Here A Quack - There A Quack... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: For Facebook Users: Please Friend Me / Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :) ================ >-->Hot Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This sizzler is from our friend Linda. Sure to give you some big smiles! Check it out here... Blinker fluid -- reduces the noise in the turn signals _ /_\ .'-'. .' '. '_________' ( ) |.---------.| |: Blinker :| |: Fluid :| |'---------'| (___________)LGB Humor With Cars! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/carhumor.html --- ...TeeHee! Oh Boy! HaHa! Thanks Linda! ======================================================= >-->From TheFunnyBone: How Many Calories in a Mouse? The Iams Pet Professionals, a team of 30 trained customer service representatives at The Iams Company, handle more than 300,000 inquiries a year from pet owners across the country. Although the majority of calls to the toll-free number are straightforward pet care and nutrition questions, some can be quite unconventional. Here are some of the team's favorite calls this year: _ _ "My cat just came in from the garage | `\(_) and I was wondering... how many calories \ ^ (_)_ are in a mouse?" cat owner, Omak, WA _ ;- |/< >\_/ \_/ "I have a neutered male cat. How old \__, \ should he be before I can breed him?" | ; — cat owner, Colorado Springs, CO .-. | _( | jgs "Does your dog food help with <__;______/-. emancipation?" — dog owner, Lockport, NY _ _...__) ( `''--' "What should I feed a borderline collie?" — puppy owner, Van Fleck, TX "What size litter box do I need to keep my cat comfy?" — cat owner, Chicago, IL /\_..._/\ "Is it normal for a dog to shed?" |/ \_/ \| — dog owner, Miami, FL | o.-.o | \ ( O ) / "How can I keep my cat from stealing my /'--U--'\ husband's toothbrush?" | .:. | /\ — cat owner, Los Angeles, CA | /:;:\ |` / | |:;:| |-' "My cat passed a stool on the indoor rug jgs / |'-'| \ and it's stuck in the vacuum cleaner. Any `""` `""` suggestions?" — cat owner, Amarillo, TX "How can I get the secret recipe for your Iamsฎ Chunks dog food?" — Anchorage, AK _ _ _ .'`.\ "How do I stop my cat from giving / `,\--.-; / food to the dog?" | |` `-. — pet owner, Ephrata, WA \_/ --. -; ,#/ 'o/\o/) "Your food turned my dog into a stud. <)#| .-"(_)`\ Now what do I do?" ,##/ , _|_/ — dog owner, Flushing, NY <)| /V`"`/V| ##| / , / ,| "Do you know how to toilet train a cat?" `<)\ \_(\;_/)\ — cat owner, Ontario, Canada ##'. '. `"" -) jgs `<)'#<)#-.__.'-' "I have three cats. Is it true that `"""` Eukanubaฎ Cat Food makes the poop smell better?" — cat owner, Wentzville, MO "Will chewing pop cans remove enamel from my puppy's teeth?" — puppy owner, Chico, CA "Where can I get a six-toed cat?" — cat owner, El Paso, TX .-. .-. / \ / \ "I really like your paw print logo. .-. | | | .-. Does Iams have a tattoo?" / \ \ / \ / / \ — pet owner, North Tonawanda, NY | | '`.-.`' | | \_.' .-` `-. '._/ The Iams Company Manager of Customer .-' '-. Service says, "Although these questions / \ make us smile, they're legitimate calls | | from concerned pet owners". \ / jgs '.___...___.' _ ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ ___ _..':::\ /::::::::\ /::::::::::\ /::::::::::::\ ___ (:.--.)\/(,.--.:::::;. ,',-. \ / ,-.`.:::::) ( / \ / \ ):::/%\ || .d| |b. ||:::'|%%\ _|| 88| |88 ||_ |%%%\ Here A Quack - There A Quack! /. \ 88|.---.|88 / ,\ |%%^%\ `.\ `--" "--' /,' |% %) `> _________ <' ,-' ,---.---.---. `-. `--'\ \j/ /`--' `.\ /,' \\_______// `-------' hjw June 9 is Donald Duck Day June 10 is Iced Tea Day June 12 is Red Rose Day June 13 is Friday the 13th and Sewing Machine Day June 14 is World Juggler's Day June 15 is Smile Power Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: >Absent from Church Harry walked over to the minister after services, "You know Reverend, I am really stuck in a quandary. I would like to attend church next week but I just can't miss the big game next Sunday. It's just out of the question." "Oh Harry," said the minister, "don't you know that's what DVR's are for." Harry's face lit up. "You mean I could record your sermon?" -<>- | | / / \ / \__ ____ / / \ / \ | /| / | \ \ / |____________/ / | |_____________///////// < |____________| | |(______________ () \ | / () | () | | \\\\\\\\\ \| | __|__ | | _|___/___ \___ | | __---- ----__\---\_ / __ | ______________________ \____-------------______/ \ / \ / / / / _/ ---| it theemth | / \ / / / | i thlighly | / $ / / | mithtook | / / / | your meaning there, | | | / | buthtah !!! | \______________// \______________________/ \________/ unknown >English Pronounciation Some languages are "phonetic". That means that you can look at a word and know how to say it. English is NOT phonetic. You cannot always look at an English word and know how to say it. You cannot always hear an English word and know how to spell it. What I originally found was attributed to George Bernard Shaw, a famous Irish writer. Howwever, I believe in giving credit where credit is due. I was notified that this was called "The Chaos" and was authored by Gerard Nolst Trenit'. (Thanks for the heads up on this Ben). "The Chaos" is a classic English poem containing about 800 of the worst irregularities in English spelling and pronunciation. It demonstrates the irregularity of English. The author, Gerard Nolst Trenit' (1870-1946), was also known under the pseudonym Charivarius. It first appeared in an appendix to the author's 1920 textbook Drop Your Foreign Accent: engelsche uitspraakoefeningen. (From Wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Chaos) If you can correctly pronounce every word in this poem, you will be speaking English better than 90% of the native English speakers in the world. The Chaos Dearest creature in creation, Study English pronunciation. I will teach you in my verse Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse. I will keep you, Suzy, busy, Make your head with heat grow dizzy. Tear in eye, your dress will tear. So shall I! Oh hear my prayer. Just compare heart, beard, and heard, Dies and diet, lord and word, Sword and sward, retain and Britain. (Mind the latter, how it's written.) Now I surely will not plague you With such words as plaque and ague. But be careful how you speak: Say break and steak, but bleak and streak; Cloven, oven, how and low, Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe. Hear me say, devoid of trickery, Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore, Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles, Exiles, similes, and reviles; Scholar, vicar, and cigar, Solar, mica, war and far; One, anemone, Balmoral, Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel; Gertrude, German, wind and mind, Scene, Melpomene, mankind. Billet does not rhyme with ballet, Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet. Blood and flood are not like food, Nor is mould like should and would. Viscous, viscount, load and broad, Toward, to forward, to reward. And your pronunciation's OK When you correctly say croquet, Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve, Friend and fiend, alive and live. Ivy, privy, famous; clamor And enamor rhyme with hammer. River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb, Doll and roll and some and home. Stranger does not rhyme with anger, Neither does devour with clangor. Souls but foul, haunt but aunt, Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant, Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger, And then singer, ginger, linger, Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge, Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age. Query does not rhyme with very, Nor does fury sound like bury. Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth. Job, nob, bosom, transom, oath. Though the differences seem little, We say actual but victual. Refer does not rhyme with deafer. Foeffer does, and zephyr, heifer. Mint, pint, senate and sedate; Dull, bull, and George ate late. Scenic, Arabic, Pacific, Science, conscience, scientific. Liberty, library, heave and heaven, Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven. We say hallowed, but allowed, People, leopard, towed, but vowed. Mark the differences, moreover, Between mover, cover, clover; Leeches, breeches, wise, precise, Chalice, but police and lice; Camel, constable, unstable, Principle, disciple, label. Petal, panel, and canal, Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal. Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair, Senator, spectator, mayor. Tour, but our and succor, four. Gas, alas, and Arkansas. Sea, idea, Korea, area, Psalm, Maria, but malaria. Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean. Doctrine, turpentine, marine. Compare alien with Italian, Dandelion and battalion. Sally with ally, yea, ye, Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key. Say aver, but ever, fever, Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver. Heron, granary, canary. Crevice and device and aerie. Face, but preface, not efface. Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass. Large, but target, gin, give, verging, Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging. Ear, but earn and wear and tear Do not rhyme with here but ere. Seven is right, but so is even, Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen, Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk, Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work. Pronunciation (think of Psyche!) Is a paling stout and spikey? Won't it make you lose your wits, Writing groats and saying grits? It's a dark abyss or tunnel: Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale, Islington and Isle of Wight, Housewife, verdict and indict. Finally, which rhymes with enough, Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough? Hiccough has the sound of cup. My advice is to give up!!! -<>- >Locksmith Revenge My friend's father is a locksmith in a resort town. Once he saw a group of beach goers park near his shop and dump trash from their car on his property. As soon as they were out of sight, and walking towards the beach, the locksmith picked the lock on their car door, put the garbage back inside and relocked the car. -<>- >Soccer Coach One of the youth league soccer coaches didn't care much for my refereeing and had no problem letting me know it. Fed up, I threatened him with a penalty if he didn't stop. He calmed down, but an older woman took up where he'd left off. "You'd better control your sideline," I warned the coach. The coach turned to the woman and barked, "Knock it off, Mom!" -<>- >Weight Loss I was talking to my doctor about a weight loss-patch I had seen advertised. Supposedly, you stick it on and pounds melt away. "Does it work?" I asked. "Sure" he said, "if you put it over your mouth." ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend AllenK :) z z Z .--. Z Z / _(c\ .-. __ | / / '-; \'-'` `\______ \_\/'/ __/ ) / ) | \--, | \`""`__-/ .'--/ /--------\ \ \\` ///-\/ / /---;-. '-' jgs (________\ \ '-' >Sleeping With Bob The guys were all at a deer camp. No one wanted to room with Bob, because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns. The first guy slept with Bob and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. They said, "Man, what happened to you? He said, "Bob snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night." The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same thing, hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot. They said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful! He said, 'Man, that Bob shakes the roof with his snoring. I watched him all night." The third night was Fred's turn. Fred was a tanned, older cowboy, a man's man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy- tailed. "Good morning!" he said. They couldn't believe it. They said, "Man, what happened?" He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Bob into bed, patted him on the butt, and kissed him good night. Bob sat up and watched me all night." --- ...Oh My! LOL! Thanks AllenK! ======================================================= >-->From Our Friend Linda :) .-""""--. / ) / --"` / _`:---. | .-' `\ \ / .----'./ \ : ,-' ~(.).)\ \_| \ ._) | / | \.__, / _.--' )`///-,-' / / _| (_\\ | (____/____) \ ___/ | _ `---( ` ) `-, .' (__.'._/'._/ |`| | __/ / / // | `--. || /_____) jgs `=---` >Children in Church A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?" "Sixteen," the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly. "How do you know that?" "Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the pastor said, 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer." ------- After a church service on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother, "Mom, I've decided to become a minister when I grow up." "That's okay with us, but what made you decide that?" "Well," said the little boy, "I have to go to church on Sunday anyway, And I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell, than to sit and listen." ------- A 6-year-old was overheard reciting the Lord's Prayer at a church service, "And forgive us our trash passes, as we forgive those who passed trash against us." ------- A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon. "How do you know what to say?" he asked. "Why, God tells me." "Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out? ------- A little girl became restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on and on. Finally, she leaned over to her mother and whispered, "Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?" ------- Ms. Terri asked her Sunday School class to draw pictures of their favorite Bible stories. She was puzzled by Kyle's picture, which showed four people on an airplane, so she asked him which story it was meant to represent. "The Flight to Egypt ," was his reply. Pointing at each figure, Ms. Terri said, "That must be Mary, Joseph, and Baby Jesus. But who's the fourth person?" "Oh, that's Pontius - the pilot!" ------- The Sunday School Teacher asks, "Now, Johnny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?" "No sir," little Johnny replies, I don't have to. My mom is a good cook." ------- A little girl was sitting on her grandfather's lap as he read her a bedtime story. From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. She was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again. Finally she spoke up, "Grandpa, did God make you?" "Yes, sweetheart," he answered, "God made me a long time ago." "Oh," she paused, "Grandpa, did God make me too?" "Yes, indeed, honey," he said, "God made you just a little while ago." Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, "God's getting better at it, isn't he? ------- Work Hard, Do Your Best, Keep Your Word, Never Get Too Big For Your Britches, Trust In God and Never Forget a Friend --- ...TeeHee! Great Thanks Linda! ========================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: >From BizarreNews: Frantic zoo keepers rushed to call an ambulance after a vet shot a tranquillizer dart at a man dressed as a gorilla. Police on the Spanish island of Tenerife received a call from a panicked member of the public, who said that a gorilla had escaped from its pen in Loro Park zoo, and was seen running around the theme park. A vet was called, and on spotting the creature fired a tranquillizer dart at its leg with enough sedative to fell a 200 kilo beast. But to his horror, the vet - who had only been in the job for two months - realized that the creature was in fact an employee of the zoo, dressed in a gorilla suit, who was staging a mock escape to practice their emergency routines. The 35-year-old man was taken to the island's University Hospital after the shooting. He was said to be in a serious condition, having suffered an allergic reaction to the tranquillizer, but was expected to make a full recovery. He is lucky he wasn't in the United States where he probably would have been murdered to death. -<>- I was going to do a story about a West Virginia man who drove into a river because his GPS told him to continue along a road that terminated at the water, but then I saw this one... After going for a walk, a German shepherd puppy owned by a Massachusetts man decided to go for a drive - straight into a pond. John Costello said his 12-week-old puppy, Rosie, was so excited after going for a walk that she jumped in his running car, hit the gear stick and shifted into drive, before falling onto the gas pedal and sending the car careening into the water. A couple of passers-by saw the commotion and helped Costello rescue Rosie. Nobody was injured, but Costello says the Dodge Neon is a total loss. The 911 call surprised even police. Officer Robert Quirk says he's never heard of a dog driving into a pond. *-- Catfish allegedly used as weapon during 'fish-slapping' incident in Texas --* LUFKIN, Texas (UPI) - Texas police are still investigating to see if they can hook anyone with charges after an alleged fish-slapping incident over the weekend. During the incident in Lufkin, a woman supposedly slapped her sister-in-law in the face face with a dead catfish. Officers from the Lufkin Police Department responded after receiving a call about a domestic disturbance early Sunday morning. "The argument allegedly started because a female put a catfish in her sister-in-law's face," Sgt. Mike Shurley said, according to KTRE. "An argument then ensued between the woman and her brother, which turned physical. According to the brother, his sister slapped his wife in the face with the fish, and he told her to leave, and eventually she did." All three people who were involved gave statements to police. According to Shurley, the woman told police that her brother had been beating his wife, a claim that he denied. The man at the scene was arrested on an outstanding warrant, KETK reported. No other arrests were made and no charges have been filed involving the catfish at this time. "Due to lack of independent witnesses and conflicting stories, the case has been forwarded to the Criminal Investigation Department for further investigation," Shurley said. *-- Dianne 'DD' Barker wants the right to perform cartwheels at public meetings in Arizona --* PHOENIX (UPI) - Legal gymnastics are being used to try and prevent an Arizona woman from performing cartwheels at public meetings in Phoenix. Dianne "DD" Barker received a cease-and-desist letter from an attorney for the Maricopa Association of Governments telling her to immediately stop performing cartwheels at MAG meetings. "You have from time to time suggested that MAG cannot prevent you from performing cartwheels during your comments," according to the letter. "That position is incorrect." The 65-year-old sent back an email in protest, saying that not being able to perform cartwheels would limit her ability to "freely speak/express in such positive conviction, my continuing commitment, and unwavering support for MAG's transportation/air quality duty and directives," The Republic reported. Barker first discovered she was good at cartwheels while she was a cheerleader at Ohio State University. "I think that the cartwheel is something I found out that I could do that is enjoyable, and it definitely expresses my passion," Barker told Fox 10. She plans to follow the letter of the law at meetings, but that's about it. "The cartwheel isn't the end of it, I'm walking down the wall backwards and getting myself in shape for doing the back over," Barker said. *---------- Judge Brawls with Lawyer During Court ----------* Tensions erupted in a Florida courtroom when a judge challenged an assistant public defender to "go out back and I'll just beat your ass." Public Defender Blaise Trettis said Judge John Murphy grabbed Assistant Public Defender Andrew Weinstock and punched him in the head. You can find the video online. In the video, Murphy and Weinstock exchange words about a case after Weinstock refuses to waive one clients' right to a speedy trial. After heated words the judge says, "I said sit down. If you want to fight lets go out back and I'll just beat your ass." "The lawyer said as soon as he got in the hallway the judge grabbed him by the collar and began punching him in the head," Trettis said. Trettis said Weinstock tried to stop the blows, and courtroom bailiffs came into the hallway and pulled the two apart. *------------- "I Kill White People Like You" -------------* 20,000 FEET ABOVE NASHVILLE - Lashonda Lee Williams made everyone on Flight 4205 feel really comfortable and relaxed when she told a fellow passenger, "I Kill White People Like You." The 43-year-old Williams was asked by another female passenger to "turn off her cell phone due to the aircraft being in flight," according to a court affidavit. In reply, Williams made the alleged statement. Investigators noted that Williams told the other passenger, K. Colleen Coult, that she would follow her upon reaching Houston "and find out where she lived." The flight returned to Nashville's airport, where Lashonda Lee Williams was arrested for assault. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseA :) | |/ | ,,,,, ,+ /| / \ () | || \ C '\ /|_() || ) _| .'___/,,,// || .'=. (____E.' / / \ || | \)`-\ _F_.' \ c `\ || \ \ !'__/ ) _| || \ \,' / /`._( || |`. .' / \ \ || \ `-' | .-. | | \ E || >====[] | \ |__| | O OE || / |_/ | |___)| `.__j____ \|E || \_ | || __`.________ `. |""|\| \ |\ ||| \///_ _|__|_| \ __ | \ ||`""\\""""//"' \`. \ | |[__]| \ ||.---\\__//---. | | \____| ||__|/ / \|____________|\ |/ | | | / || || /| | | -----| |/------------||-||-/`| |----------| /| | || ||/`-|___| | /\| | || \\._ [____] h| /`.|____| || \\ `-/ '`._ j| `=.\____/ || \\__`-.____) w| ) '`--. _.-||-._ `""""""" | `='====' ,-' ' ` `-. | `-.________.-' | >For those who never saw any of the Burma Shave signs, Here is a quick lesson in our history of the 1930's and '40's. Before there were interstates, when everyone drove the old 2 lane roads, Burma Shave signs would be posted all over the countryside in farmers' fields. They were small red signs with white letters. Five signs, about 100 feet apart, each containing 1 line of a 4 line couplet......and the obligatory 5th sign advertising Burma Shave, a popular shaving cream. DON'T STICK YOUR ELBOW OUT SO FAR IT MAY GO HOME IN ANOTHER CAR. Burma Shave TRAINS DON'T WANDER ALL OVER THE MAP 'CAUSE NOBODY SITS IN THE ENGINEER'S LAP Burma Shave SHE KISSED THE HAIRBRUSH BY MISTAKE SHE THOUGHT IT WAS HER HUSBAND JAKE Burma Shave DON'T LOSE YOUR HEAD TO GAIN A MINUTE YOU NEED YOUR HEAD YOUR BRAINS ARE IN IT Burma Shave DROVE TOO LONG DRIVER SNOOZING WHAT HAPPENED NEXT IS NOT AMUSING Burma Shave BROTHER SPEEDER LET'S REHEARSE ALL TOGETHER GOOD MORNING, NURSE Burma Shave CAUTIOUS RIDER TO HER RECKLESS DEAR LET'S HAVE LESS BULL AND A LITTLE MORE STEER Burma Shave SPEED WAS HIGH WEATHER WAS NOT TIRES WERE THIN X MARKS THE SPOT Burma Shave THE MIDNIGHT RIDE OF PAUL FOR BEER LED TO A WARMER HEMISPHERE Burma Shave AROUND THE CURVE LICKETY-SPLIT BEAUTIFUL CAR WASN'T IT? Burma Shave NO MATTER THE PRICE NO MATTER HOW NEW THE BEST SAFETY DEVICE IN THE CAR IS YOU Burma Shave A GUY WHO DRIVES A CAR WIDE OPEN IS NOT THINKIN' HE'S JUST HOPIN' Burma Shave AT INTERSECTIONS LOOK EACH WAY A HARP SOUNDS NICE BUT IT'S HARD TO PLAY Burma Shave BOTH HANDS ON THE WHEEL EYES ON THE ROAD THAT'S THE SKILLFUL DRIVER'S CODE Burma Shave THE ONE WHO DRIVES WHEN HE'S BEEN DRINKING DEPENDS ON YOU TO DO HIS THINKING Burma Shave CAR IN DITCH DRIVER IN TREE THE MOON WAS FULL AND SO WAS HE. Burma Shave PASSING SCHOOL ZONE TAKE IT SLOW LET OUR LITTLE SHAVERS GROW Burma Shave Do these bring back any old memories? If not, you're merely a child. If they do - then you're old as dirt. LIKE ME! --- ...Oh Yeah! Neat! Thanks LouiseA! -<>- A little boy was taken to the dentist. It was discovered that he had a cavity that would have to be filled. "Now, young man," asked the dentist, "What kind of filling would you like for that tooth?" "Chocolate, please," replied the youngster. -------- Two college students, Frank and Matt, are riding on a New York City subway when a beggar approaches them asking for spare change. Frank adamantly rejects the man in disgust. Matt, on the other hand, whips out his wallet, pulls out a couples of singles and gladly hands them over to the beggar with a smile. The beggar thanks him kindly and then continues on to the other passengers. Frank is outraged by his friend's act of generosity. "What on earth did you do that for?" shouts Frank. "You know he's only going to use it on drugs or booze." Matt replies, "And we weren't?" -------- This man was talking to a group of men at the office and he said, "In my house I am the boss! When I say the laundry gets done, when the cooking is done and when the dishes are washed." One of the guys at the table asked, "Wow! How long have you been married?" The man answers, "Oh, I'm not married! That's why I get to say it!" -------- A "Liberal Paradise" would be a place where everybody has guaranteed employment, free comprehensive healthcare, free education, free food, free housing, free clothing, free utilities, and only Law Enforcement has guns. And believe it or not, such a place does indeed exist! It's called prison. -------- A fellow went to the doctor who told him that he had a bad illness and only a year to live. So he decided to talk to his pastor. After the man explained his situation, he asked his Pastor if there was anything he could do. "What you should do is go out and buy a late '70 or early '80 model Dodge Pickup," said the Pastor. "Then go get married to the ugliest woman you can find, and buy yourselves an old trailer house in the panhandle of Oklahoma." The fellow asked, "Will this help me live longer?" "No," said the pastor, "but it will make what time you do have seem like forever." --- ...LOL! Good Ones! Thanks LouiseA! ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Geniann :) @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@,""""""@@@@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@"- "@@@@@@@@@@ "@@@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@( ^^^ )@@@@@@@@@ ' @@@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@( ( 0@@@@@@@@@, (@@@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@) ) _/@@@@@@@@@@@m "@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@(__/ (@@@@@@@@@@@@@' @@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@" )@@@@@@@@@@' @@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@' \@@@@@@@@' @@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@' )@@@@@@' A @@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@ ,@@@@@@@" /@@ @@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@, @_____" =, @@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@ :',@@@@ `@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@' @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ M@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@' `@@@@@@@@@@@@@" ,@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@" / @@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@" @@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@| @@@@@@@@@@" / @@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@| @@@@@@@@@" ," .@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@| @@@@@@@@' .@@ `@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@| @@@@@@@@m `@@@, @@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@| :@@@@@@@@@m )@@. )@@@@@@@@ unknown After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married. On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured. Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking the wife to stand, he embraced and kissed her long and passionately as her husband watched - with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze. The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least 3 times a week. Can you do this?" "Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish." --- ...Oh brother! LOL! Thanks Geniann! ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: n__n_ / = =\ / ._Y_) ___________/ "\________________________________ (_/ (_, \ o!O \ ( \_,--""""--. __..-,-`.___,-` )-.______.' <' `-,' `-, )-' > `----._/ ( /"`>.--" "--..___,--" When I was visiting a friend who lived on the edge of a wilderness preserve, we drove along a rutted trail, and we saw a small creek ahead whose bridge was under water. "We have a serious beaver problem," our friend said. "They build dams that cause the creek to flood. Forest rangers take down the dams, and the beavers rebuild them." As we got closer, we could see a large scoreboard posted by the bridge. It read: BEAVERS 3 RANGERS 0 -<>- The crowd had cornered a woman and was preparing to stone her. Jesus raised his hand and spake, "Let he among you who is without sin cast the first stone." >From the back of the crowd a small woman picked up a huge rock and staggered toward to poor victim. Jesus pointed a finger at her and said, "Stop it MOM! I'm trying to make a point here!" -<>- While working as an airline customer-service agent, I got a call from a woman who wanted to know if she could take her dog on board. I told her the dog was welcome, as long as she paid a $50 charge and provided her own kennel. I further explained that the kennel needed to be large enough for the dog to stand up, sit down, turn around and roll over. "I'll never be able to teach him all that by tomorrow!" the customer complained. -<>- There was a man driving down the road behind an 18 wheeler, at every stoplight the trucker would get out of the cab, run back and bang on the trailer door. After seeing this at several intersections in a row the motorist followed him until he pulled into a parking lot. When they both had come to a stop the truck driver once again jumped out and started banging on the trailer door. The motorist went up to him and said, "I don't mean to be nosey but why do you keep banging on that door?" To which the trucker replied, "Sorry, can't talk now, I have 20 tons of canaries and a 10 ton limit, I have to keep half of them in the air all the time!" -<>- Working for a Judge in a common pleas court, I saw many criminal defendants. One man facing drug charges proved unusually helpful. To determine the exact quantity of the illegal substance allegedly sold, the judge asked the prosecutor how many grams there are in an ounce. As both attorneys checked their notes, the defendant, who had not yet entered his plea, proudly announced, "There are 28.3 grams in an ounce, your honor." His attorney advised him to plead guilty. -<>- While attending a marriage seminar on communication, David and his wife listened to the instructor declare, "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other. He addressed the man, "Can you name your wife's favourite flower?" David leaned over, touched his wife's arm and whispered, "Pillsbury All-purpose, isn't it?" ========================================================= >-->From TheMouth: .. blaa blaa blaaa... .((())). cornet -> ( \(( ))==> <- pencil t |//_^ ^)" p e y \)_\V/.-. t y p /||| ( _\ _e/ |'\/__.-.\ _ ___.'_(.'_)_/ ,___))___ _ ___/||___t p .'-'-_-_-'-,:y e .'-_-_-_-_-_-/ (__________,(/mrf keyboard(_.-._.-._. >Top Ten Messages On Al Gore's Answering Machine 10. "Hi, Mandy from The Cheesecake Factory. You left your credit card" 9. "George W. Bush here. Congratulations on your Latin Grammy" 8. "It's Larry from Toyota. This global warming paranoia is great for business" 7. "Put on Letterman. Some idiot is going to jump over interns" 6. "This is Hillary. If you run for president I'll snap your neck" 5. "It's Jets coach Eric Mangini. Can you play quarterback?" 4. "Ann Coulter here. Any way we can blame global warming on the Jews?" 3. "I'm calling from the EPA. Turns out there is no global warming; You're just sweating because you're getting fat" 2. "This is Jimmy Carter. Want to use our medals to score some babes?" 1. "It's Cheney. Watch your back, Jack" [From the Late Show with David Letterman] -<>- (_v_) _|_ | | |-----+-----| ,%%%. | 1ST | % 1 % | PRIZE | `%%%' '---------' ( ( \ / ) ) '. .' ( ( | | )' ) .' '. (/ \/ apc _|___|_ [#######] apc >Top Ten Signs You're Not Going To Win a Nobel Prize 10. You put all your money on the Mets 9. Only thing you ever won was a rib eating contest 8. You spent three years trying to prove the formula: macaroni + cheese = delicious! 7. The only "A" on your report card was when your teacher called you "A moron" 6. You graduated from Harvard, but it's the Harvard in Mexico 5. When watching "Jeopardy!" you answer every questions with, "Who is Larry Hagman?" 4. Every time you see an airplane you scream, "Run for your lives — giant metal bird" 3. Devoted your life to studying global cooling 2. You're known for invading Iraq without an exit strategy 1. You're on Letterman playing with a bunch of spring snakes [From the Late Show with David Letterman] -<>- >Top Ten: _,..---..,_ ,-"` .'. `"-, (( '.'.' )) `'-.,_ ' _,.-'` jgs `\ `"""""` /` `""-----""` Questions To Ask Yourself Before Buying A $14,500 Dessert 10. "Does my kid really need a college education?" 9. "Do I get to keep the plate?" 8. "May I leave off the second 'S' in 'dessert' for savings?" 7. "Is this why the terrorists hate us?" 6. "What would Leona Helmsley's dog do?" 5. "Should I save $14,499 and get a kit kat bar?" 4. "Why?" 3. "How am I going to explain this to Fred Nigro?" 1. "Do I really want to be fat and a dumbass?" [From the Late Show with David Letterman] ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Detroit Autorama http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/detroitauto.html Pucker Up, Baby! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/babypucker.html MacGyver - How To Do It 3! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/macgyver3.html Life's Little Oops 8! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whoops8.html Undersea Restaurant! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/undersea.html World's Best Husband! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/husbands.html Extreme Camping! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/camp.html Thoughts Into Action! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/action.html Baby Thoughts! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/babythoughts.html -<>- >From Our Friend Linda :) She sent us one we have here... Ostional Sea Turtles! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/seaturtle.html --- ...So inspiring! Thanks Linda! -<>- >From Our Friend Melody :) Is in german but the story is the daughter gave her dad an IPOD and you can see what he did. Melody http://www.snotr.com/embed/8965 --- ...Oh My! Something I'd probably do! LOL! Thanks Melody! -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseA :) Cory Richards is a National Geographic photographer with an amazing life story. In 2011, he and his crew were hit by an avalanche in the Himalayas and he survived to tell his Inspirational story. We can all learn from Cory that anything can be an adventure, and that the world is a beautiful place we should love and appreciate. Take a look at this video to hear his amazing story and to see some of his award winning photos. http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=zXCSZ9TQRik Get ready to see some unbelievable skills. Everyone thought it was just an old man trying to relive his street soccer glory days. But then he revealed his true skills and embarrassed all the young kids. But that's not even the biggest twist! Watch it to the end. http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=74pfayDHBOE It looks like a regular small-town cafe. It serves eggs any way you like them, burgers, sandwiches and all the typical diner fare. But the moment you get the check, you'll find out it's not like any other cafe in the world. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zc81yYFB9lA&feature=player_embedded --- ...Sweet! Thanks LouiseA! ========================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "The co-founder of Burt's Bees was forced out of the company for having an affair with an employee. He says everyone should mind their own beeswax." -Conan O'Brien "Today is National Cheese Day. A lot of celebrities are very excited. There's Monterey Jack Nicholson. Rush Limburger. Brie-once. Mozzar-Ellen DeGeneres. And Parma-Sean Connery." -Craig Ferguson "This summer marks the 75th anniversary of Little League Baseball. Or to put it in Little League terms, six innings." -Seth Meyers "In Massachusetts, a 3-month-old German shepherd drove his owner's car into a pond. Let me be the first to say, 'Bad dog!'" -Craig Ferguson "Pope Francis is now telling married couples to have children, because only having pets could lead to anger or bitterness in old age. As opposed to having kids, which leads to anger AND bitterness in old age." -Jimmy Fallon "Pope Francis said that married people should have more kids. When asked for comment, married people said the Pope should have a kid and then get back to us." -Conan O'Brien Always follow your dream! Unless it's the one where you're at work naked during a fire drill. >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************