Here's Your Sign And More ... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net =========================== >-->Hot Off The 'Shangy' Press :) Checking out animated pictures for our Gallery, I came across some pretty cool Giant Panda Bear Pictures. But what really blew me away was how small and darling the newborn panda is! I just had to do up a picture page for this one! Hope you enjoy it! ## ###----## ### \ / ##__ / ## # --# : __/ -# : ,' _\ > : #### :' #########: ########## | ###: ~MAMA~ ###################### : ####################### : ######################...,' : ; ; ; ,; ;########## ;########### ,,,,,,,,,;########### Giant Panda Bear http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/pandabear.html -<>- AND Be Sure To Visit and Share our New For This Month FRIEND Pages: Best Friends http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/poems/bestfriends.html What Friends Are For http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/poems/whatfriends.html AND Our Other Friend Pages: Give them time to load and if the Lake graphics do not show up correctly please refresh your browser. Turn up the sound: Friends Together: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/poems/together.html It Takes Two: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/poems/two.html Here's Your Frog! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/frog.html Friendship Greetings! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/greetings.html Love Test http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lovetest.html ======================================== >-->From FunnyBone: Isn't This Cuckoo Village? _ ,/_\, A man had just left home and was heading down ,/_/ \_\, the highway. He saw a sign which said "Cuckoo /_/ ___ \_\ Village, Exit 5". When he arrived at Exit 5, /_/ |(V)| \_\ he took it for he was anxious to see what this | .-. | was all about. It wasn't long after leaving the | / / \ | main highway, he saw a sign that said "Cuckoo | \ \ / | Village" and he pulled into the first driveway | '-' | that he saw. '--,-,--' | | There in front of him, was the most beautiful building | | he had ever seen. It was made of logs and was most | | unusual. It had many windows and doors, all of which /\| had shutters on them. He decided he had to go in and \/| look around. He knocked on the first door he /\ encountered and found himself face to face with a \/ beautiful woman named Heidi. He asked if she minded him coming in and having a look around. Heidi replied, "Not at all, please come in. My name is Heidi and I am the owner of this place. Feel free to roam around and if you have any questions, please ask me." The inside of the building was as beautiful as the outside. It was elaborately decorated with many ornaments, stuffed animals and many clocks. After a while, the man came back to Heidi and said "I'm truly impressed. I would like to have one. How do I go about getting one of these." Heidi said, "Which one?" The man replied, "Doesn't really matter, just one something like this." Heidi (a bit confused), "Do you mean one of our cuckoo clocks?" Man (now a bit confused himself), "I mean a cuckoo house. Isn't this a cuckoo village." Heidi, "Yes, this is the cuckoo village! We sell cuckoo clocks." Man, "Darn. My wife just kicked me out of the house....said I was a cuckoo. I'm looking for a place to live." ====================================================================== +------------------ Bizarre Presidential ------------------+ FACTS Ronald Reagan, the 40th U.S. president, saved 77 people from drowning as a lifeguard in his youth at a riverside beach near Dixon, Illinois. 20th president of the United States James Garfield could write Greek with one hand while writing Latin with the other. Abe Lincoln, the 16th president of the United States, carried letters, bills, and notes in his notorious black, top-hat. First U.S. president George Washington rejected a movement among army officers to make him king of the United States. William Taft, 27th president of the United States, weighed more than 300 pounds and had a special oversized bathtub installed in the White House. The 38th president of the United States, Gerald Ford turned down offers to play professional football for the Green Bay Packers and the Detroit Lions. ============================================================= >-->Here's Your Sign... _.-._ ___|/| ' |_| ` __|___|/ '.___.' |___| | / .-( v )-. | / ( _ `-' _ ) | / ____\_('=')_/+------+_|/ | | | |Siesta| `--'--' +------+ kOs \_|_/ >Artist: Bill Engvall Song: Here's Your Sign Christmas Lyrics : I took my son to the mall the other day to see Santa Claus. ______ _.' _..._\ _/ .'_..._ ' .' / /.'==..=\: '._\ \\ O _O<' HoHoHo _/_/ ._'._).'_ / \_/ .=== \ \ \ | / | \ \ \ | |/ '-._ | . / '.\ / wtx \__\ The woman in line behind me says "hey is that Santa Claus up there"? I said "no ma'm, it's a Kenny Rodgers stunt double" Here's your sign The other day I bought a wreath to go on our front door as I was walking out the store a man stopped me and said "hey, are you going to hang that on your door"? I said "no sir, it's a Christmas toilet seat cover, got the idea from Martha Stewart" (Chorus) Here's your sign, Here's your sign, Here's your stupid sign You acted dumb, so have some fun and wear your stupid sign Oh! Here's your sign, Here's your sign, Here's your stupid sign you lost your mind, so pay the fine and wear your stupid sign .|, -*- '/'\` /`'o\ /#,o'`\ o/`"#,`\o /`o``"#,\ o/#,`'o'`\o /o`"#,`',o\ o`-._`"#_.-'o _|"|_ \=%=/ hjw I hung those little Christmas lights on my house, you know the kind that blink on and off. My neighbour comes over and says "Bill how do you get those to blink on and off like that"? I said "I've got my son inside plugging and unplugging it, plugging and unplugging it" Here's your sign |L ,' ` /.o `, `, |-`, -', ' `,'_) '\ ,' `-`, _`o,- (_)/ '_ ' o `-, / ,-L `-' _`-`_ , `'. ;. (,' `| `.-. \ ,``_' (_) o `' ,` '_ ,|\ o _ \ /..-(_)' |','..-`(_)-` | | -bf- --' `-- I took my family to buy a Christmas tree the other night When we walked onto the lot this guy walked up to me and says "hey, y'all here to buy a Christmas tree?" I said, "no sir, my son needs to go to the bathroom and these trees looked really inviting" (Chorus) Here's your sign, Here's your sign, Here's your stupid sign You acted dumb, so have some fun and wear your stupid sign Oh! Here's your sign, Here's your sign, Here's your stupid sign you lost your mind, so pay the fine and wear your stupid sign Here's your sign, Here's your sign, Here's your stupid sign have no fear when you're spreading cheer during Christmas time ^ _ ^ | { \ 0 / } ---*--- { /|\ } |\ { /|||\ } | /---------------\ {/ ||| \} | \ / \ ||||| | \ \ / _ \ ||||||| *^* o | \ \ \ / O| _ \ / \ |0| (=) | /| - / \ | ) |\ ## /|\ 0 | \ \ \ | (\ | |\/| | (|\ /|||\ === \ \ ___ || | | | | __|| \[=]/ /o\ \ /o=/| || | | | /\___ | | || ||| =O= |---|/ / |\| | | \ |\| o/ \ ||| ||| |---|| |___\ | | || | | |__\ / \ ||| | | The other night my family and I were walking through the neighbourhood looking at all the Christmas decorations when we came across this house that had a manger scene now there was this whole group of people looking at it when I overheard this one guy say "hey, are those the Three Wise Men"? I said "no sir that's ZZ Top doing a farming concert (Chorus) Here's your sign, Here's your sign, Here's your stupid sign You acted dumb, so have some fun and wear your stupid sign Oh! Here's your sign, Here's your sign, Here's your stupid sign you lost your mind, so pay the fine and wear your stupid sign Here's your sign, Here's your sign, here's your stupid sign (have no fear when you're spreading cheer during Christmas time) And finally my wife and I were in a grocery store the other day and I heard a woman ask the clerk "do you know what time Midnight Mass starts on Christmas Eve"? And in the holiday spririt I walked over and said "Here's your sign" HAPPY HOLIDAYS! >From http://www.anysonglyrics.com/lyrics/b/Bill-Engvall/Heres-Your-Sign-Christmas-Lyrics.htm =================================================================== >-->Here an Idiot, There an idiot! _________ __ / ______ _____ / / / / __ __/ __ / / ---- /__ / / / ---- ______ / / / :F_P: >See how well you fare: Take The Idiot Test Number your paper from 1-10 and Write your answers to these... 1: Some months have 31 days; how many have 28? 2: Can a man living in the USA be buried in Canada? 3: Is it legal for a man in California to marry his widow's sister? 4: Divide 30 by 1/2 and add 10. What is the answer? 5: A man builds a house rectangular in shape. All sides have southern exposure. A big bear walks by, what color is the bear? 6: If there are 3 apples and you take away 2, how many do you have? 7: A doctor gives you three pills telling you to take one every half hour. How long would the pills last? 8: A farmer has 17 sheep, and all but 9 die. How many are left? 9: How many animals of each sex did Moses take on the ark? 10: How many two cents stamps are there in a dozen? ANSWERS to this quiz will be given later on in this email. ================================================================== >-->From ScreamOfTheCrop: Q: "Do you know where the name WD-40® originated?? A: The WD stands for 'Water Displacement.' and the 40 is because it was the 40th effort to develop the product that was successful! Yer Hillbilly friend in TN... Ross PROUD father of an American Soldier -<>- _ /\.'|_ _.-| |\ | / |_ / \ _>-"""-._.'|_ >`-.' `./ \ /`./ #1 \-< `-| |_/ /_| FIRST |_\ ) | | | -<| PLACE! |\/ `'_\ /`< |_/`. .'\_/ \_/ >-.._..-'\_| `-`_| \_\|_/ | `' | | | O | | | N | | | E | | | | | | /\ | | | /| \ |\ | |/ |/ \| \| VK >Number One Idiot of 2006 (ok, it’s oldie but goodie) I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away. Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Number Two Idiot of 2006 Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing. Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Number Three Idiot of 2006 A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the Branch and wrote "this. Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the Wells Fargo Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America. Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it anyway. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Number Four Idiot of 2006 A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that; measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture, this time of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40. Wise guy........ but you still get a sign. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Number Five Idiot of 2006 A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because she didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and she put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later. This guy definitely needs a sign. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Idiot Number Six of 2006 A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him. This guy doesn't even deserve a sign. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Idiot Number Seven of 2006 Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape. Yep, here's your sign. (Please note that all of the above people are allowed to vote) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD: I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the . / \ / . \ / / \ \ / / \ \ / / \ \ Deer Crossing sign on our road. / / t \ \ / /._`\ \ \ / / \ `--._ \ \ / / .==.___ ) \ \ / / \ `.\ \ \ / / ` \\ \ \ / `-----------------' \ `-----------------------' jrei The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore." From Kingman, KS. A sign wouldn't do this fellow any good! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE: My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg. He was a Chef? Yep....From Kansas City! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ IDIOT SIGHTING: I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge? To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask." Happened in Birmingham, Ala. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ IDIOT SIGHTING: The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it’s safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!" She was a probation officer in Wichita, KS. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ IDIOT SIGHTING: At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker, she was leaving the company due to "downsizing." Our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this more often." Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare. This was a bunch at Texas Instruments. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ IDIOT SIGHTING: I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her own life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on. A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office, no less. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ IDIOT SIGHTING: When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the drivers’ side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "it’s open!" His reply, "I know - I already got that side." This was at the CHEVY dealership in Canton, Mississippi! --- ...Yep - these are our voters! No wonder we pray for our government and say over and over again - GOD BLESS AMERICA! We need it! -<>- Please feel free to forward "Scream" to someone you know. To subscribe, send a blank mailto:scream_of_the_crop-subscribe@yahoogroups.com - Suggest to your friends that they visit http://www.screamofthecrop.com ==================================================================== >-->In The Worldly News: >From Dr.Oz Healthy Tips: Dr. Oz's Recommendations for Healthy Living... Wellness doesn't just happen. Only conscious choices can give you a vibrant, energy-filled existence. Like any other challenge in life, treat positive lifestyle changes as an opportunity to mature and grow. Plus, being healthy can be fun! DIET: Avoid refined, processed foods (basically, anything with white flour). Avoid toxic fats, i.e., foods that are fried or made with hydrogenated oils. Eat foods rich in phytonutrients, e.g., berries, cruciferous vegetables and soybeans. FITNESS: Keep a set of medium-weight dumbbells by your bed. Do a couple of reps when you wake up and at night before bed. Put a stationary bike in front of your TV and only watch while pedaling. Develop a stretching routine for increased flexibility. For instance, try simple yoga poses. From Discovery Health: http://health.discovery.com/fansites/droz/tips.html -<>- >From LifeScript: Say Farewell to Flabby Spots Ask any woman to name her figure flaws and she’ll likely give you a long list that goes from butt to belly to biceps. As an experienced personal trainer and internationally known fitness model, Minna Lessig has a surefire fat-fighting formula for tank-top arms, bikini bellies and boy shorts-worthy bottoms. In this LifeScript exclusive, she shares how to tighten and tone your body in only 30 minutes a day… click here to read more http://www.lifescript.com/HA/35926_4238409_7821_0.htm -<>- >From CCA: Christian Coalition of America Commends the NFL For Allowing Church Super Bowl Parties to Continue with Large-screen TV Showings. Here is an excerpt from the NFL new policy regarding churches being able to show the Super Bowl in their facilities: "The National Football League this week announced that it will not object to live showings of future Super Bowls by religious organizations when such showings are free and on premises used by the religious organization on a routine and customary basis." http://www.christian-coalition.net/ http://www.cc.org/ -<>- >From AFA: Procter & Gamble Top Pro-Homosexual Sponsor on Television Read all about this here: http://www.afa.net/Petitions/Issuedetail.asp?id=308 Send an email to Procter & Gamble Chairman Alan Lafley, asking him to stop the company's sponsorship of overtly pro-homosexual television programs. Send an Email Here: https://secure.afa.net/afa/activism/TakeAction.asp?id=308 Please forward this to family and friends Thank you for caring enough to get involved. Sincerely, Don Donald E. Wildmon, Founder and Chairman American Family Association -<>- >From CoffeeBreak: Tolls gone, traffic increases Scottish traffic managers have discovered that removing the tolls on a busy highway bridge has had the predicted effect -- traffic jams are much worse. The group Trafficmaster monitored the Forth Road Bridge near Edinburgh for five days before and five days after northbound tolls were abolished Feb. 11, The Scotsman reported. The group found that the morning rush hour -- which averaged 61 minutes while tolls were in place -- lengthened to 91 minutes once the bridge was free. Three of the five days after abolition were school holidays, when traffic in Scotland tends to be light. Experts warned the government about the effect while the decision was being made. Finance Secretary John Swinney advocated abolition, arguing that it would stimulate the economy. The results suggest that drivers respond to economic incentives. _ __<; > 7 ) h __ _.._ __ ~; / _/ <_ > / \ < _> ~ neeps,tatties an'haggis /_ _ _ | `-||-' cjr Gaels outraged by 'Gallic hotheads' memo Residents of the Scottish island of Lewis are outraged by a British Museum memo suggesting that "Gallic hotheads" might try to abduct the Lewis chessmen. Not only does the memo suggest that the island is full of dangerous hotheads, the writer was also apparently unable to distinguish Gaelic-speaking Scots from the Gallic French. The memo was written in 2000 when the Uig Community Museum in Stornoway sought a temporary loan of the Lewis chessmen -- among the most spectacular surviving Norse artifacts -- for an exhibit, The Scotsman reported. The document came to light through a Freedom of Information request. "I thought they were supposed to be scholars and know the difference between Gaels and the French," said Annie MacDonald, a member of the Lewis council. "I'm insulted by the suggestion that they think we are hotheads here. What did they think was going to happen to them?" The Lewis chessmen were apparently lost at sea while being shipped to Ireland from Norway in the 12th century, and then discovered on a Lewis beach 700 years later. Most of the 93 pieces are in the British Museum. Ten are in Edinburgh, which Scottish nationalists think is the proper home for the whole set. -<>- >From BizarreNews: _ /X \ _------_ / \ | | | | | __ __) | / \/ \ Not something I'd be caught doing! /\/\ (o )o ) /c \__/ --. I'd DRIVE Faster! \_ _-------' | / \ | | '\_______) | \_____) |_____ | - Police seek nude drive-through customer ---------- LAKE MARY, Fla. - Authorities in Lake Mary, Fla., are searching for a man who allegedly drove his red Corvette through a Dunkin' Donuts drive-through while nude below the waist. Employees at the emporium said the man visited the location without his pants three times Thursday and once Friday, ordering coffee on each occasion, the Orlando (Fla.) Sentinel reported Tuesday. The employees did not get the man's name or license plate number, but they described him as a bald, white male driving a red Corvette. They said he only ordered coffee on each occasion and did not wait to collect his change, which amounted to 40 cents per visit. Police Detective Matt Schaefer said the matter is under investigation. /| , ,/// /| // // ,/// // // // // // // || || || || // // || || // // || || // // || || || || \\,\|,|\_// \\)\)\\|/ )-."" .-( //^\` `/^\\ // | | \\ ,/_| 0| _ | 0|_\, /` `"=.v.="` `\ What a Buffoon! /` _."{_,_}"._ `\ jgs `/` ` \ ||| / ` `\` `",_ \\=^~^=// _,"` "=,\'-=-'/,=" '---' - Man parked stolen car at Sheriff's Office --------- ANDERSON, S.C. - Anderson County, S.C., authorities said a man was arrested after he parked a stolen convertible outside the County Sheriff's Office. Sheriff's spokeswoman Susann Griffin said Charles Noah Chambers came into the building to demand the return of $1,991 that was seized from him in June following his arrest on methamphetamine trafficking charges, the Anderson (S.C.) Independent Mail reported Thursday. Griffin said she noticed Chambers driving away in a 1996 Saab after his demands were reject- ed. She said the vehicle was reported stolen from Cartee's Used Cars between 5 p.m. Monday and 11:30 a.m. Tuesday. Sheriff's Lt. W. F. Looper said the suspect put "a screw- driver into the ignition switch" when deputies caught up to the car and told him to turn off the engine. Chambers and a woman who was riding in the car with him were taken into custody. Chambers was charged with possessing/ receiving stolen goods, driving with a suspended license and a vehicle tag violation. - Mounties pants go missing in break-in ----------- MAPLE RIDGE, British Columbia - The Royal Canadian Mounted Police in British Columbia lost several pairs of pants in a burglary of a dry cleaning store, the RCMP said. The burglary happened at 5:15 a.m. Monday in Maple Ridge, some 30 miles east of Vancouver at Anthony's Fine Cleaners, RCMP Cpl. Ryan Schlecker said in a statement. The store owner reported a small amount of cash and an Air Canada flight attendant's jacket also stolen, but the police pants weren't noticed missing until the officer who owned them came to claim them, the Maple Ridge News reported. Schlecker's statement said there were concerns the pants with a distinctive yellow strip down each leg could be used by someone impersonating a police officer, the Vancouver Sun reported. "We're alerting the public to this theft so they can be aware," the statement said. "If any member of the general public is not certain that you are dealing with a police officer, you have the right to see supporting identification, which all police officers carry." ============================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: ! )>==O )>==O \ O )>===O \/ )>==O \/ ___ \| :======== | | \/ | / \/| \/| | | | | ./|| | / \ |\ / \ \___/ /\ / \ ejm97 / \ | \ \ \ / \ \ \ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Maybe this is why they don't teach music in high school any more. Following are actual answers from students on music tests... - The principal singer of nineteenth centurry opera was called pre-Madonna. - Gregorian chant has no music, just singerrs singing the same lines. - Sherbet composed the Unfinished Symphony.. - All female parts were sung by castrati. WWe don't know ex- actly what they sounded like because there are no known descendants. - Young scholars have expressed their raptuure for the Bronze Lullaby, the Taco Bell Cannon, Beethoven's Erotica, Tchaikovsky Cracknutter Suite, and Gershwin's Rap City in Blue. - Music sung by two people at the same timee is called a duel; if they sing without music it is called Acapulco. - A virtuoso is a musician with real high mmorals. - Contralto is a low sort of music that onlly ladies sing. - Probably the most marvelous fugue was thee one between the Hatfields and the McCoys. - I know what a sextet is but I'd rather noot say. - Johann Sebastian Bach wrote a great many musical com- positions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic. - Rock Monanoff was a famous post-romantic composer of piano concerti. -<>- While my brother was stationed overseas, his wife wrote to him daily. For an added touch, she'd always scribble little abbreviated notes on the outside of the envelope. One day my brother received a letter with the familiar "SWL" (sealed with love) message on the envelope. He noticed that the letter was sealed with tape and chuckled when he read this notation written by a postal employee: "Love didn't stick--resealed in Seattle." ========================================================== >-->From InspiredBuffalo: ..... ..... .:' ''::::::'' ':. .:' ':. :' bitter ': : : :. L .: ': :' : I : By James Mitchelhill :.sour sour.: ': E :' :. .: ': S :' :.salt salt.: ':. .:' ':. .:' ':. sweet.:' ':. .:' '''' Electronic Lies by Tim Hall If Snopes.com gave frequent flyer miles, I'd have enough points to take a vacation. For those who aren't familiar with Snopes, it's a site on the Internet that attempts to set records straight. At any given moment there are dozens of hoaxes and lies shooting through the ethernet. Sometimes it's easy to spot a lie, but at other times we just don't know. Snopes investigates the most common stories and reports their findings to any who are interested. I visited there again yesterday. The e-mail I received was alarming. It spoke of the dangers posed by a certain world view, a view that is seemingly incompatible with the American way of life. As the message concluded, it connected a high profile political candidate with those very views. How could we even think about voting for this person if they hold views as dangerous as this?! Snopes debunked the claims. A lengthy explanation stated the candidate's actual views, and a video was included in which the candidate gave a detailed response to the charges. If a person is allowed to speak for himself, then this man answered the accusations I had read earlier. I know the person who sent the e-mail with these charges. You'd be hard pressed to find a more dedicated Christian. But this person erred in forwarding the e-mail without checking the facts. "He who speaks truth declares righteousness," wrote the wise man, "but a false witness, deceit" (Proverbs 12:17, NKJV). According to scripture, it's a serious matter to spread erroneous views, whether we do it knowingly or in ignorance. When we have the ability to know the facts, we should go to great lengths to check them out. If we don't have that ability, we should remain silent. The principle continues today: "Therefore putting away lying, 'Let each of you speak truth with his neighbor,' for we are members of one another" (Ephesians 4:25). Paul doesn't limit truth-telling to messages of a religious nature. Any message we share with others ought to be based on truth. Now for the rest of the story: What should I do once I know a message is wrong? I'm not excited about the candidate who was slandered. Why not just keep quiet and let others think the worst about him? In that way, a better candidate might be elected. But can God's people allow error to go unchallenged? How does that fit with this admonition: "Whoever loves instruction loves knowledge, but he who hates correction is stupid" (Proverbs 12:1). Should I allow my brethren to continue forwarding misleading information? Truth is truth, whether it's what we want to hear or not. As people of God, we have an obligation to communicate only what we know to be true. And when error comes our way, let us have the courage and love to correct it. --- .-"""""""-. .' __ \_ / / \/ \ | \_0/\_0/______ |:. .' oo`\ |:. / \ |' ; | | |:.. . \_______ | Rebirth Of The Eagle? |::.|' , \,_____\ / |:::.; ' | . '| )_/ |::; | | ; ; | | /::::.|-| |_|-|, \ /'-=-'` '-' '--'\ jgs/ \ ...Sometimes people get caught up in the email and just want to alert their friends and family to it or if it is a heartwarming one, want to share it with their Christian friends. Stories that are inspirational are fine for this but ones that seem to be relating facts that are down right lies only make Christians look bad for forwarding them. I've seen Atheists blogs that comment on how stupid Christians are for not looking something up on snopes before sending it out. A prime example of this is the Eagle story. Logically someone would have to be crazy to believe that an eagle could go 150 days without food while they have to wait for their feathers to regrow but that is just one of the 'facts' in this email forward that many Christians like to have on their website and post to their friends and family. They call it the Rebirth Of The Eagle and liken their Christian walk to that of the eagle. Visit here to see this lie: http://www.slideshare.net/targetseo/rebirth-of-the-eagle-photo-presentation That was why I was happy to do up this page... . , '. '. \ \ ._ '-.'. `\ \ '-._; .'; `-.'. `~-.; '. '. '--,` '. -='. ; .--=~~=-, -.; ; .-=`; `~,_.; / ` ,-`' .-; | .-~`. .; ; .;.- .-; ,\ `.' ,=; .-' `~.-._ .'; .'; .' .' '-. .\ ; ; ,.' _ a', .'~";-` ; ;"~` `'-=.) .' .' . _; ;', ; '-.._`~`.' \ ; ; : `~' _'\\_ \\_ /=`^^=`""/`)-. jgs \ = _ = =\ `""` `~-. = ; The Real Eagle Story here: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/eagle.html Eagles are one of God's great creations that He mentions to us in His word. They are truly awesome! God tells us to 'mount up with wings like eagles'. Better understanding the eagle we know now that God wants us to be like them in our Christian walk. Not to suffer some rebirth lie but He is saying that He wants us to mount up with grace in flight, balance in our growth with keen vision and insight like an eagle as we walk out on His tremendous Word. -<>- Links for your enjoyment: Snow Plow http://www.buffalosjokes.com/011154.htm Oh No! http://www.buffalosjokes.com/011155.htm Alarm http://www.buffalosjokes.com/011156.htm Cool Parrot http://www.buffalosjokes.com/011157.htm Subscribe send a blank email to: the-inspired-buffalo-subscribe@yahoogroups.com =================================================================== >-->OK - - - I got 7 out of 10... .-=~~~=-. / \ | q_q | / /_\ \ How well Did You Do? \ '-' / .-'-. .--'-._ /_.-/ '-._\ | | \ / '-.,___,.' ___|||| jgs \ / | \ '` '--' Here's The IDIOT TEST ANSWERS! Detailed results 1: Some months have 31 days; how many have 28? (58.6% got this one wrong.) The right answer: 12: Every month has at least 28 2: Can a man living in the USA be buried in Canada? (43.5% got this one wrong.) The right answer: No: He's still living! 3: Is it legal for a man in California to marry his widow's sister? (39.8% got this one wrong.) The right answer: No: Dead men aren't allowed to marry! 4: Divide 30 by 1/2 and add 10. What is the answer? (68.1% got this one wrong.) The right answer: 70: 30 divided by 1/2 = 60 + 10 = 70 5: A man builds a house rectangular in shape. All sides have southern exposure. A big bear walks by, what color is the bear? (62.6% got this one wrong.) The right answer: White: If southern exposure on all sides it must be at the North Pole, so the answer is WHITE (polar bear)!. 6: If there are 3 apples and you take away 2, how many do you have? (55.2% got this one wrong.) The right answer: 2: You just took 2! 7: A doctor gives you three pills telling you to take one every half hour. How long would the pills last? (70.5% got this one wrong.) The right answer: 1 hour: Take one. Take the second in a half-hour, the last in a half-hour... so the answer is 1 hour!. 8: A farmer has 17 sheep, and all but 9 die. How many are left? (30.8% got this one wrong). The right answer: 9: 9 are left!. 9: How many animals of each sex did Moses take on the ark? (72.9% got this one wrong.) The right answer: Zero: Moses wasn't on the ark! 10: How many two cents stamps are there in a dozen? (31.6% got this one wrong.) The right answer: 12: A dozen o anything = 12!. Average grade = 4.7 ( 37197 ) Average grade Female: 4.4 ( 20236 ) Average grade Male: 5.0 ( 16961 ) From http://www.the-jokes.com/tests/tontresu.php?l=en I guess we all got a bit of Quacker in us ;) ============================================================== >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) >From Our Friend John-Paul: Radio Lovers http://www.radiolovers.com/ ...Good One - Thanks John-Paul! -<>- >From TheMouth: HOW TO IMPRESS YOUR DATE http://www.zefrank.com/date_1/navigation.html THE BEATLES ARE COMING Experience the birth of Beatlemania through a daily Beatles Blog from 1964. http://www.thebeatlesarecoming.com/ -<>- >From LynnLynn's Links: John w/ Beyond The Sunset http://heavens-gates.com/gospel/beyondthesunset.html THE CUCUMBER CURRICULUM http://www.wtv-zone.com/Mary/CUCUMBERCURRICULUM.HTML Asteroid Collision http://science.howstuffworks.com/apophis.htm How Airport Security Works http://travel.howstuffworks.com/airport-security.htm Hiking In China http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/trail.html Panorama Views http://www.panoramas.dk/fullscreen2/full22.html What's In Those Mystery Bags? http://ekarj.com/mysterybags.htm Darwin Awards http://www.darwinawards.com/darwin/ Einstein The Bird http://www.buffalosjokes.com/0211612.htm Exploding Manholes http://www.buffalosjokes.com/011613.htm F16 VS Birds http://www.buffalosjokes.com/022301.htm To subscribe send a blank email to lynnlynns-links-subscribe@egroups.com =============================================================== >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "The New York Times says that John McCain had a close, personal relationship with a beautiful, young, female lobbyist. Do you believe this? Think about it. A senator, who's a Republican having sex with a woman." - Jay Leno "The New York Times is claiming John McCain, who is 71 years old, had an inappropriate relationship with a woman who is a Washington lobbyist. The good news is there's no footage." - Conan O'Brien "The New York Times said McCain had an affair years ago. I think it was with Joan of Ark." - Craig Ferguson "They do a lot of animal testing in the cosmetics industry, maybe they should brag about it in their commercials. 'Aquanet hair spray, if it can blind a spider monkey, it can make your hair look luscious!'" --Vernon Chapman "I think the most memorable experience I had in France was visiting the cathedral at Chartres. It's a 400-year-old cathedral. Beautiful stained glass, and it's a very, very moving experience, and as I was writing my name on it with a can of spray paint..." --Steve Martin "I'm getting older and I'm thinking about having my eggs frozen. Well, just the egg whites. I'm trying to cut back on my cholesterol." --Brenda Pontiff >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->Bigham's Computer Rescue - PC Sales & Seervice You can trust us to provide you with quality computer sales and repair. We've been servicing the Van Wert area since 1981 and can help you with all your computer needs. Please phone us at 419-238-5806 ************************************************************************ -->This is for all you who love food and DAARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? 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