Happy President's Day! ... :) Shangy!
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-<>-
* NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or
any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving
the scroll button on the mouse.
You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in
your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while
pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for
smaller text!
================
>-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :)
This red hot new page is from our friends Linda and LouiseAu.
It is for those of us who appreciate human ingenuity. My mom,
having lost her dominant arm in a car accident when I was young,
taught me how to invent and use things to make every day life
tasks easier. Here's some creative ideas put into action:
`\|/' .---------------.
,'Y`. _( To think.... )_________
)|._.|( ( Doesn't that involve little )
/(___)\ ""( little lightbulbs over )"
( ) ""( My head ??? )"""""""
`..-.,' """""""""""""
|"|
.--' `--.
Ojo
Thoughts Into Action 11
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/action11.html
---
...Love this series! Thanks Ladies!
=======================================================
>-->From SmileZilla:
(.,------...__
_.'" `.
.' .' `, `. `. `
. .' .'/''--...__`. \
. .--.`. ' "-. '. |
'' .' _.' .()) .--":/
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jro
Teacher: Jimmy, use the word "handsome" in a sentence.
Jimmy: Handsome gum over will ya?
Teacher: No, no, that's not right. You have one more chance. Use
the word "gladiator" in a sentence.
Jimmy: A monster ate my sister and I'm gladiator.
-<>-
>A Mother's Dictionary
Bottle feeding:
An opportunity for Dad to get up at 2 am also.
Defense:
What you'd better have around de yard if you're going to let the
children play outside.
Dumbwaiter:
One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.
Family planning:
The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you
on the edge of financial disaster.
Feedback:
The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained
carrots.
Full name:
What you call your child when you're mad at him.
Grandparents:
The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're
sure you're not raising them right.
Hearsay:
What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.
Impregnable:
A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.
Independent:
How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.
Look out:
What it's too late for your child to do by the time you scream it.
Prenatal:
When your life was still somewhat your own.
Prepared childbirth:
A contradiction in terms.
Puddle:
A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry
shoes into it.
Show off:
A child who is more talented than yours.
Sterilize:
What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your
last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.
Storeroom:
The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children
in shopping carts can't quite reach anything.
Temper tantrums:
What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children.
Top bunk:
Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.
Two-minute warning:
When the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar
grunting noises.
Verbal: Able to whine in words
Whoops: An exclamation that translates roughly into "get a sponge."
=======================================================
+------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+
February 18 is National Battery Day, National Drink Wine Day and
President's Day
February 19 is National Chocolate Mint Day
February 20 is Cherry Pie Day, Hoodie Hoo Day and Love Your Pet Day
February 21 is Card Reading Day
February 22 is George Washington's Birthday, Be Humble Day,
International World Thinking Day, National Margarita Day and
Walking the Dog Day
February 23 is International Dog Biscuit Appreciation Day, Open That
Bottle Night and Tennis Day
February 24 is National Tortilla Chip Day and Oscar Night
=======================================================
>-->From GoodCleanFun:
|
--====|====--
|
.-"""""-.
.'_________'.
/_/_|__|__|_\_\
;'-._ _.-';
,--------------------| `-. .-' |--------------------,
``""--..__ ___ ; ' ; ___ __..--""``
jgs `"-// \\.._\ /_..// \\-"`
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>Large Building
On a nighttime visit to his brother's military base, my son Joe was
impressed by the large airplane hangar in which Billy worked. But
when Billy led him through another door, Joe was absolutely astounded
by the massive, darkened room.
"This is the largest building I've ever been in!" he said. "What do
you call it?"
His brother answered, "The outside."
-<>-
>Public Servant
"Give me a sentence about a public servant", said the teacher.
The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant."
The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what
pregnant means?" she asked.
"Sure", said the young student confidently. "It means 'carrying a
child'."
-<>-
>Connecting Flight
My husband and I were on a flight to San Diego, he on business, me to
continue on to El Paso. As the plane arrived in San Diego, he
collected his things, kissed me goodbye and left with the other
departing passengers.
"That's sweet," said the woman sitting next to us. "I always just
drop my husband at the curb."
-<>-
>Lottery Winners
After discovering that they had won 15 million dollars in the
Lottery, the husband and wife sat down to discuss their future.
The wife announced, "After twenty years of washing other people's
floors, I can throw my old mop away at last."
Her husband agreed, "Of course you can, Honey. We can easily afford
to buy you a new one now."
-<>-
_
/ )
|||| / /
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||//
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(|| hjw
""
>Any Special Diets?
Nurse (admitting a patient): Are you on any special diets?
Patient: Yes, I drink Slim-Fast twice a day, but it's not working. In
fact, I've gained several pounds.
Nurse: Really? Do you think that skipping meals to drink a shake
makes you so hungry that you overeat later?
Patient: What do you mean, "skipping meals?"
=========================================================
_ _.-'`-._ _
;.'________'.;
_________n.[____________].n_________
|""_""_""_""||==||==||==||""_""_""_""]
|"""""""""""||..||..||..||"""""""""""|
|LI LI LI LI||LI||LI||LI||LI LI LI LI|
|.. .. .. ..||..||..||..||.. .. .. ..|
|LI LI LI LI||LI||LI||LI||LI LI LI LI|
,,;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;,;;;,;;;,;;,,
;;jgs;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;
>-->President's Day SMILES:
Q: What would you get if you crossed a gorilla with the sixteenth US
president?
A: Ape Lincoln!
Q: Why did Abe Lincoln grow a beard?
A: He wanted to look like that guy on the five-dollar bill.
Q: What would you get if you crossed the sixteenth president with a
famous slugger?
A: Babe Lincoln!
Q: Did Lincoln know that the North would win the Civil War?
A: After a while, he took it for Grant-ed!
Teacher: "John, do you know Lincoln's Gettysburg Address?"
Student: "No, Miss Frump. I thought he lived in Washington!"
Q: Why did Lincoln wear a tall, black hat?
A: To keep his head warm!
Q: What US president had long legs, a beard, and an unusual smell?
A: Abraham Stincoln!
Q: Why was Abraham Lincoln barn in a log cabin?
A: Because it was too cold to be born outside!
Q: Why is Abraham Lincoln like a bloodhound tracking someone?
A: They're both on the (s)cent!
Q: Why did they call Lincoln "Honest Abe"?
A: Because that's what it said on all his campaign buttons.
Q: Why did George Washington have trouble sleeping?
A: Because he couldn't lie.
Q: What do you call George Washington's false teeth?
A: Presidentures!
Q: What would you get if you crossed the first US president with an
animated character?
A: George Washingtoon!
Q: Was General Washington a handsome man?
A: Yes, he was George-eous!
Q: How did George Washington speak to his army?
A: In general terms!
From: http://www.jokes.net/shortpresidentsdayjokes.htm
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
_--_ dMb
__(._ ) d0P
< (D) .MP
.~ \ /~```M-.
.~ V Mo_ \
-------============((((}{) ( (___. {:)-./
~._____.(:}
'94 the wolfe / .M\
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| /\ |
/ / \ \
/ / \ \
\__/ \__/
/ / | |
.^V^. .^V^.
+-+ +-+
>SMILES
Two old guys, Abe and Sol, are sitting on a park bench feeding pigeons
and talking about baseball. Abe turns to Sol and asks, "Do you think
there's baseball in heaven?"
Sol thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I dunno. But let's make
a deal: if I die first, I'll come back and tell you if there's baseball
in heaven, and if you die first, you do the same."
A few months later, poor Abe passes on. One day soon afterward, Sol is
sitting there feeding the pigeons by himself when he hears a voice
whisper, "Sol... Sol..."
Sol responds, "Abe! Is that you?"
"Yes it is, Sol," whispers Abe's ghost.
Sol, still amazed, asks, "So, is there baseball in heaven?"
"Well," says Abe, "I've got good news and bad news."
"Gimme the good news first," says Sol.
Abe says, "Well... there is baseball in heaven."
Sol says, "That's great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that!?"
Abe sighs and whispers, "You're pitching on Friday."
----------
Carolyn's car was in for service so her son picked Miss C up from work
one evening, and she seemed a bit irritated. Carolyn complained that the
day hadn't gone well, and on top of everything else, a young customer
had addressed her as "Ma'am."
"I'm not that old! !!" Carolyn insisted. " I deserve more respect."
Miss C continued to vent the whole way home while hitting the scan
button on the radio. Finally her son asked, "Mom what are you looking
for?"
Carolyn replied, "The oldies station."
----------
My wife asked me to buy ORGANIC vegetables from the market. I went
and looked around and couldn't find any.
So I grabbed an old, tired looking employee and said, "These
vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any
poisonous chemicals?"
"The produce guy looked at me and said, "No. You'll have to do
that yourself."
----------
While stationed in Washington, D.C., a man used Arlington National
Cemetery as a shortcut on his way to give a briefing at Fort Myer. To
his surprise, he encountered a roadblock manned by the military police.
An MP approached him and asked in a stern voice, "Are you supposed to be
here?" Unsure of what to say, he replied, "Not yet." The MP held back a
smile and waved him on.
----------
This is an actual conversation I over-heard while at lunch today. A
young woman was talking with an older woman, apparently her mother. "I
haven't slept in three days," she complained. "The baby is teething and
he's up all night crying." "Why don't you just rub a thimble-full of
brandy on his gums. That will numb them up and put him right to sleep."
answered mom. "I can't give the baby alcohol! Lord knows what that will
do to him." "Well, it never hurt you any." The look on her face was
priceless.
----------
The blonde wife came home from her first day commuting into the city.
Her husband noticed she was looking a little peaked and asked, "Honey,
are you feeling all right?" "Not really," she replied. "I'm nauseous
from sitting backward on the train." "Poor dear," he said. "Why didn't
you ask the person sitting across from you to switch seats for a while?"
"I couldn't," she replied, "there was no one there."
---
...Oh Gee! LOL! Thanks LouiseAu!
-<>-
.-.
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/_/ \
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( ____/_____
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//
snd //
>Kid's...
Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once
Talked about a contest he was asked to judge.
The purpose of the Contest was to find the most
caring child.
>The winner was:
1. A four-year-old child, whose next door neighbor was an elderly
gentleman, who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry,
the little boy went into the old Gentleman's' yard, climbed onto his
lap, and just sat there.
When his mother asked him what he had said to the neighbor, the
little boy just said, 'Nothing, I just Helped him cry.'
*********************************************
2. Teacher Debbie Moon's first graders were discussing a picture of
a family. One little boy in the picture had a different hair color
than the other members. One of her students suggested that he was
adopted.
A little girl said, 'I know all about Adoption, I was adopted.'
'What does it mean to be adopted?', asked another child.
'It means', said the girl, 'that you grew in your mommy's heart
instead of her tummy!'
*********************************************
3. On my way home one day, I stopped to watch a Little League base
ball game that was being played in a park near my home. As I sat
down behind the bench on the first-base line, I asked one of the
boys what the score was.
'We're behind 14 to nothing,' he answered With a smile.
'Really,' I said. 'I have to say you don't look very discouraged.'
'Discouraged?', the boy asked with a Puzzled look on his face...
'Why should we be discouraged? We haven't Been up to bat yet.'
*********************************************
4. Whenever I'm disappointed with my spot in life, I stop and think
about little Jamie Scott.
Jamie was trying out for a part in the school play. His mother
told me that he'd set his heart on being in it, though she feared he
would not be chosen.
On the day the parts were awarded, I went with her to collect him
after school. Jamie rushed up to her, eyes shining with pride and
excitement.. 'Guess what, Mom,' he shouted, and then said those
words that will remain a lesson to me....'I've been chosen to clap
and cheer.'
*********************************************
5. An eye witness account from New York City, on a cold day in
December, some years ago: A little boy, about 10-years-old, was
standing before a shoe store on the roadway, barefooted, peering
through the window, and shivering with cold.
A lady approached the young boy and said, 'My, but you're in such
deep thought staring in that window!'
'I was asking God to give me a pair of shoes,' was the boy's
reply.
The lady took him by the hand, went into the store, and asked the
clerk to get half a dozen pairs of socks for the boy. She then asked
if he could give her a basin of water and a towel. He quickly brought
them to her. She took the little fellow to the back part of the store
and, removing her gloves, knelt down, washed his little feet, and
dried them with the towel. By this time, the clerk had returned with
the socks. Placing a pair upon the boy's feet, she purchased him
a pair of shoes.
She tied up the remaining pairs of socks and gave them to him.
She patted him on the head and said, 'No doubt, you will be more
comfortable now.'
As she turned to go, the astonished kid caught her by the hand, and
looking up into her face, with tears in his eyes, asked her.
'Are you God's wife?'
*********************************************
SEND TO ALL WHO LOVE AND CARE FOR CHILDREN.
Hope this put a smile on your face it
Sure did mine!
---
...Awww, sweet ones! Thanks LouiseAu!
=========================================================
______ ______
_/ Y \_
// ~~ ~~ | ~~ ~ \\
// ~ ~ ~~ | ~~~ ~~ \\ Original Unknown
//________.|.________\\ Diddled by David Issel
`----------`-'----------'
>-->From HandyHints:
I was reading an article and found it a bit interesting,
so I thought I would share with you. Do you notice the
older we get we tend to wobble more, and aren't as stable
on our feet? Well, did you know that we lose up to three
pounds of muscles - and 10% of our strength - every
decade after the age of 30!
They say if you spend 30 minutes twice a week of doing
simple exercises like squats and bicep curls it can
boost your strength and balance by 52% in just four
weeks. That cuts your risk of falls and injuries by 67%.
Strong legs make you less likely to stumble, and strong
arms help you right yourself before you collapse.
Just something to keep in mind, all!
-<>-
(
) )
_.(--"("""--.._
/, _..-----).._,\
| `'''-----'''` |
\ /
'. .'
jgs '--.....--'
Soup away aches
Are you congested and achy? Spoon up Grandma's delicious
chicken soup!
Chicken is rich in immunity-boosting zinc, and all the veggies
deliver hundreds of anti-inflammatory nutrients.
Research shows this ever-so-popular comfort food cuts symptoms
by 55%. Even better...have it before bed - women who do drift
off 30 minutes sooner and sleep 25% more deeply.
-<>-
Repurpose Trays and Bowls
Reusing some old dishes as organizers can help you finally
tame that junk drawer.
Place a non-slip mat underneath to keep them from shifting
when you open and close the drawer.
-<>-
'Go Green' Hint: Unplug appliances when not in use
Small appliances such as TVs, cable boxes, Blu-Ray players,
and video game system use energy even when they're turned off.
Consider unplugging items that won't be used regularly, or
get a power strip with switches to save even more energy.
-<>-
Looking to paint a room in your home in the near future?
Here's a quick money saving tip that you may not be aware
of.
As you know a new coat of paint can refresh any room,
but at $30 per gallon, the cost can quickly add up.
Ask about returned or clearance paint at the store.
The big-box retailers such as Lowe's and Home Depot sell
paint that has been returned by customers who weren't
happy with the color - the paint itself it perfectly fine -
they just sell at a steep discount.
Or...contact your local recycling center. Many homeowners
and local businesses dispose of unwanted paints and stains,
and most of it is in good condition - and the center may
let you have it for pennies.
-<>-
Update your counters for less
If your counters need a upgrade don't call a contractor -
just pick up a can of countertop paint!
Now of days they have some great resin-based countertop kits
on the market that are super easy to use and can transform
even the most outdated counter surfaces and make them look
like marble, Silestone, and more - it's really an easy DIY
that will look like you spent a fortune on.
Check out kits by Rustoleum and Gianni in home-improvement
stores - they cost between $60 - $100! What a steal!
-<>-
/|\ [] |"""""""""""--__ /| |\
/ | \ || |____________--"" ( |__| )
| ( ) | || | | \ /
| .-. | || | | |12|
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pb
Spend Less on Tools
Isn't it frustrating when you need a tool you don't own for
one simple project, and that you won't use again?
Check out your local library, there are nearly 100 across the
country that allow you to borrow tools for little to no cost.
Localtools.org/find
If there is no lending library by you consider renting a tool
from your local hardware store or the big-box Home Depot or
Lowe's.
Just make sure whatever tool you are renting isn't 'commercial
grade' or too complicated for a nonprofessional to use.
-<>-
'Go Green' Hint: Replace Your Lightbulbs
Incandescent light bulbs create as much heat as they do
light, and home electronics stay hot even when they're on
standby.
So shut 'em off completely to save energy and cool things
down a notch. And consider replacing old bulbs with Energy
Star bulbs, which produce 75% less heat.
=========================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
Hannity 2/15/19
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n9AywQx4ZWM
Ingraham Angle
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SdDpeR-oBrU
Justice with Judge Jeanine on Fox News 2/16/19
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wYpWp_Wy-TY
President Trump on 'Solid Legal Ground' to End the Crisis on our
Southern Border -New York Daily News
https://tinyurl.com/yyy7svo5
Where Trump Won: Historic ICE Funding, Triple Wall Miles, Killed
‘Poison Pills’ -Washington Examiner
https://tinyurl.com/y2wecsgp
Boom: Best Economic Optimism in 16 Years, 50% ‘Better Off’ Under Trump
-Washington Examiner
https://tinyurl.com/y6l5hnfa
Trump's Free Market Approach to Drug Pricing Will Help Lower Costs
-The Hill
https://tinyurl.com/y5qdhqll
High Speed Broadband Is Fostering a New Era of Innovation for Rural
America -Agri-Pulse
https://tinyurl.com/y5p5sk68
HERE ARE THE 3 TRUTHS REP MEADOWS BELIEVES YOU WON’T FIND
IN MCCABE’S BOOK
https://tinyurl.com/yxhtwz3u
What you should know: How President Trump is making our schools safer
https://tinyurl.com/y4eee829
“USA Today ran a surprising story on Tuesday headlined ‘Can the middle-
class revival under Trump last?’ It's surprising — shocking really —
because it might just be the first time a major news outlet has admitted
that there has been a middle-class revival under Trump,” the Investor’s
Business Daily editorial board writes. “It's a safe bet that had a
Democrat been in the White House over the past two years things would be
different.”
https://tinyurl.com/y3khg243
Michael Stumo writes in The Hill. “There’s no doubt that America’s
manufacturers are currently rebounding. The tariffs that President Trump
imposed a year ago on steel, aluminum, solar panels and washing machines
have already created more than 11,000 new jobs.”
https://tinyurl.com/yyag5dh3
WhiteHouseNews:
https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/
Latest From Big League Politics
https://bigleaguepolitics.com/campaign/
Secure the Border - Border Facts
https://borderfacts.com/
Latest From AFA:
http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw
Students For Life
https://tinyurl.com/yd5nxmu6
Latest From OperationRescue:
http://www.operationrescue.org/
Today's Best Conservative Humor!
https://theusawire.com/2018/03/8092-todays-best-conservative-humor/
Product Alert: Cereal, Salmon, Water, Mattresses
http://www.emergencyemail.org/products/?fmt=text
'Why Is She So Dumb??' - Tucker Carlson Analyzes Alexandria
Ocasio Cortez' Character (New Green Deal)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n6guWf8P-5Y
---
...More Thoughts on the Democrats Green New Deal...
Everyone talks about no steak or beef with the Green New Deal, but
they'll simply tax it so it's very expensive to buy - thus achieving
their goal of reducing cows here. No one is talking about milk, cheese
and dairy products either - gotta have cows for that too! They'll make
those food items too expensive too. They are nuts!
Cory Booker is a vegetarian so of course he doesn't want cows. But -
Booker slams Trump over border emergency, says he won't push his vegan
diet on Americans
https://fxn.ws/2NaQiJh
Cory Booker is out talking about the costs of going green is all a lie.
He says that it will pay for itself. I don't see how. I saw on a court
case on Judge Judy that a man had put up solar panels on his house in
Florida and then rigged up a wind turban generator to his house as
well. When asked if he felt it had done any good, his response was,
"Yes. It saved about a $100 a month.' Mind you, this is in Florida with
excellent sunshine and wind off the ocean. I don't think I'd do as
well in cloudy Ohio. And he had only SAVED about a $100 a month. It
didn't take care of all his energy needs. I don't see their New Green
Deal plan of 'no use of carbon fuels' is going to work unless like
Laura Ingraham says we go back to the Flintstone age!
They always want us to believe that the US is the worst country in the
world as far as our pollution goes. It is ridiculous and shows just
how manipulating they are.
Here's the real info I brought up last Thursday...
'New estimates from the U.S. Census Bureau put China in the lead with
1.34 billion residents, followed by India with 1.19 billion. The United
States is a distant third with 311.1 million people.'
https://tinyurl.com/y3myth4l
The liberals aren't talking about the other elephants in the room:
The Financial Times has collated Nasa satellite data showing
concentrations of nitrogen dioxide — a common air pollutant — over China
from January 2005 to May 2018.
A time-lapse of the data reveals the extent of the pollution crisis in
China, and how pollution spikes in winter, when coal is required for
heating. But it also reveals a troubling resurgence in pollution levels.
https://ig.ft.com/china-pollution/
Even if we got our pollution down to net zero - and ended our quality
of life as we now know it today - to accommodate the aspirations of the
liberals in their 'Green New Deal' over the next ten years, China would
make what we do futile here in the US with their way over double our
pollution:
Pollution Index: China = 81.89 US = 34.29
Pollution Exp Scale: China = 148.82 US = 56.99
https://tinyurl.com/y4745z4n
India is almost as bad and would nix our efforts as well:
Pollution Index: India = 75.35 US = 34.29
Pollution Exp Scale: India = 132.25 US = 56.99
https://tinyurl.com/y5srrsyd
I was thinking about Mexico - not near as industrialized as we are
so I looked up their stats vs our stats. Surprise!
Pollution Index: Mexico = 66.26 US = 34.33
Pollution Exp Scale: Mexico = 114.58 US = 57.05
https://tinyurl.com/yy9s85dy
Just so you don't think I am making this stuff up, by No surprise,
Canada with its vast wilderness and trees comes out on top of the
United States - but not by as much as you might think...
Pollution Index: Canada = 27.47 US = 34.33
Pollution Exp Scale: Canada = 45.00 US = 57.05
Here's another one for our friends in Australia - not surprising,
doing much better than we are in the US...
Pollution Index: US = 34.33 Australia = 23.77
Pollution Exp Scale: US = 57.05 Australia = 38.36
https://tinyurl.com/yyeylu6o
Of course we are much bigger than Australia - United States is
approximately 9,833,517 sq km, while Australia is approximately
7,741,220 sq km. Meanwhile, the population of United States is
~326.6 million people (303.4 million fewer people live in Australia).
So, considering this, we are doing pretty good in comparison.
Oh, and Here is a Shocker...
London is at 8.3 million people, while NYC is at 8.4 million. London,
however, has much more room for its inhabitants — it's 138 square
miles bigger than NYC. So it's pretty safe to say that New York is way
more crowded than London. London wins because it's less crowded than
New York City. Considering this, you would think that London would be
cleaner and less polluted than New York City. But think again...
Pollution Index: London = 59.99 NY = 55.69
Pollution Exp Scale: London = 107.33 NY = 97.64
https://tinyurl.com/y2vvuxjg
So the left going all bananas over 'we have to go Green and stop
using all fossil fuels' (especially now that the US is the number
one energy producer in the world and is reaping the benefits of
it to all citizens in our country) is just plain bad for America!
According to BP Statistical Review of World Energy, in 2017
the U.S. ranked:
#1 in total energy production
#1 in oil production
#1 in natural gas production
#1 in nuclear power
#1 in geothermal power
#1 in biofuels
#2 in wind power
#2 in solar power
#2 in coal production
#4 in hydropower
Yes, The U.S. Is The World's Top Energy Producer
https://tinyurl.com/y56rrhlq
I think the Democrats want to bankrupt America and make our lives
miserable in the process just so they can be in control of us!
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
Most people would consider waking up, still drunk, in a box
at a landfill with no recollection of what happened, the
conclusion of a very bad night. But on the other hand, this
story happened in Texas, so...
The woman in question was found alive in a box at a dump in
Irving, Texas, nine miles from where she had last been seen.
She was spotted by a passerby, who saw what was believed to
be a half naked woman's body in a box near the entrance to
the dump around 9 a.m.
Police say the woman was with a friend at a nightclub
several hours earlier.
The woman needed help getting to her car, so a man offered
to help while the woman's friend got their car. Both were
gone when her friend got back with their car. That's when
the woman's friend called Dallas Police and reported her
missing.
Irving Police say the woman was very drunk when they found
her.
Initial exams showed no signs of sexual assault. The woman
said she doesn't remember how she ended up at the landfill.
*--- Marijuana Smokers Find a Tiger? ---*
Police said a group of people broke into an abandoned
Houston home to smoke marijuana and quickly discovered they
weren't alone -- there was a tiger in the house. The
Houston Police Department said the people called the 311
non-emergency line when they broke into the southeast
Houston home, which was believed to be unoccupied, and
discovered a tiger in a cage. A BARC Animal Shelter crew
responded to the home with the Houston police's Major
Offender Animal Cruelty Unit and tranquilized the tiger,
nicknamed "Tyson" by rescuers after the famous scene in The
Hangover featuring boxer Mike Tyson's tiger. Police said
the tiger, which appeared well fed and in good health, is
being taken to an undisclosed animal sanctuary.
Investigators said it is legal to own a tiger in Texas with
the proper wildlife permits, but it is not legal to keep
such an animal in the city of Houston.
*--- From Diving Board to Keyboard ---*
This story makes me want to bang my skull off of something.
Who knows what hidden talents I might have. It's not a joke.
It is a rare phenomena called Acquired Savant Syndrome, and
it is what happened to one Colorado man after he took a deep
dive into a shallow pool. Twelve years ago Derek Amato dove
into a pool and cracked his head on the bottom. After
recovering from the accident, he was at a friend's house
when he walked over to the keyboard and suddenly, without
ever playing the piano before, he began playing. The trauma
to the head unlocked something unique inside Amato's brain.
Amato describes black and white squares appear in his mind
when he's at the piano. "I just follow what the blocks tell
me to do. I do my best to take those notes and put them into
playing," said Amato. Amato has written a book about it his
experience called 'My Beautiful Disaster.' What's the luck?
Think about all of those NFL players who have suffered
multiple concussions, and none of them never learned anything.
*--- If The Shoe Fits... ---*
The Canadian mystery foot continues to remain a mystery.
Canadian authorities said that they were unable to identify
the person whose foot was found last year in a Nike sneaker
that washed up on the Vancouver shoreline. The foot is the
15th that has been discovered on the British Columbia shore-
line in just over a decade. About half of those feet were
eventually identified, belonging to people who either died
by accident or committed suicide, but the rest remain a
mystery. Andy Watson, spokesperson for the coroner's
service, said the agency is "turning to the public for
help" after exhausting all "of the available information"
that was found at the scene. He insisted that the bizarre
trend is not linked to "any sort of suspicious circumstance"
and isn't "cause for panic." Sounds like the perfect time
to panic, to me.
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend PatDeE :)
__
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>JEWISH POKER CLUB
Six retired, Jewish Floridian fellows were playing poker in the condo
clubhouse when Meyer loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest,
and drops dead at the table.
Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five continue
playing, but standing up.
At the end of the game, Finklestein looks around and asks, "So, who's
gonna tell his wife?"
They cut the cards. Goldberg picks the low card and has to carry the
news. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad
situation any worse.
"Discreet? I'm the most discreet person you'll ever meet. Discretion is
my middle name. Leave it to me."
Goldberg goes over to the Meyer's condo and knocks on the door. The
wife answers through the door and asks what he wants? Goldberg declares:
"Your husband just lost $500 in a poker game and is afraid to come
home."
"Tell him to drop dead!" ...yells the wife!
"I'll go tell him," says Goldberg.
-<>-
/)
//
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>The Samurai
Once upon a time, a powerful Emperor of the Rising Sun advertised
for a new Chief Samurai. After a year, only three applied for the job:
a Japanese, a Chinese, and a Jewish Samurai.
"Demonstrate your skills!" commanded the Emperor.
The Japanese samurai stepped forward, opened a tiny box, and released
a fly. He drew his samurai sword and *Swish!* the fly fell to the
floor, neatly divided in two!
"What a feat!" said the Emperor. "Number Two Samurai, show me what
you do."
The Chinese samurai smiled confidently, stepped forward and opened a
tiny box, releasing a fly. He drew his samurai sword and *Swish!
Swish!* The fly fell to the floor neatly quartered.
"That is great skill!" nodded the Emperor. "How are you going to
top that, Number three Samurai?"
The Jewish samurai, Obi-wan Cohen, stepped forward, opened a tiny box
releasing one fly, drew his samurai sword and *Swoooooosh!* flourished
his sword so mightily that a gust of wind blew through the room. But
the fly was still buzzing around! In disappointment, the Emperor said,
"What kind of skill is that? The fly isn't even dead."
"Dead?" replied the Jewish Samurai. "Dead is easy ~ but circumcised?"
---
...Oh My goodness! HaHa! Thanks PatDeE!
=========================================================
>-->From TheGroaner:
>You Got $2?
A bum asks a man for $2.
The man asked, "Will you buy booze?"
The bum said, "No."
The man asked, "Will you gamble it away?"
The bum said, "No."
Then the man asked, "Will you come home with me so my wife can see
what happens to a man who doesn't drink or gamble?"
-<>-
@@@@@@@@
@@@ \| \
@@@@@ (*) (*)
@@@@@@ \ \
@@@@@@ __) )
@@@@@@ ________( _ | |
@@@@@@ /|/|/|/|/ | ' |__|
@@@@@ | A |_|| _ | |
@@@@@ | /| /| /| |_| | |
ejm97 @@ \/_|/_|/_| | |
@@@@ \
@@@@@@ _______)
) (
>In Bed With My Best Friend
A man walks into a bar and orders a triple scotch. As the bartender
pours the drink, he remarks, "That's quite a heavy drink. What's
wrong?"
After quickly downing his drink, the man replies, "I found my wife
in bed with my best friend."
"Wow," says the barkeep. "What'd you do?"
"I walked over to my wife," the man replies, "looked her straight
in the eye, and told her to pack her stuff and get the heck out."
"That makes sense," says the bartender. "And what about your best
friend?"
"I walked over, looked him right in the eye, and yelled, 'Bad dog!?'"
-<>-
>What Do Blondes Drink?
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and ordered
their drinks from the bartender.
Brunette: "I'll have a B and C."
Bartender: "What is a B and C?"
Brunette: "Bourbon and Coke."
Redhead: "And, I'll have a G and T."
Bartender: "What's a G and T?"
Redhead: "Gin and tonic."
Blonde: "I'll have a 15."
Bartender: "What's a 15?"
Blonde: "7 and 7!"
-<>-
>Feminist on the Bus
A radical feminist was getting on a bus when, just in front of her,
a man got up from his seat.
She thought to herself, "Here's another man trying to keep up the
customs of a patriarchical society by offering a poor, defenseless
woman his seat," and she pushed him back onto the seat.
A few minutes later, the man tried to get up again.
She was insulted again and refused to let him up.
Finally, the man said, "Look, lady, you've got to let me get up.
I'm two miles past my stop already!"
-<>-
'."""""""""""""""""`.
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>Q and A Quickies
Q: Why did the banana go to the doctor?
A: Because it wasn't peeling well!
Q: Why do Eskimos wash their clothes in tide?
A: Because it's too cold out tide!
Q: Why did the atoms cross the road?
A: It was time to split!
Q: What happens when you cross rice krispies with a kangaroo?
A: Snap! Crackle! Hop!
Q: How do basketball players stay cool during games?
A: They sit by their fans!
Q: Why did the robber take a bath?
A: Because he wanted to make a clean getaway!
=========================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
( ) ( ) |.
`_^_' (|||)(|
/ |,\ ,|
|- ' -| |.
\_,_/ (|||)(|
/___\ ,|
ejm
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and
were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would
need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning
business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and
LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, 'Important; wake me
at 5:00AM.' He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was
9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about
to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he
noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, 'It is 5:00AM. Wake up.'
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
-<>-
A young couple honeymooning in Las Vegas were down to their
last two dollars. The groom told the bride that he had a
feeling that he could turn the two bucks into a fortune if
he went down to the casino alone.
Once in the casino, he put one dollar each into two slot
machines and won Jackpots on both totaling $10,000. He then
played blackjack for an hour until he had $50,000 in chips.
Next, he played poker and upped his winnings to $100,000.
He was about to cash in his chips when he got a hunch that
his luck hadn't run out. So he took all his money and placed
it on Black at the roulette table, hoping to double his
money. But the ball came up Red. He returned to his hotel
room.
"How did you do?" asked the bride.
The groom shrugged and said, "I lost two dollars."
-<>-
_.-""""-.
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'.:`-'
I am five feet, three inches tall and pleasingly plump.
After I had a minor accident, my mother accompanied me
to the emergency room. The nurse asked for my height and
weight and I blurted out, "Five-foot-eight, 125 pounds."
While the nurse pondered over this information, my mother
leaned over to me. "Sweetheart," she gently chided, "this
is not the Internet."
-<>-
The wife left a note on the fridge:
"It's not working, I can't take it anymore! Gone to stay
with my mother."
I opened the fridge, the light came on, the beer was cold.
I wonder what the heck she is talking about?
-<>-
A man was sitting alone in his office one night when a genie
popped up out of his ashtray.
"And what will your third wish be?"
The man looked at the genie and said, "Huh? How can I be
getting a third wish when I haven't had a first or second
wish yet?"
"You have had two wishes already," the genie said, "but your
second wish was for me to put everything back the way it was
before you made your first wish. Thus, you remember nothing,
because everything is the way it was before you made any
wishes. You now have one wish left."
"Okay," said the man, "I don't believe this, but what the
heck. I've always wanted to understand women. I'd love to
know what's going on inside their heads."
"Funny," said the genie as it granted his wish and
disappeared forever, "That was your first wish, too!"
-<>-
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`-` `-=.;_,.__.__\_,/ )_/___+_/_________\,"(_//_(__)______:-._)
gpyy
1. Going to bed early
2. Not leaving my house
3. Not going to a party
My childhood punishments have become my adult goals.
=========================================================
>-->From TheMouth:
__ _|_
|+-==| .'.':`.`.
| |+--=| / / | \ \
/'\ '+ -=| ^^^^^^^^^^^
//|\\ =| &C O__u | u O~
O ^^^^^ /\_u/\/uuu|uuu\/\
&C /|\_@| C__@ /) ( '--------' ,|
/\_ \@@@@|@@\/\ /_| \_\ | /_| |
( ( `,o--------') /| / | /|\ |\ /'\
/__\ /`' | <| _|_ //|\\
/| /> /|\ \` .'.':`.`. ^^^^^
/ / | \ \ %%|%% O
_|_ ^^^^^^^^^^^ %%%|%%%_/\\
.'.':`.`. C_/ | '-------' )
/ / | \ \ d}<|8888|888 {b | / \
^^^^^^^^^^^ _888/\_88888|8888_/\ /|\ | \
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/),\_ O | \/|\/ | |_\ | \ | |/_(
o /( ) /|\####|###### O | | \ /|\ | \\
(`' )_( \|'-----------'/\\
/\ / | |\ | _o / )
ejm |/ /|\ (`' /|
/> \ \
>Signs You're Really Broke
1. American Express calls and says: "Leave home without it!"
2. Your idea of a 7-course meal is taking a deep breath
outside a fine restaurant.
3. You're formulating a plan to rob the food bank.
4. You've rolled so many pennies, you've formed a psychic
bond with Abe.
5. Long distance companies no longer call you to switch.
6. Your credit card companies raised the rates from 6.9%
to 24.9%.
7. You see your roommate as a large fried chicken in tennis
shoes.
8. You receive care packages from Europe.
9. Your bologna has no first name.
10 You rob Peter...and then rob Paul.
11. You finally clean your house, hoping to find change.
12. You think of a lottery ticket as an investment.
13. You give blood everyday - for the orange juice.
14. McDonalds supplies you with all your kitchen condiments.
15. Consumer Credit Counseling services said "No."
16. The neighborhood dog stopped sniffing at your pockets.
-<>-
*umph*
|
_ \ / _
_|#| .-. .-. |#|_
|#|#|______/ /_ .-'-. _\ \______|#|#|
[|#|#|------| ( || | || ) |------|#|#|]
|#|#| |__|_.-'''-._|__| Pr|#|#|
"|#| 59|#|"
" "
>The Top Signs You're Out of Shape
1. You've ever torn something just trying to turn off the
alarm clock.
2. People at work only refer to you by saying "Hey fatso!"
3. You've thrown your back out by carrying a bag of groceries.
4. Random strangers come up, poke you in the stomach and
expect you to giggle.
5. Your record is 34 Pushups and you could have done more if
the Ice Cream Man would have taken plastic.
6. You get the Christmas gift of Jigglin' To The Oldies.
7. You cramp up while watching the New York City Marathon.
8. Watching Rocky 5 is your idea of a workout video.
9. The sales clerk nicely but firmly pulls you away from the
jeans rack and whispers "Its Sansabelt Time, Tubby"
=========================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
Trump - Making America Great Again
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/trumpposters.html
Inspiring Presidents Quotes
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/presidentquotes.html
US Presidents Facts
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/presidentsfacts.html
Boys To President
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/boystopres.html
Presidents Before And After
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/presidents.html
US Presidents And The Queen
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/queenofengland.html
Magnificent President Tree
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/presidenttree.html
Celebrity Private Jets
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/celebrityjets.html
Limos In US History
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/limos.html
Houses Of Power
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/housesofpower.html
Morgan Sports Cars
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/morgan.html
Wild Kisses And Snuggles
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wildkisses.html
Bucket List!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bucketlist.html
Cat Spot Tips!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/catspots.html
Why Golf Is Better
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/golf.html
Amazing Photos 3!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/amazingphotos3.html
CATtitude!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/cattitude.html
Cool Optical Illusions 3
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/optical3.html
Eleanore Roosevelt Quotes
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/eleanorquotes.html
Kilroy Was Here!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/kilroywashere.html
Nanny Animals 4
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/nannyanimals4.html
Dog Rescue Stories 2
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dogrescues2.html
Look Who's Talking 13
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/talking13.html
Bobcat On A Cactus
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bobcatoncactus.html
-<>-
Some of Shangrala's Best Pages
http://www.amazafamily.com/index.html
-<>-
Celeb Junction
Features photographs, biography, filmography, profile and
links of the celebrities.
http://www.celebjunction.com
FCI Dog dance World Championship 2016 – Freestyle final
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GL3DXJE9UJk
Blind Dog Saves Drowning Girl - It's A Miracle - 6033
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zi1fgOB4u6o
Mara Border Collie - Amazing Dog Tricks
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Sb6vfAdTxg
Unbelievable Animals That Saved People's Lives
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ThATkncf8nY
-<>-
>From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
A collection of funny cats who like the interaction with vacuum
cleaners.
https://youtu.be/63xWsWuH-eI
---
...Wow! Haha! Thanks LouiseAu! I can't even get my cat to sit still
for a kitty brushing - he is too much of a scaredy-cat!
Kaiser the Cat and Nana the Dog are Home Alone and in the
midst of having their own fun have to deal with an intruder
to their home. Everyone knows having a dog is a good way to
beef up your home security but a cat for home defense is
something I would never have thought possible. Obviously
the dog has taught this cat a few tricks of the trade.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hkg_j7Hvldg
---
...Love this one. A border collie - of course! Thanks LouiseAu!
They actually can teach cats to be attack cats!
Here's some places to check out...
Cats who think they are dogs
https://tinyurl.com/yxr2stjo
History of Siamese Cats
https://www.petplan.com.au/blog/cat/a-history-of-cats-siamese/
This is my favorite!
The Savitsky Cats: Super Trained Cats Perform Exciting Routine
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8e0z3-iZ_TY
=======================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"The Baltimore airport just got a gym where you can work
out while you wait for a flight. Finally combining the
two things Americans love most - waiting in airports and
exercise." -Jimmy Fallon
"For Valentine's Day, some KFCs are letting you send a
loved one a heart-shaped bucket of fried chicken. And
even better, if you really hate someone, you can send
them two buckets." -Conan O'Brien
"We're now less than a week away from V-Day. Valentine's
Day is a test. It's a test of your commitment, your
preparedness, a test of whether you love someone enough
to waste $100 on flowers that on any other day of the
year would cost you $30." -Jimmy Kimmel
"On Monday in Vermont, a barrel of maple syrup fell off
a truck and spilled all over the highway. Luckily, it
broad-sided a French toast truck." -Conan O'Brien
"Merriam-Webster dictionary added over 1,000 new words
today, including the word 'photobomb.' They didn't WANT
to add 'photobomb,' but it jumped in at the last second
and kinda ruined the dictionary." -Jimmy Fallon
"The British tabloid, The Mirror, published a story about
a woman who faked her own death to break off a relation-
ship after the man wouldn't leave her alone. Ahh, yes, the
old 'It's not you, I'm dead' approach." -Seth Meyers
"The world's most expensive Lego brick, made out of 14 karat
gold, just sold online for $15,000. The new owner says he's
pleased to add it to his collection and it just got vacuumed
up by his mom." -Jimmy Fallon
"Advertisers paid more than $5 million for a 30-second Super
Bowl commercial, which seems like too much money to remind
us that avocados exist. Isn't running an ad for avocados on
Super Bowl Sunday too late? It's the one day of the year
we're already eating avocados." -Jimmy Kimmel
"A man ate 409 chicken wings to become champion of
Philadelphia's Wing Bowl over the weekend, which was
unfortunately too many words to fit on his tombstone."
-Seth Meyers
"Here’s something scary: Justice Department officials have
determined that the president of the United States has the
legal authority to have someone killed. If you’re the
president, you can actually legally order the killing of
someone in the United States. Today, Bill Clinton withdrew
his support for Hillary."
--Jay Leno
"When you are eight years old, nothing is any of your
business."
--Lenny Bruce
"People that are really very weird can get into sensitive
positions and have a tremendous impact on history"
--Dan Quayle
"A classic is something that everybody wants to have read
and nobody wants to read."
--Mark Twain
"Nothing changes your opinion of a friend so surely as
success - yours or his."
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy!
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http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
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-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61
NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
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-->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home
Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the
Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
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A Recipe
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