Here A Tip - There A Tip ... :) Shangy!
>-->In The 'Shangy' News :)
Well, February is officially done and with it all of last
months hot pages are turning cold.
If you didn't check them out, here they are for you again.
Be sure to visit them and PLEASE Pass Them On!
_ _
(,\- )_
/` b `-D What Is Love 1
| ,__/ http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wlove1.html
\,_____,'
/ \ What Is Love 2
/_|--|___|\ http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wlove2.html
/ \ \ |\_)
/ _'-' / What Is Love 3
| / \ / http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wlove3.html
\| |` \__
| /_\ )
jgs (____)'--'
Best Friends
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/poems/bestfriends.html
What Friends Are For
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/poems/whatfriends.html
The Real Eagle Story
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/eagle.html
Top Reasons To Smile
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/smile.html
War Pics: Daily With The Troops 2
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/daily2.html
Cats and Birds Together
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/catsandbirds.html
Giant Panda Bear
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/pandabear.html
WOW - We had a Busy Month Huh?
Thanks And HUGS to all who Shared these with us!
-<>-
>HOT off The 'Shangy' Press!
VCARS list of fast cars intrigued me so I just had to do up a page.
It reminded me of our dear departed friend Steve Grant. He loved
cars and I am sure he would of loved this page! It is full of the
world's finest fast production cars!
__
/ \ __
.---. _ / / _.~ \
\ `. / \ / /.-~ __/
`\ \ | | |/ .-~ __
\ \ | | | .'--~~ \
\ \ | | ` ' _______/
\ \ | ` /
.--. \ \ | ` /
\ `.\ \ \ /
`\ \ \ `\ (
\ \ \ > ,-.-. BEEP --- BEEP
\ `. \ / | \ \
\ . \ /___| O |O\ ,
.-. \ ; | /` `^-.\.-'`--'/
\ `; | | /
`\ \ | `. `--..____,'
\ `. | `._ _.-'^
\ . / `|`|`
.-.\ / | |
\ `\ / | |
`\ ` | | |
\ | | |
.-. | | |
\ `. \ | |
`\ \ | |
\ \ | |
\_____ :-'~~~~~'-' ;
/____;``-. :
<____( `. ;
\___\ ; .'
/``--'~___.-'
/\___/^/__/
/ /' /`/'
\ \ `\ \
`\ \ \ \
\ \ \ \
\ \ \ \
\ \ \ \ ______
\ \ ___\ \'~``______)>
jgs \ \___ _______ __)>
_____\ \'~``______)>
<(_______.._______)>
World's Fastest Cars:
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/fastcars.html
~*~ As Always, Please Pass These Around. THANK YOU! ~*~
===============================================================
>-->From FunnyBone:
.--.
.-========-. Helpful Tips To Make Life Simpler
| === [__] |
| [__][__] |
| o ==== | Old telephone books make ideal personal address
| LILILILI | books. Simply cross out the names and addresses
| LILILILI | of people you don't know.
| LILILILI |
| LILILILI | Fool other drivers into thinking you have an
| __ __ | expensive car phone by holding an old TV or
| [__][__] | video remote control up to your ear and
| [__][][] | occasionally swerving across the road
| [__] == | and mounting the curb.
jgs | OOO |
'-========-' Lose weight quickly by eating raw pork and
rancid tuna. I found that the subsequent
food poisoning/diarrhea enabled me to lose 12 pounds in only 2 days.
Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers turned to
fast wipe whenever you leave your car parked illegally.
No time for a bath? Wrap yourself in ,-"""""""-,
masking tape and remove the dirt by ; '-----' ;-. ,
simply peeling it off. |`"""""""`|_ '.__.-'|
'._______.' '._ _.-'
Apply red nail polish to your nails ``
before clipping them. The red nails
will be much easier to spot on your bathroom carpet. (Unless you have
a red carpet, in which case a contrasting polish should be selected).
___ ___
/ _ \ _.-'_.' If a person is choking on an ice
\____`-.____.-'_.-' cube, don't panic. Simply pour a
`-. _.\.-' jug of boiling water down their
____.-'`__/-._ throat and presto! The blockage
/ _ .-'` '-._`-._ is almost instantly removed.
\___/ '-._'-.
jgs `"` Save on booze by drinking cold tea
instead of whiskey. The following morning you can create the effects
of hangover by drinking a thimble full of dish washing liquid and
banging your head repeatedly on the wall.
====================================================================
+------------------- Bizarre Holiday ---------------------+
MARCH
March 1 is National Pig Day and Peanut Butter Lover's Day
March 2 is Old Stuff Day
March 3 is I Want You To Be Happy Day, Peach Blossom Day
and National Anthem Day
March 4 is Holy Experiment Day
March 5 is Multiple Personalities Day
March 6 is National Frozen Food Day
March 7 is National Crown Roast Of Pork Day
March 8 is Be Nasty Day
For the rest of the list, go to:
Bizarre News.com
==============================================================
>-->8 Simple
|\ _,
\_|/ |
Rules .' `\/
For _o o` |
Dieting ()` ;
__ `--' /
\_`\ `.___/
\ \ /=====\
\ |=====/`\
`|=====| |
|=====| |
|=====\_\
\======/
/`--/^`\
jgs \ |\ |
(___(___)
,===, ,, ,==, ,, ,===,,====,
||__))||// __ || ||__ ||
|| ||\\ |||| || ||
'' '' '===''===''===' ''
Copyright 2006 W. Bruce Cameron — Please do not remove the copyright
from this essay.
With every new pronouncement made by nutrition experts, it is becoming
more and more difficult for Americans to obtain a simple, clear answer
to what is, for most of us, the key question about our diets: “How can I
avoid exercise and eat lots of fatty foods and yet still have the body
of a fashion model?”
For men, of course, there is some flexibility—they don’t necessarily
want to look like fashion models, they just want to date fashion models.
But women are bombarded with sexy images of female bodies from all
directions, making it sound as if every product manufactured in the
world can be enjoyed only if you are made of two-percent body fat.
Grimly, women face the mirror and pledge that they will deny themselves
nearly all food but not chocolate. They will eat no desserts unless it
is someone’s birthday or something, and they will order nothing off a
menu unless it contains the words “Chicken Caesar.”
On the other hand, most male weight-loss plans consist of lying to their
wives about what they really had for lunch. But studies have shown that
(a) many, if not most, American men need to go on a diet, and (b) men
don’t care about (a). Men reason that since it is easier for them to
lose weight than it is for women, they don’t need to bother with it.
To aid dieters of all known genders, I’ve researched the current data on
weight loss and condensed it here, in a handy, eight-point guide.
Rule # 1: Apparently, there is some relationship between how often you
open your mouth and how often you put food into it. To reduce your
caloric consumption, try keeping your lips together, especially when you
are in the presence of a cheese cake.
Rule # 2: There seems to be some disagreement among scientists over what
causes fat. It has been noted that chubby laboratory rats who are fed a
steady diet of ice cream sundaes seem unreasonably joyful—so perhaps
experiencing pleasure causes weight gain. You might find that you can
drop pounds by deliberately being unhappy. Coincidentally, I can think
of no better way to make yourself miserable than to go around hungry all
the time, so you’re in luck.
Rule # 3: Dieters should remember that proteins, fats, and carbohydrates
are the building blocks of life and should be avoided at all costs.
Rule # 4: Some people argue that the healthiest diet is the one on which
our species lived when we resided in caves and had to go everywhere on
foot, even to the drive-thru windows. We were scavengers then, feeding
off the fresh kills left by wolves. To emulate this diet in modern
times, track a couple of loose dogs through your neighborhood and then
steal and eat whatever they pull out of the trash cans. You’ll lose
weight!
Rule # 5: Chewing actually burns calories. The more you chew, the more
you lose weight. The more you eat, the more you chew. Seems pretty
logical to me.
Rule # 6: Food is the fuel our bodies burn in order to enable us to do
physical things like using the television remote. To lose weight,
consider alternative sources of energy, like solar panels, or wind
power. (Remember those beanie caps with the propellers on top?)
Rule # 7: My cat is very thin. It licks its fur all day and then once a
week throws up on the carpet. This would probably work for people, too,
though I don’t want to be the first one on my block to try it.
Rule # 8: Probably the biggest problem is when you go back for second
helpings at every meal. Avoid this temptation by loading your plate with
enough food the first time around.
The goal here is to get to the point where you feel good about your body
whenever you see your reflection. But nothing will work if you don’t
have the courage and resolve to stick to a diet.
Or, barring that, to get rid of your mirrors.
Write to Bruce.
http://www.wbrucecameron.com/email_bruce.htm
========================================================================
>-->Top 'NOT' Tigger Tips...
.---._ _.-'"""'-._ _.---.
:.---._`.: .- -. ;.'_.---.;
: ' `.': .`.' ` ;
`....-':'::. 0 0 .' :;`-....'
:.:'_:---:_`::;
.--._ `:_( )_:' _.--.
.----. ``-.' \ / `.-'' .----.
: : .---'': `-.-' :--''''-. : :
___: :____.--''`. : .'``--._____: :_____
: :_.'| ' | `''"'|"'' | ` `._; :
____`-'____|_______|_______|_______|_______|___`-'______
| | | | | | |
______|_______|_______|_______|_______|_______|_______|___
| | | | | | |
_|_______|_______|_______|_______|_______|_______|________
jgs | | | | | | |
____|_______|_______|_______|_______|_______|_______|_____
A few top tips for getting people's blood pressure up.
***Girls: the next time you feel like throwing a ball over-arm, don't do
it, because you can't and it looks very silly. Just throw it girlie
under-arm style and no one will laugh at you or get hurt.
***Obtain the effect of St. Pat's Day Green Beer revelling this year,
without the expense, by staying in and watching tv. Then wash your teeth
in turpentine, drink a glass of washing up liquid and hit your head
against the wall a few times before going to sleep.
***Dog owners: next time your dog does a 'soft one' on the beach, annoy
metal detector owners by dropping nuts and bolts into it and covering it
with sand.
======================================================================
>-->BUSINESS QUOTES:
.----.
_.'__ `.
.--(#)(##)---/#\ 'NOT' TIPS FOR:
.' @ /###\ Staying COOL On The Job!
: , #####
`-..__.-' _.-\###/
jgs `;_: `"'
.'"""""`.
/, JOE ,\
// COOL! \\
`-._______.-'
___`. | .'___
(______|______)
Accomplishing the impossible only means the boss will add
it to your regular duties.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to
be lazy.
Any simple problem can be made insoluble if enough meetings
are held to discuss it.
Anything not worth doing is not worth doing well.
By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually
get to be boss and work twelve hours a day. (Robert Frost)
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
A committee is a cul-de-sac down which ideas are lured and
then quietly strangled. (Sir Barnett Cocks)
Doing nothing is tiring because you can't stop to rest.
Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
Everyone rises to their level of incompetence. (Dr.
Lawrence J. Peter - The Peter Principle)
The first thing a new employee should do on the job is
learn to recognize his boss' voice on the phone. (Martin
Buxbaum)
Go the extra mile--It makes your boss look like an
incompetent slacker.
The Golden Rule of Bureaucracy: Whoever has the gold makes
the rules.
Hang in there: Retirement is only 30 years away!
I always arrive late to work, but I make up for it by
leaving early.
I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a
salary.
If we knew what we were doing it wouldn't be called
research.
If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do
it?
The key to being a good manager is keeping the people who
hate you away from those who are still undecided. (Casey
Stengal)
The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due
to budget cuts.
A memorandum is not written to inform the reader but to
protect the writer. (Dean Acheson)
Of course I don't look busy...I did it right the first
time!
Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along
without it.
Who says nothing is impossible. I've been doing nothing for
years.
==============================================================
>-->From ScreamOfTheCrop:
, ; , .-'"""'-. , ; ,
\\|/ .' '. \|//
\-;-/ () () \-;-/
// ; ; \\
//__; :. .; ;__\\
`-----\'.'-.....-'.'/-----'
'.'.-.-,_.'.'
jgs '( (..-'
'-'
>Biz Tips:
"If the circus is coming to town and you paint a sign saying "Circus
Coming to the Fairground Saturday," that's advertising. If you put the
sign on the back of an elephant and walk it into town, that's promotion.
If the elephant walks through the mayor's flower bed, that's publicity.
And if you get the mayor to laugh about it, that's public relations. If
the town's citizens go the circus, you show them the many entertainment
booths, explain how much fun they'll have spending money at the booths,
answer their questions and ultimately, they spend a lot at the circus,
that's sales." -- Unknown
-<>-
>Exercise Tip:
The woman needed encouragement to keep pedaling the exercise bike in her
gym. So my friend, the gym manager, said, "Close your eyes and imagine
you're riding along Broadway in New York City. It will be more
interesting."
Inspired, the woman cycled on, but after a minute she stopped.
"What's wrong?" asked my friend."
"The traffic light's red," she replied.
-<>-
>Healthy Tip:
A couple of hours into a visit with my mother she noticed I hadn't lit
up a cigarette once. "Are you trying to kick the habit?"
"No," I replied, "I've got a cold and I don't smoke when I'm not feeling
well."
"You know," she observed, "you'd probably live longer if you were sick
more often."
-<>-
As Long As Women Have Curves
Men Will Always Have Angles
-<>-
Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord my shape to keep.
Please no wrinkles, Please no bags
And please lift my butt before it sags.
Please no age spots, Please no gray
And as for my belly, Please take it away.
Please keep me healthy, Please keep me young,
And thank you Dear Lord, For all that you've done.
AMEN!
To subscribe, send a blank email to
scream_of_the_crop-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
===================================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
>From FireSociety:
+ + Steve Elliott's Thoughts on the Campaign
This week, Steve Elliott's daily briefings have delved
into Hillary Clinton's slipping poll numbers, Chertoff's
bogus "virtual" fence and more. Go here to catch up:
http://www.firesociety.com/blog/100/ElliottBlog/?src=111
+ + There’s much more on FireSociety this week. Be sure
to take a minute to "go home" and see the latest:
http://www.firesociety.com
Together, we can build the best grassroots community on the web!
Sean Ivy, Editor
FireSociety.com
-<>-
>From CoffeeBreak:
Family captures suspected mailbox vandals
Police in Hatley, Wis., said they arrested three vandals
after family members who witnessed the suspects damaging
their mailbox hunted them down. Greg Fisher, 49, his son,
Dustin, 18, and his wife, Kim, 47, said they pulled an
all-night stakeout Saturday after their mailbox was damaged
for the fourth time in two weeks, the Wausau (Wis.) Daily
Herald reported Wednesday. Fisher said his family saw the
occupants of a truck smash the mailbox between 2 and 3 a.m.
Sunday and Dustin pursued the vehicle in his car. However,
he was only able to obtain a partial license plate number
before the truck sped off at speeds approaching 100 miles
per hour. The family contacted the Marathon County
Sheriff's Department, but a deputy was unable to identify
the vehicle with only the partial number. However, Kim and
Dustin Fisher saw the truck hours later at a BP gas station
and blocked the vehicle's means of exit until deputies
could arrive at the scene. A police report said two
16-year-olds were held on juvenile charges and a 19-year-old
was held on suspicion of criminal damage to property.
Bagel prices top $1 in New York
Bagel sellers in New York said rising costs of wheat and
other materials have driven the price of a plain bagel in
the city to $1 and more. Bakers said the price of wheat
flour, which is currently at a record $12 a bushel, has
contributed the most to the price hikes, the New York Post
reported. Brooklyn's Coney Island Bagels, for example,
currently sells plain products with no toppings for a full
dollar, up from 60 cents last February. Meanwhile, at H&H
Bagels on the city's Upper West Side, a plain bagel sells
for $1.20. "We don't have any choice but to raise prices,"
said Shahim Islam, manager of Tal Bagels, where prices
jumped this week from $1 to $1.20. "Some people will
complain, but we'll just have to explain that flour has
doubled and the cost of everything is going up." Sammy
Abbis, manager of Pick-A-Bagel, which has managed to keep
its prices just barely below the dollar mark at 95 cents
said he has had to lay off a number of employees to prevent
his prices from skyrocketing. "In the last year I've had
to let four people go," he said.
Dromedaries drop by campus loading dock
Marshall University students may have been tempted to quip
"One hump or two?" after seeing two camels on the Huntington,
W.Va., campus. The ships of the desert milled around the
loading dock of Smith Hall, a classroom building, as part
of an international broadcasting class taught by Joanne
Gula of the School of Journalism and Mass Communications,
The Parthenon student newspaper reported Wednesday. "I
thought it would help students realize there are other
things around the world they'll need to discover," Gula
said, explaining the animals' presence Tuesday was part of
a class presentation. Mary Beth Hampton, a student in
Gula's class, suggested the camels be part of her her
presentation on other cultures. Her father, Jack Hampton,
just happened to own two and transported them to campus,
Gula said she didn't seek a permit or zoning exception for
having the animals on campus. "I'm not considering it a
visit," Gula said of the live visual aids. "I'm just
calling it a pit stop."
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
-- Couple finds thousands in cash in fridge ---------
JANESVILLE, Wis. - Janesville, Wis., police say a cash
bundle discovered by a couple in their refrigerator --
an estimated $10,000 to $12,000 -- has not been linked
to a crime. Police said the cash, which will not have an
accurate total until the moldy bills are exchanged for
new currency, will revert to the ownership of James and
Colleen Mesler if the owner is not found by March 11, the
Janesville (Wis.) Gazette reported. "The money has been
determined to be 'found property' and subject to applicable
state finder statutes. The money has been returned to the
bank," police said in a statement. An investigation found
the money was not stolen or tied to the drug trade, police
said. However, the previous tenants of the apartment
occupied by the Meslers are currently defendants in a
cocaine-trafficking case.
.-----.
/ '. ' .\
|_.__'_.|}
(=(_)^(_)=)
;, > ,;
;;;~~~;;;
___.';;;;;'.__
/'`\ `\ /` /`'\
/ | | | | \
jgs( | |\_/| | @~ )
| | | | | |
| /| | | |\ |
\ || | | || /
( || | | || )
| || |___| || |
\ ||___|[_]|___O| /
| | / \O| |
-- Biker club foils Australian bar robbery ----------
SYDNEY - Two men who should have spent more time casing
their target -- an Australian bar where a biker club was
holding a meeting. One of the men ended up hog-tied after
three members of the Southern Cross Cruiser Club ran him
down outside the Regents Park Sporting Club in Sydney, The
Sydney Morning Herald reported. Police found the other one
near the bar Wednesday night. At least one of the men
was armed. Jerry Jerry "Jester" van Cornewal, the club
president, helped chase the first man. He said he thought
the man was carrying a tire iron, but it proved on closer
inspection to be a samurai sword. Van Cornewal described
the pair as having "failed robber school." Noel "Bear"
Mannix," founder of the biker club, said that the two
realized quickly that they had picked the wrong target.
"It was one of those stopped-time moments," he said. "It
was very hard to see the expression on their faces because
of the balaclavas, but I imagine it was something along
lines of 'Oh (expletive), what have we done here?'" Both
were charged with attempted robbery.
-- Bump in a road breaks man's dentures -----------
ENGERDAL, Norway, - Roads is Norway are at an all-time
maintenance low, says a 76-year-old man who says his
dentures broke as he drove over a big bump. Eindride
Edvang was on a road in Engerdal in Hedmark County when
his dentures were knocked around in his mouth as he drove
over a 4.7 inch bump, Aftenposten reported. "I've driven
cars, trucks, a taxi and even been a driving instructor
during the past 56 years, and I've never experienced
poorer roads than this year," Edvang said. It is reported
that a lack of highway maintenance has become a major
concern of Norwegian citizens this year. "Now we just
have to get better roads, so that we don't have to take
out our dentures when we take a car trip," Edvang ranted.
City officials promised to repair roads in the near future,
the report said.
=================================================================
>-->Simply Bad Life Tips
\\/////
|. .|
( _\ | I'll Tell Ya ALL Ya Need Ta Know
| = |
|\___/
___/| \__
/` | '----' |`\ \\\\\\,
/ | | \ _/'' \\\
/~% | ; \ \ D
/ /\/ |`\ \ \_ /
\ \ | | / / <\ />,_
`\ \| |/ /` / \Y/ /` \
`\; |/` || # | |
(| |) || # | |
|_________| || # | |
| | | ||=[]=| |
| | | || |__|
|____|__| //| | /||\
\ | | | | |
| ) ) | | |
/ | | ( ( |
|___|__| | | |
\===|==| | | |
/ `-.`-. [_[___]
jgs \______)__) (_(____|
Do you ever ask yourself why did I get out of bed today?
Is this all there is to life?
And where the hack I left my car keys?
Don't despair; it's not too late to turn your life around! Well, unless
you are really old (like 30); in that case I suggest alcohol. If you are
still a useful member society (under 30), I gathered some life tips that
without a doubt change your life in such a deep and profound way, you
won't even notice!
So with all that said and down, now it's time to seat down, lean back,
open your mind, scratch your tummy, cluck like a chicken and read this
pearls of wisdom:
1. Every morning smile to your mirror, but why stop there? Smile to your
kitchen table, to your living room sofa and to your iron board. Beware,
don't smile to your dishwasher it may take it as provocation.
2. Always put your smile on. People will assume you are a crazy person
and won't mess with you.
3. Be kind to others, send me money.
4. Live every day like it is your last. Crawl into a corner and cry.
5. Live every day to the fullest. When going to the bathroom take a
newspaper!
6. Drinking is not a solution, unless we are talking about alcohol.
7. Better to give, than to receive (true only in case of infections).
8. Clothes don't make the man, but being naked will get you arrested.
9. Don't put all your eggs in one basket, put all of then in the fridge
they will last longer.
10. Remember everybody makes mistakes, and you will have the opportunity
to laugh on them.
11. Always follow your dreams; just be sure to check that Pamela
Anderson is also on board.
12. Give a man a fish and he might take it the wrong way...
13. Honesty is the best policy, at least that what Pamela always
telling me.
14. Time is money. Stop reading stupid articles!
Boaz Ben-Dov is really... something. Visit and be a part of his
revolutionary funny website!
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Boaz_Ben_Dov
=================================================================
>-->Excerpts from grade school students' papers:
________________________________
|.==============================,|
|| ||
|| .----. , ||
|| / >< \ / ||
|| | |/\ ||
|| \______//\/ ||
|| _(____)/ / ||
||__/ ,_ _ _/__________________||
'===\___\_) |===================='
|______|
| || |
|__||__|
jgs (__)(__)
* The inhabitants of Moscow are called Mosquitoes.
* A census taker is man who goes from house to house
increasing the population.
* (Define H2O and CO2.) H2O is hot water and CO2 is cold
water.
* The general direction of the Alps is straight up.
* Most of the houses in France are made of plaster of Paris.
* The people who followed the Lord were called the 12
opossums.
* The spinal column is a long bunch of bones. The head sits
on the top and you sit on the bottom.
* The parts of speech are lungs and air.
* We do not raise silk worms in the United States, because
we get our silk from rayon. He is a larger worm and gives
more silk.
* One of the main causes of dust is janitors.
* A scout obeys all to whom obedience is due and respects
all duly constipated authorities.
* One by-product of raising cattle is calves.
* The four seasons are salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
* The climate is hottest next to the Creator.
* The word trousers is an uncommon noun because it is
singular at the top and plural at the bottom.
* The future of "I give" is "I take."
* Syntax is all the money collected at the church from
sinners.
* Iron was discovered because someone smelt it.
* In the middle of the 18th century, all the morons moved
to Utah.
==========================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
,@@@@@@,
,@@@@@""@@,
@@@@@ 6.6\@ I just read an article on
@@@C _-_)@
'@@@) (@@' USA Today's
_.-"""-.
." \ `". website
/ .-"---._ \
|_/ _ _ `\_|
/ | o o | \ which said, basically,
\/ 7 \/
\ .___. /
'._ _ _.' that today's teens
jgs ) (
are a bunch of uncultured ignoramuses. The actual headline
is 'Teens losing touch with common cultural and historical
references.'
.---.
."""-. // \ \
| .\\\ )' )_|
\__/ -( \__ /
\ _/ .-;___;-.
.-;_(-. / \
/ \ /-/| |\-\
/_/| |\_\ \ \| |/ /
\ \|___|/ / \ \_____/ /
)/\ /|\ /|\ |\\
| | | | |
|_____| | | |
| | | |_ | _|
|-|-| | | |
\ | / | | |
jgs /-T-\ |__|__|
(_/ \_) (_/ \_)
Among 1,200 students surveyed:
43 percent knew the Civil War was fought between 1850 and 1900.
52 percent could identify the theme of the book 1984.
51 percent knew that the controversy surrounding Senator
Joseph McCarthy focused on communism.
In all, students earned a C in history and an F in literature.
It's hard to be too critical. I mean, how many people really
ever use history, or literature? Anybody who has ever gotten
a job because they knew the Civil War started in 1850 and
ended in 1900 please write in and let us know!
Laugh it up, Joe
Email Joe
-<>-
Shows that may be appearing on TV soon, as a result of the
electronic and computer age:
Modem, She Wrote: Each week, our intrepid detective tries
to solve the ultimate mystery: why her modem won't ever
connect at 56k.
Micro-CHiPs: Ponch and Jon now patrol the Information
Superhighway.
Carly's Angels: Chief exec Carly Fiorina instructs her team
of three vixen market analysts on how to prop up HP's
sagging stock price.
Hawaii 6.0: An upgraded version of the classic series.
Steve McGarrett goes surfing for bad guys online.
T. J. Hacker: A retired cop, with an uncanny resemblance
to James T. Kirk, takes up computer hacking to track down
the miscreants who canceled his TV show.
The Excel Files: Inexplicable things are happening to the
data in Microsoft Excel spreadsheets. Can this puzzle be
solved? The truth is out there.
The AOL-Team: Each week, AOL, Time Warner, Netscape, and
Mr. TT unite to promote corporate mergers and make the
world safe for capitalism.
Magnum, PC: This series about a crime-solving personal
computer that goes by the code name Deep Blue is based in
beautiful Hawaii.
Buffy the Virus Slayer: Buffy and her fearless gang of
antivirus definitions stalk and kill VBS files-- no small
feat while wearing a halter top and high-heeled boots.
-<>-
Walter was sitting in the doctor's office for his annual
physical going over a few fine points about his health
with his doctor.
The doctor said, "Your blood pressure is a little high,
you know Walter, you need to watch your diet and lose a
little weight."
"But doc, I'm losing weight more and more each day."
"Oh really? How are you doing it?" asked the doctor.
"Well, just six weeks ago, I'd eat lunch at 12:00 and have
a snack around 3:00. Just today I had breakfast at 7:30,
waited 2 hours, had a snack at 9:30 then I waited an hour
and a half and ate lunch at 11:00, then I waited 45 minutes
and had a snack before coming here"
"And with this regiment you're losing weight?" asked the
doctor.
"Yeah," Walter said excitedly. "More meals and less wait!"
-<>-
I was on the phone trying to set up a furniture delivery.
"If you would like to arrange a delivery date, please press
one," the automated voice prompted me. "If you would like
to confirm delivery, please press two."
At that moment my three-year-old daughter let out an ear-
piercing shriek. "I'm sorry," the automated voice said,
"that is not a valid response."
I was sitting in the foyer of a bank when a young man walked
by, and then stopped for a moment on his way out. I noticed
that one of the latches on his overstuffed briefcase was
unfastened, putting strain on the remaining latch.
"You're going to lose the contents of your briefcase," I
warned him.
Just then the case burst open. He stared at me with something
akin to fear in his eyes as he gasped, "How on earth did you
do that?"
-<>-
While on leave, my Marine buddy and I met two nursing
students from Southern California. After chatting them
up awhile, the conversation turned to what we did in the
service. When we told them we were in the infantry, the
girls seemed very impressed, giving us big smiles as they
told us how sweet that was.
Since infantry and sweet are seldom used in the same sen-
tence, I was a little confused. Until, that is, one of the
girls said, "We admire any man who works with infants."
-<>-
Don goes into business for himself. He buys a hotdog cart
and sets it up in a prime spot on a busy downtown corner,
right near a large bank.
One day, his friend Jim approaches him and asks Don if he
can lend him some money.
Don refuses.
"But why?" asks Jim. "Everyone knows you're doing well, and
I'm not asking for much."
"Well, Jim, in order to get this spot I had to sign a Non-
competition Agreement with that bank over there. According
to the terms of the agreement, they're don't sell hot dogs,
and I don't lend money."
=============================================================
>-->From The Jokester:
/ .-
|/,-'`
_.-'''-._
_.;.--._.--.;._
.oOo0Oo./( O / \ O )\ `
_oOoOoO0o '-' '-' ;
_//|||||||| (_) |
/ __)|||||| . . |
| __)|||||| `-.___.-' | .-. _
| ___)|||||| \.-./ ; | | / |
|~~\\|||||||\ `-` / __| |/ /_
| |`====;__'._ _.'__ (_ _)
\ /\"""""/\ `\ `| .'`
'----------.`-`\^/`-`. \ |~~|
| /~\ |`\ \ | |
| |\| | \ `y |
jgs | |\| | \ /
| |\| | '.__.'
|___|\|___|
|===\_/===|
>10 Pints of Guinness
A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to
the crowd of drinkers. He says, "I hear you Irish are a bunch
of hard drinkers.
I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can
drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back." The room is quiet,
and no one takes up the Texan's offer.
One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later the same gentleman
who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder.
"Is your bet still good?" asks the Irishman.
The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints
of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of
the pint glasses, drinking them all back-to-back.
The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement.
The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, "If ya don't
mind me askin', where did you go for that 30 minutes you
were gone?"
The Irishman replies, "Oh... I had to go to the pub down the
street to see if I could do it first."
-<>-
The Budweiser Scale
Three guys were having a few beers at a bar and checking out
the babes as they entered the bar. A cute blonde walked in.
The first guy said, "I'd give her a 7. She's cute."
The other two agreed.
The bartender overheard their rating and said, dryly, "I'd
give her a 3."
"A 3? Man, you're harsh!" The guys figured the bartender just
had lousy taste in women and returned to their sport.
The next young lady scored a 9, but the bartender gave her a 5.
"A 5? How can you give her a 5? She's gorgeous!"
Then a stunning blonde walked in. Our three judges nod and say in
unison, "10!" But the bartender added, "6."
"A 6!? No way! What scale are you using?"
The bartender said, "The Budweiser scale."
"The Budweiser scale? What the hell is that?"
The bartender explained, "That's the number of Clydesdales it
would take to pull me off her!"
-<>-
Beer Festival
After a Beer Festival, in London, all the brewery presidents
decided to go out for a beer.
The guy from Corona sits down and says, "Hey Senior, I would
like the world's best beer, a Corona." The bartender dusts off
a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.
The guy from Budweiser says "I'd like the best beer in the world,
give me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser." The bartender gives
him one.
The guy from Coors says "I'd like the only beer made with
Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors." He gets it.
The guy from Guinness sits down and says, "Give me a Coke."
The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what
he ordered.
The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask
"Why aren't you drinking a Guinness?"
The Guinness resident replies, "Well, if you guys aren't
drinking beer, neither will I."
==============================================================
>-->From SermondFodder:
>REAL LIFE Tips:
_._
_._ //\\\
///\\ |. . )
( . .| \_=_/
\_-_/--' `\
/_) `\-| | \ You have it easily in your power
/_| |_\| |_|
\\___// |---|/ to increase the sum total of this
| | | | |
| | | | | | world's happiness now.
|_|_| |_|_|
jgs (__/__)(__\__) How?
By giving a few words of sincere appreciation to someone
who is lonely or discouraged. Perhaps you will forget tomorrow
the kind words you say today, but the recipient may cherish
them over a lifetime. - Dale Carnegie
================================
>CAN I GET A WITNESS?
God made us sisters,
Hearts made us friends.
.--.
/`\| / .;;.;;;;.
'-.""""-./;;;;;;;;;\
/ / \ \;;;;;;;;;;|
/ | \;;-;;;;;/`\
.' / | \ '| \()| ;.
__'._/ | \__.\ _/;;`--/ }
/ '.-'`"""`'-._ \;;;-'\.'
\ __\'-.__-' /`-' _.' \
;\-_- //`''-'-._.-' |
__|_'---'`-..______,.____.../__
|_.._.._.._.._.._.._.._.._.._.._|
__| || || || || || || || || || || |
|\ | || || || || || || || || || || |
\\ | || || || || || || || || || || |
|\\|_||_||_||_||_||_||_||_||_||_||_|
||\|.---..---.--.---.--..--.---..-.|
|| ||jgs \ / / | || | || ||
|| || \/_ / _|==||==| || ||
|| | |`\ ( `-| '-| ||
|| \ _\_/ '.__/\__/ ||
I recall when I was a teenager, there was this very tough girl in
town; a biker-type female who wore leather, swore like a sailor,
loved to instigate fights, drink, do drugs, and generally, just
scare off people with her hard as nails exterior.
Admittedly, I was afraid of her because she had harassed and
assaulted a friend of mine, and like everyone else, I had heard the
stories of how this tough girl threatened this guy, or hit that gal.
Several years later, I met this same young woman in a restaurant I
was working at. She looked so different, I didn't immediately
recognize her. It turns out she had become a Christian, and said it
had made a wonderful change in her life.
My mistake I made was that I wrongly assumed she could never be
interested in spiritual matters because her rough personality. I
never made that mistake again.
I should have known better; understood that with God, all things
are possible!
As seen in Christian Voices TO SUBSCRIBE got to
http://subscribe.christianvoices.org
=====================================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
Dr.Phil's Advice: Rules for Dating and More
http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/313
-<>-
>From Our Friend Pat:
I love this!! lol lol teehee I hope this helps make your day!!
Printer Problems:
http://smileuk.blogspot.com/2008/02/dear-printer-repair-man.html
---
...Funny! Thanks Pat!
-<>-
>From TheMouth:
20 Questions:
http://www.20q.net/index.html
Rock and Roll Hall of Fame
http://www.rockhall.com/
-<>-
>From Linky & Dinky:
USA! USA! USA!
We're number one on this list
(as long as you flip the list
upside down first.)
http://tinyurl.com/2ysmjk
WITNESS STORIES FROM YOUR NEIGHBORS
about things that go bump in
the night.
http://www.strangeusa.com/
BANKS THAT PAY the HIGHEST INTEREST RATES
for CDs and money markets are actually
the ones that NEED your money to stay solvent.
http://www.bankrate.com/brm/safesound/ss_home.asp
-<>-
>From LynnLynn's Links:
An Irish Blessing
http://www.epicureansdelight.stocktonet.com/An_Irish_Blessing.htm
Get Human
http://www.gethuman.com/
Camel Spiders
http://www.exotic-pets.co.uk/camel-spider.html
Foods That Flopped
http://www.boomj.com/?page=articles/view&AID=13014
Habbo Hangout For Teens
http://www.habbo.com/
Awww Animals
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animals.html
Amphibians
http://ctamp.homestead.com/ctamphibians.html
American Mink
http://nature.ca/NOTEBOOKS/ENGLISH/ammink.htm
In God We Still Trust
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/3214.htm
I Think Dan Is Still Depressed
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/3215.htm
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Toon Links
Can't Approve
http://www.buffaloschips.com/425005.htm
Here!
Telephone
http://www.buffaloschips.com/425004.htm
Here!
Cabin Cruiser
http://www.buffaloschips.com/425002.htm
Here!
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet,
send a blank e-mail to
LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
============================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"Another Democratic debate last night. This time in Ohio.
The big winner? 'American Idol.'" -Jay Leno
"Hillary Clinton is trailing Barack Obama. She's getting
pretty desperate. People are saying she has a new personality
every day of the campaign. For instance, today, she is Madam
Lasonga, the mind reader at the carnival." -David Letterman
"I was in McDonald's and I saw this kid take his Happy Meal
toy and throw it on the ground. His mom said, 'Hey, you play
with that. There are children in China who are manufacturing
those!'" --Laura Silverman
"I have a Y chromosome that makes me ask, Why get married?
But I wouldn't want to put down marriage as a whole - which
it is." --Kevin Hench
"I like hip-hop. I'm working with Ice Cube, Ice-T, and Herb
Tea. I'm changing my name to Snapple." --Paul Mooney
"Cold here today. So cold, that thing on Amy Winehouse's
head? It mated it with that thing on Donald Trump's head."
- David Letterman
"During a press conference today, President Bush said the
following: 'It's important we make the economy strong so
families can put money on their tables.' Then Bush said
Americans should deposit food in their bank accounts."
- Conan O'Brien
"Great day for Katie Holmes! Rumor has she is expecting
again. She told a friend she expects to hear the pitter-
patter of tiny feet. She may be just talking about Tom
Cruise."
- Craig Ferguson
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy!
-----------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
-----------------------------------------------------------
-->Bigham's Computer Rescue - PC Sales & Serrvice
You can trust us to provide you with quality computer sales and repair.
We've been servicing the Van Wert area since 1981 and can help you with
all your computer needs. Please phone us at 419-238-5806
******************************************************************
-->This is for all you who love food and DARRE to make it at home Yep.
You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy,
good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
Share
A Recipe
******************************************************************
>TO SUBSCRIBE:
Visit Here
This Weeks regular Shangy emails
OR
For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to
ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
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