Here A Quack - There A Quack... :) Shangy!
>Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList:
To Subscribe send a blank email to
ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
To UnSubscribe send a blank email to
ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
Group home page:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList
Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an
adult club in the love and romance directory so
you will have to confirm that you are an adult
when you go here. I still have no idea how to change
this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try!
or Web Site:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html
Group email address:
ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com
or email me here:
bcrsystems@earthlink.net
================
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================
>-->Hot Off The 'Shangy' Press :)
This sizzler is from our friend Linda. Sure to give you
some big smiles! Check it out here...
Blinker fluid -- reduces the noise in the
turn signals
_
/_\
.'-'.
.' '.
'_________'
( )
|.---------.|
|: Blinker :|
|: Fluid :|
|'---------'|
(___________)LGB
Humor With Cars!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/carhumor.html
---
...TeeHee! Oh Boy! HaHa! Thanks Linda!
=======================================================
>-->From TheFunnyBone: How Many Calories in a Mouse?
The Iams Pet Professionals, a team of 30 trained customer service
representatives at The Iams Company, handle more than 300,000
inquiries a year from pet owners across the country. Although the
majority of calls to the toll-free number are straightforward pet
care and nutrition questions, some can be quite unconventional.
Here are some of the team's favorite calls this year:
_ _
"My cat just came in from the garage | `\(_)
and I was wondering... how many calories \ ^ (_)_
are in a mouse?" cat owner, Omak, WA _ ;- |/<
>\_/ \_/
"I have a neutered male cat. How old \__, \
should he be before I can breed him?" | ;
cat owner, Colorado Springs, CO .-. |
_( | jgs
"Does your dog food help with <__;______/-.
emancipation?" dog owner, Lockport, NY _ _...__)
( `''--'
"What should I feed a borderline collie?"
puppy owner, Van Fleck, TX
"What size litter box do I need to keep my cat comfy?" cat owner,
Chicago, IL
/\_..._/\ "Is it normal for a dog to shed?"
|/ \_/ \| dog owner, Miami, FL
| o.-.o |
\ ( O ) / "How can I keep my cat from stealing my
/'--U--'\ husband's toothbrush?"
| .:. | /\ cat owner, Los Angeles, CA
| /:;:\ |` /
| |:;:| |-' "My cat passed a stool on the indoor rug
jgs / |'-'| \ and it's stuck in the vacuum cleaner. Any
`""` `""` suggestions?" cat owner, Amarillo, TX
"How can I get the secret recipe for your Iamsฎ Chunks dog food?"
Anchorage, AK _
_ _ .'`.\
"How do I stop my cat from giving / `,\--.-; /
food to the dog?" | |` `-.
pet owner, Ephrata, WA \_/ --. -;
,#/ 'o/\o/)
"Your food turned my dog into a stud. <)#| .-"(_)`\
Now what do I do?" ,##/ , _|_/
dog owner, Flushing, NY <)| /V`"`/V|
##| / , / ,|
"Do you know how to toilet train a cat?" `<)\ \_(\;_/)\
cat owner, Ontario, Canada ##'. '. `"" -)
jgs `<)'#<)#-.__.'-'
"I have three cats. Is it true that `"""`
Eukanubaฎ Cat Food makes the poop smell better?"
cat owner, Wentzville, MO
"Will chewing pop cans remove enamel from my puppy's teeth?"
puppy owner, Chico, CA
"Where can I get a six-toed cat?" cat owner, El Paso, TX
.-. .-.
/ \ / \ "I really like your paw print logo.
.-. | | | .-. Does Iams have a tattoo?"
/ \ \ / \ / / \ pet owner, North Tonawanda, NY
| | '`.-.`' | |
\_.' .-` `-. '._/ The Iams Company Manager of Customer
.-' '-. Service says, "Although these questions
/ \ make us smile, they're legitimate calls
| | from concerned pet owners".
\ /
jgs '.___...___.'
_
=======================================================
+------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+
___
_..':::\
/::::::::\
/::::::::::\
/::::::::::::\ ___
(:.--.)\/(,.--.:::::;.
,',-. \ / ,-.`.:::::)
( / \ / \ ):::/%\
|| .d| |b. ||:::'|%%\
_|| 88| |88 ||_ |%%%\ Here A Quack - There A Quack!
/. \ 88|.---.|88 / ,\ |%%^%\
`.\ `--" "--' /,' |% %)
`> _________ <'
,-' ,---.---.---. `-.
`--'\ \j/ /`--'
`.\ /,'
\\_______//
`-------' hjw
June 9 is Donald Duck Day
June 10 is Iced Tea Day
June 12 is Red Rose Day
June 13 is Friday the 13th and Sewing Machine Day
June 14 is World Juggler's Day
June 15 is Smile Power Day
=======================================================
>-->From GoodCleanFun:
>Absent from Church
Harry walked over to the minister after services, "You know
Reverend, I am really stuck in a quandary. I would like to
attend church next week but I just can't miss the big game
next Sunday. It's just out of the question."
"Oh Harry," said the minister, "don't you know that's what
DVR's are for."
Harry's face lit up. "You mean I could record your sermon?"
-<>-
| | / /
\ /
\__ ____ /
/ \ / \ |
/| / | \ \
/ |____________/ / | |_____________/////////
< |____________| | |(______________ ()
\ | / () | () | | \\\\\\\\\
\| | __|__ | |
_|___/___ \___ | |
__---- ----__\---\_
/ __ | ______________________
\____-------------______/ \ / \
/ / / / _/ ---| it theemth |
/ \ / / / | i thlighly |
/ $ / / | mithtook |
/ / / | your meaning there, |
| | / | buthtah !!! |
\______________// \______________________/
\________/
unknown
>English Pronounciation
Some languages are "phonetic". That means that you can look
at a word and know how to say it. English is NOT phonetic.
You cannot always look at an English word and know how to
say it. You cannot always hear an English word and know
how to spell it.
What I originally found was attributed to George Bernard
Shaw, a famous Irish writer. Howwever, I believe in giving
credit where credit is due. I was notified that this was
called "The Chaos" and was authored by Gerard Nolst Trenit'.
(Thanks for the heads up on this Ben).
"The Chaos" is a classic English poem containing about 800
of the worst irregularities in English spelling and
pronunciation. It demonstrates the irregularity of English.
The author, Gerard Nolst Trenit' (1870-1946), was also known
under the pseudonym Charivarius. It first appeared in an
appendix to the author's 1920 textbook Drop Your Foreign
Accent: engelsche uitspraakoefeningen.
(From Wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Chaos)
If you can correctly pronounce every word in this poem, you
will be speaking English better than 90% of the native English
speakers in the world.
The Chaos
Dearest creature in creation,
Study English pronunciation.
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.
I will keep you, Suzy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
Tear in eye, your dress will tear.
So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.
Just compare heart, beard, and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word,
Sword and sward, retain and Britain.
(Mind the latter, how it's written.)
Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as plaque and ague.
But be careful how you speak:
Say break and steak, but bleak and streak;
Cloven, oven, how and low,
Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe.
Hear me say, devoid of trickery,
Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore,
Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles,
Exiles, similes, and reviles;
Scholar, vicar, and cigar,
Solar, mica, war and far;
One, anemone, Balmoral,
Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel;
Gertrude, German, wind and mind,
Scene, Melpomene, mankind.
Billet does not rhyme with ballet,
Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.
Blood and flood are not like food,
Nor is mould like should and would.
Viscous, viscount, load and broad,
Toward, to forward, to reward.
And your pronunciation's OK
When you correctly say croquet,
Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve,
Friend and fiend, alive and live.
Ivy, privy, famous; clamor
And enamor rhyme with hammer.
River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb,
Doll and roll and some and home.
Stranger does not rhyme with anger,
Neither does devour with clangor.
Souls but foul, haunt but aunt,
Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant,
Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger,
And then singer, ginger, linger,
Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge,
Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age.
Query does not rhyme with very,
Nor does fury sound like bury.
Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth.
Job, nob, bosom, transom, oath.
Though the differences seem little,
We say actual but victual.
Refer does not rhyme with deafer.
Foeffer does, and zephyr, heifer.
Mint, pint, senate and sedate;
Dull, bull, and George ate late.
Scenic, Arabic, Pacific,
Science, conscience, scientific.
Liberty, library, heave and heaven,
Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven.
We say hallowed, but allowed,
People, leopard, towed, but vowed.
Mark the differences, moreover,
Between mover, cover, clover;
Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,
Chalice, but police and lice;
Camel, constable, unstable,
Principle, disciple, label.
Petal, panel, and canal,
Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal.
Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair,
Senator, spectator, mayor.
Tour, but our and succor, four.
Gas, alas, and Arkansas.
Sea, idea, Korea, area,
Psalm, Maria, but malaria.
Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean.
Doctrine, turpentine, marine.
Compare alien with Italian,
Dandelion and battalion.
Sally with ally, yea, ye,
Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key.
Say aver, but ever, fever,
Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver.
Heron, granary, canary.
Crevice and device and aerie.
Face, but preface, not efface.
Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.
Large, but target, gin, give, verging,
Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging.
Ear, but earn and wear and tear
Do not rhyme with here but ere.
Seven is right, but so is even,
Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen,
Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk,
Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work.
Pronunciation (think of Psyche!)
Is a paling stout and spikey?
Won't it make you lose your wits,
Writing groats and saying grits?
It's a dark abyss or tunnel:
Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale,
Islington and Isle of Wight,
Housewife, verdict and indict.
Finally, which rhymes with enough,
Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough?
Hiccough has the sound of cup.
My advice is to give up!!!
-<>-
>Locksmith Revenge
My friend's father is a locksmith in a resort town. Once he saw a group
of beach goers park near his shop and dump trash from their car on his
property.
As soon as they were out of sight, and walking towards the beach, the
locksmith picked the lock on their car door, put the garbage back
inside and relocked the car.
-<>-
>Soccer Coach
One of the youth league soccer coaches didn't care much for my
refereeing and had no problem letting me know it.
Fed up, I threatened him with a penalty if he didn't stop.
He calmed down, but an older woman took up where he'd left off.
"You'd better control your sideline," I warned the coach.
The coach turned to the woman and barked, "Knock it off, Mom!"
-<>-
>Weight Loss
I was talking to my doctor about a weight loss-patch I had seen
advertised. Supposedly, you stick it on and pounds melt away.
"Does it work?" I asked.
"Sure" he said, "if you put it over your mouth."
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend AllenK :)
z
z
Z
.--. Z Z
/ _(c\ .-. __
| / / '-; \'-'` `\______
\_\/'/ __/ ) / ) | \--,
| \`""`__-/ .'--/ /--------\ \
\\` ///-\/ / /---;-. '-'
jgs (________\ \
'-'
>Sleeping With Bob
The guys were all at a deer camp. No one wanted to room with Bob,
because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of
them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.
The first guy slept with Bob and comes to breakfast the next morning
with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot.
They said, "Man, what happened to you? He said, "Bob snored so loudly,
I just sat up and watched him all night."
The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same
thing, hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot.
They said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful! He said, 'Man,
that Bob shakes the roof with his snoring. I watched him all night."
The third night was Fred's turn. Fred was a tanned, older cowboy, a
man's man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-
tailed. "Good morning!" he said. They couldn't believe it. They said,
"Man, what happened?"
He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Bob into bed,
patted him on the butt, and kissed him good night. Bob sat up and
watched me all night."
---
...Oh My! LOL! Thanks AllenK!
=======================================================
>-->From Our Friend Linda :)
.-""""--.
/ )
/ --"`
/ _`:---.
| .-' `\
\ / .----'./
\ : ,-' ~(.).)\
\_| \ ._) |
/ | \.__, /
_.--' )`///-,-'
/ / _| (_\\
| (____/____)
\ ___/ | _
`---( ` )
`-, .'
(__.'._/'._/
|`| |
__/ / /
// | `--.
|| /_____)
jgs `=---`
>Children in Church
A little boy was attending his first wedding.
After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?"
"Sixteen," the boy responded.
His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly.
"How do you know that?"
"Easy," the little boy said.
"All you have to do is add it up, like the pastor said,
4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer."
-------
After a church service on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly
announced to his mother,
"Mom, I've decided to become a minister when I grow up."
"That's okay with us, but what made you decide that?"
"Well," said the little boy, "I have to go to church on Sunday anyway,
And I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell, than to sit and
listen."
-------
A 6-year-old was overheard reciting the Lord's Prayer at a church
service,
"And forgive us our trash passes, as we forgive those who passed trash
against us."
-------
A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon.
"How do you know what to say?" he asked.
"Why, God tells me."
"Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?
-------
A little girl became restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on and
on.
Finally, she leaned over to her mother and whispered,
"Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?"
-------
Ms. Terri asked her Sunday School class to draw pictures of their
favorite Bible stories.
She was puzzled by Kyle's picture, which showed four people on an
airplane, so she asked him which story it was meant to represent.
"The Flight to Egypt ," was his reply.
Pointing at each figure, Ms. Terri said, "That must be Mary, Joseph,
and Baby Jesus. But who's the fourth person?"
"Oh, that's Pontius - the pilot!"
-------
The Sunday School Teacher asks, "Now, Johnny, tell me frankly do you say
prayers before eating?"
"No sir," little Johnny replies, I don't have to. My mom is a good
cook."
-------
A little girl was sitting on her grandfather's lap as he read her a
bedtime story.
From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up to
touch his wrinkled cheek.
She was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again.
Finally she spoke up, "Grandpa, did God make you?"
"Yes, sweetheart," he answered, "God made me a long time ago."
"Oh," she paused, "Grandpa, did God make me too?"
"Yes, indeed, honey," he said, "God made you just a little while ago."
Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, "God's getting
better at it, isn't he?
-------
Work Hard, Do Your Best, Keep Your Word,
Never Get Too Big For Your Britches,
Trust In God and Never Forget a Friend
---
...TeeHee! Great Thanks Linda!
=========================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
>From BizarreNews:
Frantic zoo keepers rushed to call an ambulance after a vet
shot a tranquillizer dart at a man dressed as a gorilla.
Police on the Spanish island of Tenerife received a call from
a panicked member of the public, who said that a gorilla had
escaped from its pen in Loro Park zoo, and was seen running
around the theme park.
A vet was called, and on spotting the creature fired a
tranquillizer dart at its leg with enough sedative to fell
a 200 kilo beast.
But to his horror, the vet - who had only been in the job
for two months - realized that the creature was in fact an
employee of the zoo, dressed in a gorilla suit, who was
staging a mock escape to practice their emergency routines.
The 35-year-old man was taken to the island's University
Hospital after the shooting. He was said to be in a serious
condition, having suffered an allergic reaction to the
tranquillizer, but was expected to make a full recovery.
He is lucky he wasn't in the United States where he probably
would have been murdered to death.
-<>-
I was going to do a story about a West Virginia man who drove
into a river because his GPS told him to continue along a road
that terminated at the water, but then I saw this one...
After going for a walk, a German shepherd puppy owned by a
Massachusetts man decided to go for a drive - straight into
a pond.
John Costello said his 12-week-old puppy, Rosie, was so
excited after going for a walk that she jumped in his running
car, hit the gear stick and shifted into drive, before falling
onto the gas pedal and sending the car careening into the
water.
A couple of passers-by saw the commotion and helped Costello
rescue Rosie. Nobody was injured, but Costello says the Dodge
Neon is a total loss.
The 911 call surprised even police.
Officer Robert Quirk says he's never heard of a dog driving
into a pond.
*-- Catfish allegedly used as weapon during 'fish-slapping' incident in
Texas --*
LUFKIN, Texas (UPI) - Texas police are still investigating
to see if they can hook anyone with charges after an
alleged fish-slapping incident over the weekend. During
the incident in Lufkin, a woman supposedly slapped her
sister-in-law in the face face with a dead catfish.
Officers from the Lufkin Police Department responded after
receiving a call about a domestic disturbance early Sunday
morning. "The argument allegedly started because a female
put a catfish in her sister-in-law's face," Sgt. Mike
Shurley said, according to KTRE. "An argument then ensued
between the woman and her brother, which turned physical.
According to the brother, his sister slapped his wife in
the face with the fish, and he told her to leave, and
eventually she did." All three people who were involved
gave statements to police. According to Shurley, the woman
told police that her brother had been beating his wife, a
claim that he denied. The man at the scene was arrested on
an outstanding warrant, KETK reported. No other arrests
were made and no charges have been filed involving the
catfish at this time. "Due to lack of independent witnesses
and conflicting stories, the case has been forwarded to
the Criminal Investigation Department for further
investigation," Shurley said.
*-- Dianne 'DD' Barker wants the right to perform cartwheels at public
meetings in Arizona --*
PHOENIX (UPI) - Legal gymnastics are being used to try and
prevent an Arizona woman from performing cartwheels at
public meetings in Phoenix. Dianne "DD" Barker received a
cease-and-desist letter from an attorney for the Maricopa
Association of Governments telling her to immediately stop
performing cartwheels at MAG meetings. "You have from
time to time suggested that MAG cannot prevent you from
performing cartwheels during your comments," according to
the letter. "That position is incorrect." The 65-year-old
sent back an email in protest, saying that not being able
to perform cartwheels would limit her ability to "freely
speak/express in such positive conviction, my continuing
commitment, and unwavering support for MAG's
transportation/air quality duty and directives," The
Republic reported. Barker first discovered she was good
at cartwheels while she was a cheerleader at Ohio State
University. "I think that the cartwheel is something I
found out that I could do that is enjoyable, and it
definitely expresses my passion," Barker told Fox 10. She
plans to follow the letter of the law at meetings, but
that's about it. "The cartwheel isn't the end of it, I'm
walking down the wall backwards and getting myself in
shape for doing the back over," Barker said.
*---------- Judge Brawls with Lawyer During Court ----------*
Tensions erupted in a Florida courtroom when a judge challenged
an assistant public defender to "go out back and I'll just beat
your ass." Public Defender Blaise Trettis said Judge John Murphy
grabbed Assistant Public Defender Andrew Weinstock and punched
him in the head.
You can find the video online.
In the video, Murphy and Weinstock exchange words about a case
after Weinstock refuses to waive one clients' right to a speedy
trial. After heated words the judge says, "I said sit down. If
you want to fight lets go out back and I'll just beat your ass."
"The lawyer said as soon as he got in the hallway the judge
grabbed him by the collar and began punching him in the head,"
Trettis said. Trettis said Weinstock tried to stop the blows,
and courtroom bailiffs came into the hallway and pulled the two
apart.
*------------- "I Kill White People Like You" -------------*
20,000 FEET ABOVE NASHVILLE - Lashonda Lee Williams made
everyone on Flight 4205 feel really comfortable and relaxed
when she told a fellow passenger, "I Kill White People Like
You." The 43-year-old Williams was asked by another female
passenger to "turn off her cell phone due to the aircraft
being in flight," according to a court affidavit. In reply,
Williams made the alleged statement. Investigators noted
that Williams told the other passenger, K. Colleen Coult,
that she would follow her upon reaching Houston "and find
out where she lived." The flight returned to Nashville's
airport, where Lashonda Lee Williams was arrested for
assault.
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend LouiseA :)
|
|/ |
,,,,, ,+ /|
/ \ () | ||
\ C '\ /|_() ||
) _| .'___/,,,// ||
.'=. (____E.' / / \ ||
| \)`-\ _F_.' \ c `\ ||
\ \ !'__/ ) _| ||
\ \,' / /`._( ||
|`. .' / \ \ ||
\ `-' | .-. | | \ E ||
>====[] | \ |__| | O OE ||
/ |_/ | |___)| `.__j____ \|E ||
\_ | || __`.________ `. |""|\|
\ |\ ||| \///_ _|__|_|
\ __ | \ ||`""\\""""//"' \`. \ |
|[__]| \ ||.---\\__//---. | | \____|
||__|/ / \|____________|\ |/ |
| | / || || /| | |
-----| |/------------||-||-/`| |----------|
/| | || ||/`-|___| |
/\| | || \\._ [____] h|
/`.|____| || \\ `-/ '`._ j|
`=.\____/ || \\__`-.____) w|
) '`--. _.-||-._ `""""""" |
`='====' ,-' ' ` `-. |
`-.________.-' |
>For those who never saw any of the Burma Shave signs,
Here is a quick lesson in our history of the 1930's and '40's.
Before there were interstates, when everyone drove the old 2 lane
roads, Burma Shave signs would be posted all over the countryside in
farmers' fields. They were small red signs with white letters. Five
signs, about 100 feet apart, each containing 1 line of a 4 line
couplet......and the obligatory 5th sign advertising Burma Shave, a
popular shaving cream.
DON'T STICK YOUR ELBOW
OUT SO FAR
IT MAY GO HOME
IN ANOTHER CAR.
Burma Shave
TRAINS DON'T WANDER
ALL OVER THE MAP
'CAUSE NOBODY SITS
IN THE ENGINEER'S LAP
Burma Shave
SHE KISSED THE HAIRBRUSH
BY MISTAKE
SHE THOUGHT IT WAS
HER HUSBAND JAKE
Burma Shave
DON'T LOSE YOUR HEAD
TO GAIN A MINUTE
YOU NEED YOUR HEAD
YOUR BRAINS ARE IN IT
Burma Shave
DROVE TOO LONG
DRIVER SNOOZING
WHAT HAPPENED NEXT
IS NOT AMUSING
Burma Shave
BROTHER SPEEDER
LET'S REHEARSE
ALL TOGETHER
GOOD MORNING, NURSE
Burma Shave
CAUTIOUS RIDER
TO HER RECKLESS DEAR
LET'S HAVE LESS BULL
AND A LITTLE MORE STEER
Burma Shave
SPEED WAS HIGH
WEATHER WAS NOT
TIRES WERE THIN
X MARKS THE SPOT
Burma Shave
THE MIDNIGHT RIDE
OF PAUL FOR BEER
LED TO A WARMER
HEMISPHERE
Burma Shave
AROUND THE CURVE
LICKETY-SPLIT
BEAUTIFUL CAR
WASN'T IT?
Burma Shave
NO MATTER THE PRICE
NO MATTER HOW NEW
THE BEST SAFETY DEVICE
IN THE CAR IS YOU
Burma Shave
A GUY WHO DRIVES
A CAR WIDE OPEN
IS NOT THINKIN'
HE'S JUST HOPIN'
Burma Shave
AT INTERSECTIONS
LOOK EACH WAY
A HARP SOUNDS NICE
BUT IT'S HARD TO PLAY
Burma Shave
BOTH HANDS ON THE WHEEL
EYES ON THE ROAD
THAT'S THE SKILLFUL
DRIVER'S CODE
Burma Shave
THE ONE WHO DRIVES
WHEN HE'S BEEN DRINKING
DEPENDS ON YOU
TO DO HIS THINKING
Burma Shave
CAR IN DITCH
DRIVER IN TREE
THE MOON WAS FULL
AND SO WAS HE.
Burma Shave
PASSING SCHOOL ZONE
TAKE IT SLOW
LET OUR LITTLE
SHAVERS GROW
Burma Shave
Do these bring back any old memories?
If not, you're merely a child.
If they do - then you're old as dirt. LIKE ME!
---
...Oh Yeah! Neat! Thanks LouiseA!
-<>-
A little boy was taken to the dentist. It was discovered that he had a
cavity that would have to be filled. "Now, young man," asked the
dentist, "What kind of filling would you like for that tooth?"
"Chocolate, please," replied the youngster.
--------
Two college students, Frank and Matt, are riding on a New York City
subway when a beggar approaches them asking for spare change. Frank
adamantly rejects the man in disgust. Matt, on the other hand, whips
out his wallet, pulls out a couples of singles and gladly hands them
over to the beggar with a smile.
The beggar thanks him kindly and then continues on to the other
passengers.
Frank is outraged by his friend's act of generosity. "What on earth did
you do that for?" shouts Frank. "You know he's only going to use it on
drugs or booze."
Matt replies, "And we weren't?"
--------
This man was talking to a group of men at the office and he said, "In
my house I am the boss! When I say the laundry gets done, when the
cooking is done and when the dishes are washed."
One of the guys at the table asked, "Wow! How long have you been
married?"
The man answers, "Oh, I'm not married! That's why I get to say it!"
--------
A "Liberal Paradise" would be a place where everybody has guaranteed
employment, free comprehensive healthcare, free education, free food,
free housing, free clothing, free utilities, and only Law Enforcement
has guns.
And believe it or not, such a place does indeed exist! It's called
prison.
--------
A fellow went to the doctor who told him that he had a
bad illness and only a year to live. So he decided to
talk to his pastor. After the man explained his
situation, he asked his Pastor if there was anything he
could do.
"What you should do is go out and buy a late '70 or
early '80 model Dodge Pickup," said the Pastor.
"Then go get married to the ugliest woman you can find,
and buy yourselves an old trailer house in the panhandle
of Oklahoma."
The fellow asked, "Will this help me live longer?"
"No," said the pastor, "but it will make what time you
do have seem like forever."
---
...LOL! Good Ones! Thanks LouiseA!
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Geniann :)
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@,""""""@@@@@@@@@@@@
@@@@@@@@@@@@"- "@@@@@@@@@@ "@@@@@@@@@@@
@@@@@@@@@@@( ^^^ )@@@@@@@@@ ' @@@@@@@@@@@
@@@@@@@@@@@( ( 0@@@@@@@@@, (@@@@@@@@@@@
@@@@@@@@@@@) ) _/@@@@@@@@@@@m "@@@@@@@@@
@@@@@@@@@@(__/ (@@@@@@@@@@@@@' @@@@@@@@
@@@@@@@@@@" )@@@@@@@@@@' @@@@@@@@
@@@@@@@@@' \@@@@@@@@' @@@@@@@@
@@@@@@@@@' )@@@@@@' A @@@@@@@@
@@@@@@@@@ ,@@@@@@@" /@@ @@@@@@@@
@@@@@@@@@, @_____" =, @@@@@@@@
@@@@@@@@@@ :',@@@@ `@@@@@@@
@@@@@@@@@' @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ M@@@@@@
@@@@@@@@' `@@@@@@@@@@@@@" ,@@@@@@@
@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@" / @@@@@@@@
@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@" @@@@@@@@
@@@@@@@@| @@@@@@@@@@" / @@@@@@@@
@@@@@@@@| @@@@@@@@@" ," .@@@@@@@@
@@@@@@@@| @@@@@@@@' .@@ `@@@@@@@@
@@@@@@@@| @@@@@@@@m `@@@, @@@@@@@@
@@@@@@@@| :@@@@@@@@@m )@@. )@@@@@@@@
unknown
After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling.
When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade listing
every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married. On
and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness,
feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs
she had endured. Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length
of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking
the wife to stand, he embraced and kissed her long and passionately as
her husband watched - with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up and
quietly sat down as though in a daze. The therapist turned to the
husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least 3 times a
week. Can you do this?" "Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and
Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish."
---
...Oh brother! LOL! Thanks Geniann!
=========================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
n__n_
/ = =\
/ ._Y_)
___________/ "\________________________________
(_/ (_, \ o!O
\ ( \_,--""""--.
__..-,-`.___,-` )-.______.'
<' `-,' `-, )-' >
`----._/ ( /"`>.--"
"--..___,--"
When I was visiting a friend who lived on the edge of a
wilderness preserve, we drove along a rutted trail, and we
saw a small creek ahead whose bridge was under water.
"We have a serious beaver problem," our friend said. "They
build dams that cause the creek to flood. Forest rangers
take down the dams, and the beavers rebuild them."
As we got closer, we could see a large scoreboard posted by
the bridge.
It read: BEAVERS 3 RANGERS 0
-<>-
The crowd had cornered a woman and was preparing to stone
her.
Jesus raised his hand and spake, "Let he among you who is
without sin cast the first stone."
>From the back of the crowd a small woman picked up a huge
rock and staggered toward to poor victim.
Jesus pointed a finger at her and said, "Stop it MOM! I'm
trying to make a point here!"
-<>-
While working as an airline customer-service agent, I got a
call from a woman who wanted to know if she could take her
dog on board.
I told her the dog was welcome, as long as she paid a $50
charge and provided her own kennel. I further explained
that the kennel needed to be large enough for the dog to
stand up, sit down, turn around and roll over.
"I'll never be able to teach him all that by tomorrow!"
the customer complained.
-<>-
There was a man driving down the road behind an 18 wheeler,
at every stoplight the trucker would get out of the cab, run
back and bang on the trailer door. After seeing this at
several intersections in a row the motorist followed him
until he pulled into a parking lot.
When they both had come to a stop the truck driver once
again jumped out and started banging on the trailer door.
The motorist went up to him and said, "I don't mean to be
nosey but why do you keep banging on that door?"
To which the trucker replied, "Sorry, can't talk now, I have
20 tons of canaries and a 10 ton limit, I have to keep half
of them in the air all the time!"
-<>-
Working for a Judge in a common pleas court, I saw many
criminal defendants. One man facing drug charges proved
unusually helpful.
To determine the exact quantity of the illegal substance
allegedly sold, the judge asked the prosecutor how many
grams there are in an ounce.
As both attorneys checked their notes, the defendant, who
had not yet entered his plea, proudly announced, "There are
28.3 grams in an ounce, your honor."
His attorney advised him to plead guilty.
-<>-
While attending a marriage seminar on communication, David
and his wife listened to the instructor declare, "It is
essential that husbands and wives know the things that are
important to each other.
He addressed the man, "Can you name your wife's favourite
flower?"
David leaned over, touched his wife's arm and whispered,
"Pillsbury All-purpose, isn't it?"
=========================================================
>-->From TheMouth:
.. blaa blaa blaaa...
.((())).
cornet -> ( \(( ))==> <- pencil
t |//_^ ^)" p e
y \)_\V/.-. t y
p /||| ( _\
_e/ |'\/__.-.\
_ ___.'_(.'_)_/ ,___))___ _
___/||___t p
.'-'-_-_-'-,:y e
.'-_-_-_-_-_-/
(__________,(/mrf
keyboard(_.-._.-._.
>Top Ten Messages On Al Gore's Answering Machine
10. "Hi, Mandy from The Cheesecake Factory. You left your
credit card"
9. "George W. Bush here. Congratulations on your Latin
Grammy"
8. "It's Larry from Toyota. This global warming paranoia
is great for business"
7. "Put on Letterman. Some idiot is going to jump over
interns"
6. "This is Hillary. If you run for president I'll snap
your neck"
5. "It's Jets coach Eric Mangini. Can you play quarterback?"
4. "Ann Coulter here. Any way we can blame global warming
on the Jews?"
3. "I'm calling from the EPA. Turns out there is no global
warming; You're just sweating because you're getting fat"
2. "This is Jimmy Carter. Want to use our medals to score
some babes?"
1. "It's Cheney. Watch your back, Jack"
[From the Late Show with David Letterman]
-<>-
(_v_)
_|_
| |
|-----+-----| ,%%%.
| 1ST | % 1 %
| PRIZE | `%%%'
'---------' ( (
\ / ) )
'. .' ( (
| | )' )
.' '. (/ \/ apc
_|___|_
[#######] apc
>Top Ten Signs You're Not Going To Win a Nobel Prize
10. You put all your money on the Mets
9. Only thing you ever won was a rib eating contest
8. You spent three years trying to prove the formula:
macaroni + cheese = delicious!
7. The only "A" on your report card was when your teacher
called you "A moron"
6. You graduated from Harvard, but it's the Harvard in
Mexico
5. When watching "Jeopardy!" you answer every questions
with, "Who is Larry Hagman?"
4. Every time you see an airplane you scream, "Run for
your lives giant metal bird"
3. Devoted your life to studying global cooling
2. You're known for invading Iraq without an exit strategy
1. You're on Letterman playing with a bunch of spring
snakes
[From the Late Show with David Letterman]
-<>-
>Top Ten:
_,..---..,_
,-"` .'. `"-,
(( '.'.' ))
`'-.,_ ' _,.-'`
jgs `\ `"""""` /`
`""-----""`
Questions To Ask Yourself Before Buying A $14,500 Dessert
10. "Does my kid really need a college education?"
9. "Do I get to keep the plate?"
8. "May I leave off the second 'S' in 'dessert' for savings?"
7. "Is this why the terrorists hate us?"
6. "What would Leona Helmsley's dog do?"
5. "Should I save $14,499 and get a kit kat bar?"
4. "Why?"
3. "How am I going to explain this to Fred Nigro?"
1. "Do I really want to be fat and a dumbass?"
[From the Late Show with David Letterman]
=========================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
Detroit Autorama
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/detroitauto.html
Pucker Up, Baby!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/babypucker.html
MacGyver - How To Do It 3!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/macgyver3.html
Life's Little Oops 8!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whoops8.html
Undersea Restaurant!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/undersea.html
World's Best Husband!
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/husbands.html
Extreme Camping!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/camp.html
Thoughts Into Action!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/action.html
Baby Thoughts!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/babythoughts.html
-<>-
>From Our Friend Linda :)
She sent us one we have here...
Ostional Sea Turtles!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/seaturtle.html
---
...So inspiring! Thanks Linda!
-<>-
>From Our Friend Melody :)
Is in german but the story is the daughter gave her dad an IPOD
and you can see what he did. Melody
http://www.snotr.com/embed/8965
---
...Oh My! Something I'd probably do! LOL! Thanks Melody!
-<>-
>From Our Friend LouiseA :)
Cory Richards is a National Geographic photographer with an amazing
life story. In 2011, he and his crew were hit by an avalanche in the
Himalayas and he survived to tell his Inspirational story. We can all
learn from Cory that anything can be an adventure, and that the world
is a beautiful place we should love and appreciate. Take a look at this
video to hear his amazing story and to see some of his award winning
photos.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=zXCSZ9TQRik
Get ready to see some unbelievable skills. Everyone thought it was just
an old man trying to relive his street soccer glory days. But then he
revealed his true skills and embarrassed all the young kids. But that's
not even the biggest twist! Watch it to the end.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=74pfayDHBOE
It looks like a regular small-town cafe. It serves eggs any way you
like them, burgers, sandwiches and all the typical diner fare. But the
moment you get the check, you'll find out it's not like any other cafe
in the world.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zc81yYFB9lA&feature=player_embedded
---
...Sweet! Thanks LouiseA!
=========================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"The co-founder of Burt's Bees was forced out of the company
for having an affair with an employee. He says everyone
should mind their own beeswax." -Conan O'Brien
"Today is National Cheese Day. A lot of celebrities are very
excited. There's Monterey Jack Nicholson. Rush Limburger.
Brie-once. Mozzar-Ellen DeGeneres. And Parma-Sean Connery."
-Craig Ferguson
"This summer marks the 75th anniversary of Little League
Baseball. Or to put it in Little League terms, six innings."
-Seth Meyers
"In Massachusetts, a 3-month-old German shepherd drove his
owner's car into a pond. Let me be the first to say, 'Bad
dog!'" -Craig Ferguson
"Pope Francis is now telling married couples to have
children, because only having pets could lead to anger or
bitterness in old age. As opposed to having kids, which
leads to anger AND bitterness in old age." -Jimmy Fallon
"Pope Francis said that married people should have more
kids. When asked for comment, married people said the Pope
should have a kid and then get back to us." -Conan O'Brien
Always follow your dream! Unless it's the one where you're at
work naked during a fire drill.
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61
NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep.
You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy,
good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
Share
A Recipe
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