000.
Not wanting to get into trouble with his wife, Murphy asked the
lady to wait while he went in the house and conferred with his
wife. In a few minutes he returned and told the lady he was
willing to do it. However, he would have to leave his socks on
so he would have some place to wipe his brushes.
--------
Two babies were sitting in their cribs, when one baby shouted to
the other, "Are you a little girl or a little boy?"
"I don't know," replied the other baby giggling.
"What do you mean, you don't know?" said the first baby.
"I mean I don't know how to tell the difference," was the reply.
"Well, I do," said the first baby chuckling, "I'll climb into
your crib and find out."
He carefully maneuvered himself into the other baby's crib, then
quickly disappeared beneath the blankets.
After a couple of minutes, he resurfaced with a big grin on his
face. "You're a little girl, and I'm a little boy," he said
proudly.
"You're ever so clever," cooed the baby girl, "but how can you
tell?"
"It's quite easy really," replied the baby boy, "you've got
pink socks and I've got blue ones."
--------
A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give
her an examination to determine the cause of her daughters
swollen abdomen. It only took the doctor about two seconds to
say "Gimme a break lady! Your daughter is pregnant."
The mother turned red with fury and she argued with the doctor
that her daughter was a good girl and would never compromise
her reputation.
The doctor faced the window and silently watched the horizon.
The mother became enraged and screamed, "Quit looking out the
window! Aren't you paying attention to me?"
"Yes, of course I am paying attention ma'am. It's just that
the last time this happened, a star appeared in the east, and
three wise men came. I was hoping they would show up again and
help me figure this out."
-------
The cruise ship docked at a Mexican port during a very high
tide. Everyone aboard was forced to use the ship's narrow
gangplank -- as a passageway to the dock far below.
The staff stood motionless when a passenger, in her 70s,
appeared at the top of the plank. There wasn't room for
anyone to assist her, so she edged along slowly, finally
making it to the dock safely, much to everyone's relief.
As she stepped down, she turned, looked back to the top of the
gangplank and shouted, "It's okay, Mother, you can come down
now."
--------
During our church service one Sunday morning, a parishioner
was speaking about an emotionally-charged topic, and had
trouble controlling her tears. Upon finishing her remarks,
she told the congregation, "I apologize for crying so much.
I'm usually not such a big boob."
The bishop rose to close the session and remarked,
sympathetically, "That's okay. We LIKE big boobs."
--------
An overweight blonde went to see her doctor one day so she
could get some advice about going on a diet. "Okay," answered
the doctor, "I recommend that you eat regularly for two days,
then skip a day. Eat regularly another two days, skip a day,
and so on.
"Repeat this two complete weeks, and the next time that I see
you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds."
Two weeks later, blonde sees her doctor again. She gets on
the scales. The doctor is happy to see that she has lost
nearly THIRTY pounds! "So you followed my instructions?"
asked the doctor.
"Yes," the blonde nodded, "but I can tell you I thought I was
going to drop dead on the third day!"
"From the hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor, confused.
"No," replied the blonde, "From skipping all day!"
--------
Christmas was finally over and the pastor's wife dropped into
an easy chair saying, "Boy, am I ever tired."
Her husband looked over at her and said, "I had to conduct two
special services last night and three today, and I gave a total
of five sermons. Why are YOU so tired?"
"Dear," she replied, "I had to listen to all of them."
--------
A five-year-old boy was watching a TV documentary about the
Civil War. Soon, he asked, "Daddy, what’s a slave?"
His father told the boy, "A slave is someone who works hard
for other people without getting paid for it."
The boy replied with instant wisdom, "Oh, like a Mommy?!"
--------
It was the first day of school. As the principal made his
rounds, he heard a terrible commotion coming from one of the
classrooms.
He rushed in and spotted one boy, taller than the others, who
seemed to be making the most noise. He seized the lad,
dragged him to the hall, and told him to wait there until he
was excused.
Returning to the classroom, the principal restored order, and
lectured the class for half an hour about the importance of
good behavior. "Now," he added," are there any questions?"
One girl stood up timidly. "Please sir," she asked, "May we
have our teacher back?"
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Linda :)
_ __
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>An old Farmer's Words of Wisdom we could all live by...
“Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.”
“Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.”
“Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.”
“A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.”
“Words that soak into your ears are whispered…....not yelled.”
“Meanness don't just happen overnight.”
“Forgive your enemies; it messes up their heads.”
“Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.”
“It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.”
“You cannot unsay a cruel word.”
“Every path has a few puddles.”
“When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.”
“The best sermons are lived, not preached.”
“Most of the stuff people worry about, ain't never gonna happen
anyway.”
“Don't judge folks by their relatives."
“Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.”
“Live a good and honorable life, then when you get older and
think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.
“Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't bothering you none.”
“Timin' has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.”
“If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop
diggin'.”
“Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.
“The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal
with, watches you from the mirror every mornin'.”
“Always drink upstream from the herd.”
“Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes
from bad judgment.”
“Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than
puttin' it back in.”
“If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try
orderin' somebody else's dog around.”
“Live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly, and
leave the rest to God.”
“Don't pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight,
he'll just kill you.”
---
...Can't argue with any of these! Thanks Linda!
=======================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
Whoa: DC march champion’s “women’s rights,” but look who one
of the organizers is…
http://tinyurl.com/gnsxgem
BREAKING VIDEO: First Lady Melania Trump Moved To Tears At
Prayer Service For This Amazing Person
http://tinyurl.com/ze6aw9u
BREAKING: Madonna Threatens Life Of President Trump Then Gets
Worst News Ever
http://tinyurl.com/j8uxqbp
Bill Maher: “So let’s stop calling Trump voters idiots and fools
and call them what they are, f*cking drug addicts!” [VIDEO]
http://tinyurl.com/jdclgfn
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
A motorcyclist who crashed into the back of a car on a
Washington state highway had a lucky escape from injury
when he ended up sitting on the car's trunk.
Brian Becton posted a dashboard camera video to YouTube
showing the scene that unfolded. The video shows a car
traveling at a high rate of speed quickly brake when it
approaches the rear of a slower-moving vehicle.
A motorcycle traveling behind the car has trouble braking
fast enough to avoid impact and the two vehicles collide,
leaving the motorcyclist sitting on the trunk of the car.
The car's driver doesn't appear to initially notice the
crash, causing the man sitting on the trunk to knock
forcefully on the rear window.
The car pulls over a distance down the road and the
motorcyclist is eventually seen pacing at the side of the
road -- visibly upset, but free from serious injuries.
*-- Probably a Smart Call on the Relationship --*
A woman flew into a rage after her boyfriend told her that
he was not ready to commit to a serious relationship with
her, according to police in Michigan. Roseville police said
that they have arrested 29-year-old Batina Christine Jackson,
after being accused of stabbing her 39-year-old boyfriend 9
times. According to the criminal complaint, Jackson recently
met her boyfriend on the Internet, and they went out on two
dates. After the second date, Jackson asked her boyfriend,
who was not identified, whether he was ready to commit to a
serious relationship. When he said it was too early to
decide, Jackson pulled a knife and stabbed him in the back
and neck 9 times. The man was rushed to the hospital where
he is expected to survive.
-<>-
2 girls freaked out after trespassing into an abandoned
prison and getting trapped inside, according to police in
Illinois.
Joliet police said that they have arrested the two 15-year-
old girls, who were not identified. They were charged with
one count of trespassing after being accused of breaking
into the old Joliet Correctional Center.
According to the police investigation, the girl who
identified herself as Brittany, climbed over a fence with
her friend to gain access to the abandoned jail. They
entered unlocked prison cells, and at some point, one of
the girl got trapped.
Brittany called the Joliet Fire Department, to report that
she and her friend were stuck in the prison facility that
has been abandoned 15 years ago.
After about an hour, firefighters used a sledgehammer to
break through the wall and freed the trapped girl. They
were not injured.
The girls recorded their ordeal with their cellphones and
uploaded the footage on Snapchat and Twitter.
"I accidentally locked myself in a cell at the abandoned
Joliet prison and had to call Joliet fire dept. to get me
out so enjoy this video," one of the girl wrote in Twitter.
Because if you're going to be an idiot, you might as well
get some views out if it.
*---------- Missing Hunter Was In Jail ----------*
Police in Alabama discovered that a hunter who was reported
missing was actually in a local jail the entire time. Local
fire departments and the Alabama Law Enforcement Agency were
searching for 51-year-old Randy Keith Holt before Limestone
County Sheriff's Office discovered he was being held at a
county jail on public intoxication charges. Holt was last
heard from on Monday afternoon when law enforcement
discovered him exposing himself. Holt's family was unaware
he had been arrested and reported him missing after he was
three hours late returning from his hunting trip. Officers
called off the search after learning Holt's last name and
locating him at the Limestone County Jail. Holt was held in
the jail with a bond of $500.
*--------------- Talk About Luck ---------------*
A California man whose two vehicles were both crushed by
trees in different cities on the same day says he feels like
"the luckiest guy." Georgiy Karpekin said he was at Sacramento
City College when strong winds swept over the area leading to
an unfortunate discovery in the parking lot. "I walked up to
my truck and I saw it was 'taco'd' around a tree," he said.
Karpekin got a ride to his West Sacramento home where he made
another shocking discovery -- another tree had fallen on two
vehicles parked in front of his house, including his own car.
Karpekin said. "I feel like I'm the luckiest guy. Why? I came
out alive. Everything is fine. My insurance is covering it.
There's no other way to look at it, right?"
*-------------- A New World Record --------------*
If you didn't think there was a world record for smashing
open coconuts with your head, think again. 30-year-old
Rashid Naseem of Karachi, Pakistan just set it when he
managed to crack open 43 fresh green coconuts with his head
in just 60 seconds. The feat was recorded on video, and was
uploaded on Facebook, where it went viral. Representatives
of the Guinness World Record were at the scene to officially
record the world record. Naseem revealed that he trained for
six months to be able to achieve the world record. When he
began smashing coconuts with his head, he suffered splitting
headaches, but they later went away as his body got used to
the banging. Naseem holds the world record for smashing the
highest number of drink cans. Last year, he smashed 210
walnuts with his head in 60 seconds, which is also a world
record.
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Fran :)
,
.---. _//
//\_/\\ \_\
|/ 0_0 \| /
| ,___, | /
\\___// /
`"|"` .'
.--'/'--'
/ |
| |
| |
.-'\ |
`"""` \
,---.\
\ \
\ \
\ \
.-\ \
/_.' |
/\
jgs \ \
`"
>Fun Ones...
A doctor that had been seeing an 80-year-old woman for most of
her life finally retired. At her next checkup, the new doctor
told her to bring a list of all the medicines that had been
prescribed for her. As the doctor was looking through these
his eyes grew wide as he realized Grandma had a prescription
for birth control pills. *"Mrs. Smith, do you realize these
are birth control pills?"
"Yes, they help me sleep at night."
"Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely nothing in
these that could possibly help you sleep!"
She reached out and patted the young doctor's knee and said,
"Yes, dear, I know that. But every morning, I grind one up
and mix it in the glass of orange juice that my 16-year-old
Granddaughter drinks. And believe me it definitely helps me
sleep at night."
You gotta love Grandmas!
--------------------------
Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term
exam. The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's
Milk.'
The question was worth 70 points or none at all.
One student was hard put to think of seven advantages.
He wrote:
1) It is perfect formula for the child.
2) It provides immunity against several diseases.
3) It is always the right temperature.
4) It is inexpensive.
5) It bonds the child to mother and vice versa.
6) It is always available as needed.
And then the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just
before the bell rang indicating the end of the test he wrote:
7) It comes in attractive containers and it's high enough off
the ground where the cat can't get it.
He got an A.
---------------
An old Italian man in Brooklyn is dying.
He calls his grandson to his bedside.
"Guido, I wan' you lissina me. I wan' you to take-a my chrome
plated 38 revolver so you will always remember me."
But grandpa, I really don't like guns. How about you leave
me your Rolex watch instead?"
"You lissina me, boy! Somma day you gonna be runna da business,
you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and
maybe a couple of bambinos. Then one-a day you gonna comea home
and maybe finda you wife inna bed with another man. Whatta you
gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, 'Times up?' "
--------------
A woman and her 12-year-old son were riding in a taxi in Detroit.
It was raining and all the prostitutes were standing under
awnings.
"Mom," said the boy, "what are all those women doing?" *
"They're waiting for their husbands to get off work," she replied.
The taxi driver turns around and says,
"Geez lady, why don't you tell him the truth? They're hookers,
boy! They make love with men for money."
The little boy's eyes get wide and he says, "Is that true Mom?"
His mother, glaring hard at the driver, answers "Yes."
After a few minutes the kid asks, "Mom, if those women have
babies, what happens to them?"
She said, "Most of them become taxi drivers."
-----------------
An elderly, but hardy cattleman from Texas once told a young
female neighbor that if she wanted to live a long life, the
secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on her oatmeal each
morning.
She did this religiously and lived to the age of 103. She left
behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 21 great-grand-children,
five great-great-grandchildren....and a 40 foot hole where the
crematorium used to be.
IF YOU DON'T PASS THIS ON TO YOUR FRIENDS BY 11:30 AM TOMORROW,
*YOU WILL RECEIVE THREE ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS ABSOLUTELY FREE.*
---
...LOL! Well, You Know, I just had to pass this on! Thanks Fran!
==========================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
___ .-.
/ `~'. |
\__/ a`a_
| P
\ .__u'
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,_ _/`'`'`b
\ `.__.-'` \-._
| '.__ `'-;_
| _.:::'-.__)
\ ;_..--'/::::://::\
| / / |::::://::::|
jgs \ \ \__) \::://::::/
\__) '://::::'
`'-'``
As the stranger enters a country store, he spots a sign:
"Danger! Beware of Dog!" Inside, he sees a harmless old hound
asleep in the middle of the floor.
"Is that the dog we're supposed to beware of?" he asks the
owner.
"That's him," comes the reply.
"He doesn't look dangerous to me. Why would you post that
sign?"
"'Cause before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over
him."
-<>-
After a sheepdog gets all the sheep in the pen, he reports
back to the farmer: "All 40 accounted for."
"But I only have 38 sheep," says the farmer.
"I know," says the sheepdog. "But I rounded them up."
-<>-
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful," he
said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're
cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW!
We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get
MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful ... CAREFUL! I
said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking!
Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST
your mind?
The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with
you? You think I don't know how to fry eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it
feels like when I'm driving."
-<>-
Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie, whose dog Skipper
had recently died.
"You know," Mom said, "it's not so bad. Skipper's probably
up in Heaven right now, having a grand old time with God."
Susie stopped crying and asked, "What would God want with a
dead dog?"
-<>-
_____________________________________________
| _________________________________________ |
| |26.1.00 | |
Z | | | |
z | | Napoleon Bonaparte | |
z .-------------------------------------. | |
Z | ...and then, in 1808, he entered... | | |
z | ... he ente... hez... zZzZzZzZ | | |
'-,-----------------------------------' | |
___ _/ | | | |
.´ __) | |_________________________________________| |
( /_ _(\ |_____________________________________________|
( _| > ))
( ( (---'-.
(_ `)\-`` )
`/-/ ) \
----(__.´--------------.
\ \
\\_______________________\
|,------------------------'
The following excerpts are actual answers given on history
tests and in Sunday School quizzes by children between 5th
and 6th grade ages in Ohio. They were collected by two
teachers over a period of three years. Read carefully for
grammar, misplaced modifiers, and, of course, spelling.
Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes.
He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton.
Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Since then no one ever found it.
Ancient Egypt was old. It was inhabited by gypsies and
mummies who all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah
Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is such that all the
inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made
unleavened bread, which is bread made without any
ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten
commandos. He died before he ever reached Canada but the
commandos made it.
Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.
He was a actual hysterical figure as well as being in the
bible. It sounds Like he was sort of busy too.
The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them
we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth
is a young female moth.
Socrates was a famous old Greek teacher who went around
giving people advice. They killed him. He later died from an
overdose of wedlock which is apparently poisonous. After his
death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.
In the first Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled
biscuits, and threw the java.
Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of
Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought
he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out "Same to
you, Brutus."
Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a
success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all
shouted "hurrah!" and that was the end of the fighting for a
long while.
It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg
invented removable type and the Bible. Another important
invention was the circulation of blood.
Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot
clipper which was very dangerous to all his men.
The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shake-
speare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his
birthday. He never made much money and is famous only
because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and
hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter.
Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented
Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin
were two singers of the Declaration of Independence.
Franklin discovered electricity by Rubbing two cats backward
and also declared, "A horse divided against itself cannot
stand." He was a naturalist for sure. Franklin died in 1790
and is still dead.
Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent.
Lincoln's Mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log
cabin which he built with his own hands... Abraham Lincoln
freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation.
On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater
and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving
picture show. They believe the assinator was John Wilkes
Booth, a supposingly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career.
Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had
a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old
spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750
to the present. Bach was the most famous composer in the
world and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian,
and half English. He was very large.
The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts
and inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and
started reproducing by machine. The invention of the steam-
boat caused a network of rivers to spring up.
Charles Darwin was a naturalist. He wrote the Organ of the
Species. It was very long. People got upset about it and had
trials to see if it was really true.
Madman Curie discovered radio. She was the first woman to
do what she did. Other women have become scientists since
her but they didn't get to find radios because they were
already taken.
=========================================================
>-->From AndyChaps:
** Andy Says... Just Think About This! **
`\|/' .---------------.
,'Y`. _( To think.... )_________
)|._.|( ( Doesn't that involve little )
/(___)\ ""( little lightbulbs over )"
( ) ""( My head ??? )"""""""
`..-.,' """""""""""""
|"|
.--' `--.
Ojo
A perfectionist is one who takes great pains, and gives them to
everyone else.
Show me a sane woman. I'll cure her for you.
Our experienced Mom will care for your child.
Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.
A picture may be worth a thousand words but it uses up a
thousand times more memory.
In the 60s people took acid to make the world weird. Now the
world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
"Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab
together without arguing, a bank robbery
has just taken place."
-- Johnny Carson
"Only in America do we shop at places with
limited parking, overpriced items, long lines
and call them "convenience stores."
-- Yakov Smirnoff
"Real generosity is doing something nice for
someone who'll never find it out."
--Anonymous
"As I grow older, I care less and less what people think
about me and more and more about what God thinks of me. I
expect to be with Him much longer than with you."
--Robert Baker
"Greatness in the kingdom of God is measured in terms of
obedience."
--John Stott
"If my people, who are called by my name, will humble
themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their
wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive
their sin and will heal their land."
--2 Chronicles 7:14 (NIV)
-<>-
** Everything is Wonderful **
My face in the mirror
Isn't wrinkled or drawn.
My house isn't dirty,
The cobwebs are gone.
My garden looks lovely
And so does my lawn.
I think I might never
Put my glasses back on.
-<>-
** Helping My Boss **
One day a secretary is leaving on her lunch break, and she
notices her boss standing in front of a shredder with a
clueless look on his face. The secretary walks up to him and
asks if he needs help.
"Yes!" he says looking and sounding relieved, "This is very
important."
Glad to help, she turns the shredder on and inserts the paper.
Then her boss says, "Thanks, I only need one copy."
-<>-
** A Piece Of Worthless Advice **
A patient was waiting nervously in the examination room of a
famous specialist.
"So who did you see before coming to me?" asked the important
doctor.
"My local General Practitioner, Dr. Cohen."
"Your GP?" scoffed the doctor. "What a waste of time. Tell
me, what sort of useless advice did Cohen give you?"
"He told me to come and see you."
-<>-
. ,
- * -
' )
_(_
,' `.
/ \
|M A I L|
\ /
`.___,'
** Think you're having a bad day? **
A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking
frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of
wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle.
Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she
whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in
two places.
Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.
STILL think you're having a bad day?
Two animal rights protesters were protesting the cruelty of
sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany. Suddenly,
all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken
fence, stampeding madly.
The two hopeless protesters were trampled to death.
STILL think you're having a bad day?
There was a case in one hospital's Intensive Care ward where
patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at
about 11am, regardless of their medical condition.
This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had
something to do with the supernatural. No one could solve
the mystery as to why the deaths occurred around 11 A. M.
on Sundays.
So a Worldwide team of experts was assembled to investigate
the cause of the incidents.
The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11am, all
doctors and nurses nervously wait outside the ward to see
for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about.
Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books and other
holy objects to ward off the evil spirits.
Just when the clock struck 11... Pookie Johnson, the part-
time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the
life support system so that he could use the vacuum cleaner.
STILL Having a Bad Day?
The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon
Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special
ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were
being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause
from onlookers.
A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.
` '
- * -
(_`_______________
/`. _,-'/
/ `. _,-' /
/ ,-'`.-'. /
/_,-' `. /
/'______________`/
What? STILL having a bad day?
Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on
a letter bomb. It came back with "return to sender" stamped
on it.
Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.
There now, feeling better?
=========================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
Salute To Texas!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/salutetexas.html
Recycling Ideas!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/recycling.html
Camel Hair Art!-
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Only In Australia!-
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Beaches In France!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/beaches3.html
Israel's 9/11 Tribute!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/israeltribute.html
100 Years Ago!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/yearsago.html
Ford's First RV!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/firstrv.html
Chevy Selling It!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chevysi.html
Vokner Mobil RV!-
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Amazing Air Cars!-
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Detroit Autorama!-
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Road Train Trucks!-
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Sweet Wooden Car!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/woodcar.html
Limos In US History!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/limos.html
About Dogs And People!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/aboutdogs.html
Sandy's Can Cars!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/cancars.html
-<>-
>Please Visit This Link to Get New Traffic For Shangrala :)
Fun Pages
http://www.funpageexchange.com/go.php?uid=3559
-<>-
>From Our Friend Buuni :)
T'was the night Before Inauguration
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8FZt_wv_q9M
---
...Loved this! Great! Well Written Poem! Thanks Bunni!
Speaking of it, I loved the concert Trump gave Thursday!
I told Paul it is exactly the way I would have done it if I was
going to be president. Absolutely fantastic. If you get a chance
you should make sure you watch the end especially with the
fireworks - most spectacular! Lincoln is my favorite!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o4OVC6k9RdE
Trump gave thanks to the police, the military, the vets, and to
the people with this concert and the fireworks. During the
fireworks he gave homage also to God with the song played during
the fireworks - 'Glory Hallelujah' - Most Awe inspiring!
I was especially pleased that Lee Greenwood sang one of my
favorite songs there!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y-jaEsLJQRM
If you are like me, Friday you were glued to the TV watching all
the ceremonies - We Have A New President!
President Donald Trump Swearing In Ceremony - Oath Of Office
Presidential Inauguration Trump 2017
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZZn2q42pNMk
Saturday I was informed of the 'Women Protests' at DC.
Unfortunately, it made me rather embarrassed to be a woman...
BUT I was pleased with this on Judge Jeanine...
Judge Jeanine Pirro - Bikers For Trump Group Counteracts
Protesters In Washington, DC
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L34g4OKy2dQ
God Bless These Bikers, President Trump and all his supporters!
Like President Trump said...
“When America is united, America is totally unstoppable. There
should be no fear. We are protected, and we will always be
protected. We will be protected by the great men and women of our
military and law enforcement, and most importantly, we will be
protected by God. Finally, we must think big and dream even bigger.
In America, we understand that a nation is only living as long as
it is striving,” he said.
It’s time to remember that old wisdom our soldiers will never
forget: that whether we are black or brown or white, we all bleed
the same red blood of patriots,” he said.
“We all enjoy the same glorious freedoms, and we all salute the
same great American flag. And whether a child is born in the urban
sprawl of Detroit or the windswept plains of Nebraska, they look
up at the same night sky. They fill their heart with the same
dreams, and they are infused with the breath of life by the same
almighty creator," Trump added.
http://tinyurl.com/zrvc9ca
Finally I was heartened too by President Trump speaking to our
CIA. Note the elegant way he told them he does not want them
to mask their reports to him like they had to with Pres. Obama.
Around 10:40 and on... where he sums it up by saying - 'I love
Honesty, I Like Honest Reporting'.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GMBqDN7-QLg
...Remember learning about this with Pres. Obama?
Confirmed: Scrubbing of ISIS Intelligence Reports For Political
Reasons Done at Senior Levels
http://tinyurl.com/z5f4qh2
Of course Trump didn't get the numbers of Obama in 2009 - Our
first black President got tons coming out to make history with
him. Trump's turnout was more normal - like Obama's 2012 showing.
May God Truly Bless America through Christ Jesus Our Lord!
Like I told my son, I think we did a great job - what a fabulous
First Family we now have! Truly beautiful, loving people - inside
and out!
High Five AMERICA! Great Job!
-<>-
>From Dean Supply:
Celebrate National Pie Die with Fun Pie Facts
http://tinyurl.com/zjuvekj
-<>-
>From Our Friend Geniann :)
She sent us one we have here...
Classic Woodies!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/woodcars.html
---
...Great Reminder! Thanks Geniann!
-<>-
>From Our Friend Melody :)
Gluten-Free Smashed Avocado Chickpea Sandwich
http://tinyurl.com/gnbnsku
Cauliflower Cheese with Leek Recipe
http://tinyurl.com/zz6svwz
---
...Something different - Thanks Melody!
-<>-
>From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
While telling a story about his grandmother in a cafe, Criss
continues to astound us with his amazing magic.
How does he do it? Some of the effects can be explained by
professional magicians, but wait until he gets to the end!
The video is taken all in one continuous shot. Criss Angel
is a master in doing magic tricks for the television camera.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eCepP0HmcB0
---
...Amazing! Thanks LouiseAu!
=======================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings?
It's hardly ever for them." -Harry Hill
"My dog was my soul mate; we both love naps, we both skip
lunch, we both hate the vacuum cleaner." -Elayne Boosler
"I hide photos on my computer of me petting other dogs in a
file named 'Fireworks and vacuums' so my dog won't find them."
-Eli Terry
"I read about a man in Virginia who paid the DMV his $3,000
fine in pennies. It took the workers 12 hours to count them
all. And that line still moved faster than the one you were
in waiting in at the DMV." -Jimmy Fallon
"Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus is officially
shutting down. Now, the circus won't officially close until
May, so if you don't get a chance to see it, you had 150
years. No one feels bad for you." -Stephen Colbert
"There's a new app out there that describes itself as Tinder
for adopting babies. So one day, siblings will be taunting
each other with, 'Ha ha, mom right-swiped you. You shouldn't
be here.'" -Conan O'Brien
"Ben Affleck was patted down by TSA security at Los Angeles
International Airport this week. Though when it was over,
the woman whispered, 'I'm not in the TSA.'" -Jimmy Fallon
"The FDA is warning New Yorkers about Chinese food after a
major Brooklyn distributor was found with rats and birds
nesting in boxes of ingredients. The distributor says it's
all a misunderstanding - those ARE the ingredients."
-Seth Meyers
"President Obama is wrapping things up at the White House.
You know, cleaning out his desk, handing over the keys,
and spackling over the holes in the office wall so he can
get the security deposit back, squeeze a little toothpaste
in there." -Stephen Colbert
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61
NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep.
You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy,
good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
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A Recipe
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