Happy Watermelon Day! ... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ >-->In The Shangy News :) . . . . ,-,--. __| //``-, \ \_`\ )\a-a-? \ \ \_`(_=_/_-`__ \__, , \| | _ _,' ___7 ) | (_)(_`__(_,---' | ( _( ) | / /_| |________| __/__/__|__|_________) _________(__,_|)/ (__)|/____\(_______________ mic Lately I've been thinking of a way to promote the Shangrala website along with Pres.Trump for reelection. I came up with a design in the wee hours of the morning to do just that. I am pleased to announce that for a limited time while supplies last, you can not only help the ShangralaFamilyFun.com web site stay alive, but help support Pres.Trump with every donation of $20 or more you make through the Shangrala Web Site. We'll send you your own 9" X 3.75" bumper sticker like this one... http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/sh-sample.jpg If you'd like to help and get your own Shangrala / Trump 2020 bumper sticker, the easiest way to do that is through online giving. It is easy to use, and most of all, it is secure. Please visit the site here, http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html Scroll down and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL form page comes up. NOTE: Paypal will generate a 'Quantity 1' and 'Price per item' form. Just ignore the price per item and put whatever it is you desire to give in there. With Paypal, you will have your normal receipt for your 'payment' donation in USD (United States Dollars). You can put a memo in there if you'd like. EVERY LITTLE BIT WILL HELP! BUT REMEMBER for a limited time while supplies last, you can get the free bumper sticker with your $20 or more gift! Contact me for larger orders. Please allow 2-4 weeks for delivery. We'll give a portion of all proceeds directly to the Trump Campaign. Any amount is greatly appreciated and much needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 After all, We are in this together - For God And Country :) *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS YOU ABUNDANTLY FOR YOUR GIFT! -<>- *~* We Had A Fabulous Month Of Caring And Sharing Last Month! ._ __. / \"-. ,-",'/ ( \ ,"--.__.--".,' / =---Y(_i.-' |-.i_)---= f , "..'/\\v/|/|/\ , l l// ,'|/ V / /|| \\j "--; / db db|/---" | \ YY , YY// '.\>_ (_),"' __ .-" "-.-." I," `. \.-""-. ( , ) ( \ | ( l `"' -'-._j __,---_ '._." . . \ (__.--_-'. , : ' \ '-. ,' .' / | \ \ \ "- "--.._____t____.--'-""' / / `. ". / ": \' '. .' ( \ : | l j "-. l_;_;I l____;_I cgmm >Be Sure To Visit And Share These With All Your Friends... Gateway Auto Museum! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/automuseum.html LA Beard Battle! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/beards.html God's Most Beautiful 5! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mostbeautiful5.html North Korean Life! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/northkoreanlife.html Lala The Penguin! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lalapenguin.html Rescued Moose! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/rescuedmoose.html Only In Dubai! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/onlyindubai.html Walmart Shopping! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/walmartshopping.html Cops For Kids! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/copsforkids.html Tale Of Three Tails! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/threetails.html ___ / _ \\ ,, /=(_)=\\// \ =(_) (O} \_____\\ .--. Jonathon R. Oglesbee /=(_)\\\ .'_\/_'. \____/// '. /\ .' aka JRO ()) "||" || /\ /\ ||//\) (/\\||/ ____________\||/________________________________ * May God Smile On All Our Sweet Contributors! Thank You! :) ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: _.~._ ,~'.~@~.`~. / : _..._ : \ { :,"''))`".: } `C) 9 _ 9 (-'.._,-"7o-.__ ( )(@)( ) /o `. `-.___.-' `-._ / \ \ / `-' ;`-._,-. y ,' `---t.,-. \_____ ,' /---.__\ _( \--------' _,\ ,' `-.__.--' `. \_____ '///,-`-' `-------' hjw Two babies were sitting in their cribs, when one baby shouted to the other, "Are you a little girl or a little boy?" "I don't know," replied the other baby giggling. "What do you mean, you don't know?" said the first baby. "I mean I don't know how to tell the difference," was the reply. "Well, I do," said the first baby chuckling, "I'll climb into your crib and find out". He carefully got himself into the other baby's crib, then quickly disappeared beneath the blankets. After a couple of minutes, he resurfaced with a big grin on his face. "You're a little girl, and I'm a little boy," he said proudly. "You're ever so clever," cooed the baby girl, "but how can you tell?" "It's quite easy really," replied the baby boy, "you've got pink socks and I've got blue ones." -<>- One day a little girl came home from school, and said to her mother, "Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn't do." The mother exclaimed, "But that's terrible! I'm going to have a talk with your teacher about this! By the way, what was it that you didn't do?" The little girl replied, "My homework." -<>- A traveling salesman was held up in the west by a rainstorm and flood. He e-mails his office in NY: "Delayed by storm. Send instructions." His boss e-mails back: "Start vacation immediately!" ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ August 3 is Grab Some Nuts Day and National Watermelon Day August 4 is National Chocolate Chip Cookie Day and U.S. Coast Guard Day August 5 is National Underwear Day, National Oyster Day and Work Like a Dog Day August 6 is National Fresh Breath Day and Wiggle Your Toes Day August 7 is International Beer Day, National Lighthouse Day and Professional Speakers Day August 8 is National Clown Day and Sneak Some Zucchini onto Your Neighbor's Porch Day August 9 is Book Lover's Day August 10 is Lazy Day and National S'mores Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: ,="=-. ,`'oo' \o`. ( .88 |^||^)) ) , ) ) `@ (@' (. ( ` , `C ' ) `) `-=' ,/ ._c/ `-=' ,-( `-.,')-. gpyy `( ) `' '` >Fairy Tales A little girl asked her father, "Daddy? Do all Fairy Tales begin with 'Once Upon A Time?'" He replied, "No, there is a whole series of Fairy Tales that begin with 'If elected I promise...'" -<>- >Pickle My cousin was preparing food for a family gathering. Her three-year-old son watched intently as his mother stabbed repeatedly at a large pickle in a jar before she managed to spear it. As she added it to the relish tray, he asked, "Is it dead yet, Mommy?" -<>- >Childbirth Since I was expecting my first child, I had attended natural childbirth classes. One of my classmates was in the hospital in labor at the same time I was. She quickly requested drugs to ease her pain, while I gave birth aided only by my husband's coaching. When the nurses rolled me out of the delivery room, I spotted a chalkboard. Beside my classmate's name was an A-; next to mine was a B+. "Look at that!" I complained to my husband. "She took all the drugs they'd give her and made an A-. I did it naturally and only got a B+." My patient husband rolled his eyes. "Honey," he said, "that's your blood type." -<>- >At the Amusement Park My friend was working at an amusement park when a couple stopped him. "Excuse me," said the woman, pointing to a pond. "What is that water made out of?" Bemused, my friend replied, "Two parts hydrogen and one part oxygen." "See?" she said to her boyfriend. "I told you it wasn't real." -<>- >Kraft Dinner Before going to work and knowing that she would be working late, my wife instructed me to give our kids Kraft Dinner (mac and cheese) for supper. When suppertime came, I didn't feel like cooking and took the kids out to a local fast-food restaurant. While we were eating I told them to tell their mother that they had Kraft Dinner for supper, should she ask, or else Daddy would get into trouble. Later, at bedtime, my wife called to say goodnight to the kids and she asked our five-year-old daughter what they had eaten for supper, "Kraft Dinner," she replied, adding, "from McDonalds." -<>- >New Teacher A young lady graduated from college and started teaching at an area school. One day she went with a friend to a nearby restaurant for lunch. A man seated next to her asks, "Are you a teacher?" Surprised but happy, she replied, "Why, yes, I certainly am!" She enjoyed a warm feeling throughout the meal ... she looked like a teacher, and this made her feel great. As she was leaving the restaurant, she asked the man, "How did you know I was a teacher?" "You have chalk dust on your rear", he replied. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :) Tell me about it..... ...hiiii haaaaaan... \ /\/\ / / / _/,/ / _/` (/"/////, ( '```--.___ /' _), ,- '-. /, / \ (\ \, \_()/ \) )' =_ )) | | | .// _/) ( ( \_ // / \ >_,\ (/)= / | | | \ #\| / |=| |=|\ ( ( (=> ( >( >),) | | |=| \ ( ( / / / / ) |/ \ /_( /_( , || )/.,_ ). /\\_(\,/, //- / /_(_( / ,\. b'ger .- '-'-'-,)\/.')) >SMILES A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of the place. While they were walking through the barn, the farmer's mule suddenly reared up and kicked the mother-in-law in the head, killing her instantly. At the funeral service a few days later, the farmer stood near the casket and greeted folks as they walked by. The pastor noticed that whenever a woman would whisper something to the farmer, he would nod his head "yes" and say something. Whenever a man walked by and whispered to the farmer, he would shake his head "no" and mumble a reply. Curious, the pastor later asked the farmer what that was all about. The farmer replied, "The women would say, 'What a terrible tragedy' and I would nod my head and say, 'Yes, it was.' The men would ask, 'You wanna sell that mule?' and I would shake my head and say, 'Can't. It's all booked up for a year.'" ---------- The day after a man lost his wife in a scuba diving accident, he was greeted by two grim-faced policemen at his door. "We're sorry to call on you at this hour, Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife." "Well, tell me!" the man said. The policeman said, "We have some bad news, some good news and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?" Fearing the worse, Mr. Wilkens said, "Give me the bad news first." So the policeman said, "I'm sorry to tell you sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in San Francisco Bay." "Oh my!," said Mr. Wilkens, overcome by emotion. Then, remembering what the policeman had said, he asked, "What's the good news?" "Well," said the policeman, "When we pulled her up she had two five-pound lobsters and a dozen good size Dungeness crabs on her." "If that's the good news than what's the great news?!", Mr. Wilkens demanded. The policeman said, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow morning." ---------- While making rounds, a doctor points out an X-ray to a group of medical students. "As you can see," she says, "the patient limps because his left fibula and tibia are radically arched. Michael, what would you do in a case like this?" "Well," ponders the student, "I suppose I'd limp too." ---------- After being with her all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with his blind date. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave if something like this happened. When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "I have some bad news. My grandfather just died." "Thank heavens," his date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine would have had to!" ---------- A watermelon farmer was determined to scare off the local kids who went into his watermelon patch every night to eat their fill. After some thought, he made a sign that said, "WARNING! ONE OF THESE WATERMELONS HAS BEEN INJECTED WITH CYANIDE!" He smiled smugly as he watched the kids run off the next night without eating any of his melons. A week later, the farmer was surveying his field. To his satisfaction, no watermelons were missing, but a sign next to his read, "NOW THERE ARE TWO!" ---------- Taxiing down the tarmac, the DC10 abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What, exactly, was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine...." explained the flight attendant. "It took us a while to find a new pilot." ---------- A visiting minister was very long-winded. Worse, every time he would make a good point during his sermon and a member of the congregation responded with "Amen" or "That's right, preacher" he would get wound up even more and launch into another lengthy discourse. Finally, the host pastor started responding to every few sentences with "Amen, Pharaoh!" The guest minister wasn't sure what that meant, but after several more "Amen, Pharaohs" he finally concluded his very lengthy sermon. After the service concluded and the congregation had left, the visiting minister turned to his host and asked, "What exactly did you mean when you said "Amen, Pharaoh?" His host replied, "I was telling you to let my people go!" ---------- An old blacksmith realized he was going to have to quit working so hard. So, he picked out a strong young man to become his apprentice. The old fellow was crabby and exacting. "Don't ask me a lot of questions," he told the young apprentice. "Just do whatever I tell you to do." One day the old blacksmith took an iron out of the forge and laid it on the anvil. "Get the hammer over there," he said. "When I nod my head, hit it real good and hard." Nod. . . Now the town is looking for a new blacksmith. ---------- At the start of every Mass, the priest would make the sign of the cross, followed as usual by the entrance song and the blessing, after which the congregation responded, "And also with you." One Sunday, after making the sign of the cross, our priest appeared to be having difficulty with the sound system during the singing of the entrance hymn. At the conclusion of the song, the priest said, "There seems to be something wrong with the mike." The congregation automatically responded, "And also with you." ------- A Sunday School teacher asked her pupils, "Now, children, do you all say your prayers at night?" Little Johnny's hand shot up, "Miss, My Mommy says my prayers." "Oh, I see," said the teacher, "and what does your Mother say?" "THANK GOD HE'S IN BED!" --------- A man with a gun went into a bank and demanded their money. Once he was given the money, he turned to a customer and asked, "Did you see me rob this bank?" The man replied, "Yes sir, I did." The robber then shot him in the temple, killing him instantly. He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the woman, "Did you see me rob this bank?" The woman replied, "No sir, I didn't, but my husband did." ---------- One afternoon a little boy was playing outdoors. He used his mother's broom as a horse and had a wonderful time until it was getting dark. He left the broom on the back porch. His mother was cleaning up the kitchen when she realized that her broom was missing. She asked the little boy about the broom and he told her where it was. She then asked him to please go get it. The little boy informed his mom that he was afraid of the dark and didn't want to go out to get the broom. His mother smiled and said 'The Lord is out there too, don't be afraid'. The little boy opened the back door a little and said 'Lord if you're out there, please hand me the broom'. ---------- Why couldn't the blonde write the number eleven? She didn't know what number came first. ---------- Kyle and Justin were about to eat with the baby-sitter when 6 year old, Kyle said, "You can't sit in Daddy's seat" "Daddy's not home," the babysitter replied. "Since I'm responsible for you while he's gone, I can sit here. Today I'm the boss" Justin, the 4 year old, quickly piped up, "If you're the boss, you sit over there." He pointed to his mother's chair. ---------- A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down but says nothing. The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk just sits there. Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall. The drunk mumbles, "Ain't no use knockin', there's no paper on this side either". --- ...Oh Gee! LOL! Thanks LouiseAu! ========================================================= >-->From HandyHints: . ( ) ' . ( ( ) ,___________. | _________ | || ,### || || ####' %|| || ##` #|| || :### # || || '####/ || || ##` || || ###; || ||-_-_-_-_-|| || '###; || || '6#' || || ;#' || || ;#`#; || || #!' # || ||%____#___|| |___________| Taliszanna Most people shower almost everyday, and that makes it the perfect place for a little extra pampering. Turn your shower into a spa with a few inexpensive, do-it-yourself treatments will leave you looking radiant and feeling relaxed. No appointment necessary! * Soothe rashy skin with a lavender shower tablet When infused with steam from the shower, lavender's anti- inflammatory properties envelope skin to calm irritation while compounds in the herb shrink dilated blood vessels to reduce ruddiness. Mix 1/2 cup sunflower oil, 1 cup of baking soda, 1 cup of citric acid, 1/2 cup of cornstarch and 1/4 cup of dried lavender. Press the mix into an ice cube tray and let dry overnight. Place a cube on the shower floor and let it do its magic. * Battle blemishes with a baking soda facial Baking soda absorbs excess oil on the skin while gently exfoliating the dead cells that exacerbate breakouts on the face and body. Plus, the anti-inflammatory powder helps reduce the redness and swelling that accompanies acne. Mix 2 tsp. of baking soda and 2 tsp. of water. Apply to blemishes and let sit for 2 minutes before rinsing. * Restore luster with a yogurt-lemon face mask Lactic acid-rich yogurt dissolves any dulling, dead layers of ashy skin while its fats deeply hydrate the complexion. And lemon juice's vitamin C repairs damaged cells. The result is a lustrous, dewy glow in no time. Combine 2 Tbs. of full-fat plain yogurt and 3 tsp. of lemon juice. Apply to the face and let sit for 5 minutes before rinsing. -<>- Mmmm... onions; caramelized, grilled, deep fried, roasted, or just plain raw, however you like them you have to start by cutting them, and that means stinging, teary eyes. How can you keep from crying like a baby every time you want to enjoy the delicious taste of your favorite aromatic root? Try; Freezing the onion Sub-freezing temperatures retards the release of the semi- toxic chemicals. Cutting under a kitchen vent/fan Your oven vent will pull the sulfur-laced air into away from your eyeballs. This works doubly well if you combine it with freezing your onion. Wearing goggles This one is pretty obvious. Sealing your eyes will prevent any irritation, that is if you happen to have a pair of air-tight goggles lying around. * Onions are often the base of so many of our favorite dishes. However, as we all know, they can be a hassle to prepare. That's why this hack is so ingenious: Dice up a bunch of onions at once and save them in the freezer. Next time a recipe calls for some chopped onion, you'll be ready. -<>- ) (_) .-'-. | | | | | | | | __| |__ .-. .-' | | `-: : : `---' :-' jgs `-._ _.-' '"""""" Bonus Hint: Candlelight may be romantic, but there's nothing lovely about prying or scraping melted votives out of their holders. Not only is it ineffective; you also risk scratching or breaking the delicate glass. Instead, try this trick: Place the glass candleholders in the freezer for a few hours. Once frozen, the wax will shrink just enough to pop right out. ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: Justice Jeanine Pirro (8-1-2020) https://www.bitchute.com/video/lbzZfJugS9JE/ Jesse Watters (8-1-2020) https://www.bitchute.com/video/NiBkb8ApvGTf/ Democrats and Republicans Unite to Fight Together Against Big Tech https://tinyurl.com/y43ku3z2 BLM Burns Bibles and Demands Destruction of “white churches” “White People’s Churches Must Come Down” BLM Demands https://reliablenewsnow.com/ Sheriff Tells Library Supporting BLM Not to Call 911 https://tinyurl.com/yxc7ujgs Portland Protesters Laugh About Potentially Killing Cops With Bombs https://tinyurl.com/y5c2wy5n Trump Said Sports Leagues Allowing Players to Kneel is ‘Game Over for Me’ https://tinyurl.com/y5bjk7tl Rep. Ann Wagner: America leads the way in empowering women and girls https://tinyurl.com/y48vy6ux Breaking: New Poll Shows Trump Ahead of Biden Nationally! https://tinyurl.com/y4mvga2r ICYMI: Ocasio-Cortez says statue of Catholic priest who served lepers is ‘white supremacist culture’ https://tinyurl.com/y23b7xeb 250 US Collaborations With Chinese PLA-Tied Researchers https://tinyurl.com/y3yhstv3 Epstein Documents Release Names: Clinton, Prince Andrew, Dershowitz https://tinyurl.com/yypb99dc "Don’t Make Me Turn This Plane Around!” Airlines Are Taking Mask Mandates to the Extreme https://tinyurl.com/yyx5qml5 McEnany on inclusion of liability insurance in new coronavirus legislation https://tinyurl.com/y5d8g3kf Homosexuals Lash Out at Rainbow Mural in London, Claim “The Rainbow is Ours” https://tinyurl.com/y6p6tsvj Disney and ESPN Prove They are a Major Part of President Obama’s Deep State https://tinyurl.com/y48rbuvy Communist Chinese Funneling Money to Universities Leading to Blatant Corruption https://tinyurl.com/y3j97pd4 Unbelievable: Mom In Police-Enforced Lockdown Kept From Sick Newborn https://tinyurl.com/y6fuoxpc WhiteHouse News: https://www.whitehouse.gov/ Westwing News: New Career Opportunities Await in Post-Virus Economy https://www.whitehouse.gov/westwingreads/ WhiteHouseNews: https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/ Latest From AFA: http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw Students For Life https://tinyurl.com/yd5nxmu6 Latest From OperationRescue: http://www.operationrescue.org/ Latest Product Alert: Onions Recalled in 50 States, Possible Salmonella Risk, ORGANIC Watermelon CBD Oil Tincture, FDA continues to recall more hand sanitizer http://www.emergencyemail.org/products/?fmt=text Latest Health Alert: http://www.emergencyemail.org/health/?fmt=text Click to Give Free https://tinyurl.com/y2abb8d2 -<>- >From BizarreNews: What does furniture moving have to do with mountain climbing? Well, when I was in college I worked briefly for a furniture mover, and one day I was told to tie a cabinet down to a trailer. I tied that cabinet down all right, with several loops of sturdy cord. Unfortunately I only wrapped the cord around the cabinet itself and NOT the trailer. When we started moving that cabinet fell right off the trailer and that was the end of my career as a furniture mover. Maybe if the man in today's story had an experience like that, he would have known to tie his wife securely to an anchor instead of to himself when they went mountain climbing. The Oregon couple, who asked not to be identified, were climbing Mount Hood when they fell. Other climbers spotted them around the 10,000 foot elevation west of Hogsback behind Crater Rock and began providing help. The 33-year-old woman was more seriously hurt. She was stabilized and taken to Timberline Lodge, then taken by ambulance to an area hospital. She's expected to recover. The 30-year-old man came down on his own power and helped his wife with the rescuers, authorities said. They were roped together but weren't setting anchors to hold a fall, Portland Mountain Rescue said in a release. "They were wearing microspikes instead of technical crampons for grip on the ice," officials said, when she lost her footing. They fell about 700 feet and landed close to the Hot Rocks fumarole. "Miraculously, the resulting injuries were not life- threatening," PMR said. *--- That's some friend ---* A serial record breaker armed himself with a machete and chopped through 50 watermelons placed on the head of a friend in 60 seconds. Ashrita Furman, whose Guinness World Record-breaking career has included more than 600 titles, chopped through 50 watermelons placed on Homagni Baptista's head in Karambunai, Sabath, Malaysia. The number was enough for Furman to capture another world record title, Guinness said. Furman previously made headlines when he used a machete to chop through 26 watermelons placed on his own stomach in 1 minute. *----- Skydiver loses leg -----* An amputee who lost his prosthetic leg while skydiving was reunited with his limb thanks to a sharp-eyed Vermont farmer who found it intact among his crops. Chris Marckres said he went for a tandem jump at Vermont Skydiving Adventures in Addison and didn't realize until he was safely on the ground that his prosthetic leg was missing. "I think my adrenaline was so high and I was just so excited, I didn't realize I had lost it," Marckres said. Marckres posted a plea on Facebook for local residents to keep an eye out for his missing leg, as replacing it would be expensive. The post came to the attention of West Addison farmer Joe Marszalkowski, whose property is located near Vermont Skydiving Adventures. He searched his property Sunday and found the leg, which was completely intact and seemed to have incurred only a few minor scratches, among his crops. "I was very grateful to have found it without running it over with a machine this fall during harvest," Marszalkowski said. "Or, God forbid, the combine sucked it up -- it would've destroyed it." Marszalkowski met with Marckres on Monday to return the leg. *--- Mickey Mouse signs tax refund checks ---* Rhode Island state officials said a technical glitch was to blame for 176 tax refund checks being mailed out bearing the signatures of Mickey Mouse and Walt Disney. Jade Borgeson, chief of staff for the Rhode Island Department of Revenue, confirmed the checks were mailed out this week with the signatures of Walt Disney and his most famous cartoon creation instead of Rhode Island General Treasurer Seth Magaziner and State Controller Peter Keenan. "As a result of a technical error in the Division of Taxation's automated refund check printing system, approximately 176 checks with invalid signature lines were printed and mailed to taxpayers on Monday," Borgeson said in a statement. "The invalid signature lines were incorrectly sourced from the Division's test print files," she said. *--- 99-year-old woman becomes world's oldest pilot ---* A 99-year-old California woman broke two Guinness World Records when she piloted a plane and gave a flight lesson in the air. Robina Asti, 99, was named the world's oldest flight instructor and active pilot after she gave her final flight lesson Sunday at NextGen Flight Academy at Riverside Municipal Airport. "I love getting people to experience what it's like to lift off this Earth," Asti told local news. "It is so good." Asti said she wanted to show that senior citizens are still capable of making valuable contributions. The flight instructor took the world's oldest pilot record from an Iowa man who flew a plane at the age of 98. ========================================================= >-->From TheGroaner: "", &&& |\ | / && = > _ \ / | \ | / && _C Y /-\ \/\/ | \| \ )( \ \ ,"" ) ( \/ ( \ ) \ / \ /~~~~~~~\ ejm98 ) ) >Sitting For Too Long Two old ladies are sitting on a hard park bench for a few hours. One says: "I think my butt feel asleep." The other said: "Yeah, I heard it snore a couple of times." -<>- >The Old Lady's Handbag I was walking down an alley last night, when I heard, "Help! Help!" coming from behind a dumpster. Two thugs were trying to steal an old lady's handbag, but she was putting up a hell of a fight and wouldn't let go. I wondered if I should get involved, or keep walking and pretend I didn't see anything. I finally decided that I should help. She was a tough old bird, but the three of us finally got that handbag. -<>- >Q and A Quickies: Q: What do you call a magic dog? A: A labracadabrador. _.-````'-,_ _,.,_ ,-'` `'-.,_ /) (\ '``-. (( ) ) `\ \) (_/ )\ | /) ' ,' / \ `\ ^' ' ( / )) | _/\ , / ,,`\ ( "` \Y, | \ \ | ````| / \_ \ `)_/ \ \ ) ( > ( > \( \( |/ |/ /_(/_( /_( /_( mic+dwb Q: What did the buffalo say when his son left for college? A: Bison. Q: What do you call an apology written in dots and dashes? A: Re-Morse code. Q: Why do we tell actors to "break a leg?" A: Because every play has a cast. Q: Did you hear about the new restaurant called Karma? A: There's no menu: You get what you deserve. + . _ .-. 3==({)_ . ( \ + . _ )`\-| * ) \ . /_`' // |\ .-' `-a:f . B'/`-'M\_| ) / . . * // ( / . B' `-' Q: Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? A: He just needed a little space. Q: Why can't you explain puns to kleptomaniacs? A: They always take things literally. Q: How do you keep a bagel from getting away? A: Put lox on it. Q: When two snakes marry, what do their towels say? A: Hiss and Hers. Q: How can you identify a smartass? A: He's the one with the wise crack. Q: What soldiers smell of salt and pepper? A: Seasoned troopers! _ ( ) ,,,,, \\ . . , \\ | - D (._) \__- | | | \\|_ , ,---- _ |----. \__ ( ( / ) _ | \/ \. ' _.| \ ( ) | \ /( / /\_ \ // \ / ( / / ) // ( , / / , (_.) |......\ | \, / / ) \--- b'ger /___/___^// Q: What kind of exercise do lazy people do? A: Diddly-squats. ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: _ _( )_ (_ O _) (_) ,-. _ _________/_ _________/_ \( )_ \ / / \ / / (_ O _) )=====@=( )=====@=( (_) ____/_________\____ ____/_________\____ | /^\ /^\ | | /~\ /~\ | _| \0/_\0/ |_ _| \a/_\a/ |_ (_ _ (_) _ _) (_ _'(_) _ _) \( \___/ )/ \( \___/ )/ \\\___/// \\ ,-. // ,-._\\___//_,-. __ \\___// __ |* *`-._,-' * | |* *--._,--'* | | * * (_)* * *| | * * (_)* * *| |* _,-' `-.* | |* ,-' `-.* | `-' `-' Stef00 `./ \,' Before going on vacation, I went to a tanning salon. I was under the lights a bit long and the protective shades I wore left a big white circle around each eye. Gazing at myself in the mirror the next day, I thought, "Man, I look like a clown." I had almost convinced myself that I was overreacting until I got in line at the grocery store. I felt a tug at my shirt and looked down to see a toddler staring up at me. He asked, "Are you giving out balloons?" -<>- I was at a stop light, behind a car with a bumper sticker that said "Honk if you love Jesus." So I honked. The driver leaned out his window, gave me an very impolite gesture, and yelled, "Can't you see the light is still red, you MORON!?" -<>- A customer moves away from a bank window, counts his change, and then goes back and says to the cashier, "Hey, you gave me the wrong change!" "Sir, you stepped away from the counter," said the cashier. "We don't make corrections after you leave. There's nothing I can do about it now. That's the policy of this bank." "Well, ok," answered the customer. "Just thought you'd like to know that you gave me an extra twenty. Bye." -<>- My mother and I were walking through the mall when a man stopped us to ask if we would take part in a survey. One of the questions was; "Do you think there is too much s%x in movies?" "I don't know," replied my mother. "I'm usually too wrapped up in the film to notice what the rest of the audience is doing." -<>- `;.`;'. `;);.(~;(`; `(;);;;;;);(::` ;)(; ; ;;~;;;(; `(`;;~- -~(;~;)`) ;(`;) ' ;);;; ; `;);;(;`\ ^_/(;)~;;); (;);.;) ':);( ..(; `'((;); )(.');`: ;.' );("'(""/; ;`.) | | / / \ \;);: | |/ /WwW\ \;`' \ /) .X.\ \ \_/ .X. \_/ TS SOMETIMES... Sometimes... when you cry, no one sees your tears. Sometimes... when you are in pain, no one sees your hurt. Sometimes... when you are worried, no one sees your stress. Sometimes... when you are happy, no one sees your smile. But fart just ONE TIME! -<>- In order to make the world a better place, the following rules will take immediate effect across the planet. 1. It is no longer permitted to be stupid and slow. You must choose one or the other. 2. If in the course of parking your car you are not able to maneuver the vehicle into a space in less time than it takes to undergo and recover from open heart surgery, it is not permitted to park in that space. 3. If you are waiting for an elevator that is slow to come and you are the sort of person who pushes the call button repeatedly in the belief that it will make a difference, you are no longer permitted to use elevators. 4. Boxes of Christmas cards that carry messages like "May your holidays be wrapped in warmth and touched with wonder" must bear a label on the outside of the box saying: "Do Not Purchase - Message Inside Is Embarrassing and Sentimental." 5. In office buildings and retail premises in which entry is through double doors and one of those doors is locked for no reason, the door must bear a large sign saying: "This Door Is Locked for No Reason." 6. Liver and goat cheese will no longer be regarded as foods. In fancy restaurants, salads may no longer contain anything that can be found growing at the side of any public highway. 7. When standing in line at a retail establishment, it is not permitted to engage the sales assistant in conversation regarding the weather, the health or personal relationships of mutual acquaintances or other matters not relevant to the purchase. 7a. Anyone who reaches the front of a line and says, "Now what do I want?" and purses his lips thoughtfully or drums his fingers on his chin while studying the ordering options as if for the first time will be taken outside and shot. 8. Any electronic clock on which the time is set by holding down a button and scrolling laboriously through the minutes and hours is illegal. Also, when you are trying to set the alarm for, say, 7:00 a.m. and the numbers get to about 6:52 and then suddenly speed up and you discover that you have gone past the desired hour and have to start all over, that is extremely illegal. 9. All Americans will appreciate irony. Britons will under- stand that two ice cubes in a drink is not nearly enough. [This list was written by Bill Bryson in his book I'M A STRANGER HERE MYSELF. The original list contained several other items, but that would have made it too long for publication here, and to tell you the truth the other items weren't really that funny anyway.] ========================================================= >-->From ScreamOfTheCrop: * _| __ (__ Question _) | * jgs >Did You Know? LAWYER'S OBSERVATION: "I don't know anyone here that's been killed by a handgun." YOGI BERRA SAID: "I really didn't say everything I said." BATHROOM SIGN: (At The Center for the Study of Infectious Diseases)... "Employees must *NOT* wash hands before returning to work." FACT: Statistics show that teen age pregnancy drops off significantly after age 25. -<>- Meanwhile, on Easter Island..... I am the All-Knowing Great One. What is your question? ______ , / \ / \ J__________L |(____)(____)| | /\ | J / \ L J / \ L Dude, where's my car? | /______\ | ' | ____________ | ## J' `L [[# | `------------' | .||> | | dd #################################################dp >Some Classics: Rodney Dangerfield one liners *I was so ugly when I was born, the doctor slapped my mother." “My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.” “My wife was afraid of the dark…then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light.” “I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. He told me to wear a brown tie.” “I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous – everyone hasn’t met me yet.” “What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.” “It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.” “I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.” “I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.” “This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit- of-the-loom guys laughing at me.” “My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.” “With my wife I don’t get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to ‘the best woman a man ever had.’ The waiter joined me.” “Life is just a bowl of pits.” “A girl phoned me the other day and said, ’Come on over, there’s nobody home.’ I went over. Nobody was home.” “My uncle’s dying wish – he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.” “My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.” “My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.” “I met the surgeon general – he offered me a cigarette.” “My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.” “I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.” “I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.” -<>- __________ |DAILY NEWS| |&&& ======| |=== ======| |=== == %%$| |[_] ======| |=== ===!##| ejm97 |__________| >BAD HEADLINES A fresh batch of supposedly true headlines from newspapers in the U.S. and around the world. * March Planned For Next August * Lingerie Shipment Hijacked--Thief Gives Police The Slip * L.A. Voters Approve Urban Renewal By Landslide * Patient At Death's Door--Doctors Pull Him Through * Latin Course To Be Canceled--No Interest Among Students, Et Al. * Croupiers On Strike--Management: "No Big Deal" * Stadium Air Conditioning Fails--Fans Protest * Henshaw Offers Rare Opportunity to Goose Hunters * Women's Movement Called More Broad-Based * Antique Stripper to Display Wares at Store * Teacher Strikes Idle Kids * Lawyers Give Poor Free Legal Advice * Fund Set Up for Beating Victim's Kin * Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years * Autos Killing 110 a Day--Let's Resolve to Do Better * 20-Year Friendship Ends at Altar * If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While * Heat Wave Linked to Temperatures * Half of U.S. High Schools Require Some Study for Graduation * Blind Woman Gets New Kidney from Dad She Hasn't Seen in Years ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Watermelon And Egg Art!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/watermelon.html Watermelon Art 2!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/watermelon2.html Car Show 2!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/carshow2.html Playing With Food 3!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/food3.html Beautiful Australia!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/beautifulaustralia.html All Occasion Cakes 2!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/aocakes2.html Sweets For The Sweet!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/sugar.html Beautiful Train Rides!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/trainrides.html God's Night Lights!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/night.html Life's Little Oops 5!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whoops5.html Veggie Art!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/veggie.html WWI Human Art!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/humanart.html Endangered Wolf!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wolf.html Egg Stacking Art!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/eggart.html Wall Mural Art 2!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wallart2.html Wyoming Cowgirl!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/poems/cowgirl.html Who Is This Jesus!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/jesus.html Salvation Mountain!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/salvation.html Texas Outhouse Art!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/outhouse.html Texas Rules Of Ettiquette!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/texas.html Summer Index! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/summerindex.html -<>- You're doing it wrong... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fcyHO84Bbds Just wait for it... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uxEFermaeec -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) Best of Cirque du Soleil from the Live Show 'Kurios' - a tribute to the power of human imagination. https://youtu.be/7Wv2o-A_C_M Iavier Botia, the world champion of mentalism, fools Penn and Teller with an amazing and funny performance. https://youtu.be/uwvggs9sefw Japanese magician Cyril Takayama amazes the audience with his tricks at the French television show 'The Worlds Greatest Cabaret.' https://youtu.be/XjT8_yXYfqQ --- ...Sweet! Amazing! Thanks LouiseAu! -<>- >From Our Friend Cloie :) CrazyTown - Extended Joe Biden Edition https://youtu.be/1VMKF3lRoqw --- ...Love This! LOL! Thanks Cloie! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "Researchers have published a letter from a Harvard student in 1743 asking his parents for money. On the bright side, just this year his student loans were finally paid off." -Conan O'Brien "Is everyone here familiar with Crocs? Well, there's a brand-new style that have just been introduced; high-heel Crocs! High-heel Crocs - for the woman who wants to let everyone know that she's the drunkest mom at the kid's pool party." -James Corden "IKEA has announced plans to test out small-scale stores that could fit more easily into city environments. Just as soon as builders can figure out the instructions." -Seth Meyers "Yelp is going to start showing what restaurants scored on their health inspections. If you want to know how your favorite restaurant did, trust me, no you don't." -Jimmy Fallon "Alex Trebek is hinting that he might retire from 'Jeopardy!'. When asked what he'll do in retirement, Trebek said, 'What is start drinking at noon?'" -Jimmy Fallon "A Massachusetts man was arrested this weekend for stripping naked and doing yoga poses in a Planet Fitness gym. That story again, a man in Massachusetts has become the first person ever to successfully cancel his gym membership." -Seth Meyers "Some big news here in California: The state's Supreme Court just blocked an initiative asking people to vote on whether California should be split into three separate states. Had it split, the three different states would have been known as Northern California, Southern California, and More Racist Arizona." -James Corden "Indonesia's anti-drug chief is proposing that the country put narcotics offenders in a jail on an island surrounded by crocodiles. The plan is to send the inmates food supplies every day but they will have to survive on their own. This already sounds like a reality TV show I would totally watch." -James Corden "New research has found that contrary to popular belief, it could be beneficial for women to eat and drink while in labor. Though I don't think the other people in the restaurant would be too happy about it." -Seth Meyers >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah Shangy! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->ShangyFunList AD RATES: $20 will get your a message (of up to 40 words) out to all self-subscribed readers and $5 more will give you the same message also put up for all web site readers. Email me to secure dates. Ad Request ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ********************************************************************** >TO SUBSCRIBE:Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com **********************************************************************