How the Virus Stole Easter And More... :) Shangy!
>Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList:
To Subscribe send a blank email to
ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
To UnSubscribe send a blank email to
ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
Group home page:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList
or Web Site:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html
Group email address:
ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com
or email me here:
bcrsystems@earthlink.net
================
*~* Please Consider Giving To ShangralaFamilyFun.com
The cost of the website has gone up dramatically due to the
ever increasingly wonderful pages and photos being added each
week to entertain you and our fellow Christian families. If
every one would chip in $25 or more, we'd be good for the whole
year! So Please - I need your help today!
"We are each of us angels with but one wing,
and can only fly by embracing each other"
-Luciano Decrescenzo
~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~
*~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels *~*
>Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel?
If you'd like to help and be counted as a Shangrala Angel,
the easiest way to do that is through online giving. It is
easy to use, and most of all, it is secure. Please visit the
site, scroll down and click on the donate button.
A Secure PAYPAL form page comes up.
NOTE: Paypal will generate a 'Quantity 1' and 'Price per item'
form. Just ignore the price per item and put whatever it is
you desire to give in there. With Paypal, you will have your
normal receipt for your 'payment' donation in USD (United
States Dollars). You can put a memo in there if you'd like.
EVERY LITTLE BIT WILL HELP!
Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed!
PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help:
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html
OR If you'd rather send us a donation,
Please MAIL it here:
Elrhea Bigham
502 S. Harrison
Van Wert, OH 45891
*~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS YOU ABUNDANTLY FOR YOUR GIFT!
================
*~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny,
inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here...
bcrsystems@earthlink.net
I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!!
AND For Facebook Users:
Please Like Me here...
http://tinyurl.com/cma6all
AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family!
^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU!
-<>-
* NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or
any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving
the scroll button on the mouse.
You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in
your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while
pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for
smaller text!
================
>-->Here's Hoping You All Had A Wonderful Easter Celebration! :)
_.---,_
.' `'.
\ __..-'\
}-"` \
/__,,..---.._|
\ |
|---..__ |
/ ``"-./
.'---...__ |
.' ``"-./
,--./...,,,__ /
'--.'__ __```.-. /._
/ ` ` ' `=/.-.|-._)
| .-. .-. "\\ /
|| O| | O| ""=='_\
.-' '-'o '-' ""=\`
`''--/- ""=-,\--._
.---|- ( ""=-. \`
\ /`)"=."=|'-.
'. _.-' ' "=|\|
(`----` '="=|/
`-. "=/`
'. =/
\ =|
.-. |` "=|
( ~._ | "==| _.-~`\
\ ~. |'"="| _.-~ )
; ~-.|.-._|_.-~ /
/ _-( /-.__ (
'._..--~~`/`/-'\-._ `~~- ;
jgs /"=| |" =\~-...___.-~
/=" / | "==\
/ = (_ \ "==\
;="= `\_) =="\
>From our Friend LouiseAu :)
How the Virus Stole Easter
(By Kristi Bothur, With a nod to Dr. Seuss :) )
Twas late in '19 when the virus began
Bringing chaos and fear to all people, each land.
People were sick, hospitals full,
Doctors overwhelmed, no one in school.
As winter gave way to the promise of spring,
The virus raged on, touching peasant and king.
People hid in their homes from the enemy unseen.
They YouTubed and Zoomed, social-distanced, and cleaned.
April approached and churches were closed.
"There won't be an Easter," the world supposed.
"There won't be church services, and egg hunts are out.
No reason for new dresses when we can't go about."
Holy Week started, as bleak as the rest.
The world was focused on masks and on tests.
"Easter can't happen this year," it proclaimed.
"Online and at home, it just won't be the same."
Maundy Thursday, Good Friday, the days came and went.
The virus pressed on; it just would not relent.
The world woke Sunday and nothing had changed.
The virus still menaced, the people, estranged.
"Pooh pooh to the saints," the world was grumbling.
"They're finding out now that no Easter is coming.
"They're just waking up! We know just what they'll do!
Their mouths will hang open a minute or two,
And then all the saints will all cry boo-hoo.
"That noise," said the world, "will be something to hear."
So it paused and the world put a hand to its ear.
And it did hear a sound coming through all the skies.
It started down low, then it started to rise.
But the sound wasn't depressed.
Why, this sound was triumphant!
It couldn't be so!
But it grew with abundance!
The world stared around, popping its eyes.
Then it shook! What it saw was a shocking surprise!
Every saint in every nation, the tall and the small,
Was celebrating Jesus in spite of it all!
It hadn't stopped Easter from coming! It came!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!
And the world with its life quite stuck in quarantine
Stood puzzling and puzzling. "Just how can it be?"
"It came without bonnets, it came without bunnies,
It came without egg hunts, cantatas, or money."
Then the world thought of something it hadn't before.
"Maybe Easter," it thought, "doesn't come from a store.
Maybe Easter, perhaps, means a little bit more."
And what happened then?
Well....the story's not done.
What will YOU do?
Will you share with that one
Or two or more people needing hope in this night?
Will you share the source of your life in this fight?
The churches are empty - but so is the tomb,
And Jesus is victor over death, doom, and gloom.
So this year at Easter, let this be our prayer,
As the virus still rages all around, everywhere.
May the world see hope when it looks at God's people.
May the world see the church is not a building or steeple.
May the world find Faith in Jesus' death and resurrection,
May the world find Joy in a time of dejection.
May 2020 be known as the year of survival,
But not only that -
Let it start a revival.
Copyright 2020 Kristi Bothur, This Side of Heaven Blog. Permission
is granted to send this to others, with attribution, but not for
commercial purposes.
See the original post here:
https://www.thissideofheavenblog.com/blog/how-the-virus-stole-easter
Also, check out this audio reading of the poem:
https://tinyurl.com/vdgvak5
---
...Awww, so sweet! Thanks LouiseAu!
Yes, the title made me get defensive, but the poem was perfect!
,`.
,'` | _.-.
,` | ,',' /
: | ,',' ;
\ : / / /
\ `.' ( ,'
,'' _ `.
,' (o_) `\
. (,.) _.-- :
-..`/( .-'_..- `|
.-'\,`. `-._ ;
`._ /__
,':)-.._ _.(:::`.
|'\ / /`:::|
,' \ : : : `:|
/ : | | | \
: | | : :..---.:
| | ; ,`._`-.|_ `.
| |' ,'._ `. `. |_\
| : /`-. `. `. `. :
: \ : __ `. `. `. \ ;
\ \ |. / `. \ \ /
|\ `..: `. __ \ \ /
' ` .:::::\ `. / \ \,'
.::::::::::-..'_..-' SSt
Here, we had a good Easter even though we had to visit with our
grandkids over the phone. We enjoyed our family get together
just the same. Nothing can remove the joy of our Easter
celebration of what God wrought through Jesus Christ! We have
our life and victory because of their sacrifice for us! Without
this, we'd not have our rebirth into God's family and our
sonship rights. We'd be still dead in sins and without hope!
Thank God for his only begotten son Jesus Christ and their love
for us that we have been given the opportunity to be part of the
best family that ever was or ever shall be! Praise God! :)
See this great teaching...
, ,
/////|
///// |
///// |
|~~~| | |
|===| |/|
| B |/| |
| I | | |
| B | | |
| L | /
| E | /
|===|/
jgs '---'
Quarantined With Christ
https://www.truthortradition.com/articles/quarantined-with-christ
=========================================================
>-->From SmileZilla:
(((')))
(((o o)))
(((( u ))))
((((\-/))))
__,H,__
/ \_/ \
|| * ||
|| * ||
WW * WW
/ \
/_______\
|| ||
_|| ||_
(__| |__) mh
The two ladies were sitting in the living room, waiting for their
hostess, who was slightly delayed. The daughter of the family was
with them, on the theory that she would keep the visitors occupied
during the wait.
The child was about six years old, snub nosed, freckled, buck-
toothed and bespectacled. She maintained a deep silence and the
two ladies peered doubtfully at her.
Finally, one of them muttered to the other, "Not very p-r-e-t-t-y,
I fear," carefully spelling the key word.
Whereupon the child piped up, "But awfully s-m-a-r-t!"
-<>-
A policeman was checking up about a robbery in a home. The
policeman asked the lady of the house, "This is the messiest room
I ever saw. You should have reported the robbery right away."
The woman said, "I didn't know it was a robbery. I thought my
husband had been looking for a clean shirt!"
-<>-
___
,-'" "`-.
,'_ `.
/ / \ ,- \
__ | \_0 --- |
/ | | |
\ \ `--.______,-/ |
___) \ ,--"" ,/ |
/ _ \ \-_____,- /
\__-/ \ | `. ,'
\___/ < ´--------'
\__/\ | Wny
\__//
>Paraprosdokians
1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my
list.
3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear
bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit.. Wisdom is not putting
it in a fruit salad.
8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many
is research.
9. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
10. In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of
emergency, Notify:' I put 'Doctor'.
11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the
street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are hot.
12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute
to skydive twice.
13. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure...
14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever
you hit the target.
15. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it's getting harder and
harder for me to find one now.
16. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
=======================================================
+------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+
April 13 is Dyngus Day, International Plant Appreciation Day,
National Peach Cobbler Day and Scrabble Day
April 14 is International Be Kind to Lawyers Day, Ex Spouse Day,
International Moment of Laughter Day, Look up at the Sky Day,
National Dolphin Day, National Pecan Day and Reach as High as You
Can Day
April 15 is Income Taxes Due (extended this year), Rubber Eraser
Day, Take a Wild Guess Day, That Sucks Day, Titanic Remembrance
Day and World Art Day
April 16 is Mushroom Day, National Bean Counter Day, National Eggs
Benedict Day, National High Five Day, National Librarian Day,
National Stress Awareness Day and Save the Elephant Day
April 17 is Bat Appreciation Day, Blah, Blah, Blah Day,
International Haiku Poetry Day, National Cheeseball Day and
Pet Owners Independence Day
April 18 is Husband Appreciation Day, International Juggler's Day
and Newspaper Columnists Day
April 19 is National Garlic Day
=======================================================
>-->From Mikey'sFunnies:
I'm sharing kind notes I'm getting from Funnies readers these days.
They encourage me, and I hope they encourage you. Mikey
"Wow - that Virus (Poem) 'Funny' is really cool! Thanks so much for
passing that on. With a minimum 'social distancing' we gathered as
a church in a yard along our airstrip here in a remote tribe in
Papua New Guinea, reviewing God's plan from the beginning of time,
ending with the Risen Savior and communion as we rejoiced together.
In Papua New Guinea there are only two cases of the virus that we
know of, and both contained. Many precautions are being taken to
avoid its spread, yet in the meantime the Gospel is going out into
the tribes. Thank you for your part in keeping people encouraged
and focused. Have a wonderful Easter and a great week!"
-Andrew & Cathy, Canadian church planters in Papua New Guinea
-<>-
_.._
.-" "-.
/ ,- -. \
: ' o o ` ;
; . , :
: :-.__.-: ;
\ :_: :_: /
bug `-._ _.-'
""
>A Hide-and-Seek Funny
My five children and I were playing hide-and-seek one evening. With
the lights turned off in the house, the kids scattered to hide, and
I was "it." After a few minutes, I was able to locate all of them.
When it was my turn to hide, they searched high and low but couldn't
find me. Finally one of my sons got a bright idea.
He got his mom's phone. They found me immediately when my cellphone
started ringing.
-<>-
If you get an email that says "Find out what everyone is talking
about in 2020" don't open it - it's a virus.
-<>-
One Easter Sunday morning as the pastor was preaching a children's
sermon, he reached into his bag of props and pulled out an egg. He
pointed at the egg and asked the children, "What's in here?"
"I know, I know!" a little boy exclaimed, "Pantyhose!"
-<>-
,
`.-- .,-"" .
._,' . _,. `.
, / .'.oo`.. `. `- .__.-'
:: .; "-()-"`. \.-. /
doida ; /'". ,"`'. "-- "-"
.': : `----' "-"
'
>TOP TEN LEAST SUCCESSFUL EASTER DRAMAS (IF THEY WERE DOING DRAMAS
THIS YEAR)
By Dave Tippett
10. Pilate's Wonderlic Results
9. The Semi-Empty Tomb and Trap Door Malfunction
8. A Very Baby Yoda Easter
7. Simon the Zealot's Sleep Apnea
6. The Upper Room and Judas' Cellphone Ringing at the Wrong Moment
5. Rock'em Sock'em Pharisees
4. The Mimes and the Messiah
3. Reading King Herod's Tweets
2. Cleansing the Temple, brought to you by Shamwow!
1. Trevor, the Palm Sunday donkey with the Wet Hacking Cough
Copyright 2020 Dave Tippett. Permission is granted to send this to
others, with attribution, but not for commercial purposes.
-<>-
Paranoia has reached absurd stages...I sneezed in front of my
laptop and the anti-virus started a scan on its own.
=======================================================
>-->From Our Friend Judy :)
(During this time of extreme stress, we are especially thankful for
our front line healthcare givers, medicine providers and food store
workers who are there to provide us with our vital needs. May God
bless them most abundantly through Jesus Christ!)
__
/\/'-,
,--''''' /"
____,'. ) \___
'"""""------'"""`-----'
pb
>Dogs take a bite out of Covid-19 for healthcare workers
Therapy dogs experienced in treating combat PTSD and moral injury
offer their expertise to those fighting a battle of epic proportions
Click here to watch virtual canine therapy!
https://tinyurl.com/rulg2q4
April 12, 2020 . . . Surfing therapy dog Ricochet has joined forces
with Pawsitive Teams, the therapy dog program she is certified with,
to provide Virtual Canine Therapy to doctors, nurses, other
healthcare workers, and first responders on the front lines of the
Covid-19 pandemic. This partnership directly addresses the mental
health crisis affecting these selfless individuals.
In every other crisis, therapy dogs are called upon to provide
comfort and healing. But, due to social distancing and quarantine,
animal assisted therapy programs have been suspended.
"At a time when dogs could be truly valuable resources, we’re
thinking outside the box in an effort to offer some form of canine
therapy to the millions of people around the world who need it,"
said Judy Fridono, Ricochet’s guardian.
“Knowing what I do about eye contact producing oxytocin, I wondered
if looking at close-up photos of dogs’ eyes coupled with calming
music would have the same result,” said Fridono. Researchers have
already determined that looking at photos of nature for 30 to 60
seconds reduces stress. Hundreds of individuals who have
participated in the virtual canine therapy program have reported
they felt a calm, connected state of being. Cultivating these
moments allows for deep experiences of connection regardless of
whether physical contact is made. All you need are a human and a
dog with open eyes . . . and open hearts!
The proactive steps of Ricochet and Pawsitive Teams offering
virtual canine therapy with eye gazing will support healthcare
workers, essential workers, and the world at large NOW, as well as
into the future. The best part is, it can be done on any computer
or mobile device connected to the internet, and it only takes a
couple of minutes. Stressed individuals can take a quick break
from the chaos and find themselves less anxious after engaging in
the program. We invite you and your followers to try this
phenomenon at
https://www.surfdogricochet.com/virtualcaninetherapy.html
Please help us reach those in need by sharing this information and
the program. Let’s help our heroic men and women take a few minutes
to breathe and decompress . . . through a dog’s eyes.
Ricochet and Pawsitive Teams thank you for your support.
Note: For more information, please contact
Judy Fridono at 707-228-0679 or at pawinspired@aol.com.
Learn more about Ricochet and Pawsitive Teams at surfdogricochet.com
and pawsteams.org. Follow Ricochet and Pawsitive Teams on social
media @SurfDogRicochet @PawsitiveTeams.
---
...I love what you do! Thank You Judy!
________________
'------._.------'\
\_______________\
.'| .'|
.'_____________.' .|
| | |
| Scooby _.-. | . |
| * (_.-' | |
| Snacks | .|
| * * | .'
|______________|.' LGB
Our Ricochet Inspired pages...
Ricochet The Surf Dog
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ricochet.html
Ricochet And Kids With SMA
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ricochetpentagon.html
Movie Star Ricochet
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ricochetdogstar.html
Water Rescue Dogs
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/waterrescuedogs.html
Ricochet's Soul Vision
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ricochetvision.html
Ricochet At The Pentagon
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ricochetpentagon.html
Ricochet And Jose
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ricochetjose.html
=======================================================
>-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
(\ /)
(v\ /v)
(vvv\ /vvv)
(vvvvv\ /vvvvv)
(vvvvvvv\ /vvvvvvv)
(vvvvvvvvv\ _---_ /vvvvvvvvv)
(vvvvvvvvvvv\/ XII \/vvvvvvvvvvv)
(vvvvvvvvvvvv/ / \vvvvvvvvvvvv)
(vvvvvvvvvvv/ / \vvvvvvvvvvv)
(vvvvvvvvvv|IX @ III |vvvvvvvvvv)
(vvvvvvvvvv\ \ /vvvvvvvvvv)
(vvvvvvvvvv\ /vvvvvvvvvv)
(vvvvvvvvv\ VI /vvvvvvvvv)
(vvvvvvvv-___-vvvvvvvv)
(vvvvvv/ \vvvvvv)
(vvvvv/ \vvvvv)
(vvv/ \vvv)
ejm97 (v/ \v)
(/ \)
>SMILES
BLONDE: "Excuse me sir, what time is it?"
MAN: "It's 3:15."
BLONDE: (puzzled look on her face) "You know, it's the weirdest
thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I
get a different answer."
----------
First man: I hear the First National Bank is looking for a new
teller.
Second man: I thought they just hired a new teller last week.
First man: Right. That's the one they're looking for.
----------
A blonde walked into up to an airport ticket counter and asked to
buy a round trip ticket.
"Where to?" Asked the smiling ticket agent. The blonde rolled his
eyes and said, "Duh, back here!"
----------
A man went to a psychiatrist and said he was worried that he was
a dog.
"It's terrible," said the man, "I walk around on all fours. I
keep barking in the middle of the night and I can't go past a
lamp post any more."
"Okay," said the psychiatrist. "Lie down on the couch."
The man replied, "I'm not allowed on the couch."
----------
Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers.
The first boy says, "My dad scribbles a few words on a piece of
paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50."
The second boy says, "That's nothing. My dad scribbles a few
words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him
$100."
The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My dad scribbles a
few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it
takes eight people to collect all the money!"
----------
Just a friendly reminder to be careful because people are going
crazy from being in lock down! Actually I've just been talking
about this with the microwave and toaster while drinking a diet
coke and all of us agreed that things are getting bad. I didn't
mention anything to the washing machine as she puts a different
spin on everything. Certainly not to the fridge as he is acting
cold and distant. In the end, the iron calmed me down as she
said everything will be fine, no situation is too pressing. The
Hoover was very unsympathetic... told me to just suck it up, but
the fan was more optimistic and hoped it would all soon blow over!
The toilet looked a bit flushed when I asked its opinion and didn’t
say anything but the door knob told me to get a grip. The front
door said I was unhinged and so the curtains told me to ........
yes, you guessed it....pull myself together!
>> Stay well friends- have a great day!
---
...LOL! Great ones! Thanks LouiseAu!
=========================================================
>-->From HandyHints:
.`:;ij;f,;,
.`;sk568G6itz,-",
.\a\x68888888886r/,-'
-._sV888P^98^"^9888k,-_"
`.-\Q889" " `888/,-',
.-_J88f 188KJ-_.
,-;388| o o |888[=-
_".>88l j88E:._" Dusty
_"Z3886._ ,J.__.488R=;.
.'/288888888888888S^._"
'"j^7Z988888885R^L`-.
,'./jQV9TYVR\[\`".
'|'|! |'|`. "
./ l | \
.'_ _.\ j, `._,.
(_)_)._) (_.__,._)
itz
Believe it or not, it's time to start thinking about spring
cleaning your home.
Spring is a time of rebirth and renewal...why not make that
go for your house as well? The fresh air and greenery out-
doors make us want to prettify our indoor spaces, too. It
just makes us feel better, but many find the mere thought
of spring cleaning overwhelming.
For the next few issues we will feature hints and tips to
help make spring cleaning a bit easier for you.
Start off by listing out every room in your house, without
forgetting about the utility room, laundry room, and
closets. Think about cleaning tasks like baseboards, walls,
window, curtains, and even moving furniture to clean behind
and underneath it.
DECLUTTER FIRST - If all you do is shuffle piles of stuff
to clean around them and then put them back. Sure your
stack of DVD's are cleaner, but is your family room
ambiance really better off after all your hard work?
Before cleaning you should declutter and organize.
* Start from the top down...
When you think about how to spring clean your home, it's
important to start from the ceiling down. This will force
debris downward and keep you from having to re-dust or
re-clean your space.
If you have a vacuum with a long extension hose, use it
to get cobwebs and dust from your ceilings and fans.
Then dust your furniture and other items before vacuuming
all the dust from your floors.
Removing pesky pet hair from upholstery and drapes is tedious,
and cleaning a lint brush is a nightmare. But all you need are
rubber gloves to rid your furniture of fur - just pull on your
traditional gloves, dampen them and collect the problem fuzz.
* Dust all your forgotten places
Like your lamp shades and drapes! Put your dryer to work
and toss drapes, curtains, and even throw pillows in the
dryer for 15 minutes on the "air-only" cycle, then rehang
immediately to prevent wrinkles.
* Carryall Apron
Before you throw out that old kitchen apron, stash your
essential spring-cleaning supplies in the pockets and use
it as you go from room to room. It will leave your hands
free to scrub and polish and you won't have to lug a heavy
cleaning bucket around the house.
* Focus on your fridge.
You probably wipe down your fridge's interior shelving on
the regular already, but don't forget about the rest. Pop
out the door shelves and bins, and wash in warm, soapy
water to get rid of food bacteria and spillage.
* FIFO
Grocery stores use a system called FIFO (first in, first
out) to rotate products with a limited shelf life so that
they'll sell before they spoil. We should follow the same
rules and save ourselves both frustration and money. There
are probably expired products lurking in your pantry and
medicine cabinet right now.
When cleaning your pantry, don't just pull everything out
and put it back in. Check out those jars, cans and boxes.
The medicine cabinet and your other bathroom storage areas
also need to be purged of old stuff. Expired medicine can
be dangerous at worst and ineffective at best. Cosmetics
don't have expiration dates, but liquid-based ones
especially can harbor bacteria and should go in three to
six months.
-<>-
>'Go Green' Hint: Indoor air pollution
We are all spending more time indoors. Therefore we must
pay special attention to our indoor air quality. Here are
tips to make your indoor air environment as clean as
possible.
Open windows! Get fresh air in your rooms every chance
you get.
Lose the fragrance! If is says "fragrance" in the
ingredients, it means that the manufacturer can put
ANYTHING in it and hide it from you and regulators.
You're bathing it in, washing your clothes in it and
cleaning your homes with it. Add that up 365 days a
year and it comes to a whole lot of toxins.
Some of the ingredients in normal laundry soap are so
toxic that if you put them in a barrel and left on the
side of the road you could be arrested for dumping toxic
waste.
There are plenty of fragrance-free soaps, detergents,
deodorants and lotions on the market. Even 'green'
products made with few or no petroleum by-products.
There is no reason to put your health or the health of
your family at risk!
=======================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
CDC Coronavirus
https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/index.html
New York Times continues to spread Chinese disinformation, blames
Trump for not acting soon enough
https://tinyurl.com/r394zs5
Twitter Just Exposed its Anti-Conservative Bias After This
Ridiculous Move
https://tinyurl.com/t4dxth2
Trump: Obama Hasn’t Endorsed Biden Because ‘He Knows Something That
You Don’t Know’
http://trk.cp20.com/click/g7u1-1xki3r-mkpdu0-d7x9nsh4/
As Democrat States Attack Americans’ Rights, AG Barr Fires Back
http://trk.cp20.com/click/g7u1-1xki3r-mkpdu2-d7x9nsh6/
Schiff: I Am ‘Diving Deeply’ into What Warnings Trump Ignored on
Coronavirus
http://trk.cp20.com/click/g7u1-1xki3r-mkpdu6-d7x9nsh0/
Democrats Across The Country Are Fighting To Give Coronavirus Aid
To Illegal Aliens
http://trk.cp20.com/click/g7u1-1xki3r-mkpdu8-d7x9nsh2/
Lara Trump joins the fight to end wet markets worldwide
https://tinyurl.com/u5jfhog
TheWhiteHouseResoluteReads: FIVE STORIES PRESIDENT TRUMP DOESN'T
WANT YOU TO MISS
https://www.whitehouse.gov/
Westwing News: Sen. Rick Scott: WHO Failed the World with
COVID-19 Pandemic
https://www.whitehouse.gov/westwingreads/
WhiteHouseNews:
https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/
Latest From AFA:
http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw
Students For Life
https://tinyurl.com/yd5nxmu6
Latest From OperationRescue:
http://www.operationrescue.org/
Latest Product Alert: Chicken, Pork, Soup
http://www.emergencyemail.org/products/?fmt=text
Latest Health Alert:
http://www.emergencyemail.org/health/?fmt=text
Click to Give Free
https://tinyurl.com/y2abb8d2
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
A Georgia bar owner said a tradition of customers stapling
dollar bills to the business' walls is allowing her to
distribute $3,714 to her now out-of-work staff.
Jennifer Knox, owner of The Sand Bar in Tybee Island, said
customers have been writing their names and other messages
on dollar bills and stapling them to the walls inside the
bar for the past 15 years.
Knox said she was inside the empty bar in March after the
business closed due to coronavirus lockdown measures when
she came up with a way to help her now unemployed staff.
"We were sitting there doors locked and I'm like 'oh my
gosh, there's money on the walls and we have time on our
hands,'" Knox said. "'We gotta get this money down.'"
She said it took three days to remove all the bills.
Knox said she was able to collect $3,714 from the walls,
and customers who heard about her efforts to help her
employees offered donations that brought the total amount
to $4,104.
She said donations are still coming in from the public.
"We all look out for each other," she said. "We are all in
this together."
-<>-
If scissors beats paper, and paper beats rock, what beats
an old-fashioned, muzzle-loading pistol? If you guessed
a shovel you might be from Michigan, because apparently
that's where muzzle-loaders are still being used by the
locals. And not very effectively, because this pistol-
packin' Michigander was disarmed by a woman with a shovel.
Confused? You won't be after this episode of Yoopers Gone
Wild.
Michigan State Police troopers responded to a residence
in Bay County over a dispute involving a camping trailer.
Troopers determined a 58-year-old man and a younger female
relative had gone to the property to pick up the trailer,
where the visitor got into a disagreement with the 55-year-
old male resident over the trailer's ownership.
The resident at the time had a muzzleloader pistol on him.
The two men struggled over the gun, during which the gun
was fired. No one was hit, but the resident then used the
pistol to strike the older man in his head. As the
situation escalated, the woman who was present grabbed a
shovel and struck the resident on his head with it.
The two visitors left the scene and called 911. Responding
troopers arrested the 55-year-old man on a charge of
felonious assault. They also seized the pistol.
*--- Cops bust man playing with his daughter ---*
When the state of Colorado says maintain social distance
they mean maintain social distance, even if means staying
the hell away from your wife and 6-year-old daughter in
public. That's what Matt Mooney learned when he went to
the park to play tee-ball with his family. Three Brighton
police officers approached Mooney for violating the
state's social distancing guidelines, and when he failed
to cooperate they arrested him. Unfortunately for the
officers, the guidelines state that the park cannot be
used by groups of 4 or more persons, and remains open for
all other activities. Apparently it took over ten minutes
for the officers to count up to 3 on their fingers, because
that's how long Mooney sat in the back of their cruiser
wearing handcuffs. The Brighton Police Department said it
is conducting an investigation into a situation, and
Mooney is waiting for an apology. I hope he's got a lot of
patience.
*--- That's one tough turkey ---*
A Minnesota truck driver said he received a shock when a
turkey crashed through his windshield on the highway -- and
a second surprise when the bird was uninjured. Dante Wiskow
said he was driving his truck for Beer Farms when he spotted
a turkey soaring past his trailer. Wiskow said a second
turkey suddenly appeared in the road and launched itself
into the air, crashing through the passenger side of his
windshield. He estimated the bird was about 35 pounds. An
Eagan police officer came upon the scene and summoned state
patrol vehicles to help guide traffic so the turkey could
be ejected from the cab of the truck. "After removing the
bird, the turkey went back into a wooded area like nothing
happened," police said in a Facebook post.
*--- Smart ass ---*
A team of Stanford University scientists announced they
have designed a "smart toilet" that identifies the user
by the shape of their backside and monitors the health
of their waste. Lead researcher Sanjiv Gambhir said he and
his team developed the Precision Health smart toilet to
recognize users and use algorithms to analyze the health
of their urination and bowel movements. The researchers
said the toilet identifies users by reading their finger-
prints from the flush lever, but it also uses cameras to
identify them by another part of the body. "We know it
seems weird, but as it turns out, your anal print is
unique," Gambhir said. The toilet takes video of stool
samples and uses algorithms to analyze the consistency of
the waste. "Everyone uses the bathroom -- there's really
no avoiding it -- and that enhances its value as a disease-
detecting device," Gambhir said.
*--- That's an odd place to park a car ---*
A British man who decided to build a deck in his garden
during coronavirus lockdown made an unexpected discovery -
an entire car buried in his yard. John Brayshaw, 40, who
bought his Heckmondwike, West Yorkshire, England, home six
months ago, said he was digging post panels for a garden
deck when he discovered the vehicle buried on its side.
Brayshaw said the car, believed to be a 1955 or 1956 Ford
Popular 103e, still has its engine, doors and license
plate. He said all it appeared to be missing was its
wheels. The man said he believes the buried car predates
the previous residents of the home, who lived there for
about 50 years.
=========================================================
>-->From TheGroaner:
_.--._ _.--._
,-=.-":;:;:;\':;:;:;"-._
\\\:;:;:;:;:;\:;:;:;:;:;\
\\\:;:;:;:;:;\:;:;:;:;:;\
\\\:;:;:;:;:;\:;:;:;:;:;\
\\\:;:;:;:;:;\:;::;:;:;:\
\\\;:;::;:;:;\:;:;:;::;:\
\\\;;:;:_:--:\:_:--:_;:;\ -shimrod
\\\_.-" : "-._\
\`_..--""--.;.--""--.._=>
"
>Don't Mind Me...
Pregnant with my third child and experiencing morning sickness,
I was resting on the living-room couch. Workmen were doing some
minor repairs in the house. As one walked by, I explained, "Don't
mind me. I'm in my first trimester."
"Oh," he said. "What's your major?"
-<>-
>Can I Have the Day Off? --*
Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office. "Boss,"
he says, "We're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow,
and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage,
moving and hauling stuff."
"We're short-handed, Smith" the boss replies. "I can't give you
the day off."
"Thanks, boss," says Smith, "I knew I could count on you!"
-<>-
>Q and A Quickies
Q: What the Easter Bunny's favorite dance move?
A: The bunny hop.
Q: How does an Easter Bunny keep his fur looking so good?
A: Hare spray.
/| ,
,/// /|
// // ,///
// // // //
// // || ||
|| || // //
|| || // //
|| || // //
|| || || ||
\\,\|,|\_//
\\)\)\\|/
)-."" .-(
//^\` `/^\\
// | | \\
,/_| 0| _ | 0|_\,
/` `"=.v.="` `\
/` _."{_,_}"._ `\
jgs `/` ` \ ||| / ` `\`
`",_ \\=^~^=// _,"`
"=,\'-=-'/,="
'---'
Q: What do you call a rabbit with fleas?
A: Bugs Bunny.
Q: What is Easter Bunny's favorite kind of music?
A: Hip-hop!
Q: Why shouldn't you tell an Easter egg a joke?
A: It might crack up!
Q: What's an Easter egg's least favorite day?
A: Fry-day.
Q: How can you make Easter preparations go faster?
A: Use the eggs-press lane!
Q: What kind of bean can't grow in a garden?
A: A jelly bean.
Q: What's the Easter Bunny's favorite restaurant?
A: IHOP.
Q: Why was the gym wet?
A: Because the basketball players dribbled all over it!
Q: Why is sleeping a top-secret activity?
A: Because you are under cover!
Q: Did you hear the one about The man who had feet on his butt?
A: Every time he sat down, he stood up!
=========================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
_
,' `,.
>-.(__)
(_,-' |
`. |
`.| hjw
`
My eight-year-old grandson Jonathan was waiting in line
at an ice cream stand and hanging on to the hand of his
three-year-old cousin Mark, who kept yelling impatiently,
"I want vanilla!"
The stand was out of vanilla, but the older boy handled
the situation with all the skill of a child psychologist.
He bought two strawberry cones and handed one to his
cousin, saying, "Here you are - pink vanilla!"
-<>-
The wife left a note on the fridge:
"It's not working, I can't take it anymore! Gone to stay
with my mother."
I opened the fridge, the light came on, the beer was cold.
I wonder what the heck she is talking about?
-<>-
GET your t-shirts 'ERE! GET 'em WHILE
THEY'RE HOT! We got AAAAAALL kinds of
MERCHANDISE.. We got MUGS, MOUSEPADS,
T-SHIRTS! Be the FIRST on YOUR block
with an OFFICIAL NERD BOY PRODUCT!!!!
\ ___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ /
/ \\\ O===)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)====:-
[-[-]-\\ .--._'.--.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-. \
/_ /|/ / \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \
{o} |= / | OO \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \
.- #// (\. \_/| .||. |\_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
/ \ | db | | | | | | | | | | |
/ | OO \ \ | | | | | | | | | | | |
/__/| .||. |\__\_______ |______|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|
\ \ | db | \__.'\ (
`.\| | \\\
/_|______|
| _| _ _ _ _______
| | |-| | | | |) -__---_
| | |_| _| | | |___----_--___________
| | | |_________|___________________|
\_ | | || || || ||
| | | || || || ||
| | | || || || ||
| | | || || || ||
_|__|___| || || || ||
jg(____(___) || || || ||
One day Ole and Sven were paging through the Sears Catalog
and admiring all the beautiful models.
Ole said to Sven, "Haf you seen da perdy girls in dis
catalog?"
Sven replied, "Ya. Dey sure are bootiful, an yust look at
da prices!"
Ole looked wide eyed and said, "Yumpin' yimminy. Dey ain't
very expensive. At dees prices I'm buyin' me vun."
Sven smiled, patted Ole on the back and said, "by golly
Ole, if she's as perdy as she looks in da catalog, I vill
get vun too."
Three weeks later Sven came by and asked Ole, "did ja ever
git dat girl you ordered from da Sears Catalog?"
Ole replied, "no, but it von't be long now, her clothes
came yesterday!"
-<>-
A group of junior-level executives were participating in
a management training program. The seminar leader pounded
home his point about the need to make decisions and take
action on these decisions.
"For instance," he said, "if you had five frogs on a log
and three of them decided to jump, how many frogs would
you have left on the log?"
The answers from the group were unanimous: "Two."
"Wrong," replied the speaker, "there would still be five
because there is a difference between deciding to jump and
jumping."
-<>-
Now that the metric system is in wide use all over the
world, we can see why American have not adopted it:
A miss is as good as 1.6 kilometers.
Put your best .3 of a meter forward.
Spare the 5.03 meters and spoil the child.
Twenty-eight grams of prevention is worth 453 grams of cure.
Give a man 2.5 centimeters and he'll take 1.6 kilometers.
Peter Piper picked 8.8 liters of pickled peppers.
-<>-
A donkey had an IQ of 186. He had no friends at all though.
Because even in the animal kingdom, nobody likes a smart-ass.
-<>-
You can tell a lot about a woman's mood by looking at her
hands. For example; if she's holding a handgun, she is
probably angry.
-<>-
The little boy wasn't getting good marks in school. One day
he made the teacher quite surprised. He tapped her on the
shoulder and said, "I don't want to scare you, but my daddy
says if I don't get better grades, somebody is going to get
a spanking."
-<>-
Mothers come in all shapes and sizes. For example, an
Italian Mother might chastise her offspring for not eating
by saying, "Eat your dinner, or I'll kill you."
A Jewish Mother on the other hand would say, "Eat your
dinner, or I'll kill myself."
-<>-
We had been up in the attic together doing some cleaning.
The kids uncovered an old manual typewriter and asked, "Hey
Mom...what's this?"
"Oh, that's an old typewriter," she answered, thinking that
would satisfy their curiosity.
"Well what does it do?" they asked.
"I'll show you," she said and returned with a blank piece of
paper. She rolled the paper into the typewriter and began
striking the keys, leaving black letters of print on the page.
"WOW!" they exclaimed, "that's really cool...but how does it
work like that? Where do you plug it in?"
"There is no plug," she answered. "It doesn't need a plug."
"Then where do you put the batteries?" they persisted.
"It doesn't need batteries either." she continued.
"Wow! This is so cool!" they exclaimed. "Someone should have
invented this a long time ago!"
-<>-
A literature buff, my friend Larry installed an answering
machine on his telephone. Instead of the usual instructions
about leaving a message, Larry recorded a parody of
Hamlet's famous soliloquy: "To speak, or not to speak, that
is the question. Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to leave a
message after the beep, or to take arms against a sea of
answering machines, and by opposing, end them. To dial, to
speak, no more. Thus answering machines do make cowards of
us all."
-<>-
_
.-' '-.
/ \
|,-,-,-,-,|
___ |
_)_(_ |
(/ \) |
_\_/_ /)
/ \_/ \//
|( )\/
||)_(
|/ \
n| |
/ \ |
|_|___|
\|/
jgs _/L\_
>Differences between men and women
1. NAMES
If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch,
they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and
Barbara.
If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will
affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla,
Peanut-Head and Scrappy.
2. EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each
throw in a $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of
them will have anything smaller and none will actually
admit they want change back.
When the women get their bill, out come the pocket
calculators.
3. MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need,
but it's on sale.
4. BATHROOMS
A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving
cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom
is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these
items.
5. ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that... is the beginning of a new
argument.
6.CATS
Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men
kick cats.
7. DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants,
empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get
the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
8. FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
9. SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife
can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
10. MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he
doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and
she does.
=========================================================
>-->From AndyChaps:
What is Maturity?
____
_[____]_ Maturity is the ability to control anger and settle
( '7') differences without violence or destruction.
__)(^_ Maturity is patience. It is the willingness to pass
/ ,C^D,\ up immediate pleasure in favor of the long-term gain.
/ /||:||\\ Maturity is perseverance, the ability to sweat out a
\ \|/:\|// project or a situation in spite of heavy opposition
`\\~~~|/ and discouraging setbacks.
,##\7|\ \ Maturity is humility. It is being big enough to say,
|#| \ \ "I am wrong."
|#| / / And when right, the mature person need not experience
jgs |#|/_/ the satisfaction of saying, "I told you so."
|#|\ \ Maturity is the ability to make a decision and stand
(#_\`' by it. The immature spend their lives exploring
endless possibilities; then they do nothing.
Maturity means dependability, keeping one's word, coming
through in a crisis. The immature are masters of the alibi.
They are confused and disorganized. Their lives are a maze of
broken promises, former friends, unfinished business, and good
intentions that somehow never materialize.
Maturity is the art of living in peace with that which we cannot
change, the courage to change that which SHOULD be changed -
and the wisdom to know the difference.
>Andy Says... Just Think About This!
To anyone with kids of any age, here's some advice (Proportedly to
have come from Bill Gates) and who recently dished out at a high
school speech about 11 things they did not learn in school. He
talks about how feel-good, politically correct teaching has
created a full generation of kids with no concept of reality and
how this concept set them up for failure in the real world. This
is a good one
RULE 1
Life is not fair-get used to it.
RULE 2
The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect
you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.
RULE 3
You will NOT make 40 thousand dollars a year right out of high
school. You won't be a vice president with a car phone, until you
earn both.
RULE 4
If you think your teacher is tough, wait 'till you get a boss. He
doesn't have tenure.
RULE 5
Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a
different word for burger flipping - they called it opportunity.
RULE 6
If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault so don't whine about
your mistakes, learn from them.
RULE 7
Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now.
They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and
listening to you talk about how cool you are. So before you save the
rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try
delousing the closet in your own room.
RULE 8
Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life has
not. In some schools they have abolished failing grades and they'll
give you as many times as you want to get the right answer. This
doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.
RULE 9
Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and
very few employers are interested in helping you find yourself. Do
that on your own time.
RULE 10
Television is NOT real life? In real life people actually have to
leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.
RULE 11
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
-<>-
______
_\ _~-\___
= = ==(____AA____D
\_____\___________________,-~~~~~~~`-.._
/ o O o o o o O O o o o o o o O o |\_
`~-.__ ___..----.. )
`---~~\___________/------------`````
= ===(_________D
-Roland
>Real Air Traffic Control
During taxi, the crew of a US Air departure flight to Ft.
Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United
727. The irate ground controller (a female) lashed out at the US
Air crew screaming "US Air 2771, where are you going? I told you
to turn right on 'Charlie' taxi way; you turned right on 'Delta'.
Stop right there. I know it's difficult to tell the difference
between C's and D's but get it right".
Continuing her lashing to the embarrassed crew, she was now
shouting hysterically, "Gosh, you've screwed everything up; it'll
take forever to sort this out. You stay right there and don't move
until I tell you to. You can expect progressive taxi instructions
in about a half hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you,
when I tell you, and how I Tell you. You got that, US Air 2771??"
Naturally, the 'ground control' frequency went terribly silent
until an unknown male pilot broke the silence and asked, "Wasn't
I married to you once?"
-<>-
>Nothing... Nothing at all!!
Kathryn's 5-year-old developed a strong interest in spelling
once she learned to spell STOP. After that, she tried to
figure out her own words. From the back seat of the car
she'd ask, "Mom, what does fgrpl spell?"
"Nothing," Kathryn said.
Sitting at breakfast she'd suddenly ask, "Mom, what does
doeb spell?"
"Nothing," Kathryn answered.
This went on for several weeks. Then one afternoon as they
sat coloring in her room she asked, "Mom, what does lmdz
spell?"
Kathryn smiled at her and said, "Nothing, sweetheart."
The 5-year-old carefully set down her crayon, sighed and said,
"Boy, there sure are a lot of ways to spell Nothing!"
-<>-
>MAIL PROCESSING in the USPS
During a hectic night of mail processing at the post office,
a number of letters fell off an elevated conveyor belt and
scattered onto the floor. Before the area supervisor had a
chance to pick them up, the facility manager, who had a
reputation for being stern, came upon the scene.
"Why is this mail on the floor?" he demanded angrily.
Without hesitation the supervisor replied, "Gravity, sir."
-<>-
>The Blonde Dipstick
A blonde pulls over at the gas station, gets out of her car,
opens the hood, and checks the engine oil. After a few seconds
of intelligent thinking, she takes the dipstick in her hand and,
raising her chest high, walks up to the attendant.
"Excuse me sir, but can I buy a longer dipstick?"
"May I ask why you need a longer one ma'am?"
"Because this one isn't long enough to reach the oil!"
-<>-
>And Her Pajama Party
A blonde goes over to visit one of her friends.
While she is at her friend's house it starts to rain very heavily.
Her friend tells her to spend the night at her house and go home
the next day.
When she hears this, the blonde rushes out the door and comes a
while later totally drenched and carrying a small shopping bag.
So her friend asks "Where did you run off too?"
"I went home to get my pajamas!"
-<>-
>The Preacher's Wish To His Congregation
An elderly pastor, looking over his large congregation on Easter
morning, startled them with this announcement: "My friends,
realizing that I will not see many of you until next Easter, may
I take this opportunity to wish all of you a merry Christmas and
a happy New Year!"
-<>-
O ,
----@'
O
/'\_r-,
| , \
\ '))
\ .|
/ \
/.*` +
,+ , |
(' .+` |
'++ | -Anderson Mills-
.L-'' .
/ ,.--'--------..
_' .+ '+.
( .' +
'++ '
, + .. ....+' ,' +
', '+. '''''''''''''''''' ..+' ,+
+.. '''------------------''' ..+'
''++____________________+++''
>THE RULES FOR LIFE... as we see!
* Lerman's Law of Technology: Any technical problem
can be overcome given enough time and money.
Corollary: You are never given enough time or money.
* Murphy's First Law for Wives: If you ask your
husband to pick up five items at the store and then
you add one more as an afterthought, he will forget
two of the first five.
* Law of the Search: The first place to look for
anything is the last place you would expect to find
it.
Corollary: It will not be in the last place you
expect to find it.
* Kauffman's Paradox of the Corporation: The less
important you are to the corporation, the more your
tardiness or absence is noticed.
* The Salary Axiom: The pay raise is just large
enough to increase your taxes and just small enough
to have no effect on your take-home pay.
* Miller's Law of Insurance: Insurance covers
everything except what happens.
* First Law of Living: As soon as you start doing
what you always wanted to be doing, you'll want to be
doing something else.
* Weiner's Law of Libraries: There are no answers,
only cross-references.
* Isaac's Strange Rule of Staleness: Any food that
starts out hard will soften when stale. Any food that
starts out soft will harden when stale.
* Kenny's Law of Auto Repair: The part requiring the
most consistent repair or replacement will be housed
in the most inaccessible location.
* Second Law of Business Meetings: If there are two
possible ways to spell a person's name, you will pick
the wrong one.
Corollary - If there is only one way to spell a name,
you will spell it wrong anyway.
* The Grocery Bag Law: The candy bar you planned to
eat on the way home from the market is hidden at the
bottom of the grocery bag.
* Yeager's Law: Washing machines break down only
during the wash cycle.
Corollary: All breakdowns occur on the plumber's day
off.
* Lampner's Law of Employment: When leaving work
late, you will go unnoticed. When you leave work
early, you will meet the boss in the parking lot.
* Quile's Consultation Law: The job that pays the
most will be offered when there is no time to deliver
the services.
* Loftus' Law: Some people manage by the book, even
though they don't know who wrote the book or even
which book it is.
* Lovka's Dilemma: You never get away, you only get
someplace else.
From: John STROADE Shay, Sr.
Gleefully Retired!!!
"Wouldn't it be nice if we could lose our temper and never find it?"
-<>-
.-.
o \ .-.
.----.' \
.'o) / `. o
/ |
\_) /-.
'_.` \ \
`. | \
| \ |
.--/`-. / /
.'.-/`-. `. .\|
/.' /`._ `- '-.
____(|__/`-..`- '-._ \
|`------.'-._ ` ||\ \
|| # /-. ` / || \|
|| #/ `--' / /_::_|)__
`|____|-._.-` / ||`--------`
\-.___.` | / || # |
\ | | || # # |
/`.___.'\ |.`|________|
| /`.__.'|'.`
__/ \ __/ \
/__.-.) /__.-.) LGB
>Computer Virus Warning! (Yest a Yoke)
Ve haf sent you da virus.
SINCE VE DO NOT HAF PROGRAMMING EXPERIENCE AND DO
NOT KNOW HOW TO
ACTUALLY DAMAGE YOUR CPMPUTER, DIS VIRUS WERKS ON DA
HONOUR SYSTEM.
Please forward dis Virus to eferyone on your mailing
list and den
manually delete all of da files on your hard drive,
Tank you for your cooperation,
Sven and Olaf
(This Courtesy of My Swedish Sis in Law Lynn)
=========================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
Social Weaver Birds!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/sociableweavers.html
Kinkade - Painter of Light!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/kinkade.html
Animal Friends 2!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animalfriends2.html
Colorful Birds!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/birds.html
Grand Canyon Skywalk!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/skywalk.htm
Amazing Bike Car!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bikecar.html
Finger Monkeys!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/monkey.html
Celebrities Then And Now
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/celebrities.html
Beautiful Flowers!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bflowers.html
Never Give Up!
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/nevergiveup.html
Attitude Is Everything 5
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/attitude5.html
Ray's Freedom Rock
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/freedomrock.html
Unique Designer Shoes
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/shoes.html
Germany's Waldgeist Restaurant!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/germanyr.html
-<>-
>From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
Few emails deserve a "WOW" but this one sure does!!
Tears and "Goose Pimples" are permitted.
If the Statue of Liberty could sing, this would be the song.
Posted by Maj. Gen Vernon Chong USAF ret
Enjoy this GREAT new song!
Click on this link.
My Name Is America!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6TPgJSZf5Vw&feature=player_embedded
---
...Sweet! Goosebumps indeed! Thanks LouiseAu!
Magician Kevin Blake imppresses Pen and Teller with his amazing
magic performance.
https://youtu.be/7MQTXmH0QeU
Seven Worlds : One Planet - narrated by Sir David Attenborough -
showcases the rich diversity of Earth’s seven continents and what
makes each one unique.
https://youtu.be/IlFRPkT-hVc
---
...Sweet! Thanks LouiseAu!
The McCoys perform their classic hit "Hang On Sloopy" featuring
the beautiful and talented Liz Brewer dancing in this music video.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5qfqNe0Kk2A
---
...Great! One of my sister's fav songs! Thanks LouiseAu!
In Brazil, women who want to go to the toilet encounter a mirror
that does not show their reflection. Very strange and very funny ...
https://youtu.be/CdTCoQ4oidg
---
...HahAHa! Thanks LouiseAu!
-<>-
>From Our Friend Geniann :)
Everybody needs a friend!
http://www.flixxy.com/friendship-has-no-boundaries.htm#.UWsL0ZHFVad
---
...Awww, so cute! Thanks Geniann!
=======================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"An 80-year-old man in Arizona is on trial for robbing
a bank. Apparently, he slipped the teller a note that
said, 'Do you know why I came in here?'" -Jimmy Fallon
"A California woman has turned her home into a sanctuary
for 1,000 cats. She's applied for both tax and man exempt
status." -Conan O'Brien
"New Jersey is considering a bill that would outlaw
texting while walking, and make it punishable by 15 days
in jail. And according to a new poll, people kept running
into it." -Seth Meyers
"Two new ax-throwing bars will open in Boston this year.
Boston is getting a new bar where people can try ax-
throwing. So far, all the customers give it one-and-a-half
thumbs up." -Jimmy Fallon
"A Florida man has been arrested for stealing a $1,500 dog
from a pet store and trading it for crack. On the plus
side, we finally have an answer to the question: How much
is that doggie in the window?" -Seth Meyers
"Professional race car driver Danica Patrick is dating
again, after breaking up with her previous boyfriend, a
NASCAR driver. When asked why that relationship didn't
work out, Patrick explained, 'We were just going in
circles.'" -Conan O'Brien
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah Shangy!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
----------------------------------------------------------------------
-->ShangyFunList AD RATES: $20 will get your a message (of up to 40
words) out to all self-subscribed readers and $5 more will give you
the same message also put up for all web site readers.
Email me to secure dates.
Ad Request
----------------------------------------------------------------------
-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61
NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
-->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home
Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the
Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
Share
A Recipe
**********************************************************************
>TO SUBSCRIBE:Visit Here
This Weeks regular Shangy emails
OR
For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to
ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
**********************************************************************