Happy Thanksgiving Smiles ... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Friend Me / Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND For Google Plus Users: You can find me here... Shangy Bigham https://plus.google.com/106648555948034085752/posts AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :) -<>- * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ __, ,____) _______) (--| | (--| _, (_, |__| _, _ _ | |_ _ ._ |__) , _ ' ',_ _ _| |(_||_)|_)(_| _| | |(_|| || \ /_)(_||\/|| |(_| ( | | ,_| ( |_, \_, ,_| ,_| *~* Have A Happy, Blessed And Safe Thanksgiving Celebration! :) >-->3 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) Our first hot new page is from our friends Bunni and Geniann. It is a heartwarming story page that is sure to amaze you and leave you with a warm fuzzy feeling. Be sure to check out the video! You won't want to miss it if you haven't already seen it! Bear Rescue 3 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bearrescue3.html --- ...Aww, such an astonishing one! Thanks Ladies! Please keep Bunni in your prayers while she is going through cancer chemo and radiation treatments so she becomes totally cancer free in the name of Jesus Christ. Our next two sizzling hot new pages come from our friends Linda, Karen, and PatdeE! I do love trees and so must God. I checked and 'tree' is mention 401 times in the bible! Compared to 'plant' at 123 times, 'flower' at 54 times and fruit at 338 times, you can see God favors trees. And why not? They are our largest plants that provides us with so much of what we need to survive including oxygen! If you too have a soft spot for trees, you won't want to miss these two pages! , }`-. , , \ \ '-' \ .-'{ _} . | ,`\ / ' ; .-;\ { \ | | / `/ '-.,/ ; | { -- -. ' '`-, .--._.' ; \__ \ \ | ' / |`. ; _,`\ '. '- ' `_- '.`; ; ,-`_.-' ,--. \ ` /` '--' `;.` (` _ .--.\ '._) '-. \ \ `-. ; `-';| '. -. ' __ '. ; ; _,-' / { __'.\ ' '-,/; `-' ';`.- ` .-' '-. `-._' | `; ;`' .-'` <_ -' ` .\ `; ; (_.'`\ _.;-"``"'-._'. `:; ___, _.-' | .-'\'. '.` \ \_,_`\ ;##` `'; _.' /_'._\ \ \__;#####./###. \` \.' .'`/"`/ (#######)###::.. _.' '.' .' ; , |:. `|()##`"""` jgs `'-../__/_\:: /O()()o ()'._.'`()()' Most Unique Trees http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/uniquetrees.html Most Unique Trees 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/uniquetrees2.html --- ...Love these! Lots of smiles! Thanks my friends! ======================================================= >-->Thanksgiving Smiles :) .---. |_X_| ___ [_____] / _ \ // \\ | / \ | | " | || " || __\___/__ __\\_//__ /\_______/\ / | U | \/ _ : _ \ ( (|___|) )/ \ : / \ \ \_ / \ _/ \ /=====\ / / /| |\ './___:___\.' ; | | ; | | | | | | | | | | | \_____/ | |--|--| '._______.' |LI|LI| jgs \/ \/ \_/ \_/ Q: What kind of music did the Pilgrims like? A: Plymouth Rock Q: If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? A: Pilgrims Q: Why can't you take a turkey to church? A: They use FOWL language. Q: Why was the Thanksgiving soup so expensive? A: It had 24 carrots. Q: What happened when the turkey got into a fight? A: He got the stuffing knocked out of him! Q: What do you get when you cross a turkey with a banjo? A: A turkey that can pluck itself! Q: When do you serve tofu turkey? A: Pranksgiving. Q: What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it? A: Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all. Q: Who doesn't eat on Thanksgiving? A: A turkey because it is always stuffed. Q: Why did the Pilgrims want to sail to America in the spring? A: Because April showers bring Mayflowers! Dear Turkeys, don't worry... they only love us for our breasts too. -- Sincerely, women. Q: What did baby corn say to mama corn? A: Where's popcorn? Q: If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for? A: Their AGE! Q: Why do pilgrims pants keep falling down? A: Because their belt buckles are on their hats! Q: Why did they let the turkey join the band? A: Because he had the drumsticks Q: What do you call the day in November when your son and all his cousins get rowdy? A: Spanksgiving. Q: What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children? A: "If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!" Q: If a man wants to eat a turkey on Thanksgiving, what does a turkey want? A: It simply wants to run away. Q: What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? A: God save the kin. Q: Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? A: The outside Q: Why did the police arrest the turkey? A: They suspected it of fowl play -<>- ____ / __ \ __/==LI==\__ `"///""""\\\"` ( . . ) \ __ / ;.__.; /` /\ `\ | /::\ | /\ / :: \ /\ / \/ :: \/ \ /\/`>==::==<`\/\ (_/ / :: \ \_) /__________\ | || | |- || -| jgs \.-||-./ /LI/\LI\ (__/ \__) A man buys a parrot, only to have it constantly insult him. He tries everything to make the parrot stop, but nothing works. Frustrated, the man puts the parrot in the freezer. After a few minutes the insults stop. The man thinks he might have killed the parrot, so he opens the freezer and takes the parrot out. The parrot is shivering. It stammers, “S-s-sorry for being r-r-rude. Please f-f-forgive me.” Then, after a moment, the parrot softly asks, “W-w-what exactly d-d-did the turkey do?” -<>- Tom Swiftie: “May I say the prayer before Thanksgiving dinner?” Tom asked gracefully. -<>- _,--"^^"-.,_ _.-"~^`~-. .-~`^~"-._ ,="`"-._ .----. _.-"`"=, ;_ "-. (0 )( 0) .-" _; .' `~"=,_ '.\ \/ /.' _,="~` `. ;_ "-. _.-) (-._ .-" _; : ^~"-.,___.' ( ) `.___,.-"~^ ; : _: `--' :_ : '._,-~"` :': :': `"~-,_.' '.,_.-`. .'`-._,.' jgs :__.-`-.______.-'`-.__; // \\ (((~ ~))) >Thanksgiving Jokes From ReadersDigest: After Thanksgiving dinner, the adults gathered in the living room to exchange reminiscences, while the children went into the family room to play. Suddenly our hostess noticed that an elderly relative was missing. “Where’s Aunt Florence?” she asked. From across the room came a masculine drawl, “Oh, she’s with the kids, bridging the generation gap.” Contributed by Florence M. Mortimer -<>- I worked on a toll road, answering the phone, collecting money and issuing toll tickets. One Thanksgiving Day, a woman called to ask about road conditions on the turnpike. After I said everything was A-okay, she told me a friend was coming for dinner. Then came the stumper. “If my friend just left from exit twelve,” she asked, “what time should I put the turkey in?” Contributed by Sandra Shields -<>- Our eldest daughter, Ann, invited her college roommate to join our large family for Thanksgiving dinner. As families sometimes do, we got into a lively argument over a trivial subject until we remembered we had a guest in our midst. There was an immediate, embarrassed silence. “Please don’t worry about me,” she said. “I was brought up in a family too.” Contributed by Garrison H. McClure -<>- The checkout clerk at the supermarket was unusually cheerful even though it was near closing time. “You must have picked up a ton of groceries today,” a customer said to the checker. “How can you stay so pleasant?” “We can all count our blessings,” the clerk replied. “The hardest part of this job is the turkeys and the watermelons. I just thank God that Thanksgiving doesn’t come in July.” Contributed by L. Proctor -<>- When a music student brought his French horn to my shop for repair, he complained that the instrument “felt stuffy” and he couldn’t blow air through it. It’s not unusual to find partial blockages in brass instruments if small items get lodged in the tubing, but when I tested the instrument, the horn was completely blocked. After much probing and prodding, a small tangerine dropped out of the bell. “Oh,” said the musician when I handed him the fruit. Seeing the bewildered look on my face, he explained, “My mom used the horn for a cornucopia in a Thanksgiving centerpiece.” Contributed by Mark L. Madden -<>- .-""""-._.'| / '.| | / | / | -= | /| ( | |/`< ) ) ( ; -=| _| ) \ \ / ____ /) '._ _.-""-.< .' `\/) / / \ / _ .'`/| _ / | '-._( __\ (__/_/=, ( \| \ -=/ /--;==========` ._,;'\==='-,..__/__/__.' `'--/,/ || ' \ / | / || ' \ \/ . || ; jgs / / || | | . || | / '=------| / ' ; ; ;| `-.___.___.___.___._/ >Butterball Help Line: When a Butterball Talk-Line staffer asked a caller what state her turkey was in (meaning how thawed was it) the caller responded with, “Florida.” A woman in her seventies, cooking Thanksgiving dinner for the first time, called Butterball for help because her mother said she was tired of cooking and it was time her daughter learned how to prepare the Thanksgiving meal. A proud gentleman called to tell the Butterball staff how he wrapped his turkey in a towel and stomped on it several times, breaking the bones so it would fit in his pan. A gentleman called Butterball’s Thanksgiving Turkey Talk-Line to tell the operator he cut his turkey in half with a chain saw and wanted to know if the oil from the chain would adversely affect the turkey. A disappointed woman called Butterball’s Thanksgiving Turkey Talk-Line wondering why her turkey had no breast meat. After a conversation with an operator, it became apparent that the woman’s turkey was lying on the table upside down. One caller to Butterball’s Thanksgiving Turkey Talk-Line had always cut the legs off the turkey before putting it in the oven, thinking that was how you had to cook a turkey. She later learned that the only reason her mom had been doing that was because their oven had been so small that that was the only way to get the bird into the oven! -<>- >Thanksgiving Quotes: “Thanksgiving dinners take 18 hours to prepare. They are consumed in 12 minutes. Half-times take 12 minutes. This is not coincidence.” — Erma Bombeck “Cooking Tip: Wrap turkey leftovers in aluminum foil and throw them out.” — Nicole Hollander “Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie.” — Jim Davis. “I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.” — Erma Bombeck “If you wish to make an apple pie truly from scratch you must first invent the universe.” — Carl Sagan “You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out.” — Jay Leno ======================================================== >-->From SmileZilla: _,, _.-'` ',\ \ .-;`'(,____ \.-'\ _\-` __.-; \_.-'_.-'0 \/ / .'0 __ | /_.' .'o \ / .-. ,;--._\___/--. __./ | .-/ \ ^_> |\ /\ \ / <;/ \ \_/ |___/__\__|` <; | |) \ o ( <; |__.\ |o \ <; \ \ / o _\ <\.)-'`| =====""` \ /\__/__/^\____.-; | | | | | / \____|\____/ |===||===| jgs __/[](_||__l[]_ / || '. \ '-----'-''-'-.__/ >Bachelor Food Storage Guide Here it is, the secret chart used by bachelors worldwide, because they don't have wives who can recognize on sight (and sometimes before) when the Big Mac has become one with the special sauce. FREEZER FOODS: ICE CREAM - If you can't tell the difference between your ice cubes and your ice cream, it's time to throw BOTH out. FROZEN FOODS - Frozen foods that have become an integral part of the defrosting problem in your freezer compartment will probably be spoiled (or wrecked anyway) by the time you pry them out with a kitchen knife. IN THE FRIDGE: EGGS - When something starts pecking its way out of the shell, the egg is probably past its prime. DAIRY PRODUCTS - Milk is spoiled when it starts to look like yogurt. Yogurt is spoiled when it starts to look like cottage cheese. Cottage cheese is spoiled when it starts to look like regular cheese. Regular cheese is nothing but spoiled milk anyway -- if you can dig down and still find something non-green, bon appetite!. MEAT - If opening the refrigerator door causes stray animals from a three-block radius to congregate outside your house, toss the meat. LETTUCE - Bibb lettuce is spoiled when you can't get it off the bottom of the vegetable crisper without Comet and a brillo pad. Romaine lettuce is spoiled when it turns liquid. Endive never spoils, but you will never eat it anyway. MAYONNAISE - If it makes you violently ill after you eat it, the mayonnaise is spoiled. Permanently. CARROTS - A carrot you can tie a clove hitch in is no longer fresh. CHIP DIP - If you can take it out of its container and bounce it on the floor, it has gone bad. UNMARKED ITEMS - You know it is well beyond prime when you're tempted to discard the Tupperware along with the food. Generally speaking, Tupperware containers should not burp when you open them. If the original can you put it away in has finally lost it's label, it's probably done. EMPTY CONTAINERS - Putting empty containers back into the refrigerator is a fine old trick, but it only works if you live with someone else. ON THE SHELF: CANNED GOODS - Any canned goods that have become the size or shape of a softball should be disposed of ... Very carefully. WINE - Should not be confused with salad dressing. POTATOES - Fresh potatoes do not have roots, branches, or dense, leafy undergrowth. THE GAG TEST - Anything that makes you gag is spoiled (except for leftovers from what you cooked for yourself last night). GENERAL RULE OF THUMB - Most food cannot be kept longer than the average life span of a hamster. DON'T Keep a hamster in your refrigerator to gauge this. BREAD - Sesame seeds and Poppy seeds are the only officially acceptable "spots" that should be seen on the surface of any loaf of bread. Fuzzy and hairy looking white or green growth areas are good indications that your bread has turned into a pharmaceutical laboratory experiment. You may wish to discard it at this time, depending on your interest in pharmaceuticals. CEREAL - It is generally a good rule of thumb that cereal should be discarded when it is two years or longer beyond the expiration date, or when it will no longer fall out of the box by itself. FLOUR - Flour is spoiled when it wiggles, or things fly out when you open it. PRETZELS - Normally eternal, pretzels may be discarded if they can no longer be picked up without falling apart. Otherwise, there's nothing to stop you from eating a pretzel that the Pharaoh put down only 4000 years ago. RAISINS - Raisins should not usually be harder than your teeth. SALT - It never spoils. However, if you can't chip off reasonable amounts from the block, maybe another box is in order, as fresh salt usually pours. SPICES - Most spices cannot die, they just fade away. They will be fine on your shelf, forever. Put them in your will. VINEGAR - If your grandmother made it, it is probably still good. EXPIRATION DATES - This is not a marketing ploy to encourage you to throw away perfectly good food so that you'll spend more on groceries. Even dry foods older than you are may be ready to replace. Perhaps you'd benefit by having a calendar in your kitchen. -<>- >25 thoughts to get you through almost any crisis 1. Indecision is the key to flexibility. 2. You cannot tell which way the train went by looking at the track. 3. There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation. 4. Happiness is merely the remission of pain. 5. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. 6. Sometimes too much drink is not enough. 7. The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant. 8. The careful application of terror is also a form of communication. 9. Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world. 10. Things are more like they are today than they ever have been before. 11. Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for. 12. Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler. 13. Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate. 14. I have seen the truth and it makes no sense. 15. Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism. 16. All things being equal, fat people use more soap. 17. If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame. 18. One-seventh of your life is spent on Monday. 19. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends. 20. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious. 21. The more you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets. 22. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on. 23. This is as bad as it can get, but don't bet on it. 24. Never wrestle with a pig: You both get all dirty, and the pig likes it. 25. The trouble with life is, you're halfway through it before you realize it's a "do-it-yourself" thing. ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ November 23 is Eat a Cranberry Day and National Cashew Day November 24 is Evolution Day and All Our Uncles are Monkeys Day November 25 is National Parfait Day November 26 is Thanksgiving - Eat, drink, and be thankful. November 27 is Black Friday, Buy Nothing Day and You're Welcome Day November 28 is Make Your Own Head Day and Red Planet Day November 29 is Square Dance Day November 30 is Stay At Home Because You Are Well Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: .--. {\ / q {\ { `\ \ (-(~` { '.{`\ \ \ ) {'-{ ' \ .-""'-. \ \ {._{'.' \/ '.) \ {_.{. {` | {._{ ' { ;'-=-. | {-.{.' { ';-=-.` / {._.{.; '-=- .' {_.-' `'.__ _,-' jgs |||` .='==, >Crow Mystery Solved Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts. However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car. MTA then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills. The Ornithological Behaviorist very quickly concluded the cause: when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger. They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "Truck." -<>- All my husband wanted was to pay for some batteries, but none of the clerks in the electronics store seemed interested in helping him. "I've got an idea," I said, and pulled a tape measure out of my purse. I stepped over to one of the giant plasma-screen TVs and started to measure it. Faster than you can say high definition, a young man came running over. "May I help you?" he asked breathlessly. "Yes," I said. "We'd like to buy these batteries." -<>- >Waiting for Reboot Tech support people like myself spend our days on the phone with customers. Many like to chat while waiting for their computers to reboot. One man told me he'd been a long-haul truck driver. "I'd love to drive a big rig," I said, "but I'd worry about falling asleep at the wheel." "Here's a tip to stay awake," he offered. "Put a $100 bill in your left hand and hold it out the window." -<>- >Make Your Own Bed Innkeeper: "The room is $15. a night. It's $5. if you make your own bed." Guest: "I'll make my own bed. Innkeeper: "Good. I'll get you some nails and some wood." -<>- >Hearing Test I work in a doctor's office, and part of my job is to perform hearing tests. One day I was preparing to test a six-year-old patient. "Do you ever hear ringing in your ears?" I asked. "Oh, yes," she replied solemnly. "Every day at recess." ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseA :) ####### ##[_]## ,;###########;, <<:{{\|@___@|/}}:>> <<:{{| ( /___\\) \}}:>> <<:{{/\ \\___/( /\}}:>> <<<<:{{| \ _.| |(_\/ |}}:>>>> <<<:{{|`\,'| '-' |'./`|}}:>>> <<<:{{|`\/ \___/ \/`|}}:>>> <<<:{{ \// ) ~ ~ ( \\/ }}:>>> <<:{{`{///' ~ ^ ~ '\\\}`}}:>>> <<:{{,=`. ~ ^.~.^ ~ .`=,}}:>> `-,__.__,-' \ | / jgs // \\ .---'( )'---. `---'-` `-'---` >Dear Friends, I am sorry that I have not been consistently responsive lately to your emails. I have been somewhat under the weather since my doctors informed me that I have an acute case of Post Islamic Stress Trauma with Apologetic Whitehouse Fatigue (PIST-AWF). For those of you who do not know what that is, PIST-AWF is a newly defined disease that is found to be widespread and highly contagious. Symptoms include, but may not be limited to: 1) Severe pain of the scalp from pulling your own hair while viewing the President pander to Muslim terrorists. 2) Loose bowels from swallowing the fact we elected Obama twice. 3) Extreme hunger due to vomiting from nightly seeing news reports of terrorists murdering innocent people. If you feel you have Post Islamic Stress Trauma with Apologetic Whitehouse Fatigue, please notify your local election board and place your name on the list for a cure. It is expected, and sincerely hoped, that the cure will be available in November of 2016. And I stupidly thought it was due to aging! --- ...LOL! So able to relate! Thanks LouiseA! What got me was my local area news. It was reporting on the House's passing a bill that increases the security levels for allowing Syrian refugees into the country. http://tinyurl.com/pzazqm2 Their lead in was to quote the Statute of Liberty plaque "Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses..." and then saying 'Well I guess we can forget about all that, the House just passed...' The Press is still very much on Obama's side! Drives me Nuts! -<>- >More Smiles Mrs. Blonde and Mrs. Brunette were chatting over coffee. Said Mrs. Blonde, "I've been experiencing a strange and painful side effect from coffee. I'm fine when I drink it black, but if I use cream, or sugar, or both, I get a stabbing pain in one eye." Mrs. Blonde took a sip of her coffee. "Owwwww!" she cried. "There it goes again!" Said Mrs. Brunette, "Betty... take the spoon out of the cup." -------- With their ailing mother needing constant medical supervision, a family decided to bring her to a very expensive and caring nursing home for a day to try it out. The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seems okay but after a while she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her out. Again, she seems okay but after a while she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright. This goes on all morning, with the dedicated nurses making sure the old woman doesn't fall. Later, the family arrives to see how she was adjusting to her new home. "So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?" they ask. "It’s very nice," she replies. "Except they won’t let you pass gas." -------- I am trying to make friends outside of Facebook while applying the same principles. Therefore, every day I walk down the street and tell passersby what I have eaten, how I feel at the moment, what I have done the night before, what I will do later, and with whom. I give them pictures of my family, my dog, and of me gardening, taking things apart in the garage, watering the lawn, standing in front of landmarks, driving around town, having lunch, and doing what anybody and everybody does every day. I also listen to their conversations, give them the "thumbs up" and tell them I like them. And it works just like Facebook! I already have four people following me: two police officers, a private investigator, and a psychiatrist. -------- A blonde is taking the driving portion of her driver's license exam. She handles most of the maneuvers quite well. She has a little trouble parallel parking, however, and winds up a couple of feet from the curb. "Could you get a little closer?" the examiner asks. The blonde then unbuckles her seat belt and slides over toward the examiner. She asks, "Now what?" --- ...LOL! Thanks LouiseA! -<>- >Women's Wisdom I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb. And I also know that I'm not blonde. - Dolly Parton You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. - Erica Jong I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I've done my job. - Roseanne My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. - Rita Rudner I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. - Wendy Liebman Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. - Erma Bombeck If high heels were so wonderful, men would be wearing them. - Sue Grafton I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on. - Roseanne I would love to speak a foreign language, but I can't. So I grew hair under my arms instead. - Sue Kolinsky When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. - Elayne Boosler I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch. - Gilda Radner Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. - Maryon Pearson Our struggle today is not to have a female Einstein get appointed as an assistant professor. It is for a woman schlemiel to get as quickly promoted as a male schlemiel. - Bella Abzug In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman. - Margaret Thatcher I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career. - Gloria Steinem Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry. - Gloria Steinem If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck? - Linda Ellerbee I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house. - Zsa Zsa Gabor I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night. - Marie Corelli I think -- therefore I'm single. - Lizz Winstead Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then. - Katharine Hepburn --- ...Oh Geesh! HaHa! Thanks LouiseA! ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Karen :) _.-;-._ (` \ | / `) ( '._\|/_.' ) ('-._/.-.\_.-') (._ |(q p)| _.) '._\-)V(-/_.' /_// 8 \\_\ jgs \___/ W W >Just a little humor for you... A teacher asked her class, "What do you want out of life?" A little girl in the back row raised her hand and said, "All I want out of life is four little animals, just like my Mom always says." The teacher asked, "Really? And what four little animals would that be?" The little girl said, "A mink on my back, a jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bed, and a jackass to pay for all of it." The teacher fainted. -<>- >Just A Thought... If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top pantyhose. An entire garment industry would be devastated. -<>- >What Career Choice? I personally would suggest government: 1. They rarely go to jail ... 2. They get paid before everyone else ... 3. It takes an ACT of Congress to fire them ... 4. They do NOT have to abide by the rules they pass for us ... 5. They have their own separate Retirement Plan and do not have to rely on Social Security... 6. They are EXEMPT from OBAMA-CARE!!!!! 7. They actually work less than 24 hours per week ... 8. and most importantly, THEY NEVER HAVE TO REMEMBER WHAT THEY HAVE DONE OR SAID! --- ...LOL! Thanks Karen! ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: >From BizarreNews: Terrorism is an unpleasant reality of the modern world we live in. But thank God for guardians of freedom like those who work at the Transportation Security Administration or TSA. Their tireless efforts have kept us safe from the likes of the 5-year-old monster in today's story. 5-year-old enemy of freedom Levi Zilka and his father David were going home to Pennsylvania after Levi's first trip to Disney World. In a flagrant disregard of federal guidelines, young O-Levi bin Zilka attempted to compromise the safety of the flight by smuggling aboard a Buzz Lightyear ray gun that his uncle had bought him as a souvenir. But the TSA at Fort Lauderdale International Airport was too quick for this little criminal mastermind. TSA and Department of Homeland Security guidelines require all realistic replicas of firearms be checked, but the Zilkas only had carry-on luggage. Just like terrorists would. Judging the bright purple and green plastic toy to be a threat, the stalwart TSA wrestled the 'weapon' out of the villain's clutches and disposed of it. Since the Zilkas only had carry-on luggage, that meant chucking it into the nearest trash can, prompting the little Levi to burst into tears. Freedom. It is worth noting that an undercover inspector general investigation conducted last year found that body-scanners and TSA agents missed banned items, including explosives, 95 percent of the time. But you know what didn't make it through TSA security check points? A single purple and green plastic ray gun. -<>- Driving is dangerous enough. You add in distractions like phone calls and texting and it practically turns into a giant game of Russian Roulette. But one Maine driver threw caution and common sense out of the car window with a stunt that put himself and his passengers in the hospital. The State Police in Maine, said that the driver who attempted to take a selfie, caused a car accident that left several people injured. 29-year-old Jordan Toner was driving with seven passengers when he leaned over to take a selfie with the other passengers. While doing so, he ran off the road and crashed into a tree. Among the wounded were two women, who were sitting in the front seat. Police said that one of the women suffered a broken nose and cut above her eyes. The second woman suffered a neck injury and possibly back injuries. They were transported to a local hospital for treatment. Police said that neither of the women were wearing seat belts. Two male passengers also suffered injuries, including cuts near their eyes. The driver was cited for failure to maintain control of a motor vehicle due to distraction. *-- Job offer rescinded after applicant sends nude selfie --* ST. CHARLES, Ill. - An Illinois job applicant texted his way out of an offered position when he accidentally sent the human resources manager a nude selfie, police said. Elmhurst police said the human resources manager at a St. Charles company contacted authorities Aug. 14 to report receiving two nude pictures via text message Aug. 11 and 13 from a man who had been offered a position with the company. "There was a conditional offer of employment made to this particular applicant," Elmhurst Police Chief Michael Ruth told the Chicago Tribune. "He texted the HR director and sent a nude photo of himself." Ruth said the company learned the identity of the sender when he later used the same phone number for a follow-up call. Police said the man who sent the pictures told investigators the nude selfies were sent accidentally. "[Police] contacted the offender who admitted to sending the photographs, explaining they were actually meant for another individual and were sent to the victim in error," the police report of the incident states. "[Police] advised the offender to cease any contact with the victim." The victim decided not to press charges, but police said the man's actions were not free from consequences. "My understanding is they've rescinded the offer of employment," Ruth said. *-- Man jailed four months over 'meth' that turned out to be salt --* MARYBOROUGH, Australia - An Australian man caught with suspected crystal meth spent four months in jail before investigators discovered the substance was Epsom salt. Travis George, the Maryborough, Queensland, man's lawyer, said his client was jailed when police performing a routine check of his car discovered a substance they suspected to be crystal methamphetamine. George said his client was remanded to custody due to his criminal history and he was held for four months before investigators with Queensland Health's Forensic and Scientific Services at the John Tonge Center discovered the suspected crystal meth was actually Epsom salt. "The charges were then withdrawn by police," The Fraser Coast Chronicle quoted George as saying. George detailed the case in support of Maryborough Magistrate John Smith's complaints about long delays when dealing with the John Tonge Center. Smith said one of his cases was adjourned for two months pending the outcome of testing. "It has always been a concern for our clients about delay due to awaiting analysis where it is forensic," George said. A Queensland Health spokeswoman denied any lengthy delays for Forensic and Scientific Services. "Urgent cases are completed within the time frame required by the police and the courts," she said. "All forensic testing performed at FSS is prioritized daily with police and the courts." *-- America's 'loneliest chimpanzee' smokes cigarettes, drinks Coke, according to lawsuit --* BATON ROUGE, La. - An animal protection group's lawsuit alleges that a Louisiana theme park's chimpanzee is isolated and neglected and spends her days smoking cigarettes given to her by park visitors and drinking Coke. The Animal Legal Defense Fund announced it is suing the Dixie Landin' theme park and its owner, Sam Hayes, for violating the Endangered Species Act by keeping the chimpanzee isolated and neglected. The advocacy group describes Candy as "the country's loneliest chimpanzee" and alleges she "subsists in a virtually barren concrete cage, where she passes her time staring into space, drinking Coca-Cola, and smoking cigarettes thrown to her by patrons." The group alleges Candy has suffered physical and psychological harm as a result of her living conditions at the park. "This is a landmark case for animal protection," Animal Legal Defense Fund Executive Director Stephen Wells said. "Chimpanzees don't deserve to suffer in punishing isolation, and we will see that justice is served." The lawsuit quotes famed primatologist Jane Goodall as opposing Candy's continued isolation from others of her species. "I strongly recommend that [Candy] be introduced to other chimpanzees in a setting more suitable to her psychological enhancement," the suit quotes Goodall as saying. The group is seeking to have Candy relocated to the Chimp Haven sanctuary in Louisiana. *-- Town ordinance imposes $124 fines on parents of bullies --* PLOVER, Wis. - A Wisconsin police chief said an ordinance imposing fines on the parents of school bullies is based around the idea that "it's the parents' job to raise the kids." Plover Police Chief Dan Ault, who suggested the ordinance passed by the town two weeks ago, said parents of children who police determine to have engaged in bullying behavior multiple times within a 90-day period can now be made to pay a $124 fine. "It's not the school's responsibility to raise the kids. It's the school's job to teach the kids. It's not the police's job to raise your kids," Ault told WAOW-TV. "It's the parents' job to raise the kids." Ault, who said his scheme was partially inspired by data suggesting teen suicide is sometimes associated with violence in schools, said he hopes parents are inspired to take responsibility for their kids and act like role models. "If my kids broke something or something happened, I was responsible for it," he told the Stevens Point Journal. "One way or the other, I was responsible for it as the parent." Jeanne Koepke, principal of McDill Elementary School in Plover, welcomed the new ordinance. "Students have to learn to be social to each other, and that can sometimes be very mean," she said. "I certainly can't imagine you don't get good results when including parents/guardians in what's going on with their children, so I have to assume it's going to be a good result." Ault said the first offense will only result in a warning and an offer of help for the parents. "If they don't know what to do, we're certain we'll be able to provide some guidance on who to contact," Ault said. "Do kids have disputes, yes, but this repeated behavior where somebody you know, is intentionally being malicious, that's when we're involved." ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Geniann :) ) ( ___ .-'_ =\ jgs c=<___\-_) ~~~~~~~~~~~~ >The digital world has a few issues to straighten out... A man received the following text from his neighbor: I am so sorry.... I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been tapping your wife, day and night, when you're not around. In fact, more than you. I'm not getting any at home, but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't happen again. The neighbor, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her. A few moments later, a second text came in: Darn autocorrect. I meant "wifi", not "wife". -<>- Paradoxical Quote of The Day From Ben Stein: "Fathom the Hypocrisy of a Government that requires every citizen to prove they are insured... but not everyone must prove they are a citizen." -<>- I can’t believe the fantastic good luck! I won a Kenyan Lottery according to an email received from a Nigerian prince. He's holding a MILLION DOLLARS and he wants to send it to me FREE! And all I have to do is give him all my bank account numbers so he can transfer the money! And then I got ANOTHER email; It too is from a KENYAN prince, and he wants to give me FREE healthcare for life! ...and all I have to do is give him all my bank account numbers, MY SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER and MY CONFIDENTIAL HEALTH INFORMATION so he can make it happen! It's called Obamacare. Wow! Am I lucky or what? -<>- _..._ .~ `~. / } \ _.'`~~/ {_,} -( ,'-,___.' / |_ /| / ` |_/ / \ / / '--;_ _\ `\ / |`-.___. / ^^^jgs^^^`--`------'`--`^^^^^^^^^^^^^ >Grading Papers... [Not vetted] CAN YOU IMAGINE GRADING THESE PAPERS? PAY SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THE WORDING AND SPELLING. IF YOU KNOW THE BIBLE EVEN A LITTLE, YOU'LL FIND THIS HILARIOUS! IT COMES FROM A CATHOLIC ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEST. KIDS WERE ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS. THE FOLLOWING 25 STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE WRITTEN BY CHILDREN. THEY HAVE NOT BEEN RETOUCHED OR CORRECTED. INCORRECT SPELLING HAS BEEN LEFT IN. 1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED OF CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF. 2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS. 3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE DURING THE NIGHT. 4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS. 5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH. 6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES. 7. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD, WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS. 8. THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS. 9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE. 10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY. 11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA THEN JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL. 12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM. 13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES. 14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES. 15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNA CARTA. 16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER. 17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION. 18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD. 19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT ALONE. 20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE. 21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS. 22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES. 23. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN. 24. ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY, WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE. 25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY. --- ...LOL! Thanks Geniann! ======================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: .:. .:. \|/ .:. _ \\,/// \|/ | \|/ _/_\_ ___ \\|/// <#> | \|<#> | (") /.-.\ (")\\ \|<#>|/ \| / _ //U\\ |(")| //-\\\ | \| /<#>/ ( ) _ \|_|/ /)v(\ <#>_/|_|/\\ \ |/ |/ \| (_` )_('> | | \/~\/ |||\\\ \| | |/ (__,~_)8 ||| //_\\ ||| \\ |/ \| / \| / jgs _YY_ _[|]_ /_____\ _[|]_ \| |/ |/ """"""""'""'""'"""""'""""'""'"""'"""""''"'"""^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ A group of junior-level executives were participating in a management training program. The seminar leader pounded home his point about the need to make decisions and take action on these decisions. "For instance," he said, "if you had five frogs on a log and three of them decided to jump, how many frogs would you have left on the log?" The answers from the group were unanimous: "Two." "Wrong," replied the speaker, "there would still be five because there is a difference between deciding to jump and jumping." -<>- Now that the metric system is in wide use all over the world, we can see why American have not adopted it: A miss is as good as 1.6 kilometers. Put your best .3 of a meter forward. Spare the 5.03 meters and spoil the child. Twenty-eight grams of prevention is worth 453 grams of cure. Give a man 2.5 centimeters and he'll take 1.6 kilometers. Peter Piper picked 8.8 liters of pickled peppers. -<>- When I was a kid adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up. What with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning uphill both ways through year 'round blizzards carrying their younger siblings on their backs to their one-room schoolhouse where they maintained a straight-A average despite their full-time after-school job at the local textile mill where they worked for 35 cents an hour just to help keep their family from starving to death! And I remember promising myself that when I grew up there was no way I was going to lay that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it! But.... Now that I've reached the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a Utopia! And I hate to say it but you kids today don't know how good you've got it! I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have the Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the library and look it up ourselves! And there was no email! We had to actually write somebody a letter, with a pen! And then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there! And there were no MP3s or Napsters! If you wanted to steal music, you had to go to the record store and shoplift it yourself! Or, we had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and mess it all up! You want to hear about hardship? We didn't have fancy stuff like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called, they got a busy signal! And we didn't have fancy Caller ID Boxes either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was, it could be your boss, your Mom, a collections agent, you didn't know!!! You just had to pick it up and take your chances, mister! And we didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation videogames with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like "Space Invaders" and "Asteroids"! Your guy was a little square! You had to use your imagination! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever! And you could never win, the game just kept getting harder and faster until you died! Just like LIFE! When you went to the movie theater, there was no such thing as stadium seating! All the seats were the same height! If a tall guy sat in front of you, you watched his hairstyle! And sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only like 20 channels and there was no onscreen menu! You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! And there was no Cartoon Network! You could only get cartoons on Saturday morning... D'ya hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK! That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled! You guys wouldn't last five minutes back in 1984! -<>- At a posh Manhattan dinner party, a Latin American visitor was telling the guests about this home country and himself. As he concluded, he said, "And I have a charming and understanding wife but, alas, no children." As his listeners appeared to be waiting for him to continue, he said, haltingly, "You see, my wife is unbearable." Puzzled glances prompted him to try to clarify the matter: "What I mean is, my wife is inconceivable." As his companions seemed amused, he floundered deeper into the intricacies of the English language, explaining triumphantly, "That is, my wife, she is impregnable!" -<>- A customer moves away from a bank window, counts his change, and then goes back and says to the cashier, "Hey, you gave me the wrong change!" "Sir, you stepped away from the counter," said the cashier. "We don't make corrections after you leave. There's nothing I can do about it now. That's the policy of this bank." "Well, ok," answered the customer. "Just thought you'd like to know that you gave me an extra twenty. Bye." -<>- The Ten Commandments display was recently removed from the Alabama Supreme Court building. There was a good reason for the move. You can't post Thou Shalt Not Steal, Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery, and Thou Shall Not Lie in a building full of lawyers and politicians without creating a hostile work environment. -<>- As team leader of the Police Tactics and Rescue Unit, I directed officers late one night to strategic positions around a building where a dangerous suspect was hiding. Believing the culprit to be on the roof, I decided to have an officer shine his flash-light in that direction on my command. At just the right moment, I whispered to him, "Okay, throw a light on the roof." The officer hurled his flashlight to the top of the building. -<>- Two keys hang in an undertaker's office - one for the organ in the chapel; the other for one of the cars in the garage. Two small signs above the keys read "Hymn" and "Hearse." -<>- My family traditionally begins the evening meal with a prayer of thanks. When they were old enough, we began letting our children say the meal prayer. Of course at first they would ask for a pony, a new bike, etc. They soon learned the more important things which should be included in the prayer. At Thanksgiving we had the whole family over. My nine year old wanted to say the prayer. It went like this: "Heavenly Father, we thank Thee for the turkey, the rolls, the mashed potatoes, the red jiggly stuff, and the bread stuff even though I don't like it. We ask that You not let us choke on this food." -<>- Ducking into confession with a turkey in his arms, Brian said, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. I stole this turkey to feed my family. Would you take it and settle my guilt?" "Certainly not," said the Priest. "As penance, you must return it to the one from whom you stole it." "I tried," Brian sobbed, "but he refused. Oh, Father, what should I do?" "If what you say is true, then it is all right for you to keep it for your family." Thanking the Priest, Brian hurried off. When confession was over, the Priest returned to his residence. When he walked into the kitchen, he found that someone had stolen his turkey. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Geniann :) .---. /) .' `\/) / _ .'`/| jgs ,=( __\ (__/_/==, `==================` >Thanksgiving rules from Grandma Dear Family, I'm not dead yet. Thanksgiving is still important to me. If being in my Last Will and Testament is important to you, then you might consider being with me for my favorite holiday. Dinner is at 2:00. Not 2:15. Not 2:05. Two. 2:00! Arrive late and you get what's left over. ... Last year, that moron Marshall fried a turkey in one of those contraptions and practically burned the deck off the house. This year, the only peanut oil used to make the meal will be from the secret scoop of peanut butter I add to the carrot soup. Jonathan, your last new wife was an idiot. You don't arrive at someone's house on Thanksgiving needing to use the oven and the stove. Honest to God, I thought you might have learned after two wives - date them longer and save us all the agony of another divorce. Now, the house rules are slightly different This year because I have decided that 47% of you don't know how to take care of nice things. Paper plates and red Solo cups might be bad for the environment, but I'll be gone soon and that will be your problem to deal with. House Rules: 1. The University of Texas no longer plays Texas A&M. The television stays off during the meal. 2. The "no cans for kids" rule still exists. We are using 2 liter bottles because your children still open a third can before finishing the first two. Parents can fill a child's cup when it is empty. All of the cups have names on them and I'll be paying close attention to refills. 3. Chloe, last year we were at Trudy's house and I looked the other way when your Jell-O salad showed up. This year, if Jell-O salad comes in the front door it will go right back out the back door with the garbage. Save yourself some time, honey. You've never been a good cook and you shouldn't bring something that wiggles more than you. Buy something from the bakery. 4. Grandmothers give grandchildren cookies and candy. That is a fact of life. Your children can eat healthy at your home. At my home, they can eat whatever they like as long as they finish it. 5. I cook with bacon and bacon grease. That's nothing new. Your being a vegetarian doesn't change the fact that stuffing without bacon is like egg salad without eggs. Even the green bean casserole has a little bacon grease in it. That's why it tastes so good. Not eating bacon is just not natural. And as far as being healthy... look at me. I've outlived almost everyone I know. 6. Salad at Thanksgiving is a waste of space. 7. I do not like cell phones. Leave them in the car. 8. I do not like video cameras. There will be 32 people here. I am sure you can capture lots of memories without the camera pointed at me. 9. Being a mother means you have to actually pay attention to the kids. I have nice things and I don't put them away just because company is coming over. Mary, watch your kids and I'll watch my things. 10. Rhonda, a cat that requires a shot twice a day is a cat that has lived too many lives. I think staying home to care for the cat is your way of letting me know that I have lived too many lives too. I can live with that. Can you? 11. Words mean things. I say what I mean. Let me repeat: You don't need to bring anything means you don't need to bring anything. And if I did tell you to bring something, bring it in the quantity I said. Really, this doesn't have to be difficult. 12. Domino's and cards are better than anything that requires a battery or an on/off switch. That was true when you were kids and it's true now that you have kids. 13. Showing up for Thanksgiving guarantees presents at Christmas. Not showing up guarantees a card that may or may not be signed. In memory of your Grandfather, the back fridge will be filled with beer. Drink until it is gone. I prefer wine anyway. But one from each family needs to be the designated driver. I really mean all of the above. Love You, Grandma --- ...TeeHee! Great Classic! Thanks Geniann! This year due to receiving a free 25lb turkey, I will again host the Thanksgiving meal. I am confident that it will go much easier this year as I don't have the same as the above 'Jonathan's wife', #3 and #9 along with #2 - [it would have been nice if the mom took care of the little ones instead of playing on the computer for two hours!]. ======================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) |_| _, _ _ ___ | |(_||_)|_)\_| .'=:-\ ___ | | ._| /.='( ` | |_ _ ,_ |/ , _ . .,_ _ /. ^=.'-._..---. | | |(_|| ||\/_)(_|||/|| |(_| | =^.'=.'^//"(_`\\)8, ._| ._| |^.'=' .=||/' `\||;8.-' \'.^,=^'.||; ; ||8/:_,_ give thanks... './-`\= \\\.-./;//,_/`- \ jgs \__/-/'-\888::((()),_ /:. .O__/ (_88:::(())):. `8':. ' Thank You God http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/thankgod.html Thank You Lord http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/thanks.html Thanksgiving Animations http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/agifs_p-t.html That's God http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/thatsgod.html Three Old Men http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/oldmen.html Give Praise http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/poems/praise.html The Blue Ribbon http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/blueribbon.html Code Of Ethics http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ethics.html Ohio Indians http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ohioindians.html Old Barns, Old People, Old Friends http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/barns.html Pay It Forward http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/payitforward.html Rich VS Poor http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/richvspoor.html Value What You Have http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/valuewyh.html Until We Write Again http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/write.html Let's Dance! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dance.html Easy Desserts! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/easy.html -<>- >From Our Friend Kay :) She sent us an eCard for Thanksgiving... http://tinyurl.com/pqytbr2 --- ...Awww, so sweet! Thanks Kay! -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseA :) Les Miserables is one of the most successful musicals of all time. The centerpiece of this epic story about the French Revolution is the rousing 'Do You Hear the People Sing' and here you can enjoy a very special performance of the song, featuring 17 different male leads from around the world and a huge backing chorus. It was recorded for the show's 10th anniversary concert in 1996 and is bound to have the hairs on the back of your neck standing up! https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=KPpkTgMbhRU I Love Lucy was one of the most popular shows during its time. This legendary clip was taken from the episode titled "Job Switching", which featured Lucy and Ethel going to work, while Fred and Ricky stayed at home to take care of the housework. It's safe to say that the girls don't last too long at their new jobs! The original episode aired September 15, 1952. Enjoy the hilarious clip! https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=8NPzLBSBzPI Cats and dogs are amazing creatures, but they're not the only cute pets you can let into your life. There are some wonderful animals out there that are so adorable you'll wonder how you haven't made them part of your life yet! https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=0F5JkpZh73I Human Planet is an awe-inspiring, jaw-dropping, heart-stopping landmark series that marvels at mankind's incredible relationship with nature in the world today. https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=2HiUMlOz4UQ --- ...Sweet! Thanks LouiseA! -<>- >From Our Friend Melinda :) Banana Bread with Ginger and Chocolate Chips (adapted from A Homemade Life by Molly Wizenberg) http://tinyurl.com/p9vx6e4 Lost Generation - front to back - back to front https://www.youtube.com/embed/42E2fAWM6rA Son Gets Call Before Thanksgiving http://tinyurl.com/nd26qxj Cows are awesome! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-02MT_P0Gx8&feature=em-share_video_user --- ...LOL! Thanks Melinda! Q: What did the cops need when a cow got loose on the highway? A: They needed a cowboy with a lasso! Using the squad car didn't work so well! -<>- >From Our Friend Melody :) No Bake Pumpkin Cheesecake https://dashingdish.com/recipe/no-bake-pumpkin-cheesecake/ Der Dutchman's Amish Stuffing http://tinyurl.com/ngv6as7 14 Thanksgiving Side Dishes with Yam http://www.mrfood.com/Potatoes-Rice/Thanksgiving-Side-Dishes-With-Yam Funny Thanksgiving Showdown - Farmer vs. Turkey https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x6x66sKK-rQ Kids History: The First Thanksgiving https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WumiRK06Yqw A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving 1973 - YouTube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VayAyAr-xqI --- ...Favorites! Thanks Melody! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "During the debate last night, Marco Rubio said, 'We need more welders and less philosophers.' Graduates with a philosophy degree were so furious, they got on their parents' computers and wrote angry emails." -Conan O'Brien "A new study came out this week, which showed that the cities of Portland and Seattle have the highest percentage of single women over 40 living with cats. It goes without saying that they also lead the nation in frozen yogurt shops, Zumba classes, and crying." -James Corden "After one of Google's self-driving cars was pulled over this weekend, the company released a statement touting that the cars have the human equivalent of 90 years behind the wheel. Which also explains why the left blinker was on for 17 miles." -Seth Meyers "A new poll revealed that 44 percent of Americans think Santa is a Democrat and 28 percent believe he is a Republican. And the other 28 percent said to please stop bothering me with stupid questions." -Jimmy Kimmel "The holidays are just wonderful. Here's what I thought was sad, though, the line for the mall Santa? Out the door and around the block. The mall rabbi? Nothing." -David Letterman "Today in New York, a schoolteacher celebrated her 100th birthday. All of her students hid in the classroom and surprised her with a big party. They were hiding and they shouted, 'Surprise!' May she rest in peace." -Craig Ferguson "The number 1 movie in the country is 'Ouija,' as in the Ouija board. I can hardly wait for the next blockbuster motion picture - Yahtzee!" -Dave Letterman "Last night daredevil Nik Wallenda successfully completed a tightrope walk of 500 feet between two Chicago skyscrapers. Then he took part in an even more dangerous stunt - walking through Chicago on the ground." -Jimmy Fallon "Tomorrow is National Healthy Eating Day. But tomorrow is also National Doughnut Day, which seems like bad planning. And then Thursday is National Nachos Day. Poor National Healthy Eating Day. It's totally outgunned." -Jimmy Kimmel "Yesterday was the New York City Marathon. The men's division was won by a Kenyan. Meanwhile, in Kenya, a pie-eating competition was won by an American." -Dave Letterman "Kellogg's has reported a 31 percent drop in profits this quarter after sales of breakfast foods and snacks fell in the U.S. When asked how he's doing, Tony the Tiger replied, 'Not great.'" -Seth Meyers "It was reported that the Republican candidates said Hillary Clinton's name more than 40 times during the debate. Though usually you only have to say it three times before she appears." -Seth Meyers "A new study found that government employees are the happiest workers. The study was not conducted at the DMV." -Conan O'Brien "Researchers in Japan are working on a new drug that could treat gambling addiction. But I'll bet you 2-to-1 it doesn't work." -Jimmy Fallon __ / \ _/=Ll=\_ [________] ___ ||/""\|| .'___`. ( 6. 6 ) / /"""\ \ __, ,__, \_--_/ |( 6 6 )| (--| | .-[\~--~/]-. ~\_-_/~ |--| _ _ _ / \ / \ .-' '-. _| | (_||_)|_)\_| / _, `----' ,_ \ /\_____/\ ( |_, | | ,_| \ \| |/ / / ,_/^\_, \ \ >==[]==< / \_(_|-|_)_/ _______, \/__.''.__\/ //=====\\ (--| _, (_, | TT | // \\ | |_ _ ._ |__, , _ ' ',_ _ | || | // \\ _| | |(_|| || \ /_)(_||\/|| |(_| | || | /'---,___,---'\ ( |_, \_, ,_| ,_| |__||__| / / \ \ [__][__] '--,_________,--' jgs |_ || _| |_ | _| (__)(__) (__)__) >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. 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