He Is Risen! :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* Please Consider Giving To ShangralaFamilyFun.com The cost of the website has gone up dramatically due to the ever increasingly wonderful pages and photos being added each week to entertain you and our fellow Christian families. If every one would chip in $25 or more, we'd be good for the whole year! So Please - I need your help today! "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ *~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a Shangrala Angel, the easiest way to do that is through online giving. It is easy to use, and most of all, it is secure. Please visit the site, scroll down and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL form page comes up. NOTE: Paypal will generate a 'Quantity 1' and 'Price per item' form. Just ignore the price per item and put whatever it is you desire to give in there. With Paypal, you will have your normal receipt for your 'payment' donation in USD (United States Dollars). You can put a memo in there if you'd like. EVERY LITTLE BIT WILL HELP! Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS YOU MOST ABUNDANTLY FOR YOUR GIFT! ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! -<>- * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ============= _.-/`) // / / ) .=// / / / ) //`/ / / / / // / ` / || / \\ / )) .' jgs // / / *~* I Pray You All Had A Great Resurrection Day Celebration! :) ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: ____ _ .-;\)___\ |_| \_/ ,---\ | | / _/ e e \_/ _%&&%%&_ |(` >| ___T__\______/__ \| =/ '====\\\ ^/====='_/ ,--' `\ \ .'`._ ( \ \ / ``\ \ \/ / ) ) \`'._/ -'.-'\ \__/ / \-'\______ /._'-./ \ ___`'-. /` | '-.\ '--`` /-\\\ /` / | ( ) | / / | \ (-------------- / '-._ | /'-.'# # # # `._ `'-._/ /#__#__#__#__#__ ;";-..__ | | # # # # # ; | |``-' |# # # # # / ;\ | |__#__#__#__#__#__ .' / / / || || jgs /' .' | | || || / .' | | || || ,| / \ | || || \\\/( (`-/\__ || \__`\ [_--.__\ || >Top 16 Signs Your Waitress Is Nuts 1. Easily confused -- instead of a BLT, she brings you LBJ. 2. Swears she can see her reflection in your mashed potatoes. 3. She claims that you remind her of Elvis, then goes berserk when you don't leave a Cadillac for a tip. 4. Has Today's Specials tattooed on her arm. 5. Insists you order in Pig Latin. 6. No matter what you order, all you get is flan. 7. Insists you order off of the Unabomber manifesto. 8. For an appetizer, she administers the Heimlich maneuver, "just in case." 9. When you order fries, she asks, "You want fries with that?" 10. Always forgets to serve scalding soup directly into Howard Stern's crotch. 11. Hands you a flaregun and says, "Just fire up one of these if you need anything else, Hon." 12. Tells you about the specials using interpretive dance. 13. Uses your tortillas as dress shields. 14. When you order the Pad Thai, she loudly replies, "Gladys don't speak no Eye-talian!" 15. Despite the snug Hooters shirt, the ZZTop beard makes her awful darn unattractive. 16. That pea soup looks mighty good spewing out of her spinning head. -<>- ____________ /` _______ `\ | [______O.] | | | | """"""""" "" | | [][][][][][] | | [][][][][][] | | [][][][]||[] | | [][][][]||[] | jgs \____________/ >The Ultimate List of Pick-Up Lines to use on Engineering Chicks 1. I won't stop bugging you until I get the address of your home page. 2. You fascinate me more than the Fundamental Theorem of Calculus. 3. Since distance equals velocity times time, let's let velocity and time approach infinity, because I want to go all the way with you. 4. My love for you is like a concave up function because it is always increasing. 5. Let's convert our potential energy to kinetic energy. 6. Wanna come back to my room? ...and see my 166mhz Pentium? 7. How about you and I go back to my place and form a covalent bond? 8. You and I would add up better than a Riemann sum. 9. You're sweeter than glucose. 10. We're as compatible as two similar Power Macintoshes. 11. Why don't we measure the coefficient of static friction between you and me? 12. Wanna see the programs in my HP-48GX? 13. Your body has the nicest arc length I've ever seen. 14. Isn't your e-mail address beautifulgirl@mydreams.com 15. You're hotter than a bunsen burner set to full power. ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ April 22 is Dyngus Day, 22 Earth Day (U.S.), Girl Scout Leader Day and National Jelly Bean Day April 23 is Lover's Day, National Zucchini Bread Day, Take a Chance Day and World Laboratory Day April 24 is Administrative Professionals Day (Executive Admin's Day, Secretary's Day) and Pig in a Blanket Day April 25 is East Meets West Day, Take Your Daughter to Work and World Penguin Day April 26 is Arbor Day, Hug an Australian Day, National Pretzel Day and Richter Scale Day April 27 is Babe Ruth Day, National Prime Rib Day and Tell a Story Day April 28 is International Astronomy Day, Great Poetry Reading Day and Kiss Your Mate Day - guys, do not forget this one. Kiss her, then read her some poetry. ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: _....._ _.:`.--|--.`:._ .: .'\o | o /'. '. // '. \ o| / o '.\ //'._o'. \ |o/ o_.-'o\\ || o '-.'.\|/.-' o || ||--o--o-->|Pizza Coupon I sent my newly licensed 16 year-old son to pick up a pizza. I handed him a $20 bill, a $5.00 coupon and sent him on his way. About forty minutes later, the boy returned home with the pizza ... and the coupon! I asked the obvious question, "Why didn't you use the coupon?" "Dad, I had enough money. I didn't need the coupon." -<>- >Boarding Passes My friend had traveled to distant city for an operation on her knee. She limped onto the plane when she was returning home and handed the flight attendant two boarding passes. "Where's your companion?" she was asked. She explained that she was alone but because her leg had to be elevated, she needed two seats. The only problem, she discovered, was that the seats were separated by the aisle. -<>- >Let Sleeping Dogs Lie One afternoon, I was in the backyard hanging the laundry when an old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home. But when I walked into the house, he followed me, sauntered down the hall and fell asleep in a corner. An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out. The next day he was back. He resumed his position in the hallway and slept for an hour. This continued for several weeks. Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: "Every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap." The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar: "He lives in a home with ten children - he's trying to catch up on his sleep." -<>- >Nice Job Programmer at this retail chain gets an assignment to add some functionality to four reporting applications. One change request is to add passwords to one of the four applications -- but just one. "Just doing one sounded suspicious to me," says the programmer. "So I decided to code the password logic in a separate module for easy reuse. I only had to add one line of code to the existing executable." Fast-forward six months: The new versions are installed in a handful of stores for beta testing before they'll roll out to 1,000 stores nationwide. Programmer's boss drops by his cubicle to tell him that the users like the password function, but they wanted it on all four applications. How long would it take to add it to the other three? He calculates: add one line of code, compile, do some testing. That's maybe a few hours' work if everything goes as planned -- which it seldom does. "Two days," he tells his boss. She's skeptical. "Are you sure?" she says. "Let's say one week." Programmer shrugs. Boss continues: "Three applications, one week each, I'll tell them three weeks." He tries to explain that he estimated two days for all three applications. She's still skeptical, but after he assures her that with code reuse he really can finish in two days, boss compromises: She'll tell them it'll be done in one week. "I went to lunch, came back and updated all three in about an hour," says the programmer. "The module worked great. I walked over to my boss's office to tell her the news. She asked if I was sure it worked. I assured her it did. "She had already sent the estimate to her manager and, to be safe, she told him two weeks. She asked me not to send it to QA for another week. We didn't want to look too good. "I had a chuckle and started working on something else. A couple of hours later, she forwarded me a note from her manager to the business client. He had padded it another week. I now had three weeks to finish my already completed changes. "I worked on other things for a week, recompiled them so the date was recent, and got a big attaboy for finishing so promptly." -<>- >Criminal Mastermind When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motorhome parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he had bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motorhome near spilled sewage. A police spokesperson said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his hose into the motorhome's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseAu __ /\/'-, ,--''''' /" ____,'. ) \___ '"""""------'"""`-----' pb >SMILES Dan came home from work one evening and there was his wife Miriam in the kitchen crying out loud. "What's the matter, darling?" he asked her. "I just don't know what to do," said Miriam. "Because we were eating in for a change, I cooked us a special dinner - but the dog has just eaten it." "Don't worry," said Dan, "I'll get us another dog. ---------- I blame my mother for my poor love life. All she told me was, "the man goes on top and the woman underneath." For three years my husband and I slept on bunk beds. ---------- The teacher asked the students to bring one electrical appliance for "Show & Tell," and the next day every kid had something. The teacher asks Wendy: What did you bring? "I brought a Walkman." "And what is it for?" "You can listen to music with it!" "That's nice Wendy. What did you bring Kenny?" "I brought a 'lectrical can opener, it opens cans!" "Well done, Kenny. Umm, Johnny, I see you didn't bring anything!" "Yes, I did. It's in the hall." So the entire class goes into the hallway. "Umm, Johnny, what is that?" "It's a heart / lung machine hospitals use to keep your heart going." "Whoa. What did your father say about you bringing this?" "He said, 'AAAARRRGGGH!!!'" ---------- When April and I went up to New England a couple of years ago we decided to stay in one of those quaint little inns. The clerk at the inn asked me if we wanted a room with a shower or a tub. "What's the difference?" I asked. "Well, sir, in a tub, you can sit down." ---------- Dispatcher: "9-1-1 What is the nature of your emergency?" Caller: "I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it." Dispatcher: "This is nine eleven." Caller: "I thought you just said it was nine-one-one " Dispatcher: "Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing." Caller: "Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid." ------- A farmhand is driving 'round the farm, checking the fences. After a few minutes he radios his boss and says, "Boss, I've got a problem. I hit a pig on the road and he's stuck in the bull-bars of my truck. He's still wriggling - what should I do?'' "In the back of your truck there's a shotgun. Shoot the pig in the head and when it stops wriggling you can pull it out and throw it in a bush." The farm worker says okay and signs off. About 10 minutes later he radios back. "Boss I did what you said, I shot the pig and dragged it out and threw it in a bush." "So what's the problem now?" his Boss snapped. "The blue light on his motorcycle is still flashing." ---------- After years of nagging, the wife was finally going deer hunting with her husband. "I'll drop you off here and go park the car. Don't get into trouble". says her husband. He drove the car down the road and parked it. Walking back he could hear a heated argument between his wife and some man. "It's my deer. I shot it!" he could hear his wife shouting. The man's voice kept insisting...."That's not your deer, lady" The husband started walking faster. His wife said "It is TOO my deer. I shot it and it's mine." "No it's not" said the man. The argument got louder and louder with his wife shouting about her killing her first deer. Finally, the weary voice of the man was heard admitting defeat. "Okay, lady, it's YOUR deer. Just let me get the saddle off it." --- ...Oh Gee! HaHa!Thanks LouiseAu! -<>- ,;;. ,' '''-,-. __ \,, > / _ ' \ `./-' `. ' (_._ ,(--) `| ' /` } `----' ( | | ) || |`. | '_I |_|__| ' c'c' |)|) |'|' ,_'_'_\ jv >THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MEN AND "GUYS" Men: know what they want to be doing five years from now. Guys: are not sure what they want to do later tonight. Men: read Crichton, watch Rather, play golf. Guys: read King, watch Seinfeld, play poker. Men: wear ties with stripes, shirts with buttons, and shoes with laces. Guys: wear high school T-shirts they've actually owned since high school. Men: balance their checkbooks. Guys: balance their loans so that they never hit up the same buddy twice in a row. Men: claim to be feminist but still insist on opening doors, driving, and paying for dinner. Guys: claim to be feminists so they can let YOU open doors, drive, and pay for dinner. Men: are afraid of becoming their fathers. Guys: are afraid of becoming men. Men: put you on the phone when their mothers call. Guys: pretend you're not there when their moms call. Men: order wine based on more than the price. Guys: bring their own beer. --- ...TeeHee! Thanks LouiseAu! -<>- (.,------...__ _.'" `. .' .' `, `. `. ` . .' .'/''--...__`. \ . .--.`. ' "-. '. | '' .' _.' .()) .--":/ ''( \_\ ' (()( ''._' ( \ ' ' `. `--' ' `.: . `-.___.' ' `. . _ _ .' ) .____.-' .'`. (--.. .' \ /\ / / `. .' \( \ /|/ `. .' \__/ `. / | o | \ | | | jro >Little Johnny A teacher asked her class how many of them were Bernie Sanders fans. Not really knowing what a Bernie Sanders fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except for Little Johnny. The teacher asked Little Johnny why he has decided to be different...again. Little Johnny said, 'Because I'm not a Bernie Sanders fan.' The teacher asked, 'Why aren't you a Bernie Sanders fan?' Johnny said, 'Because I'm a Conservative.' The teacher asked him why he's a Conservative. Little Johnny answered, 'Well, my Mum's a Conservative and my Dad's a Conservative, so I'm a Conservative.' Annoyed by this answer, the teacher asked, 'If your Mum was a Moron and your Dad was an idiot, what would that make you?' Little Johnny replied, 'A Bernie Sanders fan.' --- ..LMAO! So True! Love This one! Thanks LouiseAu! -<>- ,,,,, \ e e\ C _\/ |\\, )\_) \_ / _/|/_ _// ,'\ ~ /'-,_/ \ / \_/ / / , | \_._,-" ( < _' | \ \ ', -',-~.-' _/ ) | |// | ' ' ) | | | | ._., - |.,_ // _\-' )___|__|_ '-._ b'ger /____\__\ >Faq sheet about retirement: Q: How many days in a week? A: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday Q: When is bedtime for a retiree? A: 2 hours after falling asleep on the couch Q: How many retirees does it take to change a lightbulb? A: 1, but it may take all day Q: Why is it good to be called a senior? A: ten percent discount Q: What is formal attire for seniors? A: tied shoes Q: Why do retirees count pennies? A: They are the only people who have the time Q: What word describes a person who enjoys working? A: nuts --- ...LOL! Thanks LouiseAu! -<>- ('.'''. ()/ ..) o'.__.> _ || _ |\ (_|\/|_)\ / //| |\\// (( |()\ \/ \\| \ _/_| () \ | \ \_._._.' \\// mrf ))\ // \\ (x\_/x) (_(___) >A Bit of History (A poem to which we can relate) I remember the corned beef of my Childhood, And the bread that we cut with a knife, When the Children helped with the housework, And the men went to work not the wife. The cheese never needed a fridge, And the bread was so crusty and hot, The Children were seldom unhappy, And the Wife was content with her lot. I remember the milk from the bottle, With the yummy cream on the top, Our dinner came hot from the oven, And not from a freezer; or shop. The kids were a lot more contented, They didn't need money for kicks, Just a game with their friends in the road, And sometimes the Saturday flicks. I remember the shop on the corner, Where biscuits for pennies were sold Do you think I'm a bit too nostalgic? Or is it....I'm just getting Old? Bathing was done in a wash tub, With plenty of rich foamy suds But the ironing seemed never ending As Mum pressed everyone's 'duds'. I remember the slap on my backside, And the taste of soap if I swore Anorexia and diets weren't heard of And we hadn't much choice what we wore. Do you think that bruised our ego? Or our initiative was destroyed? We ate what was put on the table And I think life was better enjoyed. --- ...Yep. Thanks for the woalk down memory lane LouiseAu! Reading this just made me fill in the difference to my own experiences. ========================================================= >-->From HandyHints: : '. _ .' -= (~) =- .' # '. Did you know that you can freeze lemons whole? I never thought of this before, but after getting the heads up from a reader who sent in their Lemon Madeira Cake recipe. I tried it and have to agree with her - frozen lemons are brilliant. Once frozen they'll keep for a few months. It's best to give them a wash before freezing so they're ready to be used right away. Grating frozen lemons is easy; I love to use the zester and sprinkle the lemon zest on top of salads, pasta or coconut ice cream. Lemon peel has up to ten times more vitamins than lemon juice and it also helps to rid the body of toxins, so don't let it go to waste. After grating, you can juice the lemon easily once thawed. Place in cold water for around 10 - 15 minutes to thaw your lemon or leave it out for about an hour. -<>- >Prevent brown sugar from hardening Help brown sugar stay soft and scoopable by tossing an orange peel or a slice of apple along with the sugar into an airtight container. For a quick fix, microwave brown sugar next to a small glass of water. The moisture within the microwave will help break up the block of sweetener. -<>- >Don't waste your time flipping Now don't flip out on us, but you don't always have to flip your food. When roasting items such as French fries and veggies, pre-heating your cookie sheet eliminates the need to flip halfway through. This method isn't suggested for baked goods like cookies (they wouldn't look so pretty). -< _____ j_____j /_____/_\ |_(~)_| | | )"( | | |(@_@)| | hjw |_____|,'>- >Keep tomatoes healthy with milk If your milk has gone bad, don't you dare pour it down the sink! Milk helps plants fight off diseases. Simply dilute it - nine parts water to one part milk - then pour it over the soil near your plants. It works especially well on tomatoes because the milk's bacteria act as fungicides that help them resist diseases! -<>- >Grow blue-ribbon veggies with eggshells Calcium doesn't just strengthen our bones, it also fortifies the 'bones' of young plants, especially yummy veggies, which need the mineral to build the cell walls that form their roots, stems, and leaves. Eggshells are primarily made of calcium carbonate, so just crush them up and sprinkle around young seedlings to give them a healthy head start! -<>- >Get It Hot! Preheat your grill 15 to 25 minutes before you start cooking to make sure it reaches the right temperature (and to kill any bacteria). Your grill should be 400-450F for high, 350-400F for medium-high, 300-350F for medium and 250-300F for low heat. A properly heated grill sears foods on contact, keeps the insides moist and helps prevent sticking. While searing doesn't seal in the juices (contrary to popular belief ), it does create improved flavors through caramelization. -<>- >Tame The Flames Flare-ups happen when fat drips onto the heat source and catches fire. This causes carcinogenic PAHs (polycyclic aromatic hydrocarbons) to form and accumulate on your food. Meat licked by flames also tastes off and flames may char the outside of food before the inside has thoroughly cooked. To reduce flare-ups, select lean cuts of meat, trim excess fat and remove poultry skin. And, keep a squirt bottle of water near the grill to quickly douse any unexpected flare-ups. -<>- >'Go Green' Hints: Use a Lead-free hose You read that correctly. Most garden hoses contain lead. It is used as a stabilizer in the brass coupling and to make hoses supple and more durable. Take a look at the back of the packaging on a hose, you'll notice a warning advising to never drink from it. Some say not to let the hose lay out in the sun and bring it indoors after each use (to reduce the amount of lead and other chemicals leaching). Practical advice, right? Luckily, lead-free garden hoses are becoming more common. -<>- Always remember to turn off the water in the sink when brushing your teeth or shaving. Teach these tricks to your kids and by following them you could save up to 4 gallons of water in a minute. -<>- Choose Local and Seasonal Produce It's no coincidence that BBQ season coincides with the time many locally grown fruits and vegetables are at their best. Local produce typically means fewer chemicals were used to grow and preserve foods, and since it doesn't have to travel long distances, less energy is consumed in transporting them. ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: Trump Joins Global Community, Offers Aid http://trk.cp20.com/click/g6v6-11e13v-jc61ly-b61d11g9/ Since the beginning of 2019, France has seen a torrent of attacks - Survival Update - Before There Was Notre Dame https://tinyurl.com/y2nk34ch Justice With Judge Jeanine 4/20/19 FULL https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=utbbRdss_6w Lou Dobbs Tonight 4/20/19 | Fox News Breaking April 20, 2019 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bWZag0w9WHE Gingrich has a message for Dems on what Mueller report means https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0YKXFAHNYKM Mueller’s Report Speaks Volumes -The Wall Street Journal https://tinyurl.com/y5tnp3fd The Mueller Report Just Left Egg on Democrats’ Faces “Trump’s election is now the most verifiably legitimate election in history. No other campaign has endured the kind of scrutiny that the Trump team has withstood. For nearly two years, 19 lawyers and 40 investigators questioned some 500 witnesses worldwide. They issued 500 search warrants and 2,800 subpoenas,” Abe Greenwald writes. “There was no underlying crime.” -New York Post https://tinyurl.com/y278h5y9 Sekulow: If they had an obstruction case to make, they would've made it https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I18WhXwl4Lo Top 10 Things the Media Got Wrong About ‘Collusion’ and ‘Obstruction’ https://tinyurl.com/y2syo4vn The White House’s largest annual event is expected to bring more than 30,000 people to the South Lawn — including President Donald Trump, who is slated to join the celebration with First Lady Melania Trump https://tinyurl.com/yxcmfy9m “It’s time for Democrats and the country to move past the Russia collusion narrative and for the media to fess up. If we are not going to respect the outcome of the Mueller report, then what was the point of the whole exercise?” writes former Bill Clinton adviser Mark Penn in The Hill. “The country deserves a Congress focused not on investigations but on issues such as health care, infrastructure and immigration.” https://tinyurl.com/y58hm6k3 “As more families enter the country illegally, it costs the U.S. Border Patrol more to take care of them,” Anna Giaritelli reports for the Washington Examiner. “Agents apprehended 25,000 immigrants traveling as parts of families in southwestern Arizona over the past six months and expect to spend four times as much on food, baby products, and on-site medical care in 2019 as it did last year.” https://tinyurl.com/yxrnuj86 Vice President Mike Pence: Congress Must Act to End the Crisis on Our Border -Fox News https://tinyurl.com/y6nzyopg New Mexico county asks governor to send in the National Guard https://tinyurl.com/y52dwrp9 In breaking news, Doug Nicholls, the Republican mayor of Yuma, Arizona, has declared a state of Emergency From Mass Migrant Release - https://tinyurl.com/y4s3k6kx Shady Schiff Mouths Off on Trump http://trk.cp20.com/click/g6v6-11e13v-jc61lv-b61d11g6/ WhiteHouseNews: https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/ Latest From AFA: http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw Students For Life https://tinyurl.com/yd5nxmu6 Latest From OperationRescue: http://www.operationrescue.org/ Latest Product Alert: Medication, Toys, Grills http://www.emergencyemail.org/products/?fmt=text Latest Health Alert: Listeria Outbreak Linked to Deli Meats and Cheeses http://www.emergencyemail.org/health/?fmt=text -<>- >From BizarreNews: Science fiction has frequently predicted the future. Star Trek predicted modern cell phones, Blade Runner predicted sex robots, and The Terminator predicted that Google will rise up and kill us all. Sci fi has also been scaring us with visions of killer lizards since Godzilla. And just like all of those other predictions, the weaponized lizard has become a reality, but just like in science fiction, the real monster is humankind. Police have arrested a man whose identity has not yet released for disturbing the peace at Perkins Restaurant in Painesville, Ohio. The 49-year-old was apprehended after he removed an iguana from underneath his shirt and began swinging the reptile by the head and tail over his head, according to a department Facebook post. When asked to lower the lizard, the suspect threw the animal at the store manager and fled the restaurant. Officers were able to track the male down shortly after the incident, according to the post. Police say that the suspect resisted arrest. The iguana, nicknamed Cooper by the police department, was seized by officers and taken to the Lake County Humane Society where he will be checked for injuries. The suspect is currently being held with disorderly conduct, resisting arrest, and animal cruelty charges. -<>- Genesis 2:24 says that "a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave to his wife so they become one flesh." But in the modern world there can be some obstacles to this divine plan, and in the case of this Michigan man that obstacle was a mountain of classic porn. That is probably why he ended up divorced and living with his parents. But his parents didn't appreciate his porn library either, so they destroyed it when he was away from home. And that's not even the bizarre part. The unidentified plaintiff (this is a civil case without any associated criminal charges) is suing his parents for a total of $86,822 in damages after they destroyed his massive pornography collection. The man moved into his parents' home in Grand Haven for 10 months after going through a divorce from his wife. Among his possessions were 12 moving boxes full of movies. But it he must have kept it well concealed because his parents didn't find it until he finally moved to Indiana. When his parents allegedly traveled to his new place to drop off the possessions he had left at their home, missing was the massive pornography collection. His parents told him that they destroyed the entire collection. The plaintiff filed a police report estimating the value of his collection to be $28,940, claiming many of the movies that were destroyed were valuable out-of-print films, writing, "Not Just Out of Print. But the entire studio making it dissolved, and that was 20 years ago." His father claimed he destroyed the porn was for the mental and emotional heath of his son, pointing out that the boy had gotten kicked out of high school for selling porn to other students. The prosecutor's office declined filing any criminal charges. *--- 'Granny Hulk' Breaks Deadlifting Record ---* An Arkansas woman known as "Granny Hulk" broke a world record for deadlifting just three months shy of her 70th birthday. Sharie Mobley, who will be 70 in July, broke a world record for deadlift in her class and division when she hoisted 305 pounds. The 123-pound grandmother, who started lifting at the age of 60 to offset osteoporosis, said she sees age as a mindset. She said her goal is to break more records. "It's my motivation. It's what keeps me going. To sit at home, I couldn't do it," Mobley said. *--- That's A Good Investment of Time ---* A Wisconsin man said he broke a Guinness World Record -- his fifth such accomplishment -- by going to see Captain Marvel 116 times in the theaters. Steve Ruppel of Weston said he has spent 12,268 minutes watching the latest Marvel Cinematic Universe film, which stars Brie Larson as the titular hero, after discovering there was a Guinness record at stake. "I thought it was the most insane thing ever, I thought it was impossible. I wasn't even sure why it was even a record, but I thought after a while 'I should probably do that,'" Ruppel told local news. He said he needed to go to at least 104 screenings to break the current record for most times seeing the same movie in the theater, but he decided to make it 116 while collecting the evidence required by Guinness. Ruppel has four previous Guinness records to his name including running a half marathon while wearing the most number of shirts and the fastest time to drink 1 liter of gravy -- 1 minute, 12.5 seconds. Hawkeye? Who uses a crossbow? Seriously? A Canadian woman narrowly survived an murder attempt when an assailant disguised as a delivery man showed up on her doorstep. The 44-year-old victim was alone at the time and answered the door to someone dressed like a delivery man who was carrying a large package. Police said inside the box was a crossbow, the kind commonly used by hunters to kill moose and other large game. Police believe the man was holding the handle of the crossbow through a hole in one end of the box as he pointed it at the victim. The victim and the 'delivery man' had a brief conversation, and then the man shot her in the chest. She was able to close the door and call 911 as he ran away. Police say the attack was carried out by a hit man and was meant to kill her. Police have released video and photographs of the suspect hoping someone in the community can help identify him. *--- Dog Found Swimming 136 Miles From Shore ---* Workers on an oil rig in the Gulf of Thailand said they rescued a dog found stranded in the water 136 miles from shore. The oil rig workers said they spotted the dog struggling in the water and called out to her, causing her to swim up to the equipment. The workers plucked the dog out of the water and sheltered her for two days until passage could be arranged on a vessel bound for Songkhla, Thailand. The dog was taken to a veterinarian. One of the oil rig workers said he hopes to adopt the dog if she isn't claimed by her owner. The workers said they do not know whether the canine fell overboard from a boat. ========================================================= >-->From TheGroaner: _ ( \ ..-----..__ \.'. _.--'` [ ' ' ```'-._ `. `'-..-'' ` ' ' ' . ; ; `-'''-.,__/|/_ `'-.;..-''`|' `. '. ; ' ` ' `' `, \ ' . ' . ' ; .` . ' 7 \ '.' . '- . \ .` .` . .\ `Y '-.' . ]. ' , ' /'`""';:' /Y '.] '-._ / ' _.-' \'\_ ; (`'.'.' ."/ ' )` / `.' .-'.' '\ \).' .-'--" `. `,_'` `.__) AsH/sk >Take Him to the Zoo Once upon a time, there was a policeman that saw a man sitting in a car with a tiger sitting next to him. The police officer said, "It's against the law to have a tiger in your car. Take him to the zoo." The next day the police officer saw the same man in the same car with the same tiger. The police officer said, "I thought I told you to take that tiger to the zoo." The man replied, "I did. He liked it. Now we're going to the beach." -<>- >The Worst Book Ever! A blonde stormed up to the front desk of the library and said, "I have a complaint!" "Yes, Ma'am?" said the librarian looking up at her. "I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!" Puzzled by her complain the librarian asked, "What was wrong with it?" "It had way too many characters and there was no plot whatsoever!" said the blonde. The librarian nodded and said, "Ahhh. So you must be the person who took our phone book." -<>- >Once A Lawyer... Two attorneys were walking out of a bar and a beautiful woman walks by. One attorney turns to his associate and comments, "Boy, would I like to get her!" The other attorney thinks for a second and said, "Out of what?" -<>- >Q and A Quickies Q: Why does the sky cry? A: Because it's blue. Q: Who earns a living driving customers away? A: A taxi driver. Q: How is a drama teacher like an obsolete form of public transportation? A: They are both stage coaches. _ /_\ .'-'. .' '. '_________' ( ) |.---------.| |: Blinker :| |: Fluid :| |'---------'| (___________)LGB Q: Where are cars most likely to get flat tires? A: At forks in the road. Q: What kind of phones do people in jail use? A: Cell phones. Q: What did the dolphin say when he bumped into the whale? A: I didn't do it on porpoise. Q: If a blind dinossurs is a Doyouthinkhesaurus, what do you call a blind dinosaur's dog? A: Do-you-thin-he-saurus Rex... Q: Why did the donut visit the dentist? A: To get a new filling. .'`'.'`'. .''.`. : .`.''. '. '. .' .' .``` .' '. ```. '..',` : `,'..' `-'`'-`)) (( ldb \| Q: Why should you never iron a 4-leaf clover? A: You don't want to press your luck. ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: ((" ") <)) <\(> '\| |\ ________/|______| \_________ kOs "The thrill is gone from my marriage," one buddy told another. "Why not add some intrigue to your life and have an affair?" "But what if my wife finds out?" "Heck, this is a new age we live in. Go ahead and tell her about it!" So the guy went home and said, "Dear, I think an affair will bring us closer together." "Forget it," said his wife. "I've tried that so many times and it never worked." -<>- A little boy was waiting for his mother. As he waited, he was approached by a man who asked, "Son, can you tell me where the Post Office is?" The little boy replied, "Sure! Just go straight down this street two blocks and turn to your right." The man thanked the boy kindly and said, "I'm the new pastor in town. I'd like you to come to church on Sunday. I'll show you how to get to Heaven." The little boy replied with a laugh; "You're kidding me, right? You don't even know the way to the Post Office." -<>- A seven-year-old boy is sitting at the dinner table with his parents. Suddenly he announces, "Me and Janie next door are gonna get married!" "Oh?" says the mother, amused. "And how old is Janie?" "Six," replies the boy. "Well," says the father, "what are you going to do for money?" "I get 5 dollars a week allowance," says the son, "and Janie gets 2. We figured that if we put them together, we'll be okay." "I see," says the father. "But what are you going to do if you have any children?" "Well," says the boy, "so far we've been lucky." -<>- The pastor of a Baptist church had called all of the little children to the front of the church, dressed in their cute Easter outfits and had them sit around him. He said, "Today is Easter and you all look so handsome and beautiful. Today we're going to talk about the resurrection. Does anyone know what the resurrection is?" One little boy raised his hand, and the pastor said, "Please tell us what the resurrection is." The boy, proud that he knew the answer, said in a clear loud voice, "When you get one lasting more than four hours, you gotta call a doctor!" -<>- _.-'`'-._ .-' _ '-. `-.__ `\_.-' | `-``\| jgs `-.....-A # # >Things I never learned in high school: 1. What taxes are. 2. How to do taxes. 3. How to vote. 4. Anything to do with banking. 5. How to buy a car or a house. But I'm so glad I know the Pythagorean Theorem! -<>- Marvin the Martian ___ /]_/ |\/|.--/'-. \|/:o / /\ ._, \_/_.'0/ _|_ \____]] (>[___]=]]]=== / \___/P{] __// /----\/ (_[-'\__/_ / | | \ '=='='==' ____||||___ snd (_""_/ \_""_) >As I Mature... I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in. I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people just aren't worth it. I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it. I've learned that you can keep vomiting, long after you think you're finished. I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities. I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place! I've learned that 99% of the time when something isn't working in your house, one of your kids did it. I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon, and all the less important ones just never go away. ========================================================= >-->From ScreamOfTheCrop: You're getting company in 30 minutes. Your house is a mess. WHAT WILL YOU DO? sSSSSSs SS;; SSSS S< ?SSS S> SSS ___)(____ ( \/ ) \||, )( ( / ( \\/ /\ / \ \ \./ )==( / / / \//' ( '|\` \ / \ / ) ( / \ jgs / \ / \ `-........-' / ) / ) /_/|/_/| Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the first session of Housekeeping Tips for Regular People. If you're a Martha Stewart type of housekeeper, this column is NOT for you. However, for the rest of you, this is your chance to learn 15 Secret Shortcuts to Good Housekeeping that your mother never told you. SECRET TIP 1: DOOR LOCKS If a room clearly can't be whipped into shape in 30 days, much less 30 minutes, employ the Locked Door Method of cleaning. Tell anyone who tries to go in the room that you accidentally locked the door and can't find the key. Of course, the locksmith can't possibly come until tomorrow. CAUTION: It is not advisable to use this tip for the bathroom. Time: 2 seconds SECRET TIP 2: DUCT TAPE No home should be without an ample supply. Not only is it handy for plumbing repairs, but it's a great way to hem drapes, tablecloths, clothes, just about anything. No muss, no fuss. Time: 2-3 minutes SECRET TIP 3: OVENS If you think ovens are just for baking, think again. Ovens represent at least 9 cubic feet of hidden storage space, which means they're a great place to shove dirty dishes, dirty clothes, or just about anything you want to get out of sight when company's coming. Time: 2 minutes SECRET TIP 4: CLOTHES DRYERS Like Secret Tip 3, except bigger. CAUTION: Avoid hiding flammable objects here. Time: 2.5 minutes SECRET TIP 5: WASHING MACHINES & FREEZERS Like Secret Tip 4, except even bigger. Time: 3 minutes SECRET TIP 6: DUST RUFFLES No bed should be without one. Devotees of Martha Stewart believe dust ruffles exist to keep dust out from under a bed or to help coordinate the colorful look of a bedroom. The rest of us know a dust ruffle's highest and best use is to hide whatever you've managed to shove under the bed. (Refer to Secret Tips 3, 4, 5.) Time: 4 minutes %%%%%% %%%\__/% %%%%"""% %%c ^\^% %\ _=/ . _.'_( .:: .'`\ `._ _ _..;:::' / '._ .' \ =/ (=(:]::;:::. \__./__.``_/_/ / / ';::;:. / / ) / \ \/ / '::. / /.'`-._( \ / '. / /' `\ `` /.( \ \_(`";-..___ \ |=*==||``` \ || \ || ) )) / || \ || )_|| jgs( \\\ Y\__\\ SECRET TIP 7: DUSTING The 30-Minutes-To-A-Clean-House method says: Never dust under what you can dust around. Time: 3 minutes SECRET TIP 8: DISHES Don't use them. Use plastic and you won't have to. Time: 1 minute SECRET TIP 9: CLOTHES WASHING (EEWWW) This secret tip is brought to you by an inventive teenager. When this teen's mother went on a housekeeping strike for a month, the teen discovered you can extend the life of your underwear by two ...if you turn it wrong side out and, yes, rerun it. CAUTION: This tip is recommended only for teens and those who don't care if they get in a car wreck. Time: 3 seconds SECRET TIP 10: IRONING If an article of clothing doesn't require a full press and your hair does, a curling iron is the answer. In between curling your hair, use the hot wand to iron minor wrinkles out of your clothes. Yes, it really does work, or so I'm told, by other disciples of the 30-Minutes-To-A-Clean-House philosophy. Time: 5 minutes (including curling your hair) _ /_`\ )"/ ) (`(,( ./_.') _.`-;-'\ .'/ /___/ .' / / // __/_.' |(\`\ --jgs''-- /'_.]--''- _\| `-| ---''''---....--' `"""' `"" ` SECRET TIP 11: VACUUMING Stick to the middle of the room, which is the only place people look. Don't bother vacuuming under furniture. It takes way too long and no one looks there anyway. Time: 5 minutes, entire house; 2 minutes, living room only SECRET TIP 12: LIGHTING The key here is low, low, and lower. It's not only romantic, but bad lighting can hide a multitude of dirt. Time: 10 seconds SECRET TIP 13: BED MAKING Get an old-fashioned waterbed. No one can tell if those things are made up or not, saving you, oh, hundreds of seconds over the course of a lifetime. Time: 0 SECRET TIP 14: SHOWERS, TOILETS, AND SINKS Forget one and two. Concentrate on three. Time: 1 minute SECRET TIP 15: If you already knew at least 10 of these tips, don't even think about inviting a Martha Stewart type to your home. -<>- .-""""-. / \ \ | .'--. | | /_ _`| \( a \ a ) | > | |\ = / | \___/| ___/: :\__ /` < `\ /` > `\ / `\ |__| /` \ ; [MD] \| |/ |I! ; jgs | | | |"""| | | | \ / \___/ | >What doctors say, and what they're really thinking: "This should be taken care of right away." I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself. "Welllllll, what have we here...?" He has no idea and is hoping you'll give him a clue. "Let me check your medical history." I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending any more time with you. "Why don't we make another appointment later in the week." I'm playing golf this afternoon, and this is a waste of time. --or-- I need the bucks, so I'm charging you for another office visit. "We have some good news and some bad news." The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, you're going to pay for it. "Let's see how it develops." Maybe in a few days it will grow into something that can be cured. "Let me schedule you for some tests." I have a forty-percent interest in the lab. "I'd like to have my associate look at you." He's going through a messy divorce and owes me a bundle. "I'd like to prescribe a new drug." I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig. "If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call." I don't know what it is. Maybe it will go away by itself. "That's quite a nasty looking wound." I think I'm going to throw up. "This may smart a little." Last week two patients bit off their tongues. "Well, we're not feeling so well today, are we...?" I'm stalling for time. Who are you and why are you here? "This should fix you up." The drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe this stuff. "Everything seems to be normal." Rats! I guess I can't buy that new beach condo after all. "I'd like to run some more tests." I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one. "Do you suppose all this stress could be affecting your nerves?" You're crazier'n an outhouse rat. Now, if I can only find a shrink who'll split fees with me. "There is a lot of that going around." My, that's the third one this week. I'd better learn something about this. "If those symptoms persist, call for an appointment." I've never heard of anything so disgusting. Thank God I'm off next week. ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit Magical Tiny Snails http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/snails.html Awesome School http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/gschool.html Lion Tiger And Bear http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/liontigerbear.html Life's Little Oops 11!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whoops11.html Rules For US Citizens!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/rules.html Mars Panoramic View!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mars.html Proud Of Our Troops 6!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/troops6.html Maxine On The Economy!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/maxineeconomy.html Thinkers And Their Desks!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/desks.html MacGyver - How To Do It 3!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/macgyver3.html Awesome Bridge http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/awesomebridge.html John Scape's Basement http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/basement.html Expensive Hotel Rooms http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ehotels.html Volkner Mobil RV!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/rv.html World's Fastest Cars!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/fastcars.html Wally The Rabbit! http://www.shangralas.com/wallytherabbit.html Largest Easter Bunny! http://www.shangralas.com/bunny.html Pysanky Easter Eggs http://www.shangralas.com/eastereggs.html Last Day! http://www.shangralas.com/lastday.html FULL Spring Menu! https://tinyurl.com/y4xyz2w8 -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) She sent us a fun one we have here... The REAL Old West http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/oldwest.html --- ...Quite eye-opening! Thanks LouiseAu! This cute film contains a number of rather sneaky animals ... https://youtu.be/gpmCufQPTSs --- ...Adorably funny! Thanks LouiseAu! -<>- >From Our Friend Victor :) These people are brain dead morons - oh I am sorry my 3 year old boy told me he is a girl so now he is my daughter - what moron would do this is beyond me? Kids at 3 years old don't even know how to use the toilet but you think you should listen to them about their gender? Charlize Theron reveals her daughter, 7, is transgender https://tinyurl.com/yxejvd3y --- ...Yes, Thanks Victor! I think people aren't really using their brains these days! It would be funny if it weren't so tragic and definitely child abuse! -<>- Revisiting... >From Our Friend PatDeE :) I Am the Very Model of a Biblical Philologist https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3x2SvqhfevE I Am the Very Model of a Modern Psychopharmacologist https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ElFL4CrDMIY I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major-General https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z2OcbeGqbpU --- ...HaHa! Funny! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- >From Our Friend Melody :) EyeWitness to History http://www.eyewitnesstohistory.com/ BEST STORM TIME-LAPSE: Lightning, Tornado & Supercell Montage https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SZcBlAjf2NE Vienna State Opera Comedy Ballet - FaithTap http://faithtap.com/1762/vienna-state-opera-comedy-ballet/?v=1 --- ...TeeHee! Good ones! Thanks Melody! -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) Millions of people tune in every week to watch "The Walking Dead." What would those same people do if they were confronted with a zombie apocalypse in real life? These pranksters decided to find out. Watch what happens when they released a hyper realistic zombie apocalypse on this city. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RgdYZmAzjF8&feature=player_embedded This video is called "Nightfall", and it is a gorgeous attempt to capture the beauty of Los Angeles as it transitions from day to night. This 'time lapse' video, speeds up time and lets us enjoy the beauty of the cycle of day and night. https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=M7XUSNKAAOM --- ...Awesome! Thanks LouiseAu! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "The Cleveland Zoo announced today that its rare black rhinoceros is pregnant. They made the announcement right after she confirmed it with her rhino-cologist." -Seth Meyers "Chipotle is considering opening a new restaurant that specializes in hamburgers. After what their burritos did, Chipotle now wants to ruin a new set of buns." -Jimmy Fallon "A package of salad mix that was sold in a Florida Walmart was found to contain a dead bat. This is shocking news - someone shopping at Walmart bought a salad." -Conan O'Brien "According to a new report, Amazon is now worth twice as much as Walmart. In response, Walmart announced that they're planning to open a second checkout lane." -Seth Meyers "Today is the beginning of the Jewish holiday of Passover, where families gather for a meal and recall a story of ancient grievances. Or as that's known in my family, 'Thanksgiving.'" -Conan O'Brien "A new study suggests that marriage is more beneficial for men than women. The results of the study were shouted at me through a locked bedroom door." -Seth Meyers "A man in Oregon was arrested for growing marijuana after police used Google Earth to track him down. So if you're one of those crazy conspiracy theorists who thinks the government is watching you with satellites from space, you were right." -Jimmy Fallon "There is a new trend in U.K. corporate policy where employees are being given paid time off so that they can acclimate a new pet to their home. They're calling it 'pawternity' leave. Paid time off for pets should not be a thing. Here is how that discussion should go: 'Excuse me, boss, I want to get a new dog, but I need a week off to bond with the animal.' And your boss goes, 'Oh, OK, cool. You're fired.'" -James Corden One may understand the cosmos, but never the ego; the self is more distant than any star. (G.K. Chesterton) Walt Whitman: Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself; I am large; I contain multitudes. Thomas Sprat: What you dislike in another take care to correct in yourself. >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah Shangy! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->ShangyFunList AD RATES: $20 will get your message (of up to 40 words) out to all self-subscribed readers and $5 more will give you the same message also put up for all web site readers. Email me to secure dates. Ad Request ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ********************************************************************** >TO SUBSCRIBE:Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com **********************************************************************