Hidden In The Weeds & More ... :) Shangy!
>Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList:
To Subscribe send a blank email to
ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Group home page:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList
or Web Site:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html
Group email address:
ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com
or email me here:
bcrsystems@earthlink.net
===========================
>-->In The 'Shangy' News :)
>New photos!
I updated our group photo with the Smile From God Picture
from our friends Jo Ann and PatH...
One in a million shot - A smile from God!
Send God's smile to someone you want to
bless today, I just did.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList/
PatH sent us a darling picture she found of herself and siblings
from 1951! I loved it - so cute! The chair immediately reminded
me of my grandma's old chair I have upstairs with my big old doll
Suzy sitting in. She is good to scare the kids with. Life size
doll!
Jo Ann sent us some excellent thought pictures.
See all the pics here:
http://ph.groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList/photos/browse/1f2a?b=50&m=t&o=0
---
...Sweet! Thank You Ladies!
====================================================================
>-->From FunnyBone: Time To Cut The Lawn .--.
/-. \
< ^ `D/
Last summer, when the power mower was \_ (
broken and wouldn't run, Jane kept )_/;.
hinting to Dick, her husband, that he _ __|_, \\
needed to get it fixed, but somehow ,(_I_______)\
the message wasn't sinking in. //`-----\ \
// \____/\
She finally thought of a // / /
clever way to make the // _____ / /\ \
point. When Dick .---n-. //'` `\/ / \ \
arrived home _____|_"_~_|___// /\ \ \ \
that day, / / \ / \ `\__...--' _\__\ \_/\
he found \\\\\\\\\\\'-\__/--===-\__/-'`,,,,,,,,(____\,,,(__/,,,,
her seated \\jgs\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
in the tall
grass, busily clipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.
He watched silently for a short time, then went into the house. Jane
thought she had again failed to get his attention. Well, he was gone
only a few moments, and when he came out again he handed her a
toothbrush saying, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as
well sweep the sidewalks.
=====================================================================
+----------- Bizarre Insurance Claim Statements -----------+
"I thought the window was down but found it up when I put
my head through it."
"The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number
of times before I hit him."
"To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck
the pedestrian."
"The pedestrian had no idea what direction to go, so I ran
over him."
"I was thrown from my car as I left the road. I was later
found in a ditch by some stray cows."
"I was unable to stop in time and my car crashed into the
other vehicle. The driver and passengers then left
immediately for a vacation with injuries."
====================================================================
>-->From Our Friend Fig :)
HOW ARE MY FAVORITE RED-NECKS?
>A TRUE REDNECK!!!!
.,,,. ... .,,,.
((o o)) (`@ @`) ((6 6))
___\ - /___ ___\ o /___ ___\ v /___
($_ & _$) ($_ % _$) ($_ & _$)
| % | | & | | % |
| & | | % | | & |
/ % \ / & \ / % \
_/ / \ \_ _/ / \ \_ _/ / \ \_
($__/ \__$) ($__/ \__$) ($__/ \__$) ldb
All good gingerbreadmen don't go to heaven.
A True Redneck - this isn't your typical redneck joke. Please Read.
We have enjoyed the redneck jokes for years.. It's time to take a
reflective look at the core beliefs of a culture that values home,
family, country and God. If I had to stand before a dozen terrorists
who threaten my life, I'd choose a half dozen or so rednecks to back
me up. Tire irons, squirrel guns and grit -- that's what rednecks are
made of. I hope I am one of those. If you feel the same, pass this on
to your redneck friends. Ya'll know who ya' are.
You might be a redneck if: It never occurred to you to be offended by
the phrase, 'One nation, under God.'
You might be a redneck if: You've never protested about seeing the 10
Commandments posted in public places.
You might be a redneck if: You still say ' Christmas' instead of 'Winter
Festival.'
You might be a redneck if: You bow your head when someone prays.
You might be a redneck if: You stand and place your hand over your heart
when they play the National Anthem.
You might be a redneck if: You treat Viet Nam vets with great respect,
and always have.
You might be a redneck if: You've never burned an American flag.
You might be a redneck if: You know what you believe and you aren't
afraid to say so, no matter who is listening.
You might be a redneck if: You respect your elders and expect your kids
to do the same.
You might be a redneck if: You'd give your last dollar to a friend.
If you got this email from me, it is because I believe that you, like
me, have just enough Red Neck in you to have the same beliefs as those
talked about in this email.
God Bless the USA!
---
...We're Doing Orangy! Thank You Fig, this is a good one!
=====================================================================
>-->From Our Friend Jo Ann :)
>2009
_ _.-'`-._ _
;.'________'.;
_________n.[____________].n_________
|""_""_""_""||==||==||==||""_""_""_""]
|"""""""""""||..||..||..||"""""""""""|
|LI LI LI LI||LI||LI||LI||LI LI LI LI|
|.. .. .. ..||..||..||..||.. .. .. ..|
|LI LI LI LI||LI||LI||LI||LI LI LI LI|
,,;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;,;;;,;;;,;;,,
;;jgs;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;
One sunny day in 2009, an old man approached the White House from across
Pennsylvania Avenue where he'd been sitting on a park bench. He spoke
to the Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet
with President Barack Obama."
The Marine replied, "Sir, Mr. Obama is not President and doesn't reside
here."
The old man said, "Okay," and walked away.
The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to
the same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President Barack
Obama".
The Marine again told the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Obama is
not President and doesn't reside here.” The man thanked him and again
walked away.
The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the
very same Marine, saying "I would like to go in and meet with President
Barack Obama".
The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and
said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to
speak to Mr. Obama. I've told you already several times that Mr. Obama
is not the President and doesn't reside here. Don't you understand?"
The old man answered, "Oh, I understand you fine.. I just love hearing
your answer!"
The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, "See you tomorrow,
sir."
---
...Oh yeah! Thanks Jo Ann!
-<>-
>Leather Bond Bible:
, ,
/////|
///// |
///// |
|~~~| | |
|===| |/|
| B |/| |
| I | | |
| B | | |
| L | /
| E | /
|===|/
jgs '---'
A young man was getting ready to graduate from college. For many months
he had admired a beautiful sports car in a dealer's showroom, and
knowing his father could well afford it, he told him that was all he
wanted.
As Graduation Day approached, the young man awaited signs that his
father had purchased the car.
Finally, on the morning of his graduation, his father called him into
his private study. His father told him how proud he was to have such a
fine son, and told him how much he loved him. He handed his son a
beautiful wrapped gift box. Curious, but somewhat Disappointed, the
young man opened the box and found a lovely, leather-bound Bible, with
the young man's name embossed in gold.
Angrily, he raised his voice to his father and said, "With all your
money you give me a Bible? and stormed out of the house, leaving the
Bible.
Many years passed and the young man was very successful in business. He
had a beautiful home and wonderful family, but realized his father was
very old, and thought perhaps he should go to him. He had not seen him
since that graduation day.
Before he could make arrangements, he received a telegram telling him
his father had passed away, and willed all of his possessions to his
son. He needed to come home immediately and take care of things.
When he arrived at his father's house, sudden sadness and regret filled
his heart. He began to search through his father's important papers and
saw the still new Bible, just as he had left it years ago. With tears,
he opened the Bible and began to turn the pages.
His father had carefully underlined a verse, Matt 7:11, "And if ye,
being evil know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more
shall your Heavenly father which is in heaven, give to those who ask
Him?" As he read those words, a car key dropped from the back of the
Bible. It had a tag with the dealer's name, the same dealer who had the
sports car he had desired. On the tag was the date of his graduation,
and the words...PAID IN FULL.
*******
How many times do we miss God's blessings because they are not packaged
as we expected? I trust you enjoyed this. Pass it on to others. Do not
spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; but remember that
what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for...
IF YOUR GIFT IS NOT PACKED THE WAY YOU WANT IT, IT'S BECAUSE IT IS
BETTER PACKED THAT WAY! ALWAYS APPRECIATE LITTLE THINGS; THEY USUALLY
LEAD YOU TO ATTACHMENTS!
---
...Makes ya think huh?
-<>-
| \ \ | |/ /
| |\ `' ' /
| ;'aorta \ / , pulmonary
| ; _, | / / , arteries
superior | | ( `-.;_,-' '-' ,
vena cava | `, `-._ _,-'_
|,-`. `.) ,<_,-'_, pulmonary
,' `. / ,' `;-' _, veins
; `./ /`, \-'
| right / | ;\ |\
| atrium ;_,._|_, `, ' \
| \ \ ` `,
` __ ` \ left ;,
\ ,' ` \, ventricle
\_( ;, ;;
| \ `;, ;;
inferior | |`. `;;, ;'
vena cava | | `-. ;;;;,;' FL
| | |`-.._ ,;;;;;'
| | | | ``';;;'
aorta
>FEMALE HEART ATTACKS
I was aware that female heart attacks are different,
but this is the best description I've ever read.
Women and heart attacks (Myocardial infarction). Did
you know that women rarely have the same dramatic
symptoms that men have when experiencing heart attack ...
you know, the sudden stabbing pain in the chest, the cold
sweat, grabbing the chest & dropping to the floor that we
see in the movies. Here is the story of one woman's
experience with a heart attack.
"I had a heart attack at about 10 :30 PM with NO prior exertion,
NO prior emotional trauma that one would suspect might've brought
it on.
I was sitting all snugly & warm on a cold evening, with
my purring cat in my lap, reading an interesting story
my friend had sent me, and actually thinking, 'A-A-h,
this is the life, all cozy and warm in my soft, cushy Lazy
Boy with my feet propped up.
A moment later, I felt that awful sensation of indigestion,
when you've been in a hurry and grabbed a bite of sandwich
and washed it down with a dash of water, and that hurried
bite seems to feel like you've swallowed a golf ball going
down the esophagus in slow motion and it is most
uncomfortable. You realize you shouldn't have gulped it
down so fast and needed to chew it more thoroughly and this
time drink a glass of water to hasten its progress down to the
stomach. This was my initial sensation---the only trouble was
that I hadn't taken a bite of anything since about 5:00 p.m.
After it seemed to subside, the next sensation was like
little squeezing motions that seemed to be racing up my SPINE
(hind-sight, it was probably my aorta spasming), gaining speed
as they continued racing up and under my sternum (breast bone,
where one presses rhythmically when administering CPR).
This fascinating process continued on into my throat and
branched out into both jaws. 'AHA!! NOW I stopped puzzling
about what was happening -- we all have read and/or heard
about pain in the jaws being one of the signals of an MI
happening, haven't we? I said aloud to myself and the cat,
Dear God, I think I'm having a heart attack!
I lowered the footrest dumping the cat from my lap, started
to take a step and fell on the floor instead. I thought to myself,
If this is a heart attack, I shouldn't be walking into the next
room where the phone is or anywhere else ... but, on the other
hand, if I don't, nobody will know that I need help, and if I
wait any longer I may not be able to get up in moment.
I pulled myself up with the arms of the chair, walked slowly
into the next room and dialed the Paramedics .. I told her I
thought I was having a heart attack due to the pressure
building under the sternum and radiating into my jaws. I didn't
feel hysterical or afraid, just stating the facts. She said she
was sending the Paramedics over immediately, asked if the
front door was near to me, and if so, to unbolt the door and
then lie down on the floor where they could see me when they
came in.
I unlocked the door and then laid down on the floor as instructed
and lost consciousness, as I don't remember the medics coming
in, their examination, lifting me onto a gurney or getting me
into their ambulance, or hearing the call they made to
St. Jude ER on the way, but I did briefly awaken when
we arrived and saw that the Cardiologist was already
there in his surgical blues and cap, helping the medics
pull my stretcher out of the ambulance. He was bending
over me asking questions (probably something like
'Have you taken any medications?') but I couldn't make
my mind interpret what he was saying, or form an answer,
and nodded off again, not waking up until the Cardiologist
and partner had already threaded the teeny angiogram
balloon up my femoral artery into the aorta and into my
heart where they installed 2 side by side stents to hold
open my right coronary artery.
'I know it sounds like all my thinking and actions at home
must have taken at least 20-30 minutes before calling the
Paramedics, but actually it took perhaps 4-5 minutes
before the call, and both the fire station and St. Jude
are only minutes away from my home, and my Cardiologist
was already to go to the OR in his scrubs and get going
on restarting my heart (which had stopped somewhere
between my arrival and the procedure) and installing the
stents.
'Why have I written all of this to you with so much
detail? Because I want all of you who are so important
in my life to know what I learned first hand.'
1. Be aware that something very different is happening
in your body not the usual men's symptoms but
inexplicable things happening (until my sternum and
jaws got into the act). It is said that many more
women than men die of their first (and last) MI
because they didn't know they were having one and
commonly mistake it as indigestion, take some Maalox
or other anti-heartburn preparation and go to bed,
hoping they'll feel better in the morning when they
wake up ... which doesn't happen. My female friends,
your symptoms might not be exactly like mine, so I
advise you to call the Paramedics if ANYTHING is
unpleasantly happening that you've not felt before.
It is better to have a 'false alarm' visitation than to
risk your life guessing what it might be!
2. Note that I said 'Call the Paramedics.' And if you can
take an aspirin. Ladies, TIME IS OF THE ESSENCE!
Do NOT try to drive yourself to the ER - you are a hazard
to others on the road.
Do NOT have your panicked husband who will be speeding
and looking anxiously at what's happening with you instead
of the road.
Do NOT call your doctor -- he doesn't know where you
live and if it's at night you won't reach him anyway, and
if it's daytime, his assistants (or answering service) will
tell you to call the Paramedics. He doesn't carry the equipment
in his car that you need to be saved! The Paramedics do,
principally OXYGEN that you need ASAP. Your Dr.
will be notified later.
3. Don't assume it couldn't be a heart attack because you have
a normal cholesterol count. Research has discovered that a
cholesterol elevated reading is rarely the cause of an MI
(unless it's unbelievably high and/or accompanied
by high blood pressure). MIs are usually caused
by long-term stress and inflammation in the
body, which dumps all sorts of deadly hormones
into your system to sludge things up in there.
Pain in the jaw can wake you from a sound sleep.
Let's be careful and be aware. The more we know,
the better chance we could survive.
A cardiologist says if everyone who gets this mail
sends it to 10 people, you can be sure that we'll save
at least one life.
**Please be a true friend and send this article to all
your friends (male & female) you care about!**
---
...Good Info - Thanks Jo Ann!!
============================================================
>-->From Our Friend Viv :)
>Why most men don't write advice Columns...
.---. .---.
,';' `.';' `..
f :Bo.
` d88:
`\ /d88P'
`\ ; /d888P'
`. ',d8&8P'
: ;d8&7'
| :8:
| qx
Dear Walter:
I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving
my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more
than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car
shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I
got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the
neighbor lady. I am 32, my husband is 34, and we have been married for
twelve years. When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that
they had been having an affair for the past six months. I told him to
stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and
he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love
him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become
increasingly distant. He won't go to counseling and I'm afraid I can't
get through to him anymore.
Can you please help?
Sincerely, Sheila
--------------
Dear Sheila:
A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a
variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no
debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and
hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none
of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump
itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float
chamber.
I hope this helps.
-Walter
---
...TeeHee! Thanks Viv!
====================================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
During court one day, the judge quietly passed the clerk a
note reading: "Blind on right side, may be falling. Please
call someone."
Understandably alarmed, the clerk called for help before
whispering to the judge that paramedics were on their way.
Puzzled, the judge pointed to a sagging Venetian blind on
the right side of the room and explained, "I was thinking
maybe someone from maintenance!"
-<>-
.-"''-. _
.' `( \
@/ ') ,--,__,-"
/ / \ / / _/
__| , |/ /
.~ `\ / \ , | /
.~ `\ ` / _/ _/
.~ `\ ~~`__/ /
~ `--'/
/ / /
/ /' /jgs
The birth of our second child, a daughter, came after a long
and difficult labor. But it was definitely worth it when our
beautiful little girl emerged, perfect in every way. Later,
in my room, my husband looked at her tenderly, with tears in
his eyes. Then as he glanced up at me, I expected him to utter
something truly poetic. Instead he asked, "What'd we decide
to call her again?"
-<>-
After shopping for weeks, I finally found the car of my
dreams. It was only two years old and in beautiful condition.
The salesman asked if I would like to take it for a test
drive. We had traveled no more than two miles when the car
broke down. The salesman called for a tow truck.
When it arrived, we climbed into the front seat. While the
driver was hooking up the car, the salesman turned to me
with a smile and said, "Well, now, what is it going to take
to put you behind the wheel of that beauty today?"
-<>-
_/\|\_\_
_| .- \___
________\ / ) o`o__________ [nabis]
) _/_ )-.___/
/ /\( (/
| (__`'` '`
'--.)
Dinosaurs are fascinating. My four-year-old is obsessed with
them.
Recently we were riding on a bus, and he asked another
passenger for her name.
"My name is Deena," she said. "Can you say Deena?"
"Deena," said my son. "Can you say pachycephalosaurus?"
============================================================
>-->In The WorldlyNews:
>From CoffeeBreak:
Judge rejects flushing tenant's appeal
A British judge has rejected a Tremadog, Wales, woman's
attempt to overturn a decision that demoted her from being
a secure tenant due to "household noises." Judge John
Behrens of the High Court in London ruled -- despite the
insistence of Mwynwen Jones, 57, that the sounds she made at
her home that generated complaints from neighbors were merely
"household noises" -- that they qualified as a nuisance if
they bothered neighbors at late hours, The Daily Telegraph
reported. "Whilst flushing a toilet may not be a nuisance,
plainly it may be so if it is done repeatedly and at
anti-social hours," Behrens said. The Gwynedd County Council
decided last year, after noise complaints from Jones's
neighbors, to revoke her secure tenant status, a move that
leaves open the possibility of eviction without the need to
give further cause. Behrens said the 15-day window for Jones
to appeal the council's decision had already passed. A
council representative said it plans to evict Jones in the
near future.
_______________
|,----------. |\
|| |=| |
|| || | |
|| . _o| | | __
|`-----------' |/ /~/
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ / /
~~
Ojoshiro
Report: Britons multitask in front of TV
A report by a British research organization suggests Britons
are increasingly using their cell phones and laptop computers
while sitting in front of the TV. Ofcom's annual
Communications Market report said that while average Britons
spend about 218 minutes watching TV each day, three quarters
of those between ages 20 and 34 regularly use their cell
phones while watching the tube and more than a third of
people between ages 25 and 44 use their laptop computers to
surf the Internet while tuning in, The Guardian reported.
A majority of the study's subjects said TV is the "media
activity" they would least like to live without while those
ages 16 to 19 said their cell phones were their most
indispensable media item. The report suggested Britons ages
16 to 24 spend about 150 minutes per day in front of the TV,
a sharp contrast to the five hours of television watched by
those over 65.
Samaritan's car stolen as she helps man
A Manchester, England, doctor said her car was stolen after
she stopped at the side of the road to help an elderly man
who had been struck by a bus. The 25-year-old doctor, who
asked not to be named, said she stopped to help a 74-year-old
who had been hit by a bus in rush hour traffic and was in
such a hurry that she left her keys in her car, The Daily
Mail reported. A few minutes after she stopped, a thief
jumped into the unlocked vehicle and drove off. However,
the doctor said she would not let the incident deter her from
helping others in the future. "I am very disappointed at
what has happened, but I would do the same again," she said.
Greater Manchester Police Superintendent Ian Palmer said
he reacted with "horror" when he heard of how the car was
stolen. "The vehicle was taken in a despicable way," he
said. "This lady's actions were heroic. Her stopping to
offer assistance demonstrates the best of qualities of human
nature."
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
'\ . . |>18>>
\ . ' . |
O>> . 'o |
\ . |
/\ . |
/ / .' |
jgs^^^^^^^`^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
-- Father and son hit holes in one ------------
NEWTON, Mass. - A Massachusetts man said he scored a hole
in one at a Newton, Mass., golf course one week after his
father achieved a similar feat at the same course. Brian
Hurley, 36, said he sank his 167-yard hole in one on the
par-3 seventh hole of the Newton Commonwealth Golf Course
Sunday, exactly one week after his father, Bill, 65,
struck his own 145-yard hole in one on the 16th hole, also
a par-3 hole, The Boston Globe reported. "I've been work-
ing here for three years, and we only get a handful of
holes in one a year," said Gerry Zegarelli, 21, who works
in the Newton Commonwealth Golf Course pro shop. "To see
two people from the same family make a hole in one in the
same week is pretty impressive."
-- Wife sells hubby's mistress' underpants ---------
QUEENSLAND, Australia - A Queensland, Australia, woman
said she is auctioning off underwear that was left at her
home by her husband's alleged mistress. The woman, who
identified herself as Anna, said in the item's listing
on eBay Australia the auction winner will get the "size
humongous" pair of lacy black panties and a "size small"
empty condom wrapper that her husband used for his alleged
infidelity, the Melbourne Herald Sun reported. "They are
so huge I thought they may make someone a nice shawl or,
even better, something for Halloween perhaps," Anna said
of the underpants. The seller said the auction will not
be her last eBay-based attack against her allegedly cheat-
ing mate -- she said his Harley Davidson motorcycle will
soon be up for auction with a starting price of less than
a dollar.
-- Man makes lucky $3 million Lottery mistake --------
ROANOKE, Ind. - A mistake in his usual lottery ticket
numbers proved lucky for an Indiana man who won $3 million
in the Hoosier Lottery. When he realized he had gotten one
number wrong, Bobby Guffey of Roaknoke returned to the
Econoasis in Huntington and bought another ticket with the
right numbers, the Fort Wayne Journal Gazette reported.
That one was lucky too -- winning him $1,000 for having
five of six correct numbers. "My wife says it pays to be
blind," Guffey said during a news conference Thursday at
the Indiana State Fair. The Guffeys took their winnings
in a $1.2 million lump sum. Janice Guffey said she and her
husband plan to continue working, although they will pay
off their mortgage and take a cruise to Hawaii along with
setting up trust funds for their children and grandchildren.
"Christmas will be a lot nicer," she said.
=============================================================
>-->From Our Friend PatH :)
,--. ,--.
( O ) ( O )
`--' \ `--'
\ _
>-. / /|
`-.__.'
Krogg
Dear God,
The person reading this is beautiful, classy & strong and
I love them. Help them live their life to the fullest.
Please promote them and cause them to excel above expectations.
Help them to shine in darkest places and love where it is
impossible to love.
In Jesus Christ's Name I pray, Amen!
Send to all the ones you love. I just did!
----
...Nice! Thank You Pat!
==============================================================
>-->From SermondFodder:
,--. ,--.
( O ) ( O )
`--' \ `--'
\ _
>-. / /|
`-.__.'
Krogg
CHEERFUL GIVER
One Sunday morning a father gave his son a couple of quarters and a
dollar. "Put the dollar in the offering," the father said, "then you
can have the fifty cents for ice cream this afternoon after church."
When the boy came home, he still had the dollar. "Why didn't you put
the dollar in the offering?" his father asked.
"Well, it was like this," the boy explained. '"The preacher said that
God loves a cheerful giver. I decided I could give the fifty cents a
whole lot more cheerfully than I could the dollar."
-<>-
>Personal Note
Ross is Getting Married
My Son, Ross, is getting married on Sunday, August 31st. That means
Beth and I will be heading out for the big event in California. That
also means we'll be on the road for several days before and after the
event. It also means we'll go more than a week without a Sermon
Fodder posting.
I know it will be tough, but I suspect most of you will survive.
We'd appreciate your prayers for "traveling mercies." We'd also
appreciate your prayers for Ross and bride Kelly as they start their
new life togehter.
As far as Beth and I, it seems like we've been "struggling against
the goads" here lately. I've taken Beth to the emergency room at our
local hospital two of the last three weekends and she had surgery
Thursday. She's recovering nicely, but fretting about being stuck at
home with nothing to do. Like me, she's one of those people who
feels they have to be doing something productive every moment of
every day. Your prayers for her rapid recovery in time for our trip
would also be appreciated.
My daughter and her family will be flying out for the wedding. We
would appreciate your prayers for them also.
As if things weren't hectic enough, we're having a "surprise" 90th
Birthday Party/Reception for my Mom on August 23rd. What a blessing
it is to have her with us and in good health.
Best,
Keith
The Sermon Fodder Guy
================================================================
>-->From AndyChaps: Obtainable Affirmations
1. As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I am in touch with
my inner sociopath.
2. I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-
soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.
3. I assume full responsibility for my actions, except
the ones that are someone else's fault.
4. I no longer need to punish, deceive, or compromise
myself, unless I want to stay employed.
5. In some cultures what I do would be considered normal.
6. Having control over myself is almost as good as having
control over others.
7. My intuition nearly makes up for my lack of self-
judgment.
8. I honor my personality flaws for without them I would
have no personality at all.
9. I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those
censorious, self-righteous people around me.
10. I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is
willing to learn from them.
===============================================================
>-->From The Jokester:
Online since ...
/ ...eh... let
||||| me think ....
||O O|`____.
|||\-/|| \ __\
|.--:--| . :
/( ):( |_.-~~_.
(~m : / | oo:|
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Software Engineer and His Wife
Husband - hey dear, I am logged in.
Wife - would you like to have some snacks?
Husband - hard disk full.
Wife - have you brought the dress?
Husband - Bad command or file name.
Wife - but I told you about it in morning
Husband - erroneous syntax, abort, retry, cancel.
Wife - forget it where's your salary.
Husband - file in use, read only, try after some time.
Wife - at least give me your credit card, I can do some shopping.
Husband - sharing violation, access denied.
Wife - I made a mistake in marrying you.
Husband - data type mismatch.
Wife - you are useless.
Husband - by default.
Wife - who was there with you in the car this morning?
Husband - system unstable press ctrl, alt, del to Reboot.
Wife - what is the relation between you & your Receptionist?
Husband - the only user with write permission.
Wife - what is my value in your life?
Husband - unknown virus detected.
Wife - do you love me or your computer?
Husband - Too many parameters.
Wife - I will go to my dad's house.
Husband - program performed illegal operation, it will Close.
Wife - I will leave you forever.
Husband - close all programs and log out for another User.
Wife - it is worthless talking to you.
Husband - shut down the computer.
Wife - I am going
Husband - It’s now safe to turn off your computer
---
...Man - sounds more like lingo with a robot!
-<>-
>Computer Terms
State-of-the-art - Any computer you can't afford.
Obsolete - Any computer you own.
Microsecond - The time it takes for your state-of-the-art computer
to become obsolete.
GUI - What your computer becomes after spilling your coffee on it.
(pronounced "gooey")
Keyboard - The standard way to generate computer errors.
Mouse - An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to
generate.
Floppy - The state of your wallet after purchasing a computer.
Portable Computer - A device invented to force businessmen to work at
home, on vacation, and on business trips.
Disk Crash - A typical computer response to any critical deadline.
System Update - A quick method of trashing ALL of your software.
More Accurate Computer Related Acronyms
PCMCIA - People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
ISDN - It Still Does Nothing
APPLE - Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
SCSI - System Can't See It
DOS - Defunct Operating System
BASIC - Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control
IBM - I Blame Microsoft
DEC - Do Expect Cuts
CD-ROM - Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months
OS/2 - Obsolete Soon, Too.
WWW - World Wide Wait
MACINTOSH - Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating
System Hangs
LOTUS - Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious.
The Ultimate Computer stood at the end of the Ultimate Computer
Company's production line. At which point, the guided tour eventually
arrived. The salesman stepped forward to give his prepared demo. "This,"
he said, "is the Ultimate Computer. It will give an intelligent answer
to any question you may care to ask it." A smartass who ran a humor
mailing list stepped forward and asked, "Where is my father?"
There was the soft hum of powerful electronic gear going to the task.
Panel lights lit and blinked, and within a couple of seconds the laser
printer printed out a piece of paper: "Fishing off Florida." The
smartass laughed, "Actually, my father is dead! It was a trick
question."
The salesman, quickly thinking on his feet, replied that he was sorry
the answer was unsatisfactory, but as the Ultimate Computer was precise,
perhaps a rewording of the question might work better. The smartass said
to the Ultimate Computer,
"Where is my mother's husband?" Again, the hum of the powerful
electronic brain filled the room. After a moment, the laser printer
whirred to life. The paper said, "Dead. But your father is still fishing
off Florida."
===================================================================
>-->From Our Friend John-Paul :)
THIS IS INCREDIBLE.... Read all the Numbers... Slowly and in Order!!
Be Careful not to MISS ANY
1
2
3
4
5
6
8
9
10
11
12
13
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
28
29
30
Finished?
Scroll down ......................
GOOD ! TOMORROW I'LL SEND YOU THE ABC's !
It takes so little to amuse some people.
Thought you could use a laugh today!!!!!!
---
...Yeah! 'giggles' Thanks John-Paul!!
===============================================================
>-->From ScreamOfTheCrop:
>YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2008 when...
1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that
they don't have e-mail addresses.
6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if
anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.
7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the
screen.
8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the
first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and
you turn around to go and get it.
10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.
11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )
12 You're reading this and nodding and laughing.
13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this
message.
14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.
15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on
this list
AND NOW YOU ARE LAUGHING at yourself.
-<>-
,--.
//^\\\ ,;;;, .
((-_-))) (-_- ; /_\
)))((( >..'. .:. .--. |SSt|
((_._ ) /. .| :-_-; /-_-))
_))A ((_//| S || ,`-'. ))-((
`( )`' |___|),;, C \\_/,`I ))
\ / | | |`' |___(/-'|___() ,-.
)( | | | | | | | | | (-_-) _____
/__\ |_|_| |_|_| |_|_| (\I/\.__|A|R|T|
`'' `-'-' `-'-' `-'-' `'-`' `o' `o'
A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife
stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:
'Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife
merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through.
So, please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen!'
God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.
The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman.
He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate,
Awakened the kids, Set out their school clothes,
Fed them breakfast,
Packed their lunches,
Drove them to school,
Came home and picked up the dry cleaning,
Took it to the cleaners
And stopped at the bank to make a deposit,
Went grocery shopping,
Then drove home to put away the groceries,
Paid the bills and balanced the check book.
He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog.
Then, it was already 01P.M.
And he hurried to make the beds,
Do the laundry, vacuum, Dust, sweep and mop the kitchen floor.
Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them
on the way home.
Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their
homework.
Then, set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.
At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad,
breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.
After supper,
He cleaned the kitchen,
Ran the dishwasher,
Folded laundry,
Bathed the kids,
And put them to bed.
At 9 P.M .
He was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went
to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get
through without complaint.
The next morning, he a woke and immediately knelt by the bed and said: -
'Lord, I don't know what I was thinking.
I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day.
Please, oh! Oh! Please, let us trade back. Amen!'
The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied:
'My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to
change things back to the way they were. You'll just have to wait
nine months, though. You got pregnant last night.'
/:""| .@@@@@,
|: 66|_ @@@@@@@@,
C _) aa`@@@@@@
\ ._| (_ ?@@@@
) / =' @@@@"
/`\\ \(```
|| |Y| //`\ ."~~~~~".
|| |#| / | || | .:. |
|| |#| \ | || A | /6 6\ |
|| |#| / | || |~|_|_\ e /_|_ .@@@@,
:| |=: / | |\ |_|)___`"`___(8 aa`@@@,
||_|,| | |_| \ |~~~~~~~~~| = `@@@
\)))|| | ((( | \_________/ )_/`@'
|~~~`-`~~~| `~\~~~~~~| |/ /_\ \| / || @
| | `\ / ()/___\() | || @
|_________| ( || ||~~~~~|| /~|| "`
|_________| | || || || /__W_\
| || | || || || |||
|_||__ __|_|| ||_____|| _|||
jgs (____)) (:;:;)) ||-----|| ((___)
=================================================================
>-->From Our Friend Viv :)
_|_
|
/ \
//_\\
//(_)\\
|/^\|
,%%%% // \\ ,@@@@@@@,
,%%%%/%%% // \\ ,@@@\@@@@/@@,
@@@%%%\%%//%%%// === \\ @@\@@@/@@@@@
@@@@%%%%\%%%%%// =-=-= \\@@@@\@@@@@@;%#####,
@@@@%%%\%%/%%// === \\@@@@@@/@@@%%%######,
@@@@@%%%%/%%//| |\\@\\//@@%%%%%%#/####
'@@@@@%%\\/%~ | | ~ @|| %\\//%%%#####;
@@\\//@|| | __ __ | || %%||%%'######
'@|| || | | | | | || ||##\//####
|| || | | -|- | | || ||'#||###'
|| || |_|__|__|_| || || ||
|| ||_/` ======= `\__||_._|| ||
jgs__||_/` ======= `\_||___
>CHURCH HIDDEN IN THE WEEDS
Just two little boys
walking down a dusty lane.....
They came upon this old white house..
with broken window panes
The paint was faded, the shine was gone...
the grass had grown so high....
still they made their little feet go see
what was inside.
They opened up the squeaky door
and then it came to light....
This must have been an old church house...
once upon a time.
Dirty, dusty wooden pews...
a pulpit that still stood...
A Bible laid upon it....
though the pages weren't too good.
An offering plate and song books too...
were lying on the floor.
They must have left this old church fast...
the day they closed these doors.
And over in the corner...
a piano was still there.
it must have played a pretty tune..
but I guess nobody cared.
So little Bill looked up at Tommy..
and Tommy looked at Bill...
Why don't we clean this old church up,
and get these old pews filled?'
They took a rag and wiped the dust...
to try and make things shine..
And then they took the offering plate...
and put in it their last dime.
They took a broom and swept the floor...
and picked up broken glass....
They got it all so nice and neat...
and then they mowed the grass.
They lifted up the old church sign...
and stood it by a tree...
right down by that old dirt road
where everyone could see.
They ran back home, to find Daddy gone
but their Momma was inside...
Just to find her hurt again...
where Daddy had made her cry.
'Don't cry Momma, wipe those tears,'
Little Bill and Tommy smiled...
'Cause we have a big surprise for you....
just down the road a mile.'
Hand in hand they tugged at her.
until they made her run....
'What is it Bill, Oh Tommy,
just what have you two kids done?'
And then they came upon the house...
once hidden by the weeds...
and there it stood a country church...
just like it used to be.
'But what is it, Mother? What's with your tears?
We thought this would bring you joy.'
'Yes, but hush kids now and listen close...
my two sweet precious boys.'
They both got quiet and stood real still...
for the words they heard so true....
was Daddy praying in the church...
with his head bowed on the pew.
'Forgive me Lord! Forgive me Lord!
though I'm not worthy of Your love...
shine down on this sinner man
sweet Salvation from above.'
'For I've been out in the world, You know..
living my life all wrong...
until I came upon this church;
the place where I belong.'
'I never noticed it before...
all those times I passed it up..
I guess I wasn't looking, Lord...
or maybe I was drunk.'
'Bless oh Lord, yes, bless oh Lord...
the one who made me see..
this little church that used to hide...
behind all those tall weeds.'
And then he raised his head and stood...
with his hands high in the air...
to find two dirty, tear-faced boys...
with Momma standing there.
They ran up to him, hugged him tight...
as their tears fell on the floor.
'Don't worry kids, I'm not the Dad,
the one you 've known before.'
Things are different for us now..
so keep on those pretty smiles...
and let's go gather people in...
to walk down these church aisles.'
Then Bill looked up at Tommy...
and Tommy looked at Bill...
'Come on brother, let's get to work...
to get these old pews filled.'
'For we need no special blessing...
for cleaning up this church...
'cause, God gave us back our Daddy..
and that's more than gold is worth.'
Sunday morning, pews all filled
and smiles on every face...
Especially two little country boys...
the ones who found this place.
Though it was hid back in the weeds...
and so far out of sight...
Nothing's ever hard to find
if you're walking toward God's light.
--Author Unknown
1 John 1:7 we walk in the light as He is in the light,
we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of
Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin.'
Won't you please share this with people you want to be blessed.
Expect the unexpected...Have A Happy Day!!!!!
I may not have gone where I intended to go,
but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.
---
...Wow, what a sweet one! Thank You Viv!
============================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
>From The Mouth:
COOL QUIZ TRIVIA
http://www.coolquiz.com/trivia/directory/
THE 39 DOLLAR EXPERIMENT
http://www.the39dollarexperiment.com/
-<>-
>From LynnLynn Links:
LEARNING TO DANCE
http://www.wtv-zone.com/Mary/LearningToDance.html
Mud Puddles and Dandelions
http://members.shaw.ca/mcinnes-hume/mud_puddles__dandelions.htm
Judy w/ The Wind Will carry Me Home
http://tinyurl.com/6o2y5g
Cool Hot Air Balloons
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/hotair.html
Kitty Korner
http://www.felixthecat.com/
Rat Tales
http://www.geocities.com/lovemyrats2000/index.html
When The Parents Are Gone
http://www.buffaloschips.com/71607.htm
Whit Arlington
http://www.buffaloschips.com/71608.htm
Why I Go To Weddings
http://www.buffaloschips.com/71609.htm
Why Buy Expensive Toys
http://www.buffaloschips.com/71610.htm
Why Girls Shouldn't Fire Handguns
http://www.buffaloschips.com/72101.htm
Why I Didn't Make The Olymics
http://www.buffaloschips.com/72102.htm
Why I Don't Fish
http://www.buffaloschips.com/72103.htm
Why I Was Never Late For School
http://www.buffaloschips.com/72104.htm
Why Women Live Longer Than Men
http://www.buffaloschips.com/72105.htm
Willie You Don't Think I'm Funny Anymore
http://www.buffaloschips.com/72202.htm
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
==============================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"Zoo: An excellent place to study the habits of human
beings."
- Evan Esar
"Newly declassified documents show that Julia Childs, a
famous chef, was a spy. I like to spy on things in my
kitchen...then I interrogate them in my tummy."
-Craig Ferguson
"A group of investors announced they plan on opening a hotel
in space. A weekend stay will cost $4 million. It will cost
you another million to eat a Snickers from the mini bar."
-Conan O'Brien
"It was this week in 1974 that Richard Nixon resigned the
presidency after getting caught lying and violating the
Constitution. Remember when that kind of thing used to get
you kicked out of office?" -Jay Leno
"The generation of random numbers is too important to be
left to chance."
- Robert R. Coveyou
"Excuse for Republicans driving sports cars that cost more
than their fathers ever made in a year: It's cheaper than
marrying a woman half my age." --P.J. O'Rourke
"I used to be With IT. But then they changed what IT was.
Now what I'm with isn't IT, and what's IT seems scary and
wierd. It'll happen to YOU." --Abe Simpson, The Simpsons
"In the past, your dumbness has gotten in the way of a few
things that I really wanted to do: The book club. Theater.
Having conversations." --Patricia Heaton
"My own business always bores me to death; I prefer other
people's."
- Oscar Wilde
We hand folks over to God's mercy, and show none ourselves.
-- George Eliot
---> Visit my CyberHome - ALWAYS OPEN HOOUSE :) Shangy!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/index.html
Shangrala
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->Bigham's Computer Rescue - PC Sales && Service
You can trust us to provide you with quality computer sales and repair.
We've been servicing the Van Wert area since 1981 and can help you with
all your computer needs. Please phone us at 419-238-5806
************************************************************************
-->This is for all you who love food andd DARE to make it at home Yep.
You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy,
good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
Share
A Recipe
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