How To Write A Paper And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This hot tottie is from our friend KarenF. It is so beautiful I couldn't resist doing it up to share with everyone! Check it out here... ---\ ..,.,.,,.,.,.,,.,._,,,____,,,...,.,.,,.....,....,.,..,,. ,-=--'\ """"""""""############z_ _`"""########################' ,---'>_ | : | `"""V#######,,_ `- ""##################' --z--;" /| | `/"""".`|`|| } }|.""""""""|""""" --'//`/' | : : |: || | | : : | : ,_\---_ |/ : / : | | || : : : //--'> _ \ `"^ : ` || || | : : '=-`',' . | : : : : : | | || : --- //7;<\ ` | ., : : | ||| || ' : -/;\'/` \ \ %#' : `| ||| | : : : // '\ | | : : `' : : || # | ||| : ` . | : | ||#|#| | ': : : ` '#" : : : | ||,|, || : / : || ""' : \\|\ X XX///` :| : | : | : : / >\\> <\/\< -->From TheFunnyBone: .-----,,----------------------------------------,_ : ||---------------------------------------< `-._ : ||----------------------------------------> _D jgs : ||---------------------------------------< _.-' `-----``----------------------------------------' How To Write A Paper 1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils. 2. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand it. 3. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some coffee to help you concentrate. 4. Stop off at another floor, on the way back and visit with your friend from class. If your friend hasn't started the paper yet either, you can both walk to McDonald's and buy a hamburger to help you concentrate. If your friend shows you his paper, typed, double- spaced, and bound in one of those irritating see-thru plastic folders, drop him. 5. When you get back to your room, sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils. 6. Read over the assignment again to make absolutely certain you understand it. 7. You know, you haven't written to that kid you met at camp since fourth grade. You'd better write that letter now and get it out of the way so you can concentrate. 8. Go look at your teeth in the bathroom mirror. 9. Listen to one side of your favorite tape and that's it, I mean it, as soon as it's over you are going to start that paper. 10. Listen to the other side. 11. Rearrange all of your CDs into alphabetical order. ___, _.-'` __|__ 12. Phone your friend on the other floor .' ,-:` \;',`'-, and ask if he's started writing yet. / .'-;_,; ':-;_,'. Exchange derogatory remarks about your / /; '/ , _`.-\ teacher, the course, the university, the | | '`. (` /` ` \`| world at large. | |:. `\`-. \_ / | | | ( `, .`\ ;'| 13. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair \ \ | .' `-'/ in a clean, well lighted place with plenty \ `. ;/ .' of freshly sharpened pencils. '._ `'-._____.-'` `-.____| 14. Read over the assignment again; roll _____|_____ the words across your tongue; savor its jgs /___________\ special flavor. 15. Check the newspaper listings to make sure you aren't missing something truly worthwhile on TV. NOTE: When you have a paper due in less than 12 hours, anything on TV from Masterpiece Theater to Sgt. Preston of the Yukon, is truly worthwhile, with these exceptions: \ / a) Pro Bowler's Tour \/ .===============. b) any movie starring Don Ameche. | .-----------. | | | / \ | | | | | ^.^ | | | 16. Catch the last hour of soul Brother | | \ - / | | of Kung Fu on channel 26. | '-----------'o| |===============| 17. Phone your friend on the third floor jgs |###############| to see if he was watching. Discuss the '===============' finer points of the plot. 18. Go look at your tongue in the bathroom mirror. 19. Look through your roommate's book of pictures from home. Ask who everyone is. 20. Sit down and do some serious thing about your /|~|\ plans for the future. / |=| \ / | | \ 21. Open your door and check to see if there are | | | | any mysterious, trench-coated strangers lurking | | | | in the hall. | | | | | |=| | 22. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a | //A\\ | clean, well lighted place with plenty of freshly | /// \\\ | sharpened pencils. |/// \\\| ` ` 23. Read over the assignment one more time, just for the hell of it. | 24. Scoot your chair across \ / the room to the window and .-'-. watch the -- / \ -- sunrise. `~~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^-=======-~^~^~^~~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~` `~^_~^~^~-~^_~^~^_~-=========- -~^~^~^-~^~^_~^~^~^~` 25. Lie face `~^~-~~^~^~-^~^_~^~~ -=====- ~^~^~-~^~_~^~^~~^~-~^~` down on the `jgs^~-~^~~^~-~^~~-~^~^~-~^~~^-~^~^~^-~^~^~^~^~~^~-` floor and moan. 26. Leap up and write the paper. 27. Type the paper. 28. Complain to everyone that you didn't get any sleep because you had to write the darn paper. ======================================================= *----------- Bizarre August Holidays -----------* August 6 is Wiggle Your Toes Day August 7 is Sea Serpent Day August 8 is Sneak Some Zucchini Onto Your Neighbor's Porch Night August 9 is National Polka Festival August 10 is Lazy Day August 11 is Presidential Joke Day August 12 is Middle Child's Day ======================================================= >-->From Our Friend Bunni :) __ .' '. : : | _ _ | .-.|(o)(o)|.-. _._ _._ ( ( | .--. | ) ) .',_ '. .' _,'. '-/ ( ) \-' / /' `\ \ __ / /' `\ \ / '--' \ /.' \.' './ '.\ \ `"===="` / ` : _ _ : ` `\ /' |(o)(o)| `\ /' | | /`-.-`\_ / \ _.-"`\._/V\_./`"-._ / .--. \ .'/ \ /^\ / \'. | ( ) | / / \| |/ \ \ _\ '--' /__ jgs / / \_/ \ \ .' '-.__.-' `-. >Funnies... An Addiction Connie told her 4-year-old grandson, Dean, not to jump on the beds. After several warnings she punished him, explaining that should he fall, he would hurt himself badly. Several minutes passed... and he was back to jumping on the beds. Connie said, "Dean, you weren't jumping on the beds again, were you?" He stood with his little head dropped low and said, "I'm trying, but it's so hard to quit." -<>- >Low Bridge A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. He passed a sign that said "low bridge ahead." Before he knew it, the bridge was right ahead of him and he could not avoid getting stuck under the bridge. You could say that he got a "Truck Wedgie." Cars were backed up for miles. Finally, a police car pulled up. The cop got out of his car and walked around to the truck driver, put his hands on his hips and said, "Got stuck, huh?" The gutsy truck driver said, "No officer, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas!" -<>- >State Capitals Well, there was this blonde who just got sick and tired of all the blonde jokes. So one evening she went home and memorized all the state capitals. Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a dumb blonde joke. She interrupted him with a shrill announcement, "I've had it up to here with these blonde jokes. I want you to know that this blonde went home last night and did something probably none of you could do...I memorized all the state capitals." One of the guys, of course, said "I don't believe you. What is the capital of Nevada?" "N", she answered. -<>- _ _ ( \ / ) __\ Y /,') (__ .' | ( [___] |oo | ,' \ | <___/ | | | | | | | | | _,-/_._ \,_ _.-"^` // \ `^"-.,__ \ ,// \ / `\,-":: ; \-.,_/' || | ; || ; | :\ / ; \`----' / `._____.-' | | | __| | |__ jgs / | \ `""""`""""` A farmer brought his daughter a pet pig, which she called "Stinky" when it was in her room but she called it "Ballpoint" when it was in the sty. "Tell me," he asked her father, "Why do you have two names for your pig?" "That's easy," she replied. "Ballpoint is just his pen name." -<>- _ .' '. |0 0| (|_()|) __ __ () /_/[[U] ____\_/____ \_ / / \H\ Y /H/ \/ | ___ ___ / |H\|/HH| | '--.\_/.-.| / _/HHHHHH\_ / /00 \ / /|HHHHHHHH|\_/ / / |___/ \HHHHHH/ (() /|_ | ] / \ ___ /'--' \ \\\' / \ \_/>\|| |\ \ / /\ | \__/ _/ / | | \ \ | [[ _/ | | | | \ __ )\ |___| |___| | || |\\ .-' | | '-. _| || | \\ snd \___,_] [_,___/ (__(___/ \| THOUGHTS "You're not going to heaven by being baptized. You could be baptized so many times the tadpoles have your Social Security number and still not go to heaven." -- Adrian Rogers --- ...LOL! Thanks Bunni! This is why we have the real deal through Christ Jesus our Lord! Acts 1: [5] For John truly baptized with water; but ye shall be baptized with the Holy Spirit not many days hence. Lasts an eternity! -<>- __ ( )) (_)|_) (_) \ _ |___| // |oo | // /\ | // \/ | ___// | | /\ // | | / \' \ / \ / \__\ / __ \ / /_ / / / \ \ \ // \ / / \ \ \../| \ ,' / \ . `----\ \__/ / ,| | | \ / / / /|| | |__.--' \/_/ | / | \ / | | | \ `.__.' / \| \ / |.___.| | | | | | | | | snark^dec97 ,--' `.| `---. `-----''-----' >THINGS LEARNED LIVING IN THE SOUTH A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road. There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in the South. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in the South, plus a couple no one's seen before. If it grows, it'll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite cha. Onced and Twiced are words. It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy! Jawl-P? Means, Did you all go to the bathroom? People actually grow,eat and like okra. Fixinto is one word. It means I'm going to do that. There is no such thing as lunch. There is only dinner and then there's supper. Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar. It is referred to as the Wine of the South. Backwards and forwards means I know everything about you. The word jeet is actually a question meaning, 'Did you eat?' You don't have to wear a watch, because it doesn't matter what time it is, you work until you're done or it's too dark to see. You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH em. Ya'll is singular. All ya'll is plural. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain insect, or animal. You carry jumper cables in your car - for your OWN car. You only own five spices: salt, pepper, mustard, Tabasco and ketchup. The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local high school sports, the motor sports, and gossip. Everyone you meet is a Honey, Sugar, Miss(first name) or Mr.(first name) You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday. You know what a hissy fit is.. Fried catfish is the other white meat. We don't need Driver's Ed. If our mama says we can drive, we can drive!!! You understand these jokes and forward them to your Southern friends and those who just wish they were from the SOUTH. -<>- .--. .' `. : _ _ ; .-| _ _ |-. ((_| (O)(O) |_)) `-| .--. |-' .-' ( ) `-. / .-._`--'_.-. \ ( (n uuuu n) ) `.`"=nnnnnn="'.' `-.______.-' __/\| |/\__ .='w/\ \__/ /\w`=. .-\ww(( \/88\/ ))ww/-. / |www\\ \88/ //www| \ | |wwww\\/88\//wwww| | | |wwwww\\88//wwwww| | | /wwwwww\\//wwwwww\hjw| >What Movies Have Taught Us 1) All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices, which have large red read-outs to tell you exactly when it will go off. 2) Should you need to pass yourself off as a German officer it will not be necessary to speak the language, a convincing accent will do. 3) All apartments in Paris overlook the Eiffel tower. 4) Most lap top computers are powerful enough to override a bank security system or the communication system of an invading alien civilization. 5) Every single person in martial arts Film has a black belt in karate. 6) When staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear. 7) 1 man shooting at 20 men has more chance of hitting them than 20 men shooting at 1 man if he is the hero. 8) During a police investigation it will be necessary to visit a strip joint at least once. 9) Large studio-type apartments in big cities are affordable by single people with a low wage. 10) The entire British population lives in London. 11) It doesn't matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a martial arts fight your enemies will attack you one at a time while the others dance around you menacingly. 12) In musicals everyone you meet in the street will know all the words to the songs and the steps to the dances. 13) When captured by an evil international terrorist, guns are not necessary to defeat them, sarcasm and wisecracks are your best weapons. -<>- ud$RMk. ..u.. d$RM88$Rx .@#MM$$$s. @RM8$$$$$$i $MXH8$$$$5x d$RM$$$$$$$$k .-'``"$$$$$$$X! :$$M$$$$$$$$$$$` ":;$$$$M! $$$M" #$$$$P $;$$$$M!! @$*" ?$$P /@ /@ $`$$$$M: "9~ \/ \/ | B. | :" -...x~~ ... f ^P .@$$$$u : r" e$$$$$$$& | @- $$$$$$$$$ | Xf $$$$$$$$$ : 9 ^*$$$$$$ : \$ "**" ; $ : "o , $$c. _.- $##?=+---" : | .f `---.. :-^ "~-. +` " f : z | ~ ! ` i @ ; :. i : :> : | unknown >Toucan... Driving along an outback road in Australia, I spied an exotic bird flying overhead. The creature was black, with a huge and striking red-and-gold beak "Hey, look! A toucan!" I yelled. "Toucan nothin'," said the Aussie passenger. "It's a crow with its beak stuck in a McDonald's fries' carton." --- ...LOL! Good Ones! Thanks Bunni! =========================================================== >-->In The Worldly News: [Politics] >From Our Friend JoeL :) Obama Campaign Wages War on Troops : Political Outcast http://politicaloutcast.com/2012/08/obama-campaign-wages-war-on-troops/ Obama wants disabled Veterans to pay for their medical - YouTube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oAAcPffEDrI&feature=related ANOTHER ERIC HOLDER JUSTICE DEPARTMENT SCANDAL? POLITICAL AGENDA: TAKE AWAY AMERICANS GUNS. http://tinyurl.com/c4r24bl --- ...Interesting! Thanks JoeL! -<>- >From TeaParty: Arpaio Investigation Closes in on Obama Birth Certificate Fraud http://tinyurl.com/cr9c4hw -<>- >From PatriotUpDate: U.N. Calls for Legalizing Prostitution Worldwide http://tinyurl.com/cnmqou8 >GodfatherPolitics: Obama Wants to Control the Internet and You're the Target http://tinyurl.com/c7882by -<>- >From BizarreNews: Get arrested for possession of marijuana and the cops handled you a little roughly? There is only one way to deal with that. The Newport way. Let me introduce you to Roger Pion. The 34-year-old farmer had been arrested last month for marijuana and resisting arrest. In retaliation for this slight to his dignity Pion did something most of us have only dreamed of doing; he drove his 15-ton tractor to the Orleans County sheriff's office and used it to drive over every single vehicle in the parking lot, completely crushing seven parked police cars before tractoring away. The deputies, closed up in their offices with the air conditioning running, didn't even hear the destruction occurring in their own parking lot. They were only alerted when a neighbor called 911 to let them know what was going on. The destruction was so complete the deputies had nothing to pursue him with. However, a few miles down the road Pion was stopped by city police. Damage to the vehicles is estimated at more than $300,000. Not only were their roofs and hoods caved in, the radios were ruined, the radar detectors, the cages in the cars. The department needed the jaws of life to pry the trunks open to retrieve the rifles and shotguns. Pion is faces seven counts of felony unlawful mischief and one misdemeanor count of unlawful mischief on suspicion of damaging the cars. *-- Woman didn't know she was pregnant --* GENEVA-ON-THE-LAKE, Ohio - An Ohio woman said a police officer helped deliver her baby when she didn't even know she was pregnant. McKenzie Acierno said she and her husband called 911 early Sunday when she was experiencing severe stomach pains, the Ashtabula (Ohio) Star Beacon reported Wednesday. "I told my husband that it felt almost like I was having a baby," she said. Geneva-on-the-Lake auxiliary police officer Sandy Davis arrived at the home and discover- ed Acierno was indeed having a baby. "I had no idea I was pregnant," Acierno said. "I had no side effects, no morn- ing sickness or anything. Suddenly, there was a lot of pain and then there was a baby. Two pushes and that was it." The baby girl was born at 6 pounds, 14 ounces. She is the couple's third child. *-- Teacher made up car death to skip work --* SHOTTS, Scotland - A Scottish disciplinary panel heard how a high school music teacher made up a story about running over a small girl in his car to get out of work. Joyce Kilmartin, head teacher at Calderhead High School in Shotts, said Derek McGlone, 42, fabricated stories on a "number of occasions" to take time off from work, The Daily Telegraph reported Thursday. "He started off telling a few silly lies. He then lied about knocking a girl over and killing her -- he said he felt his car wheels running over her body," Kilmartin told the General Teaching Council Scotland hearing. McGlone said he was "embarrassed and sorry" for his actions. "I can give no reasonable explan- ation for my actions," he said. The panel handed down a 12-month reprimand against McGlone's name on the teaching register. *-- Passenger takes bite out of bus seat --* PAIGNTON, England - British police said they are trying to identify a bus passenger recorded by a CCTV camera biting a chunk out of a leather seat. Police said footage from the No. 12 bus in Paignton recorded the man biting a chunk out of the seat around 8:20 p.m. May 25, causing about $314 worth of damage, The Mirror reported Monday. "While traveling between Paignton and Torquay on a No. 12 bus, a male passenger started chewing the leather seat he ... sat on and continued to pick at the hole with his hand to make further damage. Around 200 pounds ($314) of damage was caused," a Devon and Cornwall police spokesman said. The suspect was described as in his late 20s with a stocky build and about 5-foot-9. *-- Web site: Zebulon a 'hot' baby name --* WILMINGTON, Del. - Officials with a Web site based in Delaware said they were surprised when Zebulon made their list of the 14 "hottest" baby names of the year. The Nameberry.com officials said the Zebulon page on their Web site received 2,128 hits from the start of the year until June, compared with only 420 hits in the same time period last year, the Raleigh (N.C.) News & Observer reported Monday. "We measure interest in baby names by tracking the number of views on each of our 50,000 baby name pages," said Pam Satran, Web site co-founder and author of 10 baby name books. Satran said Zebulon has only made the Social Security Administration's list of the 1,000 most popular names four times, in 1891, 1978, 1979 and 1980. She said the highest point it reached was No. 776 in 1978. "Likely because of Grandpa Zebulon on 'The Waltons,'" Satran said, making reference to a 1970s TV show. ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: _____ _ _____ ____ /_ /, | ,-, ) /'_`\ |_ _| | __| \ \> | `-'< | (_) | | | | _| ) )__ ,_ |_|`\_\ \___/ |_| |_| (_.-'_)__$ ;-'' pb While my wife and I were shopping at a mall, a shapely young woman in a short, form-fitting dress strolled by. My eyes involuntarily followed her. Without looking up from the item she was examining, my wife asked, "Was that worth the trouble you're in?" -<>- When my coworker Donsa was promoted, we decided to celebrate. Her boss called the baker and ordered a cake. "Two questions," said the baker. "Is Donsa a man or a woman? And what do you want the cake to say?" "The cake should read 'Congratulations'" the boss said. "Oh, and Donsa's a woman." The next day, the office celebrated with a cake that read "Congratulations--Donsa's a woman." -<>- I was shopping with my roommate, and I saw a humorous button that said, "It might look like I'm doing nothing, but on a cellular level, I'm quite busy." I showed it to her, and her response was, "Oh, I should buy that one, I'm always talking on mine." -<>- A graphic designer was on the phone with his client. Designer: Hi. I'm just updating the copy for your form and was wondering if you meant to say 'programs' for the third question. Client: No! What I sent along was completely accurate. Just copy it over exactly as it says. I'll explain it nice and slowly for you. Designer: 'Please indicate which pogroms you've attended'? Client: Yeah, that should be programs. -<>- ,="=-. ,`'oo' \o`. ( .88 |^||^)) ) , ) ) `@ (@' (. ( ` , `C ' ) `) `-=' ,/ ._c/ `-=' ,-( `-.,')-. gpyy `( ) `' '` A visiting minister waxed eloquent during the offertory prayer. "Dear Lord," he began with arms extended and a rapturous look on his upturned face, "without you we are but dust..." He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter (who was listening carefully for a change!) leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice, "Mom, what is butt dust?" -<>- The elevator in our building malfunctioned one day, leaving several of us stranded. Seeing a sign that listed two emergency phone numbers, I dialed the first and explained our situation. After what seemed to be a very long silence, the voice on the other end said, "I don't know what you expect me to do for you; I'm a psychologist." "A psychologist?" I replied. "Your phone is listed here as an emergency number. Can't you help us?" "Well," he finally responded in a measured tone. "How do you feel about being stuck in an elevator?" -<>- _ ____ __ / \ .' '. ____......------""""""""````` `\ | `::-/'-....-'\--""``` | | :: | | | | ,:'-\.-''''-./--..___ / jgs \_/ '.____.' ````````````"""""""------------' When my 15-year-old son, Pat, stepped up to the plate during a Colt League baseball game, the young announcer declared, "Now batting, the right fielder, number 12, Pathogen!" After some confusion in the stands, the announcer came back on over the loudspeaker. "Sorry, that's PAT Hogan!" ========================================================= >-->The difference between "Men" and "Guys" _,,..,......,.._,__ kmr -='' `':. hua --. ,:' a03 - _ / '. ,' | / | ]-. | __ _ |||| |'=-. -='^ |`/ | | |- | _ | _,'| ___ . '-.. ,,'/ ``. - || \ ]`-. ,'| | | \ ,' || | | `''`-. _,.--'' | | | `-'' | | `. `. ,' | '. '. ' .' | | \ / | `. ' | | | | / | \ `. / ,' `. | | | `._ ` _, _, | , | .' | `-.''.' | ' | \ | | | | ` | / | `' | Men: know what they want to be doing five years down the road. Guys: are not sure what they want to be doing later tonight. Men: read Crichton, watch Rather, play golf. Guys: read King, watch Seinfeld, play poker. Men: wear ties with stripes, shirts with buttons, and shoes with laces. Guys: wear high school T-shirts they've actually owned since high school. Men: balance their checkbooks. Guys: balance their loans so that they never hit up the same buddy twice in a row. Men: claim to be feminist but still insist on opening doors, driving, and paying for dinner. Guys: claim to be feminists so they can let YOU open doors, drive, and pay for dinner. Men: are afraid of becoming their fathers. Guys: are afraid of becoming men. Men: put you on the phone when their mothers call. Guys: pretend you're not there when their moms call. Men: start their own businesses. Guys: quit their jobs. Men: are experts on women's erogenous zones. Guys: are experts on their own erogenous zone. Men: order wine based on more than the price. Guys: bring their own beer. ===================================================== >-->From JokeCentral: (O_/ __ \_O) / (o)__(o) \ (__.--\/--.__) ====(__/\__)==== `--' _||_ /'....'\ | : : | ||: :|| ||: :|| ||: :|| ||: :|| ||: :|| ||: :|| ||: :|| || `..' || ( | || | ) \| || |/ | || | | || | | || | | || | | || | __,-' || '-,__ (___,--'`--,___) dlK Things Overheard at Promise Keepers 25> "Imagine, this many guys and not a beer, recliner, or remote in sight." 24> "What, no cheerleaders?" 23> "I wonder why the Pope never attends Promise Keepers?" 22> With this many guys in one place, surely SOMEbody's gotta have a church key." 21> " My Bible cover ripped. Anybody got any duct tape?" 20> "Wouldn't it be cool if our church had a fellowship hall THIS big?" 19> "Wouldn't it be great to be a Bible salesman about now?" 18> "Wow, the parking lot looks like a church bus convention rolled into town." 17> "Yeah, Real men singe REAL loud, but does George have to sing THAT loud?" 15> "I wonder why they didn't hold this at Churchill Downs?" 14> " I'm not sure the Pastor's suggestion that all 20 of us cram into a 15 passenger van for four hours was such a good idea." 13> "One more chorus of 'Kumbaya' and I'm gonna barf!" 12> "Man, I see Lousivlle's FREEDOM Hall in a whole new light" 11> "Excuse me -- When does Minister Farrakhan come on?" 10> "I'm more of a Promise Breaker. I'm just came for the free t-shirt." 9> "You guys up for wings at Hooters after we're done here?" 8> "One more hug from you, Bob, and I'm tellin your wife!" 7> "If they make us do one more Macarena, I'm converting to Judaism." 6> "Promise, Schmomise -- I'm doing an ESPN all nighter. Wanna Join me?" 5> "Oh great... They brought 30,000 bibles, but only twenty rolls of toilet paper." 4> "I haven't seen so many men cry since Pam Anderson left Baywatch." 3> "Hmmmmm, all these people and no one to convert." 2> "We will, we will ROCK YOU. Come on, everybody...... We will, we will ROCK YOU." and the Number 1 Thing Overheard at the Promise Keepers Rally... 1> "Hey, isn't that a Zombi?" -<>- Faced with hard times, the company offered a bonus of one thousand dollars to any employee who could come up with a way of saving money. The bonus went to a young woman in accounting who suggested limiting future bonuses to ten dollars. -<>- >Political Correctness For Kids* Your bedroom isn't cluttered; it's "passage-restrictive." Kids don't get in trouble anymore. They merely hit "social speed bumps." You're not having a bad hair day; you're suffering from "rebellious follicle syndrome." No one's tall anymore. They're "vertically enhanced." You're not shy. You're "conversationally selective." You don't talk a lot. You're just "abundantly verbal." It's not called gossip anymore. It's "transmission of near-factual information." The food at the school cafeteria isn't awful. It's "digestively challenged." Your homework isn't missing; it's just having an "out-of-notebook experience." You're not sleeping in class; you're "rationing consciousness." You don't have smelly gym socks; you have "odor-retentive athletic footwear." You weren't passing notes in class. You were "participating in the discreet exchange of penned meditations." You're not being sent to the principal's office. You're "going on a mandatory field trip to the administrative building. -<>- /`. /`. f \ ,f \ Gee Brain, | \/-`\ \ The same thing we do what do you i. _\';.,X j every night, Pinky. want to do `:_\ ( \ \',-. Try to take over tonight? .'"`\ a\eY' ) the world! _,. `._"\`-' `-/ .-;' | /;-`._.-';\. ,'," | .'/ "' | `\.-'""-/ / j ,/ / i,-" ( ,/ / .-' .f .' `"/ / / ,,/ffj\ / .-"`.'-.' / /_\`--//) \ ,--._ .-'_,-'; / f ".-"-._;' `._ _.,-i; /_; / `.,' |; \ \`\_,/-' \' .' l \ `. /"\ _ \` j f : `-' `._;."/`-' | `. ,7 \ l j .'/ - \`. .j. . < (.' .\ \f`. |\,' ,' `. \ / \ `| \,'||-:j .' .'\ Y. \___......__\ ._ /`.|| __.._,-" .-"'"") /' ,' _ \ | /"-.`j""``---.._ .'_.-'" / .("-'-"":\ ._)|_(__. "' ;.' /-'---"".--"' /,_,^-._ .) `:=.__.,itz `---._.;' "" "" >People over 35 should be dead... According to today's regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids in the 30's, 40's, 50's, 60's, or even maybe the early 70's probably shouldn't have survived. Our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paint. We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets, and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets. (Not to mention the risks we took hitchhiking.) As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags. Riding in the back of a pickup truck on a warm day was always a special treat. We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle. Horrors! We ate cupcakes, bread and butter, and drank soda pop with sugar in it, but we were never overweight because we were always outside playing. We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle, and no one actually died from this. We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then rode down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem. We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the street lights came on. No one was able to reach us all day. No cell phones. Unthinkable! We did not have Playstations, Nintendo 64, X-Boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, video tape movies, surround sound, personal cell phones, personal computers, or Internet chat rooms. We had friends! We went outside and found them. We played dodge ball, and sometimes, the ball would really hurt. We fell out of trees, got cut and broke bones and teeth, and there were no lawsuits from these accidents. They were accidents. No one was to blame but us. Remember accidents? We had fights and punched each other and got black and blue and learned to get over it. We made up games with sticks and tennis balls and ate worms, and although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes, nor did the worms live inside us forever. We rode bikes or walked to a friend's home and knocked on the door, or rang the bell or just walked in and talked to them. Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Some students weren't as smart as others, so they failed a grade and were held back to repeat the same grade. Horrors! Tests were not adjusted for any reason. Our actions were our own. Consequences were expected. The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke a law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law. Imagine that! This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers and problem solvers and inventors, ever. The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas. We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all. And you're one of them! Congratulations. Please pass this on to others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before lawyers and government regulated our lives, for our own good... Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors? -<>- ____ /\ __\_ / \/ \___\ \ /___/ /\_/ \ \ / \____\ ___/\ _ / / / \/ \ /_\/____/ \ / \___\ / \_/\ / / / \/___/ \ _ / / \/_| /___/ / \___\ \ /\_/___/ \/___/ [n4biS] >RIDDLES - PUZZLERS There's more than one way to skin a cat. What might you call a German opera that deals with an alternate way to dissect a rat? Die Fillet der Mouse (Gary Hallock) Did you hear about the horticultural psychic? She reads palm trees. (The International Save the Pun Foundation) What happens when you take Viagra and Prozac at the same time? You get a guy who is ready to go, but doesn't really care where. (Daily Groaner) "What do you call a hungry shark from Tennessee?" Chattanooga chew chew. ( James Ertner ) What do you call an Egyptian doctor? A Cairo practor. (Conrad L. Macina) Are birth control pills tax deductible? Only if they don't work. (Luke Davis) If you have an average African antelope with oxlike head and horns, and a fellow who does alterations on clothes for a living, what do you have? You have a typical gnu and tailor too. (Cynthia MacGregor) What do you call a run-of-the-mill personal religious teacher and spiritual guide in Hinduism who also lays down ceramics? A typical guru and tiler too.(Bob Levi) Emmanuel was so ill, and none of the doctors could find what was wrong. He tried generalists, various specialists, but all to no avail. Finally in desperation his wife told him to visit the beauty salon--and that proved to be exactly the right advice. Why? The salon was an expert at Manny cures. (Cynthia MacGregor) A fan of astrology built his own telescope to better study the constellations. One day he met a girl who claimed she was born under a certain sign but he suspected she was lion. For long hours each evening he charted the heavens to answer a burning question. What was it? Is that gal a leo? (Gary Hallock) What do you call a doctor who specializes in injuires to dancers? A choreopractor. (Conrad L. Macina) If an Indian builds a tent in your small boat, then sits in it to expound on the rules regarding the proper use of neckwear, what do you have? A teepee canoe and tie law too (Cynthia MacGregor) =================================================== >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Notes To God! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/cnotes.html Proud Of Our Troops 3! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/troops3.html Tale Of Two Swallows! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/swallows.html Driftwood Horses! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/horses.html Naval Fleet Art! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/navalart.html Amazing Albino Animals http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/albino.html Unique Designer Shoes! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/shoes.html Best Bed Positions! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bed.html Dick Clark's House! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dclark.html Luxury Golf Carts! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/golfcarts.html Ocean Exploration! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ocean.html Pets Left Home Alone! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/petshome.html Woman Cops Around The World! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/womancops.html Windows Through Time! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/windowstime.html -<>- >From Our Friend Linda :) She sent us one we have here... Nanny Animals #2! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/nannyanimals2.html --- ...A Fun reminder! Thanks Linda! Bugasalt.com - IndieGoGo.com Video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_44AaoNZcHg --- ...Whoa! What a great zapper! Thanks Linda! -<>- >From Our Friend JoeL :) watch closely it looks dirty but its funny http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cm483PiqNtw&feature=related --- ...TeeHee! Thanks Joe! -<>- >From Our Friend Bunni :) Dr. Oz: Cancer Fighting Foods | Collard Greens, White Beans, San Marzano Tomatoes and Coffee http://healthybodydaily.com/dr-oz-cancer/dr-oz-cancer-fighting-foods --- ...Good info! Thanks Bunni! Killer Whale http://tinyurl.com/c22ju2e --- ...very scary! Thanks Bunni! -<>- >From Our Friend Wesley :) ripped : LaTeX/introduction http://goo.gl/98mA9 ripped : free physics textbook download http://goo.gl/ght3h start clicking ! ripped : winrg.swf (application/x-shockwave-flash Object) http://www.hallikainen.org/windoze/winrg.swf --- ...Oh Boy! LOL! Thanks Wesley! -<>- >From Our Friend PatDeE :) You may have seen this before,,,but it is well worth seeing again ! Amazing voice! http://www.staged.com/video?v=NtK --- ...Simply beautiful! Thanks PatDeE! She reminds me of Akiane - a truly gifted child! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/prodigy.html I like reading the mesages to Aliane on the page. ========================================================== >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "A couple got married in a Starbucks. Isn't that nice? What, Dunkin' Donuts not good enough?" -Dave Letterman "Today is International Ninja Day, when people are encouraged to carry toy weapons and wear black masks. And as I found out the hard way, my bank wasn't celebrating it." -Jimmy Fallon "A Swedish firm has designed an efficient city featuring buildings on wheels that can be moved in or out of town as desired. This ingenious city of the future is known as a trailer park." -Conan O'Brien "A man in Illinois was arrested for calling the cops five times because his iPhone wasn't working. Yup, someone was arrested for calling someone five times in one day. Do you hear that, Mom?" -Jimmy Fallon "A new photo from one of Saturn's moons shows it may have all the elements necessary for life. Isn't that cool? Yeah, the three elements found there were nitrogen, methane and Red Bull." -Conan O'Brien "Congress may pass a law that would result in TV networks that broadcast indecency being even stiffly penalized. In fact, it is going to cost us 500 more bucks because I said stiffly penalized." --Craig Ferguson "One of the holiday decorations at the White House is a 400-pound gingerbread house. Isn't that nice? And in front of that is a 400-pound ginger bread 'foreclosed' sign." -Conan O'Brien "Cyber Monday is a day that every store online puts every- thing on sale. It's basically Black Friday for people too lazy to put on pants." -Jimmy Kimmel "A new study found that overweight men are more likely to have children with weight problems. Or in other words, if you get your dad's genes, you're also going to get his sweatpants." -Jimmy Fallon "A new study says that obese people can lose weight if they walk 12 miles per week. As a result Applebee's is intro- ducing a new 12 mile long buffet." --Conan O'Brien >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food andd DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************