Happy Presidents Day... :) Shangy!
>Here are the details on our ShangyFunList:
Group Web Site:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html
Group email address:
bcrsystems@earthlink.net
================
*~* Please Consider Giving To ShangralaFamilyFun.com :)
The cost of the website has gone up dramatically due to the
ever increasingly wonderful pages and photos being added each
week to entertain you and our fellow Christian families. If
every one would chip in $25 or more, we'd be good for the whole
year! So Please - I need your help today!
"We are each of us angels with but one wing,
and can only fly by embracing each other"
-Luciano Decrescenzo
~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~
*~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels *~*
>Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel?
If you'd like to help and be counted as a Shangrala Angel,
the easiest way to do that is through online giving. It is
easy to use, and most of all, it is secure. Please visit the
site, scroll down and click on the donate button.
A Secure PAYPAL form page comes up.
NOTE: Paypal will generate a 'Quantity 1' and 'Price per item'
form. Just ignore the price per item and put whatever it is
you desire to give in there. With Paypal, you will have your
normal receipt for your 'payment' donation in USD (United
States Dollars). You can put a memo in there if you'd like.
EVERY LITTLE BIT WILL HELP!
Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed!
PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help:
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html
OR If you'd rather send us a donation,
Please MAIL it here:
Elrhea Bigham
502 S. Harrison
Van Wert, OH 45891
*~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS YOU ABUNDANTLY FOR YOUR GIFT!
================
*~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny,
inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here...
bcrsystems@earthlink.net
I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!!
AND For Facebook Users:
Please Like Me here...
http://tinyurl.com/cma6all
AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family!
^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU!
-<>-
* NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or
any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving
the scroll button on the mouse.
You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in
your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while
pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for
smaller text!
================
>-->2 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :)
Our latest sizzling hot new page is from our friend PatDeE. It'll
give you warm smiles for your day especially if you are an animal
lover. This group of volunteers went the extra mile to help save
a poor distressed young whale from certain death. Visit here
for this Whale of a Tale heartwarming story along with its video:
_
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.:::\ '. /:::::.
:::::'._'-._____.':::::::
:::::: '----'':::::::::"
:::::::::::::::: M-K
Whale Rescue 3
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whalerescue3.html
---
...Aww, my heart went out to this poor whale and her hero rescuers!
Thanks for sharing this one PatDeE!
Our next smoking hot new page is from our friend Linda. It's
heartwarming for those who are sentimentally inclined. A husband
made a wonderful legacy that will last for years to come for his
beloved wife. Be sure to visit the page and watch the sweet
video here too:
_____ _____
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d8P" "Y8b, ,d8P" "Y8b
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Husband's Love Story!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/husbandslove.html
---
...Aww, how touching! Thanks Linda!
=======================================================
>-->From SmileZilla:
(~~~~~~~~~)
| |
| |
| |
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| || (_ |
| || | |
| || | | -abg
| || /\ ..--
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>Things Fathers Say
Don't ask me, ask your mother.
You didn't beat me. I let you win.
Don't worry. It's only blood.
Don't you have any normal friends?
Sure I'll play catch - after I read the paper.
A little dirt never hurt anyone, just wipe it off.
Who said life was supposed to be fair.
You call that a haircut?
This will hurt me a lot more than it hurts you.
You call that noise "music"?
We're not lost. I'm just not sure where we are.
Shake it off. It's only pain.
As long as you live under my roof, you'll live by my rules.
I'll tell you why. Because I said so. That's why.
So you think you're smart, do you?
What's so funny? Wipe that smile off your face.
You want something to do? I'll give you something to do!
I'm not sleeping, I was watching that channel.
What do you think I am, a bank?
I don't care what other people are doing! I'm not everybody
else's dad!
You're not leaving my house dressed like that!
Don't use that tone with me!
Am I talking to a brick wall?
Don't make me stop the car!
-<>-
_
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_------_
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unknown
>What I Don't Do
1. I don't do windows because...
I love birds and don't want one to run into a clean window
and get hurt.
2. I don't wax floors because...
I am terrified a guest will slip, hurt themselves. I'll
feel terrible and they may sue me.
3. I don't mind the dust bunnies because...
they are very good company. I have named most of them, and
they agree with everything I say.
4. I don't disturb cobwebs because...
I want every creature to have a home of their own and hubby
loves spiders.
5. I don't Spring Clean because...
I love all the seasons and don't want the others to get jealous.
6. I don't plant a garden because...
I don't want to get in God's way. He is an excellent designer.
7. I don't put things away because...
my husband will never be able to find them again.
8. I don't do gourmet meals when I entertain because...
I don't want my guests to stress out over what to make when they
invite me over for dinner.
9. I don't iron because...
I choose to believe them when they say "Permanent Press".
10. I don't stress much on anything because...
"A Type" personalities die young and I want to stick around
and become a wrinkled up crusty ol' woman!!!!
=======================================================
+------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+
February 15 is Candlemas, National Gum Drop Day, President's Day,
Singles Awareness Day and Susan B Anthony Day
February 16 is Do a Grouch a Favor Day and Mardi Gras/Fat Tuesday
February 17 is Ash Wednesday and Random Acts of Kindness Day
February 18 is National Battery Day and National Drink Wine Day
February 19 is National Chocolate Mint Day
February 20 is Cherry Pie Day, Hoodie Hoo Day and Love Your Pet Day
February 21 is Card Reading Day
=======================================================
>-->From Mikey'sFunnies:
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A minister was planning a wedding at the close of the Sunday
morning service.
After the benediction, he had planned to call the couple
down for a brief ceremony in front of the congregation.
For the life of him, he couldn't think of the names of those
who were to be married.
"Will those wanting to get married please come to the front?"
he requested.
Immediately, nine single ladies, six single men, three
widows, and four widowers stepped to the front.
-<>-
, ,
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| B |/| |
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| B | | |
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jgs '---'
>TOP 7 BIBLICAL WAYS TO ACQUIRE A HUSBAND
(from J. Duin)
* Have your husband act like a jerk toward a famous warlord
while you secretly show up at the warlord's camp with mule loads
of tasty provisions, at which point the warlord falls in love
with you, after which point you inform your husband of the whole
matter, at which point he has a stroke, dies and you marry the
warlord.
* Show up at a threshing floor (if you can find one anywhere
outside of Kansas) in the dead of night and uncover the feet of
the best-looking guy there.
* Go to any old watering hole and start filling the watering
jars of the guy with the most camels.
* Have your good-looking sister lure someone to marry her but
substitute yourself for her on their wedding night.
* Hang around barren women and offer to be a concubine for
their husbands' need for heirs.
* Take a bath naked on your roof preferably in view of some
nearby palace.
* Make like a prostitute around guys who hear from God that
they need to marry you to show the country the nature of their
idolatrous ways.
(You'll havta figure out the references yourself...)
-<>-
, ,
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|===| |/|
| B |/| |
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jgs '---'
>TOP 15 BIBLICAL WAYS TO ACQUIRE A WIFE
* Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave
her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then
she's yours. (Deuteronomy 21:11-13)
* Find a prostitute and marry her. (Hosea 1:1-3)
* Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by
watering his flock. (Moses--Exodus 2:16-21)
* Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of
the deal. (Boaz--Ruth 4:5-10)
* Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance,
grab one and carry her off to be your wife. (Benjaminites--
Judges 21:19-25)
* Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. Note: this
will cost you. (Adam--Genesis 2:19-24)
* Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman's hand in
marriage. Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work
another seven years for the woman you wanted to marry in the
first place. That's right. Fourteen years of toil for a wife.
(Jacob--Genesis 29:15-30)
* Cut 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law's enemies
and get his daughter for a wife. (David--1 Samuel 18:27)
* Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and
you'll definitely find someone. (Cain--Genesis 4:16-17)
* Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest.
(Xerxes or Ahasuerus--Esther 2:3-4)
* When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents,
"I have seen a ... woman; now get her for me." If your parents
question your decision, simply say, "Get her for me. She's the
one for me."
(Samson--Judges 14:1-3)
* Kill any husband and take HIS wife (Prepare to lose four
sons, though). (David--2 Samuel 11)
* Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow. (It's not
just a good idea; it's the law.) (Onana and Boaz--Deuteronomy
or Leviticus, example in Ruth)
* Don't be so picky. Make up for quality with quantity.
(Solomon--1 Kings 11:1-3)
* A wife?...NOT? (Paul--1 Corinthians 7:32-35)
---
...Remember, during the Old Testament times, men could have
more than one wife. The New Testament changed that.
See this great teaching:
, ,
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jgs '---'
1 Corinthians 7 (Abstinence, Celibacy, Cohabitation, and Marriage)
https://tinyurl.com/1et8f65s
-<>-
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>25 THINGS EVERY COUPLE SHOULD KNOW...
By Doug Fields
1. to not yell at one another unless the house is on fire
2. showering together saves water
3. the importance of having a "Do Not Disturb" sign
4. the correct answer to "Do you love me?" is not, "I married
you, didn't I?"
5. to have a regular date night
6. the silent treatment was invented by a kindergartner
7. to slow dance in your underwear... in private
8. to kiss when stuck in traffic
9. they need a weekend retreat at least twice a year
10. to buy your spouse crazy underwear every year
11. a man's s%x drive is similar to a drum solo
12. a woman's s%x drive is similar to a finely tuned orchestra
13. how to make your spouse laugh
14. the game of Scrabble has been known to ignite major arguments
15. major house projects may need to be followed by minor marital
counseling
16. when to break the diet restrictions and pig out
17. s%x begins in the morning by the way you talk to and treat
one another
18. to read Song of Solomon together
19. to schedule your mid-life crisis
20. the joy of making up after a lover's quarrel
21. it is fun to be spontaneous: tickle, dance, or join your
spouse in the shower
22. voice tone says it all
23. to find humor in negative situations
24. to eat cookie dough in bed at least once a year
25. genuine love is valuing a spouse as God does
From the book "365 Things Every Couple Should Know":
https://smile.amazon.com/Things-Every-Couple-Should-Know/dp/0736906975/
Copyright 1993 Doug Fields; used by permission.
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
_____
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jgs
>SMILES
A pirate walked into a bar, and the bartender said, "Hey, I
haven't seen you in a while.. What happened? You look
terrible."
"What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine."
"What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before."
"Well," said the pirate, "We were in a battle, and I got hit
with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now."
The bartender replied, "Well, OK, but what about that hook?
What happened to your hand?"
The pirate explained, "We were in another battle. I boarded
a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I
got fitted with a hook but I'm fine, really."
"What about that eye patch?"
"Oh," said the pirate, "One day we were at sea, and a flock
of birds flew over. I looked up, and one of them pooed in
my eye."
"You're kidding," said the bartender. "Can you lose an eye
just from bird poo?"
"It was my first day with the hook."
----------
A family took their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home
and left her, hoping she would be well cared for. She set in
a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden.
She seemed okay, but after a while she slowly started to
tilt sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately
rushed up to catch her and straighten her up.
Again she seemed okay, but after a while she slowly started
to tilt over to her other side. The nurses rushed back and
once more brought her back upright. This went on all morning.
Later, the family arrived to see how the old woman was
adjusting to her new home.
"So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?"
"It's pretty nice," she replied. "Except they won't let me
fart."
----------
A little girl was diligently pounding away on her father's
computer. She told him she was writing a story.
"What's it about?" he asked.
"I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."
----------
A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers told her students
that she wanted each of them to have learned one fact about
Jesus by the next Sunday.
The following week she asked each child in turn what he or
she had learned.
Susie said, "He was born in a manger."
Bobby said, "He threw the money changers out of the temple."
Little Johnny said, "He has a red pickup truck but he doesn't
know how to drive it."
Curious, the teacher asked, "And where did you learn that,
Johnny?"
"From my Daddy," said Johnny.
"Yesterday we were driving down the highway, and this red
pickup truck pulled out in front of us and Daddy yelled at
him, 'Jesus Christ! Why don't you learn how to drive?'"
----------
Just before Little Johnny's sixth birthday, the tycoon took
him to one side and said, "Son, I am very proud of you.
Anything you want, I shall get for you."
Little Johnny replied, "Daddy, I would like to have my own
airplane."
Not wanting to do anything halfway, his father bought him
American Airlines.
Just before Little Johnny's seventh birthday, the tycoon took
him to one side. "Son, you are my pride and joy. Anything you
want, I shall get for you."
Little Johnny replied, "Daddy, I would like a boat."
Not wanting to do anything halfway, his father bought him
Princess Cruise Lines.
Just before Little Johnny's eighth birthday, the tycoon took
him to one side. "Son, you bring so much happiness into my
life. Anything you want, I shall get for you."
Little Johnny replied, "Daddy, I would like to be able to
watch cartoons."
Not wanting to do anything halfway, his father bought him
Disney Studios and their theaters, where he watched all his
favorite cartoons.
Just before Little Johnny's ninth birthday, the tycoon took
him to one side. "Son, you are an inspiration to us all.
Anything you want, I shall get for you."
Little Johnny, who had really gotten into the Disney cartoons,
replied, "Daddy, I would like a Mickey Mouse outfit."
Not wanting to do anything halfway, his father went and bought
him Microsoft.
----------
On a U.S. cruiser the officer of the deck asked the starboard
lookout, "What would you do if a sailor was washed overboard?"
"I'd yell 'Man overboard,' " answered the lookout snappily.
"Good," said the officer. "Now what would you do if an officer
fell overboard?"
The lookout asked, "Which one, sir?"
---
...LOL! Good ones! Thanks LouiseAu!
-<>-
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>GOOD QUESTIONS
Is atheism a non-prophet organization?
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the
self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat
the purpose.
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with
soap?
If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and
there is no woman around to hear him... is he still wrong?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill
himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"
What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an
endangered plant?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid
someone will clean them?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
Is there another word for synonym?
Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other
people.
Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the
right to remain silent?
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
How is it possible to have a civil war?
If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp"; to have an
"S" in it?
Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a
plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that
stuff?
---
...HaHaHa! Sad thing is, I can answer some of these! LOL!
Thanks LouiseAu!
=========================================================
>-->From HandyHints:
\\\
____ ________```
\ =|- [________] \
| =| | _ | | \ __
ejm |__=|- O--(_) `.______.' \ O=======(__)
/|\
(/(|(\
* Have you ever tried the kitchen towel cutting board trick?
I have seen my mom use this trick countless times when I
was younger as she prepped dinner for us.
Before chopping or dicing whatever was needed for dinner,
she would wet a kitchen towel with a little bit of water,
wring it out, and place it underneath the cutting board.
This helped keep the cutting board from moving around the
counter while she cut up the veggies.
* Freeze as Flat as Possible
Freeze things flat and stack them, it doesn't matter whether
it's soups, stews, or ground meat. The flatter and wider you
can get them, the faster they'll freeze and defrost.
When freezing raw meat, soups, and stews, if you have a
vacuum sealer, use it! Otherwise, place foods in heavy-duty
freezer bags, squeeze out all the air, lay the bag flat, and
use your hands to work the contents into as flat and even a
shape as possible.
When freezing vegetables, cut them into pieces 1-inch or
less and blanch any green vegetables. Place them on a large
plate or sheet tray spaced apart from each other and freeze
them solid before transferring to a plastic freezer bag and
storing flat.
* Defrost Meat without a Microwave on Aluminum Trays
The fastest way to defrost meat is under a cold running tap.
But if you want to save water and speed things up a bit,
place your meat on an aluminum sheet tray or skillet.
Aluminum is a great conductor of heat and will draw energy
from the surrounding environment into your frozen meat much
faster than a wooden cutting board or wood or stone
countertop.
You can cut defrosting times down by about 30 percent this
way. It also works on soups, stews, and anything frozen flat.
-<>-
Windex is a glass and hard-surface cleaner, and the
majority of us use this item to clean our bedroom/bathroom
mirrors and windows.
But...
Did you know that you can use Windex for more than just
cleaning your mirrors and windows? Me neither!
* Windex used as a stain remover
As long as you are not dealing with delicate silk fabrics,
windex is a great way to get out ketchup and red wine stains.
Lightly spray the stain with Windex and let it sit for about
15 minutes. Blot with a clean cloth, rinse using cold water,
and wash as usual. For best results, use the uncolored Windex.
* Windex used as a degreaser
Windex can soften built-up grease throughout the kitchen,
especially on hard-to-clean range hoods, fans, and light
fixtures.
Spray surface liberally, let stand for about 10 minutes,
and wipe clean. Be sure to rinse thoroughly with water to
eliminate any cleanser residue on surfaces you prepare
food on.
-<>-
Love the sweet, delicious taste of blackberries,
strawberries, raspberries and blueberries--but hate the
way they turn bad so quickly?
Simply dunking them in a solution of three parts water
to one part white vinegar will destroy any mold spores or
bacteria on them.
Rinse, dry and store them in an airtight container lined
with paper towels to absorb moisture and - presto!-
they'll last an extra week.
-<>-
| | | | | | |
| | | | | | |
| | | |===| )---(
|_|_| |___| |___|
\ / ).( [_]
\-/ \|/ U
hjm ' '
Have you ever gone into your purse to find something and
realize your blue pen leaked all over the inside? It has
happened to me twice now...
Avoid those inky messes inside your purse by storing your
ballpoint pens inside a plastic toothbrush container. Your
purse will stay clean and stain-free.
-<>-
A mixture of vinegar and water makes a miracle cleaner when
it comes to getting rid of mildew buildup in the tub.
Simply spray the solution on the problem area, let sit,
then wipe away. Soap scum can be removed with a baking soda
paste composed of baking soda and dish soap. Scrub with a
toothbrush to remove stubborn patches.
=======================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
Trump Releases Statement After Failed Dem Impeachment: MAGA
‘Has Only Just Begun’
https://tinyurl.com/16ac0yrh
Nancy Pelosi Has Meltdown After Trump Is Found Not Guilty
In Impeachment Trial / Biden Urges Congress To Pass Strict
New Gun Control Laws On Anniversary Of Parkland Shooting /
Sen. Lindsay Graham Speaks With President Trump, Says Former
Commander-In-Chief Is ‘Ready To Move On’ And ‘Excited For 2022’
/ Trump Attorney Rips Off Mic...Walks Off Set After Obnoxious
CBS Hack Host Tries To Cover For Dems Who Used Doctored
Evidence During Impeachment Trial To Deceive Americans And
More:
https://thescoop.us/
Hey Baby, It's REALLY Cold Out There:
Snow blankets 200 million Americans from the Midwest to
Mexican border: Multiple people injured in pile-up on icy
Oklahoma highway and Texas declares state of emergency as
winter storm sweeps nation
https://tinyurl.com/5e5judd6
Anti-Trump Liberal Went After One Conservative Actress And
It Backfired
https://tinyurl.com/g3q0j1hg
Billions of Pandemic Aid Stolen by the Mafia and Con Artists /
Government Shut-Downs Slow Down Marriages and Divorce (Custody
hearing etc.) / 12-Year-Old-Boy Protects Grandma by Shooting
Intruder / Democrat Coalition is Already Starting to Crumble /
Cancel Culture is Going After Comedy – Sees it as a Tool of the
Alt-Right AND More:
https://reliablenewsnow.com
Are “Anti-Vaxxers” Being Blamed for this newest Big Pharma Crisis?
/ Joe Biden’s Hand-Picked Democrat Senator Being Investigated for
a Shocking Reason / The Deep State’s Horrible Trick Pushed The
World To Brink Of An Unthinkable War And More:
https://deepstatejournal.com
One State Making Move To BAN MANDATORY VACCINES! / One State Is
About To Outlaw All FEDERAL Gun Control! / MSNBC Sickeningly Urged
DRONE Strike On Donald Trump! AND More:
http://2020conservative.com/
Latest From Independent Minute:
https://independentminute.com/
Latest From TPN News:
https://threepercenternation.com/
Latest From AFA:
http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw
Students For Life
https://tinyurl.com/yd5nxmu6
Latest From OperationRescue:
http://www.operationrescue.org/
Latest Product Alert:
http://www.emergencyemail.org/products/?fmt=text
Latest Health Alert:
http://www.emergencyemail.org/health/?fmt=text
Click to Give Free
https://tinyurl.com/y2abb8d2
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
There are friends, and there are friends. Then there are
friends like Elijah Ray Lambert who will willingly shoot
you in the chest. And with friends like those, who needs
enemies?
Lambert was friends with the late Miguel Martinez of Citrus
Heights, California. Somewhere Miguel got hold of a bullet
proof vest and decided he wanted to test it to see if it
would really stop a bullet.
But why put it on a mannequin or tie it to a tree when you
can put it on yourself? As long as you have a friend like
Lambert who is willing to pull a trigger for you.
Deputies arrested Lambert for the shooting, but the
Sacramento County Sheriff's Department has characterized
the incident as an "unintentional killing".
Martinez's brother reported that, "The bullet had actually
penetrated the top of his vest," indicating that not only
does Lambert have bad judgment, he is also a lousy shot.
The pair were with two other friends, the police said. The
group initially reported the shooting as a robbery but later
confessed it was an accident.
-<>-
A group of males with swords robbed two different pizza
delivery men over the weekend at the same address in Spring
Grove Village neighborhood of Cincinnati, according to
police reports.
The first man was delivering for Domino's on Saturday night
when four males with swords approached him, police said.
One suspect held a sword to the man's throat and took money
from his pockets. The attackers fled on bicycles.
In a separate incident, another man encountered a group of
three sword-wielding males Sunday night while delivering
pizza for LaRosa's.
While investigating that robbery, police were told by a
neighbor that several of his swords were recently stolen
from his home.
Earlier this week police arrested a suspect in connection
with the two incidents. The arrest was at the suspect's
grandmother's home, said Lt. Dan Ogilvie. The house is
also where the robberies occurred.
Considering the brilliance of the cunning plan it is not
surprising that the suspect is 13-years-old.
Police are still searching for two more suspects.
*--- Dog inherits $5 million ---*
A Tennessee dog is living the comfortable life after
inheriting $5 million from her late owner, who stipulated
in his will that his money should go to his pet. Lulu, an
8-year-old border collie, was named in the will of owner
Bill Dorris, a Nashville businessman who died late last
year at age 84. Martha Burton, 88, a neighbor who often
cared for Lulu while Dorris was away, was named as the
canine's caretaker in Dorris' will, which states Burton
will be reimbursed for "reasonable" monthly expenses. "I
don't really know what to think about it to tell you the
truth. He just really loved the dog," Burton told local
news. Burton said she is perfectly happy to act as Lulu's
caretaker. "She's a good girl," she said.
*--- Man gets naked to protest overbooked flight ---*
Travelers at North Carolina's Charlotte Douglas International
Airport said a man stripped naked in the concourse because
he was mad about an overbooked flight. Witnesses said the man
became angry when he was told his US Airways flight to
Jamaica was overbooked, leading him to strip nude and stand
in the concourse without a stitch on his body for about 40
minutes. One traveler, Sherry Ketchie, shared photos of the
naked man standing among the passengers, which included
children. "I seen some people running and I was wondering
what they was running from and people were standing there
snickering, so I walked over and [an airport employee] told
me the man was angry over the Jamaican flight," Ketchie
said. "He had his clothes on, at that point, and then he
started standing there with his arms crossed and hollering
at the lady at the desk," she said. "He stood there for a
moment and then started talking off his clothes. I ain't
never seen nothing [like that] in my life." Charlotte-
Mecklenburg Police said the man was taken to a hospital for
evaluation.
*--- Don't chase bears with hatchet while drunk ---*
A Massachusetts police department has a message for
citizens: "Chasing bears through the woods drunk with a
dull hatchet is strongly not advised." The North Adams
Police Department said in a Facebook post the incident
"really did happen" and "the hatchet man was taken into
protective custody due to his incapacitation from the
consumption of alcoholic beverage." "The North Adams
Police Department is urging everyone to NOT chase bears
through the woods with a dull hatchet, drunk," the post
said. The post urged residents to steer clear of bears
rather than "going all Davy Crockett chasing it through
the woods drunk with a dull hatchet. It is just a bad
idea and not going to end well." Police said they are
still working to determine what the man's planned "end
game" was if he had caught up to the animal.
*--- THAT'S the Chicago way ---*
A Chicago man's unusual method of calling "dibs" on a
parking space is gaining attention on social media after
he perfected a method of freezing his pants so they stand
on their own. Adam Selzer of West Ridge posted photos to
Twitter showing him reserving a shoveled-out parking space
using pairs of frozen pants that he shaped to stand up on
their own. Reserving parking spaces is common in Chicago,
with residents often using lawn chairs of traffic cones to
mark the spots they shoveled. "Polar vortex fun: pants with
nobody inside them! Soak a pair, put outside. In about 20
minutes you can form them to shape, and in another 20
they're solid," Seltzer wrote in a Twitter post that has
since gone viral. Seltzer said he is now working on a
method to complete the ensemble. "The one thing I tried
this time that I haven't before is I also froze a couple of
shirts, so we'll see if this works," he said.
---
...Yes, I found it for you! You can see his 'hot' pants here:
https://tinyurl.com/ozlpqs9h
=========================================================
>-->From TheGroaner:
----------------------------------------------------------
UUUUUUUUU| HHHHHHHHHH | |AAAAAAAA |UUUU
UUUUUU C |HHHHHHHHHHHHH | LLLL |AAAAAAAAAAA |UUUUU
UUUUU /\_________ HHHHHH |LLLLLLLLLL |AAAAAAAAAAAAA|UUUUU
==== / |######| =======================================
QQQQ |\ |#####/ PPPPP | UU | IIIIIIIL | TT
QQQ / | |<_____ PPPPPP | UUUUUUUU | IIIIIIILLLLL| TTTT
=== ` ` o o =======================================
VK
>The Bellowing Baby
In the supermarket was a man pushing a cart which contained
a screaming, bellowing baby. The gentleman kept repeating
softly, "Don't get excited, Albert; don't scream, Albert;
don't yell, Albert; keep calm, Albert."
A woman standing next to him said, "You certainly are to
be commended for trying to soothe your son, Albert."
The man looked at her and said, "Lady, I'm Albert."
-<>-
>What Would the Neighbors Think?
Jack was living in Arizona during a heat wave when the
following took place.
"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," complained Jack
as he stepped out of the shower. "Honey, what do you think
the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money."
-<>-
>Wearing Glasses
A policeman pulled a female driver over and asked to see
her license.
After looking it over, he said to her, "Lady, it stipulates
here on your license that you should be wearing glasses."
"Well, I have contacts," the woman replied.
"Look lady, I don't care who you know," snapped the officer.
"You're getting a ticket."
-<>-
>Q and A Quickies
__
, ," e`--o
(( ( | __,'
\\~----------------' \_;/
hjw ( /
/) ._______________. )
(( ( (( (
``-' ``-'
Q: What did the hot dog say when it crossed the finish line?
A: I'm the weiner!
Q: Why do elephants drink so much?
A: To try to forget.
Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: You don't. They're born that way.
Q: Why does the nurse carry around a red pen?
A: To draw blood.
Q: What's invisible and smells like carrots?
A: Rabbit farts!
(\____/)
/ @__@ \
( (oo) )
`-.~~.-'
/ \
@/ \_
(/ / \ \)
jgs WW`----'WW
Q: What do you get when you cross a pig with a centipede?
A: Bacon and legs.
Q: Why did the doughnut go to the dentist?
A: It needed a chocolate filling.
Q: How can you tell if a calendar is popular?
A: It has a lot of dates!
/:.:,
O \::/
o /|`
_ ' sSSs /:|
\\__\_SSSs/::|
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S//|_(\/ `Ss' sSSs,
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SS` \:| \\/((`\Ss
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/:::\ \ `-.-""' ///SS
jgs \:`'` /_.-'`-==-' ' 'SSs
Q: Where do mermaids see movies?
A: At the dive-in?
=========================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
.======================================.
| ___ ___ ___ _ _ _ |
| \_/ \_/ \_/ C|||C|||C||| |-| |-| |-| |
| _|_ _|_ _|_ ||| ||| ||| |_| |_| |_| |
'===================================== ,sSSSs
DUFFY'S WATERING HOLE SSSS "(
.:. SSS@ =/ \~/
C|||' SSSS_(_ _Y_
___|||______________________________SS/ _)_) /.-
[____________________________________] \ /\//
| ____ ____ ____ ____ | \|==(\_/
| (____) (____) (____) (____) | (/ ;
| | | | | | | | | | |____|
| | | | | | | | | | \ |\
| | | | | | | | | | ) ) )
| |____| |____| |____| |____| | ( |/
| I====I I====I I====I I====I | /\ |
jgs | | | | | | | | | /.(=\
Y\_\
Pauly walks into a bar and says "Bartender, one round for
everyone, on me!" The bartender says, "Well, Pauly, seems
you're in a really good mood tonight, eh?"
Pauly says, "Oh, you can bet on it! I just got hired by
the city to go around and remove all the money from parking
meters. I start on Monday!"
The bartender congratulates the man and proceeds to pour
the round.
Monday evening arrives. Pauly comes back into the bar and
says "Bartender, TWO rounds for everyone, on me!"
The bartender says, "Well now! If you're so happy just over
having this new job, I can just imagine how happy you'll be
when you get your paycheck!"
Pauly looks at the bartender with a confused look on his
face, pulls out quite a handful of quarters from his pocket,
and says "You mean they'll PAY me on top of it?"
-<>-
A prospective juror in a Dallas District Court was surprised
by the definition of voluntary manslaughter given the panel:
"An intentional killing that occurs while the defendant is
under the immediate influence of sudden passion arising from
an adequate cause, such as when a spouse's mate is found in
a 'compromising position.'"
"See, I have a problem with that passion business," responded
the jury candidate. "During my first marriage, I came in and
found my husband in bed with my neighbor. All I did was
divorce him. I had no idea that I could have shot him."
She wasn't selected for the jury.
-<>-
Two fellows stopped into an English pub for a drink. They
called the proprietor over and asked him to settle an
argument.
"Are there two pints in a quart or four?" asked one.
"There be two pints in a quart," confirmed the proprietor.
They moved back along the bar and soon the barmaid asked
for their order.
"Two pints please, miss, and the bartender offered to buy
them for us."
The barmaid doubted that her boss would be so generous,
so one of the fellows called out to the proprietor at the
other end of the bar, "You did say two pints, didn't you?"
"That's right," he called back, "two pints."
-<>-
It was time for the final and the student depending upon
getting at least one right answer on the chemistry test.
The question was "If H2O if water, what is H2O4?"
This was a quick question for most, but it took the student
some thinking time.
Finally, he wrote down his answer: For drinking, washing,
cleaning...
-<>-
I walked into my sister's kitchen and found my nephew having
a snack.
"Where's your mother?" I asked.
"She said she was going to have a shower. Just a minute,
I'll see."
He stepped into the bathroom and flushed the toilet and a
second later a sharp yell came from upstairs.
My nephew walked back out and said, "Yep, she's in the
shower."
-<>-
._-'-_ .
. ' /_-_-_\ ` .
.' |-_-_-_-| `.
ejm ( `.-_-_-.' )
!`. .'!
! ` . . ' !
! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
/ / \ \
_-| \___ ___/ /-_
(_ )__\_)\(_/__( _)
))))\X\ ((((
\/ \/
The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest
and room-service at a fine hotel in Mexico City.
Room Service (RS): Morny. Ruin sorbees.
Guest (G): Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service.
RS: Rye..Ruin sorbees. Morny! Djewish to odor sunteen??
G: Uh, yes... I'd like some bacon and eggs.
RS: Ow July den?
G: What?
RS: Ow July den? Pry, boy, pooch?
G: Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled
please.
RS: Ow July dee bayhcem--crease?
G: Crisp will be fine.
RS: Hokay. An san tos?
G: What?
RS: San tos. July San tos?
G: I don't think so
RS: No? Judo one san toes?
G: I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what "judo
one san toes means."
RS: Toes! toes! Why djew don juan toes? Ow bow singlish
mopping we bother?
G: English muffin! I've got it! You were saying "Toast."
Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine.
RS: We bother?
G: No, just put the bother on the side.
RS: Wad?
G: I mean butter--just put it on the side.
RS: Copy?
G: Sorry?
RS: Copy, tea, mill?
G: Yes. Coffee please, and that's all.
RS: One Minnie. Ass ruin torino fee, strangle ache, crease
baychem, tossy singlish mopping we bother honey sigh, and
copy--rye?
G: Whatever you say.
RS: Tendjewberrymud.
G: You're welcome.
=========================================================
,=====,---.
/=====/=====\
|=====|\=====;
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|=====|/=====;
\=====\=====/
`-----`---'
hjw
>-->The Water Sports Watch
Copyright 2001 W. Bruce Cameron www.wbrucecameron.com
* Please remember to leave the copyright intact when you forward
this! *
From time to time this column inadvertently drifts into something
resembling journalism, which I assure you is purely unintentional.
Today will be one of those days, as I scoop the nation on a story
about a scandal that involves everything a great newspaper article
needs: s%x, power, and money. (Well, except for the s%x and power.)
The money in this case is MY money, money paid by my boss for doing
an excellent job of, in his words, "showing up at work and going
through the motions"--which isn't an easy way to make a living, let
me tell you--and then passed along to my daughter as an allowance.
(This designation is confusing to my daughter, who believes it stems
from "allow," as in, "to allow my daughter to not do her chores but
still get paid.")
Anyway, subscribing to the ludicrous theory that it would be a good
thing if my family could figure out a way to associate my body more
directly with "sports," my daughter bought me a fine Water Sports
Watch for my birthday.
Now, I'm not complaining about the primary function of this device:
It does tell time. In fact, it tells more time than I want to know
about: 24-hour time, the time in China, the time in dog years, the
time since you last checked the time...so I have no quibble with
calling it a "watch." Push a tiny button and the word "Zulu" appears,
which is also very helpful, I suppose. During a movie, the thing
beeps every fifteen minutes, which helps the other theater goers
locate you so they can hiss at you to shut off your watch. However,
the first time I fell into a pool this spring (my son believes it fun
to dash at my legs and topple me into the water whenever I am near the
edge of the pool. He calls this "soaking the grump." I call it
"flirting with death"), the watch, which was on my wrist at the time
of the toppling, stopped functioning.
"That's funny," I said, meaning it was not. I held the watch to my
ear (as if you can hear a digital watch) and verified that even in
that position it still did not display the time.
A quick call to the manufacturer assured me there was "nothing wrong"
with the watch. "You're not supposed to wear it in the pool," the
polite woman explained to me.
"But it's a water-sports watch!" I protested.
There was a long silence. Apparently, I had departed from the script
she had in front of her. "What is your complaint, sir?" she
eventually responded.
"Well, it's just that I am hard put to name a water sport that
doesn't somehow involve water," I told her.
To which SHE said (now remember, this is the Pulitzer-Prize-winning
truth, here) "Oh, the Water Sports Watch isn't for people who PLAY
water sports. It's for people who enjoy WATCHING water sports."
Well, heck, I should have been able to figure THAT out, right? So if
you're in your family room viewing a water-polo match on TV, your
water-sports watch will function perfectly.
Son: "Are you enjoying the water polo on TV, Dad?"
Dad: "Yes, especially since I can glance from time to time at my
Water Sports Watch."
This makes me wonder if there aren't a whole host of products out
there with similar pedigree. Are there motorcycle helmets for people
who merely like to WATCH motorcycles? Dog food for pets who only want
to LOOK AT their dinners?
At any rate, I replaced the Water Sports Watch with an Official
Diving Watch that allows me to go as deep as 150 meters and still be
on Zulu time. Of course, I realize that next time I go 150 meters
deep in the water I will be, well, dead, but at least I can now
participate in an afternoon of soak-the-grump without fear of losing
track of what those fun-loving Zulus are up to.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
For reprint permission, including web sites, please write me at
Bruce@wbrucecameron.com
This newsletter may be distributed freely via e-mail but you MUST
include the following subscription and copyright information:
The Cameron Column, A Free Internet Newsletter
Copyright W. Bruce Cameron 2002
=========================================================
>-->From JokeCentral:
In Honor of Stu
\_/
--(_)-- .
/ \ /_\
|Q|
.-----' '-----. __
/____[SCHOOL]___\ ()))
| [] .-.-. [] | (((())
..|____|_|_|____|..................................)(... ldb
dents & Teachers returning to class
>GRAMESIS
Gramesis 1:1-30
1. In the beginning my English teacher created
nouns and verbs.
2. And the verbs were without form and voice;
and darkness was upon the face of the deep--my
teacher.
3. And she said, "Let there be grammar;" and
there was grammar.
4. And Teacher saw the verbs and laughed and
said that it was good; and she divided the bright
students from those who remained in darkness.
5. And Teacher gave the bright students A's
and kept the others after school. And the
homework and the bell were the first day.
6. And Teacher said, "Let there be a sentence
in the midst of the words, and let it divide the
nouns from the verbs.
7. And Teacher made the sentence, and
diagrammed it on the board; I looked and saw that
it was so.
8. And the Teacher called the sentence
declarative. And the capital and the period were
the second day.
9. And Teacher said, "Let the noun words in
the sentence be gathered together unto one place,
and let the verb words appear; and it was so.
10. And Teacher called the verb words
predicate; and the gathering together of noun
words called she the subject; and Teacher saw
that it was good.
11. And Teacher said, "Let the predicate bring
forth modifiers, the transitive verbs yielding
objects, and the intransitive verbs yielding
complements after their own kind, whose place is
in itself, within the predicate;" and it was so.
12. And the predicate brought forth modifiers,
and transitive verbs yielding objects after their
own kind, and intransitive verbs yielding a
complement whose place was in itself, after their
own kind: The Teacher saw that it was good and
confusing.
13. And the active and the passive were the
third day.
14. And Teacher said, "Let there be modifiers
in the firmament of the subject to further
confuse and divide the students in the classroom;
and let them be for proper nouns, concrete nouns,
mass nouns, collective nouns, pronouns, and
abstract nouns."
15. "And let them be for to give meaning in the
subject and to enhance the predicate;" and it was
so---confusing.
16. And Teacher made two great words: the
greater word -adjective- to rule the noun, and
the lesser word -adverb- to rule the verb;
she made the conjunction also.
17. And Teacher set them in the sentence in
order to make it difficult to diagram.
18. And to make it easier for her to divide the
bright students from those who remained in
darkness; and Teacher saw that her system was
good.
19. And the phrase and the clause were the
fourth day.
20. And Teacher said, "Let the verbs bring
forth abundantly the many verb forms, the
gerunds, infinitives, and participles; the
subjunctives; the auxiliary verbs, the linking
verbs; and the phrasal verbs."
21. And Teacher created mood for every living
creature that moveth, and tense for all time, and
voice after their kind: and Teacher saw that it
was indeed good.
22. And Teacher blessed them saying, "Be
fruitful and multiply in complexity, and fill
young minds with bewilderment, and let the
bewilderment multiply into chaos in their minds."
23. And the lecture and the English test were
the fifth day.
24. And Teacher said, "Let the nouns and verbs
bring forth living sentences after their own
kind, book reports, essay questions, and English
themes for the students to write;" and it was
very so.
25. And Teacher made all these things for the
freshman English student to do, and everything
that creepeth into her mind she gave to them to
do; and Teacher saw to it that it was good.
26. And Teacher said, "Let us make one project
in our image, after our likeness; and let the
product have dominion over the other projects,
and over every subject of the college student."
27. So Teacher created the research paper in
her own image, in the image of Teacher created
she it; boring and difficult created she it.
28. And Teacher blessed it, and Teacher said
unto the research paper, "Be fruitful and
multiply, and replenish the supply of dropouts,
and subdue the remainder of the college students;
and have dominion over the other projects, and
over the other subjects, and over every single
grade that the students receive."
29. "And to every beast of the earth, and to
every fowl of the air, and to every thing that
creepeth into the classroom, wherein there is
life, I have given every rule and principle for
good English;" and it was so.
30. And Teacher saw everything that she had
made, and behold it was very good.
From LAUGHTER FOR A SATURDAY presented by Ed Peacher
-<>-
_.-'`'-._
.-' _ '-.
`-.__ `\_.-'
| `-``\|
jgs `-.....-A
#
#
>TEST ANSWERS FROM 11-YEAR-OLDS' SCIENCE EXAMS:
"Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure
gin. Hydrogin is gin and water."
"When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire."
"H20 is hot water, and CO2 is cold water."
"To collect fumes of sulphur, hold down a deacon over a flame in
test tube"
"When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide"
"Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free
state"
"Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes, and caterpillars."
"Blood flows down one leg and up the other."
"Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then
expectoration."
"The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader "
"Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes
them perspire."
"A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold."
"Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas."
"The body consists of three parts - the brainium, the borax and the
abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains
the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of
which there are five - a, e, I, o and u."
"Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away."
"Planet: A body of earth surrounded by sky."
"Rhubarb: a kind of celery gone bloodshot."
"Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives."
"Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative
or negative."
"To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose."
"For a nosebleed: put the nose much lower than the body until the heart
stops."
"For Fainting: Rub the person's chest or, if a lady, rub her arm above
the hand instead.
"For dog bite: put the dog away for several days. If he has not
recovered, then kill it."
"For asphyxiation: Apply artificial respiration until the patient is
dead."
"For head cold: use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your
throat."
"To keep milk from turning sour: keep it in the cow."
"The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects."
"The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana."
"The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and
the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is
something to hitch meat to."
"A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids, two
molars, and eight cuspidors."
"The tides are a fight between the Earth and Moon. All water tends
towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature
abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight."
"A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it
is."
"Equator: A managerie lion running around the Earth through Africa."
"Germinate: To become a naturalized German."
"Liter: A nest of young puppies."
"Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat."
-<>-
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jgs |/_____________________\|
>What was that again? ...
I had just finished visiting a friend in the hospital and
stopped by a burger drive-through for lunch to eat on the way
back to work. I ordered the #1 combo (burger, fry, coke)
for $4.29 ... no biggie size. She said
"that'll be $4.83, please drive forward." $4.83? for a $4.29
meal? That's 54 cents tax! That can't be right ... my mind raced ...
tax is 8 cents 0n the dollar in Huntsville and for 4 dollars that
would be 32 cents plus 1/3 (29) of 8 cents would be 35 cents max.
I'd heard of window workers overcharging drive through customers and
skimming the money for themselves. Someone did just that to me at a
Hardees couple of years ago.
I didn't have my calculator watch (I lost it a while back) so I
got a pen and paper and did the long division since there
were 2 cars ahead of me.
Let's see ... 483/429 ... over 12 percent tax! When I got to
the window I handed her a 5 and said "what's the sales tax in
Huntsville?" She didn't know. I said "$4.83 for a $4.29 meal
is 12 percent tax. That can't be right. Can I talk to the
manager?" She gave me my change and called the manager.
So the manager comes over. I ask what the sales tax is in Huntsville,
and she says 8 percent. I say that I just paid $4.83 for a $4.29 meal
and that's over 12 percent sales tax. She got a funny look on her face
and said that maybe the computer had rung it up wrong or had charged me
for the biggie size. (biggie upgrade was 35 cents - which would be 4.64
plus tax which would put it over $5).
She admitted it was supposed to be 4.63, and
opened the drawer to give me my extra change.
"HA!" I thought to myself. "Six years engineering school has
so heightened my mental mathematical adeptness that I
can do percentages in my head and my superior intellect has
foiled a feeble attempt by a drive-through worker to
overcharge me."
I took the twenty cents she handed me, proud of my staggering genius,
and smugly drove off ...........without my food.
=========================================================
>-->AN OLDIE - Just For The SMILES Of It...
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
8 .d88
8 oooooooooooooooooooooooooooood8888
8 8888888888888888888888888P" 8888 oooooooooooooooo
8 8888888888888888888888P" 8888 8 8
8 8888888888888888888P" 8888 8 d8
8 8888888888888888P" 8888 8 d88
8 8888888888888P" 8888 8 d888
8 8888888888P" 8888 8 d8888
8 8888888P" 8888 8 d88888
8 8888P" 8888 8 d888888
8 8888oooooooooooooooooooooocgmm8888 8 d8888888
8 .od88888888888888888888888888888888 8 d88888888
8888888888888888888888888888888888888 8 d888888888
8 d8888888888
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo 8 d88888888888
d ...oood8b 8 d888888888888
d ...oood888888888888b 8 d8888888888888
d ...oood88888888888888888888888b 8d88888888888888
dood8888888888888888888888888888888888b
>Reminds me of 'Who's on First'
Costello: Hey, Abbott!
Abbott: Yes, Lou?
Costello: I just got my first computer.
Abbott: That's great Lou. What did you get?
Costello: A Pentium III, with 128 Megs of RAM, a 12.1 Gig hard drive,
and a 48X CD-ROM.
Abbott: That's terrific, Lou
Costello: But I don't know what any of it means!
Abbott: You will in time.
Costello: That's exactly why I am here to see you.
Abbott: Oh?
Costello: I heard that you are a real computer expert.
Abbott: Well, I don't know...
Costello: Yes-sir-ee. You know your stuff. And you're going to train me.
Abbott: Really?
Costello: Uh huh. And I am here for my first lesson.
Abbott: O.K. Lou. What do want to know?
Costello: I am having no problem turning it on, but I heard that you
should be very careful how you turn it off.
Abbott: That's true.
Costello: So, here I am working on my new computer and I want to turn it
off. What do I do?
Abbott: Well, first you press the Start button, and then...
Costello: No, I told you, I want to turn it off.
Abbott: I know, you press the Start button...
Costello: Wait a second. I want to turn it off. OFF. I know how to start
it. So tell me what to do.
Abbott: I did.
Costello: When?
Abbott: When I told you to press the Start button.
Costello: Why should I press the Start button?
Abbott: To shut off the computer.
Costello: I press Start to stop ?
Abbott: Well, Start doesn't actually stop the computer.
Costello: I knew it! So what do I press.
Abbott: Press Start
Costello: Start what?
Abbott: The Start button.
Costello: Start button to do what?
Abbott: Shut down.
Costello: You don't have to get rude!
Abbott: No, no, no! That's not what I meant.
Costello: Then say what you mean.
Abbott: To shut down the computer, press...
Costello: Don't say, "Start!"
Abbott: Then what do you want me to say?
Costello: Look, if I want to turn off the computer, I am willing to
press the Stop button, the End button and Cease and Desist button, but
no one in their right mind presses the Start to Stop.
Abbott: But that's what you do.
Costello: I am starting this conversation right now.........Good-bye.
=========================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
Hubby To-Do's
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hubby.html
Amazing Animal Facts
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animalfacts.html
Mini Crochet Art
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/crochetart.html
The Black Dot
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/blackdot.html
Amazing Trivia Car Facts
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/triviacarfacts.html
Girl Gets New Ear
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/girlgetsear.html
Inspiring Life Quotes
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/lifequotes.html
Journey Through Life
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/journey.html
Think Happy Thoughts
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/happythoughts.html
Living Tree Church
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/treechurch.html
Stone Painting Art
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/stonepainting.html
Random Acts Of Kindness
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/actsofkindness.html
Unforgettable Photos
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/unforgettable.html
Building Advertising Art
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/buildingads.html
Albino Bears
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/albinobear.html
The Moses Bridge!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mosesbridge.html
Salvation Mountain
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/salvation.html
-<>-
_ _.-'`-._ _
;.'________'.;
_________n.[____________].n_________
|""_""_""_""||==||==||==||""_""_""_""]
|"""""""""""||..||..||..||"""""""""""|
|LI LI LI LI||LI||LI||LI||LI LI LI LI|
|.. .. .. ..||..||..||..||.. .. .. ..|
|LI LI LI LI||LI||LI||LI||LI LI LI LI|
,,;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;,;;;,;;;,;;,,
;;jgs;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;
>Links For Presidents Day :)
Inspirational President Quotes!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/presidentquotes.html
Boys To President!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/boystopres.html
Limos In US History!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/limos.html
Magnificent President Tree!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/presidenttree.html
US Presidents And The Queen!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/queenofengland.html
Presidents Before And Afer!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/presidents.html
Obama Saga!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/obamasaga.html
Secrets Of The Secret Service!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/secrets.html
Thinkers And Their Desks!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/desks.html
Obama After The Whitehouse!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/obamaafterwhitehouse.html
Celebrity Private Jets!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/celebrityjets.html
Trump's Phone Call!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/trumpscall.html
Trump And The Queen!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/trumpasqueen.html
Celebrity Caricatures 2!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/caricatures.html
Houses Of Power!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/housesofpower.html
-<>-
Revisiting...
>On The Web:
From AddictingGames.com: Pop bubbles? Yeah, I know how to do that. But
the whole glob moves every time I hit it! Oh noes! You'll have to use
strategic thinking, bud.
http://www.addictinggames.com/puzzle-games/bubblespinner.jsp
11 things to do when trapped in a horror movie
Friends disappeared? Killer on the loose? It’s just possible you’re in
the middle of a horror film. Here's how to survive...
https://tinyurl.com/29bvaq4
Suburban Cat Herder
The object of this online cat game is to get all the cats
out of the house! Click on groups of adjacent cats of the
same color to herd them out of the house. The more cats
you herd at once, the higher your score. Have fun!
http://www.yukyuk.com/games_downloads/cat_herder/cat_herder2.shtml
A STUPID PERSON'S GUIDE TO LIFE
"From time to time, it's good to undertake some remedial
education. It's amazing what we unlearn. Thanks to the
geniuses at Rinkworks, you'll be all set for the next few
years of life..."
http://rinkworks.com/brick/
TOONOPEDIA
This cool site is a huge virtual encyclopedia of 'toon'
information from all over the United States. You'll find
massive amounts of info on animated films, comic books,
and cartoons. A great site to bookmark...
http://www.toonopedia.com/
Record Breaking Rabbits: Angora Bunnies Get Blow-Dried
Meet the proud owner of the world's furriest rabbits!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=1&v=iUZgEFRoIX8
-<>-
>From Our Friend Linda :)
What A Wonderful World
http://www.youtube.com/embed/auSo1MyWf8g?rel=0
Fantastic Show
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=STK7AZ_Zs_E&feature=related
---
...Such fun ones! Thanks Linda!
Facebook Parenting: For the troubled teen. - YouTube
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kl1ujzRidmU
---
...A little respect is all daddy wanted. Thanks Linda!
Moral: Don't upset a programmer with a gun!
-<>-
>From LynnLynn's Links:
Melva/Grandmother's Chair
http://silverandgoldandthee.net/Insp/C/Ch.html
Rose of Friendship
http://www.carolspoetry.com/oct06/3.html
The Sacred Secret
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/secret.html
Help - God's Emergency Numbers:
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/poems/help.html
=======================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"The world's first supermarket chain to only sell vegan
foods, which was called Veganz with a 'z,' has announced
they will have to declare bankruptcy and shut all their
stores. When asked what went wrong, the vegan supermarket
said, 'We're a vegan supermarket.'" -James Corden
"Kim Kardashian said during a Q & A yesterday that she'd
like to take a selfie with Jesus. Though I think most
people would say that Jesus has suffered enough."
-Seth Meyers
"The CEO of Starbucks has pledged to hire 10,000 refugees.
So if you think they're writing your name incorrectly on
the cups now..." -Conan O'Brien
"Hooters is opening a new chain of restaurant called Hoots,
where they're ditching their revealing outfits. They're
going to have male servers aaaand... they just went out of
business." -Jimmy Fallon
"The Westminster Dog Show has added three new breeds to
its annual events. Said the dogs, 'Yeah, last year's after
party got pretty wild.'" -Seth Meyers
"There is a new restaurant in Spain that just opened where
everybody dines in the restaurant completely naked. And you
thought it was awkward going to dinner with your parents
before." -James Corden
"The Dallas Public Library displays one of the original
copies of the Declaration of Independence - also the only
copy stained with barbecue sauce." -Conan O'Brien
"Tostitos is coming out with a limited-edition bag that
actually doubles as a breathalyzer. Here's how it works:
If you're breathing into a bag of Tostitos, you're
probably drunk." -Jimmy Fallon
"An art gallery in Finland recently put on an exhibition
of paintings created by a brown bear named Juuso. The
exhibition sold 15 of the bear's paintings, raising
$8,500. Fifteen paintings - that is 14 more paintings
than Van Gogh sold in his entire lifetime." -James Corden
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah Shangy!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
----------------------------------------------------------------------
-->ShangyFunList AD RATES: $26 will get your a message (of up to 40
words) out to all web site list readers.
Email me to secure dates.
Ad Request
----------------------------------------------------------------------
-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61
NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
-->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home
Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the
Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
Share
A Recipe
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