Humor From Great Minds And More... :) Shangy!
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================
>-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :)
This super sizzling hot new page is from our friend Linda. It
is one that is sure to astound you! Can you imagine starting
in the middle of a piece of paper with a black marker and by
circling around and around in one huge spiral you make a copy
of a famous portrait? That's what this artist was commissioned
to do from an art supply company. It is just mind boggling! Be
sure to watch the video here too...
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One Giant Spiral Art!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/onespiralart.html
---
...What awesome talent! Thanks Linda!
=======================================================
>-->From SmileZilla:
It can't be me
after all, ;%%%;
I am only a %o.o%
Hand Doll `=´
\/ _ _(\@/)_ _
/ (_}_Y Y_{_)
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MJP
The minister's little six-year-old girl had been so naughty during
the week that her mother decided to give her the worst kind of
punishment. She told her she couldn't go to the Sunday School
Picnic on Saturday.
When the day came, her mother felt she had been too harsh and
changed her mind. When she told the little girl she could go to
the picnic, the child's reaction was one of gloom and unhappiness.
"What's the matter? I thought you'd be glad to go to the picnic,"
her mother said.
"It's too late!" the little girl said. "I've already prayed for
rain."
-<>-
>Rules
1. Never give yourself a haircut after three margaritas.
2. You need only two tools. WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move
and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the tape.
3. The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship:
"I apologize" and "You are right."
4. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
5. When you make a mistake, make amends immediately. It's easier to
eat crow while it's still warm.
6. The only really good advice that your mother ever gave you was,
"Go! You might meet somebody!"
7. If he/she says that you are too good for him/her - believe them.
8. Learn to pick your battles; ask yourself, "Will this matter one
year from now? How about one month? One week? One day?"
9. Never pass up an opportunity to pee.
10. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another
chance!
11. Living well really is the best revenge. Being miserable because
of a bad or former relationship just might mean that the other
person was right about you.
12. Work is good, but it's not that important.
13. And finally... Be really nice to your friends and family. You
never know when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan.
=======================================================
+------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+
June 20 is Ice Cream Soda Day
June 21 is Go Skate Day and International Yoga Day
June 22 is National Chocolate Eclair Day
June 23 National Columnists Day and National Pink Day
June 24 is Swim a Lap Day and Take Your Dog to Work Day
June 25 is Log Cabin Day and National Catfish Day
June 26 is Beautician's Day and Forgiveness Day
=======================================================
>-->From GoodCleanFun:
.---------------------------.
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[j__ ######################## [_|
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/======"---""---""---""---"=| =||
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// \\ // \\ |===|| hjw
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>Left Behind
A tour bus driver accidentally left a passenger behind after they
had stopped for lunch. Wanting to apologize, the driver called the
passenger's cell phone.
"I don't blame you," the woman told him, "but I'm mad at my husband
for not informing you that I had missed the bus."
-<>-
>Radar Trap
My sister's husband drove right into a radar trap. And because she
was following him in her car, the police officer nabbed her too.
After the officer had written up one ticket, he approached my
sister. Her defense was that she was merely following her husband.
When that appeal failed, she tried another tack: "Do you give family
discounts?"
-<>-
>Important Speech
A chief executive of a major company was scheduled to address an
important convention, so he asked the press officer to write him
a punchy, twenty-minute speech. But when the chief executive
returned from the convention, he was furious.
"What's the idea of writing me an hour-long speech." he raged at
the press officer. "Most of the audience walked out before I was
even halfway through!"
The press officer was mystified. "I wrote you a twenty-minute
speech," he said. "I also gave you the two extra copies you asked
for."
-<>-
>Celery
After my husband asked me to help him shed some unwanted pounds, I
stopped serving fattening TV snacks and substituted crisp celery.
While he was unenthusiastically munching on a stalk one night, a
commercial caught his attention. As he watched longingly, a woman
spread gooey chocolate frosting over a freshly baked cake.
When it was over, my husband turned to me. "Did you ever notice,"
he asked, "that they never advertise celery on TV?"
-<>-
>Chocolate Chip Cookie
During our church's worship service, the pastor invites all the
young children to join him near the altar for the "Children's
Moments Sermon."
One day, with seven small children in attendance, he spoke about
the ingredients required to make up a church, using a chocolate-
chip cookie as an example.
He explained to the children that, as with a cookie requiring
ingredients such as sugar and eggs, the church needed ingredients
to make up the congregation.
Holding a cookie aloft, he asked, "If I took the chocolate chips
out of this cookie, what would I have?"
A shy six-year-old raised his hand. "Six less grams of fat," he
replied.
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend LouiseA :)
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>SMILES
A man finds himself in front of the Pearly Gates to heaven. In
front of them, stands a guardian angel. As the man approaches,
the angel greets him and warns him it is not so easy to get in
heaven. There are some criteria before entry is allowed.
For example, was the fellow religious in life? No? The guardian
angel told him that's bad.
Was he generous? Gave money to the poor? Charities? No? The
guardian angel told him that that too was bad.
Did he do any good deeds? Help his neighbor? Anything? No? The
guardian angel was becoming concerned.
Exasperated, the angel says, "Look, everybody does something nice
sometimes. Work with me, I'm trying to help. Now think!"
The man says, "There was this old lady. I came out of a store and
found her surrounded by a dozen Hell's Angels. They had taken her
purse and were shoving her around, taunting and abusing her.
I got so mad I threw my bags down, fought through the crowd, and
got her purse back. I then helped her to her feet, and went up
to the biggest, baddest biker and told him how despicable,
cowardly and mean he was and then spat in his face".
"Wow", said the angel, "That's actually very impressive. When did
this happen"?
"Oh, about 10 minutes ago."
-------
While touring historic buildings in Alexandria, Virginia, we
visited an old church. The guide told us that George
Washington had attended services there and pointed to his
pew.
A reverent silence fell. The guide, encouraged by this, went
on to tell us that church services back then had been very
lengthy -- frequently lasting three hours or more.
The mood of the moment was shattered when an anonymous voice
whispered loudly, "So George Washington slept here too!"
--------
Two guys immigrate to America. On their first day off the boat
they are wandering around New York City seeing the sights. As
lunch time approaches they decide they are hungry. They then
come up to a street vendor selling hot dogs.
One says to the other in a shocked tone, "My gosh. Do they eat
dogs in America?"
"I don't know!" says the other, equally appalled.
"Well," says the first, "we're going to be Americans, so we must
do as they do."
They approach the vendor bravely. "Two hot dogs, please."
The vendor hands them their food in a pair of paper sacks. The
two immigrants sit on a park bench to eat their lunch.
One looks inside his sack, hesitates and turns to his partner
and says, "Uh, which part of the dog did you get?"
--------
One evening after work, a man drove his secretary home after
she had a little too much to drink at a party. Although
'nothing happened,' he decided not to mention it to his wife.
Later that night, the man and his wife were driving to a movie
when he spotted a high-heeled shoe hidden under the passenger
seat. Pointing to something out the passenger window to
distract his wife, he picked up the shoe and tossed it out
of his window.
They arrived at the theater a short time later and were about
to get out of the car when his wife asked, "Honey, have you
seen my other shoe?"
--------
As I pulled into a crowded parking lot, I asked the cop
standing there, "Is it all right to park here?"
"No," he replied. "Can’t you see that 'No Parking' sign?"
"What about all those other cars in there?"
He shrugged. "They didn’t ask."
--------
Irving took Harry to a celebratory dinner at a really posh
restaurant. They walked in, were ushered to a table by a
formally dressed maitre d', and sat down at a table on
which were displayed the finest china and crystal.
Taking the damask napkin from the solid silver napkin ring,
Harry unfolded it, put it around his neck and proceeded to
tie a knot in the back.
Staring at him, the maitre d' said, between gritted teeth,
"Sir, will you be having a shave or a haircut?"
--------
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the
mechanic, "It died." After he works on it for a few minutes,
it's idling smoothly.
She asks: "What's the story?"
He replies: "Just crap in the carburetor."
She inquires, "And how often do I have to do that?"
---
...Oh My! LOL! Thanks LouiseAu!
-<>-
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; ': ( } \||D ;
\.:'.:':. | /\__,=_[_] /
\ ':. ~ |_\__ |----| ` /
'. '::.. _ | |/ |--. |_ ~ .'
'-._':' | /_ | | `'-_.-'
jgs (``''--..._____...--''``)
`"--...__ __...--"`
`````
>Beware of new Facebook 'Friend' request scam
If you're like most people, you like to hang out on Facebook and
exchange messages with your family and friends. Watch out! Your
friends may not be your friends.
Criminals are targeting your personal details with a deceptive
new Facebook scam. This one is especially sinister. It goes after
your trust factor.
Here's how it works:
You're sitting on Facebook. Suddenly, you get a friend request.
Everything is pretty common. It happens all the time.
You probably wouldn’t think twice about accepting a friend
request from a familiar face or longtime friend. But you have
to ask yourself: “Am I already friends with them?” If the answer
is yes, the request is likely a scam by a criminal up to no good.
The new tactic works like this: A criminal re-creates someone’s
existing Facebook profile using that person’s profile picture
and “About” information. They use the phony new profile to send
friend requests to that same person’s Facebook friends.
If you accept, you’ve just given this stranger access to the many
personal details on your profile: status updates, location, date
of birth and photos. Those simple details, in the hands of
today’s cyber criminals, can be used to steal your full identity
and wreak havoc with your entire life.
Posing as you, the scammer can also message your friends asking
for money or trying to meet up in person.
If you get a friend request from an existing friend, verify that
the request is real. And of course, be very wary of friend
requests from people you don’t know.
Your best way to stay protected is to tighten your security
settings so that only your Facebook friends can view your
profile, photos and other info. Also, go into the “Friends”
section of your activity log. At the top, it says, “Who can
see your friend list?” In the drop-down, select “Friends,”
rather than “Public.”
---
...Yes. Bothersome for sure! Thanks LouiseAu!
I've gotten so if the person asking to be friends doesn't have
but a few friends, I won't accept them. I kept getting ones who
would immediately message me after friending them and want to
start up a conversation. If that wasn't a red flag enough, it
generally took the direction of the person being in some need
of financial assistance of some sort. I could tell they were
not who they were saying they were and could imagine this guy
in a foreign country like Nigeria sitting at his computer
pretending to be the person pictured talking to me. Crazy. like
I was going to fall for his act!
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Linda :)
_,,,_
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>HUMOR FROM GREAT MINDS...
"As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory
goes, and I can't remember the other two.."
-Sir Norman Wisdom
"One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a
woman that even a bargain costs money."
-Edgar Watson Howe
"A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates
your success!"
-Doug Larson
"A harmful truth is always better then..a useful lie!"
-Eric Bolton
"When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then
I realized that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one
and asked him to forgive me."
-Erno Philips
"I only go to work on days that don't end in a 'y'."
-Robert Paul
"We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching
them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down
and shut up."
-Phyllis Diller
"Laughter is the closest distance between two people."
-Victor Borge
"Start every day with a smile and get it over with."
-W.C. Fields
"Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else."
-Will Rogers
"Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't
work out, you haven't wasted a whole day."
-Mickey Rooney
"Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have
a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with
children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work or
prison."
-Tim Allen
"I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it
happens."
-Woody Allen
"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish
we didn't."
-Erica Jong
"Don't take life too seriously, you'll never get out of it alive."
-Elbert Hubbard
"Always and never are two words you should always remember never
to use."
-Wendell Johnson
"In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your
wife found out."
-Joey Adams
"I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If
my wife finds out, she'll kill me."
-Henry Youngman
"Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control
are already born?"
-Benny Hill
---
...BwaaaHaHaHaHa! Rich! Thanks Linda!
=======================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
Sharia Advisors – Barack Obama's Muslim Appointees in High
Security Positions
http://freedomoutpost.com/sharia-advisers-barack-obamas-muslim-appointees/
-<>-
>From AmericanActionNews:
Happy Father's Day/Flag Day
A Father's Day Message From a Great American President
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ab5EPd_cxBI
You Won't Believe How this Military Dad Surprised His
Kids on Father's Day
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pKnVnJERpbg
-<>-
Democrats and Republicans differ wildly on what caused Sunday’s
mass shooting in Orlando, according to a new poll.
The Gallup survey released Friday said most Democrats blame
domestic gun violence, while most Republicans condemn Islamic
terrorism.
http://tinyurl.com/hd7aflg
---
...Obama has our country so divided we can't even agree on
this horrific massacre! Like they say - 'United we stand -
Divided We Fall!' Seems that is what Obama wants - our country
is more divided now then I remember it ever being. He even
wants to scrub the Islamic terrorist's 911 call praising ISIS!
Doesn't fit Obama's gun violence agenda...
http://tinyurl.com/zq6xwe3
-<>-
Chuck Norris Bombshell:L
Norris explained that Clinton wants to keep importing Muslims
into America — Muslims, he wrote, who might someday take direct
action to fight back against what they see as the moral
corruption of the world because of gay rights.
“You might not agree with Donald Trump’s temporary ban on
Muslim refugees coming into America until we properly figure
out how to vet them all, but at least he’s standing against
jihadists and, in so doing, standing up for the LGBT community
and not increasing the risks for more Orlando massacres on U.S.
soil,” Norris concluded
While conservatives may not agree with the lifestyle choices
of members of gays, lesbians and transgenders, we can all agree
that in this country — this free country — we all have the right
to make our own choices, not be slaughtered just because of who
we are attracted to.
http://conservativetribune.com/chuck-norris-bombshell/
All the news:
http://rightalerts.com
-<>-
>From AFA:
Urgent Prayer Request from Tim Wildmon
I have accepted an invitation to meet tomorrow (Tuesday) with
presidential candidate Donald Trump in New York.
Along with other pro-family, Christian leaders, we have a great
opportunity to communicate our values to Mr. Trump to make sure
our voices and positions are heard.
I would appreciate your prayers, asking God to give me the
opportunity to share our Christian position on life, marriage,
religious liberty and national security with Mr. Trump.
This is not an endorsement of the candidate, but a sincere effort
to let him know that America can only be great again if government
returns to the Biblical values held by our nation's founders.
Thank you in advance for praying for me and for the influence of
American Family Association.
Tim Wildmon, President
American Family Association
http://www.afa.net/
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
If you can keep your mom from getting high, that's good.
But if you can also make a few quick bucks while doing it,
so much the better, right? That was the attitude of the
young man in today's story, unfortunately for him, his
mother did not appreciate his altruism.
A Florida mother was arrested and given a court order to
stay away from her son after she was arrested for burning
her son's hand on a stove as punishment. The boy and his
sister were placed in the custody of a family member.
34-year-old Zayme Flores of Orlando, is accused of burning
the hands of her 15-year-old son on a hot stove as punish-
ment for him selling her drugs.
Police said the concerned son took a bag marijuana, which
he found under the sink of his parents' bathroom, and sold
it so that they would not get high.
When Flores learned of her son's actions, she forced his
hand onto a hot stove and burned him.
When police arrived at the family's home, they said that
the boy had blisters on his hands consistent with being
burned.
Flores was arrested on charges of felony child abuse and
contributing to the delinquency of a minor.
*-- More Than One Way to Earn Your Allowance --*
A woman was arrested on a charge of child neglect after
allegedly forcing her children to blow into an anti-drunk
driving device in her car so she would be able to drive
while under the influence of alcohol, according to police
in Oklahoma. Police said that they have arrested 36-year-
old Kayla Kathleen Martin-Weliwita, after being accused of
being drunk in public and asking others to unlock her car
by blowing into the ignition interlock system outside the
Buffalo Wild Wings restaurant. According to the police
investigation, Martin-Weliwita forced her 13-year-old and
9-year-old daughters to blow into the ignition-interlock
system because she was too intoxicated to override the
device and start her car. Employees of the Buffalo Wild
Wings called police after seeing the woman fighting with
her daughter in the parking lot. Martin-Weliwita was charged
with child neglect, child abuse and public intoxication.
She was booked into the Tulsa Jail, and her bail was set at
$100,100.
*----- Motorized 'Off-Road' Roller Blades -----*
>From the inventor of screen doors on submarines, a Polish
inventor came up with a way to take his roller blades "off
road" by powering the wheels with an electric motor. The
video shows inventor Jacek Skopinski testing out his self-
propelled "off road" roller blades by taking them over
surfaces including dirt lots, grassy fieldsand other rough
terrain. The roller blades are powered by electric motors
attached to the rear of the skates that are connected with
a wire to a control Stopinski holds in his hand.
*---------- That's Not How the Law Works ----------*
A mother wants $40 million from people who attended a party
for failing to protect her drunk daughter. The New York
mother is suing the owners of a house in the Hamptons and
100 unidentified guests because they did not realize that
her daughter drowned in a pool. 29-years-old Olya Lipina
died during an all night party. Her body was found only
around noon the next day, floating in the pool. The death
was ruled accidental. Now, her mother, Alla Lipina-Skyba
from Brooklyn, has filed a civil lawsuit. However, she is
not only suing the homeowners, Daniel and Linda Finer, and
Laura Edith Kreft, but she is also suing the 100 party
goers, claiming that they were negligent by allowing her
daughter to get so drunk.
*-- Bride in Wedding Gown Saves Woman With CPR --*
A newlywed woman still in her bridal gown after her wedding
reception stopped on her way to a Pittsburgh hotel to give
CPR to an unresponsive woman. Julie Stroyne Nixon left her
wedding reception with husband just before midnight, when
they heard a call for help outside of the Westin Convention
Center. "We were just about to go through the doors," Nixon
told said, "and then we heard somebody scream, 'Does anybody
know CPR? Is anybody a doctor?'" Nixon, a trauma nurse,
jumped into action. "I looked over, and I think my nursing
instincts took over," she said, "And I bolted over to the
bench to see if she was all right." Nixon said the woman was
barely breathing when she arrived. "I started compressions
right away. They told me she didn't have a pulse," she said.
The newlywed nurse said the woman gradually started to
recover. "Never knew that would happen on my wedding night!"
Nixon said. "There's no time off."
*----- Motorized 'Off-Road' Roller Blades -----*
From the inventor of screen doors on submarines, a Polish
inventor came up with a way to take his roller blades "off
road" by powering the wheels with an electric motor. The
video shows inventor Jacek Skopinski testing out his self-
propelled "off road" roller blades by taking them over
surfaces including dirt lots, grassy fieldsand other rough
terrain. The roller blades are powered by electric motors
attached to the rear of the skates that are connected with
a wire to a control Stopinski holds in his hand.
*---------- That's Not How the Law Works ----------*
A mother wants $40 million from people who attended a party
for failing to protect her drunk daughter. The New York
mother is suing the owners of a house in the Hamptons and
100 unidentified guests because they did not realize that
her daughter drowned in a pool. 29-years-old Olya Lipina
died during an all night party. Her body was found only
around noon the next day, floating in the pool. The death
was ruled accidental. Now, her mother, Alla Lipina-Skyba
from Brooklyn, has filed a civil lawsuit. However, she is
not only suing the homeowners, Daniel and Linda Finer, and
Laura Edith Kreft, but she is also suing the 100 party
goers, claiming that they were negligent by allowing her
daughter to get so drunk.
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Geniann :)
@@@@@@@@
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@ o\ /o @
( > )
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jgs / `-. .-' \
One Sunday morning George burst into the living room and said,
"Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married
to the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away and
her name is Susan.
After dinner, George's dad took him aside, "Son, I have to talk
with you. Look at your mother, George. She and I have been
married 30 years, she's a wonderful wife and mother, but, she
has never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I used to
fool around with women a lot. Susan is actually your half sister,
and I'm afraid you can't marry her." George was brokenhearted.
After eight months he eventually started dating girls again. A
year later he came home and very proudly announced, "Diane said
yes! We're getting married in June."
Again his father insisted on another private conversation and
broke the sad news. "Diane is your half sister too, George. I'm
awfully sorry about this." George was livid!
He finally decided to go to his mother with the news his father
had shared. "Dad has done so much harm. I guess I'm never going
to get married," he complained. "Every time I fall in love, Dad
tells me the girl is my half sister."
"Oh, " his mother shakes her head, "Don't pay any attention to
what he says. He's not even really your father."
-<>-
My wife and I went into Palm Springs and visited a shop. When we
came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. We went
up to him and I said, "come on man, how about giving a senior
citizen a break?" He ignored us and continued writing the ticket.
I then called him a bad name. He glared at me and started
writing another ticket for having worn-out tires. Then my wife
also called him a bad name. He finished the second ticket and
put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing
more tickets. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we
abused him, the more tickets he wrote. He finally finished,
sneered at us both and walked away.
Just then our bus arrived, and we got on it and went home. We
always look for cars with Hillary 2016 bumper stickers. We try to
have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It’s so
important at our age!!
---
...Oh Gee! LOL! Thanks Geniann!
-<>-
,;;;,
;;;;;;;
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[Politics]
Michelle Obama reminded attendees of a Naturalization Ceremony
Wednesday that the Founding Fathers weren't born in America.
The ceremony for 50 new U.S. citizens was held at the National
Archives in Washington, D.C.
She said during her speech, referring to the Declaration of
Independence, "It's amazing that just a few feet from here
where I'm standing are the signatures of the 56 Founders who
put their names on a Declaration that changed the course of
history, and like the 50 of you, none of them were born
American - they became American."
Excuse me? Did she actually mean that those who signed the
Declaration of Independence and participated in the drafting
of the Constitution were not born in America?
Benjamin Franklin was born in Pennsylvania. Thomas Jefferson,
George Washington, and James Madison were born in Virginia.
John Adams was born in Massachusetts.
Only eight of the 56 were not born in America. Surely she knew
this.
But, then again, maybe not. After all, she is a Harvard
graduate. Isn't she?
As John Wayne said,
"Life's tough. It's tougher when you're stupid."
And by the way, THE CONSTITUTION WAS NOT SIGNED IN WASHINGTON
D.C.! It was signed in Philadelphia!
I guess it's true, you just can't fix stupid.
---
...Haha! Thanks Geninann!
I, of course looked this up on the left leaning Snopes site
http://www.snopes.com/politics/obama/quotes/naturalization.asp
and they spun it saying that of course she said this but she
didn't mean it! They assume to know what she was thinking when
she said it and that she didn't directly say what it appears
that she is saying. Anyone watching Judge Judy court cases will
know that you cannot say what someone else is thinking or not
thinking. You can only go by what they actually said which is
what they admit she did say.
Just like when Obama Claimed He's Visited 57 States
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EpGH02DtIws
=========================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
.-""-.--.
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|___| :|/\
| | :|\ \
\ \ :| \ \_
\ \==L| \\\
///` ||
| ||
| ||
| ||
| ||
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[___]]
jgs (____))
During the banquet celebrating their 25th wedding
anniversary, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief
account of the benefits of a marriage of such long
duration. "Tell us Tom, just what is it you have learned
from all those wonderful years with your wife?" an
anonymous voice yelled from the back of the room.
Tom responded, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the
best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, forbearance,
self-restraint, meekness, forgiveness -- and a great many
other qualities you wouldn't need if you had stayed single."
-<>-
My boss is without peer when it comes to the rules and
regulations that customs officials must follow. But when
it comes to the law, well, that's a different story.
We were attending a court case in which we were prosecuting
a smuggler. The judge asked the court, "Who is making these
allegations?"
My boss stood up and proclaimed, "I am the alligator, your
honor."
-<>-
_.-"""""-._
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/jgs::::::::|/::\/:\|:::::\
The supermarket had a sale on boneless chicken breasts and
I intended to stock up. At the store, however, I was disap-
pointed to find only a few skimpy pre-packaged portions of
the poultry, so I complained to the butcher.
"Don't worry," she said, "I'll pack some more trays and have
them ready for you by the time you finish shopping."
Several aisles later, I heard the lady butcher's voice boom
over the public-address system: "Will the gentleman who was
looking for bigger breasts please meet me at the back of the
store."
-<>-
The company my brother worked for had a phone system that
rerouted after-hours calls. If any calls came in on a certain
line while he was working late, Dave knew it would be a wrong
number. It got to the point where as soon as the phone rang,
Dave would pick up and say, "Psychic Hotline. I'm sorry, but
you've dialed the wrong number."
The caller would often reply with something like, "But I
didn't even ask to speak to anyone yet. How did you know I
dialed the wrong.... Oh!" (Click.)
-<>-
sSSSSSs
S),, SSSS
S- ?SSS
S_~ SSS
_.-''--.
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|______/
| / /
|/ /
;( (
jgs | \ \
| |\ \
|_/.\_|
/ ) / )
/_/|/_/|
A pretty young blonde stood at the bank cashier's window and
smiled. "I'd like to cash this check, please," she said,
handing it over.
The teller examined the check and said: "Could you identify
yourself, Miss?"
For a moment the lovely girl's brow creased over, then with
a bright look she fumbled in her handbag and producing a
mirror, glanced in it and with relief said, "Yes! It's me,
all right!"
The clerk said, "No Ma'am, you misunderstood me. We require
a photo identification."
The girl searched her bag again and found a picture with a
group of people. "This is a recent family photo," she ex-
plained. "That's me, third from the left."
-<>-
A father and son went fishing one day. After a couple hours
in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world
around him.
He asked his father, "How does this boat float?"
The father thought for a moment, then replied, "Don't
rightly know, son."
The boy returned to his contemplation, then turned back to
his father, "How do fish breathe underwater?"
Once again the father replied, "Don't rightly know, son."
A little later the boy asked his father, "Why is the sky
blue?"
Again, the father replied. "Don't rightly know, son."
Worried he was going to annoy his father, he says, "Dad, do
you mind my asking you all of these questions?"
"Of course not, son. If you don't ask questions, you'll
never learn anything!"
-<>-
.-.
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`-""-'
A young city boy visiting a dude ranch wanted to be appear
macho, so he went out walking with one of the hired hands.
As they were walking through the barnyard, the visitor tried
to begin a conversation, "Say, isn't that fine-looking bunch
of cows over there."
The hired hand replied, "Not 'bunch,' it's 'herd.'"
"Heard what?"
"Herd of cows."
"Sure, I've heard of cows!" finished the city boy excitedly,
"there's a big bunch of 'em right over there."
-<>-
^..^
<( )>
\ /
/(oo)\ //
/ -- \ oo)
//| __ |\\ //U\
H (/oo\) H (/ H
|\oo/| -=/ \=-
\ /\ / ( _ )
U U | |
H H _l l_
~ ~
apx
Cow & Chicken
(cartoon series)
>A FEW SIMPLE RULES FOR HAPPY LIVING:
Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting
someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop.
Avoid arguments with women about lifting the toilet seat
by using the sink.
For high blood pressure sufferers - simply cut yourself and
bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure on your
veins. Remember to use a timer.
A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent
you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit
the snooze button.
If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives.
You'll be afraid to cough.
You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and duct tape. If it
doesn't move and it should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't
move and it does, use the duct tape.
If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical
problem.
Daily thought: Some people are like Slinkies...not really
good for much but they bring a smile to your face when
pushed down the stairs.
=========================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
Why Trump?
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whytrump.html
Humor In Politics 13!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/politics13.html
What I've Learned In Life!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/learnedinlife.html
High Tech Toys 2!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/techtoys2.html
Morons at Work 3!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mwork3.html
IRONIC, Isn't It 2?-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/irony2.html
Israel's 9/11 Tribute!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/israeltribute.html
Life's Little Oops 14!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whoops14.html
Celebrity Private Jets!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/celebrityjets.html
Proud Of Our Troops 7!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/troops7.html
Our Valuable ANCHOR!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/BibleStudy/ouranchor.html
Thinkers And Their Desks!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/desks.html
9/11 Where God Wants Me!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wheregodwantsme.html
Inspirational Movie Quotes!-
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/moviequotes.html
-<>-
>-->From Our Friend LouiseAu
Courage is not normally a word you would associate with cats, but
these audacious bunch take boldness to a whole new level. In this
short clip, some very bold cats were brave enough to chase a bear
away! Whilst at the six-second mark, one cat was able to let itself
out of its cage like a pro, but what another cat does at 57-
seconds... I couldn't believe it...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=heCmHV6RWqk
Funny Cats 1
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tntOCGkgt98
Funny Cats 2
http://tinyurl.com/gmumh9f
---
...LOL! Lots of smiles here! Thanks LouiseAu!
-<>-
>From Our Friend Linda :)
She sent us one we have here...
Last Shot!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lastshot.html
---
...LOL! So funny! Thanks Linda!
Beautiful photos! (click on photo to advance to next)
Some of these are absolutely breathtaking. Of interest is the
photo taken from Father Serra’s Cross hilltop in Ventura: Wow
what a lightning show!
http://tinyurl.com/z4ub8xe
---
...Sweet! Thanks Linda!
The first minute or so will fool you, so hang on...
KEEP WATCHING
https://www.youtube.com/embed/3RW4R3N8Ju8?feature=player_embedded
---
...Thanks Linda!
I often find politics boring and other times infuriating.
While many are turned off by politics, it is a fact of our
adult life that we, as Americans, must persevere and actually
let our voices be heard for our take on the candidate for
President that will be the best person for our lives, our
families lives, our friends lives and for the entire future
of the United States Of America.
It is a huge obligation but like many things we have to take
on as adults, such as raising a family, it is well worth the
tedious effort we must put forth for our own happiness and
welfare.
This is why I often throw politics at you my Christian, God
loving friends - So that you can make the best educated choices
that I know will impact all of us. It is a huge obligation that
I know I can count on you to do. God's people are, after all,
the very best people in our great Nation!
-<>-
>From Our Friend EdLaF :)
Obama's Recovery In Just 9 Charts
http://tinyurl.com/zo5956x
---
...Thanks Ed!
Daisy's comment here was a good one...
6.9% Growth in population, 2007-2015
0.3% Growth in full-time jobs, 2007-2015
-<>-
>From Our Friend Geniann :)
Obama it was you...
http://tinyurl.com/gvvas69
---
...He sure does make it seem true! Thanks Geniann!
=======================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"Two thieves stole $16,000 worth of iPhones from a New York
Apple store by dressing as Apple 'Geniuses.' Police are on
the lookout for two 'Actual Geniuses.'" -Conan O'Brien
"A European perfume company has released a series of 'Star
Wars' themed scents called Empire, Jedi, and Amidala. It's
the perfect cologne for what is almost certainly your first
date." -Seth Meyers
"Last night, the last primary was held in Washington, D.C.
The primaries being over reminds me what my brother used
to say when I was a kid: 'I'm going to keep punching you
in the face but it will feel so good when it's over.'"
-Stephen Colbert
"A British tech company has debuted new technology that
lets clothing store mannequins talk about the outfit they
are displaying. Said the inventor, 'The idea came to me in
a nightmare.'" -Seth Meyers
"Scientists have discovered a species of fish that surrounds
itself with uglier fish in order to look more attractive.
However, scientists could not identify which sorority it
belongs to." -Jimmy Fallon
"Researchers are developing a stay-sober pill that will
prevent you from getting drunk off of alcohol. It's perfect
for the drinker who wants all the calories of alcohol but
none of the fun." -Conan O'Brien
"A clothing company is going to release a $99 wedding dress.
The $99 wedding dress is the perfect way to tell your man,
'I do, I guess.'" -Conan O'Brien
"A judge in New Jersey ruled that women can keep their
husbands and boyfriends out of the delivery room while they
are in labor. When asked if they'd mind leaving the room,
the husbands and boyfriends were already gone."
-Jimmy Fallon
"A scientist and a chef teamed up to test whether or not
lobsters can feel pain. Apparently, the hardest part is
getting a lobster to sit still long enough to watch 'The
Notebook.'" -Seth Meyers
"If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical
would have something to do with a shortage of flowers."
--Doug Larson
"Remember...a developer is someone who wants to build a
house in the woods. An environmentalist is someone who
already owns a house in the woods." --Dennis Miller
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61
NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep.
You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy,
good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
Share
A Recipe
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