Happy Presidents Day... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our ShangyFunList: Group Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* Please Consider Giving To ShangralaFamilyFun.com :) The cost of the website has gone up dramatically due to the ever increasingly wonderful pages and photos being added each week to entertain you and our fellow Christian families. If every one would chip in $25 or more, we'd be good for the whole year! So Please - I need your help today! "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ *~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a Shangrala Angel, the easiest way to do that is through online giving. It is easy to use, and most of all, it is secure. Please visit the site, scroll down and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL form page comes up. NOTE: Paypal will generate a 'Quantity 1' and 'Price per item' form. Just ignore the price per item and put whatever it is you desire to give in there. With Paypal, you will have your normal receipt for your 'payment' donation in USD (United States Dollars). You can put a memo in there if you'd like. EVERY LITTLE BIT WILL HELP! Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS YOU ABUNDANTLY FOR YOUR GIFT! ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! -<>- * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ >-->2 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) Our latest sizzling hot new page is from our friend PatDeE. It'll give you warm smiles for your day especially if you are an animal lover. This group of volunteers went the extra mile to help save a poor distressed young whale from certain death. Visit here for this Whale of a Tale heartwarming story along with its video: _ \'. \ '-._...- | _.-' . \ / ' ' .. / \_ ooo ' . . \ '-.__ o 'oo<. . ' \ '--._ ooooo. ' | '._ oo' 'o ' __\__ _ '. o o ( __ / \ o '--'\ | | (o)\ \ \#/ | \__ |::. .:::\ '. /:::::. :::::'._'-._____.'::::::: :::::: '----'':::::::::" :::::::::::::::: M-K Whale Rescue 3 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whalerescue3.html --- ...Aww, my heart went out to this poor whale and her hero rescuers! Thanks for sharing this one PatDeE! Our next smoking hot new page is from our friend Linda. It's heartwarming for those who are sentimentally inclined. A husband made a wonderful legacy that will last for years to come for his beloved wife. Be sure to visit the page and watch the sweet video here too: _____ _____ ,ad8PPPP88b, ,d88PPPP8ba, d8P" "Y8b, ,d8P" "Y8b dP' "8a8" `Yd 8( " )8 I8 8I Yb, ,dP "8a, ,a8" "8a, ,a8" "Yba adP" `Y8a a8P' `88, ,88' "8b d8" Normand "8b d8" Veilleux `888' " Husband's Love Story! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/husbandslove.html --- ...Aww, how touching! Thanks Linda! ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: (~~~~~~~~~) | | | | | | .--------.. (()---- | | || (_ | | || | | | || | | -abg | || /\ ..-- '--------'' /\ ||-'' \ / \ \ \// ,, \---. .---------. \./ |~| /__\ \ | ___|_________|__|""-.___ / || | | | |---------- .-----'| | | | | CC.-----. | | | | '-----' | | || >Things Fathers Say Don't ask me, ask your mother. You didn't beat me. I let you win. Don't worry. It's only blood. Don't you have any normal friends? Sure I'll play catch - after I read the paper. A little dirt never hurt anyone, just wipe it off. Who said life was supposed to be fair. You call that a haircut? This will hurt me a lot more than it hurts you. You call that noise "music"? We're not lost. I'm just not sure where we are. Shake it off. It's only pain. As long as you live under my roof, you'll live by my rules. I'll tell you why. Because I said so. That's why. So you think you're smart, do you? What's so funny? Wipe that smile off your face. You want something to do? I'll give you something to do! I'm not sleeping, I was watching that channel. What do you think I am, a bank? I don't care what other people are doing! I'm not everybody else's dad! You're not leaving my house dressed like that! Don't use that tone with me! Am I talking to a brick wall? Don't make me stop the car! -<>- _ /X \ _------_ / \ | | | | | __ __) | / \/ \ /\/\ (o )o ) /c \__/ --. \_ _-------' | / \ | | '\_______) | \_____) |_____ | |_____/\/\ / \ unknown >What I Don't Do 1. I don't do windows because... I love birds and don't want one to run into a clean window and get hurt. 2. I don't wax floors because... I am terrified a guest will slip, hurt themselves. I'll feel terrible and they may sue me. 3. I don't mind the dust bunnies because... they are very good company. I have named most of them, and they agree with everything I say. 4. I don't disturb cobwebs because... I want every creature to have a home of their own and hubby loves spiders. 5. I don't Spring Clean because... I love all the seasons and don't want the others to get jealous. 6. I don't plant a garden because... I don't want to get in God's way. He is an excellent designer. 7. I don't put things away because... my husband will never be able to find them again. 8. I don't do gourmet meals when I entertain because... I don't want my guests to stress out over what to make when they invite me over for dinner. 9. I don't iron because... I choose to believe them when they say "Permanent Press". 10. I don't stress much on anything because... "A Type" personalities die young and I want to stick around and become a wrinkled up crusty ol' woman!!!! ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ February 15 is Candlemas, National Gum Drop Day, President's Day, Singles Awareness Day and Susan B Anthony Day February 16 is Do a Grouch a Favor Day and Mardi Gras/Fat Tuesday February 17 is Ash Wednesday and Random Acts of Kindness Day February 18 is National Battery Day and National Drink Wine Day February 19 is National Chocolate Mint Day February 20 is Cherry Pie Day, Hoodie Hoo Day and Love Your Pet Day February 21 is Card Reading Day ======================================================= >-->From Mikey'sFunnies: _ mMm _[_]_ /(_)\ (_) //)^(\\//:\\ /(/&@&\)\|~|/ / /-~`~-\ ||| `/ \||| `-------'-'-- ()@()@()@()@()@()@()@()@()@() } { } M A N & W O M A N { } { } Feb.15th { } { ()@()@()@()@()@()@()@()@()@()@()@()@()@() } _ _ _ _ { } ( \/ ) ( \/ ) { } \ / \ / { } \/ \/ { } { ()@()@()@()@()@()@()@()@()@()@()@()@()@()@()@()@()@() } _____ __ __ { } ( /__) ( ) / / ) { } / \ _ , -/- / / / . , /_ _ , { } / /_(/_/_)_/_ / / /_/_/_)_/ (_(/_/_)_ { } (_/___/ (__/__/ { } { ()@()@()@()@()@()@()@()@()@()@()@()@()@()@()@()@()@()@()@()@()@() } ___ { } / /) _ { } / `_,_,_, _, ,_ __, -/- // __, -/-. _,_,_, , { } / (_) / (_(_/_/ (_(_/(_/_(_/_(/_(_/(_/_/_(_) / (_/_)_ { } (___) _/_ { jgs } (/ { ()@()@()@()@()@()@()@()@()@()@()@()@()@()@()@()@()@()@()@()@()@() A minister was planning a wedding at the close of the Sunday morning service. After the benediction, he had planned to call the couple down for a brief ceremony in front of the congregation. For the life of him, he couldn't think of the names of those who were to be married. "Will those wanting to get married please come to the front?" he requested. Immediately, nine single ladies, six single men, three widows, and four widowers stepped to the front. -<>- , , /////| ///// | ///// | |~~~| | | |===| |/| | B |/| | | I | | | | B | | | | L | / | E | / |===|/ jgs '---' >TOP 7 BIBLICAL WAYS TO ACQUIRE A HUSBAND (from J. Duin) * Have your husband act like a jerk toward a famous warlord while you secretly show up at the warlord's camp with mule loads of tasty provisions, at which point the warlord falls in love with you, after which point you inform your husband of the whole matter, at which point he has a stroke, dies and you marry the warlord. * Show up at a threshing floor (if you can find one anywhere outside of Kansas) in the dead of night and uncover the feet of the best-looking guy there. * Go to any old watering hole and start filling the watering jars of the guy with the most camels. * Have your good-looking sister lure someone to marry her but substitute yourself for her on their wedding night. * Hang around barren women and offer to be a concubine for their husbands' need for heirs. * Take a bath naked on your roof preferably in view of some nearby palace. * Make like a prostitute around guys who hear from God that they need to marry you to show the country the nature of their idolatrous ways. (You'll havta figure out the references yourself...) -<>- , , /////| ///// | ///// | |~~~| | | |===| |/| | B |/| | | I | | | | B | | | | L | / | E | / |===|/ jgs '---' >TOP 15 BIBLICAL WAYS TO ACQUIRE A WIFE * Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she's yours. (Deuteronomy 21:11-13) * Find a prostitute and marry her. (Hosea 1:1-3) * Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock. (Moses--Exodus 2:16-21) * Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal. (Boaz--Ruth 4:5-10) * Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife. (Benjaminites-- Judges 21:19-25) * Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. Note: this will cost you. (Adam--Genesis 2:19-24) * Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman's hand in marriage. Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. That's right. Fourteen years of toil for a wife. (Jacob--Genesis 29:15-30) * Cut 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law's enemies and get his daughter for a wife. (David--1 Samuel 18:27) * Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you'll definitely find someone. (Cain--Genesis 4:16-17) * Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest. (Xerxes or Ahasuerus--Esther 2:3-4) * When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, "I have seen a ... woman; now get her for me." If your parents question your decision, simply say, "Get her for me. She's the one for me." (Samson--Judges 14:1-3) * Kill any husband and take HIS wife (Prepare to lose four sons, though). (David--2 Samuel 11) * Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow. (It's not just a good idea; it's the law.) (Onana and Boaz--Deuteronomy or Leviticus, example in Ruth) * Don't be so picky. Make up for quality with quantity. (Solomon--1 Kings 11:1-3) * A wife?...NOT? (Paul--1 Corinthians 7:32-35) --- ...Remember, during the Old Testament times, men could have more than one wife. The New Testament changed that. See this great teaching: , , /////| ///// | ///// | |~~~| | | |===| |/| | B |/| | | I | | | | B | | | | L | / | E | / |===|/ jgs '---' 1 Corinthians 7 (Abstinence, Celibacy, Cohabitation, and Marriage) https://tinyurl.com/1et8f65s -<>- @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@,""""""@@@@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@"- "@@@@@@@@@@ "@@@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@( ^^^ )@@@@@@@@@ ' @@@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@( ( 0@@@@@@@@@, (@@@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@) ) _/@@@@@@@@@@@m "@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@(__/ (@@@@@@@@@@@@@' @@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@" )@@@@@@@@@@' @@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@' \@@@@@@@@' @@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@' )@@@@@@' A @@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@ ,@@@@@@@" /@@ @@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@, @_____" =, @@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@ :',@@@@ `@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@' @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ M@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@' `@@@@@@@@@@@@@" ,@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@" / @@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@" @@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@| @@@@@@@@@@" / @@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@| @@@@@@@@@" ," .@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@| @@@@@@@@' .@@ `@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@| @@@@@@@@m `@@@, @@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@| :@@@@@@@@@m )@@. )@@@@@@@@ unknown >25 THINGS EVERY COUPLE SHOULD KNOW... By Doug Fields 1. to not yell at one another unless the house is on fire 2. showering together saves water 3. the importance of having a "Do Not Disturb" sign 4. the correct answer to "Do you love me?" is not, "I married you, didn't I?" 5. to have a regular date night 6. the silent treatment was invented by a kindergartner 7. to slow dance in your underwear... in private 8. to kiss when stuck in traffic 9. they need a weekend retreat at least twice a year 10. to buy your spouse crazy underwear every year 11. a man's s%x drive is similar to a drum solo 12. a woman's s%x drive is similar to a finely tuned orchestra 13. how to make your spouse laugh 14. the game of Scrabble has been known to ignite major arguments 15. major house projects may need to be followed by minor marital counseling 16. when to break the diet restrictions and pig out 17. s%x begins in the morning by the way you talk to and treat one another 18. to read Song of Solomon together 19. to schedule your mid-life crisis 20. the joy of making up after a lover's quarrel 21. it is fun to be spontaneous: tickle, dance, or join your spouse in the shower 22. voice tone says it all 23. to find humor in negative situations 24. to eat cookie dough in bed at least once a year 25. genuine love is valuing a spouse as God does From the book "365 Things Every Couple Should Know": https://smile.amazon.com/Things-Every-Couple-Should-Know/dp/0736906975/ Copyright 1993 Doug Fields; used by permission. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :) _____ .-" .-. "-. _/ '=(0.0)=' \_ /` .='|m|'=. `\ \________________ / .--.__///`'-,__~\\\\~` / /6|__\// a (__)-\\\\ \ \/--`(( ._\ ,))) / \\ ))\ -==- (O)( / )\((((\ . /))))) / _.' / __(`~~~~`)__ //"\\,-'-"` `~~~~\\~~`"-. // /`" ` `\ // jgs >SMILES A pirate walked into a bar, and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while.. What happened? You look terrible." "What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine." "What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before." "Well," said the pirate, "We were in a battle, and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now." The bartender replied, "Well, OK, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?" The pirate explained, "We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook but I'm fine, really." "What about that eye patch?" "Oh," said the pirate, "One day we were at sea, and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up, and one of them pooed in my eye." "You're kidding," said the bartender. "Can you lose an eye just from bird poo?" "It was my first day with the hook." ---------- A family took their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and left her, hoping she would be well cared for. She set in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seemed okay, but after a while she slowly started to tilt sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rushed up to catch her and straighten her up. Again she seemed okay, but after a while she slowly started to tilt over to her other side. The nurses rushed back and once more brought her back upright. This went on all morning. Later, the family arrived to see how the old woman was adjusting to her new home. "So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?" "It's pretty nice," she replied. "Except they won't let me fart." ---------- A little girl was diligently pounding away on her father's computer. She told him she was writing a story. "What's it about?" he asked. "I don't know," she replied. "I can't read." ---------- A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers told her students that she wanted each of them to have learned one fact about Jesus by the next Sunday. The following week she asked each child in turn what he or she had learned. Susie said, "He was born in a manger." Bobby said, "He threw the money changers out of the temple." Little Johnny said, "He has a red pickup truck but he doesn't know how to drive it." Curious, the teacher asked, "And where did you learn that, Johnny?" "From my Daddy," said Johnny. "Yesterday we were driving down the highway, and this red pickup truck pulled out in front of us and Daddy yelled at him, 'Jesus Christ! Why don't you learn how to drive?'" ---------- Just before Little Johnny's sixth birthday, the tycoon took him to one side and said, "Son, I am very proud of you. Anything you want, I shall get for you." Little Johnny replied, "Daddy, I would like to have my own airplane." Not wanting to do anything halfway, his father bought him American Airlines. Just before Little Johnny's seventh birthday, the tycoon took him to one side. "Son, you are my pride and joy. Anything you want, I shall get for you." Little Johnny replied, "Daddy, I would like a boat." Not wanting to do anything halfway, his father bought him Princess Cruise Lines. Just before Little Johnny's eighth birthday, the tycoon took him to one side. "Son, you bring so much happiness into my life. Anything you want, I shall get for you." Little Johnny replied, "Daddy, I would like to be able to watch cartoons." Not wanting to do anything halfway, his father bought him Disney Studios and their theaters, where he watched all his favorite cartoons. Just before Little Johnny's ninth birthday, the tycoon took him to one side. "Son, you are an inspiration to us all. Anything you want, I shall get for you." Little Johnny, who had really gotten into the Disney cartoons, replied, "Daddy, I would like a Mickey Mouse outfit." Not wanting to do anything halfway, his father went and bought him Microsoft. ---------- On a U.S. cruiser the officer of the deck asked the starboard lookout, "What would you do if a sailor was washed overboard?" "I'd yell 'Man overboard,' " answered the lookout snappily. "Good," said the officer. "Now what would you do if an officer fell overboard?" The lookout asked, "Which one, sir?" --- ...LOL! Good ones! Thanks LouiseAu! -<>- ________ _jgN########Ngg_ _N##N@@"" ""9NN##Np_ d###P N####p "^^" T#### d###P _g###@F _gN##@P gN###F" d###F 0###F 0###F 0###F "NN@' ___ q###r "" >GOOD QUESTIONS Is atheism a non-prophet organization? I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. What if there were no hypothetical questions? If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap? If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him... is he still wrong? If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?" What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant? Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them? If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked? Is there another word for synonym? Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines? Why don't sheep shrink when it rains? If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? What was the best thing before sliced bread? One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers? If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent? Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? Why is there an expiration date on sour cream? How is it possible to have a civil war? If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry? Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp"; to have an "S" in it? Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them? Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song? If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff? --- ...HaHaHa! Sad thing is, I can answer some of these! LOL! Thanks LouiseAu! ========================================================= >-->From HandyHints: \\\ ____ ________``` \ =|- [________] \ | =| | _ | | \ __ ejm |__=|- O--(_) `.______.' \ O=======(__) /|\ (/(|(\ * Have you ever tried the kitchen towel cutting board trick? I have seen my mom use this trick countless times when I was younger as she prepped dinner for us. Before chopping or dicing whatever was needed for dinner, she would wet a kitchen towel with a little bit of water, wring it out, and place it underneath the cutting board. This helped keep the cutting board from moving around the counter while she cut up the veggies. * Freeze as Flat as Possible Freeze things flat and stack them, it doesn't matter whether it's soups, stews, or ground meat. The flatter and wider you can get them, the faster they'll freeze and defrost. When freezing raw meat, soups, and stews, if you have a vacuum sealer, use it! Otherwise, place foods in heavy-duty freezer bags, squeeze out all the air, lay the bag flat, and use your hands to work the contents into as flat and even a shape as possible. When freezing vegetables, cut them into pieces 1-inch or less and blanch any green vegetables. Place them on a large plate or sheet tray spaced apart from each other and freeze them solid before transferring to a plastic freezer bag and storing flat. * Defrost Meat without a Microwave on Aluminum Trays The fastest way to defrost meat is under a cold running tap. But if you want to save water and speed things up a bit, place your meat on an aluminum sheet tray or skillet. Aluminum is a great conductor of heat and will draw energy from the surrounding environment into your frozen meat much faster than a wooden cutting board or wood or stone countertop. You can cut defrosting times down by about 30 percent this way. It also works on soups, stews, and anything frozen flat. -<>- Windex is a glass and hard-surface cleaner, and the majority of us use this item to clean our bedroom/bathroom mirrors and windows. But... Did you know that you can use Windex for more than just cleaning your mirrors and windows? Me neither! * Windex used as a stain remover As long as you are not dealing with delicate silk fabrics, windex is a great way to get out ketchup and red wine stains. Lightly spray the stain with Windex and let it sit for about 15 minutes. Blot with a clean cloth, rinse using cold water, and wash as usual. For best results, use the uncolored Windex. * Windex used as a degreaser Windex can soften built-up grease throughout the kitchen, especially on hard-to-clean range hoods, fans, and light fixtures. Spray surface liberally, let stand for about 10 minutes, and wipe clean. Be sure to rinse thoroughly with water to eliminate any cleanser residue on surfaces you prepare food on. -<>- Love the sweet, delicious taste of blackberries, strawberries, raspberries and blueberries--but hate the way they turn bad so quickly? Simply dunking them in a solution of three parts water to one part white vinegar will destroy any mold spores or bacteria on them. Rinse, dry and store them in an airtight container lined with paper towels to absorb moisture and - presto!- they'll last an extra week. -<>- | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | |===| )---( |_|_| |___| |___| \ / ).( [_] \-/ \|/ U hjm ' ' Have you ever gone into your purse to find something and realize your blue pen leaked all over the inside? It has happened to me twice now... Avoid those inky messes inside your purse by storing your ballpoint pens inside a plastic toothbrush container. Your purse will stay clean and stain-free. -<>- A mixture of vinegar and water makes a miracle cleaner when it comes to getting rid of mildew buildup in the tub. Simply spray the solution on the problem area, let sit, then wipe away. Soap scum can be removed with a baking soda paste composed of baking soda and dish soap. Scrub with a toothbrush to remove stubborn patches. ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: Trump Releases Statement After Failed Dem Impeachment: MAGA ‘Has Only Just Begun’ https://tinyurl.com/16ac0yrh Nancy Pelosi Has Meltdown After Trump Is Found Not Guilty In Impeachment Trial / Biden Urges Congress To Pass Strict New Gun Control Laws On Anniversary Of Parkland Shooting / Sen. Lindsay Graham Speaks With President Trump, Says Former Commander-In-Chief Is ‘Ready To Move On’ And ‘Excited For 2022’ / Trump Attorney Rips Off Mic...Walks Off Set After Obnoxious CBS Hack Host Tries To Cover For Dems Who Used Doctored Evidence During Impeachment Trial To Deceive Americans And More: https://thescoop.us/ Hey Baby, It's REALLY Cold Out There: Snow blankets 200 million Americans from the Midwest to Mexican border: Multiple people injured in pile-up on icy Oklahoma highway and Texas declares state of emergency as winter storm sweeps nation https://tinyurl.com/5e5judd6 Anti-Trump Liberal Went After One Conservative Actress And It Backfired https://tinyurl.com/g3q0j1hg Billions of Pandemic Aid Stolen by the Mafia and Con Artists / Government Shut-Downs Slow Down Marriages and Divorce (Custody hearing etc.) / 12-Year-Old-Boy Protects Grandma by Shooting Intruder / Democrat Coalition is Already Starting to Crumble / Cancel Culture is Going After Comedy – Sees it as a Tool of the Alt-Right AND More: https://reliablenewsnow.com Are “Anti-Vaxxers” Being Blamed for this newest Big Pharma Crisis? / Joe Biden’s Hand-Picked Democrat Senator Being Investigated for a Shocking Reason / The Deep State’s Horrible Trick Pushed The World To Brink Of An Unthinkable War And More: https://deepstatejournal.com One State Making Move To BAN MANDATORY VACCINES! / One State Is About To Outlaw All FEDERAL Gun Control! / MSNBC Sickeningly Urged DRONE Strike On Donald Trump! AND More: http://2020conservative.com/ Latest From Independent Minute: https://independentminute.com/ Latest From TPN News: https://threepercenternation.com/ Latest From AFA: http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw Students For Life https://tinyurl.com/yd5nxmu6 Latest From OperationRescue: http://www.operationrescue.org/ Latest Product Alert: http://www.emergencyemail.org/products/?fmt=text Latest Health Alert: http://www.emergencyemail.org/health/?fmt=text Click to Give Free https://tinyurl.com/y2abb8d2 -<>- >From BizarreNews: There are friends, and there are friends. Then there are friends like Elijah Ray Lambert who will willingly shoot you in the chest. And with friends like those, who needs enemies? Lambert was friends with the late Miguel Martinez of Citrus Heights, California. Somewhere Miguel got hold of a bullet proof vest and decided he wanted to test it to see if it would really stop a bullet. But why put it on a mannequin or tie it to a tree when you can put it on yourself? As long as you have a friend like Lambert who is willing to pull a trigger for you. Deputies arrested Lambert for the shooting, but the Sacramento County Sheriff's Department has characterized the incident as an "unintentional killing". Martinez's brother reported that, "The bullet had actually penetrated the top of his vest," indicating that not only does Lambert have bad judgment, he is also a lousy shot. The pair were with two other friends, the police said. The group initially reported the shooting as a robbery but later confessed it was an accident. -<>- A group of males with swords robbed two different pizza delivery men over the weekend at the same address in Spring Grove Village neighborhood of Cincinnati, according to police reports. The first man was delivering for Domino's on Saturday night when four males with swords approached him, police said. One suspect held a sword to the man's throat and took money from his pockets. The attackers fled on bicycles. In a separate incident, another man encountered a group of three sword-wielding males Sunday night while delivering pizza for LaRosa's. While investigating that robbery, police were told by a neighbor that several of his swords were recently stolen from his home. Earlier this week police arrested a suspect in connection with the two incidents. The arrest was at the suspect's grandmother's home, said Lt. Dan Ogilvie. The house is also where the robberies occurred. Considering the brilliance of the cunning plan it is not surprising that the suspect is 13-years-old. Police are still searching for two more suspects. *--- Dog inherits $5 million ---* A Tennessee dog is living the comfortable life after inheriting $5 million from her late owner, who stipulated in his will that his money should go to his pet. Lulu, an 8-year-old border collie, was named in the will of owner Bill Dorris, a Nashville businessman who died late last year at age 84. Martha Burton, 88, a neighbor who often cared for Lulu while Dorris was away, was named as the canine's caretaker in Dorris' will, which states Burton will be reimbursed for "reasonable" monthly expenses. "I don't really know what to think about it to tell you the truth. He just really loved the dog," Burton told local news. Burton said she is perfectly happy to act as Lulu's caretaker. "She's a good girl," she said. *--- Man gets naked to protest overbooked flight ---* Travelers at North Carolina's Charlotte Douglas International Airport said a man stripped naked in the concourse because he was mad about an overbooked flight. Witnesses said the man became angry when he was told his US Airways flight to Jamaica was overbooked, leading him to strip nude and stand in the concourse without a stitch on his body for about 40 minutes. One traveler, Sherry Ketchie, shared photos of the naked man standing among the passengers, which included children. "I seen some people running and I was wondering what they was running from and people were standing there snickering, so I walked over and [an airport employee] told me the man was angry over the Jamaican flight," Ketchie said. "He had his clothes on, at that point, and then he started standing there with his arms crossed and hollering at the lady at the desk," she said. "He stood there for a moment and then started talking off his clothes. I ain't never seen nothing [like that] in my life." Charlotte- Mecklenburg Police said the man was taken to a hospital for evaluation. *--- Don't chase bears with hatchet while drunk ---* A Massachusetts police department has a message for citizens: "Chasing bears through the woods drunk with a dull hatchet is strongly not advised." The North Adams Police Department said in a Facebook post the incident "really did happen" and "the hatchet man was taken into protective custody due to his incapacitation from the consumption of alcoholic beverage." "The North Adams Police Department is urging everyone to NOT chase bears through the woods with a dull hatchet, drunk," the post said. The post urged residents to steer clear of bears rather than "going all Davy Crockett chasing it through the woods drunk with a dull hatchet. It is just a bad idea and not going to end well." Police said they are still working to determine what the man's planned "end game" was if he had caught up to the animal. *--- THAT'S the Chicago way ---* A Chicago man's unusual method of calling "dibs" on a parking space is gaining attention on social media after he perfected a method of freezing his pants so they stand on their own. Adam Selzer of West Ridge posted photos to Twitter showing him reserving a shoveled-out parking space using pairs of frozen pants that he shaped to stand up on their own. Reserving parking spaces is common in Chicago, with residents often using lawn chairs of traffic cones to mark the spots they shoveled. "Polar vortex fun: pants with nobody inside them! Soak a pair, put outside. In about 20 minutes you can form them to shape, and in another 20 they're solid," Seltzer wrote in a Twitter post that has since gone viral. Seltzer said he is now working on a method to complete the ensemble. "The one thing I tried this time that I haven't before is I also froze a couple of shirts, so we'll see if this works," he said. --- ...Yes, I found it for you! You can see his 'hot' pants here: https://tinyurl.com/ozlpqs9h ========================================================= >-->From TheGroaner: ---------------------------------------------------------- UUUUUUUUU| HHHHHHHHHH | |AAAAAAAA |UUUU UUUUUU C |HHHHHHHHHHHHH | LLLL |AAAAAAAAAAA |UUUUU UUUUU /\_________ HHHHHH |LLLLLLLLLL |AAAAAAAAAAAAA|UUUUU ==== / |######| ======================================= QQQQ |\ |#####/ PPPPP | UU | IIIIIIIL | TT QQQ / | |<_____ PPPPPP | UUUUUUUU | IIIIIIILLLLL| TTTT === ` ` o o ======================================= VK >The Bellowing Baby In the supermarket was a man pushing a cart which contained a screaming, bellowing baby. The gentleman kept repeating softly, "Don't get excited, Albert; don't scream, Albert; don't yell, Albert; keep calm, Albert." A woman standing next to him said, "You certainly are to be commended for trying to soothe your son, Albert." The man looked at her and said, "Lady, I'm Albert." -<>- >What Would the Neighbors Think? Jack was living in Arizona during a heat wave when the following took place. "It's just too hot to wear clothes today," complained Jack as he stepped out of the shower. "Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?" "Probably that I married you for your money." -<>- >Wearing Glasses A policeman pulled a female driver over and asked to see her license. After looking it over, he said to her, "Lady, it stipulates here on your license that you should be wearing glasses." "Well, I have contacts," the woman replied. "Look lady, I don't care who you know," snapped the officer. "You're getting a ticket." -<>- >Q and A Quickies __ , ," e`--o (( ( | __,' \\~----------------' \_;/ hjw ( / /) ._______________. ) (( ( (( ( ``-' ``-' Q: What did the hot dog say when it crossed the finish line? A: I'm the weiner! Q: Why do elephants drink so much? A: To try to forget. Q: How do you confuse a blonde? A: You don't. They're born that way. Q: Why does the nurse carry around a red pen? A: To draw blood. Q: What's invisible and smells like carrots? A: Rabbit farts! (\____/) / @__@ \ ( (oo) ) `-.~~.-' / \ @/ \_ (/ / \ \) jgs WW`----'WW Q: What do you get when you cross a pig with a centipede? A: Bacon and legs. Q: Why did the doughnut go to the dentist? A: It needed a chocolate filling. Q: How can you tell if a calendar is popular? A: It has a lot of dates! /:.:, O \::/ o /|` _ ' sSSs /:| \\__\_SSSs/::| ,sSSs `--((S\SSSs/ ,SSSS_/ ,_ SS\\SSSs sS/`))\// sSS//SSs S//|_(\/ `Ss' sSSs, S\\|::\ _, \_SSSS, SS` \:| \\/((`\Ss \|__ ._ \/)_|\\Ss /:::\ \ `-.-""' ///SS jgs \:`'` /_.-'`-==-' ' 'SSs Q: Where do mermaids see movies? A: At the dive-in? ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: .======================================. | ___ ___ ___ _ _ _ | | \_/ \_/ \_/ C|||C|||C||| |-| |-| |-| | | _|_ _|_ _|_ ||| ||| ||| |_| |_| |_| | '===================================== ,sSSSs DUFFY'S WATERING HOLE SSSS "( .:. SSS@ =/ \~/ C|||' SSSS_(_ _Y_ ___|||______________________________SS/ _)_) /.- [____________________________________] \ /\// | ____ ____ ____ ____ | \|==(\_/ | (____) (____) (____) (____) | (/ ; | | | | | | | | | | |____| | | | | | | | | | | \ |\ | | | | | | | | | | ) ) ) | |____| |____| |____| |____| | ( |/ | I====I I====I I====I I====I | /\ | jgs | | | | | | | | | /.(=\ Y\_\ Pauly walks into a bar and says "Bartender, one round for everyone, on me!" The bartender says, "Well, Pauly, seems you're in a really good mood tonight, eh?" Pauly says, "Oh, you can bet on it! I just got hired by the city to go around and remove all the money from parking meters. I start on Monday!" The bartender congratulates the man and proceeds to pour the round. Monday evening arrives. Pauly comes back into the bar and says "Bartender, TWO rounds for everyone, on me!" The bartender says, "Well now! If you're so happy just over having this new job, I can just imagine how happy you'll be when you get your paycheck!" Pauly looks at the bartender with a confused look on his face, pulls out quite a handful of quarters from his pocket, and says "You mean they'll PAY me on top of it?" -<>- A prospective juror in a Dallas District Court was surprised by the definition of voluntary manslaughter given the panel: "An intentional killing that occurs while the defendant is under the immediate influence of sudden passion arising from an adequate cause, such as when a spouse's mate is found in a 'compromising position.'" "See, I have a problem with that passion business," responded the jury candidate. "During my first marriage, I came in and found my husband in bed with my neighbor. All I did was divorce him. I had no idea that I could have shot him." She wasn't selected for the jury. -<>- Two fellows stopped into an English pub for a drink. They called the proprietor over and asked him to settle an argument. "Are there two pints in a quart or four?" asked one. "There be two pints in a quart," confirmed the proprietor. They moved back along the bar and soon the barmaid asked for their order. "Two pints please, miss, and the bartender offered to buy them for us." The barmaid doubted that her boss would be so generous, so one of the fellows called out to the proprietor at the other end of the bar, "You did say two pints, didn't you?" "That's right," he called back, "two pints." -<>- It was time for the final and the student depending upon getting at least one right answer on the chemistry test. The question was "If H2O if water, what is H2O4?" This was a quick question for most, but it took the student some thinking time. Finally, he wrote down his answer: For drinking, washing, cleaning... -<>- I walked into my sister's kitchen and found my nephew having a snack. "Where's your mother?" I asked. "She said she was going to have a shower. Just a minute, I'll see." He stepped into the bathroom and flushed the toilet and a second later a sharp yell came from upstairs. My nephew walked back out and said, "Yep, she's in the shower." -<>- ._-'-_ . . ' /_-_-_\ ` . .' |-_-_-_-| `. ejm ( `.-_-_-.' ) !`. .'! ! ` . . ' ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! / / \ \ _-| \___ ___/ /-_ (_ )__\_)\(_/__( _) ))))\X\ (((( \/ \/ The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room-service at a fine hotel in Mexico City. Room Service (RS): Morny. Ruin sorbees. Guest (G): Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service. RS: Rye..Ruin sorbees. Morny! Djewish to odor sunteen?? G: Uh, yes... I'd like some bacon and eggs. RS: Ow July den? G: What? RS: Ow July den? Pry, boy, pooch? G: Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please. RS: Ow July dee bayhcem--crease? G: Crisp will be fine. RS: Hokay. An san tos? G: What? RS: San tos. July San tos? G: I don't think so RS: No? Judo one san toes? G: I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what "judo one san toes means." RS: Toes! toes! Why djew don juan toes? Ow bow singlish mopping we bother? G: English muffin! I've got it! You were saying "Toast." Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine. RS: We bother? G: No, just put the bother on the side. RS: Wad? G: I mean butter--just put it on the side. RS: Copy? G: Sorry? RS: Copy, tea, mill? G: Yes. Coffee please, and that's all. RS: One Minnie. Ass ruin torino fee, strangle ache, crease baychem, tossy singlish mopping we bother honey sigh, and copy--rye? G: Whatever you say. RS: Tendjewberrymud. G: You're welcome. ========================================================= ,=====,---. /=====/=====\ |=====|\=====; _j---j_|=====| /,-"0"-.\=====| // | \\====| ||9 o 3|D===| \\ `. //====| \`-.6.-'/=====| `j---j'|=====| |=====|/=====; \=====\=====/ `-----`---' hjw >-->The Water Sports Watch Copyright 2001 W. Bruce Cameron www.wbrucecameron.com * Please remember to leave the copyright intact when you forward this! * From time to time this column inadvertently drifts into something resembling journalism, which I assure you is purely unintentional. Today will be one of those days, as I scoop the nation on a story about a scandal that involves everything a great newspaper article needs: s%x, power, and money. (Well, except for the s%x and power.) The money in this case is MY money, money paid by my boss for doing an excellent job of, in his words, "showing up at work and going through the motions"--which isn't an easy way to make a living, let me tell you--and then passed along to my daughter as an allowance. (This designation is confusing to my daughter, who believes it stems from "allow," as in, "to allow my daughter to not do her chores but still get paid.") Anyway, subscribing to the ludicrous theory that it would be a good thing if my family could figure out a way to associate my body more directly with "sports," my daughter bought me a fine Water Sports Watch for my birthday. Now, I'm not complaining about the primary function of this device: It does tell time. In fact, it tells more time than I want to know about: 24-hour time, the time in China, the time in dog years, the time since you last checked the time...so I have no quibble with calling it a "watch." Push a tiny button and the word "Zulu" appears, which is also very helpful, I suppose. During a movie, the thing beeps every fifteen minutes, which helps the other theater goers locate you so they can hiss at you to shut off your watch. However, the first time I fell into a pool this spring (my son believes it fun to dash at my legs and topple me into the water whenever I am near the edge of the pool. He calls this "soaking the grump." I call it "flirting with death"), the watch, which was on my wrist at the time of the toppling, stopped functioning. "That's funny," I said, meaning it was not. I held the watch to my ear (as if you can hear a digital watch) and verified that even in that position it still did not display the time. A quick call to the manufacturer assured me there was "nothing wrong" with the watch. "You're not supposed to wear it in the pool," the polite woman explained to me. "But it's a water-sports watch!" I protested. There was a long silence. Apparently, I had departed from the script she had in front of her. "What is your complaint, sir?" she eventually responded. "Well, it's just that I am hard put to name a water sport that doesn't somehow involve water," I told her. To which SHE said (now remember, this is the Pulitzer-Prize-winning truth, here) "Oh, the Water Sports Watch isn't for people who PLAY water sports. It's for people who enjoy WATCHING water sports." Well, heck, I should have been able to figure THAT out, right? So if you're in your family room viewing a water-polo match on TV, your water-sports watch will function perfectly. Son: "Are you enjoying the water polo on TV, Dad?" Dad: "Yes, especially since I can glance from time to time at my Water Sports Watch." This makes me wonder if there aren't a whole host of products out there with similar pedigree. Are there motorcycle helmets for people who merely like to WATCH motorcycles? Dog food for pets who only want to LOOK AT their dinners? At any rate, I replaced the Water Sports Watch with an Official Diving Watch that allows me to go as deep as 150 meters and still be on Zulu time. Of course, I realize that next time I go 150 meters deep in the water I will be, well, dead, but at least I can now participate in an afternoon of soak-the-grump without fear of losing track of what those fun-loving Zulus are up to. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ For reprint permission, including web sites, please write me at Bruce@wbrucecameron.com This newsletter may be distributed freely via e-mail but you MUST include the following subscription and copyright information: The Cameron Column, A Free Internet Newsletter Copyright W. Bruce Cameron 2002 ========================================================= >-->From JokeCentral: In Honor of Stu \_/ --(_)-- . / \ /_\ |Q| .-----' '-----. __ /____[SCHOOL]___\ ())) | [] .-.-. [] | (((()) ..|____|_|_|____|..................................)(... ldb dents & Teachers returning to class >GRAMESIS Gramesis 1:1-30 1. In the beginning my English teacher created nouns and verbs. 2. And the verbs were without form and voice; and darkness was upon the face of the deep--my teacher. 3. And she said, "Let there be grammar;" and there was grammar. 4. And Teacher saw the verbs and laughed and said that it was good; and she divided the bright students from those who remained in darkness. 5. And Teacher gave the bright students A's and kept the others after school. And the homework and the bell were the first day. 6. And Teacher said, "Let there be a sentence in the midst of the words, and let it divide the nouns from the verbs. 7. And Teacher made the sentence, and diagrammed it on the board; I looked and saw that it was so. 8. And the Teacher called the sentence declarative. And the capital and the period were the second day. 9. And Teacher said, "Let the noun words in the sentence be gathered together unto one place, and let the verb words appear; and it was so. 10. And Teacher called the verb words predicate; and the gathering together of noun words called she the subject; and Teacher saw that it was good. 11. And Teacher said, "Let the predicate bring forth modifiers, the transitive verbs yielding objects, and the intransitive verbs yielding complements after their own kind, whose place is in itself, within the predicate;" and it was so. 12. And the predicate brought forth modifiers, and transitive verbs yielding objects after their own kind, and intransitive verbs yielding a complement whose place was in itself, after their own kind: The Teacher saw that it was good and confusing. 13. And the active and the passive were the third day. 14. And Teacher said, "Let there be modifiers in the firmament of the subject to further confuse and divide the students in the classroom; and let them be for proper nouns, concrete nouns, mass nouns, collective nouns, pronouns, and abstract nouns." 15. "And let them be for to give meaning in the subject and to enhance the predicate;" and it was so---confusing. 16. And Teacher made two great words: the greater word -adjective- to rule the noun, and the lesser word -adverb- to rule the verb; she made the conjunction also. 17. And Teacher set them in the sentence in order to make it difficult to diagram. 18. And to make it easier for her to divide the bright students from those who remained in darkness; and Teacher saw that her system was good. 19. And the phrase and the clause were the fourth day. 20. And Teacher said, "Let the verbs bring forth abundantly the many verb forms, the gerunds, infinitives, and participles; the subjunctives; the auxiliary verbs, the linking verbs; and the phrasal verbs." 21. And Teacher created mood for every living creature that moveth, and tense for all time, and voice after their kind: and Teacher saw that it was indeed good. 22. And Teacher blessed them saying, "Be fruitful and multiply in complexity, and fill young minds with bewilderment, and let the bewilderment multiply into chaos in their minds." 23. And the lecture and the English test were the fifth day. 24. And Teacher said, "Let the nouns and verbs bring forth living sentences after their own kind, book reports, essay questions, and English themes for the students to write;" and it was very so. 25. And Teacher made all these things for the freshman English student to do, and everything that creepeth into her mind she gave to them to do; and Teacher saw to it that it was good. 26. And Teacher said, "Let us make one project in our image, after our likeness; and let the product have dominion over the other projects, and over every subject of the college student." 27. So Teacher created the research paper in her own image, in the image of Teacher created she it; boring and difficult created she it. 28. And Teacher blessed it, and Teacher said unto the research paper, "Be fruitful and multiply, and replenish the supply of dropouts, and subdue the remainder of the college students; and have dominion over the other projects, and over the other subjects, and over every single grade that the students receive." 29. "And to every beast of the earth, and to every fowl of the air, and to every thing that creepeth into the classroom, wherein there is life, I have given every rule and principle for good English;" and it was so. 30. And Teacher saw everything that she had made, and behold it was very good. From LAUGHTER FOR A SATURDAY presented by Ed Peacher -<>- _.-'`'-._ .-' _ '-. `-.__ `\_.-' | `-``\| jgs `-.....-A # # >TEST ANSWERS FROM 11-YEAR-OLDS' SCIENCE EXAMS: "Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water." "When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire." "H20 is hot water, and CO2 is cold water." "To collect fumes of sulphur, hold down a deacon over a flame in test tube" "When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide" "Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free state" "Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes, and caterpillars." "Blood flows down one leg and up the other." "Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration." "The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader " "Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire." "A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold." "Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas." "The body consists of three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five - a, e, I, o and u." "Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away." "Planet: A body of earth surrounded by sky." "Rhubarb: a kind of celery gone bloodshot." "Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives." "Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative." "To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose." "For a nosebleed: put the nose much lower than the body until the heart stops." "For Fainting: Rub the person's chest or, if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead. "For dog bite: put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it." "For asphyxiation: Apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead." "For head cold: use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat." "To keep milk from turning sour: keep it in the cow." "The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects." "The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana." "The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to." "A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars, and eight cuspidors." "The tides are a fight between the Earth and Moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight." "A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is." "Equator: A managerie lion running around the Earth through Africa." "Germinate: To become a naturalized German." "Liter: A nest of young puppies." "Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat." -<>- _______________________ |\_____________________/| || || || _ _ || || / ) / ) __ |_| || || / -|- / -- | || || `== `== ' || || _____ || ||______________#####__|| jgs |/_____________________\| >What was that again? ... I had just finished visiting a friend in the hospital and stopped by a burger drive-through for lunch to eat on the way back to work. I ordered the #1 combo (burger, fry, coke) for $4.29 ... no biggie size. She said "that'll be $4.83, please drive forward." $4.83? for a $4.29 meal? That's 54 cents tax! That can't be right ... my mind raced ... tax is 8 cents 0n the dollar in Huntsville and for 4 dollars that would be 32 cents plus 1/3 (29) of 8 cents would be 35 cents max. I'd heard of window workers overcharging drive through customers and skimming the money for themselves. Someone did just that to me at a Hardees couple of years ago. I didn't have my calculator watch (I lost it a while back) so I got a pen and paper and did the long division since there were 2 cars ahead of me. Let's see ... 483/429 ... over 12 percent tax! When I got to the window I handed her a 5 and said "what's the sales tax in Huntsville?" She didn't know. I said "$4.83 for a $4.29 meal is 12 percent tax. That can't be right. Can I talk to the manager?" She gave me my change and called the manager. So the manager comes over. I ask what the sales tax is in Huntsville, and she says 8 percent. I say that I just paid $4.83 for a $4.29 meal and that's over 12 percent sales tax. She got a funny look on her face and said that maybe the computer had rung it up wrong or had charged me for the biggie size. (biggie upgrade was 35 cents - which would be 4.64 plus tax which would put it over $5). She admitted it was supposed to be 4.63, and opened the drawer to give me my extra change. "HA!" I thought to myself. "Six years engineering school has so heightened my mental mathematical adeptness that I can do percentages in my head and my superior intellect has foiled a feeble attempt by a drive-through worker to overcharge me." I took the twenty cents she handed me, proud of my staggering genius, and smugly drove off ...........without my food. ========================================================= >-->AN OLDIE - Just For The SMILES Of It... ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo 8 .d88 8 oooooooooooooooooooooooooooood8888 8 8888888888888888888888888P" 8888 oooooooooooooooo 8 8888888888888888888888P" 8888 8 8 8 8888888888888888888P" 8888 8 d8 8 8888888888888888P" 8888 8 d88 8 8888888888888P" 8888 8 d888 8 8888888888P" 8888 8 d8888 8 8888888P" 8888 8 d88888 8 8888P" 8888 8 d888888 8 8888oooooooooooooooooooooocgmm8888 8 d8888888 8 .od88888888888888888888888888888888 8 d88888888 8888888888888888888888888888888888888 8 d888888888 8 d8888888888 ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo 8 d88888888888 d ...oood8b 8 d888888888888 d ...oood888888888888b 8 d8888888888888 d ...oood88888888888888888888888b 8d88888888888888 dood8888888888888888888888888888888888b >Reminds me of 'Who's on First' Costello: Hey, Abbott! Abbott: Yes, Lou? Costello: I just got my first computer. Abbott: That's great Lou. What did you get? Costello: A Pentium III, with 128 Megs of RAM, a 12.1 Gig hard drive, and a 48X CD-ROM. Abbott: That's terrific, Lou Costello: But I don't know what any of it means! Abbott: You will in time. Costello: That's exactly why I am here to see you. Abbott: Oh? Costello: I heard that you are a real computer expert. Abbott: Well, I don't know... Costello: Yes-sir-ee. You know your stuff. And you're going to train me. Abbott: Really? Costello: Uh huh. And I am here for my first lesson. Abbott: O.K. Lou. What do want to know? Costello: I am having no problem turning it on, but I heard that you should be very careful how you turn it off. Abbott: That's true. Costello: So, here I am working on my new computer and I want to turn it off. What do I do? Abbott: Well, first you press the Start button, and then... Costello: No, I told you, I want to turn it off. Abbott: I know, you press the Start button... Costello: Wait a second. I want to turn it off. OFF. I know how to start it. So tell me what to do. Abbott: I did. Costello: When? Abbott: When I told you to press the Start button. Costello: Why should I press the Start button? Abbott: To shut off the computer. Costello: I press Start to stop ? Abbott: Well, Start doesn't actually stop the computer. Costello: I knew it! So what do I press. Abbott: Press Start Costello: Start what? Abbott: The Start button. Costello: Start button to do what? Abbott: Shut down. Costello: You don't have to get rude! Abbott: No, no, no! That's not what I meant. Costello: Then say what you mean. Abbott: To shut down the computer, press... Costello: Don't say, "Start!" Abbott: Then what do you want me to say? Costello: Look, if I want to turn off the computer, I am willing to press the Stop button, the End button and Cease and Desist button, but no one in their right mind presses the Start to Stop. Abbott: But that's what you do. Costello: I am starting this conversation right now.........Good-bye. ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Hubby To-Do's http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hubby.html Amazing Animal Facts http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animalfacts.html Mini Crochet Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/crochetart.html The Black Dot http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/blackdot.html Amazing Trivia Car Facts http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/triviacarfacts.html Girl Gets New Ear http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/girlgetsear.html Inspiring Life Quotes http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/lifequotes.html Journey Through Life http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/journey.html Think Happy Thoughts http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/happythoughts.html Living Tree Church http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/treechurch.html Stone Painting Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/stonepainting.html Random Acts Of Kindness http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/actsofkindness.html Unforgettable Photos http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/unforgettable.html Building Advertising Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/buildingads.html Albino Bears http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/albinobear.html The Moses Bridge! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mosesbridge.html Salvation Mountain http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/salvation.html -<>- _ _.-'`-._ _ ;.'________'.; _________n.[____________].n_________ |""_""_""_""||==||==||==||""_""_""_""] |"""""""""""||..||..||..||"""""""""""| |LI LI LI LI||LI||LI||LI||LI LI LI LI| |.. .. .. ..||..||..||..||.. .. .. ..| |LI LI LI LI||LI||LI||LI||LI LI LI LI| ,,;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;,;;;,;;;,;;,, ;;jgs;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; >Links For Presidents Day :) Inspirational President Quotes!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/presidentquotes.html Boys To President!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/boystopres.html Limos In US History!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/limos.html Magnificent President Tree!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/presidenttree.html US Presidents And The Queen!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/queenofengland.html Presidents Before And Afer!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/presidents.html Obama Saga!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/obamasaga.html Secrets Of The Secret Service!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/secrets.html Thinkers And Their Desks!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/desks.html Obama After The Whitehouse!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/obamaafterwhitehouse.html Celebrity Private Jets!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/celebrityjets.html Trump's Phone Call!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/trumpscall.html Trump And The Queen!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/trumpasqueen.html Celebrity Caricatures 2!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/caricatures.html Houses Of Power!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/housesofpower.html -<>- Revisiting... >On The Web: From AddictingGames.com: Pop bubbles? Yeah, I know how to do that. But the whole glob moves every time I hit it! Oh noes! You'll have to use strategic thinking, bud. http://www.addictinggames.com/puzzle-games/bubblespinner.jsp 11 things to do when trapped in a horror movie Friends disappeared? Killer on the loose? It’s just possible you’re in the middle of a horror film. Here's how to survive... https://tinyurl.com/29bvaq4 Suburban Cat Herder The object of this online cat game is to get all the cats out of the house! Click on groups of adjacent cats of the same color to herd them out of the house. The more cats you herd at once, the higher your score. Have fun! http://www.yukyuk.com/games_downloads/cat_herder/cat_herder2.shtml A STUPID PERSON'S GUIDE TO LIFE "From time to time, it's good to undertake some remedial education. It's amazing what we unlearn. Thanks to the geniuses at Rinkworks, you'll be all set for the next few years of life..." http://rinkworks.com/brick/ TOONOPEDIA This cool site is a huge virtual encyclopedia of 'toon' information from all over the United States. You'll find massive amounts of info on animated films, comic books, and cartoons. A great site to bookmark... http://www.toonopedia.com/ Record Breaking Rabbits: Angora Bunnies Get Blow-Dried Meet the proud owner of the world's furriest rabbits! https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=1&v=iUZgEFRoIX8 -<>- >From Our Friend Linda :) What A Wonderful World http://www.youtube.com/embed/auSo1MyWf8g?rel=0 Fantastic Show http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=STK7AZ_Zs_E&feature=related --- ...Such fun ones! Thanks Linda! Facebook Parenting: For the troubled teen. - YouTube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kl1ujzRidmU --- ...A little respect is all daddy wanted. Thanks Linda! Moral: Don't upset a programmer with a gun! -<>- >From LynnLynn's Links: Melva/Grandmother's Chair http://silverandgoldandthee.net/Insp/C/Ch.html Rose of Friendship http://www.carolspoetry.com/oct06/3.html The Sacred Secret http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/secret.html Help - God's Emergency Numbers: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/poems/help.html ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "The world's first supermarket chain to only sell vegan foods, which was called Veganz with a 'z,' has announced they will have to declare bankruptcy and shut all their stores. When asked what went wrong, the vegan supermarket said, 'We're a vegan supermarket.'" -James Corden "Kim Kardashian said during a Q & A yesterday that she'd like to take a selfie with Jesus. Though I think most people would say that Jesus has suffered enough." -Seth Meyers "The CEO of Starbucks has pledged to hire 10,000 refugees. So if you think they're writing your name incorrectly on the cups now..." -Conan O'Brien "Hooters is opening a new chain of restaurant called Hoots, where they're ditching their revealing outfits. They're going to have male servers aaaand... they just went out of business." -Jimmy Fallon "The Westminster Dog Show has added three new breeds to its annual events. Said the dogs, 'Yeah, last year's after party got pretty wild.'" -Seth Meyers "There is a new restaurant in Spain that just opened where everybody dines in the restaurant completely naked. And you thought it was awkward going to dinner with your parents before." -James Corden "The Dallas Public Library displays one of the original copies of the Declaration of Independence - also the only copy stained with barbecue sauce." -Conan O'Brien "Tostitos is coming out with a limited-edition bag that actually doubles as a breathalyzer. Here's how it works: If you're breathing into a bag of Tostitos, you're probably drunk." -Jimmy Fallon "An art gallery in Finland recently put on an exhibition of paintings created by a brown bear named Juuso. The exhibition sold 15 of the bear's paintings, raising $8,500. Fifteen paintings - that is 14 more paintings than Van Gogh sold in his entire lifetime." -James Corden >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah Shangy! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->ShangyFunList AD RATES: $26 will get your a message (of up to 40 words) out to all web site list readers. Email me to secure dates. Ad Request ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe **********************************************************************