Happy President's Day! ... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ >-->2 Hot Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This one is so hot it is still smoking! It comes from our friend Desi. Just in time for President's Day. Sure to tickle your funny bone! Give this one plenty of time to load and check it out here... .-'~"-. / `- \ /> `. -.| /_ '-.__) |- _.' \ | `~~; \\ / \\) jgs '.___.-'`" Obama Saga http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/obamasaga.html --- ...This is a riot! Thanks Desi! -<>- This super duper hottie new page is from our friends Karen, LouiseA, and Linda. These are sure to give you some stress relief laughs for the day. Give it time to load and check it out here... ___ .' '. / \ |_________| .--.__///`'-,__~\\\\ / /6|__\// a (__)-\\\\ \ \/--`(( ._\ ,))) / \\ ))\ -==- (O)( / )\((((\ . /))))) / _.' / __(`~~~~`)__ //"\\,-'-"` `~~~~\\~~`"-. // /`" ` `\ // jgs Look Who's Talking 9 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/talking9.html --- ...LOL! These are adorable! Thank You Ladies! ======================================================= >-->From TheFunnyBone: .--. .-========-. Helpful Tips To Make Life Simpler | === [__] | | [__][__] | | o ==== | Old telephone books make ideal personal address | LILILILI | books. Simply cross out the names and addresses | LILILILI | of people you don't know. | LILILILI | | LILILILI | Fool other drivers into thinking you have an | __ __ | expensive car phone by holding an old TV or | [__][__] | video remote control up to your ear and | [__][][] | occasionally swerving across the road | [__] == | and mounting the curb. jgs | OOO | '-========-' Lose weight quickly by eating raw pork and rancid tuna. I found that the subsequent food poisoning/diarrhea enabled me to lose 12 pounds in only 2 days. Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers turned to fast wipe whenever you leave your car parked illegally. No time for a bath? Wrap yourself in ,-"""""""-, masking tape and remove the dirt by ; '-----' ;-. , simply peeling it off. |`"""""""`|_ '.__.-'| '._______.' '._ _.-' Apply red nail polish to your nails `` before clipping them. The red nails will be much easier to spot on your bathroom carpet. (Unless you have a red carpet, in which case a contrasting polish should be selected). ___ ___ / _ \ _.-'_.' If a person is choking on an ice \____`-.____.-'_.-' cube, don't panic. Simply pour a `-. _.\.-' jug of boiling water down their ____.-'`__/-._ throat and presto! The blockage / _ .-'` '-._`-._ is almost instantly removed. \___/ '-._'-. jgs `"` Save on booze by drinking cold tea instead of whiskey. The following morning you can create the effects of hangover by drinking a thimble full of dish washing liquid and banging your head repeatedly on the wall. _ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) The Alaska Department of Fish and Game recently issued this bulletin: "In light of the rising frequency of human/grizzly bear conflicts, the Alaska Department of Fish and Game is advising hikers, hunters, and fishermen to take extra precautions and keep alert of bears while in the field. "We advise outdoorsmen to wear noisy little bells on their clothing so as not to startle bears that aren't expecting them. We also advise outdoorsmen to carry pepper spray with them in case of an encounter with a bear. "It is also a good idea to watch out for fresh signs of bear activity. Outdoorsmen should recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear manure: Black bear manure is smaller and contains lots of berries and squirrel fur. Grizzly bear manure has little bells in it and smells like pepper-spray." ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ February 16 is Do a Grouch a Favor Day February 17 is Random Acts of Kindness Day February 18 is National Battery Day February 19 is National Chocolate Mint Day February 20 is Cherry Pie Day and Love Your Pet Day February 21 is Card Reading Day February 22 is Be Humble Day and International World Thinking Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: ( ? ? ? ) '--,-----' .-"""""-. o / _____/\_\ o //`__ __ \\ O // (o) (o) \\ (_ (___) _) \ _____ / `-._ _.-' __.-)_(-,__ ./'/ |_| \`\. jgs / `""""""""""` \ >Clerk Opinion At the clothing store where I work, I make it a point of pride to give customers my unvarnished opinion. One day, when a man emerged from the fitting room, I took one look at him and shook my head. "No, no," I said. "Those jeans look terrible on you. I'll go get you another pair." As I walked away, I heard him mumble, "I was trying on the shirt." -<>- >Dorm Life A classmate and I were discussing some frustrations of dorm life, and high on my list was the difficulty of keeping others from eating ice cream I'd stored in the fridge." "I've solved that one," my friend said. "I just wrap my ice cream in a brown paper bag and label it Tofu." -<>- >Pickle Jar A mom was preparing food for a family gathering. Her three-year-old son watched intently as his mother stabbed repeatedly at a large pickle in a jar before she managed to spear it. As she added it to the relish tray, he asked, "Is it dead yet, Mommy?" -<>- >Restaurant Cell-Phone Friends and I were chatting over dinner in a restaurant. A man at the next table told his cell-phone caller to hold on. Then he stepped outside to talk. When he returned, I said, "That was very thoughtful." "I had no choice," he nodded and said to me. "You were making too much noise." -<>- >Wedding After our friends were married, they left the church and were disappointed to see that their car looked completely normal. No one had decorated it with "Just Married" signs or tin cans or balloons or anything at all. "Disappointed" was not, however, the word used by the priest who married them. His car was very similar in make, model, and color as the groom's vehicle. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseA :) _ ." ". \ / .ss. | ( S''S | SSSS | .-'SS'--'\ / __/ |_.)====( | " | | | | | | | | | jgs | | | '----' >Holy Humor A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, "I know what the Bible means!" His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean, you 'know' what the Bible means? The son replied, "I do know!" "Okay," said his father. "What does the Bible mean?" "That's easy, Daddy..." the young boy replied excitedly," It stands for 'Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.' -------- There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country. "Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk. "Only the Ten Commandments." answered the lady. -------- A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter. Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses." When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation." -------- There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still in your pockets." -------- While driving in Pennsylvania , a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign - "Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step in exhaust." -------- A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a question, "Boys and girls, what do we know about God?" A hand shot up in the air. "He is an artist!" said the kindergarten boy. "Really? How do you know?" the teacher asked. "You know - Our Father, who does art in Heaven.." -------- A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump. "Reverend," said the young man, "I'm so sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip." The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my business." -------- People want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the center of attention. -------- Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson was about. The daughter answered, "Don't be scared, you'll get your quilt." Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed. Later in the day , the pastor stopped by for tea and the Mom asked him what that morning's Sunday school lesson was about. He said "Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming." -------- The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building. Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute. The substitute wanted to know what to play. "Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently. "But, you'll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances." During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up." At that moment, the substitute organist played "The Star Spangled Banner." And that is how the substitute became the regular organist! --- ...LOL! Good Ones! Thanks LouiseA! ======================================================= >-->From Our Friend PatDeE :) _,,,,_ ,########, ,##` `##, ## ## ## ## /# (.)(.) #\ \# _) #/ #,######,# ##, ~~ ,## '########' jgs `######` >The Cajun Salesman Bubba Boudreaux, the smoothest-talking Cajun in the Louisiana National Guard, got called up to active duty. His first assignment was in a military induction center. Because he was a good talker, they assigned him the duty of advising new recruits about government benefits, especially the GI insurance to which they were entitled. The officer in charge soon noticed that Boudreaux was getting a 99% sign-up rate for the more expensive supplemental form of GI insurance. This was remarkable, because it cost these low-income recruits $30.00 per month for the higher coverage, compared to what the government was already providing at no charge. The officer decided he'd sit in the back of the room at the next briefing and observe Boudreaux's sales pitch. Boudreaux stood up before the latest group of inductees and said, "If you has da normal GI insurans an' you goes to Afghanistan an' gets youself killed, da govment' pays you benefishery $20,000. If you takes out da suppmental insurans, which cost you only t'irty dollars a munt, den da governmen' gots ta pay you benefishery $400,000! "Now," Boudreaux concluded, "which bunch you tink dey gonna send ta Afghanistan first?" -<>- : '. _ .' -= (~) =- .' # '. /""""" | (')') C _) \ _| \__/ <___Y> / \ :\\ / | :|\ |___| :|/\ | | :|\ \ \ \ :| \ \_ \ \==L| \\\ ///` || | || | || | || | || | || | || [___]] jgs (____)) ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ >Old Blue A young cowboy from Texas goes off to college. Half way through the semester, having foolishly squandered all his money... he calls home. "Dad," he says, "You won't believe what modern education is developing! They actually have a program here at A&M that will teach our dog, Ole' Blue how to talk!" "That's amazing," his Dad says. "How do I get Ole' Blue in that program?" "Just send him down here with $1,000" the young cowboy says "and I'll get him in the course." So, his father sends the dog and $1,000. About two-thirds of the way through the semester, the money again runs out. The boy calls home. "So how's Ole' Blue doing son?" his father asks. "Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this -- they've had such good results they have started to teach the animals how to read!" "Read!?" says his father, "No kidding! How do we get Blue in that program?" "Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class." The money promptly arrives. But our hero has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out the dog can neither talk, nor read. So he shoots the dog. When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father is all excited. "Where's Ole' Blue? I just can't wait to see him read something and talk!" "Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ole' Blue was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal, like he usually does". "Then Ole' Blue turned to me and asked, 'So, is your daddy still messing around with that little redhead who lives down the street?'" The father went white and exclaimed, "I hope you shot that lying dog before he talks to your Mother!" "I sure did, Dad!" "That's my boy!" The kid went on to law school, and now serves in Washington D.C.as a Congressman. --- ...Oh Gee! Thanks PatDeE! ========================================================== >-->In The Worldly News: STRIKING BACK: Egyptian jets hit ISIS for Christian hostage beheadings TWO WAVES OF EGYPTIAN AIRSTRIKES pound ISIS militants in neighboring Libya, killing as many as 64 militants and destroying the Islamist terror group's training camps and weapons caches a day after a sickening video surfaced showing black-clad jihadists marching 21 Coptic Christians to a beach to be beheaded. http://tinyurl.com/lcwjbmy -<>- >From BizarreNews: It is a condition so rare that it has only been documented 200 times--ever. It is called fetus in fetu, that is a new- born with a fetus in its abdomen. At first doctors in China thought the baby girl had tumors, but computerized tomography after she was born showed the growths to be two 8-to-10-week-old fetuses. Weighing less than an ounce each, they were far enough along to each have four limbs, a spine, a rib cage, intestines, and an anus, and to be connected through an umbilical cord to a single placenta-like mass. "Since it is impossible for the little girl to have conceived the pregnancy on her own, the fertilization of the twin fetuses, of course, belongs to her parents, which has gone to the wrong place," a local doctor reported. Occurring only an estimated 1 in 500,000 births, the World Health Organization has classified it as a type of cancer called mature teratoma, but some researchers classify it as demised multiple pregnancy. The baby girl carrying the fetuses underwent successful surgery to remove them at just two weeks of age. *-- Drunk couple fell asleep in dumpster, rode in garbage truck --* TAMPA, Fla. (UPI) - Authorities in Florida said a couple who took a nap in a dumpster after a drunken night at a casino nearly met their end in the back of a garbage truck. Hillsborough County garbage truck driver Radames Valazquez called 911 early Wednesday morning to report a man and a woman were trapped in the back of his truck. Valazquez said he was about to compact his truck's load when he heard the couple shouting for help. "I got two people, I don't know how they got in the back of the truck, but they stuck in the truck. I almost killed both of them," he told the 911 dispatcher. Hillsborough County sheriff's deputies said they determined Donald Jordan, 37, and Lisa Sirabella, 49, had fallen asleep in a WaWa gas station dumpster after a drunken night at the Seminole Hard Rock Casino. Jordan, who authorities said appeared highly intoxicated, told deputies he and Sirabella were visiting Tampa from Kissimmee and sought warmth in the dumpster after being left stranded by some friends. Jordan and Sirabella, who both complained of back pain after their ride in the garbage truck, were taken to Tampa General Hospital. *-- Court rejects suit from teacher with fear of children --* CINCINNATI (UPI) - An Ohio teacher with a phobia of young children lost an appeal accusing her former district of failing to accommodate her disability. The U.S. Court of Appeals for the 6th Circuit in Cincinnati rejected the appeal from Maria Waltherr-Willard, 63, who had accused the Mariemont district of age discrimination and a violation of the Americans with Disabilities Act. Waltherr-Willard, a French and Spanish teacher, alleged the district knew she suffered from pedophobia, a fear of small children, when she was transferred in 2009 from Mariemont High School to the district's middle school. The teacher, who retired in January 2011 when her request to be transferred back to the high school was denied, accused the school district of age discrimination for giving the high school Spanish teacher position to a younger instructor and a violation of the ADA for failing to accommodate her pedophobia. Waltherr-Willard said teaching at the middle school repeatedly caused her blood pressure to rise to dangerous levels. The court ruled the ADA "requires an employer to accommodate a disabled employee, but it does not require unreasonable accommodations." The court also rejected the age discrimination allegations, saying the Spanish teacher employed at Mariemont High School is only two years younger than Waltherr-Willard. Dr. Caleb Adler, associate professor of psychiatry and behavioral neuroscience at the University of Cincinnati, said pedophobia is a recognized but rare anxiety disorder. "It's a tough phobia. You can't really get away from [children] when you're outside," he told The Chincinnati Enquirer. "When you're a teacher, it may not be an issue with older students." *-- Firefighters free woman's hair from robot vacuum --* CHANGWON, South Korea (UPI) - Emergency responders in a South Korean city were called to rescue a woman whose robot vacuum cleaner latched onto her hair while she was taking a nap. The Changwon city fire department said workers responded to the 52-year-old woman's Changwon home after the robot vacuum cleaner latched onto her hair while she was sleeping on the floor. The emergency responders were able to open the vacuum and free the woman after about 30 minutes, the fire department said. "This case was quite special," a fire department representative said. "We had seen weird things, but this was a very weird call that we received." The fire department said the woman lost about 10 strands of hair, but was otherwise unharmed. The device appears to be similar to the Roomba, a circular robotic vacuum cleaner that has sold more than 10 million units since hitting the market in 2002. *-- Zoo stages escape drill with keeper dressed as leopard --* TOKYO (UPI) - A zoo in Tokyo dressed a worker in a cartoony snow leopard costume to stage an animal escape drill and test out the zoo's response. The Tama Zoological Park drill involved worker Toshiya Nomura donning the leopard suit and running wild around the zoo -- at one point staging a mock attack on a zoo worker -- before being brought down by a tranquilizer dart. Nomura played asleep for the drill and staff members ensured the "leopard" was sedated by poking it's head with a stick. "We focused on making this drill as realistic as possible. One of our staff being knocked down and injured was a part of that," said Yukata Funda, director of the Tama Zoological Park. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Geniann :) _.-"""""'. .;__ `\ / `\ | ;a/ a `'. _ | ,_ |/_ _) / {(}`\ \,___. \.' '--''-.( \_ _ / .-\_ _."-.... ;_ _/ '--. \ ."\ _/\ , | / \_.' /'./ ; \__.' '-./ ' / __/ `\ / .' ``""--..__\___/ / | | , | \ ';_ / \ \`'-...-' \ \ | __ \ \ /-----; '. .--\_.-"\ | \ jgs / |._______|\ \ \_____,__/ '.__| >Drumming up business Mike walked into a post office just before Valentine’s day, he couldn’t help noticing a middle-aged, balding man standing in a corner sticking “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. Then the man got out a bottle of Channel perfume from his pocket and started spraying scent over the envelopes. By now Mike’s curiosity had got the better of him, and so I asked the man why he was sending all those cards. The man replied, “I’m sending out 500 Valentine cards signed, ‘Guess who?’” “But why?” asked Mike. “I’m a divorce lawyer,” the man replied. --- ...Oh My! Thanks Geniann! ==================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: .===. _ _ / _/\ \ / )%.===.%( \ \/6.6\/ | // ,,, \\ | ( _ ) \/ \/6.6\/ \/ .===. _)---(_ /\ ( _ ) /\ / ,,, \ / `~` \ ^^ /()-()\ ^^ ( /6.6\ ) /\/ \/\ / /o o\ \ )( _ )( \ | | / (._\ Y /_.) (_/;---;\_) \|_____|/ (O_`&`_O) / `"*"` \ | L | / / \ \ ( (_.@._) ) |__|__| / ()/^\() \ /'._\|/_.'\ | | | /. . . . . . .\ /. . . . . .\ |_|_| `"`"`|`|`|`"`"` `"`"|"|"|"`"` jgs _|_|_|_ _|_|_|_ _|_|_|_ (___|___) (___|___) (___|___) With some misgivings, we left a young baby-sitter in charge of our three energetic youngsters. When we returned a few, hours later, she was sitting alone watching TV. I went to check on the children, and found them in our narrow hallway. By bracing their arms and legs against the walls, two of them had climbed up to the ceiling. "The baby-sitter taught us how," they said gleefully. The sitter joined me, her face a deep red. "Since they had me climbing the walls, I figured they might as well be too," she stammered. -<>- My uncle was giving me the grand tour of his house. The bathrooms had excessively mirrored walls but his wife preferred not to look at herself in such a compromising position. She even went so far as to place a "modesty plant" so that it obscured the view. Now I don't think there is anything wrong with mirrored walls in the bathroom. I told my uncle: "You should be able to sit and reflect" -<>- Science has a language of its own which sometimes puzzles laymen. The word "obvious" is a case in point. A professor of physics, deriving some profound point of theory for the class, scribbled an equation on the board and said, "From this, it is obvious that we can proceed to write the following relationship..." and he scribbled a second and equally long equation on the board. Then he paused. He stared hard at the two equations and said, "Wait a minute, I may be wrong..." He sat down and began to write at his desk furiously, crossing out and rewriting for five minutes while the class sat in absolute silence waiting for the verdict. Finally, the professor rose with an air of satisfaction and said, "Yes, I was right in the first place. It *IS* obvious that the second equation follows from the first." -<>- One evening after dinner, a five-year-old son noticed that his mother had gone out and he asked, "Where did mommy go?" His father told him, "Mommy is at a Tupperware party." This explanation satisfied him for only a moment. "What's a Tupperware party, Dad?" The man had always given my son honest answers, so he figured a simple explanation would be the best approach. "Well, son," he said, "at a Tupperware party, a bunch of ladies sit around and sell plastic bowls to each other." He nodded, indicating that he understood this curious pastime. Then he burst into laughter. "Come on, Dad," he said. "What is it really?" -<>- Recently in Traffic Court a man who received an expensive parking ticket testified that a uniformed Policeman had given his OK for the man to park there. The Judge asked the man if he would recognize the Officer if he ever saw him again, and the man replied that he would. The Judge then said, "Good. When you see the Officer again, tell him he owes you $57. Next." -<>- A German farmer with relatives in the US promised them some fresh pork sausages made by hand from his very own stock of pigs. But as the weeks went by they gave him a call to com- plain that the package had not yet arrived. He told them, "Don't worry. The wurst is yet to come." ========================================================= -->From AndyChaps: _.._ .'/'._`'. /.' '-.\ ( 0 0 ) \ ^ / '.'---'.' jgs `) (` .--'._.'--. / \ / /| |\ \ / / | | \ \ (\_/ |_____| \_/) ` | | ` | | | | | | | | | | | | _|__|__|_ (____|____) >Andy Says... Here's More To Think About! **What's another word for Thesaurus? **Why is the word "abbreviation" so long? **If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from? **How do a fool and his money get together? **Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections? **Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny? **Does fuzzy logic tickle? **What was the best thing BEFORE sliced bread? **Why is it called a TV "set" if there's only one? **Why does your nose run and your feet smell? **Why does an alarm clock "go off" when it begins ringing? **If the opposite of pro is con, is the opposite of progress congress? -<>- My Life as a Policeman The patrol officer stopped a motorist for a traffic violation. Standing outside his expensive foreign car, the red-faced driver frantically waved his hands and jumped up and down. "I'll have your job for this!" he shouted at the top of his lungs. "Sir, you wouldn't want my job," replied the unruffled officer as he wrote out the citation. "The hours are long, the pay is low, and you meet some of the nastiest people." -<>- >Are You Reading That? I was commuting from the Borough of Queens to my job in Manhattan. I'd finished reading the morning paper and was saving it to bring to friends on the job. How do you save a newspaper on the subway? You sit on it. A new commuter came in, saw the newspaper under my rear end and asked the second most stupid question I've ever heard, "Are you reading that paper?" I stood up, turned the page, sat right back down on the paper and answered, "Yes." -<>- >This Is Really funny Now .---. (_,/\ \ (`a a( ) ) \= ) ( (.--' '--.) / ( \_/ ) \ | / \ / \ | \\ /~~~\ // \/ \/ | | | | |_______| ( ( |\ \ jgs | \ \ /_Y/_Y A blonde had just gotten a new sports car and was out for a drive when she accidentally cut off a truck driver. He motioned for her to pull over. When she did, he got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket. He drew a circle on the side of the road and gruffly commanded the blonde, "stand in that circle and DON'T MOVE!". He then went to her car and cut up her leather seats. When he turned around she had a slight grin on her face, so he said, "Oh you think that's funny? Watch this!" He gets a baseball bat out of his truck and breaks every window in her car. When he turns and looks at her she has a smile on her face. He is getting really mad so he gets his knife back out and slices all her tires. Now she's laughing. The truck driver is really starting to lose it. He goes back to his truck and gets a can of gas, pours it on her car and sets it on fire. He turns around and she is laughing so hard she is about to fall down. "What's so funny?" the truck driver asked the blonde. She replied, "Every time you weren't looking, I stepped outside the circle!" -<>- >Are You OK? Walking through the hallways at the middle school where I work, I saw a new substitute teacher standing outside his classroom with his forehead against a locker. I heard him mutter, "How did you get yourself into this?" Knowing that he was assigned to a difficult class, I tried to offer moral support. "Are you okay?" I asked. "Can I help?" He lifted his head and replied, "I'll be fine as soon as I get this kid out of his locker. -<>- >Funny Boss The boss returned from lunch in a good mood and called the whole staff in to listen to a couple of jokes he had picked up during the lunch hour. Everybody laughed uproariously, except for one young woman. "What's the matter?" grumbled the boss. "Haven't you got a sense of humor?" he asked. "I don't have to laugh," she said. "Friday is my last day working here." -<>- , /:\ >:< >:< >:< ,,,,,\:/ ######### //////\\\\\ // /_\ /_\ \\ \( 0 _ 0 )/ /\\= _\ =//\ \\/\ --- /\// //\ '---' /\\ \// \\/ /\\ //\ \\/ \// # # jgs " " >The Indian's Loan Here's one about an old native American who wanted a loan for $500. The banker pulled out the loan application, "What are you going to do with the money?" "Take jewelry to city and sell it," was the response. "What have you got for collateral?" "Don't know collateral." "Well that's something of value that would cover the cost of the loan. Have you got any vehicles?" "Yes, 1949 Chevy pickup." The banker shook his head, "How about livestock?" "Yes, I have a horse." "How old is it?" "Don't know, has no teeth." Finally the banker decided to make the $500 loan. Several weeks later the old man was back in the bank. He pulled out a roll of bills, "Here to pay." he said. He then handed the banker the money to pay his loan off. "What are you going to do with the rest of that money?" "Put in tepee." "Why don't you deposit it in my bank," he asked. "Don't know deposit." "You put the money in our bank and we take care of it for you. When you want to use it you can withdraw it." The old Indian leaned across the desk, "What you got for collateral?" -<>- \\\\\\, _/'' \\\ \ D \_ / <\ />,_ / \Y/ /` \ || # | | || # | | || # | | ||=[]=| | || |__| //| | /||\ | | | | | | ( ( | | | | [_[___] jgs (_(____| >What I Learned From Corporate America 1. Indecision is the key to flexibility. 2. You can't tell which way the train went by looking at the track. 3. There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation. 4. Happiness is merely the remission of pain. 5. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. 6. The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant. 7. The careful application of terror is also a form of communication. 8. Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world. 9. Things are more like they are today than they ever were before. 10. Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for. 11. Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler. 12. Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate. 13. I have seen the truth and it makes no sense. 14. If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody. And Finally, Some Good Business Advice You'll Never Receive: 15. If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame. 16. One seventh of your life is spent on Monday. 17. Every time you make ends meet, they move the ends. 18. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious. 19. The trouble with life is, you're halfway through it before you realize it's a do-it-yourself thing. -<>- _.-"""""-._ / .--.....-.\ / / \\ || || || .--. .--|/ /` @ \ @ | \_ _) | | ,____, ; | \ `--' / _./\ '.____.;_ _.-' | `\ |\'-. .' `\ '. / / '. / jgs |/ `\/`\| \ >Learn Chinese in 5 mins. Or less. (No Diss Intended) Unbelievable ... it really works! Say following sayings out loud. Make sure you try to use your best Chinese accent when translating the English to Chinese. First the English Phrase and then the Chinese Interpretation He's cleaning his automobile. Wa Shing Ka. This is a tow away zone. No Pah King. Is there a fugitive here? Hu Yu Hai Ding? Small Horse. Tai Ni Po Ni. Your price is too high! No Bai Nut Ding! Did you go to the beach? Wai Yu So Tan? It's very dark in here. Wai So Dim? I bumped into a coffee table. Ai Bang Mai Ni. I thought you were on a diet? Wai Yu Mun Ching? Your body odor is offensive. Yu Stin Ki Pu. They have arrived. Hia Dei Kum. You know lyrics to the Macarena? Wai Yu Sing Dum Song? I got this for free. Ai No Pei. Stay out of sight. Lei Lo. You have a good sense of humor! Ah Tink Yu Fa Ni! ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Who Is WE?- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whoiswe.html Famous People!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/famous.html IRONIC, Isn't It?- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/irony.html Boys To President!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/boystopres.html Men Will Be Boys!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/menboys.html Rollin On The River!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/river.html Truth In Advertising!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ads.html Limos In US History!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/limos.html Humor In Politics 9!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/politics9.html Proud Of Our Troops 5!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/troops5.html Thinkers And Their Desks!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/desks.html Humor With The Troops 4!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/humor4.html What Your GPS Won't Show You!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/gps.html -<>- >From Our Friend Melody :) sokis flatley https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FILTwiM92RE --- ...LMAO! Way too Funny! Thanks Melody! 3 years old drummer https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O4Girrb66lY --- ...Priceless! So adorable! Thanks Melody! -<>- >From Our Friend Geniann :) It Started Snowing In Their Town, So The Locals Decided ... http://www.wimp.com/awesomesnowmen/2/ --- ...Cute! Thanks Geniann! -<>- >From Our Friend PatDeE :) Interesting - watch till the end... https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=10202804003885630* --- ...Thanks PatDeE Another good reason I don't like listening to him - He counters himself way too many times! Grandpa https://www.youtube.com/v/AgYLr_LfhLo?version=3&hl=en_US&rel=0*** --- ...A good heartwarming classic! Thanks PatDeE! Dancing At The Movies http://www.chonday.com/Videos/dancemoviescomp1 --- ...Wowsers! So much fun in one! Love it! Thanks PatDeE! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "The average American citizen - you hear the statistic all the time - works six months out of the year for the government. That's how difficult the taxes are in this country. We work six months out of the year. Government employees don't even do that." -Dave Letterman "A British tech company has debuted new technology that lets clothing store mannequins talk about the outfit they are displaying. Said the inventor, 'The idea came to me in a nightmare.'" -Seth Meyers "North Korean leader Kim Jong Un won re-election with 100 percent of the vote. They say that when the absentee ballots are counted the percentage could go even higher." -Dave Letterman "I thought this was kind of interesting — this week marks the 50th anniversary of the Buffalo wing. Which means it also marks the 50th anniversary of that celery stick nobody wants." -Jimmy Fallon "NASA's Cassini spacecraft passed by Saturn's largest moon for the 100th time last week. Said Mrs. Cassini, 'Can we please just stop and ask for directions?'" -Seth Meyers "A new survey found that the average American child watches 24 hours of TV every week. In fact, experts say it's important for parents to lay down the law and tell their kids to get outside and look at their phones." --Jimmy Fallon "Today is National Grammar Day. So no matter whom you are, or where you're at, it's literally party time, y'all." -Seth Meyers "Here's some strange fashion news. According to The New York Times, the monocle is back in style. Unless you're a Batman villain or a giant salted peanut, you should not wear a monocle." -Jimmy Kimmel >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? 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