Hollywood Squares Game And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: For Facebook Users: Please Friend Me / Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! Thank You! ================ >-->2 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This too hot to handle goodie is from our friends Linda and Geniann. This is a super adorable one! Give it time to load and be sure to check out the hot video too - sure to give you some smiles! _)_ .-'(/ '-. / ` \ / - - \ (` a a `) \ ^ / '. '---' .' .-`'---'`-. / \ / / ' ' \ \ _/ /| |\ \_ `/|\` |+++++++|`/|\` /\ /\ | `-._.-` | \ / \ / |_ | | _| jgs | _| |_ | (ooO Ooo) Baby's Firsts http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/babyfirsts.html --- ...Awww, so sweet! Thanks Ladies! This super scorcher is from our friends Linda and Richard. These are so mind blowing I had to do them up and share them with all of you. Give it time to load and check it out here... | /"\ |\ | |"\ /"\ |\ | |\/| /"\ /"\ .-"L"-. |__ \_/ | \| |_/ \_/ | \| | | \_/ \_/ .--""L""---___ J | | J J ""L L J J J----"""J""---__ | | J J L L_--""|"--L | F J L L__ ___ L L | J | J F J F \""""""" | """""-----, L | J J F | \ L L L | | | J J _.---""" \ J | | | | F F F / \ | J | | | J J | / \ L ___---++...;.++'--__ F J / \ J L""----____ __---""J__--=----_E_ / \ | J | |--__ __--"/ / __ \ L L | F ""F / / """--__ J J | J | / / ""; | L | | J / / __--""" \ L J | F F / / __--"" \ J L | J | / / --"" \ | J | | J / / \ L L | F F / / \ J J | J | / / \ | L | | J / / \ L J | F F / / \ J L | J | / / \ | _J | |"-J+' / \-L" L | F / \ J | J / '-. \ "-.|+' / '-. \ / . '-. \ / .-' '-. .-' "-. .-' hs '-. .-' . "-. .-' '-. .-' .' '. '-.-' ' .' '. Great Engineering Achievements! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/engineering.html --- ...Wow! Amazing! Thanks Linda and Richard! ======================================================= >-->From TheFunnyBone: The Typical Texas Baby _.--. .-"`_.--.\ .-.___________ A Texan bought a round ."_-"` \\ ( 0;------/\"'` of drinks for all in ,."=___ =)) \ \ / \ the bar and announced `~` .=`~'~) ( _/ / / \ that his wife had =`---====""~`\ _/ / \ just produced a `-------"` / \ typical Texas baby, jgs / \ weighing a whopping ( ) twenty pounds. '._ _.' '----' "WOW!" was the response from everyone at the bar. Two weeks later the Texan returned to the bar. The bartender recognized him and asked, "Aren't you the father of the baby that weighed twenty pounds at birth? How much does he weigh now?" The proud father answered, "10 pounds." The bartender said, "Why? I know that babies lose some weight after birth, but ten pounds? He did weigh twenty pounds, didn't he? What happened? The proud Texas father said, "Just had him circumcised!" ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ October 21 is Babbling Day and Count Your Buttons Day October 22 is National Nut Day and National Pumpkin Cheesecake Day October 23 is National Mole Day and TV Talk Show Host Day October 24 is National Bologna Day and Mother-In-Law Day October 25 is Punk for a Day Day World Pasta Day October 26 is Mule Day and National Mincemeat Day October 27 is Navy Day and National Tell a Story Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: :\ ;\\ ; ;; __ :/ :-",dP _.ggp. : (*).-"" :$$$$; ; T$$$; : _,- `TP ; `. _ ; ; "" \ / ; `-+' : .-' ; \; ; : `--+'-. .---. ; ;` :_ `. : ; "-, ; / "-. : ; : .p""-. ""--..: ; : .-T$$P ""--..___l-, ; : .-" "" :\()l ; ; _________.-" $$ ;`-' ; ; bug .--""$$$$$$$P : ; '._____.-"_. 'T$$P^' : : .-" \ : '.___...-" ; : / ; ; : . / / / ; .J__ : / .' ; .; "-. ; j.-" : .'/ "-. ; : : ; .' / "---: ; ; : .-" / : : : ; .-" .-" ; ; ; / .' .-" : : : / .' .' : | ; : /\ : : ;: ; : ; ; : : ; : ; : :__ ; | : ; _L__J -`, : : '--. : l l l____l \ _`-,-: ( l ;_:-' / l |`; """ :_l :_;_l " >Animal Crackers When the mother returned from the grocery store, her small son pulled out the box of animal crackers he had begged for. Then he spread the animal-shaped crackers all over the kitchen counter. "What are you doing?" his mom asked. "The box says you can't eat them if the seal is broken," the boy explained. "I'm looking for the seal." -<>- >Credit Card Problem Standing in line at the clothing store's counter, I watched as the woman ahead of me handed the clerk her credit card. The customer waited for a long time while the saleswoman went to verify the account. When she finally returned, the clerk said, "I'm sorry, but this card is in your husband's name, and we can't accept it because the records show he is deceased." With that, the woman turned to her spouse, who was standing next to her and asked, "Does this mean I don't have to fix lunch for you today?" -<>- >K9 Division A friend of mine is a deputy with the sheriff's department canine division. One evening, the deputy was dispatched to the scene of a possible burglary, where he discovered the back door of a building ajar. He let the dog out of his patrol car gave the command to enter and seek. Jumping from the back seat, the dog headed for the building. After lunging through the doorway, the dog froze and backed out. My friend was puzzled until he investigated further. Then he noticed the sign on the building: "Veterinarian's Office." -<>- >Open This couple was heading to the hospital with their 16-year-old daughter, who was scheduled to undergo a tonsillectomy. During the ride they talked about the procedure. "Dad," the teenager asked "how are they going to keep my mouth open during surgery?" Without hesitation her father quipped, "They're going to give you a phone." -<>- >Repair Project My sister has the courage, but not always the skills, to tackle any home repair project. For example, in her garage are pieces of a lawn mower she once tried to fix. So I wasn't surprised the day I found her attacking the vacuum cleaner with a screwdriver. "I can't get this thing to cooperate," she explained when she saw me. I suggested, "Why don't you drag it out to the garage and show it the lawn mower?" ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseA :) _ ///-._ ////////-._ /////////////-. ////////////////`. //////////////// .'`. //////////////// . '.'`. '|`'//////////// . .'.::|` : `'/////// . '.':| | . . `'// ' _|- ::| |. .-._ . | . | .':: | |:|:| | ' ' '.::| | |:|:| :. . .'.':| | . |:|:| . | .._.::: : `':| | ' ////-:| |. . | '/////////-._ | . . : .//////////////-._ : : ///////////////////-._ |. |////////////////////////-._ | . . :`'//////////////////////////-._ | . _.-\\\\``'//////////////////////////-._ | /\\\\\\\\..``'//////////////////////////". : . . /. \\\\\\\\\. .``'///////////////////// .'`. : / _ \\\\\\\\\. ``'//////////////// . .'`. | . / (@) \\\\\\\\\. . . ``'/////////// . '.'::|. {`)._ '| _` .\\\\\\\-`:|#| . . ``'////// '. .'.:| `-{_/`| ||::. \\'`.:|:.|#| |#| . ``'/ ' .##:'::: `-| ||||| |`.'::|::|#| |#| |#| . . '| . .|##|'.:| pils | ||||| : .'::|:.'#| |#| |#| |#| | |##|'::| | ||||| .| .'.:|::.'' '#| |#| |#| . : ' |##|'.:| {`\:|||| : .'::|:_.:. . '#| |#| | .|##|'::: `-{_/'|_ |_.-'/}_/'-._ '#| :. |##:'.:| `'{._('}_)-' `-}_}(-._ . . | ' '` .'::| `-' `-.} /-._ . : .'.'_:-'\ `-}_}(-._ | . _.-')_(-' `-/_)`-.:.-{ \{-' `-{_'_)-'' ^ >Church Bulletin Bloopers The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals. Miss Charlene Jones sang "I Will Not Pass This Way Again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation. Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands. The peacemaking conference scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus." Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be discontinued until further notice. Don't let worry kill you off -- let the church help. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. Please use large double door at the side entrance. The Senior Choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir. The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth into Joy." Applications are now being accepted for 2 year-old nursery workers. The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning. -------------- *WHY SENIORS STILL NEED NEWSPAPERS* *I was visiting my daughter last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper. "This is the 21st century," she said. We don't waste money on newspapers. Here, use my iPad." I can tell you this**…..that fly never knew what hit him.* --- ...LOL! Thanks LouiseA! ============================================================ >-->From Our Friend Geniann :) ,-. / `. ,--_. \ \ \ `-_ `. \ ^-_ `. `. \ `. `. `. \ `. `. \ \ `. `-___/ | `. '--. \ ,--.--.' \ |* |* | \ `--' --. | --'\ | .~T--____/ Did I Get it right? / `~|_/\_/ ,' | ,' .--.| ,' ,- | | / ,' | | FRM These great questions and answers are from the days when Hollywood Squares' game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now! Q.Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat? A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness! (The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up almost 15 minutes of the show!) Q. Do female frogs croak? A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough. Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it. Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years. A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes. Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman? A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake. Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married? A. Rose Marie: No wait until morning. Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older? A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency. Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'? A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment. Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking? A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget. Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather? A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily. Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year? A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries. Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score? A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy. Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet? A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom. Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls? A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out. Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do? A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark? Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to? A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark. Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people? A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army. Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do? A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth. Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant? A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant? Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they? A. Charley Weaver: His feet. Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed? A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh WE DON'T STOP LAUGHING BECAUSE WE GROW OLD, WE GROW OLD BECAUSE WE STOP LAUGHING Enjoy and pass on to your friends. --- ...LOL! Such a riot! Thanks Geniann! ======================================================== >-->In The Worldly News: {Politics} >From Our Friend Richard :) Obama Denies Knowledge of All Scandals http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N0DpwaTcsbc --- ...Of course he does. Thanks Richard! >From Our Friend PatDeE :) The Biggest Scam In The History Of Mankind (Debt Ceiling Truth) http://dont-tread-on.me/?p=31371 --- ...most interesting! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- >From BizarreNews: Everybody knows that for the last few years the city of New York, that beacon of human rights and civil liberties (wouldn't it be funny if I accidentally left the 'e' out of beacon?), has been (supposedly) randomly stopping and searching its citizens in order to keep guns, drugs and minorities off the streets. But sometimes this little policy can backfire. Take the example Love Olantunjiojo. NYPD cops nabbed a Brooklyn man for possession of crystal meth. The cop who arrested Love Olatunjiojo confidently stated in the criminal affidavit that he had professional training in the identification of methamphetamine. The only problem is that it wasn't crystal meth but a handful of perfectly legal Jolly Rancher candies. "I don't know if these cops have been watching 'Breaking Bad,' but my client is not Walter White," said lawyer Kenneth Smith, who filed a suit in Brooklyn Federal Court. The cops told Olatunjiojo, who ended up being detained for 24 hours, it was "only a matter of time before they found some- thing," according to the complaint. Two "red crystalline rocks of solid material" and four "blue crystalline rocks of solid material" were then subjected to a gas chromatography/mass spectrometry analysis at the NYPD lab. Two days later the results were in - Jolly Ranchers, not a controlled substance Olatunjiojo is seeking unspecified monetary damages for the 24 hours or so he spent in police custody and court detention for a misdemeanor drug charge. -<>- You wouldn't think this kind of thing would work, but a Canadian man, who apparently watched a lot of Three Stooges, managed to survive being attacked by a black bear by grabbing its tongue. Gilles Cyr said he was walking in his woodlot when the bear ran out of the woods, knocked him to the ground and stood over him. "His mouth was wide open right in front of my face so the last thing I remember I had his tongue in my hand and I didn't want to let go because he was trying to fight me off," he said. "So he was hitting me with his claws, so I says, 'If you're going to hurt me, I'm going to hurt you too.'" Cyr, suffering claw marks to his belly and knee, managed to escape behind a tree. The bear eventually lost interest. Cyr did not have a chance to try poking the bear in the eyes, slapping it or hitting it on the head with a hammer. *-- Walmart worker fired for intervening in woman's attack --* DETROIT - A former Walmart employee in Michigan says he was fired from his job because he helped a woman he thought was being assaulted in the store's parking lot. The company said it fired Kristopher Oswald for "a violation of company policy," WXYZ-TV, Detroit, reported Thursday. Oswald, 30, said he was taking his lunch break in the parking lot of the store in Hartland when he heard a woman screaming about 2:30 a.m. When he went to see if the woman was in danger, he was jumped by a man who punched him in the head, saying "I'm going to kill you." The clerk said he was able to get on top of the man, but was attacked from behind by two other men. Sheriff's deputies arrived shortly and ended the fight. Walmart fired Oswald for intervening, saying on his termination papers, "after a violation of company policy on his lunch break, it was determined to end his temporary assignment." The company has policies against workplace violence to prevent employees from attacking co-workers or tackling shoplifters. Even so, Oswald said he would do the same thing again. *-- Ohio woman charged for taking change from fountain --* BELLEFONTAINE, Ohio - An Ohio woman is facing charges after she allegedly stole change from an outdoor fountain in Bellefontaine, authorities said. On Wednesday, Deidre Romine pleaded not guilty to petty theft charges, WBNS-TV, Columbus, Ohio, reported. Romine is accused of stealing $2.87 out of the Logan County Courthouse fountain on Oct. 7, a police report of the incident states. Romine told police that she took the money out of the fountain to buy food. "The money didn't belong to anybody so I just took it out of there." Romine said. "I'm trying to feed myself and I've got four cats I'm raising and I'm trying to feed them." Romine said she is worried about what could happen if she loses the case. "I might go to jail," she said. The city of Bellefontaine is listed as a victim in the case. *-- North Carolina town celebrates legendary beast --* BLADENBORO, N.C. - Organizers of BeastFest in a North Carolina town said the annual event celebrates a local legendary monster blamed for dog deaths in the 1950s. Berry Lewis, organizer of the Nov. 2 BeastFest in Bladenboro, said the celebration usually brings about 6,000 people to the town, which has a population of less than 2,000, The Charlotte Observer reported Monday. "The biggest thing we had going for us, what put us on the map, was the beast," Lewis said. The legend of the Beast of Bladenboro began in 1953 when about a half dozen dogs were discovered with their heads crushed and their bodies drained of blood. The mystery brought an estimated 1,000 visitors to the town to hunt the unknown creature. Jefferson Weaver, a reporter for the Bladen Journal, said legends spread about escaped circus animals in the area, but no such incidents were officially reported. However, many considered the mystery solved when an ocelot, a wild cat native to Mexico, was discovered in the area. The beast's popularity was revived as a means to draw in tourists after the town's mill closed down in 2000. The seventh annual BeastFest is scheduled to include food, live music and an appearance from the festival's mascot. *-- Living descendants of 5,300-year-old 'Iceman' identified --* INNSBRUCK, Austria - Scientists say DNA analysis allowed them to identify 19 living Austrian men related Oetzi the Iceman, whose 5,300-year-old frozen body was found in the Alps. Researchers at the Institute of Legal Medicine at Innsbruck Medical University said the DNA tests were taken from blood donors in Tyrol. The men who matched the Iceman's DNA have not been informed of the connection, the BBC reported. The same mutation might be found in the nearby Swiss region of Engadine and in Italy's South Tyrol region, institute researcher Walther Parson said. "We have already found Swiss and Italian partners so that we can pursue our research," he said. Women were not included in the study, the researchers said, as matching their genes to the Iceman would require a different procedure than the one used in tracking male genes. Experts have determined Oetzi, found frozen in the Italian Alps in 1991, died from a wound caused by an arrow. ========================================================= === === === === ___===____________oooo___________oooo____________===___ |___===___________________________________________===___| === | /O O\ | === dwb || || jrb === || || === ( | _ | ) || ( ) || _ || _/_-_\_ || \ ooooO /___|___\ Ooooo == ((( )|____^____|( ))) / \ (|)MMMMM| |#####(|) |MILK| (_)MMMM/ \####(_) |____| --------------------------------------------------------------------- __ ____ ___ __ ___ ___ ( )(_ _) ( \ / \( _)/ __) )( )( ) ) )( () )) _)\__ \ (__) (__) (___/ \__/(___)(___/ ____ _ _ ___ ___ __ ___ _ _ __ __ __ ___ _ (_ _)( )( )( _) ( ,) / \( \( \/ ) / _) / \ / \( \ / \ )( )__( ) _) ) ,\( () )) ) )\ / ( (/\( () )( () )) ) )\_/ (__) (_)(_)(___) (___/ \__/(___/(__/ \__/ \__/ \__/(___/ (_) >-->From CleanLaffs: A wife asked her husband, "Honey, could you please run to the store and get a carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get a dozen." A while later the husband returned with a case of quart milk cartons. Staring incredulously at the 12-pack case of milk, his wife asked, "Why the hell did you buy so much milk?" Her husband said, "They had eggs." -<>- As the high school teacher was correcting essays written by her students she read, "Pedro jumped on his burrow and rode off into the sunset." She wrote at the bottom of the page, "You obviously have problems with homonyms. A burrow is a hole in the ground. A burro is an ass. At your age it's time to learn the difference." -<>- Last June, my friend told me about her plans for our upcoming prom. "I'm renting a stretch limo and spending $1,000 on a new dress, and I've reserved a table at the most expensive restaurant in town," she said. Our teacher overheard her and shook her head. "I didn't spend that much on my wedding." My friend answered, "I can have three or four weddings. But a prom you do only once." -<>- A recent article in the Kentucky Post reported that a woman, one Anne Maynard, has sued St Lukes hospital, saying that after her husband was treated there recently, he had lost all interest in sex. A hospital spokesman replied, "Mr. Maynard was actually admitted to Ophthalmology - all we did was correct his eyesight..." -<>- According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington was recently faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the Bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. Every night the maintenance man would remove them and the next day the girls would put them back. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night (you can just imagine the yawns from the little princesses). To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror. -<>- On a recent trip to Washington, D.C., my brother-in-law overheard a patriotic father pointing out a well-known building to his son. "You see that triangular-shaped octagon over there? That's the Pentagon." -<>- A flight instructor was sent out to help a trainee who had radioed that he was about to make a forced landing a few miles from the base. The instructor spotted the plane standing in a field small enough to present a real challenge to his professional reputation. With determination, full flaps and engine just above the stall, he maneuvered into the field. Climbing out, he shouted angrily to the trainee, "Just how did you manage to get into such a small field?" "I landed in the big field over there," the trainee pointed, "but in order to leave room for you, I had the farmer tow me here." -<>- Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she replied, "Two years older than me." "So, you're 96," the undertaker commented. She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?" ========================================================= ____ o8%8888, .-----. o88%8888888. .' `. 8'- -:8888b .'.. :. `. 8' 8888 .' | d8.-=. ,==-.:888b |.-=. ,==-.: | >8 `~` :`~' d8888 | `~` :`~' : 88 ,88888 `. , : 88b. `-~ ':88888 `. `-~ '::| 888b v=v~ .:88888 `.~==~ .::| 88888o--:':::8888 `--:':::: `88888| :::' 8888b | :::' `. 8888^^' 8888b LS _.-""' ~-. LS d888 ,%888b. .': `.. d88% %%%8--'-. / .' .--'-. /88:.__ , _%-' --- - / :.__ , _%-' --- - '''::===..-' = --. ` '''::===..-' = --. ` > Dracula Mona < > Sinead O' Mona < >-->From AndyChaps: ** Great minds discuss ideas, Average minds discuss events, Small minds discuss people. ~~Admiral Hyman Rickover (1900 - 1986), U.S. Navy ** ** Spiritual progress is like detoxification. Things have to come up in order to be released. Once we have asked to be healed, then our unhealed places are forced to the surface. ~~~- Marianne Williamson ** ** The wider paradigm of relationships and family transcends old group definitions. The discovery of our connections to all other men, women, and children joins us to another family. Indeed, seeing ourselves as a planetary family struggling to solve its problems, rather than as assorted people and nations assessing blame or exporting solutions, could be the ultimate shift in perspective. ~~~- Marilyn Ferguson ** -<>- >** Andy Says... Just Think About This! ** ** What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul. - Yiddish Proverb ================= ** Life is available to anyone no matter what age. All you have to do is grab it. - Art Carney, Actor ================= ** Time is a created thing. To say, "I don't have time" is like saying "I don't want to..." - Lao-Tzu (c. Sixth century B.C.), Philosopher ================ ** A genius is someone who shoots at a target no one else sees and hits it. =============== ** Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor. - Truman Capote, Author ============== ** Don't expect life to be fair. ============== ** The past is a guidepost, not a hitching post. - L. Thomas Holdcroft ============== ** If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe. - Carl Sagan -<>- ** Boy Scouts In Action ** The Boy Scouts were out collecting bottles for a fund raising activity. One nervous young man knocked on a door and a sour-faced lady came to the door and snapped, "What do you want, Sonny?" "D-d-do you have any beer bottles for the Boy Scouts, M-m-ma'am?" he asked. "Look here, young man, do I look like the kind of lady who would drink beer?" demanded the lady. "S-s-sorry, Ma'am. W-w-what about vinegar bottles?" -<>- ____ ____ o8%8888, o8%8888, o88%8888888. o88%8888888. 8'- -:8888b 8'- -:8888b 8' 8888 8' 8888 d8.-=. ,==-.:888b d8.-=. ,==-.:888b d8.-=. ,==-.:888b d8.-=. ,==-.:888b >8`88P""88P'd8888 >8 `~` :`~' d8888 88 ,88888 88 ,88888 88b. `-~ ':88888 88b. `-~ ':88888 888b ~==~ .:88888 888b .==. .:88888 88888o--:':::8888 88888o--:':::8888 `88888| :::' 8888b `88888| :::' 8888b 8888^^' 8888b LS 8888^^' 8888b LS d888 ,%888b. d888 ,%888b. d88% %%%8--'-. d88% %%%8--'-. /88:.__ , _%-' --- - /88:.__ , _%-' --- - '''::===..-' = --. ` '''::===..-' = --. ` > Cool Mona < > Pouting Mona < >** The Fund Raiser ** I know how hard it is to raise funds for almost anything these days. A member of our Church contacted me and said they were having a benefit on June 28. I said I was sorry that we'd be unable to make it due to a prior commitment, but I would be there "in spirit" with them. Undaunted, he cheerfully replied, "Great ! I have $10, $15 and $20 tickets. Where would you like your 'spirit' to sit ?" -<>- >** "Cakes and Ale" ** Here is a true story someone found regarding exams at Cambridge University. It seems that during an examination one day a bright young student popped up and asked the proctor to bring him Cakes and Ale. The following dialog ensued: Proctor: I beg your pardon? Student: Sir, I request that you bring me Cakes and Ale. Proctor: Sorry, no. Student: Sir, I really must insist. I request and require that you bring me Cakes and Ale. At this point, the student produced a copy of the four hundred year old Laws of Cambridge, written in Latin and still nominally in effect, and pointed to the section which read (roughly translated): "Gentlemen sitting examinations may request and require Cakes and Ale." Pepsi and hamburgers were judged the modern equivalent, and the student sat there, writing his examination and happily slurping away. Three weeks later, the student was fined five pounds for not wearing a sword to the examination. -<>- ____ ____ o8%8888, o8%8888, o88%8888888. o88%8888888. 8'- -:8888b 8'- -:8888b 8' 8888 8' 8888 d8.-=. ,==-.:888b d8.-=. ,==-.:888b >8 `~` :`~' d8888 >8 `=` :`=' d8888 88 ,88888 88 ,88888 88b. `-~ ':88888 88b` `-- ':88888 888b ~==~ .:88888 888b -==- .:88888 88888o--:':::8888 88888o--:':::8888 `88888| :::' 8888b `88888| :::' 8888b 8888^^' 8888b LS 8888^^' 8888b LS d888 ,%888b. d888 ,%888b. d88% %%%8--'-. d88% %%%8--'-. /88:.__ , _%-' --- - /88:.__ , _%-' --- - '''::===..-' = --. ` '''::===..-' = --. ` > Normal Mona < > Depressed Mona < >** SCIENCE QUOTES FROM KIDS ** ~ A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go. ~ Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they are there. ~ One horsepower is the amount of energy it takes to drag a horse 500 feet in one second. ~ You can listen to thunder after lightening and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it, you got hit, so never mind. ~ When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with atoms. But when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with explosions. ~ When people run around and around in circles, we say they are crazy. When planets do it, we say they are orbiting. ~ While the earth seems to be knowingly keeping its distance from the sun, it is really only centrificating. ~ Most books now say our sun is a star. But it still knows how to change into a sun in the daytime. ~ Many dead animals of the past changed to fossils, others preferred to become oil. ~ Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun. But I have never been able to make out the numbers. -<>- ________________________ |.----------------------.| || || || ______ || || .;;;;;;;;. || || /;;;;;;;;;;;\ || || /;/` `-;;;;; . .|| || |;|__ __ \;;;| || ||.-.|;| e`/e` |;;;| || || |;| | |;;;|'--|| || |;| '- |;;;| || || |;;\ --' /|;;;| || || |;;;;;---'\|;;;| || || |;;;;| |;;;| || || |;;.-' |;;;| || ||'--|/` |;;;|--.|| ||;;;; . ;;;;.\;;|| ||;;;;;-.;_ /.-;;;;;;|| ||;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;|| ||jgs;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;|| '------------------------' ** Driving In NYC ** Andy Says... This was sent as a "Pun" on the driving in NYC but I think it is the same all over the USA, don't you? I know these apply in SanAntonio, Dallas, Chicago, Phoenix, LosAngeles and any other place you may have lived or are now living. So... See how many apply to where you live and drive ~~~~Andy ============ ** New York is often acclaimed as the most exciting city in America in which to drive. Who would argue? Herewith, for newcomers and visitors, are a few basic rules of the road for driving in these parts: ** - To obtain a general idea of how to drive in New York, go to a Knicks game and carefully watch the fast break. Then get behind the wheel of your car and practice it. ** - Never take a green light at face value. Always look right and left before proceeding. ** - When in doubt, accelerate. ** - In the long run, parking your car in a lot is always cheaper than parking it at a meter. ** - Drivers whose cars sport "I Brake For Animals" bumper stickers may brake for animals, but they may not brake for you. Watch it. ** - Never drive behind a person whose head doesn't reach the top of the steering wheel. ** - Teenage drivers believe they are immortal. Don't yield to the temptation to teach them otherwise. ** - Taxicabs should always have the right of way, unless you are bent on suicide. ** - Never, ever, stop for a pedestrian unless he flings himself under the wheels of your car. ** - The first parking space you see will be the last parking space you see. Grab it. ** - Learn to swerve abruptly. New York is the home of slalom driving, thanks to the Registry of Motor Vehicles, which puts potholes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes. ** - Steer clear of people with antinuclear bumper stickers pasted on their cars. They are interested in preserving mankind, which is admirable. They are not necessarily interested in preserving you, or themselves, for that matter. They have more important things to think about. ** - Never get in the way of a car that needs extensive bodywork. ** - Double-park in the North End of New York, unless triple-parking is available. ** - Always look both ways when running a red light. ** - While it is possible to fit a 15-foot car into a 15-foot parking space, it is seldom possible to fit a 16-foot car into a 15-foot parking space. Sad but true. ** - There is no such thing as a short cut during rush-hour traffic in New York. ** - It is traditional in New York to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the light changes. ** - Never put your faith in signs that purport to provide directions. They are put there to confuse people who don't know their way around the city. ** - Use extreme caution when pulling into breakdown lanes. Breakdown lanes are not for breaking down, but for speeding, especially during rush hour. ** - Never use directional signals, since they only confound and distract other New York drivers, who are not used to them. ** - Similarly, never attempt to give hand signals. New York drivers, unused to such courtesies, will think you are making obscene gestures to them. This could be very bad for you in New York. ** - The yellow light is not, as commonly supposed outside the New York area, a signal to slow down. It is a warning to speed up and get through the intersection before the light turns red. ** - Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. ** - In making a left turn from the right lane, employ the element of surprise. That is, do it as suddenly as possible, so as to stun other drivers. ** - Speed limits are arbitrary figures posted only to make you feel guilty. ** - Whenever possible, stop in the middle of a crosswalk to insure inconveniencing as many pedestrians as possible. ** - Remember that the goal of every driver is to get there first by whatever means necessary. ** - Above all, keep moving. Good luck -- you'll need it! -<>- ____ .------. o8%8888, / \ o88%8888888. .' / \ `. ' 8'- -:8888b _______|____________| : 8' 8888 """""8""""""""""8888 ` ' d8.-=. ,==-.:888b d8.-=. ,==-.:888b ` >8 `~` :`~' d8888 >8 `~` :`~' d8888 `:: 88 ,88888 88 ,88888 `' 88b. `-~ ':88888 88b. `-~ ':88888 `eeeeeee==~ .:88888 888b ~==~ .:88888 88888o--:':::8888 88888o--:':::8888 `88888| :::' 8888b `88888| :::' 8888b 8888^^' 8888b LS 8888^^' 8888b LS d888 ,%888b. d888 ,%888b. d88% %%%8--'-. d88% %%%8--'-. /88:.__ , _%-' --- - /88:.__ , _%-' --- - '''::===..-' = --. ` '''::===..-' = --. ` > Cigar smoking Mona < > Capped Mona < >** Office Terminology ** ** BLAMESTORMING -Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible. ** PRAIRIE DOGGING -When someone yells or drops something loudly in a "cube farm" (an office full of cubicles) and everyone's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on. ** TOURISTS -People who take training classes just to get a vacation from their jobs. "We had three serious students in the class; the rest were just tourists." ** TREEWARE -Printed computer software/hardware documentation. ** CLM (Career Limiting Move) -Used among microserfs to describe ill-advised activity. Trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM. (AKA: CEB - Career Ending Behavior) ** OHNOSECOND -That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake. (See CLM) ** ADMINISPHERE -The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the admini-sphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. ** DILBERTED -To be exploited and oppressed by your boss. Derived from the experiences of Dilbert, the engineer in the job-from-hell comic strip character. "I've been dilberted again. The old man revised the specs for the fourth time this week." ** SEAGULL MANAGER -A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, poops on everything, and then leaves. ** SALMON WEEK -The experience of spending an entire week swimming upstream only to die, and someone else get the benefit. ** 404 -Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located. "Don't bother asking him ...he's 404, man." ** PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE -The fine art of whacking an electronic device *just right* to get it to work again ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) There's Something About Mona! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/monalisa.html There's Something About Mona 2! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/monalisa2.html >Halloween Pages/Links: Fear: Feeling Kind Of Buggy http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/fearfeelingkindofbuggy.html Haunting http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/haunting.html Chapel With Bone Art! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chapel.html Casa Batllo - House Of Bones http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hbones.htm Extreme Pumpkin Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/pumpkin.html Darvaza - Door To Hell! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/darvaza.htm Farmers Gone Wild! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/farm.html Strange Tombstones! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tombstones.html Sweet Baby Overload http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/sweetoverload.html Horse Costumes http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/horsecostumes.html Tricks For Treats http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tricksfortreats.html Tricks For Treats 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tricksfortreats2.html Tricks For Treats 3 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tricksfortreats3.html Tricks For Treats 4 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tricksfortreats4.html Halloween Cakes http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hcakes.html Halloween Cakes 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hcakes2.html Enter At Your Own Risk! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/risky.html Maxine On Halloween http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/maxineonhalloween.html Tricks For Treats 4 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tricksfortreats4.html World's Largest Web http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/web.html WORMS! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/worms.html Tech Horror Stories! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tech.html Scientists Unveil New Species http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/newspecies.html Bats, Bones, Boo, Devil, Dracula: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/agifs.html Fall, Frankenstein, Ghost, Halloween, Haunted House http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/agifs_f-j.html Monsters http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/agifs_k-o.html Vampire, Vulture, Witch, Wolf, Words:Hal-boop, Words:Hallo http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/agifs_u-z.html -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseA :) They say The Ohio State Marching Band is the "Best Band in the Land." It's not an idle boast! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GTca2nrIn4U To baby Emerson Mommy is scary and funny! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N9oxmRT2YWw Dude is too Super Cool for his Traffic Ticket. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Usyr0eMshg&feature=player_embedded Animals are Awesome too! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RVGSdySyWpE&feature=player_embedded --- ...great links! Thanks LouiseA! -<>- >From Our Friend PatDeE :) I am woman hear me roar (er) scream !!!............... Telekinetic Coffee Shop Prank Scares the Beans Out of Customers [VIDEO] http://mashable.com/2013/10/07/carrie-movie-prank/ --- ...LOL! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- >From Our Friend Melody :) Kenya Helicopter Photo Safari on Vimeo http://vimeo.com/27898039 Skeleton Cannon http://www.halloweenmountain.com/cannon.php --- ...Fun ones! Thanks Melody! ========================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "I always turn to the sports page first. The sports page records people's accomplishments; the front page nothing but man's failure." --Chief Justice Earl Warren "Whenever I dwell for any length of time on my own short- comings, they gradually begin to seem mild, harmless, rather engaging little things, not at all like the staring defects in other people's characters." --Margaret Halsey "It's the tragedy of the world that no one knows what he doesn't know -- and the less a man knows, the more sure he is that he knows everything." --Joyce Cary "A company called Dog Nation just launched an IQ online test for your dog. It covers understanding hand gestures and learning words. It's actually a secret IQ test for humans. If you pay $60 to give your dog an IQ test, you failed." - Jimmy Kimmel "A man in New Jersey was arrested for stealing $100,000 worth of perfume. Not good. I mean, if there's one thing you don't want in jail, it's to smell pretty." -Jimmy Fallon "I wanted to be a Boy Scout, but I had all the wrong traits. They were looking for kids who were trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean and reverent. Whereas I tended to be devious, fickle, obstructive, hostile, impolite, mean, defiant, glum, extravagant, dirty, and sacrilegious." --George Carlin "When I was a kid getting to borrow the car was a big deal. Before he handed over the keys, my dad always gave me a lecture. 'Now I'm not giving you this car so you can screw it up.' Well, I said to myself, then I don't want it." --Louie Anderson "You can't believe how much hard work it is to con people into thinking that you're productive when you're unemployed. Always thinking up things to tell them you're going to do tomorrow, having to exaggerate every minute of your nowhere day...it's worse than having a job. At least when you're employed, when people ask about your day you can tell them to shut up and mind their own business." --Drew Carey "A brewery in Japan has introduced a beer made from elephant dung. How do you market something like that? 'I don't always drink beer, but when I do, I make sure it comes from an elephant's butt.'" -Craig Ferguson "A study has found that some people can suffer symptoms of withdrawal when they are forced to stay away from social media sites. This is why I'm not even on Facebook. I update my high school yearbook manually with a pen." -Jimmy Kimmel "A new study came out that shows that the germiest place in your kitchen is the refrigerator's vegetable drawer. After hearing this, most Americans said, 'We have a vegetable drawer?'" -Conan O'Brien >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************