Happy St. Patrick's Day And Giant Panda Day! ... :) Shangy!
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-<>-
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================
*~* HAVE A HAPPY, SAFE AND BLESSED ST.PATRICK'S DAY! :)
_____________ ( )
| | ( ) %%%%%%%
|____-----____| ( ) %%%% %%%%
| \___/ | ( ) %%%% %%%%
_______________________ ( ) %%% %% %%%
\\ // ( ) %% %% (o)(o) %%
\\__~~~_______~~~__// ( ) %% ____ %% / \ %%
|\ |(0) (0)| /| ( ) % / __ \ %% / \ .. ) %
|\ \| (. .) |/ /| ___ %% / / \ \ %% /\__/ %%
\ ||| , ||| / [ ] % ( \ \ \/%% / %
|||| \_______/=============| | %% \ \__ \/ %% __ %%
||||| --- ||||| \_/ % \ \/ /%% /__\ %
||||| ||||| ||||| %% \__ ' /\ %%// \> %%
||||||||||||||||| %% \ /\ \_%% %%
||||||||||||| %%% \_/ \__/%% %%%
||||||||| %%%% %%%%
||||| %%%% %%%%
%%%%%%%
Mike Jittlov
=======================================================
>-->From SmileZilla:
,--. ,--.
( O ) ( O )
`--' \ `--'
\ _
>-. / /|
`-.__.'
Krogg
Patient: "Doctor, Doctor I think I am suffering from De-ja vu."
Doctor: "Didn't I see you yesterday?"
-<>-
>You know you work in Corporate North America in the 90's if...
You've sat at the same desk for 4 years and worked for three
different companies.
Your company welcome sign is attached with Velcro.
Your resume is on a diskette in your pocket.
When someone asks about what you do for a living, you lie.
You get really excited about a 2% pay raise.
Your biggest loss from a system crash is that you lose your
best jokes.
Free food left over from meetings is your main staple.
Your supervisor doesn't have the ability to do your job.
You sit in a cubicle smaller than your bedroom closet.
Salaries of the members on the Executive Board are higher than
all the Third World countries' annual budgets combined.
You think lunch is just a meeting to which you drive.
It's dark when you drive to and from work.
Communication is something your group is having problems with.
You see a good looking person and know it is a visitor.
Weekends are those days your spouse makes you stay home.
Being sick is defined as can't walk or you're in the hospital.
You're already late on the assignment you just got.
When 100% of your time means 20 hours.
You work 200 hours for the $100 bonus check and jubilantly say
"Oh wow, thanks!"
Dilbert cartoons hang outside every cube.
Your boss' favorite lines are "when you get a few minutes", "in
your spare time", "when you're freed up", and "I have an
opportunity for you."
Vacation is something you roll over to next year OR a check you
get every January.
Your relatives and family describe your job as "works with
computers".
Nepotism is encouraged.
The only reason you recognize your kids is because their
pictures are hanging in your cube.
You only have makeup for fluorescent lighting.
You read this entire list and understood it.
=======================================================
+------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+
March 16 is Everything You Do is Right Day, Freedom of
Information Day and Giant Panda Bear Day
March 17 is Corned Beef and Cabbage Day, Submarine Day, Saint
Patrick's Day and Tea for Two Tuesday
March 18 is Goddess of Fertility Day and Supreme Sacrifice Day
March 19 is Absolutely Incredible Kid Day, Poultry Day and
Spring (Vernal) Equinox
March 20 is International Earth Day, Extraterrestrial Abductions
Day, Proposal Day and World Sparrow Day
March 21 is Credit Card Reduction Day, Fragrance Day, International
Sports Car Racing Day and National Quilting Day
March 22 is National Goof Off Day
=======================================================
>-->From Mikey'sFunnies:
__ __
,',.\/,.`.
\(_,''._)/
._(.||.)_,
(,>(__)<.)
'`-.==,-'`
)(_
_____ _.' `-.
_.-'' ,','| \.\
,-' `-.`: . :\\_
/,::::, ,::::, ,>))._ ,' `'`
//::::/ /::::/ / )'/.
//::::/ /::::/ / ,',|`.\
/______________/ /,'||'|))
\ _ _ __ _ _ _ \,':(_ |('((__
\___(,.)SSt____\,|_)))_))`--`
/,'
//
First Mouse: I finally got that scientist trained.
Second Mouse: How so?
First Mouse: Every time I go through the maze and ring the
bell, he gives me something to eat.
[forwarded by Steve Sanderson]
-<>-
>The comments of an experienced mother:
"Before I got married, I had six theories about bringing up
children... Now I have six children and no theories!"
-<>-
>IMPOSSIBILITIES IN THE WORLD
1) You can't count your hair.
2) You can't wash your eyes with soap.
3) You can't breathe when your tongue is out.
Put your tongue back in your mouth -
sure you can still breathe! HAHA
-<>-
>TEN THINGS I KNOW ABOUT YOU.
1) You are reading this.
2) You are human.
3) You can't say the letter 'P' without separating your lips.
4) You just attempted to do it. HAHA
6) You are laughing at yourself.
7) You have a smile on your face and you skipped No. 5.
8) You just checked to see if there is a No. 5.
9) You laugh at this because you are a fun loving person &
everyone does it, too.
10) You are probably going to send this to see who else falls
for it.
[forwarded by Jerry Gregg]
=========================================================
________
.##@@&&&@@##.
,##@&::%&&%%::&@##.
#@&:%%000000000%%:&@#
#@&:%00' '00%:&@#
#@&:%0' '0%:&@#
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#@&:%0 0%:&@#
#@&:%0 0%:&@#
"" ' " " ' ""
_oOoOoOo_ .-.-.
(oOoOoOoOo) ( : )
)`"""""`( .-.`. .'.-.
/ \ (_ '.Y.' _)
| # | ( .'|'. )
\ / '-' | '-'
jgs `=========`
>-->St.Patrick's Day SMILES :)
Tom: What do you get when you cross a four-leaf clover with
poison ivy?
Pee Wee: I don't know.
Tom: A rash of good luck on St. Patrick's Day.
Seth: What do you call a fake Irish stone?
Spencer: What?
Seth: A shamrock!
David: Mom, I met an Irish boy on St. Patrick's Day.
Mom: Oh, really?
David: No, O'Reilly!
@@ .##@@::;%%&&00'
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________) .###@@::;%%&&00'
| | .###@@::;%%&&00'
_ _|===LI===|_ .###@@::;%%&&00'
/ \_(____________) .###@@::;%%&&00'
\ / (88 o o 88) .###@@::;%%&&00'
\/\ 88: 7 :88` .###@@::;%%&&00'
\/\ '88'=='88' .###@@::;%%&&00'
\ \__'8888'__________.###@@::;%%&&00'
\___<\""/>_____/_/_-'##@@::;%%&&00'
/ >< \ .###@@::;%%&&00'
/__/--\__\ (oO@OoO@@o@oO@@o)
'-.______.-' /`"""""""""""""`\
jgs _|_||_|_ | |
___LI)||(LI___ | |
( ~~ || ~~ ) \ /
`-----''-----` '.___________.'
Katelynn: What did the leprechaun say when the video game ended?
Molly: What?
Katelynn: Game clover!
Joe: Why shouldn't you iron a four-leaf clover?
Bob: Tell me.
Joe: You might press your luck!
Q: Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick's Day?
A: Regular rocks are too heavy.
Q: What do you call a leprechaun who gets sent to jail?
A: A lepre-con!
Murphy : "Why do the Irish always answer a question with
another question?".
Smith: "Do we now?"
Q: What do you call a big Irish spider?
A: Paddy-long-legs.
__...._
.-"` `\
/ |
| |
\ |
\ __...--'|
\.-' |_..-,
__\___...---'`_..-'
(_______....--'\
/ `\ (o \__
| | __) _ _
\ /`\ \ | (_Y_)
_ '-.\_,| | T-._/ (_A_)
_../`'T T-'` | | \__ _|
.' | | | | \___ | /_\`\
/ | | | | \ `/-`\ --|
| \ | | | | /`----' |--'
\ `\ \_; |`-.......-`
.-.-'. \_LI ;
/ / /`-._ |`-\ \
jgs _/_/ / | \ \
( ( ;.__ / \__,\__
`"`""` `""""` `.__._`;
Q: Why did the leprechaun climb over the rainbow?
A: To get to the other side!
Q: What do you call environmentally conscious leprechauns?
A: Wee-cyclers.
Q: What do you call a bad Irish dance?
A: A jig mistake.
Q: What do you call a leprechaun who gets sent to jail?
A: A lepre-con.
Q: Why do frogs love St. Patrick's Day?
A: They're always wearing green.
Q: Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick's Day?
A: Because real rocks are too heavy.
_ _
(_(_)
(_)\
.-----)
|= |
_|____ |_
(_________)
8" "8
(8 6 6 8)
8 7 8
jgs 88-=-88
"888"
Q: What instrument does a showoff play on St. Patrick's Day?
A: Bragpipes!
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Warren.
Warren who?
Warren anything green for St. Patrick's Day?
Q: Why did St. Patrick drive all the snakes out of Ireland?
A: He couldn't afford a plane!
Knock-knock!
Who's there?
Irish.
Irish who?
.-"""""-.
\ /
|.-----.|
__|_______|___ HAPPY
'--;-'```'-;--' ST. PATRICK'S
/ / 6_6 \ \ DAY !
( ( _) ) ) /
( ( .__. ) )
( `._`-'_.' )
/`'-._`"`_.-'`\
| /___```___\ |
\ |___|L|___| /
\/ `"` \/
/..,_______,..\
/ /\ \
| ,-' `-, |
\ `\ ,-'` /
jgs __LI`--`\|`.__/
( /\ LI\
`.___,-'` \ |
'.__/
Irish you a happy St. Patrick's Day!
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
-|-_
| _
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""' m1a
>SMILES
A young naval student was being put through the paces by an old
sea-captain. "What would you do if a sudden storm sprang up on
the starboard?"
"Throw out an anchor, sir."
"What would you do if another storm sprang up aft?"
"Throw out another anchor, sir."
"And if another terrific storm sprang up forward, what would you
do?"
"Throw out another anchor."
"Hold on," said the Captain, "where are you getting all your
anchors from?"
"From the same place you're getting your storms, sir."
----------
Two drunks are walking along. One drunk says to the other, "What
a beautiful night, look at the moon."
The other drunk stops and looks at his drunk friend. "You're
wrong, that's not the moon, that's the sun."
They began to argue when they come upon another drunk. They
asked, "Sir, could you please help settle our argument?
Tell us what that thing is up in the sky that's shining. Is it
the moon or the sun?"
The third drunk looked at the sky and said, "Sorry, I don't live
around here."
----------
Two drunks staggering home one night and one decides to take a
shortcut through the cemetery. Half way through an apparition
appears. "What's that on your back?" the ghost asks.
"It's a hump" says the drunk. The ghost puts his hand on the
drunk's back and the hump disappears.
He races home and next night at the pub he tells his mate all
about it. His mate is amazed and says he is going through the
cemetery that night as he has a wooden leg and wants a proper
leg. Again half way through the cemetery a ghost appears...
"What's wrong with your leg?" he asks.
"It's a wooden leg," says the drunk.
"Have you got a Hump?" asks the ghost.
"No" replies the drunk. So the ghost puts his hand on the drunk's
back and says, "Here, you can have this one."
----------
Two elderly ladies meet at the launderette after not seeing
one another for some time.
After inquiring about each other's health one asked how the
other's husband was doing.
"Oh! Ted died last week. He went out to the garden to dig up
a cabbage for dinner, had a heart attack and dropped down
dead right there in the middle of the vegetable patch!"
"Oh dear! I'm very sorry." replied her friend "What did you
do?"
"Opened a can of peas instead."
-------
The minister asked for anyone who knew a truly perfect person to
stand up. After a long pause a meek-looking fellow in the back
stood.
"Do you really know a perfect person?" he was asked.
"Yes, Sir, I do," answered the little man.
"Would you please tell the congregation who this rare perfect
person is?"
"Yes, Sir, my wife's first husband."
----------
It was election time and a politician decided to go out to the
local reservation and try to get the Native American vote. They
were all assembled in the Council Hall to hear the speech. The
politician had worked up to his finale, and the crowd was getting
more and more excited. "I promise better education opportunities
for Native Americans!"
The crowd went wild, shouting "Hoya! Hoya!" The politician was a
bit puzzled by the native word, but was encouraged by their
enthusiasm. "I promise gambling reforms to allow a Casino on the
Reservation!"
"Hoya! Hoya!" cried the crowd, stomping their feet.
"I promise more social reforms and job opportunities for Native
Americans!" The crowd reached a frenzied pitch shouting "Hoya!
Hoya! Hoya!"
After the speech, the Politician was touring the Reservation, and
saw a tremendous herd of cattle. Since he was raised on a ranch,
and knew a bit about cattle, he asked the Chief if he could get
closer to take a look at the cattle.
"Sure," the Chief said, "but be careful not to step in the hoya."
----------
A couple trying to break into society hosted an elegant and
expensive dinner party. As the guests were enjoying their dinner
salad, the maid called the hostess from the table. The maid
informed her that the cat had climbed on the kitchen table and
eaten a large portion of the salmon's mid-section.
The hostess decided to fill the eaten portion with some canned
salmon and other camouflage. As the guests were enjoying the
fish, the maid called the hostess into the kitchen and announced
while wringing her hands, "Madam, the cat is dead."
The hostess and her husband informed the guests and suggested it
might be best if everyone went to the hospital and had their
stomachs pumped Not wishing to risk food-poisoning, all the
guests rushed to the hospital emergency ward and underwent the
unpleasant task of having their stomachs pumped.
Returning home, the couple asked the maid where she had put the
cat. "It is still out on the road where the car ran over it."
-------
Little Johnny's mom was worried. She hadn't seen her elderly
neighbor, Mrs. Goldbaum, in days.
She asked: "Johnny, would you go next door and see how old Mrs.
Goldbaum is?"
A few minutes later, Johnny returned.
Mom: "Well, is she all right?"
Johnny: "She's fine, except that she's mad at you."
Mom: "At me? Whatever for?"
Johnny: "She said its none of your business how old she is."
----------
Two assassins are hired to kill a dictator in South America.
They follow his every move for months, and find out that every
day at noon he goes outside and does his stretching exercises.
So the assassins set up shop right across the street, get all
of their sights set, load the guns, and have everything ready
to go. Noon comes, no dictator...10 minutes longer...no dictator
One assassin turns to the other and says, "Gee, I hope nothing
happened to him."
----------
On the first day of school, about midmorning, the kindergarten
teacher said, "If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up
two fingers." A little voice from the back of the room asked,
"How will that help?"
---
...LOL! Thanks LouiseAu!
-<>-
_
&&&& ' /\ / \
&&& = > . * _ |_|| | | |
&&&& _C '. a h (_ | || | | |
&&&&( () \/ | |
ejm97 / \ // \_/
/ /\\//
/ /\\\/
( ( \\
\ \\ \\
\ \\ ()
/ /|
/_/_|
/__ |__
>How to deal with coronavirus
Dearcolleagues,
Sorry for the mass email. I wanted to share some information about
coronavirus that I received from a friend this morning. I know that
not everyone is as concerned about this coronavirus situation as I
am, but I have been tracking this for the past two months and
witnessing how it went from unnoticeable to completely out of
control in China in a matter of days. So I'm sharing this
information with the hope that this would provide some guidance on
self-detection and protection. I have to say that I don't know the
original source of this information and no validation has been made
about the effectiveness of any of the measures suggested here.
However, these measures seem reasonable as general personal hygiene
recommendations, even if they are not effective in protection
against coronavirus. Please use your own judgement on how much you
want to trust this information. I just hope that we all stay safe
and healthy during this outbreak!
From member of the Stanford hospital board. This is their feedback
for now on Corona virus:
The new Coronavirus may not show sign of infection for many days.
How can one know if he/she is infected?
By the time they have fever and/or cough and go to the hospital,
the lung is usually 50% Fibrosis and it's too late.
Taiwan experts provide a simple self-check that we can do every
morning: Take a deep breath and hold your breath for more than 10
seconds. If you complete it successfully without coughing, without
discomfort, stiffness or tightness, etc., it proves there is no
Fibrosis in the lungs, basically indicates no infection. In
critical time, please self-check every morning in an environment
with clean air.
Serious excellent advice by Japanese doctors treating COVID-19
cases:
Everyone should ensure your mouth & throat are moist, never dry.
Take a few sips of water every 15 minutes at least.
Why?
Even if the virus gets into your mouth, drinking water or other
liquids will wash them down through your throat and into the
stomach. Once there, your stomach acid will kill all the virus. If
you don't drink enough water more regularly, the virus can enter
your windpipe and into the lungs. That's very dangerous.
Please send and share this with family and friends.
1. If you have a runny nose and sputum, you have a common cold
2. Coronavirus pneumonia is a dry cough with no runny nose.
3. This new virus is not heat-resistant and will be killed by a
temperature of just 26/27 degrees. It hates the Sun.
4. If someone sneezes with it, it takes about 10 feet before it
drops to the ground and is no longer airborne.
5. If it drops on a metal surface it will live for at least 12
hours - so if you come into contact with any metal surface - wash
your hands as soon as you can with a bacterial soap.
6. On fabric it can survive for 6-12 hours. normal laundry
detergent will kill it.
7. Drinking warm water is effective for all viruses. Try not to
drink liquids with ice.
8. Wash your hands frequently as the virus can only live on your
hands for 5-10 minutes, but - a lot can happen during that time -
you can rub your eyes, your nose unwittingly and so on.
9. You should also gargle as a prevention. A simple solution of
salt in warm water will suffice.
10. Can't emphasis enough - drink plenty of water!
THE SYMPTOMS:
1. It will first infect the throat, so you'll have a sore throat
lasting 3/4 days
2. The virus then blends into a nasal fluid that enters the
trachea and then the lungs, causing pneumonia. This takes about
5/6 days further.
3. With the pneumonia comes high fever and difficulty in breathing.
4. The nasal congestion is not like the normal kind. You feel like
you're drowning. It's imperative you then seek immediate attention.
Best regards,
Yiying Xiong ( ??? ),
---
...Mostly common sense. Thanks LouiseAu!
President Trump was tested Saturday and it was negative for corona.
Praying we all stay safe! :)
Here is the official site - CDC: Coronavirus (COVID-19)
https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/index.html
=========================================================
_____
j_____j
/_____/_\
|_(~)_| |
| )"( | |
|(@_@)| | hjw
|_____|,'
>-->From HandyHints:
Everybody knows those expiration dates we see on foods are
estimates. A package of baloney is not going to turn
poisonous the day after the expiration date. But some foods
spoil faster than others. Milk, for example has one of the
shortest shelf lives. So just how long does milk last and
how can we keep it fresh longer?
According to the website www.eatbydate.com, once opened,
all milk lasts 4-7 days past its printed date, if
refrigerated. If unopened, whole milk lasts 5-7 days,
reduced-fat and skim milk last 7 days, and non-fat and
lactose-free milk last 7-10 days past its printed date,
if refrigerated.
But there is a big difference between milk date labels
that say "sell by," "use by," "best if used by," and
"expires on." The phrase, "best if used by" is used to
indicate quality only - even after this date, food is
safe to eat.
Another phrase, "expires on," is used to indicate the
day that deterioration begins, after which a product may
become unsafe to consume. Sell-by dates tell a milk
seller, like a grocery store, when the product should
leave the shelves - either in a customer's hand or in the
trash.
Usually, 'use by' and 'sell by' are essentially marketing
terms. These allow milk producers to tell consumers when
the peak freshness of the product is. They do not indicate
the exact date the milk will go bad.
And of course, where and how you store your milk is
pivotal to its freshness. According to the FDA, if milk
is left unrefrigerated for more than two hours, it's
considered unsafe to consume.
Believe it or not, there's even a specific location in
your fridge where you should be keeping your milk. Milk
should be stored at 38 to 40 degrees F in the same
container it came in, and far away from the door. When
milk is stored on the refrigerator door's shelves, it's
being exposed to warm air each time it's opened, which
encourages bacterial growth.
-<>-
.-""""-._.'|
/ '.| |
/ | /
| -= | /| (
| |/`< ) ) (
; -=| _| )
\ \ / ____ /)
'._ _.-""-.< .' `\/)
/ / \ / _ .'`/|
_ / | '-._( __\ (__/_/=,
( \| \ -=/ /--;==========`
._,;'\==='-,..__/__/__.'
`'--/,/ || ' \
/ | / || ' \
\/ . || ;
jgs / / || |
| . || |
/ '=------|
/ ' ; ; ;|
`-.___.___.___.___._/
I've done this. You probably have too. You pull a roast,
or a chicken out of the freezer thinking you'll make it
the next day, and then life happens. You have to work
late, your spouse orders a pizza, and now you have 3 or
4 pounds of meat you don't know what to do with. But
despite what most people think, you CAN refreeze thawed
meat... if you follow a couple of rules.
Generally, refreezing thawed meat is not recommended. This
is because the quality of the meat will be reduced in this
process. Also, if the meat was not thawed in the fridge,
there is a strong likelihood that bacteria has started to
grow on the meat.
Food Safety - According to the USDA, as long as the meat
has been thawed in the fridge, the meat can be refrozen.
If it was thawed on the counter, the meat is not considered
safe to refreeze.
Food Quality - When meat is refrozen not only is there
moisture loss that contributes to dry and tough meat, but
each refreeze actually changes the structure of the
proteins. When you freeze the water inside of the protein
cells, soluble salts are released which causes some of
the proteins to shorten, causing tougher meat.
A good rule of thumb is: if the partially thawed item
still had ice crystals throughout, it was considered safe
to refreeze, whereas an item with most all moisture fully
thawed, should be used and not refrozen.
But even if you have thawed your meat on the counter AND
it is completely thawed with no ice crystals in it... you
can still freeze it. You just have to cook it first!
Once it is cooked you can freeze it again for a later date.
-<>-
>'Go Green' Hints:
A recent study done by Harvard Law School's Food Law and
Policy Clinic and the Natural Resources Defense Council
exposes the truth behind expiration dates.
"The dates are undefined in law and have nothing to do
with safety," said Emily Broad Leib, lead author of the
study. "Manufacturers are picking dates that are really
protective over their brand, which is fine, it's just
important for consumers to know that."
The study looked at rates of waste, finding that 90 percent
of consumers throw they food away on the sell by date. Leib
said consumers are unaware that these dates are not
necessarily linked with food safety. As a result, about 160
billion tons of food are wasted every year.
"Consumers need to take that extra minute to actually look
at their food and smell their food and make an assessment,"
Leib said. "When we just rely on these dates and throw
everything away after the date, were leading to really high
rates of food waste."
-<>-
>You can still use expired baking powder
After its expiration date baking powder may not work as
leavening in your recipes. It can however, be used in
place of baking soda in many cases. Since baking powder
is basically just baking soda with some extra leavening
and reacting agents in it for cooking, when it "expires"
for your baking uses, you can still use it as baking soda.
It can be used as a cleaning agent for scrubbing stains
in sinks and on countertops.
It is good for a first aid for animal urine on a carpet
or wood flooring, not only to absorb some of the urine,
but to help neutralize the acidity and minimize damage to
nice floor coverings.
It can still be effective as an odor absorbent in your
refrigerator.
=======================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
NATIONAL DAY OF PRAYER: President Trump White House Service
https://tinyurl.com/vasq8f8
President Trump Addresses The Nation Regarding Coronavirus
https://tinyurl.com/wqhd2oc
Ivanka works from home, came in contact with official who
tested positive
Ivanka Trump serves as a great example for Americans in taking
the appropriate precautions to remain healthy and prevent the
spread of the Coronavirus. On Twitter yesterday, she reminded her
followers to do the same, saying:
".visit coronavirus.gov for information on steps that every
American and community can take to help decrease the spread of the
#coronavirus at work, home, school, and commercial establishments.
#Covid_19"
https://tinyurl.com/qwfrvwr
CDC: Coronavirus (COVID-19)
https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/index.html
White House Cancels Tours due to Coronavirus
https://tinyurl.com/u84o5cb
Trump Campaign Events Canceled Due to Coronavirus
https://tinyurl.com/uky4qdw
Virus Causes Senate Office Closures Top GOP Senators!
https://1600daily.com/2020/03/12/top-gop-senators-close-senate-offices/
Pence Warns Virus More Lethan Than Flu
https://1600daily.com/2020/03/12/pence-warns-virus-lethan-flu/
Chinese misinformation campaign about Wuhan Coronavirus
puts America at fault and in danger
https://tinyurl.com/ubngau6
Here's How Long Coronavirus Can Live In The Air And On Surfaces: Study
https://tinyurl.com/wlly26b
Trump And Big Tech Put Their Differences Aside, Brainstorm
Ways Google, Facebook Can Confront Coronavirus
https://tinyurl.com/yx7pb99w
Supreme Court Allows Trump's Remain In Mexico Program To Stay
In Place
https://tinyurl.com/wkjz3t5
Trump's National Security Adviser Accuses China of Cover Up
https://tinyurl.com/wotjphc
President Trump called out false reporting on Sunday about "a
nationwide Wuhan coronavirus website that Google is creating in
partnership with the federal government. Several news outlets
erroneously accused the president of lying and misleading the
public about the existence and scope of the project," Bronson
Stocking reports for Townhall.
https://tinyurl.com/twgom6t
MommyUnderground: Florida Votes To Protect Minors From Receiving
An Abortion
https://tinyurl.com/tlpzwna
Trump Coronavirus Response Will Protect America's Economy, Workers
and Businesses
https://tinyurl.com/wdz7z7v
Westwing News: Trump's Coronavirus National Emergency Declaration
Allows US to Escalate War on Virus
https://www.whitehouse.gov/westwingreads/
WhiteHouseNews: President Trump is taking unprecedented action to
protect Americans
https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/
MommyUnderground: Trading In Cleanliness For Chaos Is The Best
Choice I Ever Made
https://tinyurl.com/v5oqj2j
Latest From AFA:
http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw
Students For Life
https://tinyurl.com/yd5nxmu6
Latest From OperationRescue:
http://www.operationrescue.org/
Latest Product Alert: Fruit, Shrimp, Vegetables
http://www.emergencyemail.org/products/?fmt=text
Latest Health Alert:
http://www.emergencyemail.org/health/?fmt=text
Click to Give Free
https://tinyurl.com/y2abb8d2
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
A Virginia woman is seeking Guinness World Records
recognition for her collection of 1,456 pieces of beaver
memorabilia.
Lori Gongaware of Chesterfield said she started collecting
beaver-related items in 1996 as a joke, but it soon turned
into a hobby that filled an entire room of her house.
"I got everything. I got bottle openers, coffee cups,
stampers, pencil sharpers and even a tattoo," Gongaware
told local news.
Gongaware said she is now seeking recognition from Guinness
World Records, which lists the current record for beaver-
related item collecting at 717. The record was set by
Indiana couple William and Shirley Niese in 2015.
"For my particular record they wanted a specialist witness,
so the specialist witness had to be someone who knew about
beavers," Gongaware said.
Gongaware enlisted the help of a specialist from the
Richmond Wildlife Center to verify that her collection of
beaver items numbers 1,456. She said she is now waiting to
hear back from the record-keeping organization.
"It makes me happy, the nice thing about collecting beavers
it's not like collecting teddy bears, with teddy bears
there's so many of them but beavers they're so hard to
find," she said.
-<>-
As hemp and related products like cannabis oil are becoming
more and more accepted around the world, certain
entrepreneurs are going to try to take advantage of all of
the new interest. One such 'entrepreneur' in the U.K. might
have been a little too ambitious with his cannabis oil
business, and not cautious enough about the fourteen
canisters of butane he was using to extract the oil.
36-year-old James Toogood of Bristol is charged with causing
an explosion that destroyed two floors of an apartment
building while he was allegedly making cannabis oil.
Toogood was seen fleeing the burning building with his
clothes on fire, a jury at Bristol Crown Court was told.
Witnesses said Toogood was rolling around on the grass
outside the building to put out his burning T-shirt.
Fourteen butane canisters were found in the building.
Another woman who was in the building escaped the fire
caused by the blast by jumping from an upper-floor flat on
to a trampoline. She survived.
While Mr. Toogood does not deny producing cannabis oil,
he said he was not doing so when the explosion happened.
*---Tito's is not a good hand sanitizer ---*
The Texas-based makers of Tito's Handmade Vodka issued an
unusual statement in response to a customer's comment: Do
not use vodka as hand sanitizer. The issue was raised when
a customer said on Twitter that they had been using Tito's
Handmade Vodka to make homemade hand sanitizer. "I made
some hand sanitizer out your vodka. The hand sanitizer
doesn't taste bad either. Cheers to Tito's vodka. Keeping
me germ-free and feeling good at the same time," the
customer wrote. Tito's responded with a serious statement
warning other customers not to follow their example. "Per
the CDC, hand sanitizer needs to contain at least 60 percent
alcohol. Tito's Handmade Vodka is 40 percent alcohol, and
therefore does not meet the current recommendation of the
CDC," the brand tweeted.
*-- Texas family victim of an unusual porch pirate --*
A Texas family who suspected a porch pirate had stolen a
package from their front door checked security camera
footage and discovered the culprit was a thieving dog.
Abby Garza, 10, said she was expecting a package at her
family's Mcallen home, but she arrived to find the
expected item was not at her front door. Garza's family
checked the footage on their Ring doorbell camera and
watched as a curious dog stood off to the side of their
yard while a postal worker left the package at the door.
The footage shows the canine patiently wait for the
mailman to leave before making off with the package. Garza
said the dog is a neighborhood stray that she dubbed Cody.
The family said they have not yet been able to determine
whether the canine took their pilfered packages.
*--- Woman sentenced to prison for modern slavery ---*
A New Jersey woman was sentenced to nearly six years in
prison for forcing a Sri Lankan woman to work for her in
her home without pay for nine years, the U.S. Department
of Justice announced. Alia Imad Faleh Al-Hunaity, 44,
was sentenced to 70 months in prison and three years of
supervised release for forcing the woman into unpaid
labor, causing her to overstay her visa for nine years
and forcing her into marriage so she could stay in the
country. Al-Hunaity was convicted on all counts against
her on charges of forced labor, alien harboring for
financial gain and marriage fraud. Court documents said
Al-Hunaity brought the woman to the United States from
Sri Lanka on a temporary visa in 2009 to perform domestic
work including forcing the woman to cook and clean her
homes without pay and care for her three children.
*--- Employees pull 201.6-ton plane ---*
A crew of British Airways employees teamed with some sports
celebrities to pull a 201.6-ton plane a distance of 328 feet
for a Guinness World Record. British Airways teamed with
charity Sport Relief for the record attempt, which teamed
the British Airways employees with sports stars including
fitness coach Joe Wick, TV host and former gymnast Gabby
Logan, broadcaster and former soccer star Gary Lineker,
boxer Nicola Adams, sprinter Iwan Thomas and Paralympic
wheelchair tennis silver medalist Alfie Hewett. The team
pulled a British Airways A350 jet a distance of 328 feet,
breaking a Guinness World Record. The previous heaviest
aircraft pulled by a mixed team was a 198.4-ton plane.
=========================================================
>-->From TheGroaner:
*** ***
***....** **...***
**........** **.......**
*** **..........*.........** ***
**.....** **..................** **.....**
**.........** **..............** **.........**
*..............* *..........* *..............*
**..............* *......* *..............**
**..............** *....* **..............**
*......................................*
**..............**........**..............**
**..............* *....*....*..............**
*..............* *........* ...*..............*
**.........** *............* ...**.........**
**.....** **...............**....**.....**
*** **...................**...* ***
**...........*...........**...*
**.........* *.........** *...*..*..*..*
*......** **......* *........*
** * * ** *...*
*
Tomorrow, the day after today, is indeed St. Patrick's Day.
This Irish celebration is more than just drinking, puking,
drinking more, fighting, puking, drinking, and getting punched
while puking in someone's drink.
The true nature of this day goes back to when leprechauns ruled
the land. They made folks eat mud, catch seagulls for fun, and
swim with caraway seeds packed in their butt-cracks to ward off
thieving mermaids and sexist sea monsters. You can look it up!
The leprechauns lived fairly high on the hog, two and a half feet
actually, and once the people of Ireland discovered their gold
and magical cereal the mystical imps headed for the hills never
to return. The Irish were overjoyed at the thought of never eating
mud again and using caraway seeds in cakes and breads instead of
keisters, as nature intended.
So, every March 17th, everyone, no matter how Irish, raises a
glass and toasts their brave ancestors who's run-in with those
problematic pint-sized pip-squeaks resulted in the best breakfast
cereal ever known and the most stylish metal upgrade for one's
teeth.
Trust me, they ain't teaching this stuff in school, just the new
math... which I believe gnomes are responsible for. More about
that on Arbor Day.
Happy St. Patrick's Day, Groanies!
Groaningly yours,
Steve
-<>-
>My Obituary
Seamus opens the newspaper and is shocked to see his OWN
obituary.
In a panic, he phones his friend and asks: "Did you see the
paper?! They say I died!"
The friend replies: "Yes, I saw it! So, where ya calling
from?"
-<>-
>Priest on the Road
An Irish priest is driving along a country road when a
policeman pulls him over. He immediately smells alcohol
on the priest's breath and notices an empty wine bottle
in the car.
He says: "Have you been drinking?"
"Just water," says the priest.
The cop replies: "Then why do I smell wine?"
The priest looks at the bottle and says: "Good Lord!
He's done it again!"
-<>-
>Don't Mime Me
A young lady was a theater major applying for fall semester
classes. At the end of the busy day she goes back to her
dorm and enters in a huff of anger.
"What's wrong, Shelly?" Asks her roommate.
"Well, all the acting classes are filled. I couldn't even get
into Mime class."
"Why not?"
"How should I know? You can't get a word out of those people!"
-<>-
>You'd Never Believe It, But
You'd never believe it, but I bumped into a famous stuntman
in a motorcycle shop the other day. He was complaining because
he couldn't decide whether to buy a bike with a high top speed
but poor acceleration, or one with lots of torque and a fast
acceleration but a poor top speed.
Eventually he decided on the second one because it cost a lot
less. After all, torque is cheap.
-<>-
.-=--.
.' .--. '.
: : .-.'. : _ _
: : : .': : (o)o)
: '. '-' .' ////
fsc _'.__'--=' '-.//i'
.-' /
'---..____...---''
>Q and A Quickies:
Q: Where do you find giant snails?
A: On the ends of giant's fingers.
Q: What did the cannibal get when he was late for dinner?
A: The cold shoulder.
Q: What do you call it when a king goes to the bathroom?
A: A royal flush.
Q: Why did God invent whiskey?
A: To prevent the Irish from ruling the world!
Q: What's the difference between God and Bono?
A: God doesn't wander around Dublin thinking he's Bono.
Q: How did the Irish Jig get started?
A: Too much to drink and not enough restrooms!
=========================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
.::\)`:`,
.:;\/~`\``;) ,.~-----,
;;==`_ ~:;( ,,~{*}\~~--,.`.
;:== 6 6;;) ,(((((({*});~~. .\
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| `____/ ( { ))())) . .`,
____._| |_____. `--' (((())) . |
/ \ \__ _| | \ `-- )))))) . .|
| ) \/\/\_{@} | ,-| ((((((( . |
| \_ \ \ | / | / | / ))))))) .|
| |\ : \ |/ | Y | (/*@@*( ' ` ) . |
\ \ \_\/_/ | | / */ \ \'/ /. |
\ \ |o | | \. \ |'@'| .|
\ \ | ; ,'--,.,.,., \ ~*@*~. . |
\ \_________._--`((,:{@}.:))_\ |~@~| . |
\ ' | ((,{@}:{@}.))-----' ;/\ (,
\._____________`-__((;,{@},:))_________/|{ | . ;
| | | `';{@},) /`-----'\ |. |
| .__/\__ | `{@};,; / / | \ \ \/ .|
| / :; \ | `(@))\ / \. . |
| /! | \| ';; ))_/`-'/`_`., \. |
| | ! | | ';(( | | ! `_ \ .|
| | ! | | )) | | ! |.\_| |
>Marriage Definitions
BACHELOR: A nice guy who has cheated some nice girl out of
her alimony.
BRIDE: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
COMPROMISE: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife
whereby they agree to let her have her own way.
DIPLOMAT: A man who can convince his wife she would look fat
in a fur coat.
GENTLEMAN: A husband who steadies the stepladder so that his
wife will not fall while she paints the ceiling.
HOUSEWORK: What the wife does that nobody notices until she
doesn't do it.
HUSBAND: A man who gives up privileges he never realized he
had.
JOINT CHECKING ACCOUNT: A handy little device which permits
the wife to beat the husband to the draw.
LOVE: An obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage.
MOTHER-IN-LAW: A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace
of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
MRS.: A job title involving heavy duties, light earnings,
and no recognition.
SPOUSE: Someone who will stand by you through all the
trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single in the
first place.
WIFE: A mate who is forever complaining about not having
anything to wear at the very same time that she complains
about not having enough room in the closet.
-<>-
Caller: 'Hi, can you connect me with Jack?'
Operator: 'I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are
talking about.'
Caller: 'On page 1, section 5, of your user guide it clearly
states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC
wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you
give me the number for Jack?'
Operator: 'I think it means the telephone plug on the wall.'
-<>-
Heavy snow had buried my van in our driveway. My husband,
Scott, dug around the wheels, rocked the van back and
forth and finally pushed me free. I was on the road when
I heard an odd noise. I got on my cell and called home.
"Thank God you answered," I said when Scott picked up.
"There's this alarming sound coming under the van. For a
minute I thought I was dragging you down the highway."
"And you didn't stop?"
-<>-
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I was waiting tables at a country club when an elegantly
dressed woman spilled Manhattan clam chowder all over her
white linen skirt. She began furiously dabbing at it with
a napkin.
Having plenty of experience with getting out feed stains,
I asked, "Can I bring you some club soda?"
"Young lady," she barked, "I'll be the judge of when I've
had enough to drink. Bring me another martini!"
-<>-
A man goes to the doctor with a swollen foot. After a careful
examination, the doctor gives the man a pill big enough to
choke a horse.
"I'll be right back with some water," the doctor tells him.
The doctor has been gone a while and the man loses patience.
He hobbles out to the drinking fountain, forces the pill
down his throat and gobbles down water until the pill clears
his throat. He hobbles back into the examining room.
Just then the doctor comes back with a bucket of warm water.
"Ok, after the tablet dissolves, soak that foot for about 20
minutes."
-<>-
During a practical exercise at a military police base, the
instructor was giving the class instruction in unarmed self-
defense.
After he presented a number of different situations in which
they might find themselves, he asked a student, "What steps
would you take if someone were coming at you with a large,
sharp knife?"
The student replied, "BIG ones."
=========================================================
>-->From AndyChaps:
_.-'`'-._
.-' _ '-.
`-.__ `\_.-'
| `-``\|
jgs `-.....-A
#
#
>What College Grads Ask
The graduate with a Science degree asks ...
"Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks ...
"How does it work?"
The graduate with a Business Administration degree asks ...
"When will it work?"
The graduate with a Finance degree asks ...
"When will it turn a profit?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks ...
"How much will it cost?"
The graduate with a Economics degree asks ...
"Will there be demand for it?"
The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks ...
"Would you like fries with that?
-<>-
>An American In London
Some years ago, an American walking through the streets of
London, was passing by London's tallest building.
As he stood there looking up, a British lad came up beside him.
After a while the American turned to the boy and said, "Do you
realize son, that we have buildings like that in the States,
only they're three times the size!".
"I'm not surprised," said the boy. "That's a lunatic asylum!".
-<>-
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HHHHHHHHHHooHHHHHHHHHHHH
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HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Krogg
>Short Takes!
When a person assists a criminal in breaking the law before the
criminal gets arrested, we call him an accomplice.
When a person assists a criminal in breaking the law after the
criminal gets arrested; we call him a defense lawyer.
---
I have learned that if you upset your wife she nags you. If you
upset her even more you get the silent treatment. Don't you think
it's worth the extra effort?
---
"The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless
of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic
background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL
believe that we are above average drivers."
- Dave Barry
---
Someone asked us why our front door entranceway leads right
into our dining room?
I answered, 'So our in-laws don't have to waste any time.'
---
When I told my friend I wanted a Thesaurus for my birthday, he
said, 'Don't be silly, they've been dead for millions of years!'
---
By the way, besides Washington and Lincoln, what other American
presidents happened to have been born on American holidays?
---
More and more vegetarians are quitting because of the side effects.
They found themselves starting to lean toward the sunlight when
seated comfortably indoors.
---
Coming through the door after school one day, Little Johnny hollers
out, "Okay, everyone in the house, please be advised that I, Little
Johnny, have on this date made a complete fool of myself in sex
education class by repeating stories concerning storks as told to
me by certain parties residing in this house!"
---
"Oh my," sighed the wife one morning, "I'm convinced my mind is
almost completely gone!"
Her husband looked up from the newspaper and commented,
"I'm not surprised: You've been giving me a piece of it every day
for the last twenty years!"
=========================================================
>-->From TheJokester:
.-.-.
( )
.-.\ : /.-.
( .`:`. )
( /|\ )
jgs `"` | `"`
>Happy St. Patricks Day.
Two men were sitting next to each other at a bar.
After a while, one guy looks at the other and says,
"I can't help but think, from listening to you, that
you're from Ireland "
The other guy responds proudly, "Yes, that I am"
The first guy says, "So am I and where about from Ireland
might you be?"
The other guy answers, "I'm from Dublin, I am."
The first guy responds, "Sure and begora, and so am I.
And what street did you live on in Dublin ?"
The other guy says, "A lovely little area it was, I
lived on McCleary Street in the old central part of town."
The first guy says, "Faith & begora it's a small world, so
did I.! So did I.
And to what school would you have been going?"
The other guy answers, "Well now, I went to St. Mary's
of course."
The first guy gets really excited and says, "And so did I.
Tell me, what year did you graduate?"
The other guy answers, "Well, now, let's see, I graduated
in 1964."
The first guy exclaims, "The Good Lord must be smiling down
upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up
in the same bar tonight. Can you believe it, I graduated
from St. Mary's in 1964 my own self."
About this time, Ricky walks into the bar, sits down, and
orders a beer.
Brian, the bartender, walks over to Ricky, shaking his
head & mutters,
"It's going to be a long night tonight".
Ricky asks, "Why do you say that, Brian?"
"The Murphy twins are drunk again."
-<>-
_ _
(_(_)
/(_)
(-----.
|= |
_|=____|_
(_________)
8" "8
(8 6 6 8)
8 7 8
88-=###, _
jgs "888"`##,|#|
`###'
>Traffic Stop
An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving
home from the city one night and, of course, his car is
weaving violently all over the road.
A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver,
where have ya been?"
"Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.
"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a
few to drink this evening."
"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding
his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back,
your wife fell out of your car?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there,
I thought I'd gone deaf."
=========================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
Giant Panda Bear!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/pandabear.html
God Is Like...
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Texas Rules Of ETIQUETTE
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Pandas After The Earthquake
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Maxine On St.Patrick's Day!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/maxineonpatday.html
St. Patrick's Day Animations
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/agifs_p-t.html
Spring / St.Pat's Day
https://tinyurl.com/y4xyz2w8
-<>-
>Happy Giant Panda Day!
Panda cub and nanny's "war"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CpK1lZJmbJY
Funny Panda Compilation 2018! Cute panda fails
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WR9qY3-feHM
Cute pandas playing on the slide
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sGF6bOi1NfA
Funny Pandas
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wAEzpwvrveg
-<>-
>From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
Magician Hans Klok wows the audience of the Ellen Show with his
amazing tricks that will leave you stunned! So True!!
https://youtu.be/a-1zfqJtbkI
An interesting look at Paris, France in the late 1890's and 1900
from film taken by the LumiŠre company. The video has been edited
by correcting the speed and adding sound to make the film more
enjoyable to watch.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NjDclfAFRB4
An interesting look at the people and streets of New York City in
1911.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aohXOpKtns0
---
...Cool! Thanks LouiseAu!
=======================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"A town in Israel is building an amusement park that some
are calling 'the Jewish Disneyland.' The Jewish Disneyland
still has Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, except Doc is
the chief of cardiology at Cedars-Sinai." -Conan O'Brien
"Researchers just unveiled a robot that can play Scrabble.
It's pretty realistic. It even gets bored halfway through
and stops playing." -Jimmy Fallon
"A recent study suggests that it is harder to concentrate
in the winter. Said researchers, 'For example, this study
was supposed to be about traffic accidents.'" -Seth Meyers
"In honor of International Women's Day, McDonald's is
flipping its golden arches to resemble a W instead of
an M. And we can't even show you what they did over at
Hooters." -Seth Meyers
"Apple's new futuristic headquarters, Apple Park in
Cupertino, California, is having some problems. The
building is filled with so much clear glass that
employees have reportedly been walking into glass
walls. I guess Apple shouldn't have installed windows."
-James Corden
"Department store Neiman Marcus is selling a Dolce & Gabbana
toaster for $600. Or, for the same results, just buy a
regular toaster and put $600 in it." -Seth Meyers
"Starbucks has unveiled a new rewards system. Previously,
you needed only 12 rewards 'Stars' to get a free drink;
you now need 125. This has made Starbucks customers very
angry. I mean, this is all so frustrating. If only there
was some way for people to make their own coffee, at home."
-James Corden
"Hasbro announced they are making a new version of Monopoly
to appeal to a younger generation. That means it won't come
with any cash, so you'll have to borrow some from your
parents' Monopoly set." -Jimmy Fallon
"A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing
theories and no actual children."
-- Dave Barry
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-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class
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NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
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Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do
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