Husbands Are Husbands And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! ================ "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo /\ , {Oo\{o\ .=. {o: \:.\ / \ {O:' \:.-'_.-\_)____ {o:. /`~('-./-----.\ }o: // /| `/\ {O:'// /-' /\/\ }o-/( <___ \'/ /\/\/\ /o./ ;--._)====* -\/\/\/ `"`\ \ /.\ `""` \ \ \ \ jgs /`\ ) ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ |/| | _// \| | / || |/ / | `\| ' *~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels For 2011 *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a 2011 Shangrala Angel, please visit the site and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL page comes up. Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS ALL OUR ANGELS MOST ABUNDANTLY! ================ >-->3 Hot Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This first super hotty is from our friend James. It is pretty interesting to say the least! I had some fun with it and added my thoughts as to why I am so impressed with the old 1977 Movie Pete's Dragon. Be sure to check out those videos! __ _|_ |+-==| .'.':`.`. | |+--=| / / | \ \ /'\ '+ -=| ^^^^^^^^^^^ //|\\ =| &C O__u | u O~ O ^^^^^ /\_u/\/uuu|uuu\/\ &C /|\_@| C__@ /) ( '--------' ,| /\_ \@@@@|@@\/\ /_| \_\ | /_| | ( ( `,o--------') /| / | /|\ |\ /'\ /__\ /`' | <| _|_ //|\\ /| /> /|\ \` .'.':`.`. ^^^^^ / / | \ \ %%|%% O _|_ ^^^^^^^^^^^ %%%|%%%_/\\ .'.':`.`. C_/ | '-------' ) / / | \ \ d}<|8888|888 {b | / \ ^^^^^^^^^^^ _888/\_88888|8888_/\ /|\ | \ ~C | O '--|(-------+----' ,| /),\_ O | \/|\/ | |_\ | \ | |/_( o /( ) /|\####|###### O | | \ /|\ | \\ (`' )_( \|'-----------'/\\ /\ / | |\ | _o / ) ejm |/ /|\ (`' /| /> \ \ In Days Past! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dayspast.html --- ...I enjoyed this one! Thanks James! Our Next hot tottie comes from forwards from two of our friends Sandi and PatDeE. Putting these two together sure did make a funny page! Be sure to turn up the sound and give this one time to load! ,,,, / ' /.. / ( c D \- '\_ `-'\)\ |_ \ |U \\ (__,// |. \/ LL__I ||| ||| ,,-``'\ jv Men Will Be Boys! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/menboys.html --- ...Thanks Sandi and PatDeE! I think I might of had too much fun with this one! HaHa! Our Last too hot to handle one comes from our friend Linda! Awesome carts here! Be sure to check out the video too! _...._ .'.o' o.'. /o o .o' o'\ |'.o 'o. o'.o| |o. o' o 'o .| \ o .o.'o'./ '._o__o_.' \ / || || || || || jgs || \/ Luxury Golf Carts! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/golfcarts.html --- ...Makes me want a bunch of them! Thanks Linda! ============================================================= >-->From the FunnyBone: Just Call Me Earl , __ _.-"` `'-. /||\'._ __{}_( This guy was driving down the highway and |||| |'--.__\ was pulled over by the cops. The cop asked | L.( ^_\^ the man for his name and the guy replied, \ .-' | _ | "Earl." | | )\___/ | \-'`:._] "You got a last name, Earl?" \__/; '-. | |o __ \ "Nope. It's a long story, Officer." | |o )( | jgs | |o \/ \ "I got time." Earl sighs and says, "Well, Officer, at first I was known as Earl Doo- Daa. I was going to school to become a doctor, and I did, so I was known as Earl Doo-Daa, MD. I got bored just being a doctor so I went to dental school, graduated, and became Earl Doo-Daa, M.D., D.D. After a little more time I fooled around with this girl and got VD. So I was known as Earl Doo-Daa, MD, DD, with VD. When the medical board found out about my VD they took away my MD so I was known as Earl Doo-Daa, DD with VD. The dentistry board also found out about the VD and took away my DD making me Earl Doo-Dah with VD. Finally, the VD took away my Doo-Dah so I'm now just Earl." =================================================================== ,-----. /' `\ ; ----,---- ; | `o- |`o- | | |_ | | _____, | \_ _/ | `-----' | __.-; ;-.__ _,-' ; : ; ; `-._ _,' `. ,`-,_____ \ : : / ____,-'-, /' ```----. .----''' `\ / \_/ \ | | | | , | , | | | | | | | \ | / | \ /\ o | o /\ / / | |`\ / \ /'| | \ | | | `------' `------' | | | | | \ _.--'|`--._ / | | \ | | __|--'|`--|__ | | / | | | __|--'|`--|__pb | | | >-->Because I'm A Guy Because I'm a guy, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I'll miss a whole show looking for it, though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator. Because I'm a guy, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a wire clothes hanger and ignore your suggestions that we call a road service until long after hypothermia has set in. Oh, and when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another guy shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and every- thing, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink beer. Because I'm a guy, when I catch a cold I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't an issue. Because I'm a guy, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk, or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "Cumin" or "Tofu." For all I know these are the same thing. And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism. Because I'm a guy, when one of our appliances stops working I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together. Because I'm a guy, I don't think we're all that lost, and no, I don't think we should stop and ask someone. Why would you listen to a complete stranger -- how the heck could HE know where we're going? Because I'm a guy, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The answer is always either sex or football, though I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't. Because I'm a guy, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for mother's day is ok, I don't need to see it. Did you remember to pick up something for my mom, too? Because I'm a guy, I am capable of announcing, "one more beer and I really have to go," and mean it every single time I say it, even when it gets to the point that the one bar closes and my buddies and I have to go hunt down another. I will find it increasingly hilarious to have my pals call you to tell you I'll be home soon, and no, I don't understand why you threw all my clothes into the front yard. What's the connection? Because I'm a guy, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't. Because I'm a guy, yes, I have to turn up the radio when Bruce Springsteen or The Doors comes on, and then, yes, I have to tell you every single time about how Bruce had his picture on the cover of Time and Newsweek the same day, or how Jim Morrison is buried in Paris and everyone visits his grave. Please do not behave as if you do not find this fascinating. Because I'm a guy, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought hat you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now? Because I'm a guy and this is, after all, the new age, I will share equally in the housework. You do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, and the dishes. I'll do the rest. ================================================================ >-->From our Friend PatDeE :) _*_ ....iiooiioo __/_|_\__ [(o)_R_(o)] fe >Australian Police Story A bloke's wife goes missing while diving off the West Australian coast. He reports the event, searches fruitlessly and spends a terrible night wondering what could have happened to her. Next morning there's a knock at the door and he is confronted by a couple of policemen, the old Sarge and a younger Constable. The Sarge says, 'Mate, we have some news for you, unfortunately some really bad news, but, some good news, and maybe some more good news'. 'Well,' says the bloke, 'I guess I'd better have the bad news first?' The Sarge says, 'I'm really sorry mate, but your wife is dead. Young Bill here found her lying at about five fathoms in a little cleft in the reef. He got a line around her and we pulled her up, but she was dead.' The bloke is naturally pretty distressed to hear of this and has a bit of a turn. But after a few minutes he pulls himself together and asks what the good news is. The Sarge says, 'Well when we got your wife up there were quite a few really good sized crays and a swag of nice crabs attached to her, so we've brought you your share.' He hands the bloke a sugar bag with a couple of nice crays and four or five crabs in it. 'Geez thanks. They're bloody beauties. I guess it's an ill wind and all that... So what's the other possible good news? 'Well', the Sarge says, 'if you fancy a quick trip, me and young Bill here get off duty at around 11 o'clock and we're gonna shoot over there and pull her up again! --- ...Oh My! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- __ | _] .--||-----. | || | _____|__||_____| \ | || || || || || jgs || || ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ >HOLY EMAIL One day God was looking down at earth and saw all of the rascally behavior that was going on. So He called one of His angels and sent the angel to earth for a time. When he returned, he told God, 'Yes, it is bad on earth; 99% are misbehaving and only 1% are not. God thought for a moment and said, 'Maybe I had better send down a second angel to get another opinion.' So God called another angel and sent him to earth for a time. When the angel returned he went to God and said, 'Yes, it's true..The earth is in decline; 99% are misbehaving, but 1% are being good.' God was not pleased. So He decided to e-mail the 1% who were good, because he wanted to encourage them, and give them a little something to help them keep going. Do you know what the e-mail said? . . . . . . . . . Okay, I was just wondering, because I didn't get one either --- ...HaHa! Must be because of that Australian one above! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- ________________________ | ____ | | | | _| _. | | | | |_| | | | | | | _ _ | | __| |__ |_| |_| .-| | | \ / | ' ~ | | \ / _ _ | | \ / `-. | |_| _|_ | | \/ ~ + | | | |________________________| >-->Signs to Laugh Sign over a Gynecologist's Office: "Dr. Jones, at your cervix." ************************** In a Podiatrist's office: "Time wounds all heels." ************************** On a Septic Tank Truck: Yesterday's Meals on Wheels ************************** On a Plumber's truck: "We repair what your husband fixed." ************************** On another Plumber's truck: "Don't sleep with a drip.. Call your plumber." ************************** On a Church's Bill board: "7 days without God makes one weak." ************************** At a Tyre Store "Invite us to your next blowout." ************************** On an Electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts." ************************** In a Non-smoking Area: "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action." ************************** On a Maternity Room door: "Push. Push. Push." ************************** At an Optometrist's Office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place." ************************** On a Taxidermist's window: "We really know our stuff." ************************** On a Fence: "Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!" ************************** At a Car Dealership: "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment." ************************** Outside a Car Exhaust Store: "No appointment necessary. We hear you coming." ************************** In a Vets waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!" ************************** In a Restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up." ************************** In the front yard of a Funeral Home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait." ************************** And don't forget the sign at a RADIATOR SHOP: "Best place in town to take a leak." ********************** Sign on the back of yet another Septic Tank Truck: "Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises" --- ...LOL! Good Ones! Thanks PatDeE! =================================================================== >-->In The Worldly News: >From Our Friend Gloria :) "Take A Stand Against Anti-Wolf Proposals in Congress" Take Action! campaign, sponsored by: Defenders of Wildlife Click here http://tinyurl.com/4s9o8s7 --- ...Thanks Gloria! -<>- [POLITICS] >From GrassFire: URGENT: Last chance to send your ObamaCare Waiver To commemorate the one-year anniversary of President Obama's unconstitutional takeover of our health care system, Grassfire Nation is hand-delivering Personal Waivers for exclusion from ObamaCare to Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius, and we wanted to make certain your personal WAIVER is included in this important delivery. Click here to fill-out your personal waiver from ObamaCare: http://www.grassfire.net/r.asp?u=38783&RID=24019851 NOTE: Grassfire Nation is delivering these ObamaCare Waivers to Sebelius' office free of charge to commemorate ObamaCare becoming law! -<>- >Breaking News from Newsmax.com US Intel: 'Desperate' Gadhafi Could Use WMD http://tinyurl.com/4bc8jvn Judith Miller: Obama Missing Goals for Libya Mission http://tinyurl.com/4p4pz8o Obama Secret Czar Power Revealed http://tinyurl.com/4nspjfq -<>- >From BizarreNews: There seems to be a lot of people jumping on car hoods lately. This week's story comes from Norfolk, Va. A Virginia woman got her purse and wallet back after a pursuit that involved riding on the hood of the alleged thief's car for a quarter mile. Jeanette Balazsi had lots of help in the chase from two em- ployees at a Norfolk Food Lion who pursued the alleged purse snatcher across the parking lot to an unknown biker on a Harley who followed the car after Balazsi jumped off the hood. Jennifer Leigh Jones, 32, was arrested after she got involved in a crash, police said. She has been charged with eluding police, theft and child endangerment because she had a 1-year- old with her. Balazsi said her wallet was found in the car, and Jones threw her purse out the window, leading to its recovery. Balazsi said she was standing in front of Jones' car, trying to keep her from driving away when the other woman moved forward and she had to jump to the hood to save herself. She kept hanging on as Jones exited the parking lot and turned onto Military Highway. "That's the moment when I'm thinking 'What have I got myself into?'" she said. -- Police: Burglars wore stolen T-shirts --------- LAKELAND, Fla. - Police in Florida said two men accused of robbing a Chicken Shack restaurant were found a short distance away wearing stolen Chicken Shack T-shirts. Lakeland police said Officers Tony Williams and David Kaiser responded to a report of a burglary Tuesday morning at the eatery and found T-shirts, beer and other items had been taken, WTSP-TV, Tampa/St. Petersburg, Fla., reported Wednesday. The witness who reported the burglary gave the officers good descriptions of two men and they spotted Chad Berrien, 35, and Rickey Wright, 31, walking nearby a short time later. The officers said the men were wearing Chicken Shack T-shirts and were carrying several more as well as some of the pilfered beer. Berrien and Wright were arrested and charged with burglary and grand theft. -- Man starts fire trying to scare squirrels ------ RICHTON PARK, Ill. - An Illinois man says he accidentally set his home on fire when he tried using a smoke bomb to get rid of squirrels inside a wall. Robert Hughes of Richton Park said he lit a smoke bomb in the gutter near the hole the squirrels were using to enter the home and a blaze quickly broke out, the Chicago Sun-Times reported Wednesday. Richton Park Deputy Fire Chief Rodney Wilson said firefighters who arrived at the home had to damage the roof and drywall of the town home and an adjacent residence to extinguish the flames. Hughes said his home sustained fire damage and has been boarded up. The neighbor's town home, which was damaged by firefighters, has also been boarded up. No one was injured in the blaze. Hughes said he believes the squirrels have vacated the residence. ============================================================== >-->From Our Friend PatDeE :) : ;; / | / | .' : .-' ' _.-' / .-*" / _ .-' .' _.-*?' .' .' .-" .' __ .' , .-' .-+. .' _.-*".' / \ .-' _.--**""**-. .-' _.y-:-" .' : `+. .*""*. `. :-. -. \ .' ; .--*""*--. / __ ` _.--. \ |$| -.` -.;/ _.-+. : .' :*" "*..*" y`-' $| ;*" _( \ / +----/ / .'.-'---+ .-._.+' `. -'_.--. :- "_( `*-: | \/\/\/ | /) ` .'___ ' "_( ; `._| | \ )` .'.' `./_" ( : \| | (`._..--**" : .- ; `"' \ | S M I L E S | `----**"T"" " `+. | `. | | ' .' : _.-*"*- | F O R | / / ' .-*" _ | | __..-'\ / bug "+,'___..--| Y O U ! ! |--**"" `-.__.' "" +----------------+ Some old, some new.... all funny >Lemon Squeeze There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession. Upon entering the confessional, she said, 'Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.' The priest said, 'Confess your sins and be forgiven.' The young woman said, 'Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times.' The priest thought long and hard and then said, 'Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the juice.' The young woman asked, 'Will this cleanse me of my sins?' The priest said, 'No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face.' -<>- >Looks of Disappointment A man was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, 'You're beautiful.' Then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that before, so she stayed by his side. A few minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said, 'You're cute.' The wife was disappointed because instead of 'beautiful,' it was now 'cute.' She asked, 'What happened to beautiful?' The man replied, 'The drugs are wearing off.' -<>- >Catholic Dog Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, 'Father, my dog is dead. Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor creature?' Father Patrick replied, 'I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature.' Muldoon said, 'I'll go right away Father. Do ya' think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?' Father Patrick exclaimed, 'Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't ya tell me the dog was Catholic? -<>- >Donation Father O'Malley answers the phone. 'Hello, is this Father O'Malley?' 'It is!' 'This is the IRS. Can you help us?' 'I can!' 'Do you know a Ted Houlihan?' 'I do!' 'Is he a member of your congregation?' 'He is!' 'Did he donate $10,000 to the church?' 'He will.' -<>- >Confession An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues: Man: 'I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitch-hiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times.' Priest: 'Are you sorry for your sins?' Man: 'What sins?' Priest: 'What kind of a Catholic are you?' Man: 'I'm Jewish.' Priest: 'Why are you telling me all this?' Man: 'I'm 92 years old ..... I'm telling everybody!' -<>- >Brothel Trip An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is. 'I'm 90 years old,' he says. '90!' replies the woman. 'Don't you realize you've had it?' 'Oh, sorry,' says the old man. 'How much do I owe you?' -<>- >Senility An elderly man went to his doctor and said, 'Doc, I think I'm getting senile. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up.' 'That's not senility,' replied the doctor. 'Senility is when you forget to zip down.' -<>- >Pest Control A woman was having a passionate affair with an Irish inspector from a pest-control company. One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly. 'Quick,' said the woman to the lover, 'into the closet!' and she pushed him in the closet, stark naked. The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom discovered the man in the closet. 'Who are you?' he asked him. 'I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone,' said the exterminator. 'What are you doing in there?' the husband asked. 'I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths,' the man replied. 'And where are your clothes?' asked the husband. The man looked down at himself and said, 'Those little burgers!'. -<>- , , . , ~@ `@ @~ `@ , ~@ @ZXZ%%X&ZX%Z%XZ@`, ;@ % @.~@,-.&&,-.@~ @ @H @~ ,@X ~ @( )( )@" ~@X H @ ) () ( ;@H@. , `@X , ` '-=o=-'=o=-' %@ `@ % @ ,@ X@~ ~ X@ " " % , ;@H ,-. H@. %@~ .,. (/)_) `@X H ` ,*@@@*. d " b ,@%@~ %@~ &&&-b \ / ~@% X@. && /: ,-/[x]\-. ' X@ ~@H &!! / \|M|/ \ H ` 'X@ /]( )[\ /|M|\~| | X@: H | ( ~~ ) !\| |/ | | `@% H@. `='8 [`=' |-| | | ~ H ,@X \\(@*)// |-| |/ H@~ %@~ / (*@@*) \_| |__| `@X H ` / (*@) \ | | ,@%@~ X@ / ,~ ;: ~` \| | H `@% ' / : ; \ | ~@% , H /~ ; \ | X@. X@. /., ~@~ ~@~ \| H H / '"*.,,*"'*,.,*'"\| `@H @X@~ / \ X@ ~ %@, / \ ,@H ~ H / \ H H@.@~ ~@\ %@, ,@X `'"*'*, ~@~ ~@~ ,.*'"*" ~@X H@~ '"*,.*"'"*.,*"' H@. H><>gpyy<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>Marriage Humour Wife: ‘What are you doing?’ Husband: ‘Nothing.’ Wife: ‘Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.' Husband: 'I was looking for the expiration date.' ------------------------------- Wife: 'Do you want dinner?' Husband: 'Sure! What are my choices?' Wife: 'Yes or no.' -<>- Girl: 'When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.' Boy: 'It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.' Girl: 'Well that's because we aren't married yet.' ------------------------------ Son: 'Mum, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.' Mom: 'Well, you have done the right thing.' Son: 'But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.' ________________________________ A newly married man asked his wife, 'Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?' 'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!' ---------------------------------- A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?' He looked at her from head to toe and replied: 'I like your sense of humor!' -<>- .::\)`:`, .:;\/~`\``;) ,.~-----, ;;==`_ ~:;( ,,~{*}\~~--,.`. ;:== 6 6;;) ,(((((({*});~~. .\ ;;C } )' (('`)))~({*}) . \ .\ :;` `--'; >6 6`({*}))) . \~~ | `____/ ( { ))())) . .`, ____._| |_____. `--' (((())) . | / \ \__ _| | \ `-- )))))) . .| | ) \/\/\_{@} | ,-| ((((((( . | | \_ \ \ | / | / | / ))))))) .| | |\ : \ |/ | Y | (/*@@*( ' ` ) . | \ \ \_\/_/ | | / */ \ \'/ /. | \ \ |o | | \. \ |'@'| .| \ \ | ; ,'--,.,.,., \ ~*@*~. . | \ \_________._--`((,:{@}.:))_\ |~@~| . | \ ' | ((,{@}:{@}.))-----' ;/\ (, \._____________`-__((;,{@},:))_________/|{ | . ; | | | `';{@},) /`-----'\ |. | | .__/\__ | `{@};,; / / | \ \ \/ .| | / :; \ | `(@))\ / \. . | | /! | \| ';; ))_/`-'/`_`., \. | | | ! | | ';(( | | ! `_ \ .| | | ! | | )) | | ! |.\_| | |/ ! | | (/ | | ! | . | | ! | | | | ! |~~~~' >Husbands are husbands A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan. 'What was that for?' the man asked. The wife replied 'That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket'. The man then said 'When I was at the races last week Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on' the wife apologized and went on with the housework. Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious. Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again. Wife replied.. 'Your horse phoned' -<>- Now let us pray..................... Give me a sense of humor, Lord, Give me the grace to see a joke, To get some humor out of life, And pass it on to other folk. --- ...LOL! Thanks PatDeE! ============================================================ >-->From TheMouthPiece: _ _ //\ /\\ // \______ / \\ // / \ \\ // / \ \\ // / sSSSs \ \\ //_ / sSSSsSs \ _\\ //`_\ Ss. . s /_,\\ // \` Ss\ _ /Ss , / \\ // / \ \sSs_) (_sSs/ / \ \\ // / \_|_ \ / _|_/ \ \\ \\ / sS\ _^_ /ss \ // \\/ ) ( \// `===========================' drx/ejm >Real Signs In Shop Windows Signs In a clothing store: "Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks." In the window of an Oregon general store: "Why go elsewhere to be cheated, when you can come here?" In a Pennsylvania cemetery: "Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves." On a Tennessee highway: "Take notice: when this sign is under water, this road is impassable." >From the safety information card in America WestAirline seat pocket: "If you are sitting in an exit row and can not read this card, please tell a crew member." On a Maine shop: "Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and workmanship." On a delicatessen wall: "Our best is none too good." -<>- ____ \ \ _\___\_ / " _) ((\__-_\ / \\ /__| /\\ UUU / / | /,_/ |/|\ |__ /__\____\ gnv >Training Courses Offered to Men Only Introduction to Common Household Objects I: The Mop Introduction to Common Household Objects II: The Sponge Dressing Up: Beyond the Wedding and the Funeral Accepting Loss I: If It's Empty, You Can Throw It Away Accepting Loss II: If the Milk Expired Three Weeks Ago, Keeping It In the Refrigerator Won't Bring It Back Bathroom Etiquette I: How to Remove Beard Clippings from the Sink Bathroom Etiquette II: Let's Wash Those Towels! Bathroom Etiquette III: Five Easy Ways to Tell When You're About to Run Out of Toilet Paper! Knowing the Limitations of Your Kitchenware: No, The Dishes Won't Wash Themselves Romance: More Than a Cable Channel! Expand Your Entertainment Options: Renting Movies That Don't Fall Under the "Action/Adventure" Category Adventures in Housekeeping I: Let's Clean the Closet Adventures in Housekeeping II: Let's Clean Under the Bed Directions: It's Okay to Ask for Them. Listening: It's Not Just Something You Do During Halftime Accepting Your Limitations: Just Because You Have Power Tools Doesn't Mean You Can Fix It. ============================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: Last October my wife bought a magnolia tree from the local nursery, but after only a few weeks the leaves shriveled. It appeared to be on its last legs. My wife took some leaf samples and marched into the nursery to demand an explanation. "I know exactly what's wrong with your magnolia," said the manager. "Good," said my wife. "What's it suffering from?" "Autumn," he replied. [Borrowed from Reader's Digest.] -<>- _\|/_ /--\ |[]| _] \/ [_ /_ `==' _\ \\| |// l\ __/j `|-'##| |#||#| |#||#| _|#||#|_ `==" "==` as My son had just turned 14 when I finally decided to talk to him about sex. To ensure private time, I brought him on a ski trip and began our talk on the chair lift so he couldn't escape. "Son, do you know about girls and babies?" I asked. He nodded but cut me off. The next ride up the ski lift, I brought it up again, only to have him look away in silence. On the third lift, already knowing I had waited too long, I bluntly asked, "Son, would you like to talk about sex?" "Gee, Dad," he responded, "is that all you ever think about?" -<>- At my friends' wedding reception, the groom stood to say a few words. He turned to his bride's mother. "You've given me a gift," he began, "a gift that..." Here he paused in thought, whereupon his mother-in-law completed the sentence, "That you can't return!" -<>- In my sociology class, we were instructed to write down answers to some questions the teacher was asking. "Next question," announced the instructor. "How would you like to be seen by the opposite sex?" I was thinking about my answer when the young woman next to me turned and asked, "How do you spell 'intellectual?'" -<>- __. /-7 k .-' o.-'/ / .; \ ( [ ) \ [.---. ;/ \ ) \ (/ ) | AsH / \ ( [_' \_~ "This hotel stinks!" a guest complained when he showed up at the front desk to check out. "What's wrong?" I asked. "I got no sleep. Every 15 minutes this loud banging sound woke me up!" I apologized for the noise and checked him out. A few minutes later, a couple showed up. Again, I made the mistake of asking how their stay was. "Terrible!" they said. "The guy in the next room was snoring so loudly that we had to bang on the wall every 15 minutes to wake him up!" [Borrowed from Reader's Digest.] -<>- After the fall in Garden of Eden, Adam was walking with his sons Cain and Abel. As they passed by the ruins of the Garden of Eden, one of the boys asked, "Father, what's that?" Adam replied, "Boys, that's where your mother ate us out of house and home." =============================================================== >-->From The Jokester: |\ \`-. _.._| \ |_,' __`. \ (.\ _/.| _ | ,' __ \ | ,' __/||\ | (Y8P ,/|||||/ | `-'_---- / /`-._.-'/ `-.__.-' jg How to Deal with a Doberman A highly timid little man, Casper Milquetoast, ventured into a biker bar in the Bronx and clearing his throat asked, 'Um, err, which of you gentlemen owns the Doberman tied outside to the parking meter?' A giant of a man, wearing biker leathers, his body hair growing out through the seams, turned slowly on his stool, looked down at the quivering little man and said, 'It's my dog. Why?' 'Well,' squeaked the little man, obviously very nervous, 'I believe my dog just killed it, sir.' 'What?' roared the big man in disbelief? 'What in the heck kind of dog do you have?' 'Sir,' answered the little man, 'It's a four week old puppy.' 'Bull!' roared the biker, 'How could your puppy kill my Doberman?' 'It appears that he choked on it, sir.' -<>- `, ___ # /_,/\ |/ ? /" ( | , )\ .Y___ / /__/\ \____ \(__ ,- / \_/ \ / (\ |/| / < _____ _> \ |. ||\ -|.|--/___/ ,___/___\------'-----' '-' |\/ b'ger >YOU Got A Problem With That? A construction worker walks into a bar. He's a rather large, menacing guy. He orders a beer, chugs it back, and then bellows, "All you guys on this side of the bar are whimps" A sudden silence descends. After a moment, he asks, "Anyone got a problem with that?" The silence lengthens. He then chugs back another beer and growls, "And all you guys on this side of the bar are jerks!" Once again, the bar is silent. He looks around belligerently and roars, "Anyone got a problem with that?" A lone man gets up from his stool unsteadily and starts walking towards the man. The construction worker looks the man square in the eye and says, "You got a problem with that, buddy?" Oh no," insists the man, in a limpwristed-sounding voice. "I'm just on the wrong side of the bar! -<>- Three desperately ill men met with their doctor one day to discuss their options. One was an alcoholic, one was a chain smoker, and one was a homosexual. The doctor, addressing all three of them, said, "If any of you indulge in your vices one more time, you will surely die." The men left the doctor's office; each convinced that he would never again indulge himself in his vice. While walking toward the subway for their return trip to the suburbs, they passed a bar. The alcoholic, hearing the loud music and seeing the lights, could not stop himself. His buddies accompanied him into the bar, where he had a shot of whiskey. No sooner had he replaced the shot glass on the bar, he fell off his stool, stone cold dead. His companions, somewhat shaken up, left the bar, realizing how seriously they must take the doctor's words. As they walked along, they came upon a cigarette butt lying on the ground, still burning. The homosexual looked at the chain smoker and said, "If you bend over to pick that up, we're both dead." -<>- #3,,_,,E# '} " {' '.@.' ---.-' '-.-fsc----------- >One Expensive Drink One evening, in a busy lounge in the Deep South, a reindeer walked in the door, bellied up to the bar and ordered a martini. Without batting an eye, the bartender mixed and poured the drink, set it in front of the reindeer, and accepted the twenty-dollar bill from the reindeer's hoof. As he handed the reindeer some coins in change, he said, "You know, I think you're the first reindeer I've ever seen in here." The reindeer looked hard at the hoofful of change and said, "Hmmmpf. Let me tell you something, buddy. At these prices, I'm the last reindeer you'll see in here." =============================================================== >-->From SermondFodder: _|_ | .-'''''-. .-' '-. .-' :::::_::::: '-. ___/ ==:...:::-:::...:== \___ /_____________________________\ ':'-._________________________.-'_ ':::\ @-,`-[-][-^-][-]-`,-@ / _| |_ '::| .-------------------. ||_ @ _| ::|=|* ___ _ ___ *|=|'.| | ':| |' ))_) )) ))_) '| |::.^| _:|=|' ((`\ (( (( '|=|::::::. _| || |' _ '| |:::::::. |_ |=|'1634 _( )_ 1789'|=|':::::. | || |' ( (_ ~ _) ) '| | ':::' |^||=|* ) (_) ( *|=| '::' | '-------------------' .::::' |_____________________.::::::' .'___________________.::::::'' |_______________.::::'':::''' .'_____________.::::::''::::'' .:::'''' LGB .'::::' .:::::''':. .:::::' >Burried Who? My parents were rather religious, and at one point in time they purchased a statue of the Virgin Mary to place in a flower garden in their yard. Shortly thereafter the neighbor boy, who was about five years old at the time, came over and inquired as to who the statue was supposed to be. My dad explained that it was a statue of Mary, the mother of Jesus, at which point the kid indignantly asked, "How come you got to bury her in YOUR back yard?" This post is brought your way by Sermon Fodder and Joke A Day Ministries. To subscribe go to http://www.sermonfodder.com or drop an email note to Sermon_Fodder-subscribe@yahoogroups.com. Please leave this attached if you forward this to friends. ================================== >Living Together NBC news did a story about a study showing more people are shacking up before they get married. The lead-in sentence was, "If you're living with someone, you're not alone." ========================================== ____ ____ ____ ____ |2 | |A | |Q | |T | |(\/)| | /\ | | /\ | | & | | \/ | | \/ | |(__)| |&|& | | 2| | A| | /\Q| | | T| en Bukkems `----` `----' `----' `----' >The Deck of Cards This is a story about a soldier in the North Africa Campaign in World War II. After heavy fighting the men returned to camp. The next day being Sunday, the Chaplain had set up church service. The men were asked to take out their Bibles or prayer book. The Chaplain noticed one soldier looking at a deck of cards. After the service he was taken by the Chaplain to see the Major. The Chaplain explained to the Major of what he had seen. The Major told the young soldier how he would have to be punished if he could not explain himself. The young soldier told the Major that during the battle he had neither a Bible or prayer book so he would use his deck of cards and explained........... * "You see Sir, when I look at the Ace, it tells me that there is one God and no other. * When I see the 2 , it reminds me there is two parts of the Bible, the Old and New Testaments. * The 3 tells me of the God the Father, Jesus Christ His Only begotten Son and His gift of holy spirit to us. * The 4 reminds me of the four Gospels, There was Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. * When I see the 5, it tells me of the five unwise virgins who were lost and five were saved. * The 6 makes me mindful that God created the earth in just six days, and God said that it was good so He rested on the 7th day. * As I look at the 8, God destroyed all life by water except eight people. There was Noah and his wife, their three sons and their wives. * When I see the 9, I think of the nine lepers that God healed. There were ten in all but only one stopped to Thank Him. * The 10 tells me of the "Ten Commandments" carved in stone by the hand of God. * The Jack makes me remember the prince of darkness. Like a roaring lion that devours those he can. * When I look at the Queen, I see blessed Mary, Mother of Jesus. * As I look at the last card I see the KING, this reminds me Jesus is the Lord of Lords and King of Kings! * There are 365 spots on the cards, the number of days in a year. * There are 52 cards to a deck, the number of weeks in a year. * There are 12 picture cards, the number of months in a year. * There are 4 cards to a suit, the number of months in a quarter. * There are 13 suits, the number of weeks in a quarter." ........And so the young soldier then said to the Major, "You see Sir that my intentions were honorable. My deck of cards serves as my Bible, Prayer book and Almanac." =============================================================== >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Value Of Life http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/poems/value.html Quit Smoking http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/quitsmoking.html Alcohol and Drug Abuse http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/alcoholanddrugs.html Origami Dollar Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dollarart.html Telephone Sheep Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/phonesheep.html Aww Animals 5 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animals5.html Angel Falls http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/angelfalls.html Backpack Cat http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/backpack.html Did You See That? http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/seethat.html Endangered Wolf http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wolf.html Identity Theft 3 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/identitytheft3.html One Of Those Days -<>- >From The Mouth: ARTCYCLOPEDIA A comprehensive index of every artist represented at hundreds of museum sites, image archives, and other online resources, Artcyclopedia has a searchable index of over 1200 arts sites, and offers more than 32,000 links to an estimated 100,000 works by 7,500 renowned artists. http://artcyclopedia.com/ SWITCH ZOO Create your own new animals at this surrealistic virtual zoo. Switch the animals' heads, legs and tails to make one-of-a-kind creatures. Play online for free with Switch Zoo Online. http://www.switchzoo.com/ -<>- >From LynnLynn Links: Batteries http://www.buffaloschips.com/72223.htm Bowl http://www.buffaloschips.com/72224.htm Darwin Awards Rejects http://www.buffaloschips.com/72225.htm Fastest Gun Ever http://www.buffaloschips.com/72226.htm Golf http://www.buffaloschips.com/72227.htm If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com ============================================================ >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "How do you tell a communist? Well, it's someone who reads Marx and Lenin. And how do you tell an anti-Communist? It's someone who understands Marx and Lenin." - Ronald Reagan "There is a tragic flaw in our precious Constitution, and I don't know what can be done to fix it. This is it: Only nut cases want to be president." - Kurt Vonnegut "Today in Mexico it was the day of the dead. It's the holiday where people from Mexico celebrate all the departed souls that are now living in Los Angeles!" --Jay Leno "How many folks been to McDonalds lately? They're trying to improve their image. They now have big screen TV's and leather coaches. I'm thinking wouldn't that money have been better spent on actual beef?" --Dave Letterman "But what is the difference between literature and journal- ism? ...Journalism is unreadable and literature is not read. That is all." - Oscar Wilde "I like everything about fall. For example, I like Oktober- fest. On my way to work my cab driver had pretzels in his turban." --Dave Letterman "CNN is reporting that Bill Gates, the richest man in the world has received a raise from Microsoft. Gates says that he is happy about the raise and now he can finally buy that Canada he's had his eye on." --Conan O'Brien "I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out." - Steven Wright "The sad truth is that excellence makes people nervous." - Shana Alexander "If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates." - Jay Leno >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Chrristian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DAARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************