How Humans Appeared and More :) Shangy!
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===========================
>-->In The "Shangy' News :)
,"=-.
/ _),`'".
( /a( ), )
) C = = ?/
( )) (_ o-<
) ( `-' \; ( \_ MOTHER'S DAY
( | \ ) )| \_/}
\ \ \(_;/-|_)
)/) `._,--/ /
/ `!__!!
( (_o))
---`-._, )---
------( / |----
| ( |
:__/|\_;
\ |/
)(\_
/_)--`
gpyy \_!
Well I hope all of you had a wonderful Mother's Day Celebration
This weekend. If you're Mom, like mine, has passed on, I hope
you at least remembered her with smiles and good thoughts. AND if
you are blessed to have a mom who was a Christian, AND you are one,
then you can truly SMILE because you KNOW you'll be with her again
when Christ Our Lord Returns!
See THE HOPE OF THE RETURN
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/BibleStudy/hopeofthereturn.html
-<>-
I, on the other hand had a visitor for my Mother's Day...
.-.
o \ .-.
JUST .----.' \
.'o) / `. o
Visting / |
\_) /-.
'_.` \ \
`. | \ Knock, Knock - Who's Home?
| \ |
.--/`-. / /
.'.-/`-. `. .\|
/.' /`._ `- '-.
____(|__/`-..`- '-._ \
|`------.'-._ ` ||\ \
|| # /-. ` / || \|
|| #/ `--' / /_::_|)__
`|____|-._.-` / ||`--------`
\-.___.` | / || # |
\ | | || # # |
/`.___.'\ |.`|________|
| /`.__.'|'.`
__/ \ __/ \
/__.-.) /__.-.) LGB
I spent my mother's day evening and the next fighting off a bout of
that nasty dreaded flu bug. Nothing makes you more thankful then to
have your normal again! I am always thanking God for normal! What
a blessing it is! Whatever you do, always be thankful to God for
normal and guard it with all you can. You'll only understand what
I am saying when your own normal gets stolen away from you. After
that, just regaining your normal becomes the most sought after
prize! Unfortunately, this lesson is always learned best the hard
way.
Anyway, please forgive me for being a little late with our Smiles.
Before I got knocked out by the nasty bug, I was able to do up
a page. This comes to us via our friend Del.
It is amazing what can be done with some pretty stones and some
wire! Check it out here...
v . ._, |_ .,
`-._\/ . \ / |/_
\\ _\, y | \//
_\_.___\\, \\/ -.\||
`7-,--.`._|| / / ,
/' `-. `./ / |/_.'
| |//
|_ /
|- |
| =|
| |
------/ , . \----
Gem Wire Tree Art:
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wiretree.html
If You Haven't Already, Be Sure to Visit These Too:
Freedom Isn't Free
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/freedom.html
Daily With The Troops
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/daily.html
What Is Love 2 - For Our Children And Vets
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wlove2.html
'God Bless' Animated Images
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/agifs_f-j.html
*~* As Always, Please Feel Free To Pass This On - Thanks!
================================================================
>-->From TheFunnyBone: Let's Play It Where It Lies
[]
[] Two longtime golfing buddies got to the course one day
[] and decided that today they would play the ball where
|| it lies... "No matter what!"
||
|| On the 14th hole, one of them sliced his ball and it
|| ended up on the cart path. As he reached down to pick
|| up his ball to get relief, his friend said, "Wait a
|| minute! We agreed that we would not improve our lies!
|| Remember? No matter what!"
||
|'-----. .-. The first player tried to explain that he
\______/ (jgs) was entitled to this relief -- that it was
'-' in the rules of golf. But the second fellow
would not allow it. Finally, in disgust,
As he stood near the man went to the cart and grabbed a
his ball, he took club.
a few practice swings,
each time scraping the club on the pavement and sending out showers
of sparks.
Finally, he took his shot. The club hit the cement again, sparks went
flying, but his ball shot straight towards the green, landed and
rolled to a stop -- two inches from the cup.
"Great shot!" his friend exclaimed. "What club did you use?" The
man answered with a wry smile, "Your 7-iron!"
==================================================================
+----------- Bizarre Excuses for Missing School -----------+
[These are actual excuse notes from parents (including
original spelling) from some schools in Texas.]
My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E.
today. Please execute him.
Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.
Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football.
He was hurt in the growing part.
Megan could not come to school today because she has been
bothered by very close veins.
Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose
vowels.
Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in
bed with gramps.
Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had
diarrhea and his boots leak.
=============================================================
>-->From Our Friend John-Paul :)
]=[
.' `. `.-v-.'
.-._.._ /_______\ ..--.`-._
`-| .---.| `--.._ `.-v-.'
| |.-.|| _..--`
`.-o-.' | |'-'|| _..--` `.-o-.'
.-..| '---'|..--` .--.
-._.` _|..---..|_ .` `-._
|__..---..__| `--.._ `--.._
| _ | |_|| `.-v-.' `.-v-.' `--.._ `
| |_|| _| `--..`
__|_..---.._|__
|___...---...___|
| _ | _| `.-o-.'
| | | _| _ |
| |_| | _ | _....--```. `.-v-.'
| _ | | ||..--`` ..-..` `.-o-.'
_..| _ |_ |_|| ..``
-` | | | | _ | _.-`
| |_| | _ |.-` __ __
| _ | | | | || ||
.--`| _ | |_| | ________||_______||
| | | _| _| /_ _ _ _/ \\_ _ _/ \\
| | | | _ | /_ _ _ _/ \\_ _/ _ \\
|__...---...__| /_ _ _ _/_ _\\ / | | \\ `.:::::::::::::
_..-'__...---...__'-._ /_ _ _ _/| | | |\\ |_| |\\ `-._:::::::::
|_..-' | _ '-._/_______/ |_| |_| \\ _| `.:::::::
| _ _ | _ | _ |_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _| ., `-.::::
| _ | _ | _ |_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_| ,. `.::
| _ _| _ | | | -| _ _ | ., `.
|_. .-._ | _ _| | | | _ _______|_ .,
-' `-' `'._.`-._.--'`--.._| _ /_ _ _ _ /\ ,.
`... ., ., `-._ _ / _ _ _ _/ -\
`. ,. ., `-./_ _ _ _ / _ \ ,. _.-
.' ,. `-. ____/| |_||\ .-':::
_.' ,. `-. -| _| .'::::::
., ,. `. |-__ | ., .'::::::::
,. \|| || .-':::::::::
., ,. ,. || || .'::::::::::::
., __.--.:::::'::::::::::::::
LGB _.-``-._=:..-_.,=`:;.,-=.'-._..---``..::::::::::::::::::::::::
``--..` :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
~`The Lighthouse` and the Candle ~
There stood upon an Island bare,
A Lighthouse Tall and Stout,
It stood against many Stormy Sea,
But it`s mighty light, never Out.
Now those that sailed Seas, far and wide,
And oft` times passed this light,
That warned them from the Rocky Shore,
And Saved them from it`s awful Plight.
How many times it`s light has Warned,
The many that passed it`s way,
Life and ship be saved that sailed,
And to sail yet another Day.
Now a little candle placed with love and Care,
On a cabin`s window sill,
Be seen by all, lost at Night,
Without, be Wondering still.
A Lighthouse or a Candle light,
Leading the lost through dark of night,
A beacon shining,
This is the way,
Guiding the lost till the break of Day.
The lighthouse shines to many,
The candle but to few,
Be you a lighthouse or a candle,
Ti`s what Jesus expects of you.
O`, Let me be a Guiding light,
Dear Lord I humbly pray,
Till the day you come, and take me Home,
Till then, to others,
May I shine the way.
Your~servant~~~~~John-Paul
-<>-
{A Very Important} `Tip`: To all that have not found the lIttle `TABS`
at each end of your foil boxes-- Yet. Such as the Reynolds foil box.
You`ll find written on each end Press here to lock the `Rolls in Place`.
Now, you may Wonder How long has these little locking tab been there?
You`ll find them on generic brand of aluminum foil , and Saran wrap
also. O`, my, how many times has the Saran warp roll jumped out when you
were trying to cover something ,hummm? If you havn`t found them till
now, Don`t feel bad -- neither me. -:) (thanks Pat) Jp.
---
...A very sweet poem John-Paul and a great Tip - Thank You!
>Here's A TIP for you!
/\ __
\ .-':::.
\ :::::|\
|,\:::'/ \
`.:::-' \
`-. \ ___
`-. | .-'';:::.
`-.-' / ',''.;;;\
| ','','.''|
|\ ' ,',' /'
`.`-.___.-;'
`--._.-'
AsH
McD's wants everyone to try their New Southern Style Chicken Biscuit
So They are giving it away FREE at McDonald's this Thursday May 15th!
Of course YOU Have To Buy Something -
It's WITH A Medium Drink purchase.
http://tinyurl.com/6384qp
Bon Apetite! :)
====================================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race
appear?"
The mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had
children and so was all mankind made."
Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.
The father answered, "Many ages ago there were monkeys from
which the human race evolved."
The confused girl returned to her mother and said, "Mom,
how is it possible that you told me the human race was
created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?"
##, ,##
'##, ,##'
'## ##'
## __, ##
## __.-' \ ##
## ___.-'__.--'\ | ##,
## .-' .-, ( | | _ '##
##/ / /""=\ \ | | / \ ##,
'#| |_\ / / | | / \ '##
/ `-` 0 0 '-'`\ | | | | \ ,##
\_, (__) ,_/ / / | \ \ ##'
/ / \ \\ / / | |\ \ ## __
| /`.__.-'-._)|/ / | | \ \##`__)
\ ^ / / | | | v## '--.
'._ '-'_.' / _.----. | | l ,## (_,'
'##'-, ` `"""/ `'/| | / ,##--, )
'#/` ` ' |' ##' `"
| /\_/#'
jgs | __. .-,_.;###`
_|___/_..---'''` _/ (###'
.-'` ____,...---""``` `._
( --'' __,.,---. ',_)
`.,___,..---'`` / / \ '._
| | ( ( `. '-._)
| / \ \ \'-._)
| | \ \ `"`
| | \ \
| | .-, ) |
| | ( ( / /
| | \ '---' /
/ \ `-----`
| , /
|(_/\-,
\ ,_`)
`-._)
The mother answered, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told
you about my side of the family and your father told you
about his."
-<>-
A teacher was finishing up a lesson on the joys of discovery
and the importance of curiosity. "Where would we be today,"
she asked, "if no one had ever been curious?"
One child quietly spoke up from the back of the room. "In the
Garden of Eden?"
-<>-
After one of the machines at work suddenly went on the fritz,
our boss called the repair service and asked to speak to the
manager, Ahmed.
"Hello, Ed speaking. How can I help you?" said the guy who
answered the phone.
"Sorry," said my boss. "I was looking for Ahmed."
"This is Ahmed," came the reply. "How can I help you?"
"I thought you just said your name was Ed?" asked my boss.
"It is. But whenever I say 'Ahmed,' people think I'm saying,
'I'm Ed.' So I figured it's just easier to be Ed."
-<>-
A New York judge is ready to go through the day's business
and he is very rushed. The first case up involves an elderly
Jewish gentleman with a long beard, payos, the works.
The judge, without asking a question, says to the clerk:
"Quick...get me a translator."
Translator shows up and the judge says: "Ask him what his
name is, how old is he and where does he come from?"
The translator says: "Die judge vilt vissen, vos is dein
namen, vie alt bist du, and fun vie kumst du?"
The old man smiles, looks at the judge and says in perfect
English with a British accent:
"Your Honour. My name is Sir Chaim Ginsbug. I shall
be 82 next Thursday and I've come from England where
I hold the chair of Hebrew Philosophy at Oxford
University."
\
\ .-----. ________
.' '. _)O // \\\\
: : (_ _////
`. .' |_ ///
|`._____.'| / | translates
___\_______/___ ___\______|_ into (\__
/ \ / \ (\_)\\\
| | | \ \____/
| | | | | | \ \ / /
| | | | | | |\ \_/ /
| | | | | | | \ /
The translator turns to the judge and says: "Ehr zukt, ehr
is Sir Chaim Ginsburg, ehr is tzwei und achtzig yur alt,
und ehr is, mit sach Yiddish philisoph, areingekummen fun
Oxford."
-<>-
A peculiar posting appeared one day on the company bulletin
board. It read: Used tombstone for sale. Ideal for Person
Named "Murphy."
-<>-
Jake is five years old and learning to read. He points to a
picture in a zoo book and says, "Look, Mama! It's a frickin'
elephant!"
Deep breath... "What did you call it?"
"It's a frickin' elephant, Mama! It says so on the picture!"
and so it does... "A f r i c a n Elephant."
Hooked on phonics! Ain't it wonderful?
==============================================================
>-->From TheMouthPiece:
I hope that everyone's mom had a very happy Mother's Day.
I took my mother out for dinner and a show. Hey, a burger
before watching a Sex Pistols cover-band perform at a local
dive bar is exactly how she wanted to spend her special
day.
I love you mom!
Mouthing Off,
Carl
-<>-
>Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Reasons I Look Forward To Mother's Day
Presented By Dave's Mom
)\\\
|__/
_.---._ / /
Will You be My Son? %%%%%% \_______/ /
{\/}%%%%% )OO )\\ /
{/\}- -%%% (_ // / Say What?
%%%% o %%% O___/ /
___...."""" __) (_ ---...___ / .-.|/ __
__...---"""" /.-..-.\ __ |/ /| """---...___
___/ ._.._. \ / _) / / |
/ ___/\ /\ / / / / |
(_/ ) . ( \_/ / / | jro
////\\ /__/____|
////\\\\ / \ |
/////\\\\\ \\\(| |
//////'\\\\ /| |
/\ \ / \ \
/ /| | \ \ \
) / | | \ \ \
( / |/ /___|_____\
)/ ( \ _/ _/ \
" `-.`. (____(_____|
10. "I pay a neighbor kid to pretend he's my son and we
get 10% off at IHOP"
9. "Sunday means just one more day 'til 'The Hills'"
8. "Go to see that Harold and Kumar movie"
7. "Unlike other mothers, I don't have to worry about
receiving big, cumbersome gifts in the mail"
6. "Illegal fireworks"
5. "I look forward to Sunday because '60 Minutes' makes
me feel young"
4. "Can finally get my pulse back to normal after that
thrill ride that was Late Show Magician Week"
3. "All the kindness helps me forget I'm being gouged at
the pump by those damn oil companies"
2. "It's not Thanksgiving, but that doesn't mean you can't
shoot a turkey"
1. "Wow, it's Mother's Day? I'm still hurting from Cinco
de Mayo"
=============================================================
>-->In The Wordly News:
>From CoffeeBreak:
Police: San Diego school blast a prank
San Diego authorities say a small explosion at a middle
school was caused by a 12-year-old who said the blast was a
prank. Police said the Wagenheim Middle School student
admitted to constructing a homemade device containing dry
ice and placing the item in a school trash can, where it
detonated at the start of the day, the Los Angeles Times
reported Wednesday. Investigators said the student
implicated four other boys. Authorities said the device
caused more noise than damage -- it created a loud boom,
but the trash can contained the blast and remained intact
after the detonation. School spokesman Jack Brandais said
students were sent to the playground while bomb safety
experts ensured the school was safe. "This is purely
precautionary," he said.
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
|=|
jgs |=|
|_| Robbery suspect warded off with broom
.=/I\=.
////V\\\\
|#######|
|||||||||
|||||||||
|||||||||
Police said a broom-wielding customer at a Somerset, Pa.,
Dollar General Store fought off an attempted robber who was
armed with a knife. Pennsylvania state police alleged
Jarrad Tall, 32, pulled out a knife at the store Tuesday
evening and demanded money from employees, the Pittsburgh
Post-Gazette reported Wednesday. However, a quick-thinking
male customer grabbed a broom and struck the suspect until
he fled the store and drove off in a waiting car.
Investigators said witnesses gave them the license plate
number on the getaway car and Tall was arrested after
troopers found the vehicle parked in the Roof Garden Trailer
Park. Tall was arraigned on multiple charges, including
robbery, and taken to the county jail in lieu of $100,000
bail.
`.---...__
/```.__ ``.
Pelecanus occidentalis |```/ `'--.._`.
|``| (o).)
\`` \ _,-' `.
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____,...----'' ||`-- <_.--._ -`--. __
jrei '' `-` `'''''''-----......__
Fla. woman hurt in collision with pelican
A 50-year-old Ohio woman suffered facial injuries when a
pelican collided with her in the Gulf of Mexico off Treasure
Island, Fla., authorities say. Tourists typically are
advised to be cautious of sharks and stingrays but such
warnings rarely include pelicans, the St. Petersburg (Fla.)
Times said Friday. "I do not recall an incident with a
pelican," St. Pete Beach Fire Chief Fred Golliner said
after Thursday's incident. Debbie Shoemaker required 26
stitches after the pelican's beak pierced her cheek. She
told the newspaper she decided to end her vacation early
and go back home to Toledo. "A terrifying experience,
especially being by myself," she said. "Nobody would have
ever thought that it could happen, but it could and it
did."
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
-- Retiree cleared of finger-biting charge ---------
MAIDENHEAD, England - An elderly British woman said she
is glad the truth is out since she was found innocent of
biting off her neighbor's finger during a spat about
flowers. Pamela Fox, 66, was accused of biting off the
finger of Marija Andric, 51, in a fit of rage concerning
her garden, the Daily Telegraph reported Thursday. Andric
said Fox banged on her door and accused her of ruining
flowers along the border separating their Maidenhead,
England, homes -- before biting off her finger and running
away. Fox was cleared of the finger-biting charge when
Reading Crown Court unanimously acquitted her of one count
of grievous bodily harm. "God knows the truth and the truth
has been proved," Fox said on her way out of the courtroom.
Defense counsel David Povall said Andric's finger was
severed in a separate incident during the day.
...This proves you can sue anybody anytime for any reason...
( )
( ) (
) _ )
( \_
_(_\ \)__
(____\___)) !!!!!Krogg98
-- Mom sues after kid steps in poo --------------
NORWALK, Conn. - An attorney for Norwalk, Conn., says a
mother's suit against the city for her toddler's shoes
being ruined by dog poo is among the most frivolous he's
seen. City Attorney M. Jeffry Spahr said Kelly DeBrocky
of Mahopac, N.Y., filed suit against the city April 7,
seeking $100 compensation for her child's ruined shoes
and tickets for Maritime Aquarium -- which the mother
said her family had to leave early because of the incident
-- The (Stamford, Conn.) Advocate reported TThursday. "I
had to read it twice," Spahr said. "Immediately, what I
did was say, 'You're not going to believe this one.' It
was hilarious. What are these people thinking about? Just
when you think you've heard it all." DeBrocky defended he
suit. "I was just really skeeved, I thought the whole thing
was disgusting," she said. "We had to pay for admission
to the aquarium and my son had no shoes and it made the
entire experience awful." "The official response is her
claim is denied and poop happens," said Spahr.
-- Diamond ring found floating in bay -------------
SAN FRANCISCO - A 12-year-old boy and his family said they
were searching for the owner of a diamond ring found float-
ing in the San Francisco Bay. Joe Carter said he saw some-
thing floating in the water that appeared to be a charcoal
briquette while he was boating Sunday with his father, the
San Francisco Chronicle reported. However, when the boy
took the item out of the water, he discovered it was a
Macy's jewelry box containing a diamond ring -- complete
with price tag. "Romance Princess. One-quarter carat.
Diamond Wedding Ring. $499," the tag said. Carter and
his family said they took out a lost-and-found ad on an
Internet bulletin board for the ring, which experts said
is actually worth closer to $150, but no one has yet come
forward to claim the item. "I think it would be pretty sad
to be someone reaching into your pocket for a diamond ring
and find out it's not there," the boy said. "I hope I can
find whoever that person is. That would be great."
===========================================================
>-->From The MouthPiece:
Stupid Laws [OR Why We Fought For Woman's Lib :]
o
o
//@@ o
@@ ")
@@@ - @ _____
/ \ / \ |\____\
/ ( X ) | | | |
<___=\ | | |
\======\ \|_"_|
(____
A Tremonton, Utah law states that no woman is allowed to
engage with a man while riding in an ambulance. In
addition to normal charges, the woman's name will be
published in the local newspaper. The man does not
receive any punishment.
No woman may go in public without wearing a corset in
Norfolk, Virginia.
In Florida it is illegal for single, divorced, or widowed
women to parachute on Sunday afternoons.
In Ames Iowa a husband may not take more than three gulps
of beer while lying in bed with his wife.
A law in Alexandria, Minnesota makes it illegal for a
husband to make love to his wife if his breath smells
like garlic, onions, or sardines.
A Helena, Montana law states that a woman cannot dance
on a saloon table unless her clothing weights more than
three pounds, two ounces.
Hotel owners in Hastings, Nebraska are required by law to
provide a clean, white cotton nightshirt to each guest.
According to the law, no couple may engage unless they
are wearing the nightshirts.
Any couple making out inside a vehicle, and accidentally
sounding the horn doing so, may be taken to jail according
to a Liberty Corner, New Jersey law.
During lunch breaks in Carlsbad, New Mexico, no couple
should engage while parked in their vehicle, unless their
car has curtains.
In Cleveland, Ohio women are not allowed to wear
patent-leather shoes.
=============================================================
>-->From TheJokester:
MAKE ME HAPPY!
\_, _ _ \.=
\\ /,~,"\ // _ __ !!!,,,
___ \\ /|o_o|( // /.-. | !!'''!!!
;---,\ :\)\'=/ /'/ ||o_o|| !!!a,a!!!
)o,o)| \(-._.-\' |,\= || !!.=.|!!
_| =/ \_ '\ Y / .--' '-. (^( .-' '-. \~}
( J\ \/| ) | : | / .--Y-.\\ \\/ .-,-. \//
\\==== // _/ : (_ ( /\ -/ / \_/\----|\/
\\==// \ \'.__.'/ \\| \8" \ , (
snd || || / |'-,-'| 9/ ) )---\
/|/ /)| \ | / /_____/ / | )
| | | | | / ) ) / \ ( / \ |
| | | | |/\/ // \| | / \ \
|-| |-| /|/| |/ |\ |__| \__|
'-' '-' [_[_/ /| '=' /:( ):\
'= '-' '-'
In the world of romance, one single rule applies:
Make the woman happy. Do something she likes & you get points.
Do something she dislikes & points are subtracted. You don't
get any points for doing something she expects--
Sorry, that's the way the game is played.
Simple Duties
-------------
You make sure there's plenty of gas in the car................. +1
You make sure there are barely enough fumes
in the car to make it to the nearest gas station............ -1
You take out the recyclables and stack them neatly by the curb. +1
You take out the recyclables at 4:30 am
just as the truck pulls away................................ -1
You load the dishwasher whenever you dirty a dish.............. +1
You leave dishes in the sink................................... -1
You leave them under the bed................................... -5
You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light panty liners
with wings.................................................. +5
But return with beer........................................... -5
You leave the toilet seat up................................... -1
You replace the toilet-paper roll when it's empty.............. 0
When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex.... -1
When the Kleenex runs out, you shuffle slowly to
the next bathroom........................................... -2
You make the bed............................................... +1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows..... 0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets.................... -1
You check out a suspicious noise at night...................... 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing.............. 0
check out a suspicious noise and it's something............ +5
You pummel it with a six iron.................................. +10
It's her father................................................ -10
Social Engagements
------------------
You stay by her side the entire party.......................... 0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a
college drinking buddy...................................... -2
Named Tiffany.................................................. -4
Tiffany is a dancer............................................ -6
Tiffany has implants........................................... -8
When mingling, you hold her hand and gaze at her lovingly...... +1
When mingling, you introduce her as "the old' ball and chain"
and pat her on the rump..................................... -5
When your mate points toward a hot-looking woman and asks you if
you think she is attractive, you say, "Yes, but nowhere near
as attractive as you"....................................... +1
When your mate points to a woman and asks if you think she's
attractive, you say, "Yeah, but don't worry, she's lousy
in bed"..................................................... -6
That woman is her sister....................................... -90
You have one drink, and that's it.............................. 0
You have more than a few and perform the tango with a poodle... -2
You have a lot of drinks, vaguely remember being fingerprinted. -18
Things Of A Disgusting Nature
-----------------------------
You unclog a stopped-up toilet................................. +6
You clean up cat, dog or human vomit........................... +7
You get rid of a dead rodent................................... +8
remove the collie from the thresher............................ +12
You take her mother to see Cats................................ +16
Saturday Afternoon
------------------
You go to the mall together.................................... +3
You go to the mall, drop her off at the entrance, then
park the car................................................ +4
You go to the mall, drop her off at the entrance, then drive
to a sports bar............................................. -2
You spend the day shopping for furniture and pretend to like it +3
You spend the day shopping for furniture and nap on a sectional 0
You spend the day at a wholesale club, buying in bulk.......... +3
Most of it chips and beer...................................... -6
You tackle a large household project, such as painting the den. +15
Or refinishing the floors...................................... +16
Or rewiring the basement....................................... +17
Or adding a second floor....................................... +18
Or setting up a Nerf Ball hoop over the bathroom wastebasket... -6
And you're tickled pink about it............................... -15
You visit her parents.......................................... +1
You visit her parents and actually make conversation........... +3
You visit her parents and stare vacantly at the television..... -3
And the television is off...................................... -6
You spend the afternoon watching college football in your
underwear................................................... -6
And you didn't even go to college.............................. -10
And it's not your underwear.................................... -15
\\\ ,
But, \ `|
Your Husband ) ( .-""-.
Said You'd get a | | /_ { '.
Kick out of me | | (/ `\ } )
Surprising | | ^/ ^`} {
You! \ \ \= ( { )
\ \ '-, { {{
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\_( { _/\
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{ \>-<\/>_<\/>_<\/>-\> }
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<\/>. <\/>
\> \>
{`<\/> <\/>`}
} \>-<\/>_<\/>_<\/>_<\/>-\> {
{ \> \> \> \> }
} }
{ H A P P Y {
<\/> B I R T H D A Y <\/>
\> \>
`<\/> <\/>'
jgs \>-<\/>_<\/>_<\/>_<\/>_<\/>-\>
\> \> \> \> \>
Her Birthday
------------
You take her out to dinner..................................... 0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar........... +1
Okay, it is a sports bar....................................... -2
And it's all-you-can-eat night................................. -3
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is
painted the colors of your favorite team................... -10
You go to a nice, pricey restaurant and hire a guitar player... +3
You go to a pricey restaurant, hire a guitar player and get up
and sing.................................................... +4
And you stink.................................................. +2
And you're not half bad........................................ +5
You get up and sing a Barry Manilow song, and you're escorted out
to much applause............................................ -2
You give her a gift............................................ 0
You give her a gift, and it's a small appliance................ -10
You give her a gift, and it's not a small appliance............ +1
You give her a gift, and it isn't chocolate.................... +2
You give her a gift that you'll be paying off for months....... +30
You wait until the last minute and buy her a gift that day..... -10
With her credit card........................................... -30
And whatever you bought is two sizes too big................... -40
_________________
|'-========OoO===='-. __
| ||'-.____'-.'-.____'-. (**\ Oh!
| || | | | | -.' \ You Shouldn't have!
'-| | | | | , .`
'-|______|__|______| /__|
// ||
-' -'
Thoughtfulness
--------------
You forget her birthday completely............................. -10
You forget your anniversary.................................... -20
You forget to pick her up at the bus station................... -25
Which is in Newark, New Jersey................................. -35
And the pouring rain dissolves her leg cast.................... -50
A Night Out With The Boys
-------------------------
Go out with a pal.............................................. -5
And the pal is happily married................................. -4
Or frighteningly single........................................ -7
And he drives a Trans Am....................................... -10
With a personalized license plate (GR8 N BED).................. -15
You have a few beers........................................... -9
And miss curfew by an hour..................................... -12
You get home at 3 am........................................... -20
You get home at 3 am smelling of booze and cheap cigars........ -30
And not wearing any pants...................................... -40
Is that a tattoo???............................................-200
Her Night Out
-------------
You watch the kids while she goes out with her annoying work
friends................................................... +5
She goes out with her annoying work friends, and she comes home
late........................................................ +10
You wait up.................................................... +15
She goes out, comes home late and drunk, and you put her to bed +20
She comes home late and drunk, and you gently put her to bed,
but not before she pukes in the bathroom.................... +25
Which you clean up............................................. +35
A Night At Home
---------------
You watch TV together.......................................... 0
You rent a movie............................................... +1
You rent a movie and it's SENSE & SENSIBILITY.................. +3
It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you stay awake throughout......... +5
It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you fall asleep................... -1
It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you fall asleep and drool......... -2
A Night Out
-----------
You take her to a movie........................................ +2
You take her to a movie she likes.............................. +4
You take her to a movie you hate (anything with Susan Sarandon) +6
You take her to a movie you like............................... -2
It's called DeathCop 3......................................... -7
Which features cyborgs having sex.............................. -9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans and
sheepdogs................................................... -15
. _ .-..
( `' ; .( ; ;
.-`()'.;(_.{}:'
`..'`,' / ' ;.)
`-'\ / `-'
X
_U_
\ / Sweet Smelling Just Like You!
| |
| |
/ \
| ;|
| ;|
| ;;|
|..;;;|
|;;;;;| ko1
`;;;;;'
Flowers
-------
You buy her flowers only when it's expected.................... 0
You buy her flowers as a surprise, just for the heck of it..... +5
You give her wildflowers you've actually picked yourself....... +10
And she contracts Lyme disease................................. -25
,-----.
/' `\
; ----,---- ;
| `o- |`o- |
| |_ | Hi Hunny!
| _____, |
\_ _/
| `-----' |
__.-; ;-.__
_,-' ; : ; ; `-._
_,' `.
,`-,_____ \ : : / ____,-'-,
/' ```----. .----''' `\
/ \_/ \
| | |
| , | , |
| | | | |
| \ | / |
\ /\ o | o /\ /
/ | |`\ / \ /'| | \
| | | `------' `------' | | |
| | \ _.--'|`--._ / | |
\ | | __|--'|`--|__ | | /
| | | __|--'|`--|__pb | | |
Your Physique
-------------
You develop a noticeable potbelly.............................. -15
You develop a potbelly and exercise to get rid of it........... +10
,,,,,
\ e e\
C _\/ |\\,
)\_) \_ / Hi Hunny!
_/|/_ _//
,'\ ~ /'-,_/ \
/ \_/ / /
, | \_._,-"
( < _'
| \ \
', -',-~.-'
_/ ) |
|// | '
' ) |
| | |
._., - |.,_ //
_\-' )___|__|_ '-._
b'ger /____\__\
You develop a potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy
Hawaiian shirts............................................. -5
Grooming
--------
You trim your nails............................................ +5
You trim your nails in the living room......................... -10
You trim your nails and flick them at the cat.................. -15
You shave on the weekends...................................... +2
You don't shave on the weekends................................ -4
You don't bathe on the weekends either......................... -8
But then, neither does she..................................... +8
Finances
--------
You spend a lot of money on something impractical.............. -5
Something she can't use........................................ -10
Such as a motorized model airplane............................. -20
And your kid needs braces...................................... -30
In fact, all four of the kids need braces......................-120
Driving
-------
You lose the directions on a trip.............................. -4
You lose the direction and end up getting lost................. -10
You end up getting lost in a bad part of town.................. -15
You get lost in a bad part of town and meet the locals up close
and personal................................................ -25
She finds out you lied about having a black belt............... -60
The Big Question
----------------
She asks, "Do I look fat?"..................................... -5
(Sensitive questions always start with a deficit)
You hesitate in responding..................................... -10
))),,
/ ///
Where? . . . /
\\ < )
-C\ \_- |
\_/ __|__/L__
/ \
___ \
\ /
V __
|--\ utis
\__/--
You reply, "Where?"............................................ -25
(A quick pointer, There is no right answer to this question.
Mumble something like, "I Love You, honey...")
===================================================================
>-->Fun Places To Net Visit :)
>From TheMouth:
Take The PirateName Quiz:
http://www.piratequiz.com/
BEANS AROUND THE WORLD
http://www.beans-around-the-world.com/
BACKYARD JUNGLE
http://www.backyardjungle.org/
CLUMSY CROOKS
http://www.clumsycrooks.com/
-<>-
>From Linky&Dinky:
THE DOLLAR BILL RE-PICTED
showing (what is probably) the rest of the
world's view of the United States.
http://www.coloribus.com/paedia/prints/2008/5/13/200603/show/
WHAT PERCENTAGE of FOOD WE BUY
goes into the landfill uneaten,
not counting stuff we spit out?
http://snipurl.com/foodtrash
WHINE, MAKE A FUSS, OBJECT, SPEAK OUT,
criticize, find fault, raise a stink,
bellyache, moan, snivel, beef, bitch,
sound off, gripe, or, if you wish, kvetch.
http://complaintwire.org
-<>-
>From LynnLynn's Links:
Keyboard Shortcuts
http://support.microsoft.com/kb/301583
XP Tweaks
http://www.kellys-korner-xp.com/xp_tweaks.htm
Auslogics Disk Defrag
http://www.auslogics.com/disk-defrag/index.php
Dallas Cowboys Stadium Via Peggy
Http://stadium.dallascowboys.com/
Water Fuel
http://lionheartcreationsworld.com/WaterFuel.wmv
Love Thoughts
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/love.html
Can't Catch
http://buffalosjokes.com/080312.htm
Relax
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/1124107.htm
Japan TV
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/21307.htm
Whats That
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/21257.htm
Heres The Problem
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/21258.htm
Morning
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/21259.htm
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
======================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"In Indiana, Hillary Clinton is after the blue collar vote.
Today she was seen drinking beer with construction workers
and hooting at chicks." -Dave Letterman
"This Sunday is Mother's Day. Now if you haven't gotten your
mom a gift yet, you can't go wrong with a gallon of gasoline.
It's a little pricey, but hey, you only have one mom."
-Jay Leno
"Charlie Sheen is getting married. This will make wife number
three for him. Somebody should tell him you don't need to get
married to have a bachelor party." -Jimmy Kimmel
"I was going to get my mom something special for Mother's
Day, but then I realized she's already going to get that
economic stimulus check." -David Letterman
"The other day in Iowa, a 78-year-old blind man went bowling,
and he bowled a perfect game. Of course, no one had the heart
to tell him he was in a supermarket." -Conan O'Brien
"Anyone heard of the presidential election? Experts say
there's probably going to be one in November." -Jimmy Kimmel
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - WOWSERS :) Shangy!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->Bigham's Computer Rescue - PC Sales & Serrvice
You can trust us to provide you with quality computer sales and repair.
We've been servicing the Van Wert area since 1981 and can help you with
all your computer needs. Please phone us at 419-238-5806
************************************************************************
-->This is for all you who love food and DARRE to make it at home Yep.
You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy,
good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
Share
A Recipe
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