Happy Valentine's Day with SMILES :) Shangy! .-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-. .-. ( ` )( ` )( ` )( ` )( ` )( ` )( ` )( ` ) `. .' `. .' `. .' `. .' `. .' `. .' `. .' `. .' `.' `.' `.' `.' `.' `.' `.' `.' .-. .-. .-. .-. ( ` )|_ _ _ _ _ | _ _ |_ . _ _ _ _| _ |( ` ) `. .' | )(_||_)|_)\/ \/(_||(/_ | )| || )(/_/ ) (_|(_| \/. `. .' `.' | | / / `.' >-->From The FunnyBone: But... Beware Of The Dog! _..._..._ .-' ':: '::-. / _ _ \ / \ ; : \ _ _ / ; |:' | /o) (o\ | .:| | |(_/ .-. \_)| :'| | .:/ ( ) \ | | ; '-' ;:'| |: | ' : ' | | '-| ' ' : ' ' |-' \ : / jgs \ /^\ / '--`._.`--' Upon entering the little country store, the stranger noticed a sign saying; DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG! posted on the glass door. Inside he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor besides the cash register. He asked the store manager, "Is THAT the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" "Yep, that's him," he replied. The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?" "Because"; the owner replied, "before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him." ======================================================================= [--------------------- Bizarre Laws ----------------------] In Phoenix, Arizona, you can't walk through a hotel lobby with spurs on. In California, a law created in 1925 makes it illegal to wiggle while dancing. In Utah, daylight must be visible between dancing couples. In Michigan, it is against the law for a lady to lift her skirt more than 6 inches while walking through a mud puddle. In North Carolina, it is against the law for a rabbit to race down the street. In Georgia, it's against the law to spread a false rumor. In West Virginia, one can't cook sauerkraut or cabbage due to the odors and the offence is subject to imprisonment. In Missouri, a man must have a permit to shave. The law states that more than 3000 sheep cannot be herded down Hollywood Blvd. at any one time. In Texas, it is still a "hanging offense" to steal cattle. ==================================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: A park ranger in the Everglades was making his rounds a couple of summers ago when a woman came bolting out of the weeds right in front of his truck. She seemed frantic and he finally got her calm enough to say that her five- year-old son was sitting on the back of an alligator. Now the ranger was frantic. Running in the direction she was pointing he found the lad astride a twelve foot male alligator which was trying to relieve itself of its load by twisting and snapping. As the brave ranger moved in he tried to console the mother by saying, "I think I can grab the boy and move away before the gator moves. Be ready to grab your son. I may have to shoot the gator." To which the lady replies "Good Heavens, no! Don't shoot him. I just wanted you to make him hold still for a minute so I could take my son's picture on his back." -<>- When my Navy Medical Reserve Unit was called up for Operation Desert Storm, I was awakened by a phone call at three o'clock on a Sunday morning with the order to report for duty in four hours for processing. After I hung up the phone, my husband groggily asked, "Who was that?" "Oh, honey," I moaned, thinking of our 15-month-old child, "I have to go to war!" "Don't worry," he said as he rolled over, "It's Sunday, and the traffic won't be bad." [Borrowed from Reader's Digest.] -<>- A prospective juror in a Dallas District Court was surprised by the definition of voluntary manslaughter given the panel: "An intentional killing that occurs while the defendant is under the immediate influence of sudden passion arising from an adequate cause, such as when a spouse's mate is found in a 'compromising position.'" "See, I have a problem with that passion business," responded the jury candidate. "During my first marriage, I came in and found my husband in bed with my neighbor. All I did was divorce him. I had no idea that I could have shot him." She wasn't selected for the jury. -<>- .,,,,,,,,,,. ,;;;;;;;;;;;;;;, ,;;;;;;;;;;;)));;(((,,;;;,,_ ,;;;;;;;;;;' |)))))))))))\\ ;;;;;;/ )'' - /,)))((((((((((\ ;;;;' \ ~|\ )))))))))))))) / / | (((((((((((((( /' \ _/~ ')|())))))))) /' `\ /> o_/)))(((((((( / /' `~~(____ / ())))))))))) | ---, \ \ ((((((((((( | `\ \~-_____| ))))))))) Art by | `\ | |_.---.(((((((( -Tua Xiong \ | | ))))))))) (((((((( ))))))) A young Scottish lad and lass were sitting on a low stonewall, holding hands, and gazing out over the loch. For several minutes they sat silently, then finally the girl looked at the boy and said, "A penny for your thoughts, Angus." "Well, uh, I was thinkin' perhaps its aboot time for a wee cuddle." The girl blushed, then leaned over and cuddled him. Then he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch. After a while the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus." "Well, uh, I was thinkin' perhaps it's aboot time for a wee kiss." The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him. Then he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch. After a while the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus." The young man knit his brow. "Well, now," he said, "my thoughts are a bit more serious this time." "Really?" said the girl, filled with anticipation. "Aye," said the lad. The girl looked away in shyness, began to blush and bit her lip in anticipation of the ultimate request. Angus blurted out, "Din'na ye think it's aboot time ye paid me those first two pennies?" -<>- I came home one night and my wife was crying. I said, "whats wrong?" She said, "I'm home sick." I said, "But, this IS your home." "Yes," she replied, "and I'm sick of it!" -<>- "This house," said the real estate salesman, "has both its good points and its bad points. To show you I'm honest, I'm going to tell you about both. The disadvantages are that there is a chemical plant one block south and a slaughterhouse a block north." "What are the advantages?" inquired the prospective buyer. "The advantage is that you can always tell which way the wind is blowing." ============================================================== >-->Useless Inventions 1. Non stick Cellotape 2. Solar Powered Flash Light 3. A black highlighter pen 4. Glow in the dark sunglasses 5. Inflatable Anchor 6. Smooth Sandpaper 7. Waterproof sponge 8. Waterproof Teabags 9. AC adapter for Solar powered calculators 10. Fireproof Matches 11. Fireproof Cigarettes 12. Battery powered Battery Charger 13. Seatbelts for Motorbikes 14. Hand powered Chainsaw 15. Inflatable Dartboard 16. Silent Alarm Clock 17. A Pedal powered wheelchair 18. Braille Drivers Manual 19. Double sided playing cards 20. Ejector seats for Helicopters ================================================================ >-->From Our Friend Becky :) The Best Time of My Life By Joe Kemp It was June 15, and in two days I would be turning thirty. I was insecure about entering a new decade of my life and feared that my best years were now behind me. My daily routine included going to the gym for a workout before going to work. ... Read More: http://view.beliefnet.com/track.aspx?s=23490787&nl=33032&pos=2&url=http://www.beliefnet.com/nllp/ChickenSoupSoul.aspx?date=2-07-2007%26WT.mc_id%3DNL49 Chicken Soup ==================================================================== >-->In The Worldly News: _____________ __________ /\ \_____ _ (\ -=- \ |; _____|_| `\ --=-= \ \/____________/ \ -==--=- \ __ ) -==-==- ) jgs \/ ( =-==-= ( \ -=- \ /_) -=- ) `""""""""""` >From CCA: Washington D.C. -- Christian Coalition of America condemns the new Speaker of the House of Representatives, Nancy Pelosi, Democrat from San Francisco, for trying to get luxurious travel paid for by the American taxpayers. Is a first class seat on a commercial jet no longer good enough for Speaker Pelosi? Nancy Pelosi is demanding that the Air Force provide her with a large jet on demand - "Pelosi One" - so she can transport her political cronies, favorite Members of Congress, congressional staffers, friends and relatives back and forth to her district in San Francisco every week. Roberta Combs, President of the Christian Coalition of America, said: “It is time for Speaker Pelosi to fulfill her campaign promises to the American people and stop the abuse of power in Congress. She said during the campaign that American tax dollars needed to be spent wisely. There is no reason why Speaker Pelosi and her favorite Members of Congress can't take a smaller Air Force plane which makes one stop on her way back to San Francisco, just like most other Americans when they travel.” However, Speaker Nancy Pelosi is insisting on an Air Force C-32 jumbo jet. It will cost the American taxpayers an astounding $15,000 an hour (and up to 15 Air Force staffers) to service Nancy Pelosi and her political cronies and favorite Members of Congress. The Air Force C-32 plane has 42 leather business-class seats, a fully-enclosed state room for Nancy Pelosi; stewards who serve meals and tend an open bar, and other such luxuries on board. It is time for Speaker Nancy Pelosi to bring such abuse of power to a halt now. http://www.cc.org/ CCA -<>- >From CoffeeBreak: Bicyclists protest Chicago Auto Show Bicyclists gathered in protest over the weekend outside Chicago's McCormick Place, where the 99th Chicago Auto Show was taking place. Protesters dressed as polar bears and held up signs that said "True Patriots Don't Burn Oil" and "Be a Hero: Drive Less," the Chicago Tribune reported. "We feel there are enough cars in Chicago," said protest organizer Dan Korn. "You can't get away from the sights, smells and sounds. And here comes the auto show glorifying it." The Chicago Auto Show is the largest such showcase in North America. For the past eight years, Critical Mass, a group of bicycling activists, has protested the show. Despite cold and windy temperatures, bicyclists from around the Chicago area gathered and chanted "no thank you" to the products being marketed inside. Some video games valued for education Research in the United States suggests certain video and computer games can aid children in their educational development. The Chicago Tribune reported on the research, in which experts cite role-playing and simulation games as boosting vocabulary, reasoning and social skills. Some have even suggested supplanting much of the traditional K-12 curriculum with a new generation of game-based lessons to accommodate the increasingly short attention spans of today's youth. "Right now in American schools we spend most of the first six or seven years of math education teaching kids to do what a 99-cent calculator does," said David Williamson Shaffer, an education professor at the University of Wisconsin-Madison and author of "How Computer Games Help Children Learn." The Tribune reported that high on the list of educationally beneficial games are Civilization, in which players create a historically accurate civilization, and Zoo Tycoon, in which players run a zoo, choosing animals and even managing a budget. Some educators are skeptical, saying the educational benefits of video and computer games are much over-hyped. Las Vegas named fattest U.S. city Las Vegas has been named the fattest city in the United States in Men's Fitness magazine's "Ninth Annual Fattest and Fittest Cities in America Report." The survey analyzed data including how much exercise people get, how healthy they eat and how much time they spend sitting in traffic. San Antonio was named second-fattest, followed by Miami. The report showed that in Las Vegas, seven out of 10 residents are so physically inactive that doctors say they are putting their health at risk. The survey said the fittest cities in the United States are Albuquerque, Seattle and Colorado Springs, Colo. -<>- >From BizarreNews: -- Worst Disguise Ever! ------------------ MONROE, N.C. - Sheriff's deputies say a man who robbed a convenience store in Union County, N.C., used an unusual and low-tech disguise -- a pair of boxer shorts on his head. Deputies said the man, who robbed a BP gas station convenience store Tuesday night, wore red boxer shorts on his head to conceal his identity, WSOC-TV, Charlotte, N.C., reported Thursday. The sheriff's office described the man as a black man between 35 and 38 years old with a gray beard, green sweatshirt and black pants. -- Bus Stops Now With Porno ----------------- SOFIA - A city-run bus company is showing dirty movies on monitors at bus stops to help commuters in the Bulgarian capital while away the wait after midnight. During the day, a bus timetable is on the monitors, the Serbian news agency FoNet reported Thursday. An official at the transportation company in Sofia said the company wanted to entertain passengers as they wait for buses. Erotic movies are being shown only late at night when there is little chance children are on the streets, he said. Some Sofia residents praised the new service while others said it brings shame on the city. Some Bulgarians complained security in Sofia has been reduced as police officers prefer to watch pornographic films instead of chasing criminals, the report said. -- Senator Repeats Profanity-Laced Criticissm Posted Online --- Senator Scott Brown was discussing his stance on gay marriage during an assembly at King Philip Regional High School when he decided to share the vulgar comments written about him by students on facebook.com. The site dedicated to the pro-gay rights history teacher at the school, stated "I hate Scott Brown" and "Scott Brown ascends from the underworld," two of the more tame comments on the site. With more profane descriptions also including pictures of Brown edited with devil's horns, a devil's tail and a pitchfork, and the comments weren't just limited the comments to Brown. His daughter, Ayla Brown, a former American Idol finalist and scholarship basketball player at Boston College was also targeted. Concerning the controversy over his comments, Brown said "If the kids can write it, the kids can hear it." The students then became immensely involved in a discussion about issues such as gay marriage. "I felt really good about it. And now I find out I'm being portrayed as a vile-speaking hate- monger. It's pretty saddening. I feel very badly that I'm being victimized here," he said. After reading the comments verbatim and even naming the individual students who wrote them, he outraged both students and teachers. The mother of the student who created the site stated that she thought that Brown acted inappropriately. -<>- >From AFA: Ford sales drop 19% in January Sales of Ford Motor Company autos went down 19% in January, compared to a year ago. In 8 of the 10 months since AFA began the boycott of Ford because of the motor company's support for the homosexual agenda—including same-sex marriage, Ford's sales have gone down compared to a year ago. Wal-Mart has announced they will no longer support or oppose controversial issues. Ford originally made a similar pledge to AFA but reneged when a small group of homosexual leaders demanded retraction. AFA has repeatedly asked Ford to remain neutral in the culture wars, but the company has continued to promote the homosexual agenda. During the November elections, Ford pointed their employees to visit a radical left wing online voters guide for information on how to vote. The Website that contained the guide urged votes against constitutional amendments banning homosexual marriage, for stem cell research in Missouri and against an amendment banning abortion in South Dakota. News: http://www.boycottford.com/ AFA: http://www.afa.net/ ================================================================ >-->From Our Friend Steve :) >A Woman Should Have......... ,-. / \ ((\ ) )6(\ / \ _`)/&< _ >o< ) ) ( (__/) )) / ( ( \ \ (=.|\ |)=.| \ \ ) / | | / / | |_,/ (`;-. |\ / |\ `' \ / ' ` \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / `. . \ ; \ \ ) / ` \ \ ) ; ' ` \ ) / : ; ,-. ,' ;__,-. ; . . /"""`-=' gpyy /_,`-=-.___,.__,-=-''"""'` A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE . enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own even if she never wants to or needs to... A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE . something perfect to wear if the employer or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour... A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE . a youth she's content to leave behind.... A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE . a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to retelling it in her old age.... A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE . a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra... A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE . one friend who always makes her laugh... and one who lets her cry... A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE . a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family... A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE . eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal that will make her guests feel honored... A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE . a feeling of control over her destiny... EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... how to fall in love without losing herself.. EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... when to try harder... and WHEN TO WALK AWAY... EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... that she can't change the length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents.. EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... that her childhood may not have been perfect...but its over... EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... what she would and wouldn't do for love or more... EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... how to live alone... even if she doesn't like it... EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... whom she can trust, whom she can't, and why she shouldn't take it personally... EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... where to go... be it to her best friend's kitchen table... or a charming inn in the woods... when her soul needs soothing... EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... what she can and can't accomplish in a day... a month...and a year... EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... HOW TO QUIT A JOB, BREAK UP WITH A LOVER, AND CONFRONT A FRIEND WITHOUT RUINING THE FRIENDSHIP... by Maya Angelou -<>- >USS New York # # ( ) ___#_#___|__ _ |____________| _ _=====| | | | | |==== _ =====| |.---------------------------. | |==== <--------------------' . . . . . . . . '--------------/ \ / \_______________________________________________WWS_________/ wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww It was built with 24 tons of scrap steel from the World Trade Center. It is the fifth in a new class of warship - designed for missions that include special operations against terrorists. It will carry a crew of 360 sailors and 700 combat-ready Marines to be delivered ashore by helicopters and assault craft. Steel from the World Trade Center was melted down in a fo undry in Amite, LA to cast the ship's bow section. When it was poured into the molds on Sept. 9, 2003, "those big rough steelworkers treated it with total reverence," recalled Navy Capt. Kevin Wensing, who was there. "It was a spiritual moment for everybody there." Junior Chavers, foundry operations manager, said that when the trade center steel first arrived, he touched it with his hand and the "hair on my neck stood up." "It had a big meaning to it for all of us," he said. "They knocked us d own. They can't keep us down. We're going to be back." The ship's motto? "Never Forget" >Visit Here for full details and picture: http://www.snopes.com/photos/military/ussnewyork.asp USS NY Please keep this going so everyone can see what we are made of in this country! -<>- WELCOME TO THE UNITED STATES Telephone Greetings: Wouldn't it be great, if this caught on, all over the country...? "GOOD MORNING, ______________________________ Press 1 if you speak English Press 2 to disconnect until you CAN speak English If you agree......keep it going. -<>- >HOW COLD IS IT?? o \ o `. o o o o \ ` -. .-.-. .---. .-.,-.,-. ..-. / )| | `'____\' o _____\|| ` `' | |-._--.| |----.| | o |o ||-.| ||,-. || | o o | ||_|| |/ oo\ || | | || || C ._)o || | o o| || ||o|\`-/ || | ,. o | ||_|| ,'\,\ || | _\('') | ||o||/\ \ .: o|| | (; .) | || |( \_\||___|| | _,.(|___)-. | o||_|||`-`,\)----' | o o | | ||..|.| o _ |-. _.-. `.-.|._|_.-:|__|_|-.-' `-'.__ o o '--`-` o - SSt There is actually some truth to this..... 60 above zero: Floridians turn on the heat. People in Wisconsin plant gardens. 50 above zero: Californians shiver uncontrollably. People in Superior sunbathe. 40 above zero: Italian & English cars won't start. People in Wisconsin drive with the windows down. 32 above zero: Distilled water freezes. The water in Hayward gets thicker. 20 above zero: Floridians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, wool hats. People in Wisconsin throw on a flannel shirt. 15 above zero: New York landlords finally turn up the heat. People in Wisconsin have the last cookout before it gets cold. Zero: People in Miami all die. People in Wisconsin close the windows. 10 below zero: Californians fly away to Mexico People in Wisconsin get out their winter coats. 25 below zero: Hollywood disintegrates. The Girl Scouts in Wisconsin are selling cookies door to door. 40 below zero: Washington DC runs out of hot air. People in Wisconsin let the dogs sleep indoors. 100 below zero: Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. Wisconsinites get upset because they can't start the Mini-Van. 460 below zero: ALL atomic motion stops (absolute zero on the Kelvin scale.) People in Wisconsin start saying..."Cold 'nuff fer ya?" 500 below zero: Hell freezes over. Wisconsin public schools will open 2 hours late. ======================================================================= >-->From Our Friend Bob :) >An ET-AHEM! The Queen and Dolly Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day and they both go before an Angel to find out if they'll be admitted to Heaven. Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so the Angel must decide which of them gets in. The Angel asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she should go to Heaven. Dolly takes off her top and says, "Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity." The Angel thanks Dolly, and asks Her Majesty the same question. The Queen takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, shakes it up, and gargles. Then, she spits into a toilet and pulls the lever. The Angel says, "OK, your Majesty, you may go in." Dolly is outraged and asks, "What was that all about? I show you two of God's own perfect creations and you turn me down. She spits into a commode and she gets in! Would you explain that to me?" _ ,'`. _ _ /\ _(_)_ (_,._) ( `' ) < > (_)+(_) /\ `.,' \/ | _ ,db. _(M)_ (MMMM) Stef (M)+(M) db | "Sorry, Dolly," says the Angel, "but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair - no matter how big they are. ======================================================= >-->From Our Friend DancinGirl :) THIS IS NEAT! , , /////| ///// | ///// | |~~~| | | |===| |/| | B |/| | | I | | | | B | | | | L | / | E | / |===|/ jgs '---' DID YOU KNOW THE BIBLE HAS A SPECIAL VERSE FOR EVERYONE'S BIRTHDAY? CHECK YOURS OUT NOW!! http://www.mybirthverse.com Bible Birthday -<>- HEY PRETTY LADY! _ / } /'.\ _/ ) (`- ( ,) |/ /| ' ` Elb THIS IS A TOAST.... 2 US... FOR THE MEN WHO HAVE US, THE LOSERS WHO HAD US, AND THE LUCKY PEOPLE WHO WILL MEET US!! SEND THIS ONLY TO PRETTY LADIES, You have been hit. You have been considered One of the 10 prettiest ladies on my friends list. Once you have been hit, you have to hit 10 pretty ladies. If you get hit again you know you're really pretty. If you break the chain you'll have ugliness for 10 years. So hit 10 pretty ladies on your friends list and let them know they are pretty. -<>- A FUNNY Link to brighten your day: http://www.frontiernet.net/~shelby304/specials/dontdowindows/nowindows.htm ====================================================================== >-->From The Jokester: ______________________________________ | | _.---------|.--. | .-' ` .'/ `` | .-' .' | /| | .-' | / `.__// | .-' _.--/ / | | _ .-' / / Heard your wife left you, | | ._ \ / ` / | | ` . / ` / How upset you must be. | | \ \ '/ / | | - \ / /| But don't fret about it... | | ' .' / | | | ' |.'| She moved in with me. | | | | | | | |______________________________________| | |.' | / | / | / ) /| .A/`-. / | AMMMA. `-._ / / AMMMMMMMMA. `-. / / AMMMMMMMMMMMMA. `. / AMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMA.`. / MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMA.`. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMA.`. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMA. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMA. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMV' VK >Things That Hallmark Cards Don't Say My tire was thumping. I thought it was flat When I looked at the tire... I noticed your cat. Sorry! Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder.. "What the heck was I thinking?" Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your husband. How could two people as beautiful as you have such an ugly baby? I 've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love After having met you .. I've changed my mind. I must admit, you brought Religion into my life. I never believed in Hell until I met you. As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am... That you're not here to ruin it for me. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go... Would you like to take this knife out of my back? You'll probably need it again. Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad! (Available only in Tennessee, Kentucky & West Virginia) Happy birthday! You look great for your age. Almost Lifelike! When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise. We have been friends for a very long time .. let's say we stop? I'm so miserable without you it's almost like you're here. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy. Did you ever find out who the father was? Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday So we're having you put to sleep. So your daughter's a hooker, and it spoiled your day. Look at the bright side, it's really good pay. -<>- >You Know You're Having A Bad Day When.. * Nothing you own is actually paid for. * You find your sons GI Joe doll dressed in drag. * Your twin sister forgets your birthday. * Everyone avoids you the morning after the company office party. * You get to work and find a "60 Minutes" news team waiting in your office. * Your new lover calls to tell you "Last night was terrific!" and then you remember that you were home by yourself last night. * You call your wife and tell her that you would like to eat out tonight and when you get home there is a sandwich on the front porch. * The restaurant check has been on the table for ten minutes...and no one has touched it. * Your mother approves of the person you are dating. * You have to borrow from your VISA to pay off your MASTERCARD. * Your kids start treating you the same way you treated your parents. * The gypsy fortune teller offers to refund your money. * Your 4 year old tells you that it's "almost impossible" to flush a grapefruit down the toilet. =================================================================== >-->FUN Places To Net Visit: [AOL And Others May have to Copy and Paste some of these links] >From Our Firend NightHawk :) Funny Clip http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PVORYzsp1TI&search=richard+simmons -<>- >From The MouthPiece: Kiss Prints Send an e-Kiss, Check Your Horoscope, everything kisses. http://www.virtualkiss.com/kissprints/ Virtual Kisses * Valentine's Day Crafts Find craft projects for Valentines' Day or anytime you want to send a greeting of love. http://www.auntannie.com/valmake.html Valentine's Day Crafts IM Checker tool that allows you to enter an AIM user's screen name to find out whether they are online or offline. The AIM Status Checker is useful if you think your AOL Instant Messenger buddy is online but has blocked you. http://www.imcheck.com/ IM Checker Driving with Ethanol Promoting the benefits of ethanol nationwide. Ethanol delivers great engine performance. Help out with the environment. http://www.drivingethanol.org/ Driving with Ethanol Phoons From Around the World Every picture in this collection contains a particular pose. http://www.phoons.com/ Phoons SF World Provides a look at exhibits, hours and location, a calendar of events, a newsletter, and membership details. http://www.sfhomeworld.org/ SF World -<>- From Linky & Dinky: NEATO GRAPHICAL INTERNET SPEED TEST http://speedtest.knology.net/ STATISTICAL ART (paint by numbers?) http://www.chrisjordan.com/current_set2.php?id=7 TRY THE MONEY WIZARD Calculates the exact date you'll go bankrupt. http://tinyurl.com/y7ls2p I HEART (YOUR NAME HERE) This online Candy Heartmaker lets you be as creative as a GIRL LUVR can be! http://acme.com/heartmaker/ -<>- From LynnLynn's: Dreamy Ladies http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dreamy.html Tribute in Love: Bleed American http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/poems/bleed.html Valentine: Friends Together http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/poems/together.html Valentine (Friendship): It Takes Two http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/poems/two.html Valentine: I Need A Hug http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/poems/hug.html Valentine: I Need You http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/poems/need.html For Valentine's - Love's Lust! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/poems/desire.html Boys Valentine http://bcoff43.com/holidays/valentine/Valentine_4_Boys.html Girl's Valentine http://bcoff43.com/holidays/valentine/Valentine_4_Girls.html Hyacinth w/ Valentine's Flower http://hyacinth.webbywarehouse.com/poetry/valentinesflower.html Connie Sue w/ Valentine Treasure http://www.thensingsmysoul.net/ValentineTreasure.html Rick w/ Closer To The Heart (Valentine's Day) http://www.wtv-zone.com/Cruise_2000/rick/Heart.html If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com ===================================================================== >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "When a thing ceases to be a subject of controversy, it ceases to be a subject of interest." --William Hazlitt "Adventure is just bad planning." --Roald Amundsen "A stuffed deer heads on walls are bad enough, but it's worse when they are wearing dark glasses and have streamers in their antlers because then you know they were enjoying themselves at a party when they were shot." --Ellen DeGeneres "Ozzy Osbourne announced that he’s going to perform at this year’s Ozz Fest without getting paid. Afterwards, the concert’s promoter said, 'Don’t tell Ozzy, but we haven’t paid him for 12 years.'" --Conan O'Brien "Honesty is a good thing, but it is not profitable to its possessor unless it is kept under control." --Don Marquis "Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or fourteenth." --George Burns "If somebody calls and messes with you on the phone like that you don't become terrified, you mess back ... If somebody calls and was like "have you checked the children?" I'd be like "I killed them!" --Dane Cook "NASA made it official today: They are no longer going to recruit their astronauts from eHarmony.com." --Jay Leno "Happy birthday to Burt Reynolds; 71 years old today. There were so many candles on Burt's cake, he had to wear a flame- retardant toupee." --Dave Letterman "NASA has just announced that it has suspended astronaut Lisa Nowak for 30 days. Everyone should rest easy knowing that the crazy diaper lady won't be operating spacecraft until March 10 at he earliest." --Conan O'Brien "An idealist is a person who helps other people to be prosperous." --Henry Ford Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much. --Oscar Wilde ,. ,. ,. ,. ,( ' ). ,( ' ). ( \ / )=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=( \ / ) > X < HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY! > X < ( / \ )-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-( / \ ) `( , )` `( , )` gpyy`' `' `' `' >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - OooLaaLaa :)Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->Bigham's Computer Rescue - PC Sales & Seervice You can trust us to provide you with quality computer sales and repair. We've been servicing the Van Wert area since 1981 and can help you with all your computer needs. Please phone us at 419-238-5806 ************************************************************************ -->This is for all you who love food and DAARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Subscribe ************************************************************************ >TO UNSUBSCRIBE: Remove ************************************************************************ -->Want to ADVERTISE in The Shangy FUN Listt Publication? >To ADVERTISE: Advertise ************************************************************************ -->Missed Any of These Teachings? 'BABES INN CHRIST','IN The Beginning', 'Crossing The Line','NEVER Give Up', 'FEAR - Feeling Kind Of Buggy', 'HAUNTINGS', 'Christianity And The Renewed Mind', or 'Curse Of The Law' --BE SURE TO Tell me which one you want or you'll get them all :) >For a Lesson: Teaching ************************************************************************ --Want TIPS to help TEACH A CHILD TO BE SAFFE and STOP ABDUCTIONS? Child Help ************************************************************************ --PHYSICIAN FORMULAS = THE BEST PLACE TO GEET IT: Wanta know more? >Visit their Web Site: PhysicianFormulas ************************************************************************ PLEASE SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS They keep our service "priceless" -->LET'S Have FUN and Do Some SHOPPING!! We've got patches, Phones, Almonds, and Chains, Furniture, Chocolates, Cheese, and Games. Clothing, flowers, dishes, and shoes, Desserts, Cherished Teddies, and Auto Tools. We've got NCAA, NFL, MLB, and NBA, Disney, Name a star, Movies, and KinKade. Jewelry, furs, leather, and lighting, Music, instruments, and magazines at best pricing. >Beat The Crowds - Let Your MOUSE Do the Walking! :) http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/yellow.html Get It Here ***********************************************************************