Have A Happy Leap Day... :) Shangy!
>Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList:
To Subscribe send a blank email to
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ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
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or email me here:
bcrsystems@earthlink.net
================
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year! So Please - I need your help today!
"We are each of us angels with but one wing,
and can only fly by embracing each other"
-Luciano Decrescenzo
~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~
*~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels *~*
>Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel?
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*~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS YOU ABUNDANTLY FOR YOUR GIFT!
================
*~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny,
inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here...
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AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family!
^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU!
-<>-
* NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or
any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving
the scroll button on the mouse.
You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in
your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while
pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for
smaller text!
================
H A V E A H A P P Y L E A P D A Y !
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\\ /|
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\\_________________________. / |
\ //n /n / |
\\ // u / u / /
\\ // u / u / /
\\ // u====================/ u / /|
\\// // / / / / |
\/___//___________________/ / / / |
n ___ __ ___ __ _ _ n / / / |
U |__ |_) | | / _ \ / U / :F_P: / / |
U | | \ |__| \_/ | U / / /| |
U_________________________U/ / / | |
/ / | |
-<>-
>-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :)
This flaming hot new page is from our friends LouiseAu And
Sharon. It is sure to spike your aww meter and give you your
quota for the day along with plenty of smiles. Be sure to
check it out here...
z
z
Z
.--. Z Z
/ _(c\ .-. __
| / / '-; \'-'` `\______
\_\/'/ __/ ) / ) | \--,
| \`""`__-/ .'--/ /--------\ \
\\` ///-\/ / /---;-. '-'
jgs (________\ \
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When Sandman Attacks 3
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/sandman3.html
---
...I love this series! Thanks Ladies!
=======================================================
>-->From SmileZilla:
_,.......____
_.-' / `-._`-.
,' / / `. `.
,' ___ / _ / __`. `.
/ / \ / (_) / / / \ \
: / /) / / __ / / / L L
| / __,' / / / / / / | |
| / / / / / / / /___ | |
: /_/ / /_/ / /_____/ F F
\ / / / /
`. / / ,' ,'
`./ / _,'_,'
cjr `-.__/______,.;:.-'
>New drugs on the market
St. Mom's Wort – Plant extract that treats mom's depression by
rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours.
Empty Nestrogen – Highly effective suppository that eliminates
melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as
teenagers and how you couldn't wait til they moved out.
Peptobimbo – Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups
swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases
intelligence, and improves flirting.
Dumerol – When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low
I.Q. causing enjoyment of country western music.
Flipitor – Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling
road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.
Antiboyotics – When administered to teenage girls, is highly
effective in improving grades, freeing up phone lines, and
reducing money spent on make-up.
-<>-
>Getting On In Years...
Have you ever noticed that when you're of a certain age, everything
seems uphill from where you are? Stairs are steeper. Groceries are
heavier. And, everything is farther away. Yesterday I walked to the
corner and I was dumbfounded to discover how long our street had
become!
And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the young
ones. They speak in whispers all the time! If you ask them to speak
up they just keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the same
silent message until they're red in the face! What do they think I
am, a lip reader?
I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age. On the
other hand, people my own age are so much older than I am. I ran into
an old friend the other day and she has aged so much that she didn't
even recognize me.
I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing my hair
this morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own reflection
... Well, REALLY NOW, even mirrors are not made the way they used
to be!
Another thing, everyone drives so fast today! You're risking life
and limb if you just happen to pull onto the freeway in front of
them. All I can say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast,
the way I see them screech and swerve in my rear view mirror.
Clothing manufacturers are less civilized these days. Why else
would they suddenly start labeling a size 10 or 12 dress as 18 or
20? Do they think no one notices that these things no longer fit
around the waist, hips, thighs, and bosom?
The people who make bathroom scales are pulling the same prank,
but in reverse. Do they think I actually "believe" the number I
see on that dial? HA! I would never let myself weigh that much!
Just who do these people think they're fooling?
I'd like to call up someone in authority to report what's going on
-- but the telephone company is in on the conspiracy, too. They've
printed the phone books in such small type that no one could ever
find a number in here!
All I can do is pass along this warning: Maturity is under attack!
Unless something drastic happens, pretty soon "everyone" will have
to suffer these awful indignities.
=======================================================
+------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+
February 24 is National Tortilla Chip Day and World Bartender Day
February 25 is Mardi Gras / Fat Tuesday, Paczki Day in the U.S. and
Pistol Patent Day
February 26 is Ash Wednesday, Carnival Day, National Pistachio Day
and Tell a Fairy Tale Day
February 27 is Polar Bear Day and No Brainer Day!
February 28 is Floral Design Day, National Chili Day, Public Sleeping
Day and National Tooth Fairy Day - and/or August 22
February 29 is Leap Day -2020 is a Leap Year!!! and Open That Bottle
Night
March 1 is Namesake Day, National Pig Day, Peace Corps Day,
Peanut Butter Lovers' Day and World Compliment Day
=======================================================
>-->From Mikey'sFunnies:
YOU MORON!
YOU GOMMIE!
YOU GOBSLUTCH!
YOU MAGGOT, KNOBBO, SHITHEEL
DORK, HAIRBALL, HIMBO, MEATBALL...
/
/(,_\
) _ oo
\[,\_Y.
//
_________// ||||
/______` \ \_-_)
_// / . . \ //
/ ,\ / /\ '/
\\\( / , / \/
/ __ /
/\( \\
The teacher heard Little Johnny use some serious language and
was shocked. “Little Johnny, don’t you ever use language like
that again, not near me, not ever. Where on earth did you learn
that?”
“I got it from my dad, Miss,” replies Johnny.
“Well, your daddy should be ashamed. I hope you don’t know what
all that even means?”
“Oh but I do,” says Johnny. “It means the car won’t start.”
-<>-
>TELEMARKETER HANG-UP STRATEGY
A telemarketer calls, "I would like to speak with Max, please."
The homeowner reluctantly replies, "I suppose that would be
possible, but it seems rather strange."
The telemarketer responds, "Why would that be?"
The homeowner answers, "This is the first time we've ever had
a call for the dog."
-<>-
A taxpayer received a strongly-worded "second notice" that his
taxes were overdue. Hastening to the collector's office, he paid his
bill, saying apologetically that he had overlooked the first notice.
"Oh," confided the collector with a smile, "we don't send out first
notices. We have found that the second notices are more effective."
-<>-
A professor gathered the papers after a test and found a $100 bill
attached to one of them with a note saying: "A dollar per point."
When the professor returned the graded tests, the student got $64
change.
=========================================================
.-.
.-.| )
( __\ '-.
/ \___)
\_/
_
(/_
/|
,o(_/)_/ |
/` ___/ <
/` _ | __
/ / _` \/ \
\ Y / ))\ / \
| / /\ \
\_| /` \|
| _,___/ \\_
\ / |\ \
\ | / | \
\ |
|/
/|\
/ / /
| | \
s-v
>-->Leap Day - Leap Year 2020 Quotes :)
Take a leap. This is that free day you've been waiting for.
It's an extra 24 hours you didn't have last year.
Happy birthday to all the leap year people who ceased to exist
since 2008.
Happy Leap Year! Today only comes once every four years, so
make it special. Reject negativity, love those who hate and
follow your dreams.
Happy Leap Day! I have an 84-year-old friend who is celebrating
his 21st birthday today. He can finally drink alcohol legally!
Happy Leap Year, let's just take a moment to think about it, on
this day 4 years from now. Are we still the same person as we
were before?
Happy Leap Day! Statistically, a baby has a 1 in 1,461 chance of
being born on a Leap Day.
2020 is a leap year and women are supposed to pluck up some
courage and propose to their man on leap day! Guys will be
avoiding their woman today.
Happy Leap Day! It is like the Olympics, it happens every four
years and nobody notices until it's over. Enjoy!
Shout out to all the people born in 1928 celebrating their 21st
birthday! Happy Leap Day!
Happy Leap Day. A day where 'this time last year' and 'this time
next year' does not apply.
Happy Leap Day. Why not use these extra 24 hours to their fullest?
Do something kind and make a difference in someone's day.
o o o o
|\/ \^/ \/|
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o o o o o o
Leap Day only comes once in four years. So make Feb 29 an extra
special day. Take that extra LEAP. Happy Leap Year, everyone!
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
_
/ }
/'.\
_/ ) (`-
( ,)
|/
/|
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>SMILES
While my wife and I were shopping at a mall kiosk, a shapely young
woman in a short, form-fitting dress strolled by. My eyes followed
her. Without looking up from the item she was examining, my wife
asked, "Was it worth the trouble you're in?"
----------
A little nine year old girl was in church with her mother when she
started feeling ill. "Mommy," she said. "Can we leave now?"
"No," her mother replied.
"Well, I think I have to throw up!"
"Then go out the front door and around to the back of the church and
throw up behind a bush." In about two minutes the little girl
returned to her seat.
"Did you throw up?" her mother asked.
"Yes," the little girl replied.
"Well, how could you have gone all the way to the back of the church
and return so quickly?"
"I didn't have to go out of the church, Mommy." the little girl
replied. "They have a box next to the front door that says, 'For
the sick'."
----------
Tom's new wife wasn't very attractive, but he was no oil-painting,
either.
After the wedding ceremony, Tom asked the pastor how much the cost
was. "Just give me what you think it is worth to have this lady for
your wife," replied the Reverend.
Tom looked at his wife, and handed the pastor $50.
The pastor looked at Tom's wife and gave him $42 in change.
----------
There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he
arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said, "Wow, these seats
are big!"
The person next to him answered, "Everything is big in Texas."
When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a restaurant.
Upon arriving, he ordered a drink and got a mug placed between his
hands. He exclaimed, "Wow these mugs are big!"
The bartender replied, "Everything is big in Texas."
After a couple of drinks, the blind man asked the bartender where
the bathroom was located. The bartender replied, "Second door to
the right."
The blind man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally tripped
over and skipped the second door. Instead, he entered the third
door, which lead to the swimming pool, and he fell into the pool by
accident.
Scared to death, the blind man started shouting, "Don't flush,
don't flush!"
----------
Although born to a Catholic family, Chester had always wanted to be
Jewish.
As a senior in college, he decided to take the plunge and go through
the formal conversion process. He studied Judaism all semester.
Finally, he felt he was ready to take the test and complete the
conversion.
On the appointed day, he arrived at the Rabbi's office, ready to
begin. The Rabbi said, "I'm sorry, but before I give you the test,
I must discuss my fee, It's $5000."
"$5000!" exclaimed Chester, "That's a lot of money. How about $500?"
"Congratulations, you pass." said the Rabbi.
-------
Three Pastors were having lunch together at a diner. The first
Pastor said, "Ya know, since summer started I've been having trouble
with mice in my church. I've tried everything--noise, spray, cats--
nothing seems to scare them away.
The second Pastor then said "Yea, me too. I've got hundreds living
in the basement of the church. I've set traps and even called an
expert to get rid of them, yet they still won't go away."
With a grin on his face, the third Pastor said, "I had the same
problem so I baptized all mine and made them members of the church...
Haven't seen one back since!!!"
----------
A woman from the most southern part of South Carolina goes into the
local newspaper office to see that the obituary for her recently
deceased husband is written.
The obit editor informs her that the fee for the obituary is a dollar
per word.
She pauses, reflects and then says, "Well, then, just let it read,
'Billy Bob died'."
Amused at the woman's thrift, the editor says, "Sorry ma'am there is
a seven word minimum on all obituaries."
A little flustered, she thinks things over and replies, "In that
case, let it read, 'Billy Bob died - Red truck for sale'.
----------
The truck driver looked suspiciously at the soup he had just been
served in a backwoods eatery. It contained dark flecks of seasoning,
but two of the spots were suspicious.
"Hey," he called out to the waitress, "these particles in my soup -
aren't they foreign objects?"
She scrutinized his bowl. "No, sir!" she reassured him. "Those things
live around here."
----------
As an elderly lady was boarding the plane, she said to the flight
attendant, "Do these things crash very often?"
The attendant replied, "No, just once!
----------
Nurse: "Doctor, Doctor the man you've just treated collapsed on the
front step what should I do?"
Doctor: "Turn him around so it looks like he was just arriving!"
---
...LOL! Thanks LouiseAu!
-<>-
I am not a crook!
\
\
, | ,
\ /
,,_--_,
\./ ,// _ _\ \./
;;\ // x x /;;;
\ \ | _\ / /
\ \ \ o / / /
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\ \/ /
| /\ |
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| \/ |
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/| |
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| | ,d888b, |
| | J8888888L | :F_P:
| | 888888888 |
>Quotes With The Democratic Party In Mind:
If God wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.
~Jay Leno~
The problem with political jokes is they get elected.
~Henry Cate, VII~
We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public
office
~Aesop~
If we got one-tenth of what was promised to us in these State of
the Union speeches, there wouldn't be any inducement to go to heaven.
~Will Rogers~
Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a
bridge even where there is no river.
~Nikita Khrushchev~
When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President;
I'm beginning to believe it.
~Clarence Darrow~
Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and
your opponents will do it for you.
~Author unknown~
Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the
tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel.
~John Quinton~
Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and
campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from
the other.
~Oscar Ameringer~
I offer my opponents a bargain: if they will stop telling lies
about us, I will stop telling the truth about them.
~Adlai Stevenson, campaign speech, 1952~
A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country.
~ Tex Guinan~
I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter
to be left to the politicians.
~Charles de Gaulle~
Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be
better to change the locks.
~Doug Larson~
There ought to be one day -- just one -- when there is open season
on senators.
~Will Rogers~
---
...HaHaHa! Thanks LouiseAu!
=========================================================
>-->From HandyHints:
o \
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)| | `'____\' o _____\|| `
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o | ||_|| |/ oo\ || |
| || || C ._)o || | o
o| || ||o|\`-/ || | ,. o
| ||_|| ,'\,\ || | _\('')
| ||o||/\ \ .: o|| | (; .)
| || |( \_\||___|| | _,.(|___)-.
| o||_|||`-`,\)----' | o
o | | ||..|.| o _ |-. _.-.
`.-.|._|_.-:|__|_|-.-' `-'.__ o
o '--`-` o - SSt
Winter can be tough on our bodies. Chronic cold, dry weather
can cause itchy, cracked, red skin, brittle nails and dry,
flaky hair. But a few simple treatments you can do at home
will help fix all of those problems and have you looking
and feeling like a spring chicken.
* Dry, cracked hands?
All that hand-washing to ward off cold-causing germs can
cause skin to dry and crack. Before bed, slather hands
with a few drops of both coconut and lavender oils, then
put on a pair of cotton gloves. Coconut oil's lauric acid
repairs and moisturizes while compounds in lavender oil
calm skin and encourage the growth of new skin cells.
* Hangnails?
Dry, ragged cuticles not only snag and bleed, they leave
nails unprotected. Try soaking nails in a mixture of 1 Tbs.
of jojoba and 1 Tbs. of almond oil for 5 minutes. Jojoba's
wax esters mimic the natural oil skin produces to replenish
lost moisture, and vitamin E-packed almond oil repairs
the skin's barrier.
* Rough Spots?
Petroleum jelly is perfect for treating the thick,
dehydrated layers of skin commonly found on elbows, knees
and heels. That's because it creates a heavy film that
traps moisture in the upper layers of the skin's surface,
which softens tough, built-up layers and repairs any
painful cracks that come with it.
* Dry, itchy scalp?
Apply 1/4 cup of olive oil onto a damp scalp and cover with
a shower cap; let sit 15 minutes then rinse with shampoo.
The oil's vitamin E locks moisture onto the scalp so it's
hydrated and healthy, which promotes the growth of stronger
hair that's less prone to breakage.
-<>-
>'Go Green' Hint:
Using products like olive oil, petroleum jelly and baking
soda in your health and beauty regimen is not only better
for you, it's also better for the environment. Being a
green consumer requires consideration and intention. The
ingredients lists available on beauty and wellness products
will guide you in making informed decisions about whether
a product is environmentally-friendly and help you avoid
the traps of marketing or green washing.
Seeing hazardous ingredients such as polythene, triclosan,
oxybenzone and glyphosate will show you which products
and companies you should be avoiding.
=======================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
>From Trump Women Daily:
Second Lady Karen Pence Joins Campaign Trail
https://tinyurl.com/tr88kuk
'Women of Distinction' Awarded to First Lady
https://tinyurl.com/quqzmmu
Lara Fights to Eliminate Greyhound Racing in West Virginia
https://tinyurl.com/udcxquv
Melania Takes a Lap at Daytona 500
https://tinyurl.com/tlyfra7
Ivanka Gives Keynote Speech in Dubai
https://tinyurl.com/t8s5qew
Melania Spends V-Day with Children of NIH
https://tinyurl.com/s75527o
A Warm Welcome to the First Lady of Ecuador
https://tinyurl.com/yx6smt7h
-<>-
MommyUnderground: Horrifying: Sesame Street Introduces A
New “Cross Dressing” Character
https://tinyurl.com/vqbglhk
Trump new Move to Build More Wall
https://tinyurl.com/rkp6o8x
President Trump Threatens Lawsuit Over Mueller Investigation
https://tinyurl.com/sheezh2
Trump Takes a Stand for the Mentally Ill
-The Wall Street Journal
https://tinyurl.com/r8msvus
Arnold Schwarzenegger Offers Rare Praise of Trump for Addressing
Homelessness
https://tinyurl.com/sfsuupz
TV Networks, Led By CNN And MSNBC, Have Aired Misleading Bloomberg
Ad More Than 70 Times
https://tinyurl.com/rcmkhxc
Westwing News: Trump, Melania Visit Famed Taj Mahal After Joining
Modi for Massive India Rally
https://www.whitehouse.gov/westwingreads/
WhiteHouseNews:
https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/
Latest From AFA:
http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw
Students For Life
https://tinyurl.com/yd5nxmu6
Latest From OperationRescue:
http://www.operationrescue.org/
Latest Product Alert: Chocolate, Cars, Baby Accessories
http://www.emergencyemail.org/products/?fmt=text
Latest Health Alert: New Water Bottle Warning
http://www.emergencyemail.org/health/?fmt=text
Click to Give Free
https://tinyurl.com/y2abb8d2
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
There is bringing your work home with you, and then there
is this. Police in Florida are investigating the gruesome
discovery of jars of human tongues in a home's crawlspace,
according to a report.
The preserved organs were found during an inspection of
the foundation in the Gainesville house, which was
previously owned by Ronald Baughman, a former University
of Florida researcher. Some of the jars date back to the
1960s.
Investigators are looking into the possibility that
Baughman, who published studies in the following two
decades, may have brought the tongues home as part of his
work, the report stated. Baughman currently is a professor
emeritus at the university.
A 1988 abstract in the Journal of Oral and Maxillofacial
Surgery posted on medical research site ScienceDirect
lists a Ronald A. Baughman as a dentist involved in a case
of oral squamous cell carcinoma in twins.
-<>-
If you have ever wished you could just lock your wife up
in a box, you might have something in common with the man
in today's story.
An Indiana man is accused of forcing his wife into s%xual
slavery. A pessimist might think that that is basically
what marriage is to begin with, but Kenneth Eugene Harden
took things a little too far.
Harden's wife told police she met him online last year.
He said he was a Godly man and they both talked about how
much the Bible meant to them.
They soon married. A few months later, she said Harden
revealed he's a sadist. You would think that would be
something that should come up BEFORE the marriage.
What started out as experimentation in the bedroom
escalated into abuse. Not only would he lead her around
with a collar on - prosecutors said he would force her
head and hands into a wooden box after her child went to
school.
She told police there were also times he would duct tape
or tie her up all day.
Charging documents go into graphic detail of the s%xual
abuse, all while she hoped and prayed someone would hear
her through the apartment walls.
"We could hear them fighting sometimes and we heard a lot
of loud noises upstairs, but I never thought anything of
it," a neighbor said, who lives below the apartment where
the alleged abuse occurred.
Police arrested Harden on domestic battery charges.
*--- Iron Man-style Jet-suit takes off ---*
The Dubai-based creators of a jet-powered wingsuit said
they marked a new milestone for Iron Man style flight:
taking off from the ground for a high-altitude flight.
The Jetman Dubai team has previously demonstrated the
jet-powered wingsuit with flights that involved taking
off from elevated platforms, but Friday's test at Skydive
Dubai in the United Arab Emirates marked the first time
the suit took off from the ground and transitioned to a
high altitude flight, reaching nearly 6,000 feet. Vine
Reffett, the Jetman pilot who conducted the demonstration,
showed off the suit's ability to hover, stop, turn and
maneuver in the air. The approximately three-minute flight
saw Reffett fly at an average speed of nearly 150 mph
before parachuting to the ground. "One of the next
objectives is to land back on the ground after a flight at
altitude, without needing to open a parachute," Reffett
said in a statement.
*--- Leaning Tower of Dallas ---*
The failed implosion of an 11-story building in Dallas left
behind a structure dubbed "The Leaning Tower of Dallas."
The former Affiliated Computer Services building near the
city's downtown was supposed to be demolished, but the
implosion failed to bring down the center of the structure,
which remained in place, albeit lopsided. The structure was
dubbed The Leaning Tower of Dallas online, where social
media users shared photos of people pretending to hold up to
the building remains. Lloyd D. Nabors Demolition said the
remaining structure will be brought down this week using a
crane and a wrecking ball. The company said implosions that
leave behind the core of the building are fairly common. The
building is being removed to make way for The Center, a $2.5
billion mixed-use project.
*--- Paraglider rescued from power lines in California ---*
Firefighters in California said a paraglider who crashed
into some power lines was rescued after being stuck for
more than three hours. The Olivehurst Fire Department
said the paraglider had been attempting to land at the
Yuba County Airport as part of a training exercise when
he went off course and crashed into some power lines. The
Pacific Gas and Electric Company shut off power to the
surrounding area while first responders conducted the
rescue. "The difficulty was making sure that the lines
were de-energized to make sure that our firefighters were
safe before we could make patient contact," firefighter
Randy York said. The paraglider was eventually brought
back to the ground by a fire department bucket truck.
"He's exhausted but all his vitals seem to be stable,"
York said.
*--- Patient plays violin during brain surgery ---*
A brain surgeon in London had a patient play her violin
during a tumor removal to ensure her musical abilities
weren't affected by the procedure. King's College Hospital
shared video showing Dagmar Turner, 53, playing her violin
while neurosurgeon Dr. Keyoumars Ashkan and his team
removed her brain tumor. "We perform around 400 resections
(tumor removals) each year, which often involves rousing
patients to carry out language tests, but this was the
first time I've had a patient play an instrument," Ashkan
said. Ashkan said Turner's brain was mapped prior to the
surgery to see which parts of her brain were active when
she played her instrument. He said the tumor was
dangerously close to areas of her brain that affect the
fine motor skills of her left hand. The doctors were able
to remove 90 percent of the tumor without any damage to
Turner's musical abilities.
=========================================================
>-->From TheGroaner:
___
/___\
.-.|=0-0=|.-.
(\_.'.-\ \_o_/`/-.'._/)
~` - ~`-^_`~ -_~ ^- ~_` -~ _
jgs - ~ - ^ - ~ - ~ -
>Not In the Pool:
The lifeguard told the mother to make her young son stop
urinating in the pool.
"Everyone knows," the mother lectured him, "that from time
to time, young children will urinate in a pool."
"Oh really?" said the lifeguard, "from the diving board!?!"
-<>-
>Did You See That?
Two guys are out hunting. The first guy says, "Did you see that?"
"No," the second guy says.
"Well, a bald eagle just flew overhead," the first guy says.
"Oh," says the second guy.
A couple of minutes later, The first guy says, "Did you see that?"
"See what?" the second guy asks.
"Are you blind? There was a big, black bear walking on that hill,
over there."
"Oh."
A few minutes later the first guy says: "Did you see that?"
By now, the second guy is getting aggravated, so he says, "Yes,
I did!"
And the first guy says: "Then why did you step in it?"
-<>-
>You Lie, You Die:
There once was a magic mirror which would kill you if you lied
to it.
One day a brunette was doing her makeup and said to herself, "I
think I'm the smartest woman ever!" She immediately dropped dead.
The next day a redhead was doing her hair and said to herself, "I
think I'm the prettiest woman alive!" She immediately dropped dead.
Finally, the following day, a blond was flossing her teeth. She
stopped and said to herself, "I think...," and dropped dead.
-<>-
>Q and A Quickies:
Q: What's black and white and makes a lot of noise?
A: A zebra with a drumkit.
Q: What did the dryer say to the washer?
A: Let's go for a spin.
[-;-/=_
`-; \=_ ___
) ,"-...--./===--__
__|/ / ]`
/;--> >...-\ <\_
`- <<, 7/-.\,
sk `- /( `-
Q: What is a horse's favorite sport?
A: Stable Tennis!
Q: What did the digital clock say to the grandfather clock?
A: Look, Grandpa, no hands!
Q: Who won the Franco Prussian War?
A: James Franco!
___________,_____
| | # |=====|
| | (_) |=====|
|> _ |_____|=====|
| [_] | | |
| |_____|=====|
| | |_____|
| ] |_____| |
| |_____|=====|
| | ___ |_____|
|> |[___]| |
| |[___]|=====|
|_____|=====|_____|
jgs [###########]
Q: What happens to a refrigerator when you pull its plug?
A: It loses its cool.
=========================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
/'\
/
/ ,
c-' /
/'-._ ,____,' .-'''-.
.-'.// \ '-;-========,"-,' '
,` /, \_//\ ,/ ( '- *) )
( ./ ) {,}========'===='- ' ,
, , \/ ', -muse.
_____'-.-`_______________________'-..-'____
No one is more cautious than a first-time parent. After our
daughter was big enough to ride on the back of my bicycle,
I bought a special carrier with a seat belt and got her a
little helmet.
The day of the first ride I put her in the seat, double-
checked all the equipment, wheeled the bike to the end of
the driveway, carefully looked both ways and, swinging my
leg up over the crossbar, accidentally kicked her right in
the chin.
-<>-
A father and son went fishing one day. After a couple hours
in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world
around him.
He asked his father, "How does this boat float?"
The father thought for a moment, then replied, "Don't
rightly know, son."
The boy returned to his contemplation, then turned back to
his father, "How do fish breathe underwater?"
Once again the father replied, "Don't rightly know, son."
A little later the boy asked his father, "Why is the sky
blue?"
Again, the father replied. "Don't rightly know, son."
Worried he was going to annoy his father, he says, "Dad,
do you mind my asking you all of these questions?"
"Of course not, son. If you don't ask questions, you'll
never learn anything!"
-<>-
A young mother was standing outside a mall holding her six-
month-old baby and her sister's three-month-old baby.
Two women approached the mother. "Are they twins?" one asked.
"No, they're three months apart."
"My! You sure had them close together."
-<>-
Two older, successful businessmen met at a resort. One who
had recently retired was describing his life, "I get up
late in the morning, have a light breakfast and then I lie
down on my veranda for a few hours and relax.
In the afternoon I go inside for lunch, have a great salad,
fruits and cold fish, then I spend the rest of the afternoon
boating or playing golf or tennis...
When it starts to get dark I have a great dinner with the
finest wines. I smoke a Cuban cigar. Then I go lie on my
veranda again."
The other gentleman acknowledges that this is a life to be
envied. Later he reported the conversation to his wife. She
asked, "What's his wife's name?"
Her husband said, "I'm not sure, but I think it's Veranda."
-<>-
______.--------.
/' \
/'\ \
..-'\()'\ .'''. ./'
| .' /
\..} '\.
/ { /' '\ \
{------' .' '. '|
\ . | \ |
'\_____/ | | |
/ | | |
.' | | |
| | | |
| | | |
| | \
|
Millions of years ago, there was no such thing as the wheel.
One day, some primitive guys were watching their wives drag
a dead mastodon to the food & fire area. It was exhausting
work; the guys were getting tired just watching.
Then they noticed some large, smooth, rounded boulders and
they had a great idea! They could sit on top of the boulders
and get a better view of their wives working.
This was the first in a series of breakthroughs that
ultimately led to television...and later to the remote
control.
[From Dave Barry.]
-<>-
Two friends are discussing the possibility of love.
"I thought I was in love three times," one friend says.
"How so?" his friend asks.
"Five years ago I deeply cared for a woman who wanted
nothing to do with me."
"And that wasn't love?" his friend asks.
"No," he replies. "That was obsession. Then two years ago
I deeply cared for an attractive woman who didn't under-
stand me."
"Was that love?"
"No," he replies. "That was lust. And just last year I
met a woman aboard a cruise ship to the Caribbean. She
was smart, funny, and a great conversationalist. And
everywhere we met on that boat, I would get this strange
sensation in the pit of my stomach."
"Was that love?" his friend asks.
"No," he replies. "That was seasickness."
=========================================================
>-->From ScreamOfTheCrop:
. .
:"-. .-";
|:`.`.__..__.'.';|
|| :-" "-; ||
:; :;
/ .==. .==. \
: _.--._ ;
; .--.' `--' `.--. :
: __;` ':__ ;
; ' '-._:;_.-' ' :
'. `--' .'
."-._ _.-".
.' ""------"" `.
/`- -'\
/`- -'\
:`- .' `. -';
; / \ :
: : ; ;
; ; : :
':_:.' '.;_;'
:_ _;
; "-._ -" :`-. _.._
:_ () _; "--::__. `.
\"- -"/`._ :
.-"-. -"-. ""--..____.'
/ .__ __. \
: / , / "" \ . \ ; bug
"-:___..--" "--..___;-"
>The Cat Miracle Diet
Most diets fail because we are still thinking and eating like
people. For those us who have never had any success dieting,
now there is the new Cat Miracle Diet!
_ ___ _.--.
\`.|\..----...-'` `-._.-'_.-'`
/ ' ` , __.--'
)/' _/ \ `-_, /
`-'" `"\_ ,_.-;_.-\_ ', fsc/as
_.-'_./ {_.' ; /
{_.-``-' {_/
Most cats are long and lean (or tiny and petite). The Cat Miracle
Diet will help you achieve the same lean, svelte figure. Just
follow this diet for 4 days and you'll find that you not only look
and feel better, but you will have a whole new outlook on what
constitutes food. Good luck!
* DAY ONE
_.---.
|\---/| / ) ca|
------------; |-/ /|foo|---
) (' / `---'
===========( ,'==========
|| _ | |
|| o/ ) | | o
|| ( ( / ;
|| \ `._/ /
|| `._ /|
|| |\ _/||
__||_____.' ) |__||____________
________\ | |_________________
\ \ `-.
`-`---' hjw
Breakfast:
Open can of expensive gourmet cat food. Any flavor as long as it
cost more the .75 per can -- and place 1/4 cup on your plate. Eat
1 bite of food; look around room disdainfully. Knock the rest on
the floor. Stare at the wall for awhile before stalking off into
the other room.
Lunch:
Four blades of grass and one lizard tail. Throw it back up on the
cleanest carpet in your house.
Dinner:
Catch a moth and play with it until it is almost dead. Eat one wing.
Leave the rest to die.
/\____/\ __
.' """" `,-' `--.__
__,- : - - ; " :: `-. -.__
,-sssss `._ `' _,'" ,'~~~::`.sssss-.
|ssssss ,' ,_`--'_ __,' :: ` `.ssssss|
|sssssss `-._____~ `,,'_______,---_;; ssssss|
|ssssssssss `--'~{__ ____ ,'ssssss|
`-ssssssssssssssssss ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ssss.-'
`---.sssssssssssssssssssss.---' Susie Oviatt
Bedtime snack:
Steal one green bean from your spouse's or partner's plate.
Bat it around the floor until it goes under the refrigerator.
Steal one small piece of chicken and eat half of it. Leave
the other half on the sofa. Throw out the remaining gourmet
cat food from the can you opened this morning.
* DAY TWO
Breakfast:
Picking up the remaining chicken bite from the sofa. Knock it onto
the carpet and bat it under the television set. Chew on the corner
of the newspaper as your spouse/partner tries to read it.
Lunch:
Break into the fresh French bread that you bought as your part of
he dinner party on Saturday. Lick the top of it all over. Take
one bite out of the middle of the loaf.
_,'| _.-''``-...___..--';)
/_ \'. __..-' , ,--...--'''
<\ .`--''' ` /'
`-';' ; ; ;
__...--'' ___...--_..' .;.'
fL (,__....----''' (,..--''
Afternoon snack:
Catch a large beetle and bring it into the house. Play toss
and catch with it until it is mushy and half dead. Allow it to
escape under the bed.
Dinner:
Open a fresh can of dark-colored gourmet cat food--tuna or beef
works well. Eat it voraciously. Walk from your kitchen to the
edge of the living room rug. Promptly throw up on the rug. Step
into it as you leave. Track footprints across the entire room.
* DAY THREE
Breakfast:
Drink part of the milk from your spouse's or partner's cereal
bowl when no one is looking. Splatter part of it on the closest
polished aluminum appliance you can find.
Lunch:
Catch a small bird and bring it into the house. Play with it on
top of your down-filled comforter. Make sure the bird is seriously
injured but not dead before you abandon it for someone else to
have to deal with.
/\___/\
/ \
/ <|> <|> \
\ " /
\`.___9'/
`-----'
VK
Dinner:
Beg and cry until you are given some ice cream or milk in a bowl
of your own. Take three licks/laps, and then turn the bowl over
on the floor.
* FINAL DAY FOUR
(`.
) )
( (
\ \
\ \
.-' `-.
/ `.
( ) `-._ , _
) ,' (.\--'(
\ ( ) / \
\ \_( / ( <6 (6
\_)))\ ( `._ .:Y)__
''' \ `-._.'`---^_)))
`-._ ))) ```
``` hjw
Breakfast:
Eat 6 bugs, any type, being sure to leave a collection of legs,
wings, and antennae on the bathroom floor. Drink lots of water.
Throw the bugs and all the water up on your meowmie's or partner's
pillow.
Lunch:
Remove the chicken skin from last night's chicken-to-go leftovers
your meowmie or daddy placed in the trash can. Drag the skin
across the floor several times. Chew on it in a corner and then
abandon.
* *
__ *
,db' * *
,d8/ * * *
888
`db\ * *
`o`_ **
* * * _ *
* / )
* (\__/) * ( ( *
,-.,-.,) (.,-.,-.,-.) ).,-.,-.
| @| ={ }= | @| / / | @|o |
_j__j__j_) `-------/ /__j__j__j_
________( /___________
| | @| \ || o|O | @|
|o | |,'\ , ,'"| | | | hjw
vV\|/vV|`-'\ ,---\ | \Vv\hjwVv\//v
_) ) `. \ /
(__/ ) )
(_/
Dinner:
Open another can of expensive gourmet cat food. Select a flavor
that is especially runny, like Chicken and Giblets in Gravy. Lick
off all the gravy and leave the actual meat to dry and get hard.
=========================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
Here's Your Frog!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/frog.html
A Little Froggy!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/frogart.html
Silly Veggies!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/veggies.html
Menu Bloopers!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/menubloopers.html
Eye Catching Humor!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/eyecatching.html
Frost Flowers!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/frostflowers.html
God's Most Beautiful!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mostbeautiful.html
Endangered Wolf!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wolf.html
Strange Buildings!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/buildings.html
Feather Painting 2!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/feather2.html
Earth In Perspective!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/earth.html
Awesome Tree Houses!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/treehouses.html
God's Water Paintings!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/water.html
Akiane Child Prodigy!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/prodigy.html
God's Spring Paintings!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/gspring.html
Stefan Pabst 3D Paintings!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/3dpaintings.html
Nyiragongo Lava Lake!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lavalake.html
World's Largest Things!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/largest.html
Most Stunning Photos 2!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/moststunning2.html
Celebrity Private Jets!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/celebrityjets.html
Refresh your Browser for New Spring Index Here:
https://tinyurl.com/y4xyz2w8
-<>-
Revisiting from LAST Leap Year :)
>From Our Friend PatDeE
Top Soviet-bloc defector: Marxism infecting U.S.
http://www.wnd.com/2012/06/top-soviet-bloc-defector-marxism-infecting-u-s/
Where's The Outrage Over CHRISTIANS Being Killed? | CNSNews.com
http://cnsnews.com/blog/pete-winn/wheres-outrage-over-christians-being-killed
The Beauriful Friesian Horse
http://tinyurl.com/jkut2jm
---
...Absolutely stunning! Thanks PatDeE!
-<>-
>From Our Friend Melody
Irish Dance, St.Patrick day - YouTube
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s6LMga4R0tc
Timelapse: Albuquerque Balloon Fiesta - YouTube
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l8YaMK4-MYg
---
...Wowsers! Thanks Melody!
-<>-
>From Our Friend Melody
Timelapse: Albuquerque Balloon Fiesta - YouTube
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l8YaMK4-MYg
---
...Wowsers! Thanks Melody!
-<>-
>From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
We've no idea how he does it, but 31-year-old Jamie Raven has everyone
mesmerized with his clever conjuring act. After presenting the Judges
with special BGT £50 notes, it's time to see what other tricks the
magician has up his sleeve. Even Simon is won over: I now actually
believe in magic, like some people believe in ghosts!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=f0m9QtYWTIE
Here are the very best, most ultimate, absolutely epic pet videos from
the year 2015. There's a little bit of everything for everyone. Take a
look and see if your favorite made the cut (or if a new favorite is
discovered).
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_0RVgvp931M
Luc Bergeron shares with us his Best of The Web 8 video compilation
featuring clips from 506 of the most awesome videos on YouTube. From
extreme sports to touching moments with babies and adorable animals
there is something for everyone to enjoy in this video. Millions of
videos get uploaded to YouTube each day and it’s impossible for any one
person to watch them all so when someone creates a video compilation
like this it’s a pretty impressive feat.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=yHVrGUeTFbo
---
...pretty awesome! Thanks LouiseAu!
-<>-
>From Our Friend Melinda :)
What happens when my wife leaves me alone with our baby
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JVWt4cQVFTU&feature=em-share_video_user
Klatovy Catacomb Mummies
http://www.atlasobscura.com/places/klatovy-catacomb-mummies
Venus Flytraps Are Even Creepier Than We Thought
http://tinyurl.com/z8l75qw
French Mansion Unlocked After 110 Years!
http://tinyurl.com/gtlcb9j
Healthy food
http://www.healthyfoodhouse.com/
Jeanne Robertson "Don't Get Frisky in a tent!"
("Don't sleep in a tent with Left Brain!")
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=14msmjowzrc&feature=em-share_video_user
---
...HaHa! Good links! Thanks Melinda!
=======================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"A prop phaser gun from the Star Trek TV show recently
sold for $231,000 at an auction making it the most expensive
thing you can point at someone right before they beat the
crap out of you." -Jimmy Fallon
"Teachers at nine universities are using a new technology
that can tell if students are actually reading their text-
books. Let me save you some time. They're not." -Jimmy Kimmel
"A new study came out that shows that the germiest place
in your kitchen is the refrigerator's vegetable drawer.
After hearing this, most Americans said, 'We have a
vegetable drawer?'" -Conan O'Brien
"According to a new study, children who are spanked are
twice as likely as those that aren't spanked to get into
fights and destroy things which is probably why they get
spanked in the first place." -Jimmy Kimmel
"The former president of Trader Joe's is opening a store
that sells only expired food. The new store will be known
as 7-Eleven." -Conan O'Brien
"Two hundred cows recently died in a field in Wisconsin.
Nobody knows the cause of death, but they suspect boredom."
-Conan O'Brien
"A cellist in Oregon was arrested after police found over
100 pounds of marijuana in his car trunk. Thankfully, when
they pulled him over, he didn't resort to violins."
-Seth Meyers
In these days of tension, human beings can learn a great deal
about relaxation from watching a cat, who doesn't just lie down
when it is time to rest, but pours his body on the floor and
rests in every nerve and muscle.
-- Murray Robinson
Authors like cats because they are such quiet, lovable, wise
creatures, and cats like authors for the same reasons.
-- Robertson Davies
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah Shangy!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
----------------------------------------------------------------------
-->ShangyFunList AD RATES: $20 will get your a message (of up to 40
words) out to all self-subscribed readers and $5 more will give you
the same message also put up for all web site readers.
Email me to secure dates.
Ad Request
----------------------------------------------------------------------
-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61
NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
-->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home
Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the
Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
Share
A Recipe
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