Here A Test, There A Test And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! ================ >-->In The 'Shangy' News :) Our friend Jo Ann emailed me to let me know that her last name is spelled with one n instead of two. I'd been making this mistake since July of last year! I corrected it right away, but I wanted to let you know in case I mess up your name on the credits that I am most appreciative to all who contribute and forward items of interest for the group and I certainly do not want to mess up your name. If I do so, please let me know right away so I can correct it. __________________________ /| Art Gallery | / | ____ ____ ____ | / | |o | | , | | _ | | / | | O | |. | |(@) | | / | |_,k,| |_,-,| |\|p | | / /| | | h | | ,; | | | | | / / | | |_z__| |____| |____| | / /@;| | z z | / |Y | z|_{)_______________________| / | / /z /H / /| |/ /z Y / / | / {) d / / %| / /| | |&"| / Y | | / / d | |/ / | / | / | / | / | / |/ Again, THANK YOU to all who contribute to Shangrala! :) -<>- We had a rather rude awaking Sunday morning around 1:45am. Some vandal threw a big heavy red brick through our picture window breaking both panes of glass, tearing our curtains and marking our wood panel on the other side of the room as it struck it before landing on the rug. We called the police and when all was said and done, he picked up the brick without a glove on, no CSI cop here, and remarked about it must have been a strong person according to how heavy the brick was. It wasn't even our brick. We don't have them on our property. It took quite a while to clean up all the shards of glass. I had to clean it up as our 4 cats here wouldn't stay out of the computer room where it happened. I didn't want them getting their little paws cut. When it came in, it scared them to death so they wanted to investigate it. We were up most of the night. People who do random acts of violence like this are pretty sad. They will wind up jailed, shot or dead. Especially picking on a Vietnam veteran like Paul. -<>- >2 Hot Off The 'Shangy' Press :) We have an excellent inspirational hottie from our friend Linda. It is sure to bless you. Check it out here: ********************************************************************* | | | }________________.=""_;=.______________|_____________________|_______ | ,-"_,="" `"=.| | __________|__"=._o`"-._ `"=.______________|___________________ | `"=._o`"=._ _`"=._ | |_____________________:=._o "=._."_.-="'"=.__________________|_______ | __.--" , ; `"=._o." ,-"""-._ ". | __________|_._" ,. .` ` `` , `"-._"-._ ". '__|___________________ | |o`"=._` , "` `; .". , "-._"-._; ; | |___________| ;`-.o`"=._; ." ` '`."\` . "-._ /_______________|_______ | |o; `"-.o`"=._`` '` " ,__.--o; | __________|_| ; (#) `-.o `"=.`_.--"_o.-; ;___|___________________ _/______/___|o;._ " `".o|o_.--" ;o;____/______/______/____ ____/______/_"=._o--._ ; | ; ; ;/______/______/______/_ _/______/______/__"=._o--._ ;o|o; _._;o;____/______/______/____ ____/______/______/____"=._o._; | ;_.--"o.--"_/______/______/______/_ _/______/______/______/_____"=.o|o_.--""___/______/______/______/____ ____/______/______/______/______/______/______/______/______/[TomekK] ********************************************************************* Value What You Have! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/valuewyh.html --- ...Such beautiful pictures too! Thanks Linda! Our second hot page is from our friends Linda, PeggyT, and Jo Ann. Such an inspiring and amazing artist! Check this awesome one here... ___ / \ | o | \ / ________) (________ | | '------. .------' | | | | | | | | /\ | | /\ /_ \ / \ / _\ \ '. .' '. .' / \ '--' '--' / jgs '. .' '._ _.' `'-. .-'` \ / ` Naval Fleet Art! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/navalart.html --- ...Wow, what an artist! Thank You Linda, PeggyT, and Jo Ann! ============================================================ >-->From TheFunnyBone: The Conductor's Changes Conductor to orchestra at the beginning ,;, of a rehearsal: #(|)# #|||# "Please get your pencils out, - we have some marking ||| to do on this score: ||| / The first two bars are in 3/4, not 4/4 as written. ||| /#/ Next, in the 5th bar, change it to 7/8 and this _|||_ / / remains to the end. Now, in bar 7, we lower the .' ||| '/ / pitch 1/2 step. In bar 13, lower the pitch one / ||| / / whole step, and this will remain to the end. | |||/ /| Thank you, now let us begin." |_ ||/ /_| ,_)=|/|/(_, Soprano soloist: ) /|/ ( "Excuse me, maestro. What would you like for / /|/| \ me to change?" | / /|| | jgs | / /~~~/ | Conductor: \/ / \ / / "Nothing at all, madam. /`/.__Y__.-' Just sing it exactly as you did yesterday." /#/ | | ! ========================================================= *--------- Bizarre February Holidays ---------* February 1 is Serpent Day February 2 is Purification Day February 3 is Cordova Ice Worm Day February 4 is Create A Vacuum Day February 5 is Disaster Day February 6 is Lame Duck Day February 7 is Charles Dickens Day February 8 is Kite Flying Day February 9 is Toothache Day February 10 is Umbrella Day ============================================================ >-->From Our Friend EdLaF :) _---~~(~~-_. _{ ) ) , ) -~~- ( ,-' )_ ( `-,_..`., )-- '_,) ( ` _) ( -~( -_ `, } (_- _ ~_-~~~~`, ,' ) `~ -^( __;-,((())) ~~~~ {_ -_(()) `\ } { } >Brain Test 7H15 M3554G3 = THIS MESSAGE Wow! It took me a few seconds, but then I got the hang of it...I've seen this with the letters out of order, but this is the first time I've seen it with numbers. Good example of a Brain Study: If you can read this you have a strong mind: 7H15 M3554G3 53RV35 7O PR0V3 H0W 0UR M1ND5 C4N D0 4M4Z1NG 7H1NG5! 1MPR3551V3 7H1NG5! 1N 7H3 B3G1NN1NG 17 WA5 H4RD BU7 N0W, 0N 7H15 LIN3 Y0UR M1ND 1S R34D1NG 17 4U70M471C4LLY W17H 0U7 3V3N 7H1NK1NG 4B0U7 17, B3 PROUD! 0NLY C3R741N P30PL3 C4N R3AD 7H15. PL3453 F0RW4RD 1F U C4N R34D 7H15. The Brain Study says: If you can read this you have a strong mind So remember when you find typos in my documentation - it's because I've got a stronger mind than you do. Don't feel bad I won't hold it against you. --- ...LOL! I need this disclaimer! I've got spelling issues! Thanks EdLaF -<>- .---. (_---_) (_/6 6\_) ( v ) `\ /' .-'': ;``-. / \,Y./ \ / (:)___ \ : .-'XXX`-.`\_; `.__.-XXX-.__.'\_ / / XXX \ \ `\_ / XXX \ `\ / XXX \ _`\___ jgs / \ (`--"""-') / \ (=-=-=-=-) `--...___ ___...--' (________) >Grandma's boyfriend A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, 'Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to heaven?' Grandma replied, 'Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh ... I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend.' Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem. The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door and there stood Grandma's minister. The minister said, 'Hello son, is your Grandma home?' The little boy replied, 'Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend.' The minister fainted. Now, that's funny... I don't care WHO you are --- ...TeeHee! Thanks EdLaF! -<>- [AN Et-Ahem!] _|\ _/|_, ,((\\``-\\\\_ ,(()) `))\ ,(())) ,_ \ ((())' | \ ))))) >.__ \ (((' / `-. .c| hjw / `-`' >The Cowboy... A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand. Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk. He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well. Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels." The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night. One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return. Two o'clock and no hired hand. Finally he returned a round two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him. She quietly called him over to her.. "Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said. Trembling, he did as she directed. "Now take off my boots." He did as she asked, ever so slowly. "Now take off my socks." He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots. "Now take off my skirt." He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light. "Now take off my bra.." Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor. Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired." (P.S. - I didn't see it coming, either) ======================================================== >-->From TheMasti: .-. .-. | .-. | | | | | | ___ | | | |/ _ \ ___ | /o\_'||.' o `. | \=/ /|| `---' \ ___// \ \____/ (`__') ///////\\\\\\\ `--.____.--' . . . Signs! unknown >Hilarious Signs All Over The World In a Bangkok temple: IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER, IF DRESSED AS A MAN. Cocktail lounge, Norway: LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR. Doctors office, Rome: SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES. Dry cleaners, Bangkok: DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS. In a Nairobi restaurant: CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER. On the main road to Mombasa, leaving Nairobi: TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE. On a poster at Kencom: ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO WE CAN HELP. In a City restaurant: OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS. In a cemetery: PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES. Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations: GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED. On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR. In a Tokyo bar: SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS. Hotel, Yugoslavia: THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID. Hotel, Japan: YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID. In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY. A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest: IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE. Hotel, Zurich: BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE. Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand: WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS? Airline ticket office, Copenhagen: WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS. A laundry in Rome LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME. ======================================================= >-->From Our Friend PatDeE :) [An Et-Ahem!] \\\\ c oo | .U __=__ ,,, |. __|___ oo ; ||_/ / / U= _ 0 \_/__/__E o /. .| | (___ || |~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~'----'~| I---||| |-----------------------| I ||| | c(__) | ^ '--'' ^ ^ Petrus >Married 40' Plus Years A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I'm glad to see you've regained consciousness. You probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be ok, you'll walk again and everything, but your manhood was severed in the accident and we couldn't find it." The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You've got $9000 in insurance compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new one. They work great, but they don't come cheap. It will be roughly $1000 an inch." The man perks up. "So," the doctor says, "You must decide how many inches you want. I understand that you've been married for over forty years and this is something you should discuss with your wife. If you had a five incher before and get a nine incher now she might be a bit put out. If you had a nine incher before and you decide to only invest in a five incher now, she might be disappointed. It's important that she plays a role in helping you make a decision." The man agrees to talk it over with his wife. The doctor comes back the next day and asks, "So, have you spoken with your wife?" "Yes I have," says the man. "And has she helped you make a decision?" "Yes" says the man. "What is your decision?" asks the doctor. "We're getting granite counter tops." --- ...HaHa! Thanks PatDeE! ======================================================== >-->From Our Friend Bunni :) (.,------...__ _.'" `. .' .' `, `. `. ` . .' .'/''--...__`. \ . .--.`. ' "-. '. | '' .' _.' .()) .--":/ ''( \_\ ' (()( ''._' ( \ ' ' `. `--' ' `.: . `-.___.' ' `. . _ _ .' ) .____.-' .'`. (--.. .' \ /\ / / `. .' \( \ /|/ `. .' \__/ `. / | o | \ | | | jro >Little Walter: Obama goes to a primary school to talk to the kids. After his talk he offers question time. One little boy puts up his hand, and Obama asks him his name. "Walter," responds the little boy. "And what is your question, Walter?" "I have four questions: First, Why did the USA Bomb Libya without the support of the Congress? Second, Why do you keep saying you fixed the economy when it's actually gotten worse? Third, Why did you say that Jeremiah Wright was your mentor, then said that you knew nothing about his preaching and beliefs? Fourth, Why are we lending $ to Brazil to drill for oil, but America is not allowed to drill for oil?" Just then, the bell rings for recess. Obama informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess. When they resume Obama says, "OK, where were we? Oh, that's right: question time.. Who has a question?" Another little boy puts up his hand. Obama points him out and asks him his name. "Steve," he responds. "And what is your question, Steve?" Actually, I have two questions. First, Why did the recess bell ring 20 minutes early? Second, What happened to Walter?" --- ...LMAO! Thanks Bunni! =========================================================== >-->In The Worldly News: [politics] >From Both Our Friends Adrian and PatDeE :) I agree with everything except the warmongering...Pat You picked a fine time to leave us Barack http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_W57aBMYKvU --- ...I love it! Thanks Adrian And PatDeE! -<>- >From Our Friend EdLaF :) BLOCKBUSTER REVELATION! - MINI Documentary - Illegal Obama "Propped Up" By Congress! http://tinyurl.com/7c72ph6 --- ...Interestign! Thanks EdLaF! EPA Contest Entry: How to Kill Jobs and Harm the Economy | EPA Abuse http://tinyurl.com/7jzfmvs --- ...Good one! Thanks EdLaF! It's The Law - Know your Rights http://www.erowid.org/freedom/police/police_consent1.shtml --- ...Good Advice! Thanks EdLaF! -<>- >From Our Friend Wesley :) UT OH! A Macedonian drove six hours across Italy and into Germany before noticing he had left his wife at a petrol station. Ljubomir Ivanov, 35, only realised he had forgotten wife Iskra, 37, when he got a call on his mobile from police to say she was still waiting for him at the petrol station near Pesaro, in central Italy. He said, 'I filled up the tank with petrol, paid and then just drove off. I was very tired and not thinking straight. 'She usually sits in the back seat so I didn't really see she wasn't there, until I got a call when I was already in Germany.' Mr Ivanov immediately drove back to Pesaro to pick up his wife so they could resume their holiday. 'I had a lot of apologizing to do, 'he said. --- ...LOL! Thanks Wesley! -<>- >From BizarreNews: Her first mistake was taking the python out of its cage. Often that is a person's last mistake as well, but this Madison, Wisconsin woman was luckier than she was smart. Madison police spokesman Joel DeSpain said the 31-year-old woman was attending a book club meeting at another member's home and decided to take Annie, a 12-year-old ball python measuring about 4 feet long, out of its terrarium. "She just wanted to hold her," DeSpain said. "She apparently had prior experience handling snakes and had no reason to believe she was putting herself in danger." She was wrong. The non-venomous snake latched onto the woman's face and refused to disengage until the owner was able to remove it. Both the snake and the woman are doing well. Annie is back in her terrarium and the attending doctor said the woman's injuries will not leave any scars. Plus, now she has a heck of a story to tell at book club. *-- Woman buys two rats, soon has 71 --* BOSTON - Animal rescuers in Massachusetts said a woman who bought two rats to save them from being snake food soon found herself with 71 rodents. The Massachusetts Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals said the woman bought the rats from a pet shop in Sandwich to save them from being food for a snake and she contacted the society about three months later when the number of rapidly breeding rats ballooned to 71, the Boston Herald reported Monday. "She realized she was in over her head, and she drove to Boston," MSPCA spokesman Rob Halpin said. Halpin said the incident took place only days after a Lawrence man brought in 94 hamsters that resulted from his adopting only two. The spokesman said the hamsters will likely have better luck finding new homes. "There are many more homes for hamsters than there are homes for rats. It is a smaller audience of enthusiasts for rats," Halpin said. *-- Woman marries Seattle building --* SEATTLE - An Occupy Seattle protester who held a ceremony to wed a 107-year-old building said she was protesting the gentrification of the neighborhood. Babylonia Aivaz said she donned a puffy dress and married the abandoned building at 10th and Union Sunday as a protest against gentrification in the area, Seattlepi.com reported Tuesday. However, gay-themed magazine Instinct took issue with Aivaz characterizing the wedding as a "gay marriage." "Okay, we gotta ask: Why is this like 'gay marriage' (as she likes to call it)? Because, we'll marry horses and dogs and oxen next? Why didn't she take her loony idea about marrying a building and just call it marriage?" the magazine's editors wrote. -- Investigators say ghost at university ----------- SLIPPERY ROCK, Pa. - Paranormal investigators said they encountered what appeared to be the spirit of a young child at Pennsylvania's Slippery Rock University. John Lewis, owner of Baelfire Paranormal Investigation in Titusville, Pa., said his team of 10 investigators sought evidence of ghostly activity in university buildings, using infrared cameras, digital and analog audio recorders, digital and 35-mm still cameras, electromagnetic field meters, computers and other equipment, the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review reported. "Michael Peters, the medium who was with us for the investigation, did some channeling and reported having some personal experiences with the spirit of a little girl," Lewis said. "That really didn't surprise us because we've had reports of people hearing voices and conversations involving a little girl." Lewis said his team will likely post their findings on the group's Web site, www.baelfireparanormal.org, after reviewing the collected data, a process he said will likely take about two weeks. -- Mom called to duty brings kids along ----------- FORT BENNING, Ga. - A North Carolina mom who reported for active duty in the Army with her two young children in tow was told Monday she will be discharged, a TV station reported. Lisa Pagan had been ordered to report to Fort Benning, Ga., four years after being released from active duty. The stay-at-home mom contends she has no one to care for her children, ages 3 and 4, because her husband is on the road frequently in his job -- and says several appeals she filed over a period of months fell on deaf Army ears before Monday, WWAY-TV in Wilmington, N.C., reported. It was not yet clear whether Pagan, who had been honorably discharged after serving seven years in the Army, would receive an honorable discharge or a general discharge under honorable conditions, the TV station said. "They're probably not going to be happy I brought them (her children)," Pagan told WBTV-TV in Charlotte, N.C., prior to leaving for Fort Benning. "I asked them (the Army) do you really expect him to lose his job and nobody would give me an answer," she said. "Hopefully they'll discharge me for parenthood when I get there. I don't know how they're going to react, they may tell me to just go home." -- Mother says she slept through teen's party -------- BUFFALO GROVE, Ill. - A suburban Chicago mother she slept through her teenage son's raucous party and was unaware his 17 guests were drinking alcohol. Margaret Couch, 46, was charged with allowing underage drinking in her home after her son and his guests, ages 16 to 19, were cited for unlawful possession and consumption of alcohol, the Chicago Tribune reported Tuesday. Police were called to the house at 3:20 a.m. Sunday when neighbors complained of loud music and people yelling, Buffalo Grove Police spokesman Steve Husak said. The teenagers were given breath tests and cited by police before being released to their parents, Husak said. ============================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: _ _ _ //|\ //|\ //|\ c_"/ c_"/ c_"/ __/\__ /\__ /\ / \ /\ \ /\/\ /____\ /____\ /____\ S-v /l ll l\ A good friend of mine warned me that, as my three daughters became old enough to date, I'd disapprove of every young man who took them out. But when the time came, I was pleased that my friend's pre- diction was wrong. Each boy was pleasant and well mannered. Talking to my daughter Joanna one day, I said that I liked all the young men she and her sisters brought home. "You know, Dad," she replied, "we don't show you everybody." -<>- My 20th high school class reunion was held at a hotel on the same night that another school's 10th-year reunion was taking place. While my girl friends and I were in the rest room talking, some unfamiliar women entered. After their stares became uncomfortable, we turned toward them. One of the women said, "Don't mind us. We just wanted to see how we'd look in another 10 years." -<>- _..-------++._ _.-'/ | _|| \"--._ __.--'`._/_\j_____/_||___\ `----. _.--'_____ | \ _____ / _j /,---.\ | =o | /,---.\ |_ [__]==// .-. \\==`===========/==// .-. \\=[__] `-._|\ `-' /|___\_________/___|\ `-' /|_.' hjw `---' `---' I was living in the mountains above Denver when my college buddy, Gary, arrived in his ancient Maserati sports car. He had just driven it from Ohio, and as he pulled into my driveway, the car broke down. Calls to auto-supply houses and garages in search of re- placement parts proved futile. The 1962 model was simply too rare. Responses ranged from "Mas-a-what?" to "You've got to be kidding." One guy just laughed. I was at the end of the listings in the Yellow Pages when I dialed Victor's Garage. "Vic," I said, "you're my last hope. Do you carry any parts for a 1962 Maserati?" There was a long pause. Finally, Victor cleared his throat. "Yes," he replied. "Oil." -<>- Out in space two alien forms are speaking with each other. The first spaceman says, "The dominant life forms on the earth planet have developed satellite-based weapons." The second alien, who looks exactly like the first, asks, "Are they an emerging intelligence?" The first spaceman says, "I don't think so...They have them aimed at themselves." -<>- A fellow in a bar notices a woman, always alone, come in on a fairly regular basis. After the second week, he made his move. "No thank you." she said politely. "This may sound rather odd in this day and age, but I'm keeping myself pure until I meet the man I love." "That must be rather difficult." the man replied. "Oh, I don't mind too much." she said. "But, it has my husband pretty upset." ============================================================ ____ \ \ _\___\_ / " _) ((\__-_\ / \\ /__| /\\ UUU / / | /,_/ |/|\ |__ /__\____\ gnv >-->The difference between "Men" and "Guys" Men: know what they want to be doing five years down the road. Guys: are not sure what they want to be doing later tonight. Men: read Crichton, watch Rather, play golf. Guys: read King, watch Seinfeld, play poker. Men: wear ties with stripes, shirts with buttons, and shoes with laces. Guys: wear high school T-shirts they've actually owned since high school. Men: balance their checkbooks. Guys: balance their loans so that they never hit up the same buddy twice in a row. _\|/_ /--\ |[]| _] \/ [_ /_ `==' _\ \\| |// l\ __/j `|-'##| |#||#| |#||#| _|#||#|_ `==" "==` as Men: claim to be feminist but still insist on opening doors, driving, and paying for dinner. Guys: claim to be feminists so they can let YOU open doors, drive, and pay for dinner. Men: are afraid of becoming their fathers. Guys: are afraid of becoming men. Men: put you on the phone when their mothers call. Guys: pretend you're not there when their moms call. Men: start their own businesses. Guys: quit their jobs. Men: are experts on women's erogenous zones. Guys: are experts on their own erogenous zone. Men: order wine based on more than the price. Guys: bring their own beer. ======================================================= >-->From JokeCentral: __. /-7 k .-' o.-'/ / .; \ ( [ ) \ [.---. ;/ \ ) \ (/ ) | AsH / \ ( [_' \_~ >FBI Agent 3 men where at the FBI Building for a job interview. The first man walked into the office . The interviewing FBI agent said "To be in the FBI you must be loyal, dedicated, and give us your all. Your wife is in the next room. I want you to go in there and shoot her with this gun." The man took the gun, hesitated, and said "Sorry, I can't do it." The next interviewee came into the office. The Agent said "To be in the FBI you must be loyal, dedicated, and give us your all. Your wife is in the next room.I want you to go in there and shoot her with this gun." The man took the gun, walked into the room, then walked out. "Sorry," he said. The last man came into the office. The inverviewer said "To be in the FBI you must be loyal, dedicated, and give us your all. Your wife is in the next room. I want you to go in there and shoot her with this gun." The man took the gun and went into the room. The Agent heard 6 shots, silence, then a lot of screaming. The man came out of the room and said "Someone loaded the gun with blanks, so I beat her to death with the curtain railing!" -<>- How many Longshoremen does it take to change a light bulb? Twenty-three. You got a problem with that? -<>- >Weird World Toilet seats and brushes, a medieval sword and a door hinge, are among items stolen from hotel rooms, according to a new survey. A hotel owner's dog, a four foot high wooden bear, and a spy hole from a hotel room door are among others. The survey of 1,000 hoteliers by Caterer and Hotelkeeper magazine found pilfering by customers was widespread, with towels top of the list. But the BBC reports that guests can also leave surprising items behind, such as false teeth, false eyeballs, wigs and toupees. As many as 6% reported people having left their family member behind before checking out. Four per cent of those questioned had found artificial arms and legs. A third of hoteliers said towels were the most commonly stolen items from their rooms, with one in five reporting bathrobes stolen as well. More than 10% of staff reported toilet rolls as the items most often taken and 1% said penny-pinching guests would even steal the light bulbs from their rooms. -<>- + (|) _____.___.|_|. | / \ |===| | / \ | o | |__/__v__\|, ,| | | | | | || || |/| . . . |','| ||| A A A | , | ||| M M M | | wtx --------------------- >Still More Church Bloopers ~ Song Lyrics: What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and briefs to bear. ~ Church sign: Jesus Saves! Safeway sign across the street: Safeway saves you more! ~ For the group of ladies called Moms Who Care and pray for the children in school). When their meeting was cancelled one week: There will be no Moms who care this week. ~ This one I said myself during the congregational prayer when leading prayer for our unsaved loved ones: Father, we just want to pray for our unloved saved ones. ~ A woman's blouse was found at a table in the middle of the servant appreciation dinner. If you lost your blouse, please come to the church office. ~ Overeaters Anonymous meeting will be held at 8 pm in the large room. ~ The ladies in the style show will meet with their dresses down in front after morning worship. ~ A worm welcome to all who have come today. ~ Hymn: "I Love Thee My Ford" ~ Helpers are needed! Please sign up on the information sheep. ~ Diana and Don request your presents at their wedding. ~ Lent is that period for preparing for Holy Weed and Easter. ~ Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget all His benefits. ~ For the word of God is quick and powerful ...piercing even to the dividing asunder of soup and spirit. ~ Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peach to men. Please remember those who are shut-in during bath weather. ~ We pray that our people will jumble themselves. ~ May God give us increasing hunger for the Blob. ~ Hymn of Response: Crown Him With Many Cows ~ Child care provided with reservations. ~ Tonight, Pastor will preach on "Diving Healing." ~ Janet Smith has volunteered to strip, and refinish the communion table in the sanctuary. ~ Were you there when they laid Him in the bomb? ~ Christ is a member of Boy Scout Troop 36. ~ Please come...you will be gald you did. ~ Mark your calendars not to attend the church retreat. ~ My joke is easy and my burden is light. ~ I was hungry and you gave me something to eat; I was thirty and you gave me drink. ~ We are an autonomous body, opearting under the hardship of Jesus Christ. ~ The Honeymooners are now having bile studies each Tuesday evening at 7:30 p.m. ~ Hymn of Invitation: "Whoever He Leads I'll Go" ~ The visiting monster today is Rev. Jack Bains. ~ Worshipers are asked to wail until all have been served to partake of the Body and the Blood of Christ. ~ Pray for continual growth in the lives of many of our teens--that a food foundation will be laid in their lives. ~ Boars of Trustees ~ We are always happy to have you sue our facility. ~ I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, even though he diets, yet shall be live. ~ Hymn: I Need Three Every Hour ~ All children are requested to bring fresh followers to decorate the cross for Easter Sunday. ~ The King's Bras will present a concert at our church this evening at 6. ~ Women in the Word starts next week. There are several different studies to choose from. Ladies, make sure you sign up for a stud before next week. This week's sermon: "When is Sex Not Enough?" Opening Hymn: "I Need Thee Every Hour" -<>- BBBBBB BB BB BB BB BB dBBb BBBBb dBP BB BB BB BB BB BB dB""Bb BB BB dBP BB BBBBBB ?BbdBBbdBP dBBBBBBb BBBBP dBP BB BB BB ?BBBBBBP BB BB BB BB BB BB ?P ?P BB BB BB dBP _.O ,-O .-" .-" .-" ..-O .-" _..--"" .... _...._ ..--"" ...+++''' .' `. ___..O - ' ... / \ __...---"" ...++''' ; b - ' : BB -------O . dBP __ .... +._ .dBB'_ """""----O ...++'''...... `*8BBBP' ""--.._ - ' ...++''' ``-._ ""O - ' dBBBb| | |dBBBb `-._ dBBBBBBb dBBBBBBb `O dBBBBBBBBBb dBBBBBBBBBb dBBBBBPBBBBBBbdBBBBBB"BBBBBb __dBBBBBP BBBBBBBBBBBBBB "BBBBBb__ -- "BBP BBBBBBBBBBBBBB "BBP -- .' " BBBBBBBBBBBBBB " `. ./// BBBBBBBBBBBBBB \\\. BBBBPdBBBBBBBB BBBBPdBBBBBBBB BPdBBBBBBBBBP _ .dBBBBBBBBBBBP .' `:o.dBBBBBBBBBBBBP | |BB\BBBBBBBBBP" | |BB\BBBBBBP"d \____BB\BBP""dBBB | |BB' BBBBBB `._.'" BBBBBB :====: dBBBBBBBBB BBBBBBBBBB """"" "" ...gotcha! yahahahaha!! >Winter Weather Tips The following is a list of informative tips to help you survive the cold winter months and to prevent personal injury. We offer these to you because we love you. Excessive vehicle damage and personal injury can result from the tossing of frozen skunks, possums, raccoons, squirrels, etc. The use of frozen roadkill as decorative hood ornaments is in bad taste, and in some states, prohibited by law. Please refrain from placing lips and tongues on metallic exterior surfaces of vehicles such as bumpers, hoods, and license plates. Although mufflers and engine parts on a running automobile typically do not pose a cold weather hazard, they do introduce extreme heat complications and therefore all lip and tongue contact should be avoided. Icicles are not Q-tips and should not be used as such. Also, do not jam icicles into eyes. It can impair vision and! hurts like the dickens! Avoid leaving wet pets such as fish, newts, frogs, and turtles, on sidewalks and driveways for extended periods of time. When swimming in rivers and lakes, remember to use the buddy system. If you must go outside naked, remember to wear a hat as the head is the number one source of heat loss in the human body. If your main source of transportation is the back of a pickup truck, avoid standing for extended periods of time. Although the use of kitty litter has proven effective for automobiles in gaining traction on slick pavement, the use of litters of kitties has never worked, and never will. Travel only when necessary. Examples of necessary travel include: Emergency hospitalization or medical prescription needs; Delivery or purchase of emergency heating fuels and staple foods such as doughnuts, slim jims, cake frosting, beer (the sweet juice of freedom), pork rind's, anchovy paste, Yoohoos, and Chex Mix; Return of video rentals; Check cashing; Having pets neutered and/or spayed; Visiting the local tattoo parlor; Returning defective kitchen appliances to Walmart. Thank you for your time and attention and have a safe and happy season. Thanks to Fred McQuire, Okmulgee County EM for this week's funny. -<>- >Drummer when I grow up Johnny says to his mom: I want to be a drummer when I grow up! Mom: But Johnny, you can't do both. -<>- __ \/.--, //_.' .-""-/""-. / __ \ / \\\ \ | || | \ / \ \ / \ '- / '-.__.__.' sjw >The Test Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits. The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples." The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten." The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed. The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed. The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?" The second one replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples." -<>- i______i I______I I I I______I / /I (______( I I I I I I I Van Moniek >Chair Test An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics. The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the board: "Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist." Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion. Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair. One member of the class however, was up and finished in less than a minute. Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten an A when he had barely written anything at all. His answer consisted of two words: "What chair?" ======================================================== >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Blink Of An Eye http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/eye.html Advice For New Year http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/newyear.html Deer Hunter Story - GRAPHIC- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/deerhunter.html Playboy Bunny Calendar http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/calendar.html Humor In Politics 6 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/politics6.html Playing With Food 3 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/food3.html Amazing Stairways http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/stairs.html Chevy Selling It http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chevysi.html Darvaza - Door To Hell http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/darvaza.html -<>- >From Our Friend Bunni :) The power of words.. http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=Hzgzim5m7oU&vq=medium --- ...such a heartwarmer! Thanks Bunni! -<>- >From Our Friend EdLaF :) He sent us one we have here... Did You See That? http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/seethat.html --- ...TeeHee! A fun Reminder! Thanks EdLaF! -<>- >From Our Friend PatDeE :) Listen carefully to the words. This is for those of us who are losing our memories. http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=HzSaoN2LdfU --- ...TeeHee! Thanks PatDeE! quizzie http://www.merriam-webster.com/quiz/index.htm This is Einstein http://www.coolestone.com/media/3216/This-is-Einstein/ --- ...Cute! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- >From Our Friend Adrian :) Funny Ad http://biggeekdad.com/2011/10/kellers-riverside-store/ --- ...LOL! Thanks Adrian! -<>- >From Our Friend Wesley :) ripped : violinist http://youtu.be/YPYGeELPpno --- ...Cool! Thanks Wesley! -<>- >From LynnLynn's Links: Help for depression http://www.psychologyinfo.com/depression/help.html Root Beer http://www.rootbeer.com Melva/Up Up Up and Away http://silverandgoldandthee.net/Misc_files/A/Up.html No Regrets (remake) http://www.carolspoetry.com/carol14.html Promise Of God http://www.reflectionsofsouthbreeze.com/Pages/promise_of_god.htm Paper Art! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/paperart.html Albino Hummingbird http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ahummingbird.html Houses For Hermits http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/house.html Visit Melissa's Online Store You can get anything you want (except for Melissa ) at the online store http://pdhomes.net/mall/babylissa/mySTORES/ISELL4.html If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com ============================================================== >-->Quotes & Thunkers: The man asked me to fill out a job application. It asked who should be notified in case of emergency. I wrote: "A Good Doctor!" Working as an ISP phone tech, I get calls from a good deal of customers who think I have ESP: Customer: "I have a problem. OR, I have a question." Long pause. Me: "Yeeees?" On a restaurant table in Thailand: "Before leaving, please check all your belongings in your bag. If you find something that belongs to the restaurant, please return it to its proper place." "A new study says that obese people can lose weight if they walk 12 miles per week. As a result Applebee's is intro- ducing a new 12 mile long buffet." --Conan O'Brien "Here's a sign that people in California have too much money. Have you heard about this? People are now doing yoga with their dog. Yoga for dogs. Who's this for? Dogs that want to stick their necks out the car window a little further?" -Jay Leno "A Spice Girls reunion concert may be in the works. But Posh Spice, Scary Spice, and the others are demanding $10 million. The $10 million price tag was thought up by the group's newest member, Delusional Spice." -Conan O'Brien I can't stand cheap people. It makes me real mad when some- one says something like, 'Hey, when are you going to pay me that $100 you owe me?' or 'Do you have the $50 you borrowed?' Man, quit being so cheap! --Jack Handey >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Chriistian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DARRE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************