Here A Test, There A Test And More... :) Shangy!
>Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList:
To Subscribe send a blank email to
ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
To UnSubscribe send a blank email to
ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
Group home page:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList
Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an
adult club in the love and romance directory so
you will have to confirm that you are an adult
when you go here. I still have no idea how to change
this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try!
or Web Site:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html
Group email address:
ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com
or email me here:
bcrsystems@earthlink.net
================
*~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny,
inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here...
bcrsystems@earthlink.net
I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!!
================
>-->In The 'Shangy' News :)
Our friend Jo Ann emailed me to let me know that her last name
is spelled with one n instead of two. I'd been making this mistake
since July of last year! I corrected it right away, but I wanted
to let you know in case I mess up your name on the credits that I
am most appreciative to all who contribute and forward items
of interest for the group and I certainly do not want to mess
up your name. If I do so, please let me know right away so I
can correct it.
__________________________
/| Art Gallery |
/ | ____ ____ ____ |
/ | |o | | , | | _ | |
/ | | O | |. | |(@) | |
/ | |_,k,| |_,-,| |\|p | |
/ /| | | h | | ,; | | | | |
/ / | | |_z__| |____| |____| |
/ /@;| | z z |
/ |Y | z|_{)_______________________|
/ | / /z /H
/ /| |/ /z Y
/ / | / {) d
/ / %| / /|
| |&"| / Y
| | / / d
| |/ /
| /
| /
| /
| /
| /
|/
Again, THANK YOU to all who contribute to Shangrala! :)
-<>-
We had a rather rude awaking Sunday morning around 1:45am. Some
vandal threw a big heavy red brick through our picture window
breaking both panes of glass, tearing our curtains and marking
our wood panel on the other side of the room as it struck it
before landing on the rug. We called the police and when all was
said and done, he picked up the brick without a glove on, no
CSI cop here, and remarked about it must have been a strong person
according to how heavy the brick was. It wasn't even our brick.
We don't have them on our property.
It took quite a while to clean up all the shards of glass. I had
to clean it up as our 4 cats here wouldn't stay out of the
computer room where it happened. I didn't want them getting
their little paws cut. When it came in, it scared them to death
so they wanted to investigate it. We were up most of the night.
People who do random acts of violence like this are pretty sad.
They will wind up jailed, shot or dead. Especially picking on
a Vietnam veteran like Paul.
-<>-
>2 Hot Off The 'Shangy' Press :)
We have an excellent inspirational hottie from our friend
Linda. It is sure to bless you. Check it out here:
*********************************************************************
| | |
}________________.=""_;=.______________|_____________________|_______
| ,-"_,="" `"=.| |
__________|__"=._o`"-._ `"=.______________|___________________
| `"=._o`"=._ _`"=._ |
|_____________________:=._o "=._."_.-="'"=.__________________|_______
| __.--" , ; `"=._o." ,-"""-._ ". |
__________|_._" ,. .` ` `` , `"-._"-._ ". '__|___________________
| |o`"=._` , "` `; .". , "-._"-._; ; |
|___________| ;`-.o`"=._; ." ` '`."\` . "-._ /_______________|_______
| |o; `"-.o`"=._`` '` " ,__.--o; |
__________|_| ; (#) `-.o `"=.`_.--"_o.-; ;___|___________________
_/______/___|o;._ " `".o|o_.--" ;o;____/______/______/____
____/______/_"=._o--._ ; | ; ; ;/______/______/______/_
_/______/______/__"=._o--._ ;o|o; _._;o;____/______/______/____
____/______/______/____"=._o._; | ;_.--"o.--"_/______/______/______/_
_/______/______/______/_____"=.o|o_.--""___/______/______/______/____
____/______/______/______/______/______/______/______/______/[TomekK]
*********************************************************************
Value What You Have!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/valuewyh.html
---
...Such beautiful pictures too! Thanks Linda!
Our second hot page is from our friends Linda, PeggyT, and
Jo Ann. Such an inspiring and amazing artist! Check this
awesome one here...
___
/ \
| o |
\ /
________) (________
| |
'------. .------'
| |
| |
| |
| |
/\ | | /\
/_ \ / \ / _\
\ '. .' '. .' /
\ '--' '--' /
jgs '. .'
'._ _.'
`'-. .-'`
\ /
`
Naval Fleet Art!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/navalart.html
---
...Wow, what an artist! Thank You Linda, PeggyT, and Jo Ann!
============================================================
>-->From TheFunnyBone: The Conductor's Changes
Conductor to orchestra at the beginning ,;,
of a rehearsal: #(|)#
#|||#
"Please get your pencils out, - we have some marking |||
to do on this score: ||| /
The first two bars are in 3/4, not 4/4 as written. ||| /#/
Next, in the 5th bar, change it to 7/8 and this _|||_ / /
remains to the end. Now, in bar 7, we lower the .' ||| '/ /
pitch 1/2 step. In bar 13, lower the pitch one / ||| / /
whole step, and this will remain to the end. | |||/ /|
Thank you, now let us begin." |_ ||/ /_|
,_)=|/|/(_,
Soprano soloist: ) /|/ (
"Excuse me, maestro. What would you like for / /|/| \
me to change?" | / /|| |
jgs | / /~~~/ |
Conductor: \/ / \ / /
"Nothing at all, madam. /`/.__Y__.-'
Just sing it exactly as you did yesterday." /#/ |
|
!
=========================================================
*--------- Bizarre February Holidays ---------*
February 1 is Serpent Day
February 2 is Purification Day
February 3 is Cordova Ice Worm Day
February 4 is Create A Vacuum Day
February 5 is Disaster Day
February 6 is Lame Duck Day
February 7 is Charles Dickens Day
February 8 is Kite Flying Day
February 9 is Toothache Day
February 10 is Umbrella Day
============================================================
>-->From Our Friend EdLaF :)
_---~~(~~-_.
_{ ) )
, ) -~~- ( ,-' )_
( `-,_..`., )-- '_,)
( ` _) ( -~( -_ `, }
(_- _ ~_-~~~~`, ,' )
`~ -^( __;-,((()))
~~~~ {_ -_(())
`\ }
{ }
>Brain Test
7H15 M3554G3 = THIS MESSAGE
Wow! It took me a few seconds, but then I got the hang of it...I've
seen this with the letters out of order, but this is the first time
I've seen it with numbers.
Good example of a Brain Study: If you can read this you have a strong
mind:
7H15 M3554G3
53RV35 7O PR0V3
H0W 0UR M1ND5 C4N
D0 4M4Z1NG 7H1NG5!
1MPR3551V3 7H1NG5!
1N 7H3 B3G1NN1NG
17 WA5 H4RD BU7
N0W, 0N 7H15 LIN3
Y0UR M1ND 1S
R34D1NG 17
4U70M471C4LLY
W17H 0U7 3V3N
7H1NK1NG 4B0U7 17,
B3 PROUD! 0NLY
C3R741N P30PL3 C4N
R3AD 7H15.
PL3453 F0RW4RD 1F
U C4N R34D 7H15.
The Brain Study says: If you can read this you have a strong mind
So remember when you find typos in my documentation - it's because
I've got a stronger mind than you do. Don't feel bad I won't
hold it against you.
---
...LOL! I need this disclaimer! I've got spelling issues! Thanks EdLaF
-<>-
.---.
(_---_)
(_/6 6\_)
( v )
`\ /'
.-'': ;``-.
/ \,Y./ \
/ (:)___ \
: .-'XXX`-.`\_;
`.__.-XXX-.__.'\_
/ / XXX \ \ `\_
/ XXX \ `\
/ XXX \ _`\___
jgs / \ (`--"""-')
/ \ (=-=-=-=-)
`--...___ ___...--' (________)
>Grandma's boyfriend
A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day.
Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he
looked up and said, 'Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend
now that Grandpa went to heaven?'
Grandma replied, 'Honey, my TV is my boyfriend.
I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious
programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh ... I'm
happy with my TV as my boyfriend.'
Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible. She started
adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated,
she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.
The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door
and there stood Grandma's minister. The minister said, 'Hello son, is
your Grandma home?'
The little boy replied, 'Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her
boyfriend.'
The minister fainted.
Now, that's funny... I don't care WHO you are
---
...TeeHee! Thanks EdLaF!
-<>-
[AN Et-Ahem!]
_|\ _/|_,
,((\\``-\\\\_
,(()) `))\
,(())) ,_ \
((())' | \
))))) >.__ \
(((' / `-. .c|
hjw / `-`'
>The Cowboy...
A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife.
She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch,
but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an
ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.
Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.
She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she
decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him
around the house than the drunk.
He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew
a lot about ranching.
For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well.
Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have
done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into
town and kick up your heels." The hired hand readily agreed and went
into town one Saturday night.
One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return.
Two o'clock and no hired hand.
Finally he returned a round two-thirty, and upon entering the room,
he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass
of wine, waiting for him.
She quietly called him over to her..
"Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said.
Trembling, he did as she directed. "Now take off my boots."
He did as she asked, ever so slowly. "Now take off my socks."
He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.
"Now take off my skirt."
He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the
fire light.
"Now take off my bra.." Again, with trembling hands, he did
as he was told and dropped it to the floor.
Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes
into town again, you're fired."
(P.S. - I didn't see it coming, either)
========================================================
>-->From TheMasti:
.-.
.-. |
.-. | |
| | | | ___
| | | |/ _ \ ___
| /o\_'||.' o `.
| \=/ /|| `---'
\ ___// \
\____/ (`__')
///////\\\\\\\
`--.____.--' . . . Signs!
unknown
>Hilarious Signs All Over The World
In a Bangkok temple:
IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER,
IF DRESSED AS A MAN.
Cocktail lounge, Norway:
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.
Doctors office, Rome:
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.
Dry cleaners, Bangkok:
DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.
In a Nairobi restaurant:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.
On the main road to Mombasa, leaving Nairobi:
TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.
On a poster at Kencom:
ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO WE CAN HELP.
In a City restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.
In a cemetery:
PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY
BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.
Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations:
GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING
BEHAVIOURS IN BED.
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.
In a Tokyo bar:
SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.
Hotel, Yugoslavia:
THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB
OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
Hotel, Japan:
YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET
COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.
A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:
IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT
PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER
IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.
Hotel, Zurich:
BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE
SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR
THIS PURPOSE.
Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand:
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?
Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.
A laundry in Rome
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON
HAVING A GOOD TIME.
=======================================================
>-->From Our Friend PatDeE :)
[An Et-Ahem!]
\\\\
c oo
| .U
__=__ ,,,
|. __|___ oo ;
||_/ / / U= _ 0
\_/__/__E o /. .| |
(___ || |~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~'----'~|
I---||| |-----------------------|
I ||| | c(__) |
^ '--'' ^ ^
Petrus
>Married 40' Plus Years
A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot. The doctor
comes in and says,
"Ah, I'm glad to see you've regained consciousness. You probably won't
remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway. You're going
to be ok, you'll walk again and everything, but your manhood was severed
in the accident and we couldn't find it."
The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You've got $9000 in insurance
compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new
one. They work great, but they don't come cheap. It will be roughly
$1000 an inch."
The man perks up.
"So," the doctor says, "You must decide how many inches you want. I
understand that you've been married for over forty years and this is
something you should discuss with your wife. If you had a five incher
before and get a nine incher now she might be a bit put out. If you
had a nine incher before and you decide to only invest in a five
incher now, she might be disappointed. It's important that she plays
a role in helping you make a decision."
The man agrees to talk it over with his wife.
The doctor comes back the next day and asks, "So, have you spoken
with your wife?"
"Yes I have," says the man.
"And has she helped you make a decision?"
"Yes" says the man.
"What is your decision?" asks the doctor.
"We're getting granite counter tops."
---
...HaHa! Thanks PatDeE!
========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Bunni :)
(.,------...__
_.'" `.
.' .' `, `. `. `
. .' .'/''--...__`. \
. .--.`. ' "-. '. |
'' .' _.' .()) .--":/
''( \_\ ' (()(
''._' ( \ '
' `. `--' '
`.: . `-.___.' '
`. . _ _ .'
) .____.-'
.'`. (--..
.' \ /\ / / `.
.' \( \ /|/ `.
.' \__/ `.
/ | o | \
| | |
jro
>Little Walter:
Obama goes to a primary school to talk to the kids. After his talk he
offers question time. One little boy puts up his hand, and Obama asks
him his name.
"Walter," responds the little boy.
"And what is your question, Walter?"
"I have four questions:
First, Why did the USA Bomb Libya without the support of the Congress?
Second, Why do you keep saying you fixed the economy when it's actually
gotten worse?
Third, Why did you say that Jeremiah Wright was your mentor, then said
that you knew nothing about his preaching and beliefs?
Fourth, Why are we lending $ to Brazil to drill for oil, but
America is not allowed to drill for oil?"
Just then, the bell rings for recess. Obama informs the kiddies that
they will continue after recess.
When they resume Obama says, "OK, where were we? Oh, that's right:
question time.. Who has a question?"
Another little boy puts up his hand. Obama points him out and asks him
his name.
"Steve," he responds.
"And what is your question, Steve?"
Actually, I have two questions.
First, Why did the recess bell ring 20 minutes early?
Second, What happened to Walter?"
---
...LMAO! Thanks Bunni!
===========================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
[politics]
>From Both Our Friends Adrian and PatDeE :)
I agree with everything except the warmongering...Pat
You picked a fine time to leave us Barack
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_W57aBMYKvU
---
...I love it! Thanks Adrian And PatDeE!
-<>-
>From Our Friend EdLaF :)
BLOCKBUSTER REVELATION! - MINI Documentary -
Illegal Obama "Propped Up" By Congress!
http://tinyurl.com/7c72ph6
---
...Interestign! Thanks EdLaF!
EPA Contest Entry: How to Kill Jobs and Harm the Economy | EPA Abuse
http://tinyurl.com/7jzfmvs
---
...Good one! Thanks EdLaF!
It's The Law - Know your Rights
http://www.erowid.org/freedom/police/police_consent1.shtml
---
...Good Advice! Thanks EdLaF!
-<>-
>From Our Friend Wesley :)
UT OH!
A Macedonian drove six hours across Italy and into Germany before
noticing he had left his wife at a petrol station.
Ljubomir Ivanov, 35, only realised he had forgotten wife Iskra, 37,
when he got a call on his mobile from police to say she was still
waiting for him at the petrol station near Pesaro, in central Italy.
He said, 'I filled up the tank with petrol, paid and then just drove
off. I was very tired and not thinking straight.
'She usually sits in the back seat so I didn't really see she wasn't
there, until I got a call when I was already in Germany.'
Mr Ivanov immediately drove back to Pesaro to pick up his wife so they
could resume their holiday.
'I had a lot of apologizing to do, 'he said.
---
...LOL! Thanks Wesley!
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
Her first mistake was taking the python out of its cage. Often that is
a person's last mistake as well, but this Madison, Wisconsin woman was
luckier than she was smart.
Madison police spokesman Joel DeSpain said the 31-year-old woman was
attending a book club meeting at another member's home and decided to
take Annie, a 12-year-old ball python measuring about 4 feet long, out
of its terrarium.
"She just wanted to hold her," DeSpain said. "She apparently had prior
experience handling snakes and had no reason to believe she was putting
herself in danger."
She was wrong.
The non-venomous snake latched onto the woman's face and refused to
disengage until the owner was able to remove it.
Both the snake and the woman are doing well. Annie is back in her
terrarium and the attending doctor said the woman's injuries will not
leave any scars. Plus, now she has a heck of a story to tell at book
club.
*-- Woman buys two rats, soon has 71 --*
BOSTON - Animal rescuers in Massachusetts said a woman who bought two
rats to save them from being snake food soon found herself with 71
rodents. The Massachusetts Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to
Animals said the woman bought the rats from a pet shop in Sandwich to
save them from being food for a snake and she contacted the society
about three months later when the number of rapidly breeding rats
ballooned to 71, the Boston Herald reported Monday. "She realized she
was in over her head, and she drove to Boston," MSPCA spokesman Rob
Halpin said. Halpin said the incident took place only days after a
Lawrence man brought in 94 hamsters that resulted from his adopting
only two. The spokesman said the hamsters will likely have better luck
finding new homes. "There are many more homes for hamsters than there
are homes for rats. It is a smaller audience of enthusiasts for rats,"
Halpin said.
*-- Woman marries Seattle building --*
SEATTLE - An Occupy Seattle protester who held a ceremony to wed a
107-year-old building said she was protesting the gentrification of the
neighborhood. Babylonia Aivaz said she donned a puffy dress and married
the abandoned building at 10th and Union Sunday as a protest against
gentrification in the area, Seattlepi.com reported Tuesday. However,
gay-themed magazine Instinct took issue with Aivaz characterizing the
wedding as a "gay marriage." "Okay, we gotta ask: Why is this like 'gay
marriage' (as she likes to call it)? Because, we'll marry horses and
dogs and oxen next? Why didn't she take her loony idea about marrying a
building and just call it marriage?" the magazine's editors wrote.
-- Investigators say ghost at university -----------
SLIPPERY ROCK, Pa. - Paranormal investigators said they
encountered what appeared to be the spirit of a young
child at Pennsylvania's Slippery Rock University. John
Lewis, owner of Baelfire Paranormal Investigation in
Titusville, Pa., said his team of 10 investigators sought
evidence of ghostly activity in university buildings,
using infrared cameras, digital and analog audio recorders,
digital and 35-mm still cameras, electromagnetic field
meters, computers and other equipment, the Pittsburgh
Tribune-Review reported. "Michael Peters, the medium who
was with us for the investigation, did some channeling
and reported having some personal experiences with the
spirit of a little girl," Lewis said. "That really didn't
surprise us because we've had reports of people hearing
voices and conversations involving a little girl." Lewis
said his team will likely post their findings on the
group's Web site, www.baelfireparanormal.org, after
reviewing the collected data, a process he said will
likely take about two weeks.
-- Mom called to duty brings kids along -----------
FORT BENNING, Ga. - A North Carolina mom who reported for
active duty in the Army with her two young children in
tow was told Monday she will be discharged, a TV station
reported. Lisa Pagan had been ordered to report to Fort
Benning, Ga., four years after being released from active
duty. The stay-at-home mom contends she has no one to care
for her children, ages 3 and 4, because her husband is on
the road frequently in his job -- and says several appeals
she filed over a period of months fell on deaf Army ears
before Monday, WWAY-TV in Wilmington, N.C., reported. It
was not yet clear whether Pagan, who had been honorably
discharged after serving seven years in the Army, would
receive an honorable discharge or a general discharge
under honorable conditions, the TV station said. "They're
probably not going to be happy I brought them (her
children)," Pagan told WBTV-TV in Charlotte, N.C., prior
to leaving for Fort Benning. "I asked them (the Army) do
you really expect him to lose his job and nobody would
give me an answer," she said. "Hopefully they'll discharge
me for parenthood when I get there. I don't know how
they're going to react, they may tell me to just go home."
-- Mother says she slept through teen's party --------
BUFFALO GROVE, Ill. - A suburban Chicago mother she slept
through her teenage son's raucous party and was unaware
his 17 guests were drinking alcohol. Margaret Couch, 46,
was charged with allowing underage drinking in her home
after her son and his guests, ages 16 to 19, were cited
for unlawful possession and consumption of alcohol, the
Chicago Tribune reported Tuesday. Police were called to
the house at 3:20 a.m. Sunday when neighbors complained
of loud music and people yelling, Buffalo Grove Police
spokesman Steve Husak said. The teenagers were given
breath tests and cited by police before being released to
their parents, Husak said.
==============================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
_ _ _
//|\ //|\ //|\
c_"/ c_"/ c_"/
__/\__ /\__ /\
/ \ /\ \ /\/\
/____\ /____\ /____\
S-v /l ll l\
A good friend of mine warned me that, as my three daughters
became old enough to date, I'd disapprove of every young man
who took them out.
But when the time came, I was pleased that my friend's pre-
diction was wrong. Each boy was pleasant and well mannered.
Talking to my daughter Joanna one day, I said that I liked
all the young men she and her sisters brought home.
"You know, Dad," she replied, "we don't show you everybody."
-<>-
My 20th high school class reunion was held at a hotel on the
same night that another school's 10th-year reunion was taking
place.
While my girl friends and I were in the rest room talking,
some unfamiliar women entered. After their stares became
uncomfortable, we turned toward them. One of the women said,
"Don't mind us. We just wanted to see how we'd look in
another 10 years."
-<>-
_..-------++._
_.-'/ | _|| \"--._
__.--'`._/_\j_____/_||___\ `----.
_.--'_____ | \ _____ /
_j /,---.\ | =o | /,---.\ |_
[__]==// .-. \\==`===========/==// .-. \\=[__]
`-._|\ `-' /|___\_________/___|\ `-' /|_.' hjw
`---' `---'
I was living in the mountains above Denver when my college
buddy, Gary, arrived in his ancient Maserati sports car.
He had just driven it from Ohio, and as he pulled into my
driveway, the car broke down.
Calls to auto-supply houses and garages in search of re-
placement parts proved futile. The 1962 model was simply
too rare. Responses ranged from "Mas-a-what?" to "You've
got to be kidding."
One guy just laughed.
I was at the end of the listings in the Yellow Pages when
I dialed Victor's Garage. "Vic," I said, "you're my last
hope. Do you carry any parts for a 1962 Maserati?"
There was a long pause. Finally, Victor cleared his throat.
"Yes," he replied. "Oil."
-<>-
Out in space two alien forms are speaking with each other.
The first spaceman says, "The dominant life forms on the
earth planet have developed satellite-based weapons."
The second alien, who looks exactly like the first, asks,
"Are they an emerging intelligence?"
The first spaceman says, "I don't think so...They have them
aimed at themselves."
-<>-
A fellow in a bar notices a woman, always alone, come in on
a fairly regular basis. After the second week, he made his
move.
"No thank you." she said politely. "This may sound rather odd
in this day and age, but I'm keeping myself pure until I meet
the man I love."
"That must be rather difficult." the man replied.
"Oh, I don't mind too much." she said. "But, it has my
husband pretty upset."
============================================================
____
\ \
_\___\_
/ " _)
((\__-_\
/ \\
/__| /\\
UUU / /
| /,_/
|/|\ |__
/__\____\ gnv
>-->The difference between "Men" and "Guys"
Men: know what they want to be doing five years down the road.
Guys: are not sure what they want to be doing later tonight.
Men: read Crichton, watch Rather, play golf.
Guys: read King, watch Seinfeld, play poker.
Men: wear ties with stripes, shirts with buttons, and shoes
with laces.
Guys: wear high school T-shirts they've actually owned since
high school.
Men: balance their checkbooks.
Guys: balance their loans so that they never hit up the same
buddy twice in a row.
_\|/_
/--\
|[]|
_] \/ [_
/_ `==' _\
\\| |//
l\ __/j
`|-'##|
|#||#|
|#||#|
_|#||#|_
`==" "==`
as
Men: claim to be feminist but still insist on opening doors,
driving, and paying for dinner.
Guys: claim to be feminists so they can let YOU open doors,
drive, and pay for dinner.
Men: are afraid of becoming their fathers.
Guys: are afraid of becoming men.
Men: put you on the phone when their mothers call.
Guys: pretend you're not there when their moms call.
Men: start their own businesses.
Guys: quit their jobs.
Men: are experts on women's erogenous zones.
Guys: are experts on their own erogenous zone.
Men: order wine based on more than the price.
Guys: bring their own beer.
=======================================================
>-->From JokeCentral:
__.
/-7 k
.-' o.-'/
/ .; \
( [ )
\ [.---.
;/ \ )
\ (/
) | AsH
/ \ (
[_' \_~
>FBI Agent
3 men where at the FBI Building for a job
interview.
The first man walked into the office . The
interviewing FBI agent said "To be in the FBI you
must be loyal, dedicated, and give us your all.
Your wife is in the next room. I want you to go
in there and shoot her with this gun." The man
took the gun, hesitated, and said "Sorry, I can't
do it."
The next interviewee came into the office. The
Agent said "To be in the FBI you must be loyal,
dedicated, and give us your all. Your wife is in
the next room.I want you to go in there and shoot
her with this gun." The man took the gun, walked
into the room, then walked out. "Sorry," he said.
The last man came into the office. The
inverviewer said "To be in the FBI you must be
loyal, dedicated, and give us your all. Your wife
is in the next room. I want you to go in there
and shoot her with this gun." The man took the
gun and went into the room. The Agent heard 6
shots, silence, then a lot of screaming.
The man came out of the room and said "Someone
loaded the gun with blanks, so I beat her to
death with the curtain railing!"
-<>-
How many Longshoremen does it take to change a light bulb?
Twenty-three. You got a problem with that?
-<>-
>Weird World
Toilet seats and brushes, a medieval sword and a door hinge,
are among items stolen from hotel rooms, according to a new survey.
A hotel owner's dog, a four foot high wooden bear, and a spy hole from
a hotel room door are among others.
The survey of 1,000 hoteliers by Caterer and Hotelkeeper magazine found
pilfering by customers was widespread, with towels top of the list.
But the BBC reports that guests can also leave surprising items behind,
such as false teeth, false eyeballs, wigs and toupees.
As many as 6% reported people having left their family member behind
before checking out.
Four per cent of those questioned had found artificial arms and legs.
A third of hoteliers said towels were the most commonly stolen items
from their rooms, with one in five reporting bathrobes stolen as well.
More than 10% of staff reported toilet rolls as the items most often
taken and 1% said penny-pinching guests would even steal the light
bulbs from their rooms.
-<>-
+
(|)
_____.___.|_|.
| / \ |===|
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|__/__v__\|, ,|
| | | | | || ||
|/| . . . |','|
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||| M M M | | wtx
---------------------
>Still More Church Bloopers
~ Song Lyrics: What a friend we have in Jesus,
all our sins and briefs to bear.
~ Church sign: Jesus Saves! Safeway sign across
the street: Safeway saves you more!
~ For the group of ladies called Moms Who Care
and pray for the children in school). When their
meeting was cancelled one week: There will be no
Moms who care this week.
~ This one I said myself during the
congregational prayer when leading prayer for our
unsaved loved ones: Father, we just want to pray
for our unloved saved ones.
~ A woman's blouse was found at a table in the
middle of the servant appreciation dinner. If you
lost your blouse, please come to the church
office.
~ Overeaters Anonymous meeting will be held at 8
pm in the large room.
~ The ladies in the style show will meet with
their dresses down in front after morning
worship.
~ A worm welcome to all who have come today.
~ Hymn: "I Love Thee My Ford"
~ Helpers are needed! Please sign up on the
information sheep.
~ Diana and Don request your presents at their
wedding.
~ Lent is that period for preparing for Holy Weed
and Easter.
~ Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget all His
benefits.
~ For the word of God is quick and powerful
...piercing even to the dividing asunder of soup
and spirit.
~ Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peach
to men.
Please remember those who are shut-in during bath
weather.
~ We pray that our people will jumble themselves.
~ May God give us increasing hunger for the Blob.
~ Hymn of Response: Crown Him With Many Cows
~ Child care provided with reservations.
~ Tonight, Pastor will preach on "Diving
Healing."
~ Janet Smith has volunteered to strip, and
refinish the communion table in the sanctuary.
~ Were you there when they laid Him in the bomb?
~ Christ is a member of Boy Scout Troop 36.
~ Please come...you will be gald you did.
~ Mark your calendars not to attend the church
retreat.
~ My joke is easy and my burden is light.
~ I was hungry and you gave me something to eat;
I was thirty and you gave me drink.
~ We are an autonomous body, opearting under the
hardship of Jesus Christ.
~ The Honeymooners are now having bile studies
each Tuesday evening at 7:30 p.m.
~ Hymn of Invitation: "Whoever He Leads I'll Go"
~ The visiting monster today is Rev. Jack Bains.
~ Worshipers are asked to wail until all have
been served to partake of the Body and the Blood
of Christ.
~ Pray for continual growth in the lives of many
of our teens--that a food foundation will be laid
in their lives.
~ Boars of Trustees
~ We are always happy to have you sue our
facility.
~ I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever
believes in me, even though he diets, yet shall
be live.
~ Hymn: I Need Three Every Hour
~ All children are requested to bring fresh
followers to decorate the cross for Easter
Sunday.
~ The King's Bras will present a concert at our
church this evening at 6.
~ Women in the Word starts next week. There are
several different studies to choose from. Ladies,
make sure you sign up for a stud before next
week.
This week's sermon: "When is Sex Not Enough?"
Opening Hymn: "I Need Thee Every Hour"
-<>-
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...gotcha! yahahahaha!!
>Winter Weather Tips
The following is a list of informative
tips to help you survive the cold winter
months and to prevent personal injury.
We offer these to you because we love
you.
Excessive vehicle damage and personal
injury can result from the tossing
of frozen skunks, possums, raccoons,
squirrels, etc. The use of frozen roadkill
as decorative hood ornaments is in
bad taste, and in some states, prohibited
by law.
Please refrain from placing lips and
tongues on metallic exterior surfaces of
vehicles such as bumpers, hoods, and
license plates. Although mufflers and
engine parts on a running automobile
typically do not pose a cold weather
hazard, they do introduce extreme heat
complications and therefore all lip and
tongue contact should be avoided.
Icicles are not Q-tips and should not
be used as such. Also, do not jam icicles
into eyes. It can impair vision and!
hurts like the dickens!
Avoid leaving wet pets such as fish,
newts, frogs, and turtles, on sidewalks
and driveways for extended periods of
time.
When swimming in rivers and lakes,
remember to use the buddy system.
If you must go outside naked, remember
to wear a hat as the head is the
number one source of heat loss in the
human body.
If your main source of transportation
is the back of a pickup truck, avoid
standing for extended periods of time.
Although the use of kitty litter has
proven effective for automobiles in
gaining traction on slick pavement, the
use of litters of kitties has never
worked, and never will.
Travel only when necessary. Examples
of necessary travel include:
Emergency hospitalization or medical
prescription needs; Delivery or purchase
of emergency heating fuels and
staple foods such as doughnuts, slim
jims, cake frosting, beer (the sweet
juice of freedom), pork rind's, anchovy
paste, Yoohoos, and Chex Mix; Return
of video rentals; Check cashing; Having
pets neutered and/or spayed; Visiting
the local tattoo parlor; Returning
defective kitchen appliances to
Walmart.
Thank you for your time and attention
and have a safe and happy season.
Thanks to Fred McQuire, Okmulgee County EM for this week's
funny.
-<>-
>Drummer when I grow up
Johnny says to his mom: I want to be a drummer
when I grow up!
Mom: But Johnny, you can't do both.
-<>-
__
\/.--,
//_.'
.-""-/""-.
/ __ \
/ \\\ \
| || |
\ /
\ \ /
\ '- /
'-.__.__.' sjw
>The Test
Three men who were lost in the forest were
captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the
prisoners that they could live if they pass a
trial. The first step of the trial was to go to
the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of
fruit. So all three men went separate ways to
gather fruits.
The first one came back and said to the king, "I
brought ten apples." The king then explained the
trial to him. "You have to shove the fruits up
your butt without any expression on your face or
you'll be eaten."
The first apple went in... but on the second one
he winced out in pain, so he was killed.
The second one arrived and showed the king ten
berries. When the king explained the trial to him
he thought to himself that this should be easy.
1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the ninth
berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.
The first guy and the second guy met in heaven.
The first one asked, "Why did you laugh, you
almost got away with it?" The second one replied,
"I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy coming
with pineapples."
-<>-
i______i
I______I
I I
I______I
/ /I
(______( I
I I I I
I I
Van Moniek
>Chair Test
An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one
question final exam after a semester dealing with
a broad array of topics.
The class was already seated and ready to go when
the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on
his desk and wrote on the board: "Using
everything we have learned this semester, prove
that this chair does not exist."
Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were
filled in furious fashion. Some students wrote
over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute
the existence of the chair. One member of the
class however, was up and finished in less than a
minute. Weeks later when the grades were posted,
the rest of the group wondered how he could have
gotten an A when he had barely written anything
at all.
His answer consisted of two words: "What chair?"
========================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
Blink Of An Eye
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/eye.html
Advice For New Year
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/newyear.html
Deer Hunter Story - GRAPHIC-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/deerhunter.html
Playboy Bunny Calendar
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/calendar.html
Humor In Politics 6
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/politics6.html
Playing With Food 3
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/food3.html
Amazing Stairways
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/stairs.html
Chevy Selling It
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chevysi.html
Darvaza - Door To Hell
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/darvaza.html
-<>-
>From Our Friend Bunni :)
The power of words..
http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=Hzgzim5m7oU&vq=medium
---
...such a heartwarmer! Thanks Bunni!
-<>-
>From Our Friend EdLaF :)
He sent us one we have here...
Did You See That?
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/seethat.html
---
...TeeHee! A fun Reminder! Thanks EdLaF!
-<>-
>From Our Friend PatDeE :)
Listen carefully to the words.
This is for those of us who are losing our memories.
http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=HzSaoN2LdfU
---
...TeeHee! Thanks PatDeE!
quizzie
http://www.merriam-webster.com/quiz/index.htm
This is Einstein
http://www.coolestone.com/media/3216/This-is-Einstein/
---
...Cute! Thanks PatDeE!
-<>-
>From Our Friend Adrian :)
Funny Ad
http://biggeekdad.com/2011/10/kellers-riverside-store/
---
...LOL! Thanks Adrian!
-<>-
>From Our Friend Wesley :)
ripped : violinist
http://youtu.be/YPYGeELPpno
---
...Cool! Thanks Wesley!
-<>-
>From LynnLynn's Links:
Help for depression
http://www.psychologyinfo.com/depression/help.html
Root Beer
http://www.rootbeer.com
Melva/Up Up Up and Away
http://silverandgoldandthee.net/Misc_files/A/Up.html
No Regrets (remake)
http://www.carolspoetry.com/carol14.html
Promise Of God
http://www.reflectionsofsouthbreeze.com/Pages/promise_of_god.htm
Paper Art!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/paperart.html
Albino Hummingbird
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ahummingbird.html
Houses For Hermits
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/house.html
Visit Melissa's Online Store
You can get anything you want (except for Melissa ) at
the online store
http://pdhomes.net/mall/babylissa/mySTORES/ISELL4.html
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
==============================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
The man asked me to fill out a job application. It asked who
should be notified in case of emergency. I wrote: "A Good
Doctor!"
Working as an ISP phone tech, I get calls from a good deal
of customers who think I have ESP:
Customer: "I have a problem. OR, I have a question." Long
pause. Me: "Yeeees?"
On a restaurant table in Thailand: "Before leaving, please
check all your belongings in your bag. If you find something
that belongs to the restaurant, please return it to its proper
place."
"A new study says that obese people can lose weight if they
walk 12 miles per week. As a result Applebee's is intro-
ducing a new 12 mile long buffet." --Conan O'Brien
"Here's a sign that people in California have too much money.
Have you heard about this? People are now doing yoga with
their dog. Yoga for dogs. Who's this for? Dogs that want to
stick their necks out the car window a little further?"
-Jay Leno
"A Spice Girls reunion concert may be in the works. But
Posh Spice, Scary Spice, and the others are demanding $10
million. The $10 million price tag was thought up by the
group's newest member, Delusional Spice." -Conan O'Brien
I can't stand cheap people. It makes me real mad when some-
one says something like, 'Hey, when are you going to pay me
that $100 you owe me?' or 'Do you have the $50 you borrowed?'
Man, quit being so cheap! --Jack Handey
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN
HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Chriistian Foundational Class
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61
NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->This is for all you who love food and DARRE to make it at home Yep.
You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy,
good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
Share
A Recipe
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>TO SUBSCRIBE:
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