Hospital Charts And More ... :) Shangy!
>Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList:
To Subscribe send a blank email to
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Group email address:
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or email me here:
bcrsystems@earthlink.net
================
>-->In The 'Shangy' News :)
____
.-'& '-.
/ \
: o o ;
( (_ )
: ;
\ __ /
`-._____.-'
/`"""`\
/ , \
/|/\/\/\ _\
(_|/\/\/\\__)
|_______|
__)_ |_ (__
jgs (_____|_____)
The other day I found myself wanting to have a little
one on one time with my little twin grand children. I
sat down with each of them on the computer to show them
what I had years earlier taught their older brother.
However, I found that the site I had liked so much
before was no longer available. Go figure. So many
good sites have gone down over the years. I looked on
my FUN URLS listing for a suitable replacement, but
all that I had there was ones for my older grand son.
So for those of you like me who have a little baby or
toddler you'd like to introduce or have some fun on the
computer, I added several sites to the FUN URLS. Now You
can help your sweet little one learn to use the keyboard
and gain hand-eye coordination with mouse skills all
while enjoying laughs and smiles together! An added bonus
to these baby games is them learning sounds, letters,
numbers, shapes, colors, animals, and names of items all
while being safe, warm, and secure sitting on your lap!
I never had it so good when I was a kid or even when I
was teaching my own now grown children! Times they are
a changing - Often for the better! Least for the little
ones it has! That's for sure!
Visit here under KIDS For the Baby/Toddler/Kid listings:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
-<>-
>-->From Our Friends At TruthOrTadition:
, ,
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|===| |/|
| B |/| |
| I | | |
| B | | |
| L | /
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jgs '---'
Hello and God bless you!
We wanted to let you know that we have added our newest
Teaching of the Month to iTunes and TruthOrTradition.com
Title: What is Going on in Heaven? by John Schoenheit
If you are like most people, you have pictured heaven as a
peaceful and restful place. Certainly it must be a wonderful
place, but it is probably not like we imagine it to be. Do
you think it is a tranquil place where angels strum on harps
all day and God rules from His throne surrounded by His
messengers?
In this teaching John Schoenheit opens the Word of God and
examines the scriptures which say that the "whole creation,"
not just earth, is groaning in pain. John also teaches on
verses which say that the Devil is often in the presence of
God, accusing the brothers day and night.
Listen for free at:
www.TruthOrTradition.com/audio
www.STFonline.org/podcast
Also, we have just added two new 10-minute video teachings to
our YouTube channel:
What Does the Name "Jesus Christ" Mean?
What Does the Word "Lord" Mean?
To watch these short 10-minute video teachings (and many more)
visit www.TruthOrTradition.com/youtube
To subscribe to our video teachings in iTunes visit
www.TruthOrTradition.com/itunes
We are thankful for you!
The Home Office Staff
Spirit & Truth Fellowship International
STFonline.org
1-888-255-6189, M-F 9 - 5 (ET)
International callers use 1-765-349-2330
========================================================
>-->From The FunnyBone: Another Speeding Motorist Is Caught
A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of
cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a
speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was
pulled over.
The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was
about to walk away when the man asked, "Officer, I know I was
speeding, but I don't think it's fair - there were plenty of other
cars around me who were going just as fast, so why did *I* get the
ticket?"
"Ever go fishing?"
the policeman ,__
suddenly asked | `'.
the man. __ |`-._/_.:---`-.._
\='. _/..--'`__ `'-._
"Ummm, yeah..." \- '-.--"` === / o `',
the startled man )= ( .--_ | _.'
replied. /_=.'-._ {=_-_ | .--`-.
/_.' `\`'-._ '-= \ _.'
The officer jgs ) _.-'`'-.. _..-'`
grinned and added, /_.' `/";';`|
"Ever catch *all* the fish?" \` .'/
'--'
=============================================================
+--------------- Bizarre October Holidays -----------------+
October 1 is World Vegetarian Day and Magic Circles Day
October 2 is Name Your Car Day
October 3 is Virus Appreciation Day
October 4 is National Golf Day
October 5 is National Storytelling Festival
October 6 is German-American Day and Come and Take It Day
October 7 is National Frappe Day
October 8 is American Tag Day
October 9 is Moldy Cheese Day
October 10 is National Angel Food Cake Day
===============================================================
>-->From Our Friend Jo Ann :)
\_/
--(_)-- .
/ \ /_\
|Q|
.-----' '-----. __
/____[SCHOOL]___\ ()))
| [] .-.-. [] | (((())
..|____|_|_|____|..................................)(... ldb
Until a child tells you what they are thinking, we can't even
begin to imagine how their mind is working....
>Catholic School
Little Zachary was doing very badly in math.
His parents had tried everything...tutors, mentors,
flash cards, special learning centers.
In short, everything they could think of to help his math.
Finally, in a last ditch effort, they took Zachary down and enrolled him
In the local Catholic school. After the first day, little Zachary came
home with a very serious look on his face. He didn't even kiss his
mother hello.
Instead, he went straight to his room and started studying.
Books and papers were spread out all over the room and little Zachary
was hard at work. His mother was amazed. She called him down to dinner.
To her shock, the minute he was done, he marched back to his room
without a word, and in no time, he was back hitting the books as hard
as before.
This went on for some time, day after day, while the mother tried to
understand what made all the difference.
Finally, little Zachary brought home his report Card.. He quietly laid
it on the table, went up to his room and hit the books. With great
trepidation, His Mom looked at it and to her great surprise, Little
Zachary got an 'A' in math. She could no longer hold her curiosity.
She went to his room and said, 'Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?'
Little Zachary looked at her and shook his head, no.. 'Well, then,' she
replied, Was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the uniforms?
WHAT WAS IT?'
Little Zachary looked at her and said, 'Well, on the first day of school
when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren't fooling
around.'
FORWARD THIS TO ANYBODY WHO NEEDS A GOOD LAUGH . Have a wonderful day
and God Bless
---
...LOL! Thanks Jo Ann!
-<>-
,----------.
( Life ??! )
`----------'
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/_______`'______________\
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>Summary of Life
GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the
second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polk a-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandma's lap.
____________________
| |
| PSYCHIATRIC |
| HELP |
|____________________|
|| ,-..'``. ||
|| (,-..'`. ) ||
|| )-c - `)\ ||
,.,._.-.,_,.,-||,.(`.-- ,`',.-,_,||.-.,.,-,._.
___||____,`,'--._______||
|`._||______`'__________||
| || __ ||
| || |.-' ,|- ||
_,_,,..-,_| || ._)) `|- ||,.,_,_.-.,_
. `._||__________________|| ____ .
. . . . <.____`>
.SSt . . . . . _.()`'()`' .
GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.
,'~~^- -~~\
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/ . ~/--, ____________
, .__~-_--__[ |
|___/ ,/\ /~|_______________|
\_____-\///~ || || W<
~~
GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD
1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down
there.
4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking
chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to
ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
,-~~-.___.
/ ()=(() \
( ( 0
\._\, ,----' CURSE
##XXXxxxxxxx
/ ---'~; YOU
/ /~|-
=( ~~ | RED
/~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~\
/_______________________\ BARON!
/_________________________\
/___________________________\
|____________________|
|____________________|
|____________________| W<
| |
THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.
\,`/ /
_).. `_
( __ -\
'`.
( \>_-_,
_||_ ~-/ W<
SUCCESS (aka the cycle of life):
At age 4 success is . . . Not piddling in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . Having friends.
At age 17 success is . . ? Having a driver's license.
At age 35 success is ?. .. .Having money.
At age 50 success is . ... . Having money.
At age 70 success is . .. . Having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is . . . Having friends.
At age 80 success is . . . Not piddling in your pants.
Pass this on to someone who could use a laugh.
Always remember to forget the troubles that pass your way;
BUT NEVER forget the blessings that come each day.
Have a wonderful day with many ! *smiles*
Take the time to live!!!
Life is too short.
---
...Great! Thanks Jo Ann!
-<>-
,___.
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/ | OO ~\
( ) 0 )
\_/-, ,-//-\\
====
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(____)) W<
>Try to Guess Who I am?
I was born in one country, raised in another. My
father was born in another country. I was not his only
child. He fathered several children with numerous women.
* I became very close to my mother, as my father
showed no interest in me. My mother died at an early
age from cancer.
* Later in life, questions arose over my real name.
* My birth records were sketchy and no one was able
to produce a legitimate, reliable birth certificate.
* I grew up practicing one faith but converted to
Christianity, as it was widely accepted in my country,
but I practiced non-traditional beliefs & didn't follow
Christianity, except in the public eye under scrutiny.
* I worked and lived among lower-class people as a
young adult, disguising myself as someone who really cared
about them..
* That was before I decided it was time to get serious
about my life and I embarked on a new career.
* I wrote a book about my struggles growing up. It was
clear to those who read my memoirs that I had difficulties
accepting that my father abandoned me as a child.
* I became active in local politics in my 30's then with
help behind the scenes, I literally burst onto the scene as
a candidate for national office in my 40s. They said I had
a golden tongue and could talk anyone into anything. That
reinforced my conceit.
* I had a virtually non-existent resume, little work history,
and no experience in leading a single organization. Yet I was
a powerful speaker and citizens were drawn to me as though I
were a magnet and they were small roofing tacks..
* I drew incredibly large crowds during my public
appearances. This bolstered my ego.
* At first, my political campaign focused on my country's
foreign policy. I was very critical of my country in the last
war and seized every opportunity to bash my country.
* But what launched my rise to national prominence were my
views on the country's economy. I pretended to have a really
good plan on how we could do better and every poor person would
be fed & housed for free.
* I knew which group was responsible for getting us into
this mess. It was the free market, banks & corporations. I
decided to start making citizens hate them and if they were
envious of others who did well, the plan was clinched tight..
* I called mine "A People's Campaign" and that sounded
good to all people.
* I was the surprise candidate because I emerged from
outside the traditional path of politics & was able to gain
widespread popular support.
* I knew that, if I merely offered the people 'hope',
together we could change our country and the world.
* So, I started to make my speeches sound like they were
on behalf of the downtrodden, poor, ignorant to include
"persecuted minorities" like the Jews. My true views were
not widely known & I needed to keep them unknown, until after
I became my nation's leader.
* I had to carefully guard reality, as anybody could have
easily found out what I really believed, if they had simply
read my writings and examined those people I associated with.
* I'm glad they didn't. Then I became the most powerful
man in the world. And the world learned the truth.
*Who am I?*
I am ADOLF HITLER
WHO WERE YOU THINKING OF?
---
...Strange one! Thanks Jo Ann.
I tried to check this one out but couldn't find any thing.
If any of you do, please let me know. Thanks!
============================================================
>-->From Our Friend Sandi :)
Sandi Sent us a forward of a page we already have done up...
.--------------.
|~ ~|
|H____________H|
|.------------.|
||::.. __ ||
|'--------'--''|
| '. ______ .' |
| _ |======| _ |
|(_)|======|(_)|
|___|======|___|
[______________]
|##| |##|
jrei '""' '""
Rolling 9/11 Truck
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/trucking.html
---
...Thanks for the sweet reminder Sandi!
-<>-
__ __ __
|==| |==| |==|
__|__|__|__|__|__|_
__|___________________|___
__|__[]__[]__[]__[]__[]__[]__|___
|............................o.../
\.............................../
hjw_,~')_,~')_,~')_,~')_,~')_,~')_,~')/,~')_
>Cruise Ship Or Nursing Home
There will be no nursing home in my future...
Nope... I'm going to live on a Cruise Ship year round!
The average cost for a nursing home is $200 per day.
[for my Mom in 2005 it was $4,000 a month - no medicine included!]
I have checked on reservations, and I can get a long term discount
and senior discount price of $135 per day. That leaves $65 a day for:
1. Gratuities which I estimate at only $10 per day.
2. I will have as many meals a day as I want, as long as I can waddle
to the restaurant, or I can have room service. The best part is that
they're good meals. None of that cardboard stuff I've seen my old
friends eating. Breakfast in bed every day of the week.
3. Cruise ships have as many as three or four swimming pools, a
workout room, free washers and dryers, a casino, movies and shows every
night.
4. They often have free toothpaste and razors, and free soap and
shampoo.
5. They even treat you like a customer, not a patient. An extra $5
worth of tips should have the entire staff scrambling to help you.
6. I will get to meet new people every 7 or 14 days.
7. TV broken? Light bulb need changing? Need to have the mattress
replaced? No Problem! They will fix everything and apologize for the
inconvenience.
8. Clean sheets and towels every day, and you don't even have to ask
for them.
9. If you fall in the nursing home and break a hip you are on Medicare.
If you fall and break a hip on the cruise ship they will likely upgrade
you to a suite for the rest of your life.
And, the best for last!
10. I get to see Alaska, South America, the Panama Canal, Tahiti,
Australia, New Zealand, Asia, etc.., etc.
Don't look for me in a nursing home, just call shore to ship.
P.S. And don't forget, when you die, they just dump you over the
side at no charge.
---
...Sounds like a plan! Thanks Sandi!
-<>-
_.._
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>Penguins
Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins
on the ice in Antarctica - where do they go?
Wonder no more!!!
It is a known fact that the penguin is a very
ritualistic bird which lives an extremely
ordered and complex life.
The penguin is very committed to its family and will
mate for life, as well as maintaining a form of
compassionate contact with its offspring throughout
its life.
If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface,
other members of the family and social circle
have been known to dig holes in the ice,
using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the
hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be
rolled into and buried.
The male penguins then gather in a circle around the
fresh grave and sing:
_o _ _o_ o o
o (^) _ (o) >') (^) (^) (^)
_ (^) ('>~ _(v)_ _ //-\\ /V\ ('> ~ __.~ ~
('v')~ // \\ /-\ (.)-=_\_/) (_)> (V) ~ ~~ /__ /\
//-=-\\ (\_/) (\_/) V \ _)>~ ~~ <(__\[ ](__=_')
(\_=_/) ^ ^ ^ ^ ~ ~~ ~~~~ ~~~~~
_^^_^^ __ ..-.___..---I~~~:_ .__...--.._.;-'I~~~~-.____...;-
|~|~~~~~| ~~| _ | | _| ~~| | | | |_ | | _ | |
_.-~~_.-~-~._.-~~._.-~-~_.-~~_.-~~_.-~-~._.-~~._.-~-~_.-~~_.-~-~
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(.)-/|=-\ . ' : . '
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,
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"
"Freeze a jolly good fellow."
;
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(\_/)
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"Then they kick him in the ice hole."
888=-
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88' 88'`8
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You really didn't believe that I know anything about
penguins, did you!
---
...Oh My!
-<>-
>You know, I was just wondering....
Why is it that if you cross the North Korean border illegally you get
thrown into prison and get 12 years of hard labor; and if you cross the
Iranian border while out supposedly leisurely hiking in the hills, you
get arrested and imprisoned; But if you cross the U.S. border illegally,
you get a drivers license, a Social Security card, free health care and
free education!
Who's bright idea was this?
I'm Just curious.
---
...Yep! Not very smart, eh?
-<>-
| :
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-- '' -'-' ^`^ ^`^ -- '' -'-' mic
>PONDERISMS
1· I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most
people die of natural causes.
2· There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
3· Life is sexually transmitted.
4· Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
5· The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
6· Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals
dying of nothing.
7· Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one
talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
8· Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
9· All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no
attention to criticism.
10· In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the
world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal..
11· How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it
takes a whole box to start a campfire?
12· Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think
I'll squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out?'
13· If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song
about him?
14· Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed
if they are going to look up there anyway?
15· If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
16· If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made
from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
17· Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
18· Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive
faster?
19· Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
20· Do you ever wonder why you gave me your email address?
---
...HaHa! Good Ones! Thanks Sandi!
==============================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
>From CCA:
Coalition Guest Commentary -
Rep. Kevin Brady: Trade is Critical to U.S. Economy
http://cc.org/commentary/coalition_guest_commentary_rep_kevin_brady_trade_critical_us_economy
-<>-
>{POLITICS} From Liberty Counsel:
What I am about to share caused me to gasp! Barack Obama has
nominated far-left homosexual rights advocate Chai Feldblum
to the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) - a
move that makes Congress' new push to pass the anti-faith
ENDA bill even more dangerous to the rights of Christians.
Consider this...
Not only is Feldblum a former legal counsel for the ACLU and
the pro-homosexual Human Rights Campaign, she is a CO-AUTHOR
of the ENDA bill that she could soon be enforcing!
And what is Feldblum's agenda? Incredibly, Feldblum says that
when there is a conflict between religious freedom and
homosexual rights, "...society should come down on the side
of protecting identity liberty of LGBT people" (LGBT stands
for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgendered).
In this view, YOUR religious beliefs will take second place
to someone else's desire for aberrant sexual activities or
gender changes!
She opposed Liberty Counsel's case in which we represented a
Christian couple who owned a bed and breakfast in Vermont
and who refused to participate in a same-sex union ceremony
in their own home.
Feldblum stated: "Thus, for all my sympathy for the evangelical
Christian couple who wish to run a bed and breakfast from which
they can exclude unmarried straight couples and all gay couples,
this is a point where I believe an inevitable choice between
liberties must come into play. In making that choice, I believe
society should come down on the side of protecting identity
liberty of LGBT people." Unbelievable!
In Feldblum's desired workplace, Bob the receptionist can wear
a dress and lipstick to work and designate his restroom of choice,
yet the owner of the business -- even a Christian business owner --
will not be able to say a thing about it!
If this latest Obama nominee has her way, even the Boy Scouts
would not be able to protect its young members from contact
with openly homosexual leaders...
Feldblum is on record as saying that the Boy Scouts should not
have won their case at the United States Supreme Court that
affirmed their right to free association.
+ + Feldblum and ENDA will put Christians business owners and
even non-profits on the wrong side of the law
The nomination of Chai Feldblum makes the ENDA battle in Congress
even more critical. If she is confirmed and ENDA is passed, we
should brace ourselves for the most radical, anti-faith
interpretation of this bill that is even possible.
+ +Here's what Liberty Counsel is doing...
We just crossed 125,000 petitions and I want to reach 150,000
before ENDA comes to a vote in the House -- quite possibly in
the next two weeks.
Delivering your petition is a key component of our overall
grassroots and education strategy to mobilize hundreds of
thousands of citizens in the coming weeks.
But the first, crucial step is reaching our goal for the delivery
PLEASE FORWARD THIS MESSAGE TO YOUR FRIENDS and ask them to go
here to join you in signing this important petition:
http://www.libertyaction.org/r.asp?u=21767&PID=22279143&P=1
President Obama's appointment of Chai Feldblum is no accident. This
is all part of a strategic plan to advance a radical, anti-faith,
anti-marriage agenda.
Only the Left would even attempt to pass such a radical law and
then give the architect of that law enforcement powers!
We have exposed their strategy. Now, we must stand.
Thank you in advance, and may God bless you!
Mathew D. Staver, Founder and Chairman
Liberty Counsel
PS I have recorded a special update on the battle to stop ENDA for you.
Please listen to it and then forward this entire message to your
friends, fellow church members, and relatives. This is one of the most
crucial battles for our culture we have yet seen - every Christian
employer will be on the wrong side of the law if ENDA passes!
Go here:
http://www.libertyaction.org/r.asp?U=21765&CID=292&RID=22279143
Again, thank you and God bless you and yours!
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
-- 49-year marriage found not to be official ---------
WILMORE, Pa. - A Pennsylvania couple who married nearly
49 years ago said they discovered their wedding was never
made official under the law. Frank and Betty Skrout, who
married Oct. 6, 1960, at St. Bartholomew Catholic Church
in Wilmore, said they discovered recently while hunting
down documents needed for Betty Skrout's pension plan that
Rev. James Feehley failed to file the "return of marriage"
document at the Cambria County Register of Wills/Clerk of
Orphans Court, The (Johnsontown, Pa.) Tribune Democrat
reported Monday. "All these years we've been living in
sin," Frank Skrout joked. Patty Sharbaugh, the Cambria
County official in charge of the records, said she would
file the document and backdate it to the couple's wedding
date if it can be located. "If the priest is still around
or if they can locate those church records, we'll complete
them," she said. Officials with the Altoona-Johnstown
Catholic Diocese said they are searching for the documents
to finally make the marriage official.
-- School bans sex with roomie present -----------
MEDFORD, Mass. - Officials with a Massachusetts university
said complaints led to a new policy banning students from
having sex while their roommates are present. Tufts
University spokeswoman Kim Thurler said officials added
the rule to the 2009-10 guest policy after receiving about
a dozen complaints from students "who expressed concerns
that they were experiencing uncomfortable situations with
their roommates' sex-tracurricular activities," The Boston
Herald reported Tuesday. "We really didn't have anything
concrete in place for (them) to set clear boundaries," she
said. The policy informs students in dormitories that they
"may not engage in sexual activity while your roommate is
present in the room." Thurler said the policy does not
state any penalties for a violation, but she said officials
hope the rule will "empower" students to "bring that issue
up" if they have a problem with their roommate's sexual
activities.
-- Woman, 92, executes 'flawless' skydive ----------
SWANZEY, N.H. - A 92-year-old New Hampshire woman said she
jumped out of a plane at 13,000 feet to "just try something
different for a change." Jane Bockstruck of Swanzey said
she does not know exactly what inspired her to go skydiving
Sept. 19 at Jumptown in Orange, Mass., but she was deter-
mined to follow through after making the plan, The Keene
(N.H.) Sentinel reported Monday. "I must have read it some-
place and all of a sudden, 'I'm going to go skydiving.' So
I did," Bockstruck said. "I've done so many things in life,
I figured I'd just try something different for a change."
Paul Peckham Jr., a Jumptown instructor and Bockstruck's
tandem partner, said the woman's "form in free fall was
absolutely flawless." Bockstruck said she has no regrets
about her skydiving experience, but she does not expect to
repeat the feat anytime soon.
===========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Viv :)
>AARP Warning: Telephone Scam Operation!
AARP Texas warned its members and consumers generally today to
immediately suspect anyone purporting to be with the organization
and who is asking for personal information about assets over the
telephone. Four cases have been reported in Fort Worth to date
in which a man representing himself to be with AARP in Houston
inquired if the member had $50,000 in a bank account or the
stock market. "Don't fall victim to a scam," said AARP State
Director Bob Jackson. "AARP does not ask for this type of
confidential information over the telephone. It looks as if
someone is using our good name and reputation to bilk
unsuspecting people and separate them from their hard earned
money." AARP has alerted the Consumer Protection Division at
the Texas Office of the Attorney General. Anyone receiving a call
like this should file a complaint with the OAG at
http://www.oag.state.tx.us/consumer/complain.shtml or
call 1 (800) TX-AUDIT (892-8348)
If at all possible, it would be helpful to the OAG if the person
receiving the call is able to obtain any additional information
from the bogus callers, including their Caller ID number.
AARP has more than 2.4 million members in Texas, and 40
million nationally.
---
...Great Tip! Thanks Viv!
==================================================================
>-->From Our Friend Wesley :)
>West Virginia State Residency Application
Name:
________________
(last)
(_) Billy-Bob
(_) Billy-Joe
(_) Billy-Ray
(_) Billy-Sue
(_) Billy-Mae
(_) Billy-Jack
(Check appropriate box)
Age: ____
Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ N/A
Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right
CB Handle: _____________________
Occupation:
(_)Farmer
(_)Mechanic
(_)Hair Dresser
(_)Un-employed
(_)Coal Miner
(_)Retired
Spouse's Name: __________________________
Relationship with spouse:
(_) Sister
(_) Brother
(_) Aunt
(_) Uncle
(_) Cousin
(_) Mother
(_) Father
(_) Son
(_) Daughter
(_) Pet
Number of children living in household: ___
Number that are yours: ___
Mother's Name: _______________________
Father's Name: _______________________
(If not sure, leave blank)
Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)
Do you (_)own or (_)rent your mobile home?
(Check appropriate box)
___ Total number of vehicles you own
___ Number of vehicles that still crank
___ Number of vehicles in front yard
___ Number of vehicles in back yard
___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks
___ Number of refrigerators on front porch
Firearms you own and where you keep them:
____ truck
____ bedroom
____ bathroom
____ kitchen
____ shed
Model and year of your pickup: _____________ 194__
Number of empty beer cans on floorboard or in bed of
pickup: _________
Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:
(_)The National Enquirer
(_)The Globe
(_)TV Guide
(_)Soap Opera Digest
(_)Gun World
___ Number of times you've seen a UFO
___ Number of times you've seen Elvis
___ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO
How often do you bathe:
(_)Weekly
(_)Monthly
(_)Holidays
(_)Not Applicable
Color of teeth:
(_)Yellow
(_)Brownish-Yellow
(_)Brown
(_)Black
(_)No teeth
(_)N/A
Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:
(_)Red-Man
How far is your home from a paved road?
(_)1 mile
(_)2 miles
(_)don't know
(_)can't get there from here
BUMPER STICKERS:
___ Eat more Possum
___ My other car is a piece of junk too
___ Honk if you love Jesus
___ If you ain't a cowboy, you ain't nothin'
___ Red-man Chewing Tobacco
Favorite Recreation: Check all that apply:
___ Square Dancin'
___ Possum Huntin'
___ Skinny Dippin'
___ Craw Daddin'
___ Gospel Singin'
___ 4-Wheelin'
___ Spitt'n Tobacky
___ Bull Chip Throwin'
___ Honky Tonkin'
___ Noodlin'
# of Dogs:
___
Type :
___ Blue Tick
___ Beagle
___ Black & Tan
___ Bird Dawg
Cap Emblem:
___ Budweiser
___ Skoal
___ NAPA
___ Coors
___ McCulloch Chain Saws
___ Vo-Tech
___ John Deere
---
...LOL! Thanks Wesley!
============================================================
("r^^^-.
| `-_ ",_
_-'`+-_ `--`/
,'_- ``--\
(-_ ^(\:/)
(- ^^^^ ^\
_.--^^^-._ \- _,._ ` `.
.-' ` `._ )- ( <._^`-. `.
_.-' `-_|- _ /^^ `^^^`-. `.
({ | \ / / //-_-_+ / `. \
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( ( / / / _-' ; /
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_-:::::( `._ `-......`,` ^. ``--'
<::::::::\ `-......-` /:|.
< _`:;;::-\ .|:::/^.
\ ^ `-.__ __..--<:;,'^. `. _
\ \ ^^^^ `. `. / | /\
)` `. `. .`-. ( // / _
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/^`-..'^ `_``_`^-. ( / _-_ < / _-'
<__ _..._--_..__- ) Allen Mullen __\ -_-_-.-_.-'
^^ ^^ ^^ /' ___.---'
<.--''
>-->My Hobby: Renting Skis
Copyright 2001 W. Bruce Cameron — Please do not remove the copyright
from this essay
Everyone needs a hobby. Mine is renting snow-ski equipment. (I don't
ever ski, because by the time I've sat through several hours of clotted
traffic on the Interstate Slow-way System, stood in line to buy lift
tickets, wrestled through seven layers of inner, outer and underwear so
I can use the bathroom, and then struggled with a few thousand strangers
through a winding maze of ropes to reach the chair lift, I never have
time for more than one run down the mountain-hardly what one could call
a hobby.)
The process of renting equipment starts with the ski boots. Ski boots
come in three comfort settings: "Dog bite", "alligator attack", and
"bear trap". The technician wants to know if you'd prefer them "regular"
or "high-performance".
"What's the difference?" you ask.
He shrugs. "Nuthin', except the regulars had a mouse family living in
them all summer."
You decide to go for the high-performance boots. This impresses the next
guy in line, who rents you your skies. "Dude!" he greets you.
"Dude," you reply civilly.
"High-performance boots, huh? You gonna be slope shredding or bump
bashing?"
You picture yourself in the bar having a beer with lunch. "More like
burger burping," you inform him.
"Dude! So what length skis do you want? 170? 195?"
These numbers, fortunately, are not inches. "I'm American, I don't do
metric," you explain.
"Dude!" the technician agrees. "Okay, do you want them so long you can't
turn them, or so short you fall over the tips?"
Since you'll be carrying them the length of a hundred football fields
from the parking lot to the shuttle bus, you decide on "too short" over
"too long"-at least they'll be lighter this way.
Skis are now "parabolic" in shape, meaning that in the front and rear
they are wide and stable, while in the middle, the part you actually
stand over and rely on for support, they are as thin as the high wire in
a circus.
The technician hands over a form for you to fill out. "Dude," he
explains. There are three pictures depicting different "skiing styles."
In the first, the skier has legs spread awkwardly, ski tips pointed
inward, body ready to fall. In the second, the skier's skis are together
and he is leaning 'way over the side, ready to fall. In the third, the
skier is in the trees, airborne, apparently already falling. If you're
to pick how you're going to be getting down the mountains, you wonder
why they don't show a picture of an ambulance.
The technician will use the picture you select, plus a complicated
formula based on your height, weight, and cholesterol level, to set the
bindings so that when you're underneath the chair lift and a pretty
woman is overhead, your skis will pop off.
On the back of the form is a "release of liability" statement: "You, the
undersigned dude, hereby acknowledge that you are far too old to be
careening down the mountain on a pair of slats which have been specially
waxed to exacerbate the effects of gravity. You acknowledge that your
thighs will soon be trembling like Jell-O in an earthquake and that by
the end of the day your face will freeze and fall to the ground. You
agree that bones are meant to be broken, and that you don't need to feel
your fingers or toes for the rest of the day.
"You know that while snow is usually soft, we've spent the night running
special equipment up and down the slopes so that they are packed hard as
cement. There's no need to thank us for this.
"You have the right to an orthopedist. If you do not know the name of an
orthopedist, one will be appointed for you."
A final piece of equipment: two poles, one for each hand, so that as you
wobble and wave your arms, they will accentuate how stupid you look.
You sign the form and struggle to the car. Your family is waiting
impatiently-they want to hurry up and get to the slopes. But you just
smile wisely-for the true hobbyist dude, it is the renting which is the
important part.
Write to Bruce.
http://www.brucecameron.com/email_bruce.htm
===============================================================
>-->From The Jokester:
.---------.
_ |:: [-=-] |
| | |_________|
|~|
|_| ,;;;;,
I\ ,__ ,;;;, __, ///\\\\\
I |{ / . . \ } / " \\||
I | ) ( _ ) ( \_= _///
I |{___'-. .-'___}\___ )_\
I ||~/,'~~~~~,\~~|'---(( \
I \ // \\ | \ \ \
I \/ // | | /-/
I (/ (/ | |/||\
I | | | |
I | | |____/
I :-----_o_-----: || |
I | /~~|===|~~\ | (( |
jgs I || |===| || ||_/
/^\ "~ '^^^' "" ((__|
>Actual Writings on Hospital Charts
· The patient refused autopsy.
· The patient has no previous history of suicides.
. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
· Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant
with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
· She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states
she was very hot in bed last night.
· Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for
over a year.
· On the second day the knee was better and on the third day
it disappeared.
· The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also
appears to be depressed.
,;;;,
::::: _____
:;;;: c | c
) ( || |
.-'---'-. ||_|
/ | \ /) /
/_/| | |\/\//|/
\ \| | | \_/-|
\_| | | |
| ' ' | |
|:_|_:| |
Sher^ \ | / |
; | ; |
; | ; |
\|/ |
(_|_) ,/ \,
You would think with all the
medical research and technology,
they could invent a
"butt-proof" gown!
· The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me
in 1993.
· Discharge status: Alive, but without my permission.
· Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert,
but forgetful.
· Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
· She is numb from her toes down.
· While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
· The skin was moist and dry.
· Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
· Patient was alert and unresponsive.
· Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
· She stated that she had been constipated for most of
her life until she got a divorce.
· I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for
physical therapy.
· Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
· Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
· The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
· Skin: somewhat pall, but present.
· The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
· Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
· Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities
· When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room
_____ __________
\_+_/ |
.//`\\. | _______
((o,o)) | | |
'.=.' | | EKCFL |
_)_(_ | | flpeb |
/' \ / '\ | | ,.,., |
/ (_ | _) \ | |_______|
/ / )_o_( \ \ |()
\ \/ \/ / |
\/_) (_\/ _|__|~|_______
| | |______________
| | , ||, '
Sher^ |_______| || ,
\ | / || ,
"When I said fill this cup,
I didn't mean from over there!"
· The patient was in his usual state of good health until his
airplane ran out of gas and crashed.
· Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady
pregnant.
· She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate
directions in early December.
· Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Smith, who felt we
should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
· The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he
took a job as a stock broker instead.
· By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped,
and he was feeling better.
=======================================================
>-->From Laugh&Lift:
,-----.
W/,-. ,-.\W
()>a a<()
(.--(_)--.)
,'/.-'\_/`-.\`.
,' / `-' \ `.
/ \ / \
/ `. ,' \
/ / `-._.-' \ \
,-`-._/| |=|o |\_.-<
<,--.) |_____| |o____| )_ \
`-)| |// _ \\| )/
|| |' | `|
|| | | |
|| ( )|( )
|| | | |
|| | | |
|| |_.--.|.--._|
|| /'""| |""`\
[] `===' `===' hjw
>You Know You're Over the Hill When...
- At parties you attend, "regularity" iss considered the topic of choice.
- You find your mouth making promises yoour body can't keep.
- Your social security number only has tthree digits.
- You look both ways before crossing a rroom.
- You begin every other sentence with, ""Nowadays..."
- When you do the "Hokey Pokey" you put your left hip out...and it stays
out.
- In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
- No one expects you to run into a burniing building.
- People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"
- People no longer view you as a hypochoondriac.
- There's nothing left to learn the hardd way.
- Things you buy now won't wear out.
- Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
- You can eat dinner at 4pm.
- You can't remember the last time you llaid on the floor to watch
television.
- You consider prune juice one of the moost important things in life.
- You really enjoy hearing about other ppeople's operations.
- You get into heated arguments about Soocial Security.
- You got cable for the Discovery/Healthh channel.
- You have a party and the neighbours doon't even realise it.
- You no longer think of speed limits ass a challenge.
- You quit trying to hold your stomach iin, no matter who walks into the
room.
- You sing along with the elevator musicc.
- Your ears are hairier than your head.
- Your investment in health insurance iss finally beginning to pay off.
- Your joints are more accurate than thee National Weather Service.
- Your secrets are safe with your friendds because they can't remember
them either.
SUBSCRIBE INFO
Want to receive a Christian inspirational item AND great clean humor in
an email to you each day of the week? It's easy and FREE! Read all about
Laugh & Lift at http://www.laughandlift.com
==============================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
Crop Circle Mystery
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mystery.html
Japan's Crop Art
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/cropart.html
Chinese Olympic Couisine
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/olympic.html
Watermellon Art
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/watermelon.html
House Of Bones
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hbones.html
Chapel Of Bones
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chapel.html
-<>-
>From Our Friend James :)
Windows:
http://community.webtv.net/warnnnnn/doc2
---
...Nice! Thanks James!
-<>-
>From Our Friend Wesley :)
Firefox Crop Circle
http://tinyurl.com/c8m7lm
Sara Palin's - Going Rogue $8.95 plus shipping $5.95
http://tinyurl.com/y8a6dbf
Security Fix - Trove of Hotmail Passwords Posted Online
http://tinyurl.com/y9pk5qq
Free Printable Mazes
http://www.printablemazes.net/
Diabetes Medication May Get New Life as Cancer Treatment
http://tinyurl.com/qcb6ez
Create your own Super Bug!
http://tinyurl.com/c2pl9o
Build your own Super Bug!
http://tinyurl.com/ybbzmqn
---
...Bugs, bugs and More Bugs! As a programmer and web designer,
I deal with bugs all the time - why dear Wesley would I want
to build and creat a SUPER BUG??? TeeHee! Thanks Wesley!
-<>-
>From LynnLynn's Links:
Why Women Live Longer Than Men
http://www.buffaloschips.com/72105.htm
Willie You Don't Think I'm Funny Anymore
http://www.buffaloschips.com/72202.htm
Women Drivers
http://www.buffaloschips.com/72201.htm
Women's Instructional Video
http://www.buffaloschips.com/72203.htm
Word Riddle
http://www.buffaloschips.com/72204.htm
World's Best Trick
http://www.buffaloschips.com/72205.htm
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
===============================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"Vote early and vote often."
- Al Capone [also ACORN Motto]
"Anyone who works is a fool. I don't work - I merely
inflict myself upon the public."
- Robert Morley
"Let's have some new cliches."
- Samuel Goldwyn
"This week Chrysler announced it's replacing its owner's
manuals with a DVD. In a related story, most Americans
have replaced their Chrysler with a Toyota."
- Conan O'Brien
"Yesterday at the U.N., Barack Obama told world leaders,
'Don't expect the U.S. to solve the world's problems.'
Whatever happened to 'Yes, we can'!"
- Jay Leno
"Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes
from bad judgment."
- Barry LePatner
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->This is for all you who love food andd DARE to make it at home Yep.
You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy,
good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
Share
A Recipe
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