Hidden In The Weeds & More ... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net =========================== >-->In The 'Shangy' News :) >New photos! I updated our group photo with the Smile From God Picture from our friends Jo Ann and PatH... One in a million shot - A smile from God! Send God's smile to someone you want to bless today, I just did. http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList/ PatH sent us a darling picture she found of herself and siblings from 1951! I loved it - so cute! The chair immediately reminded me of my grandma's old chair I have upstairs with my big old doll Suzy sitting in. She is good to scare the kids with. Life size doll! Jo Ann sent us some excellent thought pictures. See all the pics here: http://ph.groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList/photos/browse/1f2a?b=50&m=t&o=0 --- ...Sweet! Thank You Ladies! ==================================================================== >-->From FunnyBone: Time To Cut The Lawn .--. /-. \ < ^ `D/ Last summer, when the power mower was \_ ( broken and wouldn't run, Jane kept )_/;. hinting to Dick, her husband, that he _ __|_, \\ needed to get it fixed, but somehow ,(_I_______)\ the message wasn't sinking in. //`-----\ \ // \____/\ She finally thought of a // / / clever way to make the // _____ / /\ \ point. When Dick .---n-. //'` `\/ / \ \ arrived home _____|_"_~_|___// /\ \ \ \ that day, / / \ / \ `\__...--' _\__\ \_/\ he found \\\\\\\\\\\'-\__/--===-\__/-'`,,,,,,,,(____\,,,(__/,,,, her seated \\jgs\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ in the tall grass, busily clipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. He watched silently for a short time, then went into the house. Jane thought she had again failed to get his attention. Well, he was gone only a few moments, and when he came out again he handed her a toothbrush saying, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the sidewalks. ===================================================================== +----------- Bizarre Insurance Claim Statements -----------+ "I thought the window was down but found it up when I put my head through it." "The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him." "To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian." "The pedestrian had no idea what direction to go, so I ran over him." "I was thrown from my car as I left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows." "I was unable to stop in time and my car crashed into the other vehicle. The driver and passengers then left immediately for a vacation with injuries." ==================================================================== >-->From Our Friend Fig :) HOW ARE MY FAVORITE RED-NECKS? >A TRUE REDNECK!!!! .,,,. ... .,,,. ((o o)) (`@ @`) ((6 6)) ___\ - /___ ___\ o /___ ___\ v /___ ($_ & _$) ($_ % _$) ($_ & _$) | % | | & | | % | | & | | % | | & | / % \ / & \ / % \ _/ / \ \_ _/ / \ \_ _/ / \ \_ ($__/ \__$) ($__/ \__$) ($__/ \__$) ldb All good gingerbreadmen don't go to heaven. A True Redneck - this isn't your typical redneck joke. Please Read. We have enjoyed the redneck jokes for years.. It's time to take a reflective look at the core beliefs of a culture that values home, family, country and God. If I had to stand before a dozen terrorists who threaten my life, I'd choose a half dozen or so rednecks to back me up. Tire irons, squirrel guns and grit -- that's what rednecks are made of. I hope I am one of those. If you feel the same, pass this on to your redneck friends. Ya'll know who ya' are. You might be a redneck if: It never occurred to you to be offended by the phrase, 'One nation, under God.' You might be a redneck if: You've never protested about seeing the 10 Commandments posted in public places. You might be a redneck if: You still say ' Christmas' instead of 'Winter Festival.' You might be a redneck if: You bow your head when someone prays. You might be a redneck if: You stand and place your hand over your heart when they play the National Anthem. You might be a redneck if: You treat Viet Nam vets with great respect, and always have. You might be a redneck if: You've never burned an American flag. You might be a redneck if: You know what you believe and you aren't afraid to say so, no matter who is listening. You might be a redneck if: You respect your elders and expect your kids to do the same. You might be a redneck if: You'd give your last dollar to a friend. If you got this email from me, it is because I believe that you, like me, have just enough Red Neck in you to have the same beliefs as those talked about in this email. God Bless the USA! --- ...We're Doing Orangy! Thank You Fig, this is a good one! ===================================================================== >-->From Our Friend Jo Ann :) >2009 _ _.-'`-._ _ ;.'________'.; _________n.[____________].n_________ |""_""_""_""||==||==||==||""_""_""_""] |"""""""""""||..||..||..||"""""""""""| |LI LI LI LI||LI||LI||LI||LI LI LI LI| |.. .. .. ..||..||..||..||.. .. .. ..| |LI LI LI LI||LI||LI||LI||LI LI LI LI| ,,;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;,;;;,;;;,;;,, ;;jgs;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; One sunny day in 2009, an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue where he'd been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with President Barack Obama." The Marine replied, "Sir, Mr. Obama is not President and doesn't reside here." The old man said, "Okay," and walked away. The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President Barack Obama". The Marine again told the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Obama is not President and doesn't reside here.” The man thanked him and again walked away. The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same Marine, saying "I would like to go in and meet with President Barack Obama". The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Obama. I've told you already several times that Mr. Obama is not the President and doesn't reside here. Don't you understand?" The old man answered, "Oh, I understand you fine.. I just love hearing your answer!" The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, "See you tomorrow, sir." --- ...Oh yeah! Thanks Jo Ann! -<>- >Leather Bond Bible: , , /////| ///// | ///// | |~~~| | | |===| |/| | B |/| | | I | | | | B | | | | L | / | E | / |===|/ jgs '---' A young man was getting ready to graduate from college. For many months he had admired a beautiful sports car in a dealer's showroom, and knowing his father could well afford it, he told him that was all he wanted. As Graduation Day approached, the young man awaited signs that his father had purchased the car. Finally, on the morning of his graduation, his father called him into his private study. His father told him how proud he was to have such a fine son, and told him how much he loved him. He handed his son a beautiful wrapped gift box. Curious, but somewhat Disappointed, the young man opened the box and found a lovely, leather-bound Bible, with the young man's name embossed in gold. Angrily, he raised his voice to his father and said, "With all your money you give me a Bible? and stormed out of the house, leaving the Bible. Many years passed and the young man was very successful in business. He had a beautiful home and wonderful family, but realized his father was very old, and thought perhaps he should go to him. He had not seen him since that graduation day. Before he could make arrangements, he received a telegram telling him his father had passed away, and willed all of his possessions to his son. He needed to come home immediately and take care of things. When he arrived at his father's house, sudden sadness and regret filled his heart. He began to search through his father's important papers and saw the still new Bible, just as he had left it years ago. With tears, he opened the Bible and began to turn the pages. His father had carefully underlined a verse, Matt 7:11, "And if ye, being evil know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more shall your Heavenly father which is in heaven, give to those who ask Him?" As he read those words, a car key dropped from the back of the Bible. It had a tag with the dealer's name, the same dealer who had the sports car he had desired. On the tag was the date of his graduation, and the words...PAID IN FULL. ******* How many times do we miss God's blessings because they are not packaged as we expected? I trust you enjoyed this. Pass it on to others. Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; but remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for... IF YOUR GIFT IS NOT PACKED THE WAY YOU WANT IT, IT'S BECAUSE IT IS BETTER PACKED THAT WAY! ALWAYS APPRECIATE LITTLE THINGS; THEY USUALLY LEAD YOU TO ATTACHMENTS! --- ...Makes ya think huh? -<>- | \ \ | |/ / | |\ `' ' / | ;'aorta \ / , pulmonary | ; _, | / / , arteries superior | | ( `-.;_,-' '-' , vena cava | `, `-._ _,-'_ |,-`. `.) ,<_,-'_, pulmonary ,' `. / ,' `;-' _, veins ; `./ /`, \-' | right / | ;\ |\ | atrium ;_,._|_, `, ' \ | \ \ ` `, ` __ ` \ left ;, \ ,' ` \, ventricle \_( ;, ;; | \ `;, ;; inferior | |`. `;;, ;' vena cava | | `-. ;;;;,;' FL | | |`-.._ ,;;;;;' | | | | ``';;;' aorta >FEMALE HEART ATTACKS I was aware that female heart attacks are different, but this is the best description I've ever read. Women and heart attacks (Myocardial infarction). Did you know that women rarely have the same dramatic symptoms that men have when experiencing heart attack ... you know, the sudden stabbing pain in the chest, the cold sweat, grabbing the chest & dropping to the floor that we see in the movies. Here is the story of one woman's experience with a heart attack. "I had a heart attack at about 10 :30 PM with NO prior exertion, NO prior emotional trauma that one would suspect might've brought it on. I was sitting all snugly & warm on a cold evening, with my purring cat in my lap, reading an interesting story my friend had sent me, and actually thinking, 'A-A-h, this is the life, all cozy and warm in my soft, cushy Lazy Boy with my feet propped up. A moment later, I felt that awful sensation of indigestion, when you've been in a hurry and grabbed a bite of sandwich and washed it down with a dash of water, and that hurried bite seems to feel like you've swallowed a golf ball going down the esophagus in slow motion and it is most uncomfortable. You realize you shouldn't have gulped it down so fast and needed to chew it more thoroughly and this time drink a glass of water to hasten its progress down to the stomach. This was my initial sensation---the only trouble was that I hadn't taken a bite of anything since about 5:00 p.m. After it seemed to subside, the next sensation was like little squeezing motions that seemed to be racing up my SPINE (hind-sight, it was probably my aorta spasming), gaining speed as they continued racing up and under my sternum (breast bone, where one presses rhythmically when administering CPR). This fascinating process continued on into my throat and branched out into both jaws. 'AHA!! NOW I stopped puzzling about what was happening -- we all have read and/or heard about pain in the jaws being one of the signals of an MI happening, haven't we? I said aloud to myself and the cat, Dear God, I think I'm having a heart attack! I lowered the footrest dumping the cat from my lap, started to take a step and fell on the floor instead. I thought to myself, If this is a heart attack, I shouldn't be walking into the next room where the phone is or anywhere else ... but, on the other hand, if I don't, nobody will know that I need help, and if I wait any longer I may not be able to get up in moment. I pulled myself up with the arms of the chair, walked slowly into the next room and dialed the Paramedics .. I told her I thought I was having a heart attack due to the pressure building under the sternum and radiating into my jaws. I didn't feel hysterical or afraid, just stating the facts. She said she was sending the Paramedics over immediately, asked if the front door was near to me, and if so, to unbolt the door and then lie down on the floor where they could see me when they came in. I unlocked the door and then laid down on the floor as instructed and lost consciousness, as I don't remember the medics coming in, their examination, lifting me onto a gurney or getting me into their ambulance, or hearing the call they made to St. Jude ER on the way, but I did briefly awaken when we arrived and saw that the Cardiologist was already there in his surgical blues and cap, helping the medics pull my stretcher out of the ambulance. He was bending over me asking questions (probably something like 'Have you taken any medications?') but I couldn't make my mind interpret what he was saying, or form an answer, and nodded off again, not waking up until the Cardiologist and partner had already threaded the teeny angiogram balloon up my femoral artery into the aorta and into my heart where they installed 2 side by side stents to hold open my right coronary artery. 'I know it sounds like all my thinking and actions at home must have taken at least 20-30 minutes before calling the Paramedics, but actually it took perhaps 4-5 minutes before the call, and both the fire station and St. Jude are only minutes away from my home, and my Cardiologist was already to go to the OR in his scrubs and get going on restarting my heart (which had stopped somewhere between my arrival and the procedure) and installing the stents. 'Why have I written all of this to you with so much detail? Because I want all of you who are so important in my life to know what I learned first hand.' 1. Be aware that something very different is happening in your body not the usual men's symptoms but inexplicable things happening (until my sternum and jaws got into the act). It is said that many more women than men die of their first (and last) MI because they didn't know they were having one and commonly mistake it as indigestion, take some Maalox or other anti-heartburn preparation and go to bed, hoping they'll feel better in the morning when they wake up ... which doesn't happen. My female friends, your symptoms might not be exactly like mine, so I advise you to call the Paramedics if ANYTHING is unpleasantly happening that you've not felt before. It is better to have a 'false alarm' visitation than to risk your life guessing what it might be! 2. Note that I said 'Call the Paramedics.' And if you can take an aspirin. Ladies, TIME IS OF THE ESSENCE! Do NOT try to drive yourself to the ER - you are a hazard to others on the road. Do NOT have your panicked husband who will be speeding and looking anxiously at what's happening with you instead of the road. Do NOT call your doctor -- he doesn't know where you live and if it's at night you won't reach him anyway, and if it's daytime, his assistants (or answering service) will tell you to call the Paramedics. He doesn't carry the equipment in his car that you need to be saved! The Paramedics do, principally OXYGEN that you need ASAP. Your Dr. will be notified later. 3. Don't assume it couldn't be a heart attack because you have a normal cholesterol count. Research has discovered that a cholesterol elevated reading is rarely the cause of an MI (unless it's unbelievably high and/or accompanied by high blood pressure). MIs are usually caused by long-term stress and inflammation in the body, which dumps all sorts of deadly hormones into your system to sludge things up in there. Pain in the jaw can wake you from a sound sleep. Let's be careful and be aware. The more we know, the better chance we could survive. A cardiologist says if everyone who gets this mail sends it to 10 people, you can be sure that we'll save at least one life. **Please be a true friend and send this article to all your friends (male & female) you care about!** --- ...Good Info - Thanks Jo Ann!! ============================================================ >-->From Our Friend Viv :) >Why most men don't write advice Columns... .---. .---. ,';' `.';' `.. f :Bo. ` d88: `\ /d88P' `\ ; /d888P' `. ',d8&8P' : ;d8&7' | :8: | qx Dear Walter: I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbor lady. I am 32, my husband is 34, and we have been married for twelve years. When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. He won't go to counseling and I'm afraid I can't get through to him anymore. Can you please help? Sincerely, Sheila -------------- Dear Sheila: A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber. I hope this helps. -Walter --- ...TeeHee! Thanks Viv! ==================================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: During court one day, the judge quietly passed the clerk a note reading: "Blind on right side, may be falling. Please call someone." Understandably alarmed, the clerk called for help before whispering to the judge that paramedics were on their way. Puzzled, the judge pointed to a sagging Venetian blind on the right side of the room and explained, "I was thinking maybe someone from maintenance!" -<>- .-"''-. _ .' `( \ @/ ') ,--,__,-" / / \ / / _/ __| , |/ / .~ `\ / \ , | / .~ `\ ` / _/ _/ .~ `\ ~~`__/ / ~ `--'/ / / / / /' /jgs The birth of our second child, a daughter, came after a long and difficult labor. But it was definitely worth it when our beautiful little girl emerged, perfect in every way. Later, in my room, my husband looked at her tenderly, with tears in his eyes. Then as he glanced up at me, I expected him to utter something truly poetic. Instead he asked, "What'd we decide to call her again?" -<>- After shopping for weeks, I finally found the car of my dreams. It was only two years old and in beautiful condition. The salesman asked if I would like to take it for a test drive. We had traveled no more than two miles when the car broke down. The salesman called for a tow truck. When it arrived, we climbed into the front seat. While the driver was hooking up the car, the salesman turned to me with a smile and said, "Well, now, what is it going to take to put you behind the wheel of that beauty today?" -<>- _/\|\_\_ _| .- \___ ________\ / ) o`o__________ [nabis] -->In The WorldlyNews: >From CoffeeBreak: Judge rejects flushing tenant's appeal A British judge has rejected a Tremadog, Wales, woman's attempt to overturn a decision that demoted her from being a secure tenant due to "household noises." Judge John Behrens of the High Court in London ruled -- despite the insistence of Mwynwen Jones, 57, that the sounds she made at her home that generated complaints from neighbors were merely "household noises" -- that they qualified as a nuisance if they bothered neighbors at late hours, The Daily Telegraph reported. "Whilst flushing a toilet may not be a nuisance, plainly it may be so if it is done repeatedly and at anti-social hours," Behrens said. The Gwynedd County Council decided last year, after noise complaints from Jones's neighbors, to revoke her secure tenant status, a move that leaves open the possibility of eviction without the need to give further cause. Behrens said the 15-day window for Jones to appeal the council's decision had already passed. A council representative said it plans to evict Jones in the near future. _______________ |,----------. |\ || |=| | || || | | || . _o| | | __ |`-----------' |/ /~/ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ / / ~~ Ojoshiro Report: Britons multitask in front of TV A report by a British research organization suggests Britons are increasingly using their cell phones and laptop computers while sitting in front of the TV. Ofcom's annual Communications Market report said that while average Britons spend about 218 minutes watching TV each day, three quarters of those between ages 20 and 34 regularly use their cell phones while watching the tube and more than a third of people between ages 25 and 44 use their laptop computers to surf the Internet while tuning in, The Guardian reported. A majority of the study's subjects said TV is the "media activity" they would least like to live without while those ages 16 to 19 said their cell phones were their most indispensable media item. The report suggested Britons ages 16 to 24 spend about 150 minutes per day in front of the TV, a sharp contrast to the five hours of television watched by those over 65. Samaritan's car stolen as she helps man A Manchester, England, doctor said her car was stolen after she stopped at the side of the road to help an elderly man who had been struck by a bus. The 25-year-old doctor, who asked not to be named, said she stopped to help a 74-year-old who had been hit by a bus in rush hour traffic and was in such a hurry that she left her keys in her car, The Daily Mail reported. A few minutes after she stopped, a thief jumped into the unlocked vehicle and drove off. However, the doctor said she would not let the incident deter her from helping others in the future. "I am very disappointed at what has happened, but I would do the same again," she said. Greater Manchester Police Superintendent Ian Palmer said he reacted with "horror" when he heard of how the car was stolen. "The vehicle was taken in a despicable way," he said. "This lady's actions were heroic. Her stopping to offer assistance demonstrates the best of qualities of human nature." -<>- >From BizarreNews: '\ . . |>18>> \ . ' . | O>> . 'o | \ . | /\ . | / / .' | jgs^^^^^^^`^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ -- Father and son hit holes in one ------------ NEWTON, Mass. - A Massachusetts man said he scored a hole in one at a Newton, Mass., golf course one week after his father achieved a similar feat at the same course. Brian Hurley, 36, said he sank his 167-yard hole in one on the par-3 seventh hole of the Newton Commonwealth Golf Course Sunday, exactly one week after his father, Bill, 65, struck his own 145-yard hole in one on the 16th hole, also a par-3 hole, The Boston Globe reported. "I've been work- ing here for three years, and we only get a handful of holes in one a year," said Gerry Zegarelli, 21, who works in the Newton Commonwealth Golf Course pro shop. "To see two people from the same family make a hole in one in the same week is pretty impressive." -- Wife sells hubby's mistress' underpants --------- QUEENSLAND, Australia - A Queensland, Australia, woman said she is auctioning off underwear that was left at her home by her husband's alleged mistress. The woman, who identified herself as Anna, said in the item's listing on eBay Australia the auction winner will get the "size humongous" pair of lacy black panties and a "size small" empty condom wrapper that her husband used for his alleged infidelity, the Melbourne Herald Sun reported. "They are so huge I thought they may make someone a nice shawl or, even better, something for Halloween perhaps," Anna said of the underpants. The seller said the auction will not be her last eBay-based attack against her allegedly cheat- ing mate -- she said his Harley Davidson motorcycle will soon be up for auction with a starting price of less than a dollar. -- Man makes lucky $3 million Lottery mistake -------- ROANOKE, Ind. - A mistake in his usual lottery ticket numbers proved lucky for an Indiana man who won $3 million in the Hoosier Lottery. When he realized he had gotten one number wrong, Bobby Guffey of Roaknoke returned to the Econoasis in Huntington and bought another ticket with the right numbers, the Fort Wayne Journal Gazette reported. That one was lucky too -- winning him $1,000 for having five of six correct numbers. "My wife says it pays to be blind," Guffey said during a news conference Thursday at the Indiana State Fair. The Guffeys took their winnings in a $1.2 million lump sum. Janice Guffey said she and her husband plan to continue working, although they will pay off their mortgage and take a cruise to Hawaii along with setting up trust funds for their children and grandchildren. "Christmas will be a lot nicer," she said. ============================================================= >-->From Our Friend PatH :) ,--. ,--. ( O ) ( O ) `--' \ `--' \ _ >-. / /| `-.__.' Krogg Dear God, The person reading this is beautiful, classy & strong and I love them. Help them live their life to the fullest. Please promote them and cause them to excel above expectations. Help them to shine in darkest places and love where it is impossible to love. In Jesus Christ's Name I pray, Amen! Send to all the ones you love. I just did! ---- ...Nice! Thank You Pat! ============================================================== >-->From SermondFodder: ,--. ,--. ( O ) ( O ) `--' \ `--' \ _ >-. / /| `-.__.' Krogg CHEERFUL GIVER One Sunday morning a father gave his son a couple of quarters and a dollar. "Put the dollar in the offering," the father said, "then you can have the fifty cents for ice cream this afternoon after church." When the boy came home, he still had the dollar. "Why didn't you put the dollar in the offering?" his father asked. "Well, it was like this," the boy explained. '"The preacher said that God loves a cheerful giver. I decided I could give the fifty cents a whole lot more cheerfully than I could the dollar." -<>- >Personal Note Ross is Getting Married My Son, Ross, is getting married on Sunday, August 31st. That means Beth and I will be heading out for the big event in California. That also means we'll be on the road for several days before and after the event. It also means we'll go more than a week without a Sermon Fodder posting. I know it will be tough, but I suspect most of you will survive. We'd appreciate your prayers for "traveling mercies." We'd also appreciate your prayers for Ross and bride Kelly as they start their new life togehter. As far as Beth and I, it seems like we've been "struggling against the goads" here lately. I've taken Beth to the emergency room at our local hospital two of the last three weekends and she had surgery Thursday. She's recovering nicely, but fretting about being stuck at home with nothing to do. Like me, she's one of those people who feels they have to be doing something productive every moment of every day. Your prayers for her rapid recovery in time for our trip would also be appreciated. My daughter and her family will be flying out for the wedding. We would appreciate your prayers for them also. As if things weren't hectic enough, we're having a "surprise" 90th Birthday Party/Reception for my Mom on August 23rd. What a blessing it is to have her with us and in good health. Best, Keith The Sermon Fodder Guy ================================================================ >-->From AndyChaps: Obtainable Affirmations 1. As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I am in touch with my inner sociopath. 2. I have the power to channel my imagination into ever- soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia. 3. I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else's fault. 4. I no longer need to punish, deceive, or compromise myself, unless I want to stay employed. 5. In some cultures what I do would be considered normal. 6. Having control over myself is almost as good as having control over others. 7. My intuition nearly makes up for my lack of self- judgment. 8. I honor my personality flaws for without them I would have no personality at all. 9. I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious, self-righteous people around me. 10. I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from them. =============================================================== >-->From The Jokester: Online since ... / ...eh... let ||||| me think .... ||O O|`____. |||\-/|| \ __\ |.--:--| . : /( ):( |_.-~~_. (~m : / | oo:| ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ >Software Engineer and His Wife Husband - hey dear, I am logged in. Wife - would you like to have some snacks? Husband - hard disk full. Wife - have you brought the dress? Husband - Bad command or file name. Wife - but I told you about it in morning Husband - erroneous syntax, abort, retry, cancel. Wife - forget it where's your salary. Husband - file in use, read only, try after some time. Wife - at least give me your credit card, I can do some shopping. Husband - sharing violation, access denied. Wife - I made a mistake in marrying you. Husband - data type mismatch. Wife - you are useless. Husband - by default. Wife - who was there with you in the car this morning? Husband - system unstable press ctrl, alt, del to Reboot. Wife - what is the relation between you & your Receptionist? Husband - the only user with write permission. Wife - what is my value in your life? Husband - unknown virus detected. Wife - do you love me or your computer? Husband - Too many parameters. Wife - I will go to my dad's house. Husband - program performed illegal operation, it will Close. Wife - I will leave you forever. Husband - close all programs and log out for another User. Wife - it is worthless talking to you. Husband - shut down the computer. Wife - I am going Husband - It’s now safe to turn off your computer --- ...Man - sounds more like lingo with a robot! -<>- >Computer Terms State-of-the-art - Any computer you can't afford. Obsolete - Any computer you own. Microsecond - The time it takes for your state-of-the-art computer to become obsolete. GUI - What your computer becomes after spilling your coffee on it. (pronounced "gooey") Keyboard - The standard way to generate computer errors. Mouse - An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate. Floppy - The state of your wallet after purchasing a computer. Portable Computer - A device invented to force businessmen to work at home, on vacation, and on business trips. Disk Crash - A typical computer response to any critical deadline. System Update - A quick method of trashing ALL of your software. More Accurate Computer Related Acronyms PCMCIA - People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms ISDN - It Still Does Nothing APPLE - Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity SCSI - System Can't See It DOS - Defunct Operating System BASIC - Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control IBM - I Blame Microsoft DEC - Do Expect Cuts CD-ROM - Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months OS/2 - Obsolete Soon, Too. WWW - World Wide Wait MACINTOSH - Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs LOTUS - Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious. The Ultimate Computer stood at the end of the Ultimate Computer Company's production line. At which point, the guided tour eventually arrived. The salesman stepped forward to give his prepared demo. "This," he said, "is the Ultimate Computer. It will give an intelligent answer to any question you may care to ask it." A smartass who ran a humor mailing list stepped forward and asked, "Where is my father?" There was the soft hum of powerful electronic gear going to the task. Panel lights lit and blinked, and within a couple of seconds the laser printer printed out a piece of paper: "Fishing off Florida." The smartass laughed, "Actually, my father is dead! It was a trick question." The salesman, quickly thinking on his feet, replied that he was sorry the answer was unsatisfactory, but as the Ultimate Computer was precise, perhaps a rewording of the question might work better. The smartass said to the Ultimate Computer, "Where is my mother's husband?" Again, the hum of the powerful electronic brain filled the room. After a moment, the laser printer whirred to life. The paper said, "Dead. But your father is still fishing off Florida." =================================================================== >-->From Our Friend John-Paul :) THIS IS INCREDIBLE.... Read all the Numbers... Slowly and in Order!! Be Careful not to MISS ANY 1 2 3 4 5 6 8 9 10 11 12 13 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 Finished? Scroll down ...................... GOOD ! TOMORROW I'LL SEND YOU THE ABC's ! It takes so little to amuse some people. Thought you could use a laugh today!!!!!! --- ...Yeah! 'giggles' Thanks John-Paul!! =============================================================== >-->From ScreamOfTheCrop: >YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2008 when... 1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave. 2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years. 3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3. 4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you. 5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses. 6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries. 7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen. 8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it. 10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee. 11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : ) 12 You're reading this and nodding and laughing. 13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message. 14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list. 15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list AND NOW YOU ARE LAUGHING at yourself. -<>- ,--. //^\\\ ,;;;, . ((-_-))) (-_- ; /_\ )))((( >..'. .:. .--. |SSt| ((_._ ) /. .| :-_-; /-_-)) _))A ((_//| S || ,`-'. ))-(( `( )`' |___|),;, C \\_/,`I )) \ / | | |`' |___(/-'|___() ,-. )( | | | | | | | | | (-_-) _____ /__\ |_|_| |_|_| |_|_| (\I/\.__|A|R|T| `'' `-'-' `-'-' `-'-' `'-`' `o' `o' A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed: 'Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through. So, please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen!' God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish. The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman. He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, Awakened the kids, Set out their school clothes, Fed them breakfast, Packed their lunches, Drove them to school, Came home and picked up the dry cleaning, Took it to the cleaners And stopped at the bank to make a deposit, Went grocery shopping, Then drove home to put away the groceries, Paid the bills and balanced the check book. He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog. Then, it was already 01P.M. And he hurried to make the beds, Do the laundry, vacuum, Dust, sweep and mop the kitchen floor. Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home. Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework. Then, set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing. At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper. After supper, He cleaned the kitchen, Ran the dishwasher, Folded laundry, Bathed the kids, And put them to bed. At 9 P.M . He was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint. The next morning, he a woke and immediately knelt by the bed and said: - 'Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day. Please, oh! Oh! Please, let us trade back. Amen!' The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied: 'My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. You'll just have to wait nine months, though. You got pregnant last night.' /:""| .@@@@@, |: 66|_ @@@@@@@@, C _) aa`@@@@@@ \ ._| (_ ?@@@@ ) / =' @@@@" /`\\ \(``` || |Y| //`\ ."~~~~~". || |#| / | || | .:. | || |#| \ | || A | /6 6\ | || |#| / | || |~|_|_\ e /_|_ .@@@@, :| |=: / | |\ |_|)___`"`___(8 aa`@@@, ||_|,| | |_| \ |~~~~~~~~~| = `@@@ \)))|| | ((( | \_________/ )_/`@' |~~~`-`~~~| `~\~~~~~~| |/ /_\ \| / || @ | | `\ / ()/___\() | || @ |_________| ( || ||~~~~~|| /~|| "` |_________| | || || || /__W_\ | || | || || || ||| |_||__ __|_|| ||_____|| _||| jgs (____)) (:;:;)) ||-----|| ((___) ================================================================= >-->From Our Friend Viv :) _|_ | / \ //_\\ //(_)\\ |/^\| ,%%%% // \\ ,@@@@@@@, ,%%%%/%%% // \\ ,@@@\@@@@/@@, @@@%%%\%%//%%%// === \\ @@\@@@/@@@@@ @@@@%%%%\%%%%%// =-=-= \\@@@@\@@@@@@;%#####, @@@@%%%\%%/%%// === \\@@@@@@/@@@%%%######, @@@@@%%%%/%%//| |\\@\\//@@%%%%%%#/#### '@@@@@%%\\/%~ | | ~ @|| %\\//%%%#####; @@\\//@|| | __ __ | || %%||%%'###### '@|| || | | | | | || ||##\//#### || || | | -|- | | || ||'#||###' || || |_|__|__|_| || || || || ||_/` ======= `\__||_._|| || jgs__||_/` ======= `\_||___ >CHURCH HIDDEN IN THE WEEDS Just two little boys walking down a dusty lane..... They came upon this old white house.. with broken window panes The paint was faded, the shine was gone... the grass had grown so high.... still they made their little feet go see what was inside. They opened up the squeaky door and then it came to light.... This must have been an old church house... once upon a time. Dirty, dusty wooden pews... a pulpit that still stood... A Bible laid upon it.... though the pages weren't too good. An offering plate and song books too... were lying on the floor. They must have left this old church fast... the day they closed these doors. And over in the corner... a piano was still there. it must have played a pretty tune.. but I guess nobody cared. So little Bill looked up at Tommy.. and Tommy looked at Bill... Why don't we clean this old church up, and get these old pews filled?' They took a rag and wiped the dust... to try and make things shine.. And then they took the offering plate... and put in it their last dime. They took a broom and swept the floor... and picked up broken glass.... They got it all so nice and neat... and then they mowed the grass. They lifted up the old church sign... and stood it by a tree... right down by that old dirt road where everyone could see. They ran back home, to find Daddy gone but their Momma was inside... Just to find her hurt again... where Daddy had made her cry. 'Don't cry Momma, wipe those tears,' Little Bill and Tommy smiled... 'Cause we have a big surprise for you.... just down the road a mile.' Hand in hand they tugged at her. until they made her run.... 'What is it Bill, Oh Tommy, just what have you two kids done?' And then they came upon the house... once hidden by the weeds... and there it stood a country church... just like it used to be. 'But what is it, Mother? What's with your tears? We thought this would bring you joy.' 'Yes, but hush kids now and listen close... my two sweet precious boys.' They both got quiet and stood real still... for the words they heard so true.... was Daddy praying in the church... with his head bowed on the pew. 'Forgive me Lord! Forgive me Lord! though I'm not worthy of Your love... shine down on this sinner man sweet Salvation from above.' 'For I've been out in the world, You know.. living my life all wrong... until I came upon this church; the place where I belong.' 'I never noticed it before... all those times I passed it up.. I guess I wasn't looking, Lord... or maybe I was drunk.' 'Bless oh Lord, yes, bless oh Lord... the one who made me see.. this little church that used to hide... behind all those tall weeds.' And then he raised his head and stood... with his hands high in the air... to find two dirty, tear-faced boys... with Momma standing there. They ran up to him, hugged him tight... as their tears fell on the floor. 'Don't worry kids, I'm not the Dad, the one you 've known before.' Things are different for us now.. so keep on those pretty smiles... and let's go gather people in... to walk down these church aisles.' Then Bill looked up at Tommy... and Tommy looked at Bill... 'Come on brother, let's get to work... to get these old pews filled.' 'For we need no special blessing... for cleaning up this church... 'cause, God gave us back our Daddy.. and that's more than gold is worth.' Sunday morning, pews all filled and smiles on every face... Especially two little country boys... the ones who found this place. Though it was hid back in the weeds... and so far out of sight... Nothing's ever hard to find if you're walking toward God's light. --Author Unknown 1 John 1:7 we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin.' Won't you please share this with people you want to be blessed. Expect the unexpected...Have A Happy Day!!!!! I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be. --- ...Wow, what a sweet one! Thank You Viv! ============================================================ >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) >From The Mouth: COOL QUIZ TRIVIA http://www.coolquiz.com/trivia/directory/ THE 39 DOLLAR EXPERIMENT http://www.the39dollarexperiment.com/ -<>- >From LynnLynn Links: LEARNING TO DANCE http://www.wtv-zone.com/Mary/LearningToDance.html Mud Puddles and Dandelions http://members.shaw.ca/mcinnes-hume/mud_puddles__dandelions.htm Judy w/ The Wind Will carry Me Home http://tinyurl.com/6o2y5g Cool Hot Air Balloons http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/hotair.html Kitty Korner http://www.felixthecat.com/ Rat Tales http://www.geocities.com/lovemyrats2000/index.html When The Parents Are Gone http://www.buffaloschips.com/71607.htm Whit Arlington http://www.buffaloschips.com/71608.htm Why I Go To Weddings http://www.buffaloschips.com/71609.htm Why Buy Expensive Toys http://www.buffaloschips.com/71610.htm Why Girls Shouldn't Fire Handguns http://www.buffaloschips.com/72101.htm Why I Didn't Make The Olymics http://www.buffaloschips.com/72102.htm Why I Don't Fish http://www.buffaloschips.com/72103.htm Why I Was Never Late For School http://www.buffaloschips.com/72104.htm Why Women Live Longer Than Men http://www.buffaloschips.com/72105.htm Willie You Don't Think I'm Funny Anymore http://www.buffaloschips.com/72202.htm If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com ============================================================== >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "Zoo: An excellent place to study the habits of human beings." - Evan Esar "Newly declassified documents show that Julia Childs, a famous chef, was a spy. I like to spy on things in my kitchen...then I interrogate them in my tummy." -Craig Ferguson "A group of investors announced they plan on opening a hotel in space. A weekend stay will cost $4 million. It will cost you another million to eat a Snickers from the mini bar." -Conan O'Brien "It was this week in 1974 that Richard Nixon resigned the presidency after getting caught lying and violating the Constitution. Remember when that kind of thing used to get you kicked out of office?" -Jay Leno "The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance." - Robert R. Coveyou "Excuse for Republicans driving sports cars that cost more than their fathers ever made in a year: It's cheaper than marrying a woman half my age." --P.J. O'Rourke "I used to be With IT. But then they changed what IT was. Now what I'm with isn't IT, and what's IT seems scary and wierd. It'll happen to YOU." --Abe Simpson, The Simpsons "In the past, your dumbness has gotten in the way of a few things that I really wanted to do: The book club. Theater. Having conversations." --Patricia Heaton "My own business always bores me to death; I prefer other people's." - Oscar Wilde We hand folks over to God's mercy, and show none ourselves. -- George Eliot ---> Visit my CyberHome - ALWAYS OPEN HOOUSE :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/index.html Shangrala ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->Bigham's Computer Rescue - PC Sales && Service You can trust us to provide you with quality computer sales and repair. We've been servicing the Van Wert area since 1981 and can help you with all your computer needs. Please phone us at 419-238-5806 ************************************************************************ -->This is for all you who love food andd DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR Send a BLANK email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************